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Nondualist & nonduality is a duality. ? ?

Nonduality of ‘goals’. Conscious creating. Dreamboard. SM58♥️

You clearly never read a word about Muhammad other than those from islamophobic propaganda. Muhammad is a serious spiritual teacher, He suffered a lot in the name of the Truth and the name of God. And he loved Jesus a lot, he always talked about him. He didn't breach nonduality, but he breached his version of the truth that suited the society he was living in. Study a little bit about Islam before making such bold claims. Almost every religion is found by Nobel figures, It is then gets corrupted by people. Shame seeing such ignorance from a mod.

That is not what Leo is saying, he is saying he believes what you think you are seeing right now is a lie, as only what he sees exists. People are watching this guy lose his mind from drugs and encouraging it? It doesn't seem like a good thing to do for someone lol. My ego would not care much about other people, I'm basically a hermit. Feeling at one with inanimate walls and cars was what bothered me. In my own experience, the existence of moments outside of this one right now was never shown to be false somehow. It's very difficult to remember as this is an experience from April or May 2020... But it was more like a sense that WE are one and are existence itself, since when I came back I wrote a trip report to other people rather than thinking they're p-zombies. So I guess as in, like I'm currently "talking to myself" whereby I post this, and then I read it from your end. Anyone who gets "there", I wrote shortly following, is completely equal such that a lifelong monk and serial killer are completely equal because all monkness and killerness is gone "there" and only their shared "beingness" remains. Something like that. I did not even know about nonduality at this time, so I called it Monism and it's only following this that I Googled for Monistic religions and found Advaita... My analysis that I wrote was of a tree, where we can believe we are leaves or realize ourselves to be the tree. Pushing any further on the dosing is blackout or whiteout city. I did not learn anything from exploding into neon and then blacking out on DMT. It was like being anaesthetized.

@Leo Gura The argument "you need to find out the truth yourself instead of listening to someone else/let someone else do it for you" doesn't make any sense. Because if nonduality and solipsism is true, then "everyone else" who teaches you are actually you, not anyone else. So Leo teaching is actually just me teaching myself. So I do discover the truth myself if I discover it by listening to Leo. So why delete the video?

Solipsism is an ism, a belief, the activity of thought. Nonduality points to, ‘not two’, allowing the self discovery of actuality, ? vs adherence to a conceptual belief. (Just advice) Never suppress discord. Explore it, understand. https://www.actualityofbeing.com/the-emotional-scale If it’s aligned, if it resonates in feeling… ‘my perceptual bubble’ is already believing in conceptual. Let that go all together. Ime, make a dreamboard. Allow the revealing of truth directly via conscious creating… the life you desire to experience. Truth is ‘known’ as feeling… and not ideas shared.

I only came here due to drug revelations, it is the sole reason I have any interest in nonduality at all. The trips I had strip ego and do all sorts of bizarre things alien to our daily lives. I think very mentally unwell people seeking "help" from spirituality will probably just drive themselves into psychosis. As such if you need advice you should probably see a medically trained psychiatrist. I don't believe OCD and schizophrenic people read some "spiritual" stuff and are suddenly well. The highest I ever got was taking 5 hits of acid and then smoking a breakthrough dose of DMT at the peak. That is when I reached a place where the ego was left behind, and coming back from that were several realizations... E.g. the irony of monks meditating for their entire lives, when all monk-ness to that monk is just part of the separate self, and in actuality that monk is equal to a murderer child rapist junkie, because it is just existence itself and alone. The monk and murderer and all of that, is like a mask on top of pure being that falls away like all things. That is the type of solipsism I encountered personally. That is the type of solipsism discussed by figures like Rupert Spira, and ancient mystics. "No others" is not meant to mean that everyone is an NPC but you. That is when the ego, which is of course limited (ALL appearances are finite, infinity = nothingness substantially) attempts to comandeer control of the infinite. Which is impossible because it's like a character on a screen trying to somehow comandeer control of the screen. Appearance trying to somehow become the infinite which is inherently total nothingness, non-appearance. It's just an appearance, zero causative power of any kind!!!!

Interesting discussion. Either Leo is one of the most awake humans that ever walked this universe, or he is a complete nuthead who managed to delude himself to a level never seen before. Those are the 2 cards on the table - and both are kinda fascinating. I have always wondered about this "spiritual one-upmanship". There are so many accounts of mystics/enlightened teachers and realized individuals who discredit each others experiences as some form of "lower understanding". I mean, yes - there definitely are levels to this, of course. But even if you study really famous examples of highly realized beings like Rumi, Maharshi, Gotama - who were able to put these truths in such elegant language - you will still find some really crucial differences in how they lay out nonduality.

