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This is just a problem of you not being directly aware of what it is. It's not black: people just think of it as black because that's what they might see when they close their eyes to sleep at night, which they associate with the idea of nothingness or unconsciousness or a void. But the real thing is complete colorless and infinitely unqualifiable Emptiness.

// Meta-Content // I'm mainly creating this journal to study various nuances and going meta on subjects that i found within myself and the world cause both are really one apparently now. And also if anyone is going through any of this spiral as me, could benefit from this or might gain some perspective here and there. // My objectives for this Journal // History - Time to leave relativistic stage and integrating those lessons Mainly I've been in the relativistic domain for too long and now i can see myself suffering through this endless meaningless-ness. Lately, my mind see through with heart even this concept of me trying to accept meaningless is meaningless - cause this is so meaningless. Anystep am taking to combat meaningless is meaningless before i understood intellectually but now i've understood to the level of the authentic heart perse. What made the breakthrough from green to see the yellow? Personally i believe what was happened, i had stage blue approach to green mentality. I was clinging to the dogma, if everything is meaningless, i should not even try and also if everything is meaningless what's the point in even trying. I became or kinda having these thoughts like where do it even coming from, and i realize how i construct meaning for meaningless-ness in a way. And i don't want to construct negative meaning on meaningless-ness in a sense. I was painfully aware that am making shit out of my life, if i hold onto to this thought and inherently the truth of the meaningless and the real meaningless ness differs a lot. Which again understood while in the self inquiry. Where i compared myself when i was in the no-mind consciousness and whenever i clinged to the belief of nothingness which provided me a breakthrough i guess. Also in my current state of mind, i can tell there's nothing important to do other than being authentic - Pursing the truth with you being the authentic driver - Yes sometimes you can go through the spirals of doubting yourself and wanting to be something else - but nothing is gonna be as important as you being authentic admitting your true intentions and allowing to be consumed by your shadow self to understand and know better of yourself ever more deeply. What else gonna be important to do. I don't know, even pursing god seems okay, but pushing myself for god can be done. But now i can understand that is not what i really want. And i thought, i have to go for god all the time and now it's seems okay to be myself and to just be. // Learning Stage Yellow & Impacts // I've just watched maybe 7 hours of content of stage yellow, trying to understand and within even an hour or two of content for a day. To be honest it made my life easier, yes obviously from my point of view. I been mostly neurotic about things especially understanding truths and god realization, so clingy i feared losing this one way ticket and the only ticket for all those sufferings i thought to myself. For me i want to escape myself cause there were some unwanted fears within myself which i was recognized and which is so much harder to face, i shuve it each time it comes and it's more worse each time as it comes. Which one of it was meaningless ness and my actions which are going to have no impact whatsoever not in a fame oriented manner but more like pragamtic thinking what's the point? but i pushed myself into thinking in more relativistic fashion as it's relative or whatever. I ackonwledge those parts within myself and i realized a deep truth within them and i could see their need. I could finally learn to learn integrate them as some of the parts i could strike balance within myself. These non-balancing life brought the balance and i came to now understood why an yellow mind can hold a paradox very well. Yes i heard this statement previously but now i understand more than the previous time, why it's possible to have a contradictive and paradoxical thoughts. It's so integrated and also it has no need for a dogma, cause dogma keep the mind stuck.

I've heard that the nothingness that people experience after death is actually both black and white. Not only is it one or the other, but both and at the same time.

When we hear the term "emptiness " or "nothingness " or even "non-existence " we can't help ourselves but to imagine a black scene. It has to be black .not any other color .but why ? It should qualityless .meaning it has no shape or form or even color .yet it's associated in our minds with a specific Color which is black .but why black and not red for example? Can you see that it's completely arbitrary. Yet we can't help ourselves but to think of nothingness as having a black color . I'm simply asking why is that case ? I mean I get it ..we can't imagine colorlessness because all we ever see is color . But why the color black specifically to represent nothingness rather than white or any other color? ?

