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Nice! I'm looking forward to feel "fantastic amazing, drowned-in-pussygrabbing, president of my united self, rich, loving-tripping-best-time-of-my-life-independent hardcore attracting best at what there is to best at and who has eternal love that shines through the internet through other side of cosmos and divine being mr-nothingness-himself-is-blessed-extrasuperblessed-becauseImamazing-godlovesmethemore-I love God the more he loves-the poor children in Africa and North-Korea, I'm sure he ment well-loverboy". Sounds like a great exercise! Will try it out

Entry 127 | More on Death I don't know specifically what I want to write in this entry, so I'm just going to type as I think. Death has been on my mind recently. What with my uncle being on the verge of death now after months of coping with cancer and everything. But also, I had a dream in the last few nights about death. At some point, it occurred to me that I had never witnessed anyone die right before my eyes. This caused my subconscious mind to simulate that event in the form of a dream. It was night, and I was stood at a crossing with around 20 people. As we waited for the traffic lights to change, one guy stepped out in the middle of the road in front of the oncoming traffic. It was obvious that he was hoping to commit suicide. In the shock of the situation, I looked away at the instant the car ran over the guy. I slowly looked back to see the man lying on the floor with blood gushing out of his severed leg. He wasn't dead. But he wasn't far off. He leant forward as if to grab his leg in pain but, of course, it was missing. Something suggested that he was regretting the idea. Then earlier today, I envisioned another suicide scenario happening on my way to university. I imagined the guy jumping off one of the university buildings with the cry "OH MY GOD." Again, it suggested that he regretted the decision completely. But his fate was unavoidable as he splattered on the tarmac. Thankfully, these were imaginary scenarios. But why now? It's not like I'm actively looking to commit suicide nor do I wish to see it happen to someone. Nevertheless, it got me thinking about death. It hit me in the Indian music ensemble that one day, I will die. One day, I will return to the nothingness of death. And somehow, I don't feel scared about that. Given that the next few years will prove to be the most challenging for me, this is something that I must keep in mind. Nothingness is whole and complete as it is. There needn't be life at all. The fact that it exists for the meantime is just a blessing. The pursuing of goals for materialist benefits seems shallow and unnecessary now. Once upon a time, I just wanted to be a famed guitar player. Now, I just want to make the most of what I am now. The process seems more important than the end result. Now is better than then. All I can do is enjoy the moment for what it is. Any goals that I pursue will come from that place of love and joy for being in the now. They won't become my life. They will just form a part of it. Because if there's any goal that's worth pursuing, it is to love life to the full. Pick of the day:

@West Heard that guy's name a few times. He sounds pretty interesting in that respect. Like you say, he must have done a heck of a lot of consciousness work to become so resilient to and accepting of the pain. I've not yet been experienced to physical pain of that nature. Although, my karate background may have made me more able to withstand the pain later on. It's hard to say. Meditation will certainly lessen the suffering, maybe to the point of nothingness one day.

Yes nothingness is the matter but the mind and the Ego doesn't want to accept that so they distract my whole being so much that i can't really let it flow ! And even if sometimes i can, it's coming, even if i start to understand that what comes from the mind got to be rejected in order for this process to complete itself.

Emptiness, Nothingness as i like to call it

Nothingness is real and is who I am "Split wood, I am there. Lift up a rock, you will find me there." - Jesus

I like it that someone understood/read this I think most people have allergy to numbers. Also I was just hit by the realization that if that which I am seeing is illusion, false, that means it is untrue, that means it is a mirage, nothing, 0 ultimately. It is just perceived as something by the true 0 that we are Mindfucking. So everything we see is the untrue nothingness and the one that sees is the true nothingness, but that which we see is still who we are Just the false us in an ultimate sense

Yeah, exactly, we are the same nothingness\pure awarenesa experiencing two different infinities part of a bigger infinity. But we're identified with the separate body and mind that we observe, which is an infinity itself, that's why it deserves to be! All infinities are made in Absolute infinity's image. Smaller scale. But the awareness is where we all meet into oneness. And only That is true- that and the present moment experience of that awareness. The experience is of something untrue by itself, but its the awareness that makes it true as experience

Like soul is saying- The teachers you are asking about have recognized that addiction to spirituality is no different than any other addiction. The problem with a lot of the spirituality message is that it suggests that all of these amazing things which are outside of your experience will all the sudden be given to you if you become enlightened. What that does is creates a feeling in people that what is already in experience isnt whole, so they need to seek out enlightenment to be whole. It is the same cycle of wanting that is behind any addiction. Outside of perception is nothing. Assuming that you need to find what is outside of yourself is assuming that you need to know nothing. It is completely unknowable. Liberation is realizing that what is happening is already whole. It is not about becoming a psychic, or attaining some power that will make a self more special. It is about what is already there recognizing that it already is. It is not about what is already there reaching out into unknowable nothingness and pulling an object back to itself. There is no one there to be improved in the first place. There is what is happening, not what might, could, or should be happening. All of that is the thought process of self, and is an utter illusion. It is what Leo would call a trap. The assumption underlying it is that to be happy, the dream has to be made better with objects that are separate. It's ass backwards, and it is the self trying to fight against not having control.

