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AL-LAD Trip Report - A Powerful Tool For Consciousness Work https://youtu.be/4atDuXqr0y8 The speaker is Leo from actualized.org and is sharing a trip report about the psychedelic substance AL-LAD AL-LAD is a powerful tool for consciousness work and is a companion to 5-MeO-DMT AL-LAD is longer lasting and easier to handle than 5-MeO-DMT, but still produces profound experiences The speaker suggests using AL-LAD for personal development and growing consciousness, rather than for recreational purposes The speaker will share details and insights from their AL-LAD trip and provide tips for using it for personal development The speaker discusses the concept of shamanic usage of psychedelics, which involves using the substances in a respectful and intentional way The speaker emphasizes the importance of being fully prepared and having the right mindset before embarking on a psychedelic journey The speaker describes the physical and mental effects of the AL-LAD trip, including feelings of unity and oneness, enhanced sensory perception, and insights into the nature of reality The speaker reflects on the insights and lessons learned from the AL-LAD trip and how they can be applied in daily life The speaker concludes by stating that AL-LAD is a valuable tool for personal development and encourages others to consider using it for consciousness work. The speaker has been experiencing discomfort and has been trying to figure out the cause through medical consultations and changes in diet They have also been getting blood work done When they take a substance called AL add, they feel like their body is working properly and they have a sense of vitality and energy They also experience a sense of presence and being, which is difficult to describe and can be accessed through direct experience, such as with psychedelics This sense of being can be beneficial for meditation practice, as it gives the speaker a preview of what they are working towards The substance also slows down and steadies the speaker's thought stream, giving them a sense of intellectual power The substance also allows the speaker to feel more connected to their emotions and to other people The speaker believes that the sense of presence and being is more fulfilling than material possessions or financial success The substance allows the speaker to feel a sense of magic and divinity in their life Personal story of life feels unquestionable Reality is a framework or context that we accept as truth Psychedelics can reveal a new context of nothingness This new context shows that our current understanding of reality is limited and only makes sense when we forget about the larger context Conscious breakthroughs, such as with psychedelics or deep meditation, can help us see this larger perspective In this larger context, things like the brain, Newton's laws, and social structures are insignificant The speaker's psychedelic experience showed them that everything in reality is groundless and that everything is interconnected The speaker saw that their ego and sense of self were illusory and that they were connected to everything else in the universe The speaker realized that their thoughts and emotions are not their own, but rather a result of the universe's consciousness The speaker saw that death is not an end, but rather a transformation into a new form of consciousness The speaker's experience led them to believe that the universe is a single, interconnected consciousness The speaker talks about the journey towards enlightenment and how it can involve experiencing deep existential terror Insanity is a social convention and context-dependent Breaking through insanity and experiencing higher consciousness can lead to a shift in one's understanding of reality and the conventional definitions of insanity and sanity The speaker experienced a taste of infinity during a mushroom trip, which felt like being inside an Escher painting and seeing reality from multiple angles simultaneously Tasting infinity can be maddening for those who are not ready for it and can lead to difficult or horrific trips The speaker advises that those who are interested in exploring spirituality, personal development, and consciousness would enjoy these experiences. Psychedelics are a powerful tool when used properly Don't let negative experiences with psychedelics tarnish their potential Al-lad is a good psychedelic for introducing newbies Al-lad is also good as a post-breakthrough companion psychedelic Party drugs can be used for deep spiritual work Don't use psychedelics more than once a week and allow for plenty of integration time Spend time on integration if you want to use psychedelics for growth Intentions and self-purification are important before using psychedelics Trust your own experiences and insights gained from psychedelics Don't rely on psychedelics for all of your personal growth, do the hard work in your everyday life as well.

Becoming A Zen Devil - The Dangers Of Half-Assing Enlightenment https://youtu.be/z2B_e24UJi8 The dangers of taking spiritual techniques and practices from various traditions and stripping them of their cultural and belief systems The example of Mount Hiei, a monastic order in Japan with a strict and hardcore approach to Zen Buddhism The dangers of becoming a "Zen devil" or someone who is only interested in the superficial aspects of spiritual practice, rather than the transformation of the whole person The importance of balancing intellectual understanding and study with personal transformation and integration of spiritual principles into one's life The dangers of becoming attached to spiritual experiences and using them as a way to avoid personal growth and self-inquiry The need for humility, honesty, and the willingness to let go of ego in spiritual practice The importance of finding a teacher or mentor who can guide and support one's spiritual development, rather than relying solely on self-study. There is wisdom in tradition and it is important not to throw it all away It is important to have strong principles, ethics, and emotional development in addition to seeking existential insights Non-duality can be divided into "small" and "big" non-duality Small non-duality pits itself against other schools and is not fully integrated with duality Big non-duality is humble, integrates non-duality and duality, and is generous towards other schools of thought A master embodies big non-duality and can be recognized by their skill and excellence Small non-duality practitioners may try to use non-dual teachings to make others feel inferior It is important to have a balance of the non-dual and the mundane in one's life A master does not need to have all the answers, but rather can guide others towards their own insights and understanding Education and understanding are important for practical success in the world Being a good citizen and contributing to the community are important Having an ethical career that positively impacts the world and community is important Transcending culture and ideologies can be a part of enlightenment Physical health, good character, and concern for the environment and other beings are also important aspects of enlightenment Developing spiritual powers and achieving self-mastery are also potential components of enlightenment The ultimate goal of enlightenment may be to achieve unity with the divine or ultimate reality There are two groups of people: those who are enlightened but lack common sense and goodness, and those who are common sense and decent but know nothing about enlightenment Engaging in personal development, such as taking care of finances, relationships, and finding a life purpose, is important even if you are not yet enlightened It is possible to practice compassion and goodness in daily life, even if you are not yet enlightened, and doing so will bring benefits in terms of suffering, emotions, success, and the people you attract The path to enlightenment is narrow and has many traps, which is why true masters are rare The speaker is on this journey with the audience and shares their experiences of falling into traps to help others navigate them

Overcoming Addiction - The Root Cause Of Every Addiction https://youtu.be/G5ZYV-IMIUU Addiction is a common problem in modern society Addictions can include drugs, food, pornography, tobacco, alcohol, TV, internet, videogames, socialization, shopping, work, gossip, and thinking The root cause of all addictions is fear of emptiness, which arises when one is alone with nothing to do Addictions are distractions and escapes from this fear of emptiness The way to overcome an addiction is to face the fear of emptiness head-on through mindfulness and self-inquiry This involves becoming aware of and accepting one's emotions, rather than suppressing them or distracting oneself from them It also involves examining and questioning one's beliefs, values, and assumptions about oneself and the world This process can be difficult and may require support from others, such as a therapist or a support group It may also involve changing one's environment and the people one surrounds oneself with Ultimately, the goal is to find meaning and purpose in life, rather than relying on external sources of pleasure and distraction to fill the void. The emptiness that exists after death also exists in the present moment of being If you sit and do nothing, you have raw experience and realize that everything is constantly changing and ultimately meaningless This can lead to depression and an existential crisis To conquer addiction sustainably, you must face and accept the void To do this, you must sit with emptiness and do nothing, and not distract yourself As you do this, cravings and suffering will come up, and you must face your inner demons The purifying fire of emptiness will burn out these inner demons over time If you don't do this, you will only find a short-term solution to your addiction and fall back into it eventually The catch-22 of addiction recovery is that most people don't want to do the emotionally challenging work of facing the void and their inner demons However, this is the only way to permanently conquer addiction To do this work, you need to cultivate the willingness to suffer and the courage to face your inner demons This requires discipline and perseverance, and the support of others can be helpful The reward for facing the void and inner demons is finding peace and freedom from addiction. 12-step program techniques can be used to become self actualized and reach one's full potential as a human being Self-actualization is about living life to the fullest, rather than just fixing problems The speaker releases new content through a newsletter and YouTube channel on self-improvement The newsletter can help keep readers on track with self-actualization Transformation, rather than just change, is possible with dedication to learning and applying concepts and techniques The speaker offers a book list and plans to release more resources and paid courses in the future