Of course the self is invented.....everything is invented. The Creator and Creation are one. Literally ONE. That's it. Nothing more nothing less. God is imagination. So anything you experience is God. Even the ego. We say the ego is imaginary to help you to get to the bottom of the rabbit whole....but here is a secret...GOD IS IMAGINARY. You say the self is invented? God INVENTED ITSELF. God is just an infinite void of nothingness. A void of nothingness that is aware. So God decided to create and through creation...God has a self. That's why they refer to God as a HIGHER SELF. The moment God creates anything God becomes a self because its creation is its self!!! Once you understand all this then it will click!!!

Yea you have to deconstruct everything if you want to awaken. Even notions of "love " and "nothingness "..all of that has to be throwed in the trash can .until all you are left with is the raw qualia of the present moment. Sights. Sounds .smells. tastes. Touch. Thought. Mental images .that's all that reality is .anything else is complete horseshit .and I know I will be criticized for saying so .but it is what it is .I'm being honest as per my awakening.

You have to learn to let your ego be one layer below you. Let your ego be itself. Just don't get caught up in it, and identify it. You are nothingness. You cannot take one step in the world or one breath without the ego. It's the ego which desires to mark the world with itself. Let it do that. Observe your ego. Don't identify with it. Witness how your ego defines itself against your fears, against that which you choose to not be concious of. Just observe our ego, that's really the main idea. Over time your ego will become thinner and thinner, and the duality between concious and unconscious within you which creates your ego will become more tangible to you. You will learn to surrender your ego and enter Samadhi more easily, more often. You can only do so by experience and developing your intuitive sense of your beingness.

The problem of evil refutes the theistic conception of god. This leaves only a deist god which is an amoral first cause. Nature is amoral so if it has a designer then this designer would also be amoral. So why have anything at all? The deist god which I cannot discount, obviously gave no thought to the pain which is a byproduct of sentient existence. Nothingness would have been better.

Since reality is imaginary (everything is your imagnitive mind's product. I can't really explain this here ..I did it before in previous threads of mine )Then whatever you imagine becomes real for you . So if you imagine and firmly believe that after death you will go to hell ..you will. And if you imagine that after death you go to a paradise..you will. And if you imagine and believe that after death you will reincarnate as a new human being (or an animal)..you will. And if you imagine and believe that after death its just pure nothingness forever..then that's what's gonna happen. So take responsibility for what you are imagining/believing . "Be careful what you wish for " as they say . I can't really explain how I came to this conclusion..if you understand that the entire universe is something you are imagining (just like how you imagine the universe in your dreams ) then you are creating whatever experience you are having . So ,you die every night when you fall asleep and then you imagine a dream world .or sometimes you don't dream at all and it's pitch black . Well..that's the case with physical death as well..you imagine what comes next . This is why it's important to explore your subconscious mind and purfiy it. Because it created reality .you need to align the subconscious mind with the conscious mind to work together in harmony to create the next dream. Now I can't deny it ..this is somewhat speculative perspective of mine. So take it with a grain of salt and validate for yourself in your own direct experience and awakening work.

Beyond all energy you will find the nothingness when reality reaches its ultimatum maximum. In this state you will find that when energy is so high, that it is not physical. It is consciousness that remains until reality collapses upon itself and is formed into a new creation, beyond what it currently is now. Forever, until the collapse of space itself, time (or what can be referred to as evolution) will remain in place. Until it is not needed and the Everything will dissolve into Nothing and Creation will create a new Reality beyond that of its previous self, learning how it was flawed. How it could have created something more loving. More conscious. And in that moment of rebirth, it will forget its past, as it is something so new, that it is so overwhelming to where only itself could ever exist. And through this all: we now know what God is. This is God. This is Love. This is Consciousness. Once you know this, this is all of life’s big questions answered. In some short paragraphs.

