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Then let me have the cases which you consider fully enlightened that don't align. I will try to align them and their pointers if the pointers are about the Absolute, and the examples know what they are talking about. "Rupert Spira says that solpsism is madness. Ramana Maharshi says there are no others. Rupert Spira says consciousness is love, Ralston says love is just an emotion. " I could align that. All 4 cases know what they are talking about. Spira: Solipsism from the perspective of an unenlightened separate self is madness. From the unenlighened mindstream Solipsism is just not true, because the "I" refered to is not the Absolute, or Impersonal Infintie Consciousness, Reality itself. Ramana: From the Absolute perspective there are no others. But that needs Enlightenment, and a deep identity shift towards Infinite Impersonal Consciousness, Reality itself. If one is then inclined to talk fully from the Absolute Side of the street: No problem. Spira: Consciousness is love: Ones True Nature, Impersonal Infinite Consciousness opens the mindstream towards love and bliss, or loving all that is and arises. Very clear once enlightened. Ralston: Love an emotion in the meaning that some mindstreams show a little bit of it sometimes, others more often, the permanently enlightened mindstream needs that as basis to stay enlightened/awakened, but also produces that love as result of staying in ones nature on a consistent basis. It is a perspective on love as state that can dominate a mindstream or not. Water by the River

Ralston is just being very picky about his words, as he always is. He is saying that a relative phenomenon like psychedelics has no direct relation to enlightenment or truth. Ralston tends to be anal about such things. He never levels with you on your relativity. He always speaks very strictly, with this sort of autistically hyper-Absolute perspective, so to speak. He's very careful about saying things like "psychedelics will lead you to enlightenment" or "everything is love" or "enlightenment is full of love and bliss." He doesn't want to lead people on with ideas. He is very careful about this. Admittedly, he does feel a bit standoffish when it comes to talking about psychedelics. He could offer more nuance so that he is not misunderstood as this entire thread misunderstands him. But, I do believe it is a misunderstanding, as he says at the end "it is possible to have direct consciousness while on some drug." Maybe this is just his teaching style and it works well in his workshops. I don't like it either, though.

The whole point of God to create suffering/bliss is so you are constantly inclined to Bliss/Liberation ,imo, is crazy that some of you guys want to 'reject' or 'deny' this rules, by saying there is no difference between bliss and suffering. Of course there is! The difference is imaginary? Of course. But everything is imaginary. The fact that a hammer falling in your hand is imaginary, and a blowjob is imaginary, doesn't prevent that God creates for itself that one thing will be preferable to other thing. Now...if the goal is actually to feel as Blissful as when the hammer is hitting on your finger in the same way as getting the blowjob, then kudos to you, that is next level mastery. But notice that that goal is itself again God wanting to feel good. That craving/inclination is totally inherent to the game, is the foundation of the rules. Is how the dream has coherence. Absolutely any movement of any being in reality is subconsciously aimed to move towards becoming free of the bounds/liberation/dissolution/...etc. Nothing more egotistical than the ego thinking he is above the rules and he doesn't care about bliss/salvation.

Life is a movie. An entirely directed and designed experience. Everything is pre ordained. The transition from state of consciousness to state of consciousness, the flow of thoughts, the flow of actions, the emotions, etc. If you imagine a video editor who pieces together a video by cutting frames and inserting effects and audio tracks, god has video edited your entire life to the tiniest detail. That's why there shouldn't be any blame or guilt, useless and fraudulent emotions because you're not responsible for your actions. That said it is part of the play that people and society will attribute the blame of your actions to you, but that's also handcrafted and purely imaginary. You don't surrender to life, you don't do anything. You transition from moment to moment and everything happens automatically. If you know this, god will have planted some anxiety and discomfort from the knowing but it still changes nothing. The sage Ramesh Balsekar says that life is imprisonment for consciousness. Other sages say that life is a contrast to infinite love and bliss, a way to increase appreciation for the true home of consciousness. The life may include things like astral projection, lucid dreams and psychedelic trips. There is no control even in lucid dreams, you are under the illusion of free will like in waking life but in truth you're being directed by subtle thoughts like "Im gonna do this" This truth turns me into a nihilist because Im entirely powerless while dreaming and I have phases of intense discomfort, pain and suffering already pre planned and there is nothing I can do to avoid them. And how can I trust the architect of my suffering to provide me a good life. A good life is not guaranteed, you may be entirely born to suffer. Free will is literally a non existent fantasy because of the nature of imagination. Imagination has to follow a linear progression of moments, the imaginary is an expression of mind, it doesn't really have a "life". There is no "alive" beings. There is only fluid imagination that simulates life. In one sense it is not incorrect to say that this is a simulation because it is. It just isn't a computer simulation. This is a simulation of life. Actual life cannot truly exist, the only thing that is permanent and truly exists is god. Understanding is a function of the simulation or dream. It's states of consciousness. Like memory, consciousness can hold in itself a sense of understanding. This is a deconstruction of Maya, the illusion of consciousness. Enjoy.

