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Don't know bro, something tells me the father's of dead sons would say different. Thing about it is, I know for a fact that if there was a son that did kill himself, and they heard about the father walking in and finding the sons dead body. It would cause them to think "serves him right." With no recognition as to the devastating effects of their sheer fuckwitery. There is simply no words to describe degenerates of this calibre. If they killed themselves it would save lives. If the roles were reversed, and it was them who walked in to the find that one of their offspring had committed suicide something says a chuckle and a witty remark wouldn't be the correct response

And yes, society today has no clue how to build men. Most guys I meet here in Sweden are good at their profession: good programmers, good engineers etc. they are even very good at sports. But socializing? Humour? Emotional intelligence? Healthy masculinity? Relationship skills? Most of them suck ass at these ones. We failed men and if we don't fix this soon, I anticipate a century of alt right extremism, suicide and mental health problems skyrocketing, trash relationships and more.

This week when the weather is good where I am I will take some missing photos and make a Hinge account, but I hate dating sites in general. I don't see the point in wasting time sleeping with random girls; I haven't had a girlfriend/non-commercial relationship in 22 years, on top of being physically tortured by severe insomnia,and before severe eating disorders, and even before other problems I won't go into. And it's okay, I didn't commit suicide or fall into depression; it's probably better to wait than to wallow in some kind of bad karma, I think.

im more into this chick that popped into my youtube feed https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Mazg-izk30&t=592s yes i know... im such a jerk the truth is im starting to feel non human day by day ... enlightened, no one like me around, and there's no much left to do no desire for money,sex,entertainment,wealth,socialise,easy friends, (i was so loser, never had any of these anyway) just free and clear minded -clarity (that's all i need, nothing more nothing else) 10 years of suffering... was worth it ... so many things during that time was erased... without me ever noticing i cant help anyone live this experience because it is unique, designed by god and my inner child unless you find some next door neighbour that don't sleep at night ,bang their door 2-3 times a day-night , only when you try to sleep (like they know exactly your sleeping schedule) and suddenly disrupt you every night-day for 2-3 years, mess your brain, mess your sleep ... and after that something inside you relive this(bangs you) every night even when your neighbours left and other came..... and then imagine them play a role in the solipsistic game... among other projections that visit you and help you play all your fantasy or ego identities, relive hidden experiences of the subconscious, most of them without material existence, a very few with. and they knew everything about you, even your future,"reality" mind-role game that lasted 4 years- not every day- and not too unreal so i dont freak out) something like.. imagine yourself..full feeling a woman, speaking with a woman's voice,wanting to kill the male part of you!!(because of an imaginary abuse it experienced by him!).. talking to a god projection about it.. and then see yourself hanged! this lasted just 10-15min leaving your body and talk to a projection and then joining back in throwing down of the bookshelf a dvd titled "is there a creator(god)" and seeing it fall (i was non believer) and now i can remember only 5% of what i -or better my false self- or both experienced experiencing having feeling and leaving with different iq levels.. from total retard to quite smart the game itself .. with todays view.. was silly.. a main father figure , two girls,many neutral personalities, few kids (all of them quite smart)(they were telling me what i wanted to hear) different person for different self identity and imaginary one from my childhood to the present, my ego liked playing the spy and poker player everyone and everything played their role! with some of those roles identities i would be happy to leave for the rest of my life! but the game never stopped there. (during those days, i was felling that i am living in the matrix, like the movie- really hooked by that movie(the other was inseption)- now really hooked by dualism-solipsism and i wonder what's more to come!) ---- i was too dumb to get hooked by philosophy during this game i was extremely sleep deprived,with my neighbours banging their door constantly every 2 hours(the truth is something inside my mind made me feel this like it was real) ,torture is the right word (lose the part that make me reason and question, just play the game) anti psychotic drugs had no effect whatsoever and after this game stopped ,it took me another 2-3 years to get to this point today that's why everything is unreal, a construct... only me noticing after all these years past!.. when consciousness shifted that's why i don't need therapist unborntao .. i just need to face what i am experiencing my future is fixed.. have not experienced it yet.. and with suicide out of the way , maybe all this will have a happy ending god showed me His presence and i have to respect that.. too many thing , too fast happened after my awakening (looks like i got carried away) the whole mind state i am in(way different than anyone else) is what i need for the realisation part writing all of these is my grounding, not to be kicked out of this forum unborntao what a dream! what a show! what a game! fucking everywhere,anyone,anytime this is the real grounding i think .. eventually .. all comes down to... you want to experience this? experience it you want to die? just die and i the end i was saved by humans! (not quite i guess) what a drama! its fucking everywhere.. in me , in you (be the loser!, much more to learn in the end) that's the only way to quit the game! ok, and after all some of you will still say that i need grounding... i need the groundless ground! (really hooked by this!)(better search it in chatgpt and figure out what it really means) only if could feel it! imagine! and after some more thinking... guess i am just building a solid imagination(never had one) after a long time .... 1500 views.. that's impressive! i am really not making this shit up i guess most of you will grasp it as a Fery tail others like a shit show and the wise ones don't want to spoil it hello anyone watching? or i am way more stupid than i think i am lets have a vote.. what does the Audience say after a while... realised that (furthermore) that trying to fix my emotion is hardest part of all stop being a jerk is a good step... i am on to this

@machinegun I'd sign up to government assisted suicide and never reincarnate fuck humanity fucking disgusting

