Search the Community

Hey, I don't really get how people who have read Jed McKenna books are still excited about this enlightenment stuff. For those who haven't read it, he clearly points out that: -enlightenment a painful "process" -is not about finding some cool truth, but the destroying of all illusion until only truth is left -is as radical as committing suicide -is life negative, pointless and should only be pursued by those who have no other options -has nothing to do with becoming a better person, becoming happier or raising consciousness -has nothing to do with love, compassion, bliss or heaven on earth I'll let the guy speak for himself because his analogies are ingenious: "Well, I wouldn't want to give the impression that it's almost pointless. It's perfectly pointless. Awakening to your true nature is like dying; it's a certainty, inevitable. You're going to get there no matter what you do, so why rush? Enjoy your life, it's free. Cosmic Consciousness and Altered States and Universal Mind are names of rides in this vast and fascinating dualistic amusement park. So are Poverty and Disease and Despair. Enlightenment though, is not another ride. Enlightenment means leaving the park altogether, but why leave the park? In the park you can be a saint or a yogi or a billionaire or a world leader or a warlord. Be good, be evil. Happiness, misery, bliss, agony, victory, defeat, it's all here. What's the big rush? When the time comes to leave the park you'll know and you'll go, but there's certainly nothing to be gained by it." "From the U-Rex perspective, "I say, U-Rex is obviously real reality and C-Rex is obviously ridiculous. Also, C-Rex has no upside. There's nothing in its favor, it doesn't go anywhere. Truth is a booby-prize. It doesn't do any good or make anything better. It doesn't provide meaning, it strips meaning away. It takes all the amusement out of the amusement park; no meaning, no significance to anything, no reason to get out of bed in the morning. C-Rex brings nothing to the table, whereas U-Rex creates the illusion of meaning. We must have the context U-Rex provides. Even though it's false, it's still context." "So the lie is better than the truth, you are saying." "Sure. The truth might set you free, but then you find yourself standing in an endless parking lot outside the amusement park wondering why you're out, and how to get back in. Truth has nothing to recommend it except that it's true. U-Rex has everything to recommend it except that it's false." "Me, I don't think so. I know Maya pretty well and i don't see her ever losing more than the occasional stray. A species-wide transformation is a pretty idea, but we have little cause for optimism and plenty for pessimism. It's nice to think we could elevate ourselves, and it's fun to dabble in theoretical scenarios, but the reality is that man will never evolve or transcend or develop beyond his past and present level. If that sounds like a bad thing to us, if Maya sounds like a force of evil, if the terms by which man lives on this planet seem to oppressive or restrictive, then we might do well to take a step back and reevaluate the situation. Where are we? What is this place? Is it a prison to be despised or an amusement park to be enjoyed? Is ego a hideous affliction? Or is it simply the vehicle that allows us to come out and play? When the choice is between no-self and false-self, false-self start looking pretty good and despising and demonizing it starts to seem pretty ungrateful." This demonizing of ego, which i see a lot here, seems to me very ironically, just an ego game Now sure he is exaggerating a bit, there are other perspectives and Jed McKenna is off course not the ultimate authority on enlightenment(although i have little doubt that he is enlightened), and i'm sure Truth can be a very great thing for people, but i really doubt whether enlightenment is something desirable for everyone, when the enlightened guy himself states that it's life-negative.

I love this question because I think you're asking about taking enlightenment beyond simply dissolution of the self, to an active connection with a higher form of consciousness beyond ourselves. My enlightenment experiences have been different from what others sometimes experience (I personally feel there is room for many different types of enlightenment experiences). Not only have I transcended a part of myself, but I've also been physically guided to objects I was seeking when I had no prior knowledge of their whereabouts or if they even existed. In one experience, after spending days alone in the desert, I finally gave up myself and was simply an instrument of supreme consciousness, which guided me in the most counterintuitive way to discover native artifacts I so desperately desired to find. The feeling of being in this state was complete bliss and I wished for it to never end, but of course it did. Only an omnipotent entity could have guided me beyond my senses to such a discovery. This obviously sounds nuts to anyone who has never had this type of experience, but to me it is rock solid truth. Enlightenment is connection to supreme consciousness.

