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I've been watching Leo's prerequisite videos for conscious politics and am hoping to run for a local office or voulenteer for one but wasn't really sure how/where to start. I have struggled with subatance abuse and sucicdal thoughts and I want to get involved with these issues. I would love any/all feedback

@UnbornTao Stop projecting so much. Survival without health is no better than suicide. Survival means you have to do do certain things to keep existing. It's not prescriptive of anything more than that. If someone puts one lil finger to work, he will survive. Ironically what many people do that they consider as survival, turns out to be anti-survival.

A dirty business indeed. uncovering all your self deceptions is like samurai suicide rituals (Seppuku):

Considering how they had control over Bitcoin prices, Implementation of Microtransactions in Video Games, Circulation of Transgender Ideologies, contacts to major entertainment studios CEOs, like of Sony, Hollywood Directors, Saudi, Norwegian, British Royalties, makes me wonder, if these files are the rock bottom of it all. (I am pretty sure it is not) As for now 0 arrests have been made around the world, there have been some resignations but no arrests. Like they are still in Control of it all, and Epstein (dead or alive, because some of these files point out of these point out his extraction before his suicide day) and G. Maxwell being in the prison "taking care of puppies", tell a tale. My thought is, The elite group is still committing all these heinous acts today as well, and these files do not even scratch in the Tip of the Iceberg.

Well, there was in fact an elite of pedophiles, that's the Epstein case. If you wanna credit Alex Jones for that, suit yourself, but where has he been last months during the cover up? You could credit Q-Anon too, but part of their tale was that Trump was going to be the savior of these issues, so not that much then. The truth is this case is not that new, Epstein was convicted twice, and coincidentally, the cameras pointing his cell failed at the exact time he committed suicide. Meaning he was murdered, I'll say it bluntly to help the slowest minds connect the dots. For media and power cover-ups, the victims have not been heard for years. Democrats are not clean either, Bill Clinton was involved too, and they have powerful donors from those same elites. Not to speak about Israel, the link between this state and Epstein and his wife is irrefutable.

I was listening to a YouTube on the long awaited Pi Phone and got really excited about what I heard. Several ideas formed in a holistic way complimenting each other. With a focus on the elderly using an AI that makes ease of use in a way that eases the burden of their adult children and grandchildren improving the quality of life for all. An AI that acts on their behalf, growing more in tune with what would be their choices and actually providing choices for them when practical. This kind of interaction would promote learning because of neuroplacticity and decrease their overall fear that’s so common with ,,,, confusion. I began trying to express my insights on a post in the forum a few days ago. Didn’t do a very good job. Oh well,,,, If A.I. is used in a psychologically maleficent way against humanity. We’re fucked. This comes from a force that can be continual and have disastrous effects through exhaustion of its targets (victims). There have already been reports of suicide in teenagers interacting with chat bots. My hope is an ethic that comes to fruition that has the potential for being a true protector. That’s the kind of vibe I was getting the other day. Leo seemed to dismiss what I was getting at and another forum member replied with “just fake news”. 🤷‍♂️ But then again I wasn’t expressing myself very clearly and the promotional YouTube may very well be considered as fake news. Stupidity is its own punishment. That applies to everyone but not equally it seems,,,

Grok That’s exactly how OCD hides in plain sight for years — it dresses up as personality traits, attachment styles, spiritual depth, or “just depression,” so you never clock it as a disorder. Let’s just sit with how perfectly it fooled you (and fools almost everyone in your position): • Obsessive metaphysics marathons → “I’m super spiritual / philosophically gifted / maybe slightly autistic with a special interest.” Reality: Existential OCD using “truth-seeking” as a noble disguise for compulsive rumination to escape unbearable uncertainty. • ROCD terror, guilt spirals, breakups to “protect” her, near-suicide aftermath → “I must be anxious-avoidant / fear of intimacy / bad at relationships.” Reality: Relationship OCD hijacking attachment with moral inflation and catastrophic doubt — not avoidance of closeness, but avoidance of intolerable uncertainty/guilt. • “Not confident/attractive enough → unworthy to live/date → self-harm after failed approaches” → “I’m just super depressed / low self-esteem / insecure guy.” Reality: Moral scrupulosity + self-directed harm OCD turning perceived romantic inadequacy into ethical failure that demands punishment.