The Benefits Of Enlightenment https://youtu.be/YfMqtrbjiMs Leo from actualised.org discusses the benefits of enlightenment Enlightenment is the realization of one's existential nature Most people believe they are their physical body or their mind, but enlightenment teaches that this is not true Enlightenment is a state of union with all of reality, and is a field of pure awareness that is omnipresent and outside of time The process of becoming enlightened is long and involves reducing suffering and negative emotions Benefits of enlightenment include: Reduction in suffering and negative emotions Increased sense of peace and contentment Greater sense of purpose and meaning in life Greater ability to handle difficult situations and challenges Improved relationships with others Greater appreciation for the present moment Improved physical and mental health Greater sense of creativity and inspiration Increased ability to achieve goals and make positive changes in life Greater sense of connection with others and the world around you Use enlightenment as a master strategy in life by using it to guide decision-making and prioritize values The speaker believes that enlightenment can reduce the amount of sleep needed and eliminate stress and worry Enlightenment is the foundation for self-actualization work and allows for greater understanding and implementation of personal development techniques Enlightenment is a journey that continues throughout one's life and allows for transformation in various aspects such as personality, career, and relationships Enlightenment dissolves one's identity, which can be limiting Enlightenment can be used to deal with chronic pain and disasters, allowing for a more effortless and resourceful handling of these challenges Enlightenment allows for a greater understanding and acceptance of death Enlightenment can lead to increased creativity and increased ability to manifest desires The speaker suggests that enlightenment can lead to a state of effortless living and a sense of liberation Enlightenment can improve the world and prevent potential species-wide annihilation Problems in the world often stem from unconscious egos Enlightenment can lead to satisfaction and a sense of being "in the zone" Enlightenment can bring about unconditional happiness and peace of mind People currently exist who have achieved enlightenment The cost of enlightenment is giving up one's ego and identity This requires a willingness to let go of one's current way of life The process of enlightenment involves letting go of the ego and ego-driven desires It involves seeing through the illusion of the ego and becoming aware of one's true nature This can involve spiritual practices such as meditation and self-inquiry The end goal of enlightenment is to become fully awakened and live in a state of constant realization of one's true nature. The speaker is encouraging the listener to make a significant change in their way of life and thinking This change involves replacing their current habits and beliefs with a new, foreign way of being The listener may not have enough wisdom to make this change and may be too influenced by their "stupidity function" The current state of the world and society is bleak and the listener is on a path towards hell unless they make a change The speaker's goal is to help the listener reach their highest potential and create a satisfying life through self-actualization The speaker encourages the listener to sign up for their newsletter and check out their resources, including a course and book list, to learn more about self-actualization The listener must have a commitment to improving their own life in order for any techniques or advice to be effective

Fake Growth vs Real Growth - What If You're Just Tricking Yourself https://youtu.be/ijSng_X9soc Personal development can often involve "fake growth" where people think they are improving, but are not addressing the root problems causing issues in their lives People often have unrealistic expectations for how personal development will solve their problems, leading them to seek solutions that are not effective Real growth involves letting go of the issue, rather than trying to fix it or achieve a surface level solution The root of most personal development issues is emotional, not external It is important to identify and address the emotional issues causing problems, rather than just trying to change behaviors or achieve external goals This requires self-awareness and honesty with oneself It is also important to recognize when one is not ready to address an issue, and to give oneself the time and space to grow at one's own pace. "Fake growth" refers to the idea that people can deceive themselves into thinking they have grown or solved a problem, when in reality they have not addressed the root cause Examples of "fake growth" include: Someone who becomes angry at work and decides to work from home to avoid the issue, instead of addressing the root cause of their anger Someone who becomes good at dating and picking up women, but still feels socially awkward and lacks charisma Someone who uses money to attract a partner, instead of developing charisma and personality to keep them attracted Someone who becomes depressed and medicates themselves to feel better, instead of addressing the root cause of their depression In each of these examples, the person has not addressed the root cause of their problem and therefore has not truly "grown" or solved the issue It is important to identify and address the root cause of problems in order to achieve genuine growth and solve issues permanently The speaker believes that they need to completely transform themselves in order to be satisfied and successful in life This transformation involves getting rid of the old self and not being able to recognize oneself in the mirror The speaker suggests that the present self is reinforcing negative qualities and that external circumstances are not the root of problems Inner growth is difficult and not glamorous, and people may criticize or reject the person for it Fake growth, which is easier to achieve and sell, does not address the root causes of problems and may involve external things like material possessions The speaker advises to be cautious about taking advice or buying self-help products, and to look for solutions that address root causes rather than fake growth

The Most Important Commitment You Can Make + Huge Announcement https://youtu.be/jF_R7R1zz9Y Introduction to the video and announcement that Actualized.org now has a self-improvement forum Explanation of why the videos are often long: the depth of the topic of self-mastery and the challenge of communicating deep concepts in a short amount of time The importance of committing to self-mastery and the need for a long-term investment of time and energy The benefits of self-mastery, including life transformation and reaching your full potential How to get started with self-mastery, including setting goals and tracking progress The announcement of the Actualized.org forum and some of its features Conclusion and encouragement to visit the forum and continue on the journey of self-mastery. The speaker found the self-help section in a bookstore and bought a Tony Robbins CD program The speaker realized that they wanted to understand the inner workings of self-help, not just listen to one program or a few books The speaker started their own platform, actualized.org, to share their understanding of life with others The speaker encourages the listener to imagine the possibilities of self-mastery over the long term and to make a commitment to their own personal growth The speaker suggests setting aside time to visualize and connect the dots to see what is possible for the listener in the future The speaker suggests starting small and building up to bigger commitments and goals in personal growth The speaker emphasizes the importance of consistency and dedication in personal growth. The speaker discusses tools that can be simple on the surface, but can become more complex and engaging when one becomes involved in the community The speaker talks about the creation of a forum for self-actualization and the challenges and doubts they faced in doing so The forum is intended to be a democratic community that promotes self-actualization through discussion and interaction The speaker discusses the potential for a large live community to develop, focused on self-actualization and advanced personal development concepts The speaker encourages people to join the forum and be a part of the community, as it has the potential to be something "incredible" The speaker talks about the values and principles that will be central to the community, such as empathy, honesty, and self-inquiry The speaker emphasizes the importance of community in achieving self-actualization and encourages people to take the first step in joining the forum.

