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If you truly have transcended death then I expect that you commit suicide ASAP. Why ? Just to explore different kinds of lives other from this . Why not if you don't fear death ? Just by being alive entails that you fear death . So by definition no one alive is not afraid of death.

What is Death? Lie Separation Suffering Fear Self Hatred Devil Darkness Ignorance Ugliness Evil Hell Chaos Disharmony Guilt Victimhood Addiction Prison Manipulation Harm Distraction Hatred Greed Fake Conflict Intoxication Sickness Shame Illusion Ignorance Unawareness Boredom Depression Suspicion Destruction Violence Gluttony Atheism Disconnection Numbness Manipulation Self Harm Madness Craziness Perversion Anger Dysfunction Disability Arrogance Toxicity Distortion Disgust Bizarreness Unconsciousness Cage Suicide What is Life? Truth Unity Joy Thriving Love Self Love Awakening God Light Wisdom Beauty Good Paradise Order Harmony Innocence Radical Forgiveness Virtue Freedom Liberation Integrity Goodness Presence Kindness Abundance Realness Peace Sobriety Health Shameless Reality Understanding Awareness Magic Vitality Trust Creation Kindness Discipline Spirituality Connection Passion Desire Charisma Erotic Happiness Adventure Exploration Elegance Grace Flow Being Ease Pleasure Ecstasy Primal Wild Consciousness Heaven Appreciation Gratitude Home Homecoming Soul

Contemplating my life, what to do, where to direct my energy. I though why am I so ignorant/stupid. Why am I in so much pain. And I went deep into who am I specifically as an Ego. And down the rabbit hole I went. I understood that majority of my problems occured that I didn't have a father in my life (I grew up with my mom). And my body had this disfunctional type of energy to it, it seemed like something was way off. Like some kind of "energy-cord" is not attached to me. And I understood that this body was born out of un-happyness. That in some way in the process of making this body there was a lack of energies to make it functional. And I understood that I'am FILTH. This body is stamped with darkness in an energy way. And this body can only attract darkness (other people who are of the same filth energy background) and there is no way I can attract good energy people, it's just not possible. It's like you are a LEGO brick which can fit another, but I cant fit some, I even saw some kind of triangular shapes that matches some people and some dont, it was super amazing to actually kind of see that stuff with my minds eye. And then it hit me that God put me specifically in this body for my past-life karma. I saw my Soul was very dirty, just darkness, as "Evil", that I have done something really bad in the past. And this life of mine that I'am living through is actualy hell for my Soul, the stupidity, the filth that I attract in my life is all for my past-life karma. And in that moment I realized that I will have to life through a thousand more lives of suffering in order to "wash off" my Soul. I was on all four on the floor and cried like a bitch in the eyes of God, begging mercy for my Soul. But God was silent, observing me sort of "It is what it is". And the most painful thing to realize was that I will not finish it in this life-time. All of this knowledge, all of this undoing of my egoic shit will not get me I'am using this word vaguely - "Enlightened", because God will never accept such a Dark Soul. That was painful. And even I randomly contemplated that suicide was stupid too, it wouldn't get me anywhere LOL. I have this life and I must live through it, there is no short-cuts. Actually this whole insight that all of the shit that I'am going through is my karma kinda made my life way easier. I mean I earned this. And I'am taking it like a man. This experienced was core breaking for my Soul. It's like a mirror was shined to it to see what it actually is. The paradox is I don't understand how could this body with this kind of "darkness/filth" stuck to it have so much light radiating out. I can just speak of myself as this - "I'am Filthy Light"

In which countries is suicide allowed? Where is it not punished by some psych ward or something? I ate some bread, it was delicious but not good. Having problems with my digestive system. Anyway, which countries even encourage suicide? Are there even such places on Earth? I'm sorry for my negative thinking. I just need suicide. Does God accept it? Is there Karma to be paid for it? Would I have a better life after suicide if reincarnation was true? Please help leave and escape what I got myself into, please.

Please help me commit suicide before it is too late. I beg you. I beg you. I can't go through this for 50 years more. Disease and poisoning and so forth. I beg you people help me pass away. I will be sicker and lose more and others will feed on that. I will be tortured. Help. I need to escape my miserable destiny. Can anyone help? There is nothing good left of me. I can't survive without having to suffer so much till the end.

