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Blog: Table of Contents 2017: (pg 45 - 58) January 2017 • Philosophy Used To Be Easier ? • The Scandal Of Modern Education (note) • Using Dreams For Growth (note) • The School Of Life (note) • The Universe As A Membrane ? • Why Religion Persists ? • The I'm-Right, You're-Wrong Game ? • What Is A Meta-Source? ? • Psychedelic Wishlist • Designing a Conscious Robot ? • Backfiring Mechanisms ? • Drunk On Mushrooms ? • Hidden In Plain Sight ? • God Goes Full-Circle ? February 2017 • The Origin Of Worship ? • What Real Balance Looks Like ? • Truth In Folklore ? • Anal-Haq (note) • Persistent Non-Symbolic Experience ? • The Despicable War On Drugs ? • Must-Watch Video For All Victims ? • A Description Of Enlightenment ? • Alexander Shulgin Documentary - Psychedelics Chemist (note) March 2017 • What's The Best Time To Meditate? ? • Imagining The 10th Dimension • Relax Your Neurotic Face! (note) • Rethinking Hallucination ? April 2017 • Understanding Karma ? • Honest Dishonesty (note) • Going Full-Autodidact ? • Tarantino Nails Life Purpose (note) • The One-School Approach To Spirituality ? May 2017 • Into The Wild ? • Solo Retreat Supplies Checklist ? • How Do You Know You're You? ? • Why So Serious? (note) • 5MeO-Always On An Empty Stomach ? • Nothing Is Ever Obvious ? • Educate Yourself About Enlightenment ? • Why You're An Addict ? • No Trip Sitters ? June 2017 • The Ultimate Simulation ? • Just Scaffolding ? • Yoga FTW! ? July 2017 • The Best Mix For Enlightenment—Concentration & Contemplation ? • Everything Is Understandable (note) • Understanding The Common Mob ? • More Serious Than You Ever Imagined (note) • Weirdness Is Relative (note) • The Banach-Tarski Paradox—How Infinity Works • All In A Day's Work • Infinite Expansion (note) • The Best Place For Quotes Is… (note) • Trump & Spiral Dynamics ? ? August 2017 • The Infinite Chameleon ? • Applied Systems Thinking ? • Hitting Rock Bottom (note) • Infinite Water Wiggly ? • Ego Droplets (note) • Nothing I Say Can Be Trusted ? • Are You A Brain Slave? • Why You Should Never Do Salvia Alone ? • Learning = Behavior Change, Clarification ? • I Am Not A Master ? • Everything Is Infinitely Interconnected (note) • The Antidote For Pre-Trip Anxiety ? ? September 2017 • Rupert Sheldrake's Banned TED Talk • Before You Were Born (note) • The Mathematics Of Devilry ? • Gestalt Cube (note) • Grahman Hancock's Banned TED Talk • Graham Hancock & Randall Carlson (note) • Understanding Away Anger ? October 2017 • Embarrassing Stupidity Is Good ? • What's Really In Your Ecstasy? • The Top Dangers Of Using Psychedelics ? ? • Bittersweet Actualization (note) • Taking Existence For Granted ? • It's Not All About Enlightenment ? November 2017 • Derrida & Nonduality ? • Looking Up Words In Wikipedia ? • How To Research Psychedelics ? ? • Advice For Visionaries ? • 5-MeO-DMT Girlfriend Success (note) • The Joke's On You ? • Storyland ? • Corrupting The Youth (note) • Mainstream Conversations About God ? December 2017 • Things I've Been Wrong About ? • Are You A Mystic? ? • Venn Diagram Of Knowledge ? • Deep Life Lessons From Bitcoin ? • Japanese Cats Say "Nyan"

How can nonduality possibly "be"… It. Can’t.

Ive gotten into Sri ramana maharshi and h9s teachings lately. nto I can quote the greates yogis and could explain it well with pretty words to others if I wanted to. Ive read the books. Blah blah it all does me no good really. How can reality not be a subject-object reality? I am thinking to much I know but I havent been able to think about anything else for a few days. What is my sense of self than? My sense of self doesnt fit in with this at all. And this sense of seld is undeniable even when deep in meditation... On the bright side, I am motivated to start a kriya yoga practice now which i have been procrastinating about for months.

