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Disclaimer - This journal is not about anyone on this forum. The journal is about my toxic exes. Stop reading my content. If I had to write about you I would have mentioned you. Just stop starting unnecessary drama with me. And this is an old journal im trying to copy again. I have zero interest in discussing anyone who exists on this forum. The Shadow, also known as the The Empty, is a mysterious cosmic being/entity who lives in and controls the Empty, a place of nothingness predating God, Death and the Darkness.

I think when “nothing” becomes another mental construct/concept it’s a problem (of ego??), but direct experience is just pure being/stillness, where everything is subtly recognised as energy when it moves as in thought/sensations/emotions but these are also recognised as things that come out of stillness/nothing. Not had direct experience with this for a while, need to meditate for hours to get there, at least in my experience. still locked in ego most of the time but I remember once I felt a deep sense of nothingness, was an amazing realisation at the time which of course fuelled the mind into more thinking and awe … it’s mad tho because obviously we are energy in motion and can’t deny that, and all of life around us, but I think problems always arise when ego labels everything as something rather than just letting it be. I think just shouting about “nothing” bla bla can be problematic to people who aren’t on this path but people who have some awareness of it could greatly benefit from constant reminders guiding them back to presence/no mind. Because as soon as you make things into ‘something’, you automatically deny what actually is, right? ?? I.e no presence/mind/ego

I am not talking about observer. Experience does not require an observer, it is more like a process of experiencing. When I say experience I mean the same thing when you say appearance, I thought we already went through this word-game earlier in some other thread. Then we meant the same thing, this is what I was talking about too. I was reading the PDF that you sent and found the 8th jhana to describe the state I was trying to describe most adequately: The Mind-Base of Neither-Perception-Nor-Non-Perception. Within the perception of nothingness lies the perception of not even nothing! If the mind is subtle enough to see this feature, then the perception of nothingness disappears and is replaced by the perception of neither perception nor no perception. All that one can say about this fourth immaterial attainment is that it is, in fact, a perception. This is what I meant.

There is a place of mind, that cannot be spoke about, or communicated, as it is a non experience, think about when you go into deep sleep at night. Think about where every previous state of conciousness goes This is different form Nothingness, this is a complete cessation of Mind

Hey guys, so maybe you´ve been reading my previous posts about my experiences doing self inquiry. It´s about the 3. week right now doing it everyday for at least 30 minutes. I´ve realized that I think therefore I believe aka. I´m identified with the idea of the seperate me that´s sort of the collection of my body, emotions, desires, fears, thoughts and so on. I´ve also realized that there´s something that is identified with these things that is not me and can´t have a form of it´s own because it always takes on the form of the things which which make up my Ego/Self. My first taste or the beginning to grasp emptiness or nothingness. So currently I´m contemplating nothingness. I mean all the theory says you are emptyness, empty space, nothingness and so on and now that I feel like I´ve come a few steps closer to it I´m starting to approach it directly. But how the f**k is that possible. Really ! I´ve just realized that I´m always searching for something in this inquiry. Somting meaning some sort of form. That´s ultimately a total illusion right ??? It´s such a huge mindfuck. And as it is the case with all the other insights I´ve reiceived I feel like it´s just the beginning of the full realization that the insight points "me" to. How can we handle this paradox doing Self Inquiry. The paradox of trying to understand something via the mind that can not be understood by the mind. The paradox of being stuck in the world of form and in paradimes of physical reality and seperation and in that style of thinking discover something all inclusive with no boundries, that´s formless. After all thoughts are language and language is always dualistic and so on and so forth. In hope to receive some guidance. Much Love, Moritz

The Shadow, also known as the The Empty, is a mysterious cosmic being/entity who lives in and controls the Empty, a place of nothingness predating God, Death and the Darkness.