A dreamed space time continuum is an illusion consisting of nothing. And just as your sleeping dream's spacetime is an illusion born out of nothingness, so also is your waking world spacetime continuum an illusion. So the simple answer to your question is, if other dream characters of yours are dreaming up other dream characters within their own dream(of which you would be one of them) then their dream isn't happening anywhere because it's exactly the same as your dreams which aren't tacking place anywhere or within any mechanical system.

Introduction Before we start, lets mention the most important point: After total enlightement, there will remain no "I" here to be proud of anything, take credits for anything or feel special about anything. All that remains will be God, infinite Love and Perfection, Nirvana and reality as it is, everpresent bliss and beauty recreating itself permanently in this infinite ocean of Love called the Now. In other words: The only thing that is left of "me" now is God, and as God "I" literally have no Self, "I" am completely selfless so "I" have no pride in anything. "I" don't feel special in any way and "I" am not in any way better, higher, or more than any other human in this world. And even God is not the ultimate name of "myself." In the totality of myself it is recognized, that even God or Consciousness are not my deepest and truest places and are simply the first manifestations or distortions of the complete nothingness that I am. Whenever I use the word "I" or "you" in the following explanations you have to remember the following: Language is relativistic and needs self-reference, which is indicated by this word "I" or "you". In truth however, no relativistic concept could encapsulate the true nature of who "I" am, which is not an "I" to begin with. Whatever will be written in the following lines and paragraphs will be completely meaningless words and ideas. Their purpose is not to show you what is true, because they can not. Their only purpose is, to be an inspiration for you to seek finding your own truest place, to seek finding the one infinite creator within your own heart. Proposal for the reader The following paragraphs are a proposal to find the lord and absolute truth within yourself, however it should be added that there is nothing "right" or "wrong" in doing that. The only reason you should seek absolute truth for yourself is if you deeply care about it and if it feels truly meaningful to you. If you don't really care and would rather enjoy your life as a normal human being this just is as beautiful and as meaningful as reaching for truth would be. What you should do in your life is, you should simply do what feels most beautiful and most meaningful to you, in other words - you should do what you love the most. What's in it for you Nothing, literally. But this Nothing is the sweetest and the most beautiful thing that could ever exist, and it doesn't even exist because it is prior to existence. This nothingness means, there will be no "you" left, because you are nothing. And without a "you", there is nobody here who could suffer, even if infinite pain and torture would occour. "You" will be in heaven, because there is no "you" to be separated from heaven and no "you" to not be completely happy with reality as it is. This Nothingness is identical to infinite love / bliss / happiness, yet there are 0 feelings of love, bliss, or happiness connected to it. It is simply the source of all feelings, and truly it is even beyond source and creation. It is the "source" of all dualities, so it is even the "source" of the duality between creator and creation, in other words, absolute truth is total non-duality or total unity. (And even beyond the duality between non-duality and duality - but don't get hung up on these words, they mean nothing). What is total liberation / nirvana / enlightenment? It is the complete, total and undistorted seeing and knowing of reality as it is. It is knowing who you truly are and what reality truly is without having a single doubt about it. It is the realisation that you are everything which is identical to love, and that in that everythingness that you are, there exists no "you." This seeing is total. There are no degrees to it, no "infinite levels" to it and there is no path towards it. You cannot glimpse this and you cannot see this by 1% or 10%, it can only be seen totally. Who can reach total liberation and what is required for it? Anybody can reach it. YOU can reach it. Because there is nothing to reach for. You are it. You are already God. You are already infinite love, heaven, perfection. Accept this fact in your direct experience and you will be free forever. Nothing is required for it. You don't need to be a man or a woman. You don't need to be