Search the Community

Surely depression, anxiety, suicide, and dozens of other problems have existed for millennia? Same with homosexuality. If there are increases for these things, I could think of numerous sociological and techno-behavioral changes that are more likely to be responsible than environment chemistry. Transgenderism is around now because there are the proper technology and acceptance for it, not because those tendencies never existed. I have proof it’s based on Jungian archetypes, whereas you have no proof it comes from poison. ADD is annoying when I’m trying to do something with someone who has it that requires a semblance of attention, but it’s over-exaggerated in a lot of ways. Namely, academic success is taken to mean function in society. I’ve already beaten you on the topic of conversion therapy for autism. So you have nothing left.

I'm good thanks. I happen to be in a good place in my life right now. Regarding Tate, I wouldn't be surprised if he was jailed or "committed suicide" at this point. Society obviously hates and has zero tolerance for any forms of dark masculinity and I think you'd be foolish to believe that's a complete accident. Meanwhile male suicide rates continue to rise and the only socially acceptable explanation our society keeps flogging like a dead horse is "it's coz men don't talk about their feelings" or "it's the patriarchy". Men are opening up now more than ever. Why does the rate of depression and suicide continue to climb in that case? Shouldn't it have the opposite effect if that were true? Both Tate and Leo have been some of the most impactful figures on me; helping me to get out of dark and uncertain places in life. Seeing him arrested and ignorant people speaking the way they do highlights the serious mass hypnosis our culture is under that simply loathes anything that smacks of the dark masculine. People are surprised he such a figure exists in our 'modern day and age' which is amazing to me. If society is successful in supressing this latest reaction from the repressed masculine it will return in an uglier form in the future. Something we repeatedly fail to recognise. Till we stop lumping everyone into the incel box it's going to continue. Maybe that's just my "small dick energy" speaking though. Not sure. How are you feeling about everything?

Babies are growing up more screwed up than ever: ADD, autism, gay, transgender, anti-social, depression, anxiety, suicide, and dozens of other problems.

If you're thinking about suicide, the last thing you should be thinking about is what happens after and instead what is happening before. Sincerely, get some help. It's possible to get better. Many of us on the forum are proof of that.