For starters, I think it's wrong of people to rule out Sam Harris because he has a materialist view of reality. He may be incorrect, yes, but he is also a pretty educated dude who looks seriously at the problems facing modern inquiries into consciousness. His guided meditation on looking for the self is one of the best ones out there for people getting into nonduality practices. That being said, the app is pretty good, from what I've seen/heard. There are some very legit teachers on there with meditations, including Loch Kelly (one of my favorites). As long as you can set aside the personal views of whoever made the app, and instead sink into the content, you will be A-OK. Especially if you can begin to parse how awareness actually functions and develop an unguided routine in time. Best wishes

You seem to pingpong back and forth between "absolute truths" fairly often, from what I've seen around this forum. Consider talking to a professional about it. Going through life seeing everyone as an imaginary NPC (a belief, by the way) will not help your life grow in any beneficial capacity. Additionally, what @Consilience said is right on the money. Nonduality means there is no other, but also no you. There is only consciousness. If you're convinced that you are lonely, you are resting in duality. If you're convinced you are living not only alone, but also in a realm where you as an individual are the only real thing in existence, it's a step further into the shadow realm of delusion. Be well. Stay open to possibility.

i found nisargadatta's talk #55 quite pertinent to this discussion: https://www.nonduality.com/hl7055.htm does this clarify or confuse

I have suffered a lot post nothingness and I suffer most of the time when I am not in nonduality. My mother had a stroke, couldn't swallow any fluids and begged for water 24/7 in the hospital. She didn't get any enlightenment from it, and sais we're in hell here. She suffers, I suffer. I start to doubt that suffering leads anywhere. I'd rather have euthanasia than go through the same experience that she sent through. I torture myself with sauna, cold water and strong determination sitting. Suffering still is suffering. Physical and Emotional pain still leads to suffering. I'm not going to hurt myself anymore, I'm going to take hot showers and be really comfortable. I'm going to take sleeping pills instead of being tired. I thought that suffering leads to awakening, but my biggest awakenings weren't triggered from suffering and suffering never led me anywhere. Asceticism is a fools errand. I want liberation without suffering, and I don't know what path to chose now. I can't anticipate suffering and I can't find a solution to it. I'm exhausted from fighting an uphill battle. Is there a path of surrender that isn't islam? Or something you can point me towards in my situation?

SoonHei DMed a moderator outlining what he planned to do and also spent hours speaking to his best friend about mahasamadhi, nonduality and how existence is a dream earlier on the day he killed himself. Before he jumped, he texted that friend saying "I leave you my dream. You already know, meet you in the beyond". It isn't an assumption that SoonHei killed himself as a direct result of these teachings, that's just the fact of what happened.

Not two. Adding a ‘you doing’ layer of thought narration is like taping newspaper cartoons on an 8k screen. Presence is whole, undivided, mysterious & mystical. You’re already absolutely free to do whatever you want. If you want, you can even focus on thoughts about how you’re not free. Thoughts about wether or not there is free will, etc. When thoughts about you being or feeling guilty arise… the experience is actually simple. It’s nonsensical thinking, since there’d have to actually be two of you for it two make sense. Sense is short for sensation, as in feeling. If you want to feel love, think in ways that make sense. Ways which are aligned with the truth of direct experience. The direct experience is that there are not “two you’s”; awareness of the thought… and the one the thought is about. Thoughts that make sense feel good and are creative, and do indeed create, and are indicative of the creator, love, nonduality (not two). If you look at the sun directly, you turn away naturally as not to hurt your eyes. If you put your hand on a hot stove, you pull away naturally as not to hurt your hand. But when thoughts about yourself arise which don’t feel good, they are being focused on & believed. The way of doing this without noticing is filing this into a categoric label, “guilt”. Yet, when you choose better feeling thoughts, it is as if the universe is literally made of love, and just welcomes & embraces you into it’s magic. Then, matters like “doing”, “you’s”, “being”, etc, just don’t matter. Passion, purpose & doing, or patience, silence & being, always the 8k of the ineffable one. You are so free in fact, that you can always choose a better feeling thought. You are so free, that you can even focus on the thought, that you can’t choose a better feeling thought. True freedom. Focusing on stopping something is feeding focus to that something. (Rumination instead of conscious creation) When focus is upon something else, there is then there experience of something else. (Conscious creation instead of rumination)

