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I also enjoyed Ramana Maharshi's writings. And this quote of you is exactly why it doesn't lead to eternal bliss. Bliss as we consider it, is an emotion. With the cessation of duality, who is there left to feel the emotion of bliss? What remains to even care about feeling bliss? Why is it even important to feel this pleasant bliss? And what are pleasant feelings even? It is just semantics and bickering when people say there is no bliss, so you are right in a way. But it is in reality totally beside the point. In actuality, bliss is a mundane idea of the human brain. The enlightened one is above bliss even, so it is irrelevant to him. His state is unfathomable and beyond words or any comprehension of both of us now. And yet extremely simple and non-special in its non dual reality. When there is no duality, what is there? Who/what am i really? Is bliss not an emotion to desire, am i that desire, or that emotion itself? And if i am experiencing and enjoying bliss, there is bliss and there is me, so there is again duality? If there is no duality, then yes, i am bliss. but i am also hate. i am love. i am pain. i am joy. i am green, black, blue and orange. I am high and i am low. i am sound and i am light. i am thought and i am speech. I am you and i am this one. I am all the things, for if i was not all the things, then there is me and the separate thing. Two things is duality, and there is no duality, so they say. This is why it is irrelevant to think it leads to eternal bliss, its a trap of the mind/brain, a limitation to let go. Its not that you are wrong, its just not the right question to ask perhaps? But what do i know.. I am talking about non-duality, this creates duality, because there is non-duality, and there is my talking about non-duality?!

Here is a verse from Brihadaranyaka Upanishad Chapter 4, Section 3, verse 33: “4.3.33 He who is perfect of body and prosperous among men. the ruler of others, and most lavishly supplied with all human enjoyments, represents the greatest joy among men. This human joy multiplied a hundred times makes one unit of joy for the Manes who have won that world of theirs. The joy of these Manes who have won that world multiplied a hundred times makes one unit of joy in the world of the celestial minstrels. This joy in the world of the celestial minstrels multiplied a hundred times makes one unit of joy for the gods by action those who attain their godhead by their actions. This joy of the gods by action multiplied a hundred times makes one unit of joy for the gods by birth, as well as of one who is versed in the Vedas, sinless and free from desire. This joy of the gods by birth multiplied a hundred times makes one unit of joy in the world of Prajapati (Viraj), as well as of one who is versed in the Vedas, sinless and free from desire. This joy in the world of Prajapati multiplied a hundred times makes one unit of joy in the world of Brahman (Hiranyagarbha), as well as of one who is versed in the Vedas, sinless and free from desire. This indeed is the supreme bliss. This is the state of Brahman, O Emperor, said ‘Yajnavalkya. I give you a thousand (cows), sir. Please instruct me further about liberation itself.’ At this Yajnavalkya was afraid that the intelligent Emperor was constraining him to finish with all his conclusions.” Shankara also acknowledges this verse in his commentary on this Upanishad and further cites a verse from Mahabharata in his commentary: “Vedavyasa also says, ‘The sense pleasures of this world and the great joys of heaven are not worth one-sixteenth part of the bliss that comes of the cessation of desire’ (Mbh. XII. clxxiii. 47).” ......................... So, when you reach a stage in your life which makes you wonder 'Am I enlightened?', be careful not to delude yourself... First of all, once your perception of reality becomes non-dual, there is not going to be an agent or a separate entity to ask 'am I enlightened', when there is true enlightenment. Because, that is when you realize that there is no one to get enlightened; you come to realize that both bondage and liberation were illusion.. (There was no snake in the first place, all you perceived in the darkness was a rope Go deep in your mindfulness practice, sharpen your attention and awareness to witness each and every arising thought, keep zooming into the field of consciousness and catch every though before it arises.. If you do it moment to moment, the illusory entity that you take yourself to be will completely disappear! Mindfulness when done properly is self-inquiry; self inquiry when done properly is mindfulness... If you are able to see that they are one and the same, then you are on the right path, a fast track to enlightenment.

I hear many people say that enlightenment doesn't end in eternal bliss and such a thing is not possible.. But some scriptures in Vedanta as well as many vedantins say otherwise. Here is what they say: Enlightenment doesn't have to cause eternal bliss but there are some people who actually attain this bliss because of their Prarabdha karma. Ancient text called Yoga vashista, speaks about 7 bhumikas, the stages of enlightenment.. Out of this, only the first four are really the stages of enlightenment.. The fourth stage is called Moksha. After that, attainment of 5th, 6th and 7th only happens for rare individuals due to their prarabdha karma.. I also remember Ramana Maharshi saying to a disciple in a conversation that a jnani is in the 4th state. In the fourth state, duality completely dissolves.. As far as a jnani is concerned, a jnani in the 5th state is no superior than the one in the 4th state, because both have lost the sense of individual existence, so there are really not two persons to compare. Only for the onlookers, there is an apparent superiority in the jnani of the 5th stage. A jnani in the 7th state can go into samadhi and never come back alive... Here is an excerpt that I found online which has some citations as well: http://www.advaita-vedanta.org/archives/advaita-l/2010-May/024462.html Here is a conversation between Ramana and a seeker: Question: To which of the seven stages of knowledge [jnana-bhoomikas] does the sage [jnani] belong? Bhagavan: He belongs to the fourth stage. Question: If that is so why have three more stages superior to it been distinguished? Bhagavan: The marks of the stages four to seven are based upon the experiences of the realised person [jivanmukta]. They are not states of knowledge and release. So far as knowledge and release are concerned no distinction whatever is made in these four stages. Question: As liberation is common to all, why is the varistha [literally, the most excellent] alone praised excessively? Bhagavan: So far as the varistha’s common experience of bliss is concerned he is extolled only because of the special merit acquired by him in his previous births which is the cause of it. Question: As there is no one who does not desire to experience constant bliss what is the reason why all sages [jnanis] do not attain the state of varistha? Bhagavan: It is not to be attained by mere desire or effort. Karma [prarabdha] is its cause. As the ego dies along with its cause even in the fourth stage [bhoomika], what agent is there beyond that stage to desire anything or to make efforts? So long as they make efforts they will not be sages [jnanis]. Do the sacred texts [srutis] which specially mention the varistha say that the other three are unenlightened persons? Question: As some sacred texts say that the supreme state is that in which the sense organs and the mind are completely destroyed, how can that state be compatible with the experience of the body and the senses? Bhagavan: If that were so there would not be any difference between that state and the state of deep sleep. Further how can it be said to be the natural state when it exists at one time and not at another? This happens, as stated before, to some persons according to their karma [prarabdha] for some time or till death. It cannot properly be regarded as the final state. If it could it would mean that all great souls and the Lord, who were the authors of the Vedantic works [jnana granthas] and the Vedas, were unenlightened persons. If the supreme state is that in which neither the senses nor the mind exist and not the state in which they exist, how can it be the perfect state [paripurnam]? As karma alone is responsible for the activity or inactivity of the sages, great souls have declared the state of sahaja nirvikalpa [the natural state without concepts] alone to be the ultimate state.