Between age 16 and 22, I would go on crazy visionary adventures with psychedelics -- seemingly met aliens, etc. It seems I hit some kind of event horizon at age 23 and from then on, psychedelics got about 50x stronger -- but no more visuals, only God / nonduality / infinity / pure ineffability. n,n-DMT is no more visual than any other psychedelics for me now (well, as of about a year ago), it's just the same kind of "God blast" that 5-MeO-DMT gives except a little weirder feeling. No more aliens (and there definitely used to be). TLDR psychedelics can change over time. I used to get fully immersive visuals off a couple hundred ug LSD-25 -- to the point where I'd see angels shooting me with bows and arrows. When the trips got stronger, the visuals stopped, as did any sense of other-ness. So ime, for instance, to say one chem is more visual than another, kind of doesn't even resonate here anymore. Idk.

Names have been changed for the sake of privacy ---- Saturday, January 29th my son and I smoked 5-MeO-DMT in the form of toad venom I am a 60 year old man living in Los Angeles, in good health without significant disease. I am taking only thyroid hormone replacement and am not using any other herbs or supplements. I have a history of what would probably be called recreational psychedelic use stretching back to 17 years of age when I began experimenting with various substances including psilocybin, LSD, and mescaline. Usually these were taken in a party setting in conjunction with alcohol and later, often along with cocaine and methamphetamine, and although managing to shine through with some profound existential glow, they were not employed with the intent of formal spiritual quest other than that of absolute freedom. I am an alcoholic and have been sober since 1992. This includes all other drug and psychedelic compounds. Until recently. My son, Mason, with whom I share a deep connection, had also been sitting with various psychedelics since he was 16. While I was busy with work and raising his younger brothers and sisters, he was finding his way along the esoteric pathways of stoicism, hermeticism and the myriad ancient and resurgent wisdom traditions loosely aligned with nonduality. By this point I had been a rational material atheist for the majority of my life having grown disaffected and suspicious of the edicts, expectations, and explanations offered during my Catholic upbringing. This would change in a ten minute span. 3 years ago, Mason informed me he was thinking about extracting and working with N,N-Dimethyltryptamine (DMT). He asked me what I thought of it and, of course, I supported him. He perfected the extraction on his own, engaged with the substance, and would frequently report back the wild details of his travels. I asked him if he thought that I might benefit and he felt that I would. Despite some initial late life trepidation, my experience was transformative. In ten minutes I was shown there is a transcendent other; layers of etheric energy beings both within and without us, up through to the source of all creation, which is not separate from us. I was shown how life was a gift we were giving ourselves. That it is a game written in light. That there is nothing to worry about. Life and death are just part of the dream. And because everything unfolds in the service of love. We shared plant medicine both together and separately until, 3 months ago, the opportunity came to sit with a team offering 5meo DMT of the Incilius alvarius variety. Our experience together was deeply profound and reaffirmed the root truth of all mystical teachings. That we are all manifestation of the One loving intelligence. And that despite our seeming struggles, we are always safe. Always peaceful. Eternal. Details of this encounter can be found in my son’s eloquent and moving trip report entitled “The Toad, 5-MeO-DMT Trip Report” After a 3 month period of integration we were called to sit with the medicine once again. I set an intention for the service. Surrender. My first encounter had been quite gentle, having no memory of the rapid come up until I was revealed as pure loving presence. This time I hoped to be able to face the unnamable such that I might lose myself more consciously into it. ---- In a short period of time we found ourselves back in the arms of our loving team. Jeremy, which also happens to be my name, Alicia, and Luna. The ceremony was, again, to be held at Luna’s warm and inviting home which sits in natural organic resonance on the cliffs over the ocean. “What do you think about doing a meditation dose to begin with”, Jeremy asked both Luna, Mason and I together?. I am always nervous prior to both plant and toad medicine ceremonies and this seemed like a good way to relax into the experience. “Just a little handshake to focus on the breathing and center the heart”, Jeremy said. “You’ll be aware throughout”. “Some people don’t feel the need to go further in afterwards so we will check in with you after a few minutes“. The sun had just set. The two great west facing windows stare like eyes, out over the steely ocean. Orange, red and yellow stained glass shards of light dancing on the surface, out into the infinite. ---- My son and I were cleansed with sage and Florida water. Seated cross-legged in meditation position side by side on soft floor mats adorned with the visage of Ganesha. As I had been served first previously, Mason would begin tonight. He was offered and received the small dose via the eclipse vaporizer in one inhalation without disturbance in his peace or posture I was offered the medicine and received it in kind. Immediately my inner and outer world became a cathedral of shadowed silver latticework. My heart quickened and I focused on my breathing. There was the knowing of a great power just beyond my senses. Ancient. Aware. I fought the urge to fall backward into it, wanting to save my surrender for the breakthrough dose. Rather than being a gentle handshake, my ego was on high alert, sensing its perilous position. I considered not continuing further but soon was aware of my son, standing, folded hands holding the medicine close to his heart and reading the prayer from the card before him. We were both to take the medicine standing and to fall back into the arms of our guides as the substance took hold. Music