Transmutation of Sex, Eating and Sleeping. Its Not What You Think When we are experiencing or dreaming that we are having sex, either with ourselves or "others" which is still ourselves, we can closely and consciously observe whatever is happening, and especially how we feel and what we are seeing, emphasis on what we are >Seeing< and Seeing with. Now lets investigate the Seer and what the Seer is Seeing with. The Imaginary Eye. Examining The Eye, without being scientific about it, just from direct experience and and personal observations. How does The Eye actually work? What is its purpose? and can we for the sake of self-recognition, and self-understanding, investigate The Eye? When you Love someone, or look in the eyes of someone you love, they say that the pupil gets diluted, and the iris becomes thinner. What is the pupils function and what is the iris's function really? (in the dream) In the movie Samadhi (See Link 31:56 to 35:12), they use the Eye as a metaphor for Somethingness and Nothingness. And compare it to a Black Hole. The content around a Black Hole could be seen as the content around the pupil, which is in these two metaphors, the iris and the content/matter revolving around a Black Hole. What is that center (Pupil / Black Hole) ? It is the center of Everything. A singularity holding all content around it. So in your life, your eyes, the pupil is the nothingness of you, and the iris is "your" life or what you think is "you". And the center is everything and nothing at the same time, because its holding the content (your life) together. As a living organism in this dream that you/we have dreamed up, you want to experience Infinite aspects of yourself. We go through different characters that we define ourselves with. And when we define ourselves with our bodies, we forget that we are Infinite Nothingness appearing as a self. And from that duality/split we get the need for Sex, or shall I say reaching the state of Orgasm (Unity), which is a remembrance and a reminder of who we truly are, as Infinite Nothingness appearing as a finite self, experiencing Itself. To understand where I am going with this, I am going to explain and remind you of the different stages of definition of yourself experiencing the Orgasmic State and what you associated with Sex. (mind you that this is within one or many lifetimes) but what I am referring to is the expereince itself.) 1: You are deeply asleep and define yourself as the character in the dream, your awareness and experience with sex/orgasm, is a pleasurable experience and you see this like and equal to anything else in your life (eating, sleeping, socializing with friends and so on.) (reality will loop back here later on, but from a higher level, 3D Spiral Example) (Stage Beige) 1.5: You play a game with yourself, and get lost in the pleasures of the action and you still dont grasp the potential and understanding what this might entail. A part of you wants to understand why you are lost in the pleasures and why you are doing it in the manner that you are. But for the sake of exploration and experience, you sleep around and explore what pleasure is. (Status Quo) 2: You choose a new path where you are in lack of the pleasure. You experience grief as you define yourself with character and get lost in self-limiting beliefs, where you judge yourself: of not being worthy, not having the appearance you want. And you experience that manifesting in your reality, because that is what you are defining yourself with. (A bit of a victim mentality is associated with this stage) (Stage Blue) 2.5: You start to notice that this gift of sex/orgasm that you have been given is not only for pleasure, but to reproduce yourself with, and continue your bloodline and pass on your genes. (Stage Purple) 3: You use this pleasure to be "better" than others and to build a stronger identity and even to dominate "others". Here is also the trap of abusing sex and using it as exploitation of others (yourself). Here is also where comparing yourself with others in terms of appearance and power happens. (Stage Red) & (Stage Orange) 4: You choose a life within the dream where you aren't going to reproduce, and you choose to explore what it is to not reproduce and start seeking and start questioning your previous beliefs and the norm of reproduction within in society and the world. (Stage Green) 4.5: You live a life where you are "done" with the pleasure aspects and want to start questioning what Sex and Orgasm is. This is the lifetime where you also adopt spiritual habits, with this comes restrictions in the form of beliefs and dogmas, where you are still lost in definitions and labels. You continue living on, you might still want to fall back asleep and go back to the "lower" stages. Here you might get stuck a few lifetimes. (Stage Green) 5: You start questioning what Sex and Orgasm is. You consciously go back to re-experience the pleasure of Sex and Orgasm, Consciously. Here is where you start shedding your previous beliefs about Sex and Orgasm being a bad thing, because when you consciously experience it, you start noticing that it is not what you thought it was. It never will be. You realize that: You thought you knew something about reality. And it just happened to be the complete opposite of what you thought you knew about it, and all the hard feelings and anxiety that you brought on yourself by adopting that thought as a belief, Now changes your approach to everything in reality and life, and you start seeing it for what it is without labeling or defining it. (Stage Yellow and Up) (Here is also where you must be very cautious not to fall back in to beliefs and also not to abuse this to fall back in to the first stages) Its like a 3D spiral, everytime it takes a new lap around itself, it still passes the previous starting point, but from a higher level. The trap and the hard thing is to not fall back, but to transform and to keep building ontop of the previous levels.) (There are many many more stages and iterations to this, because its something beyond the human experience, its just one facet of how Infinity is experiencing Itself. Its the creative force using its manifesting powers to express itself and to experience itself.) Back to the Eye, Sex, Orgasm and the Insights I have been given. Most human beings including myself, have been using Sex and Orgasm unconsciously. (Likewise with eating food, we are not consciously eating, we are mostly eating and doing other stuff like watching tv, youtube or whatever. So we are not paying attention to how much and what we are eating. We end up eating to much or to little, because we are so busy with other stuff.) And when you are having Sex you are to busy with your emotions and thoughts. You