Search the Community

Well I've usually taken a top-down approach to psychedelics, where by becoming conscious, feeling, and experiencing overwhelming amounts of infinite love I blasted away through any possible traumas, insecurities, fears, and so on. I didn't really even try to work on them during trips, they spontaneously disappeared over time with the help of trips like these, which had cascading effects on everything about me. One example is that I used to have social anxiety and it got completely removed with this approach. So I basically used love to heal from everything as a whole instead of trying to work on any individual aspects that I didn't like. I don't know if it's the best approach, but it worked completely for me. It was like a complete transformation encompassing everything about me, powered by love. But whenever I feel emotions, especially during trips, I let myself feel those emotions completely without judging them.

Intro I’ve felt deeply called to share what I learned between January 2022 & present with the Actualized.org community. As I mentioned in this post awhile back, I recently went to train in a contemporary, quasi monastery for 6 months called “Monastic Academy for the Preservation of Life on Earth” or just MAPLE. I had the good fortune of working remotely, keeping my software job while simultaneously committing to the morning and evening schedule, as well as accumulating 40 days of formal retreat time while there. I have felt resistance to sharing due to what I perceive as a general closed mindedness many have on the forum regarding what is possible with formal meditation practice so why bother sharing if I’m just going to be told how unawake I am by others, or how I’m playing spiritual games? However, I also believe in Actualized.org and feel it is one the highest quality sources of information regarding philosophy, psychology, personal development, and despite the many disagreements I’ve had with the community, spirituality. Because I selfishly want to see this community prosper well into the future, I felt called to share my experiences in hopes that I may stoke the fire in some by showing what is possible by throwing oneself in. I should mention a few things though – 1) MAPLE is not formally a monastery; it is a monastic container/training space. We followed a daily monastic schedule, but none of the residents nor myself took full ordination vows. 2) The community is explicitly Buddhist. However, the head teacher has a healthy integration of other spiritual traditions and furthermore, spends about 2 months per year training with Native Americans in Earth based spirituality. Even though Buddhism was the primary focus, I felt incredibly supported exploring other traditions, discussing psychedelics, and using language such as God, The Absolute, Infinity, Consciousness, The Self, etc. 3) The focus of the community is to address the many existential risks facing the planet through a combination of rigorous contemplative training aimed at classical Buddhist enlightenment and providing psychological tools needed for effectively changing society from the ground up. Specifically, how are the many modern, existential challenges a function of the modern human mind and how must the mind change in order to effectively, and appropriately respond to such challenges? Challenges such as the rapid development of artificial intelligence, gene editing, new forms of surveillance capitalism, supply chain and food supply degradation, aging and failing economic structures, and global ecological collapse through man made climate change. (This is not an exhaustive list.) Again, how are these external forces a symptom of the human mind and how must the human mind transform in order to effectively confront, and resolve these risks? This is some of what MAPLE attempts to provide an answer for. Modern thinkers such as John Vervaeke, Zach Stein, and most recently Daniel Schmachtenberger have visited and are in the process of potentially collaborating with MAPLE. So while there is a specific spiritual emphasis, remaining rooted in the world to help face these crises is a huge focus of the container. I will structure this in a similar fashion to my past trip reports with themes. I hope this is both an interesting and helpful read. I would also highly recommend in person retreats at MAPLE, or visiting through the various programs. Since the beginning, I felt particularly geared to train at MAPLE because of my background study of Actualized.org. Happy to answer any questions related to MAPLE, my practice, or anything related to this post in the reply section. Themes Meditation Gainz The Value of Spiritual Community Soryu Forall – Finding My Teacher Is MAPLE a Cult? Catching the Ox Bodhicitta as the Embodiment of God’s Love Returning to the Mountain Meditation Gainz Between silent sitting, chanting, and silent meals, I was practicing anywhere from 3 to 4 hours per day on non-retreat days. During retreats, I practiced between 10 – 14 hours per day. One of the immediate appeals of MAPLE was the intensity of the container; it often felt like a combination of Theravada Buddhism and Renzai Zen where practice was the most important focus. One of the criticisms MAPLE has received in the past was that the training was too intense. By the time I had gotten to MAPLE, the container was more docile, having responded to the feedback by softening the intensity (much to my disappointment). Of course when practicing at this intensity day in and day out, there is bound to be some kind of effect on the mind whether positive or negative. In full transparency, it was both for me, but a huge net positive. Enormous psychological material gets brought up with this rigor of practice and because of how little free time I had, I often felt incredibly ‘pressurized’ with very little time to catch my breath. Yet what seemed to occur were moments of rapid processing of the psychological material wherein the challenge would spontaneously drop and be replaced with enormous amounts of equanimity, happiness, ease, and peace. Overall, I experienced more of the positive flavors of emotion than the negative, but the relentlessness of the container facilitated what felt like a non-stop churning of the subconscious bullshit, shadows, attachments into the surface for purification. As a result of this purification, the states I was able to begin regularly achieving during formal practice and have been able to maintain since leaving MAPLE can only be described as psychedelic in quality. Meditation dropping into what feels like a microdose is the standard now while at other times it does feel like a 75 - 100ug LSD trip. The value of so easily achieving these states is difficult to communicate. The plausibility of this possibility is difficult to sell. Overall, my meditation practice feels like its growth curve has begun accelerating in a non-linear fashion where the effort required to achieve these states is minimal. The majority of the effort revolves around just showing up to practice, and because of the habituation of so much practice, even this is not hard. Perhaps it’s karma, perhaps it’s genetic, perhaps it’s due to my past, aggressive use of psychedelics, or perhaps it’s the nature of intensive meditation. I believe it is a combination, but primarily the result of intensive, persistent meditation both before, during, and now after MAPLE. There are others in the community that had practices just as deep as mine and some deeper and therefore, I bias towards believing these results are due to the intensity of the training rather than something special or unique about me. The Value of Spiritual Community Leo has often criticized spiritual communities as a distraction, just another form of playing social games and bullshitting ourselves. This is a paraphrase, but my interpretation of Leo’s stance. Whether this is an accurate assessment of Leo’s stance or not, this was partially my framework coming in, a framework that created a sense of suspicion and skepticism about MAPLE. For the first month, I found myself internally at odds with my lack of independence, as though the lone wolf archetype that I had come to hold so dearly was slowly starving. It was very painful and showed up in many ways in many moments. As time went on, as I spent more time socializing, living in community, and meditating my ass off, something strange began happening. I realized because of the integrity of MAPLE and because of the integrity of the individual community members, I was pushing myself harder than I had ever previously pushed myself alone. So many ways I distracted myself with internet usage, video games, smoking weed, watching Netflix, etc., where not only unavailable, but the craving for their usage was gone as well. The social pressure of living in a community of individuals who were devoting their lives to something greater than individual interests and selves was inspiring, forming a sort of collective accountability and momentum. I cannot speak for every spiritual community. I cannot speak for every ashram or monastery. But due to my own direct experience, I can speak about MAPLE and hold an open mind that there is a genuine power and advantage to training in a community setting. (I speak more on this below.) Though I am glad Leo’s content fostered a deep sense of independence and personal authority, as this served me many times even while at MAPLE and certainly as I’ve come back into normal society, I am glad to have