Search the Community

The false identity will die(the human body ) The real you (consciousness/being/nothingness) will never die . I love this quote by Sri Nisargadatta maharaj :"the real will never die .the unreal never lived ".

I think what you are missing is that historically, Buddha came from a family of royalty. He has been exposed to all karmic temptations (at least for those times) by the time he became the Buddha. After growing tired with that, he had decided to go on the course of detachment of all worldly things. I wouldn't use renounce, but detachment is a noble thing only if you burn through your karma. Otherwise, your temptations will take a hold of you. In other words, he wanted to detach and realize nothing because he had everything (for those times). So if you don't have everything your full potential of life has to offer, stop thinking of detaching and renouncing human life, but fall in love with it. If you are at a stage where you are still working for a means to an end i.e. being a wage slave, it is more important to have a stage orange outlook than it is to have yellow/turquoise one. Fall in love with your life how it exactly is, and work towards your full potential, to get "everything". Doing consciously will make you realize that truth is found not in everything, but in ultimate nothingness. But you need to have something to have nothing

But what happens at the moment of your physical death? Do you just remain conscious of the nothingness as reality disappears?

Hello my furry friends, I'm soon to be moving in a new direction with my life and leaving my old career behind to start a new journey in health / life coaching. I kept thinking to myself it's okay to get experience and build this new identity as a coach, because I can always move into the realm of spiritual coaching which would be rewarding to help raise people's consciousness. ...But this thought/feeling keeps visiting me. Am i just delaying the inevitable and fucking around? Playing into the illusion and avoiding the REAL work? Building a new self identity, new beliefs and new paradigm, and adding to, instead of dissolving self? It sure seems like the slow lane, or perhaps the sidewalk. I mean...there's no, "oh i'll just keep that little part of my self that I like, the coach part". I'll never stop this journey now, i'm balls deep, but my gut tells me if I REALLY, REALLY want the Truth, permanently, i'd should consider going ALL IN. It's only Fear that's stopping me after all... But then there are BILLS TO PAY, oh yes those oh so important bills. The message I'm getting is that life can't start until you dissolve self, so isn't the best tactical plan to make enlightenment the first priority, get that out of the way, no longer be a self, then see what is in store for me then? For those who have traveled this path for many years whilst building careers & life purpose, having families, being social and all that, do you feel like you are TRULY effectively dissolving your identity ? Will "life" pass me in the end without Liberation because I took the sidewalk instead of the fast lane? I FEEL SO CONFUSED. - General Nothingness <3

Yeah for sure.. yet we can sometimes awaken to one facet of it and miss the other one. I've experienced both as one and it is one but reality is so tricky so whatever you believe is, is. The absolute truth is that everything is relative. The ego is also absolute truth on the absolute level.. and absolute love. The ego doesn't exsist, yet we frame it as that it exsist and interpets something but it's nothing there but truth, love and conciousness which is that nothingness.

"Among the great things which are to be found among us, the Being of Nothingness is the greatest." -- Leonardo Da Vinci.

Thank you! Explained so well. Anger is a tough one. My anger is often a mix w/aggression and if it don’t release it quickly it builds and can turn to rage! Let me ask you. What about when one is feeling just vast emptiness, nothingness, kind of almost feels like apathy. If i stay feeling that especially in a social situation I feel my emotions start to portray it. No fun to be around that or feel that.

It's not that you identify as nothingness. All identification will naturally stop when you are in absolute Being.

It's a matter of identity. What do you identify as ? If you identify as this human body ..then obviously thus will die .and anyone who says otherwise needs a serious reality check . BUT if you identity as nothingness. Obviously nothingness cannot die .

Timelessness is easy to understand and explain by saying that time appears within the backdrop. Like a piece of blank paper. You can draw and animate figures. The drawn figures move through time, but the paper itself doesn't itself move through time. And then the same for the infinite. The drawings on the paper are limited, that's how they take shape to begin with, by having boundaries sketched onto the paper. The paper itself if you can imagine one without any edge, doesn't have any finiteness to it... Considering the paper is a metaphor for literal nothingness, it's even easier to understand why it doesn't have an edge. It's funny, if you stepped outside reality and tried to look at it, there'd be literally nothing there... You couldn't step outside, of course, because there's nothing outside nothing, we're nowhere. Nothing. Not in time. We shouldn't even exist. For all intents and purposes, maybe it could even be said nothing exists at all... Depending on which perspective you take.

