Search the Community

You know, when I read this post, one thing comes to mind: Growing up, even as a teen, I never really feared death. I don't know if it was a matter of fearing or understanding it, but the thought of death just didn't seem and feel real to me.. like it was impossible. I'd even ask my friends if they think they can die, they obviously said yes, but me being unable to understand it left me feeling rather alienated. It's weird to even reflect on this. Anyway.. No, I'm not afraid of death, because I'm not afraid of transformation.

What are some things that you Actualizerz feel are good "mental/ physical/spiritual" preparations for intensive PD workshops, etc? I recently made a Mala for Meditation. One of the words I used in the mantra was *Transformation*. Within a week, there was a message in my inbox for a PD workshop with the same name! I ended up getting a bursary for the full $500 cost, and another bursary to cover my child care too!!! Incredible!!! I haven't had to conform, be in one spot, pay attention, etc...*full-time* in at least a decade! This is only a week, but it's a full, deep, intensive week! I feel like I'm having a PD growth spurt (similar to when I first began this a year and a half ago). Some of my beliefs, etc... can change on the drop of a dime, and I'm fantastically open. That said, I have a tendency to go overboard (like blacking out from sleep dep doing homework, etc). How can I go into this deeply, with full awareness, while at the same time, having this be gentle enough for me that I don't get totally overwhelmed. My motives are pure and true, I am prepared to release, travel into my dark corners, etc...Still, I have been (at least subconsciously) often more resistant and judgemental. How can I dive into this fully, to allow the ultimate blossoming to occur?

Yes plugging 10mg is a good starting point. Don't go over that though. I've never done ayahuasca, but based on all the report I've read and listened to from people who have, it's nothing like 5-MeO. But at the same time, I suspect the process of letting go is much the same. Letting go is about surrendering. Surrendering your desire to control and surrendering your life. Surrendering and trusting that you will be fine and that it's okay to let go of your self and your life. No don't look at this way. Try not to overthink it, just trust in the process and relax as much as possible. The 'until you're dead' phrase is not accurate because it's not really a death because there's nothing that can die. See it more as a divine transformation.

I often feel like a girl in a male body. However, I don't view hormones and cosmetic surgeries as a potential solution because my intellectual instincts tell me it's not a good solution. So, I literally have trans feelings, but I just interpret my path to feeling good about myself as more of a spiritual journey of overcoming the self-hatred and homophobia taught to me by my experiences. I'm uncomfortable with physical transformation of the human body because it's a construction, it's not an actual change of your XX or XY chromosomes. It's female body impersonation. So by changing your body, you're not really becoming the other sex. You're becoming something else, a surgical impersonation of the opposite sex. Frankly, I think from a spiritual point of view the idea of going under the knife to change your body should be extraordinarily disturbing to people. In the same way woman getting general cosmetic surgeries should be disturbing, but more extreme. It's all because you hate yourself on some level. Again, I have trans feelings, I feel I have special privilege to say these sorts of things. I love gay people, including those who identify trans. @Scholar I don't think you fully understand the issue of transsexuality, how it feels, nor should you really be commenting on it. If you're not gay and don't understand those feelings then be self-conscious for a moment. Sometimes when someone comments on this issue it's like a white person telling a black person how they should feel about black history and societal racism. And no it doesn't matter how close your opinion mirrors the correct view. Some people shouldn't comment or have an opinion.

Yes, because people don't even understand Maslow, how can they apply conscious effort? It's horrible mass psychology what is done with and by people with social media plattforms also the design of such plattforms. That sort of why game changers need to exist yet nobody runs this fuel and realistically at TIER2 jumping jobs, companies and vacations is a very common report, as you are basically a transformation agent. Many people I meet are full Green I sometimes wonder what people truely see. It's common maybe more in northern countries to see a healthy integration of blue and green family structures who are not sucked into "orange". I find Baden-Würtemberg to be a good example of this I also think it's the most conscious state by far in Germany. The entertainment industry on average will most of the time promote consumerism as people desire overly optimistic solutions, so I do think it's a smart strategy as they make it more desireable from Wilber and Beck. Wilber and Susan-Cook-Greuter are generally skeptical they say yeah it could, yet the real sentiment is. If people don't f*** it up. Agree and the bottom up process is lost in decentralized spaces. Overall I do think we are moving I see more tech companies in villages in Germany etc. A lot of modern oranges have a Tier 2 Head and a Tier 1 heart and morality. I do think there is some hope ultimately as many desire the transformation especially spiritual from Green onwards. Techincally spirituality starts at orange and this is where the real challenge is IMO especially in a first world country. Also a more global spirtuality. I just really hope people don't f*** it up. The current cultural backlash because of ressources/security threat etc because of the war is also just a side effect. I do think this is the best time for growth possible. Might be a bit counter-intutive I just hope this finally get's over this stage of humanity and they/we/I/all legit start solving global issues.

