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@Tyler Robinson yeah sometimes i chug a glass before meditation and it kin of helps. But I'm thinking this is some kind of emotional/spiritual thing as I'm going though quite a big inner transformation.

It's incredible how well-written this show is. There is nothing like it and there never will be anything to equal it. To create a show like The Sopranos you first have to create a human being like David Chase, and I doubt the world of television will ever see that kind of genius again. I think the character of Tony Soprano is even better than Walter White. This is my favorite scene: Very subtle. Beautifully shot. Great performance by James Gandolfini. And I love that song. I think it's the relationship between Tony and Dr. Melfi that made this show special: I love Melfi. She is mature, intelligent, and classy. Robert McKee analyzed Walter White to be more dimensional than Tony, but I like Tony more than Walter, because he's a more plausible character. Walter's transformation is fascinating but unrealistic. Breaking Bad is a thrilling ride, but, in my opinion, there's more emotion in The Sopranos. At least in the long-run. David Chase sacrifices short-term pleasures for long-term satisfaction.

Imagine if there was some sort of healing centre you could go to for emotional issues where all it consisted of was you getting showered with God’s unconditional love, and the love was so deep and so profound that it healed you completely, and that was all you ever needed. I want to aim to create the next best thing with my work. I want any healing processes and techniques I create to be deeply rooted in existential love, and to ultimately just be a way of showering yourself with love in the places you need it. Love is really the only thing you need for any kind of healing, it's just a matter of giving it to yourself in the places you need it so that it touches you deep enough to actually create real transformation. A lot of healing techniques are already based on being loving and compassionate towards yourself but the love doesn't touch you as deeply as it needs to. That's what I'm going to figure out how to do.

The ego is merely the personification of our sense of self and it bases it's identity on the past experience of the being it exists within. As we accumulate more experience it gradually changes, it's impermanent in it's identity even as it strives for stable coherence in it's sense of self. This is how through the present moment, through our current experience, we can participate in the transformation of our ego's sense of self because we can orchestrate our experience. We can nudge the ego into identifying with what we place our attention on so cultivate it's growth. If we are in presence of peace, fulfillment and yes love, the ego will eventually identify with that presence we have in awareness. It will reflect this as it's self identity and in this harmony of well being the cessation of self suffering will be realized in our experience of 'mind'. Creating a dynamic of enmity with ego only perpetuates the conflict within us and further feeds the disharmony of ill being which fuels the self suffering. So if one seeks liberation from self suffering choose in every moment to be at peace with the ego even if we seek to liberate it too from suffering.

I see the legalization/mainstream use of psychedelics as being a pre-requisite for spirituality to become mainstream. As it stands right now, the amount of work required for meditation to become spiritual to those locked in mainstream paradigms is too large, requires too much questioning. Psychedelics will begin forcing the larger population to question everything though. In fact, if spirituality does not become mainstream in some capacity, I personally do not think humanity can face the many mounting existential threats. And I view psychedelics as a sort of white night capable of helping facilitate a radical, perhaps exponential internal and collective transformation needed to face these threats. So many moving pieces!

