Search the Community

@Leo Gura why exactly, tho, is the whole enlightenment process not just another trick of the ego? experiences of nothingness, infinity, another being, not just a trick of ego? just as we can never prove the existence of physical matter because it all falls back to sensation. we cannot prove the existence of non duality because it all returns to the fact of our awareness being aware of everything but its direct self. awareness proves duality in the exact same way it denies duality. where am I even going with this question. I'm too asleep. peace, friend.

Well, try it again Everyone goes through different experiences during their practice. The neti-neti is meant to show you that you are not an experience (na+iti = not that). So then what are you? Of course, the experiencer. The experiencer is the nothingness behind all experiences. It is like that here and now. The next step is to see that you are the origin of all experiences, and the dichotomy of experience and experiencer is only an illusion.

@Bebop Thanks for replying Bebop, I am almost speachless. Its hard for me to believe that it was genuine, but then again there is no possible way I could truly explain it with words because I have never had it before. One thing that I am sure of is that I didnt try hard at all. I was almost bored by the parts of the video when Leo went through the different senses and thoughts. "Of course I am not taste, duhhh" Despite from other meditation sessions in which I tried so hard to grasp something that might enlighten me, today, I did not intend or think of an outcome like this in any way. After having that moment as confused and excited as I was, I almost didnt make it to the end of the video. The next thing I thought of was to ask about it in the forums. Then I cooked a meal. I didnt feel any different, just excited and mind blown. After eating, I am writing this now. I am scared to forget and doubt it. I am trying to write down as much as possible to remind myself. Somehow I already start to lose some of the memory of what it REALLY was like. It wasnt the question of who I am that kicked it off. During the session I asked myself many times without results who I am or who the observer is. First word perceiver had a huge impact on me to understand more and that something must be perceivinig. But the thing that kicked it off was the thought of nothingness, trying to imagine nothing and then without being able to grasp it, just trying to be it. Trying to be something that I had no idea of what it might be but it must somehow be perceiving everything. I wonder why I didnt feel/experience any relation with that nothingness, it felt completely foreign. And the fear was like an existential fear of being sucked into the nothingness, not ever being able to get out again. I think before trying to get to that nothingness again I might have to do some deeper research on peoples experiences and what happens next or else I will be too scared again and wont get any further than today. Edit: @Natasha Funny how in that exact moment you post the reply with the guide Thanks alot!

@Santhiphap Yes it sounds like you had a glimpse of nothingness. It's not an experience but rather what everything arises out of, your mind is not going to be able to grasp this. Keep going with it, ask yourself who is aware of the sensations

Hi, I just did the "Enlightenment Guided Inquiry - The Neti Neti Method" by Leo and I had an experience of that nothingness, or did I? At the moment in the video when Leo said I should just try to consider that I am nothing and I should now try to be that nothingness, something happened for a split second or even shorter: Some kind of feeling of nothingness evoked very strongly. It seemed like nothingness was expanding rapidly, followed by an immense fear and because of that strong fear the nothingness shrunk/contracted and disappeared. All this happened in less of a second I think and the fear was dissolving as well. Now I am questioning myself if that was some kind of imagination or hallucination. Everything else during the meditation felt like imagination but this short experience didnt feel like imagination. It just happened unvoluntarily. I cant really give more information except that now I have a very unclear picture in my head how it "looked" like in that moment. Just expanding and contracting blackness but no structures in it with which I could explain how I identified the expansion or contraction. It was more like a feeling than a picture. Whats weird is that I didnt understand/realized myself as being that nothingness. It just came over me like a frightening chill. Could someone with confirmed enlightenment experiences comment on this? Thank you.