came up. Soft and supportive. First two deep practice breaths and then. One. Long. Gentle. Inhale. Deep into the diaphragm. Arms being assisted out and up over his head. Then, falling back into the cradle of life. There was some initial hushed busying around him. Pillows to support. Arms into surrender pose. The silence was broken by a scream. “Jesus!” Mason yelled in utter astonishment. The sound was of a man facing the unthinkable. “Jesus!. He sat up, bending at the waist and met by the tender, silent care of our attendants. Then, “Jeremy! ” Mason shouted. I froze, stunned by the invocation of the name; both mine and that of our shaman. Two more times, “Jeremy!” “Jeremy!” By this point I am sobbing softly to myself. Partly because my son is calling me and I will claw through heaven and earth to find him. Mostly, though, I am crying because I know. He is staring at the face of God. "Jai!" (victory) "Jai! " (victory) I look at Luna worriedly but she places a hand on her heart and shakes her head, no. “Just keep meditating”, offers Alicia in a whisper. In a moment he is at peace, remembering who he is. ---- Now it is my turn. I stand up, a little shaken. “I’m anxious,” I whisper to Alicia. “It's normal “she smiles. They are moving me forward with steady reassurance. “Hold the medicine between your palms and read this aloud”. “Will this be like before? “, I ask Jeremy. “Oh yeah!” he reassures. It will be beautiful. Alicia will serve. Jeremy will catch. “Hold the medicine close to your heart”. I read the prayer out loud. “I accept that the joy that I have longed for is already in my life" "I accepted the love for which I have prayed is already within me..." The first two practice breaths, then one long slow deep inhalation. “More”. “More”. “A little more”. “Good, now hold!". The features of the room become defined by the same, silver lattice energy. Then, POP! Arms now outstretched like bird wings I fall back into oblivion. I am aware of being safely caught, lowered and positioned on the ground. Then it comes. Not in images so much, but as an energetic presence bearing down fast. I begin to feel my body, my sense of self, unraveling. Suddenly it is upon me. Unimaginable beauty, unfathomable complexity, unbearable power and infinite expanse. Roiling like the sun. Shape-shifting into impossible dimensionality. It is light beyond seeing. Presence beyond boundary. It is taking me apart one atom at a time and it is demanding my surrender. There is an emotion different from fear. An existential dread. There is no previous similar experience with which to measure and compare. I have been deposited directly into the heart of the unmanifest, preconditional, thermonuclear everything generator, and unrelenting grist mill of reality. And I am resisting. It is like holding back an exploding star, though, and soon there is not enough left of me to distinguish. In a heartbeat, there is complete obliteration of self, and annihilation of all subject object relationships. I scream at the top of my lungs. A scream of resignation. An offering of energy. The final exhalation/exaltation. The acceptance of death. I am gone. In my place is a unification with, and as, all of the unbridled, roaring, infinite power of unmanifest being. With the collapse of space/time comes omnipotence, omnipresence, omniscience. Immediate understanding of everything that has ever been. And of why. Which is, of course, the expression of unconditional love. But not love as a desire. Not love as a stroll with a lover through a Parisian garden. Not even as love between mother and child. But love as a locomotive tearing up the tracks of conceptualization and judgement. Love as recognition and celebration of the glory of its own unfathomable, miraculous being. A power that calls itself into manifestation, expressed as infinite distinctions, dancing through relationships. Impossible to experience as a “me” or a “you", yet present in contracted form, as all things. Each particle of perfection plotting its path home. Sometimes this looks like suffering. Sometimes this looks like bliss. Each distinction giving birth to and informing its opposite until they meet, surrendering their separateness, collapsing, liberated in the heart. Just as we must inevitably surrender our distinctions. Our opposing qualities. Life and death. This is a gift from you to you. A game of losing and finding. Sleeping and waking. Forgetting and remembering. What is asked is the surrender of everything. What you get in return is yourself. ---- At last, fully surrendered I became it Completely free "I'm so happy" it said through me. Not as a statement of experience, but as an expression of its essence. That happiness is simply what we are once all fear is gone. "I'm so happy" we continued, "I'm so happy" “I’m so happy” I became aware that I was sobbing Fighting the urge to get up now I allowed myself the gift of fingerpainting with my mind, the details of reality. I looked into, and became my wife. I saw her goodness, beauty and strength. I saw how we had created each other and felt her love for me as real and pure. And began to weep again. I started moving in and out of all of the people I have known, friends, family, and even public figures: Jesus, Hitler and such… to know myself as them. To demystify and de-monster-fy them in shared humanness and divinity. As the medicine lay me back gently Into my body Into my life I held onto the deep knowing, that there is nothing, and has never been anything, but the one self, which manifests as this dream of doing and being. A living that can never be threatened. Always both lover and beloved, dancing together alone. “There is no power but you” came the silent wisdom “There is no power but you!” I yelled. Then two more times “There is no power but you!” “There is no power but you!” The simple truth of it was undeniable "This time I'm going to bring it back", I said, "But they're never going to believe me" “they’re never going to believe me” “they’re never going to believe me” Now back in my body, I considered my predicament. All of manifest reality, from God to God particle telescoping up and down, nested and interpenetrating through me, as me. I thought about the everyday worries that I had dragged with me into this space. "I surrender," I whispered out loud. And was released.

