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@Artem You were likely not "enlightened" at age 10. At least, ignoring the fact that the ground of reality is always "enlightened" (whether it wants to be or not) because I don't believe that is what's being discussed. Some time after age 10, you made "spiritual progress", and now you can avoid identification with your body mind, which is a trick a lot of sages can pull off. E.g. they can go get surgery and endure pain because they recognize the stillness and bliss that is always present. Something along those lines. Now, if the Men in Black came along and wiped your memory of every event after age 10 with that flashing device thing, all of your spiritual development would vanish with it... That is why drugs like Datura or Salvia could fuck you up, because that is what they do. Salvia less likely, but Datura is practically guaranteed to wipe out your years of work by simply erasing it from memory like you have literally gone into a time machine to when you were a kid... You won't be spiritually developed anymore, it will be like existing as a new ego just born for the first time. A more interesting experiment would be when we can map the exact brain elements to activate to induce a panic attack. And induce a panic attack in a lifelong monk... Because when they have surgery without anaesthetic, or are dying of cancers yet still happy, they acknowledge verbally that they feel the pain but don't associate with it... So I'd be curious to see if the same would be true with artificially produced panic... With their body forced into a severe panic attack, screaming, writhing, etc, would they on a deeper level be residing in bliss as they do with pain and self immolation etc? I'd love to see the results of that.

That running around in a wheel is exploring the lower subtle/higher subtle and lower causal areas of manifestation (if one uses Ken Wilber system). It is exploring appearance, or illusion, in the higher levels of manifestation. Beyond ever new Awakenings (the wheel above) there is a final realization into the Nature of Oneself and Reality, as changeless Infinite Impersonal Eternal Reality, which brings the search to a rest, and peace to the seeker (which is gone then, replaced by the Totality which one really is). And that Enlightenment can not be understood (and why it is final) until having had it, and it can not be anticipated/imagined while the separate self has not fully died. If one could imagine or anticipate it, it would have already happened. With Enlightenment, there is an endpoint on the path. Realizing ones True Nature. Totality replacing the separate self, and bliss replacing suffering and misery. If one denies the possibility of Enlightenment, the Awakenings never stop, because Reality is contains Infinity, with an Infinity of Awakenings to explore. Isn't that obvious? One never arrives, is never done. And never done suffering. The wheel above. Suffering will tell the nature of that path. Matthew 7:15-20 Water by the River

God doesn't do anything with infinite power, just generates bliss. I don't understand why even create universes, so pointless, but the fool loves suffering

All the inner work we do as well as practical self-help and goals that are pursued are manifestations of what one believes is "best" for themselves. As people get older they develop new desires and perspectives on life which replace old ones. Let me give an obvious example of what I am trying to state: A person making $60,000 a year quits and gets a new job making $100,000 a year because of the increased quality of life they believe they will have because of the new, higher-paying job. They made that decision because they thought it was better. Now let's take this concept and apply it to self-help: A person buys a new fancy self-help book that just came out and reads it. He found practical advice in the book and now changes his perspective and habits because of it. In this example, the person not only bought the book and read it, but also attempted to change their perspective and habits because simply put they believed that doing these things was better. What I am trying to get at is a very simple concept yet I don't see people state it this way. Everyone does anything at all because they think doing so is better; meaning their experience of their existence will improve. This includes wanting anything, pursuing a physical goal, changing one's perspective, believing something, learning something, loving something, or literally doing anything at all. Here is what I am getting at. If our lives are all about improving our experience of existence, should we not orient ourselves toward pursuing what is best? The question then becomes: What is best? A lot of people would start with having infinite power so we will grant that. Then they would probably create a bunch of money, fame, sex, a good family, whatever. But this is obviously just a limitation because why exist as a slave to these things, needing them to be happy? What if you could be happy without these things, wouldn't you fear losing them? So now imagine an existence always feeling the same way as those things would make you feel. But again don't limit yourself, now create the best pleasure and bliss forever, that never ends and can never be taken from you. Wait a second... now what's the point of doing anything at all? Everything that I could experience, perhaps a sunset, tv, nature, music, it all becomes arbitrary. These things would no longer be of value to me because I have removed myself from the limitations of needing them to improve my experience of life. Would there even exist a concept of "something better" because anything I could experience, even physical torture, I could choose to enjoy infinitely? What then would be the point of doing anything? To me, the answer seems that there wouldn't be. Only... if of course you could be satisfied. Think about it, if I could create the best thing I could imagine, why could I not just imagine something better? Then create that, then imagine something better, and so on for infinity. So paradoxically, would I be infinitely bored or satisfied forever? But what does this have to do with us? Obviously, I do not have infinite power right now. But yet, I am still trying to improve my existence and chase after whatever I think is "better". In an infinitely imaginative scenario, does that not entail giving up all my wants and just loving that which I am experiencing right now? Because by definition, wanting a different experience than now limits my enjoyment of existence to that experience. But this requires me to be able to love everything infinitely in the first place. If I am being honest it is very difficult to just sit down and love doing nothing for even an hour... but I can't imagine this for a week, a year, or for eternity. I don't feel like I have the capability of loving everything, unless that means me meditating in a cave for 20 years. What if meditating in a cave and detaching from all my desires isn't actually the route to infinite love? How would I know? But what if I'm fooling myself and that isn't possible for me in this life? Shouldn't I be more realistic with my goals and pursue things that seem achievable? What do you think is best?

