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Hello, I am 36 years old from Germany and interested in "spiritual topics" for more than a decade now. But within the last couple of months the momentum seems to pick up and I would like to share the experiences. I just stumbled upon Leos interesting videos and that is the reason I joined this forum. Maybe someone is experiencing the same or similar things. For some years I was content to watch YouTube Videos of masters like Mooji, Eckard Tolle or Sadhguru (which I liked best). I watched them quite often and felt good about listening. In a way something within me seemed to say "Yes" to their views. Besides that I was reading books and doing online courses like Inner Engineering. regarding Meditation I am really lazy and not so motivated also I try to do my short Kriya Meditation every day (sitting with eyes closed and thinking "I am not the Body, I am not the Mind with inhalation respectively Exhalation for several minutes). I think there must be a more efficient way as to sit through endless hours of meditation. At least for me. As I was on a business trip (I am a stock market expert) I was walking through the streets and contemplating about what I just read in Sadhgurus book "A yogis guide to joy". I am responsible (response-able) for everything that is. I looked on the streets on the People, the whole scenery and there was the thougth "that is all here just for me to respond" Suddenly I started Feeling my arms vibrating with energy and also it was really cold outside my arms were getting really warm if not hot while vibrating. It felt as if my body is reverberating with that idea but as I did not want to go further at this moment, so I disctracted myself. Since a few weeks I also try intensely not to identify with the personal me/ego any longer and just leave that space open and don`t identify with anything. Then the idea "I am nothingness and nothingness is life and life is all there is" swirled in my head. This triggered a prickling Feeling starting in my head and shivering down my spine combined with some goosebumps. The funny Thing is: This takes place all the time, several times every Minute. I don`t need to think about something special, just to be aware of the idea of just being life/nothingness is enough. Sometimes my whole body shivers, it feels like I am filled with sparkling water. Another thing is: Tears come very easily (which was really not the case before). Of course when I slip in some kind of compulsiveness this vanishes but as soon as I recall it, it starts again and does not stop. what also happened is that I feel more connected to all other things, animals and others. The way I looked at them changed. For example I talk to people which I won`t have started a conversation before. Its almost as if I can feel with them. Its also interesting that unknown people approach me and ask me something even if it is just something very trivial. It seems that I don`t automatically judge people any more and that I see that everybody does just what he or she is able to. They are the same life and you cannot blame anyone including yourself for anything at all. On another occasion I was at my parents home and just felt that it is just great to be there and enjoying it looking at everything very thankfully. (it felt so intensely which was never the case before) also I had almost no bad feelings since a few weeks, feel less stress (even I have so much to do that I don`t know how to handle it) I am also less tired and not Holding onto any Kind of beliefs (when Aware) I am noticing sublte changes. It seems like others view me also changed when I am in "conscious mode" = shivering mode. it seems as if I have 2 different states of being now. A more conscious one and the "normal" state I was used to. That state is mostly when it comes to my personal Likes and Dont-Likes. (for example Food) Maybe I am just hallucinating and the ongoing shivers are a result of that. ;-) that are a few things that I can report. I don`t want to label it as I am just in a "watching mode" and looking what is unfolding. Even as I write this, countless shivers occured as they did the whole day. best regards, Wendelin I never took any substances (besides alkohol) but what surprises and excites me about these reports like 5meo DMT is that the body itself seems to be able to produce these substances that can trigger these experiences of being infinite etc.. Like a built-in reward/incentive for synchronising oneself with existence. But that would certainly contradict the scientific evolution theory since that is nothing that supports survival in any way. So why is it already there if up to now only a few finally get there...? My answer: There must be an enormous intelligence present which can only be god.

@Bebop what the pointing exercise really helps you to understand is that you are nothingness. Pure awareness. The world comes out of you. The events coming out of the No Thing are manifested by you through intention, good or bad. The body is a projection of consciousness. Kind of hard to explain. Leo is right. Direct experience is the only way to self realize through self inquiry.

It makes sense for me if I understand the basic idea that out of nothingness comes everthing, (the Universe). There is really only Source. Source is the container (emptiness), that everything (the Universe) is contained in. Source could also be called consciousness. There is only one consciousness and you're it. Through conditioning you've been brought up to identify with your body and mind as the "you" that you think you are. Point to an object, any object in the background. Now point back to your face. Do you see a face? Of course not. You will see emptiness, the pure conscious awareness which is your true being. A better word would be nothingness. Nothing-ness. You are not a thing, but No Thing. Thoughts and perceptions come out of nothingness aka the void and become something when they go into you. If you think you are in a room....turn it around...the room is in you. Sit down and point to different parts of your body. Next point to your head. Nothingness is what you are pointing to. Its the best way to see your True Being (Brahman).

Hello everybody, there is only Live and no Death. What we really are is Nothingness = pure Awareness = God but you can call that also Life. The only Thing that dies is our gathered body-mind-ego combination. But that is not what or who we really are. this is a good Explanation from Sadhguru:

Hey! This is my first post here on the actualized.org forums. I stumbled across Leo's vids about a year and a half ago just after I had my first awakening experience. In the first video I watched of Leo's about enlightenment, I was amazed at how similar his description of one of his experiences was to mine and I've been watching his videos ever since (his description of the wave of mini insights building upon each other, leading to one huge OMG! - afterwhich, for me, was followed by an outpour of laughter haha). Since the initial discovery, I have had many profound experiences of my true nature and non-dual awareness. I continue to meditate and absorb consciousness/non-duality/spirituality related content every day. The section between the dotted lines is just to give an idea of some of the experiences I've had! Feel free to skip ....... - A peak experience on LSD approximately 6-7 months ago, experienced what I would have described as a complete non dual state, I felt like all my ideas and identity whatsoever had been completely shattered, my sense of being permeated out into complete emptiness all around me, the crown chakra above my head opened up and I had extremely bright blue light emanating from a region 6-12 inches above my head, I also had orange light emanating out from my whole body, literally felt like my body was going to slip away, almost like skin being shed. My normal sense of thought became so foreign towards the end of the trip that the idea struck me that I wouldn’t be able to adjust to normal reality again (which lead to a brief freak out that I was able to overcome haha) - About 3 weeks after this experience I went to a friends house who has an amazing view basically overlooking my entire city, I had 1 very large bong hit of marijuana and straight after this walked out towards the view (whilst he went inside briefly so I was by myself), once I approached the edge and looked out, it was as though reality itself hit me again and I slipped into pure awareness. The crown chakra, which I had experienced on LSD, completely opened up again and I had bright blue light pouring out from the space above my head, it literally felt as though my head completely opened up and touched the sky. It was remarkable. My whole body merged with space, and I could feel literally feel it all, like my body had become a beacon within space. I could feel and percieve energy rippling all around me. Bliss overcame me and the whole experience lasted about 5 minutes, was unreal. - More recently whilst meditating my entire body slipped into full orgasm for about 5-10 minutes (was not even aware that this was possible), it was as though the energy of existence itself was entering me through my head and exiting out of my pelvic regions. Literally flowing through me, like being fucked by the cosmos and in turn it's energy exiting out of me back into it. Another overwhelming and amazing experience. - It's actually interesting how this came about, i was being sucked down a mind pattern that was causing me tremendous fear and i was resisting it hard, and then i surrendered completely to it and didn't run anymore, and boom i felt my heart open right up and the rest followed... - during many of these experiences, i've experienced thought and the 'me' entity from such a distance it's been unreal, purely perceiving the words and ideas of it floating in space itself, it's crazy how unbelievably different thought itself can seem from the rest of reality (especially in relation to nature and the physical world) .......... My question is mainly related to the idea of liberation. For me in day to day experience, I am completely aware of how I 'don't have a head', this region is pure space connected with the outer, and thoughts happen in this space located above my body (open eyes meditation and really observing how there is no 'seer', only the seen and my space amongst it, has been my favored form of meditation). I'm not saying I don't get caught in the egoic state, I absolutely do haha, and I feel 100x more sensitive to it now. There's a huge difference when you're identified with the thoughts and they feed on the bodies emotions. In fact, in the last 6 months I have struggled way more with egoic issues and fears coming up and gripping me than ever before. I often get caught and attached into perceiving it all as a serious problem to be solved rather than a play to be enjoyed. However, every time I find myself in nature now, or dedicating time for meditation/stillness, I find I am always able to rest in my being and experience this space . Yesterday for example, just sitting silently with my eyes closed and feeling my body, the boundaries completely dissipated and I found my breath taken away and my being merged in space again. Now as with most people, I'm still struggling to integrate the seeing of this reality fully as a mind & emotional body. I find most days are just like a roller coaster in and out of identification with the mind, unconscious to conscious, slipping into egoic states where I very easily begin to become frustrated at going through the same garbage patterns (like oh fuck me.. not this shit again.. i thought i was done with this x1000), then all of a sudden switch to noticing literally everything changing within my space and it is 100% clear to me that I am the changeless/timeless under all the change again. Hence, going through this roller coaster all the time, at this part of the journey i can't help but be in the habit of every day going about my life just longing to return to the deeper meditation/stillness again so I can gain that clarity. There's also like this underlying motivation of 'if I just keep resting deeply in being I will keep clearing up the garbage egoic stuff i carry', and that seems to me like the only real goal or progress there can be. However it just feels like this has been going on so long now and isn't even really going anywhere anymore. It's frustrating because it is so, so clear that this awareness is what I am, and there truly is no progress to be made with it. It only feels as though i need to work towards liberation in a sense, simply dropping more and more of the minds attachments. Only it doesn't seem that's even happening a lot of the time, or at many times that the egoic states/reactions get even worse! It just feels like that roller coaster is going round and round and then I wind up in deeper clarity for certain periods of the day, in and out etc. In this sense it feels like part of my awakening is missing, but at the same time i know it's not and can't be. Whenever I hear teachers like adyashanti, mooji, osho, sadhguru ..or even Leo and Martin in the recent video describe what the state of liberation is like.. I feel that this is exactly what I'm after and what I'm missing, and I feel that at the same time I've had a taste of this freedom and living from this state many, many times. Literally there has been countless times over the past year, listening to adyashanti describe liberation where I genuinely feel so close to it or that I even have what he is talking about... Now finally to my point, specifically in regards to Leo - when I hear someone like Leo say that they still aren't liberated, and still have more dissolving to do, even after all his experiences of oneness and understanding he no doubt has, (even doing 5-Meo multiple times for god sake), it literally just makes me want to give up completely at even hoping my egoic attachments and states of mind will dissipate haha. It makes me feel as though.. every time I might feel I am close in a way to this liberation that I will only be deluding myself. I know the reality is that Leo is a completely separate being to me and I have truly no idea what he might be experiencing in comparison to me, and that I am my own individual being and there's nothing say that liberation is not possible for me or that i'm not close (like as in... I shouldn't make a a belief that it can't be done just because of where Leo says he's at) - but at the same time.. even just logically, if someone who has had such extreme experiences and understanding still has much dropping of the ego to do, and he still knows he isn't truly liberated, it just makes my situation feel hopeless again, and that this state of liberation that these guys and teachers like adyashanti talk about might not even be possible, regardless of the fact that the self has been crystal clear to me so, so many times. Like I've had states where, even just the other day for example when I went for a swim in the ocean, it was literally as though "holy shit, wow, i am literally just the pure empty substance of reality, the sky itself, with four limbs dangling down from nothingness, nothingness inhabiting a body experiencing and feeling the beauty of this water, expanding outwards in all directions across the ocean, the mind & emotions, whatever that means, just dancing inside of this" - then a day later i'm in pure anger or have some fear I'm going crazy or something like this hahaha. The shift between extremes, and polar opposite paradigms/perceptions of reality can drive me nuts sometimes I tell ya. The difference between such a paradigm and the egoic one just feels so huge, and these days when I get caught in the egoic states sometimes it can be really horrible, like I can get caught in deeply despising it in a way. I feel like I still hold the illusion that something great has to happen so that I will fully embody the self and be done with the ego... Which both does and does not seem to be the case when I know I can only be the self, and have experienced it many, many times. So again.. I just don't see what more can be done other than simply returning to nature/meditation, listening to teachers and forgetting all the garbage for as much time as possible. Sorry for the overload/rambling, but if anyone, or hopefully even Leo himself could shed more light on liberation that would be great. I'm feeling close to that "i completely give up" point that martin describes and just taking a huge fkn puff of 5-meo and ending this nonsense for good haha (but I probably won't due to fear ) Thanks!