That's because it's basically almost literally second jhana. Way after kundalini awakening usually it seems. But sometimes synonymous. It's the transition between Witnessing (mountains aren't mountains) and awareness of awareness possibly opening to nonduality (mountains are mountains again). I really don't know. Can hardly remember how the process went for me. Kenneth Folk probably has some info on this -- he seemed to have a very methodical and precise approach to his awakening. You're right though. 1. Piti and 2. the arising and passing away (insight stage associated with 2nd jhana) are referring to 2 different things, essentially. It's possible you were referring to number 2 when you used the word kundalini. Apart from those 2, I'm not aware of kundalini actually referring to anything else, but I guess one could associate it with whatever one wants to lol. I don't know.

Exactly @Gianna. One is just a number, and it's too easy to get lost in numbers and feel cut off. Nonduality and complete connection is everything. You are everything, everything is you. There's nothing more wonderful.

@molosku I was not even talking about nonduality. You shouldove reality even if you are stuck in duality.

Nonduality. Not-two. Try literally pointing at direct experience to realize that is not possible.

The nature of thought seems to be dual. Our actual direct experience, already, now is nondual. The nature of thought is comparison, difference, separation/combination, and opposites. Cold weather outside feels cold because it's a difference from the warmth inside. Touch your desk or some other surface and really feel what you feel. Is your hand actually a separate sensation from the desk? Do you remember your birth? When did you begin? If you have no knowledge of your beginning, what makes you think you'll ever end? Even the question, which position do we take dual or nondual? is going on the paradigm that we have to pick one over the other. Duality. Even the assumption "there is no good or bad" implies this statement is correct and the statement "good is good and bad is bad" is incorrect. As you might be feeling right now, nonduality is strangely unsatisfying to the mind, and yet oh my God, you'll never find anything more satisfying than the realization that you can just drop the war of thought games at any time.

Metaphysically speaking.. Nonduality means there is only one substance out of which everything is made :namely consciousness.

what is non duality? and what is it's use in Sprituality? is non dual means good and evil are one? what non dual teaching conclude? and how non dual is non dual? we know we are one with the soul but we are different in sprit too. so which positions we take? dual or non dual?

When I want to figure something out I become obsessed. As a result my exploration of nonduality has seeped into dreams. I had quite a curious experience where in the dream I was considering, as though it was waking life (I was not lucid), that the world around me might be my own mind. But I could not make myself fully get or believe it as I thought I was awake. Then I woke up in bed for real, and realized it in fact was all my own mind.

Nonduality is NOT solipsism. But the ego-mind may not see it that way at first. It is true that you are the only thing in existence. You created every human being that exists. Of course the trick is, we're talking about the universal YOU, not the personal you. It's very simple logic: if nonduality is true, there is no division between anything. There is certainly no division between you/other. You are your own mother. You created Actualized.org to help you awaken. You even wrote this sentence. You are God in every literal sense. The ego is of course afraid of this. And it may be a shock to the system when you first start to realize how radical nonduality really it. It may feel like madness. Of course it's not madness. It's TRUTH. But TRUTH is a radical thing. It requires a very deep surrender. In the end, once you fully surrender, it will be fine. Great even. Nonduality, at the highest degrees of it, is extremely radical. It will shock and terrify the ego-mind. That is the #1 obstacle which keeps people unenlightened. You have to surrender to the radicalness of it. You have to surrender to the madness. It's not really madness. But it will appear to be madness relative to the normie paradigm you are used to. Enlightened people are basically insane by all conventional standards. They just happen to be insane in a functional way. And they don't frame it that way because it would scare off newbies. The lite degrees of nonduality can feel pleasant and nice. The deepest degrees of nonduality can feel downright terrifying and depressing. And the final stage is peace and wonder.