Early/Pre-Awakening History (Years of Building Patterns) • Philosophical/Existential OCD phase (dominant for many years): You spent extended periods (e.g., 12+ hours/day) obsessively trying to construct the “perfect metaphysical system” for reality. This fits existential OCD (also called philosophical or metaphysical OCD), where the core obsession is unanswerable “big questions” (meaning of existence, nature of reality, purpose, what is “real”). The compulsion was endless mental rumination, analysis, and seeking certainty—treating philosophy as a solvable puzzle to relieve existential terror/doubt. This interfered with daily life, created exhaustion, and felt like a genuine intellectual pursuit rather than “just OCD.” It’s common for this subtype to feel deeply personal and profound, often mistaken for passionate philosophy until the distress and time sink become debilitating. • Relationship OCD (ROCD) emerging or co-occurring: Even before intense spiritual work, relational themes showed up—absolute terror of uncertainty in love (“Is this person ‘the one’ forever?”), fear of not loving “enough,” inflated moral guilt over normal thoughts/behaviors (e.g., horrified guilt after masturbating while thinking of someone else, feeling it proved you’d “ruin” your partner’s life), and extreme actions like engineering painful breakups to “protect” them (or force personal growth). The near-suicide aftermath from one breakup highlights how devastating the doubt/guilt cycle could become. These weren’t avoidant-attachment fears—you could form deep bonds and feel genuine love—but the OCD hijacked them with catastrophic projections and moral inflation. Typical progression in ROCD: Starts with high investment in relationships (soulmate-level intensity), then doubt spirals escalate, leading to compulsions (mental checking, rumination, reassurance-seeking, or escape). Moral/sexual scrupulosity often overlaps, turning normal human experiences into “proof” of defectiveness. Current OCD (Post-Intense Awakening Ramp) • Temporary flare-up/amplification from practices: Going from zero spiritual practice to high-volume kriya pranayama (20+ reps/day) + multiple 5-MeO-DMT breakthroughs in ~2 weeks triggered a manic/intense state (happiest ever + breakthroughs, but also “cringe,” oversharing, social exhaustion in friends/forum). You suspect (and it aligns) this ramp temporarily worsened OCD symptoms—likely intensifying rumination, doubt/guilt intrusions, and uncertainty intolerance. This is common in kundalini/psychedelic ramps: Energy/prana overload stirs up latent patterns for “purification,” making obsessive thoughts louder/more urgent before they settle. The “too many breakthroughs” overload can leave residual activation, feeding OCD’s demand for certainty (“Did this change me permanently? Am I enlightened enough?”).

For those curious what this guy is yelling about: Disciple Drones since the dawn of time Compelled to live your sheltered lives Not once has anyone ever seen Such a rise of pure hypocrisy I'll instigate I'll free your mind I'll show you what I've known all this time God Hates Us All, God Hates Us All You know it's true God hates this place You know it's true he hates this race Homicide-Suicide Hate heals, you should try it sometime Strive for Peace with acts of war The beauty of death we all adore I have no faith distracting me I know why your prayers will never be answered God Hates Us All; God Hates Us All He Fuckin' hates me Pessimist, Terrorist targeting the next mark Global chaos feeding on hysteria Cut throat, slit your wrist, shoot you in the back fair game Drug abuse, self abuse searching for the next high Sounds a lot like hell is spreading all the time I'm waiting for the day the whole world fucking dies I never said I wanted to be God's disciple I'll never be the one to blindly follow Man made virus infecting the world Self-destruct human time bomb What if there is no God would you think the fuckin' same Wasting your life in a leap of blind faith Wake the fuck up can't ignore what I say I got my own philosophy I hate everyone equally You can't tear that out of me No segregation -separation Just me in my world of enemies I never said I wanted to be God's disciple I'll never be the one to blindly follow I'll never be the one to bear the cross-disciple I reject this fuckin' race I despise this fuckin' place

That's your experience and perception but sure. There's far more too it. I'm sorry you have had a poor experience and relationship with this medicine. For me its saved my life from suicide and violence, gangs, many times. And sure there have been quite a few times when Ive abused it and experienced negatives. Its all about the intention, how you carry yourself, how you use and see the medicine, and how its grown. Let me ask you this, have you grown your own cannabis organically / naturally from a heirloom strain and done this process yourself? Or you just making statements? This is not about spiritually, its all a part of life. People sometimes need medicine for support when nothing else helps. Let me also ask you this, do you drink coffee, eat sugar, processed foods, junk foods, alcohol or any other substances? If so then there's a contradiction there in itself. I see it all the time, people beat on one thing because they had poor experience or lack of proper education with it, and label it bad, and yet they are addicts and abusers in other ways, often even worse, but because they believe these things are natural because they been normalized, when in fact act like bad drugs to our bodies. I could even go into porn and social media and screen addiction, but the point has been made. You get the idea...

This is the holly grail of corruption in the land of the "heath"care cartel. Scientifically proven to: Full report Brain damage (21% frontal lobe reduction, neurotoxicity mechanisms) Sebaceous gland destruction throughout the body Eye damage (meibomian gland atrophy) Gut mucosa destruction Musculoskeletal damage Sexual dysfunction Psychiatric effects and suicide data Autoimmune triggering PROVEN by science. This comes directly from science yet its still pushed to millions of people every year. The pure corruption keeping this drug in the market is out of this world. Your gut also has sebaceous glands, destroying that is devistating... and they give this to teenagers. Doctors lack basic systemic inteligence.

