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Date: October 10th 2022 Dose: 4.5g Mazatapec Intention: What is Actuality? Taken at 5:50 pm 12 minutes in Feeling a come-up. 14 minutes Kicking in, yawning, tired, etc. Getting into that shroom head space Eventually my contemplation of "What is actuality?" just dove into me asking "What are you, God?" To me, this was the same question as asking what is actuality. Insights and Musings You can't explain it. You either are conscious of it or you're not. When your hand is not in your consciousness, it it literally exists as nothingness. Void. Parts of your body that you do not see or feel literally do not exist. And then when you look at it then it spontaneously gets imagined into existence. God has the power to do that. And God damn. God damn. God is one fucking asshole, he had me fooled. The ultimate Illusionist. I have become conscious that I live in a mind. Post Trip Report Definitely Some mind-blowing insights into the nature of reality. Super duper fun to see god's power where he can just make things appear and vanish. Turn a corner and the room you were just is is gone.

The beautiful aspect of dualities is they create a sense of movement, progression, and experience. They may only be imagination, but even for God they serve a purpose. Imagine being formless, changeless, and timeless. God is not bored, but neither is it excited. It is light and love, but without creation, how is this light and love manifested? It is all God, dreaming the cosmos into existence and collapsing it into nothingness, in an infinite divine cycle. Science supports the expansion and contraction of the cosmos, but mystics realized it millennia ago. Take the numbers below as symbolic, and realize the deeper meaning of the insight: The Day of Brahma ends after a thousand yugas and the Night of Brahma ends after a thousand yugas. When the day of Brahma dawns, forms are brought forth from the Unmanifest; when the night of Brahma comes, these forms merge in the Formless again. This multitude of beings is created and destroyed again and again in the succeeding days and nights of Brahma. But beyond this formless state there is another, unmanifested reality, which is eternal and is not dissolved when the cosmos is destroyed. - Bhagavad Gita 8:17-20

You can't awake of that because otherwise you would be in control at all times, and its not possible when consciousness=nothingness

Consciousness is the building block of the reality that doesnt really exist, the reality is you, you're creating your reality on the go out of nothing. Which came first? The chicken or the egg? Both. Which came first? Nothingness or consciousness? It's both. You're just experiencing an illusion of something, behind the scenes there is really nothing. In the world of dualities we think nothing is actually non existence but it doesnt work like that

You both are wrong, "nothingness" and "You are Consciousness" are both the same at the highest level. I made a paint. Consciousness = nothingness , that is why there is no one in control ever and never will be.

Good description of the how truly hard it is to face the void. really, it shouldn't be since there is nothing bad in the void, nor good. it is to realize that under the thin surface of appearance, there is an infinite ocean of nothingness. It is terrifying because you disappear diluted in that infinity and there is not the slightest thing to hold on to. there is no opinion about that nothingness, no fear, only lack of all life. the self, as soon as it returns, is horrified and wants to get out of there immediately. This is why whoever wants to access that state while sober has to educate himself with years of intensive meditation. a psychedelic can get you there in a moment. you just need courage to face it many times. there is a point to understand. there is something in the void, the consciousness of the void. then you see that the void is one more creation, exactly the same as watching a sunset, or the awareness of yourself as an individual. and there is also resistance. really, you are perceiving the emptiness, and resisting it, even though it seems that there is no you. as soon as you completely abandon yourself, the revelation takes place. the revelation more than a revelation is the total rupture of the limits that you impose on yourself. your perceiving the emptiness is limitation. you have to merge with it and encompass the infinite, then the void is revealed as absolute power, absolute love, intelligence and total freedom of the inexplicable: god. you. the obvious, what always was. how did you forget this? then all your energy channels stop forming curves, bends, paths, and become straight beams that reach infinity. all your energy is released.

For me, the consciousness IS the nothingness. Conciousness is literally nothing.

