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Maybe here's there's part of the response: Anatta – the difference between Buddhism and Hinduism Anatta is a central doctrine of Buddhism, and marks one of the major differences between Buddhism and Hinduism. Buddhists do not believe that at the core of all human beings and living creatures, there is any "eternal, essential and absolute something called a soul, self or atman". Buddhism, from its earliest days, has denied the existence of the "self, soul" in its core philosophical and ontological texts. In its soteriological themes, Buddhism has defined nirvana as that blissful state when a person, amongst other things, realizes that he or she has "no self, no soul". The traditions within Hinduism believe in Atman. The pre-Buddhist Upanishads of Hinduism assert that there is a permanent Atman, and is an ultimate metaphysical reality. This sense of self, is expressed as "I am" in Brihadaranyaka Upanishad 1.4.1, states Peter Harvey, when nothing existed before the start of the universe. The Upanishadic scriptures hold that this soul or self is underlying the whole world.[117] At the core of all human beings and living creatures, assert the Hindu traditions, there is "eternal, innermost essential and absolute something called a soul, self that is atman."[5] Within the diverse schools of Hinduism, there are differences of perspective on whether souls are distinct, whether Supreme Soul or God exists, whether the nature of Atman is dual or non-dual, and how to reach moksha. However, despite their internal differences, one shared foundational premise of Hinduism is that "soul, self exists", and that there is bliss in seeking this self, knowing self, and self-realization.

It becomes 100 times easier to accept what happens and live in bliss if you have resources. Eckhart Tolle teachea big babies like that to accept that someone broke up with him, while some homeless has to accept that he wont eat and he will be dirty, malnourished and sick one more day. Oh no, poor me, i got dumped.Go have a shower and breathe. You playing the game in easy mode. The homeless on hard mode. Not only the homeless, all those people who live day by day, month by month, not knowing if they will meet both ends... This is hard mode. Not some mental issues of emptiness, not reaching your fullest potential or screwing less girls than your mates.

@Happiness Remember that the actual experience you had was infinite peace and bliss. Those negative emotions don't really exist. They're all just made up in retrospect.

Wheres the problem in taking it and feeling awesome constantly. Sounds like buddah state of constant bliss. If i can sustain it i would

@mr lenny @MIA.RIVEL The Zen people say just sit, don’t do anything. The most difficult thing in the world is just to sit doing nothing. But once you have the knack of it, if you can go on sitting for a few months doing nothing for a few hours every day, slowly, slowly, many things will happen. You will feel sleepy, you will dream. Many thoughts will crowd your mind, many things. The mind will say, ‘Why are you wasting your time? You could have earned a little money. At least you could have gone to a film, entertained yourself, or you could have relaxed & gossiped. You could have watched TV or listened to the radio or at least you could have read the newspaper you have not seen. Why are you wasting your time?’ mind will give you a thousand & one arguments, but if you just go on listening without being bothered by the mind....it will do all kinds of tricks; it will hallucinate, it will dream, it will become sleepy. It will do all that is possible to drag you out of sitting. But if you go on, if you persevere, one day the sun rises. One day it happens, you are not feeling sleepy, the mind has become tired of you, is fed up with you, has dropped the idea that you can be trapped, is simply finished with you! There is no sleep, no hallucination, no dream, no thought. You are simply sitting there, doing nothing....& all is silence & all is peace & all is bliss.

If you know the difference, why not have a little fun with experience of all kinds. When you see it all goes around in a circle and returns to where it started, all you can do is laugh your ass off. All that remains is to play with form, existence and experience. For now it's all that is. Make it up as you go along, it doesn't matter at all. There are no rules or guidelines here except the ones we choose for ourselves. If you want to experience bliss, do it. If you want to experience hell, go for it! Fear, disappointment, love, jealously hate, separation, oneness, a high, a low, an awakening, ect. all the same as being just another experience. Even the negative or positive sensations that each creates within the body/mind is choice created for the experience of it . Edit: Listen to what is said here @7:00

