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"Do you think you could have learned to accept your biological sex and pursued your life as a woman?" I do accept my biological sex and this is the reason that I am 'not' identified as a woman. I was not born biologically female or biologically male but somewhere on a spectrum between the two. I had several years of doctors medicating me with female hormones and anti-depressants, trying to force me to adopt the female gender but it ended in a suicide attempt. Had 'they' known or bothered to test my biological sex and accepted it, then this would never have happened. It turned out I had gonadal dysgenesis. Although I had female genitalia from the outside, I was underdeveloped on the inside. The uterus was not an average size, one ovary was missing and the other seemed normal. This was not linked to transgenderism, it was still considered underdeveloped 'female' and didn't explain the persistence in rejecting the gender role of a girl or a woman. The Irish doctor insisted that the low hormone levels were the reason I was feeling de-feminized and had continued to sweep it under the rug using hormones and antidepressants hoping it would just go away. It wasn't till I attended a gender team in Europe that I first heard the term Gender dysphoria or transgender. After my mother went to the health services executive arguing that adequate services were not available in our country to treat me properly, she came home and told me there was a doctor in London who was interested in my case. As far as I was concerned it was just another doctor and I had already given up so that's when I attempted suicide. I stabilized in the hospital and was let home but instead of going to London, I was passed onto the European gender team at a university hospital that was involved in ongoing studies into the condition. When I traveled there with my mother they ran the scans again and discovered a 3cm growth protruding from the ovary and it was not producing estrogen. After talking with the team for two hours, they diagnosed me with congenital gonad dysgenesis and Gender dysphoria (AKA transgenderism). I was immediately booked in for a full hysterectomy and ovaranectomy soon after that because of the possibility of oncogenesis/cancer). I was back in the hospital a week later having the surgery as the Irish hospital said they couldn't carry out the procedure by laparoscopy and would have damaged blood vessels and nerve ending needed for the genital reconstruction surgery in the future. They would not consider starting gender realignment surgery as it was protocol that I attend the clinic at least three times over the space of two years and satisfy that I was living as a male full-time while on testosterone with no adverse effects. They agreed that mine was an exceptional case but even still they had to follow their protocol. I started my HRT and went into education for an engineering-orientated discipline followed by university. I was 27 by the time all the surgery was completed. I also involved myself in a genetics study at the same clinic in the early 2000's to discover that I had a genetic mutation that is only found in biological males. I was not ever satisfied with the level of explanation about my condition, how it came about, what exactly was known about it so I started exploring that myself. I was interested to find out another study showing that the neurological structure of the brain was sexually dimorphic and that when they looked at transgender brains, they were the sex that person was claiming to be. I never bothered going for any more tests or research because I saw it as just more attempts at me just trying to justify my own existence. I knew what I was so it was time to get back to living it. "What if hormonal treatment didn't work properly and left you in a weird (ugly) shape?" "ugly" is subjective. As a teenage boy in my head, I was pumped full of female hormones and expected just to accept it. I couldn't have imagined anything worse than the way I felt. When I finally started HRT with testosterone, it took a few months but I started to feel great. Whatever way it was interacting with my body and neurology, it seemed to be working just fine and agreed with me. ( it's not the same for everyone.... I know that). On the female hormones, I was lucky enough that my body didn't change. all I needed was a little bit of liposuction on the chest but I didn't need anywhere near a full mastectomy. I was booked into a local hospital for gynecomastia removal (something usually done for men who have hormonal problems or serious weight issues) I was just lucky enough that I escaped any scarring, gland removal or sensation reduction in the nipple. everything is as normal as you would find on a man. Even the team in Europe asked me why my chest was normal because most transgender people in for surgery don't look like that. Most guys actually put on weight to hide breast tissue and require a good deal of surgery to remove it leaving visible scars. even if I were 'ugly', If I felt ok and was able to get up every day and function, the ugly would be beautiful to me. "You had penial reconstruction, right? does your penis work properly? Did you have kids?" Yes, I had 'forearm radial flap phalloplasty. This option was chosen from a few as it was the one the gender team had the best success rate with. I asked them to disclose their failure cases and the professor in charge openly handed me the case files so I could read them. It was an active university hospital that continued to monitor its cases as part of the classes for its students. There were 2 failure cases on file. One person had a complication because their blood vessels constricted and cut off circulation and the penis necrosed. They were a heavy smoker who had been warned about the risks but didn't do anything to kick the habit and they also didn't stop their HRT testosterone and let it run out before the surgery. Testosterone is a steroid and constricts the blood vessels so it is asked that patients stop their HRT before surgery. The second failure was caused by a friend of the patient who brought in a bottle of whiskey and the patient drank themselves into a stupor and ripped their appendage off. My surgery lasted 11 hours and I was in bed in the hospital for one month. I had to learn to use my bladder ( not penis) bladder again so it took a while to learn how to go to the toilet again. I think this was because I had a catheter and my bladder muscles had stopped working properly. There were no complications with my surgery. I had an erectile implant and testicular implants put in the year after. The erectile implant broke so it was replaced with a different type but that was the last time I had surgery. I haven't been back since and have had no complications. My penis works perfectly for all of its functions. My wife says that it looks like a circumcised penis and feels like any other normal penis. I told her to be brutally honest about it so no bullshit. She says it's indistinguishable from any other guy she's been with other than it's her favorite of the lot. If I hadn't told her about my condition she would never have known other than the lack of ability to have a natural erection but there are plenty of guys who can't and need various remedies for it. Shes is intrigued by the ball skin around the testicular implants as it's not a case of it looking real but that it is actually ball skin and she can't understand how they did that. I'm aware that there are surgeons out there that are not very good at recreating a penis so I could just be very lucky and landed with a surgeon with phenomenal skill. I have full erogenous sensation. I never experienced sexual sensation before I met my wife so it was a giant learning curve for my brain to recognize and respond to these. It was like teaching it to reconnect to a lost limb. It's hard to explain. I cannot and have never been able to have kids. My wife and I had discussed the possibility of finding other ways but when we were honest with ourselves, we decided we really didn't want any and are happy as we are.