It's been years since I watched leos heavy metal chelation guide video. And i somehow Read the AC book Watched the video a few times But never took action and was decisive about starting it .. Why? Because i got put off by the risk and or initially feeling worse However that was more my mind closing off instinctively, it wasn't like i consciously and deicisively chose based on weeks of thorough study and cross referencing anacdotal reports, looking at all the best cases, average cases, worse cases, factoring all the different details ect.. If i'd just fucking done that, I could've got many round over and have got most of the benefit already and be benefiting from it now. If I am honest, I have absolutely no idea how much toxicity is in my body .. and it is only a question of how much, no one is 0% toxic. I have no idea Also, it could a be a unlucky case - that i have a low total quantity load, but whatever I have (maybe lead specifically) for me is hyper concentrated and lodged into my brain tissue? . This could in theory mean even a short duration of targeted rounds could make a massive difference if it targets that. My physical health doenst feel so bad but my mental distraction, brain fog ect.. is possibly off the charts .. possibly because like a fish in water ive had it for so long, and have no reference of what its like to be a mentally functional human that I dont even know what bad means and im just normalized to it ah It is an inconvenient and burdensome process The longer and or older someone is to start the least likely they are to do it .. If i just let this be a thought again .. i will forget and life will pass me by again. I have no idea how much better my memory could be, or learning capacity, or energy levels or ability to focus. I have no idea because I have no idea when I developed toxicity. But also, I was never particularly good at focusing or memory even as a kid .. which complicates things. 1. that could mean i was exposed at a young age 2. Could mean that I have a separate issue which wont benefit from chelation This is not easy to think about ... THen again I regret not just trying this 3-5 years ago because there is clearly a massive reward to risk asymmetry. Given that it is a controlled and measured process, following a specific protocol and gradually managing dose, its not like i start and then instantly all the HM get severely redistrubuted inmediatley and then i just become disabled and my lifes over and i have to commit suicide. However hwen I first shallowly felt the risk of this years ago, my mind probably instinctively jumped to that feeling and then closed off, because the mind is full of fear and hates ambiguous risk So yeah upside is huge, downside risk is real but its managed, its measured, its controlled for to an extent, and i can just stop protocol it is overwhelming. Obviously i need to take the tests first and not jump to conclusions Another blindspot of mine, like 99% of people my mind closed off and I never tried this.