He's already explained it. Just rewatch his videos. Then Contemplate it, Rewatch Contemplate it. Do a psychedelic if you believe that will help. Keep doing it and eventually you will figure it out. I have realized the most important analogy is a dream. Here is an example to help you understand the nothingness example. If I showed you a comic panel of Peter Parker (Spider-Man) eating ice cream and him handing a dog some dog food. I could ask you, what is the difference between what Peter is eating and the dog? Normally you might say well Peter is eating ice cream and that is different than dog food. I will then say Matthew....its just lines and colors. Is there really a difference between between a drawing of ice cream and a drawing of dog food. You would reply no, but in their world....EXACTLY!!! When you read a Spider Man Comic or you watch a Spider Movie or Animation you have to IMAGINE a difference between ice cream and dog food. But you know on a cognitive level that is just drawing. Well if you compare yourself as a human to a comic book you are essential God. You can draw and erase anything out of existence. THIS IS HOW GOD LOOKS AT REALITY. TO GOD ALL OF REALITY IS ONE, THERE IS NO DISTINCTION. So God can love everything. Right now if you dream and create the entire multiverse in your mind, and instead of being a finite mind you were an infinite mind. You could then live the lives of all of your creations in your dreams. But to do that, and be the most efficient you will live everyone of those lives from the first person perspective. You have one frame where all of life happens. The rest is imaginary. For example right now, you could imagine yourself sitting in a room. When the door is closed, windows and blinds are closed. The only thing that exists for that version of you is that room. You might say "But I can hear things outside." Of course you can that is part of the imagination. To give the illusion of something out there existing. But it doesn't for you. Only your bubble of awareness exists, anything outside does not exist. You have never travelled anywhere. You can confirm this in a psychedelic trip or a dream. You can travel in both without moving your physical body, which is proof you can travel while being still. How are you traveling? In your mind. If you can understand right now you are in an INFINITE MIND, then you have never travelled, you are in a dream of infinite mind traveling in the dream but you are actually stationary outside the dream.

Zero is eternal nature of existence actually. Nothingness is the source of all things. Nothingness is one thing that can't be eliminated from existence. It never comes and never goes.

Then we can say that the sentences "a cat is an animal" and "it will probably rain tomorrow, say the experts" are actually the same sentence, on the level of absolute nonduality, or nothingness. This is holy frickin ...................................

It's super simple actually... Nothingness doesn't need to be created, and nothingness is literally what "consciousness" is.

@Someone here Here: Nothingness is NOT a Void, my biggest realization - Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God - Actualized.org Forum Why do you think that nothingness is just a void, or a pure black space with nothing in there? This is how a human being imagines “nothing”. This is not the case. Notice, it’s still something. You are not a human being; this is your “understanding” starts. I will use the language here just to explain the concept. However, you cannot fathom it by the means of language. When the "observer takes a back seat in consciousness", and just observes the reality, the self of sense drowns in void, disappears. Try not to put labels and describe what you see. Language is not needed. What you will discover soon is that the stencil, or what you call individualized personality, will cease to exist. When there is no self, there is no one to register the reality. That’s a key moment. There is no cognition and description of what you see, smell, or hear. You do not need to close your eyes to think yourself out of reality, you actually do not even need to meditate for this. All you need to do is to stop naming the objects and phenomena you see, stop creating the meaning of the experience. When this happens, experience is still there without the description, but at the same time it is not there either. So, we cannot call it “experience”. However, when there is no observer, you cannot register the reality. Drop the observer that your mind creates to lurk you into so-called Enlightenment! This is a trick it plays with itself to never let "you" go. This is how the illusion (maya) of the solid world has been creating “you” for a long time. It’s been creating “you” through the stencil of the perceiver and the perception. By returning back into the seat of consciousness, when you drop all the notions, language, descriptions, you are disappearing. You do not need to close your eyes for this to happen, because even with the eyes closed, you mind still separates and divides between inner and outer, thoughts and void, cognition, feelings, and emotions. “You” are still there! Don’t stop your thought process, no need even for that, let it be there. You do not know yet the true meaning behind the objects that you see. You really do not know who you are, everything that you know comes from language (reasoning, prior knowledge, and beliefs). What if you do not have language, are you still your body or the holistic experience? Are you still separating and dividing between “mine” and “not mine”? No, when you drop the language and knowledge, all you’ll be left with is a holistic experience, One, picture that contains everything, and your body is just another object on that canvas. You are not in your body. By slowly putting your attention back on awareness, by dropping even that!!! you begin to experience nothingness. Who said that nothing is empty? Actually, nothingness can contain all the elements of perceptions: sound and color, tactile senses. This is how illusion has been created, illusion that there is something there, when in fact there is not. You are walking on the bridge between dualities without realizing that wholeness is couched within nothingness, and nothingness contains and gives birth to everything. How? By giving the experience some description. It is very simple, by reasoning… It does not mean that everything appears into Being from void, it’s already there: nothing and everything, non-dual infinite potential. What it means that by changing the perception, you can realize, but only post factum, that everything is nothing. It only appears as colors, sounds, senses, but everything is nothing in its core, and vice versa. When you drop the stencil of the perceiver and start having the experience of Being/Totality, without any cognition and linguistic recognitions. Who is there to acknowledge the factuality? Nobody right, nobody could say there is a tree, because “you” as the perceiver is NOT there. What is there then? It cannot be communicated, that is the trick… Does it mean that the light was off, and everything zoomed in into the black dot? No. We do not need to switch the light off for existence to become nothing. All you need to do is to “think your way out” of existence as a human being - mind. When there is no you, there is no world. Because “world” is just the linguistic description of your mind. There is no such thing as world, it is all mental construct for you to see the plausible reality. Once you break the meaning of everything, and drop all the notions, reality as you know, will cease to exist because you will take your illusory self out of the equation. Death is not real; this is literally how you die. Time only exists as a descriptive mechanism to make sense of the continuum from moment to moment, or a motion. Again, when you do not describe the motion, you do not have time. Contraction and dilation of time only happen in your mind. Hope the reader will understand my point. Thanks for your time and attention.

