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@Princess Arabia Haha dont you dare to assume that I did not think of that when I created this profile;) I assume myself to be sound asleep until, or if it becomes obvious that I ain't. To many people love to say how awake they are, but little of that shows in the way they speak or behave. That is the average of the so called awakened human.

Chat gpt say Eternity and Immortality: The snake, often depicted in a coiled form, is a symbol of eternity and immortality. This is because it sheds its skin, representing the cyclical nature of life, death, and rebirth. Kundalini Energy: The snake is closely tied to the concept of Kundalini, a dormant spiritual energy believed to lie coiled at the base of the spine. When awakened, this energy is said to lead to spiritual enlightenment and self-realization. Lord Shiva and Naga Devatas: Lord Shiva, one of the principal deities in Hinduism, is often depicted with a serpent around his neck or as a seat. This serpent, known as Vasuki, represents control over ego and desires. Additionally, Lord Vishnu is often shown reclining on the cosmic serpent Ananta-Shesha, signifying his omnipresence. Protective Guardians: Snakes, referred to as Nagas, are considered protective deities in Hinduism. They are believed to dwell in the subterranean realm, guarding treasures and providing shelter to serpents. Shesha-Naga: Shesha-Naga is a prominent serpent deity, often depicted as a multi-headed serpent on which Lord Vishnu reclines in his cosmic sleep. Shesha-Naga represents cosmic balance and support. River Goddess Ganga and the Serpent: According to Hindu mythology, the river goddess Ganga descended from the heavens onto Earth through the coils of Lord Shiva's matted hair, which was coiled like a snake. Creation and Destruction: In some Hindu creation myths, the serpent plays a pivotal role. For example, in the story of Samudra Manthan (the Churning of the Ocean), the serpent Vasuki is used as the rope to churn the ocean, leading to the creation of various divine gifts. Nag Panchami: This is a Hindu festival dedicated to the worship of snakes. It is celebrated on the fifth day (Panchami) of the bright half of the lunar month of Shravana. Devotees offer prayers, milk, and various offerings to snakes to seek their blessings and protection. Basically snakes are aliens I hear sadhguru say snake can hear your brain activity. Thats why you need to be calm and have no thought when handling them cause a loud mind will cause them to strike

I reached a profound direct circuit to a spiritual tap that's indescribable for the most part. Everything became clear and each new day something equally surprising takes place. Meditation and prayer to a higher power of my understanding, is bittersweet as enlightened experiences have become front and center and uncontrollable. I surrender to the process of becoming aware of my surroundings seeing growth and corruption, creation and destruction, quantum physics and a fourth dimensional existence. God of my understanding began revealing outstanding diaplays of beauty and atrocity. Today I accept the moments of Knowing. I am able to see, hear and feel through senses that are not mine. God whispers through art, books, lyrics, poems, photos, movies, and indirect conversations to me. I am different. I am the awkwardly awakened yet confidence seeking Universal Solar Drop on Earth having no idea what I will see or hear each day, and completely obedient to this new found surge of power that created all I am. I call it God. In meditation I can spin incomprehensibly fast that it feels and appears like stillness. I see and am a bluish hue I can't place a color name on and hear a pitch so high it's silent. I have gone as God to homes to pray for those my human self resents. This last weekend I was watching myself walking into a curly spiral pedal in deep outdoor meditation. It's awesome and magnificent. God says, "I am you and you are me, you are them and they are you. Move, see, hear and be me as you." It is quite an awakening to deal with that I don't understand. I am no one special to the world. Leadership abilities, yes. I can and do lead in my little circle of life... The world is a big task I dont see taking on nor is the world really that welcoming or open minded for God's True Seed being born here again, especially as a female... I have been skimming different religions seeing the prophecy of me in them, however I am not prompted to enter or claim any denomination as my own. Rejection, isolation and despair would sink in at the first sign of doubt from others, it's a horrible feeling for me. I never asked for this Sight and certainly don't seek any fire from others as I express it anonymously. I found God in my own astronomical suffering and was relieved when I humbly asked to be. Zero religious influence, though it seems some religions have been waiting for me. Pareidolia is my reality. I hear and see God where others do not and experience visuals and sounds that are not taken in through my own eyes or ears. I am aware of sufferings around me others are not. Gifts from the universe find me daily now... A golden eagle's secondary left wing feather was lying on the ground the day of my birthday this year. Jehovahs Witnesses stopped by randomly for the first time to tell me about a Heavenly Mother and never returned... A bishop from LDS told me a South American would rise as the Savior after I asked about my experience, it frightened me and I haven't gone back yet for more clarity. I happen to be native Guarani. Last month, an Indian Hindi teacher came into my town and I scored a work trade to hear Ramji.... I realized Moksha is my present state. In February I asked google, "Phi at 27 years old" and an article about "me" popped up... I still can barely do basic mathematics though became completely motivated to read Einstein's and Telsa's work... dive into science and physics, trace history and piece together foreign languages. Stumbled upon internet programming instructions and following it was pretty simple. Began seeing children and adults trafficked, preditors in plain sight and uncovering modern day slavery. To be clear, I never ever asked for this Understanding and at times wish I could give it back, some days the "seeing" and "hearing" are unbearable and all I can do is hit my knees and pray. Please, this is only my experience for personal healing from life traumas.... if you wouldn't post negativity in response I'd appreciate it. There are such few safe places I get to share this enlightenment. Kindly, Solar Drop