These surveys they do, do not accurately reflect reality. Even in the original SD book it said something like 5% of the population are in Tier 2, which is obviously horseshit. Even finding someone at a high green level is near impossible outside of academia. I've been to a bunch of places in europe and there is no city that i would even consider green. Even Berlin is mostly orange and the green hotspots are just a bunch of lefties that intuit and herald all the green wokester MEMEs, but that's mostly just a front and not grounded in any real development or transformation. It all depends on how you interpret this stuff of course but even Wilber seems to be blind to the reality, that these surveys don't mean jack shit.

I think there's definitely uses. Soryu Forall uses transmission and it's had a significant effect on my spiritual growth. I was just meaning it's hard to base a teacher's level of Awakening on whether they're using transmission or not. Very interesting. Yeah I wouldn't be surprised if certain beings benefit more from transmission than others. I also am inclined to agree that yes some may no more than useless highs while others are highly intelligent, energetic forms of communication/reconfiguration/transformation. This is based on my own experience plus yes hearing reports from others. BUT! I also see how this could lead someone into the trap of relying on a guru figure, or a guru figure abusing power.

Because this entire aura thing is a new age perspective on energies emitted from forms, and it is too abstract and not beneficial for the purpose of truth or transformation. Most people can't perceive this stuff, and it probably isn't needed. It is like speaking about chakras instead of the nervous system plexus or endocrine glands. All the chat about different sheets or layers of the body, or emission of subtle energies is just too abstract. It can only be justified when the abstract system contains relevant nuances that aren't contained in the more direct and perceivable system/map. On the spectrum of abstractness, auras are definitely positioned in the radical side of new age concept that isn't practical or beneficial.

First you will need to become conscious of what you are unconscious of and want to let go. After that you can let it go. If you already know what your beliefs are, than that is already halfway. If you believe in something, you can also not believe in it. It is a belief, it has no substance or reality. It is a story you take to be real instead of meeting the truth for your self. Of course, usually it isn't so simple as it sounds because of the personal story and the emotions we store in the body around the belief. So, in your case for example, if you hold your self as unworthy for the things you want in life, than try to stop believing you are unworthy. I mean it. Easier said than done, surely. As I said, usually behind every core belief there are stories and even memories that gives solidity or realness to the belief, make it seem as if the is the truth. But if we are honest, you don't really know what you worthy or unworthy of. It is impossible to know such a thing. Worthiness is a a social/moral concept, and isn't ingrained in direct experience. This work isn't so simple, and a lot of time it is entangled with emotions. For serious work around matters of deeply ingrained beliefs and emotional repression you can use psychotherapy, psychedelics (and MDMA), or what ever other modality you can find regarding transformation of self. If you want to do it on your own - "today" like you want - you need to sit, concentrate, and contemplate deeply the belief you want relinquish. If you held the belief for years it has probably gathered many emotional energy around it, so it effects your nervous and endocrine systems, and the subtle energies of your body. So if you don't use a tool like a therapist or a psychedelic, you need to have a very sharp focus and concentration and an ability to sit with your self on the matter and resolve it. Not many posses this capability. You can also just go and try to bash the belief into real life. If you feel you are unworthy of something/someone, just go and try to get it. Your belief will try to stop you of course (and it will probably be charged with different emotions), but if you prove to your self that you are worthy of it, it will free you from the belief. This is the best way IMO, because it is confronts you directly with the belief/emotional charge around the matter. You can also erode the belief with small steps (a process sometimes called "desensitization"). Chipping away at beliefs in a gradual way. For example, if you think you can never stand and speak before an audience, you can begin by standing before an audience of 1, and then of 2, and then of 3, and then of 5, 7, 10, 15, 20, 30. You get the idea. You pick the increments based on what you feel you can handle.

