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Also... Characters don't have experience, awareness has experience. You are not a character experiencing awareness and the world around you. You are awareness experiencing a limited character... This character is finite... The question of why you are limited to this body and not another, is a character-level question. The character is asking this question, not the sheer nothingness which you know yourself to be when you say you are conscious. That is why I said, for the limitation to vanish, the finite character would cease to exist. All form is by necessity LIMITED and FINITE. And then when you cease to exist you "become" all of infinity, even though you ALREADY ARE like the screen behind a movie... But from character-level this explanation is I think the best... Watch the current thought in your head (one of the finite elements which make up your "character") disappear. The thought became nothingness, it became infinity. You are nothingness. Awareness is nothingness. The thought was finite and yet it appeared in the nothingness which is whole and complete. When the thought lost its limitation (the limit which allowed it to appear as a particular thought to begin with), it became nothing again. Which is what is observing your finite character. That is what happens when limitation vanishes. The thought or character does too. They return to the sheer awareness (= nothingness, that without finitude) that you are.

It happens to me with 5meo that sometimes liberation is natural, easy, spontaneous, wonderful, and other times it is impossible. when it's impossible, be careful. experience would define it as the entire reality is transformed into a negation. there is a steel door that is: NO. if this happens, your whole being, your body, your mind, contracts. I get up and start walking and I want this horror to stop, but it doesn't stop, my hands and feet hurt hard, as if something wanted to get out and couldn't. My fingers get stiff, and it gives me the feeling that my heart can stop. this shit happened to me recently with malt but it has also happened with dmt. I have a way to know if this is going to happen or not: by vaping 3 mg. I notice perfectly if my being says yes or no. if yes i can vape after more and it explodes. glory. if not....be careful. I leave the matter for another day. the problem is if you sniff or plug. you can't test, and it endures much more. with malt it was snorted and when my mind was about to break, something held me back. a relationship that he should cut immediately and that i didn't. I had to end that relationship right now. there was nothing else. ufff spend two hours of nightmare. my whole being contracted into a point. 5 meo's explosion turned into a black hole, luckily the dose wasn't high, or I don't know what would have happened. the next day I did it again, because of losing my fear, but vaping dmt, and nothingness, infinity, me. my arms and legs vibrated as if with electric current releasing the energy from the previous day, and I let it go completely. summary: watch out for this. this substance turns on and off the faucet of Kundalini type energies which are a very serious matter. Do this in moments of opening, do not drink alcohol the days before, do not have sex, do not do it if you are in the middle of a conflict, start with low doses

God, consciousness, existence. Synonym: Nothingness. Why and how would nothingness be lonely? Lonely is a sensation or thought, which is limited, which is why it isn't nothing (anything without limit is nothing). God isn't real. It's nothingness. You are nothingness. Everything is. Lol.

Since no one picked up on this I’ll share my thoughts. In context, earlier in this book Nietzsche has called into question the very possibility of simply caring about the truth for the truth’s sake. Nietzsche is thus forced to consider the “objective man” because he could be used as an example of this pure pursuit of truth (when in fact he is exactly the opposite). There is a funny way in which modern science represents a sort of inverted ascesis. Plato and Pythagoras, for example, showed how mathematics could be used as a discipline to overcome attachment to the animal body and the ego. Today, however, it is not an ascesis towards transcendence but towards nothingness, mere abstraction and “depersonalisation”. You do also notice how often miserable people say they are just “facing the cold hard facts” of reality. Yes, he is a passive creature fit only to serve those with real vision. Of course, society needs such people, but today we have a mass infestation of them (and they have eaten their way up the walls!) Here and for most of the rest of the passage you have quoted, Nietzsche just seems to be poking fun at the aridity and mediocrity of modern academic types. I agree with him but so what? They are just doing what they can. I doubt Leo would want to waste his time wading through this rather contrived and occasionally petty passage. I’m not sure what this has to do with the conflict between awakening and being a philosopher. After all, philosophy is the “love of wisdom” and God is ultimate wisdom. There is only a conflict because modern philosophy is rootless and profane. The duality that has been set up today between the “objectivity” fit for cosmopolitan insects that Nietzsche describes above and the new cult of subjective identity (and individual self-expression) is a completely false one which you will of course have to transcend if you want to awaken.

Sounds like you have invited Nothingness in to your life. Welcome her in and let her wash it all away. ????