So this idea of rectal Route of Administration was from this thread: One thing that I CAN confirm right off the bat is that the come up IS twice as fast. Anyways... LSD Trip 002 - My First Mega Download November 24th 2021 This is the first trip where I really let my self dial in focus on contemplating the nature of reality, and the rapid flow of insights kept me up till 6am. I think you'll find some very interesting things if you read this report in full. Also, I am letting you know that I am leaving many things in this report. Things such as stuff related to my life purpose that doesn't need to be shared for the purposes of posting it here. But to also distill it down to the most juicy bits. Also, the things that I find the most interesting, will be bolded, underlined, made bigger, highlighted, etc. >Lines that have ">" are written after the trip (A week later) Trip Report Intention: What is Context? So while tripping I listened to Guided exercise for realizing you are God. I need to take notes on this and identify each individual point that I have grounding my reality. >I know now that I need to further define things such as what does Leo really mean when he says Biology. >The reason why I need to further define these things is because when the idea is fully present, then that's what you know what you are letting go of. It's hard to let go of something that is vague. Which is why the ego must become more present in order to let it go. Woke up. Did an enema 3 -4 times. Dose: 50mcg LSD Taken @ 12:10PM, Rectally. ( Just put the raw tab in my butt, half a finger depth, nothing fancy, next time I might try to dissolve it in vinegar and then a couple drops of coconut milk [As Leo suggested in a thread] and see if it does anything differently. ) Proceeded to clean my room. I put my phone in Focus mode 18 mins Subtle energy shift in the chest? 24min Maybe some vibration in my chest? 34 min Kicking in Frosted glass is moving. Body feels different, Consciousness different The comeup is like a vibratory "anxiety". But it can totally just be interpreted as excitement. >The comeup is definitely twice as fast with rectal ROA, people have experienced the tripping time being cut in half as well, but that MAY or may not be the case. Because at least for my body I'm not sure how long LSD actually lasts for me, it could last 24 HOURS for me, rather than 12. I know that when I compare myself using THC edibles with my friend, 2 hours later after my friend has come down, I am still flying. 43 min Yawns Tired Pupils dilated 1h12min You can trip about contemplating the same thing over and over and go deeper and get more value. The mind is the net that holds reality in it. > I would now rephrase it as: You mind creates reality by interweaving a web of contexts. Without the network of the mind, reality doesn't hold. Without context, there's no reality. What you call "reality" is just a context. Consciousness is spawned in the moment. The moment feeling like forever is BECAUSE that is all there is. This moment can be whisked away thanos style, snap of fingers. Everything is being held together. In this moment. The eternal now. And at some point, it COULD just not exist. But yet it does atm... Opening your mind to the point of crazy is simply opening your mind enough... It's a double edged sword. It's that freedom of consciousness >When you open your mind this far, it gives you freedom to create any story about reality and it will be true for you. Which is why it opens you mind to levels of crazy, which is WHY you can EASILY believe that you are a prophet, because when your mind is open enough, it is simply the case when you make it so. When the mind is so open, you can write ANY story about it and call it truth. The amount of responsibility you take when you open your mind this much is insane. Enlightenment is simply just stripping all context. To the point that it deconstructs your ego, your self. All the ideas grounding you in this room, then all the ideas grounding you in the body. Then all the ideas grounding your consciousness in your head. >I think so. I have the freedom to imagine anything, yet the only thing that happens is this experience. Why is that the case? How do I get out of my head? >I still believe that "I" am in between my ears. I can see very clearly now that the ego is what gets in the way. It grounds reality stronger than an idea. 4hours in, still going hard Reality is just a tightly-knit context. So tightly knit that it feels real. It seems real. But it's a net of context. It's so tightly knit that the illusion is TOTAL. As you unwire each strand of the net you realize just how loose it is. Once you unwire enough strands then you realize that IT IS A NET. >You unravel the illusion. You becoming conscious is you becoming conscious of how Consciousness creates itself. Of how reality weaves itself into a net suspended up in the air with no ground. This full realization of all the contexts I create would reach a peak if my ego was dead. Which is why I see now the serious practicality of doing 5 MeO DMT. And I see how you need to be like there for a while to understand what the hell is that space. I need the neti neti method right now. >I listen to this right to hour 16, where I'm constantly pausing it and writing down more and more insights, keeping me up to 6am. I wonder how powerful it would be if Leo was sitting right here hammering me with questions about self. Like guided self-inquiry. I need to deeply understand what is Fear The search for the true self STARTS when you strip away all context. >This includes stripping away the contexts that you are attached to, which are the contexts that ground your ego. 4hours, 48 min Still going hard. Going deep as I can. Is the "I" present when this body dies? I feel like there's gotta be this big letting go moment. Like my ego is holding on. "I" cannot be sight because that is not ever present. Am "I" a constant? What is that? 5h Visuals in the wall still going hard The amount of concentration I have is unbelievable. I've built up an insane amount of momentum here. It seems like an ego death, an enlightenment is simply a momentum build up? I see how an enlightenment requires momentum. Which makes sense as to why Leo says that a retreat is what's necessary for an enlightenment. I can SEE now how much wage slavery can take away from this momentum. The things that you are alone with are where you're forced to be an expert on. To become awake, I feel like I just gotta do boatloads of self-inquiry for it to work. Patiently neti neti'ng myself over and over. Doing psyches to help during this process. The neti neti method is making you become conscious of certain things. What does it mean to open the mind? To get the courage to see the reality constructs that you create? Your enlightenment search is fueled by your curiosity in finding yourself. 6h 14 min I might actually be coming down now. "What is Context?" It's a perfect question to ask and trip about several times over. Why does the mind love patterns? Because of its ability to give your reality a construct. A context. A context is a pattern that is recognized. >A context is what grounds your reality, making your ego seem more real. The more contexts, the more TOTAL the illusion is. 6h 52 min Sobering up a bit? Still MEGA concentrated. What is Value? To create value is to create a suspended network. Value is a suspended network grounded in context, grounded in absolutely nothing. Why do I feel the need to be better than everybody else? Even if that means just me being better in my own very specific way? Is it because that way I will have a sense of mastery? A sense of accomplishment? At this point I was drawing and writing stuff down, trying to comprehend the magnitude of Leo's genius with his vision of Actualized.org. There is nothing to accomplish, yet reality pushes me in ways in order to evolve my consciousness. The way reality functions is it's evolution. There's nothing to accomplish, yet I'm stuck in a situation where I feel pain if I don't do stuff. An ego was created as a tool. In this tool is very useful because it gets things done. There's too much demonization of the ego. Rather it must be just understood of what it is and the role it plays. It plays a very important role. Without the ego it would be a lot worse in terms of getting stuff accomplished. ^^^but that is all ego justifications. Without ego it's okay if you die. >^The Ego is fighting Ego. I intuit that I must first build a massive lattice structure of understanding in order to get to that enlightenment point. 7h 30 mins Pretty much sober. But it's hard to tell because of the amount of momentum that I built up with my concentration over the past several hours. My head has been massively worked. After I am well versed in stripping away all of reality Constructs, that is when I will smoke 5meo, plug 5meo. At that point enlightenment will be easy to attain. "I" am a lattice structure. >The ego is a tightly weaved context weaved in itself. Creating the FULL and TOTAL illusion that it exists. Just like negative space art. >I am starting to understand how "you" are the triangle! >Each circle is the context that you ground yourself in. You can always deepen your understanding on every single idea, on every single word. You can deepen your understandings of every single thought. Is it possible for the eyeball to look at itself seeing? >Is it possible for consciousness to look at how it creates itself? >Is it possible for consciousness to be conscious of consciousness? 