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Spirituality is a subjective experience, just like love. What is the criterion of love? Can you prove when you fall in love? Can you prove that really you have fallen in love? Is there a way to prove it? Is there any argument, any logic that will support you — any eyewitnesses? All that you can say is, “I know for certain that my heart is beating differently” — but that is something inner to you. You can say, “I am feeling so blissful,” but that is something subjective. You cannot bring some part of your blissfulness and show it to people as a criterion. Love, or truth, or bliss — they don’t have any criterion; they are experiences of the inner. Criteria are always of the outer. Don’t impose outer criteria for the inner — that is the fallacy of the video.

What are you going to do after having or realizing enlightenment experience(s)? How will it impact your decisions on how to live life here on earth? For me, it's a life purpose toward world peace. (Btw, you don't have to wait for an enlightenment experience to do this. There is karma. When you do this, your actions along the way could trigger experiences.) The reason is, during an enlightenment experience, you feel nothing but peace. If you see infinite, we are one - no embodiments of anything. There is no "pain and suffering" anymore. When you awake, you "feel" bliss - divine love. After thinking about it, you'll realize that the ego is just a fiction, just like all our emotions. These are the common features of enlightenment. I'm posting Leo's world peace clip and Shinzen Young's explanation of after enlightenment. https://youtu.be/ptkH0uK1uXM

Or any other enlightened master. Pure benevolence. When you're enlightened, your empathy levels are maxed out. You feel others' pain as your pain. When you're on the path to enlightenment, you really wish the word was capable of freeing themselves from self-inflicted suffering, but you realize it's fruitless. People are far too attached to their self-identity, as you once were. You don't judge them for it, but you love them as yourself. Also, every living being and everything in nature becomes a part of you. You love everything as you would yourself. It's the most purest form of love..no attachments, just pure bliss.

It is hard to pinpoint exactly what motivates me to do personal development specifically. I genuinely feel like I cannot come up with "one" singular answer. I maybe think part of it for me is being motivated from the journey itself - the ups, downs, growth and the bliss. Also the potential and the impact I can have on other people from staying on the journey. But as far as my life purpose, I feel more it is about growth, contribution and excellence. I love the idea of being an excellent human. That has always inspired me somehow.

I think some part of life purpose course is actually a small part( basically a beginning part and few rules) that one follows during the enlightenment. The topics like "The authentic self", "Detachment from outcome", "Follow your bliss", "Contribution", "facing your inner demons" and few topics are actually a small part of enlightenment. So I just wanted to confirm if Life purpose course is actually a combination of small part of enlightenment + designing a career, by raising that question.

Enlightenment is just the start. A station that your train pulls into. You need to keep going otherwise your constant flowing river will become a stagnant pond becoming more and more congested. You need to keep following your guidance system which can be joy, bliss, connection, inspiration, excitement, be more exited. Keep on heightening and evolving your vibration. Whether that be by posting on this forum or even non physically by knowing that what you are created the universe, knowing that before the appearance of form there was nothing there to be separate, there was just one. In that true non dual state you are and always have been that one. Remove the veil of forgetfulness and take evolution into your hands navigating infinite potential. Carry on rapidly accelerating only paying attention to what resonates most and disregarding everything that doesn't, learning faster and faster becoming more and more intelligent at an immediate pace. Know that there is no physical structure between you and your circumstance and see that circumstances are smoke and mirrors. Circumstance will only reflect what you choose to see and its like smoke, it seems something is there but when you try to grab it it turns out to be nothing. In this realization it will allow you to become a complete vibrational being. Create non physical manifestations by choosing only to see your preference making your reality what you have decided. Expand on your power, explore further into deeper possibilities and discover more and more of your true self. Or don't. Waking up to the realization that who you are is the eternal creator in form and your true self is the timeless space where everything is appearing, is just the beginning. This becomes circumstantially relevant and applies to the 'external' world where your degree of free agency and certainty can instantly, intuitively, genuinely address any situational dynamic by accessing the most effective outcome available in the moment. Have i been watching Bentinho Massaro more or less everyday for the last 5 months? -yes

Sounds like a very cool mystical experience you're describing. Now, the union that you probably had at that moment provided you I'd guess a kind of ownership of everything you were perceiving, right? This union can be felt and is apparently existent throughout all experience - the mystical and the normal kind of consciousness. It's like the underlying fabric of every experience you have. It creates your and every perspective as a ever-still moment we call now and simultaneously an ever kind of flowing existence of this world we a part of. So, this experience you had I'd guess put off a lot of the layers of self you normally wear on you and let you in on the underlying completeness of reality. Try to make this out in your normal life how everything you perceive flows while being in a complete still moment. And how there are reoccurring themes in everything that exists. See how everything that you can make sense out of is something that underlies certain rules and patterns and arranges itself not only beautifully but intelligently throughout everything. You really grew out of this world and wasn't popped into it. And you really are this no-thingness. You can realize that and be aware of the underlying completeness of every moment. And that's bliss.