For those who are not familiar with the Dall-e 2 project, it's an AI system that creates Art based on a description in natural language , Just for an example "a bowl of soup that is a portal to another dimension as digital art" will generate you this picture: link: https://openai.com/dall-e-2/ I wasn't able to get the full version of the Dall-e 2 (don't think its available for the public) however, there is a demo called DALL·E mini : https://huggingface.co/spaces/flax-community/dalle-mini It isn't as impressive as the main version, but it can still be interesting to do some experiments on it: I tried to use words such as nonduality, consciousness, love, truth, nothingness, oneness, reality, unity, no self, nihilism, illusion, strange loop, paradox etc. (If you try to write "God" it will show you pictures of Jesus lol) and I got some very beautiful results: You can also share your results here if you want

I've been considering this a lot. I'm now relatively far removed from the direct experiences, with rare flashbacks or insights. But I consider this... You can't possibly have infinity plus other. Now, ALL forms, all experiences, are finite. Proveable, easy. These finite things cannot be outside of infinity (as said: infinity AND x is impossible). So I think it is evident that infinity divides within itself. This is how things can even appear. If it didn't do this, things would never appear. Every single experience is finite. You can definitively find that you are nothingness. We feel that is infinite of course, because we can certainly find that what we are is not limited in any time or space. But it can't be the entirety of infinity within this experience, because there are finite appearances happening. SO, it might be more that these appearances are a division, and when the forms and experiences vanish, the illusion of separation is gone. But then of course there is not you there anymore... Rupert Spira said similar about a house that was built. The air inside the house and outside, it's the same air. But the construction of the house makes an appearance of there being an inside air and outside air. When the house is demolished, the apparent limitation is gone....... I think that is right.

This ultimate nonduality is the untarnishable unity of the world as Brahman and Brahman as transcendent to the world, but you're claim of a Brahman (completely)/abstractedly transcendent to the world where there is no world due to the world as creation being anterior is not something we can ever access, because we in our current and future states are tied to "the world" of form. Since the world cannot be prior or anterior to anything, since any time necessitates the world, the world is eternally itself without having been created except through self-existence. That means all we have access to are mystical states of God unrealized becoming realized, the Infinity, the Nothingness, the Everything, that rests within every objective or subjective aspect of reality. It is a truth that we are progressing. Your "criticism" of that truth misunderstands it. The model does not worship matter or vitality; it recognizes them as lower holons. "They are more fundamental but less significant." Ultimately, everything is nondual as per the law of Spirit, but the logic, the procession, of reality follows a holarchical pattern of raw, dead, inconscient matter forming into more complex vitality, primitive life that is built into more complex life, until finally there is the yet more complex noospheric mind. This is matter to life to mind to soul to nondual realization of Spirit. Or, in terms of Vernadsky or Teilhard de Chardin, the physiospheric components making up the biosphere, which arises the noosphere, which itself is transcended and included in the greater and more complex patterns that are emerging. This is a truth that is ineluctable. No appeal to the authority of Eastern mystics falsely prophesizing about a cyclical decay can stop this; there are no cycles, and history does not truly repeat itself because everything is novel. It is obvious that once life arose, there was no going back. The same applies to the mind, and to what comes after. And the idea this is not leading to something specifically more complex and truer is preposterousness and an idiocy that stains the mind. There were Western mystics like Plotinus which could just as easily serve as an authority like the Eastern "seers" of back in history, but authority says nothing on this except that which can be proven by self-revealing truth. There is no decay; that simply is not the pattern here. Any "chaos" you see is temporary, or even something so complex it does not appear to be order. Nietzsche's strength was tearing down Christianity and placing the concept of an Overhuman in its place, but this is not good enough; it does not realize a truth or the Truth. It is untenable because it lacks basis in reality. As "ideals" of progress, North America is Spiral Dynamics "Orange" whereas India, as beautiful and mystically exploring as it is/was, was "Purple". We have more access to further progressed patterns and may observe them; they could not. The same way our systems can only intimate or warn about or dream about what's to come beyond us through thought and feeling and intelligence. That's because by the Wilberian terminology, people that worship matter are Descenders, whereas ascetics than only worship disincarnated Spirit are Ascenders. Those that integrate both are superior, in truth.