??? Hmmm...so find ways to do so. Like write a book in 3rd person. Make it part of your journey in some way or the other. Infinite is not just non-duel/no-self/nothingness; it's also the paradox: infinite possibilities. This is not so that you'll become "rich" or "famous" or you will actually achieve something. This is just so that others and you will have peace or peace of mind - that's a start, and then they'll continue to improve and grow. Dissolve the fictional ego by "thinking" (being aware) of the opposite-paradox. Neutralize.

The new updated edition! 0.4a The mysterious nature of Awareness In order to understand the nature of Awareness we will examine it from two points of view, they are both legitimate in their own way. Each has a function, but each can also be misunderstood and confused for the other. So from this point on we will try to separate them and make a very clear distinction between the two. One purely subjective, and the other objective. 1. Abstracted Objective - actual factual material reality. The way science sees it while examining existence. Here logic, language and rationality function properly and describing nature using linear thought, which means lines of text or equations. A mostly conceptual construct that uses empirical and other methods of deduction to give the best possible explanation of what reality is actually, or rather the best guess. Information is found in exoteric form which is understood and clear to any reader that knows the use of language. An encyclopedia for example. --Example from this point of view: Now you are seeing a screen which is an object it has many words that have meaning. Combined they tell a whole story. A living human made of cells and minerals is sitting there holding a phone. There is an environment, a city, a country, an earth, a universe. There are Time and Space as we are able to understand them. So really we have a physical material, combined with abstract terms to signify aspects of it. We see a clear separation between ourselves and others. We think we start at birth and end at death. --It's function: It is a very useful dimension that allows navigation and setting schedule together. To measure and to build complex systems. --It's danger: It's really dictated upon circumstances in which place, culture, time we are born in, what our parents and other role models indoctrinated us with. The language, the way of thinking of the social circle we are in. So we might end up in the wrong place at the wrong time, and have our innocent mind filled with garbage and delusion. 2. Sensual Subjective - personal mind-generated look from the inside. Personal individual experience. Pure sensual data before rational or logical interpretation. --Example of this point of view: Appears a picture comprised of some sort of data that's witnessed before thinking about it. It is a smear of lights and colors and it's undivided into objects, and this because we are looking through a prior lens, before knowledge allowed us to glue names and meanings onto it. The screen appears like this bright thing with black dots in rows. Even colors, light, and dark these are all words that are used to describe this phenomenal extraordinary experience. So really there are no words to describe what we see. It's reality experienced without knowing words, or meaning or any way to understand it intellectually. “Reality” by the way is also a word, which to many ancient and modern philosophers is still a mystery. So things aren’t as obvious as you might think in this subjective reality. Like a newborn sees it before it gets bamboozled by knowledge. A miraculous show appears before us. There are no such understandings as I or You or It. It's all combined into one wonderful blur. Time and space only exist as concepts here. So there is an eternal infinity and we are inseparable from it all. We have no beginnings or endings. Information on this prism of experience is found in esoteric form. (understood only through personal inward investigation and continuous questioning and skeptical observation) --It's function: It helps in uniting us, because we see no boundaries between ourselves and others, we seek to be together united as our primordial mind sees us, as part of the whole. We are all the universe and the universe is us, for all we know. We experience emotions and get a very clear intuition on what we ought to do, without hesitation. This mind is spontaneous, emotional and free of concepts. 3. The dynamics of living with both perspectives: It's important to make a very clear distinction between the two. Because if we confuse them, things may appear to contradict each other. Both are fundamental and important for our existence. And we can use both at the same time safely, only after we've understood that they are different. What if for example, I took the first objective as the only reality? It would lack the primordial intelligence and fun of the second natural and spontaneous side. On the other hand, if I mistakenly took the reality of the subjective mind and had thought I am reality and everyone, I might assume I am the son of god, or god almighty himself. I really live inside my reality and not some objective one, and the level of correct perspective on both really allows them to sync properly and function smoothly. So if I realize that the objective mind is just a useful tool and not my subjective reality I will be able to detach from it emotionally, and this in turn will allow the proper use of the gift of knowledge. Conventional understanding states that the objective, cancels out the illogical irrational subjective, and is superior to it. So it unfortunately denies it's primordial reality, which is really best integrated when accepted and realized by the self. It takes a good look to distinguish the two. And it is done by questioning the rational mind constantly, never believing that we’ve reached a “fact” about reality. Or that our beliefs are absolutely true. Knowledge is in fact comprised of many beliefs which are taken as basic assumption, which are, unfortunately, very rarely questioned. Knowledge is a useful tool, and not in any way “true” or absolutely real. 4. The best course of action: It's about integration of the basic ground, with the layer of knowledge upon it, in a gentle and correct way that holds them both significant. This new knowledge includes the original view, and it humbly directs us in a way that is allowing for us to see it's own abstract nature. Humble knowledge - Never stating that it's the only real thing, but simply a humble servant and a set of tools for humanity. 5. An Objective look upon Awareness Awareness is the field of your perceptions. Sight, hearing, sensations, taste, smell, thoughts and emotions flowing simultaneously, thus forming consciousness. It all creates a sense of existing, being here present, perceiving reality, and being this miraculous conscious creature. So perceptions are really all you got. They are in a sense, reality as you perceive it, your personal mind generated sense of existence. When you think about what's real you just tend to ignore this simple fact. You look outwards and say "Here it's really there outside! I can see it!" But it is in fact a picture formed by electrophysiological activity in your brain. So it's reality as interpreted by you, and not as it really is! Not to say that there isn't actually something outside your personal field of awareness, but simply, that what you perceive is an interpretation, and not at all the real material thing. Any technical information only helps the scientist to understand how your brain works, looking at it objectively. But it won't help your process of realization! We must look within and realize the abstract ethereal nature of knowledge. By looking at it closely and for very long we see it's true nature: A grand story. A miraculous illusion. 6. What can we do? To really complete this picture, we must find another layer beneath our grand knowledge of the physiological nature of the body. A layer we have long forgotten we had. A wisdom that requires no studying, but only a simple quiet observation, underneath labels, ideas and things. I want to take you deeper into the subjective experiential understanding. This will help you better navigate your own self created reality. Because only you can look for the answers there, in your own micro-universe of nerves. I invite you to explore your pure sensual experience without trying to explain anything. 7. Awareness Subjectively Everything you'd ever known or experienced was inside this field of awareness. And all the "things" you thought about and noticed “outside” were manifestations of your own internal awareness, like waves in the ocean of brain activity. Except your mind looked at each one individually and gave it its own name and description. So really awareness is everything you'd ever known, and it's true nature is undivided and consecutive. It's the whole field of “reality” as you experience it personally. Your own private cosmos of mind computed pure sensual data. 8. The nature of nothingness So can we find Awareness? I want to introduce you to a new way of exploring the nature of awareness. I will use a tool that will shed all the stories from the concept of “Individual experiencer” You or I that are separate from everything. We will try to find the experiencer of the experience by looking for the experiencer (You) inside your experience. Can we experience the experiencer? I guess not. Because anything experienced, will be an experience and not the experiencer by definition. So is the experiencer “Nothing”? If Everything really is the whole field known to us, then what is “Nothing”? Because anything that comes to mind will be “something” and therefore a part of the all encompassing Everything. So why are we talking about something we can't really grasp with our mind? The true Nothing I would like to show you, is not an idea of a boring empty "nothing," like a sort of gap between things, because you are aware of it, and once you are aware of anything it becomes an object of knowledge. By definition anything you know, can’t be nothing, because if it really was "nothing" you wouldn't had been able to put your finger on it. The real Nothing is really an unknown thing that is outside of imagination. Nonetheless it's truly a fantastic nothing. This emptiness is really the space that allows for everything to appear inside it. It's the non-color of a mirror that reflects all colors. The window through which we experience reality, thanks to its empty nature. ----------------------------------------------------- A little experiment: Try an experiment with me, Try to think of anything that isn't part of Everything. You couldn't, right? Because the moment you think about it becomes something. And another: Ok now look closely at you field of vision. Try to see past the outer boundaries of vision. What is there? if you don't think about it, but only try to look for it. You can't really see it, right? So that's the kind of nothing we are talking about. It isn't black and it feels even darker like a vacuum of sort. Imagine a dark room and a flashlight. The flashlight only shines outwards and can't shine on itself. That's like your conscious attention trying to find itself. 9. Knowing awareness In subjective reality there are no facts! Just pure experience. Awareness is not an object and not a thing at all, that is separate from another. “Objects” are the illusory separations made surgically by the operation of the focused attention, that can only notice one “object” at a time. The mind is helping us to navigate reality with these symbols, or rather ideas of things, places, people and ideologies. From a subjective personal perspective there is just an unspeakable experience and there are no “objects” in it whatsoever. In here even the word “Awareness” itself, means nothing. “Awareness” can’t possibly be an object of knowledge. In fact it’s the complete other way around: Knowledge is a manifestation inside of awareness. 10. What's my part in all this wiggly experience? You are really comprised of awareness, you are inseparable from it! In your own subjective reality as seen from your point of view, reality is you! Don't forget we are not talking objectively, we are looking from the inside out. Awareness is my reality, My experience is my only reality, Experience is a manifestation of awareness. I am experience! I am Awareness! I am subjective reality! 11. But isn't this written article really another story inside my awareness? Maybe so, but it tries to point to somewhere ungraspable, to the mystery of the unspeakable Awareness. The mystery of I.