@Nahm so can you give me a brief description of what you think about this topic (AI and consciousness). And the conflict between materialism and nonduality in Regards to explaining the origin of consciousness and how it works. Materialism basically says that reality is unconscious in it's "essence" .. It's made up of atoms and molecules.. And those are not what you think they are lol. They are not the phenomenon of course or those pictures that you see in science books (because the phenomenon is Consciousness =qualia lol ).. They are hidden metaphysical aspects which are the essence of reality that no one has ever seen or can ever see lol ..and they are unconscious. And SOMEHOW those unconscious elements developed consciousness lol. Of course this is absurdly funny. It's like saying I have put some rocks together.. And those rocks somehow turned into a unicorn lol. It doesn't make sense how inherently unconscious reality developed consciousness. On the other side there is a problem with artificial intelligence. I'm not aware if science created self-aware robots (robots that have perception) (i guess not) .. But if they did.. Wouldn't that be actually suggesting that this phenomenon that we call consciousness (Color sound smell taste touch thought) are actually being generated from a basic underlying "matter" that is inherently not "conscious". Or at least not in the ordinary sense of what we understand from the word consciousness (the opposite of the blankness of deep sleep ). What would creating self-aware robots mean to our understanding of consciousness?

I first encountered her message 1 year ago when her videos were all about ascension, love chakra meditations... They worked a little bit on this character at that time, I even saved some of them to playlists. That's how I see most of those videos she has now deleted, and she switched to a more non compromising message, which seems more authentic. She's not ugly, of course, just not my type. I don't think I found any of the nonduality speakers attractive, Teal Swan, Lisa Cairns... The latter gets a bit annoying sometimes insisting the feelings I have for her are normal, but that I should see through them as being towards a teacher that also happens to be young and beautiful.... Maybe, except those feelings are lacking here. If anything, Lisa seems to be moving in the opposite direction, from non compromising, to going more and more into the story and fixing the character ... Speaking of which... Any latinas talking about non duality ? Besides Andreina de Luxe I mean ?

the person in the video is a salafi scholar .salafi is a group of islam founded in 1900s in egypt. one of the core salafi belief is that after 3 genration of islam , the rest are all wrong or they corrupted islam and it is the salafis who are correct and it is their duty to fix all other groups of islam for the sake of allah. this philosophy is problamatic. salafis are heavily funded by western powers to divide islam from within. the biggest group in islam is ahlu sunnah wal jamah. this group embrace sufism. sufis siants are highly respected. after prophet , the next most important people are the greate scholars and the greate sufi siants. in sufism there is things like nirvikalpaka samadhi, nonduality , godrealization , ego etc. in sufism ego is divided into 7 levels. in the 7th level , enlightment happens. majority of people here are at 3rd level.sufi saints who reach enlightment live by islam , pray five times, give charity, live by farz and sunnath and do not commit haram , fear god etc

Any distinction(s) between nonduality and unconditional love, are conditions, thoughts. Including ‘them’. If nonduality were an experience, that’d be two. If unconditional love were an experience, that’d be a condition. Consciousness is conscious of the thoughts, ‘my consciousness’, ‘my human experience’, and ‘death’.

Hello everyone. I found in my journey this information about nonduality and ancient beliefs that comprise the idea of the consciousness being the most fundamental substance of reality. Although for me it is a very logical conclusion I cannot grasp it. So here is the problem: when I meditate and focus my attention on my awareness I notice that in fact I'm being aware through my senses. I can hear, I can feel, etc. But I still can't be aware of my awareness without my senses (I don't even know if it is possible) and it makes me feel that my body is more fundamental than my awareness. the problem lies on that point: if I am aware through my senses, it makes me think that awareness is only through my body. How can I leave my senses aside to feel awareness indeed? And the other question is: if awareness is the immutable substance of the whole, what happens when I'm not aware, let's say in a deep sleep? Or, in other words: if awareness is everywhere. Why it seems that my body is always attached to the "same part" of awareness? Why I am always aware that this awareness is always the same? I mean, I moved from Mexico to California and I still feel that I am I. The same part of the whole consciousness. Of course there's a lot of information out there in the world but I don't want to just believe it dogmatically. I want to grasp it because if not, it is only a bunch of information that only confuses me