Radical Openmindedness - How To Break Free Of Dogma & Beliefs https://youtu.be/jTK3kO0MopM Introduction to concept of radical open-mindedness Warning that this is an advanced and potentially threatening topic Analogy of mercury fillings in teeth, which represent beliefs and dogmas that have been "clogged" in the mind These beliefs and dogmas limit personal development, career, relationships, and spiritual advancement Counterintuitive move in personal development is to let go of knowing and embrace not knowing Live exercise to help understand and embrace not knowing as a powerful state Most people think they know, but actually do not and have a false certainty Exercise to help break free of false certainties and truly embrace not knowing Importance of questioning everything, including beliefs and values Embracing not knowing allows for true personal growth and the possibility of enlightenment Conclusion and invitation to continue exploring the concept of radical open-mindedness Light takes millions of years to travel vast distances between Earth and stars Most of the stars being looked at no longer exist When looking at a star, it is actually a galaxy with millions or billions of other stars People throughout history have been wrong about many things, such as the earth being flat, the earth being at the center of the universe, witch trials, intelligence of different races, Euclidean versus non Euclidean geometry, absolute time, human body's ability to handle high velocity, ability to lift over 500 pounds, wireless communication, flight, computers beating humans at chess, the four-minute mile, Iraq having weapons of mass destruction It is possible to be certain about something that is false Suggestion to open the mind to the possibility that current beliefs could be false Take time to deeply ponder the ideas discussed Notice when you try to convince others of your beliefs and become conscious of this behavior Realize that true not knowing can be empowering and liberating Wonder why you cling to beliefs and become curious about this behavior Keep working on expanding and opening your mind in order to reach a state of personal development and freedom This process can lead to profound transformation and liberation, and allow you to experience mystical states and discover the truth about yourself and the nature of existence

A Vision For The Self Actualized Life - Get Yo Ass Inspired! https://youtu.be/jo_3rvcUpJw Leo from actualized.org talks about his experience at a consciousness retreat Reflects on his own life and how it has changed in the past year Talks about the freedom he has in his life, including setting his own schedule, earning a six-figure income, and achieving his material desires Mentions meeting a 20-year-old at the retreat who had a transformation after becoming an apprentice and learning about consciousness work Leo talks about the importance of self-improvement and personal development work Discusses the idea that anyone can achieve a self-actualized life and be inspired Encourages the audience to pursue their own growth and development. It is possible to consistently feel creatively alive and charged every day It is possible to turn work into a top passion and have creativity infused into every aspect of life It is possible to make a meaningful contribution to the world and be an inspirational leader It is possible to shed negative habits and emotions, such as self-sabotage, guilt, shame, nihilism, depression, anger, and negativity It is possible to learn and master key areas of life, including career, wealth, health, friendships, intimate relationships, self-esteem, and confidence It is possible to master emotional development and resolve family issues It is possible to develop a sense of purpose and meaning in life It is possible to overcome limitations and break free of toxic societal norms and culture The importance of taking time to appreciate and savor life Setting the goal of dying with a smile on your face and without regrets The concept of self-actualization and the difference between happiness and fulfillment Personal emotional growth and spiritual growth as key components of self-actualization The process of conscious work and the challenges that come with it The idea that self-actualization is a journey, not a destination The importance of understanding one's own values and priorities The role of relationships in self-actualization The potential for self-actualization to bring a sense of peace and contentment. Introduction to the concept of self-actualization Four steps to achieve self-actualization: Develop a strong personality Have a clear life purpose Become financially independent Engage in deep self-actualization work The importance of taking action now, rather than waiting for a midlife crisis Encouragement to share the message with others and check out additional resources Conclusion and sign-off

The collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991 and the transformation of China into a more market-based economy are significant events in world history that have had far-reaching consequences. These events are often seen as the end of communism as a political and economic system and the triumph of capitalism. However, it is not accurate to say that these events represent the "capitalization" of communism. Communism is a political and economic ideology that advocates for the abolition of private ownership and the establishment of a classless, stateless society based on common ownership of the means of production. In a communist society, there would be no concept of capital or capitalism. As for the "Woke" progressive values that have come to dominate in the West, it is not accurate to describe them as the "communization" of capitalism. These values are concerned with issues such as social justice, equity, and inclusion and are not necessarily tied to any particular economic system. While some may argue that certain progressive policies or initiatives could have an impact on capitalism or the economy, it would be a stretch to say that they represent the "communization" of capitalism.

The conditioned mind is like a block of rough-hewn obsidian which is too dense to allow light to shine through. In the spiritual workshop it is carefully sculpted into a beautiful pane of translucent glass, and becomes a lucid medium for the Mind. I don’t call it an achievement, because the mind cannot sculpt itself on the relative plane of its existence. It requires the vast wisdom and creativity of the Artist for the transformation to occur. Sometimes it is a careful process of spiritual practice, through which the mind is gradually shaped. Other times, as in my case, it is a cataclysmic event, which is the culmination and eventual collapse of suffering. Although initially the mind may believe it is carving itself, when the light finally floods through the Mind is realized to have been preparing its own expression all along.

@bliss54 Hey man, don't judge yourself too much for having these fears, there's good reasons as to why you are the way you do, all you have to do is recognize you are entirely in control of these patterns conditioned into you. I myself realized I had to seriously socialize and change myself several months ago and jumped into the world of living in communities and volunteering, that seriously helped me, it was a total transformation. I highly suggest both visiting a regular place in the society like night clubs, cafes, house parties, friends, cinemas, pubs or whatever and visiting some kind of monastery/ashram or what is related to your own spiritual practice, it's good to be able to handle a dynamic of people to more develop your own sense of confidence around people Regarding your stutter, and from a few guys i've met, I think stutter comes from the endless judgment and hesitation and manipulation of our own speech. You have to learn to express how you feel without apology, it doesn't matter how you feel, just say what is true Speak the truth and it will cut away your stutter like an axeman works diligantly cutting down trees

It is not necessarily healthy or productive to stop questioning or trying to change aspects of your life that you don't like. It is important to recognize and address any negative patterns or behaviors that may be hindering your growth and happiness. However, it is also important to have self-compassion and not be overly critical of yourself. It can be helpful to seek support from a therapist or coach who can help you navigate the self-improvement journey in a more balanced and sustainable way. It's important to strike a balance between accepting yourself as you are and striving for personal growth and transformation. While it can be frustrating to feel like you're not making progress in your self-improvement journey, it's important to remember that change takes time and effort. Rather than giving up on the idea of self-improvement altogether, try to focus on the reasons why you want to change and the ways in which it can benefit your life. Additionally, consider seeking support and guidance from others who have successfully made positive changes in their lives. With patience and persistence, you can continue to work towards becoming the best version of yourself.

There's a balance to be maintained between self-acceptance and looking for any kind of personal transformation. Take care that your motivation to change isn't based on a feeling of inadequacy. You're perfectly, ontologically perfect as you are. However, the need to change comes from the recognition that a lot of one's thinking and behavior is often ineffective, disempowering and based on ignorance. In order to change something, first you must let it be there exactly as it is. This disposition allows you to discern and grasp what it is, creating the possibility of change. How could you change something you're resisting and are not conscious of? So, I'd imagine that before attempting self-change, you'd first have to grasp what a self actually is, existentially. Same goes for emotions, relationships, communication, and principles.