@abundance The traditional form and concept of Tratak is indeed that of concentration. And through concentration, energy is generated and siddhis – psychic powers -- are developed; but that ultimate relaxation we are seeking, the meeting with God, does not happen. Concentration is a part and extension of the ego itself; through it you are not dissolved but strengthened. You are not melted but solidified like ice. Your powers increase, but not your bliss. The ability to concentrate is not something to feel blessed about. It is a frozen state of mind, a very narrow state of mind. Useful, of course, useful — for others. Useful in scientific inquiry, useful in business, useful in the market, useful in politics — but absolutely useless for yourself. If you become too attuned with concentration you will become very, very tense. Concentration is a tense state of mind; you will never be relaxed. Concentration is like a torch, focused, and consciousness is like a lamp, unfocused. If you meditate. first concentration will disappear and you will be feeling a little at a loss. But if you go on, by and by you will attain to an unfocused state of light — that’s what meditation is. Once meditation is attained. concentration is child’s play — whenever you need to, you can concentrate. There will be no problem about it and it will be easy and without any tension.

If you don´t escape, if you allow the suffering to be there, if you are ready to face it, if you are not trying somehow to forget it, then you are different. Suffering is there but just around you; it is not in the center, it is on the periphery. It is impossible for suffering to be in the center; it is not in the nature of things. It is always on the periphery and you are the center. So when you allow it to happen, you don´t escape, you don´t run, you are not in a panic, suddenly you become aware that suffering is there on the periphery as if happening to someone else, not to you, and you are looking at it. A subtle joy spreads all over your being because you have realized one of the basic truths of life, that you are bliss and not suffering.

Neither would I. But I think there's something deep to be learned from primitive societies. In modern societies, the constant stimulants and chasing of egoic pursuits are what fog the mind for humans. That's why most modernized people aren't spiritual or in-tune with consciousness and existence. It feeds into an illusion that only continues to get stronger - just look at the rising depression and suicide rates among developed nations. Only through great suffering do modernized people find bliss and happiness, something that is already acquired by the primitive peoples.

Here is something I read yesterday that may relate to that. "Give up even the desire to be experiencing the bliss of being it all".

Reality of Absolute, Infinite Awareness. Countless people today ask what it means to live a deeper spiritual life.... Beyond the old dilemma of whether to renounce the world or immerse oneself in it, the enlightened "Free Beings" (the Avatâra-Incarnations and awake adepts) show us how to freely transcend yet pervade the world with Love and Light through the Power of Pure Awareness. This Divine Reality of Pure Awareness, Open Presence or Spirit, the one Sacred Principle, is both beyond all yet within all. As the theologians say, this Divine Awareness/Reality is both transcendent and immanent. Not any kind of "thing" but the Source, Witness and Reality of all things, this God-Self is other than this world, yet right here animating and embracing this dreamlike world and all her deliciously unique beings. Let's be completely clear about This: Awareness is Who You Really Are, right HERE, right NOW, the Infinite, Open, Imperceptible (but quite live-able or be-able) Host for all "guest" experiences, as the Zen masters say. Awareness is the Supreme Self, the unseen Seer of seeing, the unheard Hearer of hearing, the unthinkable Thinker of thinking, as the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad (our oldest wisdom text) revealed Divine Truth nearly 3,000 years ago. Hence, anyone living and flourishing in/as Divine Awareness-Bliss-Love can be totally involved in the world while entirely uninvolved, fully engaged while completely free as the One Who Alone IS, the I AM THAT AM. This God-Self or Divine Dreamer, the true Living God, Pure Open Awareness, sports and adventures as "I am this" or "I am that," delightfully playing the always-poignant role of the individual human being or any kind of sentient being, eventually awakening ItSelf (from Its egocentric soul condition) to the clarity of Divine Presence, the only Reality. One's life, therefore, can be a beautiful unfolding flower of virtue, eventually fully blossoming into a life of Divine splendor.

Maybe here's there's part of the response: Anatta – the difference between Buddhism and Hinduism Anatta is a central doctrine of Buddhism, and marks one of the major differences between Buddhism and Hinduism. Buddhists do not believe that at the core of all human beings and living creatures, there is any "eternal, essential and absolute something called a soul, self or atman". Buddhism, from its earliest days, has denied the existence of the "self, soul" in its core philosophical and ontological texts. In its soteriological themes, Buddhism has defined nirvana as that blissful state when a person, amongst other things, realizes that he or she has "no self, no soul". The traditions within Hinduism believe in Atman. The pre-Buddhist Upanishads of Hinduism assert that there is a permanent Atman, and is an ultimate metaphysical reality. This sense of self, is expressed as "I am" in Brihadaranyaka Upanishad 1.4.1, states Peter Harvey, when nothing existed before the start of the universe. The Upanishadic scriptures hold that this soul or self is underlying the whole world.[117] At the core of all human beings and living creatures, assert the Hindu traditions, there is "eternal, innermost essential and absolute something called a soul, self that is atman."[5] Within the diverse schools of Hinduism, there are differences of perspective on whether souls are distinct, whether Supreme Soul or God exists, whether the nature of Atman is dual or non-dual, and how to reach moksha. However, despite their internal differences, one shared foundational premise of Hinduism is that "soul, self exists", and that there is bliss in seeking this self, knowing self, and self-realization.

