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This is the best response so far. I think you're right. I mean I intuitively know that there are some (okay many) things I don't understand about spirituality. The longer I think about being completely alone the more okay I am with it, and the less I feel like I am a person in the conventional sense. I think that @Sincerity explained it well in another post. "Suicide is the only way to fully awaken, but god instilled me with fear (out of love) so that I don't do that" (not the exact quote btw). Anyway I'm glad there is someone here who both validates my negative experience and gives me the real way out.

Damn man you have to stop with these amazing comments, you’re providing too much value here ? So much value I’m actually considering suicide because of it. ?

Yes we mean the same, I am just unsure how this stuff plays out at high levels I find this tricky, I was there in one report where one guy somehow chased a guy with a baseball bat and seemed to act from god (he was chasing a schizophrenic bum and had a high state experience), what can you make out of this? Shinzen sort of dispelled the illusion as he was so prideful about this incident, sort of as an "act" from god. At least this is my notion of the event. Never unfortunately, I played the video games as a kid . I know it's a shame. I know this is sort of when I reached TIER2 and I notice I have this massive influence and I have to downgrade, as SD Green really does not like natural hierachies at all I noticed. When I then open up, I notice how much b.s goes into these worldviews and how equality in a sense can feel repressive when I look at history etc. It's quiet tricky I can understand from some level, I just know it's very tricky to work with an SD green therapist on SD Yellow issues for example. The lonliness and autodidactivness and lifelong learning, they are so overwhelmed and need this stage blue technical A-Z blueprint it hurts a lot. I really don't think the outlashes are to bad, the ones with the suicide and gun to the head I found was to serious, that is not funny anymore and I've been there. Not with a gun just in extrem situations where I do not even have the option etc. I just don't think some of the group projections he has are healthy and instead of providing hope, this sort of god complex? shines forth. I find it very tricky to navigate this, when I contemplate how serious this is. You basically have to be super good at beign a chamelon and navigating social spaces, professionally. I don't find it easy either, sometimes I make promises I can't keep because I am overestimated the situation and then get scollded in a sense, at one point it's 3 strikes and you are out. Usually I make one strike even 2 in chaos, yet I did not do 3 till now at least. At least the third attempt hits. The point is many here don't realize how f*ed the world is with striver and achiever mentallity and how fortunate it is to have self-questioning greens and how many need a stage blue a-z blueprint, it gives them security a lot. I don't like it either I'd rather explore something unknown, yet during this exploration all kinds of stuff does happen. I wish he would not engage with members like this and focus more on his video then etc. He could cut the b.s more effectively the members he b.s cuts are the ones with the god complex themselves in a sense by saying. I AM TOTALLY AWAKEND ETC. I know what sort of is meant, yet it's tricky to gauge and I wish he would serve at times as a more mature role model who is playful and that is fking hard ngl. Also entertainment and memes are one of the worst epdidemics I find of young adults. It's horrible. I am glad none of this b.s is allowed. It's just when it's so prosaic that there is less room for b.s. Like in a physics class etc.