I just truly discovered this notion of "wholeness", "unity" or "oneness" from non-duality. This idea is very frightening for me.. because it collapses my experience of reality. Awareness is all that there is.. every other thing is a mind-created concept So, Non-Duality is awareness itself. There is no separation of ego/thought or object/subject. Precisely because experience is all it Is.. and experience IS consciousness. There is no experiential state if there is no awareness, therefore "being" is all there truly is. This is without having this "I" that is assumed to be doing the experiencing. For some this mystical ego-transcendence is beautiful, because of the divine nature of it(How this pure state of awareness feels). And also because it is the ultimate truth. It is the true nature of nature. Duality is the greatest enemy to non-duality (Obviously). But get this, in order to reach non-duality you MUST purge the duality of the mind. So, having a firmly dualistic mind will not comprehend this in any way. Because non-duality is experienced, it is not known by a rational explanation. For the explanation of it is dualistic in nature, because language is dualistic and always implies separation. People engage in meditation to reach this perceptual change of awareness. My biggest fear is knowing that everything I have experienced up until now has been an illusion. A product of the mind's intrinsic tendency to dualism. Everything seems false, nothing is real. Truth is just one. Up until now my philosophical "truths"(Or any thought of that matter) have been dualistic. So, I reach some sort of existential crisis or nihilistic crisis in nature. Not only that, but all of my dreams, hopes, my personal realizations are far from truth. Any meaning becomes meaningless. It is not worth living for something at it is just a concept, a construct of the mind that separates me and true reality. In a crude way, it is all fake. I can't even think without separation so it troubles me more. I think the most terrifying thing is looking out into space and realising that that for the most part.. is reality - this yawning near-void filled with things that would kill you. Here we are.. little fragile Flatlanders hugging the increasingly disordered surface of one planet.. with the yawning hungry cosmos poised to take us all back.

I feel a sense of love more when imagining God's awareness as separate and in a dual framework, even if it's not true. Like, my head being filled with awareness made of and by God, feels like a divine kiss on the forehead. On this topic that I posted originally, there is an automatic refutation of how a physicalist would react, because they too propose a magical conjuring trick AKA "emergence". All nonduality is doing is saying that brains are part OF this magical "emergence" thing. There is nothing at all but unmanifest infinite potentiality, and manifest perception. All manifest is one, all unmanifest exists in nothing, and both added together = reality = the Tao = absolute Oneness.

I agree with all that. I was pointing to something entirely different than the story of the Big Bang, which seems to be true in the story, as you seem to indicate. I was pointing out a view which itself points to nonduality. This is timelessly the Big Bang right here and now, but as the unconditioned.