surrendered myself in some way into a collective mind and space. Sometimes the whole is greater than the sum of the parts and it turns out, sometimes the greater whole can reach back and serve the parts. Soryu Forall – Finding My Teacher There’s the cliché saying, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” And this was exactly, utterly, and profoundly my experience meeting Soryu Forall. This man is like the Bodhisattva version of Peter Ralston in his prime; he’s kind of like a Dharma football coach. Soryu speaks with a compassionate ferocity and unusual clarity. The man walks with unquestionable integrity and is routinely open to feedback from the community despite holding a position of power and authority. There were multiple instances where we had one on one communications where I was questioning decisions he made or topics he discussed and he would legitimately listen without getting defensive, holding hidden agendas, or gaslighting as so many guru figures are known for. I never once felt any kind of pressure from him other than to work hard practicing and face the truth. Yet beyond his intense personality and relational openness, Soryu’s life purpose is to help preserve life on the planet in the face of the myriad of existential risks, and it is this life purpose which told me I’d found my teacher. Story time - A few years ago my main focus in spirituality was exploring consciousness, primarily using psychedelics as taught by Leo. However, as a result of these deep explorations, I discovered an unexpected pain that could only be held as some kind of collective wound rather than anything having to do with my personal psychology. It was as though I encountered the crying out of the planet itself. As a result of these medicines, I was continuously running into both a deep, species level collective pain and even greater, a planetary pain as a result of human activity. The work of Christopher Bache comes to mind as a written example of what I felt like I was running into (Christopher’s work helped contextualize my experiences as I was having them before I’d ever read LSD and The Mind of The Universe; discovering his work was extremely validating as well as clarifying.) It was as though psychedelics completely cracked open my personal psychology, and spirit, catapulting me into this enormous pain and suffering the planet was experiencing as a result of human activity. I was left very broken on multiple occasions and confused on a number of my most recent journeys. At least this was the case until my first meditation retreat. On this first retreat, I directly experienced how the purification of my mind that was occurring as a direct result of meditation was purifying my personal mind of the very qualities psychedelics had shown me to be responsible for the catastrophic destruction and tragic proliferation of suffering on the planet. Greed, hatred, ignorance, anger, envy, pride, good ol’ selfish egotism, etc. – Mindfulness purifies these qualities of mind. These qualities of mind are deeply ingrained in modern humanity and become increasingly worse as one moves up power structures, mainly governments, corporations, and those with massive amounts of wealth. Because of this retreat experience, I realized I encountered the root cause to all of these concerns and therefore, at last had the power to take responsibility for these. So how does this relate to Soryu? Soryu was the first spiritual teacher I’ve met that not only recognizes this relationship between meditation practice and purifying the qualities of mind responsible for destroying the planet, he has been the only teacher I’ve met with the integrity to take responsibility in some way for this relationship. While most teachers and teachings are oriented around personal liberation and self-centered enlightenment, Soryu has shown that there is an alternative path within spirituality, that one can awaken while simultaneously deepening a compassion and effectiveness to serve the world. In this way, awakening becomes a vehicle for compassionate work in the world, and compassionate work in the world becomes a vehicle for awakening. And this embodiment of the intersection between the contemplative path and existential risk was the very intersection shown to me by my use of psychedelics and my first retreat. Soryu was and is an embodiment of an energetic archetype I felt within myself, to some extent. Obviously we’re different beings and obviously our most self-actualized forms will not be identical, but in many regards, he has served as an embodied example of what is possible to become on this path if one’s life purpose is centered around addressing existential risk through a contemplative, spiritual framework. Similar to how discovering Christopher Bache’s work was enormously validating for my psychedelic explorations, discovering Soryu and MAPLE has been enormously validating for my experiences with meditation. Is MAPLE a Cult? I felt called to address this because of the obvious reputation communal, spiritual communities have. It was a concern my family and some friends had as well before I arrived and given how horrible many spiritual communities have turned out in the past, it feels warranted addressing this topic. In many ways yes MAPLE could be defined as a cult. There is a dress code, we follow a formal schedule, there is limited free time, and in some regards, there is a central power figure in a leadership position (Soryu) that directs the momentum of the space. However, this framing is incredibly more nuanced than a black or white yes or no. While there were cult-like qualities living at MAPLE, what are the advantages and what are the feedback systems MAPLE has created which prevent unhealthy power and relationship dynamics from forming? Why would I have stayed in the community for 6 months if I felt it was cult-ish? When following a strict schedule that forces one to meditate, eat healthy, exercise, follow a consistent sleep schedule, and ask existentially challenging questions, all within the space of an incredibly nourishing community, it turns out this is one of the healthiest ways a human can live. Shocking, I know. While there are advantages to taking personal responsibility for forming these daily habits, the fact of the matter is most seekers and self-actualizers fail at this because of a myriad of societal and internal stumbling blocks. Until our minds have become deeply purified in the contemplative sense, we are very susceptible to environmental conditioning. Because of the state of our modern society, this environmental conditioning is almost always negative. Furthermore, because our minds have not been sufficiently purified and are enmeshed in toxic environments, most minds are not trustworthy enough to stay committed to behaviors aligned with their highest values and ideals. By spending dedicated amounts of time intentionally surrendering one’s authority to an external training environment, this can circumvent one’s environmentally conditioned bias towards self-sabotage. If this training environment is healthy and focused on deep introspection, the integrity of the training space can be ingrained, absorbed, and then intrinsically grow out of the personal psychology. One can adopt the training space’s mind, so to speak. Rather than constantly flailing around on one’s own in cycles of success and failure, legitimate long-term momentum can begin building and therefore, real reprogramming can start taking place in the subconscious mind, a reprogramming that biases towards these healthy habits and has the integrity to follow one’s highest ideals and values. This was my experience at MAPLE. Of course, all of this is contingent upon the environment being trust-worthy, self-reflective, and having the necessary feedback mechanisms to remain healthy. This brings us to the second point. From every angle I looked and despite enormous skepticism, from what I can tell MAPLE is a trustworthy environment, has a trustworthy community, and has a trustworthy head teacher. Integrity and personal responsibility are routinely emphasized. Public apologies for fuck ups and taking ownership over one’s own mind are the standard. It is continually emphasized to not hand one’s authority over to Soryu and that his role as a head teacher is ultimately only there to help support one’s own awakening process. At every level of leadership, any other level of authority whether from a random retreat goer, or a new resident/apprentice, everyone is welcome to give feedback. This environment of continual, open, and encouraged feedback helps eliminate blind spots in the community, as different levels of perspective and views are allowed to emerge and be held by the collective. It felt very much like a psychological, strange loop, where every level could contact and communicate with every other level. I believe the heavy emphasis on spiritual practice and Buddhist ethics are part of what made this possible. If a community weren’t centered around these types of values and relational feedback mechanisms, the risk of dangerous cult formation seems high. Instead, there was continuous collective reflection and feedback, helping shape and mold power structures and dynamics at every level. It felt like a community boarding on SD stage yellow. So back to question – is MAPLE a cult? I said in many ways it could fit this definition, yes. And yet it is no more a cult than the United States of America, any other country, and no more a cult