That's exactly the problem that I'm trying to solve. If there isn't anybody to listen to the sound of a tree, then nobody experiences the sound, but it doesn't change the fact that there is a sound, waiting for someone to be heard. Let me explain little bit more: let's say I'm grabbing a stick of wood. From the materialistic point of view, my brains generate consciousness inside my body. There isn't consciousness in that stick since it doesn't have a brain. Then, when I grab this stick, some nerves tell my brains something is being touched by my hand. Then the brains generate this experience in my consciousness, which sounds plausible for me. From the nondualistic point of view, both "I" and the stick are made out of consciousness. So, when I grab the stick I have the experience of having something on my hand, which is also plausible for me!! But it seems that the prerequisite for the statement "consciousness is ever-present" to be true is that the same statement is true (also happens for the materialistic point of view). Let me explain why I think this way: if I grab that stick, in order to have the experience of feeling that stick, it has to be true that consciousness is ever-present. But think on this: let's suppose we have a stick outside consciousness, nothing and nobody knows that there is something outside consciousness because nothing can experience it, (unless the materialistic point of view is true!), but it doesn't change the fact that there is something outside consciousness. Therefore, either consciousness is not infinite or consciousness must be infinite in order to be infinite... It's like saying that the Bible tells the truth just because the Bible says that it tells the truth. Please don't think I'm trying to argue against nonduality teachings, in fact this understanding seems more possible for me than the materialistic understanding... But I need to have all the pieces of my puzzle. Thanks

Oh man. I think you got my point. I feel like awareness is not only inside my head but also in my whole body and, in a sense, outside my body but only in my closest space, let's say the space where I can hear a sound from. But some piece is missing on my puzzle. How can I realize through my experience that awareness is everywhere. Rather than that, how do I know that consciousness is more elemental than matter. Or, in other words: how can I conclude that awareness is ever present? Or: why just can't be a "space" or "something" without awareness. What is the grounding of awareness?... Maybe this is ungraspable I'm just trying to deconstruct my materialistic idea of the universe not for the sake of nonduality but for the sake of my own truth but I still feel trapped on this idea that consciousness come from the interaction between matter... Something like pansychism... I've been doing meditation and I think that this is a very powerful tool to approach little bit into truth.

On one hand I say I'm a believer in nonduality and have had some direct experience of oneness through meditation and the use of psychedelics. I'm certainly not an enlightened being, but I deliberately work at evolving my state of consciousness on a regular basis. I notice that whenever I set a goal, I immediately feel the lack of having that thing that I want. I can see that this is rooted in dualistic thinking - for example, I believe that having what I want is better than not having the thing I want. I can see that ultimately, all is one, there's nothing to do, nothing to get, etc. And I sometimes toy with the idea of saying well, no big deal, I'll just live life on this earth and do what I love be of service, whatever. But my brain argues with this. It wants to set a goal, plan to achieve it, and go out there and get it - and I really definitely DO see that it's possible to set/plan/action toward a goal without thinking that it's better once I achieve it. However, this is not the default setting I exist on. For example. I purchased an investment property with four units in it. I need to get four tenants in it. I currently only have one. I'm very attached to the outcome of my goal (ie: having four tenants), because when I have four tenants I will make profit, and when I have one tenant I will lose money every month. This makes me feel anxious and all graspy trying to "fix" the situation. I can see my belief is that making profit is good, and losing money is bad. And, as a result, I'm turning my human experience into a ball of anxiety. Can someone help me look at my situation differently? Of course I want to do all I can to make profit. I don't think that's truly the issue. I don't think desires are "bad". But I don't know how to detach from the outcome. Am I supposed to see that losing money is fine? If losing money is fine, where does the motivation to make profit to come from? I can see the fallacious belief under there that "motivation to make profit comes from anxiety about losing money", and I know intellectually that's not true, but it's currently how I'm living, and it's what I've done my whole life. I'm kind of stuck in this pattern in many areas of my life, but this is a simple obvious example. If anyone can help me tease this apart I would be forever grateful!

