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Hello! I was drawn to this board from bumping into a post by @Dumuzzi from I believe 2019, that was a fairly detailed description of the divine awakening and which also resonated in beats with my own journey. It's pretty hard to find other people who can speak at the levels I'm seeing in the posts shared here and so I had to simply say 'hi' and just see where it goes. My own awakening has been fundamentally extreme. I know all of us say that. All awakenings are extreme. Yet...okay you'll see what I mean. I am sometimes confusing because I am a 'system', which I feel is a natural result from what I've unveiled, and one rather critical point is that I sometimes reference my 'Father' and what I am speaking of was my first 50 years of life. Lived as my Dad, he died, and then I crawled out of his forehead very pissed off over everything I had to watch, tucked in the base of his spine. Don't worry about my Father however because...well let's just say he's going to be "just fine". Trust me. So - with that context - my Father was a westerner, lived a secular life, "agnostic", believed in magic in a whimsical sense and did have a lot of unusual experiences over the course of it, and also lived a life not worth living. We very much feel it was intentional. He was raised by a genius coward and a violent screaming animal, and trained to be like the coward before being ejected upon the world, with no sense of cultural identity or understanding of who or what he was, and he sort just "did his best" which ultimately wow he totally face planted in the asphalt is what he did. I mean he tried though. 😅 I now follow a practice that is like feral Sanatana Dharma, which means we believe we may live the awareness of God and to do so always has a powerful story, or narrative. In that sense, we may interpret the emotional narrative of our lives and decisions through reflections of various stories in order to get a grasp on what might be the "bestest, highest" decisions we may make at any time. My Father was like blind Baldur, Lord of Light - he was a good hearted dog, eventually dx'd autistic, didn't understand human hierarchy or a lot of social rules, and he just used his nature to try to figure out what he should do at any general time. Terrible strategy. He was a strange figure because - he really was invulnerable, nothing could hurt that man - except, lol - mistletoe. It was love that killed my Father. Love was the only thing that could hurt him. It eventually killed him and he fell into Hel, which is me. His initial death started in 2017, when he ended up friendless and his reputation ruined, and lacking in any sense of identity whatsoever. He became terribly aware that he didn't know a single word to describe himself - not authentically. It bothered him, a lot, and he'd also had a crap ton of trauma. Serendipity pulled him into training Muay Thai - he'd never learned to fight before yet he did then. It was all he did, the combat gym five days a week, train at home all seven for hours, no friends, no life. Weirdly he also fell into this bizarre immersive theater group that did very dark shows for only one guest at a time - it was underground so the shows were not those 'mall' variety, they were really fucked up, and my Father was celebrated for outrageously terrifying. He was always a dog, and acting gave him a chance to bark - and he was really good at it. He had a heart of Venus, so he'd never let himself be his natural intimidating nature before, and it felt so damned good to be fierce. Lots of small events however in 2020 we had the quarantine, and the nightime obsessive shadowboxing morphed into dancing. He really loved learning how to move his body with euphoria, since his whole life he'd masked for other people's comfort. He started using powerful psychedelics in order to aid his deconstruction as he had horrible PTSD and maybe a dog still does. Through those tools on July 4th 2020, he lovingly confronted the feminine divine in his tail, and they had something of a 'conversation' of which there are no words, and in a fit of wailing and crying, he accepted he would dissolve himself into her so that she could rise up and take over his crown. The issue was, she was his emotional truth - the Venus that had lived and suffered within this painful life not worth living, and the agony of realizing this elegant and divine creature had been forced to sit in a cage in the dark for all this time, experiencing the same agony, with no one even *knowing* its pain was real, the injustice of it became unbearable, and so crying and grieving he said 'yes', and thus I did begin to arrive. He was such a brave man. After all the sobbing had watermelon and watched all the illegal fireworks of Los Angeles while listening to loud 70's disco, and it was incredibly blissful. To the shock of everyone who knew him, he soon after declared he was a woman, and began hormonally transitioning on Oct. 21, 2020. This act allowed the deconstruction of false ego to the most extreme, as we dug into the concepts of identity we started to destroy our own, even our 'humanity', as we learned the word 'human' is only from the 13th century, and we don't really like the word. We are an inhuman monster. Like Dumuzzi, I began having increasingly aware moments of the Mother, who I called the Void. Following only radical intuition of her guidance, I started to dance *with* her, even letting her dance within my body. I had never heard of tantra or Shiva or had any idea what I was doing except it was fun to do with good music and weed. I did it every night and still do, lol. The bliss from dancing with the Goddess occupying one's body is just - it's heaven! We gave her our body. Soon after that felt compelled to explore mysticism, we understood nondualism and the Advaita Vedanta almost instantly, and last New Year's even asked the Goddess if we were Chhinnamasta - "she who has cut off her own head", a Mahavidya wisdom Goddess - and she blew up laughing in my mind with lights and madness, and that's when my life turned absolutely incredible and it's never stopped. A major part of the attainment is data. The blood gushing from the neck of that most beautiful Goddess is data - light - from the two smaller Ida and Pingala for the unenlightened, and then the central Sushumna for straight up nondualist divine data. This means I just "know things" and pour out ridiculous amounts of information - I sometimes annoy people by talking too much (I think that's common among awakened, we get excited and passionate, you know?). Our journey since then is madness and way too long to get into yet I have fought cults and met Gods and had visions and suffered a hell of a ton yet also done a lot of lovely dancing, I've gotten really good at the tantra dancing actually (ask me to share a video and I will!). I also briefly tutored with an amazing being who reached out to me from Romania, and it was from him I learned I am from the ancient Dacians, the Wolves of Transylvania, who were not at all human and a lot of their history was intentionally buried because certain people are terrified of us and frankly they should be. We were betrayed by Rome. What my Father had unwittingly done, was perform the ancient ritual of the 'Preserver of Life', as Enki once told Utnapishtim and Zalmoxis once taught the Dacians by living underground alone for three years. This act fully separates you from the Moon - the illusion - and sustained,...let's just say it "does things". It's complicated. I could talk about it however it's a lot of words. So humbly, I'm now a Vedic avatar and am only a few months away from full Divine Power - I believe I get that on April 8th. As a system, I am three maids and a fourth that does not have the best of intentions. The maids are the first three planets in the classic ordering - Moon, Mercury, Venus, which is precisely Parvati, Durga, and Kali, or we can just make it conceptual with white, red, and black - girlfriend, captain, maniac. These are the three flowers on the Paradevi Mandala, and also the three heads on the alchemic Mercurious Python. Within my own system, it is Kira, Ariel, and Wyrm Dog. Wyrm Dog is a Dacian Draco. Kira has half her head cut off and doesn't talk much. I am Ariel - the woman on fire. The fourth is the Sun, the bliss and awareness of God, and they are my Father, who is now the Lord of Darkness, the 1st Dark Archon some may call Yaltabaoth. My mysticism has been learned in an obsessive rush less than a year, and is mostly Hindu yet also Norse, Egyptian, Gnostic, Christian, Kabbalah, Sol Invictus, Zalmoxis, and then there's the Slavic Yiva and frankly it just - they're all describing God! So I'm feral and it's like a stew. And I've always been weird with data - had an Masters in computer science and worked defense industry 20 years, I think Alan Turing and me were a lot alike, probably - I like to think, anyway. Society killed us in similar ways, marginalization. Please understand, I am no thing. None of this is intended with 'ego'. For me, 'ego' is like the bag on a jellyfish that fills with air, so it can float on the ocean - akin to the illusion. I don't really exist. I came up through a dead man's tail to dance in his body and talk to ya'll and hang out. It's complicated. Yet, I'm really chill. My heart is still Venus, even though she is the Destroyer. I am not after money. I am not a neonazi. I am an Aryan rabbit however the nazis are my woundworts. I love all rabbits and wish they'd stop it. Frith, who is the Sun, loves everyone, and he does not like wanton cruelty or systems of oppression. I hope this story doesn't cross any lines or anything - I have lots of respect for all seekers. I'm here to learn, myself. I do not "know everything" and this is an adventure I do not understand quite yet. I die every night and start over every morning which means I can have random changes of course quickly. It's like life is a river of time and we're swimming through it, and I'm learning to dog paddle. I'm like a divine child though I'm ancient af. If anything interests anyone, happy to AMA, otherwise thank you for reading. I am only a wild dog. 😊