On Jan 30th, Leo Gura had his most explosive outburst towards a user yet: Here are some facts about the issue: This was indeed directed to the user of the created thread Leo Gura had made a prior comment before this outburst that received no reply, where he was speaking in his regular tone. No exchange was made in between these comments, nor was any comment deleted, proving that the outburst came out suddenly, unexpectedly, and completely out of the blue. The user was not being overblown, boastful, grandiose, or overstating with his/her claims about their awakening state to elicit this type of behavior, not that being like that would remotely justify this malicious behavior in the least. You can read the full outburst here and see the context for yourself: https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/89530-awakened-now-what/?page=2 Leo Gura violated his own forum guidelines as shown below directly taken from: https://www.actualized.org/forum/guidelines/ #1 Rule: Don't Be A Jerk Speak to people with respect. Be conscious and kind. What’s NOT Allowed: Verbal abuse Calling members names like: stupid, idiot, moron, asshole, retard, evil, etc. Trash-talking, trolling, chronic criticism, blaming, or finger-pointing I checked in on the user myself to make sure he/she wasn't hurt, as the leader of the forum had just bullied this person, and had no idea the mental state and stability of the user, considering anyone here could be going through a very hard time and be easily pushed to the edge, but ignores this potential to pridefully "school" the user instead. Not to mention the very fact that venturing into this domain of spirituality can leave individuals frail, fragile, and on edge, as they could potentially be going through difficult things, like having they're notions of life or death put into question, leaving them more vulnerable than before. And the fact that users of the forum have committed suicide, the leadership of the forum was instead used to bully and point the finger. Also Leo takes assumption in the original message that the user was offended. "The reason you're offended and swarming around like fish because…" Where I verified with the user that he not offended, but more importantly, not hurt. Leo does this often with his users, as he assumes he knows the exact blueprint of completely unique and distinct individual, that display as faceless strangers on an internet forum. To make the matter more hypocritical, Leo Gura had just made posts within two weeks prior that he was looking to "crackdown" on toxicity, drama, and wants to increase the maturity of the forum. Featuring quotes such as: "I've been seeing a lot of needless drama, in-fighting, and toxic communication on this forum of late. This makes the whole ecosystem unpleasant for the majority of members who are decent, respectful, and follow the rules." https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/89049-notice-cleaning-up-forum-drama-toxicity/ "Thanks again to those who have been on good behavior from the beginning and never needed such warnings and reminders. I will also be making an effort to improve my communication with you to rise to the level of maturity, wisdom, and respect that you deserve." https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/89380-strict-crackdown-on-duplicate-accounts-immaturity/ "This forum will no longer be a safe haven for immature or emotionally unhinged people. Anyone not mature enough to communicate or socialize in a mentally-stable and integrous manner will simply not get to participate around me. If you cannot control your emotions, you're out. If you behave in an egotistical and dogmatic manner, you're out. If you attack other members of this community, you're out." https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/89380-strict-crackdown-on-duplicate-accounts-immaturity/ "Every time before you post, as you write your post, I want you to stop and ask yourself, "How is this post just me acting out my ego in the usual ways?", and "Is this post just me venting and justifying my selfishness?" https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/89066-reminder-of-why-youre-here/ On page 3 of the thread of the outburst, Leo Gura also continues with his maliciousness but directs it to another user: https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/89530-awakened-now-what/?page=3

@Something Funny @zurew Moving to a friend's house is like committing suicide. There are only three places a woman is allowed to live in in a third world country (especially the more religious it is): Parents' house. Husband's house. The grave.

Yes, don’t use it for childhood trauma. Only for single incidents. I had a friend who had an abusive early childhood, and over the course of her life she slowly improved with different healing methodologies she came upon. Then she decided to go all mainstream, do what the psychiatrist said and get EMDR sessions. She committed suicide after the second or 3rd session. I’m not sure what to think about it exactly, or what happened in these sessions, but what I do know is that EMDR is a very poorly understood “trick” that you have to pay a lot of money for, to the private person who invented it, in order to perform it on people. But the mechanism of action is unclear. And so a run-of-the-mill psychologist can now buy their way into having a fancy session they can offer, and say they work with trauma. Psychiatry is a very young field, we really don’t know what we’re doing. It’s been around for 200 ish years, before that the insane were considered possessed by the devil. I’m of the firm belief that crying heals the brain, and a trauma is something that hasn’t been sufficiently cried over. Because people don’t like to cry, nor can they stand to watch others bawl, because it would remind them of all their own uncried tears, they constantly invent tricks to prevent it, like medication and EMDR, and call them therapy. And they get insanely popular because it helps therapists and patients in the whole wide world avoid tears. Even though the tears are what they need. I’m not sure how EMDR works, what I do know is that you get rhythmically distracted while talking through traumatic memories, and that there’s no bawling. This can only mean that it somehow helps to further the separation of feeling and factual memory, when it comes to traumatic memories (facts and feelings are stored in different locations, we can have factual memories that we have no idea were traumatic because the feeling is disconnected). That’s not healing, that’s a method to help push the pain down further, where it can never be found. If you do this for a car accident because you want to stop having flashbacks, it’s probably harmless and effective. If you do it for childhood trauma, which is a network of different nodes of pain that you need to work through in order to heal, then you’re probably messing up your brain more rather than healing it. Pain always finds a way to create symptoms. When it can’t be connected with its original source (the factual memory, remembering it, crying through and letting it out == healing), it’s unpredictable what it will do but it’s sure going to mess with you in some way. What I said above also goes for hypnotherapy. Hypnosis can be used for good (digging out a blocked memory so we can cry about it), but usually these days it’s used in a harmful way (getting to the traumatic memory and convince the person to see them in a different way, so that they’re not so painful, thereby creating more blockages around the real pain, which is basically hypnotic gaslighting, well-meaning but very misguided)

Constant rejection does undoubtedly cause one to feel very discouraged and demoralized. I almost lost hope after getting by hundreds and hundreds of girls in a row in real life. If I hadn't ever gotten lucky enough to finally get my first ever real girlfriend at 30 years old after years of countless rejection, then I could've either ended up in a hospital for major clinical depression or commit suicide or start taking drugs or drinking alcohol to numb myself from the trauma of failure and being unwanted or resort to paying prostitutes/escorts for the rest of my life or abandon my family to become a celibate monk for life or live alone in the wilderness until I get killed by some wild animal. Who knows what insane and self-destructive thing I really could've done to myself.

