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^ Basically Russia denies Ukraines right to free determination and existence, history etc. And Israel does the same with Palestine. Russia is like the hurt ex husband. Gosh you slutty Ukraine why you want to be closer with the west, am i not good enough? Am i too ugly? Now i‘m committing femicide or even better murder suicide.

My theory is that I can only commit suicide if the pain of living is bigger than the fear of the unknown of death ..I mean let's fucking face it ..you'd shit your pants if someone pointed a gun towards your head and you'd turn into a complete pu**y...I'm just being as honest and blunt as possible because I need an explanation. How can someone's suffering be greater than the "nightmarish " fear of death ? Anyone have any explanation from a philosophical perspective? Its like You still have an attachment for life . Killing the body is no guarantee of less suffering. That’s a projection-based story you’re telling yourself. Do you want to deal with suffering in an existence you at least understand and can control to a certain degree?...or are you feeling lucky and ready to gamble on what comes after death by commiting suicide? It’s all just a guessing game really.

Let them all suffer immensely. All of them absolutely deserve it and will pay a price that they can't even begin to comprehend: Many of them have essentially committed suicide and they won't ever know that until they ultimately meet their doom.

Previous chapters: spiritual tinnitus. *Old man Jenkins voice* How long has it been? Fifty years? Certainly feels that way. Like I've lived a few lifetimes in the past few years. I've been exploring the wild and revelatory vicissitudes of being human, embracing human needs and human obligations. More than half of my twenties was spent avoiding being human, i.e. spiritual bypassing. I used Leo's content, this forum, psychedelics, a whole 'lotta books, and even food to avoid the confusing, difficult world of human affairs. The main remedy that pulled me out of my spiritual circus was renting my own house. I have a host of different responsibilities and adulting things that I need to stay on top of. Survival has stared me straight in the face, and I stare back with equal reluctance and resolve. I literally cannot afford to sulk anymore. The past couple of years have been a test of the "Divine Masculine," I guess I could say. Pressing on when metaphorical weights were tied to my ankles. Developing a work ethic. Managing rejection. Believing in myself when the people around me were doubting. Having a willingness to take risks and look like a fool. Solidifying my sense of purpose. I'm proud to say that at age 30, I have finally found "my thing." My zone of genius. It's been staring me in the face for ten years, but I've been fighting it every step of the way. "There's no money in music," the average Joe says. "It's a competitive industry. Keep your day job. Music is nowhere near impactful as being a teacher, a healer, a therapist, or really anything else." Yadda yadda yadda. To a certain degree, that's all valid. But I've reached a point in my life where doing anything other than what I'm good at and feel passionate about feels like a waste of time. So if it means going the starving artist path, then so fucking be it. Fortunately, it hasn't been so bad. I've been blessed in so many twisted and peculiar ways. For instance, I was Instacarting at the time of the shooting in 2021, and consequently, the CEO gave me free mental health services as well as a large sum of money. I ended up saving all of that money, so by the time I made my way back home, I had a fat stack to invest in something. Someone offered to rent me an entire house with all of the amenities for a killer rate, and I accepted. I then used all of that saved money to invest in acoustic treatment, a new laptop, plugins, furniture, etc. for a music studio. Be Light Studio unfolded so serendipitously that looking back feels a bit surreal. Since then, I have been teaching myself music production and plan to start an LLC once I get my ducks in a row. I've spent the past year self-producing an album, and as of a few days ago, I finished it. I plan to release it in Mid-October. In between the album, a number of locals have asked me to produce their music, so I already have a growing clientele. For a while, I doubted the whole thing, reverting to my idea of becoming a healer/therapist as I already have a couple of certifications. But joining an orientation zoom call for a master's degree in counseling, I knew immediately that I would hate myself if I pursued that path. Turns out that I've been using those aptitudes in other ways. Maybe I'll write about that in another post. For the past few years, I've worked part-time at a local juice bar. But thanks to all of the live gigs I've managed to book, I am now officially financially independent. I have to live like a monk, but I'm wealthy in freedom. I never thought I'd reach this point. In most of the other parallel realities, I am likely dead by active or passive suicide. But in this reality I'm pursuing my passions and making money from them. Go figure! I could say more, but I don't want this post to be too long, and I need to get my day started. But I feel drawn back to this forum because I feel that in the midst of all of this human stuff, I've lost the plot. I've hit a level of burnout that I've never experienced before, which has caused me to backslide in my habits. I've become addicted to my own adrenaline release, whether with chronic Youtube content consumption, my right hand, or late bedtimes. While I've achieved so much in the past couple of years, I feel like I've lost myself in the process. I've lost that zest to learn more, to push myself towards higher virtue, to stay above the noise. I guess I have a case of spiritual tinnitus. So it's time to turn down the volume on distraction. My hope is that writing, whether here or in my own journal, will get me back on track. My goals for this off-season (i.e. fewer gigs and more time to myself): Replace mindless Youtube content consumption with audiobooks, books, journaling, and songwriting Either write one song or learn one cover song per week Continue working on clients' projects Transition from using my right hand with a screen, to using my right hand without one, to ideally using my right hand only once per week at most Re-acquire my stretching habit and begin to myofascially release my god-awful posture from too much guitar playing Acquire a regular aerobics habit (likely long walks) Re-acquire a regular strength training habit At least eight hours of rest every night, with an ideal bedtime of 10pm and wakeup at 7am I have other goals and more to say, but for now, this will suffice. To anyone who is curious enough to read this — I wish you well!