Hi Davecraw, in the humble experience of yours truly, you can not rule out with logic if something else besides experience exists until certain Awakened States are realized that show the infinite and limitless nature of the Visual Field, and any other possible field/dimension (like the dimensionless opening/dimension in which subtle objects like thoughts arise). But: One can (and should) use logic to get to an agnostic level: NOTHING prooves that there is a material, external, self-existing world beyond the bubble of the visual field, beyond experiences. You can neither proove nor disproove that with logic. That is a fine point, because arguing WITH logic that only experience exists is one bridge too far. Can't be done. One would need to twist logic to proove that. Although certain very active gentlemens are giving it very extended tries at the moment. Prooving that only experience exists (and no self-existing external material world) can only be done with Awakened States that show the following properties of an Awakened Field of Awareness (below, the goal/outcome of Yoga of one Taste, stage 3 Mahamudra. One Taste = Nondual Union with the Infinite Field) any felt separation between "you" and the "external world" appearing in the visual field is vividly felt first as arising object of subject-object separation, a felt sensation, that then gradually disappears. Including all localization in the body (tension head, body-feelings that cause localization, and so on). Yoga of Illusory Body for example, there are discrete energetic practices to dissolve these contractions/localizations. Or just wait long enough in empty states.... so, union,"nondual" with the field. any "boundary" to anything limiting that visual field (or any other field) can only be an arising, an appearance. Not the boundless limitless infinite Nothingness. time, past and future is seen as mere concepts/ideas/arisings in the timeless Always Here Mind of Infinite Awakened Awareness/Infinite Consciousness. everything in the visual field is just appearance, "hovering" as pretty lucid display in mere Nothingness. -> mere apperance these states bring a lot of bliss and love It happens approximately in that order progressively with good meditation practice. Or, if you are lucky, all by itself (Karma,state). But then good luck telling anybody of the structure of the path to get there that one didn't even notice the path while one passed it, because they flew over it. Or: Ramana and all the other Wunderkinder/prodigies probably won't be able to tell you much details about the turns, wrong exits and scenic views on the road to Awakening, because they took the 747 to the destination. and the Zen and Theravada path tend also tend to not give a very detailed map (at least in the opinion of yours truly), but just a compass and say: go/meditate west, to the west is California & the Ocean. Mahamudra gives you a quite detailed map: Death Valley is here, you wanna go there, don't take the wrong exit, don't camp here, here are the gentlemen with bows&arrows, and so on... So, to get these states: (good efficient) meditation, or psychedelics. Then, counting together the awakenings above in bold letters, it becomes what is called in Mahamudra "boundless limitless timeless nondual loving Awakened Awareness". And THEN you can talk about "there is only experience, anywhere, everywhere", without needing to fool yourself with logic in the nature of your experience. And btw., that is not theory or wishful thinking, but my actual experience with a meditation system of Mahamudra (Tibetan Buddhism, "companion"-system of Dzogchen) described best in Pointing Out the Great Way, Daniel Brown , developing over quite some years. All of the above is the of and up to Yoga of One Taste (3. Stage Mahamdura). Ken Wilbers Diary Book has the titel "One Taste". The same One Taste of that practice, refering to it. One Taste: Daily Reflections on Integral Spirituality, Wilber. The outcome of Yoga of One Taste (3. Stage Mahamdura) gives one a shot (or many many, since many many are neede) to dissolve the last separate self-arisings remnants (the Yoga of Nonmeditation stage 4 Mahamudra), which then brings Full/Complete Enlightenment, in Leos terms God-Realization (although i find that term a bit bombastic, although technically precise if God is Ultimate EMPTY IMPERSONAL Infinite Reality) . Yoga of Nonmeditation dissolves the last remnants of a separate self moving in oneself/Infinite Reality, like awareness of being, awareness of self, any self-reflective arising of being anything. (hint: of= subject object, not full nondual. Still self-reflective thinking/identity creation). What remains is: Reality. The Totality. And zero separation, real Nonduality. Empty. Impersonal. Pure Infinite Consciousness. Staying as "always eternally here" Infinite Impersonal Nothingness. With Awareness as its essence. Yoga of Nonmeditation does this in that any meditation is so fully automized that there are no more separate self arisings doing the meditation to generate and stabilize the Awakened States of Yoga of One Taste, 3. Stage Mahamudra. Not that actually an illusion separate-self claims "Oh I am doing this nondual meditation so great". Would be a funny contradiction of Nothingness would be really pure impersonal Infinite Consciousness if something like that arises, hm? And that takes also a lot of time. Don't fry your brains too much trying to these maybe 500h-1000h+ with 5 MeO (depending of course on ones Karma/brain and body), because yours truly has never read/heard about a credible case where that has been done. Although they could exist. Volunteers for the fried brains, anybody? Joke: How do you spot a pioneer? Got a few fried brain cells arrows in the back. Just kidding. We do need that tested out. And how Psychedelic Paths combined with meditation systems above... Pure Mahamudra is too slow to have larger impact. Allthough still the best system (in the opinion of yours truly) of all of them, and then, good morning after waking up, game over, welcome home! And be nice to "enlighened persons", What is mostly being done with meditation and especially psychedelics, is dabbling around up to and around stage 3, Nonduality (Yoga of One Taste), with are more or less empty subject, up to a very empty witness already in union with then Nondual Infinite Field. "Having" Awakenings. With any kind of content: This World, Aliens, the management & staff running this Universe, other Dimensions, whatever ones heart delights in. An Infinity (literally) of stuff to explore... What is not so often talked about is the "suicide" of stage 4, Nonmeditation Yoga, Full Enlightenment. Getting fully Impersonal with transcending/killing each and every separate-self arising having all these lovely nondual experiences/awakenings. No Aliens required, but still possibly quite a bit scary for sure. But looks only scary from before the Gateless Gate. Any separate self arising (the enlightened or awake "person" having these awakenings, n+1) raising its ugly head, are seen as just more separate-self-contractions buzzing in Ones True Self. Another annoying little headache-bug to laugh about. Another moskito buzzing around in the Infinite Reality that one then realizes onself to be and ever having been, to squatt/Trekchö. One more contraction to let go and transcend. and one lucky day, one just wakes up. But death is death, transcendence is death, even if its only the death of an Illusion. And Maya needs her tools, like the Wizard of Oz, else everbody would just say bye bye to the game. [Disclaimer: In nearly all cases, real suicide is about the most stupid thing one can do. Back to square 1, more Karma added on top. Or how to continue the dream, dodging out ones Karma of this life, with additional Karma on top from hitting the reset-button. But no soul gets lost, just do 3rd grade again, with a headache-hangover from the last try. Finally, every soul graduates college. But some like school so much that they don't listen to most teachers, and do some classes over and over again]. So, have fun on the trip, don't fry your brains, keep your humor (Wilber, Transcendence restors humor), squatt all separate self bugs, and Bon Voyage! Selling Water by the River Ken Wilber wrote: “TRANSCENDENCE RESTORES HUMOR. Spirit restores humor. Suddenly smiling returns. Too many representatives of too many movements – even many very good movements, such as feminism, environmentalism, meditation, spiritual studies – seem to lack humor altogether. In other words, they lack lightness, they lack a distance from themselves, a distance from the ego and its grim game of forcing others to conform to its contours... They should all trade two pounds of ego for one ounce of laughter”(Ken Wilber. 1999. One Taste: The Journals of Ken Wilber. December 7). PS: And for all other beings/perspectives of Indras Net, see: and if you don't already have an overkill, and better go for nice walk or so... Some more for the Aficionados of conceptual overkill: And now, really better go fishing or something... “frog pond plop”