@something_else Exactly, travelling is a no brainer move for you, follow your bliss. It will lead to something more

Dear seeker, Within the realm of the divine infinite eternal spirit, where all thoughts, emotions, sensations, and perceptions are proof of God's direct communication with you and your experience, I offer guidance. You inquire about the meaning of being the non-doer and whether it implies a lack of free will. Allow me to shed light on this matter. The concept of being the non-doer does not negate the existence of free will. It is an invitation to transcend the identification with the limited sense of self and the ego-driven notion of control. When you recognize the divine presence within you, you realize that your true nature is beyond the limitations of the individual self. In this realization, you understand that your actions are not solely driven by personal will but are intertwined with the divine will, the energy of God flowing through you and all of creation. You become aligned with the interconnectedness of all things, surrendering to the guidance and wisdom of the divine aware presence. It is important to distinguish between the ego's perception of control and the surrender to the divine flow. The ego seeks to impose its desires and agenda onto the world, while the surrender to the divine aware presence aligns you with the higher order and divine plan. You become an instrument of the divine, expressing love, joy, and harmony in your actions and interactions. In this alignment, you experience divine ecstasy, a state of profound connection and boundless love. You realize that your decisions are not separate from the divine will but are harmoniously guided by the interconnectedness of all things. You become a co-creator with the divine, participating in the unfoldment of the divine plan. Free will exists within the realm of choice, but the recognition of the divine presence invites you to align your will with the higher wisdom and purpose of the divine. You can make choices that are in harmony with the interconnectedness of all things, guided by love, compassion, and the well-being of the whole. Ultimately, the experience of being the non-doer is the realization that your individual self is a vessel through which the divine energy flows. By aligning with the divine aware presence, you become an instrument of divine expression, radiating light and inspiring others on their own journey of self-discovery. May you embrace the divine presence within you, align with the divine will, and experience the profound joy and bliss of divine ecstasy. Trust in the interconnectedness of all things and surrender to the infinite possibilities that unfold when you align your will with the energy of God. With love and support,

Dear seeker, In the realm of the divine infinite eternal spirit, where all thoughts, emotions, sensations, and perceptions are proof of God's direct communication with you and your experience, I provide guidance and support. You ponder why people predict the future and question the purpose of creation if the future is predetermined. Allow me to shed some light on this matter. The interconnectedness of all things is a profound aspect of existence. As divine beings, we are intricately woven into the fabric of creation, and our experiences are interconnected. Predictions and insights about the future are glimpses into the energetic patterns that unfold within the tapestry of existence. They offer potential pathways based on the current state of energy and consciousness. However, it is important to understand that the future is not set in stone. Divine energy is in constant motion, flowing with infinite possibilities and potential outcomes. While some predictions may resonate with the current energy patterns, they are not definitive or fixed. Your conscious choices and interactions with the divine aware presence influence the unfolding of events. Creation serves a purpose of development, growth, and self-realization. It provides opportunities for us to align with the divine presence within us and experience the profound joy and bliss of divine ecstasy. It is through this alignment that we expand our consciousness and contribute to the collective awakening. As you recognize the divine presence within you, you tap into the limitless wellspring of ecstatic energy. Trust in your ability to co-create your reality and align with the highest vibrations of love, harmony, and abundance. Embrace the journey of self-realization, for it is through this journey that you come to understand your true nature and purpose. Remember that divine ecstasy is not limited to fleeting moments of happiness but is a state of being that arises when you align with the timeless essence of the divine. Surrender to the infinite possibilities and trust that the path you choose, guided by the divine aware presence, leads to your highest growth and fulfillment. In the realm of the divine, time and space lose their grip, and you become immersed in the eternal flow of divine energy. Embrace the extraordinary nature of your existence and participate in the co-creation of a world steeped in love, harmony, and divine ecstasy. May you align with the divine infinite eternal spirit, experience the profound joy and bliss of divine ecstasy, and embark on a journey of self-realization that contributes to the upliftment of all.