It becomes 100 times easier to accept what happens and live in bliss if you have resources. Eckhart Tolle teachea big babies like that to accept that someone broke up with him, while some homeless has to accept that he wont eat and he will be dirty, malnourished and sick one more day. Oh no, poor me, i got dumped.Go have a shower and breathe. You playing the game in easy mode. The homeless on hard mode. Not only the homeless, all those people who live day by day, month by month, not knowing if they will meet both ends... This is hard mode. Not some mental issues of emptiness, not reaching your fullest potential or screwing less girls than your mates.

@Happiness Remember that the actual experience you had was infinite peace and bliss. Those negative emotions don't really exist. They're all just made up in retrospect.

Wheres the problem in taking it and feeling awesome constantly. Sounds like buddah state of constant bliss. If i can sustain it i would

@mr lenny @MIA.RIVEL The Zen people say just sit, don’t do anything. The most difficult thing in the world is just to sit doing nothing. But once you have the knack of it, if you can go on sitting for a few months doing nothing for a few hours every day, slowly, slowly, many things will happen. You will feel sleepy, you will dream. Many thoughts will crowd your mind, many things. The mind will say, ‘Why are you wasting your time? You could have earned a little money. At least you could have gone to a film, entertained yourself, or you could have relaxed & gossiped. You could have watched TV or listened to the radio or at least you could have read the newspaper you have not seen. Why are you wasting your time?’ mind will give you a thousand & one arguments, but if you just go on listening without being bothered by the mind....it will do all kinds of tricks; it will hallucinate, it will dream, it will become sleepy. It will do all that is possible to drag you out of sitting. But if you go on, if you persevere, one day the sun rises. One day it happens, you are not feeling sleepy, the mind has become tired of you, is fed up with you, has dropped the idea that you can be trapped, is simply finished with you! There is no sleep, no hallucination, no dream, no thought. You are simply sitting there, doing nothing....& all is silence & all is peace & all is bliss.

If you know the difference, why not have a little fun with experience of all kinds. When you see it all goes around in a circle and returns to where it started, all you can do is laugh your ass off. All that remains is to play with form, existence and experience. For now it's all that is. Make it up as you go along, it doesn't matter at all. There are no rules or guidelines here except the ones we choose for ourselves. If you want to experience bliss, do it. If you want to experience hell, go for it! Fear, disappointment, love, jealously hate, separation, oneness, a high, a low, an awakening, ect. all the same as being just another experience. Even the negative or positive sensations that each creates within the body/mind is choice created for the experience of it . Edit: Listen to what is said here @7:00

