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I am interested in hearing more. I guess for me, even if the "life is a dream" paradigm may raise more questions, that doesn't mean I have to reject that paradigm as being a potential possibility. I can see that the creation is slightly different. For the dreamer god, the creation is a dream and imagined with the physical world being dreamed. For the nonduality god, there could still technically be a physical world or it too could be all in the mind. Yes I see that with non-duality, we are the Earth and it really isn't death but rather transformation of the self with the self.

I'm seeing a common pattern in all spiritual students these days (which includes most of my students). 'I've done lots of psychedelics. I have been meditating for a few years with relative consistency. I do have solid experiential glimpses of some of the insights spiritual teachers talk about. But I feel like no progress has been made 99% of any given day. No access to clear understanding and truth. My normal state of consciousness even after meditating is extremely poor. I don't know what to do and I'm starting to get sick of this perpetual cycle my mind dwells in.' First of all, let's get the essential ingredient out of the way. If you are working with wrong intentions, techniques and can't execute them exactly as the instructions ask you to, then you won't get anywhere even after 40 years of meditation. Make sure you get this right. It is the first step. But let's assume you do understand the instructions and know what exact skills you are developing and aiming for; so now what? The understanding of how the process of meditation unfolds - having some baseline skills - by itself, won't result in deep transformation. Potential for backsliding exists in each moment without permanent awakening. It is definitely a challenging aspect of this journey and you should smell the roses if you arrive at 'I can finally do this meditation thing. It actually unveils the illusions of my mind' but once that is circumvented, you need to actually do HOURS of high-level meditation back to back to consolidate insights, strengthen awareness and integrate the truth to each and every activity you enjoy doing. Absolute understanding will already integrate and consolidate the spiritual insights into daily life. But that process requires some nudging in the right directions via cultivation of healthy mental habits: The reduction of craving and self-perception. Also, contemplation will be needed in the future for further exploration. To do that, you cant 'half-ass' the training. Only after 4-8 hours straight high level practice daily will you start moving the needle and creating some inertia. ---- I'm a fairly laid-back guy and maybe some of the instructions I give may appear too 'rigid' or 'disciplined'. That is because to get any of the benefits of this path, you need to apply yourself. But you need to do this process with a smile on your face. After developing the baseline skills, you will have EXTREMELY high levels of motivation to meditate in each moment, in each activity. In fact, you'll sacrifice time you'd prefer indulging in your most enjoyable hobby to meditate more and enhance consciousness. After arriving at that pioint, keep riding the momentum and practice HOURS back to back each day. Go deeper and resist the temptation to rest on your accomplishments. You'll be glad you did. Hope this motivates some of you who are stuck in a rut. Maybe more attention to detail must be given by teachers letting students know how much they are missing out on by dwelling in 'normal' states of consciousness distorted by countless mental illusions. Much love, Arda

Have not posted on here for a while but I have not been in the best place, feeling better today however. I notice I feel a whole lot worse living up to other people's expectations of you & doing things just to please others. I went to see my Dad over in Ireland, it was nice to talk to him but at the same time I was wasting my days just so I could go back to sleep. I found it uncomfortable being out of my ordinary routine. I am back in the UK now but slowly becoming more conscious of how I am wasting most days.... trying to learn to love & appreciate the present moment of life. My mind always wants to get somewhere instead & not enjoying the experience. I decided to read Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg & going to start small. I really want to change certain routines in my life. I am going to celebrate each habit that I do. I need to journal more so I can express myself more clearly. It feels very hard being stuck in your own thinking. Making a seperate post for the Tiny Habits transformation that I will be doing, I am only 26 & need to think more positively. Not many people my age know about personal development & self transformation. I must think more highly of myself to increase my own self worth & esteem. I try my best & I am not going to be so harsh or self critical for set backs in my life. i must love myself more, I must love others more. The inner critic is hard to deal with but love will heal everything. I have to be more kind towards myself, I don't currently have a career. My financial situation is not the greatest but I am in a first world country & have family around me that love me. I am loved by others but still feel lonely. I need to express self love towards myself. I am in a good position in life & need to stop comparing myself to others. It's all about how you perceive reality.

I have been reading tiny habits by BJ Fogg & finding it super interesting. Going to keep myself accountable by putting all the habits I am doing on a consistent basis on this journal. Going to start Tiny for behaviour change to happen. I am going to be using the MAP model to incorporate healthy habits for myself.

It was a long post to go through covering different aspects to sex, absolutely deep and profound, kudos @Galyna Sex is not just bodies at play, it’s also an exploration for the mind to the direction of extreme pleasure when mind seeks asylum in the polar opposite in its duality, the physical sensations and emotions are the first thing that meets the eye of an ordinary lusty mind. For the advanced, sex is the whole of infinity what one calls god and other calls nothingness when Masculine hacks and penetrates the feminine essence of absolute beauty and brings her to bloom with ecstasy and shows her the absolute lucidity of truth. it is a transformation for those who understand spirituality and can source connect, the sex is about consciousness and the absolute intelligence manifesting itself to bring creation. God planting itself in the nature of duality creating absolute burst of divine potent energy and unlimited joy. Sex = Source of universe

Am I deluded? Am I smart? Am I crazy/flippant? Am I Mad? Or am I both? I guess I'm more crazy than I'm mad. ..... Anyway these characters are a Doorway into who I am. Sex can make you tired. Even being horny for long periods of time makes me very tired. That's a huge disadvantage. But it is healing and curative. What turns me on? A guy who tries to steal me. From myself. I'm deeply introverted. And morning I was thinking about how introversion can actually cure me. It is one thing that will help. Being introverted makes me crave intimacy. Because I'm sexually repressed? I kept my feelings hidden for so long in fact I wasn't even in touch with them. I did not even explore my feelings. I always shamed myself for any sexual thoughts. I think a huge part of this reason was my second ex boyfriend Mr Bud. He was notorious. He was a freak. He would show me porn videos that I never liked. ( I have rape fantasies but rape fantasy is just rough sex, being tied up,nothing more) So his stuff was weird. Once he said that he would pass me around and that angered me. I think that's where I stopped talking about sex with him because I saw no point in encouraging sex with him. Probably that created a negative image of Sex in my mind. Bud was an Indian guy and I stopped dating Indian guys at that point. Because I was always "virgin" shamed in these relationships. They wanted me to be sexual but at the same time every time I wanted to open up sexually I was made to feel like a slut. That further repressed me.. Made me feel like I wasn't supposed to talk about sex, it was some kind of a taboo. I remember one day I wore red lipstick while going to the hospital. And Bud was with me and on the way he whispered into my ears, "you look like a whore." I was like wtf. "you shouldn't wear that red lipstick." And I got defiant and told him, "I can do whatever the fuck I want." I broke up with Bud because he was so controlling. He never made me feel sexy Every time I tried to open up sexually with him, he would make it sound like I'm a whore. It was difficult because all I wanted was normal sex that happens between couples. But Bud had no problem talking about gangrape yet I was the whore??? The sexism and hypocrisy was driving me crazy. I had to fight him off.. It was always competitive. He would never fulfill me. He would make it me versus him all the time. Like if I needed sex he would deliberately push me away. It was all about him. I think he became a major source of my sexual anxiety So thanks to Bud, I could never think positive about sex.. The real transformation came with Joseph the American boyfriend. He did it for me. He told me to open up. He told me things he would do to me. Things that Bud never said he would. There was a huge difference. I felt sexually liberated for the first time. I felt powerful. I felt good.. I orgasmed all night with Joseph like almost 3 times in a row. I was drenched wet. Joseph was encouraging me and sexualizing me like sexing me up.. I did not feel bad for being horny or wet. This was the first time. I did not feel guilt or frustration. It was pure surrender and it was soft. I was just laying in bed feeling absolutely taken and owned by Joseph. This was the first time I actually enjoyed the feeling.