than the social dynamics that occur as one lives in community with roommates, family members, or even alone. The environment and the social elements of one’s environment will always play a role in shaping one’s psychology. Our minds are not separate and independence is an illusion; existence/form is 100% conditioned at every level. In this way, it is almost impossible to escape being shaped by cult psychology from one’s environment save for the most highly developed sages. Does one live in a trustworthy environment? Can one create a trustworthy environment? Can one trust their own mind to judge and create a trustworthy environment? Overall, the structure served a deep purpose and has had a rooted impact as I’ve come back into the world. Catching the Ox It turns out all the great sages and mystics of the past and present are correct – the self is not an object, it is not a perception, and certainly not a state of consciousness. Self-realization is not to be found in a psychedelic trip, nor in any comparison of ‘this state vs. that state,’ even when comparing a state of self-realization to a state of non-self-realization. Self-realization is not found in a monastery. God is not it. Emptiness is not it. The self is not it. Non-self is not it. Formlessness is not it. Form is not it. And yet to say there is no recognition, no enlightenment, nor God is not it. There is truth, there is the realization of truth, and there is the realization of truth’s uncompromising permanence and necessity of permeating realization vs non-realization. It really is nothing whatsoever and yet permeates all possible states of mind, perception, consciousness, or whatever other word used. It is reliable, it is a source of happiness, and it is that which creates all conditioned existence through form. Everything, including God realized states of consciousness and unconscious states of consciousness, arises out of, and passes back into it and yet themselves are it. Enlightenment is an absolute paradox. Only a mind capable of holding paradoxical thought will find this description understandable, or helpful, yet this form of thought is very much accessible if one commits to serious practice. The intensity of MAPLE’s training schedule and the intensity of the interviews with Soryu helped facilitate an undoubted encounter with reality that has only continued flowering. In the 10 ox herding model of Zen, I feel confident I have encountered Stage 4 out of the 10. The next step is “taming the ox,” or in other words, letting this realization pierce so completely and totally that all waking, dreaming, and dreamless states abide in the knowledge of self, the knowledge of emptiness, the knowledge of reality. I could also say the next step is further exploring what it actually means to catch the ox. Stage 4 seems to have enormous depth. Practice will involve the continued purification of mind from mental defilements and cultivation of mind with wholesome states like concentration, equanimity, and clarity, which facilitate the dynamic creation of actualized self-activity. As one comes to know one’s true nature, the relative mind structure begins to reflect and mirror the truth through embodied existence; the truth transforms the mind as the mind clarifies what is true and not true. Right action, speech, and thought spontaneously arise from the flow of life, all in achord with one’s highest ideals and values. To truly self-actualize, one must have the desire for the truth, both the truth of one’s true nature which gives rise to enlightenment and the desire for the truth of one’s authentic desires which give rise to self-actualization. Bodhicitta as the Embodiment of God’s Love One of the most important Buddhist concepts I learned while at MAPLE was Bodhicitta, which can be defined as the aspiration for awakening for the benefit of all beings. It is a stance towards awakening that seeks to serve the awakening of all beings, rather than merely the awakening of oneself. Yet of course this is a paradox, as who else is there to awaken but you? What other being is there to awaken other than you? Yet there is suffering, there is unhappiness, there is ignorance of truth across a myriad of endless beings; one need only walk outside to observe this fact. Furthermore, one need only look at their life to see the role various teachers and the condition’s of one’s environment played in their own awakening process. What is the intelligence, compassion, and love that worked behind the scenes to facilitate this personal awakening for you? It was the love of God. It was Self-Love. It was a love and compassion so pure that it could only have originated from that which is totally without self. Can one step into the humility needed to encounter just how profound and significant it was to be born a human, to be born in a world where there are legitimate teachers teaching the way, and to be born with the conditions to even learn about and open up to the possibility of enlightenment? What ARE those conditions? Why do they occur? How is it possible we could have discovered any of this? Love. When vowing to remain in cyclical existence for the sake of all being’s the Bodhisattva through this cultivation and absolute Bodhicitta, vows to remain, to help serve until every last moment of consciousness, every last manifestation of form, is awakened, completely and utterly. The goal is asinine, insane, utterly grandiose, and of course, pure paradox. It is a goal only accessible through understanding of the nature of self and God, whether one uses those words or not. Moreover, it is a goal too overwhelming for a self to take on and too paradoxical for a self to make sense of. When one encounters the compassion of a Bodhisattva, awakens to a glimpse of what a being of this caliber is like, it necessarily cracks the heart wide open, revealing something so far beyond what normal human emotion or mind can comprehend. I consider Soryu Forall to be a partial embodiment of this Bodhisattva archetype.He has served as a legitimate sign post to work towards this Archetype, to actually allow the life force of the awakened mind and heart to serve something other than the illusion of self, and instead, serve reality itself. I have no illusions that he doesn’t have further work to do, but I would be foolish to not recognize the enormous depth of his awakening and honor the significance of meeting a being who's taken on these vows in the flesh, working to embody these vows with integrity and authenticity. It’s easier to see the consequences of such vows, integrity, and authenticity when one has a living example. During my time at MAPLE, I lay ordained, taking these vows as well, but in truth, the vows themselves emerged on their own without any part of the personal psychology wanting or feeling good about it. In fact, it felt more like a remembering of promises I’d made long ago rather than some new, profound stance towards how I want to live my life, in this life and beyond. Returning to the Mountain I have plans of returning to MAPLE later this fall to become a full time resident. There is a powerful calling to take responsibility for humanity's existential predicament and it seems karma predisposes me towards wanting to help through addressing the root cause - the mind. I feel a deep responsibility to awaken both because I consider Truth to be one of the highest values in life, but also because I feel a responsibility towards mankind. How could I see this relationship between the internal and external so clearly and not do something about it? For a number of other personal reasons, my experiences with psychedelics, and now primarily meditation, the work I want to do in the world involves helping teach this practice. I want to teach this path as a means to create peace on the planet and to foster a new humanity capable of creating harmony with itself and all of life. If humanity cannot scale a collective wisdom and love with its rapidly developing power, the planet will not last. I consider psychedelics a necessary component to this collective transformation, as without some kind of exponential waking up, humanity will not respond in time. Yet humanity also needs teachers, and leaders capable of showing the way in the grounded, natural state. For now, I am called to train and work with this community as a way to help facilitate this collective peace and harmony. Final words I really think MAPLE would be a great spot for many in the Actualized.org community to visit. Its emphasis on awakening yet awakening within the context of how one may serve the world fits the ethos of Leo’s work on Life Purpose, from my point of view. Having studied Leo’s work so thoroughly before coming to MAPLE was a massive advantage. Evening studying the work and sitting with Peter Ralston was a massive advantage as well. It feels like MAPLE is a bit of an underground spiritual community right now, but is a perfect fit for those who are into Leo, Peter, or Shinzen. It’s here to support serious truth seekers, sages, self-actualizers, but most importantly, those who have an aspiration to serve the world during these troubling times by taking responsibility for one’s mind. Therefore, if one has goals of serving the world and particularly within domains related to existential risk, yet also seeks the truth, I would recommend checking it out. Plus since I’ll be there for the next little bit, it would be cool to meet some other’s from the forum. This is all for now. With deep mettā.