Values Assessment Pass #7 OK so this is exactly what I proactively did in pass #6. Now I'll do it again after Leo's instruction / perspective / motivation to be specific and tangible. 1. Integrity 8 Where there is room for growth: I can have better alignment between who I hold myself to be and who I am being. I can also do a better job of keeping my word to myself particularly on things like diet and exercise. Adding to this:the highest possibility for who I am for myself, in addition to the father and husband I'm being, is a transformational leader. That is, leading people to the truth about reality and self, and then guiding people to find their highest purpose in life during and after that transformation. I have come to see that it is out of integrity for me not to be giving my best effort to actualizing that highest possibility of self. And the most attractive way I see of manifesting that now is through facilitating world-class retreats. I could move back to the US and join the faculty of an already existing group doing that, and that is attractive to me, and creating my own program from nothing is more attractive. So having a retreat center where I lead transformational retreats 6-12 times a year would really do this for me, as well as bring Leadership, personal growth, and other values up to a 10. 2. Personal Growth 9 Where there is room for growth: Well right now I am really going about as hard as I can on this one! haha. Adding to this: Where I have been unaligned between my life and what I really want is to be working in fulfillment of life purpose as above, my lack of discipline and consistency with diet and exercise, and my family home isn't really my dream home. I see immediate opportunities for fulfillment in all three places and am in action to succeed. 3. Health & Vitality 8 Where there is room for growth: I have let the habits that support my highest sense of health and vitality get pretty stagnant. I'm addicted to coffee which gives ups and downs in energy levels and I'm not practicing yoga or meditation regularly. Adding to this: I already have zero alcohol, tobacco, or other drugs going on. I already feel very good every day and have a lot of energy most of the time. In pursuit of getting certain body metrics to normal levels, I have been eating two meals a day with no snacking for the last few days. However, I have eaten more meat than I had previously decided to (doctor advised to reduce meat almost to zero for my particular condition). I feel that a diet of 2 meals a day with no snacks, with lots of veggies and whole grains, and keeping meat, wheat, dairy, and caffeine to a minimum will be ideal for my particular body. Also walking 4 times a week, and Yoga 3 times a week. If I were able to keep that diet and exercise routine, I think that would set the stage for a 10 for health and vitality. 4. Responsibility 7 Where there is room for growth: I still view a lot of what is happening through a victim lens rather than the 100% responsible lens. 5. Intimate Relationships 10 Where there is room for growth: Love my wife, love my kids, love my family, have good friends, I'm in close contact with them, this is right where I want it. I count ups and downs, ebbs and flows in these relationships as just part of close relationships, so there is space for fights or disagreements or not being in touch for a while in my "10." 6. Leadership 7 Where there is room for growth: I am a strong leader in many areas of life, especially my family and community. Also my business and the legacy family business. However, I don't have a strong vision for my career that I've been following through with consistently, and that is the main purpose of my taking this course. Clearly, it's being generated now and the expression of leadership in the transformation of humanity will make this a 10. 7. Consciousness 8 Where there is room for growth: A consistent meditation practice would surely do it. Just 15 minutes gets me very deep these days. An hour is difficult to come back from. So perhaps 15 minutes morning and evening with an hour session once a week is the ideal middle ground. 8. Freedom 8 Where there is room for growth: More physical and spiritual freedom is possible as previously stated. 9. Fun & Humor 8 Where there is room for growth: I have a ton of it already, and I could have even more fun and humor in my life. Maybe scheduling one fun activity per month would do it. 10. Intelligence 7 Where there is room for growth: The way I design my vision for the future and implementation of it. As stated above. Adding to this: It seems that I am constantly refining my physical spaces, simplifying, decluttering, making it more logical and usable, etc. Alas - this aspect of "elegance, simplification, intelligence" may never be a 10 for more than a few hours!!!

I’ve been listening to the audiobook Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins. I can’t recommend it enough for those of you in this thread. It’s next-level self improvement content when it comes to mindset transformation.

Imo "life purpose" is simply the path inching you closer and closer to your "full potential". Through that process, you're also discovering who you are. And what you may think it looks like "in the end" right now could be very different from how it ends up being. But the growth have surely happened along the way and that transformation itself was the pursuit all along.

But I would think this applies to you. You don’t look like a beginner on the first photo where you started the thread. And I call bullshit when you say that this transformation from the first pic to the second pic is due to body recomp. Your shoulders, arms, chest all look significantly bigger, that much muscle growth is just inhuman in 3 weeks. You played with the camera angle, pump etc. and that’s it. Agree. The other pics look more believable because of it.

Values Assessment Pass #1: I finished all of the concepts videos and got to the Values exercises. I thought 30 minutes would be way too much time, but at the end I was still writing and in the last few minutes came up wth a few that are clearly some of my top values. These are values that I could see drove my major life decisions and were behind the emotionally impactful moments in my life. What is most meaningful to me in life? In no order, I'd say the top 15 I came up with are: Organization Quality Intelligence Independence / Self-sovereignty Personal Responsibility Adventure Fun Humor Spirituality Connection Friendship Intimate Family Relationships Integrity Health Personal Growth I've gotten a lot of clarity around what I want to create for the future, and started seeing a path of action to get there. Leo's focus on mastery and raising the bar of performance one is capable of and the value that gets delivered also had me see that in the past I was setting the bar too low, with too short of a time frame, and perhaps giving too much power to comfort and ease rather than generating the best results I'm capable of. What I'm going to be doing is giving spiritual / personal growth retreats - the best retreats in the world. People will leave my retreats completely transformed human beings, with a profound new sense of who they are and what is possible for them in life. I had a taste of that with the retreats I was leading in 2019-2020, but that can be taken to a whole new level from here. I'm going to build a beautiful world class retreat center that is the ideal physical space for people to have such a personal transformation, and become a true master at leading the practices and conversations to create the space for those transformations to occur. Anyway, that's what the vision is for now. Let's see where it leads by the end of this course. I can also share that I had hired a (very expensive) personal coach prior to engaging with this course, and he is also supporting this inquiry and creation.

What's are the best practices when you are having an existencial crisis? Should we call it existencial crisis? Should we considere critical moments as existencial crisis or rebirth? Transformation. Appreciate your wisdom. Thank you.