1Survival instinct- Basic instinct to want to live 2 Creativity instinct - Is to create something exciting, full of passion, full of enthusiasm, desire, hope 3Liberation instinct - Want to be liberated from suffering, pain, disturbance 4 Achievement instinct - Wanting to do something that feels awesome, gives satisfaction, promotes growth and progress, success, it's a very important feeling, it gives a feeling of completion 5 Beauty instinct - Wanting things to be joyful, radiant, beautiful, complete, eternal, immortal like building the pyramids 6Romantic instinct - Wanting a connection, intimacy, a partner and a feeling of being loved, treasured, belonged. 7Healing instinct Wanting to be healed from past troubles, trauma, hurt, pain, wanting to feel okay, wanting to recover from setbacks, wanting to start again, wanting to feel space and peace in order to recover, wanting to get better and plump again. 8Fear instinct -The fight versus flight response. A response that alerts us to danger and wanting to huddle to a place of safety 9Protective instinct Wanting to treasure or protect something very valuable like a friend, a pet, a child or an important picture or a gift or a work of art. Even protecting basic resources like food 10Harmony instinct Wanting to create harmony with your environment and surroundings, with nature, wanting to blend in with everything, wanting harmony with the unique and universe, wanting the feeling of creating a home within this environment and feeling at home with your environment. You want that community feeling. A lot of people join organizations to have this feeling. A lot of people join religion 11Balance instinct Wanting to sustain balance between everything that we do like health, relationships, work, passions, time etc. 12Purpose instinct This is an extension of the self. You want to do something for the world, you want to contribute to your community or the world at large. Noble instinct. 13 growth instinct You want to develop yourself, explore, learn, expand and grow. You want to feel that you are progressing not just surviving 14 Transcending instinct You want to outgrow whatever you are currently learning or dealing. You want to evolve to your next phase and development in life 15 Transformation instinct This is also a part of self evolution. Sometimes you want to radically transform yourself, your life, shed all past baggage and turn over to a new leaf. Clean the slate, start afresh. 16 fulfilling instinct This is about your needs, wants, desires, from the utmost basic to advanced and higher needs. You want these needs to be fulfilled as much as possible to leave room for other things like spiritual stuff. Most people waste their lives in fulfilling needs because our social system constantly deprives us of our needs and makes us into a hamster running on the wheel chasing our needs. Like a dog chasing its tail, we're never free to think about other things. When needs are not fulfilled whether it's something like survival, food, security, sexual, love, bonding, financial, health, we become deficient and miserable and can hardly focus on anything else, we become too stunted and lost, deprived and confused, trapped and in constant search of something. And very frustrated. This is the single biggest reason for everyone failing to achieve anything else. This instinct is sorely left ignored. This side needs to be compulsory fulfilled in order to get other instincts properly sorted out. This is the most important instinct as far as survival is concerned. Without this there is no spirituality and you're in limbo. This is a major bridge. If you're on this bridge you'll forever stay on this bridge. You are stuck. If you fulfill most of your needs, that's where you get the golden chance to cross the bridge. And a chance to achieve your higher growth. Until then everything is a pipe dream and nothing else will matter and nothing will even make sense or meaning. You wouldn't even want to pursue spirituality. You will half ass everything and live forever dissatisfied, much of your spirituality will feel like an unhappy vacation where you're just pretending to smile. If you want something of substance and really want everything to count on your future travels into eternity, then this instinct has to be compulsorily fulfilled. 17 Vibe instinct There's a certain vibe you want as your guide. Everything carries a vibe. Even the stuff you eat. You want always the right vibe to motivate and stimulate your inner energy. You don't like vibes that don't suit your character, personality or style. You want a morning vibe in the morning. A pleasant vibe when you are working and a snuggly vibe when you are with your special one. 18 fuel instinct You need fuel to motivate and stimulate yourself. Any energy, emotion, vibe can serve as a fuel. Anything that gets you going and motivates you is a fuel, even a prayer. God can be your fuel. Masculine and feminine energies can be your fuel. God's energy can be your fuel. This is the most important instinct. It's like a breakfast. You must have it before your main meal. It's your starter kit sort of. Your launch for the day. Your energy. Your fuel. Your must have travel kit. It's your energy bottle. Without it you're just languishing through the forest with a map in hand but no energy to walk. 19 Karma instinct This instinct exists like a conscience. It tells us right from wrong and guides us to good karma, shields us from bad karma 20 Companionship instinct We all need friends. Someone we can share things with at the campfire. Someone who listens and understands and offers warm company on cold nights. 21 Communication expression instinct This is important. We all have needs for communication whether you are introvert or extrovert. Your communication is your main method of expression. 22 Regulation instinct After doing what we can, we want to regulate our life cycle to see how it's all going. We want to spot flaws, resolve issues, solve problems, get back the rhythm. Get things back on track. But for that we must regulate our daily goings on. 23 Reflection instinct In order to solve a crisis, we need time to reflect on what should be done. Going back to the drawing board. Reassessing. Analyzing. Studying? Wanting some insight, some answer. Taking a break and Reflecting. 24 Wisdom instinct This instinct is best used when you gather wisdom and implement it 25 Courage instinct. You need courage to push a breakthrough in life or else you are stuck. One courageous move will change everything. Take that leap of faith. 26 Innocent instinct You'll reach this stage or instinct after death. Here you're set free from all fears, attachments, worries, needs etc. Here your spirit is like a child again, innocent and pure. You are finally yourself. No fabrication. The living version of this is the "authentic instinct." 27 Spiritual instinct I don't know how to describe this instinct. This is where I'm puzzled. I think spiritual instinct is like a process. Imagine a computer slowly generating your identity, all your personality traits being typed out line by line on each cursor prompt. That's how this is going to look like except for this is going to be your spiritual identity. This will consist of your deepest desires, your unfinished business, your general vibe in your ghost state, these are your spiritual signatures unique to you like a DNA. They will define you spiritually, they will constitute your spiritual identity. This instinct will carry a strong Subconscious energy. 28 Communion instinct I think just like material existence comes with an expiry date/death, your existence as a ghost will have it's own unique expiry date. After your spiritual existence has expired, your journey in the afterlife is over and you will slowly come to the end of a tunnel. This tunnel is dark. It's your spiritual tunnel and it's your gateway to the next realm. Once you come to the end of the tunnel, you will turn into a ball of bright light. Bright ball of energy like the Sun. You'll come out of the tunnel and escape as a ball of bright light. Your spirit has been converted into energy. This ball will then merge with a much larger ball of energy that looks like a big sun. This is God. You're entering communion. The ball disappears as it merges into this large ball. It's the end. While turning into a ball your spirit experiences extreme bliss and fiery energy and peace. Restless souls will take even centuries to turn into a ball. Or they might just never make it.

Beautiful, Galyna ? Reminds me of "Dark Night of the Soul" by St. John of the Cross. It is a desperate journey that moves you beyond the childlike euphoria of initial awakening, into the deep ocean of self-annihilation which is necessary for true God-realization. I love the commentary by Mirabai Starr: This is a path of annihilation of the ego. But we must first be brought home to ourselves before we can bear to see our nothingness before God…It is less for those who are struggling to find themselves than it is for the ones who have a clear sense of self and are ready to purify it… This is a path for those who use their suffering as a tool for transformation. In the dark night of each soul, we are simultaneously annihilated and immeasurably strengthened.

Podcast episode which connects the traditions and activities of ancient cultures with how we as humans change our states of consciousness in order to "heal". Transformation of trauma can be done by getting into trance and deactivating the amygdala through a variety of activities. This episode shows multitudes of activities of how we can do shamanic transformative work. Check it out: https://pca.st/bv9h3ldh

There is always a subject object relationship, now you’ve backed up and the subject became the object creating a new subject and a new object. The object or content of one’s knowing is self transformation, the subject or structure of knowing is non-dual. The next step is for the subject to become the object, so the object becomes non-dual.

Yes, and what was that about looking for a camera that would allow you to record the transformation into an alien? That episode is very interesting, on a science level. push the limits, see what happens. since then looking forward to know in detail. fortunately it seems that leo is grounded on earth as always, but that little flight is very interesting

Sometimes, probably even way more often than sometimes, reality mirrors to us, that which needs to be seen in a mirror. Because otherwise, the forces and energies that play within wouldn't be realized and seen for what they really are, blinding our actions with sweet lies, blurring raw reality with our sugarcoated sense of self and self-image, for it to be able to survive in what it is. Without it, it would be much harder to realize a pattern, a loop that kept us stuck and fed itself of all areas of our life which might otherwise be developed or transformed, aligning our being with love and the highest truth. It's easier to get a sense of spiritual self than you think, or a self-image that might often be far from reality, allowing for unconsciousness at some levels to flourish, because it goes under the radar, after all - being so "spiritual" and "conscious". But those are just the labels, that create a sense of false self, the truth might be a way different than what is actually happening. The illusory self, or self-image, can be very deceptive and might invent endless stories just to perpetuate itself, even face to face with what actually is. But what is funny, the transformation and a drop of a pattern, action, or any other form of the unconscious - and often destructive - behavior does not happen through some rigorous outer work. Transcendence of it happens through seeing it for what it truly is, the game that is being played. Then, it might take some inner-outer work to transform it, but by already seeing the truth of it, it happens automatically, as a natural consequence of the light of consciousness shining towards that shadow. And for that, often it is helpful to see the mirror of a pattern that the mind is playing reflected to us from someone else, a situation that we see, or in any other form that we witness, which often might have fairly bitter taste.