8h Still mega focused in thought. Deconstructing realities contexts. I need to patiently shake each assumption of reality loose. >Like how the brain doesn't exist. This here really helped me and I understand it a lot more now since I read it during my trip. And Even now I understand it more. >Also I think I now understand this more >Reality appears as it is, as itself. It it not grounded in anything. Whatever contexts that you project onto it is also reality because that is reality IS'ing as the context being projected through your rose coloured glasses of perception. Now I want to watch Leo's video, What is perception? [Checkpoint 1] >Reality IS ITSELF AT EVERY LEVEL. If you zoom in, it spawns as reality at that level, if you zoom out, it spawns at that level. But they're not grounded in eachother, they're not made up as eachother, but when you investigate, you can create a STORY that is the case. BECAUSE reality can be infinitely zoomed in, but it doesn't mean that lets say that your hand is made of atoms. Your hand is made out of itself, as itself, as it appears right now. >At least that seems to be the case... Your confidence is grounded in context. >SERIOUSLY! If you are not confident in a situation, change the context, and if you are able to open your mind enough to actually belive the stories you tell yourself, then that confidence will come effortlessly. [Checkpoint 2] >Which brings me to another point that I am starting to realize about the dangers of this work, and that is the dangers of deconstructing reality this much and opening your mind this much. If you are able to deconstruct reality to the point of throwing away all context to reach the absolute, then you literally lose your mind because your mind is a tightly knit web grounded in context, and when you start pulling the web apart, you lose you mind because your mind is a construct that is suspended in nothing. But also, more importantly, when you realize that reality is nothing but contexts and stories, you start to learn that you can easily write your own contexts and stories, and you can just as easily believe it as truth. Which is why it makes sense as to why enlightened people can see themselves as a prophet, simply because they lack ANY epistemological rigor in their understanding of reality. SO when your mind is that open, you can believe anything to your advantage, while at the same time forgetting that you did so. And because by DEFAULT you are epistemologically lazy, you default to believe the content that you have been fed by your culture, your experiences, your people around you, and most importantly, yourself. And in fact, that is exactly what you are doing RIGHT NOW sober, in your unenlightened, mind-not-lost state! But you are grounded in the collectively held social matrix that is your reality bubble. When you deconstruct your reality this much I see how it is so easy to write your own story. And how reality magically molds to your contexts. In which I realize that reality will bend to whatever context that you project upon it. Which is how you LITTERALLY CREATE reality. >Whereas Reality with a capital R is none of that, (Reality with a capital R )is an infinite shapeshifting infinite void of nothingness, and then your ego comes along and projects its contexts onto it, creating a reality (with a lowercase 'r' ) of it's own, as a TOTAL illusion, separate from the source, the absolute. The illusion being grounded in nothing but a massive web of contexts, suspended in the air. >I see now how everything in reality is simply a web of contexts, and relationships between these contexts, suspended in the air. A Network! >This idea explains the structure of Value, how value is a collectively held hallucination, think of how any inflation happens, that's only a result of the collectively held perception. Such as the dutch tulips. Value is nothing but a held perception. The "self", such as an artichoke, and you looking your self is like looking for a fruit in the center of an artichoke, peeling back every layer until you find nothing. Knowledge, how NOTHING IS KNOWN, and how knowledge is grounded in nothing, yet it exists, as a network, suspended in the air, in itself. Learning, where you realize that all learning is, is weaving an increasingly complex and interconnected web of knowledge, and how every idea leans against another. Culture, how it's a collectively reinforced massive hallucination. Paradigm, Construction (of reality), Perception. Language, such as how every word leans onto itself. Leo's YouTube channel. Why it is so valuable, because every concept leans on itself, creating a NETWORK EFFECT. This explains why every couple of months of studying Leo, my reality literally SHIFTS, simply because I have created a synergistic, network effect, connecting all these fundamental topics together, weaving them together into a strong net. This net of understanding start to take up a reality of its own. Everything, how all aspects of reality is just an infinite collection of interconnected networks. And how I am learning now that your life becomes better and better the more you understand this network because you are able to become conscious and appreciate the infinite beauty of GOD, Reality, Consciousness. I can intuit now how oneness can be so beautiful and powerful... >"reality=Network" - - (Notice how I use "reality" with a lowercase 'R') I could see myself surpassing Jordan Peterson easily. But Leo on the other hand... HAHAHAHA >How far I have come haha. I want to be able to teach as good, if not better than Leo does. You CAN'T have anything planned for your trips like this. Plans WILL fuck up your focus massively. The ENTIRE day has to be sanctioned off. Even if you were okay enough to go swimming later for example, your mind is still extremely sensitive and could be harmed with a negative experience and because of the sensitivity of your mind. It can sour the preciously aligned insights that the New Foundation was created upon. The only way I'll understand the massive amount of effort it takes to become a teacher as good as Leo is to go through the effort myself. The only way I'll understand how to make such a good teaching is by going through that process itself. That's WHERE I'm trying to understand what the process itself is! >I mean there's gotta be SOME practice routines involved in this process... >Zone of Genius work... >Anyways... To me it seems to be Learning a bunch of shit Interweaving and contemplating deeply about my understanding. Becoming conscious about a bunch of shit, such that I OWN the wisdom / teaching. Doing practice routines of how to teach it. Like just learning presentation and speaking skills in general. Teaching it. True spirituality is the most true "science". To invigorate spirit into your reality. True spirituality is truth seeking. Yo what the hell, I love truth seeking now! Realizing no self is like unwiring the Ultimate indoctrination. YOOO I fucking love religion class now. Leo's videos is religion class. I have to say that I'm becoming conscious of how your mind creates stories about everything. And how you just have to write your story to become the hero of your own story >I just noticed that I wrote down much more but it didn't save?? Fuck! > I had a lot of deep insights about manifestation itself, the structure of manifestation, and how it connects with this idea of a network. A self constructed, tightly weaved net, which is basically what all manifestation boils down to. Creating a net between your current net and the nodes you want your net to be a part of. Like the "Successful Youtube Channel" node, the "Great teacher" node. >At the end of the night at about 5AM, I start to think about pickup and how I would need to feel to be picked up, trying to get into the perspective of the hypothetical women in my mind. >My conclusion was that I needed to feel that I was everything. >I started to think about the people in my life, especially my mother, in how they make me feel like I'm everything. I cry at the love I feel. >I think of my Mom, and I text her how she is EVERYTHING I could ask for in being my mother. And how I love her very much. And that she makes ME feel like I'm everything! >I think of my best friends, and I tell them that they are everything I could ask for in a friend. > I think of my siblings, and I text them that they are everything I could ask for, and I love them very much. >I think of my dad, and how I want to say to him, that he is EVERYTHING that I need in a father, even though that is not the case at all, but I want to tell him that such that he feels love. So instead I text him that he is everything I could ask for in being my father, which is technically the case, rather than saying that he is everything >I think of Leo, and I think: LEO... YOU are EVERYTHING I could ask for in a teacher. I love you very much. >I realized that there is a deep connection with Intelligence and Beauty. Simple example, if your hair looks stupid, do it up, put more intelligence into it, then it all of a sudden becomes beautiful. >The difference between beautiful art and not beautiful art is the intelligence put into it. If you read all this, you are a real one. Trip Report Summary I'm learning about how your reality is an interconnected web of stories, ideas and contexts. I can see now that after building more foundation, I'll be soon ready for 5meo, as I see where it practically fits in gaining understanding. What's next? Creating a MASSIVE UNDERSTANDING of all these concepts The Many facets of awakening What is Love. Pt 1&2, Self Love What is Perception. What if reality was nothing but perspective? (The damn near opposite of Leo's video "What is Perception") Self Deception. What is Fear? Pt1&2 How To Discover What's True - A Deep Inquiry What is Truth? What does an awakening feel like Leo's videos on enlightement. Thanks Leo! Read books on what consciousness is. Study and create a network around the things I need to learn to actualize my life purpose. Contemplate What is Context? What is Relationship? That is my next thing to trip to? What is Beauty? What is Intelligence? What is Emptiness? What are the relationships between all of these? What is Love? What is Ego? What is Confidence? What is Value? What Makes a great Teacher? What is Learning? What is Teaching? What is Communication? Questions & Requested Feedback Can I get input on what I said in: (Ctrl+f) [Checkpoint 1] Where I talk about reality spawning as itself, not as an amalgamation of stories like atoms. I mention this a few times in the report. [Checkpoint 2] Where I talk about the dangers of unwiring reality this much. I mention this a few times in the report.