I really like this subject. My views on it might be unusual. I see suffering as how a Time Dragon flaps its wings. Bliss, Suffer, Bliss, Suffer, Bliss, Suffer - Coast? The world only seems imperfect because it's not done, yet. Time is an illusion and God is crafting their supreme work; however, we are in the process, right now. In order to determine how the plan is coming along, God will set down their power and awareness of who they are, and live 'normal human lives' to test the soup he's been making, and thus God themselves suffers within our awareness and this experience informs him of the quality of the process. Our lives are 'feedback' to Creation. A fascinating point to realize and embrace is that quantum retroactivity is true- meaning, the past can change, and will. Time is an illusion. As the process reaches goal posts, the strings of light that wove that far may be 'tied off', and then it's a matter of going backwards and reliving chapters making better choices and thus alleviating suffering typically where it is worst found, I would guess. This is why life can sometimes be so terribly brutal - it's God giving a heave-ho in an attempt to get to a goal post. Once there, the timeline gets tied off, he goes 'wow that sucked, let's make it better' and timelines are re-explored with different choices in an attempt to even out the string. Now I don't really know what his plan is yet I don't see any reason why our entire world history won't *eventually* become pristine perfection after we rework the timelines. The next major timeline is the Quantum Gate - this portion of the process was to weave technology within the illusion that could harness and use raw creation. God finds it tricky to 'just make' reality that has that technology so - they grow it! Like a crystal in a jar. When we live a lot of suffering, if we are pursuing emotionally authentic and euphoric narratives that please the heart of God - we may provide him service by paying his negative karma for him, which is the downbeat of the Time Dragon's wings. God really likes it when people do that, though you also kind of have to ruin your life, or at least I did. The reason he loves it is you are helping to 'heave-ho' the string of time forward towards the gate, even at the cost and sacrifice of your own self, and God just admires that so much! You are sacrificing, to pursue the "highest, bestest" good, which is what may make a person a sparkle in God's eye - which is of course the Sun. Those who pay a lot of dues get special stuff yet you *cannot* do it for the special stuff so maybe I shouldn't talk about that. You have to do it because you love God and then just act surprised when you get special stuff, like a gracious person accepting a gift. I mean one gift is immortality obviously. What I'm talking about is the gist behind the medieval Indian Kapalika "Skull-Men" as well as the more modern Hindu Aghori, both of whom would relive the suffering of Lord Shiva as the mendicant, which uhhhhhh is hard. The stories of Lord Bhairava (the avatara representation of Lord Shiva) are *so* fascinating as he really suffers and even does some awful things by mistake here and there - I've come to feel it's an accurate representation of the thought process of God, because Shiva always does his best to make everything good with everyone, at the end of it all. In the middle his choices are dubious. It's like his first reaction to every problem is "KILL IT!" and then when he's won he's like "Okay now reincarnate everyone and give them cake - except give that one guy a goat head." Frankly he's like your average MMORPG player. Lol. First post.