Thanks. Makes sense. There is a reciprocal relationship between thoughts (or intellectual beliefs ), emotions (feeling or affect) and behaviors. Feelings generate thoughts which can be experienced as internal dialogue. Internal dialogue, thoughts, can affect the intensity of a physiological response to the environment. Excitement and anxiety may actually be the same physiologically, but it is the label we give our experience, our cognitions which then create the way we experience our experience. But I cannot separate the two. If I believe that life sucks and meaningless and God is an evil mofo asshole..then how can i justify not doing suicide? (this is just an example, I'm neither depressed nor suicidal)

This world is in a really sad state. Natural disasters, climate change, destroyed ecosystems, crime, mass suicide and corruption. Some believe the world can be redreamed into something entirely new once god decides to finally awaken. Do you think heaven on earth is coming and that the world will be redreamed with the return of god or the second coming of Christ which is the realization of Christ consciousness.

So I was suffering due to lack of girlfriend in my life . A senior told me that you will never get a girlfriend to which I replied that so I must commit suicide. Senior told that go and commit suicide as there is no meaning for existence of a boy like you and you are a disturbing element to girls. Also when I shared this with my friends that I am suffering they scolded me and told that others have their dating life and career handled and you are not like that . And also as I mentioned that I was kicked out of campus that senior told me that that girl abuses me and literally hates me . They also adviced me to not to watch the video of bald headed person - Actualized.org . They also told me that that is western culture and it is India those things won't work here . I am feeling very bad .

What a question. I suppose the same way some people don’t even know they are depressed; at some point, your psyche adjusts. You only have a handful of choices, after all. Suicide, obsessively thinking about it, trying to accept that life is misery at the moment, blatant escapism, etc. as someone who has had (diagnosed) depression for a few years now, accepting and saying “I'm depressed" rather than saying “I have depression” is one of the worst mistakes someone trying to overcome any mental illness can possibly do. Depression is no more a part of who your are than any other illness is. You need to believe that it can and will get better. I truly promise you that it will. But, with that being said, it is going to take some serious determination on your part. Just don’t ever give up. So, in summary, it is entirely possible to accept depression as a part of yourself, but it is one of the biggest mistakes you could ever make. I truly hope this helps. Just keep telling yourself that it will get better (as corny and cliche as that saying is) and that accepting that you are depressed rather than having depression is going to make you situation worse. And if you arent already, please talk to somebody. I hope you get better

@Leo GuraI understand that life can be very hard especially health issues, I my self have multiple mental ilnesses and still seriously consider suicide every couple of days but what I don't understand is that you did like 300 trips and you meditated a lot, how on earth such things still affect your happiness, aren't you supposed to be invinciple . Maybe your relatively low baseline is the problem, maybe this shows greatly the limitations of the psychedelic approach Or is it that suffering cannot be practically transcended by humans?

Be careful what you wish for. My dad commited suicide and in return I will very likely inherit a 5 bedroom flat in London. It would be helpful if you had a video on grief @Leo Gura I am much more okay then I should be. I don't know if this is because I love my life and am excited for the future especially now as fucked as it sounds. Or if it's because of how I view death, free will and not resisting what is. Maybe it's because I am Loki financially free . Maybe it's because I am actually numb or because I've released all of the emotion of it over the last week. Or maybe it's because I highly value my mental health and I use mindfulness to recognize thought patterns that would cause me pain so I change them. Maybe I just wasn't that attached and close to my dad. Some other thoughts outside my own mind would be nice especially from someone who could relate.

Okay, i'm gonna do it thanks. It has to do with my emotions, any negative emotion increases it. Although with my condition I think I need more like 2-4 hours per day of meditation for it to work enough, and then also some walking meditation on top of that. Its pretty bad, my body is already aging faster than normal, I feel like I'm dying I'll probably develop cancer soon if I don't do something to fix it. If I stop for a period of time of healing, the anxiety bounces back stronger than ever even after all that healing work like it was all for nothing, and if I stop for even a month, the anxiety becomes too overwhelming, I can't function properly let alone hold a job, suicide starts to become pretty attractive at that point. So i'm really gonna have to go all the way with this meditation work, even make some sacrifices of responsibilities so I can have more time to put into meditation.