Dear Matt, I'm Mendy from The Netherlands, Europe. About 10 years ago, my life was completely ruined by a car accident. I lost everything: my job/carrier, my boyfriend (left me), my friends (so called), my health (was in a hospital for 3 months, doctors said it would never heal) , my thoughts (I went nuts), I was in complete shock. I once could relate to your desire to be who you were before. You can not be who you were, every again. And that is a good thing... Here's why: You are in the perfect situation to allow Happiness into your life. The biggest lesson I've learned: Happiness doesn't need better conditions. Let your current state of being be a blessing. Feel the bliss in the fact that you are alive to see another day. Happiness doesn't care about your ankle or your house. Sure you can work towards a better situation... Ok, here were some words from the other side of the world, isn't that amazing? I'm in awe every day, not taking anything for granted. Celebrate your life, it is worth living! Look at the possibilities, rather then the deal breakers. Be grateful, soft and loving towards yourself and your life. Talk to yourself like you would talk to your best friend. You will see the best thing to do in NO time. Wish you the best, Mendy

I'm breaking this into parts please feel free to skip down to the part titled problems meditating. It's where I ask my question the rest is here for reference. The story: I was dating this guy for two years (I'm 20 now he is two years older and it was both our first relationship) we were very close and I considered him my best friend. I felt this simple bliss being around him. Our relationship wasn't based around sex though we both enjoyed being together from time to time, conversations were never forced, It was simple and comfortable. But the last 4 months something changed, I think he started going through a very deep self reflection where nothing in his life was good enough, he started getting stressed about things that seemed so trivial, he said he felt depressed, he convinced himself if he left his current life things would be better. I did all I could do to be available for him with how he was feeling, encouraging him to follow the things he felt passionate about, eventually he was insisting our relationship was inevitable, and that he had no plans to marry me in 4 years, I was shocked I feel too young to be thinking about marriage, and I still don't understand why he felt this ball and chain pressure he seemed to be making up, he told me that he didn't feel comfortable around me anymore. I broke down I was so sad. He started to get angry and nag me subtly about certain things that I felt he had no right to judge me about. One given example was that I moved away from my mother she lives in Canada and I moved back to Florida he told me several times that I ought to go back because it would be better for my future, I was finishing up high school for one year in Florida, with college bound plans in the state. I had finished high school and lived with my dad, doing under the table nannying jobs when I got out. He decided he was going to leave for a branch in the military he said this was the reason for the break up. I cried a lot, the sad part wasn't losing a lover but it was losing a friend, losing that connection with a person, but it felt like the wires were cut rather than a natural fallout. It's been 7 months since this happened but he is still around and hasn't left yet. Journey to accepting: My introspection, I snapped more in those last few months than I ever have in my life. I've never gotten mad like that my entire life. started feeling down, thinking maybe he was right and I was worthless, I became a little more neurotic. ( really enjoyed that video from Leo, it has helped a lot with learning to accept emotions as well as helped me to understand them more.) My anger was not directed at him as much as it was directed at myself. I did self inquiry after a bad fight and realized that the only reason the things he said upset me were because of my ego, I accepted everything as they were, and as opinions. The next time these topics came up I let them pass and for whatever reason this made him more upset and distant until the end came. My feelings: I feel the only reason he wants to leave is to find a "better life." But no matter how far a person goes no matter how far they travel they will always be themselves. I feel like shouting at him saying what about your passion in life? Why don't you put your energy toward that? Dreams don't have to be futile don't just settle for an easy route! At the end of the day I don't want him back in my life so much as I don't want him not in my life.( I'm a good friend of his family I actually met him though his sister and her and I still see each other but when I'm at there house he acts super awkward) It feels weird and awkward but I'm not the awkward one. I just sit in there house like always not minding him but I can feel this sense of avoidance it's weird like magnets. We always end up going to the kitchen at the same time but instead of just doing whatever he waits for me to leave. I was almost laughing when it happened just out of the pure immature awkwardness I felt at that moment. I get asked out by other men, and I've dated other guys but it doesn't ever lead to anything more. I don't even want a relationship maybe that's the problem, I could careless if I'm romantic with someone I just want that deeper connection lots of guys who have the balls to ask you out want to just get laid. I miss that connection I had with him and it's like I can feel it's still there but instead he rejects those feelings and avoids speaking with me. I wouldn't take it so personally if he went and pursued his dreams, but instead he wants to take the path of least resistance? (Not that it's easy to get into the military, but he talked so passionately about becoming chef and traveling to study instead he wants to get a government job and be "taken care of" the rest of his life.) The problem meditating: On a deep level I accept everything that's happened and I know if someone doesn't want me in there life that is fine, but rejection is a hard thing for the ego, every once in a while the thought of the guy eats me up I start thinking well I'm better anyway I don't need him and I reflect on these thoughts. It's something I'm trying to let go of but thoughts pop up now and again when I meditate, it's weird I don't have a romantic inclination with the thoughts but I guess I either feel like I'm better than him or I feel that strong sense of rejection like why would someone reject me? Or I really must be a terrible person for someon to just drop me from there life. It makes meditation hard some mornings it's all my mind is fixated on. I feel it holds me back and other days he doesn't even cross my mind. I accept him as a person who has there own life separate from me, but I just don't understand how someone can act like I don't exist. And with meditation and trying to learn of the truths in life it makes it hard to see myself as anything other than this entity. My mind is fixated on me being this tangible thing giving excuses like well you are you, a person loved you and felt you, and you obviously are this being sitting here feeling all of these things. you are conscious because you are not dead you are you. i have this separation between my thoughts and my body and spirit during meditation. like a tree spit straight through the middle but my roots are still connected and strong. Like I can look down at my body sometimes detached from it but at the same time my thoughts are floating some where else, and I'm observing it from above? Not quite above from all sides. It's quite strange I just sit and observe this happening. But what brings me rushing back are these thoughts of rejection and love. I feel I have two sets of opinions I feel life is life it's as it should be and I'm detached but attached to life with no sense of "me" and I get a sense of I am a person worthy and unworthy of love where I have a strong sense of self. How does one get away from these thoughts? I feel they are trivial but I still have them.