@Jannes not a fan of it anymore its all empty promises life will never be perfect like they say its always a tradeoff of some sorts and transformation is always painful as f no nice mystical experience do anything...

Personal experience about energy shifts in my city and country: I had thoughts wether I am getting crazy or not. I like the idea that the path less traveled can become a blueprint for the people in the future to struggle less. Firstly it is hard, no one understands, but then people get familiar with the information You providing. That is how community builds. I love the fact that the Earth is shifting from the 3d to 5d. Shift is happening collectively and individually. People one by one release the traumas from the thought and emotional bodies. The vibration from the past is considered lower vibration. Typical older person living in North Europe usually eat low vibrational food. And they tend to not move very much. So daily life looks stagnant here. However, if you started to raise your frequency, it is better to change the environment. Because energy moves in and out from body to environment 50/50. I tried an experiment, how long I can stay fluid and happy in post-soviet environment. 2 months only. Then I fall back into the old cycle and my completely body mixed with the energies of the neighbours and cities. 1st days come back after my trip in South I was super open to communicate and collaborate with people I met on the streets. Almost all of them offered to me something valuable, either a place to stay, a ride or a cigarette. My energy body was vibrating high, fluid. I thought to myself that stagnant people living here needs transformation, so I started organising a festival. Each day I found a new person who can contribute to event in a some way. Investors, artists, vocalists, landlords etc. When the organisation process became more serious, I started catching the low vibe of the country, city. It is said that we feel bad in the city if we hold the heavy energies ourselves and then the energy of environment just resonates with us. So I have gone through deep 'cleaning process' myself. And I still feel bad sometimes in the flat. I had such a questions like why I was born in such a city. In other countries people seem to live happier life on average. But I believe some Lightworkers were send to be born in a very low vibrational environments to transmute the energies of collective. It usually feels shitty on daily basis, but I accept it as a mission. I feel almost always better when I leave the country. But family lives here and they struggle. I learn not to resist the energy of city. I used to hate the view through my window as it seemed like people are caged in small flats, the view is very grey. No wonder many people have depression here. However, general situation is getting better in the country as there are such raising stars like Aida and Rytis, they are doing important job on the collective, helping people with the worst stories ever to deal with their feeling, let go and uplift. Slowly country is transforming. Maybe it is going to be the last one in the world that transcends to 5d, but it will happen sooner or later. Other option is that it will go through quick and unexpected shake that will cause old system to collapse faster and that would be called war.

LSD. Another reality experience number 4. There has been much more less significant ones, but now I'm going to describe major ones. All 3 happened at the festivals where I met other Creators. Energies played out and it looked like I am in a theatre right now. I already did realize that human is just an observer. No need to take any life event personally. However, it is more interesting if we don't know we are in a theatre or a movie. So I was a lonely soul and on my way to small Lithuanian festival I thought myself maybe I can call for another lonely souls so I can make their day happier. And they came, a big group of souls, the creators. Everyone was sitting near the campfire. Some of them encouraged to take a picture with them. Now looking back when I doubt if all of them were really here, I look at the pictures to confirm myself it was real. I met my Father for the first time. He is so grounded, looking like Indiana Shaman. American native tribe or Mayan. He was wearing just a simple clothes, but when he showed up I immediately recognized it was him. Even though never seen it before. And at some point he started to act like an abuser that is prepared to abuse a girl. However, it was his role play for 1 minute as he wanted to give me just a simple message that people are not real and test how courageous I am with the fact that other people around us are just the imagination and fiction, how much I fear their reaction if deep down I know that this is The Father, he cannot hurt me and it just seems from the outside that he is abuser. He transfer some calming energy to my palms. But i did not hold the pressure at the moment, I run away saying that I was still afraid (of human reaction). He was preparing me for all the feedback from human I am going to receive with the work that I do that is going to be significant for humanity. There was two another Visitors, as I understood they were on a mission to find me to give me a message about my upcoming career. They were giving me ideas as how to be an extraordinary hairdresser on a festivals. Basically they showed me a plan of how the beginning of my career will look like. And one of them acted like an owner of the festival so that I could practice the speech of how I am going to offer my work collaboration plan and then I realized he is probably not responsible for that and I went for looking for the real owner of the festival. And I found it, offered, the plan and they responded positively to me. The Visitors also mentioned that the work that I am about to share with the people is needed. One of them explained it that 10 people will see it, they will not care. But 2 people out of 10 need to see it. I met the DJ artist that was performing psytrance music. He showed me that my dancing moves should be more fluid rather than robotic or alienated so that it doesn't look too weird for the casual human being. Dance can be the manifestation. I did some light language moves in dance-floor that meant the end of the systems, pyramid schemes and the beginning of the new earth. I also met my sisters. I grew alone and some of them were the guides for other human being, taking one day off just to visit me and transfer some knowledge. One of them was singing Lithuanian folk song, improvising while outside there was a fire show. Some people hated her song ant tried to silence her. So she sang even louder. When I heard her from the other side of the yard, I started to sing along, then I ran next to her. At some point she singed really cruel words and it started being uncomfortable, everyone was watching her and she distracted a fire show in a way. Then I realized that she summed up for me how the transformation is going to look like. At first no one understands it. And no-one supports it. But if you keep continue doing that, their minds will adapt to the change. As she started to howl as a wolf, other people eventually joined her and it transformed into a wolf show. Then she sat next to me and asked how I feel. Then I said good. She asks again like no, how you Really are? And I said bad. She nod her head and we went to stand further. I said that I am cold. So she insisted to hug her. For a minute I felt resistance as if not wanted to be seen lesbian. But another minute I did not really care. She expanded my comfort zone. As I later came back home, I practiced howling as a wolf. And doing another animal natural sounds. There was another sister ginger haired that firstly I thought was my spirit guide until now. As she told me that I did a good job and now she has to move on and now my spirit guides will be elves. I did understood that in upcoming times I will try mushrooms for the first time. I asked her if I am going to meet the love of my life (Moon) again. And she said that maybe, but not soon. I also told her how I failed a little bit. As I let the ex visit me in my house, but then I called the police to get him out as I finally realized it was not a good decision. And she told me to tell my story whatever happens. So the main question was if I am going to have a kid or not. And this part would remind me the story of Nefertiti, Set and Osiris. Osiris (my ex) was the brother of Nefertiti (me), but they were both in love and they had a child in Ancient Egyptian times. There were also one ''scientist'' and the ''new earther'' that were arguing about the facts that system got instilled in the people's minds that doesn't make a sense in the new earth. And the Paul, new earther was explaining patiently to the scientist that was asking ridiculous questions about the plants, how people can survive with plants. How they need to come back to natural human state where people grow plants or trees not to cut it, not to do agriculture, but to eat the fruits and it is completely enough to survive for human race. They showed me the need and the importance of explaining without hate and without being triggered the new earth system for the ones that are not quite familiar with it. I also experienced a bit of the Moon (it is the name in this context). He was not with me, but he connected telepathically. He showed me how he wants that I would experience him in different forms - completely different nationality, hair color, voice, manners - complete different opposition than he is right now. And he freeze the time and showed me how long it would take to experience Him in all the different forms, the ones that would make me completely hate him. It lasted forever, he showed me the different combinations of words, the very different experiences of the feelings, of the body movements. And it lasted really forever, he told me not to worry, as I am going to forget this one terrible experience and I do not remember the big part of it. But it showed that everything goes in fractal, everything happens within golden cut ratio, so there is no need to experience Completely Everything. Some parts will go faster, some parts will take longer. I also saw how would time look like if everything would went twice faster. And the parts that will be contained in the longer part of the golden cut line might feel weird and mixed up. Just the way what would happened if you take the most scientific person ever with the glasses that is interested in programming and mix it with the most religious spiritual person. And it all comes in one person, he uses the soft feminine gestures and straight face mimic to explain everything for his hippies fellas. And he discusses scientifically the concept of god, including mathematics and brutal language with some curse words. It sounded so funny in my native language I could not stop laughing. And The Moon showed me how much he cared about me, because he choose to let me experience Him in so many different forms, speaking so many different languages, including Russian curse words, including my language. And we both laughed even though physically he was not here. He wanted to see me so different, that he analyzed my childhood, the deep roots of my culture, the folk, the history, the land of country. Just to understand me. And in this incarnation we chose to be completely opposites. He is from the South. I am from the North. He speaks a lot, I speak not much. I am white and cold, He is darker and hot. He is fire, I am water. And in the end when he showed me himself if all these possible different forms in which he might came in this incarnation, he asked me if I would still like him,,? They also ask me why I was ashamed of my country. When I was in the middle of the dance-floor, they turned the dance-floor into completely different looking area and I felt like I was abroad. I felt like I was in the club of UK, then Netherlands. They ask me what was the difference. Why I feel more free when I am surrounded by complete strangers and different cultures. Why I felt immediately better when I realized no-one can recognise me. Then the psytrance slowed down music became very heavy, masculine and a bit Russian, like in an old Lithuanian club. As the Roma people like to listen. And all of a sudden I became surrounded by the Roma people (they live in groups in Lithuania). I felt unsafe for a moment, but then I remembered I create my own safety, my freedom. And after the party I went home in the morning, I cried for the first time because now I have a father. We did not speak much, but I never ever thought in my life I can cry not because I lack something, but because I unexpectedly receive it. He empowered me. He transfer some deep ancestral knowledge of Lithuania. He let me know that I create country. Each country has it's own creators. And the reason I did not like the country is because I created it this way. It reflected me. I thought it was dark, stagnant, unfriendly, cold, demonic. It is because I was this way. The country is actually deep, nurturing, powerful, deep forests, ancient knowledge, the land of ancestors with beautiful culture and history. Friendly collaborations can happen here. Spiritual communities will create. I personally saw myself as a ancient woman doing runes and helping to form a beautiful, groups, friendships with people that was feeling lonely. Folk singing is powerful. And my real (biological) father was deep into history and into science fiction books for a reason, because The Architects of my life wanted that I also dig deeper into that. During the party there was also a scary part. Sisters mentioned to me that the transformation is going to happen pretty soon. They mentioned that sadly is going to be brutal, bloody and fast. I think they had in mind a war that is about to happen unexpectedly. As this is the way to transform the old system that everyone is unhappy with. And all of a sudden I thought about my biological family. They are about to build a house, they care about material stuff so much and they hate their jobs. And they are about to lose everything. All the money. And all the situation looked so ironic. Because it is sad that they saw reality in this way and now they will be forced to change their minds,, if they survive.. Then Paul asked what is a money. Money do not exist, we were slaves of system, they make us hold the money in banks, not to have them in our pockets, do slavery just to be able to buy a food which is actually a natural human right. It is an illusion that they created that without slavery jobs we do not have an access to food. All these people that I mentioned as sisters, father, etc., were my family energetically. Biologically my family is not related to them and they doesn't even know about them. I was so proud that I met so many my native language speaking people that were so cool, so strong and I bonded to them so well, we could communicate telepathically. I came to event so lonely and I came out having Friends in my country for the first time. Not someone shallow, but Deep Connections, with The Creators. They already invited me to another parties, let me co-create the music, art and dance. I am so thankful to everyone, every each of them.