WEEK 10 DAY 64 20 minute yoga in the morning. 60 minute yoga class. 25 minute breathing meditation. Woke up feeling tired. This is mostly because of how much I smoked yesterday. Later on in the day a headache started. I felt very inspired yesterday and committed to no entertainment challenge for this week. Well, shit. Why did I take away coffee? As the first half of the day was ending I questioned this decision a lot. My mind was looking for reasons to cancel the challenge or at least part of it, at least coffee ban. I even had thoughts where I thought that it might actually be better to live with addictions. "I like my addictions" - yes, I had this thought. I want coffee so bad and at the same time I don't give a fuck that I want it. I will keep this challenge going no matter what. I have thoughts that this challenge might not be very useful for me, that it is only waste of energy. Well, fuck these thoughts, even if they are true. I will draw conclusions at the end of the week. Another thing, normally I do not waste much time on entertainment. I just need a quick facebook check, short article and a short video on youtube. I thought it is no big deal. Now I feel like I am choking on silence. There is a lot of empty space and it is tough to handle it. Last time I had a day without facebook was when there was no way to access the internet. Completely not indulging in entertainment and distractions is challenging especially when I need to do so little to get that little hit of facebook. Just one click. Fingers cracked 1 time. DAY 65 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25+25 minute breathing meditation. Had a decent sleep tonight but again I am sleepy. Is this because I cut out coffee? The sound of coffee machine at work triggers me big time. I am drinking tea right now and it sucks because it is not coffee. Had moments of clarity and relaxation towards the end of the workday. Later some tension came back. Going to sit now. First 25 minute sit was cross-legged, second sitting on the chair. During first sit I had a little trouble keeping my posture on the second sit I had some trouble staying conscious, felt a bit sleepy from time to time. Feeling relaxed now. Goodnight. Fingers cracked 0 times. DAY 66 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute breathing meditation. 25 minute do-nothing meditation. Yoga felt extraordinary mindful today. It just happened this way I did not force anything presence was simply there. Later on at work I saw tension slowly building up. I lost my motivation at work. I mean, there is still some left but it is much less than it used to be. I am aware that motivation comes in waves and sometimes it is completely normal to wish you did not have to come in. This too shall pass. Almost checked facebook couple of times. Not intentionally though, purely because of habit. Just deleted bookmark from the browser so my mouse won't hover over it unconsciously. Something is happening and sometimes I feel that the best thing I could do is to get out of its way and let it happen. How to make 25 minute meditation feel like it lasts 60 minutes? Try sitting crossed-legged and bring your knees as low as you can. If you are very flexible this won't work but if you are like me pain will make meditation last forever. Breathing meditation - more like a pain meditation. Anyway, was an interesting experience. Later sat on the chair for 25 minutes of do-nothing meditation. I kept loosing my awareness very easily there. Breathing meditation keeps me more focused. Fingers cracked 1 time. DAY 67 20 minute yoga in the morning. 60 minute yoga class. 25 minute guided self inquiry. 25 minute energy observation meditation. Every morning it comes. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Lately it seems to have smaller impact on my day but it still there. I used to run away from it. Now we face each other everyday. I am still not sure why it comes but I feel it better now. Also, it tends to go away and then come back and go away and back again. Does not stay very long but keeps coming back. Just to clarify, I am talking about that feeling of unease, feeling of anxiety. Meditation class took place today. Attempted self-inquiry for the first time. We were guided through different layers of ourselves followed by the logic that something I observe is not who I am. Later we did what I call energy observation meditation (literal translation from my native language does not sound very good in English). Basically one can focus on anything that happens inside or outside oneself - be it a sound, a thought, a sensation of pressure or temperature and so on. The aim is not to cling to anything for too long and keep observing. Fingers cracked 0 times. (yay !) DAY 68 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute breathing meditation. Sweet-ass morning. Things were in flow. Not for very long though. As I started my workday the pressure/tension came back. I worked a lot on my sitting posture today, it kept falling apart. When I try to sit with my back straight and legs bent at +/- 90 degrees I feel like I am doing a version of strong determination sitting. I just cant keep it for more than a minute, I have to straighten my legs or create tension in my shoulders or lay back. It might be a good idea to try to keep myself in the same position for at least 20 minutes or so. Why is it so hard? If I keep working still and do not move the pressure on my chest builds up like crazy. Had quite strong cravings for a smoke today. I noticed this happening every Friday. It is easier to avoid smoking during workdays but Friday brings a change of wind (or wind of change?). Anyway, I clearly knew that I do not really want to do that and craving vanished after some time. Today during meditation I had plenty of thoughts. Some stuff was quite ridiculous and when awareness kicked in I started laughing. My girlfriend was in a room and she started laughing too. I just could not stop for almost a minute. The whole situations was pretty absurd lol. Fingers cracked 1 time. DAY 69 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute breathing meditation. Sat for meditation in the morning. It was emotionally challenging and I had a hard time leaving it as it is. Kept coming back to trying to fix a particular negative emotion or wishing it would fix itself. Also had hard time to sit cross-legged through entire meditation. I noticed that for some reason Saturday or Sunday mornings are always difficult emotionally therefore it is really useful to meditate in the morning so that I can become aware of why it happens. Oh shit, resisting entertainment over the weekend is a completely new dimension. The NEED is strong. Doing my best. Later in the day I sat for another 25 minutes and after that I took a nap for 15 minutes. I just did not know what to do. Sorry to disappoint you all but I have just spent half an hour on entertainment. Fingers cracked 5 times. DAY 70 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute breathing meditation in the evening. My dear sirs and ladies, I have gone completely out of control today. I guess the resistance built up and I just totally lost it. So to summarize what happened: RimWorld, a game which I dedicated this day to - from morning till evening; Smoking - not insane amounts but a bit too much; Sugary sweets - in the beginning I thought I will eat a shitload of sugary shit because me and my girlfriend (since we are not eating any) have accumulated large amounts of sweets at home. I ate some but did not really enjoy it as much as I expected so I stopped without any effort; Did not do any work or self-development work except the fact that I somehow managed to do yoga and meditation. Best thing about all this - minimal amount of self-guilt. This just happened and I had moments of enjoyment and saw how different life looks from the perspective of someone who plays computer games whole day. I have been in that place many times in my earlier years but now it seemed completely different. It was a good learning experience. I pushed myself too hard this week and this is where it got me and that is completely fine. Fingers cracked X amount of times. Might be 0, might be 3 but not more. REVIEW OF WEEK 10 Goal review Quitting smoking - Check (Except Sunday !) Quitting any kind of contact with video games - Check (Except Sunday !) Limited social media time - Great success ! Eating healthy - Check. (Except Sunday !) Exercising daily - Check. Meditating for at least 25 mins everyday - Check. Setting at least one hour per week for review - Check. No excessive use of alcohol - Check. (0 alcohol) Finger cracking - Failure. Not too bad but still a failure. No more porn - Check. Affirmation habit - Failure. Could be more consistent. Mindful eating - Removing this goal. Everything is slowly becoming more mindful. I learned to eat slower and that is enough for now. NO ENTERTAINMENT CHALLENGE - 6 days of success, 1 day of complete and utter failure. If not Sunday this would be a near perfect week ! Thoughts No entertainment challenge In general this week had more happiness and peace. Still plenty of anxiety and all kinds of negativity, but things are changing. One thing I noticed that after joy/happiness/bliss passes and sadness/anxiety/tension kicks in it does not scare me that much. I am still trying to run away from those emotions but more and more often I face them and accept them fully or partially. It is not easy. This challenge was too much for me. Sunday is a good illustration. What I learned: I do not really need facebook. Not drinking coffee is really hard during first three days and later cravings disappear almost completely. The need for entertainment is extremely deep inside me. I was surprised by how difficult this week was at times. One interesting thing is that I started noticing more stuff and I found entertainment in other places like going home from work and watching people, observing birds, making tea, or listening to some atmospheric music. Pushing too hard for too long might result in total chaos. Woo-woo(-zela) One thing I noticed in meditation class that when sharing our experiences some people go full woowoozela (woo-woo). Funny thing is that those people tend to get along well with each other. What I mean by woowoozela is that some people totally miss the point of meditation and share their experiences of flying around the world and trying to find other people from the group so that they can fly together or some random visions of seeing Jesus or simply saying that their ego is gone (after first attempt of self-inquiry WOW good job lol). They are people who are attracted to some kind of spiritual bling-bling and they honestly remind me of a guy from youtube doing videos about "Ultra spiritual" stuff. And by the way, I am fine with it. What it made me think about is that a certain percentage of people in this forum are definitely big woowoozela fans and I should really be careful not to take some nonsense misinformation seriously. I became much more open-minded since I started looking more on the so called spiritual side of self-development but there is a definitely a limit for how far it can go. As the saying goes "If you open your mind too much your brain will fall out". Goal adjustment I was thinking about increasing meditation duration to 30 minutes per sit but I still have a hard time sitting cross-legged for 25 minutes. Maybe couple weeks later. - Ultra minimal social media time - Focusing on affirmation habit After this week's challenge I realised that I do not really miss it much. This might happen quite naturally though I have to be ready for some medium cravings at times. Afterword 10 weeks have passed. Soon I will do a quick recap of last 5 weeks. I do not get much replies in my journal and quite possibly nobody read through it entirely but if you are following my journey I just want to say that my commitment to this journal keeps growing. I have no doubt that I will follow through. P.s. Having no entertainment for 6 days led to this weeks entry becoming very long. Maybe even too long. Oops. Thank you for reading, TakeCare Next update planned on 2016.09.11