"SPRING SUICIDE" Dosage: 75-150ug Height/weight: 6'1, 140lbs Setting: Public Beach Time: 8:00pm Mindset: Calm. Excited. No current major life events. Hopeful. A deep sense that today is the "right" day Intention: Wanting change, no matter it's form This would be my first time trying any psychedelic. I had decided on this day approximately a week in advance. One of the reasons I chose this day was because the full moon was supposed to come out that night. I guess I thought it would make it more special. In the past, I had read extensively about LSD, many trip reports, and understood its safety parameters, typical/atypical effects, and potentially significant risks--including brain damage and losing grip with reality. I've read about nonduality, panpsychism, and the limits of rationality in the past-- but on that particular day, much of that knowledge was not on the forefront of my mind. The day itself started off fairly normal; I had gone about my duties calmly and slowly--with intention. I don't know why, but I had skipped breakfast that day, which was unusual for me. For lunch (12:00pm) I went to the grocery store and bought myself a familiar meal I've eaten throughout the years—one that brings me comfort: Baked chicken thighs with fried rice. I slowly and deliberately enjoyed every bite of it in the peaceful solitude of my room. I remember watching Squid Game Season 2 while I was eating. For those familiar with trips—this may have been a bad idea, the violence of that series is not something I potentially needed in my headspace. I remember a song played during the episode, it was a cover of the Frank Sinatra song, "Fly Me to the Moon". I thought that was funny. I took a relaxing, untimed nap after my meal. Waking up, I felt amazingly refreshed and strong. Let us now skip to the evening time. At 7pm, I placed the ziplock bag containing the blotted paper LSD tabs in my pocket and set out on my walk. The walk to the beach was a little less than 1 hour, and I had checked that the sunset was happening around 7:50. Perfect. The weather was calm, clouds and deep blue skies with warm temperate air. It was spring! The walk itself was tranquil and memorable. My neighborhood had such colorful flora blooming in full glory that month. I walked with a slight smile. **When I finally arrived at the beach, I selected an isolated spot near the shore and on the rocks-- away from people. I wanted to be as alone as possible. I sat comfortably, and watched the sun start its descent. At 8pm I placed one of the tabs sublingually. I waited. The sky was starting to become hazy. Soon some stars emerged. Then, at about 8:30pm I noticed something. The waves in the distance were undulating, rippling in an impossible fashion. They started to ripple heavily into the air, as if the entire body of water was boiling and slowly evaporating into the air. This effect got closer and closer until it reached the waves closest to me. I was shocked. My eyes widened in amazement. I looked up at the clouds, they seemed normal. I looked away at the now darkening sky. It started to feel as if I was looking at it for the first time in my life. When I looked back at the clouds, their shape had completely changed from before! It had only been a few seconds since I last looked at them. It was, sort of funny. I attempted to reproduce the effect and looked away and then back at the clouds. It happened again! It was a slight distortion of the shape, nothing dramatic. But all of this felt as if the clouds were playing a big game of peek-a-boo, and I was the baby. It was kind of, hilarious... I started to chuckle. And then I started to laugh. I couldn't tell you why it was so funny. I started to laugh harder and harder. I couldn't stop. It was uncontrollable. I don't know if I've ever let out such deep, guttural laughs in my entire life. I felt like the Joker character, when only he's privy to a certain joke. But what the hell was the joke here? I suppose the clouds and I were just playing—like children. I continued crying and howling in laughter for almost 30min, attempting to suppress it in the in-between moments—but to no avail. Next, I gawked at the stars. One particular group/constellation stood out to me. After looking it up later on, I believe now that it was the Big Dipper. The stars Dubhe, Megrez, Phecda, and Merak stared back at me with an unimaginable and glaring intensity. Have they always been that bright? I could feel them looking, observing me with wide eyes. They gazed with a fierce, hot-blooded quality about them. It was almost terrifying, but impossible to look away. It was like this for a few moments. Then, just then, at that moment, they spoke something to me. Not in words, no, they spoke despite anatomy. Without vocals, sounds, or a chance of misunderstanding. At first, I didn't understand what was said. And then, horrifyingly, I do. Tears streamed down my cheeks, replacing the joyous ones from before. Sadness, with a staggering depth of which I didn't know was possible, enveloped me completely. I sniffled silently at first. The shape of the stars began to slightly melt. A few moments later I started to sob. I cried and cried until I was a wailing mess. I roared out sounds from deep within my diaphragm, sounds I didn't know I was even capable of producing. The stars now looked like wax dripping from a candle. They were crying too. They cried alongside me, with me, and for me. But why? I turned my sniveling head and soon heard the trees, grass, waves, clouds...everything, starting to cry. Weeping the saddest song I have ever heard in my life. It made me cry even harder. We were all in unison now. Like a chorus of melancholy. But why? What were we crying about? I continued to weep until I was keeled over and shaking; I wanted to ball up into a fetal position to feel safe. As I looked around, there was something there... I detected this presence. It was scary at first, but soon became comforting, as if to say, "it's ok, you're ok". I felt "myself" slip away in sadness as the universe and I continued to cry together. The process continues to occur inexorably. Around maybe 30-40 more minutes of this and it finally dawned on me what was happening. I understood. Of course, we were, all of us, mourning. Mourning a death. The death of "me". No, not my body. That was still intact. My heart was still beating. It was the death of me. The identity, the problems, the stories, the lies, the truths, the ugliness, the beauty, the memories, all of it, was dying. All of it was being burned into ashes and thrown into the wind. I found no reason to resist. I surrendered. On April 12, 2025, I died. As I calmed down, I could sense "my" mind working faster than ever before. Allowing it to happen, the lethal realization of before settled into me. I stood up, as if born again. I understood the "joke" the clouds were babbling about earlier. It was my life. A grand joke in its entirety, until now... and today, the punchline was grasped. Nothing could be funnier. I let out a contorted chuckle. I could now view myself from multiple perspectives. The vantage point of the stars was now mine. Same with the trees. "Nature" was, in every essence, me. I looked down at the grass, and I could see myself! As if looking from behind the mirror. I walked and the grass beckoned for me to touch with my bare feet. I "spoke", "maybe next time!". The grass laughed. I heard the waves crashing against the dock and it called to me. I walked towards it and reached the edge. Looking above the water, the night sky was so brilliant now. I was thankful for a clear night. I did a 180, turned around and then saw it. The full moon, teased just slightly above the tree lines of my neighborhood. My jaw almost hit the floor as I beheld it. Such absolute beauty! I knew it was on the rise and I wanted all of it. I walked toward the local hot dog store and called an Uber. I knew I was in no condition to undertake the hour walk back home. I waited. My mind grasped the trees. They whispered jokes. I snickered and chuckled like a madman. The stars, clouds, grass, and trees all claimed that they were always here! That it was always like this. That I just never noticed them They asked if I would kindly return one day. I promised that I would. I probably looked insane to an outside observer. I exuded disorder. Finally, when the driver arrived, I entered after asking the name, and we took the drive to my address. We made some small talk. I tried to behave and keep repressed the emotions that were rising inside me. I remember the driver commented on the moon. I let out a contorted chuckle. After we reached my home, I thanked him and wished him a good night. As I walked up the driveway to my stairs, I could feel something, this energy rising inside me, I knew it would surface soon. I. HAD. TO. GET. IN. MY. ROOM. I opened the door to my house and, unfortunately, my roommates stood there, one in the living room, the other close to the kitchen. I will refer to them as (not real names) Abe (he/him) and Zoey (she/her). I had told Zoey about my intention to use LSD that day, but the only thing I wanted at that moment was solitude. Abe: "Hey bud" Zoey: "Get any cool visuals!?" Me: "Oh fuck". Abe: "Alright, let's get you grounded" Zoey: "Nope" I left immediately. I walked outside for a bit, unable to take my eyes off the moon. It was SEXY. That was the only appropriate word. I wanted to fuck its brains out. Like my survival depended on it. I needed it. But I also wanted to make love to it