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Hey! This is Leo for Actualised dot org, and in this video I’m going to tell you about my deepest awakening yet. This awakening was so deep that it’s going to be hard to put into words, so I’ll start by telling you how it happened… I was sitting on my couch, staring at my hand, saying to myself: “Wow, that’s a beautiful hand!” Then I got up and walked to the mirror. I saw my body standing there and I said: “Wow, that’s a beautiful body!” I was so enamoured with the image of my body in the mirror that I actually started kissing the mirror. I was kissing the mirror so hard that I could feel it start to break. I was in such a heightened state of consciousness, however, that I knew that even if the mirror broke and cut me all over, this would be no different to eating ice cream at the cinema. As I kissed the image of myself in the mirror, a tear came to my eye and I said to myself: “This is what Love really means!” When I was a kid I really wanted to be a game developer. Now I know you’re probably thinking: “Little did I know that in only thirty years I’d have grown up to be one of the most awakened people alive!” That’s just the thing: I really didn’t know. I need you to understand that it has taken years of deep growth and inner work for me to get to the place that you see me at today. I didn’t just get here by accident. Once you understand that, you’ll realise that one day you can reach my level of development too. Anyway… In this awakening, I finally realised… *looks away and tear wells up in eye*… I finally realised that I haven’t had anything worthwhile to say for years. All I do nowadays is repeat old stories about how I got to where I am today and intimidate people for not having taken the same dangerous untested substances that I have… It was a level of awakening so deep that I realised I’ve become a complete idiot. It was a level of awakening so deep that I realised that the only thing I’ve “actualised” is a rather questionable drug habit. It was a level of awakening so deep that it made me really start to question what I’m even doing here. That’s when I remembered: I have a gun in my draw! Why don’t I just get it out and end it all right now? I walked over to the cabinet, brought the gun over to the mirror, gave my reflection one final kiss for old times sake and got on my knees. I put the gun against my neck and my finger around the trigger. At the exact moment that I pulled the trigger I finally realised: “I am God!” Note: this is not an endorsement of suicide. What worked for me might not work for you. Not everyone will see the same results from this practise as I have.

Sure its significant when you deeply look at it, Its certainly questionable and rather profound but then that passes, the mind tends to then focus on something else. It comes back to the something vs nothing lessons. But generally the present moment also contains many emotions and feelings which change based on your actual state. so I think state changes are more interesting than the actual present moment. That would be saying something imo. Yesterday and tomorrow are only concepts as you know so they arent even worth mentioning due to their nonexistence. The present now moment really is only special when you dont have a bunch egoic reactions or anticipations or stresses getting in the way. But if you managed to bypass all those biological responses to where your just content and ease in the now, then I wouldnt call that awakened. Thats just being more grounded in yourself and in a relaxed state.

It's OK to talk about your awakening brother. You are among other awakened beings that is the point of this forum.

Stay in awakened state is to live in beauty, love, abundance, perceive the wonder of existence, the limitless. It's the real thing. being asleep is misery. Anyone with some of common sense wouldn't hesitate. you just have to give everything in return. all the misery, it is understood. But humans are so stupid that choose the misery

Yeah the embodiment is the thing. Its like you are a baby who has realized you can walk. Then you forget how to walk again. That has been my issue and I realize you must practice whatever techniques you need to maintain that state. Means you will need to change your diet, what you take in in terms of food, and content to keep yourself awake. But the truth is....you don't have to either if you don't want too also. But staying in an awakened state is the only way to maintain inner peace and who wouldn't want to be peaceful?

Yea I totally agree. And that also becomes clear when awakened. Language is an internal phenomenon which relies on the assumed meaning that others place on the same words. Language has an intelligence to it. Sometimes I wonder whether communication is metaphysical and fundamental to conciousness.

I do have every idea. But you don't because you hold your breath on every word some guru says. Need I say more? And yeah I've awakened without ever contemplating suicide. It's feasible and in fact contemplating suicide from the ego's perspective is more ego. Its selfishness. You don't know what you are talking about.

