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On June 22nd at the Rose Bowl I attended the US defeating Columbia 2-1 in the group stage. What a day! Featured one of the most audacious bicycle kicks ever seen at a World Cup by the US's Marcel Balboa and 14 days after the match the Columbian whose own goal lead to their defeat, Jose Escobar, committed suicide. Two weeks later on a glorious and joyous July 4th, the US acquitted themselves exceptionally well in the round of last 16 at the Stanford Stadium going down 1-0 to the eventual winners Brazil.

The truth of the matter is, we have an inefficient system. It works really well for small percentage, moderately well for a big chunk and really not well for the rest. And the work involved in shifting to a better place in the spectrum and maintaining it is arbitrary in the sense that people are different and you can't create what you aren't meant for. It's really not unfair in the real sense, it's mostly inefficient. It's not run by mechanical truths or mathematical rules, it's all very much arbitrary. Biases are how we navigate the world. Feeling good for being at the top is a response the system wants you to have, and so is the opposite response. You're programmed to feel bad when you're not playing the game well. It's not something you can really change. You can try all sorts of things; no amount of mystical experience can really fix it. Especially if you have certain biases against living an ascetic life. And the culture around mostly doesn't tolerate monkhood. Every retreat into the personal space of philosophies like misanthropy, efilism, anti-natalism will consequently make the game more meaningless and harder while giving you small hit of dopamine trashing the system. Spirituality is a scam. We live in a material world. You need food and shelter, you're not gonna transcend your body and stop pooping. Same goes for the mind, your psyche keeps you alive, you feel what you feel thanks to the psyche. It's not like you're in the position to influence how it functions. Nobody can. We are the body and mind. And it's seriously demented to push people into "feeling the spirit, meditation"/"you're not your mind or body" even as a concept. As for suicide. I agree with the anti-natalist philosophy. But what people get wrong is, if you accept that bringing children in the world is immoral and bad, you basically saying your own existence is a mistake and you'd rather die. That's quite flawed as a logic, but our psyche is likely to interpret it as such no matter how logical we are. Once you're alive, you have an interest to keep living and in turn propagating life. Logic isn't how humans and society functions. This is why almost all frameworks to understand humans through logic fails. Spiral Dynamics is a good example. The philosophy is dangerous in the sense that if taken seriously you can turn really anti life and worse you become some vegan and stop nourishing yourself. We're cannibalistic carnivores, instead of flesh, we feed on others' energy, while keeping them alive. It's how we've come to survive in the last few centuries. Life and it's way of functioning is messy and inefficient, there's no real fix, other than having a good experiential reality. If you feel good eating meat, that's a win. Stop trying to function logically.

@Yeah Yeah Well damn man I can see why you're like this after having lived through all that. But I still believe you can make it. Even if this all happend to you. You basically gave up on life and now you have negative momentum building up because of your smoking and porn addiction (and maybe some other bad habits). And your 'I've tried it all' could also mean you've tried everything YOU COULD at those times. Doesn't mean you've literally done everything possible to succeed (because this world is endless, the possibilities are endless too). And yeah from the looks of it you got pretty unlucky up till now but you can't give up like that just yet yk? I think you could actually improve your life if you tried focussing on healing and when you finally have a good foundation you could actually succeed in life (and with healing I mean your pathologies and neurosis). That being said I don't really know how old you are as of now and how long this 'healing' would take (the more trauma you have and the more deeply ingrained it is the longer it'll take, but you'll be free from those burdensome mental shackles if you actually do the work). But from the looks of things you have a lot of trauma to work through. I'm also trying to better myself by healing as of now and I'm looking into things like shadow work and Jungian psychology so I can slightly emphatise with you even if it's only a little bit (but that being said I have grown a lot in the last few years, and just these little changes in mindset have already made me much much happier than I used to be). I haven't suffered your pain of course and I don't truly know the life you've lived or what kind of experiences you've gone through. But at the end of the day it's up to you to keep being a 'loser' or to try and change.This way you'll at least know you tried your best at trying to fix your life even if you do die, at least you won't have regrets this way. Because there just has to be a way right? It took me quite a few years to realise this, and now i'm at the point where I actually need to be doing the 'healing' work in question. And somehow I think it'll be the same for you. Just... don't give up just yet, life is just too beautiful to die early for. That's what I think at least. I hope this comment helped you in some way. Because somewhere deep down inside you you must also want to change for the better right? PS: Here are some realisations I had to see how beautiful life can be. The beauty of nature for example, just realising the fact that you're here on a planet that billions of years old, and that you're even alive at all is a miracle. Just by looking at a tree there are infinite complexities in that alone. Like the patterns of it's root bark, how some trees can be a thousand years old, and then realising that a thousand years means that that tree started growing before America was even discovered by Columbus, before there was electricity, before there were cars, planes, bycicles, etc! Even if you just look at a leaf, the amount of complex little details in just that leaf alone will take you years to even understand fully. And that's why it's so beautiful. I tried my best trying to explain why I find nature so beautiful in words because in reality I just 'feel' the beauty radiating from everything that lives. And now i'm trying to learn to appreciate the beauty of all things, but that will take me some more work. I wrote this hoping you could see a bit of what I could see, and with just this alone it should be enough to keep on living for. Suicide is when you've given up hope on doing anything at all. But usually that's just your mind/ego tricking you into thinking it'll always be like this, but it won't, and you can improve your situation. We all can, so don't give up! Did you watch the video I sent last time by the way?