If the title of the thread caught your attention then this discussion is for you

I have had the realization that the Earth is alive. 1. What kind of transformation was covid supposed to bring to Earth? 2. If Earth is awake, does it see its humans as beneficial or detrimental to itself? 3. General question... if you become too conscious and want to go back to sleep, what is the method?

Firstly I understand that this post might seem a bit egotistical or even full of myself or braggartly. It’s not meant to be. In fact, I am feeling totally lost in life right now, where I am actually feeling what is the purpose of my existence and what is my reason to wake up. What I am looking for is some guidance and advice for my “existential crisis”. I have also tried to format and give all required info in the best possible way to give you the most clarity to see the whole picture. Who am I? I’m now 32 yo, South Asian Male, which means OF COURSE I finished Comp Sci engineering, then I fell in love with Bodybuilding & Aesthetics at the age of 18. I was always a skinny shy ecto nerd (who also had venustraphobia for the longest amount of time in life) so the idea of muscle and a good physique at the age of 18 sounded amazing, which is where my journey into self development began. Great physique, amazing looks, envy and respect from men, and also attracted to women? (The last one doesn’t work btw, you have to work on your social skills for your looks to matter, but more on that later in this post). Mental Health Background Issues I have self diagnosed : Low Self Esteem/Self Worth Lack of Sense of my own Value Do not understand how to love myself/Suffer from Lack of Self Love I didn’t even know about Mental Health until the age of 28-29 or so. I didn’t even know I had Low Self Esteem and Low Self worth issues my entire life. The Low SE came from the way my mother raised me, my first girlfriend (narcisstic, abusive) and my culture and society in general. I also have a lack of sense of Internal Value. I don’t understand it when people say “everyone has value”. I have been raised in a culture where you are more worthy and have more value than others if you have a better job, more marks, better car/wealth, better body, more girls etc etc. The value thing has made me, AFAIK, always WORK towards feeling valuable in life. Like if I didn’t get any more marks than others, or if I got the same I was/am equally not valuable or definitely not any more valuable than others. This puts me in a perpetual state of unhappiness, and an infinite chase for it. Which leads to TREMENDOUS success, as I will elaborate below, but also a deep dark void of unhappiness since clearly my happiness is being pursued and does not ensue. Enter Mushrooms. I lived the unhappiest of lives until 28-29. After which I got into studying about Psychedlics and how they help with healing, trauma and the like. My first powerful mushroom trip in 2019 or so was the one where I realized that I don’t actually love myself. It broke me. But it also made me vow to myself to love myself more than anyone else ever had, since most all love I have received in my life has been conditional, even from my mother (or at least the child in me perceived it that way). I love my parents and they love me, but it is what it is and this piece imho is very important to realize about my background and mental health and its consequential suffering. For 8-12 months or so after my mushroom trip I did EVERYTHING in life that I needed to be doing to feel like I love myself. Meaning even if I had to leave at the end of a 16 hour shift on less sleep to go to the grocery store to get a salad to fuel myself healthily, I did it. And this was repeated a multitude of times endlessly. I feel like somewhere along the line since then, this has stopped. I don’t really know why or how. And I am trying to re understand it and pursue it again right now. Accomplishing EVERYTHING in 3 years, with picture proof. 1. I went in full steam ahead into my bodybuilding pursuit and made a body transformation that most IFBB pros would be envious of. Dream body, done. https://imgur.com/a/Hc9OomI 2. I then pursued Pick Up & Game to get over my lifelong crippling fear of beautiful women. Multiple coaches, bootcamps, and over a 1000+ girls approached, and feeling like I have accomplished everything I needed to, to be happy with my life in and around women. Women, done. https://imgur.com/a/xD7RvMR 3. I then pursued the game of money, which I kind of hoped would have kept me interested in it forever, but as soon as I crushed a couple of 10k months (which is nothing compared to my business mastermind peers, but MIND BOGGLING compared to my starting salary of $1500 per month for 180 hour work weeks.). I proved to myself I can make money and I also have NO expensive tastes whatsoever. I made 70k ish in the last 1.5 years and I have spent like 60k on it on myself and reinvestments, coaches, masterminds etc. I have spent less than 10k on myself and splurges (got a 3090TI and a PS5 and they both just collect dust lol. I am at least happy the 18yo within me is happy just looking at them on my desk.) I know there is a lot more to the world then muscle, women and money but these are the BASIC 3 needs for every young man right now, and I have gone beyond what 99% of people in the world can or would ever require to accomplish. There is no point in getting even more. I mean to what end, and why? (Btw for the nature of this discussion let’s just assume I have won the lottery and I will never need to worry about money again, even for a rainy day fund, let’s keep it out of “work more for more money for what if’s”, since that’s not a DRIVING reason to wake up in the morning and get out of bed) https://imgur.com/a/BgVEZeC This image here is also something I have found interesting. Which of these is the point of life? And why? https://imgur.com/a/6FepT2o 1. Self Interest and Pursuit of Pleasure/Hedonism But how many burgers on yachts with multiple girls blowing you can you possibly have? This will obviously never end, and it feels good in the moment, but empty immediately afterwards. No sense of peace and contentment. 2. Selflessness So this is ACTUALLY something I enjoy. I have been documenting my entire life transformation and journey on my Youtube channel ( https://youtube.com/c/IntellectualMuscle ) I basically made my Youtube channel what 18yo me would have wanted. “A big brother with tough love you didn’t even know you needed.” I help young (& old actually) men that feel lost in life and want to get to these accomplishments and states in life, in the EASIEST fastest safest possible manner. It took me FOREVER and multiple 10,000s of $ to get there. I make it ridiculously simple and easy for my boys to get there. The question with selflessness. Is how selfless? And why? Like I spend so much time and so much of my earnings on my Youtube and IG (~1500 USD per month) and I barely get any traction from it, like 200-300 views tops. So do people even care to learn? Also. What if I just stopped what I do? Or hypothetically I had never even born or die off? Sure some people would be sad that they thought my content and help was amazing. But in 3 months I will be forgotten, and someone else would and is already making the same kind of content to help other guys in need. ALSO at our base and core we are SELFISH beings as humans. So it just doesn’t permanently sit with me to be completely selfless and live for others. Like why? Most of my life most people have just taken from me and never given me anything in return. So why would I wish to be selfless to the world that has taken so much from me and never cared for me? So this isn’t like a clear driving mission or purpose for me to wake up and do it either. I mean I do like it, but not to the extent like this is the sole life purpose. I feel like I have sacrificed myself more than enough for the sake of others and don’t feel like I am receiving ROI on it in equal measures. 3. Self Actualization I understand that this is being the best version of myself. And I have done that already in many different fields as shown above. ALL the ones that mattered to me. Muscle, Women, Money. Now can I get MORE. Of course. But also again. Why? I already have more than what is required to live quite the comfortable life. So WHY be the MOST muscular, or have ALL the skills to get all the girls, or have all the skills to get ALL the money in the world?? Where I feel others don’t suffer the same Existentialism Quite simple I feel, because they CREATE their own reason for existence Viz. Children. Most people have kids and no matter what you feel like or not, you WILL do everything in life even if you don’t want to do it for your kids. This includes making money, being healthy, more toys etc. OR most people do not get out of the chase of the rat race and grind trying to make ends meet, so there is always their reason “to make rent for next month.” MY Ideas on Future Goals for Myself Please read this part AFTER you have written or decided on what you think might be some food for thought for me, since I don’t want to taint your ideas and opinions with my own future ones. My understanding atm is I now want and NEED to pursue some form of Spirituality and Inner Peace and Calm. I am ALWAYS chasing happiness and a reason to love myself, via external validation and accomplishments (since that’s how I have been raised), I need to figure out where and how to generate/find this in and within myself now to begin with. I don’t know which mediation teacher or method to pursue. I have LOVED Alan Watts’ stuff and I will find it once again and hopefully get some guidance there. I have LOVED HealthygamerGG’s stuff and hopefully will get some more clarity via listening to his work. I am currently re-reading for the 3rd time Vikto Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning and also Learn to Love yourself by Kamal Ravikant. Any other books/podcasts/reading or any suggestions with how to decide what to pursue in life would be very appreciated, thank you! Thanks again for reading all the way till here if you did, I appreciate your time and if you have any words of wisdom, those as well!