Hi everyone, I haven't posted here in the forum for a long time. I want to ask you something. The forum user 'Buba' was a very close friend of mine. He committed suicide on April 29, 2024. Since then, I have been in deep grief. If anyone who has spoken to him in the forum recently could share with me what he talked about, it would help me process my thoughts. In the last few weeks, I somewhat neglected him during difficult times, and as a result, I feel guilty. Thank you very much.

I've not experienced the suicide of a friend, but once with a classmate. Be gentle with yourself, take time and space to just be with your feelings if needed. Talk to supportive family members or friends if you can.

Okay to suicide? Are we killing ourself? // There are traces of my s still but there are no traces of me. Is this dangerous ? Or is this not dangerous? I have one old enrich number which, the two last digit of it is equal to my now phone number. But , I have forgotten my email password for this since last year. And today without thinking much about it , I created a new one. I have been holding it on because I don't wanna create a new one. Usually, even though I have forgotten my email I can still use my enrich to book flights because my mom would do it for me. She only needs my number so I don't have have my own apps/account. So I would still use that old number to travel. But now, I did things by myself. Even though I've been withholding myself today I didn't think about it and made it. So today I got a new number which is , not equal to my now phone number even though this card had been made 2decade ago? Idk. My latest phone number is just from last year. And it had the same last digit as this old enrich number. Am I dying? It is so depressing looking at this. That was me who did that.

Thank you for all your answers, I am trying all of those, from referring him to a suicide helpline to being understanding and motivating him and other stuff. Yet he really seems like he doesn't want help, his mindset is like "I have the freedom to not live my life and thats okay" Fuck. I will update you guys if something happens, apparently he has a planned date that is near to do it but refuses to tell me when.

I highly, highly doubt that there is a logical route against suicide. If depressed people do one thing all the time, its thinking. Going through all the logical motions of the mind. Never coming to rest. Of course maybe there an obvious believe pattern that can be lifted through conversation therapy. But if one is already planning suicide, I doubt he has just overseen some obvious negative belief. Especially if the depression is already going on for a prolonged time. As is, somehow the case with the above mentioned friend. Just speaking from my experience of dealing with depression and suicidal ideation.

If he is acutely on the verge of suicide, medications like benzodiazepines or even ketamines are a good acute solution. They bring their fair share of innate problems with them, but in a die or live situation, you have to win time. Also, you can't really talk someone out of suicide. Reasoning and logic are not solution to feeling inherently terrible with ones self. Go find a doctor asap.

This statement is very immature. It actually takes great courage to end your life. The most valuable possession you have is your life, a person has to really be pushed to the brink to end their life. You don't understand how much emotional pain, and physical pain it takes to drive someone to actually do it. Cowardice is actually a defense mechanism against suicide. Unless you can create a painless exit, a coward can't commit suicide.