Do transformation mastery and high vibe communication by Julien Blanc And/or do invincible by David Tian and Ace Formula by Adam Lyons This should resolve your social skills and dating issues

@Carl-Richard Yeah, but you have to address it and integrate it at some point. No matter how big the shadow is, you only limit yourself by refusing to acknowledge that part of yourself. I think ending friendships and becoming more isolated can be good when integrating red. You become more dangerous, but then there are less people who you could harm during your transformation. I think for men having a good girl in your life can be good for integrating a red shadow. It's goes well too because woman are incredibly attracted to red qualities, especially because most men and woman have completely repressed their red qualities.

@Raptorsin7 I have been in a situation where my ex lied to me about his bisexuality. I asked him again and again about it. He was hiding it. He thought that if he told me about it, I would reject him. Back then I was a bit, you could say, not so comfortable with the idea of entertaining bisexuality. I probably would have rejected him. So our relationship ended and he later on admitted that he was bisexual which hurt me because I thought he should have let me know early on. That day I reflected on why he wasn't being open about the truth to me. I realized that he thought he was going to be judged or shamed. His idea was not to deceive me. He was only hiding because he was not too open about such things, he didn't know how I would react to it. Hindsight is always 20/20. I don't think that way anymore. Now I'm more open to the idea of bisexuality than before. My transformation to becoming a trans has helped me understand and explore the idea of transgenderism and homosexuality. A few weeks ago when I confided in a male colleague about my trans situation, he was very pissed. Next day he gave me a death threat and said that such people do not belong in society. That has caused me to not open up about my trans struggles to people around me. It becomes difficult to tell the whole truth when you're judged and shamed by those around you. In addition people get to call me a liar if I don't tell the whole truth. It's a tricky thing. What prompted me to comment is the statement you made - "I fucking hate dishonest people." Not gonna lie but that statement hurt me very badly because I have been dishonest too in my life to people around me. But I only did so because I always feared their judgement and hate towards me.. Being truthful was probably a huge struggle for me ever since childhood. But I know deep down that I never had bad intentions. I was just addicted to lying and dishonesty and a lot of it has to do with the way I felt judged all the time. That prompted me to comment, I can see others struggling with truth just the way I do. If we all lived with more compassion and less judgement, maybe people would feel much better being truthful. Just my two cents. I'm also writing a journal on serial killers and Mass shooters and trying to understand why they kill people. At the end of the day, after a thorough contemplation on the nature of good and evil I have come to the following conclusion - All the evil we see in the world is the evil we ourselves create. It goes along the lines of another famous saying - Be the change you wish to see in the world. What I mean is - we blame all the evil on a person, on people who do wrong things. But it's the ultimate absence of love that gives birth to all this evil. People who do wrong things are mere scapegoats that we point our fingers to. Who are the mass shooters? Who are the narcissists? Who are the psychopaths? We might blame them endlessly. But that doesn't solve the problem. We give birth to them. We create them and we blame them. These people were raised by the same society that blames and shames them. We don't want to address their trauma, their concerns, their parenting, their upbringing but we just want to put them in jail and throw away the key, without addressing the issues at their root. I feel this is unjust and unfair. Evil is not an external force with puppet strings in the hands of the devil. Evil is right here within us and we cause it because we don't want to truly love each other. It creates separation. Separation creates a society of you versus them. Then a person no longer cares about you and scams you. We don't see the underlying connections. We only blame the person. There's a saying in the Bible - don't blame the sinner, blame the sin. So yeah, when we create a more compassionate society, we won't have charlatans, sociopaths, psychopaths and mass shooters. There won't exist a need for one person to do wrong to another because where there is empathy there is no greed, there is no bad intent. Just my contemplative thoughts on the subject of good and bad, good versus evil

Eckhart Tolle is the man when it comes to handling negative thoughts. At least that was the case for me. His book 'The Power of Now' coupled with regular meditation practice for a couple of months changed my relationship to thoughts completely to where they're now mostly a positive asset or something that makes me chuckle at the vast weirdness of life. So firstly that could be something worth looking into if negative/intrusive thoughts are becoming tough to deal with. Secondly, weed is an amazing and misunderstood psychedelic. I would never have gone down my current path without it and I'm now very thankful for that, it gave me a lot of insight into myself and helped me explore and connect better with my feelings But this was not always the case for me, my journey with weed has been like an adventurous relationship, it's had its ups and downs. I had quite a few moments where what weed made me discover made me hate weed and regret doing it in the first place. Ignorance is bliss, or so it seems, the stuff weed shows you can bring up negative stuff first. I think ultimately the most valuable insights from weed aren't always so pleasent. But the same could be said for other psychedelics as well. It's just that people are quicker to justify/recontexualize/integrate 'bad trips' on other psychedelics than the negative stuff brought up from weed use. Ultimately I think this experience could end up helping you develop into a more loving being. Both for yourself and others. It could help you improve your relationships with others. I always like hearing of others insights from weed because imo it's so misunderstood but profound. I hope this experience will turn out for you like it usually did for me, where you first get an uncomfortable insight that is but a seed for the beautiful transformation that is to come, if you're open to it it's possible.