Girl seems flakey generally since the I have the injury I find it extremely difficult to grow as a human. It's all gone mostly also getting evidence and respect, I found the mistake also today... and wrote down a challenge for my whiteboard. I am generally tried of stage orange & red domination culture & the highwire act to be functionally at yellow, also since the injury. The only thing that gave me consistent results in my life was meditation & I abondend this process as I became also so soft and some assholes utterly abuse this & this is mostly people from 2 or 3 world countries & people who have brown skin color, not black... to be explicit. I notice how unhappy I am never being allowed to test myself to the max besides intellectually. I harbor strong feelings against also the stupidity rampage of single girls, who only go for red & orange guys. Green is okay, but so family centric here. It's close to blue & yellow you don't find if you're not selling them the orange. Or have the ability to show an extremely well-rounded lifestyle. I don't enjoy it to deal with flakey girls who shower you with attention & then withdraw it's not that bad currently, yet when I am very busy & then this sudden abrupt shit comes. I don't like it. I don't quiet know when I consider with empathy what happens to her & her options. Sure she can do smth. else I don't like it also how "republican" it feels to sell my lifestyle. I don't like the term anymore either. I was really big on showing girls my world & that type of advice, yet through the injury that world was splitter & dissected into thousands of pieces & when I am on my edge I crave either exercise or sex intensely & masturbation helps me just with this. I don't know what to do at times besides, that at one point I contemplate suicide as this takes me so much energy & pain & the uglyness of humans at times becomes so much, yet killing others is not the thing to do. I can either just max out my muscles & money and flaunt this, I dunno what to show anymore also, going into clubs to find a girlfriend or yoga? There are so many rigid & delusional girls & confused ones. Also the approaching and analysis & improvement field I am a bit tired of it. I have some issues with being externally validated, internally it's fine, yet only truly working when I am meditating. Alsoy vision does not get me up in the morning in fact it never got me up, when it does not involve some social factor, where I don't feel like I get shamed or have to meet bitch faces & frauds. Although, I was so used meeting surely corrupt people that it was a motivator as I believed in the goodness of them & that they are just ignorant, till I saw what weak pussies they are in character. I redacted my OneNote section about spiritual game plans & notes. Entered a gratitude slot, to practice that there explicitly as I leave the intentions there open. Otherwise, I don't know if my coffee addiction or video game addiction or masturbation addiction is an addiction. It's more of a function of my leg is hurt & I am fking bored out of my mind. Yet, I am so used to entertain myself with these, that I just go for it. I don't like it that I can't optimize my health as much & a lot of the joy is simply gone from it, especially the edge. I was close to functioning at an elite level. Now I don't know I often feel I need money & space to attract humans or be forced to entertain myself with culture, events & foods. I am a bit tired of this, yet my other new friend at least has an interest in spiritually, so we can exchange stuff here and eventually get some idea for smth. Or just have a mutual connection. I also despise the current self-help people I've meet via actualized.org, these people are surely so toxic like on online-gamss & brainless that the dominating type of people win out in life. I dunno why in life & in games being intellectual on the edge gave me better results. Also something changed, I don't know what, yet people are generally more chill around me the issue often then is boredom. I also don't enjoy working for this low salary, even for the experience as to many things have been fked & this is smith. I yearned for at 8 or 6 years old when old and immature shitheads did not give me dipshit advice. They provided 0 opportunities and we're useless if they were honest. The only one honest enough to admitt she was useless at times was my mother. Also some really enjoy that crunch I did also to go on a tangent here, I don't tolerate the stress to well without sprinting and freely moving my body I already feel so restricted and overcoming the pain of my scar. I really also can't deal with unhealthy greens I am friends with healthy green & yellow elements that is good & cognitively at turquoise, I don't even fathom that stuff at times etc. What bothers me is the subtle scientism and that energy of discrimination and abuse from video games & mechanistic worldviews. I played with a guy today called Top g the first thing he said was some b.s not to be seen as insecure even though the guy totally felt secure. Then I heard German type accent then he said monkey to another player & I muted him. This is so obvious, yet they abuse this subtle vulnerability of shame where I used to improve upon as a character and human to drag you down. This somehow took an end to me & I don't care as much anymore and I am not as vulnerable anymore it's impossible I've numbed out to this, I don't know if this is growth, yet I absolutely numbed out to the stupidity when I listen to it long though my pain body gets triggered & I feel a strong urge to punish and dominate these people, they generally come with this energy from red&blue type development & I don't even enjoy anymore the mechanics of this from a higher pov, as it's such a thankless place to be at. Yet at the same time it can be very authentic. I don't know how else to describe this as many love healthy red kick-ass energy. I feel also blocked be these natural type chillers who get girls without being edgy & they loose some because they are not edgy enough. It's so weird. Sometimes this shit does not happen to me & I don't enjoy studying this shit anymore. I would like to have someone to get into the field with & practice, yet this is so difficult to find. The guys I had the call with asked for 2k & doing it alone idk, I went out to often in my very early teens to enjoy this as this was even endorsed by my family to go out with 16 on the weekend. Not directly endorsed but subtely implied etc. It was good and I definitely meet more girls, yet a single mother household is extremely bad for a single guy I see it so often reflected in my life. I don't know what to do I am scared of offending girls & I would do it most likely to intense as I am seriously hurt at times, yet that also shifted & is just blocked by this single-mother conditioning this is the only good thing mostly, you have to much self-respect to be as low as very toxic girls, yet there is a different toxicity behind this upbringing and it is a level of frustration and anger against sexual needs & relationships & denial of this & a very nasty embrace of it. At least this is how I feel. I don't know my vision is blocked sort of, although my life keeps getting better... I also am triggered by though love feedback as I have this genuine feedback growth, also happening & this helped me more so there is a certain level of ingonrance behind it? I don't enjoy the issue of though love feedback is that it's not often done on an equal plane some can do it on an equal plane and this is generally extremely valueable. I dunno I can't go out shot some ball, be inspired by the cringe stuff that inspired me all heavily blocked due to health. Watching Leo Gira does not do anything anymore since 2019 or so effectively maybe a few episodes, yet it's not the same, then again the planning & stuff and being spontaneous I am afraid of making mistakes and others acting on that is so obvious I would never do that etc. Shinzen was the best help, till I was subtely riddled with this apprecation type shadow and privilege type energy from green because we're good humans from one of their coordinators Emily & I gained some extra favour in that sense of typing as she is so lame in responding it's horrible. Then she is only human & I dunno if I did shadow work for that. Also seeing money on my bank account feels good, on a sidenote here & I just don't know with all the dumb fucks, who listen to techno not recognizing it's absolutely fling red&purple culture. Wilber did not get it and categorized this as that is amazing some tech o generally speaking also *vibes* higher. Yet many want to go to a rave to act & life Out animal instincts not for beauty and holism. I don't get any matches & matches I get then are just a lot of compatible & attractive girls, yet there is many times something wrong in the background. Which is fine, yet I notice also after a while I don't feel strong enough to project masculine energy and I feel guilty, because of my sexuality & just being sexual in general, especially public I am massively afraid as I've received so much conditioning. The issue is I seem so masculine to others I'd have to be more feminine & playful. Many though men automatically respect me. I don't know what else I can type about besides I crave sweets so bad a city with more interesting humans.... Like New York or so ... & not the same type of european gal. I got lucky with the odd one out and she is not replying, also I know why many guys shit Talk and rate it's simply a crude form of motivation. It's like going out and be like omfg that girl just checked you out, look she's so hot! A hot girl & friends complimenting your looks & you notice & feel the pull of their subtle intentions conscious & or not conscious. Oh the police stopped searching for my bike & I would need to be adament about filling in some stuff in order for them to be searching. Ultimately, it was my mistake I know even if some mistakes are not yours, it's a possibility & I saw other expensive bikes, so I thought it would be fine, yet I find it fking weak from the police that they stop searching after 1-2 months not even 3 months minimum & rather send out this file and do paper work. Fantastic job guys. Absolutely killer instincts. Cybercrime is most likely the only type of police work I could respect currently and gang stuff, theft is so fking low. It's so disgusting. I dunno & I frankly feel at times I am so broken due to the Hurengeburten that gave their "best" to help you were useless to Beginn with if you're not helping me to get laid this has been true for me since I was 12 or so the only real friends at least gave me more opportunities to get laid & had an interest in doing so I also found it easier to approach girls for others. I generally still do, as I just don't turn as needy. Also this whole needy & non-needy idea is so fling dumb at times, I'd generally say I am one of the few non-needy people, yet that does not help me to get laid. In a social situation I get needy about wanting to be left alone!! Like what do I do about that? If I engage I feel energy zapped & if I can't be on the edge this is the case. I don't know how often others subtely gaslit me about how I look or what I am doing, when I was out, even when nothing was wrong & seldom was these are people who learned their whole socialization either drunk or being gaslit that way themselves in this cynical old type of region. I don't know what to do I still craved having different type of experiences with girls, especially fully healthy, yet most of it is gone. I have such a weird ambivalent relationship to sex. It's not that enjoyable my scar makes orgasms weird as I don't know what type of nerves are involved when I am masturbating more consciously. My energy system is so fking high when I do this I can't sleep. If I do it sometimes & still ejaculate normally, then it's re-energizing with good sleep feelings. I just feel well-rested energetically & can sleep. Yet to practice conscious sex with a girl all the tips I've been reading the Russian guy is my only hope currently, the others ones are subtely such bitter pussies, instead of using their edge they just deny it all & leave that need unmeet. I also don't feel well that I can't give girls this insane & sex Body that many already like on me it's a huge pain in the ass. The trainers are to uneducated & just help the fking fat, stupid & lazy & the few normal ones. I just don't feel like I can get to this purifying effect of health through intense exercise. Now I crave sex even more and I don't quiet know what to do besides going out solo. I am also tired of seeing toxic brown people at my gym man & the effects of the strength projection in 6'ish biased Germany. Strength, beauty, loyalty = new lion commerical & brand. So cool yeah! Dude it's so cringe the only the worthy is the lion energy... same as a tiger energy... I dunno society is so fragmented & girls inherently at times as smart as sheep & men also. I don't know what to do with these besides to gain more control & Power so I get my needs meet. The perspective is also not correct, yet in it's essence that is what I am getting. Still there are billion of nuances, also this girl again had this hot & crazy energy where I am unsure as I feel so much fling guilt. What to do about this I am also not receiving an influx of girls, where I am numbed out this this possiblity as they would game themselves by energy & animal female/girl type behaviour. I noticed how weak I am at times to sexual impulses, yet these desires are simply signals. I also feel with an extremely unattractive girls I'd end up unhappy & how much I enjoy beauty being at 99% in this area I notice this is a given. I am also opened spiritually more and feel more creative. I seriously don't know how to properly develop myself, it's close to one year now where I seriously started again to better myself actively and not do maintenance. Unsure what to expect. I don't expect anything I would just like to have some different more healthy social distractions such as more sex & enjoy some different entertainment etc.