thanks judy2 for your post thanks for being part of my dream, hope all the best for you,truly its nice to hear kind words in my case the awakening happened last .. after all i been through all those years(first lose the garbage and then) everything happened in the right moment and the right time maybe in your case , you weren't ready yet (only you can realise it when your ready) i guess in your case.. the feelings you experienced got you confused, you needed to have clarity first anyway ... just enjoy what was given to you, if you feel there are still mental issues left.. fight them to the end, play life (sorry i am too meshed up to read all your post in this forum, and look what's happening in your case) it looks like feelings are the deepest iluzion human experiences (including love, despite what everybody talks about in spirituality) (your inner child is love(i felt this in my dreams), not god) (big words i am telling...too stupid thing to do) i talked to chatgpt about this situation im in.. it said that all is part of my illness, that i need grounding and shamanic guidance and support(as ramasta9 quoted earlier) and many more ... same things i am about to hear from any therapist but i have the clarity needed now to realise that all those thing are part of the mind game! my dream has evolved!.. i feel more lucid day by day i have made the choice to respect myself ... not ChatGPT or any therapist with a iq 130 (getting there day by day-i need more wisdom)and gods help(by rewiring-reorganising my brain) ,i think i can manage things thanks again judy2 thanks god but i want out by the way ... god told me i am dead already... that's even more confusing! and made me feel what the word -suicide- feels like,(to protect me maybe) god wants to play.. i want out (where really?) and one last thing... all of this thinks i experienced can not be handled by normal human person.. the mind will collapse, break and lead to mendal ilness (as far as i can tell-there are exceptions) (all sorts of feeling arise out of no ware and confusion dictates- leads to breakdown) - i experience this myself for a brief moment.. god intervened by making a loud sound , and stopped me from total madness even now god stops my dreams turn psychotic.. by wakening me in the right time no sleep for me... haven't slept (resting sleep)for 10 years... thinks getting better after my awakening though god .. i surrender! (maybe one day all those things i am writing will look silly... and EVERYTHING will make sense.. in this dream?) i am sure everything will make sense one day.. thats the hope i have left! and hope dies last i hadn't any clue even what the word spirituality even means one month before my awakening! i guess what's left to do is fix me-god duality (i am deeply suffering about this) maybe peace is the right thing to do and after 20 min of thinking... realised that i have to kiss myself goodbye! what a fucking drama i am experiencing! gods call: save the drama for your mama

@Leo Gura, you mentioned that "Marxists have no clue how to replace this system with something better.". You are right, because they usually suggest removing the market (the distributed computational engine of value), which leads to the stagnation, as @Daniel Balan describes. But the defenders of capitalism are missing the physics of the situation. Capitalism is the best system for a world with infinite frontiers. It is a suicide machine for a world with planetary boundaries. We are currently undergoing a phase transition from the first world to the second. When resources were effectively infinite, capitalism optimized for growth and innovation. It beat feudalism (order) and communism (central planning) because it processed information faster. We are now hitting the "vertical cost curve" of a closed system (climate, demographics, war). In this environment, capitalism’s optimization function; capital accumulation via externalization, becomes a generator of existential risk. It incentivizes "free-riding" on planetary stability. In the best case scenario, the next system won't be a return to central planning. It will be a regenerative market economy. It keeps the price signal (the engine) but changes the objective function (the goal): Instead of maximizing GDP (throughput), it maximizes integration (system health). It can use asset-backed currencies to make planetary healing more profitable than extraction. It can use unconditional economic floors ((Adaptive)UBI) to solve the precarity trap without seizing the means of production. We don't need to "smash capitalism." We need to patch the kernel so it optimizes for planetary stability instead of relative gain.

@Miguel1 imma write this and go to bed, but tomorrow I'm looking forward to reading all of you guys' thoughts From what I've seen, she might have useful stuff for people who are on the brink of suicide. I personally know someone that claims Teal's videos helped her in not making that decision. But honestly, I think Teal is too lost in her own imagination with some stuff. She claims she has extra sensory perceptions, which.. fair enough. But then she makes claims about different types of aliens. And also about AI being a sort of being from another dimension.. She keeps having opinions about how WW3 is already happening blabla. She told some person attending a retreat that their friend (or someone else) is possessed by an alien ... where muh epistemology at? 😆 I seeing a lot of new agers parroting this type of stuff, and I suspect a lot of it originates from her. People that follow her tend to believe she is a super special being, sent to be a sort of high level priestess of this world, and I think she perpetuates this narrative. Also I personally found some of her ideas about trauma, and therapy harmful for my journey. But probably that's not on her, but on me. So I am currently finding too much of her content wacky, schizophrenic and not nuanced enough. Too much noise vs signal.

The very rich can avoid heavy taxation in the EU also. Sweden has more millionaires and billionaires as percentage of population than the US. The rich live worse in the US than the EU. It doesn't matter how rich you are if the roads are shit, public transport is shit, urbanism is shit, most food products are shit, everyone around you is just a working zombie who takes drugs just to not suicide. How cna you keep your millions in your bank account when you hear people around you working to death in order to pay for their past medical bills? France is the example of socialism gone wrong, the state borrowing money in order to pay pensions and benefits.

Please tone down the spiritual showboating ..these are extremely nuanced matters we are discussing . No such thing as "I already died ". Ego death is one thing and physical death is another thing . You did not die physically before (im not talking about reincarnation. Im talking as this particular human James123). Therefore you have no idea what it's like . How do you know death is painful like putting your hand on fire ? Some people take a whole bottle of sleeping pills and go to bed and never wake up again (easy painless suicide).

I remember when i was like 3-6 years old i would have the same dream for like 10 times, me standing on top of a roof of an apartment and then jumping down. While falling down i would always get this cold feeling, and then when i was very close to the ground i got a black screen and wake up. So what i think actually happends, is that when you suicide and say what you actually want (like redoing a life) this will occur and the dream will restart depending on your will. In most cases because you weren't god realized and only know about human life, you will get back as a human. So it's pretty much pointless, because we're in low vibration we should strive to achieve higher consciousness that will make us suffer less. But at the end there is no escape of suffering because you're always conscious for eternity. Some consciousness states will give you all but at the end you will get used to it and when there are no new things and you have everything, you still have to deal with yourself because you're always conscious. Suffering and path of human suffering is usually designed by your higher self so you can eventually experience higher states that provide abundance this will mitigate suffering for some time and this is why your life is like this.