I am aware that many traditions teach the ultimate non-duality of God and the world. I never denied this. I agree with everything you have said so far (except that Brahman also isn't the world, and Nirguna Brahman is totally beyond all manifestation. Like Buddha said, "Gone, gone beyond, gone beyond beyond, Hallelujah!" You know, maybe Ken Wilber could add something to that. ). This is where I find these models to be extremely blasphemous (and I do not mean against any specific religion but against God). What is this based on? Teilhard de Chardin? A Jesuit Darwinian vitalist? You yourself say that "worship of matter is for the lower holons". Darwinian vitalism is surely that. This is what I mean. All these modern Western "thinkers" are just arrogant goofs. That's why I like Nietzsche, at least he thought his arrogance through to madness! It has nothing to do with "ignorance" and blind faith toward ancient culture. I have already attempted to make clear that faith and devotion were already signs of decadence. I do not cling to any tradition: as the Muslim tradition tells us, "everything will perish save his Face". As the Buddhist tradition tells us, "everything is burning". And like a Buddhist said: "When you meet Ken Wilber on the road, kill him"! I never said it wasn't leading anywhere. No religion ever said that it wasn't leading anywhere. It is leading towards the total unfoldment of God which is an eternal process, and it is leading everything that is created back to God. Ancient culture tells us that this enfoldment takes place over an infinite number of cycles of time, each of which arises out of God (where else could it arise from?) and eventually perishes into nothingness. It is not that God is totally abstract from creation. It includes all of creation but is simultaneously beyond it, in the same way that the category "man" includes all men but is beyond all of them. I don't understand why you believe that it could not be returned to except by an infinite evolution. In that case, no one could ever have achieved total union with God. I understand that to the modern mind it is untenable. This is because the modern mind has been moulded by the ideologies that have motivated the revolutionary upheavals of recent centuries. Some countries, like modern America, didn’t even exist before these upheavals. Like the playwright Israel Zangwill wrote: “Ah, Vera, what is the glory of Rome and Jerusalem where all nations and races come to worship and look back, compared with the glory of America, where all races and nations come to labour and look forward!” America is a utopian project in its very foundation: this, it seems to me, is why Americans are particularly attached to the idea of progress; an idea which seems to have no real justification other than a bubbly optimistic euphoria. Of course it is not just America, similar things could be said for the political apparatus of other modern European nations and anywhere else that has subscribed to the new gospel of the Future, Humanism, Democracy and Progress. Six face palms, I must have hit a nerve! Well that’s sort of my point, do you deny that people worship matter today? Have you never spoken to a modern scientist?

Why exactly is the past and the future Imaginary? I just had a deep sense and realization of the fact that that what I experienced in the past is Imaginary. Because I imagined it first, and then got to experience/live it in the Now. I have been putting off listening to Leo's Deconstructing Myth Of Science videos for a while now. And while watching part 3, I came to the realization that I Imagined watching that video before. And now I'm getting to live/experience/listen to it "live". But I of course realized that all that is happening in one Instant, in the Now. There was no "past" me Imagining it, there is no future me deciding to watch it: It's all happening in the NOW. But my mind has (past tense) been so focused on linear progression and been programmed with a certain way of looking at Reality. Even the Imagining of the mind being focused (past tense) on linear progression and programmed (past tense) is looking at the situation in a linear fashion that is heavily time oriented. That itself is the fabric of its limitations and expansions/liberation happening in the Now. But as the finite separate pieces of itself. it can choose to look at the situation in one way or the other. And its experience will be exactly mirrored on to itself, by its way of looking at it. And once it has looked from both angles, it can choose to look at it as a whole single happening. Then, what is Now is what Is, has been, will ever be, and at the same time wouldn't have ever happened. It's just a perfect loop of Nothingness appearing as Something-ness and then looping back in on itself. Your/our reality is just a construction and deconstruction that is happening at the same time. But we separate the happenings in to linear moments and separated objects that we watch the entirety of the play from. And that play itself Is just what God is. The ability to create yourself, experience yourself, and to destroy yourself. Like an artist which uses one hand to draw something beautiful, and use the other hand to erase what it is creating. At the same time, but then the animation is live, because it is constantly moving, changing, evolving and morphing. Everything I ever experienced and will experience, is pages of a flip book animation. And of course, even beyond that, being the creator of the flip book, is then watched by another me, watching me, drawing the flip book animation of me watching a flip book animation. I'm sure you are getting where this is going. Or shall I say: I'm (you the reader) sure I'm getting where this is going.

