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Some Quotes from Stephen Wolinski, The End of the Game - Deconstructing the Portals to the Absolute. Below are some quite poetic pointers on how the last separate-self-identities or arisings (very subtle ones at that stage, which is very close before crossing over to Enlightenment) appear and get transcended. They are already very empty and quite impersonal (of personal stuff/Ego), and can and normally are already nondual, or unitive states. Wolinski calls them Portals to the Absolute, because it is in these Portals/states/last separate self identities where the "ripening" of Awakened Awareness (= technical Mahamudra term, standing for totally Empty Impersonal Nondual Boundless Timeless Consciousness) happens, which still has some layers/arisings at that ripening stage of some very subtle "Individuality" preventing full Enlightenment, or crossing over, until finally transcending even these last illusion layers, and then sudden crossing over to waking up /Enlightenment happens. One can not "push" through them with willforce, or artificial activity. Because that would generate more subtle separate-self arisings (will/trying to do/pushing something IS a separate-self arising, is artifical activity). But with something like Nonmeditation-Yoga of the Mahamudrasystem, one just rests in Pure Empty Impersonal Boundless Nondual Consciousness (or nondual unitive state Reality at that point in time), and lets these last veils evaporate. What is very helpful (at least for me) is the understanding (or a map) what these very subtle last separate self identities/veils are and how they work, because they are very hard to spot. No-Self is not automatically True No-Self, or Nothingness. And if one confuses the final Impersonal Empty No-Self of Enlightenment with some No-Self/Portal still loaded with subtle separate-self-identies, one does not cross over to Enlightenment, or finding the Real Empty Impersonal Infinite No-Self of Absolute Consciousness/Nothingness, the essence of all appearance. Ones True Deep Identity of the Universal Mind, the One without a second , Impersonal Infinite Consciousness, or: Nothingness. And now Stephen Wolinski (The formating is like this, because it is like this in the book, and increases its readability): "THE NO-SELF SELF I-DENTITY The appearance of the perceiver, aware-er, knower observer, witness no-self self, the position-less position the no-point point of view the non-being being etc. These subtle Identities often times remain unnoticed because they appear in such a pleasant form such as: Silence, a peaceful space The space between two thoughts The gap without thoughts memory emotions associations etc." and "Often times, the Appearance of a Portal which is a State requiring a Knower is a Phenomenological Appearance. Any Portal can mistakenly be confused as being the Absolute. All portals and spiritual paths are appearances and are experiences requiring an experience-er… Portals are appearances that are labels which carry with them an associational network of thoughts, memories, emotions, associations etc. Portals Appear to Appear in the Dream-Illusion. [that is, they appear in Infinite Reality as arising/appearance, temporarily. Portals/states like the appearance of the perceiver, aware-er, knower, observer, witness, no-self self,] Eventually, the appearance of Portals as well as the appearance on which the portal appears which could be called or named the No-self-self Identity, the No-Position Position, The No Point-Point of View, the Vortex appearing on the Ocean of Existence The Witness The Being(ness) All Evaporates… Prior to all appearances Prior to the Absolute… Prior to I Am THAT The Nameless Absolute…that which is prior to and without consciousness, awareness, knowingness, being-ness, form or emptiness" "Please note that the stillness etc. is a by-product of the no-self self Identity and that a no self-self Identity, aka a position-less position aka or a no-point point of view are all part of the appearance. In this way the appearance and the perceiver, knower/aware-er, witness, observer or a no-self self identity position-less position or a no-point point of view etc. is part of the appearance. In other words, they arise and subside together. Moreover the perceiver, knower/aware-er, witness, observer or no-self self identity etc. is part of and fixated and fascinated on the something-nothing or appearance disappearance game (to be discussed later). ... Realizing this leads to the appreciation you can deconstruct appearances ad nauseum and still end up continuing to deconstruct appearances. In other words there is no way out of the loop, without the evaporation of the perceiver, know-er, aware-er aka no-self-self identity etc. which is experienced as stillness, peacefulness, presence or I am etc. ... Finally, feeling like a separate self or feeling a “non-dual” self or feeling are both states. There is the dual identity and a non-dual identity. the dual identity and a non-dual identity are states and are perceiver, knower awarer dependent, and are appearances ... [appearing in Reality/Absolute] " "It is the appearance that appears to appear as a witness or a know-er or an aware-er etc. which is part of the illusion. All of the appearances of the witness, knower, aware-er, perceive-er observer etc.) are appearances, temporary illusory-mirage like appearances which contains the illusion of stability, solid(ness) and permanency. This illusion functions to stabilize the illusory dream of existence, isness, and/or beingness." Selling Water by the River

Today after digging deep while locked down in my home alone , i realised that i actually dont wanna be awakened , i just wanna experience life as it is in this human form , i wanna feel evry emotions as it is , im okay to being afraid of my death , i dont wanna be right , i just wanna be this simple human i am , i just dont want self developmnt anymore , it just created this resistence of me , when i started on this i just accept my self less and less like if i always need to do something to love my self more ...... maybe im wrong but thats what i feel

@Leo Gura Is it possible for you to describe what level of awakening you are talking about compared to the average "awakened" folk(no self, samadhi, love, etc.)? I mean, atleast how many orders of magnitude are we talking?

Okay then you might have be the most awakened here.

But You have it in You to let go That doesn't mean leaving them. And there's nothing wrong with loving someone. But You can sort of let go in your mind and surrender to the awakening more when the time comes... and accept death, or rather overcome fear of death, and the fear of leaving your parents, which I'd argue is part of dying. You might have to spill a lot of tears to get to this. I know I had to about my sister - A LOT. And it might be really difficult for You, but You can do it. It's pretty much about ACCEPTANCE. Last time I awakened 2 weeks ago I actually managed to finally overcome the attachment (it arose yet again), accept "death" and let go... and "the outcome" was indescribable. So yeah, it's possible for You too.

1. You are not awake. You will never dissolve the ego because the ego cannot be seperated from the dream. YOUR HUMAN EGO IS THE SAME AS YOUR HUMAN LIFE!! This is the first evidence I know when a person is full of it and has never awakened! 2. If you do not understand what I said above, YOU WILL CHASE YOUR TAIL!!! This is why I said human spirituality is bullshit, because when I awoke I realized the flaws they have when they talk to you. Your ego is your filter! Without an ego YOU LITERALLY CANNOT EXPERIENCE THIS THING CALLED LIFE!!! Your ego is MORE than just your memories, your ego is DUALITY ITSELF!!! No ego, NO DUALITY!!! This means you can't walk, talk, think, drink water, etc. 3. So again if you or anyone says this delusional crap and keep trying to transcend the very thing that is the GIFT OF DUALITY then all you are doing is fooling yourself, fooling others and you are preventing yourself AND THEM from fully awakening. This is why unless you awaken YOU SHOULD NOT BE TEACHING!!! You are actually doing a disservice and confusing yourself and other people!!! This is why I rail against false teachers such as yourself because you are delusional and create mass confusion. P.S. From the point of view of the Ego IT IS SOLIPSISTIC. Have you ever experienced freezing time and walking around a FROZEN WORLD? NO!!! Because you never awoke. THERE IS ONLY YOU!!! NOBODY ELSE. While your ego is just as imaginary as everybody else, the avatar that God chooses to use is both the Absolute and the Relative. When you awaken to the fact that your relative perspective is also the ABSOLUTE you realize that the human avatar you are using is the ONLY REAL avatar. Why? Because you as God are currently experiencing THAT POINT OF VIEW. Your point of view is the absolute, it is only relative because you create other things for that avatar to experience! If right now you entered a void and only conjured up a human body to float in that void then that human body has nothing to compare or relate itself too. But the moment you put a ground, and put things on that ground that perspective because relative because it can be compared to things that have distinct features. The void has no such features so if you only conjure up a human body in the void the human body will have no height, no weight, and it won't even take up space. But because you haven't awoken you don't even understand what is being communicated because your drive to awaken is not strong enough.

The Point of Reality is to become aware of itself in its totality. The whole point of being baseline sober fully awakened is being able to experience reality at the deepest level on a daily basis. If your awareness becomes too high you will break the dream entirely so you should aim to raise your baseline as high as it can go while still experiencing the duality. The Spiritual Path of meditation and renunciation sends you in one direction, eventually you need to come back full circle for complete engagement. This allows you to walk the path of attachment/unattachment. This is a much higher more advanced way to live as you now have to balance and orient yourself to each moment. Become too unattached you become robotic, unrelatable, and become too attached you become deluded and reactive. Do not put too much stock in the demonization of thoughts, and words. Reality is both silent and noisy, invisible and visible. The teachings that push towards silence and the invisible are there to open up that aspect of reality to you (even though it's always there) as a point of focus since you have ignored it for the totality of your life. But true balance burns from both ends. So the path of balance becomes its own journey. Now you don't have to take this path if you don't want too, especially because the path of engagement can be tricky since the current collective human development level is so low the ability to integrate the Spiritual Concepts you have learned can be a challenge. When you fully awaken you truly realize you are your own compass and map. But the cool secret is....you can look to events in your dream to guide you. Because the Dream...is YOU.