I haven't found much information about 5-MeO fumarate dosing (specifically plugging), so I wanted to briefly share my experience in hopes that it will help others. The substance is a greyish powder that turns a brownish color when mixed with water. I have been plugging it every day for the past 5 days. I'm new to 5-MeO, so I've been gradually increasing my dose each day. I try to keep other variables constant, so the conditions have been: Fasted for at least 16 hours (I intermittent fast, so this just means doing 5-MeO before I eat that day.) Alone in my bedroom, lying on a pile of blankets and pillows on the floor. Vomit bucket on standby. Earbuds playing relaxing acoustic music. Clean rectum. Sorry for being graphic here, but since I do intermittent fasting, I reliably take a shit each morning. Afterwards, I get in the shower and use the handheld shower nozzle to literally rinse out my rectum. This is basically a faster, more efficient method of anal douching. The point here is that the 5 absorption isn't affected by fecal matter. The substance batch, weighing, mixing, and plugging protocols all remained consistent. The dosing and effects were as following: 20 mg Noticeable body load within 5 minutes. Moderate nausea. Mind was focused on relaxing and breathing. Return to baseline in ~30 minutes. 25 mg Body load slightly heavier, but no significant difference. 30 mg Intense nausea by around 10 minutes, which progressed to the point where I sat up and turned over onto my hands and knees, head hovering above my vomit bucket. If I had anything in my stomach, I'm confident I would have vomited. Instead, I just dry heaved and spit a few times. Overall, a pretty uncomfortable experience. Mentally, I was just surrendering as much as I could. 50 mg I was actually pretty terrified to bump it to 50 mg, and to focus my mind on something, I decided to watch some porn while I waited for the 5 to absorb. Interestingly, this worked almost too well--I ended up jerking off and barely noticed the effects of the drug. Jerking off on 5-MeO is actually pretty damn amazing. My nausea was noticeable but not nearly as bad as 30 mg. Not my proudest fap, but surely my most spiritual. This session was actually confidence-inspiring, since it suggested the 5-MeO experience is to some degree mentally controllable. 72 mg This was my first genuine attempt to break through. I say this because one of the reviewers of this 5 MeO DMT fumarate said they take 75 mg. This is much higher than vaporized freebase doses, so at the time I thought that reviewer was just fucking with people. After my 50 mg session didn't even come close to breaking through, I realized that person was being honest. Nevertheless, I didn't break through. The body load and nausea were intense af, but I remained lying on my back in a symmetrical / open position. Mentally, I was asking God to just show me what I needed. (Important distinction to note here: I'm an atheist, so I'm asking a conceptual God, mostly out of desperation. In other words, it's coming from a place of wanting to believe there's a God listening, but not from the place of "knowing God" that Leo frequently talks about.) I was focused on surrendering and trying not to think too much. I basically rode it out without any significant ego loss or insights (other than the frustration of feeling imprisoned by ego and being unable to let it go). Return to baseline was more like 60 minutes. 85 mg Oh. Shit. This was fucking NUTS. The following literally happened just hours ago. At first I was struggling to surrender. I was trying my best to lean into it and let go. I couldn't stay on my back and rolled onto my hands and knees, not so I could vomit but because the experience was getting so intense, I was basically praying for God to take me. There was a very powerful emotional purge trying to happen, but I was holding it back because I didn't want my brother to hear me sobbing and try to come in the room (no one else was home). We have a very emotion-repressing kind of relationship, and we don't cry in front of each other. Sadly, we don't even tell each other I love you (we're in our late 30's, BTW). I was basically "shown" that my reluctance to be seen/heard crying was preventing me from losing my ego, and if I wanted to go all the way, I couldn't bring that self-conscious nonsense with me. At this point, I'm making this crazy guttural noise that doesn't seem to belong to me at all. I have the thought that I need to go find my brother and tell him I love him. I knew this would be REALLY shocking for him, and frankly, I was scared. But this wasn't just a random thought; this was more like a test. This was like God telling me "if you can't even tell your brother you love him, you're clearly not ready for anything else." So I did it. I went and found my brother, and I couldn't even get a word out, I just hugged him and started bawling. And I mean BAWLING. He starts freaking out like "Oh fuck...don't tell me Mom died." And I finally explain that nothing bad happened, I'm just on drugs. He goes over and sits down on the couch, and I basically collapse at his feet, just sobbing uncontrollably and telling him over and over how much I love him and how sorry I am that I'm too awkward and self-conscious to ever tell him that or to ever be real with him. This was like 35 years worth of bottled-up love and tears, all coming out at once. It's hard to describe the magnitude of this emotional surrender. It was the most vulnerable I've ever been in my entire life. I was loving my brother from a pure, unobstructed perspective for the first time ever. And meanwhile, he's clearly stuck in the reality I'm usually in, because he's talking about drugs and bad trips and generally doing everything in his power to dismiss the profundity of the experience I'm having and to avoid actually connecting on a deep level. And his dismissive / avoidant behavior is of course giving me a perfect view of how I normally operate. It was such a beautiful and powerful experience for me, but at the same time, there was a sort of tragic tone to it, because there was this giant invisible gap separating us. I wanted to just shake him awake and be like "just be with me right now." I talked / cried for well over 45 minutes. It's now nearly 5 hours after dosing, and I'm still emotionally very raw / open. I've cried several times while writing this--not in a bad way. They are tears of gratitude. My goal now is to convince my brother to try 5-MeO. I'm not sure I really sold the experience though, so I certainly have my work cut out for me. I wouldn't consider this a breakthrough experience in the traditional sense. I didn't reach complete egoless nonduality. But I definitely stepped to the edge and peered over. I felt the immeasurable power of it all. I was shown something that was holding me back, and I was able to surrender completely to it. It wasn't "fun" by any means, but I walk away with the knowledge that I won't die without ever telling my brother how much I love him. As awkward as it was for him, I still ripped down a huge emotional wall between us. He might write it off as drug-induced delusion, but I won't. That wall came down, and even if it goes back up, it will always be permanently weakened. I gave us permission to say "I love you" and to cry in front of each other. That's HUGE. I feel like I dropped 20 lbs of repressed emotional baggage today. It feels incredible. I just hope I don't have to have a similar purge with everyone I love. LOL. There are a couple of important points I want to mention regarding my dosing. First, I'm using a milligram scale that I'm guessing is accurate to + or - 5 mg. I say this because I can move the measuring tray around and get it to settle on slightly different readings. It's calibrated, but it's also just a $40 scale, so we're not talking lab-grade instruments here. Second, 85 mg seems like a LOT. I haven't read many trip reports of people doing this much (which is part of why I wanted to share my experience). To break through, I might even have to go a bit higher. Maybe 90 mg? I don't know. 85 mg really felt like I was right there. I'll update this post when I break through and list the dose. But it certainly got me wondering why I'm apparently taking so much more than other people. (BTW, I'm about 185 lbs / 84 kg.) The first question would be what is the purity? I don't have a way of testing this, but just based on the appearance of the powder, I'd guess it's quite pure. I say this because the powder is extremely uniform in appearance and dissolves evenly. 5-MeO is legal in some countries, so it's possible to order it from laboratories. If I had to guess, I'd say that's what this is. This doesn't strike me as amateur / home lab stuff. The second question is what medications / supplements am I taking that might interfere with the 5-MeO? Regarding medications, I take 300 mg of Wellbutrin (i.e., Bupropion) and 15 mg of Dexedrine (i.e., amphetamine) per day. I stopped the Wellbutrin on the 72 mg and 85 mg days, but I didn't notice any difference. I took the dextroamphetamine on all the days. Does the amphetamine possibly metabolize the 5-MeO faster? I don't know. Just wondering aloud here. In any case, for anyone searching whether or not you can mix these meds with 5-MeO-DMT, here's at least one case report of someone who did so and lived. I'm not saying it's safe--I'm just saying I still have a pulse. One last thing...to those of you who might be on the fence about taking 5-MeO because you don't have any trip sitter or facilitator, and maybe you've read that people freak out, vomit, shit themselves, scream, flail about, etc....I just want to say I had the same fears. I have heard a lot of people suggest that you definitely shouldn't try it without a sitter or facilitator. I can appreciate the concern, but in my case, I chose to do it alone and just slowly increase the dose. I set up my blankets so that I was in a lounge / zero-gravity position, just in case I pass out and vomit, it's very unlikely I'd asphyxiate on it. Rather, it would spill down my chest. My point here being, the risks can be mitigated with the right research and precautions. I also paid like $120 for a drug testing kit that gave me reasonable confidence in the authenticity of the substance. So yeah...if you put your mind to it, you can experience this for yourself. Do your research and be smart about it. If anyone has any experience plugging the fumarate or another salt at doses this high, please leave a comment. I'm curious to know if I'm actually an outlier here, and if so, by how much.

