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Bliss is comfort. Bliss removes all fear. You are only comfortable when fear is gone. You can experience absence of fear in a tranquil state as well. Why? Because bliss is impermanent. It comes and it goes. It's why many masters say don't get too attached to the bliss.

You cannot drop attachment in duality. To drop attachment is to not exist in duality. Duality is attachment. You are literally attached to a perspective. If you became completely detached you would die. The absolute does not know survival because it does not have a self. Knowledge only exists in duality. And absolute self knowledge only exists if you fully awaken. What you obtain is indifference. You want something but you don't care if you get it. This requires emotional mastery. Enlightenment does not hand you constant bliss for all eternity. What it hands you is increased self-awareness and constant wholeness. You feel complete and whole and enjoy solitude immensely. But there is a catch. You see through all the egos games. If you speak from an Enlightened perspective you will not be understood. Every ego is afraid of absolute truth. You will also become less motivated temporarily because everything will feel like a waste of time. This is normal because you were too used to doing things to reach goals. The final stage is to do activities just for the pure joy. You start to walk the path of appreciation. You can also start getting attached to trying to alleviate suffering but that will take years of practice because egos will blame you for their feelings and accuse you of being the source of their suffering. They will demonize you and call you a victim blamer, arrogant, a narcissist, and a gaslighter. You will need to cultivate a deep compassionate patience should you choose to engage in helping others who suffer. In short you discover that every ego is a perpetual victim with a superiority complex. The victimhood= the belief in bad, which comes from not feeling in control. The superiority= Comes from a desire for external validation and praise and a desire to be and do good. When an ego feels in control they feel good and powerful.

Right, uh? Why people don't talk about this? But its more than comfort man, its fucking bliss.

The 'zen' peaceful states of mind that I would reach in meditation in the past were really nice and good. But, honestly, it's fucking child candy compared to the states I´m reaching almost every fucking day, even it is for just some seconds, It just puts the demon in me, and I can not forget how fucking good feels the 'Love', if I can call it like that, its like pure Ecstasy of the Now, of the absolute destruction of any kind of feeling of 'time', I can't explain how that feels, its like a diamond of bliss and light running through your fingers, and its so slippery, you get it , then you lose it. I dont want anything else in life but this... I need this, every second. Anything that is not this ecstatic blissful awareness of Love (no-time), I can enjoy it, but in the back of my mind I know it's crap, compared to this. It's all just a seeking to the highest state of Love and Truth. Fuck understanding, you guys can have it all. I know you guys would sell any kind of understand in exchange for this 'thing'. And yet...is right fucking here. The irony...

Bliss beyond intoxication.

Warning: Loooong rambling ahead! The deception is what I call (at least for me) Separate-Self-arisings (I-thoughts, I-feeling), that arise with a very high frequency in Oneself (True Self/Reality). That leads to the world appearances manifesting as "external" and "solid/not hologram-like mere appearances". Et voila, the magic show! When one spots them fast enough (separate self arisings) and is familiar with them, and doesn't get captured by them (in my opinion the goal of meditation), the visual field at some point becomes nondual, mere appearance, lucid/hologram-like, hovering in Infinite Nothingness. Then, there is no more deception, since it doesn't "grip". Nothing the "separate self can throw at you" is believed anymore. It just runs/appears in True You/Reality, but is no longer to believed to be more real than mere arising in True You/Reality. Perceptions perceiving themselves in You/Reality, and some practical mind-stream-stuff of the human you have (not are, but have) running in True You/Reality. As long as any of it is still believed, and not transcended as objects/movements/arisings in the True You, one doesn't cross over to the other shore. 3% of still "gripping" and not transcended separate self arisings (very very subtle ones at the end, just mere "Individuality") prevents the full Realization of ones True Identity. They all have to "go". It is like the mindstream runs in oneself, and doesn't capture ones attention. Nothing of it. The mindfulness stays, it is all a magic show. There is no more "external" world, just a magic show of hologram like lucid appearances, hovering in Infinite Nothingness. Suffering (psychological suffering, or resistance to what is here and now) has stopped at that point. Then, it all becomes a magic show. It is totally clear what the essence of the magic show/movie is. Nothingness. without suffering. Sure, the Magic Show is a deception/Illusion. But what else is there to do for the True You? The Real You can not gain or loose ever. But it can manifest the show. And just a disclaimer/warning, because I write very freely from the absolute side of the street, tending to ignore the relative side of the street while writing this way: When you start to think while the separate self is still intact, that you can not gain or loose ever: Well, Maya will give one a nice smack demonstrating that one (as the separate self) can very well suffer, grow and develop, loose and gain. Karma is well and alive when the separate self is not fully transcended). That leads automatically to appreciation of the beauty of the show. Appreciation of the beauty of manifestation. With a certain preference of being interested in all these mechanisms. But being interested not in a grasping way, like suffering when one doesn't get to understand it, but more like: Hey let's go for a walk, and if it rains we don't, and do something else. No big deal anyway.... If there is no appreciation of the Illusion/Show, but disgust/horror/discontentment/anything other than marveling at/with the state of things, I would assume there is still a separate self active/not transcended, that then resists/suffers. I personally find the investigation/exploration of the Multiverse, trying to understand the manifestation mechanism, Alien-anything quite interesting. But it no way leads to me grasping to the beauty and bliss of these experiences of understanding or exploring. If something like that would show up in my mindstream, a reaction would arise like: All nice and well, interesting for sure, but starting egoic/separate self-suffering or grasping for it, no way I am doing that, would be rather not so smart. and lead to suffering/resisting, and shutting down the Endohuasca-System (below).... and that would be it (grasping stopped). Selling Water by the River Some Quotes from Pointing Out the Great Way, Brown "once you have eradicated all the pain from the mind": "Tashi Namgyel calls the two stages prior to experiencing enlightenment recognizing awakened wisdom/[awakened awareness] and setting up awakened wisdom/[awakened awareness] . One-taste yoga establishes the foundation for awakened wisdom/[awakened awareness] to emerge. In non-meditation yoga the practitioner: ...proceeds from the perspective of having seen the benefit of the aforementioned [special] samadhi. Generate a fervent desire for this [awakened wisdom/[awakened awareness] ] to increase and continue once you have eradicated all the pain from the mind." Tashi Namgyal, in Pointing Out the Great Way, Brown "The commentary merely alludes to these changes withthe brief passage from Gampopa, "once you have eradicated all the pain from the mind" (TN, p. 5oo).These and other changes, however, are described in much greater detail in the oral tradition, especially by Rechung.'" Rechung says that the practitioner "unties the chakra knots that prevent the full experience of mental and divine bliss, respectively." [the Endohuasca-System of the Body, at least in my theory, see https://dmtquest.org/endohuasca-magic/ ] Attachment (zhar ba) is transmuted into great enjoyment (dga 'chen).The practitioner finds great bliss (bde chen) simply from experiencing ordinary phenomena as they arise in their own way. The natural spontaneity of the mind is freed. Bliss replaces misery." Tashi Namgyal, in Pointing Out the Great Way, Brown That is how at least developed for me. And the end of the game: "According to Tilopa, such uninterrupted, effortless mindfulness finds no refuge (gtad so) in any particular events of the mind because of their inherent emptiness/clarity, so that awareness-itself turns back on itself and naturally crosses over [to Enlightenment]" "In short, crossing over [to Enlightenment] happens at the time when every single sensory experience—appearance and thought—are viewed as clarity/emptiness and movement/emptiness with absolute certainty." [not 1% of the separate self still untranscended/not cut off/still believed] "Tashi Namgyel's root text explains how nonmeditation yoga ripens in three stages: At the lowest level, it becomes possible to maintain undistracted mindfulness of the simultaneous mind [simultaneous mind = nondual] at any time, so that it is unnecessary to limit the practice to formal meditation sessions. Seeming appearances arise "like a mirage." [mere luminous appearances hovering in Nothingness]. At the middle level,awareness-mindfulness continues day and night. The subtlest flow of shapes that arise is the mind's self-illumination. At the highest level, awakened wisdom/[awakened awareness] stays even throughout all these subtle forms [not 1% of the separate self still untranscended/not cut off/still believed, including any feelings/thoughts of Individuality/being separate from the Totality/Reality]. Continuous awakened wisdom/[awakened awareness] in the face of everything experienced is great nonmeditation. (TN, p. 697) I highly recommend the book, it is truly awesome. It is a synthesizing text of the Mahamudra-Tradition, quoting many books of the tradition and integrating them.