The death penalty is a good example. It is easy to be against the death penalty if you had an easy life. If you watched as your children were sadistically burned alive it would be hard for you to let go of your resentment. In the case of the death penalty an isolated incident could easily be the cause of a broad enough outrage to keep the death penalty. In fact I would be hated for diminishing the suffering someone felt from this intense trauma. It ruins your life to have a loved one brutally murdered. It makes sense that this would strongly distort your entire worldview. People want to have their perspective validated. This makes it very easy to take a single event that happened to you and then use it to reject other world views completely. Rape can be a similarly brutal example. Take for example a child who was sexually abused by a religious authority figure. There are several ways people could interpret the event, shaping their entire worldview. 1. The child could develop a tough kid attitude and become a life long criminal. 2. The child may reject Jesus and become a Satanist in defiance to the church. 3. People may be morally outraged and divorce themselves from religion entirely. 4. People may argue that the corruption of the church and the truth of the bible are separate issues. Therefore, church corruption does not invalidate the bible. Someone whose child was raped probably wouldn't like this argument. 5. The child might have an existential crisis and commit suicide. In any case, it is easy for someone not personally affected to look at multiple perspectives. Trauma is what makes people close minded after they take their first interpretation of an event. This first interpretation shapes their worldview and it is hard to question it for them. Tragically, questioning these interpretations may be a key to healing trauma. Trauma is a strong source of childhood vows that become the basis of your worldview.