Might you all be in a chill sweet loving cool airy spacy mood when you awake. The very moment you awake, the devil will go for your nake. That’s why you have to create a peaceful environment before awakening. Might the devil be fooled into believing you did not still die when you are death as he’ll try to really kill you fooling by it’s own foolishness. He never understands he can’t understands he’s already death and killing is pointless. What you Manifest whilst Awakening is very Real though and it has to be handled in a very careful way. We have come to a point into humanity where people can no longer awake by creating monsters or Humanity might not survive. Do it but do it safe in a responsible way. You do not imagine all the shirts you’ll have to handle if you awakened violently. All your manifestations, you’ll have to handle. All your demons , you’ll have to face. This is no joke. Osho did not learn Jesus lesson and forget to pay the price for his sex. People lost their wives burning because of that. Be careful playing with fire. « It’s all fun and games ntil someOne Lost an I » as it is said. If you want to awaken do it and do it as u want to do. The question is : will you be ready to take back all you lashed out during Awakening? That’s your duty as an awakened being and as The https://youtu.be/ZvcdYWg3Q9s

Is some ways, Enlightenment is what it is not. I am writing this post because I am thinking of the several different posts I have seen in the past stating things such as: "You are not awakened"; "Nobody is awakened"; "Everyone is awakened"; "only X person is awakened"; etc. I don't resent these posts. Rather, I find them quite hilarious while tragic. The thing is, all of these ideas about Enlightenment are correct, but not right among themselves. I think Enlightenment is a constant state of being something which knows it cannot be recognized. If you think you are enlightened, you are not enlightened. If you think you are not enlightened, you are enlightened. I think these things are reminders that while enlightenment is real, it can't be realized. I believe the best course of action to take in these circumstances is to not accept any of these idealizations as they are, but for what they are not. Even what I am saying.

No my friend - that is what we call death which is awakening. You are stuck on this masamadhi thing where you think that is the only true awakening but it is not. You have not even awakened from this dream yet so how could you even take the step towards masamadhi when you haven't even died yet and returned? One step at a time friend

I also understand the reaction of Breakingthewall here. @Inliytened1 and Breakingthewall: How about both perspectives are important: (1) The steps (or awakenings, or Kenshos/Satoris, Enlightenments (not the Final Basis Enlightenments) or temporary openings to the real state of things, whatever you want to call them) to Absolute Reality/Ones True being are important, since they are aligning the individual mindstream more with the enlightenened mindstream, increasing its potential to finally wake up fully. That is still happening in the dream, but the dream can be more or less lucid. But these experiences are very important. So maybe something like "waking up fully" is sudden, its either or, its an "accident", but previous "awakenings, or Kenshos/Satoris, Enlightenments" make accident-prone. Basis Enlightenment/Great Enlightenment/Final Enlightenment/Fully Waking Up: The full waking up is then a sudden, unmistaken waking up to the True Reality of both oneself and Reality, nondual. The description of the Tibetan Mahamudra System, and Basis Enlightenment, describes exactly that: (1) "Awakened wisdom[Awakened Awareness] now comes forth unobstructed, no longer as a brief glimpse or flash [small "awakenings/enlightenments or whatever one wants to call it" but as that which saturates all experience. It has no real support (brten), yet serves as the ground or basis for all experience." (2) Contrary to the slow ripening of meditative experience throughout the preliminary and essential stages of meditation, and even the gradual ripening of awakened wisdom [Awakened Awareness] during extraordinary meditation, crossing over to enlightenment is an immediate and compelling event [sudden, awake or not], wherein the mental continuum undergoes a series of fundamental and enduring reorganizations At least from my perspective it doesn't look so complicated to align the different statements/wordings/descriptions/experiences/views concepts into a picture that can contain them all, that is spacious enough in an integral way to make room for all experiences and perspectives in a coherent picture. Water by the River

Agree, important point. Since I am quoting already a lot today, I hope you don't mind me hijacking your comment, and quoting some passages from "Pointing Out the Great Way, Brown" again. Maybe that is interesting for some.... Bold markings and [...] by yours truly. THE OUTCOME: THE NATURE OF ENLIGHTENMENT Contrary to the slow ripening of meditative experience throughout the preliminary and essential stages of meditation, and even the gradual ripening of awakened wisdom [Awakened Awareness] during extraordinary meditation, crossing over to enlightenment is an immediate and compelling event, wherein the mental continuum undergoes a series of fundamental and enduring reorganizations. One implication of the term nonmeditation is that the "journey ends." There are no more stages. Pema Karpo says,The journey ends. Going by stages stops. There are no stages that go anywhere else. You find the perfection of everything that came before, without stages. (PK, f. rib) There are no stages (sa med) beyond this point ... a. Basis Enlightenment The first enlightenment moment is sometimes called samadhi-enlightenment (mnyam bzhag) because it typically occurs during continuous, uninterrupted mindfulness. When the conditions of the extraordinary meditation are exactly right, crossing over occurs. A profound shift occurs during which seemingly individual consciousness, and all ordinary sense experience and all false concepts associated with it, drop away. The vast awareness-space of the dharmakaya becomes the point of observation. Seemingly individual consciousness (yid), the point of observation throughout the entire path of meditation, is now found to be a mere concept (btags pa), which drops away. Basis-enlightenment is said to be "beyond all notions," "beyond examination," "beyond representation," and "beyond false concepts" (TN, pp. 5 19-20). Tilopa says: When the mind comes to an end, The three realms become absorbed therein.... Through the nonduality of self and other you become the blessed Buddha. The mind becomes absorbed through the force of the ripening perspective of [vast awareness-] space. Then, the five sense systems and their objects, the aggregates, and the elements also dissolve in the perspective of space. The seeming reality of individual consciousness along with its functions and activities gives way, leaving only an infinite ocean of awareness-space. Basis enlightenment leads to a very "new view of the way the realized mind stays" (TN, p. 5 17). When the concept of individual consciousness or "mind" is finally eradicated, a profound rearrangement takes place. Awakened wisdom[Awakened Awareness] now comes forth unobstructed, no longer as a brief glimpse or flash but as that which saturates all experience. It has no real support (brten), yet serves as the ground or basis for all experience. Therefore the first moment of enlightenment is called basis enlightenment. During the ordinary special-insight meditations the practitioner searched for certain knowledge within arising events of the ordinary mental continuum. During the extraordinary samadhi meditations the practitioner located the simultaneous mind as the source of certain knowledge. Now, with basis enlightenment, knowledge takes on a new epistemological locus of knowledge. Awakened wisdom comes forth but not in association with either the ordinary or the simultaneous mind. Awakened wisdom [Awakened Awareness]has no basis. It is without coming Ong med) and without going ('song med), in that it does not arise from the seeming activity of the relative mental continuum. Awakened wisdom [Awakened Awareness] is self-originated (rang 'byung). It is simply there, and with basis enlightenment, stays there. Basis enlightenment is called, "wisdom beyond the world" (TN, p. 542)." So also according to Mahamudra/Tibetan Buddhism, the Deep Identity Level Shift of Basis Enlightenment/Great Enlightenment is sudden (contrary to the slowly ripening of Awakened Awareness before), self-evident, and there is no stage beyond it. Awake or not. Other Traditions call the shifts that happen before that event "Awakenings", some even Enlightenments. But qualified Enlightenments, "smaller" Enlightenments, partial gradual "awakenings" refining the mindstream to make it conform to the Big Shift, awake or not. Its a question of choosing the words. But they tend to differentiate clearly between the final thing/Great Enlightenment/Waking Up, and the events before. I agree with Inliytened1 that if we call this Great Enlightenment/Basis Enlightenment/ Waking Up, that one is either awake or not. Digital, either or. Before being awake, one can maybe postulate there are gradual changes/"Awakenings", preparing for the final big shift (called crossing over to Enlightenment, or Basis Enlightenment in Mahamudra). Or waking up, like in awake or not. If one knows or has realized what one truly deeply is, one knows what one is, and also what everything else is and only can ever be. Awake or not. If one is not sure, one is still asleep/dreaming. Awakening n+1 ain't it.... Selling Water by the River