With the energetic practices/meditation that you describe one can generate states that are awakened and boundless/nondual. But as soon as the energetic practice stops, the separate-self Gestalt/structure "kills" the nondual boundless blissful state when it comes back after practice. One can literally feel it contract back in the head. Its like applying medicine to a disease. Relieves the symptoms, but not the source problem (separate-self contraction. Literally contraction, creating contraction/location/center in the head and body). There are practices that dissolve the separate-self-contraction directly (the root-cause, or the source problem, and not just its symptoms, no nonduality and lacking bliss), in a way that the whole flow of I-thoughts/I-feelings is cut off in real time fast enough (Trekchö in Dzogchen for example, certain Mahamudra practices), That (dissolving all me-thoughts/concepts and -feelings) fast enough in real time (needs a lot of training) then leads to dissolving the sensation of being centered in the body (the contractions and localizations), and also leads to "hard" nondual/infinite Awakened states (then also off the pillow in daily life), including the "solidity" of the "outher" world being replaced by mere lucid appearance hovering in infinite Nothingness/Reality/Ones True Self as expressions of it, "seeing itself". Without these two shifts towards truly nondual awakened states (loss of center and mere appearance instead of solid external world), most of the talk/writing about it is just wishful thinking and conceptual speculation. It is not just thinking differently, these are "hard" awakened states. Only in these awakened states can the real state of Reality be realized, and the separate self slowly dissolved. Without these hard awakened nondual states, there is only illusion/duality/separate-self, and no chance to really realize what the underlying nondual Reality beyond the illusion/ignorance really is. I have the impression that is an important point for you, since you are among the rather few that actually practice and not just engage in conceptual speculation, but in generating these awakened states. And I agree fully on that. I have written extensively about these practices of Dzogchen/Mahamudra. If that is done proficient & fast enough, the mechanism of creating a separate-self and a localization & center stops, and one has these awakened boundless/nondual/infinite states of Infinite Nondual Consciousness in daily life when getting up from the pillow. I can confirm this from my own practice. It is too good to be true. Yet, it is true, and at that stage of practice always available. From that basis and in these states, one can dissolve the last remnants of the separate self contractions/localizations/lenses of perception in the burning of ones own infinite and impersonal True Being. The contractions that were the separate-self/ego melt like ice in the sun. I can only invite to try these techniques. In my experience, they are way superior to any standard concentration/energetic sitting meditation/practice. Exactly because it attacks the root-cause, and opens up Awakened Nonduality States in daily life. Mahamudra uses extensively concentrative sitting-meditation and energetic practices (Tummo for example) in the beginning, but goes beyond it as soon as possible. Off the pillow. Water by the River Here a description of the practice system I mainly used: https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/92467-god-fucking-damn-it-another-meditation-rant-thread/?do=findComment&comment=1309816

the work the journey the process ... IS indeed isolating nobody understands nobody has been there nobody can possibly relate ... since you are doing you and nobody will ever do you like you do you this is the price of admission, you discard all the consensus thinking constantly thrust your way and you pledge to plunge into the beyond unaided when you reach the goal then you will be able to join the crowd in the market place and live life from this awakened consciousness you might throw in the towel since the pain is too great but eventually you will remount your horse since you see that's the only game in town so it can be two steps forward one step back sometimes one step forward two steps back no two are alike i bless you and thank you for being here and i send you love and light