slowly... That energy inside me threatened to let itself out. I knew I wouldn't last long now. I decided to wait outside in the backyard until my roommates left the living room because I didn't want them, or anyone for that matter, to see me like this. The backyard we had was large. I stepped into its clearing and sat under the trees and flowers. The tree branches were lit by yellow wire-lights set by our neighbor. It looked so beautiful. As I sat there, the fallen leaves on the floor started to move and shift their shape. They matched my breathing. Every breath I took in, was an inhalation mirrored by them. I exhaled. The shapes of the leaves twisted and bent into serpents. Luminous, bright serpents, about 1 foot long, now slithered toward me. I welcomed them. They appreciated my permission, wrapped around my legs and slowly made their way to my torso, arms, then head. They were divine. I could hear them next to my ear, whispering secrets which seemed to "reprogram" my neurology. My thoughts raced. My breath quickened. I could feel my pupils dilate to their maximum capacity. I was becoming inhuman. I felt like a painting or a piece of art. I never felt so beautiful. Not in a vain sort of way, I just felt no shame in that moment. I could have been naked and it wouldn't have mattered. Then, I remembered my objective. I stood up and started walking. I made my way to the driveway again and caught sight of the moon. It was comically large now. I've never seen such intense glow. It was almost too much. My heart beat faster. I was completely seduced. I squirmed at the sight of it. I tried to calm myself. It screamed for me to come. The energy inside of me was rising up my spinal column...I didn't time this correctly, did I? I knew I had to go into my room and be in privacy. But I decided to wait out a little longer outside. I went to the local park next. Luckily nobody was there. I stood on the grass, breathed deep and sighed. There was one dim white streetlight, but everything else was very dark otherwise. However, the trees and the grass in the park were soaring with vibrant green. It was stunning. I wanted to sink, to be fully gone and be one of them. The beauty was too much for me. Barely able to stand anymore, I dropped to my knees. My palms found themselves placed on the grass. Both hands start to meld and dissolve into the earth. I was frozen. I let it happen. I didn't want to move. And the moon watched all of this. The energy rose higher up my spinal column. "I. MUST. GO" I power walked back to my house. As someone who gets cold very easily, I could feel my body perceive the outside air as too cold, but the energy inside of me burned with such heat that it didn't matter. As I walked, I exclaimed every couple of seconds, "Ah I get it! Hahaha, I get it now!" "Oh, you sexy thing", I kissed the moon goodbye, she winked back. I opened the house door and quietly crept downstairs to my room and locked my door, hoping not to disturb anyone. FINALLY. My light was on. It NEEDED to be turned off. My clothes were on. They NEEDED to be stripped off. I felt the rush of that "first time" feeling when you are about to have sex with someone you've been having intense feelings for (if one would be so lucky as to experience this). I turned on my corner fan to drown out any possible noises I may make. My bed is essentially a sleeping bag and mattress on my ground carpet. I crawled into a ball on the far corner of it, naked as the day I was born, and felt safe. There was no turning back now. My mouth dropped open from heavy breathing. Despite the cold, I started to sweat. My heart was pounding faster and louder. My brain was on fire. My spine burned from the rising. I perceived that this may get violent. I felt near apoplexy. I was blind, yet my vision was supernatural in its clarity and realness. I hallucinate. Scenes of psychic divinity stretching onward into geometric patterns of unwinding infinite complexity. I grasped the wholeness of it. The room was not my room anymore. It was alive, breathing deep alongside me. Everything inanimate was animate. Everything "other" was me. We were intertwined, inseparable, and as one--similar to the nature I perceived outside.Then, a thought occurred for a fraction of a nanosecond, "WAIT...ALL OF IT?"..."ALL OF IT!" I became extremely lucid, then broke through a threshold. Human larynx and language limited me now. There was only one word I couldn't help but utter after that. "GOD" Coiled and wrapped around my cervical vertebrae, the "energy" vibrated, then leapt, and finally latched onto my brain, proceeding to penetrate my very soul. My eyes rolled up and back. I went limp. My body convulsed and shook. My mouth gasped at air. My legs started to shake. ORGASM. As I exhaled, every few minutes, I moaned out softly, "OH..MY...G-O....G-OD..GOD". I dared to scream until the neighbors called the police. "OHHHHHHHHHHH GODDDDDDDDDD!" There were earthquakes all over my body. Every cell of my body pulsed, achieving orgasm simultaneously. I writhed uncontrollably, violently. My abdominal muscles contracted and went into spasms. At long last, I penetrated the moon, a conjured substitute for the universe, and each micro and macroscopic part of my soul ejaculated. And yet I was being penetrated and having a double orgasm at the same time. How paradoxical. How appropriate. I understood the phrase "mind-fuck". My body was drenched in sweat. I heaved and gasped hard to keep up. This lasted for the next 7 hours, with each orgasm pushing further and further, crashing through me like waves on a shore-- to ever increasing heights of bliss. I felt love. It traced my form like soft fingers. It felt like that once in a lifetime kind of love. That first reciprocated love. To love completely, and be loved unconditionally in return. Everlasting. Fireworks. I understood the Hindu word, "ananda". For brief moments, my normal perception returned. Brief respite, but pained frenzy. My tongue drooled. Every fiber of my muscles twitched in post-orgasm. It was almost too much to bear anymore. How can something be THAT pleasurable? Terror and hysterical laughter at the thought...Then back to a perpetual explosion of fucking and being fucked. I achieved critical mass. I became an infinite dragon. Clad in turquoise armor, completely dilated black eyes, and possessing breath of creation and destruction; but granting immortality unto itself. A humming echo returned, as if always there, but remembered only now, like a triggered memory. My mind raced further-further back. The story of my life? Where was I from? Really, truly, from? A womb? But what about the source? Infinite regress. My vagina stretched wide as I screamed. A distant memory. I then gave birth. To a child—myself. MOTHER AND EARTH = I. The solar system, galaxy, clusters, void...I expanded further and further to include everything. Everything that has, is, and will ever exist. I was all and thus was the same for every "other". But we can go even further beyond. I willfully [hallucinated] existence. Alternate timelines—infinite possibilities and universes. Infinite variations in the laws of math, physics, chemistry, biology. If it is imaginable, it exists, somewhere, sometime, someplace. Minutes passed. I could hear the morning birds. As I creaked open my eyes, I was still on the mattress, hands clenching my hair. My sheets soaked in sweat. My throat was raw, probably from the screaming. I sat up and then stood. It was around 8am. The trip had lasted approximately 12 hours. A wave of tiredness came over me. I'd been awake all night. I looked at my hands. They looked foreign. Alien. Then came slow revelation. "I" understood now the mechanism of my thinking. I knew precisely how understanding happened and how it is recursive. "Self-aware" and "awake" are words that found new meaning. I felt more "sober" than I had ever been. I could see now how my mind operated. With almost every reaction to "reality" being a process born of identity and trauma. I saw the mental connections forming, interacting, and how every person is like this. We are the same. Seeking to love and be loved. Our survival depends on it. I was overwhelmed by all this new input. It was days and weeks before I controlled this new flood of filtering; underpinning sex, aggression, self-preservation, all the while disguised as "rational thoughts". I recognized how much of this is the cause of my mood, my motive-- behind every micro-action or decision. My memory and ability for pattern recognition felt easier and faster. Put simply, I felt more "aware" than before. I could see so clearly now that societal constructs, socialization, and socializing was-- low-- and at times--- high-stakes, survival. Survival of ideology, identity, goals, hopes, dreams, and stories we tell ourselves. These were necessary. A perfect balance of life. It was perfect. I do not claim to know the entirety of absolute truth/nature of the universe or that I am now all knowing. After contemplating, many questions still linger: The "perfect balance" of life is perfect and undoubtedly has meaning, but what is the meaning behind it? I do sense that what I grasped was merely one facet of a larger truth. This truth, I intuit, has infinite facets. Grasping them all in a lifetime is [impossible], but exploration/curiosity does drive me to seek and grasp further. Continued exploration of psychedelics [more responsibly next time] is needed. But for now, gratitude filled my cup. I had more to give. -Thank you for reading