Date: 27.07.21 - 28.07.21 Prep: Meditation + Intentions for 30 min Ingestion Time: 20:30 Amount: 800µg LSD Duration total: 20h Onset: 2h - 21:00-23:00 Peak: 5h - 23:00 - 04:00 Offset: 6h - 04:00 - 10:00 Afterglow: 7h - 10:00 - 17:00 Note: This is an approximation I also smoked smoke weed (pure) during the trip super silver haze that is very strong and potentiated the trip a lot at the peak. I did not even smoke a lot. Because it was to intense, I stopped but I wanted to deepen the trip. Prep: Meditated for 30 minutes with a mindfulness techniques with a don't know open monitoring focus stance. Created a couple of intentions in my journal what the trip should be about and what I want to explore and learn. Onset: 2h: First I took 3 tabs as I was unsure if I should really go for the 800. I thought beforehand what I wanted to do and I just listend to some music and played video games. While I chew on the tabs to not sink into boredom and create positive feelings of joy/pleasure beforehand. Basically activating my inner child. So I played Leauge of Legends for 30 minutes while chewing on the tab ARAM mode. I don't recall if we won or lost I just really wanted to listen to music and play video games as I enjoyed this as a teen/kid. After that I listend to music and started to notice the trip is coming on stronger. I thought about my true intentions and not the come up experience and noticed there is a deep desire in me to meditate and transcend. It was almost to strong I intuited I should not meditate to not further potentiate the trip and cause a kriya experience. Sort of a more balanced approach instead of recklessly exploring an already intense experience. I started to watch videos from various teachers and to subtely meditate. Like I do when walking/eating/driving/ and introduce a lowkey softcore form of background meditation and started to just watch for mental activity and activity in general while watching videos from Leo. For example about god realization as well as from Shinzen Young expansion and contraction flow. I notice the trip comes on stronger and I see the opportuntity to go for the 4th tab. My visual phenomena was still relatively normal in contrast to my experiences with 1P-LSD and ETH-LAD slight drifters and if I had to see stuff drifting I'd really had to focus. Somehow after this I got sucked into more conscious and personally passionate indepdent channels about science/biology/philosohpy/politics like Veritasium, Lex Fridman, Hubermanlab I was so curious to explore their perspectives and to see their level of consciouness. I keept internally checking in if there was any signs of ego death, dissolving, bangha, siddih type experiences, internal geometric patterns etc. I noticed this now I did not once close my eyes during the trip and meditate. I know why I will get to it later. In short it was fear of to much depth and a kriya experience. Basically fear of the causal state. After checking-in (going inside) I keept my softcore meditation going while exploring consciouness in digital space let's say. Peak: 5h: At 23:00 I notice I am peaking while watching some video I watched so many people and explored their perspectives like Sam Harris and how they seem to meditate. I had like the most synchronistic craziest algorithmic YouTube dopamine blackbox deep drift into some blackhat gamified algorithm. It basically forced me to consistently watch the next video. All topics from biology and society how ido movement is practied how it feels like how he experiences doing these ido movements I also watched everything in 2x this seemed very magical to me. As they sort of skipped all unconscious conversations as it was really about awarness, meditation and consciouness mixed with science etc like this. I watched all videos in full length at 2x while meditating I do this also while exercising although that is to much with audiobooks sometimes, when not doing cardio. So basically I am "perma" meditating. When I am conscious of it in a passive stance and not active. Afer this I got a train load of insights about what is happening in the world on the planet just on an information spectrum it felt like an omniscient download, altough I notice I have to not delude myself and thought I mean as long as it's true very true to this experience right now thoughts don't matter. I kept basically slicing mental chatter with mindfulness laser focusing it to death. While watchting the videos. After this I really wanted to enjoy the pleasure side as sort of my inner desire monkey was jumping for excitement and stimulation. Aka my nervous system... back to that later. 23:30 I stopped watching the videos and went to play elden ring as I wanted to explore some cool visual phenomena and the game just looks beautiful on a 240hz monitor with a RTX 3060 with 12gb VRAM. I started the game and I am not very far into it maybe 20-30h and just looked at the landscape as I was mentally so fascinated with the occult and church and religion going through many places in my head I walked through while travelling. I just wanted to look at how death is depicted in general in all cultures and I thought Elden Ring is sort of great when it comes to how western civilization imagens hell/limbo/ or the everbearing battle between good and evil etc. I really was just fascinated by design/code/art and I could not really play the game I got sucked into the beauty of omfg how did they even model this creature like what was the thought behind it? I just explored the area full in fear as I really get like scared by everything I hate horror stuff this is already for me horror or more a jump scare game not horror. I stopped after this because everything started to morph and I absolutely peaked. I got sucked into my chair almost feeling like okay, this is to much. I am definitely now an intermediate tripper, I stopped, went back to the videos and meditated exploring visual phenomena my subconscious goal. As well as exploring consciouness and god realization. The trip was very long so my mind justified it. At one point I got stuck watching a beautiful girl talk about science/cosmology I just stopped and looked at her face as I was unsure if it was morping and I stopped the video and saw her face morph I was like awe-struck for 10-15 minutes in blown into depth. It was a video about science and cosmology. Every video was about life/consciouness and I was so impressed by the work of art of the creator of the videos. I felt a lot of connection towards the amazement of