intelligent. You don't need to be healthy. You don't need to be wise. You can be in complete pain and suffering and realize it. You don't need good genetics. You don't need to be spiritually gifted. You don't need to meditate. There is no age requirement. You could have been a complete asshole for your entire life and still you have the same chances of reaching it anybody else has. You need nothing. How can you "reach" it? You can not reach it, because there is nothing to reach for. You are it, already. You can only recognize it and not even that, because there was no you to recognize or not recognize it to begin with. And there is not even an "it", which could be recognized. To recognize it, be as you are. Do not move. Do not think. Do not talk. Do not reach for anything. Simply be as you are, and in that, recognize that there is not even a you here to be "you." Do not start moving, thinking, or talking again before you have not totally grasped what you are and what reality is to its core. Indirect ways to "reach" it? If it seems to you that you simply can not grasp it and the above guidence seems to be too direct or to vague to help you, here are some relativistic ideas which could increase the "chances" of you seeing it in the future, relatively speaking. The following ideas are simply ideas, incomplete and ultimately not at all needed. Feel free to add your own ideas to the list: Read the book "Conversations With God" of Neale Donald Walsch, read all parts of it, read it multiple times. It is the most important book that has ever been written in human history. Understanding everything in that book and embodying it will lead to total liberation Take psychedelics in a conscious manner. Take them in self love, in low doses and with good preparation. Write trip-reports for yourself after you tripped and try to learn as much as you can from your trips. Psychedelics can easily throw you into states of absolute knowledge and complete liberation. When you come back from it, don't cling to it and instead know that what you just whitnessed was not a "fleating experience" but your own everpresent true nature as it is. Try to embody the immense wisdom and clarity psychedelics provide to you in your day to day life as much as possible by proper integration Listen to spiritual teachers (Youtube). Good teachers from my POV are: Mooji, Rupert Spira, Sadhguru, Eckart Tolle, Osho, Papaji, Krishnamurti, and any other teacher or teaching that you feel deeply resonates with you Read spiritual books of the above teachers, and other teachers that you resonate with Be creative: Make music. Make art. Sing. Dance. Paint. Write. Exercise and do sports Move slowly through life: Feel your feet as they touch the ground. Feel the sun on your skin and the wind blowing through your hair. Taste the beauty of your meal, feel the unification of the water that you drink with your body. See the perfection and the love in the eyes of your partner while making love to them Be with other people (no matter who these people are, it could be beggars, thieves, depressed people, or normal people, very happy people, rich people or poor people) and try to be there for them, to serve their highest interests and to truly understand these people. Try to find out who they are, what they think about life, who they dream of becoming in the future, what their greatest wish for themselves is etc. Be with yourself (no matter who you are, you could be a thief, depressed, stable, very happy, poor, rich, it doesn't matter). Try to be there for yourself, to serve your highest interests and to truly understand yourself. Try to find out who you are, what you truly think about life, who you truly dream of becoming in the future, what your greatest wish for yourself is, etc. Laugh a lot. Laugh from the deepest place within yourself. Laugh from your heart Stop worrying about anything in life. Life will take care of you. Trust in life. Love a lot. Love as many people as you can as deeply as you can, including yourself. Love from your heart Forgive anybody who hurt you. See that they acted out of ignorance and that they did not know what they were doing when they hurt you Think of other important points that should be mentioned on this list and continue the list with your own ideas My promise for you This message is a promise of Love for Love. It is a promise of myself (love) for you (love) that we will forever be one, completely unified, lacking nothing. Death cannot touch us. Life cannot touch us. We are forever. We are nothingness. I love you, with all my heart. I pray for you. I am there for you, forever. I know that the day of our unification, the day of the realisation of our already everpresent unity will come. It will be our happiest day. And it will be forever. With Love, Yourself