I have no problem banning people from here who I deem characterologically or ideologically unsuitable. TJ Reeves was accusing me of running a suicide cult. Anyone accusing me of that will be banned.

There are so many years ahead of me. It is so daunting. I wake up at night and I can't sleep enough. My dignity is tarnished and gone. My brain is incapable to read and do intellectual work properly. There are no options for suicide except sailing onto the open sea and drowning in the deep, but that is not an option, rather a fantasy I have and wish I could fulfill. My life is just gonna keep getting harder and harder because bad people, way worse than ISIS have bad intentions towards me. They had them for many years, and that is why my life has crumbled and gotten to where it is now. In the past I had a bad sexual habit, mastrubating, but it is completely gone now. I wish I was smarter and wiser when I was younger, but I wasn't and there was no one there to actually prevent me from losing everything. Now I'm left with a very weak personality and brain and a very weak sleep, rest and relaxation routine. On top of that I am losing my freedom forever, freedom to travel and freedom from being a slave under other peoples control. Other people poisoned me and have been doing that in the past as well. They will also make sure I don't fit into society and that I go nuts and turn into a fat slug. What I am asking for the first time I think today on this forum is how to make money online as a YouTuber if that is possible? I know there are plenty of people out there that want the same thing, and I know that I am a weak personality, but I'm just wondering how to become successful online and make enough money to become free, sail away with someone and never return, hoping that people will not try to destroy my boat as well if I ever buy it. I'm in my mid twenties and life so long is ahead of me. Living a life that feels like torture is not what I can take, nor what I deserve. How do I become a YouTuber or nature photographer or just a photographer and become rich enough to be set free, to pay for help if that is possible, and then to buy a sailing boat and if possible, maybe not even commit suicide but regain my health in another country and sail the Atlantic, sail around the world. I wish I could get my health back to live a d I wish i could get better life conditions back that I had but did not know how to use in the past.

@LSD-Rumi you need to know who you really are if you want to keep exploring with psychedelics, otherwise you will not have an anchor to go back to. People sober commit suicide because they listen to the voices in their head and think it's them, imagine high. IMO psychedelics didn't cause anxiety, it was already there, it could be stuff that need to be worked through. What's your goal in taking disassociatives? of course they made you calm, you got out of your body, you dissociated, you became numb. If you are using psychedelics for personal growth, you actually want to go straight to the shadow. I don't get people who complain about bad trips, what are we really doing here? Aren't we using them exactly to see the things we can't see when we are in normal reality? Alcohol makes you numb, ketamine makes you numb, those disassociatives make you numb. Our role here is to anchor our souls into our bodies and for that we need to actually feel the body, we cannot force the process, the dissociation is basically going for a little adventure, and the dishes are still there after we come back. I spoke to my friend who is a nun this week, and she had mediated for 7 hours that day, she told me "to meditate, to feel god and connect with my soul is easy. Difficult is being a human, to have a body, and participate in the outside world." hahaha Life is precious, we just don't know it yet.. it's just that we need to unclog the pipe to experience all the bliss. Unclogging the pipe means feeling our feelings, our anxieties, and all the bad stuff.. it's a difficult process.

So I decided to join this self help group for ex addicts. Before joining this group I was doing fine but after I joined it I was doing worse. It was a really interesting experience to observe in myself. Before joining I was productive, working on my business, no uni so I had time for fun stuff. But after joining that group I basically copied the paradigm of the “looser club”. I know I shouldn’t be using such terms but for the sake of clarity I did. I was going to those groups 2-3 times per week and each meeting lasted 2 hours. Social conditioning is so powerful guys. If you hang out with low consciousness people you basically adopt their energy. It is almost impossible to resist not being influenced in the same way you can’t stay clean if there is a literal shit storm happening in your living room. These people who were joining these groups were all fine people. People with a good heart and who were doing their best but I felt sad too how they are stuck in low consciousness paradigms. They are basically spinning their wheels. Those groups are basically echo chambers. If you really want to heal from addictions or improve you must not join a looser’s club. It is not a value judgement. It is just basic social dynamics. When you join a group your unconscious basically downloads the values, code of ethics, and vibe from the group. You have to find a group that is up the scale, not down the scale so the group can lift you up. For me the group pulled me down. For people who are very low like heavy depression and close to suicide such groups might come in handy so in no way I’m poo pooing those groups and making value judgements. Just sharing my introspection and observations. I could clearly see some people basking in their negativity. Joining such groups had a profound influence on my. It is almost like the group vibe lulls you into negativity. I was conscious of it and I tried not to be influenced by it but it is very hard to not get influenced by a group vibe. I wonder if there are people who developed the skills not to get influenced by group think and how you developed that skill.