@musicalwatch From my perspective, everyone has a level of genius in relation to their purpose. What I believe you may be talking about is the "zone of FLOW". For me, this happens sometimes when I am doing creative things. Here's how I know that I've just experienced "the zone": The music I put on 6 hours ago has ended (who knows how long ago), I also hadn't noticed that my bladder is about to explode, or how totally dehydrated I am, or that the sun is suddenly coming up, and the tool (paintbrush, pencil, plyers, sewing needle, etc) is practically stuck in my completely cramped up hand....lol....this may sound unpleasant and disconcerting, but in fact, it's the opposite! Knowing that you have been in the zone is an incredible feeling (after you finally pee...lol)....not knowing if you were thinking, or what you were thinking about is actually an elevated consciousness, not a state of drooling ignorance. It is not madness either, for if we are enacting our purpose, we are on the best possible path for our sanity and health in general. What @Henri, & @Infinite_Zest said is so true! Find your bliss! ...if you are happy, madness is irrelevant anyway...lol....

I've heard shinzen young talk about that it could happen that you see the truth without the liberation,the bliss, and all them good feelings... But that is were very rare and it could be fixed. If I understood him right. That is one thing I'm afraid of. More intense feelings of fear etc that I feel now and I panic, and instead like heaven on earth it becomes hell on earth. Afraid of the feeling of just falling. It really felt like I fell from a cliff couple of days ago. Everything just seems like the opposite of what I know. Like the unknown. Which I understand it really isn't. But that's the feeling. Maybe this scares me more than physical death because then there is nothing that can experience something and it could not feel. Anyway. I think I'll lay down now for a bit...