Lol… I can really get into this and do a lot of research because I just really don’t know what available options are out there. So I did look some things up before coming back to the Journal… I went into questioning if I’d really want to tow a trailer or not… since I hadn’t really thought about getting a truck yet I started to look up truck bed options. So there are actual bed truck campers and they look really nice… there was one which I thought looked really nice, but it might be too much for me. That’s another thing that is sticking out to me… is really being able to use what is being purchased… I’d want to make sure it’s not a purchase that will be a one and done type of purchase… and also making sure to purchase quality. But I’ll go ahead and share the link in case people are interested… there were two that drew my eye… the Cirrus 820 truck camper or the Kimbo. I realize if I start traveling in this way.. I will travel around the US, through Mexico, into Central America and at least the northwest of South America. I’m open to continue traveling the entire continent of South America, but I also feel I’ll have to feel it out after ceremonies. I know I want to continue having these messages being my direction and focus, but it’s not what people may think it’s going to come into play.. it just never seems to be that way for me… again… I can say I’m going to work on the excavation first but… I know I’m going to be working at all the visions at once and then some really… I’ll be learning and meeting people to build relationships decades away at any moment… lol… it just doesn’t happen linear at least in my experience. So again.. I have a feeling that it might take five years to get to the expedition… shoot there’s been so much that I’ve changed in the last five years… and where I am now… I can see there is every opportunity to set this up and more… lol… but the fact is… it really doesn’t matter what I think the timing will be… it may be sooner or it may be later… This is a big vision and I am attracting people and people are attracting me… and that in my mind should take some time to align… So I like to plan but it’s very loosely planned… I definitely allow for surprises and unexpected events… it happens to me all the time and I welcome them. Again… going back to the chess game.. I may be able to say the me who is experiencing can look at say five moves ahead… while my higher self… already knew when I was going to put myself into checkmate… and already knew what plays were needed to be played to set myself up… not in a bad way but in a good way… lol… but anyway I also looked into possibly to pitch a tent in the back of the truck bed too. I know I don’t need much but I am kind of curious how it would be like to live a life towards luxury… lol… there are things that I might do from time to time that I would consider luxury items.. like for me buying this IPad and my IPhones were definitely luxury items. There was an adventure I did in the Sacred Valley which was an over-night trip where we rock-climbed up into these mostly clear pods mounted on the side of the mountain where we had a wonderful meal… slept and woke up to the sunrise in the aerial view.. it was really breath-taking and it was so cool to see how they constructed it… that’s what I’d love to do is work on projects were people will show me how to build.. lol… but the next morning we had breakfast and then we zip-lined down to the ground again. It was Skylodge. And actually when I travelled to Italy I thought that was a luxurious step for me too… but anyway… I love to imagine but when I really start to think about it… It’s really just a safe way to say possible desires… I keep distance from it. I don’t want to keep distance from it… but I also know I’m speaking to myself and others maybe listening or reading… whatever… and again I want to make them feel comfortable too. If I say I’m looking for things i want to manifest into my experience… might not be taken as well as let’s imagine the possibilities. When I say let’s imagine… I can see it’s allowing me space or distance to doubt. And if I say that I’m looking for things to manifest in my experience… then I step closer to being honest with my desires… yeah.. makes sense. And again I’m ok if the things I manifest aren’t exactly these things, but my feelings and emotions towards these things are being observed and recorded and I know I’m going to continue experiencing these emotions in whatever form they choose to show itself. Right I’ve looked into doing this before with a sense of lack… and I just feel like I don’t want to have that anymore. Even though I don’t want it doesn’t mean I cannot observe the tendency still fluttering in my mind… and I guess the first thing is to notice it’s there and know that I’m creating a different mindset… When I travel… I want reliable vehicles and I’d like to be comfortable when I’m sleeping and hanging out. I know I can live and deal with less then those requirements, but I don’t have to continue to do that forever. I already know I like to challenge myself… so I know I want to start planning the expedition so I’ll see how to prepare for it. I guess since I really don’t know the options available.. and I also don’t know exactly when… there’s new technology being designed and created.. so maybe trying to plan too soon might not be the best approach. There are already things I know I want to start practicing on now that doesn’t involve material things… increasing my spiritual practices. I keep thinking about the large tent… lol.. and really I’d love to learn how to design and make my own… or collaborate with someone who knows and is familiar with tent design. It might not be what happens… but darn it… that’s how I think… I’d love to learn how to do it… or even learn how to modify so the modifications continue to be quality and safe modifications. That’s why I would like to travel to who knows where… because I love to learn so much and I know I can find people who can teach me… of course we’ll be teaching each other in our own ways… but again… when I’m learning it all connects to different areas. So what am I feeling right now. I feel when I do my roadtrip… That I would like to have the truck… I’d like to have a truck bed camper… and I’d like to get a pocket motorcycle to ride… lol… yes I looked up a beginner’s bike… lol.. now a part of me is like… it’s not going to be that hard to pickup riding a motorcycle… but another part of me… is why don’t I just make it easy for myself for now… especially if I’m traveling in places I’m not familiar with… the easier I can help myself then the better. Once I get the hang of it I can upgrade to a large one. So I found two that I liked as a starter… and again.. I feel I would put a lot of use into them… and I know I’d be able to finde people who would want to use it when I upgrade… lol… or if I upgrade.. I just might like these… lol.. but one is yeah considered a pocket motorcycle I think they called it… it’s the Honda Navi… it only goes up to 50 mph and I don’t know if that’s enough for me… lol.. but I think it should be until I get used to it.. but what does it say: NAVI-GATE YOUR WORLD: Just about everyone who scores a ride on a Honda Navi can’t stop smiling. And it’s easy to see why. We’ve designed the Navi to be easy to ride, with a no-shift automatic CVT transmission. That helps make it easy to learn on too, even if you’ve never ridden a motorcycle before. Then there’s the small overall size and light weight, which makes it way less intimidating. Plus, it offers some pretty awesome fuel efficiency. And finally, because it’s so small it’s easy to park. And speaking of saving money, the Navi is the most affordable Honda streetbike in our entire line! Isn’t it time you started Navi-gating your world?    And the other I thought was a cool options it was actually a scooter but with a motor that would make me have to get a motorcycle license and register it… so similar to the first option but this has two wheels in the front which I think give me more confidence especially on gravel.. where is it… it’s the Piaggio MP3 530 HPE Exclusive… and I think it cruises at around 60-65 mph and could got to upper 70’s… that actually would be more like it… at least I’d feel comfortable driving it on highways. It’s a little larger body too for comfort and there’s a big windshield guard… it’s pretty cool… yeah I didn’t look at every other option, but I did like this… and what does it say: The new MP3 530 HPE Exclusive lives up to its name. The most advanced three-wheeler ever produced by Piaggio, it features a 530-cc Euro 5 High Performance Engine, cruise control, reverse gear, rear camera function and Blind Spot Information System. The definitive mobility solution for urban travel and further afield, it delivers an ideal mix of comfort and performance, making it a breeze to get around town and beyond in safety. An article by Cycle World says many good reviews, but here’s one: The MP3 Resets the Standards: From the start, the MP3 inspired great confidence, even for totally inexperienced riders. Simply put, it radically reset scooter safety standards, opening up the svelte urban commuter class even to chronic soft-seat motorists who would never think of riding anything that needed to be leaned around corners. So as I’m looking at the bikes… I have to think how I’m going to take my little buddy with me… lol… So yes I looked into pet carriers… and I think that scooter would have the more comfortable option for him. But I also like having possibly a sling for him too… I don’t know…. I feel like I’ve been wanting to design and sew a carrier for him too… I was trying to see if I can find a carrier that mounts easily onto a bike but then converts into a backpack when we’ve reached the destination… and since I have a smaller animal… why don’t we make it airline compliant too… lol.. I’m thinking the sling just because I think if i can get him closer to me with the noise going one it would help him get used to it. But I think I would switch up the sling too… I love the whole wrap around close to my chest… where did I see that the one I was looking at seemed like a man bought it or even designed it for his dog who was very anxious… it’s similar to what we see carrying a baby around… but with a cat? With my cat… lol… I’d like to add a few extras… first of all some type of scratch barrier between my skin and the wrap… lol… his claws automatically go out when I pick him up to place him into whatever carrier I have.. and I also like the bags I’ve had that has the extra security of a small leash connected to him… anyway there’s a few slings that I saw… and I’d like to combine them… lol… I think they were Amazon.com .. here’s a Yudodo option and then here’s the wrap option.. here’s the Pet K’tan version. Oh I almost forgot… there is a way to mount the bike to the hitch of the truck… now I’m not sure it can work with the style of the truck bed camper I’m leaning towards, but I watched a video of the guy who started this company… and I liked his attitude and I know he’d be able to make it work with the options he has… I’d probably just need to reach out and make sure the style I think will work will actually work… but let’s see I remember his name was Joe… here’s the one that might work for that scooter… ohh… I don’t know if he’d have one for the scooter actually, but I’d definitely pay extra to get one that would work… lol… I’d even love to go to his shop and watch or learn… lol.. I can say that to about everyone… lol… ok where is he… welp it’s Joehauler.com and he does Custom Haulers, perfect! Lol… I was just thinking if I could use this as something to tangle in front of my dad… lol.. I think he would enjoy having one… but I’d have to give him the chance to clear out the garage first… lol.. because I think he’d want to store it in the garage especially during the winter… he’d need to have space for it… lol… while I get ready for the driving test he can learn too.. lol… I could see him loving the… plus he couldn’t be such a speedster on the road at times… lol… well we’ll see. So I do think about technology as well… I know when I was thinking of the expedition I was going into satélite options and even maritime options.. many options for communication and possible access to internet while we’re traveling… I thought of maybe trying some of these out now, but I don’t really think it’s time.. lol.. I think I really need to get out there and talk to people and see what they know. Shoot I don’t stop and hesitate to ask people what they’re interested in… if it’s something I’m not familiar with I usually try to ask questions to get a better idea… and if I think it connects to this or that… I’ll ask… so I usually find interesting conversation to say the least… lol… but yeah I was gettin into the tendency I was getting to when I