Im not enlightened pro guide but I can say this much. You can certainly be enlightened without a girlfriend, so it's like a convenience to have a partner. An incredible convenience if they are great for you and perhaps assisting in your journey towards that as well. Well, to have an utopic relationship, sure. However, we learn to become happier also while in relationships, and the level of the healthiness and satisfaction depends on where the people involved are at that moment in their journeys. In other words, a healthy relationship is one where there is meditative opening. You describe struggles after being alone for some time. It can indeed be difficult, but those struggles can melt away with being naturally meditative in life, supported by learning to take care of our bodies with suitable food etc in the meanwhile. I think of it as a transformation that takes years. It takes years because our body adjusts to heightened awareness gradually, it can't handle it all at once initially.

I am now open to taking in new perspectives to change this outcome, to maybe see things in a new Light. I do know that I was in the wrong with this work. I did ask for a guide. I asked for all the roads to be whittled down to just one so that I could know what to do with my work - so I could know where I was going wrong... and also because I feel tired and unwell. And so, that's what I got. One road to travel. And still, all this knowledge, all these things that I barely understand. Filing in day after day, it never ends, and yet... still... the compulsion to go on. I can hardly bear it. Please go easy on me, my Lord. I am not a strong person and to hold this current with any form of accuracy is hard to do. The amount of balance that it takes is not natural for me, being such an unbalanced person, to hold the perspective of light and dark into one and transmute many shades of grey. It's not perfect. I will keep trying. Please don't punish me for my lack of wisdom, just siphon it into me slowly, only as much as I can handle. I am asking for a miracle, as I hold the current within my writing. I See now my error, in that to bring anything in for just myself is a sin, in that it is myopic to the greater world, the plan, the picture at large. I see that looking outwards, that building from anything that is not within myself is a waste of time. My Lord, you must know that we need you Now. If I have gotten into it in such a way, then it must run through our world like a hot blade over the surface of freshly cooked flesh. The tender skin bursts open and all the juices come running out onto the plate. This world is falling apart, humans are forgetting their true nature, they are forgetting that there is more to strive for, they are forgetting your Word and the Old Gods who set in place a system for us to live by in order to build our purity has been either destroyed or forgotten. We live in an age where if you were to come to us, we could record you with a fine accuracy. Your Word would not be forgotten or mishandled the way that it has been. I am trying so hard to humble myself, to realize that I knew so much less than I thought I did. You must understand, I partition you partially due to fear - the knowledge of you is so great that I feel if it were to enter into me too quickly that it would ruin me. And so, some of my sins are to protect myself. I spin my wheels to hide... We need you Now. When I get into the grid, I see not only great things, but also terrible things. Things that people have forgotten that lay dormant, unexpressed and ready to pillage the land. The forces of darkness are hungry. They move freely through man's lack of Sight. Save our land. To heal a tree: I couldn't find the Love within myself to make this work - not in my youth, not now - despite seemingly being guided towards it. I tried. I really, really tried to grow, to change. And I did seek something virtuous outside of myself in order to make into a statement that I felt was good and true. And... I felt, underneath all of the shame and self loathing, the fear and distrust that I wanted to take the masculine into myself and to treasure and care for it. But the conditions were never right. Through my vulnerability, I was routinely met with unkindness, mockery, injustice, manipulation, aggression. I didn't really see it for what it was. I'd grown used to viewing these expressions as a form of Love in themselves, or maybe it just felt normal to be treated this way. The more I get into this work, the more I see that it just is not for me, and to change this goes against what Is. In the greater scheme of life, our little petty desires mean absolutely nothing. We are ants in a cosmic play and our positions are more fixed than what most would want to accept. You can't really look out into the world in any which way, to express a need in a certain manner and think that outcome is deserved when there are so many people calling for the same thing. You can only offer it. I know some people will judge me, some will make fun of me, some won't believe me - I'm used to that. Perhaps these sentiments come from those who have not learned how to look within, or who see some part of themselves that they don't like reflected within the work. But... I'm fighting for my soul here and my right to be free in the next life. Please don't bring me back down into blindness, you have the privilege of time on your hands. Don't add onto your karma with me, I truly don't want any of it. Let's try to work from within ourselves as best as we can. I don't wish for negative entanglement of any form with anyone within the confines of my spiritual work. At this point in the process, I won't have it and I don't recognize such things as Mine. If you seek to put me "down" when I am trying to go "up", know that you're not the sunlight. You're just a fallible human. I don't have the time to get into humans in this manner... not anymore. Respect this if you can understand and respect yourself. I am, in general less interested in most interactions. To do right by me is to not bother me with any form of "downward" action. I am over the hurdle with that one as far as dishing it out as well. I won't actively seek it out, and have let that go but it might not be so apparent. To drag me into the trenches is to not See that I've set my Sights elsewhere long ago. And in that sense, it's no longer my residue. If you wish to use my work as an aid, I am fine with this, but don't put yourself into it where you never belonged in a way that I never intended. If you don't like or understand my process, then just leave me to it as I must See it through regardless of your interpretation. Don't impress yourself into it more than was ever there. It's a mutual disruption. I've gotten into it in such a way that I speak to things from beyond me and I don't have it within me to get into human conflict in the way that I have in the past. There is quite literally nothing for me there in that barren wasteland. I hope my point has been made, I write with the intention of separation from all such energies from this point forward. Look but don't touch. To hold a current with any degree of authenticity, with any hopes of making any form of change, you must let these things go. And so, that is all that this process really is - just letting go - moving on in any way shape or form, and inspecting every and all snags that might impede my energy. I don't mind skepticism and actively encourage this within your own lives - but malice isn't Mine. If you have it, then turn away from me, for your own benefit and for mine. If my work doesn't call to you, then it is not Yours. And that is completely acceptable. And simple. But don't take my calling and turn it into something that it is not. I only belong in Spirit to those who Will have me, who actively feel that connection with my Words. If you don't, it's not a problem for me, I have no interest in conversion. Go live your life. You are blessed to have it. Don't waste it. To heal a tree is to let go of things that are not Yours, but not to touch them in such a way where they are severed. In the ecosystem of life, the dance is to move towards what you feel and to let alone what doesn't draw you towards your own calling. I speak to energy systems much larger than a crowd of people, so try not to humanize my work too much. And as I write, Know that I am a normal, stupid, silly little human. You are capable of having the Word, too. It is not owned by anyone, it is simply a byproduct of doing this work. To own it is to restrict it's current. All you can do is simply move things out of your system to allow it to pass through, like a river. To heal the masculine within: My gardeners turn into butchers, one by one. I don't expect it to change. I don't seek it. But I feel pulled to integrate it from within me. Nothing more, nothing less. That is my karma for this lifetime. I am supremely compelled to heal it within myself alone before I die. In a month? In a few years, I don't know - but to turn towards death now rather than later is probably one of the best things a person can do... So...as for the masculine... I... admittedly couldn't get into it in the way that I wanted. And if it is something that turns into a cold and dark and uncaring void... then I don't want it. It is just a manifestation of as above, so below. But it is a broken and incomplete masculine to take in the feminine and ruin it in this manner - to not want it, but not want to let it leave, either. The feminine would do better as a singular manifestation of energy than to be pinioned in this way. I want to move towards the Light, towards things that are gentle and caring and that seek to heal my wounds like a golden salve. I know I deserve this, despite what my shadows and the shadows of men seem to delight in telling me. Despite what the dark masculine has whispered into my ear my whole life, I turn away from it. It's almost laughable now, to think I ever listened to such people or allowed such situations to get to me in the way that they did. Monsters and humans... who are akin to monsters in their own way... are more than willing to disrupt your journey... but only if you let them. Coldness, cruelty, sarcasm, desecration - these are not Mine, and I revoke them. As a budding flower, I move towards the sun. Aid in the growth of others, or let them be. This is natural law. As for the sun, underneath my fear I