@Leo Gura Ok. I will look through your videos on Epistemology. The reason I bring up your story with that person is because some of what you mentioned there lined up with what I have been experiencing lately. As a result of shifting into a nondual place of perception in the past 6 months or so my mind has been at peace and equanimous however it is my body has struggled to keep up with the transformation. Prolonged exhaustion and nausea arise whenever I engage in my usual nondual practices. Do you remember any more of your exchange with this person, and why did their awakening trigger their physiology in such a way?

don't like the title of this journal maybe just Emotional Intelligence Training or something would be better. i like to reframe challenging situations in my life as an emotionally intelligence game. this way, i stop getting overly identified with the problem and i see it more in a neutral-playful way. playing too much chess! i have to diversify my hobbies a bit. i was trying to play checkers online, but almost nobody plays it other things that i thought of doing: - download & play crash bandicoot 3 warped - play (and record) the piano more - express myself artistically (maybe painting) - find a book to read (i will start the book "Speak". it sounds interesting and not too difficult to read) - make 10 minute session of organizing (deliberately short so that i actually do it) - stretching & gentle yoga so things like that. two things that i used to care that now i choose to alienate myself from: politics & soccer. both of which were just pissing me off. reflecting about my experience in this forum it's crazy to think that i use this forum for over 6 years. i went through a big transformation. back in 2016-17, i was in a state of deep confusion, as if i was lost in a dark forest. i thought psychedelics & spirituality were the answer to my problems. nothing could be farther from the truth. >> the freaking power of premium psychotherapy + premium psychiatric sessions is unbelievable << it's really expensive, but it's the best investment i could ever do in my life. i finally feel healthy once again. i feel like my true me again. just working my way up the hierarchy of needs. it's really easy to forget about the foundation and try to reach the top. but without a solid base, everything's gonna fall apart college's been good i've been able to make some friends in my class, which is really important. because if i were to go to the classes just because of the classes per se, then it'd be depressing. in a way, it's good that it took me more years to get into college. i'm 25, and i'm in my second year. i feel much more prepared to go through the college experience. i'm doing it because I want it. not because society tells me so. and also, because my mental health is being taken care of, i can experience the challenges as for what they actually are, and not get amplified by 100x because of depression. there are some other older students in my class but i don't feel like them tbh. i relate much more to the ones that are in their early 20's. but i do like to diversify the groups that i interact with. regarding social groups, i'm polygamic lol. i hope the hybrid modality continues! there's been protests against this. my college basically wants that about half of the course will be through online real-time classes. to me, that's great. i feel no desire to go to the college every single day. i feel like by going there fewer times, when i actually go, the experience is heightened. i hope this doesn't change, because it's been comfortable for me.

Booyaa, another day to grind on it. Yesterday didnt write. Recap. Was very tired following 1st day back to Gym... partial blame going to junk-food diet (I believe gluten comes with a 24-48 hour energy crash... and also smoked a bowl of weed after breakfast... Laid in my van all morning/afternoon, did some calls to get ball rolling on new ID, and a job program, listened to more Dispenza mostly. Bought energy drink after lunch and ibuprofen, which mostly knocked out the exhausted feeling, Doordashed for a few hours. Sticking point : Talking to people and start to internally dwell on conversation points too much. Also getting more into conscious creation of the life I want to live... rewiring brain via doing more what I want to be , and removing actions that I dont want... altogether less procrastination. Sticking Point #2 : Learning to say No to people... definitely people trying to use me from the homeless shelter, like I ghosted the guy wasting my time trying to be my new gym buddy. "I got business to handle" Started several threads , as I am just like "why not spam the forums with questions I want to work on?" Also watched Leo's 1st video in Start Here, really good overview starter video, crazy how I feel like I know 60% of it already, but the thing is *fundamentals* so drilling in the basics irregardless if I know 90% or not... as how can I teach it if I dont know it through and through? Definitely gonna have to add meditation ASAP. Im already getting more clear and crisp feeling, only 5-6 days into starting to turn my life around Adding 20-30 seconds of cold shower to every shower. Havnt updated my journal in a few days on Actualized.org Wrote a post and accidentally deleted it. Went to gym and worked out hard, really helped "dial-in" (effects diminshed after 24-48 hours) Had a guy starting to leech off me, drug me around wasting my time... Gotta work on saying No. (Self-respect, commitments to my other plans, people gotta respect me saying No or kick them out immediately) Smoked weed with that leecher, bought me a gram and started being lazy, reinstalled a game, lost momentum, relapsed into old identity (note to self, keep practicing identity change, it is *not* a one time thing, but an active ongoing process requiring daily commitment) Cut back on people altogether again, maybe its because there is a lingering effect of weed making me like that for up to 3 days after? Will see. Leecher got kicked out of Salv. Army housing and ghosted him. Kinda ghosting everybody (cuz of weed's effect) Been wasting a lot of time throughout the day... doing some doordash in morning , lying around most of afternoon and evening.. Seems like life is an *energy game* , mylenating neuron pathways through repetition, body prefers using less energy and defaulting back to old habits... Felt like 'two step forward, one step backwards' until getting thrown off that day with leecher and picking up smoking weed a few days and reinstalling a game. Loss of drive, emotionally monotone feeling. Lined up for a Career 'Work Ready'program, going to be ongoing with daily classes , preparing for interviews, getting resume fixed up, learning skills related to field I want to work in, help with finding employers,and the whole 9 yards. Got a birth certificate ordered - 2 weeks tho, get my ID and SS card following that... Things Im working on implementing to daily routine Cold Shower Wim Hof + Meditation habit Going thru Transformation Academy classes Going thru Actualized.org classes Every 2-3 days going to Gym Getting to sleep early (no lights including phone) around 9pm , waking up at 5/6am Going thru Optimize mini-classes Earning extra $20-60/day Doordashing Need to identify goal for entreprenurship and commit to doing that around the clock Need to write down list of Self-Inquiry questions Need to work on schedule and measuring success towards commitments. Need to create a study habit... like an environment where I aim to be productive (because lazy in my bed/van/tv) , maybe start going to library/coffee shop and do Pomodoro technique and try 3 blocks of 30-60 mins of goal-oriented activity. Also dressing up like 'im going to work' maybe that will help with feeling like 'this is work time' instead of constantly dipping off on my phone being lazy. Definitely slacking though. Hopefully a few days off weed and doing some Wim Hof/working out will help reset back... what originally seemed to get me going last week was 1) a girl playing therapist for me with lots of "i love you" intimacy + eye contact (not romantic love at all,just like "i care about"love and providing me space to open up , and 2) getting pissed off at some cops harrassing me, really spiked my emotions , which is kinda the opposite after smoking/chilling too much feeling emotionally monotone now Anyways, one of my biggest lessons so far has been "When falling off the horse, you must get right back on it" as this applies to habits/personal change... If I let one or two more days go without journaling, Im essentially going to have to start all over again... so here we go, back on the horse I get. Much love -Kory

The difference between someone who's awake on some level and someone who's enlightened is huge. Awakening doesn't require much transformation; enlightenment requires the whole system to be transformed and aligned with the highest truth.