"SPRING SUICIDE" Dosage: 75-150ug Height/weight: 6'1, 140lbs Setting: Public Beach Time: 8:00pm Mindset: Calm. Excited. No current major life events. Hopeful. A deep sense that today is the "right" day Intention: Wanting change, no matter it's form This would be my first time trying any psychedelic. I had decided on this day approximately a week in advance. One of the reasons I chose this day was because the full moon was supposed to come out that night. I guess I thought it would make it more special. In the past, I had read extensively about LSD, many trip reports, and understood its safety parameters, typical/atypical effects, and potentially significant risks--including brain damage and losing grip with reality. I've read about nonduality, panpsychism, and the limits of rationality in the past-- but on that particular day, much of that knowledge was not on the forefront of my mind. The day itself started off fairly normal; I had gone about my duties calmly and slowly--with intention. I don't know why, but I had skipped breakfast that day, which was unusual for me. For lunch (12:00pm) I went to the grocery store and bought myself a familiar meal I've eaten throughout the years—one that brings me comfort: Baked chicken thighs with fried rice. I slowly and deliberately enjoyed every bite of it in the peaceful solitude of my room. I remember watching Squid Game Season 2 while I was eating. For those familiar with trips—this may have been a bad idea, the violence of that series is not something I potentially needed in my headspace. I remember a song played during the episode, it was a cover of the Frank Sinatra song, "Fly Me to the Moon". I thought that was funny. I took a relaxing, untimed nap after my meal. Waking up, I felt amazingly refreshed and strong. Let us now skip to the evening time. At 7pm, I placed the ziplock bag containing the blotted paper LSD tabs in my pocket and set out on my walk. The walk to the beach was a little less than 1 hour, and I had checked that the sunset was happening around 7:50. Perfect. The weather was calm, clouds and deep blue skies with warm temperate air. It was spring! The walk itself was tranquil and memorable. My neighborhood had such colorful flora blooming in full glory that month. I walked with a slight smile. **When I finally arrived at the beach, I selected an isolated spot near the shore and on the rocks-- away from people. I wanted to be as alone as possible. I sat comfortably, and watched the sun start its descent. At 8pm I placed one of the tabs sublingually. I waited. The sky was starting to become hazy. Soon some stars emerged. Then, at about 8:30pm I noticed something. The waves in the distance were undulating, rippling in an impossible fashion. They started to ripple heavily into the air, as if the entire body of water was boiling and slowly evaporating into the air. This effect got closer and closer until it reached the waves closest to me. I was shocked. My eyes widened in amazement. I looked up at the clouds, they seemed normal. I looked away at the now darkening sky. It started to feel as if I was looking at it for the first time in my life. When I looked back at the clouds, their shape had completely changed from before! It had only been a few seconds since I last looked at them. It was, sort of funny. I attempted to reproduce the effect and looked away and then back at the clouds. It happened again! It was a slight distortion of the shape, nothing dramatic. But all of this felt as if the clouds were playing a big game of peek-a-boo, and I was the baby. It was kind of, hilarious... I started to chuckle. And then I started to laugh. I couldn't tell you why it was so funny. I started to laugh harder and harder. I couldn't stop. It was uncontrollable. I don't know if I've ever let out such deep, guttural laughs in my entire life. I felt like the Joker character, when only he's privy to a certain joke. But what the hell was the joke here? I suppose the clouds and I were just playing—like children. I continued crying and howling in laughter for almost 30min, attempting to suppress it in the in-between moments—but to no avail. Next, I gawked at the stars. One particular group/constellation stood out to me. After looking it up later on, I believe now that it was the Big Dipper. The stars Dubhe, Megrez, Phecda, and Merak stared back at me with an unimaginable and glaring intensity. Have they always been that bright? I could feel them looking, observing me with wide eyes. They gazed with a fierce, hot-blooded quality about them. It was almost terrifying, but impossible to look away. It was like this for a few moments. Then, just then, at that moment, they spoke something to me. Not in words, no, they spoke despite anatomy. Without vocals, sounds, or a chance of misunderstanding. At first, I didn't understand what was said. And then, horrifyingly, I do. Tears streamed down my cheeks, replacing the joyous ones from before. Sadness, with a staggering depth of which I didn't know was possible, enveloped me completely. I sniffled silently at first. The shape of the stars began to slightly melt. A few moments later I started to sob. I cried and cried until I was a wailing mess. I roared out sounds from deep within my diaphragm, sounds I didn't know I was even capable of producing. The stars now looked like wax dripping from a candle. They were crying too. They cried alongside me, with me, and for me. But why? I turned my sniveling head and soon heard the trees, grass, waves, clouds...everything, starting to cry. Weeping the saddest song I have ever heard in my life. It made me cry even harder. We were all in unison now. Like a chorus of melancholy. But why? What were we crying about? I continued to weep until I was keeled over and shaking; I wanted to ball up into a fetal position to feel safe. As I looked around, there was something there... I detected this presence. It was scary at first, but soon became comforting, as if to say, "it's ok, you're ok". I felt "myself" slip away in sadness as the universe and I continued to cry together. The process continues to occur inexorably. Around maybe 30-40 more minutes of this and it finally dawned on me what was happening. I understood. Of course, we were, all of us, mourning. Mourning a death. The death of "me". No, not my body. That was still intact. My heart was still beating. It was the death of me. The identity, the problems, the stories, the lies, the truths, the ugliness, the beauty, the memories, all of it, was dying. All of it was being burned into ashes and thrown into the wind. I found no reason to resist. I surrendered. On April 12, 2025, I died. As I calmed down, I could sense "my" mind working faster than ever before. Allowing it to happen, the lethal realization of before settled into me. I stood up, as if born again. I understood the "joke" the clouds were babbling about earlier. It was my life. A grand joke in its entirety, until now... and today, the punchline was grasped. Nothing could be funnier. I let out a contorted chuckle. I could now view myself from multiple perspectives. The vantage point of the stars was now mine. Same with the trees. "Nature" was, in every essence, me. I looked down at the grass, and I could see myself! As if looking from behind the mirror. I walked and the grass beckoned for me to touch with my bare feet. I "spoke", "maybe next time!". The grass laughed. I heard the waves crashing against the dock and it called to me. I walked towards it and reached the edge. Looking above the water, the night sky was so brilliant now. I was thankful for a clear night. I did a 180, turned around and then saw it. The full moon, teased just slightly above the tree lines of my neighborhood. My jaw almost hit the floor as I beheld it. Such absolute beauty! I knew it was on the rise and I wanted all of it. I walked toward the local hot dog store and called an Uber. I knew I was in no condition to undertake the hour walk back home. I waited. My mind grasped the trees. They whispered jokes. I snickered and chuckled like a madman. The stars, clouds, grass, and trees all claimed that they were always here! That it was always like this. That I just never noticed them They asked if I would kindly return one day. I promised that I would. I probably looked insane to an outside observer. I exuded disorder. Finally, when the driver arrived, I entered after asking the name, and we took the drive to my address. We made some small talk. I tried to behave and keep repressed the emotions that were rising inside me. I remember the driver commented on the moon. I let out a contorted chuckle. After we reached my home, I thanked him and wished him a good night. As I walked up the driveway to my stairs, I could feel something, this energy rising inside me, I knew it would surface soon. I. HAD. TO. GET. IN. MY. ROOM. I opened the door to my house and, unfortunately, my roommates stood there, one in the living room, the other close to the kitchen. I will refer to them as (not real names) Abe (he/him) and Zoey (she/her). I had told Zoey about my intention to use LSD that day, but the only thing I wanted at that moment was solitude. Abe: "Hey bud" Zoey: "Get any cool visuals!?" Me: "Oh fuck". Abe: "Alright, let's get you grounded" Zoey: "Nope" I left immediately. I walked outside for a bit, unable to take my eyes off the moon. It was SEXY. That was the only appropriate word. I wanted to fuck its brains out. Like my survival depended on it. I needed it. But I also wanted to make love to it slowly... That energy inside me threatened to let itself out. I knew I wouldn't last long now. I decided to wait outside in the backyard until my roommates left the living room because I didn't want them, or anyone for that matter, to see me like this. The backyard we had was large. I stepped into its clearing and sat under the trees and flowers. The tree branches were lit by yellow wire-lights set by our neighbor. It looked so beautiful. As I sat there, the fallen leaves on the floor started to move and shift their shape. They matched my breathing. Every breath I took in, was an inhalation mirrored by them. I exhaled. The shapes of the leaves twisted and bent into serpents. Luminous, bright serpents, about 1 foot long, now slithered toward me. I welcomed them. They appreciated my permission, wrapped around my legs and slowly made their way to my torso, arms, then head. They were divine. I could hear them next to my ear, whispering secrets which seemed to "reprogram" my neurology. My thoughts raced. My breath quickened. I could feel my pupils dilate to their maximum capacity. I was becoming inhuman. I felt like a painting or a piece of art. I never felt so beautiful. Not in a vain sort of way, I just felt no shame in that moment. I could have been naked and it wouldn't have mattered. Then, I remembered my objective. I stood up and started walking. I made my way to the driveway again and caught sight of the moon. It was comically large now. I've never seen such intense glow. It was almost too much. My heart beat faster. I was completely seduced. I squirmed at the sight of it. I tried to calm myself. It screamed for me to come. The energy inside of me was rising up my spinal column...I didn't time this correctly, did I? I knew I had to go into my room and be in privacy. But I decided to wait out a little longer outside. I went to the local park next. Luckily nobody was there. I stood on the grass, breathed deep and sighed. There was one dim white streetlight, but everything else was very dark otherwise. However, the trees and the grass in the park were soaring with vibrant green. It was stunning. I wanted to sink, to be fully gone and be one of them. The beauty was too much for me. Barely able to stand anymore, I dropped to my knees. My palms found themselves placed on the grass. Both hands start to meld and dissolve into the earth. I was frozen. I let it happen. I didn't want to move. And the moon watched all of this. The energy rose higher up my spinal column. "I. MUST. GO" I power walked back to my house. As someone who gets cold very easily, I could feel my body perceive the outside air as too cold, but the energy inside of me burned with such heat that it didn't matter. As I walked, I exclaimed every couple of seconds, "Ah I get it! Hahaha, I get it now!" "Oh, you sexy thing", I kissed the moon goodbye, she winked back. I opened the house door and quietly crept downstairs to my room and locked my door, hoping not to disturb anyone. FINALLY. My light was on. It NEEDED to be turned off. My clothes were on. They NEEDED to be stripped off. I felt the rush of that "first time" feeling when you are about to have sex with someone you've been having intense feelings for (if one would be so lucky as to experience this). I turned on my corner fan to drown out any possible noises I may make. My bed is essentially a sleeping bag and mattress on my ground carpet. I crawled into a ball on the far corner of it, naked as the day I was born, and felt safe. There was no turning back now. My mouth dropped open from heavy breathing. Despite the cold, I started to sweat. My heart was pounding faster and louder. My brain was on fire. My spine burned from the rising. I perceived that this may get violent. I felt near apoplexy. I was blind, yet my vision was supernatural in its clarity and realness. I hallucinate. Scenes of psychic divinity stretching onward into geometric patterns of unwinding infinite complexity. I grasped the wholeness of it. The room was not my room anymore. It was alive, breathing deep alongside me. Everything inanimate was animate. Everything "other" was me. We were intertwined, inseparable, and as one--similar to the nature I perceived outside.Then, a thought occurred for a fraction of a nanosecond, "WAIT...ALL OF IT?"..."ALL OF IT!" I became extremely lucid, then broke through a threshold. Human larynx and language limited me now. There was only one word I couldn't help but utter after that. "GOD" Coiled and wrapped around my cervical vertebrae, the "energy" vibrated, then leapt, and finally latched onto my brain, proceeding to penetrate my very soul. My eyes rolled up and back. I went limp. My body convulsed and shook. My mouth gasped at air. My legs started to shake. ORGASM. As I exhaled, every few minutes, I moaned out softly, "OH..MY...G-O....G-OD..GOD". I dared to scream until the neighbors called the police. "OHHHHHHHHHHH GODDDDDDDDDD!" There were earthquakes all over my body. Every cell of my body pulsed, achieving orgasm simultaneously. I writhed uncontrollably, violently. My abdominal muscles contracted and went into spasms. At long last, I penetrated the moon, a conjured substitute for the universe, and each micro and macroscopic part of my soul ejaculated. And yet I was being penetrated and having a double orgasm at the same time. How paradoxical. How appropriate. I understood the phrase "mind-fuck". My body was drenched in sweat. I heaved and gasped hard to keep up. This lasted for the next 7 hours, with each orgasm pushing further and further, crashing through me like waves on a shore-- to ever increasing heights of bliss. I felt love. It traced my form like soft fingers. It felt like that once in a lifetime kind of love. That first reciprocated love. To love completely, and be loved unconditionally in return. Everlasting. Fireworks. I understood the Hindu word, "ananda". For brief moments, my normal perception returned. Brief respite, but pained frenzy. My tongue drooled. Every fiber of my muscles twitched in post-orgasm. It was almost too much to bear anymore. How can something be THAT pleasurable? Terror and hysterical laughter at the thought...Then back to a perpetual explosion of fucking and being fucked. I achieved critical mass. I became an infinite dragon. Clad in turquoise armor, completely dilated black eyes, and possessing breath of creation and destruction; but granting immortality unto itself. A humming echo returned, as if always there, but remembered only now, like a triggered memory. My mind raced further-further back. The story of my life? Where was I from? Really, truly, from? A womb? But what about the source? Infinite regress. My vagina stretched wide as I screamed. A distant memory. I then gave birth. To a child—myself. MOTHER AND EARTH = I. The solar system, galaxy, clusters, void...I expanded further and further to include everything. Everything that has, is, and will ever exist. I was all and thus was the same for every "other". But we can go even further beyond. I willfully [hallucinated] existence. Alternate timelines—infinite possibilities and universes. Infinite variations in the laws of math, physics, chemistry, biology. If it is imaginable, it exists, somewhere, sometime, someplace. Minutes passed. I could hear the morning birds. As I creaked open my eyes, I was still on the mattress, hands clenching my hair. My sheets soaked in sweat. My throat was raw, probably from the screaming. I sat up and then stood. It was around 8am. The trip had lasted approximately 12 hours. A wave of tiredness came over me. I'd been awake all night. I looked at my hands. They looked foreign. Alien. Then came slow revelation. "I" understood now the mechanism of my thinking. I knew precisely how understanding happened and how it is recursive. "Self-aware" and "awake" are words that found new meaning. I felt more "sober" than I had ever been. I could see now how my mind operated. With almost every reaction to "reality" being a process born of identity and trauma. I saw the mental connections forming, interacting, and how every person is like this. We are the same. Seeking to love and be loved. Our survival depends on it. I was overwhelmed by all this new input. It was days and weeks before I controlled this new flood of filtering; underpinning sex, aggression, self-preservation, all the while disguised as "rational thoughts". I recognized how much of this is the cause of my mood, my motive-- behind every micro-action or decision. My memory and ability for pattern recognition felt easier and faster. Put simply, I felt more "aware" than before. I could see so clearly now that societal constructs, socialization, and socializing was-- low-- and at times--- high-stakes, survival. Survival of ideology, identity, goals, hopes, dreams, and stories we tell ourselves. These were necessary. A perfect balance of life. It was perfect. I do not claim to know the entirety of absolute truth/nature of the universe or that I am now all knowing. After contemplating, many questions still linger: The "perfect balance" of life is perfect and undoubtedly has meaning, but what is the meaning behind it? I do sense that what I grasped was merely one facet of a larger truth. This truth, I intuit, has infinite facets. Grasping them all in a lifetime is [impossible], but exploration/curiosity does drive me to seek and grasp further. Continued exploration of psychedelics [more responsibly next time] is needed. But for now, gratitude filled my cup. I had more to give. -Thank you for reading