WEEK 10 DAY 64 20 minute yoga in the morning. 60 minute yoga class. 25 minute breathing meditation. Woke up feeling tired. This is mostly because of how much I smoked yesterday. Later on in the day a headache started. I felt very inspired yesterday and committed to no entertainment challenge for this week. Well, shit. Why did I take away coffee? As the first half of the day was ending I questioned this decision a lot. My mind was looking for reasons to cancel the challenge or at least part of it, at least coffee ban. I even had thoughts where I thought that it might actually be better to live with addictions. "I like my addictions" - yes, I had this thought. I want coffee so bad and at the same time I don't give a fuck that I want it. I will keep this challenge going no matter what. I have thoughts that this challenge might not be very useful for me, that it is only waste of energy. Well, fuck these thoughts, even if they are true. I will draw conclusions at the end of the week. Another thing, normally I do not waste much time on entertainment. I just need a quick facebook check, short article and a short video on youtube. I thought it is no big deal. Now I feel like I am choking on silence. There is a lot of empty space and it is tough to handle it. Last time I had a day without facebook was when there was no way to access the internet. Completely not indulging in entertainment and distractions is challenging especially when I need to do so little to get that little hit of facebook. Just one click. Fingers cracked 1 time. DAY 65 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25+25 minute breathing meditation. Had a decent sleep tonight but again I am sleepy. Is this because I cut out coffee? The sound of coffee machine at work triggers me big time. I am drinking tea right now and it sucks because it is not coffee. Had moments of clarity and relaxation towards the end of the workday. Later some tension came back. Going to sit now. First 25 minute sit was cross-legged, second sitting on the chair. During first sit I had a little trouble keeping my posture on the second sit I had some trouble staying conscious, felt a bit sleepy from time to time. Feeling relaxed now. Goodnight. Fingers cracked 0 times. DAY 66 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute breathing meditation. 25 minute do-nothing meditation. Yoga felt extraordinary mindful today. It just happened this way I did not force anything presence was simply there. Later on at work I saw tension slowly building up. I lost my motivation at work. I mean, there is still some left but it is much less than it used to be. I am aware that motivation comes in waves and sometimes it is completely normal to wish you did not have to come in. This too shall pass. Almost checked facebook couple of times. Not intentionally though, purely because of habit. Just deleted bookmark from the browser so my mouse won't hover over it unconsciously. Something is happening and sometimes I feel that the best thing I could do is to get out of its way and let it happen. How to make 25 minute meditation feel like it lasts 60 minutes? Try sitting crossed-legged and bring your knees as low as you can. If you are very flexible this won't work but if you are like me pain will make meditation last forever. Breathing meditation - more like a pain meditation. Anyway, was an interesting experience. Later sat on the chair for 25 minutes of do-nothing meditation. I kept loosing my awareness very easily there. Breathing meditation keeps me more focused. Fingers cracked 1 time. DAY 67 20 minute yoga in the morning. 60 minute yoga class. 25 minute guided self inquiry. 25 minute energy observation meditation. Every morning it comes. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Lately it seems to have smaller impact on my day but it still there. I used to run away from it. Now we face each other everyday. I am still not sure why it comes but I feel it better now. Also, it tends to go away and then come back and go away and back again. Does not stay very long but keeps coming back. Just to clarify, I am talking about that feeling of unease, feeling of anxiety. Meditation class took place today. Attempted self-inquiry for the first time. We were guided through different layers of ourselves followed by the logic that something I observe is not who I am. Later we did what I call energy observation meditation (literal translation from my native language does not sound very good in English). Basically one can focus on anything that happens inside or outside oneself - be it a sound, a thought, a sensation of pressure or temperature and so on. The aim is not to cling to anything for too long and keep observing. Fingers cracked 0 times. (yay !) DAY 68 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute breathing meditation. Sweet-ass morning. Things were in flow. Not for very long though. As I started my workday the pressure/tension came back. I worked a lot on my sitting posture today, it kept falling apart. When I try to sit with my back straight and legs bent at +/- 90 degrees I feel like I am doing a version of strong determination sitting. I just cant keep it for more than a minute, I have to straighten my legs or create tension in my shoulders or lay back. It might be a good idea to try to keep myself in the same position for at least 20 minutes or so. Why is it so hard? If I keep working still and do not move the pressure on my chest builds up like crazy. Had quite strong cravings for a smoke today. I noticed this happening every Friday. It is easier to avoid smoking during workdays but Friday brings a change of wind (or wind of change?). Anyway, I clearly knew that I do not really want to do that and craving vanished after some time. Today during meditation I had plenty of thoughts. Some stuff was quite ridiculous and when awareness kicked in I started laughing. My girlfriend was in a room and she started laughing too. I just could not stop for almost a minute. The whole situations was pretty absurd lol. Fingers cracked 1 time. DAY 69 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute breathing meditation. Sat for meditation in the morning. It was emotionally challenging and I had a hard time leaving it as it is. Kept coming back to trying to fix a particular negative emotion or wishing it would fix itself. Also had hard time to sit cross-legged through entire meditation. I noticed that for some reason Saturday or Sunday mornings are always difficult emotionally therefore it is really useful to meditate in the morning so that I can become aware of why it happens. Oh shit, resisting entertainment over the weekend is a completely new dimension. The NEED is strong. Doing my best. Later in the day I sat for another 25 minutes and after that I took a nap for 15 minutes. I just did not know what to do. Sorry to disappoint you all but I have just spent half an hour on entertainment. Fingers cracked 5 times. DAY 70 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute breathing meditation in the evening. My dear sirs and ladies, I have gone completely out of control today. I guess the resistance built up and I just totally lost it. So to summarize what happened: RimWorld, a game which I dedicated this day to - from morning till evening; Smoking - not insane amounts but a bit too much; Sugary sweets - in the beginning I thought I will eat a shitload of sugary shit because me and my girlfriend (since we are not eating any) have accumulated large amounts of sweets at home. I ate some but did not really enjoy it as much as I expected so I stopped without any effort; Did not do any work or self-development work except the fact that I somehow managed to do yoga and meditation. Best thing about all this - minimal amount of self-guilt. This just happened and I had moments of enjoyment and saw how different life looks from the perspective of someone who plays computer games whole day. I have been in that place many times in my earlier years but now it seemed completely different. It was a good learning experience. I pushed myself too hard this week and this is where it got me and that is completely fine. Fingers cracked X amount of times. Might be 0, might be 3 but not more. REVIEW OF WEEK 10 Goal review Quitting smoking - Check (Except Sunday !) Quitting any kind of contact with video games - Check (Except Sunday !) Limited social media time - Great success ! Eating healthy - Check. (Except Sunday !) Exercising daily - Check. Meditating for at least 25 mins everyday - Check. Setting at least one hour per week for review - Check. No excessive use of alcohol - Check. (0 alcohol) Finger cracking - Failure. Not too bad but still a failure. No more porn - Check. Affirmation habit - Failure. Could be more consistent. Mindful eating - Removing this goal. Everything is slowly becoming more mindful. I learned to eat slower and that is enough for now. NO ENTERTAINMENT CHALLENGE - 6 days of success, 1 day of complete and utter failure. If not Sunday this would be a near perfect week ! Thoughts No entertainment challenge In general this week had more happiness and peace. Still plenty of anxiety and all kinds of negativity, but things are changing. One thing I noticed that after joy/happiness/bliss passes and sadness/anxiety/tension kicks in it does not scare me that much. I am still trying to run away from those emotions but more and more often I face them and accept them fully or partially. It is not easy. This challenge was too much for me. Sunday is a good illustration. What I learned: I do not really need facebook. Not drinking coffee is really hard during first three days and later cravings disappear almost completely. The need for entertainment is extremely deep inside me. I was surprised by how difficult this week was at times. One interesting thing is that I started noticing more stuff and I found entertainment in other places like going home from work and watching people, observing birds, making tea, or listening to some atmospheric music. Pushing too hard for too long might result in total chaos. Woo-woo(-zela) One thing I noticed in meditation class that when sharing our experiences some people go full woowoozela (woo-woo). Funny thing is that those people tend to get along well with each other. What I mean by woowoozela is that some people totally miss the point of meditation and share their experiences of flying around the world and trying to find other people from the group so that they can fly together or some random visions of seeing Jesus or simply saying that their ego is gone (after first attempt of self-inquiry WOW good job lol). They are people who are attracted to some kind of spiritual bling-bling and they honestly remind me of a guy from youtube doing videos about "Ultra spiritual" stuff. And by the way, I am fine with it. What it made me think about is that a certain percentage of people in this forum are definitely big woowoozela fans and I should really be careful not to take some nonsense misinformation seriously. I became much more open-minded since I started looking more on the so called spiritual side of self-development but there is a definitely a limit for how far it can go. As the saying goes "If you open your mind too much your brain will fall out". Goal adjustment I was thinking about increasing meditation duration to 30 minutes per sit but I still have a hard time sitting cross-legged for 25 minutes. Maybe couple weeks later. - Ultra minimal social media time - Focusing on affirmation habit After this week's challenge I realised that I do not really miss it much. This might happen quite naturally though I have to be ready for some medium cravings at times. Afterword 10 weeks have passed. Soon I will do a quick recap of last 5 weeks. I do not get much replies in my journal and quite possibly nobody read through it entirely but if you are following my journey I just want to say that my commitment to this journal keeps growing. I have no doubt that I will follow through. P.s. Having no entertainment for 6 days led to this weeks entry becoming very long. Maybe even too long. Oops. Thank you for reading, TakeCare Next update planned on 2016.09.11