Because enlightenment is not about changing states or transforming the mind. This is not to say that healing/transformation and enlightenment are mutually exclusive. Usually when serious transformation takes place we drop aspects of our self that isn't us, which may reveal that much of what we take our self to be - isn't really who we are. So of course, if we can heal or transform the body and the mind, it can only mean that those are temporary and not us. However, this alone will not "produce" enlightenment.

@Fearey claimed, No, these people or businesses are working towards it because allows jobs to be automated to save money. They do this because they believe in the tech utopia. Stop confusing orange for yellow. The tech utopia is often confused for yellow, when in fact it is a stage orange fantasy. Yes it is true that new technology is required to solve the worlds problems, but alone it will not solve the world's problems They are not yellow the people who develop stuff like Artificial Intelligence, Machine Learning, Deep learning, Artificial Neural Networks, Autonomous systems, autonomous vehicles, robotics, data "science", internet of things, digital twin, digital transformation, because they do not think on the impact on society and believe AI is an existential threat. Additionally, @Fearey claimed, No, these things are being developed by business which are, orange, like silicon valley companies. IT and computer "science" is a very orange field. Do you seriously think, Synopsys, Hexagon, Autodesk, or Siemens are at vision logic? They are not because they are not cognitively developed enough This would not " would at the very least put such individuals into Yellow, if not higher" because these organisations are at the achiever stage and are conventional. @Fearey, you have the wrong idea what stage yellow is. It is not the tech utopia. Stage yellow requires vision logic.

Artificial Intelligence, Machine Learning, Deep learning, Artificial Neural Networks, Autonomous systems, autonomous vehicles, robotics, data "science", internet of things, digital twin, digital transformation, the tech utopia. Example of companies that talk about this stuff and believe in the tech utopia are and are of stage orange are Synopsys, Hexagon, Autodesk and Siemens. Shown is Synopsys's website. Website of the other companies are shown in subsequent posts. People confuse them as yellow, as the are are bit nuanced. But the 'bit nuanced' stage is the "achiever" in the nine stages of ego development, not the stage 5 "autonomous" stage. This is why people also miss identify the University of Queensland as yellow when the are in fact orange, and at most the highest cognitive and ego development of staff at the Uni, is partially in the pluralist stage, so they are definitely "not yellow" although they are nuanced compared to "conformists" or "experts". Stage yellow requires a post-conventional mind and cognitive development, so if your mind or cognitive development is conventional you are definitely not in this stage.

Both approaches have their own benefits and drawbacks, of course. I'm glad I received formal education up until the age of 17. However, the school system is archaic; it feels like Windows 98. As the saying goes: "democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others." In the same way, then: "the current educational system is the worst form of mass education there is, except for all the others." I'm all in for massive transformation of it. On the other hand, introverted and independent individuals like me still conserve their innate curiosity from childhood and passion for learning. Kindling that fire is key, even more so than rote memorization. For us, self-education is and will continue to be a treasure throughout our lifetimes. Following this approach is deeply inspiring and exhilarating since you get to be in the driver's seat. I very much resonate with Robinson's message and teaching style. School kills initiative and creativity for the most part but also gives a mediocre educational foundation for society, which is better than none.

Leo's video on the topic is great and I recommend everyone to watch it. Here are some additional recommendations of mine while actualizing this potential in spirituality. Awakening by itself will help you fall in love with life but prior to such deep transformation, there are tangible steps into going in that direction. The key principle you need to follow is the acute sense of ease, joy and attention you pay towards your mental state moment by moment in daily life. Now obviously such behaviour and mentality change is not possible to cultivate on a consistent basis prior to making some progress in meditation skills. To aid in your journey, keep in mind to never grip towards your life goals and day to day activities too tightly. See, life goals regarding attaining certain things, wanting a 'better' life, looking forward to doing something at 5 pm and spending the morning hours in a state of anticipation - these are all certain mental habits we all fall into. But the more you imbue your life, goals and activities with a sense of profound ease, joy and presence (thanks to your spiritual practice), your life will slowly enhance itself. You will FEEL much more conscious than your usual states. Behaviors will change on a micro basis as your mental skills develop in meditation. This becomes a feedback loop and informs your 'unconscious' aspects of your psyche to revise their worldview. When you become obsessively focused on a goal or an activity of any kind, just be aware of how you are losing the joy of 'the process'. The actual day to day moments while we do our hobbies can be enhanced radically. There is so much craving, seriousness and resistance to your favourite hobby that it only becomes obvious how wrong you've approached this whole life business after you make some progress. You'll read this post in different times of your life. Wherever you feel you are in your life, there is more wisdom you can sprinkle to your life. Turning this into a daily practice is what all Zen masters are doing each time they sit in meditation and intend to maintain wisdom in daily life. Make this process as enjoyable as possible. Don't strain and grip for goals and activities. Your 'to do list' should relax its handles on you. Enjoy these activities while staying present and joyful in the process. Be very careful not to get swept away by life so that you can actually be present for it. However much 'fun' you think you are having. Always curb your urges and desires with the wisdom spirituality imbues you with. And intend to integrate this perception to all life activities as much as possible. Hope this gives inspiration and hope for what is possible for you! Much love, Arda