@Bizarre are you saying that we are awareness? Isn't that the same as saying nothingness or non-conceptual?

The jury is not out on who you are . It's been well revealed for thousands of years. You just don't know because your teachers don't know because their teachers didn't know either. That's why nobody can tell you what you are. They just say it's "nothingness" or non conceptual. These are not answers.

Nothingness can not be experienced. 'Nothing' is not an experience. In the same way we can't imagine to be unconscious. So saying 'God' is nothingness doesn't really make sense. I guess what people mean when they say nothingness is 'pure awareness'. Like empty imagination...no thoughts, no experience even, but this recursion that is awareness?

@NTOgen You see, I just think that there is no such thing as infinity and there are no paradoxes, there is no highest truth. I think enlightenment is a finite state. If there are two enlightened people in the room, do they share one infinite nothingness awareness or is each of them one? Obviously they are not merged, they can't tell the thoughts each one is having. If all is one and one consciousness created the world literally, enlightened being should have another deeper level where he is truly omniscient, than another where he is omnipresent, than omnipotence... As it goes, does this make sense? P.S. I, yep I, like to be a benevolent force in the world. Hahahaha.

@Leo Gura I would think logically that Infinite could not be navigated in any way as our mindful focus is finite even in enlightenment. If it's okay with your plans, please disclose an example of something deep you've found apart from enlightenment. @NTOgen I've reread everything. I want to tell you something, so so want :)) I think you take what we are doing here too lightly at least sometimes. What we do here is precious, you are precious for doing it. People like Rali would tell that this is not that serious, man is not better for it and it just makes life nicer so we do it. I humbly disagree, human animal outlived the need for ego and getting rid of obsolete components is just next step up in evolution of complexity in the universe. I strongly believe that it is formally provable that if we as a people become enlightened, world would become a much better place. I think it's crap saying we are infinity in the nothingness etc. I think no enlightened man would be able to see what a 10-dimensional life form could be if there is two types of time and logic is something else than in our universe. So it's a step up, but there are further steps out there =) I'm rambling like an old fool here ,sorry) Be confident, know that your journey is precious and meaningful and act out of that place at least sometimes at first. I've just cooked up an idea - if all the people would become enlightened at some point, of course 7kkk teachers would be useless, at that point we would start looking outwards for what could be the next step. Currently, enlightened people are so rare, they give all their time to teach others or, khekhek to fishing khekhek, when there is still nano robots technology not invented, computers not integrated with the neurons via direct electronic circuitry, cancer, alzheimer's, strokes are not cured, cows are grown to be slaughtered by 20kkk each year etc. @GTITurbolover@Lynnel Please, I would also like to have some link or comment from you on superposition issue and the same for the Four Human Pursuits Teaching, because googling gives some nonsense. .

@NTOgen Look, I know you are seeking enlightenment. I know you are seeking liberation 'from ego'. The first thing you and your BFAM-pal Turbolover should realize (the sooner the better) is that the 'you' seeking liberation from what you call 'ego' is the ego itself. So you are just an ego wanting to be free from itself. This is naturally impossible, and it's not what enlightenment is. We don't even need the word 'ego'. The word 'person' is 100% the same as what 'ego' is. Also applies to mind (ego = mind = person). As long as the brain of yours is alive you will - whether you like it or not - continue to be an ego/person. This doesn't matter if you're un- or enlightened. An enlightened person is still an example of empty/pure consciousness seeing it self as a finite mind. This finite mind (= the enlightened person) has just achived a quantum leap of true self-realization ... Not merely just intellectual/logic-wise, but feeling-wise as well. It's somewhat easy for persons with a little open-mindedness and average intelligence to logically grasp that he's not the body nor the mind. But to actually FEEL it on an everyday-basis (not just through short no-self/awakening-experiences) is what is HARD to achieve because of some very deep-rooted web-of-beliefs/programming (that you're not even conscious of) keep creating a sense of self that tells you that you really a REAL individual 'thing') An enlightened mind (=person) has discovered its ultimate existential nature = nothingness/awareness/infinite consciousness. And this realization now sticks. Enlightenment is a never-ending path, because in ordinary life infinite consciousness will always "be" in form of a finite mind/a finite consciousness. But the enlightened mind has just began on the journey of expanding from: finite mind ----------> infinite mind. You can never actually reach 'infinite mind' constantly; only through glimpses of meditation/self-inquiry/psychedelics (5 MeO being the best). Thus an enlightened mind is simply a mind that has an unlimited perspective of what it defines as itself. An unenlightened/asleep mind in contrast has a narrow view of what it defines as itself (it thinks it's a self). An enlightened mind is thus much more free and unbound. An enlightened mind experiences Truth in everyday life. An enlightened person not only understands Truth logically, but he experiences Truth daily. Enlightenment is not an ego-less state. It's just a self-realization/Truth state (of the ego itself). (in many ways, enlightenment is the opposite: it's an ego-empowered state instead of a Being-empowered state... Because Being-empowered state = pure Being is fully tricking itself into believing it's an ego, while ego-empowered state = ego somewhat fully realizing its true nature is pure Being ... I'll expand upon this below) Life is dualistic. On and off. Reality seems dualistic: on: Being seeing itself as ego. off: Ego seeing itself as Being. In both states ego remains. It's just what perspective ego has. The on-state is what EVERY single human being (including all enlightened humans) are always functioning through when they interact in daily life. The off-state is only possible to achieve momentarily through: NDE, no-self experiences from meditation, psychedelics, and so on. And even here there are degrees of how much you actually are in the off state. Because even though life is dualistic (on and off), there still is a continumm between the on and of states with an infinite number of degrees in variation between the two states. Cause "it" is infinite. Actual physical death is not even a off-state - because here there is no brain to simulate an ego to see itself as Being. Actual physical death is just one 'on-state' instantly switching to another 'on-state' (pure Being seeing itself as another ego). So in a way, yes sure, "Being"/nothingness/consciousness is all there is. But on the opposite part of the spectrum, we have the "ego is all there is" (which relates to biocentrism talks about) which is just as true. Both are equally true. If there are no egos then there can't be a no-ego (pure Being) either! The existence of ego's are what makes it possible for the Universe/Being to experience itself. So it's not just that life is dualistic. In fact REALITY is dualistic. Yes for there be to dualism, there must exist non-dualism is also. So reality is both dualistic and non-dualistic at the same time. I know this is all circular logic, but existence is a circle. So it's not just that life is dualistic. Reality is dualistic. ----------- If we return to the on/off-analogy: on: Being seeing itself as ego. off: Ego seeing itself as Being. As I said earlier, "The on-state is what EVERY single human being (including all enlightened humans) are always functioning through when they interact in daily life." However, relatively speaking, I would say that enlightened persons are where the ego relatively speaking has taken somehwhat full control (has become full aware of itself, including all the subconsciousness) and thus can see that relatively speaking its true nature is Being. So an enlightened person is still ultimately in the on-state, of course, but one could say that he is relatively speaking in the off-state. An enlightened mind is a mind/ego that relatively sees itself as pure Being. It's funny how we (eg. Leo) often talk about how we should completetly break-down the ego to become enlightened. But each time you break it down, something new must be built in its place. You could call this more true beliefs. A person who is totally engulfed in the dream state (on state) - that is a case of Being totally seeing itself as an ego without any nuances - yes this person has a very strong (unconsious) ego that enforces this dream state. On the opposite side we have the enlightened person - a person who sees through the dream state, sees it for what it is - this is in a sense a case of ego seeing itself as Being (relatively). This means it's a case of an ego that has become fully self-aware, and thus by having become fully self-ware, this ego is now able to be more in control; more free/unbound. Free will still doesn't exist of course. Ultimately this person is still in the on-state of course. So in a sense, an enlightened person has a very powerful and 'self-conscious' ego that instead of enforcing the dream state upon itself makes it possible for itself to see through it.

