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I do apologize for my language, I feel it is a bit deceitful to my reader. Awareness cannot become Itself, it is already Self. I meant to say: While you are holding on to the context of a certain story, Awareness can not see Itself. But again, please do not be too hard on this statement. I am trying to point that in order to see your true nature, you need to remove all the concepts and notions. Remove your thinking capacity. Very often, you can notice it after your awakening in the morning; you need this split of a second to remember yourself. Have you ever noticed it? Tomorrow when you wake up, try to be aware of this process, Matt won't be there immediately, you will need a bit of volition to remember who and where you are. So that blank state is what you are prior to remembering: "Oh, I am me, I am in my bed, in my house!" Notice this. Also, you can notice it on the border line of sleep, just right before loosing consciousness and falling asleep. Usually, you become this screen that registers reality, and thoughts are like running сredits after the movie is over. That space is what it is, you can notice it. It is not an understanding. Consciousness contains all possible qualities, but God itself is not any of them. Okay imagine this: an empty space. Then imagine something in that space. Dot! So, Consciousness is that space that allows a dot to be. If Consciousness would have any quality, it could not contain what it holds. It would become automatically an object/quality. But what is it that allows everything to be? It is like an air. But again, even space and air is a bad analogy. I am just using it to explain Nothingness. User friendly example. How have I arrived to this understanding? I do not remember. In all honestly, I do not remember when I became aware of awareness, of this "space" which is not me. It was a very gradual process for me. Eventually, you will notice it, do not be too hard on yourself, just keep up with the work and it will unfold naturally. The best practice is to put your attention on attention itself. Attention on everything: thought, feeling and perception. After a while, you will notice that space I am talking about it.

Sorry I did not mean to devalue your experience. I was trying to explain you what lies behind the I AMness. You asked me what I called this True Self...but it does not have any qualities. This I AM is a psychically objectified living system, we can not deny it. It recognizes itself through I am. However, in this I AMness, there is always a need to define itself as “I am someone”. Immediately creating the history about Itself. This is very important to recognize. This Amness is our true being and it does not hold any qualities, therefore I said it is nothingness, because "something" is a quality. As soon as we define it, our mind is being hooked. This is a form of a mind game: categorization. While you are holding on to the context of a certain story, awareness is not capable to become itself. It is truly nothingness that allows everything! That is what I meant. Again, I am sorry if it sounded nihilistic. Good quote came into my mind: "When you are left alone with yourself, look at both"

The words and language and meaning are nothingness, and all the mental and physical mechanisms and structures are nothingness. The only thing that exists is the nonphysical awareness, the nonphysical consciousness, that is able to appear as infinite forms and realities. There only is the here and now that is nothingness that forms and constructs itself as the socalled physical reality. That's the point where we are talking about the consciousness becoming, and simultaneously being, infinite realities that are all here and now as infinite possibilities that becomes realized depending on the state of consciousness, and that is what the experience of continuity even is. It is becoming spacetime realities and guides itself through its... All existence is the absolute meaninglessness. It is not any different than the experience of you taking some psychedelics and then, for instance, experience a parallel universe as a parallel version of you in that universe for some decades, while all of that has happened within only a few minutes in this... All the history, and the world, and languages, and meanings, and so forth, are being created by consciousness in the moment with the idea of the experience of space and time etc built in within itself for the experience, otherwise there would be no experience of a continuity. Otherwise there would be no world, no people, no minds, no experiences, no languages, no knowledges, no selves, no individualities. There would just be the deep sleep, the void, without any content or meaning or meaning of meaning or meaning of meaning of meaning, ad infinitum, and there would just be nonduality, both conceptually, and physically.