In my opinion science is just the humans attempt to create a functional and objective analysis on life. However as you are describing you are starting to see the fallacy in science and its nature, which is essentially grounded in our perception, what we can perceive and objectively measure. Since these things are constantly changing or forever will change. The only control for our experience is like you said... direct experience. That being said, with so many interwebing belief systems, thoughts and unconscious patterns it becomes a life mission to distinguish what is our direct experience and what is false. To see things for what they are without meaning, purpose, function, reason, value etc. is Truth. If you get there, your enlightened and apparently the conscious experience is ineffable and indescribable; feelings of pure bliss and love. Besides that everything is all a fiction. However the search for meaning is a necessary fiction some might say to realise nothing and everything.

This is my first post about an ongoing dialogue I've been having with a friend. A lot of posts came before this one, but this is where I'll start: What is it that needs an identity, identifies, and takes it seriously? What is the I that experiences personality? The thoughts and feelings that manifest as "suffering" is what identifies, needs an identity, and takes it seriously. Once "suffering" manifests, it necessarily separates itself from what is (I mean, just creates the illusion of separation). Awareness gets focused onto the suffering and identifies with it as something that is happening to this illusory 'me.' I see through the suffering. I see that the more one suffers, the more conscious awareness is being focused on something, as if it could harm a 'me'. Someone related enlightenment, or the truth of no-self, to experiencing a 180 degree shift in consciousness, and that's exactly what all of the implications suggest. Why is what "is" conscious? And why does it seem that it is love? It didn't have to be anything, but it's this. The only way it can be? Free will doesn't exist, but does the formless have qualities that it "chose" such as love? A whole slew of questions that I would have never thought about before are now realized as the only real questions. And maybe deepening my knowing will answer some of these questions. I won't know until it happens (and if it happens). I've sat with the sutra for a while. It seems to point to the utter impossibility of what "is" being capable of experiencing suffering. Since I am that, everything can be allowed to be a game. "What does the universe want to do today?" for instance. If awareness is allowed to rest in itself, then there can be no entanglement between it and form. If there is no entanglement between itself and form, and it is seen to be this way necessarily, then that is the end of suffering. Detachment means the realization that nothing in the world of form is you, and is infinitely far from you, but is you. Once meaning and value have been taken away from everything, liberation is the only thing left. Freedom is. Like I said in an earlier post, Ilona, I've been on this track for a while, and just didn't know that it would lead me here. I didn't know where truth was to be found. I didn't know that the truth of no self would open everything up. I have suspected for several years now that there was no free will, and there was no 'me', so maybe that is why I didn't have a bliss experience (or maybe deepening my seeing will produce one) like so many people report. I experienced some changes, but nothing ultra dramatic like some people say. I know peak experiences are not the Truth, and obviously are just as far from Truth as anything else that is experienced by the body/mind, but is there some deeper seeing that I've yet to become aware of, do you think? I know this is just mind conjuring up stuff to try to get attention, but I honestly feel that there is nothing else to do. I don't need to read anymore. I don't have this feeling that I need to keep searching. The only thing I've been experiencing lately is this feeling of just not giving a damn about outcomes. I feel that I can just do whatever I want from now on, and that's the end of the story. Game over. If I get up and go walk in the park for a few hours and come home and just sit, and then go to bed, that's just fine. If I want to go play a video game, it's just fine. If I want to challenge myself in a way that I can achieve deeper insight into this life thing, then that's fine too. There is a lot of conditioning that says I should be doing something else now. Since I've seen no-self, I ought to do "something" else now. And I don't think that's the case at all. If I let go completely every day then what happens, happens, and it just is what it is. That's the plan for now...just to live and see what arises Also, I'm starting to taste the beauty of non-attachment. Clinging is suffering. When something amazing is witnessed without clinging, then that is fulfillment. If life is lived without clinging, that is fulfillment. At that point, life is complete.