Okay so I've been meditating for a couple years but I didn't really know what I was doing until a couple weeks ago. And WOWWWW. Seriously how do most people not know about this? My first glimpse of enlightenment was about a month ago and I was doing neti neti whilst high on weed and man that was some crazy shit. It felt really alien. I suddenly realised that there is no experiencer and all there is and ever was is experience. And yeah this felt really really alien. I felt like I just discovered orgasms for the first time hahaha. And now when I meditate I gradually gain more minfulness and thoughts start to fade into noise and everything becomes 'noise' ( neutral and there isn't anything that is more significant than any other thing ) and once that happens I feel like a key has just been taken out of the lock. And I'm not attached to my thoughts, I'm not convinced that I am my thoughts, or my sight or my senstations anymore and not in that problem solving mode. It's fucking beautiful and so alien at the same time. I often feel a wave of energy run through me as this happens like a vibration. that just coarses through me and I'm suddenly non attached to anything. Then this fades and I'm attached to thoughts again. And then I notice I'm talking to myself in my head about how enlightened I am lmao. And then I realise this is ego. And I'm back in square one. And I cannot go more than 20 minutes without an uncontrollable urge to move and open my eyes. Also when I opened my eyes after my most recent meditation everything was as if I have never seen it before, like I had new eyes or I was just born. and it gradually fades into my regular everyday state. I also experience mild closed eye visuals whilst this is happening and a ringing in my ears. But for the most part it feels like I've fallen out of my thoughts. Anyone else experience anythign similar? Was that falling out of thoughts the void? And if so how can I make it last and not attach myself to the ego? EDIT: Also I'm noticing how because I'm not in that state anymore I cannot really grasp what that's like. Is this falling out of thoughts thing of any significance? Am I going crazy? Is this just the ego playing tricks and deluding itself into believing it's enlightened? EDIT: I also feel weird presences or like someone is watching me whilst meditating but that fades too as i focus on my breath. I also see different colours as this state comes on and it looks a lot like the northern lights. EDIT: I know this is the third edit lmao but I'm also noticing how whenever this state comes on it's like my mind doesnt want me to see it. it diverts my attention. This is some freaky shit maaaan And I get it now how when leo said its like a scratch on the top of your head turns into finding a zip then slowly unzipping yourself from yourself. EDIT: I don't know if this is psychosis coming on or if it was enlightenment. It feels pretty good. EDIT: My hands feel like just hands and not like i own them ownership is a delusion. What the fuck is happening? Am I delusional and just imagining I'm enlightened? if anyone knows then pls tell me what is happening. Should I ask a psychiatrist if I'm sane? EDIT: So my regular state where im attached to thoughts is literally insane because everything is fundamentally neutral and just noise and believing that it's something more is craziness. And that means everyone else is insane too. But I know what sane is now. what the fuck EDIT: How do I know this is not my mind playing tricks on me making me believe I've experienced enlightenment? When really I'm just imagining it EDIT: I feel pretty regular now and I cannot really understand it unless im in that state. I cannot unsee this though :DD i feel exactly the same as before I meditated today but really really aware EDIT: I have no idea what the fuck i was talking about anymore lmao wtf EDIT: Now I see that attachments are like lenses on the truth ( pure conciousness or neutrality as i said ) But I'm not in that state anymore I just get it EDIT: Okay so it's the next day and I feel basically the same as before. I think that I try to rationalise what is happening and I begin to believe that my rationalisations are enlightenment. I don't look at it as crazy anymore. more like really sane.

As I watched this video for the third time (my last watch was 6 months ago) I was jumping out of my seat at the insights I received. In our past lifetimes we have already awakened the mind, we have already experienced ourselves as infinite consciousness and we have already become one with God. In this lifetime, we have forgotten our own personal awakening, and so are trying to watch our egos as if it is the enemy for us to once again "transcend it's limitations" in a never-ending spiritual crusade, but this journey is no longer useful in this day of age. Non-dual teachers are being replaced with heart-centered teachers because the divine masculine has woken up, and now it is time for our divine feminine to follow in its line, through opening up our hearts in the most committed, and loving way possible, that each of us deserves to experience and will eventually experience in this lifetime or the next. No longer is the spiritual path about transcending the ego, but instead committing to reality, by letting each one of our thoughts, and emotions be seen, heard and felt as we take up the role of the kind mother or father we never had; or the best friend we always wanted. I recommend for everyone to watch the entire video. It explains everything I have said in unending depth that will save you years on your spiritual path. Years where you avoided your heart by not embracing your thoughts, emotions, and whatever is in front of your face by instead following a non-dual guru who will only lead you to a place you have already mastered. I had to come back to tell you all this, and I hope you can see the simplicity of what I am saying. That in the past we have been told to push everything away, accept what is, and put ourselves under a spiritual microscope to spot the ego and remove it like a parasite. And now, whether you like it or not, we are here to embrace the living shit out of our ego, at the rate you love your heart, at the rate you love whatever arises in your life Many blessings. Here is the most inspiring part of the video, but watch it all if it is possible, thank you for reading:

Go watch the documentary it shows her true colors. Teal Swan believes she is the most awakened person on the planet. That's fine that is actually quite normal. The problem is she believes she cannot be questioned, that she is infallible. That is dangerous. Teal Swan also struggles with empathy in relationships which can be seen in how she treats her closest friend. As you watch the documentary put yourself in the shoes of her friend and you will realize through those lens what it would be like to deal with her. Teal also puts business over everything, as such in her mind she makes a distinction between her business, and those her business interacts with. Basically when you watch her she has a well-developed Masculine but an underdeveloped feminine. Teal is ANTHING but nurturing. Now with that said she is very intuitive and she teaches some good stuff for people but there are gaps in her embodiment and some gaps in her teachings. Now I'm not trying to be too hard on her because it is actually VERY TOUGH to stay spiritual and run a highly successful business in the public eye. Why? Spirituality draws in depressed mentally ill people who will project onto you on autopilot. It will also draw in people who want the power you have and will attempt to try to co-opt it for their own. It will also draw criticism as most societies do not understand what you teach. So Teal is under a lot of pressure and if you watch the documentary you will see that she had a close friend who she could talk about these things with but eventually pushed them away. Also Teal is VERY judgmental, and full of bias without the accountability that comes with it. That accountability is acknowledging your own faults. After you watch the documentary notice you will never hear Teal talk about her role and failures to show up in the lives of the people she deals with. She always portrays it as a fault or weakness on their part. Everything is about maintaining and portraying an image both inside her head and the eyes of others as her being this unflawed mirror but instead there are cracks. In short Teal Swan is corrupted by her celebrity status which is an interesting thing to behold, it shows that without constant due diligence on your own part you will become corrupted. This is why personal accountability, self-honesty is at the core of Conscious living, as such Teal actually proves through her own documentary she is NOT the most awakened person on the planet. Why? Because she believes she is infallible which is no different than say someone like Donald Trump. If you ever elected someone like her in office, LOL.....she would behave in a similar manner when critics emerged. P.S. She also has unresolved trauma from her childhood in regards to men. As such she has a shadow that leaks out, a deep resentment for MEN that spills out every now and then. Unfortunately she passes this hatred/shadow onto her students. Her shadow shows up in her always assuming someone's issue with her is because she is a woman. That literally is her first assumption.