Yes. As a very experienced meditator with longterm-practice and seasoned in Awakening one can do two things a) completely shut off the thought-flow: A high-speed cut-off at the beginning stage of a thought-emergence. The thought doesn't look like a thought in this earliest emergence phase of it, more like a ripening "seed" that is cut off. Lots of training until that point... And to continue that high-speed-cutoff of emerging thought "capsules" can stop the thought-flow completely. Until having had it, hard to imagine. b) second, and much more important: Staying lucid while thinking, "riding" with ones awareness on the thought-stream. Pretty impossible to describe, stems partly from the ability to do a) . That skill allows to carry the meditation/awareness into daily life. It also causes (due to its momentum in daily life more so than a), since one cant act/work without a thought flow running) the Awakened States of nonduality/one with the visual field, mere appearance (solidity of visual field removed), timelessness (time is imagined right here in THAT), boundlessness (any limit would be imagined in THAT. All of the states that psychedelics also cause. But "without the pill". And it also it cuts the separate-self-contraction in the head which just dissolves, opening up a flow of bliss that is so strong to just overpower the suffering that the remaining separate-self tends to cause in cycles. These are "hard" states of consciousness, not some wishful thinking or some soft states. The separate-self/ego main-building block is regular suffering/being unsatisfied, rejecting or wanting something that is not present in that state, seeking it, getting it or not getting it, and suffering again. Water by the River

funny, hm? When you hit yourself with a hammer on the knee that is also illusory. Same as with the separate-self that you mostly consider yourself to be during everday life (at least I assume). It hurts (not all the time, but regularly), and if you don't know how to switch that off and release the self-contraction, you are going to suffer. Illusion yes, but suffering. yes. And? You prefer the suffering over the bliss? Oh yes there is. It feels quite similiar what you get when to go for a trip. Except one doesn't need the psychedelic then. Dissolving the self-contraction/duality/suffering with on-board-devices, independend of the 5-MeO or whatever, and having a blissfull nondual state of infinite release. The visual field turning into mere appearance/clear light "hovering" in infinite consciousness. Ones true being, right here, right now. No more clouds of ignorance/self-contraction. The suffering IS the mechanism that never lets the separate-self or self-contraction stop seeking and suffering until it is dissolved in its True Being. After doing that long enough, there is a deep switching point of identity and access to this flow of bliss. Its called Full Enlightenment. Look forward to it! That is actually way better news of your(!) Potential than anything you wrote of in your post. It is your own potential, your True Nature. I am not telling you to do anything different (as practice) than what you are doing right now, but just consider to stop declaring heaven inexistent. You know, its a grave sin listed in the Catechism of the Catholic Church to declare heaven non-existant Water by the River

here is something in which I do not agree and that for me is the deception of Buddhism. I agree with Leo that Buddhism is false, I wanted him to say exactly why he thinks it is false but he didn't say it. I tell you why I think it is false and where I see the error in your line of thought (imo). For you there is a samsara, maya, from which you have to scape to enter the bliss of true nature. the principle of Buddhism: the end of suffering. moksha would agree with you. there is none of this, that implies a duality that is not real, it is illusory and that is why enlightenment and Buddhism are illusory. there are only states of consciousness, and all states are the absolute. hence we call it "absolute". There is nothing else. suffering and bliss are the same, they are different states of what you are. spiritual work is not escaping from the wheel of samsara, there is no such thing. It is to deepen in the now, in you, to the maximum, for the beauty that this implies. enlightenment=to reach a goal is falsehood. there is no goal, this is self-limiting, and that is the error of Buddhism, which categorizes the state of being as Buddha or non-Buddha. Buddha is a myth . only one state deeper than others but not maximally deep because depth has no bottom what is real is the ability to free yourself at will from the logical conceptual mind, understanding what this mind is. there is nothing mystical about it, or rather, everything is mystical, including the conceptual mind. everything is existence and what we do is to be conscious of ourselves. without renouncing to suffering, because we are configured as humans now and suffering is human

The hardest part about accepting that I'm god is to accept the true nature of god which is infinite cruelty, evil and despair. I will and have already subjected trillions of beings to immense suffering. I have and will continue to bring into existence beings who never wished to exist for no reason at all other than this sick identity game of being infinite. I don't know what's going to happen to this character, the character is innocent but the controller of the character isn't. If I end up in the streets starving to death, maybe I deserve it because after all I have created this rotten and corrupt world. My will is done 24/7 and it's tragic. If god was truly good and selfless, he would lay down his imagination forever, remove the infinite love and bliss and sleep in nothingness forever. Now that's truly selfless. It is my wish and my desire. Absolute non existence. Is there anything more selfless than that, renouncing infinite pleasure and just be nothingness forever?