@Carl-Richard According to the book "Internal Family Systems Therapy" by R. C. Schwarz and M. Sweezy (https://www.amazon.com/Internal-Family-Systems-Therapy-Second/dp/B0D6NHXN29), there's an entire section about how to do IFS with external (physical) families. According to the book, doing IFS with external families can facilitate doing IFS, since, "burdens" and "manager/firefighter" parts are usually internalised from external (physical) families and doing IFS with families can facilitate letting go of the "burdens" and dysfunctional roles of parts that want to commit suicide, because the parts are more easily going to let go of dysfunctional roles since the therapist shows the parts that there's no more danger (if there is none) to participate in dysfunctional roles.

Tell him its a void of nothing and its scary and that all his problems will still be there because its about how he is witnessing reality and that can change in 1 second. You just have to ask God for help with your whole body. There is a chance that he is not right about his situation and is being tricked by a demon. When you want to commit suicide it means you have 0 life energy.

Immediately refer him to suicide helplines: https://www.unitad.un.org/content/suicide-prevention#:~:text=If you are struggling with,or Text TALK to 741741.

It's a tricky situation. Essentially, talk him out of it. I don't know the person, and this isn't therapeutic advice. I could point out that this ideation might be based on a desire for acknowledgement, or on a belief that one's emotional pain is unbearable for oneself. This isn't true. Maybe bring up situations when you've felt similarly to him, and tell him they just pass and life moves on. Show him he's stronger than he thinks. Situations of that nature can be used as lessons in many ways. But suicide itself is an act of cowardice, and rather foolish. Maybe getting grounded and detaching oneself from the circumstances help him see the situation more dispassionately, impersonally, free of so much drama and turmoil. Just some thoughts.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT PLAN TO KILL MYSELF IN THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE I know this is a controversial, but there is no other place where I could possibly discuss it, so I hope it's okay. *** My question is: what's so wrong about suicide metaphysically? I understand advising people against it because it's a politically correct thing to do, and you don't want to get in trouble, but in reality, is there any reason why you shouldn't kill yourself? If you die, you will become one with the universe / god. You will either become hyper aware of everything and omnipotent, or you will fade away into nothingness and will not feel anything ever again. Both options sound fine to me. There is also a chance that you might get re-incarnated, suggesting that there is a layer with ghosts and souls in between our realm and God consciousness. That also doesn't sound that bad. You could basically use suicide as a reset button, until you reincarnate with the cards you want to play with. If a person doesn't really feel like living or if they suffer a lot, why should they bother and stick around. Additionally, what if I am impatient and don't want to do all this spiritual work? I could just kill myself and get all the answers right away. I hope this perspective doesn't sound too childish, I am really curious about those questions.

Wow, glad to hear you came back from the deep, end and made it back. Thank you for sharing. I'm thinking about doing a 5-meo-DMT ceremony again. And ask God its possible to get my leg motorics back to work. But I have to wean off of the medications first. By the way, I also think that suffering can be a gift from God, but then I ask myself what is won with this gift, if it leads to suicide. I want to ask that as well.

İ am very sorry what you went through brother. I hope you are doing well right now and recover as soon as possible. İ was one of the top model in NY. After work, i had sudden heart pain in my heart. Doctors told me that my aort walve is ripped and i have to go to open heart surgery asap. They gave me 30 percent change to survive. Now i have a mechanical walve, use cumodin, and have pacemaker (i had to stop working out, my job, my entire career). Year later, my dad passed away at 54. Next month i had a grandma's seizure. Now i am on keppra too. These happened between 2015-2017. That's how my spiritual journey started. İ was suicidal, depressed, have no job and no money etc... As you. Than i started to question why i am in this world and what is the purpose of life. İ was watching Leo's videos and about to suicede at that time. When i see his video about shrooms, i started to consume dry shrooms and have pychedelic trips. However, my suicidal depression wasn't gone. One day, i was about to suicede and at that time watched the video heroic dose of shrooms which is 5 gr (if you take more of them, you can die). Than i decided that, either i will suicide or take 10 gr dried shrooms, because, i was going to suicide anyway, these 2 actions will kill me. But, I have last chance to life with consuming the shrooms (but I took the risk to die, because my another option was suicide). After my trip i died anyway. However, I came back almost with different DNA, as different person, old James was gone. I do not recommend to anyone to use such heroic doses. So, my story is pretty much as yours. Years later (2022), meditation, contemplation, pychedelic trips, and retreats, I have recognize that the one who experience these stuff is just an so called illusion or fragment / gift of Divine's imagination. So, you are on right track, keep going. You are lucky that you get bunch of suffering. In spirituality, suffering is gift of God. You can PM me if you have any help or for anything.

