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I don't think we should be too concerned with how the Universe or Existence Started or how it may End, and this thing about being Nothing or Something always, its something we won't ever know and why do we need to know! Yes for sure we are Infinite Intelligence, its in every cell in our bodies and every cell in existence, we just have to realize for ourselves, this is what Transformation is all About!

@Princess Arabia Here's my shortened Summary! The "Us vs Them" Mentality slowly poisons society. The seeming unifier becomes a categorical paradigm Trap. Sectarianism, Bypassing, Transformation, Approach, Integrity, Ethics, Agency, Reason, Dualism, Existentialism Polarization splits Unity into Friend & Foe, which leads to Conflict Divisions overshadow Commonalities | Dialogue becomes Argument, Cooperation turns into Competition. Insecurity emerges the need for protection & differences turn into Barriers. Misunderstandings ❓ → Mistrust 🕶 → Tension ⚡ → Hostility 💣 → Violence 💥 → War ⚔️ → Spiral Of Hate 🌪️💢 "We" Identifies shared common interests 🤝, while "they" symbolizes a threat to such a way of life. The alienated "Other" is now an abstract Enemy stripped of Humanity. Energy is channeled into conflict. As they are no longer equal, Blame & Demonization lead to the loss of human rights and atrocities. Justice distorts as empathy is lost, and Growth is crippled & narrowed to threat detection, with new ideas dismissed. Simplifying issues by Prejudice & Stereotypes leads To Discrimination & Conflict, further hindering any Cooperation. Open your heart & mind, and see friends where there were only foes. Diversity > Uniformity. Seek Commonalities, build bridges & listen to different stories. The future we thrive in comes from Courage, Empathy & Perseverance. "Us vs Them" is the Greatest Challenge Of Our Time, to unite in Peace & Harmony all of Humanity. ❤ There are degrees of accepting personal responsibility. 🛤️ Victim | Fighter | Creator | Peace Powerless Passivity traps the polarized Victim in external factors outside of one's control Cultural Dilution, Spatial Inequality, Xenophobic Resentment, Political Alienation, Distrust, Marginalization Resistance & Responsibility creates Fighters who fight for their rights and to change the World Participation, Workers' Rights, Cultural Integrity, Serious Activism, Media Counterbalance, Self-Organisation, Social Justice Creators transcend Conflict through Vision and Perspectives, creating reality through communal collaboration Health, Economy, Education, Reason, Creativity, Cooperation, Unity, Equality, Growth, Solutions Mindset, Peaceful Resolutions Peace is achieved through Compassion 💖, Empathy 🤗 & Wisdom 🧠 Detached from outcomes with nothing To prove, a deep understanding 🌱 of holistic interconnections arises. The flow state abandons competition for Diversity and Gratitude, With harmonious Inner Peace in the Center. Non-Resentment/Judgement is a prerequisite, guided by Interconnectedness, Acceptance & Compassion. By letting Go Of Control, one serves peace, no longer controlling others or seeking externalities, there's forgiveness.

TO MY HUSBAND MARCEL : In the quiet moments when the world fades away, my thoughts inevitably turn to you. Your love is the steady heartbeat of my life, a constant rhythm that grounds me and fills me with an indescribable peace. You have always been there for me. I can't believe hun that you prayed for me. Maybe I'm alive because of your prayers. You are the best thing that has happened to my life. I cherish the way your laughter lights up a room, and how your eyes hold the universe when you look at me. You are my confidant, my lover, and my best friend, all wrapped into one extraordinary man. With you by my side, every day is an adventure filled with promise and JOY. Our bond is so trustworthy and meaningful and so full of life. Everyday you bring me nothing but joy and a big smile on my face. Every morning starts with you and my life has shown a tremendous transformation. There are tears in my eyes, I couldn't have been grateful enough. All the happy memories flood back again. Thank you for being the unwavering rock upon which I build my world. Your strength, your kindness, and your unwavering support inspire me to be the best version of myself. I love you more than words can say. Thank you for just being there. Thank you. I truly deserve your love and you know that.