No, that dream just happened. I didn't contemplate about that too much. Sure I did contemplate the topic, but I never had real problems with that. A bit yes, but not too much. Maybe because when that contemplation of "other" became a real existential topic, I was already practicing (and concentrated on) staying in boundless changeless limitless Awakened Awareness (infinite, nondual, mere appearance). When you are in that state, it doesn't freak you out that "others" don't really exist, but one can directly intuit that the same Impersonal Consciousness that Oneself and Reality really is, is also the substratum/essence (Nothingness/Consciousness) of their mindstream. You can intuit/feel their Illusion-arisings of I-feelings/I-thoughts of being something specific as being exactly(!) the same as the illusion arisings in ones own mindstream. The exact same mechanism how "others" fall for the illusion, as oneself does and did. Once one knows the structure/pattern/gestalt/essence of ones own Illusion separate self arisings, one sees them in "others", or other perspectives of the same consciousness. That doesn't cause shock, but limitless empathy. It is You (not the separate self, but the real you, Impersonal Consciousness, totally empty), litereally You looking through all eyes. That is the core and source of all empathy, but now without any filters and flowing freely, directly intuiting und knowing that it is You looking through all eyes. Then, where should the shock come from? All beings are children of the Real You, Impersonal Empty Consciousness (not a of separate self blown up to God-like proportions). Including what one formerly thought was "oneself". Only the separate self arisings/gestalt need "others" for love, validation, belongingness, self-esteem, the whole Maslow-Pyramid stage 1-4 up and down is made out of that. Couldn't be different to get a society going & surviving. Impersonal Consciousness and the bliss flowing from it doesn't need it. So it could make sense to transcend all of that already to a large degree before entering the terrain where there is no "other". The gentlemen who wrote "Enlightenment: Behind The Scenes, Leavitt" describes his final Enlightenment experience when he directly realized that he IS his daugther. Literally the same consciousness. Not as metaphor, but literally. Didn't cause a shock, but infinite love. Disclaimer (not written for you Breakingthewall): All of the above is only valid when one speaks from an Identity and mindstream of Impersonal Empty Consciousness, not from the perspective of a psychedelic boosted separate self (or even worse, not even having the psychedelic experience and just playing playing mind-games having watched some videos), blowing itself up to God-like dimensions and playing God. The entrance price for all of that is literally the transcendence/death of large or most parts of the separate self, and the final price is its complete demise/complete transcendence (transcendence of the separate self part, and then include the remaining functional character. Transcend and integrate, not transcend and disassociate, see Ken Wilber). Death/Transcendence not of the functional character/Ego, but of the separate self arisings. The main indicator for the separate self still being well, alive and active is narcissm, or self-grandiosity and self-importance. Preferably in the form of preaching from upon high. On the other side, that is not even a bad thing, because then every newbie with at least some intuition, common sense, and a not too narcisstic karma can spot that from a mile away. Instead of transcending/slowly annihilating the separate self, one boosts it up to God-like dimensions with doing that. Good luck ever transcending that! Doing something like that can destroy ones life. There have been cases like that, final station mental asylum or next life, or in the "best case" just a miserable unintegrated life full of suffering- end of disclaimer - I don't know if that view/frame helps. Maybe it is a nice exercise to feel deeply into the essence/consciousness of what you are, and then deeply into the consciousness/sentience of "another"? Its the same Nothingness/Consciousness. One can directly experience that (if oneself is completely empty, just pure impersonal consciousness). It is not philosophy or a nice idea, but a direct experience. But one has to be completely empty. The own lense of perception has to be completely empty of separate self arisings (=high speed cut off of any of these arisings before they grip/hypnotize oneself and elaborate fully, Trekchö-style. Needs familiarity, training and high-speed of attention/spotting, aka the goal of meditation. Please see my last decription-posting of the Pointing out the Great Way Mahamudra system, link below), only then one can intuit that. A colored lense with stains will not let that intuition/understanding pass. As second step, one can feel that essence of every appearance of the visual field as Nothingness, hovering as mere appearance in infinite Nothingness, at a certain point of practice Which is necessary at some point, because as Daniel Brown said: One can not understand the Totality/Wholeness from a partialized stance. Nonduality has to be there before that understanding. One has to literally become all phenomena appearing in the Infinite Boundless Changeless Awakened Awareness field (that is Nonduality), and then see what all of that is and who or what is aware of that. Then, at the end of the Road, Infinite Consciousness/Nothingness IS everything: Your Mindstream, the mindstream of others, the appearance of the world in the visual field, every though/feeling. Infinite, boundless, limitless, nondual all there ever could be. Everything that could ever appear appears in that, made out of that suchness/Nothingness/Consiousness as its essence. Then, one experiences/becomes/is... Home/safe/Indestructable/eternal: And that actually is not shocking. But if feels like one is at home, now and always, wherever you go in relative reality. No Fear: Somewhere in the Upanishads it says "Where there is other there is fear". If there is only oneself, which is indestructable (no moving parts, just Nothingness that can't disappear), there is no fear. Infinite Love: The recognition that there is no other in the whole kosmos, but only the suchness of ones being, bound together in a infinite nondual field of love Infinite Freedom: When the bliss/love of your own indestructable infinite true being flows, what could you ever want that you don't get, or ever be taken away from you? Total freedom. Then we have Eternal/Indestructable, Fearless, Love, and infinite Freedom. But before one gets there, the illusion-mechanism/Maya/Lila had to place some strong "illusion-protection-mechanisms" in front of these properties of the enlightened mindstream, because if it wouldn't scare the separates selves, who in his right mind wouldn't attach his own mindstream to these properties of the enlightened mindstream. And the strongest one is probably the need for "other" or "others", Maslow stage 1-4. Somehow I mostly fail to write short posts. Maybe I need to go to a training "Concise writing for Dummies" who went off the deep end of Emptiness... Selling Water by the River