Why Is There Something Rather Than Nothing A true history of the Universe: Once upon a time there was nothing. The end. "Everything is nothing, with a twist." ~Kurt Vonnegut When contemplating reality it's important to get traction with the question. How is it possible that anything exists at all? Why do I have hands and not claws? Feel that sense of wonder and mystery. Stay open minded and bask in not-knowing. Mind quickly wants to supply backstory with hearsay (i.e. evolution, big bang, god, etc.) Start from scratch and work with present direct experience. Wouldn't it just be simpler to have nothing? Why is there all this somethingness going on? But how do you know how to distinguish between something and nothing? What if the difference between something and nothing was actually something you're projecting onto reality? What if reality itself didn't know the difference between something and nothing? And what if "somethingness" is actually more energy efficient than absolute blank nothing? What would keep absolute nothing from spontaneously spawning into something? There is nothing holding Reality back from being any particular way. Nothing is precisely what exists. This is nothing! Your entire life and the entire physical universe never even happened. It's nothing, it's no when, and it's no how. Ta-da! A perfect symmetry. Any "particular way" would be an asymmetry and a bias. It's all ways possible superimposed into each other into an Infinite Singularity = Infinity = Nothing Zero = Infinity The universe is nothing. Has always been nothing. And will always be nothing. Then distinction is made in our minds. Who told you what nothing is and what something is? Undo the assumption and freshly look at this present moment until it becomes clear that it's all nothing. The mistake is trying to look elsewhere for nothingness. Your hands are nothing. Notice how the mind has tricked you into believing something isn't nothing. Actual Nothing: Has colors, Talks and hears, Is a bird chirping, Is pain in your leg, Is a toothache, Is your partner rejecting you, Is your parents abusing you when you were a child Is what you see on TV Is every book Become directly conscious of this and notice the shift. Consciousness = Nothing Unlimited Consciousness can't just be purely formless, that'd be a negation of form, an asymmetry. The Universe is a Singularity of formlessness and form all superimposed into each other at once. (which includes this present moment) It seems like it's something, like it came from somewhere, happening somewhen during sometime some place in space somehow through some method. All of this is an illusion. This present moment and the entire universe and all of reality is nothing, nowhen, nowhere, and nohow. Reality can only exist precisely because it's perfectly symmetrical such that it cancels itself out, thereby tying up every loose end. It's Singular, it's One, it can have no boundary. A perfect Unity, a perfect symmetry. This is the most energy efficient state and the only way that anything could exist at all, if it's part of this unified supersymmetry where everything perfectly cancels itself out. = none of it even exists. Absolute Fulness includes and encompassess the emptiness within it. Because how can something be truly Full if it excludes the empty? This now is completely empty. A full glass has an empty glass within it. Cut out doors and windows for the house. The holes make it useful. Therefore, the value comes from what is there, But the use comes from what is not there. ~ Tao Te Ching, 11 Human mind is very biased towards survival, towards form, to the exclusion of formlessness. All material benefit is of the formed variety: money, sex, power, pleasure = forms What good is formlessness to you? What can you do with it? Why should we care about formlessness? Now you're stuck in the domain of form and only understand half of reality. And really, formlessness is hiding right underneath the form. The empty glass is in the full glass. This explains everything about the nature of reality. These questions are not purely philosophical impractical unanswerable questions. Verify everything in direct experience. What about Consciousness, God, Love, Truth? Nothing = Consciousness = Truth = Love = God = You It usually takes multiple awakenings to equate all those terms together. Then all of reality feels like a hologram, with this hollow quality to it. Upon awakening to everything as being nothing, every "material thing" gets recontextualized into Spirit or Mind, hence the word spirituality. This present moment is happening inside my own Mind. (walls, roof, house, floor, earth) But since Mind is Infinite, there's no alternative from Mind, imagination = reality. It's often assumed that these are all useless questions, beware, because it's absolutely possible and essential to finding happiness and peace in life. It's a big relief to realize that Life and reality are Nothing. It comes with surrender and acceptance paving the way to Love and a great life. This isn't a nihilistic thing, it's Joy and bliss. Surrendering chasing pleasures of the material realm goes full circle upon discovering the higher/divine/sublime pleasures of the spiritual realm, which are purely Nothing = bliss. Make this a living reality by realizing it. This takes work.