first was thinking about the expedition and i was getting overwhelmed… trying to figure it all out at one time and before I really knew anything… I was guessing with everything and trying to find all the options to check out.. it’s best to run into people who are more experienced. I had thought about emailing professional expeditioners… lol.. I just thought it might be too soon and most of the time I would be saying I’m not sure but maybe this or that… lol… maybe if they were friends I could get a way with that but even then… it doesn’t normally work…lol. But yeah I’m feeling so much better… I was going through a lot earlier and yesterday trying to think of everything that I was thinking about before.. but there was probably a very good reason why I threw all of that into recycling… all the things I was writing in isolation when I first arrived in my personal journaling… I didn’t keep it… I wanted to purge and I wanted to start fresh as I could and for some reason… I didn’t want to keep that journal… and man I was obsessed with it for at least a month… like how I once got… not eating and sleeping… lol… but I guess I’m learning to relax a little more too… I get so excited that I just want to go, go, go… lol… but I see the value of just taking my time and allowing time to help give me clarity before jumping the gun. I’m sure there’s a balance that I’m trying to find… I know I don’t want to wait forever and then I get too comfortable to not make any changes. There’s a balance I’m learning. So yeah I don’t think I have to worry about testing out those types of communications quite yet… but there’s some goodies that I’d like to start gaining experience with. This is funny because i say that the people who I meeting currently, they see who I am.. like say the people I know in Colorado.. specially when I speaking of my approaches to spirituality… they think I’m a saint.. lol.. not really but my behavior and thought is different to what they’re used to, but I find I have to convince them that I haven’t always been this way.. lol.. again if I’m talking about ceremony with them and they’re interested… I deal with all types but some who are say addicted to drinking or recreationally doing drugs… or any issues they think I wouldn’t understand where they are and I have to tell them all the things I’ve been saying here… I did shit… I was living unconsciously too, but I decided to make changes. But say I’m speaking to people I’ve known all my life.. they see me as who I was before… and again I feel like I have to convince them that I’ve changed… lol… so it just reminded me when I say I usually want to go, go, go… people who are reading this will know that I’ve been in isolation for so long that they might feel… what do you mean you go, go, go… you haven’t been doing anything for a long time now… lol… I can only say I’m changing… and it seems its only a few months it takes me to realize the changes instead of taking years… and i feel that’s a good thing… lol.. But I consider myself a creative and artist… and when I was in school I had access to many materials, tools, and programs and I really caught on quickly, but when I stopped going… I was limited in my involvement with the abundance of tools to continue learning in those areas… I’d like to get a chance to dive into them again… I loved computer aided drafting and also art… I haven’t been in that world for decades now.. so a lot has changed, but I still think if I can put myself into the position to have access… I’d find my way again, but I think I would like to start off with a decent computer setup and get some programs to dive deeper into creativity in art.. such as computer design and even musical programs and video editing… things of this kind. i want to work on my drawing faster… i feel this is going to be helpful for me in receiving clues… lol… i know this doesn’t involve computers… but I wrote some of the messages i was getting in the time before sleep and when I was seeing visions… I got the idea that it would be helpful to develop this skill.. not only because of the people I was seeing, but possibly during the expedition too. I was wondering how I would know where to go… when I go the message about the excavation… I was given an area I knew… so I didn’t have to draw it out.. I know where to go… but if I’m exploring terrain I don’t know… I was wondering how would I be guided… I thought possibly I could be getting visions of the terrain, and since I don’t know where it is… if I can draw it out clearly then they would give guidance. I thought I’d probably need a drone to be able to fly a good distance away from the camp… or even go on scouting trips with the drone to see if it can see these locations and then while scouting can get a better idea how to move the camp closer to the location. I don’t know it’s a thought… and so I know that I can at least start practicing this skill and I’d always wanted a drone… I love photography and videos and I think it would be cool to learn how to use a drone… I wouldn’t just use it for the expedition.. but as I travel. I even said if I hired myself what would i do… well I wanted people I work with to record themselves… well I’d like to do the same thing. Similar to what I’m doing now… but using video footage and who knows what else… but I’d like to find a pretty heavy duty drone to be tough enough for the changing weather conditions I can assume will be in the mountains. I’d like some video editing programs… again maybe meet someone who can teach me… so maybe not get the program fist.. talk to someone and have them recommend… i don’t know… but something like that. I want to work on music… I’ve really been interested in exploring more on learning different types of instruments. I know I’ve been trying to build confidence in my singing… I sing Icaros in ceremony and I knew I needed to gain more confidence, but… lol… I feel when I’m in ceremony it just comes out of me anyway… lol… it’s obvious to me that I’m still searching for styles to resonate with… I’m sure I’ve already mentioned it before but I can go from an opera singer, to a beat boxer tribal chanter… lol… but I think I can continue to build confidence. I think that’s why I’m drawn to musical instruments too… I know some of the people I work with are already musically inclined… in fact I’d suggest to them to bring their instruments of choice when they join me in Aya ceremonies… I’d love to see if they’re drawn to using them… I’ve already seen people try to sing in their own attempts… it’s really exciting and interesting to me. Again I’ve worked with a shaman who had so many unusual instruments and it was awesome to have that in ceremony… but I’ve also been with shamans who think that instruments shouldn’t be involved with ceremony only voice… but I know I’m drawn to the Sa’sa… using the body as an instrument… so I have nothing against instruments and voice together… and I know a few people who know how to make their own instruments of choice… and yet again… I’d love to learn and maybe that’s how I’ll get some of my instruments… my making them… how sweet that would be. I’m not sure how people view hearing singing Icaros in ceremonies… I know I wasn’t expecting it as part of the process of ceremony, but I didn’t have any background in it. But that does remind me of the sedition in the yoga manual that I wanted to touch base in… ways to show Bhakti… and they gave some good examples… hmmm… yeah maybe I’ll go into that for a little bit… there’s something going on with my internet.. I know I can hear the wind being aggressive outside… so I’m going to copy and paste everything real quick so hopefully I don’t loose my progress so far. Ok… and it looks like I wasn’t logged into my dad’s WiFi.. so now it should be stronger. Ok… the manual… So I’ll start by referencing the book again, “A Systematic Course in the Ancient Tantric Techniques of Yoga and Kriya” by Swami Satyananda Saraswati. Let’s begin: “Bhakti and Music: Thoughts are the language of the mind. But music is the language of the heart. Wherever there is Bhakti there must also be music. They are inseparable. There is no more exhilarating way of expressing Bhakti than through music. Music implies rhythm and harmony. And in this sense everything in the universe can be considered to be music… You should try, or at least aspire, to conduct your life as though it is a perfect piece of music… For a bhakta life should be a continuous symphony whether he is high or low, whether he is working or sleeping, whether he is happy or angry. All the ups and downs of life are mere ripples on the river or ocean of bliss… And in fact vast numbers of bhakta have expressed this inner bliss with their internal singing and music…. But for the bhakta, music does not only mean music or singing - it means the whole flow of life. Life is one continuous song. There is an inner music of the heart which is functioning ceaselessly, no matter what the outside events… This inner music should guide your life. It should decide your actions. But it can only come when you are receptive, when your mind and heart become sufficiently tuned… This inner music is the music of knowledge, the music of bliss. People of modern times have been seduced into always being in the audience… This is a great pity, for the most enjoyable part of life is participation. It is the same with music - people tend to listen rather than take part. And in this way the exhilarating experience of involvement is lost… generates an upsurge of group feeling. It is wonderful for removing stress and inducing relaxation. It helps to purify the mind and gives an outlet to emotions. It helps to unfold Bhakti. One’s feelings (bhava) are heightened. This leads to heightened bhava on a more permanent basis. Devotional music is powerful (509).” ”Expressions of Bhakti: What does a bhakta do? Many people think that Bhakti has to be expressed by wild singing or emotional prayers or utterances. And indeed this can be the case; many great bhakta have sung the most beautiful poems in order to express their joy, devotion and realization. Others have been famous for their joyful dancing. The Sufi dervishes are good examples. Every movement, every action is an expression of bliss and devotion. But this is not necessarily so. Many great bhakta were less dramatic. They continued to live their lives in a state of calmness. Each action and each thought however is permeated with awareness of the divine… He looks into the mirror of the world and sees the image of himself. Actions become perfect… Bhakti need not necessarily be associated with wild, abandoned singing. It can be felt in many people without obvious outward expression. It depends on the dharma or personality of the bhakta… Actually, every saint, yogi, tantric or sage is a bhakta… They must be bhakta, for the knowledge, the realization that they have in higher states of awareness must automatically lead to Bhakti… In the Srimad Bhagavatam it says: ‘… the devotee loses all sense of etiquette. He moves around the world without attachment. He always chants the name and his heart melts through love. he is like someone possessed, sometimes laughing wildly, sometimes weeping; and then he sings aloud and dances…’(2:2). This description of the expressions and actions of bhakta is as good as any. But a bhakta need not conform to this pattern. He will express himself according to the dictates of his personality, dharma and the given situation (504-505).” “The methods of unfolding Bhakti: There are many methods which the aspirant will find out for himself through his own experiences. In the Srimad Bhagavatam nine modes of unfolding Bhakti are given as follows: 1. Shravanam (hearing stories about the divine incarnations such as Rama, Krishna, Christ, Buddha and so forth). 2. Kirtanam (chanting the names of divinity). 3. Smaranam (continual remembrance of divinity in any form). 4. Padasevanam (service of the guru or service done in the name of the divine). 5. Archanam (ritualistic worship and offerings). 6. Vandanam (mental worship of everyone and everything as being the form of divinity). 7. Dasyam (the feeling of being the servant of the divine). 8. Sakhyam (the attitude of friendship… He treats the supreme as a close friend who is always in his company). 9. Atma nivedanam (total surrender… This leads to perfect union where the lover, loving and the loved become one)… A few important aspects of unfolding Bhakti are not clearly indicated in the list. Meeting great yogis and saints is an important way of intensifying Bhakti… Also important is constant reflection on one’s nature and study of the scriptures. This is called swadhyaya (505).” This again.. just help confirm to me… that I’ve been discovering how I awakened my bhakti and why I want to develop into a bhakta. Alright… I think this is a good time to take a break.