@musicalwatch From my perspective, everyone has a level of genius in relation to their purpose. What I believe you may be talking about is the "zone of FLOW". For me, this happens sometimes when I am doing creative things. Here's how I know that I've just experienced "the zone": The music I put on 6 hours ago has ended (who knows how long ago), I also hadn't noticed that my bladder is about to explode, or how totally dehydrated I am, or that the sun is suddenly coming up, and the tool (paintbrush, pencil, plyers, sewing needle, etc) is practically stuck in my completely cramped up hand....lol....this may sound unpleasant and disconcerting, but in fact, it's the opposite! Knowing that you have been in the zone is an incredible feeling (after you finally pee...lol)....not knowing if you were thinking, or what you were thinking about is actually an elevated consciousness, not a state of drooling ignorance. It is not madness either, for if we are enacting our purpose, we are on the best possible path for our sanity and health in general. What @Henri, & @Infinite_Zest said is so true! Find your bliss! ...if you are happy, madness is irrelevant anyway...lol....

I've heard shinzen young talk about that it could happen that you see the truth without the liberation,the bliss, and all them good feelings... But that is were very rare and it could be fixed. If I understood him right. That is one thing I'm afraid of. More intense feelings of fear etc that I feel now and I panic, and instead like heaven on earth it becomes hell on earth. Afraid of the feeling of just falling. It really felt like I fell from a cliff couple of days ago. Everything just seems like the opposite of what I know. Like the unknown. Which I understand it really isn't. But that's the feeling. Maybe this scares me more than physical death because then there is nothing that can experience something and it could not feel. Anyway. I think I'll lay down now for a bit...

In my opinion science is just the humans attempt to create a functional and objective analysis on life. However as you are describing you are starting to see the fallacy in science and its nature, which is essentially grounded in our perception, what we can perceive and objectively measure. Since these things are constantly changing or forever will change. The only control for our experience is like you said... direct experience. That being said, with so many interwebing belief systems, thoughts and unconscious patterns it becomes a life mission to distinguish what is our direct experience and what is false. To see things for what they are without meaning, purpose, function, reason, value etc. is Truth. If you get there, your enlightened and apparently the conscious experience is ineffable and indescribable; feelings of pure bliss and love. Besides that everything is all a fiction. However the search for meaning is a necessary fiction some might say to realise nothing and everything.

This is my first post about an ongoing dialogue I've been having with a friend. A lot of posts came before this one, but this is where I'll start: What is it that needs an identity, identifies, and takes it seriously? What is the I that experiences personality? The thoughts and feelings that manifest as "suffering" is what identifies, needs an identity, and takes it seriously. Once "suffering" manifests, it necessarily separates itself from what is (I mean, just creates the illusion of separation). Awareness gets focused onto the suffering and identifies with it as something that is happening to this illusory 'me.' I see through the suffering. I see that the more one suffers, the more conscious awareness is being focused on something, as if it could harm a 'me'. Someone related enlightenment, or the truth of no-self, to experiencing a 180 degree shift in consciousness, and that's exactly what all of the implications suggest. Why is what "is" conscious? And why does it seem that it is love? It didn't have to be anything, but it's this. The only way it can be? Free will doesn't exist, but does the formless have qualities that it "chose" such as love? A whole slew of questions that I would have never thought about before are now realized as the only real questions. And maybe deepening my knowing will answer some of these questions. I won't know until it happens (and if it happens). I've sat with the sutra for a while. It seems to point to the utter impossibility of what "is" being capable of experiencing suffering. Since I am that, everything can be allowed to be a game. "What does the universe want to do today?" for instance. If awareness is allowed to rest in itself, then there can be no entanglement between it and form. If there is no entanglement between itself and form, and it is seen to be this way necessarily, then that is the end of suffering. Detachment means the realization that nothing in the world of form is you, and is infinitely far from you, but is you. Once meaning and value have been taken away from everything, liberation is the only thing left. Freedom is. Like I said in an earlier post, Ilona, I've been on this track for a while, and just didn't know that it would lead me here. I didn't know where truth was to be found. I didn't know that the truth of no self would open everything up. I have suspected for several years now that there was no free will, and there was no 'me', so maybe that is why I didn't have a bliss experience (or maybe deepening my seeing will produce one) like so many people report. I experienced some changes, but nothing ultra dramatic like some people say. I know peak experiences are not the Truth, and obviously are just as far from Truth as anything else that is experienced by the body/mind, but is there some deeper seeing that I've yet to become aware of, do you think? I know this is just mind conjuring up stuff to try to get attention, but I honestly feel that there is nothing else to do. I don't need to read anymore. I don't have this feeling that I need to keep searching. The only thing I've been experiencing lately is this feeling of just not giving a damn about outcomes. I feel that I can just do whatever I want from now on, and that's the end of the story. Game over. If I get up and go walk in the park for a few hours and come home and just sit, and then go to bed, that's just fine. If I want to go play a video game, it's just fine. If I want to challenge myself in a way that I can achieve deeper insight into this life thing, then that's fine too. There is a lot of conditioning that says I should be doing something else now. Since I've seen no-self, I ought to do "something" else now. And I don't think that's the case at all. If I let go completely every day then what happens, happens, and it just is what it is. That's the plan for now...just to live and see what arises Also, I'm starting to taste the beauty of non-attachment. Clinging is suffering. When something amazing is witnessed without clinging, then that is fulfillment. If life is lived without clinging, that is fulfillment. At that point, life is complete.