empty or full is the same. when you say that you experienced nothingness, it means that there was conciousness of nothingness. So, there was "something". nothingness is just another experience, the same as writing now. What is common to everything is the conciousness of what is. without that there is no existence, but the fact is that there is, and since there is, there always was and will be, since its limits would be the non-existence that does not exist. therefore, it has no limits. that is why reality is identified with consciousness. what escapes me is how consciousness creates the content. that is, if it creates, it is not just awareness, it is something else. So the right word would be infinite mind, not conciousness

You become conscious of it. It becomes much easier to become aware of this aspect of reality if you can enter a complete state of nothingness. This is one of those things where it's hard to comprehend without experiencing a certain state. It is a paradox, and it exists. You can't imagine it, because nothingness is infinite, and your imagination is finite. It's like trying to imagine what having no eyesight is like, it's just absent. There is the experience of it being absent. You don't see black, you don't see any colors, it's just completely gone. That's what pure nothingness is like, but extend that absence to all of your senses. Then, you just exist there. You are actually experiencing nothingness to a certain degree right now. For example, you can't see anything behind your head. That "not seeing" isn't something that doesn't exist, it is actually a form of perception which is being contrasted to what you can see in front of you. A recontextualization has to take place here to understand this. The only reason you can see in front of you is because you can't see behind you. They both equally exist together and they both define each other.