@Breakingthewall get what you guys are saying but the point is that the sun (awareness) shines regardless of the state. There can be 1 cloud let's call that Bliss, sun still there , there can 100, depression, but the sun is still there. So the sun, awareness, YOU is always the case , the clouds come and go

Yeah, couldn't agree more. It's going to sound cliche but I feel like there is something more pure about gaining insights and wisdom and consciousness sober. Totally on your own. I've heard a teacher once say that these substances have their own consciousness and we don't fully understand them or why they show us these things. Sounds a bit paranoid but I've had experiences with plants that felt downright malicious as well as God like and beautiful. I still plan to use them. I think they can be beautiful and revel things that I'm not seeing as well as re spark love for this work. But see it as more like watching a cool movie or something. Not seriously using it or depending on it for consciousness work. These days i just say to myself life is the psychedelic and there is no reason God would make it impossible to become conscious of things sober and through hard work. My meditations these days are pure Bliss. Heaven. I'm 7 years in and have clocked in 5-6K hours. Leo is a genius though and I doubt he is wrong. He has obviously thought and contemplated extensively on this material, i try to not rule anything out. But dismissing meditation like he does is kinda lame and close minded.

7 hours ago, FlyingMan said: As long as you want to learn FROM him, he's your best friend. But criticize him, or point out his self-deception, and you're the asshole. I think it's pretty damn obvious though. I have a similiar feeling as Moksha. There are a lot of teachings in the spiritual marketplace that declare halfway up the mountain as the peak (a lot of Buddhism also, I would estimate a much larger share than 90%), and he had to distance himself against these teachings. Like with the no-person/no-self stuff (and even Nonduality is often misunderstood, and can be achieved way before final realization) that doesn't go all the way. Its tricky trick business, and putting the finer points in language is a daunting taks, since the state/stage descriptions are often used differently. So lets see if he can translate his realizations and awakenings into a stable basis. I hope he gets stable access to the bliss&love of his True Core. He would more than deserve it. And lets hope the movies they will once make about the first really serious psychonauts and the first encounters with non-human alien intelligences (fascinating book on that with some working hypothesis on these topics, like DMT-IV: Reality Switch Technologies: Psychedelics as Tools for the Discovery and Exploration of New Worlds, Gallimore) will include a happy ending, at least when it comes to Leo. Water by the River

Psychedelics are awesome when done together with meditation. I believe that efficient meditation systems (like for example Pointing Out the Great Way, Brown), explained in an efficient way, plus Psychedelics (but with coaching from somebody who has walked the path to the end and knows the traps) is the future. Where there is potential, there are (as ususal) also risks and traps. Let's look at Wilbers perspective on the risks and downsides: Main Points from Wilber: The downside comes with people that only use psychedelics or drugs and I found that over the years they just become mean. That somehow it just kind of closes them down it's like you keep doing it and you keep doing it you keep doing it doesn't quite cause the transformation. It can cause a peak experience but generally not a transformative experience and some people like David data will say that you know for altered changes of state to contribute to transformation permanent transformation it has to be basically in endogenous and not exogenous it has to be has your own. See my Endohuasca-Theory and Links to it above. The people that do use both and use it as a sacrament I think an enormous bit out of it. My personal opinion: When you think that the meditation path to make it permanent is not doable for you (for whatever excuse, like genetics) , or seems to unpleasant, maybe you use an inefficient meditation system. Try the one a mentioned above (Pointing Out the Great Way, Brown). I get no roalties or kick-back-paymanents by the way, just love the method/system Agreed, most meditation system on the market have an abysmal "success" rate of Enlightened Ones. But there are some really good ones also. And non of these efficient systems have used Psychedelics + good coaching on top. That is where I believe is the future. Exploring the Multiverse is all nice and important and a wonderful pioneering effort. But as soon as you draw your love/happiness out of the sublime beautiful experiences/understandings, you are playing the same samsaric game of every unenlightened sentient being chasing good emotions to avoid suffering, the usual merry-go-round-cycle. But on a very high level, with quite a show . When psychedelics boost the narcissm/grandiosity of the separate self, well: Best regards from Maya, she just loves you too much to let you go... If you can be "gaslit" on any realization from psychedelics and need to put your foot down: Well, probably the realization of your True Identity (Reality itself) is a bit shaky, or a bit preliminary. The Real Thing can't be shaken. Because You are It, like in "never can not be It". And if you dragged home an alien from I don't know where, and feel like you have become the special-alien-of the day, maybe check if you have received a very seductive love-letter from Maya herself, and consider ordering the Men in Black for the Alien, together with their Flashthing/Neuralyzer that can make you forget: https://meninblack.fandom.com/wiki/Neuralyzer And maybe that Neuralyzer makes you full empty, makes you get rid of the last filters of the separate self, which are just a very very empty, already nondual/mere appearance "feeling" of individuality, a vastly intelligent, potentially "alien" nondual nothing, understanding a lot of the mechanisms of God and the Universe, but still a nothing with the last filter attached to it: Individuality-Arisings (in Wilbers wording, the Transparent Witness, see Religion of the Future), "seeing/looking at" a vast mere appearance Multiverse hovering in Nothingness. So not fully empty yet. And that is the "last few percentage clouds" blocking stable realization, or the sudden Full Enlightenment. Because if the last filters/elements of the separate self go, you can sustain the realization/bliss sobre in daily life.... . Because, if you understood/got rid of all separate self filters IN the psychedelic state, why shouldn't you be able to keep that Realization in daily life? The world gets a shimmering lucid hologram like imagined appearance-illusion-show when you have engaged your Endohuasca-System, which is done with getting rid off these last separate-self elements, see my previous post. At least my experience, and that of countless others in the history of mankind. Why should exactly the Psychedelic-Aficionado not be able to do that? No Endohuasca-system? Well, the receptors in the body seem to be working just fine... Or maybe a different Buddha-Nature? Sorry, just kidding... And if there is no Neuralyzer around, maybe try an efficient meditation system, get to the last stages of Nonmeditation-Yoga (spontaneous automized meditation without a doer still active) And after having used the Neuralyzer or an efficient meditation system, after having looked deeply into the Empty Abyss of your own True Nature/Nothingness, when you are really everything because you are really totally Nothingness (with no 5% clouds remaining), maybe then go hunt for the alien again. But this time, not for getting the love and sweetness of Understanding-experiences or whatever to break the cycle of suffering, but to express the bliss and love of your True Nature that you have then 24/7 going on from your own core. And if one feels gaslit about what I have just written, see the point above: "If you can be "gaslit" on any realization from psychedelics and need to put your foot down: Well, probably the realization of your True Identity (Reality itself) is a bit shaky, or a bit preliminary. The Real Thing can't be shaken. Because You are It, like in never can not be It." And if in doubt: Call these gentlemen, let them take care of the Aliens, look at the Neuralyzer/Flashthing, and get fully empty. But still, the Psychedelic pioneers, facing the unknowns of the Multiverse, exploring Alien intelligences, some even catching an Alien beast or two and dragging them home, going alone boldly to where no one has gone before, facing dangers that nobody else faced before... If there is some material for the movies of the future looking back to our time, where if not there is the true hero's journey to be found... I just hope that they get back from the trips, integrate their experience, get their mindstream awakened all the time, and live happily realized ever after, radiating the love of their own True Being, and maybe even getting the roalties from the upcoming movies of the Psychedelic Heros Journey based on their biography! Bon voyage! In the meantime, It’s for sure one of the most interesting shows on this planet to be seen. At least, it for sure has my attention! Respectfully Yours & mind the possibility of the Bear Manoeuvre in the signature-link below Selling Water by the River