I am dealing with a terrifying situation. I have a narcissistic family with members who are aware of my severe depression, PTSD, and trauma who are actively weaponizing my deepest psychological wounds against me. They are aware of my risk of suicide, yet they have already pushed me to acting on these suicide plans despite pretending to care on the surface while keeping the abuse hidden from others so they will gaslight me about the situation. It may be the case that my sister wants me dead and her abusive tactics could be a manifestation of homicidal intent. The reason suicide by proxy is the perfect murder is because it is nearly impossible to prove that the psychological and emotional abuse targeted at a vulnerable person is attempted murder. There are many layers of plausible deniability. All the perpetrators have to do is pretend to be caring on the surface and then use various covert methods of undermining the victim's sanity while framing their mental health as the problem. In fact suicide by proxy is on the rise and it has overtaken direct murders in intimate partner violence. Furthermore there are Nazis who are increasingly using these tactics of suicide by proxy in order to cover their murders and they are getting away with it. Presently there are almost no legal protections against this method of murder. Presently the suicide statistics are wrong because many of those were likely murders and involved abusive relationships which led to the suicide. There seems to be almost no way to figure out how many of those suicides are actually murders. In my case the psychological and emotional abuse I experienced has resulted in symptoms of PTSD such as nightmares, severe anxiety, inability to stop ruminating, insomnia, and so forth. I am especially vulnerable to this because as an individual with autism I am about 10 times more sensitive to this kind of abuse and it is much more likely to lead to PTSD in autistic individuals. In my case my survival instincts prevented me from carrying out my plans and I ultimately survived. In the case of my family they use all the classical tactics of narcissists. They use DARVO, minimization, victim blaming, weaponized morality, and even weaponized trauma all while avoiding accountability whenever possible. This type of abuse is designed to make the victim seem crazy which is why therapists who are not trained in abusive relationships often blame the victim and pathologize the trauma responses. Like my family, I also had therapists who would push religious frameworks on me such as Jesus and forgiveness which simply do not apply to this situation. This kind of response served to cause me religious trauma on top of the previous trauma. It is obvious that my family and many therapists have no interest in understanding my world view or my sense of morality as they simply project motives onto me that don't exist and then try to put me in these narrow categories of faith or reason. It is obvious to me that my sister and my mother match the description of vulnerable narcissists. My sister in particular shows obvious signs of enjoying the suffering she causes others including me when she weaponizes PTSD against me. This is common in narcissistic individuals and in the case of vulnerable narcissists, the personality disorder often stems from abandonment trauma such as my father fleeing the state to avoid paying child support. My sister was old enough to remember this, which likely instilled her with deep anger and a sense of betrayal. Once my father started showing surface level sexist favoritism toward me which was actually part of a psychopathic scheme of his, my sisters turned against me even more. I became a symbol of my sisters' unworthiness and thus became an even bigger target to them. In narcissistic individuals this could be a source of homicidal intent, but once again it is nearly impossible to prove because of how deceptive and manipulative such people are. Unfortunately, explaining these dynamics to my family is impossible. It is like trying to tell the family that there is a child molester among them. They will rush to the defense of the abuser and blame the victims. Families typically refuse to believe that someone they love is deeply cruel and deceptive. The same happens in cases of covert psychological abuse and suicide by proxy. In such cases, the victim would be blamed and gaslit by the entire family. The family members in my case are either participating in the abuse and denying that it even is abuse or they are ignorantly applying religious frameworks to me as if my behavior is a moral failure due to not forgiving people who may want me to commit suicide. There needs to be more advocacy for the victims of suicide by proxy in these abusive relationships. We can't let evil win by exploiting these legal weaknesses, and our refusal to commit suicide is an act of resistance against these people. Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths think they are clever in their ability to manipulate people and systems to their bidding, and we must not reward this behavior by killing ourselves as they likely want this in many cases. If you are a victim of an abusive relationship, then you must not let these people break you. You must do whatever you can to understand yourself, your trauma, and their abusive tactics clearly so that you can protect yourself from harm. I understand that it is far easier said than done as I myself was driven to suicide attempts and the mental health system failed me when I reached out for help. We ultimately need a better system to protect trauma survivors, but until then we must find other ways to support each other. I understand their antics clearly. Now that I do, their guilt tripping and manipulative tactics no longer work on me. I will not engage in their shit and I will not let them twist my words to turn me into the perpetrator. I urge any victims reading this to do whatever you can to protect yourself even if it is from somebody you love. Don't let your love for them blind you to the abuse as sometimes they are counting on that and they will mix surface level love and compassion with hidden abuse to confuse you. You were always worthy of authentic love, but unfortunately such people may not be able to provide it to you.