Do you remember our conversation 2 years ago about this topic? I remember that you had this experiences with high doses of LSD. I had had similar with 5 meo Now I can give you the answer. the absolute void is the necessary condition for the revelation to take place. It may or may not occur. you have to return to the void, again and again, until you can bear it. it's certainly awful. absolutely empty. absolute death. If you haven't lived it, you don't know what I'm talking about. there is no you, there is nothing. only consciousness of nothing. This is a meditative state that is extremely difficult to achieve without psychedelics since your self will fill that void with whatever. if the psychedelic forces this, it is normal for you to find it horrible. Well then, in absolute nothingness, revelation takes place. the void "opens". it manifests itself as infinity, and infinity is an unfathomable well of existence, the singularity of infinite glory, the unthinkable. that is what you are looking for, what you really are. enlightenment, since you were in the dark, and now there is light. before and after. look for the void, it is the key

If it was nothing it wouldn't exist, nothingness is a better pointer imo.

From my experience what I am is god. And what god exists as in my direct experience is Nothingness. Why call direct experience Consciousness and not Direct experience?

@UnbornTao Hi and thank you for the answer. I don't just feel good I feel like I have become the truth myself instead of knowing it. I know that the closest I can be to realizing what the nothingness of god is is simply not to use the mind. I feel like there is no difference between the unenlightened state and the enlightened state all that has changed is that now its pure experience without a 'me'. Of course I don't know all there is to know its impossible ill rather say i'm in a state of complete not knowing. I did not transform completely I am just as i was before my insights : i still smoke i still enjoy the company of good friends I think that after enlightenment there needs to happen a period of hard work on your character and habits. I wont say I mastered life yet but i am damn good at enjoying it right now. And instead of mastering mind I've escaped it. @axiom What you wrote is so damn good it resonated with me so much It is definitely a play of hide and seek Found ya!

I hear you. Life can be hell even before awakening, but that is nothing compared to feeling flooded with the love and glory of God, only to be cast out of the holy presence like Lucifer. Especially when you didn't do anything wrong!?! After falling what seems like forever through the void, God catches you again, and this time there is an even deeper awe. The resonance with your ultimate nature is at a higher frequency. You realize that the psyche has become thinner than it was before, from the grinding darkness of the void, and the light of God shines through more brightly still. The banishment turns out to be an act of divine love, and what you needed all along. If you haven't read it yet, I highly recommend "Dark Night of the Soul", especially the translation and commentary by Mirabai Starr: This is a path of annihilation of the ego. But we must first be brought home to ourselves before we can bear to see our nothingness before God…It is less for those who are struggling to find themselves than it is for the ones who have a clear sense of self and are ready to purify it… This is a path for those who use their suffering as a tool for transformation. In the dark night of each soul, we are simultaneously annihilated and immeasurably strengthened.

@Leo Gura How would you know this my friend I don't know wether you already realized this, but what consciousness / God essentially is is pure nothingness. Literally nothing.