Beautiful post, agree on all of that. Enlightenment is both a state (Understanding/Realization and certain energetic nondual/mere groundless appearance state) but also a waking up/removing the clouds to the Reality/True Self/Enlightenment that is always here, that is Absolute Reality itself, and when called Buddha Nature the core of each sentient being, and knowing that to have always been the case. Like with many pointers to the Absolute, the pointers highlight only one side of the coin, like Advaita True Self/Absolute Consciousness (positive definition), and Buddhist Madhyamaka Emptiness (negative definition). And in Absolute Reality, these paradoxes collapse, since they all point to the same Reality/"thing/referent". Absolute Reality contains the pointers. Once realized, there is no paradox or contradiction left, it makes fully sense and couldn't be any different. It doesn't stay paradoxical. I also believe (but I can't proove it) there is a kind of "Endohuasca-System", that when one is (1) proficient enough with the separate self arisings (like knowing them, even the most subtle ones, like a separate self feeling/sensation/localization/concept/... ), and (2) is fast enough in spotting them/cutting them off (since they arise much much faster than normal thinking, like maybe 20-30 arisings of separate self sensations per second, while thinking "against" these arisings brings maybe maximum 1-3 thoughts elaborated per second, if at all). that explains why you can't "think" your way to shutting off the separate self, thinking is just too slow. It has to be automized, Nonmeditation Yoga-style of the Mahamudra-System. Spotting them when you know their nature as Emptiness/Consciousness/Suchness immedeately cuts them off, at least with some proficiency in the Skill of Reckognition of the Mahamudra-System (see Pointing Out the Great Way, Brown). funny thing is: When one tries to do that, the emerging of thoughts frequency gets much faster. Like a protection-mechanism of the Illusion/Maya. When I learned to finally be fast enough and got faster than this increased speed of thought-emergence, and didn't get distracted or "captured" anymore by the high-speed-emergence-flow of thoughts, the following happened: (1) and (2) trigger some kind of "Endohuasca-System" in the body, which removes the solidity of the visual field, makes it increasingly luminous/hologram/mere appearance/groundess floating in Infinite Nothingness, like Psychedelics do. And it also bring a lot of bliss. https://dmtquest.org/endohuasca-magic/ That was at least my experience: first major parts of the separate self Gestalt Structure/emerging thoughts go, then the visual field/world becomes nondual/luminous/mere appearance hovering in Infinite Nothingness and with that as a basis, more and more subtle separate self elements/clouds go and all of that in a funny merry-go-around (meditation experience/state -> Realization/Understanding -> Deeper meditation experience/Luminosity/... -> Deeper Realization/Understanding of more subtle separate self element, ....) , like a positive feedback-loop, slowly burning away the clouds. Which can sound maybe harsh or bad or unpleasant, but it is exactly the opposite. Somewhere along the path it was learned that these separate-self arisings are to a large part all the unpleasant stuff, suffering, dissatisfaction,... , and that evaporated as well. And while resting in a very mindful, empty state, when the mind-stream starts getting nondual (and even before that), I learned that I can produce my own good emotions/states, like directly getting the bliss from within. That disabled then slowly all the separate self arisings that didn't feel well. So actually a lovely process, best thing that has ever happened to me. In the beginning, its difficult, but at some point it becomes quite pleasant and continues by itself. Pushing the rock over the mountain-pass, and then it rolls downhill without effort. Please excuse the length of my musings. Selling Water by the River

I totally get that. I haven't been able to generate such constant bliss but that totally happens to me lately that I do a very powerful practice, it leaves the rest of the day just "buzzed" out and I procrastinate work because one just feels SO GOOD doing nothing/feeling the breeze...etc.

Bro, you should've sayed this from the start. Now i understand what you're trying to say. But the truth is, there are states of consciouness where there is zero love and zero hate or fear, zero emotion of any kind, zero bliss, zero joy, zero peace, zero quality of any kind, zero empathy, zero passion, zero desire, zero care, zero worry, zero interest in the world, zero involvement, , zero concern, zero regard for life or death, zero sense of time, just total absorbtion into nothingness. And ramana was quite famous of his absorbtions into this state. A being who abides in this state need not necessarily be full of passion and compassion to save the world. That's what bodhisatvas do. Some just dissolve into void and vanish without any care about others lol. Ramana just happened to have some compassion as well. So... im not sure where im going with this myself now.