There is a hypocrisy here, which in philosophical logic is a self-refutation. For each one, you'll get a hypocrisy point. But first of all, the distinction between Emptiness and form (or capitalized Form if you'd like) is not arbitrarily created. It's created because they are distinct in reality, outside of the conceptual mind, experientially, directly experientially. I have form, and that form is Emptiness. I also have non-form, Emptiness qua Emptiness, which is outside of form. If Emptiness covers the entire breadth of the formed world (of perceptions, the physical, the mental, in all senses and human faculties) in addition to being totally outside of that, we necessarily conclude Emptiness is ontologically more comprehensive or wider, since it is completely immanent (spanning the realm Everythingness) and transcendent (being retreated into itself with no form there). This is not conceptually invented; this is "seen" with the eyes of its own witnessing, its own self-defining and self-revealing. My visual field is Nothingness with form; outside my visual field's boundaries (we are claiming the existence of boundaries because they are consequential) is Nothingness with Nothingness alone. Though all of this is able to be seen as nondualistic. I of course said before that denying this transcendence of Emptiness outside of form (because it supposedly violates the principle of Oneness, even though we speak of one thing over there and another over here all the time and don't think that distinction is ultimately a denial of reality) becomes self-refuting when you emphasize the transcendence of Consciousness outside of form (form = the qualities that adhere to space and time). The only way for Consciousness to transcend form is to be Emptiness, since that which is Emptiness is the only existence that might assume any formed finite existence, is the only Infinite existence through its boundlessness that is compatible with all bounds. But perhaps the stated transcendence does not place Consciousness outside of what we call the space and the time; it only denies their multiplicity with an oppressive unity. And yet the forms exist in their unity, as images, as people, as the sky, as such as what you are. It depends on what direction you're traveling in. Emptiness transcends form. Yet you could also have a form that excites itself to such a degree it becomes (realized as) an infinite form, going up in intensity of form. But ultimately Consciousness must be Emptiness and Emptiness must be Consciousness, both the same Infinite unities and One set of infinities. He answers with "Consciousness" out of his own bias. I would not use the word "Consciousness" because it is potentially a conflation with the lowercase consciousness of just humankind. What psychological aspects belong to is consciousness; what the highest reaches of mysticism belong to is Consciousness. There is a terminological mess, part of the case for proper systematization. He also needs to more carefully explain the Love and Infinity and You, systematically, not just with ambiguities in this case and definitely not with intentional falsehoods . . . Go cannot get around Emptiness. This statement is a bit concerning. As if you don't have it in your direct awareness and don't actually know what it is. Reading about Platonic philosophy won't suffice, but as a logical pointer, Emptiness cannot not exist in forms, cannot not be in Consciousness either, because it is the very ground of nonexistence and existence themselves. If something doesn't exist, it has no form and is in Emptiness, and if everything doesn't exist, it has no form and is in Emptiness; and if something does exist, it must still be Emptiness because whatever is its boundary will not have a clear demarcation to separate it from Emptiness because Emptiness does not subscribe to boundaries (though it exists as only itself outside boundaries); and it must still be Emptiness because there is absolutely nothing that could remove it from form and there is nothing in form that could deny Emptiness' reign and ocean surrounding-ness. You are giving an otherwise Absolute quality a relative appearance (and getting your second hypocrisy point by the way). The first step is living and thinking in the relative world, distinguishing things for pragmatism and instinct. The second step is realizing the Absolute and differentiating it from the relative, seeing how it is different from the relative in basic existence and principles and consequence. But the third step is realizing that differentiation was a mental construction, because that is how humans make sense of phenomena as well as the highest phenomena, and that there is an Absoluteness that allows for no border at all between the Absolute and the relative. The only border that can exist here is between your conception of the Absolute and your conception of the relative, not an Absolute separate from one of its creations, for if an Absolute were separate from one of its creations, it would not really be Absolute; or the creation would not exist at all and be "illusory" or "Maya" or whatnot, which is incoherent since something which exists necessarily exists. There is is an absurdity of something that exists which does not exist. This is why I maintain the supposition of the "illusion" of reality is itself, in a way, the real illusion because it is an inaccurate statement about reality's structure. Or this can all be overcome by admitting the existence of space and time, however deceptive or illusory at first before we grasp it better. Technical precision will become more important the more falseness corrupts the higher level of reality we'll be accessing.