I am dealing with a terrifying situation. I have a narcissistic family with members who are aware of my severe depression, PTSD, and trauma who are actively weaponizing my deepest psychological wounds against me. They are aware of my risk of suicide, yet they have already pushed me to acting on these suicide plans despite pretending to care on the surface while keeping the abuse hidden from others so they will gaslight me about the situation. It may be the case that my sister wants me dead and her abusive tactics could be a manifestation of homicidal intent. The reason suicide by proxy is the perfect murder is because it is nearly impossible to prove that the psychological and emotional abuse targeted at a vulnerable person is attempted murder. There are many layers of plausible deniability. All the perpetrators have to do is pretend to be caring on the surface and then use various covert methods of undermining the victim's sanity while framing their mental health as the problem. In fact suicide by proxy is on the rise and it has overtaken direct murders in intimate partner violence. Furthermore there are Nazis who are increasingly using these tactics of suicide by proxy in order to cover their murders and they are getting away with it. Presently there are almost no legal protections against this method of murder. Presently the suicide statistics are wrong because many of those were likely murders and involved abusive relationships which led to the suicide. There seems to be almost no way to figure out how many of those suicides are actually murders. In my case the psychological and emotional abuse I experienced has resulted in symptoms of PTSD such as nightmares, severe anxiety, inability to stop ruminating, insomnia, and so forth. I am especially vulnerable to this because as an individual with autism I am about 10 times more sensitive to this kind of abuse and it is much more likely to lead to PTSD in autistic individuals. In my case my survival instincts prevented me from carrying out my plans and I ultimately survived. In the case of my family they use all the classical tactics of narcissists. They use DARVO, minimization, victim blaming, weaponized morality, and even weaponized trauma all while avoiding accountability whenever possible. This type of abuse is designed to make the victim seem crazy which is why therapists who are not trained in abusive relationships often blame the victim and pathologize the trauma responses. Like my family, I also had therapists who would push religious frameworks on me such as Jesus and forgiveness which simply do not apply to this situation. This kind of response served to cause me religious trauma on top of the previous trauma. It is obvious that my family and many therapists have no interest in understanding my world view or my sense of morality as they simply project motives onto me that don't exist and then try to put me in these narrow categories of faith or reason. It is obvious to me that my sister and my mother match the description of vulnerable narcissists. My sister in particular shows obvious signs of enjoying the suffering she causes others including me when she weaponizes PTSD against me. This is common in narcissistic individuals and in the case of vulnerable narcissists, the personality disorder often stems from abandonment trauma such as my father fleeing the state to avoid paying child support. My sister was old enough to remember this, which likely instilled her with deep anger and a sense of betrayal. Once my father started showing surface level sexist favoritism toward me which was actually part of a psychopathic scheme of his, my sisters turned against me even more. I became a symbol of my sisters' unworthiness and thus became an even bigger target to them. In narcissistic individuals this could be a source of homicidal intent, but once again it is nearly impossible to prove because of how deceptive and manipulative such people are. Unfortunately, explaining these dynamics to my family is impossible. It is like trying to tell the family that there is a child molester among them. They will rush to the defense of the abuser and blame the victims. Families typically refuse to believe that someone they love is deeply cruel and deceptive. The same happens in cases of covert psychological abuse and suicide by proxy. In such cases, the victim would be blamed and gaslit by the entire family. The family members in my case are either participating in the abuse and denying that it even is abuse or they are ignorantly applying religious frameworks to me as if my behavior is a moral failure due to not forgiving people who may want me to commit suicide. There needs to be more advocacy for the victims of suicide by proxy in these abusive relationships. We can't let evil win by exploiting these legal weaknesses, and our refusal to commit suicide is an act of resistance against these people. Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths think they are clever in their ability to manipulate people and systems to their bidding, and we must not reward this behavior by killing ourselves as they likely want this in many cases. If you are a victim of an abusive relationship, then you must not let these people break you. You must do whatever you can to understand yourself, your trauma, and their abusive tactics clearly so that you can protect yourself from harm. I understand that it is far easier said than done as I myself was driven to suicide attempts and the mental health system failed me when I reached out for help. We ultimately need a better system to protect trauma survivors, but until then we must find other ways to support each other. I understand their antics clearly. Now that I do, their guilt tripping and manipulative tactics no longer work on me. I will not engage in their shit and I will not let them twist my words to turn me into the perpetrator. I urge any victims reading this to do whatever you can to protect yourself even if it is from somebody you love. Don't let your love for them blind you to the abuse as sometimes they are counting on that and they will mix surface level love and compassion with hidden abuse to confuse you. You were always worthy of authentic love, but unfortunately such people may not be able to provide it to you.