I've just been heavily involved in the last year or two on the studies, meditation and practices of attaining the perspective of "not-self" and more recently "non-duality", which seem to be highly inter-linked from my understanding. I have learnt to apply a more sharper and heightened definition of the word "integrity" which seems to be a kind of glue to the concepts that can be directly applied to the practice to make the direct experience of 'not-self' and in particular 'non-duality' all the more real. So firstly, given the breadth of each of these subjects, let me outline what I mean to be clear by giving a short definition of what I'm specifically referring to, then it would be interested to hearing your thoughts: 1. not-self: the very fact that our awareness and perceptions within our awareness is an also all that makes us up human experience. Perceptions come and go and are continuously changing. Also, that we are neither an independent object of our awareness and perceptions. So, we are a bundle of experience that is not us but that we can't seperate from. 2. non-duality: our individual subjective experience is everything, yet nothing at the same time. Awareness is all encompassing for the 'self' but for awareness to exist, then outside awareness needs to exist, which is 'nothing'. This oneness with our perceptions, and the duality between a unified subjective experience and the 'nothingness' behind the scene, is the connection point that we all seem to share. It's impossible for unity or duality to explain the whole picture but taken in balance of egoic self referential agenda and the all pervasive nothingness that all of our awarenesses are embedded in, then we arrive at a complete picture. 3. Integrity: is an alignment between our "internal" and "external" world. If the divide between our internal and external world doesn't really exist given the existential framework of nothingness that it resides within and the fact that not-self asserts that there is really no external 'self' viewing the external world in the first place. So the one single reality exists for all of us must be aligned to satisfy both not-self and non-duality, given that there is a hard assertion that there isn't a divide in the first place! As a clearer example, this is clearly experienced when one practices 'mindfulness' or 'presence', when they concentrate on an object and then their inner world drops and they are just there with the object as one, but neither seperate or believing they are the object they are considering. So the reason as to why I see integrity as an important playing card in applying this approach, is because if you don't consider a private world to exist and there is complete harmony between one's perceived internal and external world, then one is more honest and at no disharmony with themselves and their environment, including others.

No, you are the body and mind wanting to become the field nothingness. That's the difference. Start by not wanting to read your own mind.

So if I'm not the body or mind but just a field of nothingness that is aware of the body and mind happening inside it, why am I not aware of other people's body and mind and thoughts and feelings like they were my own ego? This field of awareness is locked only to my ego somehow? Doesn't this field of nothingness stretch out into infinity and observe everything?

Good, so let's quickly cut to the chase by airing out some of the hidden assumptions in your reasoning. Do things really exist for YOU? Or do things simply exist? Do YOU hear sounds, or do sounds simply arise? Do YOU feel things, or do feelings simply arise? Are YOU bringing up images? What is that YOU? Are there really things, or simply arising sensations? Do things exist, or do amorphous sensations arise and pass away, having no constant existence? What actually exists for more than half a second? Anything? You say you exist in thought, but is that REALLY what you believe? Do you cease existing in between two thoughts? Keep exploring all these questions. This is the right track. But it will require much practice. Try to get REALLY clear about what you believe you are. Not ideas of "Nothingness" but REALLY! If we put a gun to your head, what is going to die? << That's more like it. All your ideas of nothingness are gonna REALLY hold you back. Drop them. Pretend like you've never heard anything about enlightenment, and then proceed with the self-inquiry.

to me experience means the recognition that something exists. I don't think I'm the perceiver perceiving the perceived. I experience that there is perception of these things.. that's all. "I" refers to "me" "awareness" "nothingness" whatever label you want to use. I realize that I do still identify that there is a me experiencing these things because I need a premise that explains the experience that's occurring right now. Your premise is based on that "I" don't exist. which I understand. but that doesn't deny that there still is experience happening regardless if there is someone behind it which of course enlightenment says there isn't. I'm looking to find out what is the source that even recognizes that something exists in the first place. that's the thing I'm interested in. which is nothingness. which I'm really trying to get to the bottom of even if there is no bottom to be found. Sorry if there's a lot of confusion.