Some major shifts in my perception about dating: Thanks to the work of Robert Moore I learned that real shifts in perceptions come through crises. One should actively look to create a crises in one’s life to initiate transformation. This is what I discovered about people and women. In summary I learned I shouldn’t put them on a pedestal. I did for a very long time and I knew I shouldn’t but now it just clicks. Lessons: I overvalued physical beauty. I was a servant of obscurity/devil. The tragicomic thing is when you don’t value the thing you will get it thrown on your lap A woman is not your mother. She doesn’t love you for you. She loves you for what you mean to her. don’t take advice from a woman on how to be a man if you want to fuck around with girls, position yourself rightly. Physical, emotional, mental weakness is punished. Strength is rewarded. It is really true that in your figuratively speaking darkest hour, you will find salvation. So don’t postpone the darkest hour. The answer is within but you need to seek it outside yourself to come to the conclusion that is not outside of yourself: you already have everything you need Change in perception is the deepest teachings

I recommend both, they compliment each other. I never done nor inquired into the program you mentioned, but I know Julien Blanc is an RSD instructor. As far as I know, much of the PUA community and RSD material is based on manipulation tactics and strategy, whether it is manipulation of internal state or of the environment. Sorry to break it to you, manipulation will not transform you, because you are already manipulating your internal state and the environment. Real transformation is about maturing, not adopting new ways of relating to circumstance. If you want to mature, you need to let go of your self induced childhood patterns. Psychedelics will show you some of this and connect you, at least temporarily, to a more integrated and honest experience of life. If you want real "growth", it is about becoming as honest as you can be, and becoming conscious of all the patterns you adopted throughout your life, and deciding whether to drop them or not. It is also about bringing to your Consciousness everything that your repress. If this type of work interest you, I invite to research "shadow work" and contemplation of unconscious mind. Psychedelics accelerate this process because they increase Consciousness by showing you the content of your subconscious mind, which tends to dominate your experience and fixate your life to a certain form. In my personal experience, Ayahuasca is the most transformative psychedelic. Ayahuasca provides not only ego death (when needed), but also forces you to deal with your emotions. It will also show you the deepest material of your unconscious mind - the deepest fears, sorrow, pain that you hold. Ayahuasca is not a walk in the park, it is serious emotional work. But it is worth it.

I've been doing inner work for almost 2 years now with no results should I just take psychedelics to see what happens? I've been doing Transformation Mastery by Julien Blanc which hasn't helped me unfortunately.

Welcome... So this thread won't be anything like my other journal (The Light) where I sorta just implode in my random thoughts and feelings in the most authentic way I know I can. Yeah, this won't be that kinda place for me. Here I'll be logically laying out my experiences and lessons I'm getting from engaging consciously with spirituality. I'll be doing a lot of reflecting and revelation-writing: talking about my awakenings and the most enlightening experiences. Also, the title of this thread is in fact inspired by the work of Shakti Gawain whose book, ‘Living in the Light - A Guide to Personal and Planetary Transformation’, I had quite recently stumbled upon and find myself really resonating with. It's really the most random and yet perfect-timing kind of thing for me to have come across that book, but I won't say too much. So, basically this thread is about the shifting of my view of reality - the way I see the world to be - so maybe just reality itself, into a world of more clarity and more power and more life. I'll be recording my shifts in consciousness, permanent or temporary, and just noting down the impacts like how it's affecting me and how it's reflecting in the way I live my life. So yeah, enjoy.

Greg: Hello, spirit of guidance. Spirit Guide: I am here, my friend. Greg: I am a little puzzled by something. Quite confused, in fact. Spirit Guide: Have you noticed how some of our very best conversations, featuring some of the richest realizations begin when you take that position? When you are willing to admit to your internal dissonance, describe it carefully and then open yourself to a new transcendent understanding you do a special kind of magic. An alchemical transformation. Lead into Gold. Fear and discomfort into love and delight. And of course we are going to do the same thing right now. And it all begins when you describe your difficulty. So, go ahead. What puzzles you, my friend? Greg: How would you define me? Spirit Guide: A spark of eternal, divine light who has chosen to express itself as Love, who is currently, momentarily, experiencing incarnation as a human being on Planet Earth. Greg: Thank you. I needed to be reminded of that. Spirit Guide: You already know this. Why can't you remind yourself? Greg: Well, I could. I wanted your company, as well. Spirit Guide: I am always with you. There isn't a single moment in all of NOW that I am not with you. Greg: Then why can't I call on your assistance whenever I wish? Spirit Guide: You most certainly can! Greg: For the last week I sat every day at my laptop and tried to produce an intuitive conversation with you and received nothing in return. Spirit Guide: Why do you think that is? Greg: I guess I am not always aware of your presence. Sometimes I sit here and nothing comes. Sometimes I get bits and pieces, but they don’t hang together correctly and I know it’s not right and I end up deleting what I have written. But mostly I just don’t FEEL it. Mostly the feeling is that I should be doing something other than writing. Is that laziness? Procrastination? I don’t know. I thought to ask you about it. Spirit Guide: Oh, I definitely can help you with this. But I have a question of my own for you before I answer yours: What is different when you DO manage to write something? Greg: Everything! I might have months and months of struggling and then, one morning I just wake up and I feel different. I feel ready. Spirit Guide: And then? Greg: And then it’s usually quite easy. I sit down and write. It’s not exactly effortless. Getting the info is “heavy lifting”. And getting it all straight in my mind takes a lot of work. The writing itself is easy enough. And then there’s a bit of editing and cleaning up to make sure the words represent, as perfectly as possible, the concepts that I originally received. So it takes work, certainly. But it flows and I feel I can do it. Spirit Guide: So it goes from sticky and impossible to suddenly quite doable. Greg: Yes, exactly. Spirit Guide: And? What changes? What are you doing differently on these occasions when it is doable? Greg: I was hoping you could tell me. Then I can just always do whatever it is and I’ll just be able to get on with my writing! Spirit Guide: My dear, sweet child. Do you not see? You are not doing anything different when you can successfully write. It is simply so that you have some wildly inappropriate expectations the rest of the time. You believe that there should be a release through you, and from me, within some kind of a regular time period that you can control. But this is just not so. When I speak to and through you, I do not simply speak to human consciousness. I speak at very specific intervals when human consciousness is ready for what I have to say. Sometimes, when consciousness is transforming relatively rapidly on Earth, I might have a rapid succession of things to say. Then you will be kept busy by me. Sometimes there are blockages that need to be worked out in the collective consciousness of humanity, and what I have to say must wait. Then there is a longer pause. The point is, these things cannot be rushed. And it will most certainly not do to offer information before it’s time. This might actually cause more harm than good. And then, too, sometimes things are moving along exactly as they should, and nothing need be said for some time. Beloved one, nothing is by accident and nothing is random about any of this. We are engaged in a very highly purposeful, highly intentional process. So I ask you to entirely let go of the idea that my releases through you should follow a pattern of regularity that you can depend upon. They will not. They will come when I decide the time is right. And, as you have seen, trying to “force it” doesn’t get you anything. You must be patient. And, alas, so must your readers. For there are those who benefit from our conversations. So, patience is the first thing that will be required of you going forward. Beyond that I have, what I am sure you will find to be, a very useful recommendation: Instead of thinking that you must put some time aside to write every day, rather set time aside each day which you call your “tuning in to listen” time. Sit in front of your laptop for this time as it is your style, and what works for you, to record in writing the things that you receive. But please note: you are not sitting down “to write”. You are sitting down “to listen”. If you find what you receive in such a session to be worth recording - write it down. Then do with that as you see fit. If, for example, what you receive on that occasion, takes our central conversation forward, then add that to my communications. If, on the other hand, what you receive on that occasion is only relevant to you and your growth, then this is most certainly not of “less value” than an item for public release. Rather this is of MORE VALUE, as this is a part of you, fulfilling your core purpose. Which is your own self-healing and spiritual growth. Do remember, as you contemplate this, that you are only able to help others, only able to offer healing, only able to receive shareable information to the degree that you are healing yourself and aligning yourself with your divine, Inner-Self. So, working on yourself must come first. Your spiritual awakening IS your purpose. Your spiritual awakening is your own, intensely personal, journey. Everything else, including gifting information to others, is secondary. A beneficial, secondary consequence that comes as a by-product of your true purpose. Nothing more. Nothing less. To be continued... March 31st, 2022.