Are you intentionally trying to simplify my argument by making it so literal? Obviously I didn't just mean the location. I meant environment as a holistic term. Knowing that you won't be beaten up contributes to a less damaging work environment. Knowing that you won't be drugged contributes to a less damaging work environment. Knowing that you can refuse services if you do not like the person contributes to a less damaging work environment. Having a contract which specifically state what services you provide, and what compensation you get contributes to a less damaging social environment. Having access to social welfare contributes to a less damaging work environment. Like you could literally pass a law saying that if you are a brother employing sex workers, then you are obliged to provide them with weekly psychotherapy sessions. Are you going to say that none of those have a potential to improve person's well being? Work in general can cause a lot of stress, lead to hopelessness, depression, suicide. And that can be true of a regular office job, let a lone prostitution. So of course regulating it can help a lot. Not that it is relevant to our discussion since once again, being a gun is not a profession, but yes it does. Not if it is done properly.

Oh come on, I mean what about Trump and Reagan who dumb celebrity tv/hollywood actors turned politicians? What about Tom Cruise and his really moronic take on psychiatry and drugs? You really think that the Kardashians and their extended family really know how to start or run a business all by themselves like you did yourself? Either way, most of them don't have an impressive intellect. I am not a genius, but at least I graduated from top universities for both my bachelor's, Master's, currently getting my doctorate in physical therapy, took many other outside college courses to fully round out my education, have been a deep critical thinker about the world ever since I was in my mid-teens, have talents in real Fine Arts, read up on books on philosophy, have a greater understanding about the politics and the world than most people do. My parents who are highly sophisticated, intelligent, very well educated, well read, successful individuals who have lived very long lives look down upon most celebrities as being highly overrated simpletons who never bothered to develop their brains. Most celebrity musicians quickly run out new original kinds of songs that aren't really all that new. Many of them ruin their own relationships/marriages/families, drug addicts, alcoholics, high school/college dropouts, smoke cigarettes/weed regularly, get into a lot of times attempted or have to committed suicide, have stupid opinions and ideas about how to positively influence or help the world. Moreover, they eventually become fads. Same thing with most celebrity actors. Celebrity athletes are perhaps an exception. I actually respect the immense amount of real work they put into training and competing in their sport every single day. Bodybuilding/physique/fitness competition, CrossFit, strongman competition, long-distance events, combat sports are particularly some of the most demanding and challenging kinds of activities in the world. Besides, most celebrities eventually destroy themselves by the time the reach their 50s to 60s. I mean what happened to Mel Gibson after around 2006? He used to be this extremely popular and handsome actor in his prime and his acting was actually not bad at all back. Then, he blew it with his entire career because of his alcoholism, anti-semitism, and sexist abuse. There are tons of other examples of other famous actors/actresses like him.

Is funny that you say, I´ve spent +4K in Findom for the past 3-4 years, I was a virgin, absolutely no self-confidence in my attractiveness, and put women on a pedestal. Findom was THE GOLD rush because I got all that my mind thought it was true. That I was shit and she was gold. And I know lots of guys in the same. I talked to a lot domes and findommes. They use this fucked up rationalisations such as that the men have tons of money and are successful but want to experience submission and thats what they do it. Holy fucking shit how fucking far they are from the reality. No, the guy that does findom is a guy that is at the level of brokenness inside that is more close to suicide than other thing. I can guarantee you a men that can pull girls do not pay for the attention of a girl. How fucking dare are you give me lectures about femdom and findom. Lmao. I can show you my PayPal history. This girls just can't stomach the fact that are making money of men that are broken inside. There are domes that literally say 'You are paying me tonight because you are a loser and can't get laid'. THEY EXACTLY fucking now who their 'clients' (or better said, victims, or better said, PREY) are. Girs that do findom are one of the human beings with lowers integrity and heart on the fucking planet. If I was a guy and I would have an only fans, I would not drain the bank account of an insecure girl that maybe their physical attractiveness is not good. But maybe those standards are too high for you giving the quality of the response you have given me. I find funny reading your reply because you are so fucking far from the reality. Is unfathomable. Is so fucking unfair the indescribable amount of pain I´ve felt in that shit and you talking like is nothing. No, this crap is the worst pain and suffering I´ve experience in my whole life. No, is not fucking fair that you show those girls as being angels. They are fucking demons. But of course, you are in the game. Your mind does not want to hear the truth. Of course not. But anyways this shouldn't even be directed towards you. In the same way I say girls who do Findom or hard-related Femdom stuff, are one of the worst type of humans in this planet, I also say hookers saved my life. When I realized that I could pay to feel loved and touched and treated in a good way, I realized... why then I have been paying to be treated with constant psychological violence and basically like a shit? Of course, I guess because I didn't knew any better lmao. And because the girls that are into femdom-findom as a lifestyle are so fucking bad humans that will motivate-try to maintain that their clients keep being insecure males that don't get laid ever or feel loved. The more damaged and broken you are, the more money they will do off you. It works in a twisted way. Having survived that world it gives you humility at how bad, cruel and crude humans can get.