Yesterday night, the nimitta began rapidly and I mean RAPIDLY expanding. It's as if a small orb the size of my pinky grew to be as big as a building in my mind. I was in the middle of the night time leisurely reading and upon this, took this chance to enter a luminous Jhana. I closed my eyes and sat upright. And I no longer had to prepare for it to grow larger, it was already growing larger by itself. I began moving it back and forth in my head as fast as a sweat inducing high speed basketball game. And rather than moving only subtly, or growing smaller, it followered through. I kept hearing my family members talk a bit beyond my eyes. And I felt as if I was seeing through my eyelids — having images in my mind of what I would see happening if I open my eyes. My mom on the couch hunching down talking to my mildly amused grandma. But I went deeper. The Mind Illuminated described it as like sinking into a pool of bliss. And it does. It feels "moist" somehow. Something soft as a cushion wouldn't describe it. A cushion would seem too "solid" to fully describe it. Flowing first and then fully submerging into it. It lasted for 15-20 minutes when I saw the time. But it felt like an eternity. After it, I started to feel subtly disgusted. Disgusted with my meditation. Disgusted with my family. Disgusted with my room. Disgusted by weakness. Disgusted with life. I searched for Daniel Ingram's description of this stage in his book — it was called The Disgust Stage. And it was right. I did feel like my mind was expanding and contracting at the same time. Think of it like trying to close a bag full of so much stuff inside. Except the bag and the things inside feel as large as the radius of a nuclear bomb and the force to close in it as similar. And that was. . . frustrating. The book described it as the inability to focus on the center of things. Deeper awareness is often described with big talk of calmness but deeper awareness here was just disgusting. I felt like my senses and mind were being intruded by all this information and it was frustrating. Amongst that, I was still being bathed by bliss. I could feel the refreshing coldness of it. How wet it feels in my head. What a bizarre combination. Bliss and disgust at the same time. I threw up that night. Yellow and pale brown looking moosh in the toilet and next to it. More than one time, you bet. I wonder if I ate too much to make up for my intense hunger earlier or it was the disgust acting in me. Maybe it's both. After groaning at how terrible I felt while having a family member trying to comfort me by rubbing my back, I slept. When I woke up, it was gone. I slept late from the stress and usually I'd be falling asleep in lectures at a time like that, but I felt alert the whole day. Things I expect to be embarrassed of distressed about didn't expect that way. I find I fell deeper in love with meditation and I've became wonderfully interested by how fascinating everything was. I often think a lot of absolutely terrifying shit to others is fascinating. A daredevil — not in extreme sports but in ideas. In changing beliefs, in changing viewpoints and especially in changing paradigms. What a ride, I bet. Or maybe all this joy juicing my system is making me overoptimistic. Texts seem to warn about that. I need more equanimity. Equanimity is a non reactivity of what's bad or good. It may seem like what's left is a feeling of emptiness, but far from it. Alan Watts talked about an old teaching in Buddhism — it's like the sky. There can be clouds covering it. Rain. Whirlwind. Storms about. But what's beneath is always the calmness of a blue sky. Once everything is cleared up, what's left is joy. It doesn't mean wouldn't no goals in mind, especially with my interest in all this. But if I wasn't able to, there won't be such a large variation in my mood. If there's any change at all. It's just . . . calmness. I've heard enlightenment doesn't really make you 100% happy. It only changes your relationship with emotions. They refer to the two types of emotions. The direct emotion and how you feel about that emotion which the second one is something you can control. Its like how people can listen to the same music and one can think it's horrible and the other can think it's amazing. Emotions — even what we call the negative emotions, don't actually have to be "negative". Same goes with positive. In Headspace, the author recounts talking to his guru, that even the positive view has to be removed. Because to have a positive view means that you have a negative contrast to compare it with. How could we know light without darkness? Life without death? If my judgement is right from what the book says, the Passing and Arising Stage where I experienced intense joy then intense calmness with pummeling insights of how time did not exist and how existence wasn't different non existence was about a week or two ago. The Fear Stage came quickly after that when I suffered intense terror at some crazy ass visions during a meditation. Misery Stage was two DAYS earlier and Disgust Stage was yesterday at the time I'm writing this. Am I mistaken, or is everything coming a lot more faster than I expected it? Though, now that I think about it, when I think back, it looks like I experienced stages like these before. I just never actually had information at hand like this to know what it's called. I pick up my iPad and flick through pages of my ebook to read. I'm in stage 9, I realize. Is this really happening? Haha, well whatever it is. This is going to be interesting.

It's an unsettling bliss. Not for the entire day really, but for very long. You ever watch those movies where for example, a family member of a character dies and they'd come into a room expecting they'd still be there, they're gone? And because of this, they feel distressed. Upset. Longing for the past. But they know they can never go back. It's like that. But for my sense of self. I've spent my entire life with myself. I've criticized my identity. I've prided on my identity. I've shouted angry words at myself. I've gently told myself to hang in there. I was with myself in my highest and at my lowest. I've read books together with myself. I was with myself when I was with my friends and family. But it's gone. I always had been daydreaming a whole world since I was a kid. Where I'm the hero. Where I can be admired. Cherished. Become a success. Whether it's in the world of one of those samurai anime tv shows I used to watch or a world of my own creation. It's been an inner legend as if different variations of the same tale being spread throughout history. The history of my life. The idea of "The success story." Those times where I cheered on movies about a character who's caught by the enemy and put in great pain but manages to push through. Those stories of people stuck in poverty and managing to contribute millions to humanity in a business. Those stories of people who were absolute dicks but managed to become a humble Saint. And so on. Its like my sense of self was organized and shaped into an ice cube. But it began to melt, and I try to cusp the water into my hands but I can't anymore. Because my real self is formless. And I'm trying to hold on whatever is left of the ice. I don't think most people would understand if I told them. So all I have is a site like this. I see flickers of pride and gratitude for who "I" am but then I realize this person doesn't exist. And it's not the same. There's bliss now. And yet there's also an unsettling emptiness. A sadness. In who? I don't know anymore. I don't know.