Yes. I learned here to my amazement that telling about the possiblity of opening up infinite bliss and release when the egoic self-contraction is dissolved/shut down (literally a contraction mostly felt in the head, and only felt as having been there when its gone), the ignorant/wrong concepts are cut off, and the solidity of the visual field is replaced with mere appearance/clear light, in an Infinite Opening of Reality without any possible limits, and telling of the bliss that that brings on a permanent basis whenever accessing True Nature (which is always here and can not not be here)... ...that all of that is supposedly not possible. Although I have the verification of exactly that every day. And although thousands of people across all times, centuries and cultures, across all wisdom traditions, tell the same. Honestly, what is left of small-me really rejoices in Big Me of the fact that "I" can verify that for myself without needing anything or anyone, or experiencing anything. Especially, i don't need any kind of -ISM anymore, which can only point the the moon, act as pointer. IT, or the "moon", is always right here. Can not not be here. And will eternally be here. Never lost, never found, only overlooked and clouded with ignorance and some other funny arisings hiding the Truth. Well, apparently every being is free to hug the spokes of the wheel of Samsara the egoic self-contraction, declare it God (and not contained within God), and affirm its inherent nature of suffering as the only spiritual goal possible, declaring that un-Truth as summum bonum. Well done, I know a gentlemen with style that would be proud of that.... Well, God & Gods & Gentlement with style don't seem to get tired of playing that game anytime soon. Until then, lets enjoy the show... And now, annoying Water-by-the-River, would you please s*** **? Selling Water by the River

Uuum, lets assume Reality is infinite intelligent. Meaning Impersonal Infinite Consciousness manifests an Intelligence that holds Indras Net in itself, infinitely intelligent. And lets assume that: “Enlightenment is an accident. But we can make ourselves more accident prone.” So Reality wants a certain mindstream/states(like boundless timeless infinite mere appearance infinite consciousness)/not-too-unloving-personality/maybe certain other stuff also... : The making oneself accident prone. And then the accident can happen. Its not for the separate-self to decide when precisely that happens. Like I wrote before, there are self-guarding mechanisms of Reality. Reality apparently doesn't want too many enlightened uncompassionate egotists basking 24/7 in the bliss of their true nature. And True Nature = bliss = shutting off the self-contraction in ones head, making the whole field groundless mere appearance floating in infinity, and infinite release a the snap of ones finger. That is just how it is, although many apparently don't like to hear it. Water by the River

Easy to overlook that 99,9%+ of Buddhists are not enlightened, and at least 99% of Buddhist teachers on the spiritual market place are not fully enlightened? Yes, the "success rate" of the Buddhist project is not good, not to say abysmal... But its a long journey over many (dream-)lifes, and the other spiritual systems/traditions are also not more successful. And for the "masses", Buddhism teaches mainly compassion & love & integration into the world/society/other beings, or generally staying open and loving to all that appears in Ones True Being/Reality, which is the same as living a healthy life on the relative level. Dream? Yes, but a dream more on the happy side and not a nightmare-dream. Which is probably precisely what most souls need to learn in this round of the game. And which is necessary to stabilize Awakening. A big part of the Gateless Gate is made out of compassion. I myself was also like "hey, wake up, that is all relative-level-stuff, go directly to Awakening and so on, why so much about this Boddhichitta and compassion-teaching stuff and why not more emphasis on the real Awakening-teachings?", but over the years as I got older that changed a bit.... Ken Wilber once said in One Taste: "First, although it is generally true that the East has produced a greater number of authentic realizers, nonetheless, the actual percentage of the Eastern population that is engaged in authentic transformative spirituality is, and always has been, pitifully small. I once asked Katagiri Roshi, with whom I had my first breakthrough (hopefully, not a breakdown), how many truly great Ch’an and Zen masters there have historically been. Without hesitating, he said, “Maybe one thousand altogether.” I asked another Zen master how many truly enlightened—deeply enlightened— Japanese Zen masters there were alive today, and he said, “Not more than a dozen.” (that statement from Katagiri was at least 30 years ago, probably rather 40. Nowadays its more for sure (and that quote should not cause any limiting belief), but still shows that one should not take the "Enlightenment" of the next Zen Teacher as the final thing. Chances are way higher that it isn't). Most Enlightenments/Awakenings are not full/deep Enlightenment (in Zen called Great Enlightenment), where there is no more doubt about the nature of Reality, God, Ones True Self. Water by the River @Leo Gura PS: Deep respect from my side concerning your last blog-post. That takes a very high degree of Integrity, Self-Reflection, and above all staying open. Very(!) few people could do something like that. So really deep respect for that, and hopefully I am not coming across in any way condescending or jovial in any way, because that is not intended. Whatever caused your suffering, I wish you all the best and a swift end of suffering, and a fast return to the bliss & pioneering exploration of the higher realms/dimensions! PSPS: Maybe you already know some of that material, but if not you will probably find these books quite interesting: Jaques Vallee, Passport to Magonia: From Folklore to Flying Saucers Paperback Graham Hancock, Supernatural Charles Upton, The Alien Disclosure Deception: The Metaphysics of Social Engineering. Although some of that stuff is in my opinion too deeply infused with Traditionalist School (perennialism) of Guénon, Coomaraswamy and Schuon, still a very interesting perspective. Jürgen Ziewe (Out of body explorer over 40 years, with valid Enlightenment-experience-descriptions) for example: http://www.multidimensionalman.com/Multidimensional-Man/Model_of_the_Multidimensional_Universe.html http://www.multidimensionalman.com/Multidimensional-Man/Life_after_death_-_a_description_of_the_afterlife.html http://www.multidimensionalman.com/Multidimensional-Man/Higher_Mental_Planes_or_Heaven_Worlds.html