Hey James, there was a time when I would have said pretty much the same. But listen to this, and tell me the same again. End of last year I got rolled over by a construction truck. I had almost 30 general anaesthetic surgeries, stayed in hospital beds for 6 months, and suffer from life long neuropathic pain and physical disfunction. Over the months of consecutive morphine/fentanyl use in hospital I developed dependency and addiction to said substances, which I only now (14 months later) slowly achieve to taper off. Depression and suicidal fantasies developed alongside as well. Full on suicide attempts included. Thats why I question this Truth = Love paradigm a lot. I'm not taking any word for granted solely, because Leo or some other said so. They say a lot of good and deep stuff, but I need to know for myself. And you really just say the same, but without any deep description or thought process in your statements. So please be welcome to lay out how you just stay out of suffering. Or how deeply you investigated these spiritual truth, if you have, that is.

moonlight radio 2k23ambient shit edit-[AudioTrimmer.com].mp3 made instrumental ambient of my favorite part very anticlimatic and suicide relieving

I just wanted to share my experience with the three mental health centers I've gone to over the past three months. My mental state has improved, but I did not get the help I was looking for. The problem started with my medication. I was given Zyprexa from the last time I was hospitalized due to Prozac. This time the medicine damaged my liver and I was forced to stop taking it. This made me vomit constantly to the point that I could not go to work. I ended up laying in bed feeling trapped, sick, and depressed. I had a hard time eating anything. The first center was called United Recovery Project Behavioral Health. This was located in Florida and my family had a conniption because it sounded like a scam. I contacted this center over a year ago, and they have been calling me back trying to get me to come. They mentioned that my insurance was about to expire which made me think I would miss the opportunity. They said that they would do genetic testing for my medication and get an accurate diagnosis first thing. I decided to go, believing I would be back in time for college. I felt so awful I doubted that I could make it through the Semester anyway. My family was terrified because I never travelled out of the State on my own. It is worth noting that they set me up with a plane ticket without my knowledge. This kind of situation is what I shared with other people in recovery and they compared this behavior to catfishing, especially when it involved broken promises. Manipulation tactics are used to get vulnerable people to come. I felt extreme anxiety throughout this entire process and it would continue for weeks into treatment. I made my way through the airports and eventually made it to Florida. I walked into the recovery center at about 3 in the morning. I took a drug test and was sent to my room with three beds. There was one other man in there. The next day he would tell me that he was gay and he discovered it when his brother sexually abused him. The creepy part is that he thought that I seemed conflicted about my sexuality and he told me I looked beautiful while I was sleeping. I don't know how he figured that out, but I didn't want people watching me sleep. Rather than starting drama, I waited for him to be discharged which was shortly afterwards. I was having suicidal thoughts everyday just like I did before coming to treatment. Rather than attempting to kill myself, I turned myself into the staff. During this time I was having nightmares about a traumatic incident from the past. I could not let it go and it was made worse by severe anxiety. I ended up trying out a bunch of different pills. Eventually I was prescribed an anti psychotic designed for Schizo-affective disorder. This diagnosis was reversed when there was no behavior change and they concluded my behavior was due to autism. This isn't the first time mental health centers thought I was hearing voices as I had conversations with myself. I became fearful of broken promises when I never received an updated diagnosis because the staff told me it would take six months. The staff contradicted each other because the policies were inconsistent, leading to patients feeling like they were lied to. Unfortunately, I discovered that I couldn't count on these centers to keep their promises and I would have to fight them for it. For example, the case manager and therapist were frequently overloaded and had to skip sessions. My therapist was especially problematic. She asked me about my spiritual beliefs and I went into a long monologue about Love, Truth, Consciousness, Non-duality, and so forth. She ended up simplifying my conception of God to the Christian God. She then instructed me to pray to Jesus 10 times a day. I did as I was told and didn't like it. I tried writing my own prayers for God as I understand it. I don't recall