January 3rd 2023 Core Intention: What is Consciousness? Later intention: How do I optimize what action I'm doing such that I'm taking the right action every single time? How do I prioritize my actions such that I am doing the best thing in every single moment? >I've found that setting 2 intentions is a really good way to utilize the different states of consciousness you experience on your trips. The First Intention is the deep metaphysical truth you are trying to access that is only accessible when you are at the peak of a psychedelic trip. The Second intention is when you're still pretty high, where your creativity is high and you are still getting massively bombarded with one insight after another. This is where you can utilize this state of consciousness for working out very practical matters towards your life purpose. Dose: 5g = (1.49g Mazatapec + 3.52g Amazonian) (Grinded up into powder. Lemon Tek Tea for 69 minutes) I set an explicit time to start the trip. As that cut down procrastination time. Taken at 12:14PM I'm ready to go to war. >Every 5g trip is brutal Every time I go into these trips, it's a suicide mission. I'm like the joker jumping into a bottomless pit of monsters and demons with a gun pointed at my head and bombs strapped to my chest. NOOB psychonaughts listen to music when they're tripping. As you gain strength, you will learn to trip without any music. 15 minutes in... Starting to get really fuckin high while I'm on the the toilet lol. I always get the nervous shits before I blast off into my trips. Noticing visuals in the floor Amazonian mushrooms kick in way harder and way faster. I get a different flavor of visuals with every single strain. These are of course way more pronounced on the higher doses. Getting visuals of points in my visual field squeezing. For about the past 8 minutes I've noticed that I've been shivering a lot. Amazonian strain makes me shiver like crazy on the comeup. Insights, Observations and Musings Psych yourself out to learn better. Work out like crazy says that you're ready to learn WHAT THE FUCK the book is ready to tell to you. Do several burpees throughout the day to have your consciousnesses perpetually ZONKED and ready to get the knowledge in the book that you are studying. Have your state of consciousness zonked all the time by doing push-ups and burpees throughout the entire day. The best trips are always the hardest ones... Because that is where you grow the most. This is where the insights you get are hard-won. I continue to think about my death to release my fear that I was experiencing. I was naturally drawn to contemplate and think about my death. So I did. Fast forward to me lying down in my bed... For about 10 minutes I was in a daze thinking and visualizing about war. I was started to get convinced that Putin was going to come and kill me. After I snapped out of it, I was just in awe and went: "Wow, now THAT'S the power of consciousness!" The intelligence that we are creating is a power we can't stop. The evolution of God manifesting its physical expression of divine intelligence is a force we cannot stop. It's an overwhelming force. The universe will continue to become more and more interconnected and intelligent. When you think about how you are not separate from your environment, you start to realize just how much you are controlled by it. You are literally controlled by the physical objects in your environment. Objects are commanding you to live exactly how you are. All figments of consciousness is commanding you to be exactly the way you are. And you are a part of it. You are conforming to your environment in the same way that the shape of your toes conform to the shape of the shoes you wear. The ultimate accountability Partner: Hire an assassin to kill you in a year from now if you are a loser. The more I reflect, the more I notice that life is put together as a perfect poem just for you. I love being free. I am a Free spirit. When you're inspired by Death you will command yourself to live the best life possible. This is why we need to constantly reconnect with the reality of our mortality. God's Absolute Authority God needs no reason to decide what is sexy or not. When you have the authority, you can just decide, and then that's it. No need for a reason behind it. It just is. As god, I command what exists and what doesn't. When you made a decision, you don't need any explanation behind it because you're God. > I am still aware that I don't have any actual God Realization yet. Intelligence of God's Plan God has so much fucking intelligence he's planning your entire life. That mother fucker is planning your entire life to be fucking beautiful. God is PLANNING your life to be beautiful. Why the fuck don't you see that? When you do see that, you need to show your respect for him with every fucking moment, through your actions! God is giving you The Ultimate Gift by designing your life perfectly for you. God is saying: "You are the most intelligent motherfucker on the planet. Just you wait. I'm going to make a genius out of you. It's my master plan." God is TELLING ME how to be intelligent today! There are intelligent motherfuckers walking amongst me. Writing shit down forces you to explicitize it. That's the structure of writing. Structure commands you to have form. Imagine every single Concept in your mind as a person that perfectly embodies that concept. e.g. "Structure" is a person. Construct your entire mind as an army of different people. Design a tribe of people in your mind that perfectly defines every single concept in your mind. You can go and talk to these people in your mind to contemplate specifically about an idea. For example: Go and check