@RendHeaven You have a little misinterpretation at the beginning of the cascade. In the previous thread I linked, I claimed Emptiness was "larger" and more ontologically expansive than form. "I'm conscious that form and formlessness are the same, but I have the sense that formlessness is 'larger' because space can't confine it. The Emptiness is in my field of experience, yet there's also Emptiness outside the border of vision. If Emptiness has the entire realm of space and time and conception and thoughts plus more, it seems more profound than form (and this was not logically deduced; it's something I actually have access to; my senses/experience are like an island in an ocean of Emptiness or a Void). I can't imagine a Self without Emptiness holding all of reality, including form, together." Leo replied and said that Emptiness could not be beyond form since both were completely identical. And then here Leo became inconsistent when he said Consciousness goes beyond space and time (obviously because this contradicts his claim Emptiness can't transcend form). With the Platonic analogy of gold and shapes, we have to drop the qualities of color. It is simply a fact that Consciousness is Emptiness, is completely transparent. This is the permanent Nothingness that escapes transience but which permeates it. The main part you're attacking in your response is where I took some of the truth of the principle Leo established to upend its supposed denial of space and time. He or you might say that Consciousness unifying with space and time destroys their reality because reality is singular and cannot allow for multiples, but I could equally say as a demonstrable and irrefutable theorem that Consciousness = Reality and Consciousness = its manifestations, therefore its manifestations = Reality = Real. The individual forms are real even though they are the same ontological entity or eventually go by a single name. The issue this all points to is that Leo's primary frustration/difficulty here is that a microscopic fraction of the people here have awakened, to match his standards. And he sees them speaking about things with which they have no direct experience, so he attempts to sidestep this by saying, "No, that doesn't exist!" Rather than engaging in actual philosophy. The concern is that all of these statements, like those of space denialism or time denialism, will get believed (which is concerning since they aren't true, or are at least partial truths) or used to misinterpret the whole system and drag people off into a trap in the darkness instead of pulling them along the correct path. I've said previously that people finding this project hundreds of years after Leo's death will need some definite work to hold on to or a masterpiece (magnus opus for the summum bonum) to read and understand every truth, every position, every piece. That's why the systematizing is important.

THIS is without beginning or end and obviously is infinite in every way possible. Countless galaxies, countless dimensions both within and without. The idea of a multiverse framework seems very probable. Obviously if there were different universes there would be no mandate for them to all follow the same rules of physics or even be anything remotely like each other. Is it possible in one of these infinite realities there could be physical beings in bodies that are completely immortal? I’m not talking immortal in the sense of immortality we all have by identifying with THIS. I’m talking about an immortal embodied form. I can’t see why this would not be possible considering nothingness is pure potential and possibility. My question kind of stems from the fact of our worldly lives and how our bodies eventually die. When I start to wonder why it has to be this way I catch myself as I’m being shortsighted…maybe it’s only this way in this version of reality Thoughts??

The real question is, does a god actually exist, or is this really just nothingness in the form of pleasure vs pain in a material world?

Umm, how is this in any way a problem? Everything's connected. You can do non-physical experiments in the physical, because the physical is still the non-physical. Physical is relative to where you are at the moment. You can do experiments in the astral if you want, but it's all the same. At least I maintained order, like a Blue? They do.. in "theory". It's like how you say nothingness and everythingness are separate things. Everything exists in a state of nothingness, until consciousness decides to explore the everythingness that is naturally present within nothingness.