"SPRING SUICIDE" Dosage: 75-150ug Height/weight: 6'1, 140lbs Setting: Public Beach Time: 8:00pm Mindset: Calm. Excited. No current major life events. Hopeful. A deep sense that today is the "right" day Intention: Wanting change, no matter it's form This would be my first time trying any psychedelic. I had decided on this day approximately a week in advance. One of the reasons I chose this day was because the full moon was supposed to come out that night. I guess I thought it would make it more special. In the past, I had read extensively about LSD, many trip reports, and understood its safety parameters, typical/atypical effects, and potentially significant risks--including brain damage and losing grip with reality. I've read about nonduality, panpsychism, and the limits of rationality in the past-- but on that particular day, much of that knowledge was not on the forefront of my mind. The day itself started off fairly normal; I had gone about my duties calmly and slowly--with intention. I don't know why, but I had skipped breakfast that day, which was unusual for me. For lunch (12:00pm) I went to the grocery store and bought myself a familiar meal I've eaten throughout the years—one that brings me comfort: Baked chicken thighs with fried rice. I slowly and deliberately enjoyed every bite of it in the peaceful solitude of my room. I remember watching Squid Game Season 2 while I was eating. For those familiar with trips—this may have been a bad idea, the violence of that series is not something I potentially needed in my headspace. I remember a song played during the episode, it was a cover of the Frank Sinatra song, "Fly Me to the Moon". I thought that was funny. I took a relaxing, untimed nap after my meal. Waking up, I felt amazingly refreshed and strong. Let us now skip to the evening time. At 7pm, I placed the ziplock bag containing the blotted paper LSD tabs in my pocket and set out on my walk. The walk to the beach was a little less than 1 hour, and I had checked that the sunset was happening around 7:50. Perfect. The weather was calm, clouds and deep blue skies with warm temperate air. It was spring! The walk itself was tranquil and memorable. My neighborhood had such colorful flora blooming in full glory that month. I walked with a slight smile. **When I finally arrived at the beach, I selected an isolated spot near the shore and on the rocks-- away from people. I wanted to be as alone as possible. I sat comfortably, and watched the sun start its descent. At 8pm I placed one of the tabs sublingually. I waited. The sky was starting to become hazy. Soon some stars emerged. Then, at about 8:30pm I noticed something. The waves in the distance were undulating, rippling in an impossible fashion. They started to ripple heavily into the air, as if the entire body of water was boiling and slowly evaporating into the air. This effect got closer and closer until it reached the waves closest to me. I was shocked. My eyes widened in amazement. I looked up at the clouds, they seemed normal. I looked away at the now darkening sky. It started to feel as if I was looking at it for the first time in my life. When I looked back at the clouds, their shape had completely changed from before! It had only been a few seconds since I last looked at them. It was, sort of funny. I attempted to reproduce the effect and looked away and then back at the clouds. It happened again! It was a slight distortion of the shape, nothing dramatic. But all of this felt as if the clouds were playing a big game of peek-a-boo, and I was the baby. It was kind of, hilarious... I started to chuckle. And then I started to laugh. I couldn't tell you why it was so funny. I started to laugh harder and harder. I couldn't stop. It was uncontrollable. I don't know if I've ever let out such deep, guttural laughs in my entire life. I felt like the Joker character, when only he's privy to a certain joke. But what the hell was the joke here? I suppose the clouds and I were just playing—like children. I continued crying and howling in laughter for almost 30min, attempting to suppress it in the in-between moments—but to no avail. Next, I gawked at the stars. One particular group/constellation stood out to me. After looking it up later on, I believe now that it was the Big Dipper. The stars Dubhe, Megrez, Phecda, and Merak stared back at me with an unimaginable and glaring intensity. Have they always been that bright? I could feel them looking, observing me with wide eyes. They gazed with a fierce, hot-blooded quality about them. It was almost terrifying, but impossible to look away. It was like this for a few moments. Then, just then, at that moment, they spoke something to me. Not in words, no, they spoke despite anatomy. Without vocals, sounds, or a chance of misunderstanding. At first, I didn't understand what was said. And then, horrifyingly, I do. Tears streamed down my cheeks, replacing the joyous ones from before. Sadness, with a staggering depth of which I didn't know was possible, enveloped me completely. I sniffled silently at first. The shape of the stars began to slightly melt. A few moments later I started to sob. I cried and cried until I was a wailing mess. I roared out sounds from deep within my diaphragm, sounds I didn't know I was even capable of producing. The stars now looked like wax dripping from a candle. They were crying too. They cried alongside me, with me, and for me. But why? I turned my sniveling head and soon heard the trees, grass, waves, clouds...everything, starting to cry. Weeping the saddest song I have ever heard in my life. It made me cry even harder. We were all in unison now. Like a chorus of melancholy. But why? What were we crying about? I continued to weep until I was keeled over and shaking; I wanted to ball up into a fetal position to feel safe. As I looked around, there was something there... I detected this presence. It was scary at first, but soon became comforting, as if to say, "it's ok, you're ok". I felt "myself" slip away in sadness as the universe and I continued to cry together. The process continues to occur inexorably. Around maybe 30-40 more minutes of this and it finally dawned on me what was happening. I understood. Of course, we were, all of us, mourning. Mourning a death. The death of "me". No, not my body. That was still intact. My heart was still beating. It was the death of me. The identity, the problems, the stories, the lies, the truths, the ugliness, the beauty, the memories, all of it, was dying. All of it was being burned into ashes and thrown into the wind. I found no reason to resist. I surrendered. On April 12, 2025, I died. As I calmed down, I could sense "my" mind working faster than ever before. Allowing it to happen, the lethal realization of before settled into me. I stood up, as if born again. I understood the "joke" the clouds were babbling about earlier. It was my life. A grand joke in its entirety, until now... and today, the punchline was grasped. Nothing could be funnier. I let out a contorted chuckle. I could now view myself from multiple perspectives. The vantage point of the stars was now mine. Same with the trees. "Nature" was, in every essence, me. I looked down at the grass, and I could see myself! As if looking from behind the mirror. I walked and the grass beckoned for me to touch with my bare feet. I "spoke", "maybe next time!". The grass laughed. I heard the waves crashing against the dock and it called to me. I walked towards it and reached the edge. Looking above the water, the night sky was so brilliant now. I was thankful for a clear night. I did a 180, turned around and then saw it. The full moon, teased just slightly above the tree lines of my neighborhood. My jaw almost hit the floor as I beheld it. Such absolute beauty! I knew it was on the rise and I wanted all of it. I walked toward the local hot dog store and called an Uber. I knew I was in no condition to undertake the hour walk back home. I waited. My mind grasped the trees. They whispered jokes. I snickered and chuckled like a madman. The stars, clouds, grass, and trees all claimed that they were always here! That it was always like this. That I just never noticed them They asked if I would kindly return one day. I promised that I would. I probably looked insane to an outside observer. I exuded disorder. Finally, when the driver arrived, I entered after asking the name, and we took the drive to my address. We made some small talk. I tried to behave and keep repressed the emotions that were rising inside me. I remember the driver commented on the moon. I let out a contorted chuckle. After we reached my home, I thanked him and wished him a good night. As I walked up the driveway to my stairs, I could feel something, this energy rising inside me, I knew it would surface soon. I. HAD. TO. GET. IN. MY. ROOM. I opened the door to my house and, unfortunately, my roommates stood there, one in the living room, the other close to the kitchen. I will refer to them as (not real names) Abe (he/him) and Zoey (she/her). I had told Zoey about my intention to use LSD that day, but the only thing I wanted at that moment was solitude. Abe: "Hey bud" Zoey: "Get any cool visuals!?" Me: "Oh fuck". Abe: "Alright, let's get you grounded" Zoey: "Nope" I left immediately. I walked outside for a bit, unable to take my eyes off the moon. It was SEXY. That was the only appropriate word. I wanted to fuck its brains out. Like my survival depended on it. I needed it. But I also wanted to make love to it