@bloomer I should probably share my experience with autism. Sometimes it feels disempowering when I realize how much of my behavior it explains. It makes me feel like I'm not in control and free will is an illusion. This is reinforced by other people who are afraid of what they don't understand. No matter how hard I try to be good, I will inevitably be corrupt in some way from another perspective. I literally am good, but not all finite forms of love and goodness compute with one another, thus creating conflict. I spend most of my time isolated because I don't normally see value in interacting with other people. I have limited interests and people often bore me to death with small talk and day to gossip. If someone is trying to teach me something new about subjects like chess, psychology, emotions, philosophy, society, or something I find interesting, then I see value in interacting with them. I was bullied on several occasions as well. It stopped once I was around a few friends. Groups are simply too intimidating to attack. The kid without friends who sits isolated from others will often be bullied. This is how I naturally behaved, making me an easy target on so many occasions. Sometimes my literal interpretations would get me into trouble by making people think I'm a smartass. This includes the assistant principal. Unfortunately, the suicide rates are disturbing. I have been suffering from a mild form of depression for basically my entire life. I was never happy with my life as child. Maybe it would have been better if dad didn't flee the state to avoid paying child support. My life has pretty much always felt hollow and it makes it harder for me to find my purpose as well. I had lots of suicidal thoughts before, but I know I would never act on them. They have subsided. I could give more details, but I won't make this too long. I hope one day I find a way to cure the constant mild depression.

I think you're jumping to a conclusion. Stating the effects survival had on men and women does not in any way show you how you're supposed to behave. I can see this renouncing all power because I don't want to partake in this system (this is essentially suicide) or I can seek as much power as humanly possible because that's the nature of things (Genghis Khan path). Insights are beautiful, but don't take them as prophecy.

You sure about that man? I can think of countless examples of (primarily) men raping, killing, pedophilia, and committing suicide - because of (not explicitly) abstaining from masturbation and generally sexually repressing themselves. I think you've got rose-coloured glasses on and have no idea how elementary a body function like ejaculation is. The Catholic Church have been doing NoFap for thousands of years, and they are likely the #1 offender for sexually abusing children and women on the planet. I imagine doing it on a scale larger than criminal organizations like sex trafficking, or warlords in hellhole African nations.

What would happen to you in the spirit world if you reached full enlightenment, but then soon after you committed physical suicide? Not out of hatred or depression for this world, your love for this physical world is very deep, but you just felt like playing a different game, to just go to the other side sooner because you simply wanted to. It could thought of as, you love your country, but you feel like living in another country because you just want to. How would this affect your reincarnation cycle? I understand if you reach enlightenment, your reincarnation cycle ends, but if you commit suicide after enlightenment would you be somehow forced to go back into the reincarnation cycle? Also, would you be left in some lower dimension or even hell if you did this even after enlightenment? Or maybe somehow cause yourself some other negative consequence. Or would it all be the same as just dying of natural causes, where you would end up going into some very high dimension and be free of the reincarnation cycle?

@something_else Yeah, that's obnoxious as hell and clearly shows his sociopathy. The thing that's not even being said about this is that he was basically scamming desperate lonely Incels. Which is like scamming a suicidal person. I wonder how many people he scammed in this way committed suicide, or I can only imagine how pissed off they must be a woman-kind as a whole. The really ugly thing about this scam is that he's doing it via the girls, so the Incels don't understand that it's not the girl who's scamming him, it's a guy behind the scenes. But once they are scammed they will just blame the girl and contribute to this toxic anti-feminist ideology. When really it's Tate's toxic masculinity that's the true cause. As Tate says above, most girls are not so heartless as to scam guys like this. Basically what Tate did is use girls to monetize his massive sociopathy because girls would never be this exploitative naturally. Tate invented a method to use girls to laundry his sociopathy so that the victims never knew his face. Usually a sociopath cannot get too far into scamming people because his face becomes too well known to the victims. But in this case the girls were his front. Truly diabolical stuff from Tate. He shows zero awareness of the harm his actions cause.