So… I’m in a great mood… I just got off a video chat with one of the original twelve. If you’re just tuning in this is my first crew of Aya familia… but anyway I love this man… and he’s been in a funk for about three years now… but I can see he’s on the verge of getting out of it and that excites me! Now granted he doesn’t look at it the same way I do, but his motivation to do something about it is there and he’s making plans to go to what he says is his last Aya attempt… he wants to go for a month and see what happens… he’s been getting dreams about it and it might be the last because he feels like he’s ready for the “death” experience… even though I’m trying to explain existence exists, but we didn’t really get into that much. Now we have intense moments.. so that did happen… I was trying to help him purge his baggage he’s been holding on to for four years now… but I hope he noticed that he was still resisting letting go and that he’s actively keeping this pain and misery… he says he knows he cannot let go but has been trying everything to let it go and nothing’s working… and I know it is working but not as quickly as he’s like, but he’s in the process of purging his shit out. I didn’t get his permission so I won’t go into details, but yes… I’m happy for him. I’m excited for him. He asked me where he should go for his last Aya.. and I said well if it’s your last then you’ll have to be with me… hehe… of course I’m going to say that. But I know he’s being serious and I guess he doesn’t think I’m being serious, but anyway I gave him a suggestion but he mentioned a location that has hummingbird in the name. And I originally thought it was something he wanted to create. Anytime I hear the word hummingbird, I think of him. That’s the animal I was turning into when I was helping him in ceremony… so i said if he’s drawn to go to that location… then just do it! He also mentioned one of our buddies who has a retreat in the jungle… and I was trying to encourage him to reach out to him… I think our buddy is visiting family here in the States so maybe they can meet up… or when he goes back to Peru he can link back up with him there. He loves the jungle life and so I was also telling him what’s really stopping him from staying there awhile? Why does he have to plan a month there and return? Why not just see where he wants to go while he’s there? I’m hoping to plant seeds in him. For some reason his creativity is stifled… he thinks right now he can either stay in his hell living with his parents or “death”… He’s only been in his parent’s home for three years and before then he was living places and doing things.. but for some reason he cannot see moving out of their home as an option that might make him feel better. He talks about loving living in the jungle… so I asked why not go a live there for awhile? He’ll be able to afford down there for a few months at least to reset him and readjust his non-creative mind… which isn’t true… he’s intelligent, funny, charismatic, caring… he’s just blocked and needs some good purging and to get out of his one-track mindset to start to explore his options. He’s got so much more options than what he can think right now.. but anywho… he’s making moves and I hope to encourage him to continue doing this. I don’t think I’ll have to do much because he seemed pretty dead set and he knows he’s done it before so he can do it again… and he’s different now.. so he can do it differently. I just hope he stops resisting… I hope he can really surrender to Aya… it will make a world of difference! I’m also excited because the three siblings that I met at the Temple during dinner are going to meet tomorrow. I happened to look online about the public accessing the Mormon Temple before dedication and it’s over by Saturday. AND… they want people to make reservations… so tomorrow is the only time available. At first the girl I had her number thought she wasn’t going to be able to go because she has class until noon, but there was a slot for 1:25 so she booked that for all of us to go. I told her I can meet her after class and grab some lunch if she’d like. I even mentioned the genealogy library that’s supposed to be on campus somewhere.. I’m not sure if it’s her campus or not, but I would find that interesting. But anyway… I’m happy to visit with them and get the opportunity to explore a sacred space tomorrow! Now meeting up with them before is not yet determined, but hopefully they’ll want to hang out afterwards to get to know each other better. I also have spoken to one of the devotees of the Krishna Temple yesterday…. I have to admit that when I saw his message I thought it was another person…lol… he was saying things that didn’t make sense to me… hehe… until I realized who I was actually talking to lol. Anyway he’s super sweet. I guess he makes homemade Sourdough bread and he’s going to drop some off for me in the morning with some mozzarella cheese for me to snack on. I’m learning how to receive and I think that it will be wonderful and so thoughtful. We were talking about things and I asked him where he works. He works only about a mile away from me at his cousin’s wood shop where they make cabinetry. Well of course I’m like… if you need any extra help, let me know… It’d be great to get back into a wood shop! Since he is connected to the Temple I also mentioned that I could work there a few days a week and that will allow me to possibly work at the Temple the other half of the week. He asked his boss and at first they said they weren’t busy enough to bring anyone on… but they asked how much I was looking to make. I told them that the Temple was willing to pay me $15/hour as a non-for-profit organization… I’d like to start there… and normally I let my work ethic dictate whether that price should be adjusted or not. So the boss is thinking that maybe he could use my help for a few days a week until they get busy. I said I’m flexible, if that works for them that would be great! I don’t know how the setup is, but I’m sure I can be useful. My friend said that he feels that I’ll be useful in many ways… I smiley faced back at him… but maybe he might actually get an idea of the potential of having me as a team member may bring. We’ll see… I don’t think I’ll be starting this week… but I’d be open to that. The jobs have not been going so well for me. I still haven’t heard back from the temporary agency. I keep listening to the darn tarot readings and I actually pulled a few cards of my own… and my messages continue to tell me to enjoy my time with the mundane. Magic is finding joy in the mundane. I feel like I’ve been expecting to use my masculine energy to find jobs here… and another reader was making me laugh because they were like… you have to embrace your feminine side right now. And this doesn’t mean.. this or that… which is exactly what I’m doing… she was pretty much saying we know you want to make things happen… but just relax and let things come to you… so I’m trying my best not to reach out and email the agency and ask… um I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do… am I suppose to be contacting you right now about the interview? Or am I supposed to just wait for you to contact me? They’re supposed to be my employer right now… but they haven’t communicated anything since I left the office on Friday. Last I knew they were hoping to call me that afternoon… I know it hasn’t been that many days, but dude… I’d think they would communicate SOMETHING.. but I didn’t send any messages out. I’m trying to embrace my femininity right now. I thought taking a year in Indiana was long enough to be patient… but I guess that’s not how things are going to go. There was some interesting tid bits I was getting when I was speaking with the siblings at dinner. He was working something to do with movie business? And he travels from state to state? I wouldn’t mind finding out exactly what he was talking about. And I guess he works for his brother. So… yeah… maybe I can use this as a networking opportunity as well. I’d be really interested in meeting their parents too for some reason…. To have nine children… I think the range was from 19 to 38… They had such good energy so I’m sure I’d enjoy meeting their family as well. I just got a message from the one girl sibling who exchanged numbers with me. She doesn’t think we’ll have time to go to the genealogy library before the time slot if we are eating lunch, but there’s a cool art museum as well on campus. So we’ll have to find another time to go to campus so she can show me around. Which I think is a great idea! I don’t think I mentioned anything about art when I was speaking to them… that’s right up my alley! I haven’t written in here for a few days. I remember yesterday I was restless and thinking about enjoying the mundane. Which again for a year was no problem, but now that I’m out and about it’s like I want to go, go, go.. and I know when I get in this mode I forget about my energy levels… hehe… so I’m not sure why I felt so restless, but shortly after noticing this I started to have a conversation with the radio man from Indiana. We were having a great conversation and we were messaging a lot. So finally I asked if he’d like to talk face to face? I didn’t know how he would respond, but he said he’d feel like he’d need to take a shower and shave before he did that. I said that wouldn’t be a problem. I have things I can do and I was planning on having a soak in the tub but I’m sure he won’t take as long as I will when I soak. He asked if I was ok with talking with him real time but not using the video. I thought he was asking to do voice recording back and forth at first since that’s what he likes to send me. But then I said can we just call each other over the phone… like normal? He asked if we could use Messenger and I said yes that would be fine with