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With society progressing and becoming more liberal, I see nothing but the clock ticking for these religions especially since its fundamentalists don’t tolerate certain groups of people and are trying to infiltrate politics by breaking down the separation of church and state. Christianity for example is growing more and more incompatible with modern society that multiple studies are signaling its decline. All it takes is for the state to tax the churches and it’s over. Running for president these days while saying that homosexuality is a sin for example, is political suicide. Isn’t it all just a matter of time?

@Judy2 no I don't have anyone. My family is extremely abusive. That's why I come online. I have zero friends because nobody has time to listen to someone's trauma 24/7. Even therapists get tired and most therapists are useless anyway. Plus I'm autistic and anxious. So I never feel comfortable enough to open up to a therapist. I just shut down and become completely blank in front of therapists. My only solution is to write down my thoughts and feelings, that's the only time I'm not feeling stressed out or anxious and that's the reason why I need journaling so badly, especially public journaling. I'm protected from degrading mentally when I journal.. My family is worried that I'll commit suicide at some point. Although they are not going to do anything about it because they don't really give a damn. They think of me as a loser They just pretend like they care. They are abusive too. So I'm left with little option. Today I felt like cutting myself. I even feel like killing some people on this forum because they are driving me so insane. I feel like snatching the keyboard from them because they are abusive and misuse their freedom to type online to abuse vulnerable people like me who feel helpless in stopping them I feel like there should be a cyber bullying crime center on the internet. Because people with abusive families come online to seek help and feel better. And these abusive sharks are sitting everywhere to prey on vulnerable people by bullying them constantly. They know that they are able to get away with it. That drives me mad with anger. Because they can use words to hurt others but nothing will happen to them, they will never have to face consequences. The internet will never be a safe place I wish there was an online center where you could complain about such online abuse and they would quickly disconnect the internet of such trolls and abusers so that they won't be able to misuse their freedoms and privileges to abuse others freely. If you walk into a park and if someone verbally or physically assaults you, you can immediately call the cops and get the person arrested. I don't know why this can't be done online. Why online abuse is simply neglected? You know how many people kill themselves every year due to cyber bullying. Nothing will ever be done about it unless more and more people die out of frustration and suffering. Then maybe someday people will wake up and there will be stricter measures and policies on internet protocol and finally maybe something serious will happen and we will actually be able to deal with online abuse/harassment and put an end to it. Till then many people will have to commit suicide for some awareness to actually spread and knock sense into people that any kind of abuse is abuse, offline or online. And it's not simple as logging off. The internet resources are needed especially for vulnerable people but abusers get there first and start preying. I wish there were safer websites that took online bullying very seriously and put measures so nobody can get away with using their keyboard anyhow they want. This website is definitely not one of those.

@Tyler Robinson hi .I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I know it's terrible. Let me try to shed some light on your situation so that you have an idea what's going on. The reason you are having a lot of negative thoughts is because your mind is idle. The reason your mind is idle is because you don't have energy to do anything. The reason you don't have energy to do anything is because you are channeling the bulk of your energy into suppressing your emotions, as a result of your negative thoughts. Negative thoughts -> negative emotions -> use energy to suppress emotions -> no energy to do anything else -> mind is idle -> more negative thoughts The fear that you will not be normal is one such negative thought. It's all connected, but it can be hard to see when you're in the thick of it. It's all one big haze, one neverending cloud of darkness. The first thing to realise is that you cannot trust your own thoughts. That's scary, I know. But when you're in the midst of a depressive episode, you cannot trust your own mind. That means some of the things that your mind thinks are real, some are not, and you are unable to differentiate which is which. In such times when you can't even trust your own mind, who can you trust? your parents your best friends your therapist Pick one or two, and trust that person’s words over your own, against your better judgement because during these times, your judgement is impaired. The second thing to do is to reduce the number of thoughts that come to mind. Remember, the reason you have so many is because your mind is idle. Give your mind something to do. I highly encourage going out into the sun and doing some vigorous exercise. Sunlight and exercise and great ways to lift the cloud of darkness around you, for physiological reasons. Also try serious meditation retreats .or just meditation I'm home . Can make you feel present and in touch with the real world . Call a suicide prevention hotline ASAP if you feel you can't take it anymore. I hope others will give you something useful if mine wasn't useful for you . Can't much comment on the journal thing .because I'm not part of the staff here. I wish you to live a long happy life with peace in your heart . I hope you get better soon .