Watched Groundhog Day a few days ago - it has spiritual undertones. I laughed when he said - I am God. It's a fun one. Just keep in mind that true transformation is not in behavior, but in mind.

On the imbalance: I 'transformed' in their presence. It was almost like and due to a recontextualization and realization. They were my children. I was 'mother' and 'wife'. Some kind of hidden 'knowledge' was revealed by circumstances. Circumstances were dire seemingly, I could feel something wasn't right but nothing had come to pass. Premonitions. So I started saying stuff to ease the energy. The imbalance caused me to see things that weren't there because I was dealing with energies that were so 'real'. My mind filled in the blanks. It's hard for me to discern what the hidden knowledge was. Something about leaning back, leaning forward, and Spirit. I was in a world of my own, so I wasn't exactly grounded. I have entities/archetypal figures of my psychology helping me to lean back. In reality, people are starved of this quality and it impacts everything. Spirit/embodiment/love is like Leaning forward with a capital L. It overrides all other forms of leaning forward. It is superior to all other forms. If you have spirit then you can manifest entities/archetypes within your psychology to help you profoundly lean back. I remember knowing that. Recontextualization plus leaning back = transformation. Leaning back is the key to attraction and health. All good things flow to you. Again, people are starved of this quality. It requires a pure/childlike heart to enter into the cave of wonders. The Genie (entity/archetypes of your psychology) will give you all that your heart desires. Of course, you can only get to that place during an imbalance usually. So you'll be coming from a place of service, selflessness, and spreading love usually. It is a natural reward, healing. If you can survive The Descent. I was able to heal myself through the breath of life. Spirit breathes life. 'Life' (Health and goodness) is then the result of that. Breathing life - ultimate leaning forward.

There is no shtick. In psychedelic awakening you are forced to awaken because the substance hinders the mind or opens the senses in a way that disrupts the mind. Because of the psychedelic ability to affect the mind profoundly and rapidly, the awakening is usually deep and intense, usually accompanied by crazy emotional/energetic release. The problem with psychedelic awakenings is many fold. One, it is only temporary, due to the effect of the substance on the mind. When mind goes back online, consciousness tends to fall back into identification with it. This way, even though it was clear in the trip that no solid or real identity exist anywhere in consciousness, the dream of being a separate self in a world with other objects continues. Second, if the conditions of the trip weren't adequate to fit the tripper (set, settings, dose), the psychedelic induced awakening can be too much for the mind or the body. The tripper might find himself confused, in horror, or just unable to grasp what has happened to him. The trip might even damage the "process" of awakening or transformation. Three, there might be an attachment to psychedelic awakenings, which may cause the practitioner to seek more psychedelic awakenings rather than the recognition of the identity mechanisms that causes seeking and repeated behavior. Psychedelic awakenings should be regarded and considered as serious science of the mind, for all that it implies. This is not to say that psychedelic awakenings are not conducive to enlightenment or transformation. They are probably the best way to divert the regular seeking mind from seeking material objectives to a spiritual "journey", and show us that things are not as solid or identity based as we think. They can also be very useful under the proper conditions to elicit insights on the mind, emotion, body, flow, connection with others, and much more. And they are freaking amazingly powerful just to explore Consciousness. But when it comes to a fixed realization, shattering the illusion of identities or separation, a fixed shift in what consciousness take itself to be, they fall short. This is where spiritual practice comes in, a thorn to take out another thorn. Of course, the same egoic identity traps that hide in seeking psychedelic states/awakenings also lies in spiritual practice, if the identification process latches also to it. So all and all, psychedelics are amazing, and in fact I see them as very direct and intense gurus for initiating the "path". But going back again and again to visit them is no different than going back to an ashram to visit the guru. It is ok if you just want to have fun with your guru, enjoy his company and sit with him. But if you are going back and back again expecting him to wake you up, it is just feeding the seeking mind. People can attend satsang or even meditate for years and not wake up, because they are just satisfying the mind. So it is important to see if this comes from a psychological fixation on some activity or just innocence, honest, play, curiosity, love. It is a matter of clearly seeing what is the motive for what we are doing.