Like I have said, I am not denying that there is progress in material terms. It is like a slider moving from spirit to matter, from angelic to demonic, from quality to quantity. The more there is of one, the less there is of the other. All of these things are only true in a certain sense. I don’t know enough about energy so I will pass over it, except to say that sustainable energy is largely just a way to artificially prop up the false needs of modern consumer society. There was no need to be sustainable before because there was no need to use absurd amounts of energy to drive to your big appointment with nothingness or beam porn into your lonely bed at night. I would say that most people should not have access to meat at all. In the Middle Ages, the carnival was a celebration in which the entire social order was inverted: the lords would become serfs and the serfs would become lords. Ordinarily, only the lords would eat meat so, during the carnival, the serfs would enjoy meat instead. That is why it is called a carnival, from the same root as carnivore. Today, we live in a permanent carnival (“clown world” as the meme goes, though most of the people who use it are equally misguided) so everybody always has access to meat. The price of this is factory farms and brutal mass exploitation of animals. This is an example of what I called “artificial egalitarianism”. Charles Taylor calls societal conventions like the carnival “anti-structure”, a temporary respite from the stifling structures of society. Today the society itself is anti-structure: a society against “social constructs”, a society against walls and borders, a society against the very existence of any distinction or “discrimination”, a society which denies the most basic facts of human nature like the difference between a man and a woman, to say nothing of the absurd self-hatred imposed on people either by largely false ideologies of guilt and privilege or by the imposition of false ideals and standards. Many of these things are simply products of the present postmodern confusion so they don’t necessarily prove that history overall isn’t progressing, but I still can’t agree that any of this constitutes progress. Many people have become vegetables today, so you are right there! There is no need to progress towards love! Love existed before time and history came into being. The point of this world is simply as a test of love. Like you say later, decay and death are but one more test of love. I understand that you say this because “God forgot everything to become human and to learn to love from scratch”, but I do not believe that this is so. Infants know very well how to love; they basically are pure love and acceptance. In almost all cases today, however, they are immediately traumatised by a society in which there is very little love left. You are absolutely right that spirituality is about letting go of more and more of our identity, and maybe that is why the last age is worse than the first. Hell will burn through a lot of identity! After all, in every religion I am talking about the ultimate state is one of negation: Ain Soph Aur, Fana, Nirvana, Nirguna Brahman, the Godhead. The mystics with the deepest experience always spoke in negative language. Leo shared an excellent quote from Meister Eckhart recently, something like: ‘Only the hand that erases itself can write the truth.’ The most fundamental problem I have with your claims is that the love that is celebrated today is a very one sided-form of love, a compassion without wisdom. Not only that, but often a compassion which hates and fears wisdom. Ultimately, Love is not separate from Truth. I didn’t mean to suggest that, just that the overall view of history in his theory is one of “ever-accelerating progress towards love”, as you said yourself. His exposition of metaphysics is generally pretty good. I read his shorter book in the same vein on Buddhism, something about a “fourth-turning of Buddhism” where it finally becomes women, gay and transgender friendly… The Buddha himself only reluctantly allowed women into the Sangha in the knowledge that the Dharma would last for half as long! But I guess Ken Wilber knows better than Buddha what Buddhism should be. Why not just call it Wilberism and be done with it? Maybe Buddho-Wilberism! Only a pathological narcissist could refer to “Wilber 1”, “Wilber 2”, “Wilber 10”… They aren’t even his ideas! But I shouldn’t turn this into a character assassination. I started reading The Religion of Tomorrow but I didn’t get very far. Maybe I’ll try it again. This is just a statement of the modern myth. However, there might be something in your last sentence: “It is all God, but not all of it is a realisation of God”. What is is it a realisation of then? The demiurge? The devil? Nothing (as the opposite of something)? Exactly! Wilber reveals himself as half-postmodern schmuck, half-William-James loving American pragmatist who just cares about the “hard data”. Everybody was crying out for those two things to be “integrated”! Forgive me for having some childish fun. I am not very convinced that there is any more empirical evidence for spiral progressivism than for the traditional view of decay, but your response is clarifying. To me it just seems like there is no need to muddy the waters of pure metaphysics with modern methods of empiricism and skepticism.

All bullshit. It's just a lie they tell you to scare you away from doing it. They have no way of confirming this is real. The likely reality is that you are basically what you were before you were born. In absolute nothingness. But the best option is not to kill yourself at all and try and make your life better.