Compassion for your self. How awake are you really when the totality of existence is marred in illusion and ignorance? The compassion I speak of is totally transrational, totally transcendent of mind and will never make sense to the ego who’s adopted solipsism as a belief system. Notice how the ego mind is trying to create rationalizations and draw logical conclusions. Again, what Im talking about is so far beyond the self clinging mind, it will never make sense. However, notice, if it werent for other beings and to some extent the whole of realty attempting to wake you up, you would have never stumbled into the truth. It’s only out of the compassion of these masters, and more deeply, the compassion from the self that you are in a position to be speaking from truth. Don’t take credit and don’t underestimate how dependent you were on reality for waking you up, like a child to its mother. That compassionate force that conspired to wake you up may or may not proliferate in your body mind, thus continuing this cycle of self-awakening in other beings. If what I said about others cannot be reconciled with the illusion of others, you haven’t awakened to the true depths of solipsism. No. The reason masters don’t use psychedelics is the realizations they provide are a waking, moment by moment, lived and embodied reality for the master. Of course this goes against the actualized.org dogma, cuts through a certain flavor of closed mindedness the forum has adopted. I never claimed you were parroting Leo. It is interesting you offer that up and attempt to side step it though.

We seek to feel "good" in order to get to absolute good aka god. It's all a constant chasing of god all the time. "Survival" as some are talking about here I think is within this higher constant. We survive so that we can seek good. Pleasure itself is not survival. It's what we seek once we've survived. I started to think this was the case more as I uncovered my food addiction. I just had this strong association in my mind between God and food. It was hard to logically describe but everytime I thought about food, I thought about god. And if I thought about god long enough, I wanted to go eat! Edit: regarding survival, I think the ego does seek pleasure as a matter survival sure, but you are in every instant not the ego, the deeper constant overlaying the constant of survival is this self-seeking, and seeking of the "Good". Again, love/god/conciousness is the motive force of all being as I'm sure many would agree, we only do anything because we seek love/god/conciousness and self realization which is why when awakened there is always a deep sense like every thing that has ever happened has led perfectly to this moment

Not sure if it's just me but whenever I am deep in non-dual awareness, language feels very weird. I'm wondering how it feels for you? Remember when you were a kid and you keep repeating a word over and over till it loses its "meaning" - it feels something like that but not to the extent where I can't engage in language easily. Words come out of my mouth but it feels like someone else is speaking. I am speaking from pure intuition. When I hear others I feel their tone of voice and emotion so much more. The symbolic meaning of the word fades away and the emotion of the delivery takes center stage. Even reading words on text, the emotion and relative placement of the word has a feeling or "vibe" associates with it. I notice I read much slower when in non dual states as well. It becomes clear to me that language is a totally closed system and that as important as what IS said, is that is not being said. Silence implies all that is not being said. language as a construction of concious beings clearly shows itself to be a derivation of thought and object-subject duality. I feel like language is something that sort of "happens" and I more experience it rather than actively engage in it. That though is probably due to the "dissociation" that happens when Awakened where you sort of just submit to the universe and are in total flow. But I wonder if language is "concious" or has a subjectivity to it. The main thing is that every word I hear pulses with emotionality, tonality, and depth. The truth of language is not in what is said, but rather THAT the thing was said. Does you experience language differently when in non dual states?