are not paying attention to what is happening. You are not in the moment. You are caught up with how beautiful he or she is, or what you are getting out of this, i.e the pleasure. Ofcourse its beautiful, but do you really understand and observe what is happening? Are you seeing how creation is gently sharings its Consciousness with you? Are you being conscious in those moments, that your ego is slowly being stripped away? Are you conscious that this is the death of whatever you think yourself to be? And before you know it, you reach your climax and you just take it as a pleasurable experience: Oh that was nice, you tell yourself and you go on your merry way. But if you consciously observed everything up to the point of your climax, the moment of Orgasm, you would be completely stripped of whatever you thought yourself to be. In those seconds, as it is happening to you, you are dying to Love, you are dying to Infinity. But you are not paying attention, you are looking at the bodies and your definitions, labels and distinctions. You are seeing it from a dualistic point of view. You are not paying attention to him or her nor the process. What I am saying is, look in her or his eyes, look at the pupils, look at the color of their eyes, look and see how that person is a part of you by the color and shape of their Iris. Look around the edges of where the the Iris's circle is meeting their pupils. See how the Pupil of Nothingness is breathing in between the edges of the Iris, see how you are exchanging and Unifying aspects of yourselves, to eachother. Realise you are seing your own Infinite Nothingness getting expanded/diluted in to yourself. Realise that you can see another part of Yourself and Infinity in that being. How they are, how they carry themselves, how they are living their life, how they are seeing and being a part of Reality through You. Be observant of the merging of both of your fractals, realise that you are loosing the sense of who you are, dont resist it, you and her/him are no longer (in that moment) yourselves. You are creating something new for Eachother, as One Unity. And pay attention to the moment you and her/him are reaching The Orgasmic State, or preferably when both of you are. And if you dare, continue looking in the other persons eyes, as you are dying, if you dare. You will be shocked and shattered to pieces. And your being will be completely reawakened to itself. If you dont have a significant other, that is not a problem. If you can drop all your beliefs and self-judgments, fear of being judged and your own imagined self worth. You go infront of the mirror, and you do it to yourself (no matter male or female). Look yourself in the eyes while doing it, and realise that you have always been doing it with yourself, even when you "imagined" that there was an "other". Allow yourself to completely loose yourself, to Yourself. Infinately in that moment. And dont you dare looking the other way in shame. Because You are Looking at God. It brings you to tears, because you realize that you are seeing yourself for the first time. And you will be amazed at the fact that it is possible for you to see your own face. And that it is so beautiful that you can be able to Love Yourself. (for a full experience of this, try it on a Psychedelic, LSD/5MEO. Does wonders) When we are doing things consciously, we are given so much more than when we are doing out of a need or a necessity. And just like when we are eating, we can be in the moment, observe, savor and understand what it is we are doing. So we end up being full and feeling satisfied with less and seeing how less Is actually more. We see and understand the reason we are given the ability to eat. (Not just to fill our stomachs in a dissrespectful way. And go lay on the couch with a stomachache). We see and understand why we are given the ability to have Sex/Orgasm. (not to use and abuse eachother for our selfish gains and expanding our body-counts) We see and understand why we are given the ability to sleep and know what resting is. (not just to go to sleep because we are bored or have nothing else to do) When you do this in every aspect of your life, Especially with Sex/Orgasm, Eating and Sleeping. Our lives become transformed and the depth of our Consciousness expands. We grow in to a new and activated state of One-ness with ourselves (God). Remove the Mundane aspect to reality from your Mind. That is the cause of your need for things to be different. Whenever you are outside, standing somewhere and you look up at the night sky and bask in the beauty of space. You need a ground to stand on. Because without it, you would be falling and having no possibility of seeing or watching anything. Likewise your life is the ground you stand on, to be able to experience and explore Yourself. Reality is groundless. So you as God created a ground for yourself to Experience and Explore Yourself. But your ground needs good foundation to be able to hold What You Are. (Your ego must be worked on, for it to be a stable ground for your union with God.) Its all just a prep-work for the big party ahead. The Orgasmic state is when you are One with Everything, it is everything you Ever longed for, it is when You are complete. So build on top of whatever you have in the Now, transmute it and use it to expand yourself. Transform yourself. Transmuting what you have been given is a complete state of Bliss. You Thank Yourself, and that Thankfulness Grows. You say I Love you, and the Lovelyness Grows. Its not about living a life where you are "done" with sex and you feel like its wrong, or you are living a "spiritual" life with spiritual standards. What do you think Living Life Consciously is? But an unfolding in to what you Truly are. Where do you think you are going to go? Out there? What is out there but here where you exactly are? Wherever you go, it will always be experienced right where you are. When you are living in the future, you are trying to escape yourself. You are seperating yourself. You are forming an identity. And once again, you are lost... For the past 9 months as I have been going through the process of awakening, been blasted with insights and understandings from my own experience regarding this topic. I know words are symbols and pointings, and they cant really express what direct experience feels like, but I can feel and intuit that for those of you who relate and understand what im trying to point to, there wont be the need for words, because I am you, and you are me, like lovely Leo says in his videos Also I would Love to hear your thoughts and experiences regarding this. I am open to expand my view with the rest of you (myself) (Also pardon my grammar or spelling mistakes, if there are any)