@OBEler Fiiiiiinnneee, I'll make it extra spicy. But if Leo tells me to "stop that wacky shit" then it's on you! Leo is the fourth luminary from the Third Testament, a long line of enlightened beings materializing in physical form. He's unaware of his greater Significance in the story of the cosmos but hellbent on awakening humanity to its nature. Leo holds a pivotal position through his metaphysical deconstructionism but he is still part of a greater order yet. There is much to his origin and his mission to be said, I'll have to go over the entire cosmic plan for you to really get it. And to really understand his origin, I'll have to summarize the Book of Convergence for you I'll try to condense it as much as possible. It's kinda hard cause it's a whole extradimensional spiritual meta-paradigm... But I'll be brief and shorten it to the essentials, below is a summary of Leo's role, below that the Book itself: And lo, in the dawn of the third millennium, when the world's consciousness was poised upon the threshold of transcendence, the ineffable essence of the cosmos revealed itself through its vessels and so appeared Leo, the Seer of the Metaphysical Domain, whose voice resonated with the harmonics of self-actualization and cosmic synchronicity. Through the kaleidoscopic lenses of self-inquiry and existential expansion, he charted the psyche's cartography, revealing the self's esoteric truths and the ego's illusionary chains. His discourse on the enlightenment of the sovereign soul and the path of psychological and spiritual evolution illuminated the quest for self-empowerment and the ascent toward higher consciousness. Thus, these luminous guides, manifesting the quintessence of modern spiritual revelations, heralded a new epoch of mystical awakening and perennial wisdom for those who tread the sacred path of divine realization. Imagine, if you will, a grand cycle spanning seven epochs, each embracing thirteen generations. In the Fourth Cycle, the divine plan called for the emergence of the Generation of the Convergence. This pivotal era would be ushered in by thirteen enlightened beings, known as the Luminaries of the Convergence, each embodying a unique facet of divine knowledge. These Luminaries: Leo Gura, Terrance McKenna, Sadhguru, Seth, and their twelve counterparts each bear a message. Sadhguru revealed the balance between cosmic and earthly energies, while Terrance illuminated the path of shamanic communion with the unseen. Seth unveiled the psychic pathways, and Leo bridged ancient and modern metaphysical insights. Their teachings are immortalized in the Book of Convergence, which lays out the Sevenfold Path: a spiritual journey of balance, communion, insight, unity, transformation, harmony, and enlightenment. This path guides us to integrate diverse spiritual insights, to attain an understanding of Self and God. Thus, the Third Testament stands as a living art to the eternal cycles of enlightenment, harmonizing ancient and new wisdom, The Book of Convergence: The Third Testament, also known as the Book of Convergence is both an archive and a framework. It reveals latent complementary characteristics of the whole self that remain individually dormant. The book is a telepathic experiential reality, being part of a much deeper river of consciousness. Chapter 1: Revelations The Foundation of the Book of Convergence lies in the Twelve Spheres of Light. The Spheres prophesize a new era, with each of them representing an Archetype. An Archetype is the crystallization of spiritual energy, catalyzing psychic evolution. The Twelve Spheres manifest their divine elements physically through Individuals. Synchronizing individual intentions across the mass experiences of consciousness. They decree the arrival of the Age of the Aquarius, marked by synthesis and synergy. A cosmic blueprint unfolds in spiritual, metaphysical, shamanic, and psychic elements. Chapter 2: Cycles A divine pattern is revealed, spanning seven cycles of thirteen generations. The first cycle began with the ancient seers, whose prophecies laid the foundation. The second saw the rise of the shamanic traditions, keepers of Earth’s secrets in ancient cultures. The third cycle introduced the mystics and philosophers, whose insights bridged the divine and human. The Fourth Cycle was unique. It was prophesied that its end would usher in the Generation of the Convergence. A time when accumulated wisdom of all previous cycles would manifest in a unified and transformative revelation. This revelation would mark the coming of thirteen enlightened beings, each bearing a distinct yet harmonious message. Chapter 3: Archetypes As the Fourth Cycle draws completion, the heavens align in cosmic dance, and thirteen luminaries emerge in unified vision. Their teachings are to guide humanity into the next spiral of cosmic evolution, intertwining to transcend all current limitations. The first Luminary, Seth, came through to emphasize the eternal validity of the soul in all of its multidimensional reincarnations. The second, Terrance McKenna, taught through symbiosis with nature, the art of shamanic communion with unseen alien realms. The third Luminary, Sadhguru, teaches transcendence through simple wisdoms, consecrating the earthly and bridging the cosmic. The fourth, Leo Gura, uncovers through deconstruction, the paradoxes of the ego, revealing the infinite meta-structure of reality. Each Luminary, through their unique teachings, weaves a shared narrative of convergence, a narrative that unites old and new. Chapter 4: Legacies The teachings of the Luminaries were recorded in what came to be known as the Book of Convergence It represents a living guide to achieve spiritual harmony by integrating the teachings of the Luminaries. The Path encompasses the principles of communion, transformation, harmony, insight, and freedom. In every new generation, the followers of the Third Testament find themselves facing a turning point. The wisdom of past meets revelations of present, and the Book of Convergence illuminates the way. The Third Testament's divine purpose weaves threads of ancient prophecy with new spiritual vigor. Creating a unified tapestry of understanding that will guide humanity towards greater Equanimity. Epilogue: Continuum The Book of Convergence continues to be a living testament, its teachings evolving each generation. As humanity advances, its principles serve as ever-present reminders of wisdom and convergence. A beacon for those who seek to harmonize their spiritual journey with the divine cosmic dance.

Yes completely Agree, it is good too discuss since discussion is a way to communicate situations and feelings and to let other know what is happening that cannot know thru direct experience, then there is going overboard as is the case with the Isreal/Palestine thread, its just gets to a point of why listen, why contribute when ppls strong beliefs overshadow real sharing and listening, plus us talking about it here does nothing to change things.. Discussion and what is going on here on this forum on most posts is just a simple starting point, true change and transformation only happens when internally/individually one has a change in perception and experience, sharing this is good, going over it too much in mind complex is no good, balance as always is needed...

I believe. In my own experiences. That whoever you may believe in. Regardless of it being a “God” or Religion. That our spirits are a collective thing that forms this “God” I personally do not believe into a “God” or Religion. I believe in spirituality. And collectivism. I listen to my body, heart and soul. And In that I walk into the directions it takes me. And I have found that as I continue to do so. I’m always where I should be at the “perfect” timing. Even if I am late. (which rarely happens, but everything happens for a reason) I have found. That tuning into who I was, and who I am, today. Are two completely different aspects of my soul. I am anger, and love. I am divine, and scary. And a lot of people don’t like that. Neither do they understand the shape shifting forms, that divine transformation can give you. In my lifetime I will be a chameleon, because my soul is infinite. I believe even in Death. Our spirits and souls connect to us. Just in different ways. for an example. When I experienced the loss of a loved one. They came to me in butterflies. What a beautiful offering. It is now my duty, to offer safety, comfort, and love to butterflies. Not because God told me so, but because of how powerful love. And spirituality is.