Hi Ayham, I remember that very well. Facing everything the separate-self can throw at you head on.... And it can throw a lot... Maya is not letting one off the hook easily... The Game-Changer for me was the book "Pointing Out the Great Way, Daniel Brown". At least for me personally, 95% of the meditation system out there would have never worked for me. They would have been too unpleasant, or needing more much willpower. Or I would have get stuck in the several traps there are, where ones practice can "bottom out", and lead nowhere.... So I can not highly enough express my gratitude for the heroic pioneering effort of Daniel Brown translating all these books, and getting the (in my opinion) most sophisticated meditation system of the planet to the West. It has been practiced and refined for hundreds of years, developed further, elaborated in hundreds of Tibetan Books, producing a steady stream if deeply enlightened beings. It achieves a precision of technical vocabulary in the stage decriptions of evolving meditation, meditation experiences, resulting understandings and insights about ones mindstream and Reality emerging at different stages like nothing I have ever seen, and I studied more or less all major meditation systems, reading a few hundreds of books. The book is several hundreds of pages. It lead to me awe and deep respect of the Mahamudra-System when realizing at certain stages that I just had experienced the exact same flow of meditation experiences and understandings/insights than Tibetan meditators hundreds of years ago. Of course I can't summarize a few hundred pages of the book with the musings below. But I try to give a first taste of the system, with some personal experiences with it, and how it all developed for me, just to show off how great and oh so wonderful I am . No, just kidding... Because I would have loved to have had something like a"user experience" with certain meditation systems like that 15 years ago, to get a feeling for a certain path, and the experiences others are having with it. Concentrative Meditation: I would recommend starting with concentrative meditation, the Elephant Path (all Tibetan schools use it). There are several stages of concentrative meditation that must be mastered, and tools learned doing it. They are very well described in Pointing out the Great Way, and "The Elephant Path: Attention Development and Training in Children and Adolescents", in the chapter of Daniel Brown. Here is explicitely stated what one learnes while learning concentrative meditation. By the way, that system is in my humble oinion more sophisticated than Zen or Vipassana, because it includes techniques like easing up and intensifying. That is essential for making it efficient, and these techniques are just not there in Vipassana and Zen. These aspects (easing up and intensifying) one learns there by conincidence, or not at all. In the beginning, you don't stay long on the meditation object (breath, stone, candle, not so important), but just catch yourself when you have wandered off, your monkey mind taking you on a ride and elaborating something else. Now: Don't put negative reaction/feedback on that, but move attention/focus back. You can only control focus/attention, you can't force what thoughts emerge. So meditation is always moving attention back from wandering off, and the more you do that, the more pliant the mind becomes: Less wandering off, and if wandered off much faster to move it back. And when that goes quite well with a little bit less wandering off or loosing attention. Then, when its more automatic, you "ease up", which means you use less energy and focus, and see if you can stay on the object. If yes, good: Ease Up. Easing Up brings more clarity to what else goes on in the mindstream. Which lets you notice more of the subtler arisings of the mindstream emerging. When you drift off more than, then intensify: Inhale strongly, increase focus, energize. And see then if you stay more on the object. If you do, ease up. Find the optimum energy balance you need to stay on the object. One balances easing up and intensifying then.... Then your clarity will increase, your energy will become nice, joy can start to arise. And then you do that for a few months, a year.... Meditation Experiences of Clarity, Lucidity, Bliss and Non-conceptuality (silent mind) can occur, but also go again. They are just experiences passing in you. This way, you train your focus and make your mind pliant. When you can stay on the objects for a few minutes without totally getting lost in elaborated thoughts, and keep some focus on the object while wandering off in thought a bit, you have partial staying.... at some point you have pretty good staying on the object for a few minutes. Meditation without an object: Then comes a big change, that you can start doing then: Change to the Mindstream of thoughts itself as meditation object. And try to stay mindful of the mind watching that mindstream. If you can keep doing that (which takes a long time), you can start taking the meditation into daily life. Investigating the Nature of thoughts: See Pointing Out the Great Way for that. Thoughts are no different than consciousness, which is empty/nothing, yet has clarity/awareness, so its not a nothing at all. If you look into a thought, you don't find it, it disappears. Is cut off. One can never see or find a thought. Looking into a thought, an experience of un-findability arises. Empty, nothing specific. But with clear alert awareness of consciousness. Empty and aware. Nothingness, yet something that is not nothing. Nothingness. Emptiness. Consciousness. And more important: When really looking into the nature of a thought, it evaporates. Is cut off. Disappears. Reveals its nature of emptiness. With exactly that phenomenon is worked in the "Skill of Recognition", see below. Doesn't that effect appear as very useful to get thoughts and the mindstream under control? Of course! That effect of the thought evaporating, revealing its nature as Nothingness/Consciousness when looking into it, and generalizing that oberservation and understanding on the whole mindstream and all events it contains and can contain. That is understanding the continuum of the mindstream. The nature of thoughts. You don't control the thoughts which arise, that is why you/the person is also empty, a concept. Because what are you, if you don't even control your thoughts, and what thoughts arise? After having mastered Concentrative meditation, and having understood (contemplation) the nature of thoughts as consciousness/awareness/emptiness/suchness/Nothingness, you can put that into practice: Skill of Recognition: (1. Yoga of Mahamudra system) Now it gets interesting. That was the decisivepoint for me once I understood that, and implemented it. Afterwards, it started to get nondual pretty soon... If you look HOW the thoughts emerge, (1) out of what they emerge, (2) what they are, (3) in what they move (4) into what they disappear ALL of that (1)(2)(3)(4) must be present. Thoughts DO appear. From "something". Stay in "something". Consisting of "something" All of that is Emptiness, or Consciousness, or Nothingness. Thoughts are made of "that","move in that", "dissolve into that". and you will never SEE that, or can say what it is. Nothing. But not a blank nothing. An aware Nothing. Actually the essence of all world-appearances, but that comes later, when it gets nondual, at the Yoga of One Taste. What happens if you investigate into emerging thoughts this way, is that they get FASTER. VERY FAST. Like 20-30 emergent thoughts/feeling arisings per second, most of them rudimentary. The mind does this to keep the illusion going. To make it too fast for you. But at some point, you learned to get that fast also... Basically, looking into a thought, one sees its Emptiness/Nothingness (one doesn't find the thought, it evaporates). It is cut off. Dzogchen calls this cutting off "Trekchö". Daniel Brown called this stage a "High Speed Search Task into the unfindability of the nature of thoughts". A High Speed Search task into their emptiness, into their nature as consciousness, as Nothingness. So the emerging gets fast, very fast. Daniel Ingram also mentions that. But at some point, with enough practice and familiarity, YOU get faster. You spot and cut off every very fast, subtle, fragmentary thought arising. None of them "grips" you anymore, since you have seen them all, and their structure. Just thoughts arising very fast. You don't control which thoughts arise. Depended origination, they are just emerging by themselves. You can focus on just their arising (of thoughts), just their staying, just their going away. At some point, they just emerge, looking into their nature is automatic, and they immediately dissolve. No duration. Just emergence, and poof gone. And when you are fast enough, you get a continuance of staying mindful. When that happens its pretty clear what happened. Your attention got so fast that you can stay mindful even through the high-speed thought emergence. At the end, they come very fast, they don't get "elaborated out". Thinking, or elaborating the thoughts out, is slower than their emergence. They emerge already fully complete with their content, and then slowly get "talked/elaborated" in your mind. Natural reaction: So WHO the f*** am I (pardon my french) when I don't control what thoughts emerge and if they appear fully with their content in a fraction of a second, and get elaborated later in a hypnotic show over several second? good question... to be answered later. Outcome is: You know the nature of every possible thought (Consciousness-Emptiness-Nothingness), of the whole mental-continuum of thoughts, all that there can be. Their nature. you can cut off or transcend/just watch your normal mindstream in most daily situations without getting caught up/hypnotized by it, which already here leads to a lot of bliss. Not sufficient bliss to get ones separate self completely handled, but already quite wonderful. That is the start of real freedom. You know how your mindstream hypnotizes you, and gets faster when you actually look into each thought arising and its nature. At some point you get fast enough to cut off every arising, or let it elaborate in a controlled aka mindful way. Yoga of Unelaboration (2. Yoga of Mahamudra-System) Here, you finish off with time. You open up the eternal always here mind. Past and future become deeply understood as imagined/manifested right here and now, not really existing. Only the eternal now exists. Not as idea, as concept, as understanding, but as felt and lived reality. Deeply realized. Always Here. Eternal. How ones True Being can be immortal/eternal/always here becomes a very real possibility here. Later on, the emerging possibility "of how that could work" become validated beyond any possible doubt. Pointing Out the Great Way: "From where does the first mind-moment [the thought-arising] arise? Then, where does it stay? Finally, where does it go when it stops? The "mind" in which all this is happening is Always Here. Always Here Mind. Time is not "out there", self-existing. You only notice time because of change, of emerging thoughts and appearances. time is a mere construct/concept. No change of appearances/thoughts, no time. "One" doesn't control the content of the emergent thoughts "Through dependent origination certain propensities [thought capsules with their full content already "inside" emerge] at the very subtle level ripen into subtle movements within the temporal mental continuum, which in turn become constructed into and elaborated as coarse-level thoughts [get elaborated into long thoughts that get told in awareness over several seconds] and appearances" dependend origination: "one" doesn't control which thoughts emerge. "The skilled meditator can view events transforming from very subtle propensities to specific subtle mind-moments and constructed coarse thoughts and appearances seeming to arise and pass in the temporal mental continuum through a process of dependent origination" Seeing and understanding the emergence of the thoughts (fully formed out with all their content, but not yet elaborated in the mindstream, emerging in the Always Here Mind), and seeing this in real-time because ones attention got fast enough, is a game-changer. That stage is very hard to fully understand in Pointing Out the Great Way. At least for me, it took me a long time. . I would have been faster with coaching.... Yoga of One Taste (3. Yoga of Mahamudra System) So here it gets nondual and mere appearance, floating in Nothingness. No more a solid and external/duality reality "out there" anymore. But an infinite limitless field of Infinite Consciousness, manifesting an appearing world of mere appearances arising in it. A loving blissful boundless timeless field of bright lucid Awakened Awareness. This is where probably (my pet-theory) the Endohuasca-System starts working. https://dmtquest.org/endohuasca-magic/ The practice is basically taking the insights of stage 2 and putting them into practice, specifically also in daily everyday life. With that, one gets enough time and momentum in meditation to really make the difference, to get it nondual. To make all that with sitting meditation on the pillow, at least for me it would have been a full-time job. And I did a demanding career and some other stuff in the meantime also... The view taken all thoughts/mental events emerge in the Always Here Mind, or Simultaneous Mind (which means nondual). same with all world appearances. The essence of all thoughts is emptiness/consciousness, and the essence of all visual field appearances is also emptiness/appearance/consciousness. That is called the "One Taste" of every arising (thought or world-appearance). Nondual in other words. and being aware of the emerging high-speed stream of thoughts emerging already with full content, but getting elaborated in the seconds following, and cutting off most of the emergent thoughts by looking into their nature, which has been automized by this point enough clarity and mindfulness is generated that at some point The Visual Field/"world": Becomes mere appearance and infinite/limitless becomes mere appearance appearances 1) the world no longer feels "out-there". Everything arising just arises in oneself. 2) appearances loose their solidity. One can not tell if they are solid "objects" out there, or just appearances happening in the timeless Always-Here-Mind 3) At some point later, with a lot of meditation-mindfulness-momentum, the "inside" feeling as pure empty awareness, a very transparent witness, but not even that because the awareness is no longer separate: the visual field becomes really mere appearance. One looks at something, and its just appearance hovering in Nothingness. You feel into it, and its essence is the same as the indescripbable Nothingness behind ones head. luminous mere appearances, very similiar to trip-descriptions. the limit of the visual field, and the wondering of "what is behind it", become limitless or infinite there is "nothing" behind it. One just imagines a border/boundary of the visual field one imagines that something must be behind it (like 3D-Space continues". No, 3D-space is imagined in dimensionless Nothingness/Infinite Consciousness. 3D-Space is not self-existing, dangling out there. That was a biggie for me, took a long time to get, and could have been much faster with coaching. Guess I am quite a visual person Time is gone. Timeless Everything can only happen here, and now Past is imagined here and now , future also here and now the "subject"/"me", the separate self Gestalt/arisings, feeling and being separate from the whole Reality, slowly gets transcended and dissolves, more and more aspects of the person/separate self are seen as arisings moving within oneself. finally, after a long path of transcending every identity/I-thought/I-feeling of the Ego/Body-Mind/character, it becomes a transparent witness, nothing but still something witnessing the visual field. At some point, One can't tell AT ALL what one is, nothing positive is left. I am not the body/person, anything. Only aware Emptiness. But somehow some murky Witness or something like that still there. One literally doesn't know what one is, besides the nondual field... One becomes the visual field of mere appearance, one is that in a nondual way. any sense of location or center slowly dissolves. One becomes the whole boundless timeless field of mere empty, groundless appearance. Sometimes lucid and shimmering, like mere appearance. Some traditions call that already Enlightenment, or Kensho/Satori/Awakening. And it is in some way. But Nonduality is not already Full or Great Enlightenment, where there is absolutely no doubt about ones nature, and the nature of reality. That can become clear like ice-cold water thrown in ones face. Nonduality can be very well experienced by a separate self, just try some psychedelics.... To reach Nonduality sobre without psychdelics, one already has to be quite empty or transcended the separate self, but not necessarily (and normally) fully. With psychedelics, you don't need to empty (or have transcended the separate self) at all. 5 MeO will do that for, even if you don't want. Not fully empty, not the last step (no traces of Individuality/transparent witness left, see above), but very very much. that brings us to the last stage, Stage 4 of the Mahamudra System, the Yoga of Nonmeditation. And here is where meditation, and the long time it enables in these very empty states of dissolving every last speck of individuality/last very subtle separate self arisings/last very subtle illusions, becomes paramount. Only this 4. stage enables the final crossing over to fully, without a doubt, knowing what Ones True Self, and Reality, really is. Without that, suffering, grasping for ever more Awakenings, and still being a bit "gaslighting-ability" of the finality of ones realization/awakening, continues. Yoga of Nonmeditation (4. Yoga of Mahamudra System) What is already the case, from stage 3 Yoga of One Taste: The visual field/world already arises in the Always Here Mind as mere groundless luminous appearance, with Nothingness as its essence in an infinite limitless field of Awareness Space in the timeless Always Here Mind so many ingredients of the True State of Things, ones True Identity as Boundless Changeless Timeless Reality are already in place. That is already very lovely, filled mostly with bliss. Like really really nice. But not fully the Unshakeable Unchanging Reality that one intuits to really be, with its Infinite Love, Peace and Bliss. Only one thing is still missing for conforming fully to the enlightened mindstream, and fully crossing over to it with the sudden recognition of ones True Identity, Reality itself, Absolute Impersonal Infinite Consciousness, Nothingness. and that is the last remants of the Empty/Transparent Witness, or what Brown calls artifical activity. The last remnants of individuality, of I-feeling, I-thoughts arising in oneself. The last aspects of being a bit separate from Reality itself, from being not fully empty/transcended. A very subtle transparent witness, already being nondual, identifying with an infinite nondual field. Bassui (Zen, in Three Pillars of Zen) calls this Awareness of Emptiness, or Awareness of Beingness. A very subtle feeling of still being aware of SOMETHING, even if that is infinite Nonduality. Not full and complete nonduality and oneness. Still a subtle (very subtle) separate self aware of the Totality. Not the Totality being fully aware of itself, like in perceptions perceiving themselves. One can do NOTHING here to cross over to Full Enlightenment/Basis Enlightenment. Because that would be an act of a separate self. An effort. A movement of a separate self WANTING something, manipulating the mindstream, grasping for the understanding, doing something.... One can only automize the meditation/mindfullness, staying fully present, letting the Awakened Impersonal Awareness flow by itself, let IT do the meditation itself, get out of the way... Bringing out the full force of this Utterly Impersonal Awakened Awareness. Ones True Identity. And that is the last contra-intuitive trap: ONE CAN'T FORCE IT ("artifical activity"). Because forcing it would be a separate self arising doing it. One can try to force it (for example Koan-style), but then the Crossing Over normally happens in a moment of grace, of relaxation, when artificial activity is not present. And once the last very subtle remnants of the separate self are seen as moving within oneself, just changing and temporary arisings/movements consisting of I-thoughts and I-feelings, the last subtle lenses ("Individuality,separateness") are recognized and dropped/transcended/no longer believed and just cut off/let go/Trekchö-style. All and any center gone, no separate anything remaining anywhere, forcing its claws of suffering into the natural bliss of Enlightened Infinite Nondual Empty Reality itself, perceptions perceiving themselves, shimmering in Infinite Always here Nothingness, in Infinite Nondual Consciousness. The Universal Mind, Nothingness. Realizing that nothing is lost if the separate self illusion is realized and seen as that what it really is, and always was: Just appearances happening and moving within the Always Here True Self/Reality. All that is lost is an illusion, what is gained is Reality itself and its inherent bliss. And indeed welcome home, to a home you never left, on a journey that never really happened.... Bon Voyage! Selling Water by the River PS: By the way, that is not a nice theory and beautiful claims, but a path actually walked over many years (although because of lacking coaching and not being too smart sometimes from my side making it take longer than actually needed). But I am still very very thankful that I picked that path, and not 10-15 years face against the wall Zen-monastery Koan-style. That would have also maybe worked (but I don't know, that system has many pitfalls the Tibetans have identified and made maps for to avoid these), but would have been much less pleasant, at least for me. Would have felt like digging a hole with a shovel instead with a climatized excavator, doing most of the meditation in daily life instead of some hardcore-monastery-fulltime-environment. So I can understand all those that don't like meditation, because it is maybe the hardest thing one can actually do, depending on the system. Give this system a try! PSPS: Before one maybe starts thinking that nothing matters, and Karma is just an Illusion, since Individuality and everything else is an illusion anyways, and nothing matters, like ethics, common sense, Karma, compassion and so on: Be sure that reality will give you a crosscheck if that is really the case, or just a funny idea/concept. And then let's see if suffering hurts and grips, or is still just considered an Illusion. Compassion and Boddhichitta for all beings (which are nothing but the same One Reality without a second) actually is a pretty hard entrance criteria to any of these states decribed above. With honest and practiced compassion/ethics/Boddhichitta, one has the support from all of Infinite Reality on ones path. And how much intuition and intelligence emerges in ones mindstream is guided only by this One Infinitely Intelligent Reality without a second.