I think this is very interesting. I have experienced how on multiple occasions in my own life my own development was accelerated shortly after experiencing an intense event such as having a conflict with my parents and crying, or during some death anxiety that surfaced during my recent problems with chest pain. Thinking back on traumatic events years later can be insightful but the fresher the experience is, the easier it seems to be to access insight that translates into life transformation, wether that is by making progress in the material realm or by changing the outlook on life itself, or both.

Thank you! As I mentioned to someone else, it really doesn't take that long if you can sort of go in full steam ahead and target each of them one at a time. (I was still trying to do all 3 here and there, which helped a bit from time to time, but I do feel that concentrating on one would be much less stressful I feel.) Also, my links have been posted above, I documented my body transformation but ALSO my pursuit of Pick Up & Game and I also explained the understanding of Money & Value and how one needs to be pursuing money if they do. Hopefully all that helps, and if you wish to connect with me you can do so directly on my IG! Best wishes and best of luck to you in all your endeavours!

Thank you, I'll be honest, ALL of those can be accomplished way sooner than most think. It literally only took me 3 years to go through all of those. I had started lifting 15+ years ago, but that insane body transformation of fat loss for the competition was just less than 8 months! I help people (my target audience is younger men 15-30) accomplish the same in their own lives in the simplest, fastest, easiest manner possible. I linked a bunch of my links above, feel free to peruse them and connect with me directly if you need any help!

Analysis: My shadow is DENSE. For some reason. Although highly fluid and open and communicative. Receptive. I would guess that my shadow is dense because of trauma. There are sides of reality I have a great deal of difficulty coming to terms with. I don't entirely understand why it is so violent and angry and sinister. Because it is fluid and open I would guess I must have done something right. Revealing sides of its true nature; the Daimon or higher self. A guide, helpful and receptive. The angelic part of my psyche is trying to assist me to free myself of my shadow. To help me to awaken to reality. Seems to reference Pandora's box. He had a sword of truth during my visions (thank you for being a sword of truth in the darkness). Telling me not to look may be a reference to how I would incessantly feed the shadow during The Descent. I kept feeding it and feeding it with more and more trauma, as it broke me down. I wouldn't stop. The damage I have is pretty bad at this point and the reason for much of the dense shadow. I willingly Descended. Analysis: Shadow is fluid and receptive. Like I said above. Easily shifts. Full transformation. The throne symbolizes integration. Helpful, guiding, awakening. The angelic part of my psyche yet again holds his sword of truth. His eyes are the doors to transmission. Seems to trust that I won't willingly descend now. That I may have learned my lesson. His sword of truth reveals my True Self.

I appreciate your kind words. I prefer the words "letting go of the old", "transformation", "alchemy" in the process of growth and evolution. And also, "uncovering true self" instead of "de-identification". Before: I don't know who I am and I don't know the Truth. I am Vladimir. After: I know who I am and I know the Truth. I am Vladimir and I am Universe.

The monkey mind does not need to be fought. It needs to be tenderly embraced, like a child. The monkey mind is your ego throwing a tantrum because you are ignoring it. It is a kid that is grabbing onto their parent and refusing to let go until it has been cared for. Don't punish it for wanting attention. Don't judge it, or become frustrated. The only way to handle it is with Love. Whisper to it that everything will be okay. Guide it through breathing exercises until it calms down. If it still lets out a cry, just let it. Between time and your soothing, it will be quiet. At the end of the day, it's all you. Treat it how you would like to be treated. Treat it as you would treat others, as that is often more kind than you treat yourself. There's no need to create a battlefield in your mind, you're only fighting yourself. Struggling is useless, stop struggling. "Sorrow, fear, and depression are all a kind of garbage...You can practice in order to turn these bits of garbage into flowers.... you should not throw anything out. All you have to do is learn how to transform your garbage into flowers. " - from "You are Here" by Thich Nhat Hanh Remember that transformation is always possible. You are not your emotions, but your emotions are you. They belong to you. They are a small part of you, by no means something you should identify yourself as being. It's like looking at a single drop of water and saying it is the ocean, simply inaccurate. You have to look within. No amount of external approval or affection could ever substitute self-love. There isn't a single being apart from you that can deeply understand you. No one is capable of loving you the way you can love yourself. No one knows each of your flaws the way you do. Any external love is superficial. They can only claim to love what it is they think they know. It is not their fault communication is limited. They aren't capable of knowing everything about you, so they aren't capable of loving everything about you. But you can. Some people try to love you as best they can. Their love is genuine. But it is limited. The love you get from them is only a fraction of what you are capable of feeling. Deep down, you know this. You know there isn't a being separate from you that can love you the way that you desire. You have this longing for great love, a deep connection, mutual understanding, and compassion. These can only come from you. Your ego, the voice in your head. It has to be loving. Of you, of everyone, of everything. Be non-judgmental. Judgment arises from biases, it leads to division. You must seek unity. Not just within yourself, but unity between you and the universe. Once you find true Love inside, you can project it outwards. Through confidence and kindness, you can guide others to find this true love within themselves. Be patient. Don't be discouraged by a lack of what you would consider results. That can lead to frustration and anger, or even sadness and despair. These emotions will just be a hurdle. They aren't bad, they can be transformed into flowers. Nothing is bad, that label arises from bias. Explaining the unexplainable won't be easy. It is like trying to teach someone a new language, things will get lost in translation. It is not your fault, you did what you could with the tools you were given. It is up to the other person to find the meaning that was lost, to read between the lines of what language can't communicate. Just believe that time and dedication will lead to some change. Let go. Of standards, expectations, beliefs, concepts, theories, ideas, thoughts, and emotions. Just be. Be Love.

@Bufo Alvarius I've read this response from Ralston before. I'm still adamant on my perspective that unless you've done incrementally higher doses of synthetic 5-MeO you don't know what you're talking about with psychedelics. I don't even consider LSD or mushrooms or ayahuasca worth doing anymore. And, except for very rare cases, they will never create deep awakenings (unless you've had a true breakthrough and energy-body transformation with 5-MeO before). Ralston also makes the point about drugs not being direct and not being YOU. Here's the mind-bending paradox: Ralston is right. Psychedelics cannot 'induce' Enlightenment. Yet, I came to this realisation whilst having a 5-MeO induced Enlightenment and being directly conscious of myself as Eternal Infinity. Enlightenment cannot be created by a psychedelic because how could it be?! Enlightenment is pure Infinity, it cannot be created or caused by anything else. It is completely and totally causeless. Yet a psychedelic can, at the same, cause or create this realisation. And it is direct, there is no doubt. A true psychedelic Enlightenment is direct. There is no 'indirect Infinity' hahaha. There is no indirect ego dissolution?! Ridiculous. Ralston also is ignorant of the deep permanent changes to one's consciousness + the healing qualities of 5-MeO when used correctly. 5-MeO creates lasting permanent changes, unlike any other psychedelic.