Check again, now there no God, only nothingness.

There is free will. Right & wrong are opinions. You are depressed because you're choosing to think depressing thoughts. Thought, then feeling. Listen to something happy and you'll feel happy. Allow the momentum to build. Your problems as you describe them here stem from choosing to believe that you don't have free will. The fact that you chose to believe it should be your proof that you are doing the choosing. Often, people who trip balls until they are practically unconscious misinterpret their pending unconsciousness as a nothingness and derive that there is no free will because there is no 'them'. You typed that, so clearly there is a you. Clearly you chose to type it. If someone claims they experienced nothing, obviously they were still there to experience it, so it's not nothing. Relax. Do something you enjoy.

Do you really know that it doesn't? Where does this certainty of yours come from? Maybe you haven't uncovered enough of the world and yourself yet to see the conflict? We all have limitation and ignorance and then even more ignorance that we are blind to. Every person carries some degree of being blind to their own blindness and that also includes me of course. It's a reality and a responsibility I actively address and keep in consideration when making conclusions and feeling certainty about a thing. I've spent days tracking the chemical build-up of certainty in my body at times, noting down how it changes my experience of reality as it crosses thresholds and how to balance it out and lower it with other actions and energies. Maybe to you enlightenment is not an idea, maybe it's something more. I don't know what your definition of enlightenment is or what you've maybe experienced it to be. People have many different ideas about it, many of them flawed and overly extreme in my experience. To me it's a word, some people use to symbolize an idea of what they think might occur after some kind of change or realization. Now from what I can tell from your first post in this thread, you consider that change to include the realization that the "I" is a delusion. I do not agree that the "I" is a delusion along with other variations of oneness and nothingness and singularities. I see them carrying the flaw of corruption through reduction via over-simplicity and conflicting with multi-dimensionality. Personally, I am both "I" and "We" at the same time, superimposed, without rejecting or discarding that initial "I". With permeable boundaries between the "I" and "We" that limit the amount of communication and transposition to adhere to specific contexts within a moment. Those contexts being the balance and interaction of pattern and motion or matter and energy or chaos and order... there are many names for it, all with pros and cons. You may not agree and that's okay. I have no skin in the game, when it comes to how you choose to view reality within the self-contained world of yourself. Just like you have none for my world. I mean yea, there is in-congruence and a little conflict when those worlds communicate and compare perspectives, but there are worse things in the larger world to deal with.