a lot has been written here about the spiritual process and descriptions what it is and what it is not. you get soaked in for the wrong reason, you as an entity want some Kind of Liberation for yourself. either to be free from suffering or to experience something that is told to be sooo incredibly big brings blissfulness, peace and joy. In a way what you know right now seems to be not enough you don`t want to settle for it or you are just curious what that Thing is. then you learn about it intellectually and absorb an amount of descriptions & Information that is processed within your mind. You also learn that it includes you being not what you thought you are. You are creating an alternative model of how that could replace the old identity. But this is just hallucination even if you try to see everything as yourself and reflect that intellectually. You can be stuck in this state probably forever as it is very entertaining. next step is that you have an experience glimpse of that you are not what you thought you are. You find out that there is no person that could get enlightened or otherwise stay in the dark. The mind cannot grasp that and holds onto his picture and even fights against it. Or it hallucinates about being God and how good this "God mode" might feel and what it brings along for you. The mind is proven wrong again and again by experience and contemplation. A distance is establishing between you and your mind, you take it only seriously when it is inline with your experience or awareness and let it think what it wants otherwise. the Body/mind is understood as something that is like an awareness control Center and "seat or perspective of experience" but that is as "outside" or "inside" yourself as everything else that you can become Aware of. As the outer world comes closer, the inner world gets more distance and they are moving towards a merger. then there is no inside and outside, there is just "you". This seems to be the magical path as it can be somehow described also there might be a lack of logic. I understand that when I am not recognizing everything as myself from experience that I am not yet enlightened or awakened. It`s not something that can be missed. You can surely hallucinate about being enlightened but being far away from it, but you cannot be enlightened and not know it. It leaves you completely transformed whereas everything else are just some changes of identification. At the end stands your honest recognition of your true self through experience and releasing all fascinating hallucinations about it once and for all. so what or who is triggering the final Switch that cannot be reversed? What prevents us from pushing the button? Why can`t we let go what we created in an instant? It seems like we don`t want to take the toys of the Little kid that we are. OK we are spiritual, we take some toys but we hesitate to take all. Why? Probably because we are not conscious about the enormity of what we started just playing around with this enlightenment stuff? like playing with fire. It makes fun only as Long as you have the fire under Control even if it is a big fire. Letting everything burn happens either as an accident, as an act of Desperation or out of tremendous curiosity that makes you forget about all kind of consequences. That`s what we are aiming at right? as always, everything posted can just be words, even not my mother tongue, just thoughts, just concept. But questions are helpful as even experience can come out of posing it. (otherwise this talking is all nonsense and in fact it is in a way...) universal regards, Wendelin

I found a story of a man who had a NDE and was the type of person that people would have issues with his world view and actions. So sit down get comfortable and listen to a story of transformation. Its powerful!! I love it!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAd_v4IfB5w

Yes, they catalyze personal transformation. But Peter's talking about enlightenment. Overall, I agree with your statement.

@JoeVolcano I'm more thinking about how you can actually make this society as great as possible. I have had the thought of yes if everyone's consciousness rose and everyone chose freely the kind of personal transformation you're talking about then yes of course it would be amazing and everyone would be happy etc, but for me it's kinda waste of time as it's not going to happen anytime soon, further to that humans just don't evolve in that way. Development is messy and takes long, as in thousands of years. Your perspective is that things could be much better, but that could and should always be the perspective throughout human history. Where we are now is built on what was down before and where will be in the future is built upon what we do today. Saying this society is terrible and not worth it because everyone is not fully conscious and aware is really absolving yourself of any responsibility.