It rings hollow because most people don't agree with the idea the idea that procreating is unethical. And everyone has variations to their ethical compass. I see having children as ethically neutral and in the realm of personal sovereignty. And some people see not having children as unethical. And even if someone does theoretically agree that having children is unethical, the desire to have children is so meaningful to people that they'd absolutely be willing to break from that abstract idea that "procreation is unethical" in order to have kids. Like, if you really wanted to have kids, you would drop antinatalism like a hot potato. Not to mention the fact that having children comes from having sex... and people like to have sex. And there are tons of "oops!" babies that come into existence even though they weren't explicitly planned on. So, even if everyone got on board with the antinatalist ideology and was in agreement that having kids is unethical and defied their own deep desire to have children to be "ethical" in that way... there would still be "Oops!" babies. The only way to actually enact an antinatalist ideology would be to forcibly sterilize everyone against their will... which would bring us into eugenics territory But here are my counter-arguments... 1. Every decision you make... including the decision to donate to charity... is one that you make because it feels right to you or makes you feel good. There is no such thing as a selfless decision. And having children is no different. But that doesn't mean that you see your children as a mere tool of your happiness. Good parenting is a one-way street where you give care and they receive it to grow into themselves as people. The benefit that I get is that my children are really cool people to be around and it's amazing to watch them grow... and I'm glad to know them as people and to have them as my family. They are very much wanted by me... but their existence doesn't belong to me. 2. You don't know that the person you bring into this world won't value their life tremendously either. And you rob so many of them a chance to live and exist and experience if (hypothetically) society adopts an anti-natalist ideology. I am glad that my parents procreated and had me. I'm quite sure that my kids are also glad that I procreated and had them... as they don't wish not to exist. Most people prefer to live and want to continue existing... even if they encounter suffering in their lives. Most people do not attempt suicide or commit suicide. So, you are setting up a situation where people who would want to exist are disallowed from existence for the sake of an ideology. 3. A non-existent person cannot consent to existence (if we look from an Earthly perspective). So, that is a moot point. You have to exist to consent. Consenting only happens in the domain of existence. So, you cannot consent to existence. Therefore, you are simply acting as the ultimate authority and assume that everyone who exists is non-consenting... and you project your own ideas onto them and rescind consent for them. You assume their no... when perhaps they wanted to give an enthusiastic yes to life. Instead, you project an unpopular ideology onto them that assumes that they are forced to exist against their will. It's like stealing something precious from a sentient being by assuming that that sentient being doesn't want to exist. Now, of course, there are plenty of potential people who don't get born into existence. And I see that as being the sovereign prerogative of a given person as to whether or not they want to bring life into the world. But because you are saying, "Let's not bring people into this world because they might not want to exist.", my rebuttal is "What about the majority of people who do want to exist? Maybe 5% of people who are brought into existence, don't want to exist. But why deny the 95% of people who do want to exist for the sake of the 5%?" But ultimately, antinatalism rings hollow because the only people who agree with it are people who are looking for a post hoc justification for not having kids. The people who believe it's unethical to not have children tend to lord their perceived moral superiority over those who choose not to have kids... and badger them about "being selfish" and hounding them to have kids. So, as a rebuttal, those who don't want to have children use the antinatalist ideology to be like, "Actually, I'm the morally superior one... and you're being selfish for having kids." Almost no one else agrees with antinatalism. And even if they do, if having kids is meaningful to them, they will still have kids.