Day 5: I just had two profoundly different experiences with the University I used to attend. The first experience was with a program called career connect. Woke up early no traffic heading to the Valley and finding parking easily then being driven to the place we were going to have the orientation. My favorite part of the whole thing wasn't exactly the orientation but, it was the ride there. Being in the shuttle going down the freeway and while others were talking to people I mostly sat there silent staring out the window and looking up at the clouds. It reminded me of simpler times when my parents would drive me places and I'd sit in the car just not saying anything and just staring out the window. Those were some of the fondest memories I'd had of my youth. The best of the best was looking out a planes window and just admiring a birds eye view. So as I sat there we arrived at our destination got to say hi to all the people working there and got to know the inner workings of the cruise line they worked for. I also had a really friendly chat with a person who worked there and we kind of got to know each other. I had no problem speaking and socializing. I shared with him stories about my travels and it related to the industry to since it was cruise ships and that's about hospitality. Then on the shuttle ride back I felt the same way just looking out the window and enjoying that view. Today on the other hand the experience wasn't exactly that great. I went to an alumni reunion and actually the first person I talked to was a really nice lady who I had a class with and I enjoyed that class because I got to express myself. The problem was though is that I dislike these socially awkward situations. That's how the whole thing felt like though one big socially awkward situation. In situations like that I kind of retreat into my own thoughts especially when there are people there that I hardly know. It had some good moments but, not exactly that many. I had expectations for the event but, all and all I came out of it disappointed. It was a story of other people although I wanted people to know my story and my story was that I didn't exactly have a kinship with academia or my University to begin with. So many people feel as though they have some kind of relationship with the place they graduated from. As for me I just felt kind of a sense of nothingness. I wasn't raised in the typical growing up way I just wanted to get out of anything that had to do with school ASAP and find some work. Unfortunately for me my upbringing didn't make me the most social person or the most successful because of how turbulent it was. This experience really fell flat because I figured I went through this horrendous traffic to get there, paid for the parking, and looked forward to it. At last when I finally got there just to feel socially awkward and weird in front of people who I kind of barely knew. I think to myself sometimes that I was so responsible as a young person. I may have not had the best social skills, I didn't exactly make that many friend, and I may have not gone the extra mile that many times in my life ON THE OTHER HAND I was responsible. I did what I was told when I was younger. I finished my assignments, I came early and on time to classes, I got my work finished on time and sometimes even ahead of schedule. I was also well behaved and didn't start any trouble. That's why I have such a personal struggle and a very deep vomit inducing disgust with the adult world or as some people like to call it the "real" world. This world consists of things called jobs and this is when it gets real ugly. Most of these "jobs" that you will be accepted in when you're old enough to have one will be things that don't feed your passion and make you feel like an automaton. The other thing is nothing is more subjective than "getting a job" you're just a piece of paper either an "application" a "resume" or a "resume with a cover letter". I think it's so impersonal and dehumanizing. No where on those papers does it show your personality, the struggles you went through, the kind of life you had, and the passion and potential you poses. Nope your life is reduced to a piece of paper that is no longer than a page. The human element is completely missing from the equation as well when all the jobs need to be applied to online and you can't just walk in and talk to someone. Anyway I used to write stuff like this in a private journal. I think though that hopefully the majority of people on this website are cognitively complex enough to appreciate my musing and philosophies on life. Although I on the other hand need to understand one thing and it was actually good that I took that UCLA trail for the Peers program about making friends. I remember when I told the counselor that I had a long winded conversation with someone about philosophy and life but, then she told me that gets boring and it's unsustainable. She told me that friends are made by talking about common interests and my interests are video games, science, technology, chemistry, politics, geography, and travelling. That's a good piece of advice when I go too far down the rabbit hole with these philosophical excursions with others and in my writing. I'm more than happy for the entire world to be exposed to my writings and philosophies and to contemplate them once in a while. I think that's what the world needs more of what do you think @Anna Konstantaki?

@Salaam What is connective tension in relation to consciousness? I am not following why the skills you are describing and enlightenment are mutually exclusive. I understand you think it's an idea, and a primitive one, but enlightenment is not an idea. It seems you enjoy parsing things out with precision and these ideas about oneness and nothingness seemingly take that away from you, but...it doesn't.

Enlightenment to me is a flawed and limited idealization created by people who are hurt and ignorant while being pushed by the pressure of their pain and their desire to escape it. I recognize those flaws in it's foundation and instead focus on my own conceptualizations. I focus on goldilocks zones, tension, harmony, synergy, balance, accessible potentiality, humanity, spirit, and multi-dimensionality that brings about real, physical change and is mirrored throughout the rest of the universe as a nested pattern of motion. For over 10 years now I've been working to expand my senses, slow down my perception of time, increase my tensile resiliency and map out by feel the movements, patterns, shifts, and transitions going on in my different layers of consciousness. This gives me an incredible amount of experience and information to compare against these people chasing enlightenment or describing whatever they attain or experience as enlightenment. None of them come close to the nuance, multi-dimensionality, and synergy of what I've experienced and see everyday in the world around me. Nor do they employ as rigorous and nuanced a system of guidance, grounding, and accountability. Oneness, nothingness, non-attachment are all limited and primitive in comparison at best and delusional or extreme with their iterations of "everything is an illusion" nonsense at worst. Why should I limit myself to oneness when I can choose superimposed multi-dimensionality? Why should I choose nothingness when it's a limited and extreme concept crafted by people who jump to conclusions about observations within their own mind before even developing the tools needed for nuanced observation in the first place? What they think is an experience of nothingness is in reality filled with so much shit going on at various speeds and scopes and they're completely blind to it. Why should I choose non-attachment, when I have freedom and harmony with connective tension which lets me consciously modulate the degrees and flavors of both attachment and non-attachment. That skill in and of itself makes Buddha look like a beginner jumping to false conclusions to me. Enlightenment is like checkers, as far as nuance, when I'm instead working on a chess level framework of reality. Which probably sounds arrogant, but the difference in complexity and potentiality bares true. Anyways, this Ralston guy is talking about honesty or authenticity in your clip. Authenticity in my experience is actually a fidelity of connection with your own inner chemistries. Protecting it from distortion which increases the level of synergy and automated reactivity between your intent and your output. My work within myself has reached such a particular synergy as to release certain limiters our body puts in place, which amplifies my feelings and their intensity. Long story short, lying makes me sick because I'm so sensitive and aware of my subconscious layers and have to protect them even more from my conscious decisions than the normal person. It's not a moral thing per se, or not just a moral thing, but a matter of health and protection of my connection with my spirit for me. Not just my health, but the health of all, because the only action I can ever truly categorize as evil is the corruption of trust. And when I talk about spirit, I'm talking about my tangible connection to the feeling of my spirit, which is modulated by the amount of meaning being derived from my actions and expressions. I can actually feel my spirit or soul, whenever I want, no matter how scarce a situation as long as I can overcome the resistance to initiating that action. Ah, so you're in prove it mode. You distrust me and see me as a threat or a danger to others, hiding behind anonymity? Even though you, yourself are posting anonymously as well. You think maybe, someone who makes these claims should be famous or exalted or already established right? He shouldn't be some normal dude writing on a forum just like anybody else? I'm not special and I'm my own kind of normal, which in contrast to other people's normal maybe sounds extraordinary. But, whatever. Lol, I can feel your prejudice, but I get it. I'm a challenge to beliefs you've already internalized and are currently defending. My Wife and I have a radio show and I've posted the link a couple times when people asked about it. You can see my name on there. I've got nothing to hide.