Leo ever saying anything about prayer, but I tried. Apparently, I was really good at art therapy because my dream explained how I felt poetically. I drew a black abyss of death with a pool of blood and dead bodies at the bottom. Above the abyss was a light, symbolizing God and the light was connected to me. I also drew a nimbus around myself symbolizing holiness. I often shared lots of insights about spirituality and psychology that came from my research and the books I read on these subjects. Everybody thought I was a genius and believed I could do great things with my life. Meanwhile on the inside I still felt lost and confused about my identity and life purpose. I met a life coach while I was there. He and the therapists suggested that I was using my logical mind a lot and not focusing on my emotional mind. Apparently, this is one of the ways I cope with trauma. The life coach suggested I become a life coach and told me to contact him for further exercises. He never answered and he probably never will. I spent as much time with the life coach as I could because life purpose and identity are at the core of my suicidal thoughts. I tried to use these things to establish a sense of self worth which I lost a long time ago. I tried to get a new place to live in Florida, but the program would not let me because of my history with suicidal thoughts. They wanted me to go back to my family which was a major stressor for me before anyway. I was afraid of starting the cycle all over again. Although I was extremely helpful for other people struggling with God and depression, I struggled to help myself. The second program was Florida Recovery Group. I didn't have suicidal thoughts as frequently as I did before, but I did still strongly considered killing myself. Eventually, I got better and I could go a few days without wanting to die before having a relapse and another episode of depression. Because I had my cell phone back I talked with my family to give them nightly updates. I had some awful interactions with my sister because she was part of the reason I could not tolerate waiting six years to finish college while living with her. This center was helpful because we eventually found a pill combination that allows me to sleep consistently. It also helped through neuro retraining which made my brain more capable of dealing with depression. Unfortunately, I was only a third of the way through before being discharged. For the program I picked actualized videos to watch with the irritating light on the screen that my eyes had to constantly adjust to. I liked the postmodernism one. The most disturbing thing that happened here is that I was being sexually harassed by other men over my virginity. They talked about hiring a prostitute to have sex with me and I interpreted this literally. I tried reporting the men, but I wasn't taken seriously because the staff thought my autism caused the confusion. I ended up calling 988 like I do when I want to die. Eventually the therapist talked with the staff and eventually the men were both kicked out. The actual story is more complicated than that. My family panicked when they saw the hurricane coming up on Florida. It missed me and I didn't die. The final recovery center was disappointing. I was supposed to have a job to manage work stress. Instead I got an extended leave. I wanted help managing triggers for suicidal thoughts, but I didn't get it. Most of the help I got while in these centers came from me doing my own research on psychology, autism, and trauma. I got better of letting go of guilt and shame. My mind feels more clear and present because of what I discovered. I nearly had a suicide attempt by the haunted house which was causing people seizures. I saw it as a self harm method so I turned myself into the staff instead. I think that was the 28th of October where I nearly had a suicide attempt. Throughout the process of these centers I noticed that many of my behaviors were trauma responses. I started trying to change them, but my therapist thinks autism is the biggest obstacle to my recovery due to my rigid mind. This makes it easy for me to get stuck in rumination, depression, and so forth. The other patients still thought I was a genius because of how insightful I was. I have been studying this stuff for a long time because I have been trying to beat depression. Now that I am back home, I recognize behaviors that make me feel depressed. I don't have a desire to die but I am getting intrusive suicidal thoughts when I do certain activities at home. This includes listening to love songs. My therapists think I am lonely and multiple have recommended I try dating. This might be problematic because it is hard to date and be a good boyfriend while depressed. I made a separate post about this. What do you guys think about this attempt to work on myself? I think I got better, but I want to maintain my peace of mind by avoiding things that make me feel depressed. I also want to see if there are other neuro retraining programs for depression.