@UpperMaster I know this is going to fall on deaf ears but I'm going to say it anyway. This is what you need to do: a lot of meditation! Perhaps you are not ready for it. Perhaps you need a lot more suffering to understand it. But just remember it. That is what you need. I recommend RSD transformation if you need more details. It is a good course of trauma release and raising consciousness. All those make-shift surface level solutions like porn filters and shit won't work. You are not a kid. Don't treat yourself as a kid. Have respect and love for yourself. Don't run away from the suffering but face it as a man. And how do you deal with those sexual urges? Get into sexual transmutation. Busting your nut is not the only way to get rid of your libido.

Go ahead and share your views on this...

If you had read past that first little sentence, you would know that I'm really only talking about a traditional type of spirituality that is generally associated with the world religions (Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, etc.). What I'm not talking about is for example a belief in supernatural phenomena (ghosts, crystals, auras, etc.), or being interested in personal development, or shamanism, or psychedelics. I'm talking about the place that all these non-dual teachers I've mentioned in some way draw their inspiration from or resonate with. The crucial characteristics of that place, along with "the search for the sacred", is a deeply embedded notion of progress/growth/transformation. I happened to go for a stroll on Wikipedia, and they put it like this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spirituality Notice how strongly it alludes to the concept of transformation. This is also tied to the historical origin of the "mythological worldview", which in a very fundamental way created the distinction between "who you are now" and "who you could be", and which arose in tandem with the world religions. John Vervaeke explains this very well here: 10:35 Leo hasn't managed to change his default experience into abiding non-dual awareness, and he has said he is more interested in experiencing deeper and deeper psychedelic states. This specific choice, is what I'm saying falls outside this traditional conception of spirituality.

I've made some major developments with my professional help and trauma healing. Changing my level of consciousness was key in this transformation. Making changes on the level of being, not doing or having was key for me. Changing yourself on the level of being is ineffable and hard to explain; you either get it or you don't; and if you do you don't need an explanation and if you don't you need an explanation and the only way you will get is when you are there. It can only be explained in metaphors, which I will try below. Eventually you want to get from low level of consciousness (LOC) to high level of consciousness. Summary of the two states: High LOC versus low LOC Positive attitude < negative attitude Love < fear Proactive < reactive Giving to others < taking from others Upward spiral < downward spiral Winner effect < loser effect Being a full person < being a broken person Selfless < selfishness Thriving < coping If you are a high LOC person people will perceive you as the sun. You don't have to do anything (like being a nice or interesting person), or have anything (like fancy clothes, better looks, whatever), just your being (LOC) will effect reality. I was really starstruck by this last week; my being (LOC) was changed thanks to something and my reality changed with me. It was really a mysterious moment. People started reacting very different to me, people stopping me on the street to talk to me, people just telling me they like me while I did nothing, I was like "wtf" is happening; I'm not doing anything different. That is what the sun is; it is just being the sun. If you are a low LOC person, you will not feel like a sun to others and yourself but you will feel like a black hole. People want to get away from you and from the pull of the black hole, and you will never be happy because of the phenomenon of hedonistic adaption. A black hole is also being but it is a negative being (low LOC) sucking all life force and material, while high LOC (the sun) is giving; giving life to everything in its orbit. I explained it with these two metaphors because LOC is really difficult to explain in plain text.

Question: When does the inner transformation take place when you're self-actualizing? I'm asking this because I suddenly felt something strange happening to me. I'm feeling much more comfortable with enlightenment than ever before. For example, I no longer care about other people's opinions of me, I'm no longer vindictive and I don't feel the need to get even with anyone. I'm also exploiting other "unenlightened" people to constantly remind myself of not falling into the same traps as them, and really turns those I used to hate into a learning experience. There's still many more challenges down the road, like conquering my fear of the unknown and uncertain, but I know I'll eventually conquer my fears. I've been wondering, why does this transformation feel very sudden? Is it because I haven't been paying attention to myself? If I'm not paying attention to my own growth then how can I grow in the first place? Sorry if I'm asking too many questions here. I just needed to get my thoughts straight.

When you become a stream enterer, along with self-perceptıon, these 2 will be fully eliminated. Doubt in the path:The experience of stream entry is such that afterwards, it's pretty clear that there is a path to some kind of freedom, and that the path works. You start to see clear patterns in dharma teachings, and see what the patterns point to. It can be more or less vivid depending on the person experiencing it, but the idea that might is all just be a waste of time and that nobody can get results is lost. Magical Luck based Thinking: You stop believing that you can get results without establishing the causes, and that you can avoid results for which you have created the causes. This is often explained as the loss of the belief in rites and rituals; the point there is not that you no longer believe that any rite or ritual could produce a result, but you no longer think that the result is magic: there is a reason why it works, and as a practitioner you are responsible for doing the work to bring about the result. --- I understand the challenge and convincing aspect of your current life. But permanent AND deep transformation is possible Much love