Sooo, I did it again. First off, I'm sorry you had to wait so long for this next post. Some guys contacted me personally or commented in other threads why I haven't posted another trip report yet. The simple reason is: I was ill for a week (these fucked-up winter colds) and needed another 2 weeks to get to the level where I could say "Okay, I'm ready to go into outer space again". So yeah, I hope and intend to post more frequently in the future. So if you like these posts, like 'em and post comments so that I know. The first one went off like a fucking virus. I liked that a lot. If you haven't read it, read it first so that you're up to date with what I'm doing. You can read it here. +++ Lessons Learned From The Initial Dosages +++ Well, as you know I don't just wanna fuck with my head but take a more scientific and curious approach to this whole experiment. And this means that I had to learn my lessons from the first dosages. They were extraordinary experiences that began to permanently alter my journey (I'll write about this in the end of this post) but the way I conducted them could still be improved. The first thing I changed was that I got myself a very high-tech jewelery scale that you can calibrate to 0.001g. For my initial dosages I used the scale I bought last year for my first n,n-DMT experiences. This is a standard scale you get in your local headshop, good for weed and enough for normal DMT but not for MeO, no. With regular n,n-DMT it doesn't really matter if you take 50 or 55mg because once you hit that point you are just off and if you took 5mg more then that it just wasted. With MeO I found out very soon that 5mg can make the difference from being very high to psychological death and complete dissolving into nothingness. And that's something you don't wanna leave at chance. Not at all. The second thing I changed was my tripping location. With the initial dosages I laid on my bed what I mostly do when I pop psychedelics. I'm a very beddy person. I love to sleep and just chill in my bed watching series or documentaries. I could do that for a living (if I had no life). This is all great, because you can really open up your body and relax. However, last time with the semi-breakthrough dosage I thought I gotta vomit and at the same time thought I die and lose my breath (so I might go unconscious). This brought up the fear that I will go unconscious, vomit in my fucking face and kill myself by being stupid. Can't happen. And lying on the side takes away the opening of the body that is in my experiences the most crucial thing there is when it comes to surrendering into it. So I left the bed behind and took the couch. There, I could completely open myself, vomit if I have to and go unconscious without choking myself to death. Maybe you laugh, but this made all the difference in the experience I'm about to tell you in a few moments. And finally another big improvement was Kola Nut. Leo brought this up when we discussed a few days ago how MeO changes your physiology permanently. I talk about this later in this post. Basically, Kola Nut is natural way to get you really excited and pumped, if you have ever done cocaine you know what I'm talking about. If you're more of a reasonable person, think of a time you did something very well (like giving a good speech) and after it a group of people congratulated and looked up to you. That's how you feel on Kola Nut. Just pretty ambitious, inspired, here and ready to go. I researched it a little bit and found that others had used it before with 5-MeO-DMT and reported great experiences plus it seemed to be widely known, well studied and easy to get. So I got myself 100g of Kola Nut powder straight from amazon.com and it arrived today (with the jewelery scale). The post man came right when I was meditating and the bell ringing scared the shit outta me. You bastard! +++ The Trip: Being Aware Of Ones Holographic Nature +++ So, how did go down. Let's go a few hours back in time. As always when I pop psychedelics I did all the things I had to do on this day so that I had the time and a free mind. Never, ever have something important to do after you do psychedelics. This will stress and ruin the experience. In beforehand, I took 2 grams of the Kola Nut in the morning so that I knew how it effects me. Around 4 p.m. I wanted to do the tripping. The Kola Nut I had taken before was still showing effects so I decided to just take a little bit to get another peak when the MeO comes in so that both can work together. I gotta say, I was pretty nervous. The last trip I did was more then a month ago and although it was transforming and great, it was very scary as well. So I laid down on the couch, went inside and asked myself whether I really wanna do this again. And every bit of my intuition even my fears were into it. I still stopped for a moment. My hands were cold, my pulse were up and I just waited a few moments. Then I got up, weighted half of a gram of Kola Nut on my new high-tec scale, downed it with a little bit of water and juice and weighted 22mg of the God molecule. I turned on my standard tripping music, made two lines and waited for another few moments. I asked myself again whether I really wanted to do this. I did. So I sniffed the gold up my nostrils, went to my couch and sat down, tilted my head upside down and massaged the MeO into my nostrils. Funnily, right when I sat down all the fear and tension began to vanish. I thought this was strange, with my prior experiences it was really the opposite in the beginning. After a good 2-3 minutes the MeO was well-distributed in my nose and I sat up normally. I opened my legs and my arms. I also just looked in front of me and began to repeat the mantra "I love you, I give in, I surrender". I expected the existential terror to start every moment and blast me away but it simply didn't. The exact opposite happened. As the trip came on, the first thing I noticed was that I began to lose weight. Like somebody is turning the gravity to zero. With that my view became crystal clear and all edges went away. Kinda like your whole view is one object and not containing a bunch of objects. Then the body got lighter and lighter, the breathing slowed down but in a very harmonic and calming way and the pulse didn't go through the top. It was a little bit higher then normal, but