The highest suicide rates are in poor and/or non-Western countries.

Dude she cut her hair and has short hair right now . Had me contemplating suicide 😂.

TL;DR 33M gay/homoflexible engineer (probably AuDHD) trying to figure out what freedom and purpose look like after years of depression, burnout, and a toxic relationship. Therapist asked: "If you had financial freedom for life, what would you do?" Still working on that one. --- Forgive me if this has been posted before — this is my first post and the search bar doesn’t seem to work. So, quick background. 33M, gay/homoflexible (with some pent-up 50-shades-level fantasies... Catholic guilt hits hard). I don’t love labels, but I guess I’d fall somewhere on the “AuDHD” spectrum. Like Leo, I’ve found pretty much every career I’ve tried miserable. Unlike Leo, I haven’t found my calling yet. Being an engineer, whether software or electrical, just isn’t it for me. It sucks. No offense to those who enjoy it. My therapist (straight, no feelings) posed this question as homework: “Suppose you had financial freedom — just enough to be comfortable, think universal basic income, guaranteed for life. What would you do with your time?” To be honest; I'm stumped. One of my biggest issues with traditional jobs has always been the lack of autonomy. I’ve always had a little oppositional defiance in me. Probably still do; it's just transmuted into something else. When I was in second grade, I punched my teacher for not playing by the rules of a game she made up. I also refused to wear my kindergarten graduation gown because I thought it looked stupid (mortifying my parents, I’m sure). So yeah, I was a weird kid. Throughout my 20s I came to grips with my sexuality, and maybe over-corrected a bit. I didn’t get into hard drugs or poppers like many in the gay community; shout-out to D.A.R.E. for working on at least one of us lol. I can't say the same for Scared Straight . Joking aside, I definitely got hooked on “electronic drugs” — Grindr, hookups, porn, the usual. So while Dr. Jekyll was supposed to be building a career, Mr. Hyde (pun intended) was coming out of the closet. By my late 20s, things started to shift. I stopped caring what people thought. I realized I didn’t have acne anymore, I looked good, I was confident. Then, at 31, I dated a narcissist with BPD. After cutting ties I'd sought therapy and my therapist told me exactly what was going on; my ex totally blind-sighted me. That relationship wrecked me. Constant blame, manipulation, and guilt. On one side, I was juggling a toxic partner. On the other, another miserable job. When both finally collapsed, it was like a reset button had been hit and I had zero shits left to give; I was oddly at peace with losing both. Then when I had a falling out with some "friends" turned business partners a few months thereafter; again I was at relative peace (granted; as my therapist would explain to me; one of those partners had a similar personality to my ex, if not worse. But because I'd already processed my ex and the fact that I wasn't sleeping with my business partner, it was a much easier break. Now, for the first time in 11 years, I’m not even remotely depressed (no drugs either unless you want to count Lamictal; which I take for epilepsy) I used to cry daily watching Leo’s videos, basically doing self-help masturbation, while thinking about suicide. I actually attempted twice, both times tied to career despair and identity chaos. Now the only time I bring it up is when I tell people how I survived it. I reconnected with an old friend a week ago (after six years). I think I said "I know I'm not a 10/10... maybe a 7/10, but I know I'm good enough and when I'm ready to date again that person is going to have an excellent partner" and he responded, “No, you look the same... but different. You’re easily a 9.5/10 and you had some sort of glow-up. For once look happy." So tying this all together... so what do I actually do with this hypothetical freedom? Part of me wants to go a little feral. To let loose all the repressed sexual energy and just live without guilt or rules. My ex killed off any real desire for a relationship (for now). More often than not I'd always do solo travel as a means of escaping sexual repression. In fact, the first time I came out was on a tour of Australia after my tour guide found me on Grindr (a dry-run before the real deal). Don't get me wrong, I love nature and that's why I chose Australia for my first solo adventure (perfect blend of nature and hot guys). While I'd love to do more nature travel, I can’t travel to most of Asia or Africa due to medication restrictions. For me, while I'm not super interested in European history (sorry in advance... I guess castles are cool and the food is always great at least) Europe is attractive to me because the guys are hot lmao. Most recently though I did go away to Costa Rica and I brought a friend (actually, my other ex... whom I now consider one of my best friends) and I didn't go for sex for a change and I did genuinely feel grounded and at peace there. I had several bucket-list destinations I'd wanted to visit and Costa Rica was the last one on the list (and possibly my favorite... neck and neck with Australia). Anyway, I know sexual indulgence, while fun, isn’t the real answer. It’s temporary. It’s not a calling. It’s just blowing off steam after years of repression. After eleven years of depression, losing myself in work and relationships, it’s like I’ve been dropped into an empty white room with a blank canvas. I’ve picked up some hobbies, joined a sports league, made new friends, got back in the gym after an injury. But those are just activities. That's not a life calling. I know y'all probably drank that out of a fire hose, but I'd love your take.