Hello fellow brothers and sisters. I want to share with you my deepest awakening yet, into infinite and back. This weekend I was at an Ayahuasca retreat with a very clear intention. "I want to become aware and dissolve the resistance that stops me from working hard to achieve my dreams. I want to Investigate nothingness and the fear of not succeeding with anything in life. The fear of standing up for what I want to create, against the fear and my fear of reality, and that there are forces that can harm me" Prior to the trip, I hated resistance which is why I came up with this intention. What is breathtaking however is that the whole trip, looking back was not about trying to dissolve anything, but to let go of the intention and need for control. Very paradoxical indeed, very genius and beautiful I know... That¨s because that´s what you are. You are just seeing yourself, and if you haven't cached yourself, it´s because you are afraid of not catching yourself. Anyway - on to the real meat of my trip What was the set up for the trip? What was the context? The retreat was compounded of 2 trips or ceremonies and was set up to work so that we all were going to work with the 4 elements. We worked with, Ayuascha, incense, and tobacco that was inhaled through the nose ( I forgot the name of both, but for those who are interested you can look it up and find what medicines I am talking about. I will refer to them here as tobacco and incense. The ceremony was outside around a big fire) First trip: I was given the plant medicine ayahuasca and then decided to let go. I didn´t care anymore. If I die I die, I was not going to resist anything. The trip began very beautifully with a lot of love and insights into my true nature. I had been here before, through other psychedelics so I recognized everything but this time it was a bit different. I realized that if I let go everything would be alright. I had in prior trips had good experiences, yet at the same time felt forced and kind of trapped by God and myself. I had equalized God as equal to suffering, but it´s actually the opposite. More of that later. The trip Continues and it gets a little bit scary and dark, yet super fascinating. I realize I was and had been living as a big parasite, that I had been afraid of taking things - that had been afraid of itself. I saw myself and how much I hated myself.. and then I realized I hated myself because I loved myself so much and that the hate was love because the hate implied I loved myself so much I didn´t want to change. Even more so I realized that this was my relationship with the divine feminine. That I just took and took and took and saw the feminine as something to be used, rather than loved because I hated it so much that I loved it. I realized that I was so disconnected from it, that all I wanted to do was connect to it because I hated it so much. I realized how selfless femininity is - how selfless I was and that I was so selfless that I hated being selfish which in actuality was love for being selfless because hate is an extreme version of Love. You hate God, which is yourself so much that you want to be separated from it, which in reality is just self-love. Self-love is in other words hate - and hate is Love. After a while thing´s got interesting. I was given this tobacco medicine and because of that, I started to shake like crazy because of the kundalini, the fire, the shakti within me rising. Life was getting woken up and I was letting it do whatever to me. I didn´t care anymore. I experienced a full-blown ego death. This is somewhere when I literally got choked by what felt was a rope and then dragged around a bit like I was about to be eaten up by a tribal village. I lost my breath completely and I was in the meantime observing it and thinking, OMG this is so cool, this is how it feels like to be choked. I was surrendering to it because I wanted to experience it because it was just so interesting. And then I got it, that´s what I´ve been doing all the time in my life as God. Even more so I got why girls like being choked lol, it´s a fun experience because it feels like you´re gonna die but you know you will be fine ( if you trust in the person, which per definition is God, yourself). You should try it! (; Then I was being tortured a bit and I was like, bring it on. I will take on the pain and transform it to love... and the reason I thought so was that I had realized one very important thing. I was surrendering to everything, I was even letting myself do maha samadhi if that was the right call and when I let myself do that I realized I didn´t need to do it because I had it better here still and that was when I want to and the time is right I will do it. My desire is elsewhere and that´s the Love Worth mentioning is that I during both trips I took 3 " shots" of ayahuasca The thing that causes suffering is the resistance to what you want - which implies that you suffer if you make resistance to the resistance. The whole game is to wake up to the fact that you can let go of everything that doesn´t feel good, but you can only do it if you are willing to fully accept and surrender to it. You attract what you resist because you actually want the thing you are resisting, you want to see yourself. These insights had led the groundwork for trip number 2. I will share it with you now. If you´re still reading this, please don´t stop now. This is where it gets interesting. Trip 2: After the trip, I talked to my friend a lot and also another participant. I saw them both struggling, but in reality, it was me that struggled. I tried to help them and guide them to let go more and also told them. If you ever feel like you can´t take it next time, give it to me. You don´t need to take it. The only thing was that I was talking to myself. The next trip began with the tobacco being shot up my nose lol, and I literally start to die again. I was so open and willing to take on the universe. I wanted to experience pain and torture. Give it to me, I´ll take it... this whole situation makes me shake like crazy and I am getting directed to sleep on the side to make it go down a little bit because it was getting really painful. I was being learned to take care of myself. I then realized, holy shit I don´t need to take this. I can let go. The thing that I said to my friends was not to them, it was me. You don´t have to take on the burden of being infinity, of being God. I realized that I wanted peace and that I actually could get it, because why couldn´t I? I had absolute power in my experience. That´s when inner enginering, the flagship program of Sadhguru really pointed at. Anyway, I then took my first shoot of Ayuhascha, but nothing really happened the first time other than that I was getting some cool deep insights. Then we take a shot at number 2. This is when I realized what God's head is and true nothingness and I also started having communication with another God but it was kind of pointless because as soon as I did that it became me and I became it even though we were separate so I knew everything that it knew directly and it knew if the same way, even though we were separate. After this, I took my third shot and I became even more conscious, but I also realized something very deep. I realized where this was going because... it was going back to becoming a child, and the insight that lead me there was the kids that were there during the ceremony that was me and that I realized was me and mirrored me. I saw how well they were taken care of, how well I was being taken care of, and that I just needed to surrender to love, even though I was afraid. I needed to surrender to surrender to surrender and that´s when I saw that the Shaman´s wife had started giving the participants more tobacco which is when I realized, I need to trust and let go and become like I child. I needed to trust in myself and that I will catch myself, and so I did - and when I took it... I literally come home. I realize all the love that has been given me all alone, my parents - bless them, bless me, bless everyone and everything. I saw myself as infinity, as God´s child, and that I could let go of everything and everyone. That God would catch them and help them, That I would catch them and help them, that I would help myself - I simply needed to let go of even trying to help and heal them.. which then made me realize, holy fuck I don´t even need to let go of that either I can help them if I want and if that´s what´s gonna happen but I don´t need to. I was loved for exactly as I was and I couldn´t stop crying because of all the love I had all the time and how much my parents loved me - how much I loved myself. How much I loved my friends, my cats, the people around me - everything... And then as a miracle and this is where I want to end, 2 parents with a newly born baby join the circle of fire, the circle of Love and I see how I am the baby that is being taken care of, is infinitely loved and being blessed by the love in the ceremony. I was God´s child and free to be exactly who I am, I had been a newborn. I had found myself so much that I didn´t even need to be God, which by definition made me IT. Ending poem and prayer - The love I am I AM. THE KINGDOM OF GOD is within Love falling for you Don´t leave me Between right and wrong, we find ourselves - I´ll meet you there Let go, everything is OK So wake me up when it´s all over when I am wiser and I am older All this time I was finding myself and I didn´t know I was lost May we all find ourselves in our broken hearts. auuuum - en.