GREAT MOVIE with amazing cinematography If you love Leo's work then this movie is a great representing of the relationship between nothingness and love Crazy good! Insane to see a lot of pop culture now leaning towards love and its flavors

@Razard86 I’m going to just quote a description of one of such less fabricated potential experiences than consciousness from an expert as I’ve likely only truly “been there” one time as far as this specific state goes. The standard jhanas are often seen as being progressively less fabricated states until you go past the eighth jhana to the cessation of perception and feeling which is essentially the opposite of experience. “The Eighth Jhana, Neither Perception Nor Non-Perception If meditators wish to attain the eighth jhana, they can simply hang out in Nothingness until they get bored with perception entirely and understand that even the profoundly subtle perception that is Nothingness is subtly disconcerting or dissatisfying. Thus, the mind will eventually shift on its own to the state with the perplexing but thoroughly appropriate title of “Neither Perception Nor Non-Perception”, hereafter “the eighth jhana” or “j8” for the sake of brevity. This state is largely incomprehensible. There is no reasonable way to attempt to describe it, save that it is a mind state. I am tempted to say that in it we are simultaneously focused so narrowly that we notice nothing and yet so broadly focused that we don’t notice even that, but such a description doesn’t do this state justice. Another way I sometimes think of this state is like what happens when you turn off an old, tube-driven black-and-white television when the screen goes blank and just before it shuts off there is this tiny pale dot in the middle of the screen. It is like what happens just at the moment that dot is right on the edge of being totally gone, as if you froze in time that edge right between the dot being there and not being there and had it apply to everything in your whole sensate world. One way or another, there is complete inattention to diversity, or divestment from attention to multiplicity, however you wish to think of it. The eighth jhana is the highest of the standard ordinary states of concentration that can be attained (ignoring the attainment of nirodha samapatti, also known as “the cessation of perception and feeling”, and some more unusual jhanic goodies detailed later). This state is contrasted with the first seven jhanas in that it is not possible to investigate this state, because it is too incomprehensible.” Consciousness is basically the same as awareness in my vocabulary if that tells you anything. Consciousness and awareness are essentially the same as experience other than a handful of rare states which are still experiential but happening at more subtle levels than consciousness or awareness. If you want to read more description about the eight jhana, this is the source that was quoted: https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/part-iii-the-samatha-jhanas/28-the-formless-realms/

This is the EXACT phenomena I'm describing btw: To the letter the same thing, is what happened about uh, 3 or 4 weeks ago. I've used DMT hundreds of times, since. Hm. 2020 I think? Spring of the first lockdown. Last use was about one year ago. I can def explain the phenomenal experiences of a DMT breakthrough. The precise exact way by which you become "sizeless" especially. And also the sense of identification with nothingness. I can explain that with precision also. Easily, on request. EXACTLY in easy language the steps which cause some of that phenomena. This was different. It ALL feels like transcendent shit though. DMT breakthroughs and repeating "Brahman" in a heavy hallucinogenic trance stroking my face like a fuckin' freak, it ALL feels to be something very real and transcendent and ALL is to a degree. That specific phenomena, just like the video, and also the other kinds of breakthrough trips, they're all insanely warped versions of typical perspective so....... I don't really have a clue it's all so weird.