Animals live functional lives without brains full of bullshit concepts. Humans have egos, language, long-term memory and the ability to put these things together to form abstract conceptualisations that make our lives more complicated than they need to be and with more suffering thrown on top. It seems to me that animals live life with far less suffering that we do. I envy my pet rabbit that lounges around in the living room all day with complete bliss and ignorance, looking as relaxed and laid-back as I would like to feel! I often look at her and wonder what thoughts are occuring in that tiny brain. Certainly looks a lot more peaceful than most people do..

All I am thinking to myself is ''Shut the fuck up you know nothing about this topic and are defending a religion that is the greatest evil of the world.'' Sorry, i come from a muslim family and i hate islam and it really makes me so fucking aggresive when ppl defend it when its clearly violent . What are those people, blind ? Saying it is a peaceful religion while some homosexual or rape victim is getting stoned to death at the same time wants me to vomit out all my internal organs. Its sick. Worse than sick. I get so mad that I wouldn't care to fuck up my school career and just kill this person !!!!! Ignorance is bliss.

Wow! Same as above, mans search for meaning by victor e frankl. I used it as a tool to get through tough times in the past. I love the whole paragraph, but specifically the part where he writes ...."I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world, still may know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation if his beloved. In a position of utter desolation, when man cannot express himself in positive action, when his only achievement may consist in enduring his sufferings in the right way- and honorable way- in such a position a man can, through loving contemplation of the image he carries of his beloved, achieve fulfillment......."