WEEK 9 DAY 57 20 minute yoga in the morning. 60 minute yoga lesson. 25 minute breathing meditation. 25 minute sound meditation. I asked for bliss and I had some today. Nothing specific happened, morning was not easy but I did alright and later on there came some beautiful moments. Yoga! Today started yoga practice with a teacher. I will have lessons twice a week and each will last one hour. It felt much different than my casual 20 minutes in the morning. Actually, I pushed a bit too hard and something happened to my lower back. I hope it is nothing serious and I will be fine soon. Meditation was pleasant but full of distractions (both internal and external). Just before I went to sleep I did another sit. Fingers cracked 1 time. DAY 58 20 minute slow-mo yoga in the morning. 25 minute breathing meditation. What is slow-mo yoga? Well, it is something you do when you wreck your back by stretching too hard the previous day. My lower back pain makes feel like an old man. Schedule today was full. I attended yet another birthday celebration, did not use any alcohol and chose carefully what to put in my mouth. Later I arrived back home and sat to meditate. I was tired but did relatively ok. In the future if there will be a very busy day coming I will adjust my schedule by meditating in the early morning. Fingers cracked 0 time. DAY 59 20 minute yoga at midday. 25 minute breathing meditation. Not enough sleep, going to work earlier, a lot of stress, feeling heavy pressure on chest. Very challenging day. During meditation back went crazy, had to lay down. Not much else to share. I will be back in shape tomorrow. Fingers cracked 2 time. DAY 60 20 minute yoga in the morning. 60 minute yoga lesson. 25 minute observation meditation. 25 minute guided pshychosynthesis meditation. I am observing neurosis from closer distance. It starts in the very morning. Tension in the body eventually grows into pressure on my chest. Physically exhausting. Sometimes I feel medium cravings for some external stimulation so that I do not have to spend any more time in this state. Resistance probably is what keeps me stuck in there. I told yoga teacher about my back problems. She allowed me to attend though she warned me to be extra careful. All in all, lesson went well. Later on in the evening I attended meditation class (feels somehow wrong to call it this way but can't find a better word in English at the moment). When I came there I was so tense, pressure on chest was going crazy, heart was beating strong and I had hard time feeling that. When we started observation (I believe it is similar to "do nothing" technique) meditation there were 5 minutes for relaxation where we did a "ocean" breathing. It is generally practiced in yoga and creates a little resistance in the throat so you breath louder than usually. What struck me deeply how RELAXED I was only after 5 MINUTES. All the pressure was gone. I was in deep stress and switched to deep relaxation. Jesus fucking Christ (please forgive my excitement) it only took 5 minutes to Take Care of something that was troubling me for the most of the day. If I learn to change my state so drastically whenever I feel like it it will transform my life completely. After today I like my meditation teacher even more. There is a lot to learn/experience. Fingers cracked 1 time. DAY 61 20 minute yoga in the morning. 30 minute breathing meditation in the bus. Stress. I do not know what has changed exactly but it has been another stressful day. I am detaching myself from the emotion as much as I can but there is a physical expression of stress that it is difficult to distance myself from. Pressure on the chest area sometimes goes full horse crazy. The only time I had for meditation was in the bus. For half an hour I focused on my breathing and also to the sounds the bus made. It was not a very deep meditation but it went better than I expected. Fingers cracked 0 times. DAY 62 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute sound meditation. I did not do yoga before breakfast as usual because I was not at home. Later in the morning I procrastinated a bit and finally did it which made me really happy. My body was still sleeping until I exercised. It is difficult for me to understand how could I have lived without exercising in the morning. This just has such a positive influence for the day. Meditation was unusually thoughtful (full of thoughts) which in this case is not something I was going for. Fingers cracked 1 time. DAY 63 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute breathing meditation. "You can't think yourself into the right action but you can act yourself into the right thinking" might be paraphrased but helped me few times today. I did meditation and yoga but to sum it up I slacked off this weekend. It will be very obvious in goal review. All the experiences I had this week led to the decision to make next week a challenging one. Fingers cracked 0 times. REVIEW OF WEEK 9 Goal review Quitting smoking - Failure. I did not even try this week. I smoked few times after work and there was a lot of smoking during the weekend. Quitting any kind of contact with video games - Failure. Spent 2-3 hours watching Warcraft III tournament stream. Not that much but still 2-3 hours too many. Limited social media time - A bit too much. Eating healthy - Check. (with an exception of 4 candies on Sunday). Exercising daily - Check. (starting to feel more and more comfortable with yoga routine) Meditating for at least 25 mins everyday - Check. Setting at least one hour per week for review - Check. Healthy sitting posture - Check. This goal will be removed from the list. It is something that I do naturally now. No excessive use of alcohol - Check. (0 alcohol) No sugar in coffee - Check. This will be removed from the goal list too. It is something that happens naturally now. Finger cracking - Check. (Only 5 cracks which is still more than 3 so the counter stays on) No more porn - Check. Affirmation habit - Failure (did not work consistently on that) Mindful eating - More of a failure than success. (inconsistent) Thoughts This week has been full of stress or in one word - stressful. I am having more responsibilities at work and I probably need some time to adjust. Sometimes stress takes over even though there is not much happening. It is all in my head. Got to keep breathing. My back still has not recovered completely but it is getting better. Yoga teacher said one thing that I kind of knew but did not apply - when doing yoga there is no need to have a goal. It is a process, focus on the present. Stretching too hard goes against the essence of it. Amount of contradicting thoughts this week has been unsettling. That is another reason for all the tension and stress. There is a certain amount of contradiction that I can manage but too much is too much. More and more often I feel a need to spend time alone. One interesting thing was noticed. In English word "justice" phonetically sounds like "just is". Therefore, justice is what is and it can not be anything else because it just is. Funny, isn't it? It probably has nothing to do with the origin of the word but nonetheless an interesting coincidence. Checked out Allan Watts this week and that is something that made me think: "The reason why you want to become better is the reason why you are not." I also re-evaluated my position in personal development scale (based on Leo's categorization). First, I classified myself as a newbie though now I see that I am more likely somewhere between a wounded-newbie and a newbie. This is just labels and they do not change what really is but it can shift my perspective on how I should approach certain issues I am dealing with. Goal adjustment — NO ENTERTAINMENT/NO DISTRACTION CHALLENGE FOR THE NEXT WEEK (and maybe longer) This means: No internet funsies - facebook, all kinds of fun stuff and also no excessive reading in this forum. Internet only for work or research purposes. No smoking, drinking or eating crap - which basically are my already existing goals. No excessive talking - more listening, more silence. No coffee - this will be TOUGH. I drink 2-3 cups of coffee everyday. No rushing - this week is going to be sloooow. Doing only ONE THING at a time If I feel an urge to distract myself somehow I can meditate or do yoga. If I can not meditate I can focus on breathing wherever I am. Wish me luck. Or better not, wish me peace. It is more important. Thank you for reading, TakeCare Next update planned on 2016.09.04