creation/creativity/engineering and just beauty and wonder. I decided to not go deeper and so I did not meditate maybe 5 minutes as the trip was already so intense. It's difficult to describe it in words. Every video I watched had so many information based synchronistic insights. I was just in awe of the constant synthesis nothingless like an ever-cascading wonderland of sheer beautfy of informational depth coming from the infinite mind. I thought about deeper complex questions of god and I was just awe-struck at my own stupidity for not asking these deep questions even more relative ones. Like gods omnipotence, what are considered omnipotent factors? Infinite time? Infinite space? Infinite power? Infinite Consciouness? Infinite Magic? Infinite Creation? How can god even be stopped? What is a limit? What is a contstraint? What is logic? What is a self-reference? Why do I reach back towards myself? Why do I see myself reaching back to my self? I thought about doing UM turn back practice, yet it was all in all to intense and I wanted to explore and not dive in hells deep into a very strong trip. As well as thinking constantly about from and non-form. I was internally deeply relaxed my sense of self was very strongly attenuated. It was more consciouness and I merged more and more in outer space. It was similar to a unification process that happens with hear out technique out techniques from Shinzen and I felt more pan-psychic love equal love for every object that exists in the universe. I was just awe-struck by everything and tried to understand how consciouss the people in the videos are and their thought processes/insights etc. As I also watched Leo/Shinzen/Ralston videos to get more of a taste of non-dual and casual states. I had a lot a lot of insights into cessation and causal state phenomena: I am cracking open some books to describe what I want through. Not in perfection but according to integral theory. As I went into the cessation casual state insights seeing it even in outer phenomenon. I was basically eaten by the clarity of the re-incarnated nature of love. Leo loved me. Shinzen Loved me. In that sense the me the every sense of self that people have and it was like a tear drop of a soul was dropped into every being and it was also my soul in that sense. That would describe the timelessness of the subtle experience... I started to really love the infinite quality of space, infinity quality of potential and imagination. I started to notice this is transcended and an ever deeper state of cessation drops in yet I saw it sort of in outer phenomena as everything was merging and morping and I saw infinite space and depth sort of outside of myself, but not inside myself. It is not easy to describe. I loved pain. I started to love the feeling of pain and it's cessational qualities. My sense of self was ever deeper attenuated I really had to focus to get to the last bits and pulls of it and if I wanted to do that I'd had to go into a deep meditation. Many saints seemed to focus on this path also of subtle self and I felt such a strong conviction of my own saint hood even when I notice my ego still. I was in awe of this clarity of love, spaciouness I could love you in that state if you'd be Hitler I would love you to death as my soul craves this. My theoretical mind went into this ever bearing fractal mode if infinity reaching itself down upwards like my own hand reaching towards my heart telling me and others feel more of this love and bring it to others give them the positive love that they need. All the conversations I watched reminded me about the beauty of being human and travelling. I was so convinced that my LP is the right choice and that I am the ultimate creator. The idea of potency and all the instant informational synchronities that reach back to book to book from book to book to podcast/video etc to memory of memory of memory of memory. Whatever. The evearbearing nature of information at Yellow was so obvious. It's fault it's win-win greed ego good hearted nature. I was just amazed by this double saint experience. I would say I love life and nature more ever deeper than I could imagine. I noticed so much but I need a different space. I would go through some banghda and I really need this people don't understand animal nature and trauma. I kept thinking about how do I explain this to my psychologist, she basically is a robot at TIER 1 with TIER 2 head any conscious phyiscal object that has a sense of consciouness has more depth and I had this sense the whole time. Like what if what if an alien life form lands/robot etc. and we are tested based on consciouness. As well as how it feels to be equal in consciouness with an object given in 3d space time. Oh and I noticed why I love 3's in the enneagram and why effort is such an important topic nowadays imo. I really felt the magic of being a child again had a lot of positive resolving trauma experiences crying that my grandpa died sitting in a wheelchair when I was 6-7 never getting to know the person. He communicating with me trying his best to be loving in a sense. All the informational sort of for MBTI fans. SI transformational nature for NI driven INFJ it was hell. Hell loving itself and back. Like imagine an SI person torturing me with factual/registered information/ list after list after list. I noticed my perosnal ego craves this transformation. It was the hell it was seeking to transform and I was so thankful that my memory is of emotional and not factual nature. I cried at siddih stuff. I can't believe it I can't believe i trust my perception and it's accurate and I keep doubting consciously. Doubt/cessation doub cessation. Full stop. Relax. Gone. I was just deeply rested in the perceptual truth regardless if it was morphing twisting turning. Everything was truth. Falsehood was truth. Pain was truth etc. After this I watched some Leo video about Don't know and Love and I noticed sort of our subtle personal connection over the years and had like siddih type pheonomena where I am unsure how far I keep deluding myself as I keep playing god. I started to love Leo more and more and saw his good hearted generous nature that seems so misunderstood. It really reminded me of my friend and at one point I just came to the conclusion we are on and the same. Why do i even generate the notion of hate in my head. Just because of collective opinions and backlash and "personal" "grudges" I had. I cried at this infantile human nature and was just thankful that the love