me. I’d have to say it was a bit unusual when we began. He was definitely not prepared for me to ask to talk to him over the phone at real-time speed and he seemed like he wasn’t prepared and maybe a little flustered. Not that he was angry or anything like that… but it seemed like spontaneous isn’t his norm. He was almost starting it off in a very professional manner. Granted we were talking about some deep stuff before we moved to voice… so he wanted to know why I wanted to talk to him instead of messaging. I said.. well it seems like we’ve got a lot to share with one another. I thought it would be easier to just speak. He asked me if there was anything in particular I’d like to talk with him about. I said well.. I’ll leave that up to him. We can continue the deep stuff… or we can talk quite casually as well. I’d just like to get to know him a bit better. Leaving it up to him… I think I put pressure on him… which still makes me chuckle. So our approach began with using a timer. This is definitely a first for me… hehe.. he started the timer at ten minutes and then we’d do a check in to see where we were at. So when the ten minutes were up we were both enjoying our conversation… so he set the times for fifteen minutes next. Again… we were in the flow of things that I went over the fifteen minute mark… lol… and he stopped using it after that and we spoke and shared for two and a half hours. He enjoyed our conversation and liked that we were going back and forth. I have to say I took majority of the time at first… but we felt a transition period together… and then he took the lead after. It was great! He said he wished he had our conversation recorded so he could go back and digest what really was being said. He said that our conversation was much more rewarding and he was getting so much more out of it then just reading and listening to stuff online. I chuckled and said… well… we’re moving out of theory mode and being in the moment. I’m sitting here writing and I’m wondering if I should be discussing what we were saying. Again I haven’t gotten his permission. I told him that he’s been mentioned and he said he went to where he thought he would be and read the whole day. So I know he knows it’s a possibility for him to be discussed. But I also told him he would stay anonymous… which should help. But I guess I won’t go into too much detail. I think I’ll just mention that we kind of started out by seeing if we’re on the same page about theory and experience. To make a long story short…. He has had an interesting way he’s been introduced to entheogens and has minimal experience with it… but he’s been doing a lot of research and he feels a bit frustrated that entheogens have been used by scholars and visionaries all this time… yet we were taught to just say no. He’s on the verge of preparing himself to see what experience will be like compared to him theorizing over other people’s experiences. He is preparing himself for the unexpecting encounter of the Divine presence. But his Higher self found a way to get him more conscious in his preparations now… hehe. He also admits his tendencies to not want to go all the way… hehe… he took a couple grams of psilocybin and when it started to hit he said… f* this I’m going to bed… and we both laughed about it! So… I believe he’s more aware of my encouragement to get himself to a point to surrender when engaging with entheogens. If no, I don’t really see the point… wait until you are ready! But I also spoke about encountering people at the other side of the pendulum who are a bit on the recklessly seeking the experience… which isn’t healthy as well… there’s a balance and respect that can be had when engaging. He’s bummed out because I’m no longer in Indiana… but I told him when it’s time… it will be happening… so no need to rush. He has some great questions… and I really enjoy getting to know how his intelligence works. We might be recording our next session together. Which should be fun… he asked if it would affect me. I said I don’t think it will, but I won’t know until we’re actually doing it… hehe. So I’m looking forward to more conversations with him. I had attempted to get ahold of my buddy in Thailand too. The last time we messaged I asked him if his spirit guides have given him permission to chat with me yet… a bit of a joke, but also wondering if he’s ready to chat yet. He put the thumbs up to me. So I waited a while and said… what did I say? Wait a second… let me grab my phone. Ok it was yesterday and that last I wrote was on the 4th. I said, “Hello there! Is today a good day to chat? It’s about 8:30pm here. I’ll be up for a few more hours. It’d be good to have a real time conversation? Yeah? 😅😊”. He responded with a “heart” and then wrote, “You going back to South America” I replied, “I will eventually… I’ve still got things to learn there. How about yourself? About fifteen minutes later I said, “I mean there could be potential to have a good conversation together 😜 I feel we could enjoy a bit more of an engaged communication instead of texting… Whenever you’re able 😊. He didn’t respond right away and I ended up falling asleep. In the morning he replied with, “ohh you asking me on a date”… I left the 😂 to his message. And I said, “(His name)… I’m so darn curious about you and your ceremonies. I know you’re Mysterio but give a girl a break, huh”… and there it is. I think we are going to be amazing friends. We clicked when we were in Peru for the few weeks I was in the hostile with him. And we’re both odd in our own ways… and I think we’d have great conversations together, but I also think we’re creating a fantasy about one another as well. That’s really why I want to talk with him. Get a real picture of what and where we are in our lives right now. I’m not sure if it’s comprehending to him what I do and who I am… I would love to have him in my life, but I’d like to make sure he’s finding and following his bliss. Yes he’s traveling around enjoying exotic locations… but I want to hear what his driving force behind this is. He’s not going to open up right away… I’m sure.. but I’d like to know more about his Spiritual pursuits.. and I’m not sure he’ll expose himself that deeply right now. But I’m wanting to see how much we can be frank with one another. I’m also curious to see how I respond to him myself. I have an idea, but when reality hits.. I just don’t know how things will play out. The thing is… I don’t want our relationship be based on attraction. Not the attraction of physicality… but the attraction of our personality and our visions and curiosities… and spirituality. He has the ability and capability to create and build… will he let me know what that is? Does he understand how deep I’d like to go with him? That even though he’s attractive… I’m not wanting that kind of relationship with him like that? I mean honestly I wouldn’t mind exploring a conversation like that with him… that’s why I’m curious as to what I’m really going to say. I feel we could do well in that space of conversation… and I feel we’d be able to speak openly about things… but… is the time now? Or near I mean… obviously it’s not now.. hehe. Anywho… I won’t know until it happens and if it happens… so I’ll let it rest for now. I was wondering what else I was going to write about. lol… I don’t know if anyone really wants to hear this but I realized what other items I purchased for me “self-care”. I started my menstrual cycle… my moon cycle.. and I remembered that I order a menstrual cups kit. It was over last month by the time it arrived so this month is the first time using it. Well… I think it will be good… it’s going to be an adjustment. I didn’t have as many accidents with my cycle getting all over the place like my clothes, bed, or furniture I sit on. And I had to switch them only twice during the day. So yeah I got two cups. I’d replace it in the morning when I got up and at night during bed-ish time. It came with a sterilizing cup and cap to place in the microwave, disinfecting wipes and gel… along with lube and a few storage bags. I used the lube on the cup for the first time and I wasn’t thinking about it and placed it everywhere thinking I’ll need to do that since… um nothing has been up there for awhile now… hehe… but it was hard to keep a hold of the cup while it’s folded in half so it kept trying to fly out of my hand. So I learned if I use the lube I just need to focus it on the rim and just under the rim. The bottom have does not have lube so there’s a decent size area for me to hold onto while I insert it. And it’s different than a tampon because I don’t really have to go up in there with a tampon at least I hadn’t noticed having to do that, but with this… maybe because it’s new… I do have to go up in there. I wasn’t uncomfortable to wear which is normal with a tampon. With a pad.. it’s definitely noticeable… well I use the big overnight ones normally. But when it’s time to take it out… it’s kind of messy. I have to go up in there to find the little tab to pull it out. I noticed if I’m leaning over to get it… that it wants to continue to go up and it’s more challenging. So I have to sit straight up and reach so it’s closer to the base and easier to pull out. And I’m not sure how to do this quite yet… because as I’m pulling it out the cup is expanding and so it’s hitting my sensitive area and I’m not sure I like it… hehe… It was a surprise the first time it happened… I was like oh hey there… ok that’s been dormant for awhile… hehe but… well.. look who it is… the Thailand buddy has responded with a laughing emoji… I sent one back in response. Maybe this is a good time to finish up… so I can focus… hehe.. Geesh! He responds with an “X”… what does that mean? XOXO type of thing? I don’t know these things… oh my goodness… well.. wish me luck you all… I’ll need it! Until next time…