up on the person that is "confidence". Have Concepts in your mind as different people. Create Tulpas that your can ask for knowledge on that concept. When I am Contemplating that concept, I am having a personal conversation with the person that is the full embodiment of that concept. Death is to bury you with diamonds. You should be proud to die when your day comes, as it is the capstone of all of your proud accomplishments of all the life you lived. Be proud to die one day. That will be the mark of your greatest achievement of living the life of a winner. Dying is just a temporary state of consciousness. God will help you die when it's your time. God will put you in a stage of consciousness to help you die when it's your time to die. How To Improve Yourself The Fastest: When it comes to self-improvement, there is so much shit to do, the question becomes, "Where do I start to give me the most leverage?" Key Insight: Upgrade your Hardware as fast as possible. Getting your mind right. Study Metaphysics, Epistemology and consciousness to give yourself a strong foundation for your understanding to be built upon. Study the mind Learn how to think. (Leo I really could use that video right about now. We all need it! What do you mean it is too perfect?) Learn how to use your thoughts. Give yourself tons of tools and models to put on several lenses of looking reality through Positive self talk. Train this. Learn how to Contemplate from scratch and derive knowledge for yourself. In other words, learn REAL PHILOSOPHY, as Leo explains it in his video. Rid yourself of Ideologies and Paradigm locks. Rid every single assumption about reality that your mind is attached to. Utilize psychedelics to have Psychedelic breakthroughs. Do Shadow Work - - Ridding all of the traumas that create a cloud of doom and gloom in your every day state of consciousness. Getting the machine of your body running properly Nutrition with your body Eating the proper Foods to get the nutrition you need avoid brain fog, among other problems. Supplementation can not replace a good diet. Heavy Metal detox. Sleep - You're fucked if you cannot give your body enough sleep. Sleep is the bedrock of a solid life. Exercise - You need to jumpstart the biological processes in your body to get everything working at an optimal level. Work out hard several times throughout the day, as then you will always be operating at a higher level. Wes Watson will have routines where he will do 60 minutes of cognitively demanding tasks, 40 minutes of monotonous tasks, and 20 minutes of working out HARD! That is a structure put in place to make sure you're running your hardware at an optimal capacity. Create systems that will facilitate your growth Create protocols and contingencies for when you start to backslide Being able to identify the expansion phase and contraction phase. Have a commonplace book Take tons of notes on everything. Document your behaviours. Study deeply on all the topics you need to understand. Create Self-Reflection Systems Journaling Vlogging Writing down and Dumping Your Thoughts Self-Reflection In your mind, See Leo Guras Video on Self Reflection, Contemplation, How to Do Real philosophy Talk To Other People, in person or on the Phone Etc. Write Manifestos and take on each endeavor as its own Project. This way you are cultivating the maximum amount of intent. Schedule in and plan everything like crazy. Schedule in an uncomfortable amount of structure to get as much done as possible. The more intelligently you try to keep your schedule FILLED, the more productive you'll be. Routines Routinely ZONK yourself into more powerful states of consciousness. Constantly put yourself into positive states of mind of gratitude where negativity is absent. Intense workouts several times throughout the day. Ice baths. Cold showers. Meditation. Kriya Yoga. Gratitude Practices within all these emotionally difficult tasks. Learn Positive self talk. Explicitize routines to the point where a single decision lasts way longer. Wear the same outfit. Eat the same breakfast. Have the same Morning Routine. Have the same Bedtime Routine. Focus on the activities that control your actions and direct experience the most. Two Great Ways to Prevent Shroom Hangovers As you do psychedelics more often, you train your brain to handle it better which leads to less hangovers. Hydrate like crazy. If you're not peeing every 10-20 minutes, you're not drinking enough. You should be drinking at a rate where the headache you feel afterwards never occurs. Put salt, lemon juice and a bit of sugar to supplement electrolytes. Eat salty chips to make you go pee less often. Random Thoughts Put Here Experience teaches people so much. It's the ultimate teacher. This is why an enlightenment intensive or a seminar can be the catalyst experience you needed. Imagine hiring David Goggins for a month and the experience that it would give you. You would learn so much! Study the structure of language more. You have to selflessly surrender your perspective to come to an agreement. Tattoos are a beautiful way to express your devotion to living a better life if you frame it that way. If you get a tattoo under the context that you got it as a symbol of living a better life, this can be a great catalyst of a totem. Enlightenment is way better than you can imagine. If you can imagine "a size" to enlightenment. God has made it bigger. When setting boundaries You need to have the courage to be an asshole to demand people to be better. For those that are struggling to find reasons to stay alive. I RESPECT you for a living another day. Post Trip Report Very crazy trip, but when I just lean in, I generate so many amazing insights.