Warning: Complete Transparency! I go deep into detail here! I spent two or three nights with 'J' since my last entry. I'm not entirely sure.. Time seems to be distorted AF lately. I'm not always sure if something happened yesterday or three days ago, or is it about to happen tomorrow. Linearity is fading - big time. I sometimes struggle to keep track of things. Thank God I like writing. I will not do a separate entry for each night. There are too many similarities. I don't want to repeat stuff here. In direct experience though; I've got nothing against repetition. Especially if I'm repeating nights of epic sex lol. In this entry; I will write about the night that stood out the most to me. It was sort of a breakthrough. A threshold to a higher level of connection, closeness, pleasure, etc. Buckle up. It's gonna be a long and wild ride. I'm already giving myself a boner. Build - up It was a rainy Summer night. I was so grateful the air cooled down a bit. I could not wait to finish working and go home to make sweet love to the sound of the rain. J and I happened to finish at our jobs pretty much at the same time that night. She was done a few minutes before I was. She texted me that she's with a coworker at her workplace, waiting for me. As soon as I'm done, I head there. They're in front of the building, smoking a cigarette, talking and giggling. I recognize J's coworker as soon as I see her. I remember her flirting with me earlier that day during lunchtime. I could sense she wanted to fuck me, even then. What I did not know is that she was kinda close with J. And of course she now knew J and I were fucking. So yeah. I can sense a lot of tension in the air. Maybe this is an opportunity for a threesome... Will see. We exchanged a few words. Small talk. Nothing sexual. But still, the tension was there. We said goodbye and then J and I left. Straight to my place. On our way; we talk about work a bit, but quickly bring the frame back onto us and our 'thing' that we've got going on. I start emphasizing why this 'thing' of ours is not a relationship and what it would mean if it was. I even mention her I'm pretty active on a self-help forum and that I asked of people's opinions on the matter. She finds it very cool. She agrees that this indeed is not a relationship. She has her reasons why she does not want a relationship, too. It's not only me. She shares those with me and reassures me that there's nothing weird going on. But.. she also admits she kinda has a tendency to get attached real quick, real hard.. I'm not surprised. It's a very common trait.. We reach a point where we kinda agree on being real good friends and having real good sex, while we see it fit. And when the time comes; we simply stop having sex and remain good friends. Or you know.. whatever. The air is as clear as it can be. We are both breathing freely and with a smile on our faces. And so we arrive to me place. Climax There is so much porn going on here before anything sexual even happens. Sorry about that, dear reader. I simply cannot leave it out. These moments of magic mean the world to me. As usual; I can't stop talking around her. It's just so easy. So effortles. So smooth. I say everything I want to say, and much, much more. I keep surprising myself in the back of my mind. She absolutely loves listening to all my stories and philosophies. I can tell she's truly invested. Paying close attention. Feeling my words. Not just hearing them. Things become a bit heavy at some point. But heavy in the most beautiful possible way. I was speaking of some dark stuff from my past... She nearly broke down in tears. And so did I. It was a moment of complete connection, empathy, compassion. It seemed like she truly felt a portion of that 'pain of mine'. She jumps into my lap and hugs me tightly. Trying to soothe me, comfort me. She speaks gently into my ear: 'It's ok. It's over now. Everything is alright...' I cannot tell you how many nights I stood awake; wishing for someone to do that for me. To hear me out. To tell me it's all good. To put their heart against mine and simply be present with me... Needless to say; I started melting. Disintegrating. Dissolving into Nothing. But.. I would not let that happen. I did not want to go there. It felt too soon. Too big. Too... much. Not what this night is all about. I quickly shifted and altered my state of being. I said something along the lines of: 'That's enough of wining now! We're here to have fun!' She laughs and ofcourse matches the frequency immediately. I can tell she's got a lot of emotional intelligence and maturity going on. What a girl... Good for her. We start talking about art.. She wants to hear my music. I show her a few projects of mine, and her mind is pretty much blown away. Pussy probably wet. I'd dare to bet on it. There is so much passion and excitement in the room it could kill a man. I decide to give her a short tour of my world. I know it's completely alien to her. Unknown territory. I show her more, incredible, genius music/art. She loves all of it. We discuss self-expression a lot and what it is that makes an artist truly unique. We also smoke a blunt or two while talking. Then...