Ultimately there are no insights to gain. You can't experience lack of illusion and illusion at the same time - that's why you can't maintain nonduality. What happens is your really becomes less solid. Yes, I can experience 5 MeO DMT without using the substance. That's because this is just my excuse to experience God. It's suprisingly easy, I'm not advanced at all. I disbelieve and forget who I am, but each time I trip I'm getting closer and closer.

I remember reading all of Robert's books one after another when I first got my feet wet in self help books, even before watching Leo. I really liked them especially the mastery one. That being said Leo said robert is orange and I didn't have any spirituality/psychedelics/nonduality experience at that point in my life. Would this book be of any value to the new spiritual me or I will cringe with all the orange and materialistic ideas it 'll most likely have?

This comes out of the experience of separation. You are attacking a straw man. It is perfectly logical, what you’re saying...if only it related to what we’re talking about here. Nonduality does not mean only my mind exists, nonduality points to there being no mind, and no self... and no other; no separation; no context; no reality; no knowing; no one separate from this; no this; no need; no condition; no limit; no thing. Only truth... which cannot be actually objectively or certainly known, but is apparently directly and doubtlessly known. If nonduality is apparently seen, all that’s left is what is happening — not what is happening apparently in an exclusive here and now, but rather what is happening anywhere/everywhere and whenever/eternally/timelessly, but obviously nobody is aware of that. Solipsism as you recognize it is a caricature form of solipsism which is unrelated to the solipsism that merely points to truth.