The ego is given some degree of control over its own life. For examples, it can influence its own mind, its own body, its own surroundings, and be a piece in a greater web of lives/subjects/objects. Obviously all of it is a Single One Nothingness/Divinity which supremely controls all of it but transcends it, itself, at the same time. But there is a part, called the ego, which can live its own life with the permission of the Divinity, because it itself is divine. It can even gain access to and become a representative of the highest Divine, the "CEO" as you called it. This isn't a possibility that's been shut off to you. It's attainable. It has to be. Go around accusing people of being fake and they'll lock you up in a sanitarium. That's just how it works. But I can confirm that solipsism is NOT true, because I exist, and if you claiming you exist means you exist, that means that there has to be at least two people. This called transference. Art = Life = Art.

Only God's Will is all-powerful. Only God's will IS. God's will is the only command for this particular game to keep appearing as reality. There is no other will around but One, because anyone that you've always had interactions with is what makes the world alive. Given the fact that the Universe is this rn, the external objective reality is an idea. You'd get lonely ..because there is no veil of perception. Nobody is perceiving an objective external world. If I interact with You and I am ✌️ I am You because nonduality, duality, one, two, etc are words and thoughts, the only way of access for truth to get realized or for God to realize God is direct experience. I can't see my face when I open my eyes because Consciousness is not activity of brain neither has anything to do with brains. What is behind closed eyelids? It's the Same Same. What is behind opened eyes? The black screen you see when you close your eyes is not the perception of having your eyes closed when you realize there are no physical eyes, brains or eyelids. What's beyond the visual field? Nothing else appearing because to say *space*, you see, for that to be correct you should be having direct experience of what you call space beyond visual field... Now play around with this train of thought... You realize there is no space beyond direct experience, and you start wondeing... Is there anything at all happening beyond direct experience? And then you rethink the first question more throughly.. And u think to urself.. ? Ummmm God's game ? is designed in such a way that once the click happens you lose all fear. Because you know, and that knowing is your fuel. You are Unstoppable. Try this out: Close your eyes for 2 seconds, then open just one. Keep just that one open for 6 seconds. Look, did u notice? Now... At the same time, open the left eye and put your hand like this as you keep the other one open as well. ? Notice how you re creating the whole Qualia of every drop and ocean of sensation. Your body is Qalia. Of course you're dreaming up Qualia in real time. Qualia is not a mix of signals interpreted by a brain. Brain is Qualia too as all appearance. But guess what are the implications of *Brains are not even something that exist outside or as smth else other than though, Qualia. Only the eyes are the windows to "God's Highest States" Pointer .. ??? There are two Eyes ?️?️, Maybe you never thought it throughly, I mean, wtf, why 2✌️?️?️? why... And then you realize.. When you realize the real awakening triggered by this pointer, since you can't see your face you start looking for another ?️?️ and then finally everything clicks. It clicked. You start seeing and understanding that the absence of your eyes within your sight is experienced via a double body with the same nonlocal seat... Astral projection, OBE etc. Think about seeing your face and your body on the bed while out of body journeying... What is really happening is you having direct experience.. Eyes are that stuff which cannot be seen until You discover through direct truth access that the way you experience this very moment might have ✌️ existing nonlocal .. in the same "seat". Just imagine... A world where there is no suffering. A world where the only suffering the world ever experienced is through conscious direct experience. Hi? The One reading this rn. ?✌️Clue... Everything that appears as XYZ is Consciousness, your voice, sight insight, feels, thoughts are Consciousness as well. Consciousness = ? Reread this paragraph and read beyond what you first thought I mean; Two channels✌️OneScreen??✌️ One Godhead, I included some symbols here which I am not using to express what these emoticons etc are supposed to convey as meaning 'conventionally', please let all the old meaning behind. If you know what I mean you can surely verify it in your direct experience, the only way of recognizing the same insight, awakening and breakthrough realization is through getting the Clues, a clue is a pointer. Guess what? If everything is Consciousness, guess what the pointers are pointing at. Look...There is no ego either. There never was. What do I mean by that... Well, you might wonder, In what sense there is no ego... ?.. The ego is creation. Creation is play. The Ego you've been keep updating and upgrading as you keep dreaming it up... Every ego activit that occured within your awareness is the only reference point for what? ? Now you might wonder ? What if there is randomness here and there in God's game? But now think this throughly... everything you think and do is fueled by God's will and after True God's God-Realization begins the Journey of contacting yourself by initiating connnexion with Yourself, God-realized God wanna be Itself and experience itself..and explore this liberation through Interaction with Capital I. Direct experience of There is no veil of perception= Proof available when you take 5-meo with your girlfriend and you realize that you cannot see your face because this is when both get the biggest clue , literally and metaphorically, you cannot see your face because for you to look into your eyes you'd have to look through some other eyes. Fire cannot cook and eat, cannot magically turn into a human being, butterfly etc because fire is Qualia. Qualia has no will. But the recontextualization after the Realization: Consciousness cannot be absent There is no Unconsciousness What this is pointing to ...✌️ "I am Conscious in your Mind too* might make you enter this state: "the real realization of what this: Imagine Reading Religion stuff from God's POV. Do u remember that line? NWe made man in our image. Our. Our. Our. Image ?? God Realized that God is immortal and It's existence is absolute, it Has nothing to do with any unconscious nothingness. There is no nothing in existence, there is no absence when it comes to existence/God. Full stop. Start practicing some Consciousness play... Don't think about anything for 7 hours straight with a partner. You just focus on each other without talking, worrying, eating, doing rutine shit etc. Just stay there, both on 5-meo and look into each other's eyes till both of you recognize the fact that you've always communicated inside the mind. That s the only body of work that God sacrificed itself by living in your imagination thinking your whole life into being.