*get this*...we proceed to have a full-blown conversation about Nonduality. Say what now?! How the fuck did we get this high, this quick? I can tell she's awake. Present. Conscious. She is not really familiar with all these spiritual/nondual concepts.. And I doubt she had any truly deep nondual realizations.. But she's definitely awake. Definitely conscious. Just not conscious of her actually being God. She's conscious of The One, but not yet that she is The One. We spoke about the matter in a very down-to-earth way. No woo woo spiritual language. We kept it real and direct. Straight forward. At one moment we kinda both questioned whether the other one existed haha. It was a bit scary. But we laughed it off quickly and agreed that there is no real way for us to know. I finally drag myself to the bathroom to take a shower. My mind was silent for so long that when a thought passed through my awareness it felt like an invasion. It kinda disturbed me for a few moments... but I shook it off quickly. I get out of the shower, feeling all fresh and ready. And then I walk into a scene that felt like a dream come true. J is on the bed with my acoustic guitar in her hands. Struggling to play the intro of 'nothing else matters'. You gotta be kidding me... Can the night get any more magical? Jesus Christ. My heart melts instantly and I sit down to listen to her playing. She's being all cute and embarrassed. It's so hot to me when she's shy. I am looking up her mini-skirt. I can see her panties... Oh my God... I could not dream up this stuff. She distracts me from being distracted and yells with a girly voice: 'You play it!' - handing me over the guitar. I really don't wanna show off but I also kinda do, so I take the guitar and nail that intro. She's amazed. And turned on. We fool around a bit more with the guitar, I teach her the first few notes of the song, and then we put the guitar away. Now it's her turn to take a shower. I proceed to roll another joint. Listening to awesome music and hanging out here on the forum. *This is where things start turning sexual* She comes out of the bathroom... naked. My window wide open. People could easily see in. She does not seem to give a fuck. She walks to me in slow motion and sits in my lap. That's it. My dick is in charge now. I'm taking the passenger's seat. My first impulse is to suck on her tiny, pink nipples. Oh God. It makes me crazy. Like, stupid crazy. I grab on her boobs hard. I'm really getting in there. I'm an animal now. A wild beast. I suck and I lick like savage. I pull her hair and start making out with her. She's rubbing my cock through my shorts. I know she wants it bad. My hands are still nowhere near her pussy. They're occupied with her ass, tits and hair - mainly. We make out like this for a while. Then... She stands up and sits on a chair across me. Smiling and looking at me like she's about to eat me alive. Man... What a tease. We say little to nothing. Only looking at each-other, with fire in our eyes. Our blood boiling. We take a few puffs, I put on this album: https://youtu.be/znV9KDsNtXY and that's it... Enough of playing around. We're fucking. Now. We skip the long, romantic honeymoon intro. My dick straight into her mouth. She's sitting on my bed. I'm standing up. I like looking down on her from up here. She seems so small and fragile. My big, fat dick in her gentle, little palms. She's a pro. She's not only mindlessly strocking up and down. She's twisting my dick hard while sucking on the tip. It's no joke when she locks into a rhythm. I could easily cum real quick. But I'm no ordinary beast, either. I know my craft. Know myself. Know my dick. Holding back is no issue to me. I'm just the perfect guy to fuck her brains out. The way she truly deserves it. Although we were clearly in Heaven once again... there was also something hellish in the atmosphere. I felt a bit like a Devil that night. I wanted to be more dirty with her than before. I wanted to dominate her more. I wanted to be more rough. I'm sure I was influenced by the album I chose to play in the background. It was just the perfect vibe. She has a pony tail tonight. I wrap it around my arm and start choking her with my cock. She swallows more than half of it. I'm impressed. But I'm not releasing her that easily. She's being trained now. She's my little slave. And oh boy is she loving it! She's gasping for air. Her saliva all over my dick. Some of it on her tits. Some on the floor. Tears running down her face. Her make-up all fucked up. Just a lovely scene. I remember thinking to myself: 'Easy, Ivan. This is not your common, trasy, street whore. She's knew to all this. She's way too innocent and fragile.' You must understand that this girl did not have all that many sexual experiences so far. She had a boyfriend for a few years, and from what I understood; he was kinda boring, lazy and generic. I assume he fucked her that way too. She told me I'm definitely the best she ever had. And also the biggest. By far. So yeah... A lot of firsts and a lot of news. I feel honored. Kinda humbled, too. Also; proud. Very, very proud. So... I decide to hit the breaks a bit and start projecting some warmth into the act. Enough of discipline and torture - for now. I'm not even thinking of pulling out my whip or tying her down yet. It's way too soon. But I'm now sure she's open for exploring those waters. She's definitely excited about this whole new world I'm slowly revealing to her. The role I have in this dynamic is way beyond satisfying. I absolutely love it. I turn her around and now she's on her knees, on my bed. Her lovely, round, heart-shaped butt up in the air. I'm standing behind her. My cock pulsing - ready to explode. I'm not as hard as this with every girl and everytime. It's only so with the 'special ones'. If I don't vibe with the girl I can't get it up. Or I can - but barely. It happened a few times already. It's just how I'm wired. I kneel down and bury my face deep into that perfect ass. My God. The smell. The taste. The feel. The every-fucking-thing. It's just indescribable. Words completely fail me. My tongue in her tiny, little hole. I'm pushing as deep as I can. Twisting it inside of her sugar-wall. Both of my hands on her ass-cheeks. Spreading them wide open. I suck on her clit. Then I slide my thumb in her pussy. I'm grabbing hard on her thighs. Occasionally reaching out to her beautiful tits. I would not dare to neglected them. I cannot take it anymore. I must fuck her, now! I reach out and grab some lube from the night shel. She's already wet as fuck - but I want her extra moisturized now. I don't want to go slow this time. I want to enter hard and quick. I put a fair amount of lube on my dick. And then some on my two fingers that I bury deep inside her pussy. I spread it real good. All over her tight, warm sugar-walls. I pull her lengs together and lower her back. Her ass way up in the air. Her head down on the bed. Arms behind her back. I put the tip of my dick on her clit and jerk her a bit. She's starts moaning louder. 