So this is the first time I'm actually doing some self-inquiry, I have no idea what I'm doing but I've decided to journal to help me in this process because I just became really frustrated without it. I currently have no idea how to do self inquiry, but I'm going to figure it out. I'm looking for some tips on how to do self-inquiry, questioning my identity and who I believe I am, finding out who am I, literally, and I want to know what's true. I'm not looking for you to tell me that "dude you're awareness! you're aware of it all! " or "you're nothingness!" I understand all of those ideas, but I want to experience awareness and nothingness for what it ACTUALLY truly is in direct experience. that's all I want, I just want the truth with the ultimate intent of living with an accurate perception of reality. and who I truly am. this is my first inquiry --> "What exists for me? I can feel things on my body, sensations, I can hear sounds, I can see objects from my eyes. What else? I can hear thoughts that I have no idea what they are or where they are located, they’re just there. I can bring up images that I have no idea what they are or where they are located, they’re just there. Anything else? No. this is all that exists for me. What are these things? I have no fucking clue, I just know that they exist and that there is an experience of them. Where do I exist? Take a guess. I exist in thoughts again I have no idea what they are or where they are located, they’re just there. I’m labeling them thoughts because I need something to ground me in this work. What is a thought? Truly? It’s an experience. What is an experience? The recognition that something exists. What exists and doesn’t exist? What exists is something that I can perceive or notice, whatever label I want to use here. What doesn’t exist is what I can’t perceive and what I can’t notice again whatever label I want to use here. So what am I? “I” am a label created inside an experience." I'm just looking for some tips and maybe a little guidance in this process and maybe how others do self inquiry, how you started, how you progressed, Thanks.

Just wanted to show some LOVE to my Actualized.org family! Happy Valentines Day! (Even though it's celebrated tomorrow.) I wanted to express my gratitude to Leo and everyone on this forum that has helped me on my life journey. And I appreciate the support I've received here, and non-judgemental caring attitudes and advice! We are all in this together! God is Love/Absolute Infinity/Nothingness. We shouldn't wait for one day out of the year to celebrate love and gratitude for the people that we care about and bring meaning to us. It should be celebrated everyday! <3 Love and Peace be with you. Namaste!

I want to share some insights I have had on the journey throughout the 2 years I've been doing. In no way am I claiming my insights to be true and I am just here to share, not to defend a perspective or convince you. So firstly I want to start with a fundamental truth that I have discovered through direct experience. And that is that I do not exist as a separate entity. I exist as nothingness or "the void". This nothingness is both nothing and everything simultaneously. Mind blowing... Another insight I've gotten is that ego and suffering are one. They are two sides of the same coin. And that true happiness is not found in your material possessions, it is found from knowing who you are existentially. When you believe you are this body sitting here, you can't be happy unconditionally. Furthermore, I have realized that in this life, I basically know nothing. That a lot of my knowledge in inaccurate and that I need to be vigilant for self-deception. One self deception that I fell into recently was believing that if I show I am hurt to others, that will make them understand and I will feel better. In my life, that proves to be false. People are generally just as egotistical as me and probably care way less of me than I think they do. The way to deal with hurt is to forgive the person who hurt you and let your feelings pass. That can seem counter intuitive, it did to me, but it is so liberating. Check out "The Sedona Method to learn how to let go. I've also discovered that the greatest strength is letting go or surrendering. Surrender is critical to inner growth and to be open-minded. Another thing I've encountered is that proper habits are essential for personal growth. You are what you repeatedly do. And when building habits, the most important thing is consistency, not the technique you are using. That does not mean that you use an obviously wrong technique, you should still care, but not that much. There is a balance here. What are positive habits? Meditation, reading, study-habit, healthy eating, contemplation, visualization, affirmations etc. Next up is life purpose. Life purpose is critical to living a passionate life and dying with no regrets. If you are stuck at a mediocre job that does not honor your top values and has no meaningful impact, you better believe that will have great effect on your emotions. Find your life purpose as soon as possible. Another thing I've encountered is that life is highly nuanced and that being contemplative is important. Basically reflecting on your actions and behaviors looking at them from a bigger picture, seeing the subtlety in life and disengaging from black and white type thinking. Studying personal development is also important; not because you are doing it to teach personal development through some media, but mostly for yourself. That requires learning from a variety of sources, not just one source because that could be unreliable. This means reading books, watching videos, going to seminars, implementing techniques, etc. There are many more, but this is just the tip of the iceberg. Anyway, hope you got some value out of it and please share your insights regarding PD below would love to hear them