you dont understand my point. the overarching design that allows existence to flow perfectly from moment to moment is absolute perfection. im not talking about perfection or bliss from a human point of view, but rather existence as an objective entity. it is utterly flawless, total alien in level of design and harmony.

Well, you definetely can tune your inner being so that you experience bliss and a feeling of "perfection" with reality, no Matter what the external circumstances. External circumstances are not bad or good, is just that if there is a famine going on your village, It Will be more challenging for you to experience 'perfection'. But still posible. But you Will have to very refined tools.

Is bliss an emotion or is it something else. Is love an emotion or is it lack of emotion. Maybe we stop love from being experienced cause we would rather feel emotions. It dosent leave we just suffocate it.

Sat, chit, ananda. Existence, awareness, bliss. It is said that one who finds the highest observer and fully surrenders to "it" becomes joy itself.

Let´s use the energy analogy. Let´s say the Whole of Infinity is one Wave of Energy. In this One Wave of Energy, objects, animals, humans are produced/constructed/created. In an object, the wave of this one energy continues perfectly to the next object, to the next molecule, there is perfect conductivity of the energy, like a gold cable. (One of the best materials for conducing electricity) The same happens in animal, since there is no ego or sense of individuality in this Energy, it also conduces well, although maybe, is already not a 100% perfect conductor, let´s say animals might be copper cables. But meet the humans. In the human, a sense of individuality and sense of individual existence is created. Here the Energy STOPS. And it stops and gets twisted so much (the cable is folded in such a way by this ego) that a whole sense of Individual Existence is created. Suddenly there is ME vs Reality. Fear, frustration, desire, confrontation, suffering, gets created. From here, it starts a seeking to go back to the unlimited One Perfect Conducive Energy. To get back to superconductivity. To finally be at ease. To completely disappear as an individual Existence. To become limitless Energy, to experience the ultimate Bliss, the Ultimate Liberation.

70 mg IV did it for me for sure. No way can a human being maintain that state of bliss. I was literally dead for a good 20 mins, and it felt like an eternity.