Cartoons are at the end of the day all caricatures and cartoonish representations of real human beings, their psychology and life in general, no matter how much a kernel of truth each of them might hold and want to point to and show towards, they are fundamentally limited in some aspects in depicting it accurately. At the end the video, it advocates a stage Orange prescriptor and materialist solution to their perceived low quality conformist life and lifestyle of some individuals in Russia, which sounds much more simpler in theory than it is in practice of how such a fundamental wealth, prosperity and abundance transformation might occur for not just in a part, but of and for the whole of Russia. And of course it is biased in showing all or most Ukranians as implicitly more prosperous and developed on the average than most Russians, playing in into nationalist self-adulating, self-gratifying and self-ascribed overall superiority on the average and collective and collective identity homogenization false and flawed common traps, tropes and pitfalls of us vs them faulty, incomprehensive and unholistic selective narratives, that play into war as means of final, easy and quick solutions and gains of something for those same manipulative governments and organizations, while Ukraine had one of the worst GDPs and relative yearly GDP growths in Europe relative to total population size in one significant and large period relative to the 2014 crisis and until the onset of this war of all the former Soviet Socialist Republics, because of a plethora of problems, some externally caused by Russia of course but a lot of them internal, not one of which was very severee acute corruption among a plethora of different and rotating government officials, not just pro-Russian ones. However I will admit the resemblences between this stereotypized Russian young guy transformative and influential childhood and young adult growing up period before being drafted as a soldier and a typical Serb nationalist sports thug and/or football fan in some of their caricaturized stereotypical habits, ways of behaving and some similarities in some historical or world outlooks and attitudes is very stark in representation in this video (even though there are plenty of sports fans stereotypized in Ukraine like this as well) ? Was this video and cartoon made soon afterward during the mobilization announcement, or is it from before just after Bucha, since I noticed the patterns of subtly suggesting plundering, robbery, massacres and rape, as a sort of fear and panic creation and sowing propaganda campaign of threat of revenge and reprisals against more Russian soldiers who are maybe thinking in volunteering or getting involved, not fully on board or voluntary, through this latest mobilzation call and draft in some parts of the Ukraine war in the frontline contested or currently occupying areas? And, yes in reference to your claim on LOC environments determining you future, yes that is surely apart but there is also a wider cultural doctrination and programming at play in it as well, shaped by the espoused official ideology of historical revisionism and interpretation of the civilization and culture and aspects of which you choose more or less to identify with and claim and feel belonging to, nationalism by your state and who it predominantly excludes, blames, demonizes and targets as a scape goat or trumped up alarmist outer threat by your official government policy and stance ? Nobody can escape this sometimes if the state has enough power, control and coercion over your wider civil society and no matter on which class level you are situated onto in the wider nation's society as a whole, generally located in, in terms overall more likely geographic location or area abundance and dispersion in your state, or feel belonging to. It is the young, poor and those on the lower socio-economic class levels in society that are killed most in wars, and on the flipside are often the ones who are most likely the one's to resort to kill and to benefit from wars due to relatively more mobile, quicker and easier social ladder advancements and gains, in terms of some other more difficult, long-term trying and demanding proffesions. And yes young poor and unqualified in other professions, contract soldier, volunteered and drafted Ukrainian soldiers are also benefiting and have an implicit incentive and deeply baked in driven personal and social career advancement interest and profit motive as well in their state apart from the collective solidarity, care and values patriotic one for eliminating, killing, maiming and disabling as much as possible and as many as possible younger or older Russian soldiers and their equipment drafted into Ukraine and constructed and invested in military infrastructure and getting rid of their possible supporters in the civilian populations in some areas in this war as well if they win in terms of the benefits they might receive later and military professional advancement opportunities in their new state order, if you want to look at it on that flipside from that part as well ?.

Nope. Meditation is extremely effective at accessing and ACTUALLY reprogramming the subconscious mind, unlike psychedelics which offer temporary shifts. The examples you’re describing are not indicative of meditation, but the individuals. If the individuals really wanted to go in and face their fears, reprogram their minds, deconstruct their world views and seek truth, meditation is an indispensable tool. Meditation doesn’t necessarily or automatically create transformation, it demands the practitioner do more than just the practice - contemplation, right action, speech, thought, studying, and working with a real teacher.

Painting the Roses Red An obsession with fantasy and delusion guide much of human action, we seek to change the fruit or flower itself while avoiding the connected processes, the soil and root are too dirty and beneath us, we waste time and complain because we want to be inefficient, it is a dedicated lifestyle choice which alleviates perceived responsibility or blame, it is a short term strategy which allows failure to grow into a monster which you or another must one day face; debt is the lifestyle of a coward, the easy path to hell. You will realize that it is not individual occurrence but entire patterns of being which require total transformation, death and rebirth, in order to achieve the desired goal. You are not willing to die to yourself to achieve your goals, you will cheat, you will wimp out, you will choose the path to hell because you refuse to be good, and even your goals in themself will be revealed as wicked coping mechanisms. It was a conscious choice you chose and keep choosing, which sprawled into a pattern, one lie, one refusal of duty or using sickness to escape class. Your choices become you, life is fair. Your way will likely never work but you lack humility, it is you which must adapt to new ways. Take no joy in feeling good enough, be thankful you never can be. Never stop improving. Pride and self sufficience is delusion meant to sway the scales of right and wrong to not be judged by a standard “before God”, to make believe a grading system that always lands me as winner. It is your refusal to do what is best that prevents what is best from appearing, I believe bad luck to work in this unconscious way, it is moral virtue and courage which shines light on the unconscious. People would benefit from giving up their freedom for a time to a superior, follow orders from another who has good intention, as you yourself often don’t have good intentions, your thoughts often lie. After all, they’re yours. It is your pride that makes you slave to self as tyrant. You fail because there is more of you which wants to fail than is of you which wants success, no one wants to be told their illness or abuse is their creation, that the crumbling of their life is by their hand, but often it is just such the case; when I say often or generalize, it is in high likelihood I speak directly to you. It is your choice to be a victim. It is a state of being, not something experienced. You have white roses and you work for a tyrant, did she ask for red or white? She wants red now, and what she said before has long been forgotten by her, a spoiled predator of convenience. You work for a demon and are unfit to complain about potential beheading. Become someone noble, who works for the greater good, be honest and good, and don’t support those who are corrupt, especially if it’s part of you. Every choice you make matters. Do not value the favor of a corrupt kingdom, be rid of those connections entirely. The colorless and quick to kneel will keep on painting roses, your head isn’t worth so much. Smile at the guillotine and know that you are good “I didn’t choose for this to happen!” Sayeth the fool who knoweth not even WHOMST thou art! Toodles.

And most philosophers did not understand the importance of state of being. I mean, they did not understand that thought is reflective of the state of being, and thought, in that sense, is the appearance of state of being. I mean, some philosophers, as I understand, understood this situation, at least to an extent, like Hegel, Plotinus, Plato, and Spinoza, and the Stoics, that they understood the importance of being in the state of peace, love and tranquility. They seem to, sorta kinda, understand that, but I don't see that any of them worked on that extensively. They become so involved in the process of thinking, and model building, that they were not aware of the background of the state of being that they did experience. That was like a given for them, that they became that mode of being in their own modality, but what was the ground on which they became them? Now, I know, I might, in a sense, be overgeneralizing, but what is it in them that made them "them" that they were? I'm seeing that Heidegger was pretty aware of the importance of understanding being for the sake of being, but what is it that is being that is the experience of being? What is the ground of being if being is being in its own very beingness that made him possible for him? And, at that point, you may say "but then that is 'overmystifying' being", and that what I said about them modelling experience, and being another part of that modelling of the experience, can also be applied to what I'm saying here, and that can be, in a sense, an inevitable loop of "being", when it is the experience of consciousness. But isn't philosophy, then, the experience of reaching towards yourself to discover and build yourself with the "tools" that you have, that are concepts, and concepts of concepts, "possibly" ad infinitum, that makes you you, that makes you the experience of transformation that, then, explains itself? That's one of my questions about being, or of being, the process of "gathering information". What even is information if being is being, and if being is, also, the mode of being that it is? What makes a thing a thing, or a mode of being a thing, if it also is the mode of being itself?