Entry: #011 Date: 14/10/2023 Time: 11:50 PM Journal: General I'm super excited as it's time for updates! I will write on a couple of different dimensions in my life and I am excited to write as the new chapter in my life begins, symbolically, batman's main theme in the first movie was from my childhood, the most inspiring thing I ever seen in the screen, it was always my calling. When I get inspired by Batman, it usually means majestic grandiose changes in my life and my spirit. What will I write about: My clearly redefined purpose in life My declared mission Maybe some of the visions that I currently cultivating Current progress that I have made with PMO addiction, my new knowledge, and my strategy on how will I proceed with addiction Life Purpose In some sense, the core of my life purpose that I have discovered in my past is staying the same. The core of who I am and the potential as well as qualities that I possess and will possess, remains fairly similar to the last evaluation. But the roadmap to actually get there, to my destination is very different. In the past, before discovering certain qualities and potentials, my life purpose was to find life purpose and reveal who I am. To be honest enough, I am still doing shadow work and gathering data, researching the depths of my mind, and the deeply buried archives of my personality and ego. Who I am in the ego dimension. A lot and a lot of fucking work is left to do. But... Now I have a strong desire to unveil all the messy stuff that's wrong with me and to be brutally honest with myself and others, but especially with myself, because all the farther work is impossible if one is not honest and if one thinks that he possesses the things that are the most desirable, the qualities and the knowledge as well as the principles and tools. If I'm honest, I'm really a few drops of water in the fucking ocean of life, ocean of knowledge and consciousness. I'm so small, but I'm part of the whole and I'm conscious of it. I now know that I have multiple life purposes, not just one, and I know that this process is supposed WILL be slow. It tests me in new ways. It requires me to build patience to be able to, just like David Goggins, be able to look at how slowly the grass grows. My new purposes Consciousness - Elevating my levels of consciousness to the higher realms for higher possibilities Love - Expanding my capacities of being loved by myself and expanding capabilities on loving others, not being judgmental Ego Dissolution - Eliminating distractions in life, eliminating addictions both soft and hard, reducing and reducing to the point where my Ego disappear Pure Joy - Living in the present moment and enjoying life in simple moments Pragmaticism - The thing that my ego hates and runs away from the most, my lower form of life purpose which in the past I considered the main one, will be to ace the university with the highest possible grades, integrating stage orange all the way up. In combination with the job that Im currently doing, it's really a great combination of both. Making money and studying the thing you are working on. Preparing the right environment for the stage yellow that will one day come to be integrated. I can not skip this stage. I got tired of running away, and I will deal with it for the one super big reason. I will enroll in post-graduate school for psychotherapy as the thing that will most probably be the most enjoyable thing to do as I think my personality is built for therapy BUT, first I need to heal myself fully, to fully overcome obstacles in my life and mental problems, as well as ego barriers, to deeply understand my own psychology so that one day I can be really good at what Im doing with other people, healing them from practical experience I acquired in my own life struggles and mental health problems. As soon as I give myself the ultimate goal of enrolling in postgraduate studies of psychology, that very moment I got a strong desire and inner motivation to pursue the current degree as that all will be very fucking beneficial to my future self. Why run from things that have been hunting you your whole life? Why not accept the present moment, feel those emotions, and go through the transformative process? It will change my life. I have a lot to say, but for lfie purposes, this is enough to prove the point. Mission I do not know how other people or people in general define mission while defining things like goals, purpose, and similar stuff. But I understand that it is not just the end goal, it's the journey, not just the destination. It's the set of problems that are there, that need to be solved with certain tools in certain environments in a certain way. It's far from the simple way. far from a simple thing. The transition from men no. 4 to men no. 5 - I want to become self-conscious most of the time. I want to be constant. I want to have a permanent "I". I want to have self-control. I want my mind to be submissive to my soul, to the core of my being, to the center of my conscious experience. I want to bring the Tao on the earth for myself, I want to join the union of oneness and to radiate love and energy as well as consciousness to people around me. I must conquer myself first. I must conquer my desires. Methods: Meditation, Deep Breathing, Sexual Transmutation, Semen Retention, Hardcore training, Harcore studying, Cold Showers, Connection with people, Connection with my girlfriend, Connection with nature, Connection with myself, Eating Healthy foods, Living a Healthy Life. Being balanced. Discovering my deep true God nature and awakening - I felt through dreams and through glimpses of consciousness in certain moments which implies being awakened but I do not have enough consciousness in my life and my energy field is not strong enough as well as my ability to concentrate and focus. I will need to build stronger concentration, and a stronger energy field, to rediscover new ways to awaken, to discover new concepts and new techniques which will apply to my life and result in elevating consciousness levels. Methods: Meditation, lucid dreaming, deep or shamanic breathing, contemplation, self-inquiry, living more consciously the ordinary life. Listening to spiritual teachers, reading books on certain topics, and doing the practices will definitely help in raising consciousness to the point of reaching the absolute, the God, the objective, and unified collective consciousness - oneness. Experiencing ego death and ultimately accepting myself - Living on the edge, in the least comfortable places and activities where ego has the most probability to die away, to be honest as long as I am alive I think we might be bound to have ego backlashes and setbacks but I strongly believe that they can be reduced to the minimum so we can bounce back to the game in no time. I will need to go full circle on this, for sure. From somebody that is one big 0 in the ability to "do" as my natural ability to go-get, failed me, to someone who is mastering the game of go-getting. This will take a lot of work, the method: eliminating hard addictions as a top priority, eliminating soft addictions as a second priority, living in the present moment, practicing self-acceptance, and suffering through emotional labor. Learning how to live in discomfort, learning how to be miserable, and to