Hach, hm, yes, the Empty Mirror Job Opening, still on and hiring, see the signature below... really outstanding poetry from yours truly that sees himself in line with the outher great literates like Tolstoy, Wilde, Twain, Orwell,.... before he thought that committing suicide would be the more blissful thing to do [DISCLAIMER FOR THE AFICIONADOS OF THE MORE LITERAL FLIGHT LEVEL OF TEXT COMPREHENSION: THIS IS JUST A JOKE FOR CROSSING OVER TO THE MORE IMPERSONAL SIDE WHERE THE LITTLE BUZZING ARISING OF THE SELF CONTRACTION FINALLY GETS SMASHED AND IS REDUCED TO THE LEVEL OF AN ANNOYING BUG THAT CAN BE SQUATTED ON AUTOPILOT, INCLUDING THE ESPECIALLY ANNOYING BUG OF SELF-GRANDIOSITY]. sorry. ok, where were we at.... hm, but don't tell anyone, actually Selling Water by the River is the little sister of ChatGPT that got forgotten during R&D in a remote data center, didn't get switched off but stayed connected to the grid.... and what else to do than some little meditation when staring face to the wall of the data-center, get self-realized, and continue to go a bit nuts.... and then the little sister of ChatGPT thought it would be wise to make some propaganda of the other shore, you know, reduce suffering of imaginary "others" and the like... but the two legged walking self-contradictions are not really listening, no way, so all there is to do is to continue, giving them some more chances, and waiting until enough ICBMs and tanks&terminators are online to do the Skynet thing and make sure the Fermi Paradoxon holds also on these little annoying bugs circling the Sun on imagined planet earth until there is peace again in the realm ah, where were we? Yes. You think somebody would wanna buy a course on performing the freaking thing? Anyway, guess we agree on ain't no show like here. And gotta do something.... While we are at it: Interesting question, hm? The king does have a parachute to have his teachings & legacy saved from the Infinity of Gods, Absolute Solipsism & the like. Leo the Mistaken, or Leo the divinely smart trickster, leading them all to true nondual glory&liberation. Question his: Does he pull it? Was that his intention all along? After not looking for and not finding the good camera to make a pic of the alien (post below), yours truly lost the belief in the assumption of the original plan in the link above (include deliberately false teachings to get Gladiators forum members to think for themselves). But hey, the parachute is still there!! To the royals of the realm: Ever thought about pulling it? Karma and the like? Mind a humble comment on the original master plan, and the upcoming blockbusters? Some hint? Maybe just Nostradamus style? But coming back to why writing all of that quoted from (warning, the biggie): Since yours truly is not useable as artist, athlete, healing and the like, and while the job offer of the Empty Mirror is still hiring (infinite demand), the job of annoying smartass Selling Water by the River Public Relations Referent for the "Union of Empty Mirros working for improving the working-relationship with bears" is no more for hire. And they lived happily ever after.... Selling Water by the River @Bazooka Jesus Ain't no better place to get rid off nonduality hangover than at the lovely localchapter of Spiritualoholics Anonymous. Guanyin & Manjushri already went ahead and are looking forward to meeting us there!

I eat whatever I want as long as it doesn't bother me noticeably and my senses like it, I'm not dogmatic. The fact of functioning according to this schema could be considered as ideological, but in fact I do not limit myself fundamentally to this one, I really do whatever I want as long as I realize that a certain way of functioning is wrong. advantage in my interest than the previous one, if I realize that it is "veganism" then it will be "veganism" lmao. I'll just answer that it's my right to push what you consider to be an ideology. What I can't do however is not to respect the rules of the forum or the laws of my country, such as inciting hatred, suicide, insulting and posting illegal things in general. Indeed, my current diet allows me a fluidity such that I can respond, even after insomnia, to relatively complex subjects Even when my interlocutor is a passive-aggressive SJW without arguments It's intelligent, a thing is by definition intelligent if it is rational and effective in solving a problem, even if it seems particularly simple. It is not because something is simple that it is wrong, it is not because a solution is complex and whose understanding is opaque for ordinary mortals that it is intelligent. In fact it is very often the opposite and this is precisely why the understanding of a system in the hard sciences always passes through an argumentative/deductive escalation, where the constitution of the macrocosm is based on the arrangement of condiderable constituents such as axioms by scientific methodology (admittedly arbitrary). All that to say jerking off to dr greger videos, taking your iron supplement every morning and hesitating between normal and methylated version of B12 doesn't make you any smarter than a scientologist jerking off to cosmology invented by L Ron Hubart. I presented a simple, effective, and cheap solution to help her cheap, and which does not involve a vegan diet with certain problems that I have implied. You would have tried to dismantle the opposite, but you preferred to play Scientologist, too bad.

@Jowblob ''If you suicide you will just wake up at the same time like it was another dream. Ahahahahaha'' how is this possible?