Learn OSHO KUNDALINI MEDITATION This “sister meditation” to the OSHO Dynamic is best done at sunset or in the late afternoon. Being fully immersed in the shaking and dancing of the first two stages helps to “melt” the rock-like being, wherever the energy flow has been repressed and blocked. Then that energy can flow, dance and be transformed into bliss and joy. The last two stages enable all this energy to flow vertically, to move upwards into silence. It is a highly effective way of unwinding and letting go at the end of the day. Osho on How to Shake: "If you are doing the Kundalini Meditation, allow the shaking – don't do it! Stand silently, feel it coming, and when your body starts a little trembling, help it, but don't do it! Enjoy it, feel blissful about it, allow it, receive it, welcome it, but don't will it. "If you force, it will become an exercise, a bodily physical exercise. Then the shaking will be there, but just on the surface. It will not penetrate you. You will remain solid, stonelike, rocklike within. You will remain the manipulator, the doer, and the body will only be following. The body is not the question, you are the question. "When I say shake, I mean your solidity, your rocklike being should shake to the very foundations, so it becomes liquid, fluid, melts, flows. And when the rocklike being becomes liquid your body will follow. Then there is no shaker, only shaking; then nobody is doing it, it is simply happening. Then the doer is not. "Enjoy it, but don't will it. And remember, whenever you will a thing you cannot enjoy it. They are reverse, opposites; they never meet. If you will a thing you cannot enjoy it, if you enjoy it you cannot will it." Osho Instructions: The meditation is one hour long, with four stages. First Stage: 15 minutes Be loose and let your whole body shake, feeling the energies moving up from your feet. Let go everywhere and become the shaking. Your eyes may be open or closed. Second Stage: 15 minutes Dance ... any way you feel, and let the whole body move as it wishes. Again, your eyes can be open or closed. Third Stage: 15 minutes Close your eyes and be still, sitting or standing, observing, witnessing, whatever is happening inside and out. Fourth Stage: 15 minutes Keeping your eyes closed, lie down and be still. http://oshokundalini.com/index.html

@Shin Here some purposr i discovered form myself. (And i think some others can confirm) When i fap, i dont only get 10 seconds of bliss, also the time afterwards i feel calmer and more clear headed. This effect is stronger the longer the breaks inbetween. On the other hand, if i would fap daily the "afterglow-effect" would almost completly be lost.

@Anna1 Not really apathy, just the exact opposite.. Whatever I do, I am able to do with full enthusiasm.. I get completely absorbed and become one with the task.. But I agree I lack many things: the ability to regret, ability to complain about what happens in life, ability to feel anxious about future, ability to feel the emotions the same way I did (weird, huh? ) etc... And I am not suffering from it, I am enjoying the freedom that comes with it.. If I suddenly come to know that all this has nothing to do with enlightenment that is talked about by gurus but it is seriously a mental disorder, that will make no difference to the peace... This reminds me of a popular quote: "I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it" Let me be very honest with you.. I really know absolutely nothing about how an enlightened person's mind looks like. I don't know whether he experiences pain or pleasure etc.. All I know is about my own mind and the freedom and peace that came from my own practices... And I wouldn't know what happens in the future because no one can tell. But I have heard different things said by different people about how an enlightened person thinks and experiences life. There is a guru in India with millions of followers who claim that this guru has changed their lives. They are totally impressed by him! And the guru claims that he is in ecstatic bliss all the time, he doesn't have any thoughts at all except when he has to move around, if he wants he can simply close his eyes and just die by his will etc... And there are other people who claim that after enlightenment there is still suffering, still craving, still anger, etc. Finally there are people who claim that there is no suffering (the suffering which causes an individual to feel miserable , lost or diminished) but there is still pain and pleasure. This version actually is quite similar to the type of whatever disorder that I have. .. But this weird disorder also made me incapable of worrying about anything at all. But ultimately, enlightenment is just a word with many definitions that people have associated with some kind of liberation that happened for them, which can be verified only by them. After all, I can only know what happens in my own conscious field.. When others tell me about their field of consciousness, I don't really have any way to verify this. I just have their testimony poured into my ears... So, Let me repeat... I don't know anything about what happens after Moksha, what persists after moksha etc. But since you are certain about it and seem to know everything that happens after moksha, let me ask you this question: You say that pleasure and pain persist after moksha... may be.. I don't know.. I have only heard people saying so... But how do you know that for sure? Can you be absolutely certain and 100% sure about this? If yes, how? (I am not starting another debate with you.. I am only going to ask you questions.. In the further discussions about this topic with you, I am going to maintain that I don't know)

Didn't follow instructions/advice on using spinal-breathing pranayama when I was around 18. It is like kriya-yoga and was used with mantra meditation alongside a few other prescribed yoga practices for working with kundalini energy etc. You were supposed to start slow and simple and only take on further progression practices once the previous ones had proved to be comfortable and balanced over several months, and warned to scale back and reduce or remove practices if you are experiencing any negative symptoms. Being naive,I didn't listen to any of that and even took on practices that were described for only people who have practiced comfortably for years. I overdid it and became very ungrounded because I was getting interesting experiences of bliss and general intense physiological stuff. It was not a spiritual pursuit for me but more wanting to get high and it was a way of escaping. Sometimes practices can create joy and all kinds of phenomena that is exciting to the ego but it is frenetic and ungrounded as opposed to integrated. Eventually over time it kind of exhausted and burnt out my nervous system and any practices would be overstimulating and overwhelming. Any pranayama would leave me severely uncomfortable for days, and even meditating for short term made me uncomfortable, ungrounded and emotionally volatile and anxious for a few days. Even ten minutes would make the next day or two quite uncomfortable. It took almost 2 years before I could meditate for any length of time again without negative symptoms and maybe another 2 years before I could feel grounded in general. There were also shorter periods of more severely uncomfortable experiences. Scary times, frankly, but worth the lessons, and also gives me an appreciation of being able to just sit in silence.