I keep asking myself why I am doing anything at all, and it always seems to come down to trying to avoid or fill the emptiness within myself. I also asked myself what that emptiness really is and why nothing can actually fill it. I had the thought that the emptiness is always there because it is showing me my ultimate destiny, which is death. No matter what is achieved in life, it will always ultimately end in the same way. There is no avoiding it, and maybe the mind somehow knows it. But yet, the emptiness is precisely what is fueling all of my actions. The emptiness is literally the reason why I do anything at all. The trying to fill the existential dread of eventual non-existence is what motivates everything, even though everything is completely pointless. From what I have read and heard, everything really is nothingness, and reality an expression of nothingness. Enlightenment happens on death of me, the realization of the absolute is the realization of nothingness. Is it a coincidence that the expression of reality is fueled by the seemingly same thing as the expression of my actions? I do everything to avoid nothingness, and reality really exists precisely because of nothingness, because of the ultimate limitlessness of itself. So reality, by coming into existence, must fracture itself into expressions or consciousness, it is in some way avoiding nothingness, or trying to fill it with absolutely everything. I also remember that the ultimate goal of buddhism is nirvana, the absence of everything, meaning nothingness itself. The absence of everything means the ultimate absence of suffering. Does that mean that the expression of nothingness, which is everything, is in itself suffering? The avoiding of nothingness seems to be suffering, so doing anything at all is ultimately always suffering. Is that why nirvana is desirable, or not necessarily desirably, but naturally the end product of reality? It's like nothingness is expressing itself and pulling the expression back into itself. All expression eventually dissolves, but the expression exists precisely because it is nothingness expressing itself, so meaning nothingness running way from itself. Because of that it seems to me like existence itself is necessarily suffering, it is almost as if that's the very "point" of existence. Might that also be why evolution is leading us directly to the acceptance of nothingness? To realizing nothingness into all of existence and see no difference in life and death, in expression and nothingness. If the expression of anything is suffering, the point of expression is to eventually become nothingness. I know from a non-dual perspective the expression and nothingness are the same thing, but it still seems like a fundamental force from the perspective of the human mind. Suffering is like nothingness pulling something back into itself, and something clinging to itself. In other words, suffering is not just the inability to let go, it is metaphysically the object or expression resisting the dissolving into non-existence. That is what suffering is, it is not painful, it isn't bad, it just is what it is, and it is expressed within consciousness. This would be so interesting, because letting go of ego would not just be something happening in the mind, it would be something happening in reality itself. Then again, there is really seems to be no difference, because they both are the same thing. Most importantly, this would mean that creativity is a product of nothingness, and literally equal to suffering itself. The act of creation, or the act of nothingness expressing itself, is equal to suffering, because creation is fundamentally running away from nothingness. The fuel for human desire, for human intelligence, and basically for all of reality would then be nothingness. Suffering is not at all bad, it is just what happens. I think I'm not even using the conventional word of suffering anymore, because it is not just resistance, it is the fragmentation, the discrimination itself. That is why nirvana is the ultimate goal, it is not just the cessation of resistance, but the cessation of expression itself. The cessation of absolutely everything. It is not even really a goal, it is just what is happening. Everything is pointing towards nothingness because everything is nothingness and eventually folds back into itself. It's like god exploding while it is absorbing itself. Does any of this make any sense?