Decided I am going to make an online journal for my own personal growth. I typically spend a lot of my time procastinating during my days, sitting around all day feeling numb while being addicted to digital devices. I want this to be a new beginning for me, I have been mentally masterbaiting in the self help world for years now. It just makes you feel worse as you know what you should be doing but don't take action. I am going to come up with a set of goals that I would like to achieve & take daily action on it. I have not experienced much of life & don't really find many things that I am passionate about. I hope this journal will help me try to see reality in a more optimistic way. As of late I have been dealing with a ton of self sabotage/negative thoughts which seems to further enhance procrastination. I know I can achieve so much more with this life, my intuition tells me that. When your mind sense of self is so hardwired into performing certain activities, you get used to it, putting yourself into a rut. I have a lot of inner work to do just to get my ego to a healthy state. Everyday I tell myself, "tomorrow will be different", but I am exactly the same day after day, because tomorrow never comes. You have to be so willing to change yourself to your very core. I do think accountability is very important on this journey of personal development as it can provide useful emotional support when times get tough. I am almost 26 so I am still young to make a change in my life, I have a huge fear of getting into my 40's & 50's & still being in the same place but I will still be in the same place if I don't change. It's so incredibly easy to leech money off of others & be lazy all day, basically doing nothing. I want to become a high value man. Figuring out my LP is probably going to be one of my toughest hurdles as I have a huge lack in life experience but I will do 1 hour of Leo's LP course daily as it is better than doing nothing. Sometimes I feel conflicted on what I actually desire in terms of my own values but I think you have to start somewhere + you don't really know until you are living it. I am not going to try to do to much at once, otherwise that will lead to a burn out but I am going to try to document my days as best as I can, I know there will be ups & downs but going to try have a bigger picture. I will add more goals to the list as I come up with more. Goals Improve my game/socialization Figure out LP Eliminate negative habits (being addicted to phone ect...) Consistent meditative practices (1 hour daily) Put on more muscle mass Move into own place Consistent sleep schedule Financial freedom Releasing childhood traumas Most important goals for me right now in order are #1 Priority goals Eliminating negative habits (nail biting, to much screen time, Procrastination ect.) Consistent sleep schedule (11pm - 7am weekdays & 3am - 10am weekends) Moving out Figuring out LP Consistent meditation practice Anyway, that's it for my first journal post! Onwards & upwards

March 1 I suffer leg injury from a fall in the bathroom. It's over for me for the next few days. I walk with the help of a stick. Trying to relax as much as possible right now. It's March 1. I need to fill my orange beret journal. Juicy birdy insights. I also have my Zegglife trademark logo ready. This is my brand and I'm proud of my brand. This is the logo I create or take from the internet. It's a willow tree. This becomes the symbol for my holistic life and purpose. On March 1 I come up with the concept of the Emperor Archetype who I call Emperor Olaf inspired by how people can live happily under a benevolent king/Emperor who won't be tyrannical like Putin. While being bedridden due to leg injury I also start my new YouTube channel called Zegglife. March 3 I learn about Russia and Britain in WW2. I am lying on the floor crying and thinking how could this even be possible. I am going through a cathartic process. I can't imagine that these people are Christian. The soldiers are Christian. How could they rape women? I can't imagine this. This is an Abrahamic religion. I'm terrified. I decide it's time to abandon Christianity. The God of Abraham cannot be a good God. I make up my mind. I abandon Christianity on March 3. I make a thread on it. I'm-abandoning-Christianity. March 4 I start the journal 'My Religious Transformation' - March 5 I start the journal 'The Roman(magnum opus).' This is my journal entry on that day. "I'm so happy right now. Extremely happy. I no longer need Christianity although I still like the teachings of Christ. Now I have the religion of Deihism that fixes my spiritual issues. ⚖️... This is the temporary symbol, the balance" That day I invent my own religion and name it Deihism. - March 6 I start a journal 'Everyday people' to document the struggles and victories of everyday people. - March 7 I start a journal on Christianity. I want to explore both Judaism and Christianity and learn more from these religions. On March 7, I discover a channel with an extremely feminine woman and I'm very impressed with that. And I decide to explore femininity in more depth. So I start threads on femininity. One thread titled "What do guys on this forum consider as feminine?" what-do-guys-on-this-forum-consider-as-feminine I go deeper into concepts on March 7. I realize that I'm unable to complete the weekly journal March 1 - March 8 because of my mental health struggles due to various issues including the war. So I abandon that journal. I start a new journal March 7. It includes many useful insights that I arrive at on that day. On March 7 I write this entry in my journal - " I'm unable to follow the old format. So today is March 7 and I don't want to put an end date on my journal. I just want to keep tracking as long as I want. All my thoughts, emotions and actions and insights are going to be here. This liberates me from a time constraint. " I also realize that Kamala Harris has a very feminine smile and is a good role model. I want to see this woman's smile everyday. It's kinda uplifting. She looks like a cool mother figure to me. March 8 I write a curious comment in my journal " I'm so fed up with bias." The comment is inspired by the thread "What do guys on this forum consider as feminine?" especially by this comment what-do-guys-on-this-forum-consider-as-feminine I kinda get tired of arguing on the forum and fall asleep. I wake up feeling better and then I write my wonderful insight here Insight I also start the journal 'I don't think I'm very feminine on the same day. - March 9 I start the journal 'How must we be as a nation.' I also want to apply the example of a nation to life. I start the journal 'driftwood' and it explores general thoughts. Drifting mind. By March 9 I realize how important femininity is to my Iife. - March 10 I have understood that femininity helps me more than anything. I only want to be surrounded by feminine women and feminine men. That way I stay safe. And I feel much better and energized with femininity. I feel aggressed upon by masculinity. I can't take it anymore. I'm changing everything in my life for the better and I want to have a fresh start in my life using feminine principles. Masculinity is harmful to me. It caused me permanent damage. Feminists in this regard can be damaging to women. I also made threads on cultivating femininity.