WEEK 9 DAY 57 20 minute yoga in the morning. 60 minute yoga lesson. 25 minute breathing meditation. 25 minute sound meditation. I asked for bliss and I had some today. Nothing specific happened, morning was not easy but I did alright and later on there came some beautiful moments. Yoga! Today started yoga practice with a teacher. I will have lessons twice a week and each will last one hour. It felt much different than my casual 20 minutes in the morning. Actually, I pushed a bit too hard and something happened to my lower back. I hope it is nothing serious and I will be fine soon. Meditation was pleasant but full of distractions (both internal and external). Just before I went to sleep I did another sit. Fingers cracked 1 time. DAY 58 20 minute slow-mo yoga in the morning. 25 minute breathing meditation. What is slow-mo yoga? Well, it is something you do when you wreck your back by stretching too hard the previous day. My lower back pain makes feel like an old man. Schedule today was full. I attended yet another birthday celebration, did not use any alcohol and chose carefully what to put in my mouth. Later I arrived back home and sat to meditate. I was tired but did relatively ok. In the future if there will be a very busy day coming I will adjust my schedule by meditating in the early morning. Fingers cracked 0 time. DAY 59 20 minute yoga at midday. 25 minute breathing meditation. Not enough sleep, going to work earlier, a lot of stress, feeling heavy pressure on chest. Very challenging day. During meditation back went crazy, had to lay down. Not much else to share. I will be back in shape tomorrow. Fingers cracked 2 time. DAY 60 20 minute yoga in the morning. 60 minute yoga lesson. 25 minute observation meditation. 25 minute guided pshychosynthesis meditation. I am observing neurosis from closer distance. It starts in the very morning. Tension in the body eventually grows into pressure on my chest. Physically exhausting. Sometimes I feel medium cravings for some external stimulation so that I do not have to spend any more time in this state. Resistance probably is what keeps me stuck in there. I told yoga teacher about my back problems. She allowed me to attend though she warned me to be extra careful. All in all, lesson went well. Later on in the evening I attended meditation class (feels somehow wrong to call it this way but can't find a better word in English at the moment). When I came there I was so tense, pressure on chest was going crazy, heart was beating strong and I had hard time feeling that. When we started observation (I believe it is similar to "do nothing" technique) meditation there were 5 minutes for relaxation where we did a "ocean" breathing. It is generally practiced in yoga and creates a little resistance in the throat so you breath louder than usually. What struck me deeply how RELAXED I was only after 5 MINUTES. All the pressure was gone. I was in deep stress and switched to deep relaxation. Jesus fucking Christ (please forgive my excitement) it only took 5 minutes to Take Care of something that was troubling me for the most of the day. If I learn to change my state so drastically whenever I feel like it it will transform my life completely. After today I like my meditation teacher even more. There is a lot to learn/experience. Fingers cracked 1 time. DAY 61 20 minute yoga in the morning. 30 minute breathing meditation in the bus. Stress. I do not know what has changed exactly but it has been another stressful day. I am detaching myself from the emotion as much as I can but there is a physical expression of stress that it is difficult to distance myself from. Pressure on the chest area sometimes goes full horse crazy. The only time I had for meditation was in the bus. For half an hour I focused on my breathing and also to the sounds the bus made. It was not a very deep meditation but it went better than I expected. Fingers cracked 0 times. DAY 62 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute sound meditation. I did not do yoga before breakfast as usual because I was not at home. Later in the morning I procrastinated a bit and finally did it which made me really happy. My body was still sleeping until I exercised. It is difficult for me to understand how could I have lived without exercising in the morning. This just has such a positive influence for the day. Meditation was unusually thoughtful (full of thoughts) which in this case is not something I was going for. Fingers cracked 1 time. DAY 63 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute breathing meditation. "You can't think yourself into the right action but you can act yourself into the right thinking" might be paraphrased but helped me few times today. I did meditation and yoga but to sum it up I slacked off this weekend. It will be very obvious in goal review. All the experiences I had this week led to the decision to make next week a challenging one. Fingers cracked 0 times. REVIEW OF WEEK 9 Goal review Quitting smoking - Failure. I did not even try this week. I smoked few times after work and there was a lot of smoking during the weekend. Quitting any kind of contact with video games - Failure. Spent 2-3 hours watching Warcraft III tournament stream. Not that much but still 2-3 hours too many. Limited social media time - A bit too much. Eating healthy - Check. (with an exception of 4 candies on Sunday). Exercising daily - Check. (starting to feel more and more comfortable with yoga routine) Meditating for at least 25 mins everyday - Check. Setting at least one hour per week for review - Check. Healthy sitting posture - Check. This goal will be removed from the list. It is something that I do naturally now. No excessive use of alcohol - Check. (0 alcohol) No sugar in coffee - Check. This will be removed from the goal list too. It is something that happens naturally now. Finger cracking - Check. (Only 5 cracks which is still more than 3 so the counter stays on) No more porn - Check. Affirmation habit - Failure (did not work consistently on that) Mindful eating - More of a failure than success. (inconsistent) Thoughts This week has been full of stress or in one word - stressful. I am having more responsibilities at work and I probably need some time to adjust. Sometimes stress takes over even though there is not much happening. It is all in my head. Got to keep breathing. My back still has not recovered completely but it is getting better. Yoga teacher said one thing that I kind of knew but did not apply - when doing yoga there is no need to have a goal. It is a process, focus on the present. Stretching too hard goes against the essence of it. Amount of contradicting thoughts this week has been unsettling. That is another reason for all the tension and stress. There is a certain amount of contradiction that I can manage but too much is too much. More and more often I feel a need to spend time alone. One interesting thing was noticed. In English word "justice" phonetically sounds like "just is". Therefore, justice is what is and it can not be anything else because it just is. Funny, isn't it? It probably has nothing to do with the origin of the word but nonetheless an interesting coincidence. Checked out Allan Watts this week and that is something that made me think: "The reason why you want to become better is the reason why you are not." I also re-evaluated my position in personal development scale (based on Leo's categorization). First, I classified myself as a newbie though now I see that I am more likely somewhere between a wounded-newbie and a newbie. This is just labels and they do not change what really is but it can shift my perspective on how I should approach certain issues I am dealing with. Goal adjustment — NO ENTERTAINMENT/NO DISTRACTION CHALLENGE FOR THE NEXT WEEK (and maybe longer) This means: No internet funsies - facebook, all kinds of fun stuff and also no excessive reading in this forum. Internet only for work or research purposes. No smoking, drinking or eating crap - which basically are my already existing goals. No excessive talking - more listening, more silence. No coffee - this will be TOUGH. I drink 2-3 cups of coffee everyday. No rushing - this week is going to be sloooow. Doing only ONE THING at a time If I feel an urge to distract myself somehow I can meditate or do yoga. If I can not meditate I can focus on breathing wherever I am. Wish me luck. Or better not, wish me peace. It is more important. Thank you for reading, TakeCare Next update planned on 2016.09.04