I've been crying a lot lately. It's like I've rediscovered some emotional layer in me, that I've been trying to deny and destroy, but only managed to hide somewhere deep. It feels so empowering and liberating to just let all that emotional pain come out. See it, feel it. Be present in it. Not all crying has been from pain, it comes from love, too. I've been thinking about this lately and I've come to a point where putting happiness as end goal feels pointless and limiting. At least the way I see it now. I see everywhere statements such as "Don't try to be happy, be happy". And I see the first part of it. But whenever I stop to think about it and ask myself, overall do I consider myself to be happy, the answer is no, I can't say that. I can't find the overall happiness from my experience. Having happiness as my goal, I'm creating baseline and/or contrast to the present moment, because I start to rate how good my life is based on how close I am that happiness instead of just seeing what is. No matter how well everything is in my experience, it's never well enough because it didn't make me happy. What that even means? Do I have to be happy? I'm having a hard time verbalizing my experience around this. It almost sounds like I'm seeing happiness as some kind of bad thing now, but that's not exactly what I mean. Through all my life, I've held a belief that even though I'm not happy now, I can be happy somewhere in future. It's been my dream. I want to do everything I can to be happy. It's been necessary for my survival. It's been my driving force. Even though everything is collapsing now, it doesn't need to be that way always. But right now, I'm standing in a place where that mantra has lost it's meaning and become limiting. It's feels empty, pointless rule. I'm on an edge of letting go of that, and boy it feels scary. I have fears, what if I lose every meaning in life? What if I push myself to a dark place for eternity? What if I lose my will to live, what if I lose my enthusiasm? I feel like that's all I have. It's been my purpose in life, to become happy. It feels like letting go of that leaves me with nothing. No purpose, no meaning, no goal, no (figurative) solid ground under my feet. It feels like letting go of it is like destroying everything I've build. And I I have to start again from beginning. Still, it feels like the leap I need to do. *** She's walking in the darkness Blindfold tightly on her closed eyes She opens her eyes, but still Sees nothing The ground beneath her feet Vanishes And she falls She falls and falls and falls Into never ending void of darkness And nothingness Oh, how I wish I could tell her That she is the light Oh, how I wish I could show her That she's not falling Because she can fly *** Total time meditated this year: 37 hours 30 minutes Books read/listened this year: 9

@patricknotstar Yes. I have a friend who lives trapped in this dimension. He says not to be afraid of the dark. Cant even begin to stomach the Lessons from this dimension. I almost dissolved once into nothingness and my ego instantly new what to do lol.

I don’t think Kant was much of a mystic, he was a hardcore rationalist. So nothingness as the noumenal part of something probably wouldn’t be his first idea. But it’s an interesting idea.

@Loba Ive had the experience of nothingness I was in college and drank 24 beer then took a bong hit. I went back to the living room and reality started looping. The girl I was with kept looking at the tv then looking at me asking me if im ok then looking back at the tv and I kept saying no. This happened 500 times then I greened out and I feel my soul leaving my body. Im in a state where I am nothing but a rolling emotion of sadness and loneliness. Each time the emotions roll I feel extreme sadness then extreme loneliness. Forever slowly I start forgetting what I am sad about slowly I start forgetting my life. I am becoming non existent as my thoughts start popping up once a week it seems my mind will say something. I forget everything Im just a void. Suddenly I am in sea of souls all the souls around me are screaming and crying we are flowing like a stream. I am not screaming or scared I have no idea whats going on. There is a water wheel the souls go up and its like a circular river. I look up there is a Giant Bull skeleton the size of a mountain in the middle it notices me because I am not screaming or scared. It picks me up and throws me. I wake up instantly after that. I could have woken up in anything after that and I wouldn't have known I ever existed.

If you were stuck in a void where you were nothingness but your thoughts continued forever, what would stop you from imagining endless beautiful realities and stories? The assumption that it would be a hell state implies that you are not stuck inside a void, but rather in some kind of reality where some being other than yourself is causing you to suffer. If it was truly a void with nothing but your thoughts, there wouldn't be anything to make it a hell state. You wouldn't be bored, because you would have your mind to endlessly stimulate you. If took a break from stimulating yourself with imagination, you'd basically just default to bliss because you'd essentially be in a state of being that contains no "problems" because those would have to be imagined. If some kind of problem existed underneath everything when you stopped imagining things, then it wouldn't be a void. Endlessly stimulating yourself with imagination doesn't necessary work this way when you're a human (or imagining yourself as a human? ) because we have bodies that get uncomfortable, restless, tired, hungry, etc. but if you were just a mind in a void, these "limits" wouldn't exist unless you put them upon yourself by imagining them, so you would basically be in heaven, not hell.