It’s funny that you mentioned that. Because during my second LSD trip (and a few after that) Something similar was revealed to me. At the peak of these trips/realizations, I went above this Infinite Mind, and saw that it was Everything. But what made it more confusing, was that I was shown that there was something beyond this Infinite Mind. I looked up and It was pitch black. But I saw an opening of a tunnel in the far distant. As soon as I was approaching it, the peak subsided and I went back in to the mind, where this life was contained in. But that begs the question: If it is an Infinite Mind: Why was I able to go beyond it and observe it from above? That would mean that there is something outside of this Infinite Mind or Maze of Everything. Also wouldn’t be Infinite if it was seen from above, that would make it finite. Unless it has different layers of more Mind, inside of each other. Extending forever… Bubbles within Bubbles. I have been able to break out of this Mind, a few times. Where I observed pure Infinite Void. Before hitting that Infinite Void, I passed Mind and entered that tunnel. But was only able to observe Formlessness and Nothingness, while being “there”. But it’s so complex in that “space” that whatever words I choose to describe it, would just lead to confusion and do no justice to what it really Is. This was and is so f*cking profound that I have gone to great lengths and been trying to go around this fact with all the other awakenings and have tried to understand those initial awakenings/trips. Maybe will gain some clarity on this in the upcoming trips. Will keep deconstructing. Cheers ✨

Hang in there, my readers. I’m writing about splicing the "no self concept" with the manifestation power. I don't know yet how to explain the reader about the nothingness and no time concept. I feel it, I just need to put this into words. I am marrying them together now. I have discovered my way to manifest dreams.

Haha love the NFS analogy. Good one. And of course it is so. In the beginning it’s you, in the middle it’s you, and in the end it’s you. And they are all one happening/one being. Yeah, no kidding. It’s like being blasted with all the beliefs, self structure programmings, and every single thing you ever took for granted and accepted with blind naive faith, everything you misunderstood, or saw only from a relative and finite perspective. All that merging in to one single jolt of awakening and it being thrown in your face. Of course in a loving way. Rightfully so, to help yourself to wake up. But it’s not always easy to see it as Love. Because, sometimes we are so attached to the things being reflected on to us, or shown to us in the light (conscious). When we have had so many guesses and ideas of what they are and what they could be, when they were in the dark (unconscious) Key for me has been to just let it flow through me. Accept whatever is being shown. And since reality is just a giant mirror, even the reflection of whatever you are, or thinking that you are: Has to be reflected back to you, and if you don’t see, hear, accept it for what it is and what it is not. True and Untrue, your perception, assumptions and reactions to the reflections, will itself reflect back to you, the way you see, perceive and label those reflections. If you judge it and deny it, it will feel as you are being denied. If you accept it and show affection, love and understanding towards it, it will feel like you are being showered with Love and all the healing you have ever wanted/needed. I love getting to a state of this pure reflection point on LSD, where I just lay on the bed with some meditation music on, and just stare in to Nothingness, so much so, that she becomes my mirror. And so I send all that I am, and all the realizations that I have had through this life, all the understandings and all the things I have ever felt and experienced: with my eyes and all my being (giving, masculine), with all the love in my heart. That gets sucked in and integrated in to the Nothingness, and then my connection to Nothingness within me: feels that, realizes what it Actually is. Gains insights and awakenings, and then exudes and radiates that back. And then I connect myself to my receiving aspects (receptive, feminine), and get absolutely blasted with all the Love and understanding of what Nothingness feels for me. So it goes out of me, reforms, reshapes, amplifies more of what it is, and goes right back in to me. But all of it is happening for one being. It is seen as one, after such a long time of separation and duality. It is like masculine and feminine becoming united. Love and Consciousness becoming one. Form and formlessness becoming one. And you are just right smack in the middle of it. Writhing in Ecstasy. Having an entire body, mind, spirit and soul orgasm. It all becomes one, and you become It. Cold tears are running down your warm chin, as you are being Transformed and touched by God/Reality/Yourself.

Nice one, I was blasted by the insight after my run in the forest. Funny how It all just came now. Interesting! So the noncommunicable is "communicated" through the void of "other" which is just a reflection of what is apparent on the surface of the mirror, and what is being reflected. This is so profound when you take psychedelics with someone else and you sit there and eye-gaze together. Communication gets through the nothingness/void in each other's eyes. Even without psychedelics, but that would require a deep trust and sense of comfort with the "other". Last year when I started having my awakenings, I would go to the bathroom mirror and stand there and gaze in to my own eyes for hours. Everything I have ever searched for, was within me. Or shall I say, beyond me. Beyond the self-structure.