Who wrote the post? Well if we speak in relative terms then you did it as the human being you are. I.e you, whatever name your parents have given to you, did it. If we speak in absolute terms, then litteraly no one wrote it (and there also isn't any "it", there is no post to be read anywhere:)) . But that "no one" / nothingness / no-thing isn't the same as saying that 'no person wrote it', it's more like saying that absolutely none wrote it, cos there have never been anyone to write it in the first place. There exist no persons. All there exist is nothingness/non-duality/God/infinity -- which is what the real YOU is - but out of this is created an apparant dualistic world (i.e. YOU in fact created it), which YOU currently believe you live in... - and YOU also believe (i.e. trick your self into believing) that it was created without your 'will' (i.e. "I'm not responsible for my birth" and so forth)... and so we have the seperation between 'you' (the ego) and "not-you" (other persons, outside world)... This seperation doesn't really exist though - it's an illusion. Everything that happens to you and everything that you do are two sides of the same coin: It's in fact at the same time all YOUR doing (as you = the real you) and at same time not your doing at all (as you = the illusion of the ego). Have a listen.

@eskwire I just want you to know that there is certainly nothing wrong with being celibate but there is also nothing wrong with being in an intimate sexual relationship either. What matters most is your thoughts and feelings behind what you are doing/actions. And besides you said the f word........FEAR! Which lets me know that you might have some type of childhood vow or experience that has led you to believe that relationships are not worth pursuing. I think it's pretty common for many when pursuing enlightenment and consciousness work to think relationships are a waste of time. They can be time wasters and unfulfilling if your mind is not in the right place. The TRUTH is you don't need anyone to complete you. But we also need BALANCE, and relationships can be GREAT personal development growth when applied correctly! Although we need to be comfortable being alone and with ourselves and I'm pretty sure Absolute Infinity/God/Nothingness did not put us here to be completely alone and not interacting with other people. Also keep in mind there absolutely nothing wrong with not getting married or having kids at all. Everyone is different and has their own path to take. All healthy committed relationships start from a place of self love. And any time you have issues in a relationship you look within to find answers. Because when you change yourself and your perspective the world changes around you. And what about Non-duality relationships? I see relationships as a way to expand my spiritual growth. And for some people it may be apart of their life purpose. I have come across some great reading and studying material when it comes to relationship stuff that you may want to look it. Here's a book you may want to look at, that I'm currently reading right now: Spiritual Partnership - The Journey to Authentic Power, by Gary Zukav This books goes along with a lot of the stuff Leo teaches here on this site about consciousness and sage work. It think it will resonate with you. http://shiningworld.com/site/shop/index.php?route=product/product&path=18&product_id=133 I also LOVE this video. I wish I had seen this video when I was a lot younger. This is what a healthy relationship looks like! I also want you to know I really understand where you are coming from. I have not been in a long term committed relationship in almost 10 years now. In my last relationship my ex-boy friend raped me and I had 3 months of vaginal bruising. He stalked me and I had to put a 6 month restraining order and leave the city where I lived to be safe. Then a year later I got involved with adult entertainment for 6 years. I left the industry after a near death experience from being drugged in a bar. I also left the industry feeling that men were evil, horrible creatures, that were out to get me and that I wasn't good enough to be in a relationship. I became very insecure about my body and my looks. I did a lot of therapy, reading, and spiritual work to be where I am now. I've learned that you attract what you are. If you love yourself, you will attract someone that loves you too. I know healthy good relationships exist. My dad recently passed away in Oct. of 2016. My parents were married 40 years, and my dad was abusive to my mother and I. My mom healed and realized her self worth and soon after met a guy at a grocery store in Dec. 2016. They have been dating and inseparable ever since. They are madly in love with each other, and are planning to get married. We are expecting a proposal on valentines day. I know if my mom can find somebody that easily, I know that I can and so can anyone else as long as they love themselves. Good luck on your journey, whatever path you may take!