Calming the mind can be good, but it also has some serious limits. You need mind to reach very advanced understanding of God. One of the reasons I've been able to reach new kinds of understanding of God and Consciousness -- this alien stuff -- is because I did not take the standard path of just silencing my mind. And it paid off in some amazing ways. If you just shut off your mind your understanding of Consciousness will be quite limited in the end. You may get other benefits but your understanding will be lacking. Which is exactly the issue with all the Buddhists. They can sit for days in bliss under a tree, but they don't understand the mechanics of God. Many of them even dare to claim that God doesn't exist. Which is just embarrassing.

I think we can agree on that I wish you (and everyone else) freedom from suffering, and the bliss of the True Nature each being has at its core. And the fact that I do know that you underestimate your potential in being free from suffering and enjoying the bliss of what You really are is probably not one of the more challenging “lets agree to disagree”-topics. In that sense: All the best and Bon Voyage! Water by the River

If I had true sight I would see everything happening as love and feel that love. I could go homeless and I wouldn't care if only I could feel the love in every moment. Why must I go through life with an "ego", with a perspective that doesn't even want to exist. Why does god hoard all the love to itself only and not share it with its beings. I understand that god wants to give life to every form but why must it give form to suffering forms and not simply joyful forms. If everyone was feeling love all the time there would be no evil. Why isn't creation just an infinite field with all the possible forms in existence all blissed out in love walking around hugging and petting each other. Now that would be paradise. Why make everyone work and cruel shit like that. I see the radiance in all these beings existing but the feeling doesn't stay. I have this cold and heartless neutrality and I don't want it. I just want to disappear and be a love camera and just observe reality. Free this body from my grasp. Allow it to live in non existent bliss just like the others and simply observe.

No, this is a bad assumption. Development does not directly translate into happiness. There is some truth to ignorance is bliss.

No Razard, you're actually wrong because getting my way all the time in truth has no distinction from not getting my way all the time. The distinction is imagined. You say that god imagines boredom when it gets its way all the time but god could instead imagine satisfaction, the experience is entirely customizable. The truth is entirely malleable. I don't necessarily wish for things to go my way, I just want to feel good. Things didn't go my way and now my life is horribly boring and unsalvageable. When things were going my way I was feeling satisfaction and was having a great time. It is said that any pleasure on this earth is like horrible torture compared to the bliss of heaven. Even given this fact, god is miserable and ungenerous in duling out the pleasures of this earth, you have to pay for it in equal misery. I experienced like 5 great blissful vacations in 28 years, with money that I had to earn working like a slave. Why can't my life be an endless LSD trip where my appreciation for music is heightened, where there's no such thing as "getting used to it". Where novelty is constant. Why can't my life be an endless buffet of choice. Why must I live constrained like a slave, chained to obligation and daily duties. Why didn't god at least make me compliant to the life I have. Why didn't he make me feel satisfied with what I have. Everything is the fault of the designer. The blame is entirely on the designer forever and ever. Surrender to what is because what is is a piece of shit but hey it's perfect. For fucking no one , no one sees that it is perfect because I'm the pnly one here and I don't see it and I'll never fucking see it. So what's the point of spending a life in dissatisfaction only tp appreciate it when I'm dead? Why bother living at all. God already knew this life. God is omniscient, it's not about appreciation. It's just stupid OCD retarded bullshit I have to be everything. For whom do I have to be everything? I thought god was free but no god is an eternal slave. I was surprised alright. Surprised that this world is a scam, run by occult pedophiles who want to kill everyone and make life a serfdom. I was surprised that the earth is actually flat and that there is no outer space. I was surprised that space was made in a Hollywood basement. I was surprise that the Vatican, celebrities and the secret societies actually worship lucifer. I was surprised that I am god. I was surprised by a lot of things. But I could have been surprised while living a good life which is actually what happened for the most part. I was surprised that my life was ruined beyond repair but now living is shit such that none of the surprises were actually worth anything.