I feel like I'm on the brink of a breakthrough insight. I've been contemplating what true therapy is, and how it relates to manifestation and magic. What some people call shadow work, is just changing your beliefs and feelings in the present so that your life becomes better. As within, so without. Examples of magic: Existential Kink Affirmations Manifestation Magic Sex Magick Sedona method The Work Gratitude journaling Prayer All of these work with the 3rd line, and limiting beliefs and neurotic struggles are removed to enable a smooth manifestation of what one wants in the present. They work with the subconscious as well - they penetrate into the unconscious beliefs and attitudes and change them. That causes someone to behave and perceive in a way that is more conducive to getting what they want. That does not mean that they penetrate the 2nd line. There is repression and gating on all levels, so there are subconscious 3rd line beliefs, attitudes and desires. In the 3rd line unconscious, the symbolizing on situations, objects, relationship and people also lives. This can be rewired with a practice like EK, so that someone stops their self-destructive behavior. But where does the repressed 2nd and 1st line Pain go? Nowhere. Some forms of shadow work do touch it a bit - if it includes an old-feeling inquiry or the pain of parts - then a tiny bit of grief can be felt, which is relieving but not curative, because it doesn't include full first-person conscious reliving, and if there is the symbol of the "inner child" in the mix, then the psyche is still fragmented. I hypothesize that the fragmentation keeps the true Pain at a safe distance while allowing the 3rd line to be improved and rewired. The 3-2-1 method involves first person perspective, so depending on how far one takes that, it could constitute a "symbolic reliving" or a "fragmented reliving" as Stone calls it, which according to him is curative. And then some variants also add a bit of unreality - forgiveness, recontextualisation, "changing the scene" into the mix. This is condemned as dangerous folly by Janov, Jenson and also Miller - creating a groove from real unfelt Pain into unreality, thereby cutting off a pathway to healing. The inner child can not be given what it needed then, now. Neither can the inner baby. Trying to rewire a traumatic birth memory into a good one, as rebirthers have tried to do, just forces that high valence Pain to find another way out, perhaps seizures, perhaps migraines, perhaps colitis, while damaging someone's connection and pathway to let it out. I've worked with people whose 2nd line memories are polluted with "helper" figures - older selves, older brothers, saviours that weren't really there - it makes it almost impossible to focus on the original scene. They think they are done with it, but they have just created more neurosis, more unreality. I hypothesize that hypnosis and EMDR work in similar ways. Reinforcing the disconnection between the memory and the Pain. Which probably does remove a certain triggering pathway, but the pain has to find another way out eventually. I recall my friend who was driven to suicide after receiving EMDR therapy relating to her traumatic childhood. Before EMDR, she was a functioning neurotic. She was restless, unsuccessful in relationships, suffering with the consequences of attachment trauma, the source of lots of drama when she was triggered, and constantly seeking something she never seemed to find - or even be able to recognize when it was right in front of her. But she was stable, reasonably happy, had found friends that loved her and accepted her for her quirkiness, and she had found a purpose. She was a happy-go-lucky free spirit, always able to manifest something she wanted to create, always had people ready to help. Alternative healing methods like rebirthing had helped her a lot, and she was now helping other people with it. Then she decided: perhaps I'm missing out by not doing any mainstream therapy. And signed up for doctor-sanctioned EMDR sessions. Within months, she was paranoid and suicidally depressed. The last thing I ever heard from her were hostile messages containing paranoid ideas about how I had tried to ruin her life in different ways. I was not the only one she pushed away. She committed suicide within a few months of starting that therapy. Back then, I didn't know what to think - isn't EMDR supposed to relieve trauma? Now, what I guess happened, is that some high-valence painful memories were brought up to "process", EMDR was used to disconnect the Pain from the memory, and then the part of the pain that was not consciously processed, had to find another way out. One of those ways can be paranoid or psychotic ideas, as Janov teaches. An effect of traumatic birth Pain - which I know she had - not finding its way to consciousness but overwhelming the psyche, is a hopeless, death feeling being projected onto current reality. That's how people come to believe that there is no way out but suicide. There is a reason that EMDR is not recommended for early trauma, but rather for individual incidents later in life. I believe that the therapist has misapplied her method. I also believe that the "rebirthing" my friend had done some years earlier, might have done some damage to her ability to process the birth pain, by attempting to install a "new, better" birth memory, which can not be done. This could have contributed to her sudden episode of darkness. But I digress. Magic and manifestation are effective techniques to help someone develop the attitudes and perceptions that most efficiently get them what they want in the present. It does that by removing the unhelpful attitudes and perceptions, and neurotic symbolizations. These unhelpful attitudes, perceptions and symbolizations can however be important clues to find and heal the cause of someone's neurosis. I'm not sure what happens if you magic them all away - but I suspect their root cause doesn't just disappear. Perhaps other neurotic attitudes and symbolization just keep popping up indefinitely - like playing Whack-a-Mole. Perhaps this is why people say that shadow work is never done. It is a misunderstanding of the difference between magic and healing. The brain rebalances itself constantly, it maintains homeostasis. Unfelt old feelings of being unwanted create unhelpful attitudes and beliefs. Feeling those unfelt feelings removes the need for those unhelpful attitudes and beliefs, and people do start to improve their lives without the help of magic and manifestation. They develop healthier attitudes, slowly, but they last. Using magic and faith is faster at creating healthy attitudes, which can also create fast results in someone's life. But it must be continuously practiced. Or regularly refreshed. This is why people get addicted to their religion, why faith must be regularly practiced. For some. This has also been my experience with affirmations. I use affirmations, I get what I want... for a while. Then my mind creates new reasons for why I can't get what I want this time. Homeostasis. It's actually quite obvious. People have negative thoughts, and then they remind themselves - or each other - to have Faith. And it works for a while - as long as they can hold on to that faith, their life improves. As long as someone can maintain the thought "I am loved", their relationships go better. This is why people gratitude journal every day and keep doing it. They have to. A daily dose of healthy 3rd line. If they stop, their mind reverts back to rumination and thoughts of worthlessness, nobody wants me, et cetera. Because their traumatic pain is still there, untouched. Regression therapy diminishes that, and people drop their unhelpful beliefs slowly, but permanently. I would say that even CBT can be categorized as magic - if we define magic as getting a daily dose of healthy 3rd line in order to make short term improvements in life. Okay, now I am satisfied with my contemplation.