@Awomanaware There are so many things to be grateful for! lol It's hard to list just one. I use the gratitude list a lot with my hypnosis clients to help them change their perspective, focus, and thinking patterns on the positive things happening in their life. I am grateful for absolute infinity/God/nothingness. Because if absolute infinity didn't exist...would we exist? lol Is that possible?

I'm quite glad you brought this up, because loneliness has been one of my biggest life challenges so far. As an introvert, I like to spend a lot of time on my own; meditating, reading, writing, playing music, etc. But I find that if I spend too much time on my own then I can fall into loneliness and depression, because there are other people I need to fill this 'emptiness' as you put it. This is why I have also struggled with neediness in my relationships. That said, I would insist that you don't feel in any way ashamed of this emptiness. It's actually a very spiritual thing that has been referred to by spiritual traditions as the 'void.' This is why meditation is hell sometimes, because it's just you and yourself, naked and open to reality and nothingness. If you stick with that though you can reach a breakthrough where you transcend the need to 'belong' - this either happens or it doesn't. Like Leo said though, don't use meditation to avoid real-world interaction. It's not a substitute for socialising but it can allow you the solitude you need to purge the neediness that comes from surrounding yourself with company all the time. In solitude you choose to be alone, but in loneliness you resist it. In summary, it's about striking the right solitude-company balance for you. Some people will naturally thrive spending their lives in the company of others, whilst other people, (myself included), will cultivate a creative existence out of our desire to be alone. Whichever way we switch our dials though, it seems that we all need both when push comes to shove.

So there is no I at all, hmm, i often imagined awareness as empty something that is experiencing everyhing else,,, like an empty I-still something ... but what if there is no awareness at all, no empty experiencer, it's just experience, yes there is an awareness to that, or a nothingness but not as seperate awareness, but it's litlery nothing, so I am nothing, the experiencer does not exist, there is only experience and nothing else, that nothing else is the real me... OR, is it the other way (my point of view) ... If I denie what is, what is left is nothing, then I delude my self that I'm nothing and not me-body/mind... HMM HMM (the knife that does not belive that is a knife, it can not find it self, so it does not exist) but if the knife would accept it self as a knife, and acnowledge that there is nothing to search just to be what you are, a knife, a human... I'm human that searches for nothing to be nothing, and when i get to the point where I belive or feel that i can not find anything then i belive to that, that I'm that nothingness-what does not exist at all (the experiencer does not exist), but a human does as whatever we are ... Maybe I'm the experience it self, that denies it self so that I apeare as nothing like there is no I at all... I still belive that I'm the unity of all body/mind experience wich core is the counciusness that operates the body and thoghts, wich thinks and has will...... I'm fucked up!!!

Thx. It's more like that: I come to you and say I have a dog... and I show him to you, and you say I don't see a dog, I ask how? I point at him, then you say a see a dogs leg, not a dog, or a dogs hair, not a dog, not evan a hair, i just see a brown point (a smal part of the brown hair) wait, it's not a bronw point, it's a molekule, a atom, a proton, a subatomic particle, and that particle is a hologram or it's actually nothing (whatever) so at the end you say I don't see a dog, there is no dog, there is nothingness... I say yes, i know what you mean but your not correct, the dog is not the hair, the atom, the leg, the head, the dogs mind, you have to look the whole and that's a dog... (call me crazy if there really is not a dog) I belive you Leo, I belive also Quantum mechanics... I belive and love non duality, bud do I understand it-No, i watched all your videos and on your meditation I hade that glimpse experience from your meditation, I can still my mind, ,,go deep" relax, but that's it nothing special... anyway that's the DOG story from my point of view... THX for answering (my englis isn't the best)