Dear Light I think I am tired now. I don't know, I think I am tired of playing ignorant.. even if I may or may not doing it on purpose, but.. there's no point stalling and pretending anymore. I want to live in truth. Remember I asked if I can be enlightened without being frightened? Well I think I know the answer now. And it's a definite no. All my life I've been frightened by new things, new experiences, until I got used to them and understood them. In all those times I was learning, I was growing, so why should it be anything different now? But you know what else I realized? It's that the real darkness doesn't lie ahead in the unknown, but it resides right here, in comfort zone, in the realm of the ignorant, where there can hardly be any learning and growing. I've realized that true growth and learning comes from befriending death, because growing into something new means the death of the old identity - death is transformation, it has never been cessation. My dear Light, you've been with me thus far, surely it is for a purpose. So whatever it is, please know that I am now ready for it. I'll will try harder to acknowledge you in every moment of my being, and in return I pray there is revelation of my Truth - what I am and what it means to be me. So go ahead, frighten me, for I now know that what I am is too immense to be prepared for. I only have my mortality to offer, let it be put to the ultimate use in teaching me what I need to learn. Amen

How is it any different then going to Ayahuasca/5-MEO ceremony, receiving legal services or purchasing vegetables in the supermarket? The vehicle for the transmission is a life form, do you really expect it to give of his time and abilities for free? It also needs to survive as human being. On the contrary, if the transmission was for free, that would jeopardize many more people who are not in a place in their life to encounter such a transformation. When you pay for something, you should consider what are you paying for. It is money "out of pocket", so you will deploy your skepticism carefully and research well before the transmission. Free transmission are far more dangerous IMO.

Transformation process is accessed via diverse means. If your purpose is to return to who you really are, it is more about letting go or releasing the adopted patterns that dominate your experience. Of course, you can always transform by adopting new patters, which may or may not be useful for your self agenda, but that transformation will be shallow. You are already you, but we hide this from ourselves and others because we want to manipulate reality to fit our agenda and ideals. You don't have to move a finger to be who you already are. However, we engage in so many activities (thought & behavior patterns) that conceal or hide the real you. The process of bringing all patterns to our cognition - becoming conscious of our unconscious aspect of mind - is the ultimate and deep transformation most "seekers" really strive to. For example, when you become conscious of your aversion from certain activities or specific other because you fear them for some reason, you can let go of this aversion and experience or confront the situation as it is. There are multiple and diverse aspects to the subconscious mind, and bringing all of it to the light of Consciousness is serious work (which I highly recommend).

They can provide powerful insights into self and mind, which facilitates transformation of the individual. They can also reveal deeply buried subconscious material that you hide from your self because you don't want to confront with. They can provoke powerful ego death, which will reveal your true identity. They can also encourage creativity, connection to other and environment, clarity of thought and perception, forgiveness, compassion, and many other traits that are inherent to your nature but are buried under the plethora of concept you regard as your self. They are not magic pill, definitely. Truth and insights which gleaned under the effects of psychedelics must be assimilated in day to day life by you. Even though many psychonauts claim that psychedelics transformed their life, it is rarely the case. Mostly, even after amazing trips, the mind will reassemble back to its prior architecture. Unless the trip is integrated via letting go of old patterns, psychological treatment, contemplation and meditation - it will remain as experience. A mind opening experience, perhaps, but not a life transforming one. Permanent and healthy transformation comes about through persistent process, not the temporary experience activated by the absorption of external molecular structures. This is not to say, that you cannot create a positive and persistent transformation right now, "off the bat". It is actually possible, but this possibility is rarely accessed.

@DocWatts Thanks again for your response, I appreciate you taking the time to help me out. I've been reading a summary of The Structure of Scientific Revolutions online and I can literally feel how powerful what it's saying but haven't fully realised it if you understand me. It's points like these especially: Something like a paradigm is a prerequisite to perception itself (recall G. H. Mead's concept of a predisposition, or the dictum it takes a meaning to catch a meaning). What people see depends both on what they look at and on what their previous visual-conceptual experience has taught them to see. This difference in view resembles a gestalt shift, a perceptual transformation—"what were ducks in the scientist's world before the revolution are rabbits afterward." It's making me want to instigate one of these "gestalt shifts". It's interesting because I had a few mystical experiences a couple of years ago when I was tripping that felt like paradigm shifts but it's clear from my behaviour that I'm still operating from the materialist paradigm. I still treat people as fundamentally separate and external to me even though when I had direct experiences that I was everything and it was all my own mind. I've since read a lot of Ken Wilber's stuff and specifically the "Wilber-Combs lattice" which made the distinction between the awakening and the interpretation of it but, still, it's mad that I experienced effectively supernatural shit and then still ended up living how I was before after a few months. I guess that's the pull of homeostasis.