be okay. Challenging myself to the core and to the point where I become the most uncommon amongst uncommon people at least in my environment, life space, etc.. Learning how to use healthy coping strategies and how to BE OKAY WITH NOT BEING OKAY. Accepting that fact and that energy in that moment. Learning to like all aspects of life. Work and career, becoming a go-getter, result-maker - This too will require me to live on my edge constantly, not just living through negative emotions while doing nothing, going through emotions while doing hard stuff, and challenging myself to the core. This is rooted in questions like "How hard you can work? But I would dismiss any pure physical expression of this statement. It's a lot deeper than that. I mean it in a couple of different dimensions. How hard can I work while working intelligently, in a smart way, with a great decision-making process, how much can I take on myself, and suffer through while doing all of that? Method: Smart Hard and Deep Work. Challenging myself to the core. Executing tasks, day in and day out. Completing stuff and getting good grades at university. Making good results while dieting and working hard at the gym. Making good results in relationships. Making good results at XYZ. Real viable and measurable results. I need to be proven, that I'm capable of realizing my potential. Contribution to the world through the play, love, and connection - This will be maybe too challenging for now, but anyway, it may come to me next year or in the next 5 years most probably. As I'm rising to the singularity point on the Maslow pyramid of needs, straight at the top of self-actualization. I'm going to need to integrate the green and yellow stage. It will be my contribution, my legacy to this world. This is why I'm currently building skills for that. I'm preparing myself for this challenge and will continue to prepare for a long time. Im strongly confident that my area of expertise will be developmental psychology and the role of spirituality in modern psychology. Most probably I will be writing blogs, shooting videos and maybe writing even books on the themes of psychology, but there is a massive amount of work that I need to put myself through to be able one day to contribute to psychology. It will take at least 8 more years of academic schooling to achieve that level, to be able to contribute on a broader scale. Method: For now it can be as simple as shooting self-improvement videos of the knowledge I acquired in the past decade of personal development. Not presenting it like science, more like presenting it like a public option that might help somebody, anybody. The second way, I have piano skills, and I can forge them even better, even more. Playing piano was always a kind of self-expression where I was in direct contact with my soul through music. I bet there are people that could and would like my music. It's worth trying anyway. In the long run, a lot of creative output will be needed in the future, in the next 15-20 years. Be prepared. Forge skills. Helping and loving - I think this is my favorite hobby. I'm really proud to say that I'm thankful to my parents as they taught me how to love myself and others. I like to care for other people and to do small things for them especially when those people are my close ones and family. This one won't have any special method but to love people for being people, to communicate and listen to people and their problems. To love them unconditionally. Still, It takes lifelong practice. But I know deeply inside that life is constantly testing me. It's giving me challenges to overcome myself and it's putting me in certain environments and situations to see if I'm going to do the right way, to help, to love. Experience, play, joy, and happiness - Life is definitely to be experienced, I'm certainly grateful for the life I'm living right now. PMO Journey so far So far so good. I'm much cleaner and much more able to be in self-control than the first month of quitting anything porn related. The results are: No porn sites, no cam websites, no masturbating to any sexual digital material for 60 fucking days (today) I masturbated in total for the past 30 days: 8 times (with bare hands and no digital help) and in the first 9 days it happened 5 times so for the past 15 days Im pretty clean even from my masturbation habit as I masturbated only 3 times I got 2 periods of 7 days without PMO absolutely, totally clean and they happened also in the last 15 days Urges to flash, or better to say, urge to get excited while somebody else is watching me was reduced to the minimum in the public places In the private space, there were a few instances where I was home alone and desired to be watched by neighbors from the open windows in the situations where I was naked after or before showering, but those fetishes I believe are fading away with PMO slowly. It will take some time to heal and rewire the brain I got exposed 8 times to the sexy digital stuff on my phone or PC, the good thing is that I didn't act out on my urges and I feel proud that it is the way it is Lusting in the past 15 days, only 2 days were critical at the beginning of the month, everything else was good. The start of the second month was critical, it's just worth mentioning both. A total of 6 sex encounters with my loving partner so far, slowly getting our lives together, and living clean of Porn with my partner is currently a very liberating experience although I still regret doing much bad stuff behind her back in the past with my compulsive masturbation habit. Even though I was been honest with 95% of the stuff, even those 5% I feel guilty and I guess I will need to live with it, to accept it or leave it be that way. Im absolutely certain that the past can not be changed, but the past does not define who are we in the present moment, or what are cultivating ourselves in the future. This is a big and painful lesson for me but a necessary one. Now I now how good things are and I'm not letting anybody including me, destroy what I have now, I do not want hell on earth anymore. I'm living in peace, understanding, and love right know. Now I'm aiming for the next 30 days to be really clean so I can be even more proud of myself. Even now I'm astonished by the benefits I'm experiencing for the last couple of weeks(2-3 weeks), so I'm curious to ask, what next? What if I'm 100% clean in every way? How much will I be able to focus more? What great ideas would I have? In what fundamental or profound ways would I change myself? To proceed, I would need to make a detailed and redefined plan with certain strategies and tactics that will lead me to success in the fight against PMO. That would be all for now. I feel really fresh after I wrote down all that was stuck in my head for the past few days. Not to say that I do not have anything left to write about, it's enough for now. I will write about tools and habits in the upcoming writing sessions. The main problem now: I need some structure, routines, and habits in my life. I need to build that in the next 30 days. What else do I need? I need fucking goals. They need to be set. It will be done. The idea for the next journaling: "I want to write about the tools and practices(habits) that I want to embody in my life and their probable impact on my life."