It's my father's death anniversary. I'm dealing with a lot in my fucking life. I can't handle internet abuse. I'm serious I'm going to end my life. I like journaling. I don't like intrusion. It impacts me mentally. The journaling helps me heal mentally everyday and that's why I do it. I am severely mentally ill. I'm very depressed. The journaling acts as a therapy for me. I simply cannot deal with cyberbullying. I'm seriously going to kill myself because I have no other solution other than journaling my troubles and seek relief. The people who run this website don't understand how important this is for mentally ill people like me.. I'm terribly frustrated with this website's policy that doesn't allow any privacy to journal. Anybody can comment in journals and it drives me nuts. Because for people like me, intrusion impacts us mentally. We like to be left alone I'm Hyper sensitive for fucks sake. I am paranoid 24/7 that somebody will comment on my journal. It makes me uncomfortable to the point of suicide. I'm not like other people. And I hate how this sensitivity is constantly being preyed on. Why can't this website stop people from commenting on journals and make journals inaccessible to Commenters. Why isn't the owner of the website doing something? It is a huge frustration for me because I use the journaling mainly for my trauma therapy and I cannot afford someone intruding in it It drives me insane with fear, anxiety and insecurity, distress. Last 2 days I've been crying all day long feeling paranoid that someone will try to abuse me in my journals. When repeated disclaimers are given to not comment. Why is this never taken seriously? This was the only place that made me feel safe. And I constantly feel my space being invaded I want this website to really do something seriously about this. I'm going insane with paranoid fear. I have anxiety and panic disorder. I go into panic mode and panic attacks when I see a comment in my journal. And there are other users who feel similar ways. This has to stop. I've been fighting against this for so long. This website encourages cyberbullying of vulnerable people. I'm also planning to leave the forum and just stick to journals because I can't take this blatant abuse anymore. I'm seriously tired and suicidal. I'm begging for help. Mods and Leo have to do something about this I'm sick of feeling fear/anxiety all the time.

@Danioover9000 Sure, in a story he shares how: He makes really good friends with a trans comedian. “She” was one of Dave’s biggest fans. She laughed at all his jokes and at the trans jokes even harder. She said at one point “I just want people to realize I do t care if I am Trans. I just want people to see I am having a human experience” (True story). After performing with Dave Chappelle the trans community bullied this trans person so hard 2 weeks later she committed suicide. Dave chappele started a fund for the trans persons daughter she can access when she is 24. Dave said at the end… ”Young lady, I knew your father. He was a wonderful woman”

First huawei and now this. I thought we are globalized. It turns out to be it's my data vs yours. What is the point of cockblocking certain information or data? Who benefits from that... 9/11 changed the definition of national security and now the new informations are national security breach... If you are not subscribed to certain narrative you are a national security breach. Gotta love national security club. When they gonna reset the economy and replace it with centralized coins they will justify it as national security. Politics is like a child commiting ''suicide'' from balcony because he thinks hes a Pokemon. Maybe he is a pokemon? not a pile of meat? Politics is creation.

This fear of cults is getting ridiculous, has it ever occured to you that this place is more likely to be a cult than that casual discord channel ever was? There is no comparison to be made to Heaven's gate, it's just a ridiculous comparison. Sure there might be cult Discords out there but that Discord server was more like a casual server where people chatted about random stuff and psychology. Reminded me more of my friends Discord groups than some spiritual haven. If the Discord proposed suicide as the solution I would have quit it instantly. Also, this forum is no guarantee to not misunderstand spiritual teachings. I'm sure people misunderstand spiritual teachings on here all the time.

@Roy What would your thinking and feeling be, if Coffeezilla started investigating Leo Gura and Actualized.org, and the suicide that happened here? How would your opinion change of him if he started making critique videos of Leo Gura, but made it a bit more of a rant? Calling him a scammer and crazy self-help life coach, and fake spiritual Guru?