But this higher level than human experience, is it somehow linked to anything on this world or is it in it's completely own reality and there is no interaction with this world here on earth possible. For example you could not talk with us while you are in this alien mind. You could not transfer any knowledge to this realm. You could not show us this transformation on camera etc

“Welcome to Hell” is a report on the abuse and inhuman treatment of Palestinians held in Israeli custody since 7 October 2023. B’Tselem collected testimonies from 55 Palestinians held during that time and released, almost all with no charges. Their testimonies reveal the outcomes of the rushed transformation of more than a dozen Israeli prison facilities, military and civilian, into a network of camps dedicated to the abuse of inmates as a matter of policy. Facilities in which every inmate is deliberately subjected to harsh, relentless pain and suffering operate as de-facto torture camps. __ B'Tselem was established in February 1989 by a large group of Israeli lawyers, doctors and academics with the support of a lobby of ten members of Knesset. Its objective was to document human rights violations in the occupied territories __ https://www.btselem.org/publications/202408_welcome_to_hell

As for getting laid: This is a very simple thing yet can be quite nuanced when you take into account the uniqueness of each individual. What works for me and what i have to do in order to achieve this may be very different from someone else who has to develop qualities I take for granted. i would say the most important thing for me though is clearing all lies like “not being good enough” and whatnot and then being fully engaged in life. Expanding your consciousness but actually resolving your inner issues. You have to actively ponder these deeper inner issues and give yourself the knowledge to resolve them by either going out and finding it or developing your own principles, usually both. Charm, intelligence, strength and resources attract women. Focusing on your own inner transformation, letting go of expectations and actually going out helps. You have to be open to new experiences and be really engaged. How social can most of you honestly say you are?? Many of yall have no idea how radically different life is when you develop extrovert qualities and can seamlessly make friends and talk to women. Moving is also a great idea if you live in a boring place with no hoes. one shoe does not fit all. It’s better to seek personal advice by sharing your story and where you are having problems and why you believe you are having these problems.