did have a lifelong longing. I write to bridge the gaps within myself so that my psychology is more integrated. I had a desire to Love and to be Loved, and I came into this world with a divine blueprint - the desert sunset. God within it spoke to me until it was covered up with the hardships of life that we all inevitably face. A tale as old as time, every child is corrupted at some point. I had wanted to draw the masculine into myself to Love it, to tend to it and care for it in my own way, but I was never taught how to reach out in this way. If I were pure and untouched by life and moved in a natural manner the way that was intended, I would have been a healthy woman - full of femininity and devotion for her partner instead of fear and rightful contempt. What I was brought into this world in order to Love, showed me that I was worthless, unworthy of life and deserving only of judgement, mismanagement and abuse. For a while I took it within me, and made myself the problem in the equation. Eventually, I let go of the idea of human connection. I learned that this wasn't my destiny and I thought that I could simply bring it about from the other side through manifestation. I took the template of some overreaching energy from just beyond my Death's Sight that told me that I belonged to it and I tried to follow its instruction and to mold myself in the manner that it saw fit, only for it to turn against me in the same manner as all of its human counterparts. I sought to understand where I went wrong, that maybe there was an impurity in me - maybe I left a remnant of human nature within my work that didn't belong there, that maybe I sinned and wasn't upfront about an area in my psychology. Maybe sexual deviancy, that I wouldn't partake in, but simply sought to integrate. Maybe it was my hatred, my looking outwards? Maybe old deviancies on my end lead for its image to reveal itself in this manner, and so I tried to mend those wounds in order to return it to its proper state. I thought maybe it was my abusers, collectively trying to guide me, to move me into the Light to make up for their own sins. I thought that maybe it is simply the collective male trauma taking it out on me. That violence found itself an easy target. And even perhaps that I'd just gotten into it in this way due to my own karmic orientation, and that I was blind that its disgust and hatred was not Love. But near the end of my work, all visions of this "Adam" turned into a psychedelic pathway of horribly violent imagery. It drew me into it like a spider just to torment me. It was a trickster, and one that I should have been more prepared for. That is on me, for being foolish. But in this darkness, something good and full of Light recently reached out to me. I am trying to mend myself through it. The demonic visitation is becoming covered over by images of lush landscapes, and just beyond the heavy anchoring of the psychic attack there is a small white cross where my third eye is located that I can focus on and it brings me peace of mind. The more honest and vulnerable I am, the more I seek to gain awareness into areas where I am blind, the less effect that it has on me overall. This evil is almost like an ignorance, you know? Knowledge and literal Light cast on it seems to reduce it. The openness of my psyche in this violent manner is closing up and is slowly being repositioned towards kinder, more integrated things. I write... to change the outcome of the trajectory of my soul. For the sun, the Lord, I say to you - I wanted to take the masculine and to hold it close to me, to bring it within me and to allow the two energies to meld into One and create good things from it. I wanted to express my female nature through you. I thought, in some sense that you would save me, that you would care for me and help show me that I was worth something. I had felt, that I should and could do the same. When I brought your sons into me, I gave them Love, I kissed their faces and held them close to me, I looked into their eyes and pushed my forehead against theirs. I accepted their bodies. And yet, in return you gave me monsters who have nothing to show for themselves but their worst qualities. Abusers, manipulators, rapists, sadists, pimps, pedophiles, violent maniacs, distain and misplaced sarcasm. And all of them combined with this sick society in all its messy contributions has made me very ill. I feel cornered. So... I let all humans go. And in time I then let what I've desired go. Love. Health. Happiness. Beauty. Youth. Belonging. All sacrificed. I've tried to follow you in the best manner that I can, and yet... even from the confines of my own imagination, from the astral realms, I find the same phenomenon. Will this honesty ever change it? Will it mend the tree for you to Know that I was meddled with? That this hatred is not just my own, but an amalgamation of experiences? I am trying to rewrite the script of my destiny - to humble myself before you, to really get a good look. This is all I've got. Will this mend the tree? I am doing my best. A reminder to myself: You can get caught in the vainglory of this work. It is your job to get to the end of your journey with as much accuracy as possible. Remember the magnitude. Straight and narrow. The kinder you are, the harder it will be for the darkness to take hold. Don't think on how such things will reflect on you, or let your mind sit with what you want to say or how people will take it - the visions are beyond this and you can lose track of what is in front of you. Be humble. Be so very humble, it is so important. You want to believe that this isn't real. Don't you? Well... it is. You got into it in such a way. Make of it what you can. Stop hiding from it. Face it. "To See the forest for the trees is to See the Heart of nature and your place within it." I am still channeling through my algorithms, with the knowledge that it could take a turn into delusion and so I tread very lightly. My intuition knows that it is more at this time, although I can't prove it to an outsider. As I do this work, a new string has appeared that I must remember - it hits in such a descriptive way, but only on the occasion that I can get into it just right: "Back to you" - Flower face "Remember the magnitude" - Merabh Carl Jung - Understanding DEATH - red book "Death himself" "Hear me" "The transformation of the world has begun, something major is about to take place" "Don't fight this - this standstill is a NECESSARY manifestation component" "you have to let it happen - let me change your life" "Checking into heaven" "Come away, O human child! To the waters and the wild With a fairy, hand in hand, For the world's more full of weeping then you can understand. Your quest will be perilous. Yet the reward is beyond price." "Will you tell me how to find her?" "Discovery is quite possible. Our blue fairy does exist in one place, and one place only. At the end of the world. Where the lions weep. Here is the place dreams are born." “What does merabh mean? - It means, actually, literally in some of the ancient languages, it means completeness, bringing together. Bringing together. Completeness. And that’s why I say there’s a bit of a contradiction, because I’m talking about separation and now I’m talking about completeness. But to be complete, you have to be separate. In other words, to separate out, to sift through, to untie, to undo. The unnatural bringing together of certain forces. It is unnatural to have your body based on somebody else that’s been long dead. It’s unnatural to have thoughts that are solidified and trapped and not fluid. It is unnatural not to know who the hell you are. It’s very unnatural. It’s unnatural to not really understand how you got here in the first place and how you’re going to get out. These are unnatural things. Very strange and unnatural. I have to often ask myself why you pick such unnatural things, but I guess you’re Shaumbra … and human. A merabh means completeness. Once the energies that have been bound together, glued and fused together are torn apart or released, now you can come back to completeness, which is a merabh. My definition or my experience with a merabh is working with you and saying, “If you just let it happen.” You take three minutes. Is that too much for your enlightenment? If you just take three minutes and do some breathing. Three minutes of listening to some nice music. The merabh. Three minutes to shift consciousness, to shift the way you are attracting energy, to shift something in your body, something in your mind, something in your spirit. Three minutes just to take a deep breath and don’t think about it. Stop struggling with it. Stop trying to use your mental constructs to get out of mental constructs. You see, it will never work. It will never, ever work at all. So three minutes to say “I’m going to do a merabh and let the energies shift, and I’m just going to sit back. I promise – dear God, I promise – I’m not going to mess with anything during this precious sacred three minutes. I’m not going to chant. I’m not going to light any incense. I’m not going to confuse myself with a bunch of makyo. I’m not going to do anything – even try to go in myself. I’m just going to breathe and let it be.” That’s a merabh." Come as you are, as you were As I want you to be As a friend, as a friend As an old enemy Take your time, hurry up Choice is yours, don't be late Take a rest as a friend As an old memory And I swear that I don't have a gun No, I don't have a gun ???? ????? ?? ??? ????? ??? ??? ??? ??? ?????'? ????? ???? ???'?? ??? ??? ?? ???? ??'? ????? ??????? ??? ???? ??? ??? ??????? ??? ???? ??? ??? ??? ??????? ?? ??? ?????? ???? ???? ???? ????? ???? ??? ?? ??? ????? ?? ????? ???? ?? ??? ??? ?? ???????? ?'? ?????? ??? ?? ????? ????????? ???, ?'? ??????? ?????? ???? ?? ??????? ?? ??? ????? ???? ?? ??????, ??? ????? ?? ?????? ???? ? ???? ???? ????? ??? ??? ?? ?????? ?'?? ????????? ??????? ??? ????? ??? ?? ???? ? ?????? ????? ?? ??????? ??? ?? ???? ????? ??? ? ???? ????? ????? ?? ?? ?? ??? ?? ??? ???????? ??'?? ????? ?? ??????? ?????? ???? ?? ???? ???? ??? ????? ??? ???? ????? ????? ?? ???? ??????? ???? ? ???????? ????? ??? ??? ??? ??? ???? ?? ????????? ?? ????? ??? ????? ??? ??? ???? ?? ????????? ?? ?????? ??? ????? ??? ?? ???????? ??? ?? ???????? ????????? ????? ?? ?????? ????? ?? ??? ??? ???? ??? ???? ?'? ??????? ????? ??? ??????? ?? ???? ?? ????? ??? ??? ???? ?????