What else is there to do but live? Death is not the end of life, you said yourself that you know that. In my opinion, if you end it with suicide now, you will traumatize yourself so much that it will be even more difficult in your next life. Try to accept and work with the situation you are in. There is no magic cure for those problems and we all struggle with them to some degree. Maybe try psychedelics or ketamine therapy if you're open to it. Take one breath at a time and relax into your body. If you try your best in every moment, the universe will take care of you. You could also keep a journal and do there what you did here. Just let it all out and slowly banish that negativity from your mind. Or do an art form like paint what you feel or whatever. This is something where you can really be yourself and it's not dangerous at all. Basically, you need to find a way to manage your emotions in order for your thoughts to be changed. Life can be very tough at times and it is much harder for some people than for others, but if you manage to survive these times and allow yourself to grow, you will become a very wise and compassionate being. Think of the people we look up to. Most of them have been in very difficult situations, but somehow they found a way to take control of their lives and that made them who they are. Other than that, they're nothing special so you or anyone else can do that too. Hopefully something of that resonates.

@at_anchor I feel you. They shouldnt have done this to you. They are not allowed to behave in this way. If you feel bitter, it nourishes them and they will comeback to hurt you again. This cycle will never end until you accept it. Maybe they will torture you anyways for years but accepting is the best thing you can do. Suicide is too risky and too complicated + much work involved. You can always escape financially.

I don't think you realise how severe and risky it really is. People in this community have committed suicide because of misunderstood teachings. Are you really willing to take responsibility for people's lives? It's also just plain rude to steal people from another platform to your own discord. You could argue you're acting very much in your own self-interest there, and putting people at risk while doing it.

I've been trying to get better for 10 years now and it doesn't work every time I find myself in a bubble of naivety for a few months or even years before it bursts and then I fall back into another one. Now I see the illusory side of it all, I see that using distractions like music, movies, drugs, women, sports are all useless and I'm still as bad as ever. Even spirituality doesn't attract me anymore, the realizations I've had scare me too much and I would have preferred not to know and stay unconscious but it's too late. I thought that doing street interviews and meeting thousands of people would help me to feel good with others and create bonds but no, I always feel paranoid when I do that, the feeling of being judged or not liked, the inability to open up to others and my body freezing up as soon as a girl I like shows interest in me. And anyway even when I'm with a girl I risk attracting a bad one and if I have a good one like my first one, I'll end up being left or cheated on because she'll see that I'm not loving myself and I'll be back to the same starting point. So using a woman as a distraction won't even help me, except to have the illusion of being happy for a few months. I don't know what to do, it's survival, I can't see myself working 8 hours a day and then on the weekends doing my shopping, cleaning and watching a screen. And even suicide is not a way out, if I could be sure that there is no more consciousness after physical death it would be liberating but unfortunately it is not the case. The only time I feel a little better is when I am myself but I can't stay that way because it's dangerous. When I am myself I often have unfiltered behaviors or cynical comments and if I persist towards that, I will not be able to thrive in this society because I will quickly have repercussions on my actions since there are too many rules and almost no freedom of expression. So I have to play the robot like everyone else and even doing that, I feel out of place or perceived as weird by others. I don't understand how we can have children in this human society, we are so backward I feel more and more disconnected from others, part of me sees them as animals, flesh, we are not worth more than an insect, nothing has value. When I see things for what they are, I have violent ideas and I drop the concepts of good and bad with which I was indoctrinated from childhood. All this indoctrination by religions, sciences, philosophies, marketing, hierarchy, politics makes me sick. I feel more and more like I'm stuck in a flesh body of a race I hate. A human race that I would like to see disappear, I don't want to experiment again what it is like to be a human on earth