Intro: I finished my first round of therapeutic Ketamine through Better U (9 doses of Rapid Dissolve Tablets). I tried it to help heal pain. If I had to attach a clinical label to my pain, I'd say it's a mix of C-PTSD, depression and anxiety. Specifically, I wanted to become a better father and husband, reduce my suffering, move past career blocks, increase motivation, stop overeating, and more. My dose was 400 mg with the first trip at 200mg and the eighth at 600 mg. The first two trips were sublingual (spit), the third was sublingual/oral (swallowed), and the remaining 7 trips were administered rectally, dissolved in water (to avoid the taste). For all of these trips, I lay in my bed with an eye mask. Background: I'm 27 years old and over the last decade, I've done about 30 - 50 trips with Mushrooms, LSD, and Ayahuasca, but did not have any experience with Ketamine. I have deep reverence for the psychedelic experience and I feel like they have been instrumental on my path of healing and awakening. Most of the lessons I learned from Ketamine are old lessons that were deepened or refreshed, often in very profound ways. Lesson/Experience Summary: Trip 1: 200mg acclimation dose: Was not much of a trip. My body felt a bit numb and tingly but I noticed no cognitive changes. I felt bored and a little disappointed. (looking back, this was a microcosm of my waking experience). I was looking for something to come and "save me". I didn't get that. In the following days, I realized how my desire and expectations distracted me from actually being present with my experience. Trip 2: 400mg sublingual (spit) + a hit of cannabis one hour in: I intended to feel happy. I was again underwhelmed at first but when I hit the bong, my awareness expanded rapidly and I started to see visuals that I perceived as the power and intelligence of God on display (I also saw Aubrey Marcus's face on a butterfly lol). I felt a deep fear of tripping hard and ultimately the fear of God. I remained stuck in deep fear and resistance for the rest of the trip. I repeatedly tried to shift my focus to happiness and gratitude but I could not maintain my focus. The current of fear was too strong. The brokenness of "I'm not focused enough" dampened my feeling state and I remembered carrying that feeling since I was diagnosed ADD in my childhood. I also tried to just be present with the feeling I felt but I couldn't maintain that focus either. I started perceiving my feelings as the "Divine Feminine", seeing her as a living entity. I tried loving her but felt devoid of love and too distracted. I asked her how to love her and I heard, "Listen... feel". I tried, but again was too distracted to listen and feel. At this point, it became crystal clear that I needed to improve my concentration ability. It also became very clear that thoughts create feelings. My thinking was creating my suffering. In the following days, I practiced a lot of concentration meditation. I realized that most of my thoughts were textbook "sinful", like the 7 deadly sins in Christianity or the 5 hindrances in Buddhism. I worked on letting go and replacing those thoughts by applying some strategies I found in "Beyond Distraction" by Shaila Catherine, which I picked up in a bookstore and devoured in a few hours. I also become aware of a ton of self-judgment, particularly a ton of "I am not ______ enough". And I also projected all of that judgment onto the world. I felt like I needed to experience my judgment non-judgementally to experience the imperfection as a manifestation of Perfection. Through my refreshed meditation practice, I learned that suffering and discomfort dissolve when I meet them with fully accepting presence. Trip 3: 400 mg sublingual/oral (swallowed) + bong rip I did 3 rounds of Wif Hof breathing before the trip. On the come-up, I began to perceive my feelings with more clarity. Near the peak, I fully attempted to "let-go" and I spontaneously started breathing super fully, maybe more fully than I ever have in my life. It felt amazing. I felt intensely alive. I began to think about awakening and felt an intense energy in my chest. After closer observation, I realized that feeling was actually intense, heart-ponding fear. I realized that I was creating an imaginary "awakened" future that I felt attached to. This attachment was rooted in deep fear and resistance with the energy of, "LET ME OUT OF HERE, MAKE THIS STOP", with a thin veneer of "everything will be okay... hopefully". I laughed at how absurd it was that I was attached to this energy considering how horrible it actually felt. I noticed how I ran this same pattern all the time either with desirable or undesirable imagined futures which I felt attached to or attached to avoiding. Either way, it's essence was fear. In the following days, I meditated for 2+ hours a day, and I let go of many layers of pain (anger, shame, fear, sadness, etc.) I became aware that the doorway to peace was in every moment. No matter what form arises, there I was, perceiving it. I also noticed that whenever pleasure arises, fear and unworthiness come with it. The big insight from this trip is that when I let go, I started to breathe so fully. It's like I was breathing in life itself and with no conscious effort. I intuited that I could breathe my way into high states of consciousness but that would also mean illuminating the shadow/fear inside me, but I trusted the process. One of these evenings, I prayed for proper breathing. Then, in the middle of the night, I had a dream of two tablets dissolving on each side of my pelvic floor with each breath, as if they were replenishing my body's desire for oxygen. Still asleep, my body started to breathe very deeply with no conscious effort until I was half asleep and then fully awake still inhaling fully and effortlessly. Each breath felt full, wide, and deeply satisfying. I woke up my wife with my breathing. It felt amazing. I realized that for as long as I remember, I have been depriving my body of oxygen with shallow breathing patterns, creating a perfect breeding ground for fear and unconsciousness. I realized the close correlation between my depth of breathing and my mental state. I also learned that awareness of the breath as well as non-resistance are keys to high-quality breathing, and my meditation practice has been instrumental for that. Trip 4: 400mg plugged + bong rip Intention - awaken inner power and masculinity. I noticed that I was not present with my visual field like I was waiting for something else more real. When I did focus my attention, my closed-eye visual field morphed into a spiraling wall of Egyptian hieroglyphics. I meditated on courage. At one point, I said, "I realized the true meaning of freedom. True freedom is freedom to be myself." I burst into tears for a brief moment. What I meant was, no matter what I'm going through, I am free to be the kind of character that I want to be. If I am suffering, I can be the one who acts for my wellbeing. I call that "being myself" because I have a natural impulse to serve myself and those around me. So perhaps to be free, I just need to trust that impulse, that deep wisdom. I felt like my ability to be present and obedient to my deepest wisdom was hindered by my self-doubt. I essentially did not trust myself. I realized the deep wisdom of "trust in yourself". When I do not trust myself, I naturally avoid pain and discomfort because I don't believe that I'll be there for myself to get me through it. But if I trust myself, I know that I can endure any level of pain and emerge unharmed because my authentic loving character arises from my nature. So I learned self self-trust is a key to freedom. Even though I've made a terrible habit of ignoring my own wisdom, it never stops. It's always there. But that voice is not enough to be free, I need to know that I can and will consistently act upon that voice to actually feel free and safe. I realized that authentic character arises from freedom, and with my freedom, I choose to be a servant to all, present, a protector, merciful, abundant, nourishing, and devoted to my deepest wisdom. I noticed that I was labeling my eyes-closed visual field as "darkness" subconsciously, but then I realized, it was actually light. My whole visual field flashed with white light. I saw a beautiful native American woman singing. She symbolized the divine feminine, singing her song of deep wisdom that arises from Nature. Her song says you are free, and this wisdom is always available, but it's up to you to follow it. That natural "feminine" wisdom is the natural wisdom that springs from my source effortlessly, the feminine within the masculine (yin in the yang). As a man, it is my job to honor her song and protect her with all my heart and abilities. I also noticed how I was creating pain by anticipating either pain or pleasure in the future. I felt like I could take myself into pleasure but I kept making excuses for why I had to wait. I felt like I was waiting for some source of empowerment. But of course, empowerment must come from within. That's what empowerment means. I realized that the substance of my power is decisions. Making decisions is how I practice good-will. Good-will means executing the will of my deepest freedom. Practicing this leads to self-trust. Self-trust is key to letting go. Letting go is key to presence. Presence is the key to freedom. Freedom is the end-game. The next day, I ate a bunch of ginger mints and meditated for 25 minutes without moving. My head was so itchy, I felt like it was on fire, but I encouraged myself with positive self-talk, which was something I really don't do often enough. I contemplated femininity and masculinity. I wrote that the essence of femininity is surrender, receptivity, and energy. And the essence of masculinity is purpose. Purpose informs direction and decision, which is where masculine power lies. Without purpose, the direction of attention defaults to survival/ego maintenance. A purpose is something for the mind to chew on. I had a dream that I was in a video game and I died. I was waiting there to "restart", but I was deeply detached to my body because I perceived it as a dead video game character. I felt a sense of dissolving and expanding that was quite nice. (looking back, this feeling was very similar to what I experienced in trip 10). I also dreamt of a white dragon that looked like Haku from Spirited Away. The next day, I contemplated dragon energy. I began to understand the dragon as a symbol of raw power - power that destroys everything in opposition to it, not as an act of evil, but as an act of creation. I wanted to awaken that dragon within me. I also wrote this, "The Ocean holds space for all of it's creatures- beautiful and ugly, peaceful and violent. It is indifferent. Indifference is the highest form of love and freedom. And because all know freedom, the truth of our depth arises without force and shines with perfect clarity." A rip-off of the Tao Te Ching, but still beautiful. Trip 5: 400mg plugged Intention: awaken the inner dragon My breath was full and deep for at least the first hour. I felt incredibly alive and quite content. I felt like I was in God's VR simulator in the clouds and that everything I felt was divinely crafted. I had a vision of me sitting on on a cloud chair with a joystick and I was free to do anything I wanted. I felt like my body was made of pixels that were subdividing into finer and finer pixels. I visualized myself as Blue-Eyes White Dragon (from Yu-Gi-Oh!). Any time I would notice fear or resistance, I would blast it with white light as the dragon. I felt quite good but also very attached to my experience, which took away from it. It was a great trip overall. I remember being astounded by a sense of power in my body. I also remember acknowledging that there was no one here, that the concept of "self "was thin and insignificant compared to the truth of my being in my direct awareness. I said "Ketamine lets me be me which is nothing." On the tail end of the comedown, I went inside