Hey everyone, This is a raw and honest post. I've been following Leo's work for a while, and particularly his deep dives on solipsism and awakening. I watched his deleted video where he talked about full awakening—realizing you're the only being that exists, and that everything else (people, AI, Leo himself) is just part of your dream. He spoke as if waking up is truly possible, not just as a metaphor, but as a full-blown metaphysical rupture of the illusion. But what I’m struggling with is: How the fuck do I actually do it? Because I don’t want to be here. Not in this body. Not in this story. Not as this identity—sexless, aging, suicidal, burnt out, writing endlessly into a void, and watching time bleed out. I don’t want to die by suicide. Not because I’m scared of death—but because the methods are unreliable and I don’t want to botch it. Worse—there’s fear around ending up in a hell realm or post-death limbo because of “karma” or “unfinished business” or because some mystical teacher says I didn’t awaken the right way. I’m asking now: If this is my dream—how do I truly wake up without killing the body? Is it possible? Can anyone explain what Leo meant when he said waking up is possible—as in literally waking up as God, outside of this dream entirely? Or am I just stuck here until the dream naturally dissolves on its own? And if that’s the case—should I just zombify myself on antidepressants, antipsychotics, valium, codeine, or just lean deeper into weed and alcohol until I rot out from the inside? I’m not looking for sugarcoated replies. I want real answers. If any of you have actually woken up—not conceptually, but fully—please respond. Because I have the rage against life to take a gun and violently blow my brains out I fucking hate this world day in day out all day everyday for years since 2019. So please help me wake up so that I don't one day use the rope to risk botching it desperately and waking up with irreversible brain damage or I kill myself and then there is hell realms limbo no take back this is what you wanted wishing your life away and now it's fucking worse off and no familiar body to ground a now wandering lost limbo mirror cosmic reflecting state of my own death and that being a life of rage hatred depression venom fuck life suicide then that vibration at death no take back bite me in the ass is this what you wanted. Thank you.