With the positive research coming out on Ketamine and depression, I had higher hopes for this compound for relieving depression and also consciousness related work. Whilst admittedly I was not using it in a formal therapeutic environment, it would seem that plant based entheogens are far more pleasant and safer. One of the main drawbacks of Ketamine is its apparent potential for addiction. I can't say I found it remotely addictive and I have a rather long history with alcohol & tobacco addiction. My doses of Ketamine were over a month apart. But, going by reports on the net, many do succumb to the addictive qualities. I'm guessing when working with a trained therapist the potential for addiction and bladder related issues are going to be greatly reduced. In a medical setting, Ketamine has an excellent safety profile- its clinical use wouldn't be so widespread otherwise. For me, I found the experiences very cold, distant and dark, but not definitely not overwhelmingly negative. There is a severe loss of motor control and a numbness to the extremities. In my first experiment, I was so dissociated that when I played a song that I love I felt absolutely nothing, it was as pleasurable as listening to nothing at all. Sub-ego death doses of Ketamine are really so very different to trytamines- if I was listening to that same song on mushrooms I would have been blown to pieces emotionally. Dose wise, I aimed for the lower end of what others reported online would bring about a "k-hole"/full ego dissolution but did not experience anything like that. On my second experiment I ingested a total of 200mg of Ketamine via two different ROAs and had a very similar experience to the first time. I even incorporated some heavy intentional breathing/circular type breath work and even this was not enough to encourage any substantial feelings to emerge. I tried the Wim Hof method (intentional breathing) on Acacia root bark/DMT and Syrian rue last week and the bliss was immense. I think the worst side effect of Ketamine has to be the grogginess after you come around. It's just simply not really worth moving for a while. You won't be able to walk well at all. Why and how people use this stuff at raves just seems utterly insane to me. Be safe if you plan on doing this drug outside of a clinical setting! Consider your body position- laying down or propped up in bed is best. Also consider the potential for addiction, some people really seem to like the feeling this drug induces. I can't say i'm one of those people.

I was just checking out some old videos of myself and it was really eyeopening from a distance and in the light of what I know about my psychology today. In 2009, 2012 or 2015, no matter when, I played the oboe beautifully. Still, I remember always feeling so inadequate and I see it in the videos. There were two fundamental problems: I was beating myself up over the tiniest mistakes and as soon as something happened, I simply gave up playing the rest of the phrase. Sometimes, admittedly not when I have a gig but when I'm playing for college, this still happens to this day! My posture and strength. My stance was too wide, my knees and center too floppy and as soon as I had to play, there was massive movement in my legs and body in order to compensate. The funny thing is, that never happened to me when I was singing (either classical or pop while accompanying myself on various instruments). I felt so amazing and expressive doing that. In those videos, I was just beaming like crazy - I delivered, never made mistakes and gave a fuck about technical imperfections - but actually, my singing skills were way lower than my skills on the oboe at all times (well, for at least 10 years now). But my carefree bliss totally charmed people. That's what I was lacking on the oboe most of the time. Nobody likes a perfectionist. I mean, seriously, there was this piece one I just listened to: I literally thought "what is that angelic sound? It's so beautiful, I can't even believe I was part of producing it!" then my bad shape hit me, a mistake slipped and I couldn't play the piece to the end (the listener-me was thinking: "quite unfortunate, but OK... it was so beautiful before"). When the piano finished as well, I looked all defeated and you could literally see all the nasty words that were going through my head. I was defeatedly explaining what happened, talking talking talking and I didn't let my professor say a word!!! Other than that, there was so much interesting stuff in these videos. E.g. a lot of free improvisation that evoked feelings somewhere in between of "what the fuck is this?!", "dope shit" and "omg we had no clue what we were doing". Or my bachelor project that wasn't so well played because once again I wasn't in shape but perfectly designed and well-orchestrated with the other participants (an actress, pianist, singer and technicians). Now, I feel motivated to make reeds, practice, get my body in shape, play, do something I already started with some reeds.

@Shin Really all that is happening is our awareness is increasing, nothing more. Everything else is just monkey-chatter. We are not even in control of this increasing awareness. We're just aware of it happening. The Self is unfogging it's own mirror. It's the ego that interprets this as progress. There really is no value in reality. Reality just is. Enlightened life is no more objectively good than unenlightened life. It's only the ego's preference for peace, bliss, that gives the nod to enlightenment. The ego kills itself in this quest though because in the pursuit of peace and bliss, the Truth ends up chopping the feet out from under it. So, we are tricking the ego to kill itself basically. But even that cannot be seen as objectively good, because reality just is. There are no objective values in reality, that would be egoic, a human perspective super-imposed upon reality. Maybe this is why you hear the cliche that it is better to transcend a strong ego than a weak ego. But the trippier thing is that pursuit of peace and bliss is egoic, but the end of that egoic quest leads to annihilation of the ego -- yet we cannot even say that that is objectively good! This is very tricky stuff. Sneaky, egoic drives are behind enlightenment initially -- the ego gets on board, but it's a death-wish ultimately. Why would the ego be dumb enough to plot its own demise? Well, think of hard drug use, it's the same concept -- the ego being stupid and thinking too myopically. The ego sucks at thinking long-term -- that's its weakness. Enlightenment is a way of exploiting that weakness. It's like luring a mouse onto one of those snap-traps with an enticing piece of cheese.