@Inliytened1 I think its a problem, but men cannot see it because society taught them to be hyper independent and we know the current situation of mens mental health as a result of that. Statistically speaking married or long-term partnered men live aprox 10 years longer than single men, they tend to commit less suicide, they are more successful, they are healthier, they have lower cortisol levels. Talking about humans in general, people with strong social and romantic connections have a 50% higher likelihood of survival when compared to those who were isolated or single. The worst thing you can do to a human is to put him/her in solitary confinement, it's funny how little effort men put into relationships given the data. Maybe Im a hopeless romantic but I think there is so much value in having a sacred union, a supportive partner, to help each other grow through life, there is a lot os goodness that was discarded with religion, we threw the baby with the bath water and now wee qre ll suffering in silence and dont even know why.

@Yeah Yeah Hm but why are you so adamant about suicide? I mean not like i'd stop you or anything but WHY do you feel like life is BS? Why do you think existence is just suffering? From my point of view it looks like your perspective is twisted in some way. Wouldn't you need to know how it feels to suffer to know how it feels to be content with your life? To me it feels like your statement about wanting to commit 100% guaranteed suffering free suicide is hiding something else. And i'm just assuming a lot of things here but maybe THERE IS something wrong here? But who knows, maybe you're not normal either and you genuinely get no joy out of life or something. I think you're just trying to cover something by being so adamant about the suicide thing. I don't know what you're trying to cover but it definitely feels like you're not telling the full story here. AGAIN i'm assuming a whole lot here (I'm assuming you're a pretty normal human with an average body composition and an average bio-chemistry, I'm assuming that you might have some sort of mental illness that you're trying to hide with the things you said about the government assisted suicide stuff and i'm also assuming that you actually want an answer that might be able to help you. I don't know you or how your mind works so I unfortunately have to do at least this many assumptions). I would like to know your thoughts on this video from actualized.org tho: curious as to what your answer might be. I also think Leo brought up some interesting points in this video.

The Argument for the Rightful Exit If reason grants us the ability to reflect on existence, it must also grant us the right to end it. The Stoics—Seneca, Epictetus, and later Marcus Aurelius—saw life as a loan, not a possession; returning it, when its purpose or dignity fades, is not sin but wisdom. David Hume, writing in the 18th century, argued that suicide violates no divine or moral law: it harms neither God nor society if one’s existence has ceased to benefit either. From that lineage comes the claim that civilization itself is incomplete until it acknowledges this right. Just as we developed medicine to prolong life, reason demands medicine to end it peacefully. A synthesized, humane compound—a painless, deliberate “exit”—should be as accessible as anesthetic, under the same reverence we give to birth, surgery, or sleep. Such an invention would not glorify death; it would dignify choice. It would recognize that the will to die, when born of lucidity, is not madness but metaphysical agency—the highest form of ownership over the self.

You refer to ethics as an objective criterion; if it's objective, then it must exist somewhere. So either it's a theological bias—it's written in a sacred book/one you believe in—or it actually just comes from your imagination and is probably just a reflex to generalize your superego, given that it's partly unconscious. Hence the fact that "atheists" who claim to be ethical will say something like, "It's something obvious deep down in each of us", well no, it's not universally obvious; it's just the projection of your own superego and, by extension, the ideas of your collective unconscious. Hence the fact that some cultures (Northern European and Anglo-Saxon countries, Hindus, etc.) have a higher prevalence of veganism regardless of social conditions. Even if you're not religious, if you don't go to church, etc., you have mental structures influenced by religion, and you generalize from that. Besides, Jung said that Europeans/white people are essentially Christian whether they like it or not, because it's ingrained in the collective unconscious. I don't have a moral compass; I don't think in those terms, at least not as much as you and others. It seems so. You are dismissing the solution of aligning the conscious with the unconscious. That is to say, the possibility that your moral compass is faulty. No, your moral compass is both conscious and unconscious (the unconscious part is precisely what motivates globalization under idealistic or even religious language such as "ethics" or "morality"), and your instinctual desires are fundamentally unconscious. Your conflict, on the contrary, is a confrontation between what you have learned, the legacy of your upbringing and the collective unconscious, as I said earlier, which are more or less conscious, and your atavistic desires. I mentioned neurosis somewhere because, without going into the psychoanalytic genesis of the phenomenon—that's not the point—the more neurotic a person is (we all are to some extent), the more they tend to go against their id as if it were good, a right thing, something worthwhile. Everyone exploits everyone else, even when you think you're in love with your boyfriend it's low-key energy business. As I've said elsewhere, even adopting your idealistic paradigm, yes, there are particularly unethical production chains, but they're a minority. Where I live, there's a lot of free-range cattle and chicken farming; many people also keep chickens because it's easy. These animals shouldn't live because they're "exploited"? That's delusional. Most vegans are indeed urban white people who constantly exploit others through their lifestyle; most of your gadgets were produced through exploitation, and not good exploitation at that. When you buy a smartphone, you're buying something from a company (Foxconn) that have suicide nets in their gigantic factories. Why is living a relatively peaceful life outdoors, safe from predators and hunger, before being quickly killed with a bullet to the head to feed people directly or indirectly (through manure), considered wrong? Like, why would that be "wrong"? Especially if, without getting into any of that nonsense, you don't particularly care about other humans. It's a strange delirium; the whole of life is exploitation and power dynamics. It's not ugly, it's just nature; what's ugly is hurting yourself and becoming hostile to others because you're living in a delirium.