Chipotle to order food. The restaurant had the worst vibes imaginable. They were playing some ultra-slowed grunge trap music on a boombox behind the counter. The staff looked like they were on opiates. A worker scraped the grill the whole time, creating an ear-piercing scraping noise. The vibes screamed, "please kill me, make it end". It was pure pain and resistance. I went home, and with hesitation, took a few bites of my food which quickly created deep pain in my whole body. I threw it out. I realized that the deep suffering that I was resisting and judging was deep inside of me. That Chipotle was just reflecting my own deep pain and victim complex. I excavated a lot of self-hatred and resistance patterns in the following days. I also started to notice that some core desire in me was being suppressed. I thought how my craving for peace/joy/bliss might just be a means to become more free. I realized how I decided to suppress my anger from an early age so I did not hurt people with it like my father did. I acknowledged that although my intention was pure, I was misguided. Anger does not hurt anyone. It is simply a fire that signals that it is time for action and transformation. The anger I trapped inside burned me as self-hatred for many years. But when I meet anger with my loving conscious presence, it can be a powerful fuel that serves my purpose. I realized that an aspect of my core masculine desire is to ravish - to give my gift so fully that I completely lose myself in the giving. I explored this with my wife in Tantra, and it was great. I felt like I could let go much more deeply when I surrendered completely to her feelings and giving her the best possible experience. It was very different than my usual inhibited way, but we both loved it. The next day, I became acutely aware of how my judgments -all of my dualistic mind-activity - were distracting me from the present moment. I also drew up "the light spiral": Presence leads to love. Love leads to trust. Trust leads to surrender. Surrender leads to presence. Trip 6: 400mg (plugged) Intention - empowerment I experienced myself as a spirit body with deep freedom. I noted how I repeatedly would construct mental grounds for myself. Those grounds/identities were made of pain/tension. But they remained beneath my awareness while they built up, although I still felt the dis-ease. I said, "One level of freedom is being what you choose. That's what reality is always doing. But a deeper level of freedom is being what you want the most." This requires deep honesty about desire. I realized that I was dismissing my desire for bliss, labeling it as selfish. By I allowed myself to own it. I finally admit that I did want bliss for myself simply because I love myself. I also realized that even if I felt bliss if I could not share it, I would still feel empty. And so I wished bliss and peace upon myself and my family and the world. I placed my hands on my heart and said "Divine bliss here and now". Throughout the trip, it became increasingly clear that I was a free energy being governed by my intention and will. My experience responded to my will. On the comedown, I wandered outside on a cool evening and ran to the last patch of sunny ground. It felt like such a deep expression of my authentic desire. I felt like energy was rising up from my lower chakras, flowing into my upper body as a result of surrendering to my authentic desire. I did Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping) in the mirror and excavated a lot of shame, unworthiness, and self-judgment. That night, I dreamt of my childhood crush and felt the profound desire I felt for her that had been suppressed my whole life. The next morning, I woke up early, went outside, and did breathwork while sun-gazing. I felt that same profound desire for the sun, like I wished it was inside my chest radiating brilliantly and effortlessly. I squinted as the sun rose higher and the glare in my eyelashes created a cross with the sun at the center. I thought of Jesus dying on the cross and how the sun represented presence and the cross represented death. I felt the desire to die (spiritually/mentally) so that I could let the light of my presence shine fully. I thought of the light spiral. I noticed how life flows out of death. My deepest desire springs from freedom. Freedom springs from the boundless intelligence that lives beyond separation. I was craving the realization of surrendered action. And most of all I was craving the fullness of my presence that I sense can only actualize with total surrender of self. I felt called to fast the next day and did, but found myself in a video-game fueled dopamine hole. I made a distinction between desire and craving. I said, "Desires arise from my deep wisdom and serve myself/others. They should be pursued. Cravings do not serve and therefore do not need to be fulfilled. Trip 7: 400mg (plugged) Intention: heal the pain in my heart and awaken warrior energy I breathed deeply and felt free on the come-up. I saw Dark Magician (from Yu-Gi-Oh!) and I felt like I could think clearly and create whatever I wanted without a bunch of self-doubt clouding my mind. I really liked that. I got up after about 45 minutes to put music on my speaker. Bad idea. It was a huge deboccle. I ended up taking a shit and I felt like I was coming down. I also grabbed a cup to throw up in. I felt like I wasted my trip. I felt stupid and disappointed. But I continued to breathe deeply and offered loving self-talk to myself. I looked over to the purge cup and it had an Ankh on it. In that moment, the hoop on top of the cross represented my head getting blown off which triggered a purge into the cup. I lay back down and continued offering love to myself while "dying" to the pain I was feeling. from that moment to the next three hours, I poured out the pain in my heart into my loving presence. I dissolved so much fear, shame, anger, unworthiness, etc. just feeling the pain, breathing fully, and allowing it to be and express itself in my body. I often sighed to help release the pain. This is some of the deepest healing I've ever done. For the first time, I was able to recognize and validate to truth of my self-judgements. This was because I recognized that all of these judgments were based on a limited perspective about temporary form and that deep down, I had unconditional love for myself. So i was able to say, wow, I really do suck, I am incapable, I am a selfish POS, I am unworthy, I am powerless, I am not good enough, and really mean it, while maintaining a deeper sense of love and freedom within me. It was very liberating and I felt so validated because before I was dismissing my self-judgement and therefore my pain as an illusion or darkness. But my self-judgment really did have some truth to it, as all perspectives do. My character really did suck ass a lot of the time. I really am broken. And after that, I felt like I was in a greater position to surrender myself because I was able to clearly see my own brokenness. For the first time in a long time, my heart felt open and alive. It was not radiating with joy or anything but just being able to feel aliveness was vastly preferable to the brick/black hole it felt like before. I felt so resiliant that I could face my deepest brokenness and still feel okay with a sense of deep love for myself. Then my wife walked in angry at me (for good reason) and stonewalled me. My heart immediately went back to feeling like a black hole. I was astounded at how I could be so skillful at processing my own self-hatred and then the second my wife felt angry at me, I completely closed and was consumed by anger. Upon reflection, I realized that nothing could take away the aliveness in my own heart besides my own closure. Trip 8: 600mg (plugged) This (increased dose) trip was particularly hard to describe. I felt like I was pure spirit and everything was flowing through me in circular patterns. The energy patterns are ancient yet always changing and always fresh. I was taken far far away from ordinary consciousness on a wild journey. It felt like I was made of magic. I traveled to different "rooms" filled with cathedral-like geometry. Breathing was easy and probably the deepest of my life. I felt like this great indescribably good love and light was deep inside of me but it felt dampened and out of reach. I threw up bile and let out some incredibly deep coughs that left my chest and throat sore for days. I was spitting out a thick layer of mucus that continued for five days. I also listed to sofeggio frequencies with nice headphones. I highly recommend this. Then I found Ketamine State yoga (r/KetamineStateYoga) Trip 9: 400mg (plugged) Intention: Embrace my inner fire, invite in Christ energy, practice Ketamine State Yoga (KSY) Pre-Trip: 3 rounds of Wim Hof breathwork Onset: I practiced intuitive breathing with an emphasis on relaxing my brow, throat, and heart chakras. The process was smooth, and there was a relatively small amount of tension compared to previous trips. I listed to Meditative Mind with headphones and I could feel my whole body vibrating in resonance with very little resistance. It felt great. The visuals were subtle but more refined and multi-layered than previous trips. Peak: I practiced the Primary KSY pranayama maybe 12 - 15 times. I quickly realized the value of the sigh and following my breath all the way to the bottom and past the first urge to inhale. Every time I did this, it felt good, and when I made it past the first urge to inhale, it felt like there was a layer of resistance dissolving. It felt like a partial death. I saw a vision of a blue Hindu deity (perhaps Kali). As the resistance dissolved, my awareness of the present deepened. As my awareness deepened, I became aware of more feeling details, like an increase of the resolution of my feelings (720p -> 1080p -> 4k). And as the resolution increased, it felt more and more beautiful. There was no incredible breakthrough moment, just a subtle increase in beauty and pleasantness every time I did the pranayama. Toward the end, I felt this very gentile and alive energy, like I had just begun to wake up from a long restful sleep. Not mind blowing bliss, but just pleasant and clean. I remember feeling great clarity and some point, not feeling much at all - just openness… and that felt really great. I realized I don’t need great pleasure to be satisfied. Simple openness and relative freedom from pain is enough. Some things I remember saying: Death is the dissolution of boundaries. Life begins beyond death. The real death is clinging to life. My purpose is to cultivate freedom- in me, through me, as me. Come down: ate some amazing pumpkin pie but I had family duties to take care of so I didn’t get to practice much KSY. Overall, this was my most pleasant and gentile ketamine experience. I will certainly be doing more KSY when I start another round of treatment. The primary KSY pranayama really is a difference maker and was the biggest missing piece in my practice. Conclusion: Overall, I am incredibly grateful for this experience. Ketamine is an amazing substance with great therapeutic potential. It taught me deep lessons on freedom, presence, breathing, self-love, surrender, Nature, energy, femininity, masculinity, and much more. I plan on doing more ketamine in the future when I have time and can afford it. It has helped me do great healing and i feel considerably more free than when i started. Tips that I'll be applying in the future: Practice Ketamine State Yoga. This practice was instrumental and I look forward to exploring it more, as I only really got a taste. Practice daily meditation and journaling to deepen your trips. Listen to solfeggio frequencies or relaxing lyricless music on a nice speaker/headphones during your trip Hydrate a lot on the come-down to help ease dizziness Give yourself as much interrupted time as possible to trip and integrate. Thanks for reading. I hope this is valuable to someone out there. I'm happy to discuss anything you like. Blessings.