@Joseph Maynor Read these excerpts of various commentaries by Shankara: "The Absolute is that in which there is no particularity. There is no name, no form, no action, no distinction, no universal, no attribute. It is through these determinations alone that speech proceeds, and not one of them belongs to the Absolute. So the latter cannot be taught by sentences of the pattern 'This is so-and-so'. In such upanishadic phrases and words as "The Absolute is Consciousness-Bliss' (Brhad.III.ix.28.7) . 'A mere mass of Consciousness' (Brhad.II.iv.12) , 'Brahman', 'Atman', the Absolute is artificially referred to with the help of superimposed name, form and action, and spoken of exactly in the way we refer to objects of perception, as when we say 'That white cow with horns is twitching'. But if the desire is to express the true nature of the Absolute, void of all conditioning adjuncts and particularity, then it cannot be described by any positive means whatever. The only ' possible method then is to refer to it through a comprehensive denial of whatever positive characteristics have been attributed to it in previous teachings, and to say 'neither this nor that'. - (Brhad.Bh.II.iii.6) - Shankara "Nor can the Absolute be properly referred to by any such terms as Being or non-being. For all words are used to convey a meaning, and when heard by their hearers convey the meaning the speaker had in mind. But communicable meaning is restricted without exception to universal, action, attribute and relation.... The Absolute, however, does not belong to any universal (genus), so it cannot be expressed by a noun such as 'Being' or 'non-being'. Being without attributes, it cannot be described by any adjective denoting an attribute. And being actionless, it cannot be expressed by any verb denoting activity. For the Upanishad speaks of it as 'Without parts, without activity, at rest' (Svet .VI.19) . Nor has it any relation with anything. For it is 'One', 'without a second', 'not an object' and 'the Self. Hence it cannot be expressed by any word. And the upanishadic texts themselves confirm this when they say 'That from which words fall back' (Taitt .ll.9) , and in other passages." - (Bh.G.Bh.XIII.12) - Shankara And because the Absolute has no particular characteristics, the Veda indicates its nature by denying of it the forms of all other things, as is shown, for instance, in the following pa sages: 'And so, therefore, the teaching is "neither this nor that"' (Brhad.II.iii.6) , 'It is other than what is known, and above the unknown' (Kena I.U), 'That from which words fall back without obtaining access, together with the mind' (Taitt .II.9) . And the Vedic texts also relate how when Badhva was questioned by Baskalin he gave his answer merely by not speaking. 'Sir, teach me in words', Ba§kalin said. But the Teacher remained silent. Finally, at the second or third time of asking, Badhva replied, 'I am telling you, but you do not understand. This Self is utter silence' - (B.S.Bh.III.ii.17) - Shankara ........................................................ This teaching method 'Adhyaropa apavada' is not properly followed by many modern teachers who teach Vedanta today. That is why people get stuck in all kinds of concepts..I recently came across books by Swami Satchidanandendra Saraswathi, who was a Sanskrit scholar and vedantic monk. He dedicated his whole life in bringing out the kind of teaching method that was actually adopted by Shankara. He lived up to the age 94 and has written over 200 books. In fact, he rediscovered this teaching method again. Here is how he describes in short, in one of his books: (a) In order to disclose the nature of the self as Brahman in itself Srutis like the following negate all specific features superimposed on it by the unenlightened common mind :- "It is this Akshara (the Imperishable), 0 Gargi, so the knowers of Brahman say. It is neither gross nor subtle, neither short nor long, not red, not viscid, not shadowy, not dark, not the air, not the ether, not adhesive, tasteless, odourless, without the sense of sight, without the sense of hearing, without the vital principle, mouthless, without measure, neither interior nor exterior,. It eats nothing, nobody eats it." - Br.3-8-8. (b) Lest, by this strict denial of all properties it may be taken to be absolute nothing (s'unya), it is taught by means of illusory attributes seemingly pertaining to it owing to Upadhis (apparently conditioning factors). (c) At the close of the teaching the rescission of even the imputed attributes used as a device for purposes of teaching, lest it should be regarded as actually belonging to it. (modern teachers stop with (a) and (b) ) ...................... And Buddhism has a different teaching model, uses different kinds of concepts but ultimately the goal is the same. All theories in traditions are only teachings devices, they are not the truth themselves. For example, many people don't know that Vedanta itself is an intentional superimposition to remove superimposition on Self.

@The White Belt Yes. The next step is to be the Truth. Awareness and being merge into one. That's true bliss. This is accomplished by simply realizing that that's what you already are.

@Real Eyes Well to answer your question in all honesty I did not have any expectations going into the experience. However I prepared myself as much as I could before the trip and I was ready to experience heaven and bliss or hell and obliteration and I experienced both. It was far beyond anything I could have ever imagined and it was a life changing experience. I read a lot of trip reports and listened to the lectures of Martin Ball and Kilindi Iyi before the trip and that definitely also helped me to ground myself and prepare for the experience. I have thought about it deeply every day since it occurred.

Let me quote what Shankara says in his commentary on Brihadaranyaka upanishad: "And the knower of Brahman has already attained all desires ; he cannot for that very reason have any more desires. The Sruti (upanishads) too says.'We who have attained this Self, this world' (IV.iv. 22). But there are some who hold that even a knower of Brahman has desires. They have certainly never heard the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad, nor of the distinction made by the Sruti that the desire for a son and so forth belongs to an ignorant man, and that with regard to the domain of knowledge, the statement, 'What shall we achieve through children, we who have attained this Self, this world? and so on, is applicable." - Brihad aranyaka Upanishad- chapter 2, section 4 - Introduction by Shankara Brihadaranyaka Upanishad Chapter 4, Section 3, verse 33 states the following: "4.3.33 He who is perfect of body and prosperous among men. the ruler of others, and most lavishly supplied with all human enjoyments, represents the greatest joy among men. This human joy multiplied a hundred times makes one unit of joy for the Manes who have won that world of theirs. The joy of these Manes who have won that world multiplied a hundred times makes one unit of joy in the world of the celestial minstrels. This joy in the world of the celestial minstrels multiplied a hundred times makes one unit of joy for the gods by action those who attain their godhead by their actions. This joy of the gods by action multiplied a hundred times makes one unit of joy for the gods by birth, as well as of one who is versed in the Vedas, sinless and free from desire. This joy of the gods by birth multiplied a hundred times makes one unit of joy in the world of Prajapati (Viraj), as well as of one who is versed in the Vedas, sinless and free from desire. This joy in the world of Prajapati multiplied a hundred times makes one unit of joy in the world of Brahman (Hiranyagarbha), as well as of one who is versed in the Vedas, sinless and free from desire. This indeed is the supreme bliss. This is the state of Brahman, O Emperor, said 'Yajnavalkya. I give you a thousand (cows), sir. Please instruct me further about liberation itself.' At this Yajnavalkya was afraid that the intelligent Emperor was constraining him to finish with all his conclusions." Shankara also acknowledges this verse in his commentary on this Upanishad and further cites a verse from Mahabharata in his commentary: "Vedavyasa also says, 'The sense pleasures of this world and the great joys of heaven are not worth one-sixteenth part of the bliss that comes of the cessation of desire' (Mbh. XII. clxxiii. 47)."

Talking about living true to your values, today was a good day. I finally know my job decently enough to guide customer, and even if it's just basic guidance (working in a hypermarket) the egoless state and bliss that appears just after is amazing. Know imagine this feeling, and multiply it by 100, this is how it probably feels to live according to your deepest values.