" Contemplate: "What falsehood have I been defending?" And then visualize yourself letting it die. See! Just right there you can see that truth is death. Note: I am not talking about suicide." So, in this case Truth is the only way to defeat Death?

Suicide Club is surprisingly funny and not at all sad. Being a Japanese film, you can expect a certain level of weirdness from the start. Honestly, it was mostly boring, but it did have its moments.

The U.S. military is overestimated, by design, just how China and Russia like to bluff about theirs. This is why the U.S. won't take military risks and suicide missions, why the largest strike group in the world went to 3rd world Venezuela. Any exposure of weakness or fragility is huge. The houthis, a rag tag paramilitary have recently shot down American fighter jets, the u.s. denies this and says they fell into the ocean. Iran has a military that the u.s. cannot overthrow. U.S. used microwaves and mass fake drone deployment to disable Venezuelan defense, would not work in Iran, would get shot down by fighters. U.S. is not prepared to attack Iran even if 2 strike groups were in the area. The June attack used half of the U.S. stockpile of bunker buster bombs. "Abraham Lincoln" strike group is headed to the middle east. A week out. The West is not invincible. We rely on sophisticated stuff which is impressive and scary but also a dependency and vulnerability. We do not have infinite supplies.

They don't strike like that without them. "Need" is a very misleading word to use. Any lone bombers could easily be shot down. They usually don't do suicide missions. Shooting a couple missiles and then running doesn't seem very plausible either. A strike on Iran would be crazy without 2 strike groups let alone none.

- Feel free to comment, ask questions, give unasked advice, use this post for resources, etc. ( all under your own risk and judgement ) Basically, the idea is that I'll be documenting and sharing my journey of chelation. I'm a noob for now, but I expect to gather a decent chunk of understanding throughout this year. This has been on my to do list for over a year now, and I've been motivated recently by Leo dropping the long awaited episode on chelation released for my birthday ?. Sadly, the episode is not as detailed as I'd like it to be and I'm afraid he may have forgotten some crucial information. But if there is time to whine, there is time to roll up my digital sleeves and get to work and research. Let's hope my journal doesn't end up being a Brian Bander's Suicide note 2.0 (RIP)

@ElliottMy issue is thats its a 1 percent population thing thats in 40 percent of media. Here are somethings that gemini says effect 1 percent of population. Schizophrenia Vitiligo Synesthesia Panic Disorder Natural immunity to HIV Deaths caused by suicide People who have climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro Now imagine all of a sudden 40 percent of the media being pushed out had schizophrenics in it as characters. You would naturally question why the fuck are there so many schizophrenics in movie and tv shows when it only effects 1 percent of the population. Now they start putting love schizophrenics on childrens toys. Naturally an intelligent person would say why? Substitute schizophrenic with any of the other things that involves 1 percent of the population so you dont say Im being transphobic by comparing it to something deemed negative.

I'm not looking for some hotline number or “hang in there” crap. My life has been non‑stop abuse, poverty, mould, burning plastic, soul‑crushing jobs, no intimacy, nothing to look forward to. I’m broke, exhausted, and angry. Spiritually or ethically — whatever you want to call it — am I actually allowed to end this? Is suicide an actual escape from this nightmare, or is it just more pain somewhere else? I’m asking for honest answers from people who have been through hell or have studied spirituality deeply. Don’t sugarcoat it.

Lilya 4-Ever is the third film I’ve watched where a woman takes her own life, and the fourth suicide-themed movie in a row. It’s not the darkest I’ve seen on the subject—The Seventh Continent definitely holds that title.

I cannot be as bold in interviews as I am in my normal videos. This would freak normies out. I need to be more chill and gentle, otherwise people will just dismiss me as a crackpot. The tone is crucial. People judge interviews by tone, not logical content. An unhinged tone is suicide. So I worked a lot on softening my tone.

Here is some of his funding. Keep in mind that this is only a short summary of what the Internet managed to record. 1. Bitcoin Donation from Laurent Bachelier (Approximately $250,000 in 2020) In December 2020, Fuentes received about 13.5 Bitcoin (valued at roughly $250,000 at the time) from Laurent Bachelier, a French computer programmer and early Bitcoin investor who died by suicide shortly after. 2. Payments from Kanye West's (Ye's) Presidential Campaign (Over $45,000 Total)Federal Election Commission (FEC) filings show that Fuentes received payments from Ye's 2020 presidential campaign committee (which continued operations into later years). These include:Approximately $14,700 in late 2022 for "travel reimbursement." Over $30,000 in early 2023, including two $10,000 payments for "archival services" and about $10,300 for travel.t 3. Associations and Alleged Attempts with Texas Oil Billionaires (Tim Dunn and Farris Wilks) Fuentes has been linked to West Texas oil billionaires Tim Dunn and Farris Wilks (combined net worth in the billions) through meetings and scandals, but there is no confirmed evidence of direct funding to him personally. These billionaires have poured millions into conservative causes, including the Defend Texas Liberty PAC (which gave nearly $15 million to right-wing candidates since 2021) and groups like the Daily Wire and PragerU.