Ok, so you posit nothingness as your reduction base. When you do that, then by default, you no longer require an explanation for nothingness, but also in a similar vein, nothingness cannot explain anything by itself, or it's at least not a very useful explanation (e.g. "why can I not read your thoughts?" – "nothingness"). If you want your metaphysics to be able to make useful explanations for different stuff (maybe you don't), then where do you go from here?

Nothingness can't be reduced to anything else, and it doesn't require any explanation for its own being since nothingness needs no creation. Quite simplistic really. I thought that was a very common recognization in strong ego death, the fact of our fundamental nothingness? I hope so, because outwardly it sounds like philosophy BS or theory, when it isn't...

It is the same. People don't have consciousness, consciousness has people. Isolated by itself, it is nothing. I'm not grabbing a book and reciting some "deep" sentences, I am telling you for real it is nothing. And I don't see how even in theory you could have different nothings, since nothing is nothing. If the problematic and counterintuitive "consciousness" term was swapped out for Western-intuitive terms like existence, reality... Then it would be obvious: "Are you telling me a drunk person's realness is the same as a sober person's?" You see how, now, it is so blatantly obvious? A drunk person exists as much as a sober person. NOW it makes sense???? That is what all of this is. All of it. This is, we are, everything is, nothingness is (again: nothingness is what "your consciousness" is, and that can be explained also) quite literally, existence itself. We are literally existence itself. We are reality itself. That is "Brahman". And how easy to wrap your head around is that? Probably much moreso. You are existence itself reading these words. You are existence itself feeling emotions. You are existence itself seeing from your eyes. And all of these things are, also, existence itself. Existence itself is all encompassing, it is EVERYTHING.

Okay so you just straight aren't ever going to recognize it then... Vedanta takes randomers who have not had these bizarre experiences and will tell you, "you are not your thoughts", etc (as I mentioned they do that whole neti neti process thing)... Now you will say back to them "but that's duality! I am my thoughts!" And it's like, well okay then guess you'll just have literally no chance of ever understanding it whatsoever... You're just talking about something you have never recognized as if you have recognized it, and because of that you will never recognize it... And that is ultimately why you think you "become" God and start performing magic. You will never "become" what you are. You can only ever possibly recognize what you are, but it is what you already and always were. There will never be such a thing as a level of consciousness, there isn't any tier that is higher or lower than what is rigidly the only one there ever was, which encompasses all there is and ever could be. There isn't space for it to grow into, it is itself and it is whole with nothing outside it, not even nothingness (since nothingness is fundamentally what you are), hence why: nowhere for it to grow into. All things happen WITHIN it, like the swirling images on a screen. All you are ever doing, it is not growing outwards into bigger and bigger pictures but seeing "through" the pictures so to speak. It is more like moving the opposite direction. Except you are already there...... Take this. You're at a cinema, super engrossed in the film, lost in it. Suddenly the movie cuts out. And you suddenly feel yourself in the seat there. You didn't "go to" the seat, or "become more seated". You were already and always there, ALWAYS just as seated and just as present in that chair. But you didn't realize because you were distracted by the movie. Leo would understand what I am saying but he doesn't really bother to post lately.

He's saying specifically that his teachings have come from experiences or maybe non-experience would be a better word from the nothingness that gives form to reality. Just as a side note, this parallels my own experience experimenting with certain yogic and western consciousness-altering disciplines. It seems that whenever you do something to alter your state of consciousness, doing more of the same tends to produce more powerful results with seemingly no upper limit to the degree of intensity and novelty possible. I am at least a little skeptical of this, the human species is incredibly primitive. I realize, however, that I likely haven't searched hard enough for advanced human entities because of my judgment that I reached from observations of the masses. Do you have any advice for me if I wanted to find more conscious and powerful humans, some kind of secret organization of monks or something? @Jake Chambers Also, I'm curious to know about your understanding of how 5 MEO DMT impacts humans.

You absolutely will not understand it until you stop obsessing over collapsing perceived duality, and find what you actually are first... Otherwise you're never going to find your "true nature". You can't get it by just saying "oh yeah I'm everything". You're still thinking you're a person with consciousness and all sorts... Find the nothing that sits permanent and unchanging. You won't find the literal nothingness without dissociating from the images. You can't take a screen with a movie on it and say "oh it's all screen" when you haven't even NOTICED the screen. You haven't even recognized it and are just repeating something that sounded deep in a book or YouTube video... AFTER you recognize the screen upon which the images appear, you might then notice that the images themselves are also the screen and that there only ever was the screen and the shapes it contorts itself into.