To anyone doing research for their life purpose, mastering a skill set for their life purpose, or finally making strides to finish a project for their life purpose, please understand one thing: Embrace Not Knowing. If there were any one idea that's important to understand about nailing your life purpose, it would be this one. Your level of success in any career field is directly tied to how well you can tolerate Not Knowing: If you will get paid If your idea is actually that good or you're just a crazy person Where you might have to go next in your career path Whether your career's assumptions are accurate Not Knowing is the well-spring - the ground - the source for creativity and insight. Creativity starts with a question, with uncertainty, not with a cut-and-dried answer. You cannot ever have True Knowing without having Not Knowing precede it or, perhaps, be it. Yep, I said it: True Knowing might just be Not Knowing. What you don’t know is what you don’t know. And it's not like pretending to not know changes the fact that you don’t know: It just means that you've deluded yourself into thinking you know, when indeed you don't. But herein lies the rub: You fucking hate sitting Truly Knowing Not Knowing. That’s why you buy the courses and the books and the videos and the seminars and the training courses that you waste so much time on. That’s why you distract yourself from what's right in front of you. That’s why you read my articles, Leo's articles, and any other idiot on this forum's articles. You just need something - the thing. It's in your genes. If your ancestors wondered for too long whether that noise near the bushes was a predator or not, you wouldn't be here right now. Our brains are geared to make fast assumptions, and questioning them in many cases quite literally equates to death. No wonder we're so hardwired for confirmation bias. No wonder we need quick fixes. ---- I started watching Actualized.org Videos during my senior year of college. My success up to that point had nothing to do with my happiness and I was adamant that the same would be true in the future.This was pretty distressing to realize at the time. It meant that I didn’t know what lay ahead of me. Mainly, it told to me that my dream of becoming a doctor had nothing to do with happiness. My whole life up to that point was about becoming a doctor – what the hell would I do? I purchased the life purpose course, meditated, and came up with some pretty cool visions for the future. Here’s what I came up with: I could use my background in neuroscience to help create a technology that would link consciousnesss together. My vision included a search for what part of the brain created consciousness as well as technologies that would allow people to turn their brain into holodecks. Basically, I wanted to turn astral projection into a technological science that went beyond psychedelics or VR and went to mainstream society. My heroes at the time included people (read: chimps) like Elon Musk, Walt Disney, Tony Stark, and Barack Obama, amongst others. Almost everyone Leo listed off as someone not to follow, I followed. If you want to see my vision board, here you go: The Enlightened Warrior Sage of Bliss.pdf @Leo Gura advised me that though I was onto the right path, I would be wise not to put the cart ahead of the horse. So, with his perspective, I went back into the Hallowed Grounds of Not Knowing. Specifically, I had to understand what consciousness was before I even began raising it, especially with dangerous A.I. tech. This meant researching a ton of weird areas that I would previously have never even begun to consider. If my militant-atheist, fundamental-rationalist sophomore or junior-year version of myself had heard of me these areas, he would have laughed before crying. I’m talking about things like: o Lucid dreaming o Astral Projection o Psychedelics o The Nature of Reincarnation o Witchcraft o The No Self o Chakras o Kundalini o Shamanic Traditions o And *gasp* books arguing against the logic of science amongst other things In Leo's video about the paranormal, he talks about the scientist who goes off to a cave, only to return with a truth he can't describe. Well, I am that scientist. How do I explain to scientific advisors that we can't link consciousness together because it's already linked together right now as it is? How do I explain that I can't create A.I. consciousness because the A.I. would already be made out of consciousness? How do I explain that entire fields of science are straight up looking in thanks wrong direction? But here’s the thing: the ability to rest in Not Knowing while doing research has paid off greatly. There’s a ton of stuff that I’ve recognized just in the past year that has saved me literally lifetimes of seeking. Amongst others: o Perhaps I don’t need to be anything or anyone special o Perhaps I don’t need to become rich and famous to be worthy o Perhaps I don’t need to one-up my ex-girlfriend to get back at her – the goal that originally launched me into self-help material o Perhaps I don’t need some big fancy life purpose that saves the whole world immediately. Perhaps its often the people who do that who mess up the world because of their narrow-minded unawareness. o Perhaps the Tao Te Ching is right in saying that the actions taken with the least damage are the wisest o Perhaps what the world needs is to specifically not need to do or be anything other than what they are, as-is, and if we did that, everyone would be better off naturally. I’m not talking about me using that as an excuse to sit around doing nothing: I’m saying that 1) we all need to get out of our own way with our egos to 2) help others have enough and then 3) be able to sit around happily now that we’ve all as a species had enough. o Perhaps That’s’ the only actual need anyone has: the need to have the ability to simply Be themselves happily. o Perhaps You don't have to do anything to meet that primary need other than remove your own conditions for happiness o Perhaps It’s just an assumption that consciousness is created by the brain. o Perhaps it’s the other way around than from what I was taught at the world’s #1 medical university. o Perhaps its consciousness that creates the brain. o Perhaps there’s no need to chase around the holy grail of a “neural correlate of consciousness” like the thousands of other neuroscientists and neurosurgeons who’ve gotten nowhere. o Perhaps the answer is right under the scientists nose and their culture and dogmatism prevents them from seeing it, not the data. o Perhaps I don’t need to subject myself to some of the bullshit faced by academia to get ideas out there o Yet perhaps no matter what path I choose, it’ll be filled with trial and tribulation unless I choose to see things otherwise. --- Do you get that each one of those realizations is worth a lifetime of understanding? I’m not exaggerating whatsoever. Just the first two bullet points explain how the entire Los Angeles Culture came about. The third is enough to get past 5 years of therapy. And the 4th would have saved Elon Musk 50 years of effort. And so on and so on. And those aren’t even all the insights I’ve had! There are at least 250 pages worth of insights scribbled in my journals. All – ALL – because of my ability to Rest in Not Knowing ---- After purging myself of some of my original pursuits, sense of self, and attachments, what's left? I’m still left with my strengths: 1. Wisdom/Opennness/Judgment 2. Social Intelligence 3. Love of Learning 4. Creativity 5. Zest/Enthusiasm/Optimism 6. Humor 7. Bravery I’m also left with the same tangible skill set as ever: o The ability to recall information from +250 books on psychology, history, science, medicine, religion, philosophy, metaphysics, and science fiction o The ability to research the shit out of anything using the internet, books, and good old contemplation o The ability to gain a wide, nonjudgmental perspective during conversation and brainstorms o Making unforeseen connections between seemingly unrelated areas of interest o Digesting hard concepts into smaller, simpler ones o The balls and enthusiasm to share my ideas while still listening to others I also got my MCAT scores back. After 550 hours of study, I killed it. Especially when it comes to psychology – I got a perfect score in that section! So here's the final question: What are my plans now? Fool, did you not read anything I wrote? I DO NOT FUCKING KNOW AND THAT’S PERFECTLY AS IT SHOULD BE. (More seriously, I am considering pursuing clinical neuropsychology. Specifically, there’s a chance that I take the energy I would have used on finding a neural correlate of consciousness and use it to figure out the neural correlates of Enlightenment. There seems to be an open niche regarding 5-meo-dmt in research and if I hop in now, I could position myself as the #1 person in the world on the topic of the Science of Enlightenment using 5-meo. See, Martin Ball didn't have Martin Ball to help show Martin Ball the ropes. But I do. I also see the possibility of creating psychedelic integration programs with biofeedback, journaling and zen noting techniques thrown in for the phase in between doses. But until then…) Goodbye Neurosurgery Goodbye Becoming the next Musk Goodbye One-upping my genius ex-girlfriend Hello Unconditional Happiness Hello Darkness, My old friend and Hello Not Knowing, let's see what we come up with today.