Alright… it was a good gathering… got to see family I hadn’t seen in awhile but I couldn’t believe we didn’t actually play euchre… lol… the old folks and I wanted to play but there wasn’t enough people who wanted to join… lol the other old folks wanted to go home and everyone else was wanting to play a different game…lol.. it’s all good… I spoke to some spouses that I usually don’t converse with much which was a change and it was good. I came back and I tackled my emails… lol… i took the 10,000 to nil… woohoo! It’s satisfying knowing that it’s been cleared out. I still want to go back in and check what I kept to see if I can get rid of more things.. and I know I have my google drives I want to go through too… I have so many pictures and most are repetitive so I know I can reduce it down… lol… alright… so let’s get back to the Bhakti yoga, yeah? Let me see where I left off… ok I guess it was talking about meditative states… I think it would be good to jump to the manuals words about meditation to try to have the same language in this context. “The aim of meditation practices is to induce the spontaneous state of meditation. It is impossible to teach meditation, no matter what many people say. If a person tells you that he will teach you meditation then he is not being strictly truthful. Through it is probably no more than a play of words, the only thing that anyone can teach is a method that will lead you to the experience of meditation. Remember this important point: meditation is unteachable by the very fact that it is beyond words. Because meditation is impossible to define in concrete terms, its meaning is widely abused and misunderstood. Many people sit down, close their eyes for some time and consider that they have meditated. Well, maybe they have- who are we to say otherwise? But generally it is the case that one broods over problems and thinks of external happenings while in the so-called state of meditation. This is definitely not meditation. Though the eyes may be closed, there is no introspection if the mind is thinking about the outside world… or many other distractions. This is merely living in the outside world with one’s eyes closed… Meditation is beyond the inner or outer interaction with the world. The state of experience of meditation is not only confined to those people who sit in a quiet place with their eyes closed and perform various practices to induce meditation. This is merely one method of meditationg and is called raja yoga. It is also possible to be in a state of meditation while performing everyday duties. This is more in line with the practices of karma yoga and Bhakti yoga. A person can perform the most trivial actions and yet simultaneously be in the highest stages of exultation (196)…In other words, we can continue to concern ourselves only with the external world to the exclusion of our inner being, or else we can realize our inner potential while still expressing ourselves in the outer environment. This is the choice. The first choice leads to chaos and unhappiness as is prevalent in the world today. The alternative leads to knowledge, happiness, and a harmonious interaction not only with yourself but with others. Furthermore, the first choice has limitations in its scope, whereas the second offers infinite possibilities, for it leads into new and higher planes of existence, new planes of consciousness, and to indescribable states of happiness. The second choice is the spiritual path. It does not lead to abandonment of the external world. On the contrary, it leads to even more growth, enjoyment and accomplishment in day to day activities. … It is not something new or recently discovered. It is not a path that has been taught and practiced by a few deluded people with their ‘heads in the clouds’. On the contrary they were very practical people. They were the saints, prophets, mystics, sages and yogis who have existed in all places, eras and in all societies. They all knew that the path each of us must tread lies in awakening our inner potential… It is possible for everyone to learn from their experiences and from the knowledge that they tried to pass on to other people. Infinite dormant potential exists within each of us. It is there waiting only to be discovered. To find it, however, we must plunge into our inner being. In a sense we must be like an explorer; but instead of exploring outer unknown territories we have to discover the inner uncharted environment….It is the same with meditation. We cannot tell you the wonderful experiences that you will have on your inner journey; only that you will surely have them (197)… The aim of meditation is to dive deeper into this substratum so that we can intimately contact and be aware of its potential. When we do so, it seems to whisper to us subtle answers to the seemingly unsolvable riddles of the universe. This is perhaps why we can experience intuitive flashes; it is a time when we contact the basic substratum of existence. In psychological terms we could say that it is a time when we connect our awareness with the collective unconscious. With ink this storehouse is contained all the knowledge that we’ve has been and ever will be…. We have the gift, though rarely used, to look behind the scenes. We have the potential to look behind the curtain of maya (usually translated as illusion, but better translated as misperception or misunderstanding of reality),. Each of us is able to transcend our physical limitations and experience knowledge, bliss and timelessness, where beginning and end have no meaning and where there is no past, present or future. This is the aim of meditation: to dissolve into the underlying essence of all things (221)… The collective unconscious: …It is a realm of unimaginable and immeasurable depth that contains the information and activities of our ancestral past… In short, it is an infinite blueprint of the inner and outer cosmos…. Further, there is an increasing tendency to understand that the collective unconscious (cosmic mind) not only contains the blueprint of the past but also the blueprint of the future. Thus, each of us has the potential not only to be aware of our ancestral past, but of the future, of things to come. We don’t ask you to believe this, but this easily explains the widely experienced phenomena of prophecy. A person who tells future events is merely a person who manages to be aware of this particular part of the collective unconscious (223)… There are different types of knowledge. The knowledge that most of us have is rational knowledge, derived from the logical region of the mind. We nearly always act from this part of the mind and assume that the highest and only form of knowledge is rational. In fact, intellectual knowledge is almost worshipped by people throughout the world, yet it is only relative knowledge derived from a limited number of facts and figures. From this we deduce theories, concepts and other ideas (225)… There is another form of knowledge that arises in the form of a feeling or an emotional response. We occasionally feel that something is true. It is not tangible in a mental sense but is a vague sense of knowing something. This is very often mistaken from intuitive knowledge. The next type of knowledge is called transcendental knowledge, which is attained in states of meditation. It is known in the form of intuition or illumination. The difference in this type of knowledge is that it comes from a totality of a situation… In a sense it is like rational knowledge, but instead of a few facts, all the information is there to be used. This intuitive form of knowledge apprehends the totality of a situation; it sees the whole picture, nothing is missing. This comes from the super conscious realms of the mind during states of meditation. Rational knowledge is ofter warped by personal preferences and prejudices. Intuitive knowledge is independent of all personal traits and projections (226)… The Illuminated mind: This is often known as the realm of superconsciousness or of genius. It is from this part of the mind that we receive intuitive flashes or inspirations. Without this region the great artists would not have been able to create their masterpieces nor scientists to receive insight into the phenomena of the universe. It is from here that the great saints and yogis gain their revelations, deeper knowledge, bliss and trascendental experiences. Very few people are aware of this part of the mind… The superconscious realm is that part of the collective unconscious from which we get our most sublime illuminations. The rest of the collective unconscious contains the accumulated experience of existence: that which is beautiful and that which is ugly, that which seems relevant and that which seems irrelevant to our lives… for the collective unconscious is really neutral in its nature… it is the voice of the universe without personal preferences…The reader should be careful not to assume that the collective unconscious and the superconscious aspects of the mind are fenced in and situated in a certain location. It is in a sense everywhere, under, above, within and without; it transcends the individualized mind (223)… Most of us spend our lives totally extroverted failing to realize that an ocean of bliss and knowledge exists within each of us, merely waiting to be discovered. It is always there and we are always in contact with these deeper aspects, but we don’t know it. Our level of awareness is insufficient.” So… this is where I’m grateful that in my journey I was curious enough to try different methods. I have practiced methods of meditations and I realized many things about my mind and body and breath. I guess I can say I started with the raja yoga style of sitting with my eyes closed… It was apparent that my mind could focus on my breath or even sound at first… lol… and then I could observe my mind starting to think of random thoughts and I could begin to just observe, but then my observation got absorbed in thoughts and I lost track of my breath and of sounds… it was a little startling to see that happening and occurring. Since I was practicing I could notice when that happened when I was in activity as well… I noticed in some techniques were I didn’t want to move a muscle… and how long and challenging that was… lol… I’d do really well and then when I dropped my focus for a moment I’d twitch or itch… lol… I used to live with a dog… I think I’ve mentioned it, but not moving even though he was propped on my chest licking my face… that was a challenge… pretty much a challenge to just accept and let it continue which I did for a while but then normally I’d break out laughing. But I did practice and so I did find things I wasn’t aware of that I thought was helpful… especially because I was translating it while I was active as well as inactive. But honestly, it was in ceremony with Aya that I really experienced meditation. The meditation that cannot be explained. At first I could compare it to the practices I was doing in the yogic sense. But it went far beyond those practices. It was occurring spontaneously… this idea spontaneity is clicking with me right now. For some reason… in these psychedelic states for me… insights and downloads are spontaneous. I don’t go in with a predeterminación. This surrender approach and not knowing really helped to guide me deeper and I didn’t know what I was doing I was just intuitively drawn to work in the manner. Because that’s the manner that works for me… so I’m not saying this is the approach or method for everyone. But I do feel psychedelics is a valid method for spirituality. It’s an easier method to connect with the collective unconscious and the superconsciousness. Yes this approach is not structured like yogic practices… its normally a gradual approach to cleanse and reprogram the mind, but why is it not accepted to gain these higher states which in turn encourages us to cleanse and reprogram during the hightend peaks of awareness or even after… We can see how society has conditioned us… just like myself… I wanted to work towards enlightenment but I was also very skeptical that it exists or that I could do it. Once I went into ceremony… I knew I was involved and experiencing something far beyond my imagination and it inspired me so much more and deeper than any other spiritual practices that I have entertained in my life. I’m not sure what the difference is when someone is excited about their method of spirituality is helping them find truth to not want to share it with the collective. Not forcing… but allowing people to know there are options out there. I didn’t know I was on a spiritual path… but I was already doing the work and I didn’t have any definitions to what I was doing… I was just doing things that I knew was making me happier. Again I went through shit when I was growing up and I saw I was reacting in ways I didn’t feel was right and so I had to look into myself to figure out how it wasn’t going to affect my happiness. The thing is… many of the people I work in ceremony with that I feel have really been doing the internal work are the people who don’t know about spirituality really. They don’t’ have vocabulary and references.. I guess because that’s how I was. But I definitely have had ceremonies with people who say they are “spiritual” and when we go into ceremony they are resistant and fearful… to me… I’m wondering what kind of spiritual work have you been focusing on… lol… I even mention how fear and resistance isn’t a good combination to enter into a ceremony… lol… sometimes we cannot help but having them before we go in… but to be experiencing it the whole ceremony… let’s just say I don’t take peoples words for granted anymore. I can listen and be respectful but I know I’ll know the truth when we share ceremony together… we can’t hide much in there… or it just doesn’t really happen.. I really love it when I’m in ceremony and I’m not actually drawn to assisting them in any way… lol… to me they have their own authority and relationship with their inner world that they are ready to continue to guide themselves. I’ve been ceremonies where I have to try to hid my help too… lol… they would be offended to get help… and so I’ve been able to send my help nonchalantly and casually and subtly. One thing I wanted to point out as well that I find in some psychonoauts or maybe spiritualists is the fact they want to disengage with the physical reality. I cannot relate to that mentality at least not yet I guess… I can see me gaining this eventually… but that’s after I really explore what this physical reality has to offer. Once we start realizing how powerful and amazing we are… how can that not translate to the physical as well. It said something like the spiritual path doesn’t lead to abandonment of the physical reality on the contrary… we gain so much more with the engagement.. I’m not sure if that’s a sign for me to watch out for when I talk to the “spiritual” people I come across that has an abundance of vocabulary that sounds like they know what they are talking about. I don’t know I cannot help myself from hearing certain I guess buzz topics and see how people respond or communicate them.. helps me see what they’re been able to experience compared to what they’re theorizing. Right… once we’ve had experiences and gained knowledge through the experiences… it’s easier to find them in others or more often what’s not been found in others. I guess I’ve been looking for these tell-tell signs because I’m a bit choosy with my energy right now… lol.. I don’t think that will be the case always or maybe it will… but if I can start seeing signs that tells me that