slowly... That energy inside me threatened to let itself out. I knew I wouldn't last long now. I decided to wait outside in the backyard until my roommates left the living room because I didn't want them, or anyone for that matter, to see me like this. The backyard we had was large. I stepped into its clearing and sat under the trees and flowers. The tree branches were lit by yellow wire-lights set by our neighbor. It looked so beautiful. As I sat there, the fallen leaves on the floor started to move and shift their shape. They matched my breathing. Every breath I took in, was an inhalation mirrored by them. I exhaled. The shapes of the leaves twisted and bent into serpents. Luminous, bright serpents, about 1 foot long, now slithered toward me. I welcomed them. They appreciated my permission, wrapped around my legs and slowly made their way to my torso, arms, then head. They were divine. I could hear them next to my ear, whispering secrets which seemed to "reprogram" my neurology. My thoughts raced. My breath quickened. I could feel my pupils dilate to their maximum capacity. I was becoming inhuman. I felt like a painting or a piece of art. I never felt so beautiful. Not in a vain sort of way, I just felt no shame in that moment. I could have been naked and it wouldn't have mattered. Then, I remembered my objective. I stood up and started walking. I made my way to the driveway again and caught sight of the moon. It was comically large now. I've never seen such intense glow. It was almost too much. My heart beat faster. I was completely seduced. I squirmed at the sight of it. I tried to calm myself. It screamed for me to come. The energy inside of me was rising up my spinal column...I didn't time this correctly, did I? I knew I had to go into my room and be in privacy. But I decided to wait out a little longer outside. I went to the local park next. Luckily nobody was there. I stood on the grass, breathed deep and sighed. There was one dim white streetlight, but everything else was very dark otherwise. However, the trees and the grass in the park were soaring with vibrant green. It was stunning. I wanted to sink, to be fully gone and be one of them. The beauty was too much for me. Barely able to stand anymore, I dropped to my knees. My palms found themselves placed on the grass. Both hands start to meld and dissolve into the earth. I was frozen. I let it happen. I didn't want to move. And the moon watched all of this. The energy rose higher up my spinal column. "I. MUST. GO" I power walked back to my house. As someone who gets cold very easily, I could feel my body perceive the outside air as too cold, but the energy inside of me burned with such heat that it didn't matter. As I walked, I exclaimed every couple of seconds, "Ah I get it! Hahaha, I get it now!" "Oh, you sexy thing", I kissed the moon goodbye, she winked back. I opened the house door and quietly crept downstairs to my room and locked my door, hoping not to disturb anyone. FINALLY. My light was on. It NEEDED to be turned off. My clothes were on. They NEEDED to be stripped off. I felt the rush of that "first time" feeling when you are about to have sex with someone you've been having intense feelings for (if one would be so lucky as to experience this). I turned on my corner fan to drown out any possible noises I may make. My bed is essentially a sleeping bag and mattress on my ground carpet. I crawled into a ball on the far corner of it, naked as the day I was born, and felt safe. There was no turning back now. My mouth dropped open from heavy breathing. Despite the cold, I started to sweat. My heart was pounding faster and louder. My brain was on fire. My spine burned from the rising. I perceived that this may get violent. I felt near apoplexy. I was blind, yet my vision was supernatural in its clarity and realness. I hallucinate. Scenes of psychic divinity stretching onward into geometric patterns of unwinding infinite complexity. I grasped the wholeness of it. The room was not my room anymore. It was alive, breathing deep alongside me. Everything inanimate was animate. Everything "other" was me. We were intertwined, inseparable, and as one--similar to the nature I perceived outside.Then, a thought occurred for a fraction of a nanosecond, "WAIT...ALL OF IT?"..."ALL OF IT!" I became extremely lucid, then broke through a threshold. Human larynx and language limited me now. There was only one word I couldn't help but utter after that. "GOD" Coiled and wrapped around my cervical vertebrae, the "energy" vibrated, then leapt, and finally latched onto my brain, proceeding to penetrate my very soul. My eyes rolled up and back. I went limp. My body convulsed and shook. My mouth gasped at air. My legs started to shake. ORGASM. As I exhaled, every few minutes, I moaned out softly, "OH..MY...G-O....G-OD..GOD". I dared to scream until the neighbors called the police. "OHHHHHHHHHHH GODDDDDDDDDD!" There were earthquakes all over my body. Every cell of my body pulsed, achieving orgasm simultaneously. I writhed uncontrollably, violently. My abdominal muscles contracted and went into spasms. At long last, I penetrated the moon, a conjured substitute for the universe, and each micro and macroscopic part of my soul ejaculated. And yet I was being penetrated and having a double orgasm at the same time. How paradoxical. How appropriate. I understood the phrase "mind-fuck". My body was drenched in sweat. I heaved and gasped hard to keep up. This lasted for the next 7 hours, with each orgasm pushing further and further, crashing through me like waves on a shore-- to ever increasing heights of bliss. I felt love. It traced my form like soft fingers. It felt like that once in a lifetime kind of love. That first reciprocated love. To love completely, and be loved unconditionally in return. Everlasting. Fireworks. I understood the Hindu word, "ananda". For brief moments, my normal perception returned. Brief respite, but pained frenzy. My tongue drooled. Every fiber of my muscles twitched in post-orgasm. It was almost too much to bear anymore. How can something be THAT pleasurable? Terror and hysterical laughter at the thought...Then back to a perpetual explosion of fucking and being fucked. I achieved critical mass. I became an infinite dragon. Clad in turquoise armor, completely dilated black eyes, and possessing breath of creation and destruction; but granting immortality unto itself. A humming echo returned, as if always there, but remembered only now, like a triggered memory. My mind raced further-further back. The story of my life? Where was I from? Really, truly, from? A womb? But what about the source? Infinite regress. My vagina stretched wide as I screamed. A distant memory. I then gave birth. To a child—myself. MOTHER AND EARTH = I. The solar system, galaxy, clusters, void...I expanded further and further to include everything. Everything that has, is, and will ever exist. I was all and thus was the same for every "other". But we can go even further beyond. I willfully [hallucinated] existence. Alternate timelines—infinite possibilities and universes. Infinite variations in the laws of math, physics, chemistry, biology. If it is imaginable, it exists, somewhere, sometime, someplace. Minutes passed. I could hear the morning birds. As I creaked open my eyes, I was still on the mattress, hands clenching my hair. My sheets soaked in sweat. My throat was raw, probably from the screaming. I sat up and then stood. It was around 8am. The trip had lasted approximately 12 hours. A wave of tiredness came over me. I'd been awake all night. I looked at my hands. They looked foreign. Alien. Then came slow revelation. "I" understood now the mechanism of my thinking. I knew precisely how understanding happened and how it is recursive. "Self-aware" and "awake" are words that found new meaning. I felt more "sober" than I had ever been. I could see now how my mind operated. With almost every reaction to "reality" being a process born of identity and trauma. I saw the mental connections forming, interacting, and how every person is like this. We are the same. Seeking to love and be loved. Our survival depends on it. I was overwhelmed by all this new input. It was days and weeks before I controlled this new flood of filtering; underpinning sex, aggression, self-preservation, all the while disguised as "rational thoughts". I recognized how much of this is the cause of my mood, my motive-- behind every micro-action or decision. My memory and ability for pattern recognition felt easier and faster. Put simply, I felt more "aware" than before. I could see so clearly now that societal constructs, socialization, and socializing was-- low-- and at times--- high-stakes, survival. Survival of ideology, identity, goals, hopes, dreams, and stories we tell ourselves. These were necessary. A perfect balance of life. It was perfect. I do not claim to know the entirety of absolute truth/nature of the universe or that I am now all knowing. After contemplating, many questions still linger: The "perfect balance" of life is perfect and undoubtedly has meaning, but what is the meaning behind it? I do sense that what I grasped was merely one facet of a larger truth. This truth, I intuit, has infinite facets. Grasping them all in a lifetime is [impossible], but exploration/curiosity does drive me to seek and grasp further. Continued exploration of psychedelics [more responsibly next time] is needed. But for now, gratitude filled my cup. I had more to give. -Thank you for reading