I just don't get why am I not aware of the room, or of your body and feelings? So I am limited to the body?? I asked this qouestion before, but nothing that has logic to me, that keeps non duality as truth, wasn't given to me 2. Who am I? I am the will, the one who moves my hand (who decides to move it) who wants something, or the thinker, I'm nothinhness = I don't know about that... That what you describe as nothingness is just a still mind, a down lieing will, a brain that is not focused, a attentinon that isn't anyway particular but is active... Doesn't disprove that that does not come from the bran/body, So I'm still the brain, or the councious thinker, the will that is acting trougt my body (and not trought yours), the personality, character and so on (the cou... yes all of that can change (hit my brain with a bullet, or drugs and so on) but it's still from the brain... I'don't know, I'm nothingness, or we are all one, or I'm not that I that i belive it's me, I can not be found... I think those are all delusions that come from an experience of a still mind that is awake, and and non focused attention that is in it's source or just all over the place but without indentification... Nothing of that proves non duality to me, it's just an experience... I'm stuck, hope to get ,,enligtemenet" (reading and meditating for 1-2 years) When I meditate, and search for the I, I can get still, almost no houghts, there is no particular I to find, I know I'm not the body, and all senzations, no one thought... But the perciver, the thinker, or the will that moves my hand, or that wants to go someware, hm hm, who is aware of that? that's somehow a stupid question that can get you an deluded experience of no/sef (I had a glimpse), but is it the truth? Imagine a knife that searches for it self, it isnt the top, it isnt the handle, it isnt the blade, so it does not exist-stupid? I'm nothing particural, I'm the unity of the whole body mind structure... I'm not ultimate awareness, I'm not you, and when I'm in deep sleep there isnt any awarenes-point, but my body is there and other people see me...

This first picture was taken In 2003 it's been known to be called "Gods eye" We are in a vast & beautiful dream! From the vastness of the cosmos, to the tiny beautiful details of this dream, that which is the driving force of everything, is more profoundly intelligent than we can comprehend. The fundamental nature of this dream is without form, we know that, nothingness, but I think really its so much more than mere nothingness, it is beyond our limited understanding as humans, but chances are it is truely unlimited in every way, and the best way I could describe it is "Magic" To the true beauty of this earth, to the unfathomed depths of space, count yourself lucky, that we are awake and conscious of anything, let alone this wonderful life. We are all one. I hope you enjoy it. Like he's said in the movie American Beauty, there is "A incredibly benevolent force that wants me to know there is no reason to be afraid" The Light of God is already within you.

Why? Well, Ralph, from Infinite Waters, explains it. I posted this in another thread. What he said here makes sense to me. Leo also explains... When you experience Infinity, you might have noticed that you're left with a huge residue of bliss or "divine love" that came along with it. Well, what Ralph and Leo are trying to explain matches the meaning of love via infinity. "There is no you." "We are one." "We are everything / nothingness." "We are infinite awareness / peace. Our ego is fictional." Ok. We get it. So? The question is, what are you going to do now with this wisdom?