I awake with two beautiful vixens at my side. I grumble out of bed stepping over the wine bottles littered on the floor and step out onto my balcony in all my naked glory. My butler steps in and hands me a cup of dark french pressed coffee and I watch the sun rise. Stepping back inside both my vixens eye me and beg for me to come back to bed. We all f*ck in a multitude of ways and then walk down the cliff side to the beach with a basket full of sandwiches and strawberries. We all swim naked, run along the beach, and lie naked in bliss. Before returning back up the steps to the castle because the night's festivities have not yet begun. Health: Mixed Martial Arts 170LB Body Wealth: $1,000,000 Annually Relationships: 5 Girl Rotation Happiness: Entrepreneur (Freedom)/ Adventurer (Travel) / Artist (Create Beauty) / Seducer (Deep, Wet, Passionate) H: G/A/DAY + 100 Challenge + Nature Hikes W: Book Reviews, Movies Reviews, Show, Daily Video Travel the world and have a ton of adventures. Star in a handful of films. Write at least three best sellers. Produce a movie. Have a world wide global brand. The end game being I have a house in Bali and a Castle in Southern France. Die a novel man with a big robust family and to be remembered as a renaissance man of his day.

Why I completely agree with Elliot. First there is passion...then you must grind when the passion is gone. Commit yourself to mastery in that one field! If you always dabble and never master anything you will never succeed. In the same time you follow your bliss, because your bliss was your passion to begin with.

Accepting drudgery and following ones bliss are NOT contrary, in my opinion. I think the error in thinking comes from conflating 'avoiding pain/hard work' with 'following your bliss'. Following your bliss is moving towards that thing which your authentic self 'desires' most AND having the discipline to overcome the inevitable resistance. This does mean it can be incredibly tricky to know when to jump ship and make a radical life change (as I recently experienced myself...), or persevere with your current activity. As for your mathematics situation, only you can know if that's what you authentically want and whether it is worth mastering.

Hi Walt, Thank you for taking the time to comment on my comments. I understand your analysis here. I am also aware of my rapture and so I am following it. Exactly has Joseph Campbell stated: If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are -- if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time. When I came to this realisation within me, by myself, I experienced eudaimonia. I also realised an intense love for life. And it keeps on growing every day. That is what I am following. In that following, I have made the boldest decisions in which I would have never let my past self even imagine. Self-discovery into the authentic self has no limits. What is the hardest for the mind to grasp is that there is in fact no 'I' and no 'self'. We are in fact a thought experiencing life. Yet when 'my' ego discovered this, it felt liberated and awake, as though veils had been blocking its view to the ultimate truth from the very moment it formed itself. 'My' ego appears very supportive of this path. For that 'I am' grateful.

I didn't read every word in this forum so I apologize if I am repeating someone else. I love kombucha. Try drinking kombucha everyday and see improvement. I love it, if I crave sugar or an unhealthy snack I'll have a bottle of kombucha and it helps with that, also I drink it out of a wine glass sometimes which is fun because I rarely drink alcohol and it has a similar taste. There are many varieties and different tastes, so don't give up until you find one you like. I like katalyst bliss berry with a little hoppy mixed in, and also gt synergy passion berry bliss or ginger berry. Organic and raw. Yum I'm drinking some now in my wine glass. Happy Valentine. Be mine-ful?

I think to truly wrap your head around this you need to practice mindfulness meditation and be generally mindful in your approach towards everything.The Past and the Future are constructs of your ego.When you can truly dwell in the present 24*7 all your life's problems are going to disappear slowly and you will feel infinite bliss

Some things to consider as meditation: Why not on your own journey? Why add another false identity to the one you already are trying to understand? Can an internal war be resolved without fighting? Did you know that the word "ego" is Latin for "I"? Are you not humanity ? Did you know that this phrase originated with Joseph Campbell and it does not refer to following your fancy, that it does not mean following your personal ideas of what you think you should be doing. Here is a quote by him: How Joseph Campbell came up with his idea of "follow your bliss": You have many great ideas - do not get lost in them. Joy

Recently started waking up 30mins earlier so I can extend my ritual. Here's how it goes: Wake 6.30 Bask in the mindful bliss of a morning wee Read my mission statement Make my commitments for the day (20mins Italian practice, 15mins exercise, 30mins yoga, and whatever single goal is my focus from these categories: (a) technique, (b) mindset, (c) social. At the moment that's (a) polyspecialise, (b) Beginner's mind, (c) be passionate in conversation) 10 minutes meditation 5 minutes visualisations, 5 minutes affirmations Pop a handful of supplement pills, down with my morning shake (oatmeal, ground seeds, desiccated coconut, banana, apple, soya milk) 80mins creative pursuit/ miscellaneous personal development stuff (reading, journalling, etc) @Wilm Reviewing goals is a great idea, I'll add that to mine! @Jasmine I'm working through those sentence completions too. Didn't even realize how much they've helped me until the other day I was shocked to remember that a few months ago I actually felt the need to buy a book to improve my self-esteem! @Neill Bolton 1-2 hours meditation - wow! I'm impressed.