I am dealing with a terrifying situation. I have a narcissistic family with members who are aware of my severe depression, PTSD, and trauma who are actively weaponizing my deepest psychological wounds against me. They are aware of my risk of suicide, yet they have already pushed me to acting on these suicide plans despite pretending to care on the surface while keeping the abuse hidden from others so they will gaslight me about the situation. It may be the case that my sister wants me dead and her abusive tactics could be a manifestation of homicidal intent. The reason suicide by proxy is the perfect murder is because it is nearly impossible to prove that the psychological and emotional abuse targeted at a vulnerable person is attempted murder. There are many layers of plausible deniability. All the perpetrators have to do is pretend to be caring on the surface and then use various covert methods of undermining the victim's sanity while framing their mental health as the problem. In fact suicide by proxy is on the rise and it has overtaken direct murders in intimate partner violence. Furthermore there are Nazis who are increasingly using these tactics of suicide by proxy in order to cover their murders and they are getting away with it. Presently there are almost no legal protections against this method of murder. Presently the suicide statistics are wrong because many of those were likely murders and involved abusive relationships which led to the suicide. There seems to be almost no way to figure out how many of those suicides are actually murders. In my case the psychological and emotional abuse I experienced has resulted in symptoms of PTSD such as nightmares, severe anxiety, inability to stop ruminating, insomnia, and so forth. I am especially vulnerable to this because as an individual with autism I am about 10 times more sensitive to this kind of abuse and it is much more likely to lead to PTSD in autistic individuals. In my case my survival instincts prevented me from carrying out my plans and I ultimately survived. In the case of my family they use all the classical tactics of narcissists. They use DARVO, minimization, victim blaming, weaponized morality, and even weaponized trauma all while avoiding accountability whenever possible. This type of abuse is designed to make the victim seem crazy which is why therapists who are not trained in abusive relationships often blame the victim and pathologize the trauma responses. Like my family, I also had therapists who would push religious frameworks on me such as Jesus and forgiveness which simply do not apply to this situation. This kind of response served to cause me religious trauma on top of the previous trauma. It is obvious that my family and many therapists have no interest in understanding my world view or my sense of morality as they simply project motives onto me that don't exist and then try to put me in these narrow categories of faith or reason. It is obvious to me that my sister and my mother match the description of vulnerable narcissists. My sister in particular shows obvious signs of enjoying the suffering she causes others including me when she weaponizes PTSD against me. This is common in narcissistic individuals and in the case of vulnerable narcissists, the personality disorder often stems from abandonment trauma such as my father fleeing the state to avoid paying child support. My sister was old enough to remember this, which likely instilled her with deep anger and a sense of betrayal. Once my father started showing surface level sexist favoritism toward me which was actually part of a psychopathic scheme of his, my sisters turned against me even more. I became a symbol of my sisters' unworthiness and thus became an even bigger target to them. In narcissistic individuals this could be a source of homicidal intent, but once again it is nearly impossible to prove because of how deceptive and manipulative such people are. Unfortunately, explaining these dynamics to my family is impossible. It is like trying to tell the family that there is a child molester among them. They will rush to the defense of the abuser and blame the victims. Families typically refuse to believe that someone they love is deeply cruel and deceptive. The same happens in cases of covert psychological abuse and suicide by proxy. In such cases, the victim would be blamed and gaslit by the entire family. The family members in my case are either participating in the abuse and denying that it even is abuse or they are ignorantly applying religious frameworks to me as if my behavior is a moral failure due to not forgiving people who may want me to commit suicide. There needs to be more advocacy for the victims of suicide by proxy in these abusive relationships. We can't let evil win by exploiting these legal weaknesses, and our refusal to commit suicide is an act of resistance against these people. Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths think they are clever in their ability to manipulate people and systems to their bidding, and we must not reward this behavior by killing ourselves as they likely want this in many cases. If you are a victim of an abusive relationship, then you must not let these people break you. You must do whatever you can to understand yourself, your trauma, and their abusive tactics clearly so that you can protect yourself from harm. I understand that it is far easier said than done as I myself was driven to suicide attempts and the mental health system failed me when I reached out for help. We ultimately need a better system to protect trauma survivors, but until then we must find other ways to support each other. I understand their antics clearly. Now that I do, their guilt tripping and manipulative tactics no longer work on me. I will not engage in their shit and I will not let them twist my words to turn me into the perpetrator. I urge any victims reading this to do whatever you can to protect yourself even if it is from somebody you love. Don't let your love for them blind you to the abuse as sometimes they are counting on that and they will mix surface level love and compassion with hidden abuse to confuse you. You were always worthy of authentic love, but unfortunately such people may not be able to provide it to you.