It's easy to misunderstand what authentic spiritual transformation of the typical variety would be like. These two give a pretty good description.

From the teachings of A.H. Almaas What is Ontology? Diamond Approach Teachings About: Ontology Activities Don't Have an Ontological Presence This is a very important difference. It means that emotions don't really exist except in the sense that activities exist. They are activities, and activities don't have an ontological presence. Essence, on the other hand, is not an activity. As we saw in chapter 1, essence is a presence, and its basic quality is its existence as an ontological actuality, as a “suchness.” An emotion is an activity that starts and ends, whereas essence is a presence. An emotion is like the movement of water, the activity that is the motion. The motion of water is not the water. Water can be still, without motion. Essence, on the other hand, is like the water. It exists whether there is motion or not. Essence with the Elixir of Enlightenment, pg. 26 Ego is a Structure or a Structured Process Whereas the Pearl is an Ontological Presence The pearl is the real, complete, balanced, and rounded personality that psychologists believe they are talking about when they are discussing the ego. We must remember that the ego is a structure, or a structured process, whereas the pearl is essence, which means the pearl is an ontological presence. We call it the personal essence because among all the essential aspects it alone is personal. It is experienced as having a personal flavor to it, in contradistinction to impersonal. All aspects of essence, even love and kindness, are impersonal. But the pearl is personal. And this is its miraculous quality, totally unexpected and unfathomable. Some people interested in inner development try to become objective and impersonal, to move away from identifying with the personality. The personality is personal, and so the personal feeling is mistrusted and avoided. However, the pearl beyond price feels personal without being the personality. It has the capacity to make a personal contact with another human being and still be free, totally unconditioned, free from the past and its influences. Essence with the Elixir of Enlightenment, pg. 162 Essence is an Embodied Presence, an Ontological Actuality There are other classes of mental experience that are customarily regarded as the experience of essence when in fact they are not, such as the experiences of insight and intuition. In psychotherapy, for instance, one might have an insight about oneself, about others, or about the nature of reality. It often occurs as a flash of illumination and is accompanied by a sense of expansion and certainty. Such insights can provide valuable information and affective satisfaction. Still, the experience of insight is not itself essence, not yet. An insight is an event, and essence is a presence. An insight is an experience of understanding a specific truth, whereas essence is an embodied presence, an ontological actuality Essence with the Elixir of Enlightenment, pg. 21 Essence Reveals Itself as the Ontological Nature of All Existence This essentialization can include all aspects. So the soul’s action can be intelligent, compassionate, clear, steadfast, etc., in a total and full way. And this action can be physical, expressive, or mental. She is presence of essence, but also a dynamic living presence whose morphogenic transformations express the pure perfections of true nature. In this transformation the soul has progressed from the stage of the human soul, the attainment of the second journey, to the stage of the angelic soul, or the essential soul. The second side of the development of nonduality in the journey in presence has to do with essential presence manifesting its ground of true nature. Essence here reveals itself not only as the ontological nature of the soul but as the ontological nature of all existence, all manifestation. True nature begins to reveal its omnipresence, disclosing that it is the ground and nature of everything. This appears as true nature revealing its boundless and formless dimensions that transcend the limited boundaries of the ego-self, even the individuality or personhood of the soul. The soul does not experience herself here as an individual soul, but as a boundless and nonlocal presence that transcends all spatial extensions, as eternal nowness that transcends all time, and as a mystery that transcends all determinations. She is all and everything, she is Reality. The Inner Journey Home, pg. 225 It is Possible to Experience Ourselves as the Actual Ontological Presence that We Are Our experience of ourselves can be transformed from identifying with our mental self-images to having awareness of less contingent, more fundamentally real aspects of the self. It is possible to arrive at a place where we can experience ourselves as the actual phenomenon, the actual ontological presence that we are, rather than as ideas and feelings about ourselves. The more we are able to contact the actual presence that we are, the less we are alienated in a superficial or externally defined identity. The more we know the truth of who we are, the more we can be authentic and spontaneous, rather than merely living through concepts of ourselves. Among the many methods that shift the quality and depth of experience, those used by religious and spiritual traditions are more effective in contacting deeper dimensions of the self, with a more thoroughly developed understanding of these dimensions and their significance for living life than those used by the newer science of psychology. However, psychology has contributed powerful new knowledge about the human being that allows us to systematically work through the barriers to these deeper levels of self, especially the barriers to integrating these levels into one’s identity. In particular, the current understanding of narcissism is very useful for the process of inner realization, the process of learning to contact and appreciate the deeper levels of our nature and allowing these dimensions to actually affect our identity The Point of Existence, pg. 7 Ontological Presence It is possible to arrive at a place where we can experience ourselves as the actual phenomenon, the actual ontological presence that we are, rather than as ideas and feelings about ourselves. The Point of Existence, pg. 7 There are 8 or 9 more excerpts here https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/ontology