connection sort of exists. This also goes for Shinzen and the everbearign nature of good will and forgivness I was just thankful there is no true captial H Hate. Oh I was so thankful for the notion of good in everyone, how we can hold in my own words to consistent ultimate positive regard for each other and each others values and see their god hod / subtle soul in that sense. I kept thinking about questions how I can integrate this with my psychologist as she seems so useless in comparrision to the control I had over this trip and the clarity. I thought I had to bring this back to practice she can't avoid it and I am looking for away to explain as she is super open minded and she has meditative experiences in a tradition where I can explain this theory to her. Even if she will laugh and feel stupid because I have to go over her head to show that I was over her head.... and then translate it into her nature. To give rise to potential. This all happend during the peak if I had to summarize: I loved my double saint nature in myself and the other person Clarity of love, spaciouness, seeing it in space morphing and forming and contrasting colors Expansive self Attenuated self Infinite space, spaciouness, expansivness Everbearing notion of infinity and it's "multiplicative" nature similar to indras net Gods ominpotent nature of me The awesomeness of asking philosophical question and how the observer gives back answers Crazy visual phenomena/ audible hearing my own name Consistent predictions of the mind that are accurate based on information given sort of NI synthesis on super super supe crack this was beyond hyper and I had an omniscient experiences that gave me a taste how schizopherenic experiences happen. The point is just never bellieving anything even if it seems true and to get on with the experience. This is certainly not mainstream. There will not be much validation. This "makiyo" type pheonmena is unspoken gold... for many. Many teachers don't talk about this I am happy Shinzen did varjana and saw deities etc. Insects crawling on him etc. As DMT is soon coming. etc. I had a lot of beautiful subtle inner visions I was in joy and awe of my mind I noticed state is everything there is nothing but state and I loved it structure is state. State is all there is as theory is also a construct that is state... Crazy visual phenomena like seeing myself appear on my screen / my face for a brief time Love of a saint loving all beings equally deeply from a place of no-self Abundance Ultimate positive regard Seeing my own saint hood Subtle addicitons To intense of an experience to medtiate Love of death and seeing it's perennial nature More love for the relative self. Panpsychic love Offset: I keept watching videos and started to lay down in my bed as I noticed the peak is ending and everything is still morphing and bubling I felt a lot of abundance and how important it is to be confident in life and have a strong presence like a lion hunting a gazell. I noticed how contemporary culture demonizes men after talking also to trans people etc. I thought to myself it's very bad and incorrect partially and also very much justified a lot of SJW are correct, they are just to aggressive in their approach. I became very aware of how important autonomey is and how authority is outsourced because of a lack of responsibility. I went through my head how art and culture always displays men white beared men in museums, exhibitions etc. I kept thinkin about my second name which is fking ancient and basically has the meaning of Saturn or is named after the planet of Saturn what that means in roman mythology. How men abuse their power and I kept thinking about healthy masculinity presence abundance just radiating pure strength and joy. How important that is no matter how fragile you are obvious the more you embody the physical nature energy of this feeling. Exercise and meditation I find creates a lot of these abundant masculine transcended ego self experience and I was sort of in awe of how healthy masculinity feels it's positive ever giving nature. It's like a hand reaching out towards you grabbing you making you feel warm. I keept also thinking about the good will qualties of a mother as they seemed very similar. Sort of the love of a saint hood mother not ever letting go of her child infusing it with pure love and good will of morality sort of. Just the notion that morality even exists and that you should love it no matter what even when you do something wrong I will forgive you. This perpetuated itself and I dritfted of slowly becoming sleepy although I could not sleep at all till 18:00 the next day. I smoked some weed and this potentiate the trip a lot way to much by 2-4h approx. I'll leave it at this. I might add and edit later. As this is already a lot to read and I don't know if someone can give me even feedback. Afterglow: Same as offset with just becoming more sleepier nothing very profound just the lasting existence of the profoundness that preceeded continued on. Terminology: Gross: body-mind simply said physiological self with the person self. Subtle: Expansiveness in consciouness, soul self arises more disidentification with gross body, open, luminous, loving clarity, aware of re-incarnated nature of that creates a sense of timelessness(I was digital and physically), higher and wider deep spaciouness Subtle Is not: Awarness of past lifetimes and awarness of specific events more a soul awakening to openess, spaciouness and expansivness without identification with gross releam Causal: Space Time becoming archetypal the matrix basically let's caital M Matrix. I dunno how else to relate more normaly for stage Green, I leave it at this because I had basically casual additction of subtle state I could not let go of the subtle and I did not want to because of fear. It was a lot, yet I am pretty clear I explored subtle space. Mainly love and infinite space. I also thought I really wanted to give Leo feedback as he takes so much time and effort to create these videos I forgot like 90% of my critcism in that sense good feedback. Hope the post helps <3. Side notes/Remarks: I was also amazed how chill Elon seemed to be around Lex. I really thought it was cool to see because I received some insider info and sometimes I panic about politics, it's all a game in the end... hopefully it ends well. I also see every creator watches his videos in 2x. Sort of the repetitive subconscious nature and how well integrate a person seemd was very obvious on 2x.