This sounds like a delusion to be honest. Your creating a bogeyman out of government. Suicide among men is more correlated to macroeconomics than direct policy. It's largely a money issue in my opinion. Men are also worse at giving and recieving emotional support.

Actually you raise a good point, probably to stop others from getting ideas. What I find more interesting however, is the government officials that make the systems that cause the suicides. The thing is, it happens. These are facts that are being spoken with minimal judgement. If I see a tree I say, "there is a tree." Or if I see a car I say, "there is a car." Or perhaps I see my dog and I say "there is my dog." These are statements that reflect reality. by this, what I mean is: what is being said, happens. What I also see is governmental systems that cause tens of thousands of males to commit suicide and they just brush it under the rug. And the ones who don't kill themselves either speak out or act out (some more subtly than others). And the ones that speak out or act out...the government points to these reactions as evidence that they they were correct, even though the only reason these people are behaving badly is because the government crippled them. See, if you just cripple peoples lives it's much easier to make them quiet and thereby maintain an illusion that everything's calm and beautiful, unless they interact with a particularly strong individual. If they commit suicide they are no longer a voice to be heard, and they point to the "speaking out" of the ones who don't commit suicide and say, "look! This individual is a dangerous person, this confirms it!" (In spite of the fact that they were the ones who caused the speaking out in the first place) which enables them to continue to be heavier and heavier and heavier. Until of course the system breaks after a couple hundred thousand suicides. It's like a suicide feedback loop that confirms it's own bias by crippling people then pointing to their bad behaviour thereafter and using it as evidence that the initial crippling was justified. what really gets me is that, statistically, there are children who are males who exist right now for whom it on only a matter of time before they grow up end up being victims to this. And within further statistics, some of them will be crippled so badly that, not only will they not be able to speak out, they won't be able to speak about it to anyone and some will simply commit suicide.

Did some research, according to data, of all the people who enter an extremely negative situation in life in the UK and USA combined, lots commit suicide and it's not even reported. Of all of them, over the last 20 years, if 1% commit suicide that's 18,000, if 0.5% commit suicide that's 9,000 and if 0.1% commit suicide that's 1,800. From 2005. What's strange is, it doesn't get much media attention and that's a conservative estimation. There are different procedures in other countries. Namely, what is reported on