Just over a year ago, I was meditating down by the river on my property and had one of the most intense experiences I've ever had. It was while I was stoned but I have experienced it without weed too, though not as intense. To start off with, this had nothing to do with sexual intercourse or even masturbation. There was no ejaculation nor an erection. There was no physical or even visual stimuli. Just a toe-curling, chill-inducing full-body climax. For 45 minutes. Since then, I haven't had one quite as long but I can have them at will now. Let me explain. I was sitting on a wooden bench at the base of a very large pine tree. This pine tree is the tallest one in a patch of pine trees with oak, maple and birch trees surrounding them. It's on a small ridge ten feet above the river but about fifteen feet away from the water. It is a very peaceful place and I've had many experiences here, including my own death (with the help of Leo's guided meditation, but that is another story). So I was sitting alone, with my eyes open in a deep meditative state. I cannot recall what the catalyst was but back then I was meditating by staring at trees along the river. Looking back at my account of it the next day, there was a fishing boat with fishermen in it casting their lines about 40 yards away. Since I was fully-clothed, no one was wise to the fact that I was in a state of bliss. Although, that first time, who knows what I looked like when it was happening. The entire episode began with a thump within my body. I jolted but remained seated. My whole body was tensed but I felt it most in my core, emanating from the inside. I say tensed instead of clenched because my buttocks were flexed but my sphincter was not. I was seated comfortably but in a mildly reclined position. Again, the position could be seen as if I was relaxed but still upright. I had no concern for appearances at that moment. My quads were taut causing my feet to lift. My left foot was twitching while my right foot was still. After a while, I began to allow myself to relax so the feeling did not become dulled by the intensity of it. I did have a slight fear of losing it but did not. I then adjusted and again felt myself tensing again with my butt on the edge of the bench with my upper torso lifting up while my shoulders were still in contact with the bench back. It was almost like I was "planking" with my feet just off the ground. During all this, there was no erection at all. Not even a slight one. After it was done, I ran up to the house and told my wife about it. Not much interest though. Much like when she tells me about her lucid dreams. I haven't experienced it and assume that I can't so I don't get too excited about her dreams. She didn't get my level of fascination with it. Fairplay, I guess. Not much of a reaction from her, at least until I mentioned half-jokingly that I didn't need her anymore. She has a great sense of humor but I still had to explain myself. If most of us spend most our waking lives working to make money to afford nice things such as cars and stuff to impress others, especially in the dating scene, we spend an good deal amount of time preparing our appearance to influence others' opinion of us, namely our ability to own stuff. We want to impress others so we primp and shine ourselves up just so we can get either money, admiration or sex. You know the old joke, if you could lick yourself like a dog does, you'd never leave the house? That was what I was referring to. The lack of anyone or anything else needed to experience such bliss. I realized that the bliss I experienced came from within. Within me. I didn't need sex, money, nor any other physical being to experience this level of joy. She understood my quick explanation and didn't take it personally. I successfully dodged that bullet. After the euphoria wore off, I probably went about six weeks before I experienced another episode but not as long in duration. Although, I have experienced it sitting right next to my wife while she was watching TV or sitting on the porch swing with me. She's unfazed but usually she doesn't notice. It's that subtle now but when it gets going, the foot twitch is rather noticeable. Now, I can do it at will, while I'm driving, sitting in a waiting room (briefly, but just to see if I could), although not to the degree of the first time. Sitting or standing, but sitting is better. Since then, I've spent a bit of time meditating over what the catalyst was for the first few. I wanted to study the steps I took and if it was teachable. Apparently it is. I found what works for me. I also discovered something called Kundalini but only noticed some similarities but the areas of intense feeling are at the base of the spine and very close to but not the "taint". It tain't external. Has anyone else experienced this?

The "Be Aware of the Present Moment" Farce Ahh, yes. Be aware of the present moment and I will eventually reach a state of no-mind, which is enlightenment....I will be thought-less all day and forever in a state of samadhi....Pure bliss....All I have to do is try to stop thinking in my meditation and become so aware of the present moment that it just sticks. Right? .....RIGHT!? --Wait...What does it mean to "be aware of the present moment?" Isn't the present moment all there is? Well, yes, that's what Eckhart Tolle told me so it must be true....I'll believe anything the New Age gurus say. They're so enlightened and peaceful looking. --Isn't that a contradiction though? Be aware of the present moment in the present moment? Yes, but my thoughts bring me to the past and the future, and that's baaaaaad. I've gotta be a drill sergeant and prevent myself from thinking ANY thoughts. All thoughts cause suffering, therefore I must get rid of them. --Okay, something's off here. You just admitted that being aware of the present moment is a contradiction, but now you go off and say that thoughts bring you to the past and the future? I mean, when I look in my direct experience, sure, thoughts come that have images with labels such as "past" and "future," but all of this is happening in the present moment. How can you ever be un-present or un-aware? And inquiring further, where is the "you" that prevents "yourself" from thinking any thoughts? Where is the "you" that is aware of the present moment? Just look in your present experience for this "you" and all of this "I must be aware of the present moment" hogwash will be flushed out of your system. Are you kidding me, dude? I'm right here! I meditate my ass off every day so I can become totally aware of the present moment! It's all proven in The Power of Now! --Look, dude. Let me lay it on you. Thoughts appearing in awareness created a "you" that needs to be re-created constantly. It's fundamentally incomplete and needs an objective. So what does it do? It makes enlightenment into another one of its goals, and pretends that it can achieve enlightenment like any other goal. You just need to "be aware of the present moment" as you say, right? Or meditate for twenty years and boom, fireworks? But this "you" is the very thing that stands in the way of enlightenment. "Your" head is on the chopping block! Enlightenment is already the case. It's just your sense of ownership over a tiny sliver of experience that's the obstruction. Where is the "you" that owns this body, this mind, whatever it is you use to identify yourself? Of course, man. I know, the "you" is an illusion! All I am is Being! I'm Being! And if I meditate enough and be more aware of the present moment, I can realize myself as Being! --Sigh...