Maybe you should check up two books by dr. Michael Newton: 1. Journey of Souls 2. Destiny of Souls Many of his clients, while in deep hypnosis, described what is going on in the afterlife between lives. There are only one or two cases of clients who died by suicide in their past life, but i think you should read it.

I want the NO BULLSHIT explanation of what really happens after suicide. Is such information possible to find? Or is doing it the only way to find out. I've scoured the web and don't find anything!! All I get is modern mental health professionals talking shit. I want the actual spiritual explanations of what happens I’d like it if you could share with me some stuff online from mystics talking about this. Many different sources so I can compare and see if there’s some truth in what they say and some common thread. I need to research more before I make a decision so if you guys could help I’d much appreciate it, thanks

Oh I'm not talking about banning him from twitter, no I don't think he should be banned from twitter for his tiny suicide joke. I'm just talking about his psychologist licensing board, they sent him a complaint on it and his reply was "I'm not going to defend myself, do whatever you want". It's about his demeanor toward suicide, being someone that's licensed by them as qualified to treat suicidal people, and teaches psychology using their accreditation, he would have less credibility on youtube without their stamp of approval, they have to be careful on who they give their stamp of approval to, like the organic stamp on produce. It's not just with what he does in his clinical setting either, he's viewed as an expert in his public discourse(his actual profession) because of their stamp of approval. I don't think his comments related to anything but psychology should be considered by his licensing board. I'm struggling to understand you guy's views on this, it seems clear cut to me. It's not like they just immediately threatened licensure,I still don't think they have, he's just running around playing victim saying his license is on the line. All they asked he do is attend a social media class for his next required continued education credits, to which he replied with a lawsuit. Never once writing an explanation for his comment(s). (I'm still reading the details as though)

@Abhishaik Yes, please go against your mom. You are an adult, you are a man, this is 21st century. Suicide is a pure manipulation on her part. It's very dirty play and you shouldn't encourage this kind of behaviour by complying with it. Also, I highly doubts that someone with such a huge ego like your mom will actually kill themselves. But there will be a lot of drama, that's for sure...

I’ve been in a long distance relationship with my GF for over 1 year and have showed my GF to my mum in real life recently. unfortunately my mum doesn’t approve of the relationship as my GF is not from the same ethnic background. My mum has threatened to commit suicide if I don’t get an arranged marriage. I’ve discussed this with my GF and it has really upset her. I feel like I might be forced to get an arranged marriage soon and I don’t want to waste me GFs time anymore. At the same time I want to build a future with my GF and eventually start a family with her. what should I do? Should I go against my mum on this or break up with my GF?

The complaint is not that it's offensive, it's about his view on the issue, because he's a licensed psychologist, he's licensed to treat suicidal people , he uses his professional status(license) for business purposes giving psychology advice on YouTube and Twitter, and then he's making suicide jokes on that huge platform.