At this point, I have experienced so many identity shifts, I almost don't recognize myself from 10 years ago anymore. I have experienced deep shifts that touched so many parts of my identity, both in depth and breadth, so my ego died and got reborn so many times, I'm almost not that person I was at all. It took a few "complete" -- or more accurately, major ego deaths, and many other minor ones. Just when my ego solidifies enough, somehow the events turn in such a way that causes it to take a hit, or even collapse in some cases. I think this is the reason why I don't have a personality type. Unfortunately, this is not the case for most people. Most people don't really change, like at all, from birth till death. They're just born some way, and they gather some conditioning throughout their childhood and early teens, and then remain the same forever. The saying "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is very true, because it applies to most people. I think besides people who undergo spiritual awakening, almost no one really changes. It's sobering to realize this fact, because I don't want to be thinking that others can share the same understanding as I, and then find out that that's not true. What I've come to realize recently is that nobody, unless they're spiritually awake, will understand what I'm saying. They will only ever interpret it from their distorted lens/worldview. I don't think this has to do with ego development or spiral dynamics as much as actually experiencing spiritual awakening, because awakening opens your eyes to things that normal people aren't even able to see/perceive. The normal person is only ever able to see their selfish interest without any regard for "impersonal truth". For the normal person, it's always personal, no matter what, even when they say or pretend otherwise, or even when they adopt not taking things personally as an ideology. Even seekers cannot understand me, because they will interpret my words from the spiritual ego's perspective. So it's futile, unless the other person is awake to the same depth as I am, which doesn't seem very common. Not that I'm the most awake person on earth, as I have caught some more awakened signals. But that they're really rare, and getting rarer as I'm awakening deeper. As a lesson and a general rule of thumb: People are patterns of behavior. Once you identify a pattern, make your judgement, then put a permanent label on the respective person. This will make your interactions easier, as it will provide you with more clarity on who/what you are dealing with.

well i mean what your saying is rather obvious.. Your just making the distinction between "actuality" and "concept/mentation."? Not denying your experience, but It just doesn't sound like your awakened description is any different from whats already obvious in reality to those who pay attention to it?

Well what happens is the "sense of self" that believes it has to deconstruct everything to awaken dies........then there's just everything which includes sights, sounds, smells, tastes, touch, thoughts, mental images. Enlightenment is the end of becoming due to the revelation that the individual attempting to become awakened, was only an illusion of identity!! ❤

You don't need a head you have hands and feet, the hands and feet are there. If someone took a photo of you and the flower you gonna draw an X through that too? An awakened person can look at the photo and see the entire scene as a scene. You would look at it and have to draw a mental or physical X to understand which is not understanding at all. The X you are drawing is itself another form. You cannot make any type of division. Everything is one. You are still creating a duality.

@axiom which explains the panic attacks I would occasionally experience before I awakened.... basically experiencing God full on and being terrified pre-awakening....now on reflection in my post awakened state realizing it was a full on God experience.

But when one is in a real awakened state, "mystical" along with "medical" all fade away. They are both false. One is probably closer to Absolute Truth (mystical) but because they both are dualistic terms, they are both still infinitely far from the Truth itself. They are both just models. I guess what I'm also trying to do is give the "medical" model more legitimacy. To view the body as just dumb matter is as legitimate a view than to view the whole world as throbbing with life and beingness. Both are true in their falsehood.

There is something happening to all of us, beyond what words can describe. It causes me to look at the world and say "that's me". It causes me to at the same time look at the world and say "it's all not-me" The visual static that overlays my entire visual field is due to the blood in my eyes. The visual static is me, at least it comes from my own eyes. In an enlightened state, my head feels light as a feather and the two eyes act entirely as one, but against my heart. My mind moves into my heart, my eyes collect, but my heart processes the world. It sees only love. This is the best I can describe my awakened states without saying too much. This all feels like just a medical phenomenon? Like enlightenment is what happens when you kill your brains hold of your body by thinking itself to death. Now this is all happening within conciousness, so I know that many would say this is a model that I am claiming and it's happening within conciousness. But at the same time, we all know that the last thing we need to throw in the trash is our own model and idea of spirituality. Spirituality is as meaningless as porn when compared to awakening. It's just a concept of something to do and think about. It's a human affair, it's part of the fucking movie. Language as a social phenomenon is an Absolute Truth. The awakened person utters or thinks to himself "it's all me". There is Absolute Truth in "that" that statement was said. It was said as part of a completely closed and unitive system of being. The saying of "that's all me" and the sayers experience are one. The Dharma to which he has awakened, and the awakening, as a medical phenomenon, are one. When I say "medical" I mean it is about us, but not of us. It is of our bodily systems and processes in a way that we are completely a slave to. In the end though, awakening is nothing at all. Conciousness, the " I am" against the world, even the medical view of the world is all there is. It's just me. That's it.