Into the great nothing "Stillness is for always" - Sadhguru Since the Egoic realization of the 4th, the realization has occurred that nothing known can be real. I recognize that "my understanding" of the multiverse was both a trap and an insight at once. It gave "me" the logical string to follow to understand my existence does not exist, but also it is just a metaphor, not real, a shadow of a shadow of a shadow. Chasing shadows does not get results. I sat in meditation for a long time reconciling the understanding that if we are but 3 dimensional beings interpreting some 4 dimensional object at a co-ordinate we refer to as time, then my life truly is not mine. Not only is it not mine and I have no choices to make in it, but there could be an infinite number of these 3Dimensional planes that the 4 dimensional object passes through. Thus not only is my life not mine, it cannot be personal or private. There are other "me's" experiencing my past feeling as though it is happening for the first time. Which also made me realize there are other "mes" experiencing "my future" and it is only "my" experience of this moment linearly which gives the illusion that I have any ownership whatsoever. Thus came the conclusion whether 4D actually exists or not, the answer is the same. "My" life is not mine, I am not "me", and furthermore by that very model of higher dimensions what we know is only a shadow of the 4th, the 4th a shadow of the 5th. Regardless of where you exist knowledge is useless, it is only knowledge of some higher shadow which in turn when arrived at will have it's own fictional relational concepts for the next degree. The greatest achievement this granted was the quieting of the voice, meditation is peaceful now. There is nothing to know, existence cannot be known, only experienced. The eyes close and all is let go of, who is there to hang on? The fingers touch and the differentiation between one hand and the other is gone, who is there to differentiate? Floating in an endless sea of bliss and peace commences, who is floating? Who is who? A true moment of not knowing happens. I am no one, and I am nothing. Existence simply is happening, there is no "I" in it. This understanding happened all at once, it exists completely of it's own volition. The body melted away, and for an eternity there was nothing but bliss. Then the eyes opened again, and one thing which was separate, was separate no longer. "Welcome my son, welcome to the machine...What did you dream? It's okay, we told you what to dream." - Welcome to the machine - Pink Floyd Truly No one