This is a licensed psychologist joking about suicide on a twitter account with how many followers, it'd be like some top cop in a black city making a racist black joke. It's not about just somebody making a suicide joke.

This is absurd and will only make the left wing look crazy. Classic wokeims shooting itself in the shoot. Yes you can joke about suicide. As long as it is not a response to a suicidal person. Now reasonable leftists like me are backed into a corner to defend JP, who is otherwise cringe. JP did not reference suicide at all. He just told the guy to take a hike. What next? JP tells someone on Twitter to go fuck his mother, and that is taken to be clinical advocay for incest?

Yeah, they just mean he was joking about suicide, not that he was literally suggesting it. "“It is against every ethical standard and best practice of the U.S. National Association of Social Worker’s Code of ethics to make light of, encourage, joke about, or reference the topic of suicide in a manner that is not grounded in safety, prevention and evidence-based therapeutic intervention,” the complaint notes." I don't mean he was literally suggesting suicide, but it seems to me he was joking/making light of it in a very public manor, he has a huge platform. I think that's concerning coming from someone that has a license to treat mentally ill people.

Leave the planet The first complaint of 2022 came on Jan. 5. Peterson had suggested that a world population of 9.5 billion was sustainable; a commenter on his post said that overpopulation was a threat to the ecosystem. Peterson tweeted: “You’re free to leave at any point.” You're free to leave at any point. https://t.co/31GbI1I2vD — Dr Jordan B Peterson (@jordanbpeterson) January 3, 2022 The complainant, whose name and title are redacted — though by Peterson or the college is unclear — suggests that this was an inducement to suicide. “It is against every ethical standard and best practice of the U.S. National Association of Social Worker’s Code of ethics to make light of, encourage, joke about, or reference the topic of suicide in a manner that is not grounded in safety, prevention and evidence-based therapeutic intervention,” the complaint notes. When Peterson was notified of this complaint, his response was that he was “simply not going to spend the hours and days required to undergo the unbelievably stressful process necessary to respond to this formally.” “So no, I am not going to defend myself. Do whatever you want.”

@Hanna Luna I know it can seem heartless but at the end its all god putting on different masks and experiencing different content. Why would god want to experience extreme suffering? Let me tell you first hand: I am diagnosed with schizophrenia and had a psychosis occur 3 times which is a very traumatic experience, as well as having severe depression that could last to a year and a suicide attempt. Why am i saying all that? The suffering in my path only helped me progress that much faster in my development. Maybe god gives himself a "shock treatment" all with the goal of awakening you in mind. Anyway those where my thoughts. Have a nice day Daniel

I currently have a niece that is having difficulties due TikTok and had tried suicide. Is not just TikTok of course, family issues and the hormonal changes of teenage stage.

A stretch to equate "You're free to leave at any point" with advocacy of suicide.

https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/read-jordan-petersons-tweets-that-prompted-complaints-to-psychologists-college Okay, no surprise Peterson left out the worst ones, yeah he should get his license revoked, he suggested suicide to some twitter users, what a moron.

@LfcCharlie4 imo Most people are fine. They are not depressed. Yes lots of them do these stuff but they are not depressed. There would be so much more people diagnosed with depression and committing suicide. Depression is not caused by these things but rather add up over. Its weird to me how some people in self-help say that average persons life is worse. Or something around that. F.e. Hamza a self help youtuber always represents the average person as Jeffrey. Sometimes(or most of the times) he represents it with a depressed person. While most people are fine u know, no?

Thoughts As long as I can remember every person I met. Footprint what can you do for me. If there's something I find interesting (in subconscious) ego, guide me(over Nice over pleasing) . That worked for 46 years 2005 I was 30 years old after I set my apartment with everything I own on fire. I drove my car to a distant place in a harbor area. White alcohol and sleeping pills to dull my fear. I drove in to the water (ca deepth 13 meter or 42 feet) Around halfway to bottom water pressure ruptured eardrum on one ear then next eardrum ruptured (very strong pain in my ears properly kickstarted something inside i got out of the car swam up) then i walked to a psychiatry reception 2005 my first 3-4 years i was bouncing around in forensic psychiatric systems then i bouncing around in adult psychiatric system to this day after second suicide i figure this 16 years of rehabilitations and thousands of pills. Haven't change me very much Some time after i found Leo somehow He presented a different way to tackle mental illness