That’s funny you’ve mentioned this. I am doing the conscious workshop right now and our guide mentioned the mirror analogy as well. He said something like when one mirror is looking at the other it creates the effect of void/pure nothingness.

Yes they see everyone as an extension of themselves which is why they have no boundaries. How do you not understand that? You see it is all how you look at it. You see everyone as an extension of yourself, but you also simultaneously see the person as separate and sovereign. A Narcissist sees NO SEPERATION. They literally BELIEVE YOU ARE REQUIRED TO SERVE THEM. Because you ARE THEM. If you listen to reports of narcissist psychological reports they have feelings of an infinite void of nothingness. Sound familiar? They feel those they connect with are them, they don't feel like they have an identity, they feel an infinite void of nothingness. Notice all those things I just said. What do they sound like?

my-personality-understanding-the-kind-of-person-i-am -the-subject-of-evil nothingness my-psyche-sensitive-content-trigger-warning my-bpd-symptoms-part-1 interdimensional-beings english-tutorial-journal in-love state-of-consciousness

Not Infinity of Gods? You should just read SES so you actually know it, but it's around 600 pages long and 800 including the notes section. Like Blue and Red, with the lower and higher extremes of each being bluer or redder purple, as I say. But for specificity, Yellow becomes obsolete when the frailty of the system is seen through in addition to going beyond faults of over-reliance on understanding the system itself and ignorance of the realms where focusing on the Nothingness and Everythingness is the soul both above and within the system, so after these transcendences, one has to attain realms totally outside the system. Moving away from even the system itself, at least temporarily to explore the new realms before integrating both into a greater essence, is then a priority. (Leo is) Ken's average Turquoise. But bordering on Yellow. Yet still some Indigo with Violet intuitions, as perverted by stability in a regular Turquoise base and with a strong foundation in Yellow systems ideas. Most people's developments are asymmetrical to a good degree, although centers of gravity still exist, his being a solid Turquoise/Yellow. Transpersonal: beyond personal, Nothingness, Everythingness, divinity, mystical states. Prepersonal: before personal, animals, plants, rocks, etc. Personal: standard human based in an ego and other objective traits of personhood, has evolved out of the prepersonal structurally but has not gone outside of the system into what is beyond the limits of the human mind/body. So no, not just Fe. Nope, not Orange with Blue shadow or overly amplified Blue. I was too Green and anti-capitalistic at one point for me to be Orange now. You just happen to be Green and see anything your critiquing without the limits of Green as inherently beneath you, which is logically a failure. No, the lower people interpret them literally. The higher people interpret them how they actually exist. What should we rely on to comprehend the belief systems of primitive peoples, if not those peoples? The "original being" of the tribe? How do we contact this original being? And the materially advanced civilizations suffer from the same belief issues as the primitives, if we abstain from identifying them with primitives entirely. The accuracy/completeness of the primitive models is unacceptable. Being inspired by mystical prose to test spiritual virility in medieval combat is still nested in a society developmentally inferior to ours, however romantically profound and stimulating it might suggest itself as. Is that so? You hate modernity, and that's why you uphold pre-modernity, simultaneously despite and because of your postmodernity. Of course. Also, Keyholde/Loba called me "blue boy" and revealed her whole criticism of my character was centered around teenage girl sociology. ?‍??‍??‍??‍?

Because it's not a thing like you think it is........ I don't like the usual Advaita thing, their proof awareness is there in comas or deep sleep is that you come out like "oh man I slept really well!" That's BS... That's just sensations of your body feeling refreshed lol. I have ceased to be a few times on DMT (blackout). And I did regain awareness with a sense of ecstasy that I don't usually get. But I wouldn't count on that as proof I must have experienced that blankness. I think the Buddhist view makes more sense, has more explanatory power, etc. I wrote out my first hand trip experience where I found that I was nothing... People don't enjoy thinking about nothingness because it doesn't make sense unless you experience this. The semantical reasons for no-thing etc, or "is-ness". Confusing for Westerners. Because it's both something and nothing you have to call it no-thing? Not worth it. Just say nothing. Easy to explain.