they are not compatible with me in ceremony than I can wait for another time with. Actually I’ve been thinking about this for awhile now… It’s still really hard for me to be selective… lol… it’s hard to see that I have sensitivities right now that is wanting me to limit my involvement… but i know I wasn’t being selective and I saw how much I was ignoring my own health and energy. I just keep thinking if I’m swinging the pendulum too far maybe. I’m getting the experiences of being aware when I’m getting too tired and I need to rest or take a break. I just know if I have to tell people I need my time and space to myself right now… it’s easier to say it to a few people instead of the many… lol… I’m stilling saying this and these are too close friends and family… I don’t want to be doing this… but I feel like it’s what I need right now. And that’s just it… I know the state I’m in will not be forever… I want to get out there and see who and what I run into… I just know I’m more aware of my wellness more to make sure that’s a priority. So i know I won’t be falling into the same routine… and that’s were I just have to trust myself enough that I’m embodying the knowledge I’m conscious of. And it’s’ not like I won’t get tested… so see how much I’m integrating… but again… I’m trying not to hold anything in right now. I want to purge as much as I can. I guess I can go back into the Bhakti yoga for awhile too… there’s still some good stuff I wanted to address as I was reading. “If you naturally feel some kind of Bhakti, no matter how small, then you are well on the way to cleaning out the mind of conflicts and phobias etc. You should follow the path of Bhakti, for this is the means to calm he fluctuating mind, remove mental problems and make it more one-pointed. You will transmute a cloudy, murky personality into one that is as clear and sparkling as a crystal… Everything that you are thinking now is incorrect and in time all your misconceptions and fears will disappear… Bhakti purifies the mind (500)…. This is indeed the process that each bhakta and in fact any person on the spiritual path must go through. The whole body and mind must be transformed and purified… Most of this mental debris is usually unrecognized. It is only when one becomes more sensitive and aware that these mental aberrations and impurities are seen. At this point they can be slowly whittled away. Without removing the mental disturbances it is not possible to become consumed with expanded awareness… This process of purging the mind is not constant, but rather it fluctuates. One experiences peak periods of awareness and of Bhakti, after which one is again subjected to purging… This drop back into a state of anguish and mental disturbance is absolutely necessary, so that the aspirant can be further purified. More and more mental dross of a subtle nature is purged in the course of time. One feels more and more Bhakti… The aim of Bhakti yoga is to channel all one’s desires, ambitions, all one’s emotional responses into the feeling of Bhakti. This will eradicate the fluctuations of the mind and induce one-pointedness…the fit receiver for the grace of illumination and bliss. But first of all the heart and the mind should flow in one direction. Bhakti transforms, transmutes one’s individual being from the gross to the more refined. It changes tramas (inertia and ignorance) into rajas (intense activity). Then it changes this rajas into sattwa, the purified state of calmness and receptivity. One becomes progressively sensitive in perception and feelings. In fact the state of sattwa is closely associated with Bhakti. Shankaracharya points out: ‘the characteristics of pure sattwa are cheerfulness, realization of one’s self, peace, contentment, bliss, and steady Bhakti towards the atman, by which the aspirant enjoys eternal bliss (Vivekachudamani v.119)’. So there is a direct relationship between the clarity of the mind and Bhakti, and here we mean spontaneous Bhakti, not artificial Bhakti. The cleaner the mind the greater the flow of Bhakti and the mind becomes intensely one-pointed (501)… The conducive certainty of one’s own personal experience of transcendental awareness… through devotion overcomes all contradictions and differences in life and religious sects. Through the alchemy of Bhakti, life is transmuted from a whirlpool of dissatisfaction into a magical blissful experience (502)… Who wants liberation or perfect spiritual freedom? If one is liberated then to whom or what does one surrender? It is better to remain a bhakta, for one can know the bliss of surrender. What is the point of liberation if this is taken away? If the jivanmukta (liberated being) is perfectly united, then who is there to feel Bhakti towards? For the bhakta each second is an adventure, each second of time is the eternal moment of the cosmic play - the rasalila. Each moment is lived and experienced with an intensity that makes the heart pound with excitement. If one is really no longer part of this play, this adventure, then where is all the fun? This is the way a bhakta should think… Everything that happens, whether pleasure or pain, is seen as the divine law. The bhakta is a mere puppet. He owes his existence to the cosmic will… All work, actions and experiences are regarded as tests and trials of the divine process, as a means to remove imperfections. At this point, the supreme can do nothing but help his bhakta…. Such is the power of total surrender. One becomes receptive to divine grace: the grace of knowledge and bliss. This arises automatically when there is surrender and effacement of ego. But this surrender is not easy… This receptive state of mind cannot be created merely by thinking about it or willing it (503)…. The emotions heighten all experience. They intensify power in thought and action… On the path of Bhakti yoga the emotions are concentrated on one thing. Emotions are transmuted into devotion. This concentrated emotion leads to heightened sensitivity. One’s whole mind and body becomes highly tuned, like a radio antenna. This leads to heightened sensitivity to other people, their thoughts, feelings, and so forth. Even one peak experience is enough to transform one’s whole attitude and understanding of life. It moves through an angle of one hundred and eighty degrees. One realizes that what seemed so obvious, true, and acceptable before was totally wrong. One’s relationship with life undergoes a total change. It is completely reoriented. These peak experiences are on the route to perfection (504).” This right here… lol… this is what i’ve been doing and what I’m doing right now. This is an example where I was guided to do spiritual techniques without having to be guided by another authority. Does that make sense? I had not read these words before… I found the answers and I felt it was the right path for me… and I was starting this public Journal not know what it was going to do or where it was going to lead exactly… and I found myself wanting to question everything I had thought before… I realized I was wrong and I’m not afraid of sharing my behaviors and thoughts that were not conscious. I knew once I started purging that it felt right for me… I know I’ve had baggage that I was holding on to that… I didn’t really have to keep many of the thoughts that I had… I don’t need them as I continue. I know I want to live my spiritual life… I want to devote my entire life to my spirituality and I thought I had to convince myself that wanting to do that is not crazy… not only do I want to convince myself but convince others that this is not crazy… lol… again… I didn’t know I was going to automatically be drawn to be a bhakta… it was happening spontaneously. But now I can clearly state this to myself and I can be more of a deliberate devotee to my spirituality…lol… not that I wasn’t already… but I was easily distracted to spend my attention and energy carelessly at times too. I don’t have to have a label of bhakta but it might be helpful in communication in certain circles… lol… I was attracted to work with this to help with my clarity and inspire me to continue with my intuition. I am going to be working on projects that I want to give my full attention towards. I want to be one-pointed… I am grateful, honored, excited about my Awakening to existence… I get to dive deeper and explore more and adventure more and I want to do it in a manner which I was guided to as a devotee. This will only be a trait I carry with me along with other traits…. I’m still learning and this will deepen. There was a little more I wanted to look at still… there’s a section about ceaseless remembrance… that’s been so powerful for me… I kept questioning myself… how can I possibly ignore this… I cannot forget these experiences or messages… and if I cannot focus on this… how can I do anything else… lol.. anyway lets take a look at this section next. “Sleepiness is one main reason for low awareness. During or after yoga practices many people experience a feeling of joy, whether slight or intense.. This comes because of the wakefulness, calmness and awareness which the practices give them. But this feeling is quickly lost when one continues on with one’s daily duties. One becomes ensnared again in the ups and downs of everyday life, but this need not be the case. Through Bhakti and continuous efforts to remember the object of devotion this awareness and joy can be maintained. Remember ace helps to prevent the relapse into automated living patterns and thought. This ceaseless remembrance is a powerful practice for expanding awareness but it is not easy without devotion. Love and Bhakti make a person remember. There has to be a natural attraction to the sweetness of the name (mantra) of one’s deity…this rememberance must be spontaneity’s. A man who is in love with his girlfriend or his wife cannot stop thinking about her. He does not need to try, he automatically thinks of his beloved. He has no choice but to remember… this remembrance must permeate one’s whole being twenty-four hours a day. There are many cases of great bhakta who mere unable to stop remembering even when they were killed… Many of the great poets have beautifully illustrated this continual remembrance. For them the supreme is a helper, a dearest and nearest friend, nearer than breath, nearer that their own mind… When a person has this intensity of feeling, how is it possibly not to remember? And this is the express train to expanded awareness… One is less influenced by the ups and downs of the tumultuous world. One becomes more aware. The whole mind becomes concentrated and powerful…. With intensities, aspiration and Bhakti the remembrance will become natural and spontaneous. You will want to remember… It is the focal point of all your emotions and feelings. One becomes intoxicated wit the very thought of the Ishta devata (personal deity). You must try to hear and feel divinity everywhere… You must try to see divinity in every part of the world around you without exception. You must try to feel this in your heart. This is the way to union with the inner world of knowledge…. Love intensifyis this remembrance. Love means constant awareness. And this devotion means that there will be unceasing thirst, unforgettable rememberance and unswerving aspiration to unite with one’s ishta. This practice should not be done occasionally during prayers, but twenty-four hours a day. You should remember each and every moment, with every heartbeat, with every breath and with every action. This is the path of Bhakti yoga (506-508).” This is what I’m working towards… with every moment, with every breath, with every action… I’m already starting this.. and I’ll continue. Final thoughts from the manual… ”This integration of mind and body, of action and thought, has been the main theme of this book so far. Yet very little is ever said about harmonizing the emotions and integrating them with one’s action and thoughts. These emotions are very powerful forces. It is very difficult, if not impossible, to achieve mental and physical stability if the emotions are rampant… The subject of stabilizing the emotions in man is usually forgotten or treated lightly as if emotions are non-existent. The attitude seems to be if the emotions cannot be tamed then pretend they don’t exist, like the ostrich that buries its head in the ground when it senses danger. This may make it feel safer, but it does not prevent it being eaten by a lion. So if you want to harmonize your life, then it is a useless being like the ostrich, and pretending that the emotions are non-existent. This attitude will lead nowhere, for the emotions are ever present. You may gain mental peace for short spells of time, but this tranquility will be disturbed by the monsters of emotions when they show their ominous heads from the depths. Suppressed emotions eventually bubble to the surface and create disruptions. To gain lasting peace in life it is not sufficient to attain perfect physical health and some control over the thoughts. The emotions must also be transformed so that they are in accord with every action and thought. Without gaining emotional harmony and one-pointedness it is impossible to gain mental and physical harmony. You will now perhaps understand why we are spending so much time in explaining Bhakti yoga. It is the most powerful means of harmonizing the emotions so that they work with the individual and not against him, so that they are used for constructive purposes (523).” Beautiful… lol.. ceremony is absolutely brilliant… it created emotions that were felt so deeply that I couldn’t forget and inspired me to make changes… The intensity of the emotions that I felt were so powerful… but my mind would question my emotions when I was out of ceremony… and yet the emotions again were so deep it wanted me to question my mind… lol… I already knew that my physical body could use some work so I didn’t question that much… but I have to admit… my spiritual lover has created so much intensity my emotional body radiated through my physical, mental, and spiritual bodies… it was/is so powerful… ceremony knew what I would responde to in a deeply intimate level…I continually see myself on a chess board playing myself and putting myself in check… lol… and it’s like I wanted to be in check this entire time without knowing it… lol… I thought I could’ve made different moves… but ultimately my higher self knew exactly what needed to be done to get me here. I know I have/am devoted to this spiritual lover… it’s not truly only the spiritual lover but also the physical lover too. He’s absolutely incredible and fascinating. When I devote myself into my spirituality I don’t necessarily have to have one name to use as a mantra. I do realize through experience that we are all divine and so if I have to use different names of divinity in different situations to help my spontaneous Bhakti.. and so I will do that. If it changes to using only one word then that’s fine too. But right now… I’m devoted to my spirituality, myself, and my spiritual lover… I cannot deny what I’m spontaneously devoted to… it will do me no favors. In different situations I’m drawn to use different symbolisms that makes sense to me at the time. Again.. I’ve already been starting this approach but I realize I’m sorting out my mixed emotions… well because I’m clearing out my thoughts that aren’t necessary anymore. As I continue experiencing peak experiences… I’ll have to take the time to re-evaluate my thoughts again. But I’m ok to work with where I’m at now… and open to change as i progress. Ok… that’s a good point to stop for the night (morning)… lol… until next time.