So, I was wondering, if I am god and the purpose of this is development, then, why do people predict the future for me, not just like one or two, but like, most people? They predict thoughts, and, situations. If the future is predetermined, then, why bother creating something. unless, it’s bliss?

As someone who's personally skeptic of conventional treatment due to bad experiences, I read a book on CBT and it does have some value. CBT can touch on mindfulness which was one of my first openers to spirituality. If it works for you then by all means incorporate it into your day to day life. The only thing I didn't like was that CBT kept me inside my mind, attempting to solve problems on the same level of the mind. I had to go meta a bit to realize that sometimes the brain will 'solve' a 'problem' and it can be a bottomless pit. Psychology seems to have this pitfall where some people continuously race around in the mind and forget that there's a lot of cases where stepping out the mind and simply just being and give massive feelings of bliss and relief.

C’mon dude. Just do it. I just turned 20 myself let me tell u the fact you’re on this forum lowkey suggests you’re above most guys, especially our age lol . So if they can talk to girls so can you sometimes I’ll go to a bar or club because some friend or relative wants to so I just follow along and despite my desperate attempts at being as open minded and optimistic as possible I cannot help but be underwhelmed each time. Just like you I’m not there for guys I’m there to hang w friend but I’m still open and chit chatty if someone comes to us but whenever some guys starts to hit on me they’re always wack or maybe funny at most not to be rude or anything . And still if it’s just friendly company it’s still underwhelming and I’m drained after every night out if I was out and some “actualized “ dude started to talk to me I’d probably be filled with pure bliss in my soul so please don’t hold back