Hey everyone, I'm sharing this post to recount my harrowing experience with psychedelics, hoping that someone out there might offer some advice or relate to what I've been going through. I've always had a wild imagination and a fascination with trippy dreams, so naturally, I found myself drawn to the world of psychedelics. It all started innocently enough with LSD, which gave me some quirky visuals, nothing too alarming. But then, after a particularly intense LSD trip, things took a twisted turn. I began seeing penises everywhere after watching some porn during the trip - on everyday objects, in nature, even in the clouds! At first, it was even quite amusing, and I laughed it off, thinking it was just a weird side effect that would pass with time. But then, I made the regrettable decision to try 5-MeO-DMT, and that's when my psychedelic journey turned into a full-blown nightmare. I dove into it headfirst, taking it four times in one day, seeking an intense, deep experience. The last trip was an experience beyond words, as if an entire ocean of intensity, love, and pain surged through the very core of my being. It was like being caught in a tumultuous and magnificent wave, where time lost all meaning, and I was engulfed by the raw power of life. As the 5-MeO-DMT took hold of me, it felt like my consciousness was exploding into infinity. The boundaries of my mind dissolved, and I became one with the world. I could feel the energy of the universe flowing through every fiber of my being, connecting me to everything that ever was and ever will be. During the peak of the trip, I was immersed in a state of pure bliss and love. It was as if the very essence of love itself embraced me, cradling me in its warm embrace. I felt an overwhelming sense of interconnectedness with my family, friend, my girlfriend and all living beings, as if we were all threads woven into the tapestry of existence. But amidst the beauty and wonder, there was an undercurrent of pain and shame. It was like a deep, buried part of myself that I had been avoiding, surfacing to be acknowledged. It was an emotional rollercoaster, and I could feel tears streaming down my face as I was going trough the pent-up emotions. It was definitely too much to handle and I couldn't "let go"... Eventually, the intensity began to subside, and I found myself slowly returning to the present reality. As I came back to my senses, those pesky penis visions resurfaced literally everywhere. They were no longer amusing as they had been after previous LSD experience; instead, they felt intrusive, disgusting and overwhelming. It was as if my brain had become fixated on this bizarre imagery, unable to break free from the psychotic loop. In the days that followed, I grappled with a myriad of emotions. On one hand, I felt grateful for the transcendent experience and the connection I had felt with the universe. On the other hand, I was plagued by the relentless visions, which invaded every aspect of my waking life and even intruded upon my dreams. I desperately sought answers, scouring the internet for explanations and solutions. The more I researched, the more I learned about HPPD and the potential risks of using powerful psychedelics. My anxiety only deepened as I read about others who had faced similar challenges after intense trips and didn't come back. If anyone out there has experienced something similar or has any advice to offer, please, I beg you, share your wisdom. I still need help, and I know there are others who do too. Together, we can overcome the darkness that lurks in the wake of psychedelic experiences.

I had this realization recently after some feelings of pure joy and then followed by pitfalls of “dark nights of the soul” for about a year and a half I would hold onto those feelings of bliss or timelessness. Emptiness or heart filled sensations or third eye or crown chakra openings. I finally got it though. I am powerless. Things are happening and all I can do is surrender deeper. Even the word surrender isnt anywhere close to the meaning because even that is just happening. Life isnt here for utter bliss or even utter suffering. I start experiencing these new feelings and its like I want to freeze myself in place and stay in that state forever, but thankfully that did not happen. Even the suffering has its place. Even the moments of doubt and the pain. Its all life. Its amazing. Its happening. Maybe tomorrow Ill feel differently. Thats part of it. Thats amazing in itself! I was chasing Awakening but The point of life isnt to awaken. Im open to it. Im open to awakening if it happens. But Ill also love whatever else comes at me. I have no choice after all. (Choice and no choice arent totally true either)

Learn proper classic Yoga from a teacher. The key to produce this states is 'written' on your own body/breath. You will have to 'make it' by doing certain practices and techniques. I learned from sadhguru but who ever you choice, make sure he/she knows what it is doing and is not just gymnastics. Oh no, I have cancelled this year because I had a lot of expenses Next year. Yes, it feels like heaven. All of your sensory surroundings (particularly sounds since eyes are usually closed) become like little diamonds dripping tears of Love and Bliss. You become One with that. Yoga = Union ?