Kundalini is a popular, albeit misunderstood topic. For those interested, here is a chapter from "Kundalini Tantra" by Swami Satyananda Saraswati. It describes 10 methods for awakening Kundalini, including the use of herbs, which may be of special interest to the community here. Chapter 5 Methods of Awakening According to the tantras, kundalini can be awakened by various methods which can be practiced individually or in combination. However, the first method cannot be practiced, because it is awakening by birth. Of course, it is too late for most of us to take advantage of this particular method, but some of us may be instrumental in producing children who have awakened kundalinis. Awakening by birth By a favourable birth, if your parents were highly evolved, you can have an awakened kundalion. It is also possible to be born with an awakened sushumna, ida or pingala nadi. This means that from the time of birth your higher faculties will be operating either partially or fully. If a child comes with partial awakening, he is called a saint, and if he comes with full illumination, he is known as an incarnation, avatara or son of God. If one is born with an awakened kundalini, his experiences are very much under control. They take place in him right from the beginning in a natural way, so he never feels that something extraordinary is happening to him. A child with an awakened kundalini has clarity of vision, a high quality of thinking and a sublime philosophy. His attitude of life is somewhat unusual as he has total detachment. To him, his parents were only his means of creation, and therefore he is unable to accept the normal social relationship with them. Although he may live with them, he feels as if he were just a guest. Such a child exhibits a very matured behaviour and he does not react emotionally with anything in life. As he grows he becomes aware of his mission and purpose in life. Many of us may wish to give birth to a yogi or an enlightened child but it is not such a simple matter. Every marriage or union of parents cannot produce a yogi, even if the man and woman practice yoga morning and night. It is only under certain circumstances that a higher being can be produced. In order to usher a highly evolved soul into this world, one has first to transform one's gross desires into spiritual aspirations. It is very difficult to convince people of the west that a child can be born in an enlightened state, because they have the moral attitudes of a particular religion deeply ingrained in their minds and their faith. For them, the union between a man and a woman is sin. If you explain to them that a yogi can be produced as a result of the sexual union, they say, "No! How can a yogi be born out of sin?" It is possible that у new generation of supermen will be produced in this way. Through the practices of yoga you can transform the quality of your genes. If genes can produce artists, scientists, inventors and intellectual geniuses, then why not awakened kundalinis? You have to transform the quality of your sperm or ova by firstly transforming your whole consciousness. Neither drugs nor diet will transform your genes, but if you change your consciousness, you can then effect the elements of the body and ultimately change the quality of the sperm and ova. Then you will have children with awakened kundalinis. They will become the yogis and spiritual masters of the house who set things right for you. They will say, "Mummy, you are not the physical body." "Pара, drinking is no good." Those of you who enter married life should go into it keeping in mind that the purpose is not just pleasure, or to produce offspring, but to create a genius. All over the world, people who marry for progeny should try for higher quality children. Mantra The second method of awakening kundalini is through steady regular practice of mantra. This is a very powerful, smooth and risk-free method, but of course it is a sadhana which requires time and a lot of patience. First you need to get a suitable mantra from a guru who knows yoga and tantra, and who can guide you through your sadhana. When you practise the mantra incessantly, it develops in you the vision of a higher force and enables you to live amidst the sensualities of life with indifference to them. When you throw a pebble into a still lake, it produces circular ripples. In the same way, when you repeat a mantra over and over again, the sound force gathers momentum and creates vibrations in the ocean of the mind. When you repeat the mantra millions and billions of times, it permeates every part of your brain and purifies your whole physical, mental and emotional body. The mantra must be chanted loudly, softly, on the mental plane and on the psychic plane. By practising it at these four levels, kundalini awakens methodically and systematically. You can also use the mantra by repeating it mentally in coordination with the breath or you can sing it aloud in the form of kirtan. This creates a great potential in mooladhara and awakening takes place. Closely related to mantra yoga is the awakening through sound or music - nada yoga. Here the sounds are the bija mantras and the music consists of particular melodies corresponding to particular chakras. This is a most tender and absorbing way of awakening. Tapasya The third method of awakening is tapasya, which means the performance of austerities. Tapasya is a means of purification, a burning or setting on fire so that a process of elimination is created, not in the physical body, but in the mental and emotional bodies. Through this process the mind, the emotions and the whole personality are cleansed of all the dirt, complexes and patterns of behavior that cause pain and suffering. Tapasya is an act of purification. It should not be misunderstood to involve standing naked in cold water or snow, or observing foolish and meaningless austerities. When you want to eliminate a bad habit, the more you want to get rid of it, the more powerful it becomes. When you abandon it in the waking state, it appears in dreams, and when you stop those dreams, it expresses itself in your behavior or manifests in disease. This particular habit must be destroyed at its psychic root, not only at the conscious level. The samskara and vasana must be eliminated by some form of tapasya. Tapasya is a psychological or psycho-emotional process through which the aspirant tries to set in motion a process of metabolism that will eradicate the habits that create weakness and obstruct the awakening of willpower. 'I must do this but I can't.' Why does this difference between resolution and implementation arise in the mind of the aspirant? Why is it so great? It is due to a deficiency of will; and that weakness, that distance or barrier between resolution and execution can be removed through regular and repeated practice of tapasya. Then the willpower makes a decision once and the matter is finished. This strength of will is the fruit of tapasya. The psychology of austerity plays a very important part in the awakening of man's latent power. It is not well understood by modern man who has unfortunately accepted that man lives for 'the pleasure principle', as propounded by Freud and his disciples. The psychology of austerity is very sound and certainly not abnormal. When the senses are satisfied by the objective pleasures, by the comforts and luxuries, the brain and nervous system become weak and the consciousness and energy undergo a process of regression. It is in this situation that the method of austerity is one of the most powerful and sometimes explosive methods of awakening. Here the manifestations are tremendous and the aspirant has to face his lower instincts in the beginning. He confronts a lot of temptations and the assaults of the satanic and tamasic forces. All the evil or negative samskaras or karmas of many, many incarnations rise to the surface. Sometimes fear manifests very powerfully or attachment to the world comes with a great force. In some people, sexual fantasies haunt the mind for days together, while others become lean and thin, or even sick. At this juncture, siddhis can appear. One develops extrasensory perceptions, he can read the minds of others, he can suppress others by a thought, or his own thoughts materialize. In the beginning, black forces manifest and all these siddhis are negative or of a lower quality. Tapasya is a very, very powerful method of awakening which everybody cannot handle. Awakening through herbs The fourth method of awakening is through the use of specific herbs. In Sanskrit this is called aushadhi, and it should not be interpreted as meaning drugs like marijuana, LSD, etc. Aushadhi is the most powerful and rapid method of awakening but it is not for all and very few people know about it. There are herbs which can transform the nature of the body and its elements and bring about either partial or full awakening, but they should never be used without a guru or qualified guide. This is because certain herbs selectively awaken ida or pingala and others can suppress both these nadis and quickly lead one to the mental asylum. For this reason, aushadhi is a very risky and unreliable method. In the ancient vedic texts of India, there are references to a substance called soma. Soma was a juice extracted from a creeper which was picked on special days of the dark lunar fortnight. It was placed in an earthen pitcher and buried underground until the full moon. Then it was removed and the juice was extracted and taken. This induced visions, experiences and an awakening of higher consciousness. The Persians knew another drink, homa, which may have been the same as soma. In Brazil and some of the African countries, people used hallucinogenic mushrooms and in the Himalayan regions marijuana or hashish were taken with the thought that they might provide a shortcut in arousing spiritual awakening. From time to time, in different parts of the world, other things were also discovered and used, some being very mild in effect and others being very concentrated. With the help of the correct herbs, purified aspirants were able to visualize divine beings, holy rivers, mountains, sacred places, holy men and so on. When the effects of the herbs were more concentrated, they could separate the self from the body and travel astrally. Of course it was often illusory, but sometimes it was a real experience as well. People were able to enter a state of samadhi and awaken their kundalini. In this particular field of awakening, the sexual instinct was completely eliminated. Therefore, many aspirants preferred this method and have been trying to discover the appropriate herbs for many centuries. With