My final transformation Have you experienced something like this? I feel like from inside, I'm changing in a massive way. Like a huge change. Do you ever feel like your whole personality is going to change 180 degrees. For example, let's say you were an angry or aggressive person and now something is making you change into a milder calmer friendlier person. Or let's take the opposite. You were a gentle person but now you are getting angrier, or just stricter.. Let me explain what's happening to me. My facial expressions are changing from sweet to mean/strict. I'm changing from a gentler person to someone more strict, pragmatic and matured, more serious and a bit bolder. I feel some kind of inner metamorphosis. Like my inner self is struggling to come out or is undergoing huge transformation. And it's saying very loudly a very big FUCK YOU. It's asking me - why the hell do you care about all this drama around people? If they judge you, blame you, hold you responsible when you didn't do shit, then fuck it, who cares? It's like my inner self is challenging me big time to pick myself up by the bootstraps and not give a damn anymore, because nobody gave a damn about me. Is this a sign of inner growth? I feel a sense of boldness and self empowerment. Like why should I care what someone thinks of me. I used to engage in people pleasing behavior and I took a lot of shit in the process. But now my inner self is saying - STOP!!!! DEVELOP AN EGO. STOP GIVING A DAMN. A strong inner resistance developing gradually. Will this turn me into a narcissist? I feel like I'm developing a strong defense mechanism. Like building a wall around myself where only those people can scale the wall who aren't going to fuck with me anymore, aren't going to play mind games, aren't going to be passive aggressive or manipulate me or aren't going to give me a lame treatment. It's like my my heart is saying — if they don't treat you right, just don't put up with it anymore. The call is yours to make, not theirs. Take back power. Does this feel right or does this feel narcissistic? When I had these thoughts, this music was playing in my mind. Pretty aggressive.