The pratice which David Deida talks about seems similar to Tantric Sex, which can be used also for reach Enlightement or bliss according to Osho for instance. Search it on google or here there are a few good articles. http://www.goodtoknow.co.uk/relationships/273020/tantric-sex http://www.lovepanky.com/sensual-tease/passion-pill/tantric-sexuality-tantra-sexuality Also here a talk of Osho where he mentions some tips and guidelines By the way David Deida writed The Enlightened Sex Manual: Sexual Skills for the Superior Lover , that could be useful as well.

WEEK 8 DAY 50 20 minute yoga in the morning. 22+25 minute meditation Today is a day off. Despite of that from the very morning I did not feel well. Tried to meditate at midday and I did not manage to sit for entire 25 minutes. Towards the end I realised that I was only waiting for the timer to go off and was not really meditating anymore. There were cravings for sweets and gaming. They kept reoccurring throughout the day. It was tough to resist. Decided to re-watch koyanisqaatsi one more time. After watching cravings came back and for a moment I was seriously considering dedicating this day to some computer game. In the end I managed to foresee the consequences and understand that I do not truly want that. In the evening I meditated again. After sit I thought a lot about letting go. Today most of my commitments were tested multiple times. Mindful eating: Breakfast - totally forgot about it. Lunch - remembered half way through the meal. Dinner - same as lunch. Fingers cracked 2 times. DAY 51 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute meditation. Kept coming back to the idea that it is shortsighted to sacrifice one's authenticity for something that you think you might get from other people by not being who you are. This is an important idea to work on. Today was my girlfriends birthday and we went to a vegetarian restaurant. Food was delicious but something happened in my stomach. Food just stood there for 3 hours. I am going to meditate now but I can not sit cross-legged right now. Lol. Ironically that it is what happens when I finally decide to try some vegetarian food. Not very encouraging. Meditation was very challenging. I felt pressure on my chest, that kind of pressure that used to cause panic attacks for me and my mind kept spinning. Despite of that I kept refocusing on my breathing and had some very pleasant emotions when I understood how difficult it is right now to meditate and how much dedication I am showing when ignoring all the negative circumstances. Mindful eating: Breakfast - started slowly ended fast. Lunch - partly mindful. Dinner - Partly mindful. Fingers cracked 3 times. DAY 52 20 minute yoga in the morning. 20 minute yoga at work. 25+20 minute meditation. During the day thought a lot about "letting go". I experienced moments where my life looked a bit like a movie. I felt negative emotions but I was not as attached to them as usually. That is actually the main thing that I noticing lately - the gap between awareness and emotions is increasing slowly. Same is with the gap between awareness and thinking. Slowly. Very slowly. Meditation was difficult today. At one point I thought that I forgot to start my timer and decided to check it - there were 5 minutes left to go. Few hours later before sleep I decided to do another sit, because I felt tension in my body and pressure in my chest area. Lasted 20 minutes. Felt a bit better but still restless somewhere deep inside. Mindful eating - a little bit of mindfulness with every meal but still eating too fast. Fingers cracked 2 times. DAY 53 20 minute yoga in the morning. 20 minute yoga at work. 25 minute meditation focused on sound. 25 minute breathing meditation + visualization. What is this craziness with meditation you may ask? Today started my meditation courses that I registered to a while ago. There will be 7 lessons, in each of them there will be 2 different kind of meditation techniques introduced. Teacher seemed legitimate. 18 participants. It was the first time I experienced group meditation. After the first session I opened my eyes and almost laughed. I kind of forgot where I was so there was a moment of surprise when I saw all those people sitting in a circle. I tried staying open minded, some of the things seemed a bit woo woo but I was focusing on what is useful for me at my current stage of life and there was plenty of stuff to learn. First of all, meditation has stages. It is recommended to have an "intro" an "outro" to your meditation. I have already downloaded a timer designed especially for that. Intro is all about relaxing which I often had problems with. I got some tips how to relax and also how to make sure your sitting posture is correct. On top of that teacher demonstrated various possible meditation poses. I decided to stick to the one I was practicing until now which he called "turkish sitting" and some other word I do not remember. I want to sit cross-legged with my knees touching the ground but so far I am unable to do that. All in all, it was a good experience. Looking for the next lessons where I will learn about Zen, Neti Neti, Sufi, Mantra and some other words I have no specific meaning attached to. Mindful eating - same as yesterday. A bit of mindfulness and a bit of fast pace food obliteration. Fingers cracked 4 times. DAY 54 20 minute yoga in the morning. 20 minute meditation. The anxiety. The worry. Overall I can say that it was handled better than usually. I was focusing on accepting the feeling and tried not to resist it though I admit efforts were not entirely consistent. Today I went for lunch with my co-workers. Attempted mindful eating and tried to slow my pace down. Despite the intentions I finished my lunch first. Gosh I am fast eater. In the evening as a birthday celebration of my girlfriend we met with friends and later went canoeing. Ate well (avoided sugar), did not drink any alcohol but as we were canoeing I smoked 2 cigarettes. Came back home very late. Meditated at about 1:30 at night, forgot to use my new timer. I was exhausted and my back hurt. Ended meditation session after 20 minutes because of the lack of energy and concentration. Fingers cracked 2 times. DAY 55 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute breathing meditation. I think I hit a plateau when it comes to smoking. I have no problem during workdays but during weekends I sometimes really want to smoke. There comes a question: do I resist smoking or do I avoid resistance and smoke? My emotional state welcomed smoking. I feel a bit tired and lost. Smoked 6 cigarettes today. This week was supposed to be extra focused on my detachment from smoking habit though I totally forgot that when I was smoking. One thing I should mention I do not buy cigarettes. My girlfriend smokes and that does not make my life easier. I had a period where I quit smoking for 6 months and did not struggle much. Now when I have someone close to me who smokes additional problems arise. Shiet. I used new timer for meditation today. It goes like this: 4 minutes for relaxation, 20 minutes focusing on breathing and 1 minute to feel the body and end the session. Really liked this format although struggled with sitting posture. At one point I had to stretch my legs. I will buy a pillow filled with buckwheat as soon as they restock (currently sold out). In meditation "class" they had pillows like this and sitting was very comfortable. Fingers cracked 0 times. DAY 56 20 minute morning yoga. 25 minute sound meditation. 25+25 minute breathing meditation. Attempted sound meditation. I am so used to focusing on breathing that I need some time to adjust. My mind wandered more than it usually does during breathing meditation. Few hours later I sat and focused on my breath. I have finally managed to relax. Finally! What a relief. It was not a complete relaxation though, there was something that still kept some tension going but mostly I was relaxed. Did not last very long though. Sunday was productive - spent 5 hours concentrated on the project. Smoked 2 cigarettes. Sat for another 25 minute breathing meditation to close the week. Fingers cracked 1 time. REVIEW OF WEEK 8 Goal review Quitting smoking - Failure. 3 days of smoking, 8 cigarettes. This is not much, I used to smoke twice the amount in one day but it does not matter. I might actually stop being so strict about smoking because I still do want to smoke sometimes. I know it is possible to brute-force it but it is not likely to be a long-term solution. Quitting any kind of contact with video games - Check. Limited social media time - Check. (facebook intensified advertising and that sometimes naturally makes me want to stop using it completely) Eating healthy - Check. Exercising daily - Check. (starting to feel more and more comfortable with yoga routine) Meditating for at least 25 mins everyday - Check. Setting at least one hour per week for review - Check. Healthy sitting posture - Check. (although I caught myself sitting like a potatoe couple of times) No excessive use of alcohol - Check. (no alcohol at all) No sugar in coffee - Check. Finger cracking - Check. (not perfect but alright, keeping the counter on until I get less than 3 cracks per week) No more porn - Check. Affirmation habit - Check. (not consistent) Mindful eating - Check. (I will give it a "green" because it is the first week but I this needs more mindfulness) Thoughts This week I often felt restless. Not always sure why but there is tension - a lot of it and often. I am more aware that my thinking is mostly negative and I got some insights about why it is the way it is. I grew up in the environment where I was always punished for things done wrong (very often I was not aware that something might be wrong) and I very very rarely got any positive feedback. I was focused on learning the "rules" so that pain can be avoided. The problem was that the "rules" were contradicting with itself. I always looked for logical explanation and focused only on the rational part of the problem. I was emotionally clueless and in my early years it has never came to my attention how significant emotions are. Under different emotional circumstances different "rules" applied. If parents were happy I could relax, if they are tired or conflicting with each other (which I saw a lot of in my childhood) no matter what I did some "rules" might be broken accidentally. Because I was not able to follow the rules and even if I tried I was not able to understand why rules are inconsistent I was ALWAYS focused on what could go wrong. Sometimes something I have done seemed to be completely fine by my standards but I knew that my standards did not matter much. I might be punished one way or another so I had to find the SAFEST way to do things. This is probably the main reason behind my neurosis. I always look for something wrong. Since I have always blamed myself more than the environment and accepted the bigger part of responsibility on my shoulders I became extremely self-critical and judgemental. My model of reality is incredibly distorted. I remembered few situations where people reacted to something I said as if I was very worried. I was surprised by that because I thought I was fine, I was not able to detect the emotion. If I worried less for me it used to seem like I am fine, like I am relaxed. Now that I am working on myself consistently and my soft addictions play smaller and smaller role in my life I am more AWARE of what I am FEELING. Now I just fucking feel like I can not relax ever. Right this moment as I am typing I am feeling some pressure on my chest and my shoulders are slightly tense. I relax my shoulders but minute later the tensions is likely to come back. As Leo said in this week's video "first three years of self-development might feel like you are regressing". Well, it does sometimes. I have sweet moments from time to time but the fact that I am putting more effort than ever and I mostly feel like shit is not an easy one to accept. I kind of want to say something like "god give me strength" lol. I am not religious and have never been religious but I sure could use some bliss or revelations. Goal adjustment — Focus on observing physiology and relieve tensions once they are detected. I have plenty to work on for now. Than you for reading, TakeCare Next update is planned on 2016.08.21