Well I got this already courtesy of drug use, I think it's just an incoherence in apparent unity. I know that I am nothing. I know everyone else must be seeing and thinking and so on with the same nothing that I do. Any worldview someone has, I would say this is irrefutable no matter the paradigm. The nothingness is indisputably true I think. And further the actual existence of a physical "substance" is completely impossible. Unless for example someone believes mathematics is made of physical math-particles etc. then it is an impossibility. Now we have the conundrum of course of identity. When cleansed into pure beingness, with perhaps only some images remaining (before I truly am void), you can wonder why if we are all seeing via the same nothing I know that I actually am, I do not see like a CCTV control room with billions of TVs for each instance of an experience... And if identifying as the character, you wonder what it is experientially like when there is no next instance of this character. I already know the nothingness I will be wiped to, and what I am already. I can only envision something else entirely appearing there immediately. Like the anaesthetic instantaneous skip into the vision of the recovery room from the nurse telling you to count down from 10. But no knowledge of this life or universe or me or whatever else, of course. I am considering that Advaita may be more coherent than solipsism (on several grounds, including the implications of the appearance of forms at all). Infinity (synonym of nothing and awareness), fragmented into and within itself... Nothingness completely undivided is unstable, because it has no limit. Hence limit is created within it because in borderless infinity without any limitation, "things" are inevitable. Else you would need to place a limit upon nothingness that makes it stay as sheer nothing, which isn't possible because as soon as any limitation exists it's not infinite/nothing anymore. I can get that.

have you considered the possibility that the only thing that would happen is that you'd cease to exist? that you'd be the same that you were before you were born? no fancy spiritual experience of either God embracing you in his Infinite Bliss, nor getting stuck in a spiral of hell. just complete and utter nothingness.

Nothingness doesn't need to be created, and it can't be removed. That's what you are, and that is literally what consciousness is. I may theorize much, but this I can tell you... Sunyata type shit may be the most important experience. I had insanely stronger breakthroughs, but perhaps they are too far beyond easy human comprehension. Knowing yourself as empty, nothing... It is easy to comprehend, easy to show, easy to know you are not mistaken... Relation to question? Nothingness has no boundary. Boundaries only exist for finite things. No boundary = no limit = infinity. Within infinity lies finity. This experience of objects and such, that is finity. They arise as a consequence of unbounded creation AKA nothingness AKA consciousness AKA that which is itself without finitude. No need to ponder about a first mover or smallest particle type.

Everyone is inherently nothing, that is what you call consciousness. Your character dies, the entire content within that nothingness that you call "you" vanishes. The nothingness can't go anywhere obviously, because it is already nothing... When recognizing that you are the nothingness, and that if any other things are aware in apparent space they too are inherently nothingness, then you wonder why if you are the same nothing you are stuck "in this body" so to speak. Conversely, when you realize your entire character is an appearance taking place within that nothingness, you wonder what it is experientially like to cease to exist, as you then are identifying as the character... You already know what it's like for your character to die as it happens every monent. Nothingness remains. But it seems to remain within the same character from each character's knowledge...... We are all it fundamentally, we are all appearing in it, it IS nothing (that I know is the case) and it therefore has no border. Only things can and do have borders... Actually each vision we have is limited and has a border. The text on this screen is limited, it's black shapes. To appear here it has to be black and not white. That is one of countless borders which make up this moment... There can never be infinity AND something else, so these limited things must be divisions within itself. It is impossible for them to be outside because if something was outside of infinity, infinity would have a boundary. Which is impossible in nothingness AKA consciousness. We are one of these divisions surely... The sense of continuation maintained by a mind trick, consisting of memory, etc. Where do those limited things go when they end? I was having a thought an hour ago, and that thought is now gone... If it has ceased to be, it has become nothing... And consciousness IS nothing, so that thought must be reintegrated with the same nothing that is currently watching my fingers type these words. When the last moment of our character ends, it will surely go to that same nothing just like the moment hours before this one did. But where will we find ourselves then?....... Each dead person instantaneously reaches the end of the universe, like how when undergoing surgery you instantly arrive many hours later in the recovery room, and so at the final moment of each character, it should all be together immediately at the total collapse of the universe... Back into itself like a reverse big bang and then back out? I am not sure... These are puzzling things indeed.