The awkward moment you do self inquiry and realize you were doing more "right" than you gave yourself credit for..... The two edged sword of living within the meditative state. You can live within the meditative state? Yes. If someone tells you its all bliss? They are full of shit. Run Forest Run! If you've suffered severe trauma(s) you might live in a hyper vigilant state. You might be hyper aware. Awareness might not be your problem. Content focus might be your problem. I suspect by observation for the past few months content focus or lack of focus is more than likely my issue. (Example, as a violent crime victim and a former officer/trained soldier I am hyper aware in public settings to include using proximics. (Body placement, spacial awareness.) I am hyper focused on exit points and walls for safety, who is near me and why. The issue? My focus is built on a belief that public and people = harm; a paradigm reinforced by law enforcement experiences and other direct experiences in my life. Is this always true? No. I have functioned from within a meditative state, but my focus revealed subconscious paradoxes and creative realities both positive and negative which were subsequently manifested in reality as a result of my focus. Thus my observation became once I functioned from a meditative state, if I was focused upon fear, I saw fear in every pattern I observed. I, the observer, created the effect. In turn, if my focus was love, releasing all other content, the pattern I observed was love. I, the observer, created the effect. The second thing which came to me this morning, I am trained to observe and report. Since my youth I have been, due to disassociation, detached; observing, synthesizing and reporting through a creative emotive medium; mostly poetry. This was a skill later honed as an officer and private investigator. It was our job to observe and report and the quality of our observation and reporting impacted the outcome of justice. Its considered arrogant by some to say you are smart. I'm smart. I spend most of my time observing, meditating and sometimes I lose focus and chase the wrong rabbits/content. That can be an emotional roller coaster. When you are smart, lots of things interest you. You are curious. So you chase all content about one topic so you can see every-man's position. Perhaps the reason I can think of at least six impossible things before breakfast is I am willing to listen all day and observe the patterns the universe is sending me and then mediate upon what the focus of the message is? I am happy when I see my kind attributes; I am sad or ashamed when I see my own hypocrisy and that is when I know this is the area I have to focus on content filtering and correct my own internal course. Embrace the lesson take corrective action. Sometimes I forget and I punish myself. I will do this until I become aware, and then I can shift focus back to correction so the pattern is broken. I have expanded both my framework of understanding and my scope of listening beyond and do so every day. (No alien emoticon available) I want to know what makes this apparent plane of reality tick.? How does this reality fit into other realities? That's just how my brain ticks naturally. Its my creative idea of fun. (Again, no alien emoticon available) Thinking about space, and time travel, and stories; researching sciences and philosophy,so many interesting topics so little time. Focus can become challenging when it comes to completion; especially when you are genuinely interested in chasing so many different rabbits. Perhaps all those rabbits end up weaving into a more interesting story? (Again, no alien emoticon available) I believe stories can change the world. They have. Just think of stories that have impacted your life? Stories require vision, research, work, imagining; they are in one sense the ultimate meditative indulgence. That awkward moment you find out you may be wiser than you credit yourself for, you just have to focus your lenses better.

Let me clear something up for you. I think you're under the impression that enlightenment is some sort of fleeting experience. Upon realizing Truth ("nothingness"), you may experience bliss, heavenly feelings, kundalini, joy, gratitude, full enjoyment of the present moment, still mind, and a bunch of other side effects. But those experiences are not Truth itself. How could Truth feel like heaven if it's nothing at all? The Truth itself is very very subtle. It's also not an experience, because all experiences are fleeting, and Truth is eternal. You don't have to "extend the time of being in such a state" to abide in Truth if you're fully enlightened. I'd rather not go into full detail on the "how-to get enlightened" - you may want to buy Leo's book list or watch his videos to help you with that. What's so heaven-inducing about Truth is that at that moment, you realize you are not the body, the ego, or any other ephemeral things in your experience. What a friggin' relief! How do you know when or if enlightenment happens? I can only give you a crappy analogy. How do you know if you've orgasmed during sex? You just know.

I have this problem to. I posted something about it in another thread. Personally I find conversation very pretentious and just a shallow game. The reason being that there is very little value to most of what 'normal' people have to say. I don't care about politics, or the weather, or their life, or someone else's life, or hearing about rants and complaints and judgments etc When I observe other people engage in small-talk it just sounds so rediculous and shallow. Very low-conscious. I think there is a difference between 'small-talk' and 'intelligent conversation' though. But then what is 'intelligent'? Current affairs, news, politics, technology, society, lifestyle? I don't know. It's all 'chimpery' to me. Self-help, self-actualization and the topics discussed on Actualized.org and this forum are far more interesting and insightful than most of what other people can talk about. So I am at a loss too. It is as though the further we emerge from this fog of bullshit that human society brought us up in the more detached I feel and less able to interract with it all. Then again, why the need for conversation at all? I actually don't feel that I'm missing out on anything. Peace has become bliss, lol. I think we talk too much to be honest. Never mind the 'monkey-mind' in our heads, what about all the chimpery we spout through spoken language? Speaking of which I loved that analagy Leo used in the 'How society fucks you in the ass' video - 2 cages of chimps throwing shit at one another. Love it. Sums up so many human interractions...