I personally believe that after death I will end up in a hell realm. I can't challenge that belief. I firmly believe that reality is fundamentally evil . And that's what's screwing up my whole life . There is no escaping infinity. If reality is absolutely infinite (which is the only way reality could exist at all ). Then you must experience EVERYTHING. And if you dream up hell..you can mateilize it . About enlightenment, I think enlightenment is not an experience. It's not a state .its not "god realization ". Etc this is according to the Buddhist teaching. Sitting down under a tree, the Buddha vowed to remain there until he realized the truth. After a night of deep meditation, his Enlightenment came at dawn, and he was thereafter known as the Buddha, the "Awakened One." It was simply him recognising some fundamental truths (the truth of no self ..the truth of emptiness..and the truth of the relationship between desire and suffering). So according to Buddhism there is no such thing as God. Enlightenment is something totally different. But if you ask me I disagree with that . Buddhism is sort of atheistic nihilistic religion . I think the highest Enlightenment is recognising absolute solipsism and that you are God imagining the entire reality. And then you take full responsibility for creating your reality . And that's what I'm failing to do .and that's why I'm filled with pessimism about my own death. If you have some insight that can help me change my perspective. Then I will appreciate it .

@Yali You missed the whole point. First of all you are the only experience there is and you perceive and experience what you decide so if you don't want to experience having sex then don't do it. Don't try to mix up non-dual experiences with "´reality", because the thing is that the end of the day you have to live your life regardless of how awakened you are. Right now you are just using spirituality as an excuse to be lazy not learning how to approach women. Spirituality doesn't equal laziness.

@JuliusCaesar So you created the being to help awaken you. Our consciousness is so complex and layered. It's fascinating that we are creating on other levels that are out of our awareness. Just think of our nightly dreams. Every night we fall into these different immersive rich realties and somehow our mind is orchestrating all of it. Except for occasional lucid dream, we are immersed in the dream narrative as it plays out completely unaware our mind it creating everything in it. I have awakened to that knowing, but I fall back into the illusion of being a human in an objective world.

@Razard86 Yah, I just mean the perception to be awakened you have to go live in India on a hill and can't participate in life

Haha, not every awakened being is a perfect saint living in a diaper like Ramana There's degrees of integration, personality types, culture, habits, upbringing etc etc I think a lot of 'spiritual' people think once they attain this magical enlightenment that's it and life's done But no, you'll still shit, feel pain if someone smacks you in the face & get kicked out your house if you don't pay rent Imo, you become even more human, as you actually get in touch with feeling & embrace it instead of being comfortably numb I'm also assuming most people on here are very young in comparison to most teachers, so there's a lot of life left to live There's a good chance your favorite guru fucks, drinks / smokes or used to, has issues in their personal life & doesn't live in a mountain meditating 10 hours a day Tbh, I've never understood why a lot of seekers wanna become like blocks of wood with no emotion / feeling, life is fun, and its even more fun after awakening

My take is pretty much the opposite of lizz_luna's above. My partner is an atheist and it doesn't really matter or come up. I have no desire to try and convert her to anything, and she has no desire to convert me out of what she describes as "kooky bald-man cult" . Maybe she'll make an off-hand comment about what I'm watching as she walks by, or ask me wtf when I want to experiment with wearing rudraksha or rosaries or crystals, talk me out of doing psychedelics, but that's about as far as it goes. There's only really 2 situations where I'd consider it a deal-breaker: 1. You have something akin to a Christian belief where if your partner doesn't repent or take on your beliefs, they're going to be damned to hell. 2. They try to tell you that you can't meditate, go to retreats, or whatever spiritual practice you feel like you need to do. 2b. You need them to be on board and participate in tantric sex or something as part of your practice. Otherwise it's whatever. Don't waste your time or theirs with trying to convince them. They're going to become awakened when they die anyway, right?