I always imagine that in truly living your purpose...that there would be bliss in the devotion of the mastery... that time working would simply melt away in irrelevance.... the present moment would be amazing all the time... that everyday would be an adventure...like this classic song:

@John Iverson There are many places that you can receive training. @Sarah Marie would be the best person to ask since she is a practicing spiritual medium. I just recently found out that I channel angels. I started receiving spiritual guidance when I changed my diet to Raw Vegan. You may not need to change your diet but everyone is different. I know there are a few books that say if you want to be better able to communicate with your guardian angels they will highly suggest that you change your diet and detox friendships and negative feelings. I am not familiar with what is required for spirits in general. A lot of the time we have blockages that prevent us from seeing them/ feeling/ hearing/ etc. A lot of it is revolved around fear and lack of belief. They will not show themselves if you don't believe or are afraid of them. There is spiritual growth involved and needed to experience angels. I'm not as familiar with the deceased because I don't receive their messages. They are on a different lower vibration. This is not to be perceived as bad. As there is nothing wrong having a connection with loved ones from the other side. Just because they have crossed over to the other side doesn't mean they still don't have an ego, and their own opinions. And they may want to contact and connect with you. It's just that Angels are messengers from God, and have the highest intention of helping you to fulfill your life purpose and to bring peace on Earth thus they have a higher vibration. Everything is energy. Our brains and minds are receivers and transmitters of energy, and put an actual frequency based off of our emotions. There is a lot to be learned about energy, and I would highly recommend learning, studying and mastering the LAW OF ATTRACTION, as there is a huge connection between energy, manifesting success, and contacting spiritual entities. It even helps with prayer. You have to be careful who you listen to about the Law of attraction stuff because there are a lot of teachers that sell products that have absolutely no clue what they are talking about. This guy knows his stuff hands down: Kevin Trudeau. He is a good place to start. **** Everyone has the ability to be Psychic and connect with their Angels and Spirit Guides. It's whether or not people choose to do it and seek to clear the blockages that may be preventing them from receiving their messages clearly. The six different clairs are: (or ways spirits communicate with us) Clairvoyance–having clear seeing, someone sees through the third eye between his or her two eyes. One sees flashes, images, or something like a movie film of what is happening in the past, present or future. *I see repeating numbers a lot of the time. If you are seeing repeating numbers you should take the liberty to look up and see what advice and guidance you are receiving from you guardian angels. Because of my Reiki and when I close my eyes I see "colored flames", which are the Archangels who help to send Reiki Energy and healing. *My mother saw my dad a few weeks later after he had crossed over. She saw his physical body, but he looked younger and in good health. He was there to provide her comfort and let her know that she was ok. I've never had the opportunity to see spirits except for my near death experience in December 2014 when I saw an angel in my hallway. http://sacredscribesangelnumbers.blogspot.com/p/index-numbers.html Clairaudience–having clear hearing, someone who hears information with the mind, not the ears. Basically, it is telepathic information coming into one’s mind. Sometimes people will hear this as a regular voice as if someone is speaking to them. This is not to be confused with the ego voice that we hear that is negative and puts us down....aka the monkey mind. There is a HUGE major difference between clairaudience messages and hearing voices, or having negative thoughts in your head. There are many books that talk about this. Usually the clairaudience voices have these characteristics: Sentences usually begin with the words you or we. Theres a sense that someone else is talking to you, even if it sounds like your own voice. It's readily apparent how the message to your immediate concerns or questions The voice is to the point and blunt. The sound is loving and positive, even if it's warning you of danger. It asks you to take immediate action, including changing your thoughts or attitude to be more loving. You may hear a voice call your name upon awakening. You could be aware of strains of beautiful disembodied "celestial music" (They can also send you songs you hear on the radio, or they get stuck in your head. The song lyrics usually have some piece of advice that you need or provide comfort. I get this all the time and out of the blue for no reason.) You might receive a message of self improvement or helping others. (This happens to me a lot) False clairaudience, false guidance or imagination Sentences usually begin with the word I It feels like you are talking to yourself The message is muddy, cyrptic or unclear The voice is wordy or vague it's taunting, alarming or cruel (which is a clear sign this is your ego) Theres gossip and speculation about others you hear abusive words you experience loud, unpleasant music, or noises Theres a message to hurt yourself or others. *** This information is being quoted from the book: How to Hear Your Angels by Doreen Virtue, PH.D. She is a psychotherapist and a spiritual medium. She has a lot of really good books as well as a class to learn how to connect with your angels. Claircognizance–having clear knowing, someone has information or knowledge of something that he or she does not actually know. Thoughts come out of nowhere, popping into one’s mind, and give information about something that might happen in the future. (I've had this happen during my hypnosis sessions, usually when I'm wearing my Lapis Lazuli necklace. I just seem to give really good positive advice that just comes out of no where! It just comes naturally) Clairsentience–having clear feeling, someone can feel the information within him or herself. An example of this would be if someone is having an anxiety attack and the clairsentience person feels this in his or her own chest. With Clairsentience you may experience: Air temperature changes (I get this a lot when I play with Angel Tarot Cards. I usually feel heat over the cards that I should choose after I have asked a question A sudden surge of euphria or bliss ( I have this happen alot with my reiki) A gut feeling that this experience is surreal, even if you're reluctant to share it with others. A sense of familiarity coming over you as a deceased person you knew well hovers nearby Clairgustance–having clear tasting, someone can taste something that isn’t really there. For example, someone tastes chocolate but he or she is not actually eating any chocolate. Clairalience—having clear smelling, someone can smell odors that are not present. An example of this would be to smell some perfume or a cigar, but neither of these things is present in that moment. Usually people that are deceased like to visit there loved ones to check on them and provide comfort. You may smell familiar scents or smells of someone that has recently crossed over. I've had this happen to. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There are many types of spiritual experiences and connections you can have. I also had a major break through when I studied Reiki. Reiki is spiritually guided energy, which gives life to everything on Earth. Once I was attuned I was feeling a major connection there. Another route you can take is Shamanism. I also had a hypnosis client tell me that he was using 5MEO DHT and one time he saw Aliens after he asked permission to see them. They even gave him some great advice as well. It was a life changing experience for him. He said he used 5MEO for several years, but he only saw the Aliens twice. I'm going to ask a friend of mine who is also received psychic training and see where she studied from. I would also search for groups at meetup.com and on facebook to see if you can find more information and people to connect with channeling.