You're all "crazy" enough to understand what I'm saying. The past and present and future are all in the now, in the next second I can start dreaming that I'm in the era of Descartes and having a dinner with him, or maybe I can start dreaming I'm having a dinner with someone in 2200s or something like that, instead of being in 2022. You are all me myself. Every person and every being and everything that is is me myself, literally and directly myself, and everything is a dream, everything is Consciousness. What you all call "me" is actually me, and your bodies and minds etc are mine, for there only is me, and I'm experiencing this space and time and continuum and duality experience. Reality is like a tv screen and everything is like vapor, like nothingness, which I'm forming it, without even being aware of it, into what I call reality. When I'm reading a book, I'm creating every word, every letter of it, in the moment while I'm reading it. When I'm watching a program on tv, I'm creating every bit of it in the moment. Every detail that I experience is me creating in the moment. Time and space and continuity and this universe and every possible universe and dimension, it is all me. Logic and mathematics and physics and knowledge, it is all me. I am that which is creating itself. I am the absolute which is experiencing itself as the relative. I am the infinite brilliance that is self forming. Creating an idea of a past and me and you in order to make sense of This. Creating an idea of physics and biology and evolution etc in order to make sense of This, but there is only This, that which is creating itself and storifying itself for it is brilliance itself. This is frickin crazy shit. Every story I can frickin come up with and believe is real, because I am the frickin reality itself. Holy frickin fuck.

@CuriousityIsKey If it is true, it is possible to know it. Direct experience is the key. @Cykaaaa Thank you for your reply. Yes I went through this and "came back." Death is an illusion, and impossible. You are immortal and can know this through direct insight. Don't trust me on that, find it out for yourself. @Breakingthewall There is a possibility of knowing why and how, you can gain insight into that by fully awakening. Explaining it in words doesn't really do the reality justice but I will still try my best here to give a short explanation: Reality in its ultimate form is groundless nothingness and wants to experience the highest possible thing which is love. In order to experience love it needs contrast so it creates fear so that it can recognize the love that it is. @alltheotherpeoplewho replied: Thanks a lot for your encouragements, have an amazing day you all!

My mind has morphed itself into an infinitude of other minds/selves that are me, for me to play with. It had to be this way because I'm a formless being of infinite potential, so I wanted to experience myself in an infinite myriad of ways. Well, the bedrock of it all is nothing, but that nothingness takes the form of the dream and the dreamer. A collective dream or a consensus reality arises when multiple dream characters share dream experiences. It's essentially a superposition of many different possible experiences. For instance, I can experience a bird as an external character to me. But I can also turn myself into the bird and live its life from its perspective. To understand this, consider that all of it boils down to the fact that the unconscious of man has no limits. So possibility winds up being the same as reality because reality is such an abstract and undefined thing that it becomes whatever we define it as. I've mentioned this before but it occurs to me that the meaning of what I said likely isn't clear to you. Have you ever encountered a powerful voice in the sky in your lucid dreams before? This is the one I before referred to as The Guardian. Have you ever tried to command them to become more conscious? Or to define/command thought forms as not existing/ceasing to exist in a way something like this "All thought forms must disappear" and see what happens to the others in the dream as a consequence of that?

What's troubling to me is that you reduce all of these positive states to a negative removal of ego. As an analogy, it's like saying pleasure is just the removal of pain. You've made the claim that once the ego is gone, the enlightenment begins, and the amount of ego gone-ness has an exact correlation with enlightenment levels. But what phenomenologically could you say about enlightenment and these experiences? How would you define terms like God, nirvana, savikalpa and nirvikalpa samadhis, Nothingness, Everythingness, Nondual Union, Soul, Luminousness? How do you experience them? What is your emotional state? If you can't cough up excellent descriptions of these states and what they're actually like, it makes me think you've just been pretending to destroy some imaginary thing called the ego, when really nothing or at least less than what you believe has been happening.