@eskwire last time I had sex was over 6 years ago and I have no immediate plans to change that. idk if I count as "celibate" because I do indulge in fantasy with masturbation occasionally, so in that way I behave sexually. occasionally I've created an account on OK cupid, had a little fun perusing profiles, but ultimately trying to set up a conversation with people was... weird. unfulfilling I guess. but letsee to ponder your questions. for me I figured out I "should" be celibate mostly because sex itself was kind of uninteresting. long story short... there was enough about sex that gave me reason to just hold off from it. I would occasionally think about relationships without sex, and sometimes it seemed kind of nice and like I said I've been social enough to be thinking about attractive peeps and maybe trying to talk to people in the pursuit of something but... I've basically been denying to myself that I have interest in not bothering, at least for now. of course, I should disclose that when I was in high school I boldly told myself that even if I never found a partner in my life I'd be happy just being on my own. and that because of that, I preferred to put off dating until college or some time around then. I suppose I've been basically temporarily celibate, but with the end date unspecified, this whole time. for two years in college I was in some relationships, but after the last one I reinstated my celibacy. (well with freedom to pine for contact I wasn't really pursuing.) by your third question. I'm unfamiliar with the language you used to ask it, but from what I read it sounds kind of like you've had a lot of relationships that are short lived for quite some time now? IMO that's a dangerous habit to fall into. it's possible that you could approach the situation, assuming that is your situation, either by mindfulness with celibacy, or by mindfulness just doing the same... trying to be fully aware as consistently as you can during that time, letting go of self-judgments and just acting like an impartial observer of the situation. either way, being mindful I trust would facilitate growth in the area of romance for you. I mean I think I understand what you mean by this. but my thoughts regarding it is... if we feel as if we should avoid something, well that's moralization. it may not be the way it has been framed by others in this thread so far, but it is still being named a distraction. In Leo's video I remember he really emphasized how when we say we shouldn't do something, we actually are rejecting the true desire that we want to do it. but I also then said, that it is both - when we moralize we split ourselves - we outright deny that we actually want to do the thing by trying to say we shouldn't, as well as we unknowingly deny the fact that there are reasons we want to not do the thing. and by splitting it in this way, we are forcing various levels of unawareness on ourselves. dogma. the truth is that our choices are all equal. and they are nothing. our individuality does in fact draw us to some things and away from others, and this is all we really need to make our decisions. the moralizations and dogmas of rules and expectations are a distraction from authenticity. generally my advice - and this is the first time I'm expressing this so I apologize in advance - is: when we use our words and thoughts and ideas to state things, we can instead of using these ideas as beliefs of right or wrong or desired or undesired or good or evil. we could realize that our ideas are necessarily *false, not false as in not true but rather as in inherently not infinity, that they are dual in nature. that the authentic self is nondual but in our small-scale duality existence, we can only truly ponder dual thoughts, and so the enlightened path is to realize that the duality is inherent - and with a neutral perspective, allow the dual experiences to only be a guide for our pursuit of authentic existence, as nothing dual can be authentic. we cannot even reach authenticity or enlightenment, these are not destinations we arrive at or trophies we acquire - enlightenment and the pursuit of the authentic self are simply the nature in which we live life out. existence is infinity and as such our nothingness is automatically a part of that no matter what we do. but using morals and beliefs makes us stand rigid against the tide of infinity, in which we break - and awareness is how we become like the sapling who bends with the wind and therefore does not break, and becomes one with the flow.

Ultimately there is only the ocean. And the ocean "dreams up" these "individual" bubbles. Atleast this was my interpretation so far. I try to do that. But sometimes those experiences or images pop up (I don't really know what to call them, guess this is the limit of language) So they are all meaningless? I had the shift of perception a week ago, where I realized that I have literally no face (or that the face is only a thought/another sensation) and that im thus everything but also no-thing, just empty awareness or the "things" itself, because there was no difference anymore between the perceived and the perceiver. Do you mean this with Nothingness? It seemed to match the description. When I have an insight like this, my mind always tends to assume "this is it! you got it, there is nothing more to discover" of course, I don't believe my mind anymore. It's still very confusing for me, because there is one fraction that says "enlightenment is the simplest thing in the world, and you are already enlightened, it's directly in your face" this matches with the "experience" or shift of perception that I had. But then there is the other fraction that says it takes decades or lifetimes and only a few sages get it. There was also not the direct realization of infinity or that I'm god

Nothing is hidden. When you meditate/self-inquiry, aim to drop all metaphors and models. They are all symbols but your aim here is non-symbolic awareness. You cannot get to the Absolute through symbols. It's hard because the mind is addicted to symbols. Nothingness is not separate from the present experience you're having.