@Consept Yes, I agree with that definition of yours, as it's a basic level of a trans person's self awareness, they have an internal image of themselves as a slightly to moderately different gender role than the biological sex of their physical bodies. My take on Transexuality generally, the second definition that makes it more metaphysical and spiritual and most people would be confused or lost in understanding, is that it means you are beyond sexuality. Similar meanings to transcendence, transformation, transpersonal, transpersonal psychology, trans-rational. 'Going Meta' also is similar as you are widening your scope to see much more than the context you were viewing from. At most, people would think you are talking about celibacy, or asexuality, but actually it's more radical than those two, as those two the mind has developed attachments to. A person whose truly transcended sexuality would be deeply detached to all things sexual and wouldn't be too bothered at all.

Looks like it was ignited by the birth of his child and therapy. That's a pretty incredible transformation. High levels of self-awareness that you wouldn't expect from someone who was a Nazi for that long.

Teal is just a representation of our side we are not healing or integrating. Rather blaming, judging and dismissing. She is just playing a role for us to see our darker sides. Ram Dass once said: "When someone passing through and spewing their crap on to us, that is their karma, but how we choose to act or react to that, is our karma." As: If we judge them, that is our own judgment to ourselves. But if we see them for what they do, willfully or not, and if we observe that, then that is our act of understanding towards our different aspects. As much as I want to shame her for it. I can see that I would probably have acted the same If I didn't go through the things I did in my life and seen the things I have seen. But if I were to have that erased and be entered to her reality, I would have been the same. Watching that video when she is telling stories about her childhood (don't know if they are true), but being "forced" to bathe in cow's blood and make out with other kids, at age 6 and being raped and molested. No wonder she is the way she is now, no matter how much healing work she has/hasn't done. By the looks of things, she is just gathering people in her life to show/mirror her different aspects, back to herself, and seeing if she can heal and integrate them. In whatever avatar and life story we go through when we enter this reality. What we get programmed with as a child and in our early adulthood, will deeply affect and shape us in the years to come. Unless we go through a self-deconstruction phase at some point, where we go through so many ego-deaths and have our many layers of identity peeled of like layers of an onion, it is just going to be hard to let those pieces go. And as long as we exist as finite selves, we are just going to have a few or many layers of ego. That is just how we can exist. I don't know if Teal has worked with psychedelics. But going through her shit in her life without any aid to show herself to herself so thoroughly (like with psychedelics) is real ballsy. So I got to give her that. Either way, reality will mirror what it does best, which is mirroring. So she is getting to heal and to work on herself, the way her reality is playing out. Having multiple ego-deaths, and going though phases of self/identity shedding (ouroboros style) will wash us of our different disfunctionalities. But not many are lucky to walk that path/direction. I don't know how awake she is. But as Ralston once said about enligtenment, "Don't expect transformation". I wish her the best.

In a 1st world democracy, it is mostly in their rights to pursue a transition in some states, and identify as a trans person in some places, but others it is tricky, especially if we throw in age of consent, and the major differences of the upbringing narrative of heterosexuality, traditional gender roles and it's function in society, compared to other forms of sexual narratives and other gender roles that's behind their mental representation systems. However, to me that's all superficial appearance, because there's a deeper truth that's related to their sexuality in their life experience, and their state of consciousness. Transexuality, as it means to me, is parts and the whole of the definition: we have trans, sex, and uality in this word. Trans is a prefix word to other words like transcendence, transcendental, transformation, transposition, transparency, transpersonal, transvers, translation and all the common meanings of these words denotes a going beyond, or going meta, away and above the following implied meanings of the root and suffixes of those words. Then we have sex, as in the act of procreation and reproduction in biological male and female bodies, exchange of biological fluids and genetic material for the formation of offspring who will inherit the mother and father's genes, which is deeply attached and tied to our survival as an ego, from the person level to group level. We finally have this strange word, uality, which is phonetically and literally open to interpretation, could be duality, or reality, or unity. So, to me, transsexuality is a state of being that is more freer from the attachments of sexuality normally common and enforced by the EGO, individual to collective, from mainstream culture. As a way of life, it's challenging, given the prolific heterosexual narrative of a culture seen in mainstream information ecology like in tv shows, movies, social media, news, social gatherings and events, life experiences in a city or village. Not to mention that if we factor in stages of development, cognitive and moral development, personality traits, ego development, other states of consciousness and being, and other life experiences, we end up with a trans perskn that doesn't fit into a simple box, but is a ckmplex entity onto itself. How can society standards and government adjust to trans person and integrate them into society, while managing varying degrees of backlash from different groups with different perspectives?