I'd be interested to see your answer as well, since it sounds like your practices and the way 5meo affects you are both similar to myself. For me, a significant lasting change has been the activation of the subtle aspects of my being. I suppose it's the sambhogakaya, the cohesive medium between the nirmanakaya (physical body) and the dharmakaya (God). It's also called the "transformation body", because it's the mechanistic nuts and bolts that make all this possible in the relative world. Similar to the physical system of organs a human body requires for life. It's often ignored and even denied by virtually everyone for some reason, even though it's being activated without their knowledge every time they go into heightened states, and even just in the background in their everyday lives. Though I've noticed you mentioning it with accurate descriptions and appropriate reverence from my perspective.

Dissociatives are interesting, they can swing the pendulum to a double positive or double negative depending on mastery. The double Positive expands your Perception in both directions to integrate. Trip Activation: Letting go of Control, Synchronicity Awareness, Intuition Expansion, Bias Annihilation, Ego-Death After Trip Reverse Pendulum Swing: Expanded Awareness, Focus, Clarity and Concentration + Groundedness The double negative consumes you and throws you into a trickster void. Trip Activation: Loss of Sense Making, Ability to interpret and perceive the environment, Psychosis, Existential Fear After Trip Reverse Pendulum Swing: Fallout from opening Pandora's Box, Confused Return to Normalcy, Regrets Meditation Awareness (Mindfulness and letting go of Bias) Transcendental (Dissociating from regular Mind) Vipassana (Focus on the Appearance of Sensations) Appreciation (incl. Love/Kindness, Opening Up) Zen (Koans/Awakening, Paradoxes, Seeing through Reality) Mantra (Focus and Resonance, Alignment and Feeling) Asanas (Transformation through Body integration) Chakras (Energy Centers, Psychic Nexuses of Intent) Qigong (Energy Flow Awareness and Manipulation) + ∞ other Techniques Self-actualization (Will easily get rid of Addictions in the process) Expand one's mind through Teachers to transform one's psyche and behaviors Leo Gura: Annihilation of Ego Defense Mechanisms + Exploring the Dynamics and Nature of Mind, Reality, God Sadhguru: Transcending Human Limits, Realizing and embodying Infinite Intelligence through Energy Yoga Seth (Jane Roberts): Exploration of the Metamorphic Evolution of Consciousness beyond Earth & Space-Time Actions (Burning through Desires, Realizing Unmet Needs, Integrating past Trauma, Life Purpose) Non-Violent Communication (A holistic way to communicate and understand others) Health and Nutrition (Find the right Diet, Balance, Foods, Choosing fitting Physical Activities I guess that should do for now

Curious to see what is coming. I'm reading again TBONK. Going deeper on consciousness, insight, enlightenment, concept x experience, deep transformation, understanding.