I don’t feel like these articles ever give the most robust explainations of what actually occurs consciousness wise during mania, It’s psychedelic and enlightenment experiences are possible but it can be refined and made more comfortable and navigatable, and it is just that bipolar people are not nurtured and encouraged enough during childhood and they have power behind their consciousness fueling everything they do yet it is not acknowledged for the profundity since non-bipolar people are not experiencing it to an extent even though most people are experiencing dynamic emotions on a daily basis. I cannot stress enough though how much you need to learn how to navigate the mania head spaces though because they will show you enlightenment insights and facets but these people are often living such shitty lives that they put their survival first so do not actually adjust their lives after the awakening even if they realized that they are god or they are the universe or nothingness (all possible insights of bipolar mania from my experience)

When you think about it, you could never have infinity AND something else, or what was called infinity isn't... But we do see finity. Infinity alone is nothingness. All form has finite borders... So infinity MUST be self dividing into infinite finities... And then I suspect it follows that each of us may just be one of those. As there is nothing to our personhood but some kind of finity.......

Hypnotherapy doesn't work on me, meditating does literally nothing at all. I have bad genes for being in touch with anything like this... However I definitely broke through enough times thanks to DMT (of course) to have a rather large amount of insight. I know that I am nothingness. I know that nothingness is exactly what all people essentially are. I know this, I experienced this many times. I of course had the out of body experience (which is not the NDE type, but rather the illusion of awareness having form and location disappearing). I know other people are nothing but images. I know when I look in a mirror, my body just like that, is also nothing but an image. I completely grasp this, understand that... Of course nothingness can't be created or destroyed. Of course my entire life is an appearance happening in that, and that is what has the apparent beginning and end. When I am walking with a friend, or perhaps family, I know that if something peers through their eyes it has to be nothingness doing so. I do not understand quite why I do not then have a sort of "PS1 game" split screen type view where their sights are available to me if you see what I mean? As nothingness is also what I am, and nothingness cannot itself be finite. In fact it is the only possinle infinite thing. I only need very small pointers towards how this "others" thing works, as I already fully grasp much of it due to drugs (yay). But there is not any consistent pointers or teachings on this one single matter. It's very inconsistent. Has someone had genuine insight into this matter for real? Not just books or videos, or weird visions of Jesus proclaiming it to be a certain way, but something with the same self evident certainty as emptiness etc? I'm not doing drugs again, my genes are shit for achieving these states, I just need some tiny pointer........