I believe you are truly awakened based on your posts, and I appreciate the support. But I do this for shits and giggles. Do you know how entertaining it is to see egos attempt to avoid truth, but simultaneously keep coming back to it. It's like a push/pull relationships. They both want truth and are terrified of it. You can't tell me it is isn't funny seeing their pathetic attempts to deny the Absolute truth. This is basically a game I do. Ego comes up and attempts weak duality creating argument. I use the fact that Oneness can never be defeated no matter how much it tries. In one of Leo's videos Leo said its like "Consciousness is trying to get outside of itself." God is so powerful but God has one true weakness...it can never escape the fact that it is ONE. Think about that.....once that is realized...all delusions will never hold. I have spent the last threads illustrating this and notice all the egoic reactions of horror in response. I find it laughable because....it's the truth of what we all are. We are all ONE, I am you, and you are me. Which is the same as saying I am all alone, and you are all alone. No separation forever.

I made a post on this forum a couple months ago called "I awakened and I don't like it". I say some similar things as you. I felt so crazy. Now though, I think I understand the insights a little better. Just give it time and it will start to feel not insane again.

I have never taken DMT in my entire life. Notice your assumptions that have no basis in evidence. My entire waking direct experience is everything is me. I broke the dream and fully awakened. You have not and speak from a place of ignorance. You do not have an open mind otherwise you would not be responding as you are right now. 1. Your actions reveal how you really feel. You are scared and hesistant. 2. When someone shows you who they are believe them. Your actions are all we need to know to understand your current state of mind. DENIAL.

I have never seen someone awaken from psychedelics. All I observe is Ups and Downs to the baseline, its like they are on a traboline What suprise me though is people *understanding* the whole universe and absolute love being defensive and calling people that are not aligned with their ideas clowns. People are actually defensive about their psychedelic path! I also think that mystics are not completely irrelevant, they expertise is spiritual dimensions, which they are constantly on, if I were you i would consider their concerns. Now as far as this being a technology, as I said in the beginning i dont see anyone here awakened. It's funny actually, people taking psychedelics for years without a significant change in their baseline consciousness although with significant peaks, and if you doubt them they are very capable of getting angry.. personally I can't see the technology. If you were to take from them all substances forever how close would they be to surrendering themselves. I dont know guys do you really want to be needing constantly something from outside to be spiritual? If it were to stay okey! But it seems it doesn't. And again if every substance is taken from you, has anything changed in your experience significantly? If yes, sorry ignore the post Cars make you experience speed that alone could never reach, but they will never make you a faster person. Of course I might be missing something, these are just observations I made over time in this community, and also I'm not heavily into the spiritual path, so please dont expect me to get triggered and answer every little post and forgive me if I'm naive.

Full Awakening does not absolve you from self-deception, it just allows you to catch it more easily. I just went on a run and was contemplating Oneness and my actions and discovered I was deluding myself and awakened to another frame. Oneness is calmness, tranquility. This means any deviation from that expression is a fear based expression and denial of Oneness. So my recent aggressive behavior and belittling comments were borne out of ignorance and for that I apologize. I discovered why I was doing that, remember every situation reveals where you are. I noticed that the thing I hate the most is when someone expresses a lack of accountability. It irks me, it irritates me and this is because my greatest fear is to not take accountability. Why? Because I have fully awakened my greatest fear is to fall back asleep. This is itself delusion because there is no difference between being fully awakened and fully asleep. Since I was afraid of a lack of accountability I aggressively attacked anyone who expressed that behavior. Now this is not to demonize aggression, because this too is pure delusion. Let me explain. To learn the art of fighting is to learn the art of aggression. One who has mastered the art of fighting has mastered aggression. If someone attacks a master, the master will effortlessly dodge and misdirect all attacks. The master will CALMLY face the aggression and make his opponent look clumsy and will make him appear that he is fighting himself. This is because every master in martial arts knows the only opponent is within. Master your fear of aggression by engaging in aggression. So when aggression arises in the form of a physical opponent you can remain calm. You will perfectly reflect your opponents aggression back onto himself and eventually he will realize he is just hurting himself. Because when you cannot hurt another, you are just hurting yourself. It's like punching a concrete brick. You cannot hurt the brick therefore you are only hurting yourself. So now I know the truth, anytime I express any emotion outside of calmness then I am deluded. This delusion is a result of a lack of mastery of self. Which is the same as saying ignorance. So here is how I will handle people from now on. When you reply to something I write I will ask you what response you would like me to give you. I can give you encouragement or I can give you deconstruction. The deconstruction can/will be painful so I will let you know this as well. Now I will still every now and then trick you into higher awareness just like LIFE does. But this will be in form of questions. I will guide you to higher awareness through questions. My question will constantly be....are you not creating a duality? You see to fully awaken you must dissolve all duality. So if I ask you if you are creating a duality and you say yes....then you are admitting to delusion. Notice how I was able to catch my delusion. Why? Because there is only security in life. Which is the same as saying there is only your power in life. Which is the same as saying THERE IS ONLY YOU. True strength also empowers others, I just gave you the ultimate trump card against me. If I deviate from a calm expression you can say I sense you are not coming from a place of calmness but insecurity. This can awaken me from my own self-delusion. This is why full transparency and vulnerability is strength.