You know, when I read this post, one thing comes to mind: Growing up, even as a teen, I never really feared death. I don't know if it was a matter of fearing or understanding it, but the thought of death just didn't seem and feel real to me.. like it was impossible. I'd even ask my friends if they think they can die, they obviously said yes, but me being unable to understand it left me feeling rather alienated. It's weird to even reflect on this. Anyway.. No, I'm not afraid of death, because I'm not afraid of transformation.

Yes plugging 10mg is a good starting point. Don't go over that though. I've never done ayahuasca, but based on all the report I've read and listened to from people who have, it's nothing like 5-MeO. But at the same time, I suspect the process of letting go is much the same. Letting go is about surrendering. Surrendering your desire to control and surrendering your life. Surrendering and trusting that you will be fine and that it's okay to let go of your self and your life. No don't look at this way. Try not to overthink it, just trust in the process and relax as much as possible. The 'until you're dead' phrase is not accurate because it's not really a death because there's nothing that can die. See it more as a divine transformation.

I often feel like a girl in a male body. However, I don't view hormones and cosmetic surgeries as a potential solution because my intellectual instincts tell me it's not a good solution. So, I literally have trans feelings, but I just interpret my path to feeling good about myself as more of a spiritual journey of overcoming the self-hatred and homophobia taught to me by my experiences. I'm uncomfortable with physical transformation of the human body because it's a construction, it's not an actual change of your XX or XY chromosomes. It's female body impersonation. So by changing your body, you're not really becoming the other sex. You're becoming something else, a surgical impersonation of the opposite sex. Frankly, I think from a spiritual point of view the idea of going under the knife to change your body should be extraordinarily disturbing to people. In the same way woman getting general cosmetic surgeries should be disturbing, but more extreme. It's all because you hate yourself on some level. Again, I have trans feelings, I feel I have special privilege to say these sorts of things. I love gay people, including those who identify trans. @Scholar I don't think you fully understand the issue of transsexuality, how it feels, nor should you really be commenting on it. If you're not gay and don't understand those feelings then be self-conscious for a moment. Sometimes when someone comments on this issue it's like a white person telling a black person how they should feel about black history and societal racism. And no it doesn't matter how close your opinion mirrors the correct view. Some people shouldn't comment or have an opinion.

Yes, because people don't even understand Maslow, how can they apply conscious effort? It's horrible mass psychology what is done with and by people with social media plattforms also the design of such plattforms. That sort of why game changers need to exist yet nobody runs this fuel and realistically at TIER2 jumping jobs, companies and vacations is a very common report, as you are basically a transformation agent. Many people I meet are full Green I sometimes wonder what people truely see. It's common maybe more in northern countries to see a healthy integration of blue and green family structures who are not sucked into "orange". I find Baden-Würtemberg to be a good example of this I also think it's the most conscious state by far in Germany. The entertainment industry on average will most of the time promote consumerism as people desire overly optimistic solutions, so I do think it's a smart strategy as they make it more desireable from Wilber and Beck. Wilber and Susan-Cook-Greuter are generally skeptical they say yeah it could, yet the real sentiment is. If people don't f*** it up. Agree and the bottom up process is lost in decentralized spaces. Overall I do think we are moving I see more tech companies in villages in Germany etc. A lot of modern oranges have a Tier 2 Head and a Tier 1 heart and morality. I do think there is some hope ultimately as many desire the transformation especially spiritual from Green onwards. Techincally spirituality starts at orange and this is where the real challenge is IMO especially in a first world country. Also a more global spirtuality. I just really hope people don't f*** it up. The current cultural backlash because of ressources/security threat etc because of the war is also just a side effect. I do think this is the best time for growth possible. Might be a bit counter-intutive I just hope this finally get's over this stage of humanity and they/we/I/all legit start solving global issues.