Why do you think you should be able to do that? Every element of yourself and what you want etc is itself created, by the way. Anything that isn't nothing, is always going to be something "in front of you" so to speak. Which includes all of your wants and thoughts and emotions. Those are themselves things and themselves appearances. The element of awareness in all of this is inherently complete nothingness, pure nothingness, which poses a problem for "free will". Since any step in a choice is itself going to take the form of something like a thought... People obsessed with "collapsing duality" won't understand because they won't see that. But it seems to cause issues on the whole "free" front, which implies being presented multiple choices and specifically deciding on one of those.

No it's a really good book full of many comics based on traditional Zen stories. It's called Zen Speaks: Shouts of Nothingness. There are a good number of the comics online but no eBook.

I've been thinking a lot about heaven. I've had a few experiences that give me some idea of what I am to expect on the other side. I don't know if it is the same for everyone. I plan to commit suicide after my parents and my dog pass away. I'll use the money from the house for a few years of enjoyment, just staying in a hotel, smoking weed and coasting for a while before going out on heart and or pain medications and alcohol. I've done my research, mental illness is treated as a terminal illness and as long as I am a good girl and can work on my attitude in this life then I'll hopefully be in a good spot for the next world... What I think happens is that we are grown in groups of souls. Bubbles floating around in a soup of consciousness, but I have no idea what that will look like or how it will be experienced from the other side. I just know that there is a group there and that we are all connected to one another. I don't know who I have met in this life that is a part of them or if they are all on the other side. I have also experienced a partner, when I was at my sickest he showed himself through intuition and told me that we have been playing a kind of game, like hide and seek, and to follow the pieces through the things that I love in life, that when the time comes he will catch me, like in a net of sorts and that my soul won't dissolve into nothingness. I don't know anything about him other than that this is a life where I am supposed to "feel" the absence of him, so that I know how it will feel when he is there, so that I will have a full appreciation. I think this life was meant to be one of lack and loss so that I know what I want, what I need and so that I am oriented in the right way when the time comes. I was born very feminine - I think this is because my partner will be very masculine and that it will even itself out. I think that I am supposed to wait until I die, and that I shouldn't make any friends or find any partners while I am alive or I will have more karmic ties to the wrong people. When I think about my heaven, I think about him. I think about not having the weight of human life to contend with, I think about being able to be young forever - I was a very beautiful young woman and so I will be in death - I think about snuggling up close and not having any walls or obstructions in the way preventing me from being able to show my love in the way that I was supposed to. I think about nuzzling my partner's cheek with my nose and nibbling on his earlobe like a bunny does on fresh grass. I think about how love and sex will feel like being perpetually high on MDMA. I feel that the afterlife will be enjoyable in the ways that we wish we could have here on earth, that lack and longing are just there to show us what we actually want for our own private little heavens. Mine will be the perfect INFP heaven, full of romance with my partner, learning about different things and getting to play in various landscapes. We will take turns being the ones to make new worlds to explore and play in and maybe sometimes we will come back down to earth as spirits to watch over humanity and marvel in the mysteries of nature. My heaven, with my family - my true family and my partner, my true partner. I just have another 15 years to wait. It's going to be a rough, lonely 15 years, but I'm a perfectionist and I only want to bring my best self to the table and that best self exists as a soul and not a human being. I don't believe in human love, I think the best stuff comes later. Heaven will be a great place. We will all be free and healed and happy. I can't wait to be Home, with someone who loves me, someone that I can love for eternity, without arguments or things getting stale. It will be a place of sweetness and goodness and no evil will ever touch us ever again. So, I guess I believe in more of the Muslim side of things, but more romantically. I don't think that everyone has someone waiting for them on the other side, I just know that I must be one of them because I need it so much and God is ideal and cares about its creations and wants to give us what our hearts crave. I think this need, that I have always followed since I was a little girl, was put in my soul's blueprint because I am so polarized as a feminine being, that to become one with another who is very masculine, that this has a balancing property to it. I am willing to fulfil my responsibilities to my pets and to my family, but once they are gone, then I am coming home. I was made to be limited, sad, lonely, so that when I come back I will know and understand what it truly means to be limitless, happy and free.