I'm not being poetic. I'm saying that I notice when there's silence. Don't you? Saying that consciousness in nothingness is like saying that space is the absence of matter. You're saying: "if you remove every matter from space then nothing remains, therefore space is nothing". Don't you see the flaw in this logic?

When you close your eyes you see black, this is not nothingness. Black is another limited appearance, as people born blind will tell you (they see what you see through your elbows). Remove the black. Don't be poetic just keep imagining removing things, and see what is left when you remove the very final thing. Which yes includes blackness.

Consciousness is left. When I close my eyes, I'm aware that I can't see anything. When there is silence, I'm aware of the silence. And so on. When everything disappears, I'm aware of the nothingness. Are you saying that you only hear the noise and you don't even notice the silence? Noticing is consciousness.

Wait though, what do you mean by "this consciousness", because you've been talking about your character. Your character will go where thoughts go once you stop thinking of them. Otherwise if you mostly understand, you need to find that "consciousness" = nothing. We aren't talking the verb, we're getting down to substance. We just know it as "consciousness", it is literally nothing. You get that nothingness would be impossible to create or destroy?

I agree. And furthermore..when you consider the alternative to existence, which is nothingness. Although we can abstractly conceive of nothingness, it is impossible to have a nothing, it is impossible to create a nothing, and there is no such thing as pure emptiness or nothingness. Nothing does not exist, and it cannot exist, because if it existed then it would not be a nothing anymore it would be a something. In other words, reality exists because the alternative, nothingness, is impossible. The notion that reality was somehow created out of nothing is an inherently human idea. The fact that reality exists indicates that it has always existed and it must always exist in one form or another, stretching or collapsing infinitely through time in all directions. If something exists, that something must have always existed, because it is impossible to turn a something into a nothing; where would you put your something when you created your nothing?

Nothing = without limit. Pure creation itself. No limitation makes nothingness unstable... Because there is no limit or finitude to it, there is no boundary that traps it as being nothing and not something. Things are the opposite, things have limit and borders. Even infinite sets are sets of one type of thing and not another. When a limit ends, it ceases to exist, it becomes nothing, which is everything.

Well the thing is, I know that I am nothingness. This isn't a theory or speculation or delusion. That is what I fundamentally am. I'm a skeptic type of person, I do not believe in magick and bullshit, but this I know...... And there seems to be implications of that. How could nothingness end? Even begin? Ever be created or destroyed? It seems untouchable. I would need further logical proof confirming that, but it really does seem to me that thingness = finity, nothingness = non-finity, eternity, and so on.

That's the thing. You cannot not be. You have to Imagine that Nothingness or Not-Being, to be it. I have to be okay with it. Because that is already what "I" am, and that includes you. We are already Nothing, Something and Everything. We just define ourselves in a specific way and think we are separate from our Truest Nature. Which is all of them at the same "time".

Every single moment we die and come to life. Literally our physical body dies and regenerates itself. Where does that regeneration force come from? Where is that essence located at? And if small separate selves make a larger whole, then surely what we experience has something greater behind it, in the background of our being. When a cell in our body dies, do we die? Same thing with our body, and the larger whole. When our body dies, we become conscious that we are something bigger. Just like if we were to be identified with a cell in our body, and when that cell would die, we would realize that we still exist. If there is a choice to still experience and enjoy things as a cell (body) it regenerates. Just like my heart stopped and "I" came back. Is a bigger equivalent of a cell dying and a new being reborn. The sense of identity is what causes the illusion and the experience. You and me can sit and become so conscious together, that I become you and you become me. Does that mean that both of us died? No, it's just that we realized we are already one and we switched POV. Or we adopted each other's identity. And as they say: As above, so below. Our truest nature is Nothingness, Something-ness and Everything-ness, at the same time. Or shall we say at the same Now. At the same Point. That Still-Point where Nothingness, Something-ness and Everythingness meets, is what God is. The three faces/phases of God. Emptiness Dancing.