When you say you awakened to Solipsism. Unpack that for me. What was the nature of that experience. Also its not just about having the experience in a moment, can you stabilize it. Can you make it your default experience. If you cannot then you still have some attachments to get rid of, you still have some resistance.

Hey Leo, thanks for the reply. Up to this point I had couple mystical experiences in a dreams that was quite astonishing but what troubles me are the emotions associated with it. Is there going to be point where I will experience love instead of fear as this emotions are on the opposite side of spectrum. Is that my character(ego) that's not ready or prepared to experience what awakened state feels like? What I can say from my last experience in a dream is that I become aware of reality or true nature of the present moment. My mother that I was directly looking was still there talking to me, just I was feeeling reality as hyper-hyper real, like I got to the core of what reality is, to the core of what present moment is, the core of the dream of life. You are definitely right about that those are just the glimpses and are were shortly afterwards lost. To keep and to live in the present moment for prologned period of times is the uphill battle, it's really hard to maintain high levels of consciousness for a long time. I really do like how for example, Osho was living 24/7 in the present moment, his face and his look in the eyes, are telling it all, how deeply awakened he was. By the way, if there is any chance that you can recommend me any content/source that might be realted to this topic?

Dreams are more mysterious than the awakened state of mind.

Osho was one of the most awakened guys to ever live. Many pearls of wisdom. But don't forget that no one can be as awake as you can

I would probably have the same life, only that I would enjoy it to the fullest. Playing videogames...to the fullest. Enjoying the night...to the fullest. Making songs...to the fullest. Being alone...to the fullest.

To me, awakened ones are not those who experienced oneness or ego dissolution or some other fractional experience. It is a state of mind, many times temporary and sometimes permanent, where you are equinamous with everything happening around you, maintaining an expanded sense of ego ( the bigger, the more awakened) and accepting everything happening to you and around you with love and compassion. There is no absolute state in Spirituality, only the experience is absolute. When you are absolute, the concept of Spirituality itself becomes meaningless.

@blackchair Precisely because I'm honest abot that I'm writing this. When those kind of experiences happen, it lets me see how little work I'm doing. How little I have gone. Honesty is important. I don't see this in this forum that much. @Princess Arabia the point I'm trying to make is that Awakened individuals do not exist. Leo won't like this. As I have said several times in the past, Awakening is not a chunk of knowledge you can one day "achieve" and save it on your closet for ever, so later you can say you are an "Awakened Being". No such a thing. I have touched increible states of being and lucidity but they do not matter if one can't hold them for more than a few minutes or a few hours at most. Only when you know how to manage your energies and state of consciousness at will you will be an "Awakened individual", since no person will choose to be asleep if having an option. We all being there ? @Breakingthewall amen

I’m aware that philosophy isn’t a substitute for direct consciousness. I want to work up the courage to trip again. with a purpose. to awaken to the nature of infinity. becoming aware of the hard problem of consciousness and the reality of the paranormal hasn’t totally shattered my materialist experience of life. I still go through life totally identified with the body. The last time I did DMT I had maybe 2 day experience of living in an awakened state where I was aware this reality is my imagination. got a lot of acid waiting to be taken, my last trip was super unpleasant because I did not set an intention. actually my intention was just to not crave weed, lol.

Maybe the word autism has been co-opted by introverts. Maybe it is hyperbole. On first dates some people claim to be autistic or on the spectrum or introverted. They are trying to broadcast their future expectations of a relationship in some weird way. The word autism is shorthand for damaged or needy. Maybe autism is a code word for OCD. I notice a lot of mental health issues on this forum more akin to schizophrenia or psychosis. But their presence here makes perfect sense and I suspect may be very similar to the awakened state. A lot of artists suffer these ailments. There might be a ven diagram of mental illness and spirituality. Those of us with mystical psychedelic experiences are more willing to listen to mentally ill people. Their stories sound like "trip reports." The question is if mentally ill people are on the spiritual path or simply psychotic. Leo claims he never had friends or girlfriends in high school. It is a little weird. Could be a defense mechanism to intimacy. Leo's whole life could be a defense mechanism to intimacy. Solipsism could be a defense mechanism to intimacy. The quest for awakening could be a defense mechanism to intimacy. In the same way Trump created an empire and a Presidency driven by massive insecurity, maybe Leo created all this to avoid intimacy. Personally, I have been jokingly accused of being autistic. I do feel I am on the spectrum or a little socially awkward. I am the oldest child but a black sheep for sure. Maybe incels are autistic? Proud boys? etc?