aushadhi awakening the body becomes still and quiet, the metabolism slows and the temperature drops. As a result of this, the nerve reflexes function differently and in most cases the aushadhi awakening is a permanent one. However, the aushadhi method of awakening is no longer practiced because it was misused by the ordinary people who were neither prepared, competent nor qualified. As a result, knowledge of the herbs was withdrawn and today it is a closely guarded secret. Everyone is craving kundalini awakening, but few people have the discipline and mental, emotional, physical and nervious preparation required to avoid damage to the brain and tissues. So, although no one is teaching the aushadhi method of awakening today, its knowledge has been transmitted from generation to generation through the guru/disciple tradition. Perhaps some day, when the nature of man changes and we find better intellectual, physical and mental responses, the science may again be revealed. Raja yoga The fifth method of inducing awakening is through raja yoga and the development of an equipoised mind. This is the total merging of individual consciousness with superconsciousness. It occurs by a sequental process of concentration, meditation and communion; experience of union with the absolute or supreme. All the practices of raja yoga, preceded by hatha yoga, bring about very durable experiences, but they can lead to a state of complete depression, in which you do not feel like doing anything. The raja yoga method is very difficult for most people as it requires time, patience, discipline and perseverance. Concentration of mind is one of the most difficult things for modern man to achieve. It cannot be undertaken before the mind has been stabilized, the karmas deactivated and the emotions purified through karma and bhakti yogas. It is the nature of the mind to remain active all the time, and this constitutes a very real danger for the people of our time, because when we try to concentrate the mind we create a split. Therefore, most of us should only practice concentration up to a certain point. Following the awakening through raja yoga, changes take place in the aspirant. He may transcend hunger and all his addictions or habits. The sensualities of life are no longer appealing, hunger and the sexual urge diminish and detachment develops spontaneously. Raja yoga brings about a slow transformation of consciousness. Pranayama The sixth method of awakening kundalini is through pranayama. When a sufficiently prepared aspirant practises pranayama in a calm, cool and quiet environment, preferably at a high altitude, with a diet only sufficient to maintain life, the awakening of kundalini takes place like an explosition. In fact, the awakening is so rapid that kundalini ascends to sahasrara immediately. Pranayama is not only a breathing exercise or a means to increase prana in the body; it is a powerful method of creating yogic fire to heat the kundalini and awaken it. However, if it is practiced without sufficient preparation, this will not occur because the generated heat will not be directed to the proper centers. Therefore, jalandhara, uddiyana and moola bandhas are practiced to lock the prana in and force it up to the frontal brain. When pranayama is practised correctly, the mind is automatically conquered. However, the effects of pranayama are not that simple to manage. It creates extra heat in the body, it awakens some of the centers in the brain and it can hinder the production of sperm and testosterone. Pranayama may also lower the temperature of the inner body and even bring down the rate of respiration and alter the brain waves. Unless you have practised the shatkarmas first and purified the body to a degree, when these changes take place, you may not be able to handle them. There are two important ways of awakening kundalini - one is the direct method and the other is the indirect. Pranayama is the direct method. The experiences it brings about are explosive and results are attained very quickly. Expansion is rapid and the mind attains quick metamorphosis. However, this form of kundalini awakening is always accompanied by certain experiences, and for one who is not sufficiently prepared mentally, philosophically, physically and emotionally, these experiences can be terrifying. Therefore, although the path of pranayama is a jetset method, it is drastic and is considered to be a very difficult one that everybody cannot manage. Kriya yoga The seventh method of inducing awakening is kriya yoga. It is the most simple and practical way for modern day man as it does not require confrontation with the mind. Sattvic people may be able to awaken kundalini through raja yoga, but those who have a tumultuous, noisy, rajasic mind will not succeed this way. They will only develop more tensions, guilt and complexes, and may even become schizophrenic. For such people kriya yoga is by far the best and most effective system. When you practise kriya yoga, kundalini doesn't wake up with force, nor does it awaken like a satellite or as a vision or experience. It wakes up like a noble queen. Before getting up she will open her eyes, then close them again for a while. Then she'll open her eyes again, look here and there, turn to the right and left, then pull the sheet up over her head and doze. After some time she will again stretch her body and open her eyes, then doze for a while. Each time she stretches and looks around she says, 'Hmmm'. This is what happens in kriya yoga awakening. Sometimes you feel very grand and sometimes you don't feel quite right. Sometimes you pay too much attention to the things of life and sometimes you think everything is useless. Sometimes you eat extravagantly and sometimes you don't eat for days together. Sometimes you have sleepless nights and at other times you do nothing but sleep and sleep. All these signs of awakening and reversion, awakening and reversion keep coming every now and then. Kriya yoga does not create an explosive awakening. However, it can bring visions and other very mild and controllable experiences. Tantric initiation This eighth method of awakening kundalini through tantric initiation is a very secret topic. Only those people who have transcended passions, and who understand the two principles of nature, Shiva and Shakti, are entitled to this initiation. It is not meant for those who have urges lurking within them or for those who have a need for physical contact. With the guidance of a guru, this is the quickest possible way to awaken kundalini. There are no extraordinary experiences or feelings and there's no neurosis; everything seems quite normal, but at the same time, without your knowledge, awakening is taking place. Transformation takes place and your awareness expands, but you don't know it. In this particular system, awakening and arriving at sahasrara are the same event. It takes just three seconds. However, who is qualified for this path? Few people in this world have completely transcended the sexual urge and overcome their passions. Shaktipat The ninth method of awakening is performed by the guru. It is called shaktipat. The awakening is instant, but it is only a glimpse, not a permanent event. When the guru creates this awakening you experience samadhi. You can practise all forms of pranayama and all asanas, mudras and bandhas without having learned them or prepared for them. All the mantras are revealed to you and you know the scriptures from within. Changes take place in the physical body in an instant. The skin becomes very soft, the eyes glow and the body emits a particular aroma which is neither agreeable nor disagreeable. This shaktipat is conducted in the physical presence or from a distance. It can be transmitted by touch, by a handkerchief, a mala, a flower, a fruit or anything edible, depending on the system the guru has mastered. It can even be transmitted by letter, telegram or telephone. It is very difficult to say who is qualified for this awakening. You may have lived the life of a renunciate for fifty years, but still you may not get it. You may be just an ordinary person, living a non-spiritual life, eating all kinds of rubbish foods, but the guru may give you shaktipat. Your eligibility for shaktipat does not depend on your social or immediate conduct, but on the point of evolution you have reached. There is a point in evolution beyond which shaktipat becomes effective, but this evolution is not intellectual, emotional, social or religious. It is a spiritual evolution which has nothing to do with the way you live, eat, behave or think, because generally we do these things, not because of our evolvement, but according to the way we have been brought up and educated. Self-surrender We have discussed the nine established methods of awakening kundalini, but there is a tenth way - don't aspire for awakening. Let it happen if it happens: "I am not responsible for the awakening, nature is accomplishing everything. I accept what comes to me." This is known as the path of self-surrender, and in this path, if you have a strong enough belief that your kundalini will indeed awaken, twenty thousand years can pass in the twinkling of an eye and kundalini will awaken instantly. Effects of the different methods of awakening When the awakening of kundalini takes place, scientific observations have revealed different effects. Those who have awakened kundafini from birth do not register any emotional changes. They are like blocks of wood. Those who have awakened kundalini through pranayama have a great quantum of electrical charges in the spinal column and throughout the body, and momentarily they could manifest schizophrenically. Karma yoga and bhakti yoga are considered comparatively safe and mild methods of awakening, but the tantric methods are more scientific than the non-tantric methods, because in tantra there is no scope for suppression or dispersion of energy. In non-tantric methods there is antagonism - one mind wants it and the same mind is saying no. You suppress your thoughts, you want to enjoy, but at the same time you think "No, it is bad." I am not criticizing non-tantric methods. They are the mild methods which do not bring you any trouble. They are just like beer - you drink a little bit and nothing happens, drink four to ten glasses and not much will happen. But tantric methods are like LSD, you have a little and it takes you right out. If something is wrong, it is wrong; if something is right, it is right. If you want to read more, the book is available on Amazon: https://read.amazon.com/kp/embed?asin=B01FAZ9PXW&preview=newtab&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_FDS0YT6KECKJQ6SCHTNP