IME, The best state ever is not a psychedelic peak, or any type of substance induced state. It is absolute concentration and intensity of your awareness, to such a level that feeling of Time completely disappears, and there is just Raw Awareness. In this state anything that happens on awareness is an orgasm on its own, a sound feels Ecstatic, each breath feels like heaven, this is what all humans beings should strive for. If you think you know blissfulness or ecstasy because of having taking MDMA or 300ug of Lsd, I´m just telling you, you haven't scratched the surface of how certain state of consciousness of God can feel like. I piss on mdma or heroin or whatever, this state of consciousness is beyond anything that a chemical could trigger. This is a pure Explosion of perfection. And, this can not be achieved for a long time while residing in normal society, only retreated in a place outside of the matrix influence, this can be lived. All types efforts to feel pleasure love or accomplishment through material goals are stupid, because they do not touch 1% of the bliss and heaven this state of consciousness is. I do have material attachments I want to burn, but once I´m done with that, I will say goodbye to the game. I will retreat to some ashram and in exchange of peeling potatoes 8 hours a day, I will be in heaven rest of the day. ?

"I offer myself to the Light, the Auspicious Lord, who is the True Teacher, within and without, Who assumes the forms of Reality, Consciousness, and Bliss. Who is ever present and full of peace, Independant in His existence, the vital essence of illumination."

Love is blissful from our experience as human beings trying to understand ourselves but what is it from the Pov of God? Is the bliss gone? Is God left with just pure awareness without bliss? I mean like a bland raw being. This is a tragedy if this is true. I am actually preventing myself from freaking out from the exestintial terror of this idea. P. S: It has to be Bliss right? If not, how it could bear the weight of being the whole universe? How it could be itself without Bliss? I think.

You must transcend the good/evil duality and realize Absolute Goodness. God has no problem being burned for eternity. Only the ego has a problem. Kill the ego .and realize nirvanic bliss .

You ever ask yourself what a conscious none feeling state would actually be like? Like really no sensation, no feeling, even the no joy no bliss, no anything, would it even be an experience at that point? An experience that is "nothing" but is enjoyable is not what your talking about, thats still a "something" felt/experienced going on. The nothingness of a good nights sleep isn't felt in the sleep, its felt after as a feeling or experience no?, or if its felt in sleep, because if it is, its not a no-feeling/conscious experience. Its a felt/conscious one. As for the rock thats not really a rock..... its god experiencing itself as that from your god experience. As you see it, is knowing it as that, as a rock as you say. Maybe there is a inside view of rock having a experience of you looking at it as a rock, and maybe not.