Leo mentioned he didn't study the topic of mental illness a lot. I would like to give insight to him and to you all how my mental illness that was masked as spirituality destroyed me. I lived a life without much value I didn't work as I should have and didn't use the potential I was capable of. If this text gives just a glimpse of meaning and value to anyone I will be grateful. How a false sense of ''spirituality'' destroyed my life and gave me dementia in my 33 years I am doing this for you because I love you and because I want you to live life as I wanted to live it. Before I die, I have to try to leave something behind as a warning and advice for people in similar situations. This won’t be a text that is well written because my cognitive abilities are drastically reduced as well as my vocabulary after 3 months of rapid dementia. But I want you to try to understand my point and the urgency of my insights that may save somebodies life. I am not a doctor and I can only speak from my own experience about the severe trauma I was living with. It completely controlled my life without me even realizing it. I will share with you how I analyzed the behavior of my mental illness and how it manifested itself in my mind and body. Insanity and trauma are the most cunning things in the world. It is not a joke and should never be underestimated. Apart from physical disability or illness that is honest and straightforward insanity is not as clear and it operates by deceiving the mind and leading it to destruction. If you are lazy beyond the norm and refuse to work, if you refuse to educate yourself and think success is not for you, you might be traumatized. If you think you are spiritual and have spiritual ‘’symptoms’’ that are not aligned with life and living, by being constantly exhausted, depressed brain fogged, you might be experienced anything but spirituality, but a manifestation of trauma symptoms. As malicious and occult as it may sound trauma can present itself as a living entity that is sucking the life force from you, leading you ultimately to your demise. Insanity as I was living with it, completely gripped the essence of my thought process and kept me in delusion for 15 years. I not only believed the thoughts I was having but was convinced beyond any doubt, with body, mind and soul that there has to be truth to them. My emotions, my intuition, even my heart was driven and aligned with the schizophrenic doctrine my mind created due to childhood trauma. As you can see unfortunately this means that when somebody is insane the whole psycho physical, mind and body can serve to deceive a person. Its more than the typical hallucinations, hearing voices, and having conspiracy theories that we see in movies that make somebody insane. A person can be partly insane and be completely convinced they are normal, just following a higher path that nobody understands, just like I thought I was. If the thoughts do not support life and living normally then a person should try to question if there is truth to them. There is nothing wrong with being normal and ordinary and earning an honest living. Loving life and being grateful for what it is and not searching for some fantastical worlds that don’t exist. I never realized what enlightenment is and I don’t care about it at all. All I wish for is a healthy brain but that won’t come now. I would have lived so much differently. My ideology was belief that there is no such thing as work or human will, that those things are illusions and that they are ultimately not important for realizing the truth about the world. I was aspiring to be a homeless bum, living as a fool for Christ in divine truth and bliss. I believed in the force of undoing or unworking and that it is like a black whole that devours everything and extinguishes everything, and ultimately when we experience this black nothingness, we see truth. I had many instances where I did work and tried to persist in my endeavors but believing I was spiritual undervalued my efforts, and the very meaning of work and success. Voices told me that work and knowledge are not important and that I was beyond them. That I don’t need it to be happy and enlightened. So, I was willingly retarding myself and regressing unconsciously while thinking this is a good thing. After dementia arouse and started desecrating my brain, this illusion collapsed and I realized that such thoughts came because of an extreme sense of worthlessness. Which I was living with and considered normal. When a person is traumatized, they live with extreme and abnormal feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness, that they consider normal because they learned these things and didn’t feel anything else. A glimpse of power and true value feels almost like death to their sick sense of self. And they might even fear it because their whole identity is challenged and shaken to the core. This is why work; knowledge, creativity and education are transformative tools for somebody living with trauma. They were the only cure for me except I realized this too late. The human will and will to work, and create, and love, and enjoy the successes it brings is a divine force, not at all to be undervalued like most spiritual teachers suggest, by saying do nothing or let go of effort. When people have trauma work is the only salvation they have to live a normal life. So, if you refuse to work and think its something spiritual moving you in this direction seriously consider you might be wrong. Now I will share some of my childhood story and how dementia happened. My story begins by me being born with a physical disability called artogriphosis. I had bent arms and legs which could not be stretched, kind of like a baby is positioned in the stomach curled up, that’s how I was when I got out. However devastating this situation seemed at first, there was hope, because by exercising diligently I could walk and eventually stretch my arms half way. I had all the function and potential of a normal child. The problem came while doing the very exercises because they were invasive, complicated and painful. I slept with plasters every night and all this lasted for the first 12 years of my life. My parents while doing a remarkable job of straightening my body didn’t consider that I could be emotionally damaged by the process. And thus, they convinced themselves and me that I was completely normal, which I wasn’t. Those painful exercises created severe trauma that was left untreated and considered normal. In my 19 year I developed ‘’out of nowhere’’ a severe debilitating anxiety towards life and work. I had constant feelings of subconscious terror, which were relentless and constant every day all day. I tried many things to help myself and gave full attention to my psychological problem, which was paradoxically, a huge mistake. In the 15 years of living with this anxiety I learned to live with it and considered it a normal part of me. The only problem was I wasn’t productive and didn’t work and live independently. So, I read psychological books and all sorts of stuff and came across spirituality and eventually developed the doctrine I mentioned before. In my opinion symptoms of dementia can come at any