The only reason enlightenment sounds plausible to us is because it too has a price of bliss in the end. If enlightenment would offer a lot of awareness with a lot of pain and misery instead, why would someone want to go that road. More generally, the only reason people sacrifice pleasures is to gain a more permanent state of pleasure in the future. So one way or another, there is always a higher price of pleasure we seek. When we are kids, we are involved in instant gratification, then as we mature we realize that there is a more effective way to gain pleasures which are more permanent and that is to get out of our habits of instant gratification and sacrifice certain things for the future, then as we mature even further we realize that there is an even more permanent state which involves the surrender of our ego. So Isn't everything that we do is a trajectory from pain to pleasure ?

Materialism does not lead to bliss... but it's a pleasant misery. I think "Not thinking" about any of this is the best approach... Use Tolle's the power of now in this case. Drive your mind into the moment so hard that thoughts stop. Having this break can lead to an opening...maybe.

If a genie were to offer you a choice between $1 billion right now, with the one caveat that you will never become enlightened, vs. an offer of instant spiritual truth and enlightenment, you would take the money in a heartbeat, wouldn't you? Why is that? Because you're still connected to worldly desires, and you still believe they will bring you more happiness and fulfillment than enlightenment ever could. As long as your ego holds on to the notion that outwardly success is more fulfilling than enlightenment, you will always have inner suffering. At least, that's my understanding of enlightenment vs. no enlightenment. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow, and all that money didn't matter. But if you had enlightenment, you were prepared for that bus, and you achieved a state of bliss you would have never otherwise obtained.