You don't know that reality is imaginary, all knowledge is from personal experience. To know something is to know self. You lack self-knowledge so you are not awakened. This is how you and many delude yourself. You sit around all day spouting spirituality dialog but you lack the direct experience. All of Leo's videos literally tell you this. Watch his videos, over and over and over and over and over again. Look up other Spiritual Masters if you want. Deconstruct all identities with the concept that everything is one. The fastest deconstruction is to watch Leo's Solipsism video and accept it as true. If you resist Absolute Solipsism then you cannot awaken. You resist it. How do I know? Because you keep complaining. What you do, every non-awakened human does. If you do what they do how would you ever hope to awaken? You won't! The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same result. To awaken is to GROW in self-love. If you are not growing in self-love then you are going BACKWARDS! Your love your avatar and the totality of life should be INCREASING NOT decreasing! The more you hate life, the more delusion you are creating, the more you are seeing the beauty of life the closer you are getting to awakening. I awoke because my mind was already relatively pure so all I needed was someone to teach me Spirituality and guide me to the correct point of view. Awakening is a point of view, the point of view of ONENESS as the absolute and everything else just an expression of it. ONENESS means ABSOLUTE ACCOUNTABILITY. So if you are EVER blaming, any other for anything you are in delusion. The entire dream is delusion your job is to be aware of your delusion so you can enjoy it! When you watch a movie, or play a video game you know it is delusion and thus you can enjoy it! Your life FEELS real that is why you complain! All complaints come from REALNESS, this is because of your fear of pain and loss! So whenever you speak, think, and emote from a pain and loss perspective it is OTHER delusion. It is akin to watching a movie getting so engrossed in it that you cry or laugh. It's a beautiful thing, but the beauty can only be realized when you know it is PURE FANTASY!

If you want to make your baseline experience awakened PM. Anyone can do it. I am not special. You need to be addicted to TRUTH. Nothing else should matter in your life and truthfully nothing else matters in life.

Great post, i agree in everything. but the issue of solipsism is very elusive. if I'm in awakened state, it's obvious, but if I'm in a sleeping state, like now, it doesn't make sense. If you want to go deeper, you have to fully understand that your direct experience is absolute, therefore there is nothing outside of it, therefore, the others are imaginary. but it's really not exactly like that. how is? I don't know

Warning: Loooong rambling ahead! The deception is what I call (at least for me) Separate-Self-arisings (I-thoughts, I-feeling), that arise with a very high frequency in Oneself (True Self/Reality). That leads to the world appearances manifesting as "external" and "solid/not hologram-like mere appearances". Et voila, the magic show! When one spots them fast enough (separate self arisings) and is familiar with them, and doesn't get captured by them (in my opinion the goal of meditation), the visual field at some point becomes nondual, mere appearance, lucid/hologram-like, hovering in Infinite Nothingness. Then, there is no more deception, since it doesn't "grip". Nothing the "separate self can throw at you" is believed anymore. It just runs/appears in True You/Reality, but is no longer to believed to be more real than mere arising in True You/Reality. Perceptions perceiving themselves in You/Reality, and some practical mind-stream-stuff of the human you have (not are, but have) running in True You/Reality. As long as any of it is still believed, and not transcended as objects/movements/arisings in the True You, one doesn't cross over to the other shore. 3% of still "gripping" and not transcended separate self arisings (very very subtle ones at the end, just mere "Individuality") prevents the full Realization of ones True Identity. They all have to "go". It is like the mindstream runs in oneself, and doesn't capture ones attention. Nothing of it. The mindfulness stays, it is all a magic show. There is no more "external" world, just a magic show of hologram like lucid appearances, hovering in Infinite Nothingness. Suffering (psychological suffering, or resistance to what is here and now) has stopped at that point. Then, it all becomes a magic show. It is totally clear what the essence of the magic show/movie is. Nothingness. without suffering. Sure, the Magic Show is a deception/Illusion. But what else is there to do for the True You? The Real You can not gain or loose ever. But it can manifest the show. And just a disclaimer/warning, because I write very freely from the absolute side of the street, tending to ignore the relative side of the street while writing this way: When you start to think while the separate self is still intact, that you can not gain or loose ever: Well, Maya will give one a nice smack demonstrating that one (as the separate self) can very well suffer, grow and develop, loose and gain. Karma is well and alive when the separate self is not fully transcended). That leads automatically to appreciation of the beauty of the show. Appreciation of the beauty of manifestation. With a certain preference of being interested in all these mechanisms. But being interested not in a grasping way, like suffering when one doesn't get to understand it, but more like: Hey let's go for a walk, and if it rains we don't, and do something else. No big deal anyway.... If there is no appreciation of the Illusion/Show, but disgust/horror/discontentment/anything other than marveling at/with the state of things, I would assume there is still a separate self active/not transcended, that then resists/suffers. I personally find the investigation/exploration of the Multiverse, trying to understand the manifestation mechanism, Alien-anything quite interesting. But it no way leads to me grasping to the beauty and bliss of these experiences of understanding or exploring. If something like that would show up in my mindstream, a reaction would arise like: All nice and well, interesting for sure, but starting egoic/separate self-suffering or grasping for it, no way I am doing that, would be rather not so smart. and lead to suffering/resisting, and shutting down the Endohuasca-System (below).... and that would be it (grasping stopped). Selling Water by the River Some Quotes from Pointing Out the Great Way, Brown "once you have eradicated all the pain from the mind": "Tashi Namgyel calls the two stages prior to experiencing enlightenment recognizing awakened wisdom/[awakened awareness] and setting up awakened wisdom/[awakened awareness] . One-taste yoga establishes the foundation for awakened wisdom/[awakened awareness] to emerge. In non-meditation yoga the practitioner: ...proceeds from the perspective of having seen the benefit of the aforementioned [special] samadhi. Generate a fervent desire for this [awakened wisdom/[awakened awareness] ] to increase and continue once you have eradicated all the pain from the mind." Tashi Namgyal, in Pointing Out the Great Way, Brown "The commentary merely alludes to these changes withthe brief passage from Gampopa, "once you have eradicated all the pain from the mind" (TN, p. 5oo).These and other changes, however, are described in much greater detail in the oral tradition, especially by Rechung.'" Rechung says that the practitioner "unties the chakra knots that prevent the full experience of mental and divine bliss, respectively." [the Endohuasca-System of the Body, at least in my theory, see https://dmtquest.org/endohuasca-magic/ ] Attachment (zhar ba) is transmuted into great enjoyment (dga 'chen).The practitioner finds great bliss (bde chen) simply from experiencing ordinary phenomena as they arise in their own way. The natural spontaneity of the mind is freed. Bliss replaces misery." Tashi Namgyal, in Pointing Out the Great Way, Brown That is how at least developed for me. And the end of the game: "According to Tilopa, such uninterrupted, effortless mindfulness finds no refuge (gtad so) in any particular events of the mind because of their inherent emptiness/clarity, so that awareness-itself turns back on itself and naturally crosses over [to Enlightenment]" "In short, crossing over [to Enlightenment] happens at the time when every single sensory experience—appearance and thought—are viewed as clarity/emptiness and movement/emptiness with absolute certainty." [not 1% of the separate self still untranscended/not cut off/still believed] "Tashi Namgyel's root text explains how nonmeditation yoga ripens in three stages: At the lowest level, it becomes possible to maintain undistracted mindfulness of the simultaneous mind [simultaneous mind = nondual] at any time, so that it is unnecessary to limit the practice to formal meditation sessions. Seeming appearances arise "like a mirage." [mere luminous appearances hovering in Nothingness]. At the middle level,awareness-mindfulness continues day and night. The subtlest flow of shapes that arise is the mind's self-illumination. At the highest level, awakened wisdom/[awakened awareness] stays even throughout all these subtle forms [not 1% of the separate self still untranscended/not cut off/still believed, including any feelings/thoughts of Individuality/being separate from the Totality/Reality]. Continuous awakened wisdom/[awakened awareness] in the face of everything experienced is great nonmeditation. (TN, p. 697) I highly recommend the book, it is truly awesome. It is a synthesizing text of the Mahamudra-Tradition, quoting many books of the tradition and integrating them.