age if a person lives with extreme psychological burden. It starts the cognitive decline gradually and very gently as years go by so the sufferer can forget the pain. It introduces a wide variety of symptoms that mimic so many of the ‘’spiritual symptoms’’ I read about over the years. Brain fog, constant tiredness, sleepiness, a sense of peace, beingness and bliss that comes in doing nothing and sleep and rest. So all these ‘’positive’’ symptoms were actually dementia in my case, mistaken and confused for spirituality. In my opinion anything that reduces one’s abilities and qualities of life should be discarded whether it be ‘’spiritual’’ or not. The pain never ended and I was just becoming dumber and dumber and more tired, and unable to concentrate for longer periods. In my confusion I mistook these sensations as positive and even advisable which kept me in massive delusion. Even efforts to work and keep my passion alive were diminished by an unnatural exhaustion that came over me as time went by. And then I thought work truly must not exist as I am truly unable to sustain my will towards it, this otherworldly tiredness is keeping me from it. It must be a sign that the force of undoing(dementia) is the true reality. That tiredness came from dementia and it was just an illusion and breakable by sustaining the effort. It might be unlikely, but if anyone identifies with my experience, my advice is to keep going and resist the exhaustion for it is a lie trying to keep you asleep. There is nothing spiritual and worthwhile in death and dementia. Life is a force to be lived, not spent asleep and tired all the time. The final straw happened 3 months ago, when I took ciprofloxacin ear drops for mild noise induced hearing loss. I overdosed by mistake using them for 14 days instead of 7 as prescribed. Even though it was a relatively low dose of 2 drops each day, the final day my system collapsed. Perhaps due to my already overloaded brain, and combined with this poisonous medication I finally enraged and triggered dementia. Now the decline that was very slow and would have kept going on for 30 years or more, has accelerated 10000 times. I presume I have about 5 years of very unfulfilling life left. I will never experience the success I could have had. The love and joy of life I could have had. It was overshadowed by constant feelings of ungratefulness and arrogance. Believing I was beyond this world and its preciousness I was watching it go by me, waiting for my spiritual revelation which never came. I was very arrogant and ungrateful thinking that things cannot possibly be worse due to my anxiety. Incredibly, things can be 10000 worse than they are. Now I have dementia. The only right way forward for me was to accept the anxiety and reconcile that I have to live with it like any other handicap. And do everything in my power to work and live independently. Work is the ultimate expression of value and love towards oneself which trauma cannot endure, that’s why it does everything in its power to resist it. So, this is it. I talked about my life choices and some spiritual traps that people might fall into. I feel very vulnerable writing this and even a bit stupid, wondering who on earth will want to read this depressive story, but honestly id give anything if somebody told me in the right moment how wrong I was. For years nothing could sway me from my stubborn convictions. The world is getting increasingly more insane as we can witness. Spiritually can be the source of massive confusion as well, and by me interpreting it the wrong way, or actually falling for its lies I ended up like this. I wish I had never read anything about it. You might argue that its not my fault for getting these severe side effects from that drug. In a way you would be right but its the life choices and ideology that led to this. My unwillingness to educate myself and work left me underdeveloped. I didn’t know that antibiotic in topical form is still dangerous, I didn’t follow the prescription, I didn’t research the side effects properly, so all these mistakes led to this. The ideology of undoing and not knowing, that false spirituality that I had so much faith in and surrendered completely to, destroyed me in the end. It was insanity and trauma and dementia taking form of something incredibly valuable to me. Farewell friends or enemies, I do hope this gives some value to anyone and people can at least learn from my mistakes. Some key points: Work, knowledge and creativity is more than means to an end. It can transform our life and destroy trauma and mental illness. Because they represent love and support life. They are life. Perfectionism and working eternally on your issues, waiting to first solve them and then return to the world, is trauma keeping you enslaved in eternal rumination which leads to nowhere. The only way is to ignore it. Work, be creative, learn about history, geography, economy medicine, science... each day enrich your mind little by little. Keep dementia away, keep ignorance away. Massive suffering can naturally create symptoms of dementia like brain fog, forgetfulness and a false sense of peace that comes from oblivion, as well as sleepiness. Don’t satisfy yourself by thinking this as a spiritual symptom. Enlightenment if it exists might require force and enormous willpower contrary to much of the gurus say. Not surrendering helplessly to the void and waiting for things to change. Wake up by force, resist the antilife forces of the world. Insanity can take form of some of our most precious values and ideas like spirituality, love, religion, trust, hope, etc. It can trick and turn them against us. Sometimes you can’t trust your own mind, your emotions, your intuition, even your body that can create feelings of exhaustion. Especially if it tells you to be homeless and renounce the world like it told me. Its more than just a thought that keeps us in delusion. Some chronic traumas only get worse over time, it won’t solve by itself no matter how long your ‘’spiritual process’’ lasts. And if you are destined to live with it, live the best and most fulfilling life you can. Live now. Don’t sleep and rely on dementia to take you. If you don’t work or know anything, and you depend on somebody to work and provide for you, you still won’t survive. Because such a lifestyle attracts natural catastrophes and disasters in form of disease, dementia, insanity or disability. You are never safe by being stupid. It can cost you your life like it did me. Love and Gratitude is most important. Learning from ‘’ordinary’’ people enjoying their company respecting and appreciating them. Just being normal is the best thing in the world, and not being narcissistic. I unconsciously thought I was better than everyone. Now I see ‘’enlightenment’’ in everyone. We are just great as we are, trying our best to go by and nothing more is ever needed. I’m sorry. You can’t imagine how sorry I am. I wasted my life for an illusion. I was insane, I was misled. May God forgive me, may You forgive me, may the world forgive me. I failed to live. I was confused and alone, marked by misfortune. If there is another life, I will never make the same mistake again. Be well and farewell Phillip