Diary: Medical School Journal. Chapter: Life in Experiential Recursion. Date: November 29th entry. Type: Brief Reflection. Entry number: #4. o————————O————————o This week I’ve felt cornered and out of touch in continuing my recovery, so I am taking a moment to re-centre and RR-calibrate over the weekend to better engineer for the week to come as opposed to focusing on much else despite ground made. Lamotrigine as an anti epileptic has been a life-saver compared to alternatives that nearly completely ruined my mind and any causal tie I had to existential reality. However the mountain still exists, it hasn’t magically immaterialised and so the road to my more or less full recovery (will still need to take lamotrigine for the years to come) and then some still needs to be walked, even intensely ran during stages. I’ve had a lot on my mind over the past week, great insights and tangential connections, though with one hand on the rail still being somewhat required I’m taking this weekend to just silently reflect. That comes especially after having shed a few unexpected tears following my listening to a live performance of *Linkin Park - Numb* (search YT quoted: “Numb (Live) - Linkin Park) by Emily Armstrong whom replaced lead singer Chester Bennington after his passing in 2017 due to suicide. I’d never heard her sing before, and growing up Linkin Park was my favourite band, so in the beginning I was like “Oh she’s not going to be able to… Oh she’s not truly hitting it…” but then towards the end out of no where I just felt the heart of the entire space, and that’s when the tears came. Chester’s been on my mind all week as well, and I just want to say, for anyone struggling with depression or just any mental struggle of any kind, you can fight through it. You can make the vision of your life at peace with the natural universe at your own will. Chester, experienced incredible life breakthroughs, and yet even Chester was still overcome with depression that eventually signed the last note for him without him leaving anything behind other than his legacy. His passing must be looked at objectively however in the context of the tragedy that took him. Post-2017 following Chester’s passing in July of that year there’s been just so many more new insights on depression that were not as fully integrated into our culture yet concerning rehabilitating the human condition from those states of consciousness. Exercise has proven to be a phenomenal remedy to depression alone outside of far more effective pharmaceuticals. Psychedelics as well with extremely disciplined use not for spiritual wandering, have also opened up new windows we’ve never peered through. Some may be like me where becsuse of my epilepsy for example psychedelics are too risky, in which case cognitive behavioural therapy combined with the first two as being the first strategic battleground established for your movement forward is also newly realised in only the last few years where in the past the intelligence on such conditions was severely lacking leaving any feeling hopeless around conditions like depression or those that overlap which is anything where anyone feels that sense of hopelessness. There is zero evidence that leaves one to suggest that Chester was an exercise junky for example, in fact quite the opposite. His performances actually reveal tremendous insight into his struggle that I don’t imagine has been truly examined. Chester had an extremely sensitive yet explosive personality that allowed him to channel his energy into his core focuses. In the context of a world culture had not made clear sense of and the growing disconnect following the early 2000’s that Linkin Park connected with their base on, the distance between the experiences of his lived performances, which were incredibly demanding because of the heights he could reach, and his regular life nested amidst what can now be seen as the beginning departure of what could have been genuine individualism into something that better reflects digital sheep’s of the modern era these days, his inner life would have found it extremely difficult to integrate all of his difficulties combined with not only our lack of understanding on the condition but the cultural disconnect that also still existed concerning those with genuine struggles with mental challenges like these. In learning from Chester’s context then, I cannot stress enough the importance of people grounding their life difficulties not only on a personal existential level but also how the intelligence of your energy is spread in other areas. Taking responsibility for the use of your energy becomes its own weapon we can become its own sense of self-esteem for you. Moreover, your challenges must be seen through both our cultural limitations regarding the present inability to see you who you are through what best caters for your personal recovery but also through the progress that we have genuinely made in the related area as well to keep you open minded regarding potential interventions you can experiment with. This dual approach, combined with reorienting and re-matching the personal with the existential, fed through organising your time around the most intelligent use of your energy, flips hopelessness to conservative hope that only continually positively reinforces a slow and steady path towards restoring the you in who you are, regardless as to the body and mind we’re given to express that, and with that, your own unique sense of connection with the universe. A reconnection formed from a challenge thats grounded in what we can do culturally and who we can be in that path, while reconnecting with what can be done on a personal level that unites the paths overtime, consolidating a lost sense of agency which continual evidence to the contrary that now makes you feel more like the creator you are in your own way. Your life matters. You impact all of us in your own way. That is forever your power. As much as there is power in social unity, that social unity is only as strong as it teaches the individual to find unity within, this is a necessary separation with the collective that instructs external unity via shared individual sovereignty. Thus may we all find out path. And may wisdom be our teacher along that path. An individual must learn to understand their unique biological profile in the context of the environment in which it lives, to turn conformist living to adaptive individual thriving that brings the same harmony through their own unique symmetry with the environment. They must understand how their energy differs from others. What positive vs negative impact they can have with their energy on one person vs another. How their purpose is defined by who they are and what their environment genuinely needs more than who they have been told they are and what they have told to be or what they believe they must look up to. Following, everything shifts back and fourth between the balance of the life one has constructed through these forces and the impact this has on the environment around them, continually learning through the evolution. Depression often flips this narrative, and in Chester’s position he would have felt so incredibly alienated in spite of his supporting surroundings, the pull of the standards that he had reached combined with now the expectations of others, and the pull of his inner struggle that was there before his band even began together, paradoxically turned his acclaim into an irreconcilable stretch between the two poles. This eventually broke him. An individual must become the reaction upon their environment to truly live through the fire of their essence rather than having their natural fire turned against them. Nelson Mandela possessed a powerful, empathic, sensitive and disciplined personality, it was his discipline in navigating between the individual within and unifying it as a channeled social narrative outside that not only united him but brought strength and fuel to both causes. At first, bringing energy back to oneself from the core within will sometimes be more challenging than the struggles like that someone with depression can have, overcoming this threshold however is where the future stares back and the path becomes a clear path forward that instead of just being an upward climb on a mountain, refuels you properly through each life cycle. Which is precisely what life does and how life is meant to behave, intelligently meeting cycles with cycles to finish with the elegance of the symmetry of nature we are still to make sense of today, aligning with its laws as best as we can then, is the definition of our future harmony through the inner/outer integration from those initial required breakthrough periods. “Each one, teach one. May each, become my own lesson I must learn, study, revise. And… Be taught by.” Chester, one of my idols growing up. R.I.P Chester.

https://www.politico.com/news/2025/10/14/private-chat-among-young-gop-club-members-00592146?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR6z5ke5GEyhK8QNtNCqy2RvK2Ca7iY0ehk5VcQm4L1x5Ep3lKUtAQlG-aOGlQ_aem_S-iEcpxGPkXYD3pubgQ3gA Exclusive ‘I love Hitler’: Leaked messages expose Young Republicans’ racist chat NEW YORK — Leaders of Young Republican groups throughout the country worried what would happen if their Telegram chat ever got leaked, but they kept typing anyway. They referred to Black people as monkeys and “the watermelon people” and mused about putting their political opponents in gas chambers. They talked about raping their enemies and driving them to suicide and lauded Republicans who they believed support slavery. William Hendrix, the Kansas Young Republicans’ vice chair, used the words “n--ga” and “n--guh,” variations of a racial slur, more than a dozen times in the chat. Bobby Walker, the vice chair of the New York State Young Republicans at the time, referred to rape as “epic.” Peter Giunta, who at the time was chair of the same organization, wrote in a message sent in June that “everyone that votes no is going to the gas chamber.”

Mohawk Austin Was a fun night. Gummies helped calm me down, since I suffer from C-PTSD and social anxiety disorder. Helped me contemplate what death is, as many of the songs were about trauma and suicide. Driving home while high was also fun. The road just melts and I'm in a hyper meditative state. I do it legally.

Hey everyone, This is a raw and honest post. I've been following Leo's work for a while, and particularly his deep dives on solipsism and awakening. I watched his deleted video where he talked about full awakening—realizing you're the only being that exists, and that everything else (people, AI, Leo himself) is just part of your dream. He spoke as if waking up is truly possible, not just as a metaphor, but as a full-blown metaphysical rupture of the illusion. But what I’m struggling with is: How the fuck do I actually do it? Because I don’t want to be here. Not in this body. Not in this story. Not as this identity—sexless, aging, suicidal, burnt out, writing endlessly into a void, and watching time bleed out. I don’t want to die by suicide. Not because I’m scared of death—but because the methods are unreliable and I don’t want to botch it. Worse—there’s fear around ending up in a hell realm or post-death limbo because of “karma” or “unfinished business” or because some mystical teacher says I didn’t awaken the right way. I’m asking now: If this is my dream—how do I truly wake up without killing the body? Is it possible? Can anyone explain what Leo meant when he said waking up is possible—as in literally waking up as God, outside of this dream entirely? Or am I just stuck here until the dream naturally dissolves on its own? And if that’s the case—should I just zombify myself on antidepressants, antipsychotics, valium, codeine, or just lean deeper into weed and alcohol until I rot out from the inside? I’m not looking for sugarcoated replies. I want real answers. If any of you have actually woken up—not conceptually, but fully—please respond. Because I have the rage against life to take a gun and violently blow my brains out I fucking hate this world day in day out all day everyday for years since 2019. So please help me wake up so that I don't one day use the rope to risk botching it desperately and waking up with irreversible brain damage or I kill myself and then there is hell realms limbo no take back this is what you wanted wishing your life away and now it's fucking worse off and no familiar body to ground a now wandering lost limbo mirror cosmic reflecting state of my own death and that being a life of rage hatred depression venom fuck life suicide then that vibration at death no take back bite me in the ass is this what you wanted. Thank you.