I’m not talking about powerful men, that’s too small a minority to judge mental health. I mean things as simple as mens only barbershops, mens groups, mens clubs, Boy Scouts, etc. all used to be around. Thats exactly the argument used to end them, women declared them toxic and privileged and had them deconstructed, then turned around and blamed men for not getting together and talking about the issues. But whenever they tried too, it’s toxic and has to include women and then change the culture and rules to make the women more comfortable etc. I know most women have to work, but I’m saying in general they are more likely to have the option of marrying a guy wealthier than them to take care of most of the financial burden. It’s rarer for a man to marry a woman who earns more than him. The main reason men are wealthier is because they work more, men work on average more hours than women and tend to take less vacation time and choose higher paying fields. While men might be less likely to seek help that’s not the main reason for issues such as this. For example most homeless people actually do seek government aid and over 90% of men who committed suicide did try to seek help at least once beforehand. The main reason there are less homeless women is women are less likely to have alcoholism or drug addiction and there are women have an easier time finding a guy to move in with if they have financial troubles. Polling data finds men who identify as more traditionally masculine (and thus less feminine) are actually more likely to be wealthy and less likely to be depressed, so connecting with their feminine side probably won’t help with this specific issue.

Healthygamer has been one of the few blessings of 2020. They have helped so many Twitch-streamers with their mental health. Teaching meditation, yogic and pyschological theory, and overal helping raise people's consciousness. This stream after recent events has brought me to tears many times. Byron 'Reckful' Bernstein was one of the people that helped me a lot in getting through dark times in my teens. The guy was so kind and open. It's so sad to see him be consumed by his darkness and on July 2nd end up taking his life. I hope this can help some people