Byron Katie: "No one knows what’s good and what’s bad. No one knows what death is. Maybe it’s not a something; maybe it’s not even a nothing. It’s the pure unknown, and I love that. We imagine that death is a state of being or a state of nothingness, and we frighten ourselves with our own concepts. I’m a lover of what is: I love sickness and health, coming and going, life and death. I see life and death as equal. Reality is good; so death must be good, whatever it is, if it’s anything at all."

Not 5-MeO, I'm too safety conscious. I was able to combine 500ug of LSD with DMT to produce that state, though. Leo made this forum, I made this post. It isn't about the character masks in front of "you", that's why I said about waves in the ocean. You have to see the bigger picture (ocean) and not the little one (waves). Reality itself is all encompassing. Anything that is, is literally reality itself. Things which "are" can't be outside of reality, they are made of reality within reality itself. This forum is an expression of reality itself, and so am I, and you, and rocks, and trees, and dreams, and animals, and so on. That's the common thread between all things and even nothings (pure consciousness, is nothingness). There is just reality itself. Which is eternal, unstoppable. It is everything.

"Among the great things which are to be found among us, the Being of Nothingness is the greatest." -- Leonardo Da Vinci. Da Vinci was a genius polymath, and I think he had enlightenment experiences. Those claims can't be made without direct consciousness. They can, but this sentence strikes me as authentic.