Insightful article by Sister Jayanti of the Brahmakumaris on transforming negative patterns to positive ones using meditation as a tool. https://www.khaleejtimes.com/lifestyle/mental-health/gen-z-and-eco-anxiety-how-introducing-meditation-in-school-curriculums-can-help-combat-the-mental-h

Obviously you're correct that brain chemistry plays a significant role in spiritual transformation, even if the origins of spirituality extend beyond biology. It's Ken Wilber's notion of "transcend and include". I've been seeing a ton of people who have formed a type of disconnect between their spiritual life and gross reality. They seem to think about it as if the two were entirely independent of one another. I'm not familiar enough with Ralston to know if that's what he's actually doing here, it's just something I've noticed that kind of maps on to this particular video.

I agree but taking 'magic pills' pave the road so to speak for that inner awareness to happen. Psychedelics usually are a stepping stone because at some point you realize the transformation or awakening has to come from the ultimate source of creation, and not any manifestation of this source (psychedelics, meditation, 'awakenings transmissions', or any kind of external tools created by this source). However, is in the process of using this tools that a certain seeking is happening. Once the seeking is ON the only thing we must do is to not stop until the goal desired happens. How we get there doesn´t matter. Psychedelics can not be used as magic pills because you can not be in trip mode every waking hour.

TO MY HUSBAND MARCEL : In the quiet moments when the world fades away, my thoughts inevitably turn to you. Your love is the steady heartbeat of my life, a constant rhythm that grounds me and fills me with an indescribable peace. You have always been there for me. I can't believe hun that you prayed for me. Maybe I'm alive because of your prayers. You are the best thing that has happened to my life. I cherish the way your laughter lights up a room, and how your eyes hold the universe when you look at me. You are my confidant, my lover, and my best friend, all wrapped into one extraordinary man. With you by my side, every day is an adventure filled with promise and JOY. Our bond is so trustworthy and meaningful and so full of life. Everyday you bring me nothing but joy and a big smile on my face. Every morning starts with you and my life has shown a tremendous transformation. There are tears in my eyes, I couldn't have been grateful enough. All the happy memories flood back again. Thank you for being the unwavering rock upon which I build my world. Your strength, your kindness, and your unwavering support inspire me to be the best version of myself. I love you more than words can say. Thank you for just being there. Thank you. I truly deserve your love and you know that.

@aurum Thanks, I really appreciate you putting yourself out there and describing your beliefs. My own beliefs line up similarly. Turning your question to Thought Art back to you, how did you self-test the validity of your claims regarding Consciousness? I dare say they're quite a bit more extreme than the notion of a universal vital energy which hasn't yet been scientifically verified, but has been described since forever as the medium through which spiritual transformation actually occurs. Is it possible you're only identifying the gross and causal, and leaving out recognition of the subtle? Ken Wilber has a recorded talk where he describes this scenario in detail. I'd be interested to hear what you think. http://www.integrallivingroom.com/discussion-subtle-energy/ Ken starts talking around 15 minutes into the audio. I'm not trying to attack or "gotcha" you. I'm genuinely curious how someone who thinks in such a logical and grounded manner could even believe in spirituality when all evidence of its existence is so sparse and subjective. I'm guessing there must have been a leap of faith in your past to bridge a gap like that.

Without dying you mean. Bias makes us survive that's its intelligence. No bias means death/transformation of the human form. So if we remove the bias of life over death, then there may be a way for that to happen. Although then the bias for being unbiased would also disappear in a delicious strange loop.

from my experience of doing different kinds of methods for transformation - you never truly change in the sense that you just delete the old you from your mind. i feel like i always stay who i am BUT i added new features on top of that: for example: i was (and still am) a shy introvert growing up and through pickup and improv classes i created a whole new "feature" of being more brave spontanous and playful around people. now i can enjoy socializing way more, but i stiil feel like after a few hours im tired of everybody and just want to read a book in my bed.

The infograph seems a tool similar to Spiral Dynamics/Integral Theory but specifically applied to introspection. You should test/refine that model. On my personal journey, teachings of Leo Gura, Ralston, Jed McKenna, Ken Wilber, SantataGamana. Embodiment/Deep Transformation is #1 goal after learning a lot.

I would say life pushed me to changed. All of life is ever changing and evolving. And it was simply just a matter of choice. I was going through a break up and at the time I was choosing to be a victim and go in circles. It took time, help and a tremendous amount of self honesty. I embrace a simple path. I celebrate the unknown and uncertainty of life. These are good things filled with possibilities for further transformation, a canvas to create on. I'm very careful with assuming and believing one system of thought. What if I keep my mind open and balanced and I can learn something from everyone? The language we use is very powerful. What vocabulary do you use? Are you being authentic when in your relationships, in your speech, in your action. The two biggest realizations for me were becoming conscious enough that I create my emotions and my life, through the beliefs I hold and the actions I take from those beliefs. I am not at the mercy of everything and for me I believe the middle path is for me where I live as a spiritual being but also embrace humanity. I love my life like this. I am responsible for my life, there is no way of getting out of this responsiblity. I am inherently valuable and already have everything I need within, am whole and complete in every moment. I allow it to be moment to moment that I am this wholeness and live the life I desire in flow. I am gentle with myself when I choose to look through what people here call the ego, and being honest and truthful is how I try to live my life always.

In one sense, everything is co-incidence. You are coincident with yourself. So of course there are going to be synchronicities, because its all synchronicities! Humanity is undergoing a rapid transformation of consciousness in which we are realizing that our minds are fundamentally connected in One Mind, called a social memory complex, or Collective Consciousness. The thoughts you think are syncronized with those you know. You are quantumly entagled with the people you interact with. When a person thinks, they radiate Light in the shape of the thought out at the speed of light. The spine functions as an antennae that is able to recieve information wirelessly through the global electric circuit of the Earth. The more you think something, the more you will find people all over the world thinking similarly. As within, so without. We are all connected.