Lol… I can really get into this and do a lot of research because I just really don’t know what available options are out there. So I did look some things up before coming back to the Journal… I went into questioning if I’d really want to tow a trailer or not… since I hadn’t really thought about getting a truck yet I started to look up truck bed options. So there are actual bed truck campers and they look really nice… there was one which I thought looked really nice, but it might be too much for me. That’s another thing that is sticking out to me… is really being able to use what is being purchased… I’d want to make sure it’s not a purchase that will be a one and done type of purchase… and also making sure to purchase quality. But I’ll go ahead and share the link in case people are interested… there were two that drew my eye… the Cirrus 820 truck camper or the Kimbo. I realize if I start traveling in this way.. I will travel around the US, through Mexico, into Central America and at least the northwest of South America. I’m open to continue traveling the entire continent of South America, but I also feel I’ll have to feel it out after ceremonies. I know I want to continue having these messages being my direction and focus, but it’s not what people may think it’s going to come into play.. it just never seems to be that way for me… again… I can say I’m going to work on the excavation first but… I know I’m going to be working at all the visions at once and then some really… I’ll be learning and meeting people to build relationships decades away at any moment… lol… it just doesn’t happen linear at least in my experience. So again.. I have a feeling that it might take five years to get to the expedition… shoot there’s been so much that I’ve changed in the last five years… and where I am now… I can see there is every opportunity to set this up and more… lol… but the fact is… it really doesn’t matter what I think the timing will be… it may be sooner or it may be later… This is a big vision and I am attracting people and people are attracting me… and that in my mind should take some time to align… So I like to plan but it’s very loosely planned… I definitely allow for surprises and unexpected events… it happens to me all the time and I welcome them. Again… going back to the chess game.. I may be able to say the me who is experiencing can look at say five moves ahead… while my higher self… already knew when I was going to put myself into checkmate… and already knew what plays were needed to be played to set myself up… not in a bad way but in a good way… lol… but anyway I also looked into possibly to pitch a tent in the back of the truck bed too. I know I don’t need much but I am kind of curious how it would be like to live a life towards luxury… lol… there are things that I might do from time to time that I would consider luxury items.. like for me buying this IPad and my IPhones were definitely luxury items. There was an adventure I did in the Sacred Valley which was an over-night trip where we rock-climbed up into these mostly clear pods mounted on the side of the mountain where we had a wonderful meal… slept and woke up to the sunrise in the aerial view.. it was really breath-taking and it was so cool to see how they constructed it… that’s what I’d love to do is work on projects were people will show me how to build.. lol… but the next morning we had breakfast and then we zip-lined down to the ground again. It was Skylodge. And actually when I travelled to Italy I thought that was a luxurious step for me too… but anyway… I love to imagine but when I really start to think about it… It’s really just a safe way to say possible desires… I keep distance from it. I don’t want to keep distance from it… but I also know I’m speaking to myself and others maybe listening or reading… whatever… and again I want to make them feel comfortable too. If I say I’m looking for things i want to manifest into my experience… might not be taken as well as let’s imagine the possibilities. When I say let’s imagine… I can see it’s allowing me space or distance to doubt. And if I say that I’m looking for things to manifest in my experience… then I step closer to being honest with my desires… yeah.. makes sense. And again I’m ok if the things I manifest aren’t exactly these things, but my feelings and emotions towards these things are being observed and recorded and I know I’m going to continue experiencing these emotions in whatever form they choose to show itself. Right I’ve looked into doing this before with a sense of lack… and I just feel like I don’t want to have that anymore. Even though I don’t want it doesn’t mean I cannot observe the tendency still fluttering in my mind… and I guess the first thing is to notice it’s there and know that I’m creating a different mindset… When I travel… I want reliable vehicles and I’d like to be comfortable when I’m sleeping and hanging out. I know I can live and deal with less then those requirements, but I don’t have to continue to do that forever. I already know I like to challenge myself… so I know I want to start planning the expedition so I’ll see how to prepare for it. I guess since I really don’t know the options available.. and I also don’t know exactly when… there’s new technology being designed and created.. so maybe trying to plan too soon might not be the best approach. There are already things I know I want to start practicing on now that doesn’t involve material things… increasing my spiritual practices. I keep thinking about the large tent… lol.. and really I’d love to learn how to design and make my own… or collaborate with someone who knows and is familiar with tent design. It might not be what happens… but darn it… that’s how I think… I’d love to learn how to do it… or even learn how to modify so the modifications continue to be quality and safe modifications. That’s why I would like to travel to who knows where… because I love to learn so much and I know I can find people who can teach me… of course we’ll be teaching each other in our own ways… but again… when I’m learning it all connects to different areas. So what am I feeling right now. I feel when I do my roadtrip… That I would like to have the truck… I’d like to have a truck bed camper… and I’d like to get a pocket motorcycle to ride… lol… yes I looked up a beginner’s bike… lol.. now a part of me is like… it’s not going to be that hard to pickup riding a motorcycle… but another part of me… is why don’t I just make it easy for myself for now… especially if I’m traveling in places I’m not familiar with… the easier I can help myself then the better. Once I get the hang of it I can upgrade to a large one. So I found two that I liked as a starter… and again.. I feel I would put a lot of use into them… and I know I’d be able to finde people who would want to use it when I upgrade… lol… or if I upgrade.. I just might like these… lol.. but one is yeah considered a pocket motorcycle I think they called it… it’s the Honda Navi… it only goes up to 50 mph and I don’t know if that’s enough for me… lol.. but I think it should be until I get used to it.. but what does it say: NAVI-GATE YOUR WORLD: Just about everyone who scores a ride on a Honda Navi can’t stop smiling. And it’s easy to see why. We’ve designed the Navi to be easy to ride, with a no-shift automatic CVT transmission. That helps make it easy to learn on too, even if you’ve never ridden a motorcycle before. Then there’s the small overall size and light weight, which makes it way less intimidating. Plus, it offers some pretty awesome fuel efficiency. And finally, because it’s so small it’s easy to park. And speaking of saving money, the Navi is the most affordable Honda streetbike in our entire line! Isn’t it time you started Navi-gating your world?    And the other I thought was a cool options it was actually a scooter but with a motor that would make me have to get a motorcycle license and register it… so similar to the first option but this has two wheels in the front which I think give me more confidence especially on gravel.. where is it… it’s the Piaggio MP3 530 HPE Exclusive… and I think it cruises at around 60-65 mph and could got to upper 70’s… that actually would be more like it… at least I’d feel comfortable driving it on highways. It’s a little larger body too for comfort and there’s a big windshield guard… it’s pretty cool… yeah I didn’t look at every other option, but I did like this… and what does it say: The new MP3 530 HPE Exclusive lives up to its name. The most advanced three-wheeler ever produced by Piaggio, it features a 530-cc Euro 5 High Performance Engine, cruise control, reverse gear, rear camera function and Blind Spot Information System. The definitive mobility solution for urban travel and further afield, it delivers an ideal mix of comfort and performance, making it a breeze to get around town and beyond in safety. An article by Cycle World says many good reviews, but here’s one: The MP3 Resets the Standards: From the start, the MP3 inspired great confidence, even for totally inexperienced riders. Simply put, it radically reset scooter safety standards, opening up the svelte urban commuter class even to chronic soft-seat motorists who would never think of riding anything that needed to be leaned around corners. So as I’m looking at the bikes… I have to think how I’m going to take my little buddy with me… lol… So yes I looked into pet carriers… and I think that scooter would have the more comfortable option for him. But I also like having possibly a sling for him too… I don’t know…. I feel like I’ve been wanting to design and sew a carrier for him too… I was trying to see if I can find a carrier that mounts easily onto a bike but then converts into a backpack when we’ve reached the destination… and since I have a smaller animal… why don’t we make it airline compliant too… lol.. I’m thinking the sling just because I think if i can get him closer to me with the noise going one it would help him get used to it. But I think I would switch up the sling too… I love the whole wrap around close to my chest… where did I see that the one I was looking at seemed like a man bought it or even designed it for his dog who was very anxious… it’s similar to what we see carrying a baby around… but with a cat? With my cat… lol… I’d like to add a few extras… first of all some type of scratch barrier between my skin and the wrap… lol… his claws automatically go out when I pick him up to place him into whatever carrier I have.. and I also like the bags I’ve had that has the extra security of a small leash connected to him… anyway there’s a few slings that I saw… and I’d like to combine them… lol… I think they were Amazon.com .. here’s a Yudodo option and then here’s the wrap option.. here’s the Pet K’tan version. Oh I almost forgot… there is a way to mount the bike to the hitch of the truck… now I’m not sure it can work with the style of the truck bed camper I’m leaning towards, but I watched a video of the guy who started this company… and I liked his attitude and I know he’d be able to make it work with the options he has… I’d probably just need to reach out and make sure the style I think will work will actually work… but let’s see I remember his name was Joe… here’s the one that might work for that scooter… ohh… I don’t know if he’d have one for the scooter actually, but I’d definitely pay extra to get one that would work… lol… I’d even love to go to his shop and watch or learn… lol.. I can say that to about everyone… lol… ok where is he… welp it’s Joehauler.com and he does Custom Haulers, perfect! Lol… I was just thinking if I could use this as something to tangle in front of my dad… lol.. I think he would enjoy having one… but I’d have to give him the chance to clear out the garage first… lol.. because I think he’d want to store it in the garage especially during the winter… he’d need to have space for it… lol… while I get ready for the driving test he can learn too.. lol… I could see him loving the… plus he couldn’t be such a speedster on the road at times… lol… well we’ll see. So I do think about technology as well… I know when I was thinking of the expedition I was going into satélite options and even maritime options.. many options for communication and possible access to internet while we’re traveling… I thought of maybe trying some of these out now, but I don’t really think it’s time.. lol.. I think I really need to get out there and talk to people and see what they know. Shoot I don’t stop and hesitate to ask people what they’re interested in… if it’s something I’m not familiar with I usually try to ask questions to get a better idea… and if I think it connects to this or that… I’ll ask… so I usually find interesting conversation to say the least… lol… but yeah I was gettin into the tendency I was getting to when I first was thinking about the expedition and i was getting overwhelmed… trying to figure it all out at one time and before I really knew anything… I was guessing with everything and trying to find all the options to check out.. it’s best to run into people who are more experienced. I had thought about emailing professional