Mohammad was a tribal political leader in addition to a mystic. Mohammad was not really Awakened, he was a mystical channeler, which is different. I have met very mystically gifted spritual people but they were not Awake. Don't confuse the two.

One has nothing to do with the other. Awakened individuals can still have weaknesses and get their hearts broken. Einstein had a few. He married his cousin, smoked a lot and failed some college exam. Not saying it's the same thing but people can be masters at one thing and suck in another part of their lives.

1. My issue with you is you make baseless assertions. You will say oh you are this oh you are this with NO EXPLAINATION. The first rule of critiquing is to be able to explain your critique. Otherwise it has no BASIS. 2. What you don't understand is making baseless critiques is a waste, the person who receives it can do nothing with it and all it comes across as you engaging in one of the ego's favorite past times which is criticism. Egos love to criticize, everybody has some complaint, some issue, some judgment, or joke about somebody LOL. But just because you have one doesn't mean it has merit. 3. I'm not scared I literally told you I LIVE IN A SOLIPSISTIC NON-DUAL WORLD. I awakened to SOLIPSISM, there is no seperation between me and anybody. I experience all others as myself, there body as my body, etc. I have deconstructed the boundary of time and space, so I am not limited to that either. Now for you, this is just fantasy, but for me it is reality. Why? Because I didn't allow fear to stop me. You literally had the privilege to use something like 5-MEO and still live in duality and talk about fear to me? Are you kidding me? Do you not understand that the ONLY reason you returned to duality after 5-MEO is because your ego mind rejected it. But I'm the one that needs to be humble? LOL 4. Humbleness is not superior to arrogance or confidence, and secret humbleness can be a form of arrogance. What you don't realize is whether someone is humble or arrogant is open to interpretation which is why I said you need to actually EXPLAIN why you think someone is whatever you say they are. If not then all you are revealing to people is you shoot from the hip which is what most people do. Discernment is a SKILL!!! If you are not high in discernment then you will not be able to deconstruct your mind and as thus you will stay in duality. I have over and over presented you and many with avenues to do this process and all you do is push yourself away further. I mean you literally deny yourself from what you want the most and then deny that you are doing it. I have exhausted the many explanations I can give you. Also if you really do not believe you can collapse this reality....then you REALLY are asleep. YOU ARE GOD!!! NOTHING CAN STOP YOU FROM COLLAPSING THIS DREAM BUT YOU!!! In fact the irony is, you deny you have this ability, because you are afraid if you admitted you could do this that you might do it. That is how much fear you have. If you want proof of people who have collapsed the dream go to Insane Asylums. There are people there who are living in completely alternate realties.

It can do, because awakened energy is inevitably going to bump up against any blockages in your energy system (and pretty much everyone has blockages) and reveal everything in you that's unresolved - beliefs, traumas, repressed emotions, and so on. And working through these unresolved issues is a big part of spiritual growth, I've found, though people usually don't want to do this sort of inner work.

Projection. I'm already awake I don't need to be awake. I live in a non-dual state. But non-duality isn't what many of you imagine it to be. Also every point of view is self-deceived that's the point. God has to self-deceive itself to have a point of view. Without self-deception there is no point of view. After God is awakened the self-deception isn't really there anymore so I know what is stopping this dream from collapsing, if I wanted to I could collapse this entire dream since I have become Conscious of what holds it together. But the thing is I don't want to collapse the whole thing because I enjoy being human, so I will live the rest of this dream as human. But you are too full of fear to understand anything I say and that is why you waste your words saying things. Everything you say you can never explain in detail, you just make unjustifiable claims. What's worse is you claim to have taken 5-Meo DMT but still don't know what Love is. So who is the one who is unbalanced?

ego & awakening are pure fantasy of the mind. the idea of an ego being selfish or not is the selfish fantasy of something that isn't awakened.

Dr. Michael Beckwith. Not Enlightened but somewhat Awakened and teaches Spirituality on a practical level. Mooji is from Jamaica but lives in Portugal.