not too heavy. With that the what I call "physiological purification" started. As my body got lighter and lighter, it felt like every cell was cleaned and massaged with the deepest love. Every tension just vanished. As this unfolded I closed my eyes and delved in this love. It took more and more tensions and it felt like with every tension that goes my nature expands, because the tension was centralizing it in beforehand. In this moment I became aware of our holographic nature. With the vanishing of the tensions I began to lose every reference of the normal world. I began to lose sight in a way, I didn't see darkness but also didn't see any visuals. I was before all that. As every reference of the normal world went away, time went too so that it got slower and slower until it was eternal. The only reference of time that there was was the flow of tension that appeared and vanished every few moments: I saw clearly that my whole perception of my body was like a holographic image, that popped up and went away. The deeper I went into it, the slower it got and the more I could see this. I could see that my whole sense of self is based on the illusion that I can feel my inner tension consistently. That this is my only reference of being separate. When this vanished and just popped up here and there, I was everything and nothing. It was nothing special but also extremely astonishing. Seeing how my existence manifests slowed down so much that I could see how it works. It's like you zoom out of your normal perspective and see that the picture you are seeing all of the time was just a tiny pixel on a ever-changing surface. Throughout this whole experience I felt the deepest kind of love, peace and surrender that I can think of. Even when I came back half an hour later and the tensions came back to a degree, I saw that this is okay and that it needs time to permanently let this go. What was also incredible is, that after the peak - like after 15-20 minutes - as I opened my eyes and was still tripping all kind of memories popped into my head that were connected to my tensions. All the fears that I had in my life, all my limited beliefs, all that just came on and I looked at it with this deep spaciousness and peace and just let it play its game. Breath-taking. Then I came back and felt like my whole body was completely massaged and my brain was given peace. Very nice, I still have a lot of that in me. It gives you perspective and that perspective alone is curative. +++ Beyond The Experience: How 5-MeO-DMT Changes your Daily Life +++ So, that was my trip. Really great. I'm looking forward to do the same with 30mg in 2 weeks again and see how it is to leave every reference behind and completely delve in this love. But with all these experiences comes the question: "Is it just a 30 minutes kind of crazy thing that happened, or is there more to it?" In the first month after my initial dosages I looked into that. What started to happen in the first week after the trips was that I became very aware of the tensions in my body, especially in my forehead and abdomen. They just really lit up for a few days and then began to vanish. They vanished to a degree that I would say the state I was in before the experiences was like a light headache that then vanished. Not that I was aware of that light headache, it was my normal state and it resulted in a lot of fast thoughts, lots of fast feelings and a very shallow attention in retrospect of what I'm experiencing now. And be aware, even before my first trips I had done more then 1,5 of daily 60-minute meditation (mostly strong determination sittings), I had numerous no-self experiences, 3-4 very deep awakenings this year and a Kundalini awakening this July. And I still say that my state was like heaving a light headache. So after the tensions began to vanish (and they didn't completely but to a good extent) I would begin to act slower and more in a kind of rhythmic flow. It's like I'm dancing when I go or do things. I think slower, deeper and in more color and with clearer voice. I have most of the time very deep and transforming meditations. I still am afraid sometimes, I still have bad days, I still do stupid shit, but I see how this just arises and that there is no me pushing it. I sometimes see that. Other times I get so lost that I'm not aware of this but even then, this is okay. Because that's how it is. I am way more chilled. I can listen to somebody and not have thoughts but just listen. And the other one feels that and opens up like a flower. When I talk I naturally begin to make pauses and play with the rhythm of my voice. I'm naturally more confident with my body and how I look and go about my business. I'm more attractive independent of how I look. I begin to get into deeper contact my unconscious. I am aware of sleeping, that was really crazy in the beginning. I am aware that when I lose my conscious attention that for the first few hours thoughts still come up that trigger feelings, that then after a while I go into a deep and very vivid dream, that then I completely blur out and become nothing and that I then return to a dream or unconscious thinking state. This all began to develop in this first month. And I can see how this is just the beginning of things. So yeah, basically I can say that MeO does its thing. When used with a natural interest in getting to know your real self and integrating your make-belief self, it really seems to push you a lot deeper with that. It takes the neurosis out of your seeking, gives you peace and a lot of toys you can play around with that just come up when your awareness expands. Because you begin to see the whole picture and not just your narrowed version of it. That's my take on it anyway. I hope you liked the post and that it inspired you. If it did, like it and comment so that we can have a talk about it and I see that I should post more of these experiences. If I'm not fucked with another winter cold in the next time, I would say that I trip again in two weeks and hopefully find the time to write it all down and let you guys know. This stuff is really interesting. Anyways, keep up your genuine interest, develop yourself and get intimate with all of reality. You are every bit of it and that is the most shocking and cool thing you can ever find out. Cheers, - Azrael