@Annetta THe one infinite creator (the ultimate nothingness/void, not the nothingness most refer to, that which cannot be experienced for it is beyond consciousness and experience) gave birth to infinite love/awareness, which was divided into "clumps" of light, which created the universe, galaxies, planets, and smaller and smaller units, allways dividing into smaller portions of consciousness/love/light/awareness. You are right now experiencing 3D expression of consciousness, which is purposefully imposed by limitations. Enlightenment = you merge with higher portion of yourself, you have always been that, only now it is allowed in your experience, so limitations such as time/suffering vanish, for you have outgrown them. But that is not the end. You as a consciousness have always more infinity to merge with, and to allow the one infinite to know itself on a completely unique new level. To explore more of the mystery that it is. With less limitations and more freedom every step of the way (all limitations being self-imposed, ulimately all is the Self, only you experience it in chunks) The chunks that you experience is what you would call soul/spirit/higher-self experiences "at a time". Ultimately you are the higher self, which has already merged with the whole universe, but right now its experiencing itself in time. In its childhood. This is projected into whatever experience it chooses, to explore a certain theme, and that is your life. Once you die veil of forgetfulness will be lifted. Once you die, unless you have completed the lessons you wished to experience and learn from, you will go "omfg I love it gotta go again" and you incarnate.

Well, you can disagree all you want. You can project how you think I feel all you want, and you can come to inaccurate conclusions about the meaning behind what I've said all you want. You can even mistake passion and intensity for anger all you want. That's all fine with me. I like swearing when I'm passionate about things. I even swear during sex Anger is what we feel when we want things to change. It's actually a pretty awesome feeling when it's harmonized to be honest. I'm deeply thankful and appreciative of it's place in my over-all mixture of feelings. Everything has a place, everything matters, and can be harmonized. Even anger. But anyways, enjoy yourself and just ignore me. I mean, you are a god whose already perfect and decides what's real right? And there is no difference and everything is an illusion and doesn't matter right? Until it does, but then that's just the ego fooling you, the ego that somehow exists even though everything is absolute nothingness and nothing matters right? Lol, it's all good man. You don't have to answer that or defend your beliefs to me. Even if it does look like a children's merry-go-round of cherry picking and logical inconsistencies. Just take my feelings as a challenge to re-dedicate yourself to whatever you feel is right. If you go far enough, you'll see what's the more successful and harmonized strategy eventually.

With enlightenment there is much to personal experience and that is subjectively attained understanding. Too often people think that because they had a personal enlightenment experience of understanding that matches what their teacher, if they have one, or others have had it makes it more credible. Even if a million "enlightened" seekers agree with what I have found in my own enlightenment revelation it doesn't make it any more "universally true" than if not one other agrees. When someone says "it is all one", that's personal revelation, when someone says "it is all nothingness" it's personal revelation, when it's said "there is no self" this is more personal revelation. When they say, "this is the way it is for everyone" so assenting a universal truth for all from their own personal revelation it is exercising a paradigm of limiting belief.