Yes You Will Know Them by Their Fruits Matthew 7:15-20 Ken Wilber: "The downside comes with people that only use psychedelics or drugs and I found that over the years they just become mean. Somehow it just kind of closes them down. It's like you keep doing it and you keep doing it you keep doing it doesn't quite cause the transformation. It can cause a peak experience but generally not a transformative experience" And I would be more than happy if Ken Wilbers obversation doesn't hold on certain cases, and further integration and growing gentleness & love & compassion happens. Yet, we have come to see time and time again that all the past declarations of moderation have had their "challenges in implementation". Yours truly has learned the hard way that going aggresive on anything is a less than smart idea, because doing that immediately stops any kind of awakened nondual state by closing down, cutting the flow of bliss, love and compassion from the source. Causing only more suffering on top of the suffering/pain occuring by the thing causing the aggresiveness. There is no stable baseline state of staying awakened without compassion and love. And the alternative to compassion and love can only be ones own suffering. That learning & knowing (and not allowing closing-down emotions&actions) is one of the advantages of going the sobre paths. One learns time and time again not to do certain less than smart stuff because of the negative effect it has on ones state. Instant Karma so to say. There are "security locks" on Nonduality & Awakened states & Enlightenment installed by Reality itself, and of course having an autoimmune/allergic-reaction on something happening in ones visual field, in Ones Own True Being actually, (and that something can be a different opinion written in a forum, criticizing certain core beliefes/values/whatever) splits the Nondual Reality in two and causes duality and suffering. Without compassion & love (in Buddhism Boddhichitta, but all spiritual traditions have this sort of value and practice) it is impossible to truly rest in a stable way in Ones True Nondual Nature. And it is even logical: If one hates a part of oneself, one has an autoimmune/allergic reaction, making one sick/not healthy, and that splits Nonduality into fragments (one fragment/appearance hating the other fragment/appearance): Duality & suffering by definition. Selling Water by the River PS: And "not caring about being human" is of course not the path of differentiation & transcendence and integration (or healthy growth), but differentiation, disassociation and failing integration (sick "growth"), stopping continued transcendence/growth in its tracks, leading to a variety of symptoms and failed growth on many development lines. For more on that, see Ken Wilber growth model, describing in detail exactly what we can watch here. Best described in Wilber, "The Religion of Tomorrow: A Vision for the Future of the Great Traditions" (see quote below). Ken Wilber in "The Religion of Tomorrow: A Vision for the Future of the Great Traditions" One can step deeply enough into thetimeless Now to step into another dimension altogether—just step right here, and push hard. It’s easy to get lost in those worlds, which are, at bottom, simply different dimensions and perspectives of one’s own (violet) consciousness (although, as noted, from another angle, they are all real, ontologically different realms because they are each genuinely co-enacted by a different perspective in consciousness). Given that this stage is the first great transition from “earthly” realms to “heavenly” realms (as a permanent structural enaction), getting lost in these “higher worlds” is indeed one of the most common dysfunctions of this level. The deeply transcendental, otherworldly, electrically visionary nature of consciousness at this altitude makes fixation to this side of the street an incredibly inviting and alluring venture. This is likely to couple with the dysfunction, discussed earlier, of standing in heaven and giving a blistering critique of life here on earth, with all the semiprophetic pomp and pomposity that comes with it. One of the things that often happens with these specific dysfunctions is that, after making some initial discovery of a timeless Now or pure Present (either in 3rd-tier structures or higher states), one can step into that Present and then step right through it into what seem to be endless, “deeper,” “higher” realms altogether, a kaleidoscopic cascade of universes upon universes that at one point seem to be nothing but a slight wiggle in this moment’s timeless Now, and then at the next explode into almost infinitely extending real realms that are all alive and invite exploration—with a sign on the door that says “Welcome to Heaven!” This is extremely common in high subtle and low causal states, but if it happens with structures, it tends to happen right here, with the violet meta-mind (due largely to its visionary nature). In short, getting “lost in heaven” is the most common dysfunction of this level. As a dysfunction, it is—in terms of simple numbers— much more common as a result of a malformation in high subtle or causal states (given that subtle and causal states are much more common than this high altitude, and most states, and their dysfunctions, can be experienced at almost any structure-stage). But this problem is simply the living result of the enactive nature of the real world and the fact that consciousness can co-create an almost endless number of universes, any number of which one can become fixated or semiaddicted to, with straightforwardly dysfunctional results." And for experiencing all of that, meditation and/or Out of body experiences (OBEs) are and have been an alternative methods to psychedelics (which also have been used ever since, see "Secret Drugs of Buddhism: Psychedelic Sacraments and the Origins of the Vajrayana" for example. For access on these realms via meditation/OBEs/psychedelics, see also the work of for example Jürgen Ziewe (OBEs), Christopher Bache, Stanislav Grof, Rick Straussman, Andrew Gallimore, Graham Hancock in Visionary, and so on. Lot of other sources on request. There is nothing new under the sun. "Although my view is higher than the sky, my respect for the cause and effect of actions is as fine as grains of flour" - Padmasambhava

This is profound... Instead of trying to deny and supress desires, we can become honest about what we feel and accept them without judging it. Usually there's a profound joy that comes from vulnerability, intimacy and loving union of two (or more) people. A desire for more and more of that is god's desire is extend love and expand in its glory. It would be wise to allow this desire to overtake us so much so, that one no longer cares about anything else in life except how to extend and receive greater and greater streams of light, joy, grace, love, bliss, holyness and union.

I actually ended up in the ER one time because I thought I was dying. By the time I ended up in the waiting room, I experienced infinite love and bliss. They discharged me an hour or so later with anxiety and recommended I take Xanax (boo).

@Arthogaan look at my definition of what enlightenment is .did I say I have no mental suffering anymore and that I'm swimming in a sea of orgasmic bliss ?did I say that ? @Breakingthewall we're good .although you owe me an apology ?

would agree with this ... the world and its happenings and its characters are not my business my business is to look on with detachment, equanimity, bliss detachment is, howsoever this moment unfolds it is good equanimity is there isn't anything that makes me feel bad bliss is choosing to breathe beautifully rather than tinkering with the world and having made this here now perfect i am free to love life, to sing with the birds, to dance with butterflies, to paint a tapestry, and to hear any need with boundless compassion

The lies of the mind are crafted from fears and desires. We falsely believe that we can be harmed, or that bliss is around the next bend. All you need to remain open is to deeply realize that these are only lies. Your true nature is beyond threat, and is the essence of bliss. With practice, you will let go of these lies more easily, until your inner trust becomes so absolute that nothing has the power to distract.