I started when I was 16. I think I saw some Video from Leo talking about open-mindedness or something and that got the ball rolling. At 17 I started meditating, got my first girlfriend, and finally made some good friends I could hang out with and talk about live and shit with. At 18 shit kind of 180ed on me. I got kicked out of home by my psychotic stepdad, i broke up with my gf because her bipolar ups and downs were too much for me to handle. I betrayed my best friend by making out with his crush and thus lost him too, for a while at least.(I know this is fucking silly but we were teenagers lol) I had a good amount of money saved up by that point and my mom was willing to help me a bit financially so I moved into my own place (I was still in high school at that point). I spent all my free time producing music, trying to make it in the hip-hop industry. 19 was kind of a normal year for me. I finished school, spent a lot of time with my friends, doubled down on my gym efforts (i started working out at 16) and got more into spiritual contemplation (back then this was just a conceptual endeavor for me). Now at 20 is where shit was starting to go somewhere. The corona pandemic had just hit and I was spending all my time in my crib, smoking weed and making music. At that point I worked a side job in a factory to pay the bills, convinced that at any moment I would have my breakthrough in the music industry. I used to search the emails of all the big german hip-hop producers and mail them my shit. Sure enough, I got into contact with three of the biggest producers in the german music industry. They liked my shit and wanted me to send them more and see if they could use something for their artists to record on. At the same time I got really committed in my meditation practice and I went for weeks on end on cannabis induced vision quests and had many profound mystical experiences. I now knew this shit was the real deal and not just some intellectual exercise. My spiritual endeavors took up more and more of my time and focus and I slowly started getting less and less interested in making music. My connections were going nowhere. I was always told to just keep making more and eventually something would get a placement, but I was not having it. It got harder and harder to pay my bills as I eventually burnt through all the money I had saved up to that point. I decided something had to change and enrolled in university in austria to study psychology. I figured a new country and new occupation might get me out of my rut. At 21 I still had to wait almost a year until university would start and so I had a lot of time left and was kind of in a weird limbo. This is where shit got really real. I had done some mushrooms once with my friends and it was an enjoyable and innocent experience so when one of my buddy's told me he had some LSD and asked me if I wanted some I was quite thrilled - finally i could start tripping and exploring this domain of spirituality. I took my first tab of acid late at night on my sofa. I was expecting it to be fun but thought the dose was probably too low to have any profound effect on me (100 micrograms). Boy was I wrong. I had my first enlightenment experience that night and I understood now what it meant to lose ones mind. This shit hit me like a fucking sledgehammer. How was this possible? How could this be true? This is what reality is? It's just all my mind? I was shocked and couldn't accept it. After the trip I went into denial for a few weeks but at some point I just could not run away from it anymore. I had to come face to face with Nihilism and this existential terror that had cooked up inside of me. At that time I was working full-time in my job and made some decent money so I at least did not have to worry about my survival too much and it was a nice distraction from that profound loneliness and solipsism that had suddenly taken grip of me. In the summer I went to Switzerland with my buddy's and we rented a nice, big cabin in the mountains in the middle of nowhere. On the 4th day of our vacation my buddy's decided to take some LSD (they are not into spirituality at all so for them it's more like getting drunk I think lol). I don't know how I could have possibly thought that it would be a good idea for me to trip with them but I did. This trip was even more terrifying than the last. I now had my friends there with me, being fully conscious that I'm imagining all of us, trying to communicate somehow what's going on with me and utterly failing and going completely insane. Time had stopped going linear and just jumped back and forth. I felt like I was mind controlling my friends. It was terrible. After that I had to do some serious healing but eventually I got back to normal again (still, the solipsism and existential dread was lingering in the back of my mind at all times). University started but since it was all online for the first semester i decided to stay a few more months in Germany until I would find a nice place. I'm 22 now. It's the beginning of the year and I decide to take a psychedelic again. Maybe this would be the last time for a while that I would be alone and have some time since I would soon live with roommates and I hadn't taken one for 6 months now so my curiosity got the better of me. This time was even more shocking. Before it was kind of me as the human that had these experiences. Now the whole room I was sitting in woke up and realized itself as God. My vision turnt white and all my senses and memories and thoughts collapsed into this primordial soup of nothingness. I guess that is what they call the godhead. (This all happened on 100 micrograms of LSD lol). I cried a lot as I was coming down from this trip but I was more calm and accepting than I had been before. I started to accept what I am. After this experience my life was not the same anymore. I would just randomly start to cry some days and realize that what I really am is Love and this helped me accept myself even more. My finite self would get annihilated randomly with no warning. Material reality would just break down sometimes. But what I learned is that if I accept these experiences there would always be Love on the other side of it. This was 4 months ago. Nothing feels really real anymore but that's ok. All I ever knew was how to go faster, better, stronger but it just doesn't satisfy me anymore. I don't want to complain. I feel amazing but still something is off, something is missing.

I do tune in more experientially with the detached school of thought. I also find it more liberating, though personal feelings should never get in the way of what is fact... You cannot hold regrets if you believe the actions you regret merely unfolded as the universe itself does. I can't think of many situations now... But maybe rejecting certain people romantically? Maybe being mean to a loved one once... Hurtful things I may have said and done... When you can remove the appearance and simply observe the unfurling of this....... You understand that all of that too was just that continuous unfurling, and the element of control or regret or FOMO is part of the ego mind. The things you mention are the unfurling of infinity. I could and think I have elsewhere been more precise... But the only way for existence to be, is for finity to appear (not a typo). Infinity alone has no border anywhere at all. Infinity = nothing = the only thing where there could never be any border. Something of any kind = finity. There is infinity/nothingness. You call it consciousness (though really nobody has ever "had consciousness", it is the inverse). You cannot grab and mold something when there is nowhere to grab if you see what I mean? To have a thought, say a desire for the world to be a certain way, that desire is finite and thus has a graspable border: it is a specific desire and NOT something else. E.g. a desire for this universe and not another. Finity is how infinity manifests as existence, but infinity itself has no limit. It can contain them but never possess them, so it can contain your desires, alcohol, colors, but never itself be them as all of these items are limited. Consider: When you watch a movie each character is a set of pixels. The screen contains the entire movie and all the characters, and the movie is made OF and contained within that screen. But none of those characters or pixels are themselves the screen itself despite the fact they simultaneously are it (as said: they are made of the screen, appear in it). This is like the limits inside of infinity. More: Your entire person-ness is finity. Everything around you including the stuff "in your head" like private thoughts are finity. The reason you can see the color blue on your car is because it appears as blue and NOT also simultaneously as every other possible thing. Shapes, sounds, sensations when you touch things: the feeling of something hot is graspable because it is limited, it is hot and not cold. It is hot and not the sound of a violin... You the human being, your entire life, you are among the limitations which manifest as a natural result of that which has no limits - that without limits being nothingness (common term: "consciousness")... Build a house on a completely infinite empty open field, now there is an inside and an outside, air fills the inside of the house and also outside. Now knock the house down, what happens to the air? It was always just itself, just air, the border of the house was a limited construct... You the person are that house.