I just wanted to say that the keyword is to accept. Feel that word. Accept. Acceptance. Accept whatever comes up. You can feel miserable for whatever reasons. You might have taken LSD and feel horrible scared/angry/sad because of what you experience. Fully accept that. It's perfectly okay to feel bad/horrible/sad/fear. Allow yourself to accept whatever comes up. Accept everything. In the end of the day, all we can do is to accept the present moment. Yes, sure in the loooooong term, we can change the direction of our lives. But in the short term, you have to accept the current reality you experience. Accept all of it. If you feel sad/fearful/depressed ... sure, you can try to resist it and internally fight it with the "I don't want to feel this way, why am I feeling this, I want this to go away"-mechanism. In the end this doesn't help at all, this is just a denial of pure reality. And denying what _is_ only leads to more suffering. Instead accept the state you are in. Accept the fear. Accept that you feel depressed. It's perfectly okay. You can't change the present moment. The present moment just is. Accept it, no matter if it's pure bliss or extreme hell - accept it fully. Only when you accept it fully -- surrender fully to it -- you can actually begin to live in the present moment without denying it - thus you become closer to true existence without filters, without beliefs of 'how it should be'. Reality shouldn't be in any way. It should be exactly as it is. Exactly as it is experienced. Take LSD and become fucking frightened of what you see. Become extremely anxious of what a fucking douchebag you are. Of what a fucking closed, selfish person you are. And don't resist it. Accept it. That's how it is. Only when you accept the current state of your 'being', only then, you can begin to live freely and change truthfully. If you don't accept, but deny and resist and fight, you will keep denying, resisting and fighting for eternity, and not getting any further. So stop! And surrender to reality. Accept. Accept. Accept - whatever comes up - accept it. Accept the state you are in - and you will begin to flow in a stream of love down a waterfall into pure being. What does accept mean? Well, only you know. I think it means to fully embrace the present moment with love. What is love? It can't be explained. It's a property of God/nothingness/the absolute/infinte infinity/pure unlimited consciousness/your deep-down True Existential Nature -- allow it to come forward. Even if you somehow feel it's not appropriate right now. That you think it's not appropriate right now, is just you playing a game with yourself. You may feel extremely lonely. You may feel extreme fear because you feel like you're losing what you hold must dear: your sense/construction of self. Look. It's perfectly okay to feel lonely. It's perfectly okay to feel extreme fear because you are dying. Accept the feelings of loneliness and fear. Embrace them when they come up. It's perfectly okay to accept all feelings, because all feelings are ultimately arbitrary and have no meaning, no value. The only 'meaningful' thing to actually value is the ability to accept the present moment. If you value that ability -- because trust me, you DO have the ability to fully accept your current state, you just trick yourself into believing that you somehow don't (and that you instead need X or Y in your life to feel fulfilled/happy - look, you truly don't, it sure seems like you need X, but trust me, you need nothing (literally)...all you "need" is acceptance of whatever is) -- then you will be completely free; like a bird flying over the ocean on a clear sky day.