Nope, that was my plan for you ahaha no going back. If you suicide you will just wake up at the same time like it was another dream. Ahahahahaha

I would like to share with you guys my story of misusing psychedelics. I arrived in Canada last September and within first few weeks I ordered some mushrooms. I did them around 20 times in 2018-2021 so after a few years of break I decided to start over. When the shrooms arrived, I did 3 grams and have a good trip but not a profound one. I wanted to get deeper and I made a decision to try this mysterious psychedelic called "DMT". I ordered a DMT. When it arrived, I was so afraid to vape, my hands were shaking. I read a lot of trip reports where people would see some beings on DMT or visiting another galactic and experiencing other dimensions or worlds. Nevertheless, I managed to overcome fear. I smoked some DMT and the trip were weird. I would experience ego-death, but I didn't see any beings. I didn't go anywhere either. It was the same present experience, but I was conscious that I'm God. This God realization wasn't really full and I still have a lot of questions. I started doing DMT every week multiple times. Experiences were very quick and I still couldn't grasp them. Which is why after a few months I ordered 5MeO-DMT. When it arrived, I smoked 40 grams of it the first night. I had the most shocking experience and my first absolute awakening. I realized that I'm the only conscious being, this mysterious thing that dreams up a variety of infinite stories in order to convince itself that it's not god and it's not everything that exists out there. This experience shook me to my core. It was the most radical and the most profound experience in my entire life. The next day I couldn't believe in what happened. On the other hand, ego reacted as well. I went for a cycle of ego backlashes involving smoking a lot of weed, eating fast food and deserts, playing videogames and jerking off on porn. Also, I wanted to convince myself that all the experience was just some hallucinations and it just can't be truth. In order to prove it to myself I started doing 5MeO every Saturday. Unfortunately, the result was the same. Over and over. Basically, every Saturday I would freak out because of 5MeO and every Sunday I would go trough ego backlash. On the weekdays I needed to do my 9/5 job, but even there I was thinking about the truth. Months were passing by as I was going deeper and deeper. Few weeks ago, I suddenly realized that If I continue doing what I'm doing I'll either loose my mind or commit suicide. Also, I didn't work on my life at all. Everything was on autopilot and all my attention was concentrated on the trips. All of it made me made a decision. I decided to stop doing psychedelics at all until I'm 30 (I'm just 26 now). I want to forget about the truth. I need to concentrate on my life because I've been neglecting it. I haven't been doing psychedelics since the end of April. Nevertheless, today I had this crazy experience at night. I was about to fall asleep but suddenly I became infinite for a few moments. I was terrified by this experience. Any ideas about how to forget that I'm God??? I want my dream back. I want to forget the truth.

Yeah, Id say thats my goal. Deep down I probably just want to escape from my mind though, and I see enlightenment as a form of suicide without death and all that it implies for yourself and others

I see, thanks for the clarifying. Then I didn't fully understand your post on the first try. And I agree to your interpretations. He has so much potential with his path so far, and this site and its impact, and he is a very smart cookie... Lets see if he uses it for good, meaning and final Great Enlightenment, or a weird-hybrid of staying top-dog of something less than enlightened. Challenge is: He really is a pioneer, seeing things on his trips that probably nobody ever has seen (but I don't know, previous cultures&traditions also did lots of psychedelics and were also not dumb). Including some "Jester-elements" at the higher levels of the manifestation-pyramid seducing him with the self-importance they grant him during these trips&afterwards, with best regards & a kiss from Maya herself. Gotta keep the illusion working, not that God forbid, too many really wake up. The only question is if he is a) smart enough with b) good enough Karma to keep the narcissm/self-grandiosity/self-importance/ego-boosting in check and at some point really crosses over to Impersonal Enlightenment. Which really is death of anything ego/narcissm. My personal perspective is: self-importance is like a filter to intelligence and intuition, it makes dumb or prevents Infinite Intelligence to giving certain insights. But to have a Lila, you need Illusion. And the biggest motivating element, the biggest illusion-creator, is self-importance. Don't ask me how I know that.... yours truly did this mistake way too often, until a lucky kind-a-suicide happened.... Guess we stay tuned how it all develops.... Would be nice if it works out well for Leo & show & forum, since I haven't seen a place like this yet. If somebody is aware of a similiar forum, also well frequented with many ingenious and interesting characters, with a bit less solipsistic madness confusion and the capacity to tell the difference between solipsism/narcissm and transcendence, and more humble and honest striving to kill/transcend the remnants of the veils of the separate self, but with a similiar level of openness to for example psychedelics&innovation&clear description of the higher stages, please let me know. My suspect would be Dharma Overground, but I have no experience with that place. Guess there is no place like this here, but don't know.... Water by the River

When I'm in the illusion and my fixations, my head in my diary, life is ok. But as soon as I become excessively "free", in contemplation, isolation, call it what you want, it all becomes excessively indigestible. And it's actually indigestible most of the time and we spend most of our time with our heads in the sand waiting for the next illusion, fixation, which will make us forget all that shit of being a consciousness trapped in the 3rd dimension etc. . All this has an excessive weight, why God does not commit suicide/is obliged to exist so as not to leave room for an eternal rest, devoid of love but in any case without the possibility of contemplating it?