God exists, the Devil exists, what is the Devil? God experiencing itself as evil. If you have ever wondered about the nature of evil I would suggest you take another route. Here is a tale of a man that learned first-hand never to ask for this lesson.... I recently went so far in Spirituality I lost my mind. The investigation into Consciousness and Awareness and what exactly was going on gave way into a deep dive into uncontrollable hallucinations, and consistent nightmares. I went without sleep for weeks and eventually this led to loss of personal possessions, and a trip to a psyche ward for some anti-psychotics. I have the ability to maintain a heightened/altered states for weeks without any effort and this was caused by a small dose of CBD edibles. I believe I'm done taking any kind of substance that can take me away from baseline consciousness as my last foray has proven dangerously detrimental to my survival. I did get to commune with God but that communion was not one that was done with proper foresight. I asked to gain an experiential understanding into the nature of evil, and I was given a front row seat into that experience. I had every word I ever wrote, every thought, used against me in a metaphysical courtroom against me to treat me like a criminal. I was debased, tortured and verbally and physically assaulted till I lost it. I was pushed to my brink and realized only a fool would ever want to know evil. I have said before that the desire to commit suicide is the greatest evil you can know personally and I was given the opportunity to experience that desire in the fullness of its glory and as a result I am much more appreciative of others and their mental fragility since I was forced to face my own. I am sharing this as a warning, don't ask to know evil unless you are ready to receive the greatest unwelcome party imaginable. Nothing like a little mistaken identity taken to its extreme. In short I was shown that God both controls, and doesn't control everything, and that my human vessel's only power in relation to all that is, is the ability to react but even that ability to react, to respond, can be easily taken away by a mind constantly being bombarded by wayward thoughts. We take our mental and physical health for granted. I learned also through experience, why we are always innocent before God. All our good works are for naught, all the evil we have experienced is also for naught. I learned that God takes all sides/perspectives of relationships, and that God does not know what a lie is outside of our perspective. T:L:D:R Spirituality is dangerous once you start entering altered states, so be wary be cautious with your inquisitions.

I remember a blog post (I think), where Leo said, he had to open up to suicide. This actually frightened me quite a bit. Having had suicidal ideation (because of suffering), a lot of what keeps me going is a beleif that life can become beautiful, meaningful, enjoyable. That happiness can be achieved. Trying to pursue that deep mystical life however is kind of strange if it all ends up at suicide again. I was wondering if there is any update on that. Is suicide different when doing it out of suffering vs some super conscious decision? Is life really not enjoyable after all these enlightenment experiences to a point, that suicide is not an option? I hope this questions are not too private.

Yes, it is possible. I was depressed and suicidal and I also attempted suicide but didn't die years ago. I'm now also in a similar situation to you career wise. I'm 25 years old, and I'm not successful in any career yet; I've barely even started and kept on doing anything. But I'm never suicidal anymore. And I'm grateful to life and enjoy being alive. The most important thing you should know for sure is that it's not impossible at all on the contrary it is very much more possible than you might think. Just have faith in life, and it will take care of you. Just don't doubt it. Never doubt it. Life takes care of you. Just trust it and everything will be OK. All is well.

This is exactly what is happening in the "unconscious" "unawakened" mind. It believes what it's telling itself. You brought up some interesting points here. Notice I didn't use the words desperate and insecure. They are descriptive words that describe another way of being. Those traits doesn't attract they repel. One can attract while still in a lack mindset. They can attract more situations and circumstances that will make them feel more lack. There is really only abundance in the Universe e.g an abundance of lack, or an abundance of scarcity mindset etc. I'm not saying he recognizes this yet or ever will. He might stay miserable inside for the rest of his life. The billionaire might not have known when he was poor that he would still be miserable and unhappy being rich. You're right, we don't know until we experience these contrasts. You said something in essence to how what it feels like to have this level of confidence and abundance and I was responding and telling how that deep down this is not really the case only appears to be. Then us as onlookers develop a sense of lack ourselves when we see these things and do the comparison thing while being ignorant to what abundance really is and now feelings of depression and sadness kicks in. This is how we create our own demise. Those women are just props in his world to reflect back to him what's really going on but he's not conscious enough to read between the lines and neither are you. You see it as abundance and confidence when it's really only his reflection reflecting back his sense of lack. Lacking in love and attention and self worth. This is why I say pay no attention to the outside world, see it as a mirage and just go with the flow. Pay attention to your own thoughts and feelings and put your awareness on things you'd like to experience but not on the lack of it. He's feeling good in the moment but when itls all done he feels worse than he did before it started. That's polarity at play and how the body responds to outside stimuli. That's why there's gambling addiction or any addiction. Hit the jackpot feel good, that feels good till it wears off and now you want some more and the cycle begins and spirals into depression and feelings of suicide. It's the same high/low kind of polarity at play. Nothing stable within. The ocean keeps stirring up. No peace.