expeditioners… lol.. I just thought it might be too soon and most of the time I would be saying I’m not sure but maybe this or that… lol… maybe if they were friends I could get a way with that but even then… it doesn’t normally work…lol. But yeah I’m feeling so much better… I was going through a lot earlier and yesterday trying to think of everything that I was thinking about before.. but there was probably a very good reason why I threw all of that into recycling… all the things I was writing in isolation when I first arrived in my personal journaling… I didn’t keep it… I wanted to purge and I wanted to start fresh as I could and for some reason… I didn’t want to keep that journal… and man I was obsessed with it for at least a month… like how I once got… not eating and sleeping… lol… but I guess I’m learning to relax a little more too… I get so excited that I just want to go, go, go… lol… but I see the value of just taking my time and allowing time to help give me clarity before jumping the gun. I’m sure there’s a balance that I’m trying to find… I know I don’t want to wait forever and then I get too comfortable to not make any changes. There’s a balance I’m learning. So yeah I don’t think I have to worry about testing out those types of communications quite yet… but there’s some goodies that I’d like to start gaining experience with. This is funny because i say that the people who I meeting currently, they see who I am.. like say the people I know in Colorado.. specially when I speaking of my approaches to spirituality… they think I’m a saint.. lol.. not really but my behavior and thought is different to what they’re used to, but I find I have to convince them that I haven’t always been this way.. lol.. again if I’m talking about ceremony with them and they’re interested… I deal with all types but some who are say addicted to drinking or recreationally doing drugs… or any issues they think I wouldn’t understand where they are and I have to tell them all the things I’ve been saying here… I did shit… I was living unconsciously too, but I decided to make changes. But say I’m speaking to people I’ve known all my life.. they see me as who I was before… and again I feel like I have to convince them that I’ve changed… lol… so it just reminded me when I say I usually want to go, go, go… people who are reading this will know that I’ve been in isolation for so long that they might feel… what do you mean you go, go, go… you haven’t been doing anything for a long time now… lol… I can only say I’m changing… and it seems its only a few months it takes me to realize the changes instead of taking years… and i feel that’s a good thing… lol.. But I consider myself a creative and artist… and when I was in school I had access to many materials, tools, and programs and I really caught on quickly, but when I stopped going… I was limited in my involvement with the abundance of tools to continue learning in those areas… I’d like to get a chance to dive into them again… I loved computer aided drafting and also art… I haven’t been in that world for decades now.. so a lot has changed, but I still think if I can put myself into the position to have access… I’d find my way again, but I think I would like to start off with a decent computer setup and get some programs to dive deeper into creativity in art.. such as computer design and even musical programs and video editing… things of this kind. i want to work on my drawing faster… i feel this is going to be helpful for me in receiving clues… lol… i know this doesn’t involve computers… but I wrote some of the messages i was getting in the time before sleep and when I was seeing visions… I got the idea that it would be helpful to develop this skill.. not only because of the people I was seeing, but possibly during the expedition too. I was wondering how I would know where to go… when I go the message about the excavation… I was given an area I knew… so I didn’t have to draw it out.. I know where to go… but if I’m exploring terrain I don’t know… I was wondering how would I be guided… I thought possibly I could be getting visions of the terrain, and since I don’t know where it is… if I can draw it out clearly then they would give guidance. I thought I’d probably need a drone to be able to fly a good distance away from the camp… or even go on scouting trips with the drone to see if it can see these locations and then while scouting can get a better idea how to move the camp closer to the location. I don’t know it’s a thought… and so I know that I can at least start practicing this skill and I’d always wanted a drone… I love photography and videos and I think it would be cool to learn how to use a drone… I wouldn’t just use it for the expedition.. but as I travel. I even said if I hired myself what would i do… well I wanted people I work with to record themselves… well I’d like to do the same thing. Similar to what I’m doing now… but using video footage and who knows what else… but I’d like to find a pretty heavy duty drone to be tough enough for the changing weather conditions I can assume will be in the mountains. I’d like some video editing programs… again maybe meet someone who can teach me… so maybe not get the program fist.. talk to someone and have them recommend… i don’t know… but something like that. I want to work on music… I’ve really been interested in exploring more on learning different types of instruments. I know I’ve been trying to build confidence in my singing… I sing Icaros in ceremony and I knew I needed to gain more confidence, but… lol… I feel when I’m in ceremony it just comes out of me anyway… lol… it’s obvious to me that I’m still searching for styles to resonate with… I’m sure I’ve already mentioned it before but I can go from an opera singer, to a beat boxer tribal chanter… lol… but I think I can continue to build confidence. I think that’s why I’m drawn to musical instruments too… I know some of the people I work with are already musically inclined… in fact I’d suggest to them to bring their instruments of choice when they join me in Aya ceremonies… I’d love to see if they’re drawn to using them… I’ve already seen people try to sing in their own attempts… it’s really exciting and interesting to me. Again I’ve worked with a shaman who had so many unusual instruments and it was awesome to have that in ceremony… but I’ve also been with shamans who think that instruments shouldn’t be involved with ceremony only voice… but I know I’m drawn to the Sa’sa… using the body as an instrument… so I have nothing against instruments and voice together… and I know a few people who know how to make their own instruments of choice… and yet again… I’d love to learn and maybe that’s how I’ll get some of my instruments… my making them… how sweet that would be. I’m not sure how people view hearing singing Icaros in ceremonies… I know I wasn’t expecting it as part of the process of ceremony, but I didn’t have any background in it. But that does remind me of the sedition in the yoga manual that I wanted to touch base in… ways to show Bhakti… and they gave some good examples… hmmm… yeah maybe I’ll go into that for a little bit… there’s something going on with my internet.. I know I can hear the wind being aggressive outside… so I’m going to copy and paste everything real quick so hopefully I don’t loose my progress so far. Ok… and it looks like I wasn’t logged into my dad’s WiFi.. so now it should be stronger. Ok… the manual… So I’ll start by referencing the book again, “A Systematic Course in the Ancient Tantric Techniques of Yoga and Kriya” by Swami Satyananda Saraswati. Let’s begin: “Bhakti and Music: Thoughts are the language of the mind. But music is the language of the heart. Wherever there is Bhakti there must also be music. They are inseparable. There is no more exhilarating way of expressing Bhakti than through music. Music implies rhythm and harmony. And in this sense everything in the universe can be considered to be music… You should try, or at least aspire, to conduct your life as though it is a perfect piece of music… For a bhakta life should be a continuous symphony whether he is high or low, whether he is working or sleeping, whether he is happy or angry. All the ups and downs of life are mere ripples on the river or ocean of bliss… And in fact vast numbers of bhakta have expressed this inner bliss with their internal singing and music…. But for the bhakta, music does not only mean music or singing - it means the whole flow of life. Life is one continuous song. There is an inner music of the heart which is functioning ceaselessly, no matter what the outside events… This inner music should guide your life. It should decide your actions. But it can only come when you are receptive, when your mind and heart become sufficiently tuned… This inner music is the music of knowledge, the music of bliss. People of modern times have been seduced into always being in the audience… This is a great pity, for the most enjoyable part of life is participation. It is the same with music - people tend to listen rather than take part. And in this way the exhilarating experience of involvement is lost… generates an upsurge of group feeling. It is wonderful for removing stress and inducing relaxation. It helps to purify the mind and gives an outlet to emotions. It helps to unfold Bhakti. One’s feelings (bhava) are heightened. This leads to heightened bhava on a more permanent basis. Devotional music is powerful (509).” ”Expressions of Bhakti: What does a bhakta do? Many people think that Bhakti has to be expressed by wild singing or emotional prayers or utterances. And indeed this can be the case; many great bhakta have sung the most beautiful poems in order to express their joy, devotion and realization. Others have been famous for their joyful dancing. The Sufi dervishes are good examples. Every movement, every action is an expression of bliss and devotion. But this is not necessarily so. Many great bhakta were less dramatic. They continued to live their lives in a state of calmness. Each action and each thought however is permeated with awareness of the divine… He looks into the mirror of the world and sees the image of himself. Actions become perfect… Bhakti need not necessarily be associated with wild, abandoned singing. It can be felt in many people without obvious outward expression. It depends on the dharma or personality of the bhakta… Actually, every saint, yogi, tantric or sage is a bhakta… They must be bhakta, for the knowledge, the realization that they have in higher states of awareness must automatically lead to Bhakti… In the Srimad Bhagavatam it says: ‘… the devotee loses all sense of etiquette. He moves around the world without attachment. He always chants the name and his heart melts through love. he is like someone possessed, sometimes laughing wildly, sometimes weeping; and then he sings aloud and dances…’(2:2). This description of the expressions and actions of bhakta is as good as any. But a bhakta need not conform to this pattern. He will express himself according to the dictates of his personality, dharma and the given situation (504-505).” “The methods of unfolding Bhakti: There are many methods which the aspirant will find out for himself through his own experiences. In the Srimad Bhagavatam nine modes of unfolding Bhakti are given as follows: 1. Shravanam (hearing stories about the divine incarnations such as Rama, Krishna, Christ, Buddha and so forth). 2. Kirtanam (chanting the names of divinity). 3. Smaranam (continual remembrance of divinity in any form). 4. Padasevanam (service of the guru or service done in the name of the divine). 5. Archanam (ritualistic worship and offerings). 6. Vandanam (mental worship of everyone and everything as being the form of divinity). 7. Dasyam (the feeling of being the servant of the divine). 8. Sakhyam (the attitude of friendship… He treats the supreme as a close friend who is always in his company). 9. Atma nivedanam (total surrender… This leads to perfect union where the lover, loving and the loved become one)… A few important aspects of unfolding Bhakti are not clearly indicated in the list. Meeting great yogis and saints is an important way of intensifying Bhakti… Also important is constant reflection on one’s nature and study of the scriptures. This is called swadhyaya (505).” This again.. just help confirm to me… that I’ve been discovering how I awakened my bhakti and why I want to develop into a bhakta. Alright… I think this is a good time to take a break.

What I have found, is that if you're awakened, then there is no one else that is awakened, ever, because it's only you in the first place. Not the ego, God, the ego is a fantomatic fabrication like everything else. The entire world is awakened or you're asleep/half asleep believing there are other partition of God being aware separately. Now this is funny, cause I'm speaking from an ego point of view now, and have no idea whatsoever if what I'm telling is true or not, this is all memory and intuition, and from what I remember, I would probably not try to convince anyone about this, cause that would be pointless in the first place