I think I see what you are hitting onto. I have gone through interesting transformation in pickup, where first I entered as a super weak, unconfident guys and thanks to going out and studying pickup I improved greatly but I also noticed that my relationship to woman became quite dark and I started developing some narcissistic tendencies and I had to pull back a bit and focus on healing myself. I suppose I had shadows around woman from past experiences of feeling left out and unwanted and my ego was overcompensation of low self confidence? I am not clear here yet, since I am still in the process (and possible about to return back to approaching since I still crave experiences and want to develop more). It sometimes feels like going full circle hehe.

In this post, I'm going to help you figure out why the moment-to-moment experience of your daily life, activities and behaviors have seen no improvements or changes after years of meditation. Then I'll provide you with a technique you can practice in formal sessions and bring it to daily life. This transformation requires deliberate daily practice and effort. You won't find much value here if you are looking for magic tricks. ---- Contrary to common understanding, meditation is not actually about cultivating exclusive attention (concentration) to a particular object. That is one aspect of the practice you can do for the development of certain skills. That's it. A more central part of meditation is the development of metacognitive awareness, equanimity, joy and their sub-skill - whole body awareness. We'll focus on these aspects and try to spread the concentration muscle to the whole body with breath sensations. But before we get to that, we need to understand why this is important. Ask most meditators and they will mostly tell you that it is about generating focus to a particular object. Rather than approaching the practice from a narrowing of attention, let's start with a more solid foundation. As you contract attention to an object in daily life, it collapses awareness of everything else. When you are watching Game of Thrones, the unconscious mind system doesn't see much value in projecting the sensations of the couch and the feeling of hedonic comfort that currently lies in your posture. It bypasses and filters all that information to make your life simpler. It is easier to focus on Game of Thrones that way. Well, it looks that way at least. See, regardless of whether you naturally filter these sensations or not, the unconscious mind needs to project something to the conscious awareness. Unless you are mindful in the process, what you are going to experience will be annoyance, boredom, striving, grasping and discontent. All of these mental reactions have a deeper source you can completely yank out after years of practice BUT first, you need to develop the skills which will enable you to do that. Our default option was to bypass and filter as much information unrelated to the task at hand. Well, let's practice not doing that and allow more sensory information to be generated in the entirety of mind and body. Instead of collapsing awareness with concentration, let's strengthen it. ---- Experiencing the Whole Body with the Breath: Very-Lite Jhana System It’s possible to become an advanced meditator by just focusing over and over on the breath at the nose and ignoring subtle distractions until they fade away, but that can take a very long time. Learning to enhance awareness each time it collapses can be a torturous process. Experiencing the whole body with the breath is a faster and more enjoyable method that makes it much easier to completely ignore distractions. This practice involves clearly defining then gradually expanding the scope of your attention until it includes sensations related to breath throughout the entire body all at once. Make sure that you are not dealing with lots of sleepiness or dullness prior to engaging in this practice. Try to remain as alert as possible. Fortunately, this process will enhance energy levels and develop conscious power in the long term. The method itself builds on the body-scanning practice you learned in Stage 5 in Culadasa's book 'The Mind Illuminated'. 1- Just as with the body scan, you first direct your attention to the breath at the abdomen. Then, making sure that peripheral awareness of the breath at the abdomen doesn’t fade, you shift your attention to a particular body part, such as your hand. Define your scope of attention to include that area only. Then further refine your scope to include only the breath sensations in the hand. Ignore all other sensations by excluding them completely from attention, but let them remain in peripheral awareness. Next, move to another body part, perhaps the forearm, and do the same thing. Each moment of attention should include a very strong intention to focus clearly on breath-related sensations and to exclude everything else. What is important in this process is to enhance awareness of hedonic feelings. Even if you focus on breath sensations in a particular location, that will either feel pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. There is no other option. So, let's add a flair of vibrancy, joy and pleasure to the process. 2- As you experience (and generate) changing and flickering sensations to various parts of your body, smile physically and try to experience the exact same sensations as more pleasurable and exciting. You don't want dryness to pervade your mind and body. Serene, changing and pleasurable breath related sensations are starting to be experiened in arms, legs, forearms,head. In each in-breath and our-breath. 3- You are not constricting attention to the breath at the nose just yet. Keep the awareness open and after you are comfortable with this process, try to feel changing and pleasant sensations in the whole body. Not in particular locations. Feel it more holistic as the awareness and pleasantness spreads to the whole body along with clear changing sensations in various parts of the body. You will lose some of the resolution power from before but this time the object is the entire mind and whole body. This process is going to train conscious power to the next tier of strength. 4- Finally, bring the attention to the breath at the tip of the bose WHILE continuing to experience the whole body, pleasure and changing sensations in various parts of the body. Now you are also investigating in-breath and out-breath while step 3 activates at full force. This will add another layer of training for your conscious power circuits. Make sure you don't lose joyfulness, pleasure, relaxed ease and happiness in any of instructions. Awareness of mental states is a key part of mindfulness and can't be discarded. When feelings of annoyance, impatience etc arises, re-generate some ease with smiling and relaxation of tense muscles. --- Do this practice everyday in formal sessions. But how am I going to bring it to my actual life? You are going to intend to bring this whole body open awareness while watching Game of Thrones, playing the piano, and eating. When you fail and get obsessively focused on an activity, strengthen the whole body awareness again and re-train your mind to maintain it while doing these activities. In all activities, this awareness can be practiced. There are no exceptions apart from sleep states. Whenever you feel things are so hard and require so much effort, just remember the ease and pleasure in whole body awareness and try to replicate that mental state again as you are washing the dishes. ---- Hope this helps. I suggest doing this system of training for 30-60 days straight. With many hours of formal and informal deliberate practice per day. (2-6 hours) Then the results will speak for themselves. Much love, Arda