'Fuck me!' - she yells. I spread her ass-cheeks as far as possible and slide my dick into her. I can't believe it. It went surprisingly smooth. Still tight as fuck. Still a little bit painful. But in it went right away. All the way up and against the wall. She coughs a bit. I punched the breath out of her with my dick. It was kinda hot. I lose no more time. I start digging. Creating space and dimensions inside of her. Her pussy is now my playground. I get to play out my wildest imagination inside of her. I slap her ass hard. Maybe a bit too hard. She screams a bit in pain, but does not stop pounding back against my dick. I'm pulling on her long-ass pony tail. Red led lights shining right bellow her ass. The view... is breathtaking. I turn her around and pull her up. Now we're both standing next to my bed. I put her on leg on the bed and slide my dick into her from behind. She's completely surrendered. Leaning against my body. My hand on both of her tits. I'm licking and biting her neck and ear. My fingers on her clit. She's locked into a cage of pleasure. She cannot move. There is ecstasy coming from all angels. Pointing in all of her pleasure spots. Some of which she never knew she even had. I'm fucking her real hard. There is still something romantic about it... But it's mostly just hardcore, animalistic fucking. It's as hot as it is wild. I feel like I wanna roar on the top of my lungs. It's incredibly empowering. It makes you feel like you can move mountains. Again we change the position. Now I'm sitting on the bed. My lengs touching the floor and spread wide. She's standing in front of me, turning her back on me. Her tighs tightly sealed. She leans forward and slowly sits on my dick. Holding onto my legs. Again. The skill. The will. How?! How did this girl learn to ride and please a man like this?! I'm pretty sure she's just a natural.. No other explanation. She has been blessed with a gift. And I'm enjoying the fuck out if it. She's definitely a giver. Very, very generous. I lay back and relax. She keeps riding, ofcourse. Like the best, obedient, little whore. This gives me the opportunity to melt into the centre of the Universe once again, and disappear. I lose myself completely. Yet I am more here and more now than ever. I am all. I spiral in and out, up and down. I don't care one bit about anything at all. I might as well die this very moment. Next thing I know; she's laying on me. Her back against my chest. Her cute little butt still working my dick. Again; my one hand on her tits, the other one playing with her clit. We're making out. Sucking on each-other's tongues. H - O - T. Somehow we end up in 69. But not before I pull out a vibrator out of my toy-box... It's always under my bed. Waiting patiently. J's very, very pleasantly surprised. She giggles and gets a bit shy again. It makes me go nuts. She's sitting on my face now. If this is not Heaven, I don't know what is. I lick her clit like a mad man. I suck on it. Circle around it with my tongue as fast as (in)humanly possible. The dildo, which is significantly smaller than my dick, is now deep in her pussy. Vibrating... semi-fast. She is moaning, nearly screaming in ecstasy. With my dick in her mouth, of course. She comes all over my face. I cum deep into her throat. And the Earth stops spinning. At this point we kinda made peace with the fact that we'll just keep blowing each-other's minds. We obviously won't stop going higher and higher for a while. So we might as well get used to it. I was beyond happy when she said she's cool with swallowing cum. I brought the matter up at some point earlier that night. I could not wait to cum inside her. Even if inside her mouth, only. That's one of the reasons I kinda have a thing for anal. Because I can cum inside like a boss. But anal is definitely out of the picture with J. Her asshole is just waaay to tiny. Fucking her pussy already feels like anal lol. She mentioned she's thinking about the pill... We'll see. For now, I'm beyond satisfied with cumming in her mouth, only. Anyways... The night is not over yet. That's right, you horny mofo. There is more action. We eat some pizza, put a movie on and I role another blunt on her ass. That's right. On her, beautiful, round, juicy ass. We're both naked, obviously. We smoke, we laugh, talk a bit... and soon enough we're fucking again. In missionary. I grunt and talk dirty in her ear. Fast, hard and sudden strokes. Again I'm punching the breath out of her. Now repeatedly. She exited this plane of existence. Her eyes roll back. She comes all over my dick. Her body completely outside of her control. Shaking like mad. It was a full-body orgasm. She definitely reached a new level of surrender with me. She can cum much easier now. And much, much harder. She rides me some more. Then I fuck her gorgeous titties for some time and again cum in her throat. It's around 6AM now. We pretty much fucked the entire night. Pure, mother-fucking WIN. That's how you live life fully, people. I actually remember us high-fiving and fist-bumping several times during the night lol. It was very cool. We fall asleep like babies. A few hours later, I wake up with a boner next to a hot, naked brunette. Instinctively I fuck her. It was an awesome 'quicky'. She finally leaves my place around noon. We both had to start working at 2PM. What a fucking ride. Thanks, God. I really, truly appreciate it. I could not ask for more. Final thoughts: You see this? All of this? This right here... is Passion. I could not think up and in front all this and organize it this perfectly - even if I wanted to. It just happens on its own. It must happen on it's own. I simply have to let it take over. And boom! Magic! Sex! This right here... Is why J and I fuck so good. It is why we communicate so good. It is why she was attracted to me in the first place. Passion... Passion is sex.