It's better to accept than fight. God loves you Tyler. And that's the biggest truth I battled a lot of things in my life. Suicide, mental illness, medical issues, father's death, the loss of a pet, abusive relationships, childhood abuse and trauma, rape and sexual trauma. Despite all the suffering, a voice in me always wanted to live. Everyday.. When my father died, I promised him that no matter what, I will make it through. I'll remember that..... I'm so sick of this place. It always takes my energy two notches down. It's especially hard when some nagging conversation is going on on this forum I forgot. I can use the ignore option. Just ignore a bunch of nonsensical pussies and move on. I'm getting increasingly tired of this forum and not wanting to be here. I think I get it now. It's the toxic Masculine vibe of the forum that irks me.. I am used to seeing healthy forms of masculinity. I had a very hard working dad. I'm used to seeing men sweat it, not in the gym, but out in the fields, construction, mines. So when I see men arguing over a bunch of nonsense, it sends me in rage and triggers me. I don't like men who waste time, act like pussies, don't step up, play victim, aren't hard enough, aren't soft when it's required of them, play mind games, gaslight, manipulate too much, don't show moral integrity, show excessive attachment to religion or sky God, hate women, don't show passion, don't step in to help a woman but just watch, don't act assertive, don't take charge, take shit from a woman, engage in gossip, encourage bro culture, don't have lonewolf energy, can't handle things on their own, don't show anger in a healthy way, act too emotional when it's not called for. Nah..... That's not a man in my eyes. These things trigger me and get me angry at men who act like that. Abhorrent. This forum is definitely masculine, without doubt, but it's that insecure lame incel masculine, the type of masculine you can never admire. That's why it is triggering me so much because all my life I have always been appreciating and seeking healthy Masculinity I can never like or admire men who sit on the couch, play video games, watch porn all day, play shitty metal music, pump in the gym just for likes on FB, eat potato chips, smokes all day, complain about women, never have a vision in life That's a no.. I see these men as boys who never became men. I am not talking about building wealth. But it's nice to see a man having something to do with his life, making decent money, has his own space and dignity, doesn't get into fights, plays video games only in free time, has no alcohol/smoking addiction, works hard physically instead of going to gym and has a vision for the world, Something that he desires and wants. I'm going to kinda leave the forum today and just focus on journaling. I'm tired of the BS forum politics. I know I have said this many times but everytime I wake up I forget that I promised myself to leave the forum. I'm in a half sleepy state and unaware that I had said the same thing the previous day. The forum is too lame and toxic and my first step towards my own development should be to dissociate from the toxicity of this place. To get away from it and to not forget this that this is a lame ass place that serious people can never be too long in a place like this.. Everyone here is only for clout except a few serious journalers. Rest are bullshitters looking for a good time and they hate me because I don't give them that good time. Augurge

Yes this is the Facebook effect. If you ever try to leave Facebook what they do is they show you pictures of people in your contacts and good memories you have with them to prevent you from leaving. It’s the same thing that happens when you’re about to commit suicide your brain shows you all the people that will miss you, all the reasons why you shouldn’t do it and the emotions of regret and a feeling that you don’t want to die. Then when you’re done crying the brain releases endorphins to calm you down. Oh was his a journal? Sorry about that im using the feed so I don’t know where topics are posted.

Of course misinformation antics were vastly disproportionate on the right side. Twitter was right to stand against it. However I don’t like how it just allows them to act on their leftist agenda without shame, even though that is 5x less problematic than Elon musk, it’s still dumb and infuriating because it is a bunch of people together at twitter dictating what is true and what is hate. For example outright banning Jordan Peterson for deadnaming Elliot Page. Yes his comment was distasteful but it’s simply not hatespeech. Peterson actively goes against Nazis and antisemitism. The far right hates him. It shows how seething people at twitter were at Peterson for simply having a strong opinion on trans people. It was not hate and should have been allowed on the platform. Peterson is basically gatekeeping right-leaning youngsters from becoming full blown nazis. But twitter banned him like he was a nazi. That and their lies about shadowbanning outright shows their problematic lack of integrity. Again Elon is way worse, but this lack of acceptance and pushing away of right leaning people just makes a lot of people more nazis. It’s like the left simply can’t accept that there are moderate right wingers. All right wingers are disgusting and evil people in their eyes. Silicon valley loves to spout leftist cultural values while they are basically the epitome of late stage capitalism and almost demonic technical consumerism. They disallow and hate Andrew Tate while promoting the Kylie Jenners and Dan Bilzerians. Even though the influence of those characters is what led people to be so shallow and like Tate in the first place. They gave generation Z social media without any restriction from a young age without any regard for collective mental health. All the people who designed their systems literally put their kids on schools where phones and social media are not allowed etc. Social media has truly messed up a lot of things and people. 1/6 of youngsters in my first world country are seriously considering suicide. I think social media is the main one to blame. They should have just not allowed politics on social media in the first place. No trump, no nazis, no liberals, no conservatives, no communists. Just leave them on their forums and just have twitter for fun things. It’s not like there is any proper political discussion on twitter anyway, just echo chambers.