We will have to explore this more over time. In my understanding they are One and the Same. I've had total cessation, down to what I would say you refer to as "Pure Consciousness" The infinite potential, void, infinity, Nothingness, the "Back drop of all things"... But, I have in my understanding unified that to even the room I am in. When I look at my hand... I see it as pure consciousness. That's what it's "Made of" because all there is is a dream. In a dream, there is not idea of a "sense perception" because you don't consider it to be a physical world like day to day life. It's the same thing. All is myself, all is made of pure consciousness. There is no absolute sense organs or physical world... so for me personally, there is no sense perceptions... Just, consciousness.

That's a good direction thank you! Currently I'm playing with a kitten all day Yes all I want to do now is help others on that path if they will need it. But the way I see it there is no rush. There is infinite time for the one to awaken to itself and its not a game of who gets there faster or who helps more sentient beings get their attainment. It feels like there is nothing to talk about so I have no idea what I can teach. I want to share that the method that worked the best for me is just sitting on a couch with no goal in mind meditation and self inquiry where a natural occurrence which was a result of my curiosity. Is it a must or can the next realizations be reached through "traditional" means? And Leo I absolutely loved your description of the "No needle " my realization about Nothingness was absolutely like that Thank you and have a nice day. Daniel.

I've been reading some buddhist teachers talking about Nirodha-samāpatti. They describe it as a complete cessation of all consciousness. Like blipping out of existence. Daniel Ingram states: ''It is not that nirodha samapatti is necessary, but it is a good and useful thing to be able to attain. In fact, I have not yet spoken with anyone who had attained it who didn’t consider it the absolute King Daddy of meditation attainments other than arahantship, as the depth of its afterglow never fails to impress and amaze'' i have also heard people like Frank yang and others on this forum state that it is a higher level to God realisation (which is actually only the 6th Jhana). My current intuition is that God realisation and infinite love are the highest awakenings but cessation both interests me and kind of scares me. Absolute infinity vs absolute nothingness Is there anyone that has experienced both cessation and God realization? And if so which one is the higher one?

Reality began with the realization: I am. long has passed since then and many wars were fought. And nothing changed. New experience is coming, Old memories are forever stored in the endless past. I am, yet i don't have the faintest clue to who or what am I. Every experience of me is not me, i am the one having it. So The I that i am can never become the object of my consciousness. What's the closest description of me that i can give to you? 1. I am nothing 2. I wear a mask called "Daniel" This is how i feel myself to be. Nothing wrong with the second point it is the play i choose deliberately. And why dose anything exist at all? Because experience is the only means through which i can know myself. But because i am infinite(about that in the coming words) there is no end to knowing myself. I am infinite because I am the only one who exists in my own reality. No one or nothing besides me exists to limit me to be a certain way ,that is why i am which ever way I want to. It will help to illustrate it with a question: What dose reality exist in? And the answer to this question is: Nothingness. And this is you! What's the largest thing in reality? You. What is the smallest object in reality? A point. Now to clarify what do I mean by "a point": An object with zero volume. And what is an object with Zero volume? Nothing! Both you and a point are "made" of the same thing. It reminds me of the concept of a "strange loop" mentioned in GEB. Reality loops from smallest to biggest and from biggest to smallest. In this way there is no middle to this structure, each "layer" of magnification is just as much the middle as any other. And to us the most important layer is life. After that, there is biology. After biology comes chemistry. And after chemistry comes Physics. The layer we reside in is not biological nor is it chemical and even it is not physical. We live in our own world which I will call: Life. Chapter 2 - Life. In our layer of reality there are no atoms or dancing molecules. There is geometry , form , pattern , psychology . May be the atoms live their own lives in their little world minding their own business. This means that the most beneficial to us would be to study this layer first, before setting our gaze upon smaller worlds. Notice that we can study what is smaller than us, we cant study what is bigger- it will be like electrons trying to study humans. What can I tell you about life: It gets easier with time. We seem to learn how to navigate in it better as we grow, but is there a limit? Yes. Our death limits our development to some finite amount. See how much progress humanity made since we started standing on the shoulders of our predecessors. Now how can we maximize our development through life? Each experience can teach us something new if we pay enough attention. One girl can make the same progress in a day as another in a year. So to expend we can raise our consciousness. One more thing we can do is learn from others. Like a child that learns from his mother we can learn so much just by accepting the aid of the experience of our fellow beings. Now how did the concept of "The play" came about? Because of my first awakening experience: I sat under a red leafed tree in the garden at the back of my mother's house and it dawned on me: We are all playing a game here, nothing serious and deep down, NO like REALLY deep down you know who you are and you are just kidding yourself. Since then I had the idea of "The play" as being the reality we live in. Chapter 3 - The play "The play is the way, The Island the Philosophy" This i wrote in a notebook long ago not knowing where it would lead me. Just wanted to add that here. Now what is The play? We all play it... We get up and its on. The true meaning of this word combination is that there is nothing serious going on. This is all to be enjoyed and taken lightly. And not as it may seem that there is something artificial because of the connotation of a game or a show in a theater. Knowing its a play dose not mean you don't have to survive somehow. There are rules to this play of ours and the consequences of not following them can be death. But note there is no written crypt to this play, its up to us to make it what it is. Each one adds his own unique part to The play and makes it that much more interesting. There are villain's of course but what is a good play without any villain's ? Maybe they are soulless monsters , if you ask me there is only pity to be felt here. And there are more important roles of course. I have a feeling that reality wont end until each ones voice has been heard