Yes. But something else we have to include here is. Why did I come back after my heart stopped? Nothingness and Unconsciousness happens within Consciousness. And Consciousness happens within Nothingness. For me to Imagine that "I" was gone, I have to be Conscious that "I" was gone. For there to be a thing called "gone", I have to be. So with this, we can come to the conclusion that Life and Death are both Imaginary. At the edge of the Infinity DMT trip where I was being strangulated: Imagination and Reality were both merging in to one thing. What was real became Imaginary and what was Imaginary became Real. I became conscious that whoever is talking about awakening had no freaking clue what they were talking about. True Awakening begins when we wake up for the strong Illusion of Life and Death. You/we "die" and then we choose another point of view or a new view of what Is/was and will be. Which is all in the Now. Death happens to the character and what God imagines what the character is going through. But there are points and stages where you become so Dissociated/Disillusioned from life as we know it, that you stop imagining life as a human/animal and become something greater. You become Everything that Is.

Brief encounters.

I did many high dose psychedelic combinations. But this time I took perhaps one hit of DMT while I had been doing a little exercise. I had in-ear noise cancelling earphones in, with meditative flute music. Stereotypical zen stuff. And while sober I tried to "locate" the area in space where the sound was happening... I found that I was able to shift its location around by imagining the source to be in different areas. E.g. I could make it seem the sound was playing in front of my head, on top of my head, or at the back of my neck. I could shift it around like that, but never find the actual location of it. As I did this sober, I took only a small hit of DMT with my eyes still closed. The music was still playing. Some of the typical patterns emerged, a jester fellow pointed at me and this is when it started. When it pointed into the foreground at "me", it forced me to stop focusing on what is out there such as the jester, and feel myself here. The space in which the music was happening became sizeless. There was no location where it was happening. It was just happening... Various images and thoughts unfolded, but all of them unfolded before me. Like the jester which pointed into the foreground and made me recognize myself here, that anchor remained. It was like being on a park bench watching things happen in front of me. There was nothing at me or behind me. Every appearance was unfolding to me. And I WAS nothingness. The thingness was the objects and thoughts and sound and everything else. If it was a thing, it was observed by me. I was just purely nothing. I had no quality or dimension. Qualities and dimensions were all appearances before me. I remained rooted firmly and completely in the foreground. The me the jester had pointed to. It subsided at some point. But that is when I found myself and found that what I am is nothing. Void. Perhaps someone with good visualisation skills could recreate this sober, you just need a character to point into the foreground of your mind at you......

God doesn't exist. There is nothingness, which is as you would expect, without limit, beginning, end, etc. It can't be created and it can't be destroyed, because it is nothing... Within it, there is limit, a consequence of its very own unlimited nature (meaning infinite potential, etc, as it naturally follows for several reasons), and this limit appears in the shape of forms. Your hand is one of those. So am I. So is Leo. So are you. So is your emotion. So is your thought. So is the wall. So is your phone. ANY THING is a limited finite appearance taking place within it. Some "things" (important to note) are not perceived and hence never appear as form. As an example, I don't think anything perceives subatomic particles in a qualitative way. These are still things, manifestations of nothing. This is important because many people think nonduality means that when you can't perceive something it doesn't exist, which is false. Like if you put a kettle on boil and leave the room it would never boil. These are misconceptions. It's about what things ARE in substance. The apparent thing ("consciousness") with which you observe everything is not a thing, but actual nothingness. Literal, pure, sheer, nothing. If you remove all objects of "your" awareness (for ease of understanding I phrase it that way), you the character cease to be. Your hand is not God. Your hand is a form out of nothingness. It is made of nothing (substances do not exist). Pure nothingness = creation itself. It can't help but create within itself because it is without limit. It has no choice: Wanting to create or not is itself an appearance (thought, desire) made of nothing and hence already a manifestation of it.