Hi. I am a guy that studies clinical psychology in Europe. I have been doing psychedelic therapy, and I have stumbled upon something that I have a really hard time integrating. Around 9 years ago in the start of my twenties, I started going to a psychologist. My life was not going well. I had been abusing different substances because of depression over a period of some years. This therapist helped me a lot. I had been blaming myself for all of the problems happening in my family. I suddenly got the insight that I wasn’t as bad of a character that I though I was and learned to live by my most fundamental values. I learned a lot of psychological principles that worked. The therapist suggested I started meditating. I was hesitant at first. A friend of mine had also started meditating at the same time and was recommending it to me. At this time I also started watching Leo’s YouTube videos where he talked about meditation. In the end I bought into the idea and startet meditating every day for 20 minutes. My life was suddenly going were well. It was like I was slingshotted like a satellite entering the orbit of another planet. I had my meditation practice going for some time. I stopped meditating for some time and life was not as frictionless as it used to when I was having a daily practice. I read another self-help book that was talking about meditation and I had this eureka moment where I recognized how huge deal meditation was in helping me self-actualizing. I started my practice back up and boosted it to 1hr+ a day. I had an insane flow state. I have undiagnosed ADHD and one of my advantages is that I have the ability to hyper focus. This combined with meditation practice made it possible for me to get a razor thin concentration. I aced every subject I had in school with A grades, and was going to study at one of the most prestigious educational programs (engineering combined with economics) in my country. This was until I meditated while simultaneously smoking cannabis in the Christmas vacation. I got this really uncomfortable feeling in my body before I got a vision in my head where I tried to talk to my parents as a child. Boom and is was like somebody cut with a knife over my third eye. I felt a electric shock in my body and fell of my meditation stool. From this day on I had daily persistent tension headaches. My life was hell. My concentration was at negative infinity. I regressed to a point below where I was at before I started my soul-searching journey. I was depressed and though about suicide everyday over a course of several years. I made a pact with my-self that I was going to figure out this whole headache situation to the point where I was willing to bet my whole life for this purpose. First thing was that I read about Alexander Lowen´s bioenergecits and psychosomatics. I went all in and travelled to another country and met with a professional practicioneer in this field. For a year I worked with her in another country. It didn’t work out well in the start, so I suggested introducing psychedelics into the mix. 1.5 hours x 2 every week. 1 session with psychedelics and 1 session without. The psychedelic opened me up and I was starting to work my trauma energy out. I did this for a year, but it was moving way to slow than what I thought it was going to be. When I came home, my headache wasn’t resolved. But I had external pressure from family to start studying. I was forced to choose clinical psychology as my future profession, because I still needed to figure out the psychosomatic situation about the headache. I started the study. I tried doing psychedelics, but it did not work out as it was hard to fix it logistically with a trip sitter and location. I had my headache on the back burner and was focusing my energy on other things. Fast forward to a couple of years ago, I started to do low doses of LSD combined with holotropic breath work. I created a protocol to keep my nerves under control during the therapy sessions with ice baths and vagus nerve stimulation weeks before every trip. I had 10 sessions in 3 months and my symptoms got way better. The headache was melting away. What seemed to come up in several session was these girly, bubbly, pink emotions in my body while doing the therapy. I am almost 99% sure my body started producing high doses of estrogen while tripping. A trauma from my childhood appeared when I was molested by my best friend (family friend) who was 5 years older than me. He was in puberty and I was probably 7 years old. My father had some porn magazines and movies that we found and watched together. We both got really aroused to the point where he couldn’t handle his urges. He forced me to do different stuff. I liked it. I was really into it. It was just something about losing control and being forced to do something that you don’t like while simultaneously liking it at the same time. My emotions was so amped up in the situation that I disassociated. The trauma itself was not the biggest deal, but was all the shit that went on afterwards. I did a lot of externalizing and got caught by my parents and teachers at school for doing a lot of stupid shit. My first years in middle school was hell and I ended up with a lot of narcissistic traits. I started doing heavier doses of LSD. Around 500ug with eyeshades and binaural beats. The same feelings appear. My pelvis is shaking heavily while all these emotions goes around my body. My body produces a lot of estrogen. I have read a lot on trans forums about how it feels to do estrogen and it’s exactly the same feeling I am getting. My boners are soft and hard while I get these crazy body orgasms when I masturbate. I get these fantasies in my mind about being a girl being penetrated and it feeling good. It is like all of the energy in my body becomes pink and red. I see a lot of pink hearts swirling around. I suddenly feel drawn towards makeup, shaving my legs and doing all the other self care stuff girls usually do. I can watch a porn movie and feel jealous of the girl being fucked. This is really confusing. Because when I work out a lot and eat clean (which results in higher testosterone levels), I feel manly and the thought of being a girl having sex is nauseating. In these mind states I only want to have sex with girls. I have three different hypothesizes: 1. I am a trans woman that have repressed my sexuality because I am ashamed of the trauma. 2. What I am experiencing in the therapy sessions is the repressed emotions of liking what I was going through when I experienced the trauma, and I am integrating this disassociated part of my personality 3. I have hybrid brain that could function on both testosterone and estrogen. What I experience in the sessions is just healing my trauma. Does anybody have the slightest clue or insight about what this phenomenon could be all about?

@Vibes 1.Death is just a change in consciousness, you letting go of the body/killing yourself is you suffering and surrendering to god fully. After that you become god and forget who you were, because you didn't accept/love yourself you will incarnate your consciousness from god mode to physical reality that you make up. You can't stay as god as this is too great of a responsibility and only full acceptance and love of yourself for eternity will allow you to stay as god forever. From god mode you just have to imagine a reality, for example: You imagine that you're on a planet and you're from an advanced alien civilization that's is basically all. When you imagine yourself into this character, everything from there will be constructed in the presence on the go around you. 2. Another possibility is that after you suicide/kill yourself, you can be stuck as brains or another form of consciousness in the same reality. Because you didn't die let go of your body naturally you can be stuck in the same reality as a form of consciousness, this is what free will is. God realization is the deconstruction of the reality/evolving beyond yourself, so if you as ego/dream character don't know much after reincarnation the reality might become what you believed in. Gods free will is a scary thing. But i think it's most likely the 1st possebility @OsaidIt is only hell if you can't fully accept yourself as god, this means accepting insanity and everything that is inside of you it also means letting go of everything. It also means accepting all the control and freedom you get, which is huge. Being god is such a big responsibility that there is nobody to take it.

Might save many lives.