What was the first thing you heard or stuck that brought you to this topic of nonduality? Mine: After 12 years of analytically studying everything I could to get some sort of evidence that would lead me to know the bible is true without a doubt, I couldn't find any. In fact, it lead me away from it. I then did my own study of comparative religion and realized that they all seemed to have the same origin in one way or another. I then stumbled on this Youtube video (forgot the channel) that gave me the "aha" moment I needed to know their was a god, and it was something like this: If no thing in reality existed, the truth would be that no thing in reality existed. Therefore, the truth would always exist. The eternal, impermanent, inescapable Truth. Truth surrounds reality. I didn't quite understand (and still don't) but also knew at this moment that Truth was inescapable, meaning whatever "God" was it was Truth. About a month later I found nondualism and while getting an understanding of that I found Leo's very helpful channel. Though on this path for roughly two years, I've no awakening or direct realization and everything is still on an intellectual level. I do know that the ever changing Truth can never not exist, which I thought at the time was close to my life goal...nope, now the goal is to awaken from this ego and directly experience it. Anyways, what was your "aha" moment that made you realize life isn't just a body followed by cessation.

Books that had the biggest influence on me & why: Viktor Frankl - Man's serach for meaning - Incredible story about finding meaning in difficult situations, just an awesome read in general The art of loving - Erich Fromm - Beautiful short book about learning to love Nassim Taleb - Antifragility - Understanding complex systems & antifragility, which are fundamental concepts in any integral worldview Your Unique self - Marc Gafni - Understanding the role of individuality in a nondual world More than allegory - Bernardo Kastrup - Chapter 3 is the most insane and interesting trip report I have ever read Bernardo Kastrup - All his books! - Best rational arguments for idealism(nonduality)/against physicalism available right now The war of art - Steven Pressfield - Overcoming resistance Passion of the western mind - Richard Tarnas - Intellectual-cultural development of the modern world view - super important to understand why we think what we think Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance - Robert Pirsig - One of my alltime favorite books Siddharta - Herman Hesse - Beautiful little story about finding his own path to enlightenment Gödel, Escher, Bach - Douglas R. Hofstadter - Difficult to get through masterpiece about reality as a strange loop. Meditations on Moloch: https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/TxcRbCYHaeL59aY7E/meditations-on-moloch - Must read blog post about the functionalities of society Bhagavad Gita - I dont think I need to explain this one Tao Te Ching - Lao tze (Laotsi) - Ancient book, full of wisdom! Difficult to understand without explanations The master and his emissary - Ian McGilchrist - Masterpiece about how left/right brain dynamics shape our worldview Irreducible Mind: Toward a Psychology for the 21st Century - Edward Kelly - The best, no bullshit summary of psy/parapsychology/mind-research I have read so far. Its a huge book and super expensive. I got the PDF - if you want it, just PM me. The Almanack of Naval Ravikant - Grat book for money/happyness mindset Osho - Courage - little book about courage and fear, really enjoyed it! Kapil Gupta - Direct Truth: Uncompromising, non-prescriptive Truths to the enduring questions of life - Interesting book about all sorts of stuff, really apprechiate his perspective Ending medical reversal - Dr Vinay Prasad - If you are working in the medical field, this one is a must read in my opinion. Ken Wilber - A brief history of everyhting - Integral worldview must read Ken Wilber - Kosmic conciousness (audiobook) - Incredibly deep and enjoyable interview with Ken Wilber. Available on audible! Why most published reserach is wrong - John Ionnidis: https://journals.plos.org/plosmedicine/article?id=10.1371/journal.pmed.0020124 - Ground breaking paper about certain biases in the academic literature After - Dr. Bruce Geryson - Awesome, no bullshit summary of NDE reserach Daniel Kaneman - Thinking fast and slow - Super important framework for improvement in sensemaking Helgoland - Carlo Rovelli - Enjoyable beginner level book to quantum mechanics and the propably most substantiated interpretation we have of it: Quantum loop gravity! Its the one theory that fits like a glove with spiritual insights and is therefore an awesome framework to understand QM in a non-BS way. Models - Mark Manson - IMO the most important book you can read to get good with women Autobiography of a Yogi - Paramahansa Yogananda - Classic one! - bit weird and magical, but I really enjoyed it! Breath - James Nestor - Really cool and important book about the importance of proper breathing The Art of learning - Josh Waitzkin - Amazing book about someone who goes into into the nature of learning and backs it up with real results! Just to name a few

John Cena has been low key teaching nonduality in wrestle mania, shining as the invisible light of awareness Your time is up, my time is now You can't see me, my time is now Its the franchise, Boy, I'm shining now You can't see me, my time is now