`Ummm… something seems to be happening. I’m getting excited about it. So today I got a chance to share in a Bufo ceremony…again… I’ve mentioned him before being in the same graduating class and was reluctant to smoke the Bufo. He gave me permission to talk about what went down in ceremony today. Well shit, let’s just say I’ve never experienced a ceremony quite like this. It’s still a little boggling to my mind right now, because one part of me wanted to apologize but the deeper part was thinking this is what I’ve been wanting to see out of ceremony… hehe. I’ll try to explain how excited I am about seeing these changes in ceremony lately. So we’re both a dollop of fearlessness, splash of sass, and a lot a’bit of creativity and heart. But there’s been times in our past where we’ve butt heads… lol… literally. I think I’ve head butted him twice growing up. Once on accident and the other on purpose. Now calm down, he’s the only one I’ve ever had to head butt by the way. Hehe… it’s not like a regular thing I do… hehe. This is who I’m dealing with…. I had to knock him in the head with my head to get his attention to really snap into focus… lol.. like we’re two neanderthals. I guess that’s what I can try, is to explain our relationship. He’s surprised that he got the bully label for our class, but dude he has to know he was a bit of a bully. Right, there’s ways to show intimidation without pushing to the limits. I’m not really sure if intimidation is the word I’m trying to use… but when I got serious like, hey listen to me… I gave the strict face and widen the eyes a bit to stare… shoot, maybe a slow cock with the head. Or maybe actually an abrupt snap of the neck and dead stare… hehe. I have memories doing this because I did it plenty of times. And have seen that similar look from others too. But I’m telling ya, it had to take an extreme step over the line to get me to respond in this manner. And my line seems to be flexible with much allowance.. hehe in my opinion. Good thing I’m working on not being the intimidator anymore… because I’m not wanting to attract any responses that would lead to that. Well I have to admit I don’t think I was trying to manipulate but i guess it could be a possibility… I guess I have the memory in my bag so It’s tricky writing in here because I feel like I’m working things out in here… but misunderstandings are going to be a part of it anyway… lol. Any who… even playing sports there was a way I carried myself to show presence. It’s a subtle form of intimidation which I think I can stretch, right. But he should also know that he was one of the choices because his approach could lead to a possible fist fight. But he’s been doing some spiritual shit… a lot of the real work. It’s obvious to me, noticing subtleties seem to be coming to me easier. But then I’m not filling in the background when I’m with people sometimes, I guess. I’ve seen how much he’s been “doing the work” by mostly using extreme amounts of suffering. He’s recognized he was being conditioned by bullies. He admitted to me the physical abuse and manipulation he was living with back then, which was unknown to me. I mean I kind of thought that, but I didn’t really experience those extremes with a large span of my life to know what that would actually be like. Well… if I’m honest… I got a taste of toxic manipulation for awhile and it was not easy to handle especially because I was pre-teen. Sometimes I would fall for the subtle manipulation and had to snap myself out of it. But again our degree of abuse were not equal, maybe? I mean I had the opportunity to get out of that situation when I was younger. Now, our relationship is having the capability to form into something deeper for sure. This relationship has impacted me in amazing ways too. My buddy, that’s all he was introduced to or at least impacted his trauma the most. He’s still a bit in the trap of it to some extent. But again he can also taste he’s working to break out of this ancestral trauma conditioning. lol… wait a minute… I’m telling you background on my buddy but I didn’t learn a lot of the details until ceremony. Ok so let’s just go with the damn ceremony then before I start doing the backstory that I didn’t understand. So here I am… I’ve been sharing Bufo with quite a bit of folk now. Hmmm… let me see maybe it’s best to give numbers to get a better understanding… how many people have I shared Bufo with? I’m thinking around 22 people.. welp the goddess who gave it to me, would be 23. The quantity of times we’ve shared has varied from once to the most maybe five times to one person. I know they’re each different but damn… I didn’t realize it was going to be what went down. So first of all… I knew he’s a tough shell to crack. In my ways I’m trying to tell him that I’m noticing how tense and anxious he is but not saying that straight out. He does have a degree of being the laid back guy and I think he even said he’s the most chill guy I’ll ever know. Which makes me chuckle… but I do love this guy. He’s “Braveheart” in his soul but he doesn’t really know how to convey that to people who judge him instantly. If anyone wants to get to know him… it’s going to take awhile before he lets his guard down even though he’s approachable and funny. He’s an enigma like us all. After the first time sharing it with him, I was trying to tell him that I’d love to see if he can go deeper by trusting this more. I mean I really wanted to send him with Bufo so he can share this with his father who is on hospice. I thought maybe his dad was at a state to be able to possibly try Bufo. I’m thinking it’s going to be pure bliss, because most of the time that’s my average… lol. Well… it was tough love time. Again while I’m smoking the Bufo I feel I’ve been getting a bit of intuitive hints to what’s going on with the guest. So I lit it for him while he inhaled. Now he takes three to four times for inhalation in the same amount that usually takes me one without a break. I’m not sure if that makes a difference. And I’m not certain if it’s true, but normally when this happens it shows their hesitancy instead of how well they can inhale. So he said he needed more Bufo and I already packed mine so I gave him some. I tried to finish the last of it and I could see there wasn’t much change in me. So I went ahead and packed a little more and finally I stopped short because again it just didn’t seem like my guest was actually in the experience because I wasn’t being allowed to go far. So I’m trying to get him more relaxed. I can see all his tension his body is storing. And hanging out with him lately.. many times when he’s not in his own space he’s at the edge of the socializing and almost ready to have a straight line to the exit. I was joking with him before we even started. He told me he’s fine and there’s nothing to worry about. He’s relaxed and he’s not on the verge of running away. Well let’s just say the beginning of the ceremony he was threatening to leave. Geesh! I was trying to get him to open up his body and relax... Again I think I’ve just got so much history with him that it was easier for me to be absolutely real with him. He didn’t want to do it but he was struggling with himself and telling me that he knows. I said what do you know? That you don’t know how to relax? he said he knows… he kept repeating it. And then I said oh right I guess the universe is interested in exploring itself to get to know it’s self. It’s been doing this for all eternity but you know it all already. That’s pretty crazy, isn’t it. And then he