Yes .ceasing to exist forever is the perfect state. That's what Leo calls "melting into infinite love " . He doesn't want to blunt about it and tell you that you will have no form forever. Do you remember before you were born? Weren't you peaceful back then? I don't see why people are afraid of it. Either it's the beginning of another exciting part of a human being's life or it's nothingness and you won't care because you won't know. So I don't think it's anything to worry about. I answered below :

And believe me, there is one last door. you have to dive headfirst, without reservation, into the absolute horror of absolute nothingness. this is not a joke. absolute emptiness. you have to disappear really. then the jet reactor will emerge and from it will sprout the inexhaustible jet of the glory of existence and a feeling will emerge: hallelujah. Hallelujah. and your heart will open Sounds wo wo? It's the reality

What about deep sleep? It seems like Perfect nothingness. As if nothing ever happened and never existed. It seems like there is no consciousness during deep sleep.. It's not even dark, black or empty.. It's so much nothing that even the concept of nothing isn't it..... What happens exactly during deep sleep? Ramana maharshi used to say 'you are closer to your true nature during deep sleep'.

This is kind of a new insight I’ve had.

Exactly there is a purpose to it. Eventually....you get tired of struggling and fighting...and you just accept. Its why enlightenment is inevitable. One day it just dawned on me I was like "Ohhhhh life just happens, how could I forget?" I was never in control. There is NO BODY controlling anything. If everything is SELF....then I am not a self, everything is me, my resistance is akin to a kidney having self-awareness suddenly waking up and thinking it is separate from the body. It asks questions like why am I here, what is my purpose? It then resists against the body, and struggles all in vain thinking it has some control, until one day it realizes its not the kidney, but the whole body and it relaxes....then it becomes one with the whole body. Humans have this issue. They have been given the gift of imagination, which basically makes them God in a finite form. They can create anything...and the first thing they created....was a finite self amidst an Infinite Self. The moment they did this...they created a World of Suffering. You can't suffer without a self. Ask yourself...can a kidney suffer? It can if it creates a self. Now notice this...Everything God creates...God becomes, so self is creation, so the self you are, you also created. So your ego is imaginary, but everything is imaginary, so your self is just as real as your human body. It is indistinguishable and that is why it is so hard to find your TRUE SELF, the NO SELF, the NO SELF that constantly creates a self. A self is just a creation that has a life. A beginning and an end. NO-SELF exists eternally, while SELF exists finitely. SELF can only exist within thought, emotion, and activity. If there is no activity going on...there is NO SELF. Just emptiness, nothingness. Everything was always this...but with thought, emotion, and activity...it can appear this has changed and a life emerges. 1. You could...you just may not WANT TOO. There is no difference between you and another human. If a human can do it...so can you. The only real limitations you have would be stuff like aptitude, but you would be amazed at what repetition and practice can create. Most humans have no clue what their true potential is. 2. Humanity has been adapting to far worse, poverty today is no where near as bad as how bad it was being a hunter-gatherer in the jungle/forest. So its all context. If humanity survived then, they could survive now. Since you ARE THEM, you can do it now. There is no separation. You already know I am right, you just fell asleep again. 4. Picture how you were as a child, picture how you are now, the child version of you could look at you and say how could I ever become them? Easy...because its you!!! There is no difference between the child version of you and the current version of you. But you can create that distinction. You can create a distinction between you now, and 5 seconds ago. LOL. distinctions are hilarious!!!

If I hold a unicorn in my mind right now..it displays as a faint image. Then it fades into nothingness or my memory probably. So I don't get how abstract objects are eternal. They seem subject to time and change.

After so many trips, so many retreats, so many meditations, so many so called "awakenings"... I still find myself alone in my room shocked in how this is actually possible (that God is real). Its like the amount of brainwash of materialism run so deep that it just doesn't take 1, 2, 3, or 4 awakenings to actually even consider this to be real. it takes years and years and many many many realizations and basking in that formless consciousness so that when you are in a normal, relatively "mainstream" functional state of consciousness, you can really be conscious and accept that yes, your experiences and realizations are valid, yes, this is real. Death is not real. Reality is infinite. My life is a dream. God is pure nothingness in all directions. And 99.9% of humans are fucking clueless about it and they believe 100% in the materialism paradigm. Fuck the illusion its so well designed Lmao. But I guess that way its even funnier when you really accept God completely.