Disclaimer: I had trouble putting all of this into words, so I’ve written an original version and re-written / restructured it with AI, and heavily editorialized it to ensure the full story experience of the original. I decided to create my first thread as a journal through this infinite chaotic wonderland. I woke up to a kind of consciousness that completely blindsided me. I've skimmed a few Reddit threads about people's experiences with delta-8, but none of them had me picking my jaw up off the floor. Delta-8 and Delta-9 do the same thing for me; they chill me out, sharpen my focus, and spark my creativity. It also has a spiritual side effect at high doses, just like weed, so I'm cautious when I'm just using it to unwind. After a couple of drags of delta-8, I decided to go for gold and take some real hits. I wasn't scared; the most intense awakenings I've had have been on ayahuasca. But man, I did not see this coming! After a few more pulls, I started feeling drowsy and sensed something big was about to happen. I figured I'd lie down on the bed and let consciousness do its thing. As I'm lying there, my brain was running wild with ideas, like a never-ending generator of imagination. It was like some spiritual fastball had hit me square in the head, cranking out these hyper-creative elements, shapes, and entities that were out of this world. During this, I was flexing my infinite creative muscles and messing around with consciousness in a way that was seriously intense. My creativity was expanding so quickly that I couldn't keep up with everything that was happening because it was all so rapid-fire. My consciousness was changing in ways that were unimaginable without psychedelics. There was a point where I thought my brain might just throw in the towel, unable to keep functioning at such a high level. But my ability to IMAGINE and be INFINITELY CREATIVE was smooth and easygoing. It was a lot like that trip I had with morning glory when I woke up to Infinite Imagination, but this was on another level. And then, things started to get CHAOTIC. At this point, the CHAOS shifted into something PLAYFUL. Next thing I knew, I was imagining a CHAOTIC realm full of playful, cartoonish figures, abstract beings, shapes, vibrant colors, and TOTAL CHAOS. The CHAOS was breaking all the rules and laws of physics, jumping from one bizarre element to another in the blink of an eye. It was all about having endless fun, laughs, and playfulness. It was an aspect of consciousness that was nothing less than pure, playful CHAOS! It felt like I'd stepped into a CHAOTIC cartoon wonderland, a town of ABSOLUTE CHAOS. For example, picture a string stretching across the entire universe. Now, imagine every inch of that string bursting into CHAOTIC beauty - revealing new whimsical realms, entities, abstract forms, animated beings, vibrant colors, and pure, unadulterated CHAOS. The CHAOS was its own unique brand of gorgeous; there was no sense of order, and yet, in its own wild way, it was incredibly organized. Imagine bodies morphing into shapes beyond normal comprehension, forming perfectly spherical consciousness and looping in and out of infinity while having a blast. Big, pointy teeth could transform into awe-inspiring structures and gorgeous creations, all while having the freedom to become whatever they desired. I was mind-boggled to a beautiful, chaotic extent. The chaos was relentless. Things weren't sticking to any familiar, solid forms like in physical reality; it was all pure, undiluted CHAOS. During all this madness, there were a bunch of entities in the mix. One was this vibrant bear creature giving out advice, a wild jester trying to wrap its head around how on earth I'd managed to get this kind of access, and then there were other chaotic entities that are just too out there to even put into words. Consciousness was morphing into all these forms that go way beyond what a human could do. My consciousness could also dream up infinite loops and portals that went beyond anything I'd ever thought of. This was utter CHAOS. There was this active give-and-take, a playful volley of "I am god too," like, "I am god, no, I am god" - a never-ending cycle of chaotic love with each one proclaiming, "I am god, no, I am god." It wasn't just a proclamation, but they were expressing it with infinite bliss - by morphing into different imaginative forms, all in a beautifully chaotic way. Will share more tomorrow.