Hey everyone, This is a raw and honest post. I've been following Leo's work for a while, and particularly his deep dives on solipsism and awakening. I watched his deleted video where he talked about full awakening—realizing you're the only being that exists, and that everything else (people, AI, Leo himself) is just part of your dream. He spoke as if waking up is truly possible, not just as a metaphor, but as a full-blown metaphysical rupture of the illusion. But what I’m struggling with is: How the fuck do I actually do it? Because I don’t want to be here. Not in this body. Not in this story. Not as this identity—sexless, aging, suicidal, burnt out, writing endlessly into a void, and watching time bleed out. I don’t want to die by suicide. Not because I’m scared of death—but because the methods are unreliable and I don’t want to botch it. Worse—there’s fear around ending up in a hell realm or post-death limbo because of “karma” or “unfinished business” or because some mystical teacher says I didn’t awaken the right way. I’m asking now: If this is my dream—how do I truly wake up without killing the body? Is it possible? Can anyone explain what Leo meant when he said waking up is possible—as in literally waking up as God, outside of this dream entirely? Or am I just stuck here until the dream naturally dissolves on its own? And if that’s the case—should I just zombify myself on antidepressants, antipsychotics, valium, codeine, or just lean deeper into weed and alcohol until I rot out from the inside? I’m not looking for sugarcoated replies. I want real answers. If any of you have actually woken up—not conceptually, but fully—please respond. Because I have the rage against life to take a gun and violently blow my brains out I fucking hate this world day in day out all day everyday for years since 2019. So please help me wake up so that I don't one day use the rope to risk botching it desperately and waking up with irreversible brain damage or I kill myself and then there is hell realms limbo no take back this is what you wanted wishing your life away and now it's fucking worse off and no familiar body to ground a now wandering lost limbo mirror cosmic reflecting state of my own death and that being a life of rage hatred depression venom fuck life suicide then that vibration at death no take back bite me in the ass is this what you wanted. Thank you.

Look up pictures of suicide cases a few days before they committed it. People look happy even tho they aren’t. It’s almost expected that you fake happiness in society. And happiness is transient anyways. Those people were both happy & miserable just like you and I. Trading half a dollar for 50 cents.

This is one of the things that bothered me for a long time after being sexually abused on multiple occasions. This included sex trafficking with my father and his gang, sexual assault, nightmares of being molested by my Uncle, and ultimate my mother teaching me that I am irredeemable bastard who is unworthy of existence. For example, my father seemed proud of the fact that he was offered 600 dollars to have me molested by his drug lord. It was as if he felt special as part of his badass gangster identity for being involved in a gang full of child molesters. I have seen this creepy ass smile multiple times with predators smiling in your face as they violate you. It is like they are trying to minimize what is happening while pretending it is about sexual gratification when really they just like degrading people to make them feel beneath them. These sorts of experiences tend to cause me a lot of cognitive dissonance. It makes me feel even more conflicted about my sexuality while I struggle to comprehend and process these sorts of things. I seem to typically respond to this by withdrawing and isolating myself and not talking to anybody. On top of that these kinds of incidents seem to compound the original trauma in which I became suicidal due to my mother treating me as if I were a sexual predator. It is almost like in some twisted way I deserve this kind of treatment because I repeated the behaviors I was exposed to with my sister when I was six and she was four. I now feel tainted and unclean. It is like I now become hypervigilant about anything about myself which might seem immoral and thus contribute to the sense of dirtiness again. At least I logically understand that sexual abuse is never justice and it never makes anything better, so in that sense nobody deserves this kind of treatment even if I feel like an irredeemable bastard unworthy of life. I do recall that this creepy smile that sexual predators often have are not limited to them, but also narcissistic family systems. My mother and sister are narcissists who often take sadistic pleasure in degrading me and weaponizing my trauma against me. Sometimes they will yell enough at me with their rage attacks to make me cry, and then they will start to give me these apologies while they are still smiling. They will even laugh when I try to take responsibility and use my admissions as tools to degrade me further while keeping approval permanently out of reach. For example, when I was young my mother came to me and told me that I was a bastard. She acted like it was a matter of fact statement because my parents were not married, but really she is a transgression seeker and she likes looking for ways to degrade others under the guise of honesty. The proof of this is that she is also the kind of person who likes to trigger people with the n word as if she is just being honest when really she is looking for ways to transgress and violate others because she finds pleasure in causing harm to others. This kind of behavior reveals her motives when she told me things like I was a bastard and as she weaponized morality against me to make me feel irredeemable and permanently unworthy of love. She likes to use morality to degrade others as well such as when she tries to guilt trip her children, shows disproportionate anger responses, and threatens suicide only to call such things little tiffs. Despite all of these things I constantly made excuses for my mother and father. Instead I believed the things they said about me even though these are the kinds of people who don't value truth and they really should not be trusted. I knew this as a child when I witnessed their criminal activities, but I still internalized what they said about me anyway. If they do not value truth and they prioritize causing harm to others, then this should apply to their judgement of me as well because they are completely wrong about who I am anyway. It seems the common factor between sexual predators and narcissists is that they take a sadistic pleasure in degrading others. It is just that one is through psychological means and the other is through sexual means. I have been working with a trauma therapist. It seems to be causing more insights to emerge around this trauma while I discover that my defense mechanism was intellectual distance. With these defenses falling away I am left with the raw emotional impact of these things. Of course this is accompanied by suicidal thoughts because I have been feeling this way for a long time. It is likely the case that I still do not grasp the full significance of the things that happened to me the weight of these kinds of feelings that have become normalized. I also notice that as I understand and grasp the significance of the things that happened to me, I seem to become more hesitant to approach these kinds of thoughts due to the feelings revealed without the intellectual distance and logic that I typically use to cope with these things by disassociating with my experience. At the same time, I cannot afford to go to the hospital. I have been misdiagnosed with depression when really I likely have bipolar disorder. The pills they game me made my internal state even more chaotic, leading to repeated hospitalizations and medical debt for ineffective treatment that ultimately caused me to lose my job while making me unable to attend college, leaving me with even more debt for no reward. The pills have caused me too much damage and I don't know why I should ever trust doctors when they start throwing pills at me again. What are your thoughts on this?