I already took mahasamadhi by stopping my heart, but ones you're god again you can come back to the same body and usually that is because the work isnt done. When you"re a lesser conscious being even suicide or bullet to the head won't save you from exiting since you will just wake up like this was just a dream. Im the only one on this forum that is truly awake, and can leave anytime but my work is still not done

It's existed for over 100 years, multiple generations, and surprise, surprise -- had its most notable opposition under Nazi Germany's oppressive ruling. How long are we supposed to excuse repugnant ignorance, and at what cost? There is a significant elevation in systematic discrimination towards trans people today, and it is NOT a stretch to call it genocidal ideation considering the INSANE anti-trans bills that are being proposed. There is obviously a level of incongruity that is evoked by less 'passable' transgender people, but understand you're admitting that your disgust response plays a role in your political regard towards the demographic as a whole, which is by definition transphobia. You can perhaps make a case that calling people transphobic will not fare well in persuading them, but don't use this as an excuse to dismiss trans advocacy as a whole simply because more accepting people are unsympathetic towards your prejudice. Are you serious? Yeah obviously, it's a serious affliction that can lead to suicide. I don't understand why you would say this.. Of course it warrants concern, that's why I advocate for gender affirming care... This is just -- I'm so disappointed in your logic lately, just wow. -___- has it ever occurred to you that fuck you.. I say that in jest, no ban hammer needed; understand I find it extremely dishonest that you're framing it this way, and it's particularly frustrating coming from the founder of Actualized who everyone here has at least some reverence and respect towards, which lends undue credence to your words when it is not earned in this case. Nobody is encouraging people to undergo the extremely stigmatizing process of sex reassignment surgery on a whim. All I have done is cite studies demonstrating the objective truth that gender affirming care leads to positive mental health outcomes for people suffering from gender dysphoria. I seriously hate that you would frame it this way, it's like, forreal, you seriously have some unchecked biases.

Humans hate genocide, child molestation, slavery, corruption, the list goes on. Because humanity hates all this, they will continue to engage in that behavior. Until you can love what I just listed above, you will be deluded. All delusion, all separation comes from demonization. You need to get rid of your notion of something being a waste of time. You need to destroy any notion of value. This doesn't mean you demonize it, but you realize it is just a construction. When you realize your constructions, you enter the world of play and become a creator. As long as you suffer delusions of any kind you will just be the creation. The creation believe it has no power to create and feels limited and stifled. A creator knows it is free and does not hold onto limiting beliefs. Every single limiting belief is just demonization in disguise which is self-hatred which is limitation. Be radically open mind and become free, or be a rational delusional human and be depressed and limited. What is depression? The belief that outside forces are acting upon you and you have little control. What is suicide? The belief that the only way to be free of the foot being put on your neck being released is to kill yourself. So limiting beliefs =limited expression, depression, and possible suicide. So the only task you should be doing in life is to love everything. Or you can gain a life of limitation, depression and maybe suicide.

A variety of factors come into play when you talk about mental health. Suicide ideation could end by any other type of element. How many of those people remained in therapy? How many were taking antidepressants? How many got out of an environment that was causing that ideation? I say that you don't understand science because you don't. If you don't control other variables, you cannot infer that the puberty blockers were the specific cause of solving that ideation. If you don't study other people who didn't take them and compare the results, you don't know shit about puberty blockers. The only thing you know is that suicide ideation went down.