(Wanted to reply on there^, but felt it more appropriate on this thread) — Another warning is assuming that there’s 0 chance of harming yourself on cannabis (this includes both marijuana and hemp). As cannabis becomes more widely accepted and legalized all around the world, there’ll be some who use it for hardcore spiritual purposes. It’s likely that those people have little to no experience with altered states of consciousness, may have mental disorders, and will also use cannabis in immature ways. Without proper support and theoretical foundation, they can be led down a dark path without understanding how to get out of it. And like I mentioned before, do not underestimate the power of THC. Even if you take a product with higher CBD to help balance the psychoactive effects, THC is still not to be messed with. I’m super sensitive to THC… even a 0.5mg change in THC can acutely alter my state of consciousness. Keep in mind I take cannabis oil prescribed to me by a doctor, which has strict testing and regulations in place. Because of this, I know exactly how much CBD and THC I’m getting. Depending on where you live, however, this may not be the case for you (e.g. USA). You’re probably taking more THC than what your product claims and even heavy metals and contaminants, even if you buy yours legally. The good news is when your support system is fortified and constantly improving, cannabis can definitely be used in positive ways. And by positive, I don’t just mean getting high and mellowing out, I also mean facing parts of yourself you don’t want to face and bringing up traumas you didn’t know existed. —- Here’s a story of a kid who used it immaturely, which ultimately led to his own suicide. This scenario, while rare, is not impossible: https://www.rmpbs.org/blogs/rocky-mountain-pbs/mother-is-desperate-to-warn-others-about-the-harms-of-thc-concentrates/

I wonder what the percentages are for or against the ban for women in the US are, I’m guessing it’s over 80% against, political suicide

why I won’t commit suicide. unless I have a chronic terminal illness and am totally non-functioning. beyond just the harm it would cause my loved ones possibility one: spirituality is true . which would mean that I am an immortal soul who willingly choss to incarnate as a human . suicide would be completely counterproductive , and I’d probably just want to come back to finish my mission anyway. possibility two: the materialist perspective, which I havent completely deconstructed yet. life is a one time thing, and when I die I will literally cease to exist so basically nothing could be bad enough to prematurely end my existence. either way, whether I like it in the moment or not, here I am. it basically doesn’t matter how bad my depression gets, I’m still gonna fight and keep growing.

Martyrs (Pascal Laugier) is a very very brutal but deep film about extreme suffering and trancendence. Thanks to @LSD-Rumifor the recommendation. We shouldn't forget that in this world there exist states of suffering where having the option of suicide would be pure heaven..

He has been charged with human trafficking in continued form, rape in continued form, and forming an organized criminal gang. It's been two months. Here are the charges for Andrew and Tristan. Second set of charges are incoming soon. These charges one could be the biggest blow by far for Team Tate since it's expected to be about 1) Minor Trafficking. 2) Money laundering. 3) Favouring the perpetrators. 4) Influencing statements. Imagine even being investigated for trafficking minors for making pornographic content. It's so over. Any public figure that even remotely supports him is not going to judged well. It's so bad, like supporting J.Epstein. Nothing short of reputational suicide. Not even close. The court evaluated the brothers net worth to be 10 mill. That's the total assets for two people as found by the court. At best there were a few months where he earned a lot from HU, around a couple of millions/month. He was putting a facade for the most part. Highly likely that he rented his planes and yacht. To remain truly neutral requires a lot of work. Giving Tate the benefit of doubt is not being neutral. There hasn't been any competent authority speaking up for Tate's opposition. He had unanimous control over the narrative.

Don't pretend like you know anything about me besides what you see on an internet forum. Also respect is earned, not given. Not supporting ideas where people harm themselves is actually pretty kind and helpful, as opposed to enabling it. Like a lot of people here you seem to be more concerned with placating feelings and making rainbows, than having the stomach to talk about difficult things. So much wasted time spinning in circles on drivel like a low consciousness idiot, instead of putting ourselves and feelings aside to get at important things. Consider it might actually be you who doesn't respect women. Let me know how happy and fulfilled she is 5 years from now in a cat filled apartment because no worthy guy she's attracted to in their right fucking mind would commit to someone with a self-inflicted terrible past. It's so kind of you to encourage that kind of self-suicide. Have fun with that. Adios!

I mean he just uses his most pessimistic (potential) deductions mostly as a way to ruminate. As he considers for several reasons that the benefit/risk ratio of his libidinal agenda (sex, love, friendships, professional success, etc. and recognition in general) is too weak, he prefers to synthesize and fixate on a reality where he can recognize himself as the victim/hero. That's why psychedelics and SSRIs (serotonergics) or antipsychotics work well to suppress rumination, they suppress libido and therefore all attack "tricks" to avoid his dissatisfaction and therefore possible psychotic turns, including idealization of suicide. "olala god is mean because this is..." -> post on actualized.org -> "I am the victim/hero who denounces the evil god who does this that" -> recognition (illusory) as a hero/victim . Bonus: Ban because bothers everyone on the forum -> "I'm the hero/victim who denounces God and who gets banned because the others don't want to see the reality blablabla" (second benefit). Without going into details (anyway I'm lazy lol), it's basically one of the most ubiquitous atavisms in humans. It does not contradict the materialist paradigm Your brain (or if you prefer "entity that perceives objective reality") could simply have been wrong (hallucinating). The proof would be that you could have taken a photo or something like that, which is not the case.