I have been doing the Vipassana meditation technique. And you only enjoy the bliss to a certain extent at some point you just want to get back to normal because at that level of bliss you become function less you don't want to do anything because you are feeling so good there is no motivation left for anything you just want to sit somewhere and that's it! I enjoyed it for a few days then I wanted to get back to normal lol This taught me an important lesson that you need balance in everything if you get something more and more even if its happiness or bliss it becomes boring that's why all emotions exist to create a balance and for normal functioning of beings!

Depression consists of a minimum of a loss of interest and hopelessness. A person who is hopeless typically has low desire, low motivation, low meaning, low interest/boredom. A happy person has the opposite and has ambitions/desires. I get what you mean, but part of what makes someone depressed and diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, severe is not having anything to look forward to. I mean suicide to its extent is the loss of desire to live. The fact that you desire to work through your traumas and overcome depression are aspects of positivity/happiness. Happiness isn’t just feeling joy, but it is a mindset I carry through every emotion. I can be sad and still be happy because the mindset of a happy person in a sad state is self-reassurance and self-empowerment. That’s how I like to think of happiness. Not as some dopamine high of bliss, but a state of mind of acceptance, nurturance, cultivation, discipline, curiosity, and desire/ambition. Optimism through the hard times, being able to continue to focus on my strengths and growth is how I am always able to happy or in a happy-growth mindset.

@Yimpa Yeah if you sleep at night with earplugs and all your windows blacked out and a face mask you'll have the best refreshing recharging sleep of your life. Trust me. Game changer. @AlterEgo You'd be surprised by what you can easily handle and even enjoy. Once you get through the first layers of fear and terror (first few days) it's mostly bliss. I just completeled a 21 day silent retreat and I wish I could've stayed longer, it was one of the happiest I've ever been

Awakening comes with a clear realization of something. Seems yours was "just" a blissful pleasurable state. Really applaud your results, not everybody can say that. What is your meditation technique? I got jealous of all of that bliss lol

@Nahm Was great and @pluto dropped some bombs of truth. There were a few more greats out there, honestly forgot their names. I kinda miss all the chaotic bliss back then, there were some great battles between the powerhouses. Good times

For example like this gentleman: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chester_Bennington or these here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicides_in_the_21st_century Many of them couldn't complain at all on the fields you mention above. What you really want is the bliss of your True Nature. Nothing else will suffice. At least not permanently. Not that anyone gets lost halfway up the mountain and permanently stays there.... Of course one would be stupid not to create a happy life on a relative level (Maslow 1-5, partner, friends, financial abundance, creative expression, self-actualization) if one has the ressources and circumstances to do so. But it still won't permanently & fully fill the gap. Selling Water by the River PS: By the way, even Maslow later added stage 6, "Transcendence"...

Before Actualized.org Communication: very passive and introverted. Relationship: I afraid of relationship, my friend is few. I am the weird guy. Public speaking: Full of anxiety. Emotional: Lot of trauma, brain fog etc. Happiness: Ups and down. Any happiness comes from desire, which is not consistent. Dating: I am on the nice boy side. After 4 years on Actualized.org Communication: on the extroverted side. Relationship: I am not afraid of relationship. My relationship with all people be more deeper and satisfying. I have lots of friend. Public speaking: I dont have anxiety. My co-worker said that I am suit to become public speaker. Emotional: Its all much more, more more clear. Big trauma solved. My emotion is more like steel. Addiction is gone. Happiness: My happiness level is constant. Its not full sage bliss but hey I never feel much better than this Dating: Authentic and confident, detached. I am not watching how to get laid rn haha. On spiritual side, I am not too much into it right now. My transformation really kicked off in year three when I invested $35 in Leo's booklist. Reading and learning from those books was a game-changer for me, and I was able to make rapid progress. Some topics just clicked better when I read about them, you know? Looking back, I can't help but wonder where I'd be if I hadn't discovered Leo's videos when I was feeling so down in 2019. Thank you for your threads, remind me that its been 4 years!

Understanding is sononym of raising your consciousness. the walls are not such, they are simply your reach with a certain level of consciousness. people tend to believe that there is an ego mode vs an enlightened mode, and it is not like that, there is a gradual rise in your level of consciousness or understanding of reality. it is normal to reach a level where you feel bliss and silence and think: well, this is it, I have arrived. this is narrow minded imo. understanding is pure beauty, when you realize it's possible, you want more. I don't know about alien that Leo talk about, but he is completely right when he puts understanding above all else.

You will naturally feel more blissful as you surrender more to the current of life rather than the current that everything 'thinks' it should be going. When we all surrender, bliss arises. When mind is not over-active, bliss arises. When we surrender control, bliss arises. You cried because you had a big release, and maybe it has been a lifetime since you actually sat wholefully with yourself. See it this way, the more you surrender your hold on life, the more awake, free and blissfull you will feel. So yeas you are glimpsing what a greater awakening starts to "feel like". And with practice you can become established within such states and be able to carry them through day to day life. The bliss will normalize as you ground yourself.

So I have been meditating for the last 8-9 years on and off. I went to Vipassana last year in the month of July this was the second Vipassana retreat my first retreat was in 2014. On my recent retreat, I started meditating everything was going well until 4th day I meditated for the whole day and then came out for a break in the evening I was sitting under this tree and I started feeling heavily emotional then I started crying I did not know why I was crying I never cried like this in my whole life. I completed my 10-day retreat when I left the meditation center I became extremely sensitive to emotions that I cried every day I was feeling extreme gratitude. With that, I felt so much bliss that I can not explain! Somedays the bliss was so high that I felt like I am high on something! The bliss was 24X7 After the retreat, I was not able to work because I used to feel the bliss all time! I love traveling but even I did not want to travel because I was feeling an insane level of bliss sitting in my room. In that time I became so sensitive to everything that even I started to have fears of heights. I was so scared that I did not meditate after coming from retreat because I was scared of what was happening to me. I did not work for 2-3 months then that effect lasted around 4.5 Months after that everything got back to normal in the month of December 2022. Then in the month of January 2023, I went on vacation for a week, and boom the same thing happened started feeling immense bliss, gratitude, and emotions this time I did not even meditate. The feeling subsided after 15-20 days! I can not comprehend what was all this experience was it is awakening or something else?