Who is the one that experiences cessation? Who experiences Nothingness? "I" has many names:)

Cessation is what enlightenment / waking up "actually means". Cessation = Liberation. It does not scare you to death, it's not nothingness, it's not "higher or lower than" etc. Cessation is not a thing.

Edit: Some people seem to be talking about cessation in a lot of ways other than what the original post is talking about. Here’s a description of it from Daniel Ingram which clarifies and captures what this term means: “Fruition (phala in Pali) is the fruit of all the meditator’s hard work, the first attainment of ultimate reality, emptiness, nirvana, nibbana, ultimate potential, or whatever extrapolative and relatively inaccurate name you wish to call something utterly non-sensate. In this non-state, there is absolutely no time, no space, no reference point, no experience, no mind, no consciousness, no awareness, no background, no foreground, no nothingness, no somethingness, no body, no this, no that, no unity, no duality, and no anything else. “Reality” stops cold and then reappears. Thus, this is impossible to comprehend, as it goes completely and utterly beyond the rational mind and the universe. In “external time” (if we were observing the meditator) this stage typically lasts only an instant (though the question of “duration” will be addressed below). It is like an utter discontinuity of the space-time continuum with nothing in the unfindable gap, exactly like what happens when someone edits out a frame or sequence of frames of a movie. It is not that you see a blank screen for a while where they edited the frames out, instead that part of the movie is just not there.“ I will say that I’ve experienced both although Leo will certainly claim that I haven’t accessed God Realization before as he says this with essentially everyone. Regardless, cessation was far more important to my spiritual development personally. The instant before my first cessation was by far the highest state I had ever experienced up to that point, but cessation was what made the difference. There is something truly transformative about seeing experience and everything and anything you’ve ever known disappear. It can give particularly solid insight into the fact that there really isn’t a self or even Self that lasts and can be accurately identified with. Experiencing myself as God was transformative in that moment and maybe some transformation power and momentum lingered for a bit, but it is essentially just a peak experience (albeit an incredibly amazing one that CANNOT be imagined before it happens). Cessation on the other hand was the spark that started a chain reaction which caused deeper and deeper AUTOMATIC insight into experience. My baseline modes of perception were forever changed and enhanced after that event. The first cessation is in some people’s interpretations seen as stream entry described in Buddhism which is essentially you entering the stream to be carried by the current toward full awakening no matter what you do. I think it’s certainly possible that cessation did so much for me and was seen as such a high thing at the time partially because I had already built a foundation with God Realization and other insights. Maybe if I had experienced cessation first and had God Realization afterward, I would interpret God Realization as higher due to that event first occurring upon a greater spiritual foundation. There is also no one true God Realization or cessation. How either of these or practically any other spiritual insight and experience occur relies a lot on how far you’ve gone in your previous history of practice. Insight is something which builds upon itself to further and further degrees. I will also clarify that, in my opinion, the sixth jhana is not God Realization proper. It has some of the elements of God Realization there, but it is not quite as full and miraculous based on my experience and interpretations. Sixth jhana is a direct feeling while in a formless state that You extend to and contain everything in an infinite distance spanning in every direction. It’s pretty similar, but it’s not quite the same as the feeling that You are unquestionably God. I guess the point of all of this is to say that BOTH of these realizations are integral for maximum spiritual progress and that they can be incredibly complimentary and can build into even greater personalized realizations and states that you’ll be able to discuss with practically no one once you’re at that point. My subjective ranking of peak states and insights has things beyond both God Realization and cessation, but it’s important to remember that you can’t judge one person’s awakening against another’s with any validity. You can only judge states you have experienced against others you also have experienced, and even then it’s likely that your rankings of one thing as better than another is going to be a bit inaccurate as you can’t truly hold the two or more realizations in their fullness directly next to each other to compare them.

Hello. I am posting here because I am looking for a specific video on the YouTube channel that I cannot find. I remember that in this particular video Leo goes on to make a quite extensive list of different words from various cultures that all mean "nothingness" or "unity" or something like that. Can anyone help me find this video. Thanks.