And by the way, I've been there hundreds of times. Now every day I go there. The deep bliss of nothingness, ignoring all objects of mind, netti netti of the knower itself, and that knower, deeper and deeper experiences of nothing. There is another stage beyond what you describe, where it is the extinction of even awareness. This is called the Absolute. I'm sure I have been there, I know I am. But each time I come out of it, the ignorance is still there, and the suffering. So I know experiences dont mean anything, because the one "experiencing" is still some form of subtle ego, still some form of subtle duality. Because the experiencer has no way of recording the extinction of nirvana. We can never "experience" the Self.

This is the latest post between me and my friend. Please feel free to comment: She posed these questions: What is it that needs an identity, identifies, and takes it seriously? What is the I that experiences personality? The thoughts and feelings that manifest as "suffering" is what identifies, needs an identity, and takes it seriously. Once "suffering" manifests, it necessarily separates itself from what is (I mean, just creates the illusion of separation). Awareness gets focused onto the suffering and identifies with it as something that is happening to this illusory 'me.' I see through the suffering. I see that the more one suffers, the more conscious awareness is being focused on something, as if it could harm a 'me'. Someone related enlightenment, or the truth of no-self, to experiencing a 180 degree shift in consciousness, and that's exactly what all of the implications suggest. Why is what "is" conscious? And why does it seem that it is love? It didn't have to be anything, but it's this. The only way it can be? Free will doesn't exist, but does the formless have qualities that it "chose" such as love? A whole slew of questions that I would have never thought about before are now realized as the only real questions. And maybe deepening my knowing will answer some of these questions. I won't know until it happens (and if it happens). I've sat with the sutra for a while. It seems to point to the utter impossibility of what "is" being capable of experiencing suffering. Since I am that, everything can be allowed to be a game. "What does the universe want to do today?" for instance. If awareness is allowed to rest in itself, then there can be no entanglement between it and form. If there is no entanglement between itself and form, and it is seen to be this way necessarily, then that is the end of suffering. Detachment means the realization that nothing in the world of form is you, and is infinitely far from you, but is you. Once meaning and value have been taken away from everything, liberation is the only thing left. Freedom is. Like I said in an earlier post, Ilona, I've been on this track for a while, and just didn't know that it would lead me here. I didn't know where truth was to be found. I didn't know that the truth of no self would open everything up. I have suspected for several years now that there was no free will, and there was no 'me', so maybe that is why I didn't have a bliss experience (or maybe deepening my seeing will produce one) like so many people report. I experienced some changes, but nothing ultra dramatic like some people say. I know peak experiences are not the Truth, and obviously are just as far from Truth as anything else that is experienced by the body/mind, but is there some deeper seeing that I've yet to become aware of, do you think? I know this is just mind conjuring up stuff to try to get attention, but I honestly feel that there is nothing else to do. I don't need to read anymore. I don't have this feeling that I need to keep searching. The only thing I've been experiencing lately is this feeling of just not giving a damn about outcomes. I feel that I can just do whatever I want from now on, and that's the end of the story. Game over. If I get up and go walk in the park for a few hours and come home and just sit, and then go to bed, that's just fine. If I want to go play a video game, it's just fine. If I want to challenge myself in a way that I can achieve deeper insight into this life thing, then that's fine too. There is a lot of conditioning that says I should be doing something else now. Since I've seen no-self, I ought to do "something" else now. And I don't think that's the case at all. If I let go completely every day then what happens, happens, and it just is what it is. That's the plan for now...just to live and see what arises Also, I'm starting to taste the beauty of non-attachment. Clinging is suffering. When something amazing is witnessed without clinging, then that is fulfillment. If life is lived without clinging, that is fulfillment. At that point, life is complete.

Well from some point of view it is : you're gonna pursue it thinking it's gonna make you happy. And since you can never achieve happiness this way you're lost. But once you realize there is no you to be happy and you will be in a state of eternal bliss - and whatever the mind or the body doesn't doesn't matter. You can still enjoy the things of this world. But No thing is essential or can provide your happiness - including a mind concept of ahealthy relationship or whathever else.

The Fireworks Effect The Fireworks Effect = Mistaking the possible side effects of a spiritual awakening (bliss, joy, kundalini, extreme constipation, butterflies in the stomach, spontaneous combustion, etc.) for the awakening itself. Awakening to your true nature or an aspect of it is just a simple recognition. Nothing has changed in your experience; you have only discovered something which is already the case. Your reaction to that simple recognition is unique for every individual. That is why all of the spiritual teachers' stories about their awakenings are so diverse. Beware of the Fireworks Effect. Be careful not to waste your time looking for a fleeting experience, expecting that that is the awakening. Many people fall into this trap and use meditation to waste decades of their life trying to relive brief moments of fireworks. Your true nature is not a fleeting experience. It is that which knows all fleeting experience. And that is about as subtle as it gets. Cheers!

@Wormon Blatburm Yes, it would just be an ego/pleasure land. When I was doing some pranayama breathing 2 years ago while abstaining from masturbating for a month or so, some kundalini stuff happened and it felt like my soul was evolving, and the experience was so magical and that's where I get the idea of reachiing your full potential, in all shapes and forms becoming some ubersmensch but I want to to feel that intense bliss again omg it felt so good it was ecstasy. I noticed when help make the world a better place or advance society I get this really good feeling and thats what life purpose revolves around. Its like a "help save 5 stray dogs" and you got some good feelings, kinda of like a currency. I'm addicted to pleasure and this bliss feeling right now, I'm such an addict and the occult says the water element is the emotional principle, so It's just even more intense bliss omg I'm thinking of having a girlfriend and just sitting in that phase then all these love chemicals are happning, such a low-level of morality. I had some suicidal problems from abstaining from sex and not feeling loved idk, it was said it gives extreme physiological, mental and physical problems, but I don't wanna be a pleasure leech, I want to give back to society in huge waves, but somebody told me what I was thinking about is impossible and that I have to lower my standards, I don't like that.

A quick (and life long) fix is to do Self-Enquiry. There is a bulk of text on my history, and s ton of videos that give you a detailed, and not so detailed overview of this practice. It's all laid out like an instruction manual for a microwave oven, the deep shit is there if you want it, plus there is a quick-start module to get instant results in twenty minutes. Instead of putting your attention onto thoughts (objects), become aware of the screen that the objects appear on. Focus on that instead of getting involved in the story. Keep doing that until the peace, happiness, bliss and unshakable self esteem that arises from letting your attention sink into its source becomes a million times more attractive than the memories. It's the most simple and most effective thing you can do in life.