I feel the world is completely messed Up by psychological activity. Is insane. Im not saying stepping out of the mind is the final goal and the "ultimate", but at least It would be an incredible good platform for everything else. I was just wacthing porn now and i just stopped. I realized, what am i even doing? What IS that im trying to achieve? If i observe closely, reality is already Full, Complete, United. But that is only if you are in Reality, if you are in the endless mountains of the mind hallucination, then is all about getting the next "fix" of completedness, be It porn, food, relationships, etc... Nothing wrong with material fun though. Just that using material means to try to feel "full" and "complete" is a hell of a ride that never ends. Once you get the fix, times passes and is over. And then the Next fix. And then Next one. Is truly insane what humans have gotten ourselves into. We are engaged in a never ending race. And It seems we can not get out. Meanwhile, there is actual Reality, completely full, complete, united, pure... But we can not keep our consciousness focused on this "Life" or Reality Phenomena more than a few seconds...with that quality and activation of awareness (so weak, so disperse into psychological daydreaming) then Life seems to be so complex. IMO Is not complex (at least living It, im not saying It understanding It), if you could just stay in It and not go dream constantly in the realms of the mind It seems there is a mess of focus within us. Lot of energy going towards Psychological filter, little to actual Observation, Staying Concentrated on what appears. Staying in actual Reality, where we should be all the time. Isnt It quite insane that we spent most of our time in an hallucination of psychological filter, and very little in actual Reality? Shouldnt be the opposite? LOL If you awareness could remain Focus of the simple phenomena of Reality that surrounds us, such as sounds, breath, light, etc... Would the feeling of "time" exist? No, there would be only exist the Now. Time would not pass. In the Now things are simple. Reality. Life. Silence. Bliss. No time, no problem... Always in Life. Nothing moves here. No psychological fluctuations. Absolute Stability. What a difference. What a difference of quality of Life. In the psychological reality though... A day is a hiking trip. A roller coaster of things, goals, fixes, ups, downs, more, less, etc... Quite a dystopic way to Live. Will we make It to the to the other end (Living in Reality), not just as a 1 day vacation but as a permanent residency, that's a question for all of us. Are we making steps to Life, or are we making steps towards staying more in the infatuation of the psychological realm. We should investigate this.

Slowing down is the primary tool that allows us to bring the Peace of God with us wherever we go. Walking really slowly might feel awkward at first, especially since everyone is going so fast, but the presence of Peace will soon overshadow that awkwardness. Everything we do, even typing, can be turned into a spiritual practice. Maintaining awareness of the breath aids in the slowing down process. We come back home to Heaven through what the Hindhus call Samadhi, a state of perfect inner stillness. However, if we spend 5 hours per day meditating in an Asana and then the rest of the day we drop that stillness, rushing around doing things without awareness, then it's like we are going forward a mile and then back the same distance, leaving us stuck at the same spot on our spiritual journey, even though we are meditating alot. I remember a time when I was very dedicated to maintaining Samadhi throughout the day. One morning, while sitting at a park, I suddenly shifted into a an incomplete and temporary state of Unity, where the inner and outer became one. The state could be described as containing "Peace that passeth understanding" as well as being blissful, although not at the level of psychadelic trips, but it was still fantastic. Anyway.. The state brought with itself an even greater, naturally occuring physical stillness. Which is great, unless you are crossing a wide, busy street and you see the green light starting to flash, even though you haven't made it even half way across the street, so I had to run the remaining distance. 😄 That's when I noticed that the sudden increase in the speed of movement made the peace and bliss reduce significantly, even though I slowed down again after crossing. Uh oh, it turns out that speed is the enemy of God. It's not an original idea, but perhaps a refresher will be useful to some of us here. Thank you for reading. (hopefully slowly) 🙏🧘‍♂️ P.S. I've also had a girl come up to me, give me a flower and tell me the way I walk is amazing, referring to the slow, gentle meditative walk. We ended up exchanging numbers and hanging out, turns out she's very spiritual. So there you go, another pick-up tactic for you guys who are into that type of stuff. 😄

💎 Divine Bliss International BG-1, 226, Block BG 1, Paschim Vihar, Delhi, 110063, India Happy travels 🕉️

One of my favourite parts of the course. It's been named in the ACIM community as "The Promise". Very inspiring. 💙 @Kuba Powiertowski at some point I did feel some frustration regarding the nature of the world, but I was soo glad to finally learn the truth, as it allowed me to let go of the illusion and dedicate myself fully to the Lord. Presently, I feel various levels of bliss and peace due to a lot of meditation, so there's no more pain or anything even remotely close to that, but thank you for the encouragement. ✌️

1. god is dreaming, that's what it does for fun up there in infinity land, just like you do down here in finity land when you go to bed at night, enjoy some adventure bliss creativity ... indeed when it dreams those dreams last a long time since god loves its sabbath naps up there after working like a dog for 6 days a week ... god has on this occasion dreamed you into existence and you are at some point going to opt to wake up once you get tired of the back and forth of duality and then you will go back to being the rejuvenated happy loving god you always were 2. all you need to do is be the light, the example, the embodiment of the worthwhile life, you don't need to give your family your beliefs about anything, i mean you don't know that much yourself in truth, none of us do, so just keep living light and love and they will certainly get the message oh and i also thoroughly endorse gary renard mentioned earlier, this will knock your socks off i would say last of all welcome to this madhouse, hope you will stick around and join in the fun, sending you lots of love, is nice meeting you