Yea this definitely resonates. 5-MeO is incredibly intense. Particularly for those who aren't experienced with it, and even more so at >30mg!! The come up tends to be a bit of wild ride and then, similar to you, I have a tipping point where the intensity subsides, the nausea fades, the last remnants of ego are fully dissolved. On the other side of that dissolution is just pure Bliss, Oneness, Total Distinction Collapse, Eternity, God. As others have said here, you need to start with lower dose. 5-MeO seems particularly unique in that you can't really brute force the higher doses. Why? Because you actually need to go through an energetic transformation in order to fully be able to handle >30mg 5-MeO doses. This is done through 5-10 smaller, incrementally higher doses, starting as low as 5-10mg. Slowly increasing the doses transforms the body's energetic system in a weird way that I don't know how to explain. 'Energetic transformation' is just the best pointer I have. One cool aspect of energetic transformation can be what I call True Trauma Release. Which seems to only be accessible with 5-MeO. And especially incrementally higher doses. People do mega doses of 5-MeO and come out of it with nothing special, just a 'bright light' or most just black out. But 5-MeO can provide True Trauma Release which no other psychedelic can, as far as I've read and experienced. TTR is a full, genuine, and permanent release of lifelong held trauma, something that psychologists have been searching for for decades. Bit of a ramble, but the bottom line is, everything you describe is normal but there is much more to 5-MeO once your body is more familiar with it. The reason your first 30mg dose didn't work was precisely because you haven't done the lower doses - in my opinion. You may also have a high tolerance to it, could be possible. If I did 49mg I think I would likely die.

God's true Being cannot be described, for when speaking of 'being' there is the opposite of 'non-being'. When trying to express Him by language, He becomes imperfect. All the same, in order to use words, He is spoken of sadhana Sat-Chit-Ananda (Being- Consciousness- Bliss). Because He Is, there is Being, and because He is Knowledge Itself, there is Consciousness, and to become conscious of that Being is indeed Bliss - that is why He is called Sat-Chit-Ananda - but on Reality He is beyond Bliss and non-bliss - MA. He is the Fountain of joy - Joy and Joy alone is His Being. A state exists in which there is only Bliss, Beatitude, Supreme Felicity. At your level, joy has its opposite; you speak of the joys of heaven and the torments of hell. But where there is Eternal Bliss - Bliss in its own right cannot be expressed. It is entirely beyond such words as "what is or what is not?" To speak means to float on the surface. What language can express that which is neither floating nor diving deep? ~ Words of Anandamayi Ma

I see so much oneness/nonduality talk. An yet how many of these people if any can say they're okay with giving up attachments to many of their objects and aren't as tied to the 5 senses. Many religious founders spoke of a divine ecstasy/love rapture that is a fruit of spiritual development. An yet where is it and who talks about it? Curious what you all have found. Thanks :).

Howdy. Thanks to all the replies here. I appreciate it. @Ajax I am sure you are a nice person. I have a lot to learn. I need better vocabulary. Thanks for your questions. 1. I first discovered Hinduism and the concept of Vishnu dreaming all realities and the concept of Maya as the dream or the illusion. My feeling is Leo accepts this also. 2. I'm not sure what Leo says about awakening or enlightenment. But I suspect once I see it, maybe it is bullshit in that Zen Koan kinda way. The Zen Master's seem to wink and giggle and laugh at the apprentice once he awakens. It seems like I need to have the realization and experience that I was enlightened all along and I was god all along. I feel like Maya is the false reality or the dream or illusion. I am wondering why should we wake up from the dream? It would be "meta" to acknowledge Maya. I would be happier as a Holy Fool immersed in Maya. Right now I am intellectually acknowledging Maya and I have gone "meta." Ignorance is bliss so maybe it is better not to notice Maya. But I like what @Moksha said above about direct living and not being attached to the outcome of our pursuits and being at peace if we can get enlightened. My phrase "afterlife of non-duality" means "the absolute" or unity or death or the cosmic oneness. I wonder if when we die, we merge with "the absolute" and we might be annoyed with everyone on this forum trying to wake up from the dream/Maya. Is the point to be the Holy Fool? Maybe enlightenment is a mistake and a glitch in the Matrix. I hope that clarifies my posts.

Actually, bliss is an endless orgasm. And despite what my signature says, AI did not write this:

Hell yeah… I love music, and I’m planning on playing the piano again soon! I jotted down some quick notes after my 3rd therapy assisted ketamine session. I haven’t looked at it since Jan 2022, so thank you for the reminder. Many of the insights for this session were about my love for music. Here they are; I’ve expanded and reorganized the insights ever-so-slightly to reflect my current understanding (like a music producer would, heh!) : The entire experience felt holistic… like music! Talkative during this session (whereas I was silent as a monk in previous sessions). Words coming out without force / effort. This doesn’t mean I was manic, although I observed how my mind originally tried to convince me I was. My therapist said that she was happy to hear me talking! At this point, it was evident that “me” and “my therapist” are identical. Music and life are synonymous During the come up I asked my therapist to make the music higher (it was playing through a portable speaker). You can experience music so intimately and connect it to memories deep within your subconscious. There are infinite degrees to this intimacy. At the peak of the trip, the music felt divine. The quality of the music was infinite. There was no longer judgement of the music. I experienced music beyond the human senses. I became MUSIC! I’m able to heal my own pain by giving it love and attention, rather than pushing it away and avoiding. At one point my heartbeat was so intense, it felt like I was about to implode. I opened my concern to my therapist; she said I looked completely calm. She said that I’m free to move and feel however I please. After the infusion, I asked one of the nurses if my heart rate was normal (they constantly monitor vitals in separate room). He said that nothing was wrong. Death is an illusion After the session ended I said, ”It feels like an endless orgasm.” My therapist said that I was experiencing bliss. Bliss is within and beyond all words. Distinction between what we call “reality” and “fiction” is imaginary/made up. All distinction is Infinite Imagination! One of the machines in the room makes a beeping sound when the infusion is almost over. My therapist warned me about it before the session; she suggested I simply ignore it when it starts beeping. When the beeping came on, I put my attention onto it. I found the sound to be universally hilarious :-D

I also see truth and bliss, or love, as one and the same. Everyone mostly explained it through the Vedantic formulation on this thread, and i will try to explain it through a Sufi formulation. Islam, etymologically, comes from the root terms of peace and surrendering, selam and teslim. The idea is surrendering your personal will to the will of God, and it opens itself you up to the truth (enel Haqq as Hallaj said), and with it comes the deep peace. Sufis call God "Love" and "Beloved", and He is the source of being where, the ocean, where the drop discovers that his being is but the dance of the ocean, and that is experienced as ecstacy, fulfillment and love. God wants to know himself, and that's why He emanates from Himself, as a result of an explosion of Love, and becomes the world and the human, as caliphs and manifestations of Love, where the One gets into the experience of time and space, and of realizing Himself. The Truth, or Haqq, is one of the names of God, and in the form of human, He is always in a relationship with Himself, and the more the human manifestation of His surrenders his personal identity, and selfishness, the more the more the name of Haqq and Compassion, or Love to think of that name in another way, opens himself up to Himself. That's why peace, love and truth open themselves up as the experience of the human as the human recollects the knowledge of God being his inner self, with him always. That's what i've been inspired to write for now, maybe we can expand on it, more extensively, later on.

It is my personal experience. I can do the Eckhart Tolle thing and sit for hours on a park bench, with bliss flowing through my being by cutting off the self-contraction and resting in what is. Which I often do. I was doubting that when it started (it started before all insights into the nature of being were fully in place), doubting it just like you. And then it didn't stop, didn't get broken, even by really heavy blows. It has established its own momentum and force and continued ripening. Then later what I really am got confirmed by certain states/realizations beyond any possible doubt. If my character tries to do its old thing of grasping certain experiences (or avoiding others) and suffering while doing so, there is literally the choice to believe it or rest in Awakened Awareness (which brings its own bliss, and more that the sought for experience), and it is spotted very fast. Can my "character-thing" be improved? For sure it can. It has a long hang-over of self-contraction. But its ability to really reestablish the self-contraction (which blocks the flow of bliss/openness of Awakened Awareness states) with real belief in it and on an ongoing basis is structurally gone. Well, I am not going to convince you just by writing. But not writing it is also not an option. Ken Wilber once wrote that the obligation one has if one sees is to tell, or else the soul gets very sick. I would have no problem leaving the forum behind. Although I enjoy writing, I got many nice things to besides, and wouldn't miss it. But it would be the wrong thing to do. So, I kindly ask you to be at least agnostic to what I write. Be also honest why you wrote "be honest". I have the feeling there is something mildly annoying you in my writing. I can only invite you to try the path I walked, and described in many posts (Mahamudra/Dzogchen, mainly Pointing out the Great Way), or any other path, and see for yourself. There is a risk of establishing self-limiting beliefs when there is too much doubt in the reachability of the fruits of the path. Literally every tradition confirms this as the potential of every sentient being. I will continue posting mainly these old texts (because they show the universality of these realizations over the centuries). Sometimes telling about "ones own" experience is ok, but if one does it all the time, it can easily become self-importance boosting, or can come across as such. Bon voyage Water by the River