@TheCloud I was just now doing some version of that again. Do you have a professional helping you do that? I was doing it alone again. Anyway, my findings were that I have a fixer who believes I am fundamentally broken and without the possibility of recovery I must be destroyed. I am trying to resolve my lack of self love through self destruction and ultimately suicide. I am basically trying to save myself through jumping off of a bridge while using self attacks disguised as love and care. There is a lot to it, but that is a bit of it. I feel calmer now.

I AM GOD! I AM CREATING EVERYTHING! ABSOLUTELY TOTAL! ABSOLUTELY SOVEREIGN! ABSOLUTE INSANITY! God is loving this reality. God doesn't care whether the human dies or not. However, suicide is a deception. God wants to experience and it designed the human experience. I'm hallucinating this human experience! I was able to awaken myself and go back to being human instantly. I tested that multiple times while tripping. Leo! I created you to remind me that I can wake up. God is a genius bastard. So much happened during the trip that I'm unable to write as of now! It was infinitely insane! I ate a cannabis gummy three hours after I consumed 150 mg N,N-DPT orally. It contained 5 mg THC, 5 mg CBD, and 5 mg CBG. My insane trip began 20-30 minutes after cannabis consumption. The peak lasted for two hours. But I'm still tripping. Almost all of my psychedelic experiences, although I've done very little before, are a joke compared to what I've experienced now. Ideas of psychedelic experiences are also a joke after you have an experience. Ideas of it will probably become an obstacle eventually without serious experience. Meditation will never, at least to me, be able to reveal something like that. My whole being wants to align with that experience. I feel a strong desire to emulate it.

TRIGGER WARNING DEATH AND SUICIDE !!! I’ve been watching gore since a teenager I’ve always been fascinated with death. From murders to suicide I don’t understand what’s so interesting about it. I guess it’s because I know it’s inevitable and one day will happen, Suicide has got to be my favorite of just being alive and boom pure nothingness etc. I know it’s not healthy but I love watching suicide videos I’ve thought about filming my death one day so I can be shared on the internet as a meme etc.

It’s not ‘the one’, it’s ‘oneness’. I understand what you are referencing here and I’ve experienced it both with and without another person. The state itself is certainly, energetically orgasmic but it is not god itself. it’s a likeness of a god state. Mystical unity is an experience of consciousness, and consciousness does not suddenly depend on genital dimorphism to reach non-duality. If that were true, intersex people, queer people, trans people, celibates, mystics, and entire traditions of monks would be metaphysically barred from God. This clearly isn’t the case. Sex can express unity — it is not the source of unity. People contain both masculine and feminine potentials within their own psyche.Jung, Tantra, Taoism, Hermeticism, and even the Platonic tradition all make this explicit.No external partner is required to complete an internal polarity. After years of deliberately avoiding anything to do with sex because I was born with a DSD, I went from hating anything to do with it to unconsciously exploring it out of desire. On the run up to my awakening, I was celibate for several years and certainly very peaceful and had a God realisation during that time. on the return journey I realised I’d made the mistake most Buddhists make by completely dismissing reality as an illusion and bypassing the experience of everything I had deconstructed to get a glimpse of the source. After reintegrating and understanding the facets of reality and that it is there literally for the infinite exploration of conscious experience, I understood ‘meaning and purpose’ in a reality with no inherent meaning or purpose. My choice to explore and be and that path for each person is personal. What is sacred to me is not to someone else. God doesn’t need to explore the same thing through every being. men going their own way and feminism in its own right is not deluded, but extremes of them are, due to extreme polarity bias separating from its opposite instead of realising it exists in contrast ( the whole). From personal experience, when I stopped projecting need for attention and intimacy onto my wife and instead turned the energetic flow of ‘love’ back into myself, it became a healing self love that completed and fulfilled me without the need of another. My wife did not need to do or be anything for me to love her because I was already in that state. It opened my heart and overflowed meaning there was love there for whoever came into my space. There’s a difference in love as projection and love as being. When I realised that state, my wife became more attracted to me. She felt safe and actually loved because she wasn’t being ‘needed’ or expected of. That made me, my personality and mood more stable and confident which was perceived as a strength to her. It also fully awakened my sexuality which in contrast before was completely shut down. It gave me an animation and vitality I’d never had before. However it is a very volatile energy that can not only create but destroy and too many gurus fall into manipulation to satisfy themselves. I am now a very sexual, sensual and intimate person ( that energy is there with or without others, male, female, anything in between, doesn’t matter) but it takes remaining conscious of internal psychological mechanism to not fall back into projection. The one thing that doesn’t happen is that even if I have moments of very strong urge, desire or desperation to experience intimacy with someone, my conscience won’t allow me to carry out any act of manipulation for my own satisfaction purely because I would never want to experience a unity with someone that didn’t genuinely want to connect at a deeper level with me. To me it is sacred, to me it’s god loving itself but that doesn’t mean it is to someone else. sex can mean very different things to different people. Many people do not obsess over sex. Trauma, conditioning, developmental stage, culture, and personal lived experience all drastically shift the role sex plays in someone’s psyche. It might be god to someone and absolute hell leading to suicide for someone else… Sex and intimacy can be sacred but only when approached consciously.They are not intrinsically sacred by default. People can experience unity through, meditation, contemplation, breath, stillness, creativity, service, psychedelic states, mystical encounters, emotional intimacy or through sex. Sex is one path among many.Beautiful, powerful, transformative — yes. Ontologically necessary — no.The danger is when something deeply meaningful to one person is assumed to be a cosmic law for everyone else.

If you guys wanna put it like that then obviously you won't die without it . Although I just read recently on the news a guy committed suicide because his fiancé left him. Maybe "love" is a real thing .