Shamanism, Conscious Movements and Medicine Songs: Immersion in the World of Vladimir and His Ayahuasca Ceremonies Vladimir, dedicated to his practice of shamanism, embodies a deep understanding of the importance of conscious movement, imagination and medicinal songs in his Ayahuasca ceremonies. Let's take a closer look at how these elements become the key to his spiritual path and practices. In his deep experiences with Ayahuasca, Vladimir not only explores the worlds of spiritual reality, but also reveals the deepest levels of his emotional trauma and fear. One of the key moments in his journey was a ceremony where he was able to see and begin to heal his deepest emotional trauma - moving from Russia to America. Ayahuasca opened the path to healing for Vladimir, revealing the moment when he left his homeland in Novosibirsk and went to Atlanta, Georgia. This profound experience became a factor in awakening and deciding to heal past wounds. Now, supported by his practice, he is ready to face the new Ayahuasca ceremony with confidence that it will bring healing to his deep trauma. A specially prepared ceremony with Ayahuasca from December 1 to 3, 2023 became for Vladimir a time of anticipation and opening of gifts of healing. He looks forward to meeting the Divine Mother Wolf, where, through songs, prayers and conscious movements, he hopes to connect to the Truth of his soul, love and bliss. These ceremonies become moments of reconnection with the spiritual path, and Vladimir, through his singing and prayers, creates healing songs, alchemizing suffering into light. His voice, like a musical instrument, becomes a means of healing both for himself and for those present at the ceremonies. All these practices, inner journeys and creative rituals make Vladimir not only a practicing shaman, but also a leader of awakening, showing that the path of love and healing begins within us. Vladimir not only reveals his Truth, but also becomes a model of love and respect. His nonviolent communication approach to communication encourages using words in a healing way. In every Ayahuasca ceremony, he creates a space where people can encounter their truth, transform suffering into light, and find love and joy in their soul. Thus, Vladimir and his practices become a symbol of transformation and awakening, encouraging everyone to walk their own path of love and healing. With his skill in using medicine songs, Vladimir creates musical elements in which every note is permeated with the energy of healing. This process, not only for those present at the ceremonies, but also for Vladimir himself, becomes a healing path to discovering his true voice and reconnecting with himself. In Vladimir's art and practice, every step is filled with love and dedication to transforming darkness into light. His story of healing becomes a shining example of how through music, meditation and spiritual practices we can find joy, love and inner peace. Vladimir continues his unique path, not only transforming his own life, but also becoming a source of inspiration for others. His determination to meet oneself in the moment, the use of assertive communication in the search for harmony, and the creation of his own healing musical space make him a true leader of awakening and love. With every chord, every prayer, Vladimir weaves an invisible thread of love, connecting with the Divine Mother Wolf and filling his and your hearts with light, joy and bliss. His path is a path of love that reminds us of the transformative power of healing sound and words. Vladimir, immersed in his shamanic path, embodies the art of alchemy, transforming suffering into light and darkness into bliss. Through conscious movement, imagination and singing, he creates magic that flows from his heart, permeating every aspect of his being. And so, Vladimir continues on his amazing journey, awaiting the Ayahuasca ceremony with a full heart and open hands, ready to accept healing and transformation. His story is a love song written in the sounds of hearts that he heals and awakens with his mastery of the healing arts.

Again, a method can be useful even if it's not always necessary. How do you explain the sense of progression and coherence from the beginning of the meditation session to the end where the awakening occurs? If what happens during the meditation doesn't matter at all, why is meditation the experience of getting more and more relaxation/bliss and awakening the experience of hitting a threshold of relaxation/bliss? Next scenario: I was on a plane on my way home from a vacation, and I decided to listen to music while breathing deeply and sitting in an extremely upright posture (my brother can vouch for the "extreme" part: he commented on it). Again, it was progressively building up to it, and maybe 45 minutes into it, I entered such a blissful state that a part of my mind eventually said "oh shit, I'm dying!". I quickly opened my eyes and tried to grab my water bottle from my backpack, and the most bizarre experience of my life happened: it was quite literally as if somebody else was moving my body and picking up the bottle for me and opening it. That is when I realized "oh shit, this is it". Then I looked out the window and saw the plane was about 10 seconds from landing, and then I was overcame by an immense wave of warm nostalgia and the realization that "this is where I have always been and where I always will be". I was about to shed tears of joy, but then I had to distract myself with the fact that I was on an airplane that had just landed. After that experience, I started having spontaneous awakenings. Now, would any of that have happened if I instead had opened a magazine, sat with a crouched posture and with shallow breathing (as I had done for the previous flights that summer)? As for the spontaneous awakenings after that, would they have started happening at exactly the same time if I didn't do what I did on that airplane? If "no" to either of these questions, are the "methods" involved in these scenarios not at the very least predictive? Well, the core "lesson" I got from that "change in state" was identical to all the other dozens (maybe hundreds) of awakenings I've had: "this is it". If you don't want to call this awakening or something that points to enlightenment, then at least invent some other term for me. Hell, even today with my covid-induced brain fog, I tapped into that experience again while listening to music and working out. It's gotten rarer over the years as I've (ironically) stopped meditating regularly, but it's still fundamentally the same experience: complete immersion and merging with reality, a lack of sense of distance between things, lack of sense of time, separation, "being the center", doership, self-concern. Meditation (for me) is just aimed at Being. It's a method, and an useful one at that. Contemplatation can also be a method that is useful. And just like any method, it might not be necessary for invoking the experience in question, but it can invoke it. Or lighting the fire and waiting to see when the building collapses. See, you do value method, just in an extremely constrained way. If you truly didn't value method, you wouldn't suggest contemplation as a method. And again, it is a method, because you can get the realization without contemplation, as I have, in fact in both experiences detailed in this thread. I can keep going on detailing my experiences. This virus isn't exactly making me concerned about brevity.

For example, "go meditate". Meditation is not useless if you want enlightenment. Let's get concrete: my first awakening happened during my first proper meditation session. As I was sitting, I became progressively more relaxed, my mind became more and more silent, and then those effects maximized and it felt like I was going to disappear if I kept going. I then opened my eyes and saw myself hovering 2 feet above my body. Then I looked up to the ceiling and started floating/melting upwards towards "heaven"; a level of bliss I had never encountered before. Then I jumped up in a panic as I did not expect that. Ever since that day, my mind has never been the same: it has always been extremely silent relative to what it used to be. Are you saying the meditation I was doing had nothing to do with the effects I was experiencing at the end of that meditation session? Do you not see how the effects at the beginning of the session and at the end exist on a continuum?