You're kind of preaching to the choir dude. Not in the sense that I've experienced exactly what you're talking about, but in the more broad sense that I'm extremely open minded to any and all concepts of "God" and have virtually no beliefs about what it is or is not. The point of my post was obviously poorly conveyed. The definition of God I provided is not my definition, it's THE definition. What I was trying to say is that I wish we, as an open minded collective, had some alternative terminology to describe this nothingness/everythingness/infinity/whatever. The word God is basically worthless to me. It can mean so many different things to so many different people it's essentially meaningless.

@ChimpBrain You make it sound like god is some sort of separated entity separated from everything else. That is NOT what god what god is. Be open radically open here. What god literally is is ABSOULUTE INFINITY!!. This absolute infinity is NOTHING and EVERYTHING at the same time paradoxically. God has no space, no time, no location, no meaning, no personality, nothing. It is completely neutral and it is YOU. You are god meaning you are the field of infinite nothingness that god is. This can only be experienced directly in present reality when your ego is gone. And this is what enlightenment is about; discovering your true existential nature aka god.

I had this pretty cool insight recently that god is everything. So often, we tend to judge others as good or bad according to our own egoic needs and desires. The self agenda wants so badly to survive. But this self is a delusion and all ideas about how life should be is that too. But that is also part of the infinite consciousness of god and god is open to all possibilities even falsehood and deep delusion. From the perspective of god or nothingness, there is nothing wrong with anything. Reality is just being. And this nothingness is always present. You can never escape it. It is the truth that cannot be communicated or understood, yet it is always there looking at itself. It can only be experienced directly. I think this nothingness that god is has its own hidden agenda, which also can only be experienced. Because it contains every possible experience and perspective an infinite range of perspectives and therefore allows for infinite expansion. Every perspective and experience is a feature of god and it is always changing. It is never static. It wants to move and shift, destroy create, live and die.

This is quite an interesting story you told here. Thanks for sharing. Yes, I do agree that we are living in the "Matrix" and to drop all beliefs. However, speaking from my own experience, this path also is a paradox. That's why they call it nothingness as well as everythingness. The opposites are true. It's just like saying there's no up or down in space. Since we're also talking about the everythingness, life is meant to be lived. Life has meaning. We are put here for a reason. Our spiritual paths are unique, and so on and so on. That's why the quote below really resonates with me. As we go along our paths, it does trigger 'ah-ha' moments.

"Le Grand Bleu" Not very popular movie but I am telling you this is something beautiful. It is not so much waw movie, but man it is about enlightenment in a way. It is about reaching everything and nothingness. Two divers going deep in the see. I thing it is based on true facts. When people are deep in the water they experience this no-gravity feeling and it is like merging with everything like floating in space and feels so good to them, they want to go 'home' to oneness. Ending is fantastic. Really recommend this one . Wonderful movie!

With "I" I mean nothingness / consciousness. And as nothingness I thought you need a body as a "medium" so to speak to experiencing life. I (the ego) just wanted to know what it feels like after the body died, not just the ego. If it is the same as before you were born then this "you can't die" is pointless to say because i as nothingness didn't feel anything before my birth, although you say there is consciousness. But yeah.. i try to have some direct experiences.

@Telepresent There are really only 2 meanings for "I": 1) "I" in the conventional sense that most people use, which is the ego. The identification with body/mind. Identification with a physical being. This entity does not exist whatsoever, although it appears to. 2) "I" in the nondual or spiritual sense which almost nobody understands because they've never experienced it. This is the True Self, pure consciousness, God, Absolute Infinity, or Nothingness. This none-thing is beyond existence and non-existence. And it's the only Truth. There's nothing else but it. And it has no properties whatsoever. It's what you actually are.

@dice Feelings will of course stop. They stop every night in deep sleep. The issue here is that you're identified with feelings. So you're attaching significance to no-feeling. Also, Nothingness is NOT anything you think it is. It's not nothing. It's consciousness. You have to experience it for yourself to appreciate the significance of this. It's the most extraordinary thing! When you're conscious of Nothingness, the notion of death seems silly. Until that point, it's very hard for the mind to even imagine how that could be possible. You need some direct enlightenment experiences to resolve this.

It is often said that you can't die because you are not the body. BUT it's still fact that you won't FEEL anything after the body died right? Nobody can tell me that you felt something ever before you were born. So yeah.. nothingness never dies, but it isn't relevant to say that is cool, because after your body died your senses are gone and you need a medium to feel life right?

Leo, I've had a direct experience of levitation during a permanently consciousness/perspective changing LSD trip. I went to sleep while still tripping. I could see with my eyes closed. I literally ascended above the bed and all material reality fell into a void until I was floating in space, in nothingness. It sounds bizarre but it was one of the most peaceful moments of my life. I could have died and it wouldn't have mattered. At all. The event was real in my reality. I can still recall the moment in vivid detail as well as how it felt. That's the tip of the iceberg of what happened during the trip; however, this event alone makes me forever curious about assumed truths about reality. To get to the point, are you referring to being able to directly experience levitation?