And I know you'll say how I'm a burden Yeah, do your worst, all at once I know what you want from me, from me I know what you're thinking And it's not the voice of all the others You've only said it to yourself I know what you want from me, from me I know what you're thinking, thinking... Lovecraft also had a lifelong interest in dreams, and many of his stories are the product of his dreams. The unconscious symbolizes the archetype of the unknown. The dreamlands in Lovecraft's world are windows into forbidden knowledge and forces beyond humanity's understanding. A vast, uncanny and incomprehensible dimension that can be answered through dreams. The dream cycle is a series of short stories and novellas by Lovecraft. One of the most noticeable of which is, the dream quest of unknown kadath - illustrating the scope and wonder of humankind's ability to dream. Everyone has their own dreamland but share a common general land of vision. And I know you'll say how I'm a burden Yeah, do your worst, all at once I know what you want from me, from me I know what you're thinking, thinking And though they sound like one another You've only said it to yourself I know what you want from me, from me I know what you're thinking, thinking... Lovecraft's stories are so bizarre that the average reader is stripped of all their preconceptions about reality, and even their sense of self. In the stories, the characters who fear the loss of individuality and attempt to preserve it are the ones who fall into madness. The concept of otherness, of the quality of being different, is important to be integrated. The self and the other are to be simultaneously accepted. In the story, through the gate of the silver key, the protagonist Randolph Carter, holds the silver key and opens the ultimate gate - there he sees his past and future selves, yet he also begins to see Carters in every known and suspected age of earth's history. These Carters are all equally himself. He even notes how each small decision alters who each of those Carters become in their own timelines. This omniscient awareness gives way to a loss of individuality - one learns that one is no longer a definite being - distinguished from other beings, therefore the other becomes just as worthy of acceptance and consideration as one's self. This is a transformation from paranoia to schizomadness. Concepts which are used as philosophical metaphors describing perceptions of one's identity, those with paranoia have an urge to align everything with their identity and disregard otherness. On the other hand, schizomadness refers to an integration of the unconscious, accepting other identities, beings and one's simultaneous place among them. This is also reminiscent of Carl Jung's approach of individuation, where one integrates one's unconscious content in order to advance towards the self, one must accept the loss of individuality by acknowledging that one is not the master of one's own house, but this is usually met with paranoid persistence. Through the reading of Lovecraft, the reader goes through their own anti-human becoming, a window into otherness unveils the monster as none other than one's self and the horror to change this is the only monster we are meant to conquer. In the outsider, Lovecraft tells the tale of a man who lives in solitude in a decaying dark castle and can't recall when or if he ever saw a living person. He decides to climb the tower into the unknown outer sky, since it was better to glimpse the sky and parish, then to live without ever seeing the light of day. He enters a window and is met with people who's faces were hideously distorted with fear, fleeing with horrible screams. The man trembles at the thought of what might be lurking near him unseen, he then sees a reflection. I know always that I am an outsider, a stranger in this century, and among those who are still men, this I have known ever since I have stretched out my fingers to the abomination within that great gilded frame, stretched out my fingers and touched a cold and unyielding surface of polished glass.

The best suggestion would be to find someone who specialises in nutritonal and lifestyle approach to cancer with an evidence based mindset who is also accustomed to working with herbs, supplements and natural remedies. In a cancer cure, a radical lifestyle transformation is often required. You could read about Dean Ornish and his prostate cancer approach, imo that is an alley worth exploring

I've never been diagnosed but I'm almost certain I have social anxiety, I experience a lot of the same things you do. One thing I've noticed is that I'm awful at socialising when I'm sober, but when I have a few drinks I can easily be the most sociable person in the room, and I actually enjoy socialising a lot when I'm tipsy. It's a very big transformation I'm not recommending alcohol as a solution, however it did show me that it's actually possible to enjoy talking to people and that has been very valuable The main difference mentally is that I'm not really afraid to express myself in that state, things enter my mind and I say them. Compared to when I'm sober and it feels like I have 10 filters something has to pass through before I allow myself to express it.