Attracting a partner to you enough that they wanna spend time with you and call you their bf/gf is just the first step. Interlacing your lives together to be productive and healthy while growing up and probably bringing children into this world is a whole other thing. It's basically a business partnership. Similar to the difference between being friends with someone and starting a business together. All the lack of self-development, trauma, limiting beliefs, ideology, etc that you have deep inside you will come out and so will your partners. If you already understand that this will happen and have already spent years fixing this in yourself then not only are you starting from a better point but you know that it will come and will be ready for it. Regular people that just get into relationships do not understand this and think they can just figure it out and love each other, that's their paradigm. That's basically suicide and why most relationships end up toxic, not working out, or just stale. Its like thinkingg you can start a business without knowing anything about it nor even knowing that you can even get mentors/books that will teach you and then betting your financial future on it. You're gonna end up homeless. That's the naive view of it. When you're on dates with girls/friends with girls/at the club talk to girls about their lives. Talk to them about all their male friends that tried to sleep with them when they were sad/drunk. Talk to them about all the creepy stuff/sexual abuse that they've had to endure. Talk to them about that time they were broke and then their male bff offered to help them out if she would suck his dick. Or when they hit puberty and started showing curves how their step-parent and/or male relatives started treating them differently. Or that time they had a date with this guy that seemed interesting and then ended up drugging her. Of course, these are generalizations and don't necessarily happen to every girl but it does happen to a majority. That is the reality of being a high-value human by default, you become an objectified commodity that other humans fight over. I know of at least 3 girls in modern, first-world, safe cities that almost ended up getting trafficked. There is also the other side of the coin with girls that are not attractive/disabled/live in a 3rd world country and have to deal with all of this on TOP of not getting the positive perks of being a hot girl. As a man as long as you're not lazy or delusional you can work and get anything and basically become a living God that gets anything he wants. That is how you appreciate it; you realize that your masculine drive is basically the human version of infinite divine creation. And when you're able to tap into that the women in your lives really start to appreciate it and basically look up to you as a God. I would never trade that for an easy basic relationship or getting free drinks at the bar, are you crazy?

@lxlichael s a task, would you mind brainstorming for me all of your difficulties from as many angles as you can? I find it difficult to concentrate on a single thing for a long period of time. (Such as more then 5 minutes) before I start day dreaming or thinking of something else that’s most likely unrelated I tend to get bored quite easily and when I do I start to cry - literal tears would come out of my eyes due to the boredom. I’ve also been dozing off during some of the teams meetings due to them being quite boring but only when the camera is off. I have poor attention to detail, poor spelling and grammar. I did however notice in my previous role I created attention to detail for specific things which a lot of my peers commented on. I don’t tend to perform well under pressure in work related and personal situations. I have to do a task a few times, make all the mistakes imaginable and then get comfortable doing it competently. Even before I started this new role. I occasionally had conversations with myself about if I really want to go though the emotional and mental labour of improving myself which is something I’m still struggling with now. I really do feel like doing this current role is too much effort and most self improvement requires too much from me in terms of emotional and mental labour. My diet is piss poor and I know it. It mainly consists of highly processed junk food and lack of water. I can’t seem to bring myself to start eating healthy. My mums cooking isn’t too healthy either as she uses lots of oils and loathe amounts of butters. I’ve lost motivation to exercise I haven’t been to a gym in over 8 months now. In the past when the pain of being stuck got too much to bear I found motivation to start going gym, meal prepping, learning about investing, however that didn’t last long I couldn’t convert the motivation to long lasting discipline. Ive read a lot of the books from Leo’s book list and did the life purpose course but I’ve pretty much forgotten all of it and didn’t really find my life purpose at the end of it. I don’t know if I should try it again. I couldn’t even keep up with a simple meditation habit which I feel like would have benefited me alot. I feel like the walls are slowly caving in on me and it’s only a matter of time before a major life challenge cripples me. I long for that feeling of oblivious euphoria I experienced as a child whenever I would look up at the bright blue sky on a sunny day and smell the fresh green grass and run around without a care in the world. Were every day felt like an adventure and not a mindless grind. During my teenage years I had thoughts of suicide however never acted upon them or did any self harm. I experience bullying and always felt like an outcast and because of this I never really tried to fit in and just keep myself out of site. A lot of the suicidal thoughts was due to feeling like an outcast, me thinking girls don’t like me even though I never really asked any out and not doing too well academically due to my procrastination issue which has gotten worse overtime and also due to my lack of comprehension skills and weak memory. I also tend to think of suicide in a somewhat logical way - as in what is waiting for me on the other side if anything. I would love to achieve a state of bliss were I can go about my daily life without it stressing me out but I don’t know if that would be possible. My Brian just feels really foggy and I just can’t think of the right words to say and I can literally feel my brain numbing when trying to remember something. I spend most of my day scrolling TikTok and YouTube I don’t even play games anymore. I brain is literally rotting away but I still can’t break this cycle. My average screen time is something like 9 hours a day. I’m scared of confrontation and try my best to avoid it even to my own detriment. I feel like a lot of narcissists types can sniff that out of me but I do try my best to avoid such type of people and limit my contact with them. brainstorming all of your life positives from personal strengths to things you enjoy about life that have in the past brought a sense of purpose to you or that you think could bring a sense of purpose? I use to enjoy playing games but I don’t find them enjoyable anymore unless I’m playing some old ones with my friend I was good at my old job and like to think I provided good customer service and kept calm and sincere even if the customer was being rude. I liked learning about the stock market and investing but it’s something I have lost passion for after I ended up losing some money on a trade that I went all in on and haven’t been able to motivate myself to get back into it. I genuinely don’t know what my life purpose could be. I can’t really think of anything apart from investing that has made me get somewhat excited I’ve managed to save up money enough for a house deposit and I may potentially get a mortgage in the next 12 months. However I have started spending a little but more regularly than I should be and have built up some credit card debt. I have a GF who I’ve been with for just under a year. We are doing a long distance relationship however I do go see her every other month as she life a 4 hour drive away. She knows of a lot of my problems and is very supportive. Ideally I would like to start my own business one day however I don’t know if I would be capable of running it especially in my current state I think this should answer both questions however if you feel I need more detail or missed something please let me know and I will try to add more relevant information. Thank you for your assistance