Interesting topic... I think the main "benefit" is having a clear mind, but apart from that i don't really see why "you" would pursue enlightenment if you are not a hardcore truth-seeker. Leo always says that it's impossible to be happy without being enlightened and the unenlightened life is a hell, but i don't really think that's completely true, at least not in my experience(or am i lying to myself right now?). I would say it's not so much of a holy grail as some people here make it out to be even though it will liberate you from "you", but unless you are not enjoying the dream that is life or can't stand maya anymore, why wake up? Everyone is gonna wake up eventually, so why rush it? “Make no mistake about it―enlightenment is a destructive process. It has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier. Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth. It's seeing through the facade of pretence. It's the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be true.” ― Adyashanti Here’s a simple test. If it’s soothing or comforting, if it makes you feel warm and fuzzy; if it’s about getting into pleasant emotional or mental states; if it’s about peace, love, tranquility, silence or bliss; if it’s about a brighter future or a better tomorrow; if it makes you feel good about yourself or boosts your self-esteem, tells you you’re okay, tells you everything’s just fine the way it is; if it offers to improve, benefit or elevate you, or if it suggests that someone else is better or above you; if it’s about belief or faith or worship; if it raises or alters consciousness; if it combats stress or deepens relaxation, or if it’s therapeutic or healing, or if it promises happiness or relief from unhappiness, if it’s about any of these or similar things, then it’s not about waking up. Then it’s about living in the dreamstate, not smashing out of it. On the other hand, if it feels like you’re being skinned alive, if it feels like a prolonged evisceration, if you feel your identity unraveling, if it twists you up physically and drains your health and derails your life, if you feel love dying inside you, if it seems like death would be better, then it’s probably the process of awakening. That, or a helluva case of gas. -Jed McKenna-

@Niki Hi Niki! Let's clear the air for a second. When Leo says "the self is an illusion," what does that mean? An illusion is something that appears to be there but does not actually exist. The self is something that appears to be there in your experience, but it doesn't actually exist. It's just an idea, like Santa Clause. So, technically, your experience right now, forever and always, is one of no-self. Seeing that the self is an illusion is a totally different story. It sounds to me like you're thinking of enlightenment as an experience: some sudden experience of joy, bliss, ecstasy, feelings of oneness, etc. Those particular things may be side effects, but enlightenment is an inner realization of your true nature, and Truth is not an experience. Experiences are fleeting and don't last forever; your true nature has been around for an eternity. You're frustrated because you want to recreate that amazing experience you had, thinking it will promise you salvation. In fact, you may want more of those experiences. If you would like more of those experiences, look up Kriya meditations; you can get in some amazing states of bliss doing those. However, that will not cure your frustration. Your frustration likely lies in the stories you tell yourself about enlightenment and your feelings of unworthiness for not making enough progress on your journey compared to everyone else. If you're serious about enlightenment, you have to realize that there is no such thing as progress on this journey. Progress means gaining something, moving towards some ideal destination. Enlightenment work is kind of the opposite: it's a regression back to your primal state of awareness. Regression means losing things, returning to where you've been this whole time. What are you losing on the journey to enlightenment? Illusions. Illusions about who you are, what defines you, where you are, what you should and should not do. This frustration of yours is an opportunity to see through your first illusion. What is your frustration trying to accomplish? What's the hidden agenda behind it? Maybe it's not frustration, but it's depression? Maybe it's deeper than depression; maybe it's fear that you won't get the most out of life? Who knows? It's your job to dig deep into yourself and uncover your own illusions. Here's a reference point: Every belief you have about reality, about who you think you are (even 'I am nothingness'), and about what you should do, is not true. Every belief is an illusion that has no existence outside of the mind that constructed it. Any beliefs such as "I am a worthless piece of crap" or "I am a painter" are illusions that don't actually exist. You probably didn't sign up for contemplation. Facing your emotions and examining them is painful. It's much easier to meditate, and while that can help on the journey, you probably don't want to depend on it completely if you're really serious about enlightenment. And don't just abandon your practice when you're away from the cushion; Life itself is your spiritual practice. Any time you feel emotional resistance in your day-to-day activities is an opportunity to inquire about the hidden illusions that are fueling these emotions. See through enough illusions, and all those things that once caused your suffering won't anymore. Once you discover how the magic trick works, it's not even worth seeing it again. Cheers!