@SOUL I feel like she probably has a daughter like me. And she cannot handle her. And she was constantly sympathizing with my mother. Probably because she herself is a mother? She was quick to sympathize with my mom's bipolar mental illness struggles. But I have my own mental health struggles and she couldn't sympathize with that. So basically she sympathized with my mother for having bipolar. Yet when I talked about my mental health issues with depression and suicide, she labeled me as a "mental case." and she said how difficult it is for a mom to deal with a daughter like me. Wasn't it equally difficult for me to deal with a mother like my mom as a child growing up? The contradiction was just baffling. She purely looked at the whole situation of my trauma only and solely from my mother's perspective. Where was my perspective at all? I think she is struggling as a mom with handling her own kids and she projected her wounds as a mother on to me. She saw herself in my mother and probably saw her children in me and began blaming me right away.. All of her responses felt like she was blaming me the whole time for my issues. Her sentence "you're ruining your own life" was very telling of the fact that she thought I'm bringing everything on myself rather than things happening to me. She was blaming me for feeling depressed about my childhood situation as though I was intentionally creating trauma and pain when I had options to forget. I couldn't believe that she took childhood trauma so lightly and passed it off as something a person should forget once they grow up. She basically invalidated all of my feelings as an imagination of my mind rather than addressing the root cause of those feelings. That's why I think she was projecting her own bad mother behavior by making me feel guilty. Her kids probably blame her for her parenting or whatever. And she found an outlet to take out her frustration on me and make herself feel better.. She is very unprofessional since she made my issue a personal thing instead of treating it as a "client issue." Instead of being neutral and taking both sides, she chose to focus solely on my mother's side and I think this was very biased of her..

@Holykael As long as your conditioned mind believes in this illusion, it becomes your reality. Until you get so tired of it that you say enough is enough. You can say you're going to commit suicide - and crap, you still exist. You want to continue to believe in these fantasies - your free will - believe what you want, and it will become your reality. Until you decide you don't want it anymore. You have no idea in the state in which you experience what power you have to create reality. Most human beings here have no idea they can become free at any moment...

Happy late new year! Last week I decided I had enough of feeling sorry for myself for being lonely and meditated an entire day. Kind of like a solo retreat in my own home. I would meditate on the couch, the usual crossed legs position, when I was eating, basically the entire day. I did a combination of Leo's satisfaction meditation and the Letting Go technique as described by David R. Hawkins in his book. I didn't expect this to magically fix all my problems, but it was either this or the dark path towards suicide. What I experienced astonished me, though I am sure it wasn't an awakening or God realization. I had multiple moments of bliss. I would have zero thoughts for a solid period of time every so often on that day. As I let go more, I realized that I am not my emotions or my thoughts. What I AM yet however I have not fully realized, but this still felt like a huge step. I keep identifying with my thoughts and feelings, even though I have realized before that they do not represent me for who I am. I actively choose to identify with them. With this into account, I realize going about day-to-day life without identifying with your thoughts or emotions is remains difficult. When the feelings become too much however, I switch over to a certain awareness and stillness before I unidentify with said feelings. Even in social settings. On New Year's Eve I was at a party. Even though I was quite intoxicated, there were times where I would hear sounds of people talking and music blasting, yet all I could do was realize it was just in my head. Like the meaning of the sounds or the feelings from being drunk, were just that. Sounds and feelings. They were not me. I gave them meaning, but inherently there was none. I hope some of you can help me out here since I am not quite sure what I am experiencing. I still have my moments where I will take a step back and just observe what is happening to me. My thoughts, feelings, noises, sounds, sights etc. I have tried to "push" this by asking "what am I?", yet my current answer feels incomplete. I feel close to an awakening, but since I have never had one before I am afraid it is my spiritual ego talking. I notice the intrusive thoughts sometimes where I will hype myself up or feel superior because I can see from this weird unidentifying perspective while others can't, only to realize that is my spiritual ego making this a power game somehow.