I actually read the whole thing twice ”I look back and i see that she is staring into nothingness like she was hypnotised the suddenly she lets out a moan of pleasure” I was hesitant to call you out in my first reply like that but you gave it no choice, I couldn’t resist not laughing especially at stuff like this and then you say I’m the clown? Oh God. and oh, actually I did pass through a brief phase like yours so I had your perspective and once I finished reading the first time I was like to myself “this is one of my past selves”

@Arugoel I don't think the insight could be tweaked based on intellectual state, as it wasn't an insight so much as a direct recognition. The words might shift marginally. Experientially, what I speak of happened by the pushing back of awareness from all form. All form remained in the foreground. Any form at all, no matter what it was, any limited thing, any something even a sound or physical touch, became the foreground. And I went backwards away in towards myself. Imagine watching a movie at the theater, being engrossed in that film, then recognizing you are sitting in the chair and recognizing the movie to be playing to you while you are sat there all along. Like the physical eyes, the difference again is that when you experience this shift, there isn't a body on a seat. You are what's on the seat but you have no form whatsoever. None. If something has any form it is in the foreground like the movie at the theatre. You never leave the seat. You are completely and entirely without thingness. You're just a disembodied nothing... You are there, like you are when at the theatre. But the you that is there has nothing at all to it. There is nothing at or behind it. All something is always foreground. You are the background, you have no form or thingness. Consciousness should be considered a synonym of nothingness. All forms arise from nothingness, and vanish back into nothingness. As these things are synonymous, they arise from consciousness, appear to it, then retract back into it. Basically, the wording I don't think can be altered while retaining the meaning. Any word other than nothing will always subtley suggest a something to a typical person. No-thing even, it sounds like it's just a strange something. But it literally is not a thing. It is nothing. And it is the most obvious word for it to use AFAIK.

It's not something I heard that resonates, it happened first hand. The other idea would not be accurate to that... It's not like a scientific theory where people debate. Like if a professor says "you're not conscious" there's no view there to consider as you know what you are. I could never be found as an object but it was like, by the very nature of it, it couldn't even feasibly be anything. Unlike physical eyes where it's like, maybe if I turn them round 180 degrees or grab a mirror I'll see them. The very nature of what that "I" is, is that it alone can never have any form whatsoever... Never... And inherently there is simply nothing there. You are it, and to think it would not be possible for nothingness to be aware is, I think, just a misunderstanding of what nothingness truly is. Logically, all things have limit. For something to be a thing it HAS to have a boundary. E.g. the color red is a something. It is limited in that it must be red and NOT blue. There is a finitude to ALL things without exception. There is feasibly only one thing which could ever have no limitation at all, and be completely infinite without boundary: Nothingness. Even logically this makes sense. And experientially, there was no way I could say that what was "back there" so to speak was anything other than nothing... Which is me, which is without limit. You mention Advaita. And I see many of them say awareness knows itself even in deep sleep. It may do so, but it is nothingness knowing nothingness. And when nothingness appears without any limited forms, it is like a general anaesthetic gap. 10, 9, 8... Recovery room post surgery...... No gap... Nothingness by itself skips like a camcorder that pauses then restarts. Play back the tape and the gap never happens on that recording.

@RMQualtrough That's one way of putting it and perfectly valid if it's what resonates for you, but @GreenWoods intuitions are also valid. By your own logic, the most you can definitively say is that you aren't an object, because as you so nicely explained, you'll never find yourself as an object. However, whether or not you therefore conclude yourself to be nothingness is another matter.