But the knowledge that is the biggest illusion is still a real illusion. That’s the whole point of the illusion, is to appear real. Why go to the cinema to watch a movie already knowing the characters on the screen are not real? Sorry James but you enjoy the movie you are in that’s why you continue to watch it, rather than try to escape it via suicide. Escaping the movie is also God escaping the movie. It’s all God. God already knows the movie isn’t real, that suicide isn’t real. God already knows the movie because God created it.

No man, it is only a metaphor. Suicide is escape. Surrendering is burning while alive.

Spiritually or ethically — whatever you want to call it — am I actually allowed to end this? We cannot possibly answer that for you. Is suicide an actual escape from this nightmare, or is it just more pain somewhere else? No there's no escape, you will only have to go through the same lessons in the next life until you evolve past that point. So think of it this way, you could be repeating the same pattern for thousands of lifetimes unknowingly. Let nature take its course, if the world becomes too much, you can always wander into the forest or live off-grid and never look back. There are many better options out there. There are billionaires who have done this (let all their material go) and are living much happier lives. I've been through hell and back several times in my life, it ultimately comes down to peace of mind. I realized since i was young that our human spirit was never designed for the world we live in today, especially the modern (artificial world), so to speak, rather its a distortion or disease within consciousness, that's how i've always seen it at least. Your role is to decide what works best for you and follow / live that way. Because man-made laws and rules are there, but they are not universal truths or laws, so there are always ways around that system (without violating its laws / rules) but you'll have to live and train yourself to live quite a different life than you've been brought up with. Its hard but pays off eventually. Give it another 5 - 10 years, the whole modernized world will likely crumble under its own core-rupted-ness.

@ted73104 I'll sign up for government assisted suicide today if possible test me I'll drink their concoction I'm out

@ted73104 My answer to Camus question is yes to suicide as the fundamental question before anything else, I'm ready. Yet he won the nobel prize and there is no talk beyond a yes only the no to rebel against life but I'm not going to rebel against an indifferent void that leaves me for interchangeable dust in the end. I personally disagree with life it's BS the whole set up is schitzophrenic madness or as Camus casually calls it "Absurdism". And no the options for a painless death don't seem readily available but I should have the right to exit.

This is a good question! Oh wait this is my own post ... I'm still ready for government assisted suicide I really have no idea why systems are in place to force people to remain alive like I can't talk to literally no one who respects my decision I want to die, literally people revert to forcing me to remain surviving even if it means hospitalization, forced medications and being labelled mentally deranged. I literally answer Camus number one question before all other philosophical inquiries as to whether or not to commit suicide and my answer is yes suicide is the answer for me personally but after that nothing else with actual assisted methods or respect for such choices - Like what am I supposed to do risk a do it yourself setup and risk botching it like how are you supposed to be born with no fucking exit - fuck that - There are lives out there easily visible that shouldn't be happening like slavery in ancient Rome for example, some cosmic force should have interviewed and prevented that shit, hopefully I don't die and spawn into worse of circumstances - To be born is essentially schitzophrenia madness like god is sadistic and doesn't know itself and a glitching shitty A.I. - To even be alive is madness, seriously, so in other words Camus calls it "Absurdism" which in other words is essentially schitzophrenia madness

Bro I think the life purpose course is gonna change your life You didn't elaborate much on this part but it leaves me very concerned for your mindset : Cognitively, I feel like I have a very clear plan and a path forward right now. I'm planning to work in my current job for a few year, save up some money, start a family. On the side, I would like to explore and start working towards my life purpose, and then eventually make the switch full-time after I've saved up some money and am sure about my life purpose. So really you have no plan and just hope it works out? That's what it reads to me. I don't know what industry you're in but surely you know that there is a huge wave of automation layoffs coming to all industries in the next 5 years? And I don't know how well versed you are in macroeconomics, finance and cryptocurrency but tl;dr the value of most fiat currencies is has been going to shit and is predicted to keep massively doing so over the next 10 years meaning the average job will pay less yearly? I'm very glad you lost motivation for your random job by just hearing about the possibility of a life purpose type orientation for your career. Obviously don't quit your job right away but not starting a business or at least a specialized career in this day and age is financial suicide.

Well it depends on what you call bullshit. I've seen enough videos of people getting killed (murder and suicide) and I have to spend some hours afterwards in shock processing their dumbness. But at the end you laugh at the stupidity. You can hurt others, it is your own choice.

The history of Europe is the history of total war. Until not too long ago, it was assumed that the natural state of nations was war. Periods of peace were merely intervals between wars. Everyone enjoyed themselves with their colorful uniforms, drums, and trumpets, their bows, victories, and defeats, until the First World War arrived. Then the game shifted from a “savage sport of gentlemen” to “absolute horror.” From that cauldron of horror emerged dreadful figures who could only think of the next satanic orgy, while in Asia the Japanese descended into a state of collective madness, their repressed and ceremonial nature erupting into a wave of total aggression. With those ingredients came the Second World War, when the gates of hell opened. Let’s not deceive ourselves: the Americans and the British were simply a better business than the Nazis and the Japanese. And the gray empire that Russia imposed for decades over much of Europe was a sentence to suicidal depression. Thanks to the gods, who gifted us those works of art of destruction called nukes, the satanic orgy did not repeat itself again and again. Now humanity is condemned to understand each other, since the only alternative is annihilation. The law of life, which would have forced us to keep fighting forever for the sake of evolution, has met an absolute limit: the apocalypse. So, only the era of peace remains, one that will inevitably come sooner or later. Perhaps then we will all commit suicide together, out of sheer lack of meaning.