These surveys they do, do not accurately reflect reality. Even in the original SD book it said something like 5% of the population are in Tier 2, which is obviously horseshit. Even finding someone at a high green level is near impossible outside of academia. I've been to a bunch of places in europe and there is no city that i would even consider green. Even Berlin is mostly orange and the green hotspots are just a bunch of lefties that intuit and herald all the green wokester MEMEs, but that's mostly just a front and not grounded in any real development or transformation. It all depends on how you interpret this stuff of course but even Wilber seems to be blind to the reality, that these surveys don't mean jack shit.

I think there's definitely uses. Soryu Forall uses transmission and it's had a significant effect on my spiritual growth. I was just meaning it's hard to base a teacher's level of Awakening on whether they're using transmission or not. Very interesting. Yeah I wouldn't be surprised if certain beings benefit more from transmission than others. I also am inclined to agree that yes some may no more than useless highs while others are highly intelligent, energetic forms of communication/reconfiguration/transformation. This is based on my own experience plus yes hearing reports from others. BUT! I also see how this could lead someone into the trap of relying on a guru figure, or a guru figure abusing power.

Because this entire aura thing is a new age perspective on energies emitted from forms, and it is too abstract and not beneficial for the purpose of truth or transformation. Most people can't perceive this stuff, and it probably isn't needed. It is like speaking about chakras instead of the nervous system plexus or endocrine glands. All the chat about different sheets or layers of the body, or emission of subtle energies is just too abstract. It can only be justified when the abstract system contains relevant nuances that aren't contained in the more direct and perceivable system/map. On the spectrum of abstractness, auras are definitely positioned in the radical side of new age concept that isn't practical or beneficial.

First you will need to become conscious of what you are unconscious of and want to let go. After that you can let it go. If you already know what your beliefs are, than that is already halfway. If you believe in something, you can also not believe in it. It is a belief, it has no substance or reality. It is a story you take to be real instead of meeting the truth for your self. Of course, usually it isn't so simple as it sounds because of the personal story and the emotions we store in the body around the belief. So, in your case for example, if you hold your self as unworthy for the things you want in life, than try to stop believing you are unworthy. I mean it. Easier said than done, surely. As I said, usually behind every core belief there are stories and even memories that gives solidity or realness to the belief, make it seem as if the is the truth. But if we are honest, you don't really know what you worthy or unworthy of. It is impossible to know such a thing. Worthiness is a a social/moral concept, and isn't ingrained in direct experience. This work isn't so simple, and a lot of time it is entangled with emotions. For serious work around matters of deeply ingrained beliefs and emotional repression you can use psychotherapy, psychedelics (and MDMA), or what ever other modality you can find regarding transformation of self. If you want to do it on your own - "today" like you want - you need to sit, concentrate, and contemplate deeply the belief you want relinquish. If you held the belief for years it has probably gathered many emotional energy around it, so it effects your nervous and endocrine systems, and the subtle energies of your body. So if you don't use a tool like a therapist or a psychedelic, you need to have a very sharp focus and concentration and an ability to sit with your self on the matter and resolve it. Not many posses this capability. You can also just go and try to bash the belief into real life. If you feel you are unworthy of something/someone, just go and try to get it. Your belief will try to stop you of course (and it will probably be charged with different emotions), but if you prove to your self that you are worthy of it, it will free you from the belief. This is the best way IMO, because it is confronts you directly with the belief/emotional charge around the matter. You can also erode the belief with small steps (a process sometimes called "desensitization"). Chipping away at beliefs in a gradual way. For example, if you think you can never stand and speak before an audience, you can begin by standing before an audience of 1, and then of 2, and then of 3, and then of 5, 7, 10, 15, 20, 30. You get the idea. You pick the increments based on what you feel you can handle.

Because enlightenment is not about changing states or transforming the mind. This is not to say that healing/transformation and enlightenment are mutually exclusive. Usually when serious transformation takes place we drop aspects of our self that isn't us, which may reveal that much of what we take our self to be - isn't really who we are. So of course, if we can heal or transform the body and the mind, it can only mean that those are temporary and not us. However, this alone will not "produce" enlightenment.