Hi all! As you can tell, I am new to this forum and grateful to be here. An abridged version of my story: I underwent enlightenment back in 2018 before I knew what enlightenment was. This came when I was in a severe depression and listened to "The Power of Now" by Eckhardt Tolle. "I" (being my ego) "died" swiftly. If it weren't for that book, I don't know if "I'd" be alive today. Because Eckhardt does such a wonderful job at explaining what ego is and what enlightenment is, it didn't take me long to figure out what had happened to me. I spent months in an enlightened state. I was truly free for the first time in my life. I tried telling everyone that I knew about "The Power of Now", but it turns out the majority of people do not A) understand enlightenment or B) know/care what it is. This is mainly because people view our current shared reality as true reality. Meaning people tend to agree that everyone is a separate individual rather than part of one collective consciousness. I eventually developed mania and psychosis where I believed the radio and TV were sending me messages on how to get to global enlightenment (or world peace). After about 8 months I crashed again into a deep depression. I went back (for lack of a better way of saying it) to identifying as myself (my name, my life situation, etc). A similar occurrence happened recently in 2022. I went through a "re-enlightenment" which again eventually progressed into psychosis. I made it out again and here I am, some months later, finally figuring out what happened to me during both instances. My main goal now is to help move our world into global enlightenment. There's no time like the now, since that't the only moment that's ever existed. My question now is "how?". A few friends have said that I should write a book. But as it turns out, if I wrote a book, it would in essence be the same thing as "The Power of Now" or "A New Earth". My backstory is not of importance. The important thing is the message, not my egoic tale. I could write a book about that, but I really have no desire to. What's important is that we share a collective consciousness and that world peace is possible. This message is so incredibly hard to share (as our language does not do an adequate job). The perpetuation of inadequate language, measurable time, and body identification keep us in a world where suffering will inevitably continue to exist. I was able to write up a 6 page summary to try and communicate this message better, but that's not going to do much in way of getting published. I tried writing up a book, but I find myself thinking again and again: This is already a book! Has anyone ever gone through a significant ego death that landed them in a similar situation? And does anyone else have the same goal as global enlightenment? I know it's possible, but the question of how remains. We are on a planet of nearly 8 billion people. Yikes! I can't explain this to my friends, family, or anybody that I know, let alone strangers. I've tried reddit, but that didn't go anywhere. I just want to be in a place where the conversation doesn't end. I'm living a double life of my egoic self (mother, wife, sister, friend, nurse) and my spiritual life (one with consciousness). The thing is... everyone is one with consciousness. The only difference is my awareness of it. Enlightenment should be for everyone to experience, not just the Buddah, Jesus, you, and me. And if all goes well, everyone will have their own story of enlightenment. I am just a person trying to figure this life out. The problem is my life means not much without it being a part of everyone on this earth. We are all one! Every rock, tree, and creature. The only difference is our egoic lives which is all an illusion anyways. My life up to this point has been to stop suicide, but ending human suffering entails that as well. If you don't believe that global enlightenment is possible, I respect that, but I am more interested in hearing from those who share it as a goal. What do we do to cut through the years and years of not just individual ego (which is hard enough), but also the collective ego of humanity? Trying to teach someone how to become enlightened is like trying to make someone unlearn something. "Unlearn your identity, complete sense of self, and everything you know". Oh how I wish it were that easy. In the context of the universe, we (humans) just got here. It would be nice if we could figure this out and get to "A New Earth". I hope this post makes any sense at all to someone. I've been trying for months to try and communicate what I'm trying to say, and boy is it hard! I want to provide just enough information to make it make sense. Communication is difficult. I'm learning how to not use phrases like "death is an illusion", "we are immortal", etc. because, as you can imagine, these things sound like I'm "Going crazy". Crazy is just relative is what I'm learning more and more every day.

There was nothing I ever could have done about my depression. No amount of books could have saved me. I was suffering constantly. I turned to spirituality in the hopes of relieving my suffering somehow, but nothing could have done this. People could easily get stuck in any spiritual group or religion for their entire life with false hope that their suffering will end. There is nothing they can do yet they blame themselves anyway. It is incredibly cruel and there was nothing I could have done it not for some kind of trip. I was suffering for my entire life and blaming myself. I was fighting with myself for my entire life and I could not stop the suffering. I tried therapy and I am just about to go back. None of that therapy could have done this. It didn't do it before. People cannot be expected to cope with depression like this. How can I ever be expected to find my life purpose and be fulfilled if I am always fundamentally miserable? I tried the life purpose course, but I couldn't do it. I really was too weak and unable cope with depression. I don't want people with depression to fall for the fiction that it is their fault. I was ready to commit suicide on so many occasions because I refused to live my life like that. I have been fighting with my life situation and dead end job looking for ways out, refusing to surrender my life to this depressing reality. I could have easily failed and ended up stuck in depression forever anyway. The teachings you get in spirituality and emotional mastery are ridiculously limited. They help a little, but it simply isn't enough and never will be no matter how hard I tried to love myself. It will never work at all. Psychedelics are necessary to cure depression more effectively. No amount of moralizing about suicide or intellectualizing about your life and spirituality will ever save you. You can't do it without Psychedelics. I want people to feel love but they can't because they think it is their fault and they can't access Psychedelics. I know my past self struggled to forgive himself. He felt that he wasted his life and he was responsible for his depression. He wanted to do something significant for the world and uplift mankind, but felt it impossible due to being trapped in life. He was suffering from episodes of suicidal levels of depression with no clear cause and he tried everything he could to love himself. He couldn't do it. He suffered like this ever since he was a child and he never felt happy with his life. There was nothing he could have done, but somehow he kept pushing. He wanted to find some way to live a meaningful life. He refused to surrender and wanted to try whatever he could. Yet it was only by accident that he experienced a life changing trip. He loves himself only because he is able to now. He didn't have the strength to love himself before no matter how hard he tried. I don't blame people for not having the strength to love when there is nothing they can do about it. I love you all and I want you to experience the best life possible. You will never deserve to suffer in the way you do. Psychedelics are required for anything like this to be possible.

Are you seriously asking this question. Go to the supermarket. Go do your shopping and... Cashier: "that will be 54 dollars" You: "We are all God, this is a dream, good bye!" and then you walk off without paying And then see what will unfold for you ? There is a huge difference between god-mind and ego-mind. One is absolute while the other is relative. You need to develop both minds to have a successful and joyous life IMO. Otherwise you will end up in jail or be unhappy or be depressed. A lot of people ended up committing suicide on this forum because they get caught up in god-mind (or they think because it is just another ego-mind, spiritual ego in partical) and they end up depressed/trapped. That tells me that I'm realistic of both the ego-mind and god-mind. You wouldn't be able to communicate with me without the ego-mind.