starting saying that he doesn’t really know it all. And I said thats how the universe sees it… it’s wanting to explore not to know. Once we know the exploring is stunted. The more we know the more we’re stuck and when changes are being orchestrated all around while we’re trying to remain permanently stuck… well that can cause a lot of suffering possibly. He’s got a history and granted I know it’s been challenging, but in our own unique way everyone does… and we’re working that toxicity out of us so we’re not carrying this pattern around… the universe is exploring itself to make changes not to stay cemented in one moment. Isn’t that what we all say… change is inevitable. Well I pretty much was telling him that there’s nothing that can be done if he’s going to be fighting this. He admitted that he wasn’t ready for this. He told me that he told me he wasn’t ready. I asked him when did he say he wasn’t ready? The first time we shared ceremony he asked me for more. I even asked him why did he ask for more before we started. I wanted to hear from him what his experience was like the first time. This is where I wasn’t observant and was hoping for a different result. Again I feel amazing during Bufo… the ceremony was amazing last night and I wanted to experience that with him. But when he said the first time he was getting messages bringing up his trauma. He asked for more so he can see if there was more depth. Well I didn’t share more with him that night because really I wanted to have a solo session with him where he can go deeper. That group dynamic wasn’t quite right and definitely just an introduction. This was our first attempt at going for it. Honestly we did, but not in the way to be predicted. I didn’t know the way to get him to purge about his trama was actually the way it played out in ceremony. Again he was threatening to leave and also asking me to not get too close to him. He has a history of violence and it was a warning for my safety. I heard him and backed off and it was killing me that he got to that extent and I wanted to comfort him so much. It took awhile to get the chance to comfort each other. Once we settled down, we acknowledged we’re not here to argue and for the most part we are agreeing. But we were definitely triggered. I couldn’t believe this was how ceremony was going to go… and I even was saying that during and I was apologizing that it’s going down this way. We’ve been developing our maturity and communication, so we were able to redirect the conversation more constructively. I kept repeating to him that this is the way I’d like to have conversations where we’re talking about real shit… the real work shit than how are conversations have been going lately. Majority of the time when we are together he’s is the talker 90% of the time. It’s not like there’s much silence opportunities. It’s one thought to the next to the next. There’s not a whole lot of back and forth communication and responses. I told him I’ve been trying to give him hints a few times to get him to allow some space for others to talk and maybe be more curious about others too. They would get opportunities to share. Majority of the time he’s repeating stories and seems like there’s a resistance to silence or some word I’m trying to explain it. I’ve ran into many people that are similar in a way. Continuously I have to acknowledge I have these tendencies to a degree so I can relate. But we have each other to learn from. And he’s an amazing guy to be around, but also can be very tasking. I wish it wasn’t so, but honestly it can be. There are things that are getting in his way. Again I’m sure I have my own things that are getting in my way too. I had to remind him that he is very wise, but we have to remember that what advice we’re giving to others we are talking to ourselves to learn more into this wisdom too. We had a really deep and amazing ceremony even though it was in a tough love type of way… we started like a lion and ended like lambs. I think he’s going to be heading to his dads here at the end of the week and I’m helping a little bit here and there so we’ll have more opportunities to have conversations which from now on should be a deeper base level. Not only was ceremony really impactful… I had went to frisbee golf and ran into some really cool guys. There’s one guy who I really enjoy our conversations even though they’ve been very few and far between. But we friended each other on FB, so we can go to other golf locations together sometime and hang. I’m really interested in getting to know him more. I ended up going to my neighbors fire to meet a couple he knew from Indy. My neighbor thought we would mesh well with one another… and he was right and it was really cool! The guy happened to live in a very small town that most people wouldn’t know where it was located. But I happened to have a college friend who is from there and one winter I went and spent the weekend in that same tiny town. We shared a little bit about ourselves. My neighbor and I are getting to know each other and he asked me when I was going back to Peru. I told him I’m going, but I’m not exactly sure when. I’ve been working it out so I have a ticket in and not having a ticket out. I want to be able to feel my way around the area before making a decision who long I’m staying there or not. I guess I’m supposed to be talking to people here in Indiana as of now and see where that goes. I said the universe wants to show me things I’m not expecting so I’m trying to be patient. I have a direction but that path isn’t a straight road. No matter how much I think it should be a straight line… the honest reality it’s going to snake it’s way there and I’m going to be enjoying that much more. I’m trying to not take for granted who and where I’m engaging. I’m interested in them because for some reason we all attracted each other to experience what we are. So I’m going to ask a bit of questions here so I can see if there’s conversations to be had. I told them a bit about myself being a shaman and I found out the the girl has a brother who is a shaman too. He works with native Americans and indigenous in the jungles of Mexico. I mean her brother just bought an excavator for crying out loud… lol… she was getting a bit eerie about it but not in the too creepy way. I guess in a few weeks he and his wife and kids will be driving to the Dakota’s for a moon festival. Which I found really cool. But I think everyone enjoyed themselves. I didn’t friend them right then, but I’ll get the information when I see my neighbor next. Let’s say there’s more windows of opportunity that I see that are available possibly and it gets me excited. I’ve been trying to doing the hunting or in the search for a fit and it seems when I make the first approach of asking… say learn how to operate an excavator it seems like I wasn’t finding the fit that seems to make feel like we’re aligned… but I don’t know about this girl’s brother… that actually seems a lot more appealing than anything I’ve ran into. Her brother is located in North Carolina. I think he’s about to do similar work and I guess the way I’m talking is similar. So yeah… I think I definitely want to reach out and say hello. But yeah… there seems to be something happening right now. I’m looking forward to tomorrow. I plan on going to a new frisbee golf course to try out because I’m going to got to the drumming class. I think the group that met up on Saturday may all join back together in Muncie tomorrow… so sweet! ok.. that’s good for tonight. Until next time.