Kundalini in yogic theory, is a primal energy, or shakti, located at the base of the spine. Different spiritual traditions teach methods of "awakening" kundalini for the purpose of reaching spiritual enlightenment. Kundalini is described as lying "coiled" at the base of the spine, represented as either a goddess or sleeping serpent waiting to be awakened. In modern commentaries, Kundalini has been called an unconscious, instinctive or libidinal force, or "mother energy or intelligence of complete maturation". Kundalini awakening is said to result in deep meditation, enlightenment and bliss.This awakening involves the Kundalini physically moving up the central channel to reach within the Sahasrara Chakra at the top of the head. Many systems of yoga focus on the awakening of Kundalini through meditation, pranayama breathing, the practice of asana and chanting of mantras.In physical terms, one commonly reports the Kundalini experience to be a feeling of electric current running along the spine. "When you succeed in awakening the Kundalini, so that it starts to move out of its mere position, you necessarily start a world which is totally different from our world. It is the world of eternity." - Carl Jung

With all this talk of kundalini and sensations of emptiness, I just want to clear the air for a sec. Experiences are fleeting. The Truth is eternal. Upon having an awakening or discovering the Truth, you may experience joy or bliss or kundalini or whatever, but that's just a side effect. Enlightenment is not an experience. It's not a sense perception. It's not anything you perceive in the world of phenomena. A lot of people like to confuse sensations of emptiness with enlightenment, when what they have likely found is the "I Am" or "the witness" or "beingness" as Nisargadatta puts it. The I Am is a very alive, sentient emptiness that is the backdrop of all sense perceptions; it's not just limited to your body. It's incredibly liberating when you first find the I Am, because that's your first realization that you are not the ego. The I Am is where the sense of Oneness comes from, because you see that the emptiness of the I Am is not separate at all from sense perceptions. After discovering I Am, you will spontaneously begin to abide in it. However, the I Am is a gateway into Truth and not Truth itself. Why is it not Truth? Well, where does the I Am go during sleep? Where was it before you were born? Who is witnessing the I Am? Do enough contemplation, and you see that the I Am is just another part of the dream world of perceptions due to its ephemeral nature. Just wanted to clear that up for anyone who's confused about the term "enlightenment experience."

@Arik Respect, man! @Zotikos Thank You for your insight & advice. The main reason I ended up between splitting sessions or maintaining one, longer, is that they affect me quite diffferently. The longest session of meditation, was btw. the hardcore version of not moving at all also and it was 96 minutes. My position was very uncomfortable from the beggining, but somehow I did go through it. After quite some time the unbearable pain in my legs was still present but from a distance, like I was aware of it, acknowledged it and that's it. Done nothing about it. There was no I, just pure nothingness. The bliss, peace, awareness and WOAH that was coming through me were unexplainable and undefinable. That was the hardest, but also the best meditating session I've experienced so far. The moment of pushing certain barrier during meditation is so rewarding. I will experiment with different frequency, but I think at the end, I might stay with one hour, but I'm going to place it in the morning instead of doing it right before sleep. Thank You, guys!

Personally for me anxiety and motivation are the same thing. I am constantly anxious i am wasting my time and i am constantly anxious about underperforming. I do have an anxiety disorder and whilst at first the anxiety would cause me to panic and not do anything productive I am now able to use it as a tool to get myself off my ass and get shit done, I very rarely feel the need to just get up and go without an external factor pressuring me to do something which is a thing about myself I am trying to fix but I hope through routines and discipline I will be able to make my productivity more stable. You might think wow, thats a really miserable way to live constantly anxious about everything coming up but i dont know, I find it hard to get joy from things when there is work being put off. When i sit in my room playing games that i would usually love i find myself bored and unable to even sit through what should be fun as in the back of my mind my anxiety is sitting there sucking the pleasure from my life however if i get the work done I am in a state of bliss for the rest of the day. The feeling of having the weight lifted cannot be appreciated without first living with the weight so whilst it sucks i kind of just have to get on with it. also my motivation for joining in with these forums is that its the one thing i can do in my breaks that is guilt free and enjoyable for me.