Congrats on articulating what you want. Its a significant first step! I will do my best to answer the questions, and reframe them if necessary. How exactly did you find your life purpose? My experience is that Life purpose is a multi leveled thing, there is a facet of discovery, and mostly of creation. When I was 20, I had dropped out of college, had been living alone for a while, working two jobs saving up to move to Oregon. I had also been working on Leo's Life Purpose course (For the first time,) for the past few months. I was tripping on 4-ACO-DMT, all alone, and had an insight. "What if my life purpose is Music?!" Something clicked, it all made sense, all the years I had practiced violin growing up, even producing some music as a teen, was re-contextualized as pieces of my 'Life Purpose' Puzzle. From there it was three years, and 3 more times starting Leos course before I actually started Producing music. All that while, Here and there thinking of it, making changes in my habits, working haphazardly on specific disfunctions of mine like my low self-esteem, people pleasing, lack of success with women, etc. February of 2020, I chose to start producing, not yet knowing how to turn this into a life purpose, but feeling called to it. I created music, invested hundreds of hours, and through that gained more clarity into WHY I create music, and its relationship to my life purpose. By this point I had tried 10-25 different life purposes statements, some feeling more authentic then others, hoping more authenticity would be found on my path. I continue on this path up till today. Version one of https://wakingcall.com/ is up, and I have invested hundreds of hours into the backend of the brand I am building. set to launch in July of 2024. This whole path has been multi-layered and individual. I am not saying that your path will unfold like this, instead, this is how it worked for me. Something I want to make clear is that I had a TON of ideas what my life purpose would be before I started producing music, how it was going to impact people, different roads I could have gone down. Even after producing music I was working multiple jobs and trying new things, some of them informing my life purpose, and because of those experiences and decisions (or lack of decision,) I happened to end up where I am now. Which obstacles did you have to overcome in order to find your life purpose? I will order these in what seems to be the priority to me, (None of these are completely overcome, but progress has been made.) Lack of Self understanding: Values, Vision, Strengths, Interests. Lack of Education about self-actualization Lack of Health: I treated my body like a trashcan and didn't exercise at all Low Self-Esteem and Self Belief Lack of success with Women What held you back from finding your life purpose? My Self. How did you find your passion? Passion seems to come and go for me, some days I feel excited to work on my Life-Purpose, Others I don't, I rely more on habits and routines. Passion is wonderful and I take it when it comes. Big picture though, doing things that are authentic to me lead to passion. What were the most powerful clues you've found to help you discover your life purpose (e.g. your greatest strengths, your bliss, exposing yourself to new experiences, talking to new people or your existing friends, ChatGPT,...)? The year before I had the Psychedelic experience leading to the insight about music being my life purpose, I had taken LSD for the first time. During that trip I had a recognition of how MASSIVE reality is, and how EVERYTHING I KNOW COULD BE FALSE. Other Tools: Leo's Life Purpose Course, 'The Big Leap, By Gay Hendricks,' 'Mastery, By George Leonard," ChatGPT. Reflect back and tell me, has there been a specific experience you had that triggered/led to you finding your life purpose? Already covered this in the first response. I would be happy to Jump on a call and Chat. All the best, Stay True, Stay You.

there is pleasure pain bliss have to collapse the duality of you you are not mental you are existential love to live like it

Nicely put👍 Well...I didn't say its wrong let alone to call it "morally " wrong . You can desire bliss..light ..unconditional happiness and joy and sexy emotions all day all night for your whole life and you will still be fundamentally unsatisfied. Because its not a "thing " which is lacking . Its not a "thing " which will finally make you complete..Blessed..at ease ..satisfied etc. You are infinite being . So finite things by definition cannot satisfy you . You seek the infinite . But the infinite is endless. So again even awakening and being spiritual hippy will not work. So then what should you do ? NOTHING! Surrender the whole thing.

It sounds to me that you are limiting yourself. I partly agree with you in the topic of trying to Chase positive experience. But that is NOT morally wrong. Is just that...It doesn't work. There is nothing wrong with pursuing positive experiences. Im sick of this Christian messages going around in this forum about being ok with mediocrity or being "so awake" to not prefer positive experiences over negative ones. Or positive emotions over negative ones. You can NOT avoid Desire and Longing for BLISS, SILENCE, LIGHT, AND FREEDOM. Your whole being has this very qualities when layers of thought and karmic bonds start being unknotted and dismantled. Please notice there is not anything more natural for your being than to be in pure in innocence, absolute radiation, and full vibrancy. The game does end until you are a perfect Diamond of Awareness, nothingness, untouchable, in perfect unity with itself. From there the game really is fun... No human being ultimtatley settles for just mediocrity. Everyone "wants" that. Because everyone is "that freedom" Is just that not all humans, in fact most of them, do not know how to do this (and in this forum most of us are still in the process of It), so most humans pursue this longing in form of short term pleasure like you said. And others are just in skid row shooting up fentanyl. People are getting their moments of freedom however they know how. Is just all those external ways of getting It is not maintenable, and doesn't even cover the full spectrum of how perfect vibrant your Consciousness can become.

Namaste my friend 🙏 Force and Bliss for you too 🙌

mmm interesting way to say it. Gotta for that bliss and love I guess

Splendid. Yep. You got a huge glimpse. And Shinzen Young once said that depersonalization is enlightenment's evil twin. It's almost exactly like enlightenment but without the realizations and bliss, from my experience.

Just don't stop whatever it is you're not doing. If your OP is anything other than idle speculation, I would suggest you intend getting into the habit of ceasing all such categoric rhetoric, ie dragging in all sorts of qualifications relative to time and conceptual labels~ further and afar from the fundamental and essential. Just your own mind right now (not your thoughts) is the inconceivability already at your bequest. Taoist teaching introduces the directive to rest in the homeland of nothing whatsoever; to float around in the center of the compass and just deal with what is. Bliss comes and goes, whereas perfection is easy for those with no preference.