Consciousness came into existence out of nothing (and as far as enlightened people tell us, literally nothing) and goes into nothingness each time you are in deep sleep. If consciousness can come into existence once, it can do it as many times as it wants, can't it? In other words, if you were born once, there is no reason for you not to be born twice, or infinitely. I think the belief of eternal death is more of coming from the egoic possessing. "My consciousness! If I am dead, consciousness is dead!" From what it seems to me it's more like consciousness is the TV, and the life that is happening within it simply runs on it. Once it's over, another movie will take the place. Why wouldn't it? Ask yourself. Why are you you, why is "your" consciousness living that specific life, and not one of the trillions of others that exist or have existed? Would it make sense for consciousness to let one life appear within it, and then never again? How then, does it decide which life to choose? It's quite ironic if you think about. People who are alive seem to be convinced that if they die, consciousness dies. But then, people who are dead (ego-death) seem to be absolutely certain that consciousness is eternal. Maybe it requires death to see that.

@Dodoster i think pure consciousness is ethereal nothingness with intelligence. You are NOW spirit in the form of body/mind. However you are basically still pure consciousness as the true self. You can do whatever you want and be whatever you want to be. You don't have to struggle and suffer like others because you've awoken to your true nature. You don't have to worry about death, because that's a gateway to new things, new existences, new manifestations of spirit, similar to your human manifestation. You are in form as spirit because You got sick and tired of being formless and wanted to mix it up a little. Let's have fun in this Form and not take everything so damn seriously, folks!

My current understanding is that the Mind is not real, but the illusion of it is needed in order for life to be. Mind made by awareness just like the tail of the comet is made by the comet, but the comet is not actively creating the tail, it is just happening, and then the comet takes itself to be the the tail, because it doesn't see itself, but it sees what is behind it. Just what @zazed was talking about: The witness cannot see itself as an object, but here is where we differ since I've read and seen too much non-duality teachings of many masters who say the same story - awareness can sense it's own presence. It is not an object to be seen, it is the eternal subject, and the eternal subject is the only 'thing' that can be aware of the eternal subject - the mind cannot know infinity or nothingness, although it can talk about them. It can point to them.

What you are illustrating is the trap of the dualism mindset. To be able to create identity the ego constructs poles in the mind to orient itself. Which is why I laugh with an infinite laughter when people refer to nothingness, that's a mindset still trapped in dualism. I find that the same dualism mindset is revealed from the belief in the concept of true and false. Enlightenment is the process of illuminating, it begins in when we consciously make the effort to do so and can continue infinitely.

@Dodoster Let's clear some things up, the true nature of yourself and everything else is nothingness. It is that which doesn't die. It is silent. Without quality. Immortal. Because it is the only thing that exist it has nothing to limit it. So it is infinitely intelligent, and creative. So if your nothing what do you do you create a "experience" or being something its genuis. So you have your avatar that you currently inhabit. You need to be a player in order to play in the game. Your so hooked on negative & positive. And pecieve & relate everything to your survival and self. In till you have a deep enough enlightenment yourself may have many confusions and questions. They are all distractions from being. because the answers you seek come from a deeper reality that won't be found here.

Stop differentiating between mind and ego. It's the same. It's you (because you do very much identify yourself as a person(ego) inside a bag of skin). Mind. Ego. Person. Self. All words pointing to the same: the false self. It's false because it truly doesn't exist. It's just a phony sensation that you exist as such a self that makes it seem real. When people say Ronaldo has a big ego, the word is used in another context than in non-dualism. So you want your self killed. You don't have an ego. You are the fucking ego. "it seems like the ego within me wants me to die, or at least to be very unhealthy and unhappy. " "Why is it that my ego is programmed so to speak to want to hurt me?" Questions for you: 1. The ego within who exactly? You? Who are you? 2. Want to hurt who? Can you really be hurt? Only an ego can be hurt. You are that ego - or well, truth is you aren't, what you are is consciousness/nothingness/God pretending it's an ego - it's a fun game, everyone (consciousness in many forms) are playing it, some egos are aware they don't exist (i.e. that it's a game) and some (most egos, 99,99%+) are not aware and instead believe they were born as an ego and will die as an ego (ego= person/body/mind w/e).

If you could realize that you are simply peace in everyday life, then aloneness is just another passing emotion, just like a train passing by. Then, you could work on whatever it is that you're working on. The "ideas" are all coming from "you" aka nothingness, aka peace. We all have these talents coming from nothingness waiting for us to unravel them in some way, to contribute in some way. Maybe it's been there since childhood but you weren't fully aware of them till now.