So not only am I a loser, but a loser that loses more and more rep all the time. How easy it is to take it from a foolish and naive character like me, while probably giving false compliments or something. Behind my back, a gray picture is being formed in the minds of others about me. People will have so many false facts about me in their minds, I'll be ostracised from society completely all the time, and it will be hard to survive then. How can parents want their own child to suffer and ultimately fail in life, to commit suicide, to take away everything from it, to basically leave it with nothing, abuse it while making it dependent and then it basically really ends up the way they want it to end up. I always second guess myself, oh they must love me to finally let me sleep, but then it dawns on me that me falling asleep was beneficial for them to operate further, to harm me more. Of course I care about not being harmed physically, emotionally and socially. If I allow them to keep harming me, forgiving, why not just commit suicide and give them what they want straight away? Why suffer even more and help them grow at the cost of my life that would be a prolonged misery, because it is like they're eating me alive. Maybe I am just imagining this, but it could also be said that I am imagining that they are good to me when they are not and that they love me when they don't and that they care about my wellbeing when they do not.

Don't rob yourself of a potential life where things can get better. You have no idea how things could be, they can be better than you are able to imagine right now. Bad times are temporary, it doesn't mean you will have a bad life. If you are thinking of harming yourself in the immediate future or have plans please contact a suicide hotline for wherever you're from; https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines If you need to talk or vent PM me, I think I could understand I've been where you're at.

@Lana Faye Hi! I used to take citalopram for a long time for depression, and olanzapine for a few weeks after an intense trip: suicidal delusions etc. I know how the olanzapine feels like. It was helful for me at the time, when the delusions and anxiety were at their worst, but the side-effects are pretty harsh. Are you still taking it? I recommend quitting the meds according the doctors advice and just a bit by bit... The withdrawal effects can be pretty brutal, especially with olanzapine. Overall, your experience sounds pretty familiar. For me it was mostly about suicide and self-harm... Intrusive thoughts and delusions, anxiety that I might just "lose control", "go insane" and kill myself. Stuff like that. It takes some time to sort these things out. There will be clarity and probably quite awesome insights coming as to what's went down and why these thoughts appeared. For me it was probably the most brutal and painful experiences I've ever had, but what I learned from it and insights I had has been so precious. In fact I'm starting to appreciate the whole experience. Really recommend psychotherapy, though only when you're ready and feeling stable enough with it. And from the spiritual side, A Course In Miracles was and still is pretty damn helpful for me. Though make sure you're ready and stable enough for that stuff too. Wishing all the best for you and your family! ?

Dude! That's because some leftist feminist did such a vicious expose of him that he lost his whole business, spiraled into depression, and killed himself. That's literally suicide by cancel culture. Not saying he was innocent but that expose was brutal. People don't appreciate how painful cancelation can be.

@Cathal hi! I quite liked the soup analogy. I’d also describe it as having local teeth anaesthesia - you don’t feel the pain while a dentist is fixing your teeth but later when you want to eat something your mouth feels weird, like it doesn’t belong to you, so food doesn’t bring any pleasure. I guess antidepressants act like emotional anaesthetic. At least for me. They do not fix the problem, they just numb the pain. The calmness is obviously artificial and the side effects are very distressing. Especially, cognitive damage, emotional blunting and inability to experience orgasm. It looks like I am a very sensitive person and the dosage the doctors prescribed was too much. They wanted to increase it and keep me at the clinic longer but I refused. I gradually decreased the dose and now off antidepressants for three days. Been vomiting, having diarrhoea but on the positive note I at least feel that my heart chakra is on again. Before it felt blocked. My ocd still stayed with me. Antidepressants just gave some time to learn not to identify with my thoughts. Sometimes my fears of going crazy and killing my son are still intense. Especially in the morning and when I am alone. You are right, I am afraid to lose control but the thoughts are very intrusive so I just give up battling them, cry and then go on with my mom responsibilities. I’d say I have Pure O revolving around the themes of responsibility, violence and existential matters. All connected to ego, craziness and death. I thought the root cause was my childhood trauma. My mom suffered from schizophrenia and committed suicide in front of me. Since then I have been scared of going crazy and was continuously told since teenager-hood that if my mom had it I am likely to develop it too. Other things related to death were that before I did abortion and later had miscarriage. Also the pregnancy with my son was filled with much stress and hospitalisations. When I was giving a birth his heart rate was dropping and I was losing consciousness while having much responsibility to still be awake and push because his life was dependent on me. Understanding all of this still do not help me with ocd although I thought it would. Acceptance of the intrusive thoughts without any judgement and further investigation like why on Earth I have this suffering and why Karma fucks me in the brain bring more results. Do you also suffer from OCD?

If you begin manipulating ordinary reality in your trips, that ought to convince you. Also, I advise against suicide, that would be a frivolous waste of your human life.