Yes it should and must be legal. The right to die is just as important and valid as the right to live. And along the same line of thinking, suicide should be legalized/decriminalized and barriers raised on bridges be removed. Then I can jump off into eternity.

Some sadness I want to get off my chest. Two weeks ago for the first time I thought of really killing myself. Like doing it right then - actually taking a tram (there was a station nearby), driving to a bridge and jumping off it. First time I had an urge like that. It frightened me. Also I googled "would I die from falling off a bridge" or something along those lines. Overall it was a level up from suicidal thoughts I'd had so far. Never before did they actually refer to reality. I didn't do it because I got kinda distracted and went to eat some food and think about it and stuff. After the meal I no longer felt like it, but I was still shaken. I feel like it was my biggest betrayal of myself in my life. My greatest disappointment in myself. I'm so sad and cry every time I think about this. How could I bring myself to that point? How? How could I hate myself so much as to want to do it? It's the single biggest thing I could forgive myself for. Another thing that makes me cry is that there was a period, I don't know how long (maybe a month?), in which my dancing classes at the gym were pretty much the only thing that I found meaning in. The classes are only once a week and I waited and was excited for them. My instructor is sooo fricking positive and fun. Pretty much my age. I like her very much. These dancing classes certainly wouldn't be nearly as meaningful for me without her positive energy and enthusiasm. She brings in a lot. I wish to tell her one day, maybe before I leave for my exchange. I wish to tell her how meaningful her classes were to me and that what she's doing matters to many people, even if it sometimes doesn't seem like it. Often the participants are kinda unengaged and more quiet, just going along with the dances, and to be honest I was guilty of it too. So I want her to know how much her classes helped me, sincerely. I can only speculate whether I would still be here without them or not. But I'm not sure if I'll be strong enough to say it to her in person. I'm fucking crying again now just by thinking about it, ehhhh. I don't want to break into tears in front of her. Usually I can keep my feelings in check when I'm with people because I'm distracted but this would be too much. I guess I can always text her. Besides if I said this in person at the end of the classes someone else would probably hear it (because she often has some friends that stay with her and drive home with her) and I don't want that. It's for her ears only. * * * * * * * * * * * * In the last 2 weeks I've been doing good. I had a moment of clarity after this suicide thing. I've found hope again. I've been listening to Vernon Howard a lot (love him), doing a LOT of contemplation, noticing my thoughts, breaking through my fears and shame. Had that awakening I mentioned. Did a lot of things I was procrastinating on. I've never been so conscious before. These last 2 weeks have been wild. I'm quite happy. I hope I don't get to the point of wanting to kill myself again. Truly, how can I ever be so fucking stupid and asleep? It's just THOUGHTS! How can I believe a single thing they say? I literally only believe my thoughts when I'm being this unconscious fucking robot walking on autopilot. NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! I say NO to these thoughts of fear! I can see through you. You are nothing. Try me again. Fucking DO IT! And I'll overcome you by noticing your fakeness once more. And again, and again, and again, if need be. YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME. YOU CAN'T CONTROL ME. You're unwelcome here so once you appear, get the fuck out. There's no space for you in my life. Ehhhh. There's so much to say, so much I've experienced and realized lately. But this is a good time to stop. It's nice keeping things to yourself. There are so many very important things to me I haven't told anyone about. Nobody would care nor understand anyway. But I'm more and more okay with that.