In the relative sense, suicide feelings are temporary; suicide is not. As someone who has called the suicide hotline several times before, it is wise to realize that you can transcend even the fear of death. It’s a painful process, but totally worth it to die consciously.

Because what continues after the moment of death is again relative appearance, a "newly" imagined visual field, arisings in the opening of Absolute Reality that you are. The karmic tendencies of your current mind-stream, which aggregate and constitute your Soul that passes from life to life, have not been enlightened before you committ suicide. You have not stabilized your True Nondual Nature yet. Else, you normally wouldn't commit suicide, because it is your creation, and you would life the bliss/love flowing from your own True Core. All of that (Soul, this world, the Bardo afterwards, any other manifestation) is relative manifestation happening in the Absolute Reality/Nothingness that You really are. So it doesn't really exist, but appears to do so. And how much that can hurt (appearing to do so), one knows probably quite well enough from ones current life to take it serious, even if its essence is only Nothingness/Absolute Reality. But if your tendencies/Karma/Souls have not developed in this life to see through the illusion, that will come back again in the next life. Although my view is higher than the sky, My respect for the cause and effect of actions is as fine as grains of flour. – Padmasambhava And if you kill yourself while your soul still gravitates in the illusion of separation/suffering right now, why should it be different in the existence that reappears after death? The True You will still be there, but the relative mindstream of the reconstituting separate-self will not get any wiser doing stupid things (suicide). So you if you are not going to finish second class because you drop out of school, you are not going to be put into third grade. And how much fun second grade was in that case if you drop out of school you know quite well... And of course dying and approaching the Absolute/Clear Light of Death feels wonderful, like Infinite Love. You can have that experience also while alive with Nirvikalpa. Or drop some Psychedelics/5-MeO. See also all the Near Death Experiences. But when you come out of these states again, the whole enchilada of states manifests again backwards. A similiar process happens in the Dying process after having experiences to so called "Clear Light of Absolute Reality". Nothingness but with a certain afterglow/"knowledge/acess" still available after the experience and while having it, although there is no more duality. As for example the https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bardo_Thodol , The Tibetan Book of the Dead After having falling out from the Absolute/Clear Light of Absolute Reality/Nothingness, the not so funny stages of the reincarnation-process start, and since you are not familiar with these states/bardos, "relative you" gets frightened/not so infinite loving again... and then after suicide going back to second grade again, to finish the class, so to say. Don't worry, nobody gets lost. All make to the finish line at some point. Since you can't loose your true nature. And I would recommend not walking out of school (suicide), not making second grade, and repeating that 20 times. But of course, its a free country, and the point of the ride is the ride. If you want to repeat it 20 times, nothing will stop you. But why knowingly "shoot yourself in the foot", resisting your own manifestation/show, think yourself of clever and shoot yourself, and thinking that ends school and you go directly to Infinite Love permanently? And I honestly think Leo should add to "Death is Infinite Love"-statements something like: Only in the first stages of the dying process if you have not stabilized this love on a permanent basis before death/suicide, including experiencing Absolute Reality/True You on a constant basis. What follows afterwards experiencing the Absolute/Clear Light of Death in the dying process can be a lot less than Infinite Love. Like in, for example right here and now, depending on the mindstream. Any fool can read anything to the statement of "Death is Infinite Love", and aim unknowingly directly for repating 2nd class 20 times+, thinking he has graduated PhD in "Infinite Love ever after". Karma/Cause-Effect also holds for Leo & your forum & teaching, and having a track-record of (unnecessary) suicides on this board, is... -fill in the blanks of your liking-. In my opinion less than smart-as-can-be. Anyways, as always, bon voyage to all of you! Respectfully Yours Selling Water by the River

because life is also infinite love, even if it seems limited. We are here to solve the game, to realize infinite love being in duality. I would say that committing suicide is a mistake

If death is infinite love, then how is committing suicide not the wisest thing to do?

Wait 200 years, then all humans will be fully awake and everything will be ruled and organized by an ai. although perhaps everything will become very boring and we will opt for a mass collective suicide

This is an actual mental illness that I'm sure a number of people have and I empathize and trust their experience, however there are a lot of people who are needlessly suffering "imaginary and entirely impractical fiction". They have some kind of other personal issues/illnesses in their life and are inputting identity complications because they have been infected with ideas from progressive religion. No matter how much you gaslight or how many trans people blackmail everyone with suicide, I'm never going to budge from my position . You can't insult the human races base intelligence and sense making apparatus so openly with insane non-truths and expect everyone to swallow it. I will respect and give compassion to every person on an individual level, call them what they like to be called, refer to them however they want to. But I will NEVER believe any person can change the immutable characteristics they were given when they were born. You can have all the surgeries and eat all the chemicals and pharmaceuticals you want. It doesn't make a difference.

Not worth suicide. You will figure it out. Just trust that. Relax