The mystical states are produced in the finite self by manipulation of the brain. This does not matter when you understand nonduality. Nonduality cannot be experienced fully by a finite self, it causes "cessation", so you can only come very close. The finite self that you mean right now is a brain. Like how to experience a dream you must be localized in the dream (proveable), to experience the dream called material universe you must be localized in it. Which we are. As brains. The brain causes the finite self to interpret raw data in an array of ways (qualia), it does not itself PRODUCE the qualia or consciousness. Imagine there is a canvas covered in many colors. On top is a blank white piece of cardboard. That represents the finite self (brain). Now take a hole punch and make some holes in the cardboard so the colors on the canvas show. That is what your brain is doing. Just like when a magician pulls a rabbit put of the hat, only a fool believes the rabbit was not already there.

“If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?” That old joke remains quite mysterious, until the flaw in the proposition is recognized. The setup implies there are two; the hearer, and the tree which makes the sound. No hearer, no sound experience… no tree falling, no sound experience. What if you didn’t believe you’re a hearer, any more or less than you believe you’re a tree? The punchline, nonduality, suggests there are not two, such as a thinker of thoughts, a perceiver of perceived, a creator of creation, a hearer of sound, or someone doing something, or anyone doing anything really. If you & I wanna have a party, we gotta rent a place, hire a band, book Gallagher, hang the disco balls, paint ourselves, establish wingman-ship, order the kegs and strippers, etc, etc. You know how it is. But when Not A Thing wants to have a party, it just be’s the whole party… and sometimes mid-party it’s all ‘is there really this “No Thing” or not? That’s a helluva party if you think about it. Or is it if you don’t? Dunno.

@Windappreciator I'm guessing you haven't seen it. It's not just a personal diary sort of thing, you know. https://actualized.org/insights Leo's Blog: Infinite Insights Miscellaneous bits of wisdom about personal development, philosophy, epistemology, nonduality, life purpose, psychedelics, etc. Published randomly throughout the week.