Just over a year ago, I was meditating down by the river on my property and had one of the most intense experiences I've ever had. It was while I was stoned but I have experienced it without weed too, though not as intense. To start off with, this had nothing to do with sexual intercourse or even masturbation. There was no ejaculation nor an erection. There was no physical or even visual stimuli. Just a toe-curling, chill-inducing full-body climax. For 45 minutes. Since then, I haven't had one quite as long but I can have them at will now. Let me explain. I was sitting on a wooden bench at the base of a very large pine tree. This pine tree is the tallest one in a patch of pine trees with oak, maple and birch trees surrounding them. It's on a small ridge ten feet above the river but about fifteen feet away from the water. It is a very peaceful place and I've had many experiences here, including my own death (with the help of Leo's guided meditation, but that is another story). So I was sitting alone, with my eyes open in a deep meditative state. I cannot recall what the catalyst was but back then I was meditating by staring at trees along the river. Looking back at my account of it the next day, there was a fishing boat with fishermen in it casting their lines about 40 yards away. Since I was fully-clothed, no one was wise to the fact that I was in a state of bliss. Although, that first time, who knows what I looked like when it was happening. The entire episode began with a thump within my body. I jolted but remained seated. My whole body was tensed but I felt it most in my core, emanating from the inside. I say tensed instead of clenched because my buttocks were flexed but my sphincter was not. I was seated comfortably but in a mildly reclined position. Again, the position could be seen as if I was relaxed but still upright. I had no concern for appearances at that moment. My quads were taut causing my feet to lift. My left foot was twitching while my right foot was still. After a while, I began to allow myself to relax so the feeling did not become dulled by the intensity of it. I did have a slight fear of losing it but did not. I then adjusted and again felt myself tensing again with my butt on the edge of the bench with my upper torso lifting up while my shoulders were still in contact with the bench back. It was almost like I was "planking" with my feet just off the ground. During all this, there was no erection at all. Not even a slight one. After it was done, I ran up to the house and told my wife about it. Not much interest though. Much like when she tells me about her lucid dreams. I haven't experienced it and assume that I can't so I don't get too excited about her dreams. She didn't get my level of fascination with it. Fairplay, I guess. Not much of a reaction from her, at least until I mentioned half-jokingly that I didn't need her anymore. She has a great sense of humor but I still had to explain myself. If most of us spend most our waking lives working to make money to afford nice things such as cars and stuff to impress others, especially in the dating scene, we spend an good deal amount of time preparing our appearance to influence others' opinion of us, namely our ability to own stuff. We want to impress others so we primp and shine ourselves up just so we can get either money, admiration or sex. You know the old joke, if you could lick yourself like a dog does, you'd never leave the house? That was what I was referring to. The lack of anyone or anything else needed to experience such bliss. I realized that the bliss I experienced came from within. Within me. I didn't need sex, money, nor any other physical being to experience this level of joy. She understood my quick explanation and didn't take it personally. I successfully dodged that bullet. After the euphoria wore off, I probably went about six weeks before I experienced another episode but not as long in duration. Although, I have experienced it sitting right next to my wife while she was watching TV or sitting on the porch swing with me. She's unfazed but usually she doesn't notice. It's that subtle now but when it gets going, the foot twitch is rather noticeable. Now, I can do it at will, while I'm driving, sitting in a waiting room (briefly, but just to see if I could), although not to the degree of the first time. Sitting or standing, but sitting is better. Since then, I've spent a bit of time meditating over what the catalyst was for the first few. I wanted to study the steps I took and if it was teachable. Apparently it is. I found what works for me. I also discovered something called Kundalini but only noticed some similarities but the areas of intense feeling are at the base of the spine and very close to but not the "taint". It tain't external. Has anyone else experienced this?