@Devin Thank you I appreciate your input. Been pretty isolated from most of society now and only connecting loosely with most people. And you're right even if I interact with someone, it's not from the ego anymore but from a metaphysical perspective (almost always these days there's that awareness..if not "after the fact"). Acting is not as required around non-human stuff or when you're not directly talking to someone, and you're free to zoom in on any aspects of consciousness. Acting is required around most people as you lose the ego and realize God, especially if you don't just "forget" it , so the alternative is to trick yourself temporarily. Otherwise you have to pretend that there's separation (even with another awakened being out of respect of their sovereignty and creating a path for connection), and the life stories/worldviews people tell you/want you to adopt with them etc, basically how someone shows up/decide to live their life and how they interact with another is all influenced by these. There's of course degrees.. some you act less than others around, some are more comfortable with you being a "weirdo" than others. It is a loving gesture to act at least to some extent - accepting & meeting someone where they're at and allowing their own evolution to unfold the way it naturally occurs as much as you can is showing love (and at times showing the truth is love also). And in that way, the "acting" transforms into the real, because the love (through the togetherness however brief the interaction) is real and you're aligning with the love. The thing is just to limit interactions to what you can handle (as in not make you feel like living in falsehood). The challenge is with close and long-term relations, where many will try to make you like themselves, adopt their beliefs and worldviews, few can respect that there may exist people who think very differently from their own worldviews.. many will start to demonize you for not adopting their perspectives. Well...that can be a problem even without any awakening .People are usually not so good at respecting another's sovereignty...least that's been my experience. On the flip side, the ones who do I am that much more drawn towards..

Of course there are levels of Consciousness bro .are you telling me that a drunk person's Consciousness is the same as a sober persons Consciousness? Consciousness is our perception of cognitive events and stimulus. Every perception in life is a different cognitive event. There are as many types of consciousness: Quark Consciousness is a bit too hectic. Proton Consciousness is so lonely. Atom Consciousness is downright dervishly dizzying. Molecule Consciousness is Hungry Hippos for electrons. Cell Consciousness is certainty of a unique intent. Body Consciousness is sufficient individuality. Body/Mind Consciousness is sentience. Body/Mind/Self Consciousness is human. Self Predominates Consciousness is enlightenment. Self Predominates Sensory Input Consciousness is God Consciousness. Self Solely Seen Consciousness is Unity Consciousness. Self Without Witness Consciousness is BRAHMAN. Standard neuroscience says there are three ordinary ones: wakefulness, non-REM sleep, and REM sleep. However, by any rational standards, what’s called Stage sleep is its own state. Most people don’t even realize it’s sleep; it’s the period where you’re still dimly aware of the outside world, are fighting off sleep, and your thoughts are running off the rails into nonsense. The only reason it’s not listed with the other three is that it’s too transitory to study well. Another distinct state that isn’t listed that almost everyone experiences at least a few times is the disorientation upon being awakened from deep sleep. It’s called “sleep drunkenness” if its pathological, but I know of no name for the ordinary version. The number of aberrant states of consciousness is large. Your SOC is determined by the individual levels of four brain chemicals (histamine, acetylcholine, norepinephrine, and serotonin) and there are many more possible combinations of levels than the ones that create the states I’ve mentioned. Back to manifesting..you are GOD .Full stop. You are God cosplaying as a human .you have infinite creative potential. You could literally create entire worlds in a finger snap .but you have deliberately denied that possibility from your current dream/human existence to make it more challenging and interesting. Because if you are in God mode ..you are infinite and eternal and you have everything that could ever possibly be created .so its kinda boring .so you have disconnected yourself from God mode to experience duality