Feelings are one half of truth. They are like a Tidal Wave, a Tornado, a Hurricane! They can consume you, drown you, dissolve you!! Feelings obscure your vision, they reduce your ability to observe what is. Feelings can give tunnel vision, they can make you only see what confirms the feeling being represented. People who are feelings based climb an uphill battle trying to obtain truth. Because they are consumed by feeling, any information that brings up negative feelings will be rejected regardless of its veracity. The Feelings person cannot help this, since they are Feelings based asking them to take in negative emotion is akin to asking them to jump into a raging river voluntarily. It feels like suicide and who wants to kill themselves? People who naturally suppress their emotion cannot understand. Unconsciously they get it, but consciously they don't. For them they would rather stay in the logical world away from a deep connection to emotion, because they too fear the ferocious spontaneous expression of the world of emotion. For feeling people to advance to the truth, you will have to drop your identity to your feelings. Until then, you will never see things clearly and will forever be locked in your point of view.

If you join a community and there's love and connection you may find yourself in a suicide cult. ?

envy is ignorance, imitation is suicide

Yea but just because a person is likable does not mean that they shouldn't be criticized. I look at this from a meta perspective. This is not so much about Razard but about his opinions. You can always say everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Fair enough. But tomorrow an abused victim enters the forum who are already suicidal and talk about their traumatic experience of gaslighting. Someone like Razard lecture them on how it's their fault and there's no gaslighting and how it was their personal responsibility and everything they suffered was a result of their own consequence, that person might feel gaslighted again and what if they actually commit suicide? Will there be a moral obligation to point out that such advice or opinions are dangerous? So there's a greater good in opposing his opinions because they can lead to bad consequences under extreme situations. Not like there's high possibility of such a thing happening. But even if there's a very low chance of such an occurrence, it's a very tragic thing to happen. So I don't think that appeasing Razard's ego just because he is a good contributor should come at the price of someone's life tomorrow. It's important to consider things in perspective. In the context of the forum, it's all fine and merry. But people who come here are sometimes battling with real problems.

My life is so absurd its gone off the radar of even being a plausible reality. I think I died via suicide and woke back up into my own life to learn something. All the secrets of the universe come to me with no effort along with hellish punishment. I wonder we're this ultimately ends. Leo Gura is the name of an imaginary character my best friend came up with when we were children. You are not only not real, my friend named you. Why this life?

I've been guilty of this, I've even spat my dummy out and left this forum for a time when I perceived some on here for being transphobic. I've done some serious growing up since then and made attempts to be more understanding of others questions and sincere concerns. But to give you a perceptive of someone who is transgender, it can be anxiety inducing when political pundits, tabloids and governments play around with trans culture war like a soccer ball. We're at this stage where a lot of society is accepting but a good chunk isn't either and if one day society as a whole just decides they don't like this transgender stuff at all, they can honestly get rid of it quite easily, quickly and quietly, we're that small of a demographic. There wouldn't that much pushback either because understandably most people have bigger priorities than the lives of trans people, even if they are allies. It's anxiety inducing because if gender affirming services are made illegal or I'm forced to detransition by the state, it's something that will probably drive me to suicide in the worst case scenario. The best case my life would be unhappier and dysfunctional. It's hard to explain gender dysphoria to a cis person, but living and being socialized as a male is so repulsive to me that it feels harmful to the body and psyche. Imagine if a misandrist government decided the existence of men was illegal and they forced you (Leo) to transition into a woman both socially and medically, even though you know deep down in your soul you are a Man, it would give you severe dysphoria to the point it would cause damage. You would probably feel suicidal too. There is an argument to say this is an exaggerated fear of my many transgender people, but when you have popular figures like Jordan Peterson, JK Rowling and Matt Walsh nonstop fear mongering about us with a clear agenda to get rid of us of someway, you can see why many people like me can't stomach any debates about transgenderism that can be slightly touchy. We are still in vulnerable position so to speak.