Reminds me of my 1st LSD experience with my close friend, it felt like we became gods and lived for thousands of years in that night alone we had no recollection of time whatsoever. It was bliss and yeah words are pointless explaining experiences like these ahaha just gotta embrace and express gratitude and eventually energy circulates thus reality shifts

You are the Truth Carrying the weight of past in my head And dragging the scenes which were old and dead, I ran to grab the bliss of the future; The more I ran, the more was the torture.. The torture of the hedonic treadmill Followed me as I continued uphill; I was caught in the prison of craving With tedious thoughts, my mind was raving. I met an ugly old man on the way who had a long thick beard with shades of grey. His face was shining with heavenly bliss; In his eyes I saw an endless abyss! "What makes you so happy in this rat race?", I asked him as he slowly turned his face. He replied,"The answer is within you! The grand kingdom of God is within you!" "That's a joke", I said "Are you kidding me?". "No!" He said, "Turn inward, you'll become free! You've made your own boundaries inside your mind, You've closed your eyes and think you've become blind". I said, "How can I get out of this trap? I want to find the way, give me the map" He said, "You're the way, the truth and the life! Be still and know you're that, and end this strife! You’re not your body and you’re not your mind; Not knowing the timeless truth makes you blind; You’re not your story and you’re not your thoughts; You’re not those age old, buried mental knots. You’re not that chattering voice in your head; You’re not anything that you did or said; You’re not anything that you have or know You’re the truth that is watching all this show! You’re not anything that can be perceived; You’re not an object that can be observed; You’re the screen where the world is being played; You’re the emptiness where the form is made. You’re the one witnessing the mind and breath; You’re one without two, beyond birth and death; Like the air trapped in a small round bubble, You feel separate which brings all the trouble. Inquire inside and wake up from this dream! Let truth alone shine like a bright white beam! By inquiry, your illusions will break; You’ll stop mistaking the rope for a snake" Hearing these words stopped my thoughts for a while. Looking in, I slowly began to smile. I watched my thoughts as they slowly passed by; I observed my mind like a secret spy. For years, I contemplated on his words; I watched my thoughts fly like a bunch of birds. One day, I woke up and realized the truth; Since then my life has been peaceful and smooth!

#11 Non-Duality suggests that ownership is a story/thought. We tend to say "My body" instead of saying "Body" (body is another thought) We say "My thoughts" instead of "Thoughts" Instead of "Feelings of Bliss" we say "My feelings of bliss" Instead of "Feelings of suffering" we tend to say "My feelings of suffering"

Since I started running in the road less traveled (I say running cause things have been changing in the speed of light) I dont know who I am anymore and the last time I counted I had around 57 personalities within my body, life is pretty crazy and amazing right now. The decision - I knew I would have some weeks off of vacation and had the brilliant idea of doing a Vipassana retreat, after reading a comment from Leo. I love challenging myself and exploring my mind, so I was as excited as my trip to Cancun last year, it’s fascinating how my interests changed, psychedelics, meditation retreats, workshops, books, are far more interesting than any other stuff I used to do. So it was like I was going to another country, to experience new things, I had THAT excitment because since I moved to US (I’m from Brazil) my plan was travelling the world, but happily (after taking mdma) I found out I have billions of continents inside my head and the whole universe to explore within me, I decided to calm the fuck down to handle the mind breaking experiences I’ve been having in the consciousness terrains. I packed my bag and woooow it was the first time my ego was not coming with me, my clothes were all baggy, comfortable pants, simple shirts, nothing else, naked soul. On my way there I started to realize what I was doing and kept repeating to myself “the fuck did I do with my precious vacation?“ my friend said: abort this mission and lets go somewhere else, but I knew myself pretty well, I’m going all the way in, I may lose my body or my soul in the process but I feel like something inside me hungers for knowing a little bit more of the unknown. First day.. I will jump right to the end of it cause after getting there the only thing I could think was how to get out of there haha I fantasized so much crossing the gates.. I was freaking out, so I went to my tent, the whole torture started for my ego, reaaaaaaally challenging stuff, they nicely put me in a tent in the fucking top of the mountain far from everyone, but as we say in Brazil, once you are in the rain, embrace the wetness, I usually sleep pretty late, and there I was 8:30pm, me, the crickets, deers, and all the insects and animals my ears were capable of listening in the pitch black darkness, I understood deeply when people say that when you shut one of the senses down the others are far more accurate, I was listening like a blind person, and whenever an animal approached the tent my spine and sometimes whole body would get goosebumps all over, I guess is an instinct thing, my body was in alert mode, saying: animals around!! animals around!! wake the fuck up, and that was how I slept the 12 nights, I actually barely slept cause the meditations would give me a lot of energy, and I wasn’t moving my body enough so it was haaard, I love exercising, that part was pretty challenging too, the do nothing part. Also it was full moon, I usually dont sleep well when the moon is full, so the last day I slept 2 hours and I realized animals are louder in the full moon.. I'm complaining now but I loved the experience The retreat Routine, the bell rings 4am, I wake up and drag my body like a zombie to the meditation hall, those two hours of meditation in the morning I never knew how efficient it was, since I was half asleep, my guesses are that I was losing consciousness, in a deep meditative state, or the most likely I was just sleeping haha The meditations overall were good, but I must confess I had a huge problem with the technique cause I needed to focus on my nose and breathing, I have allergies so I would sneeze all the time, I decided secretly do the do nothing technique, sometimes I would use their technique but in the first day my mind was already refusing to do the same thing over and over again, and I started an interesting journey where I was creating meditation techniques, I was mixing everything I knew, concentration, counting, self inquiry, repetition of words, I can not say how are the results of the retreat because I was not able to use their technique the whole time I know my bad, but I did what I could with what I had, maybe my results/insights would be much better if I could control my mind to do what they were saying, I was really creative so my mind was in creation mode, it was like I was receiving pure raw energy from the universe and I needed to use it as soon as possible, I love drawing so I had crazy ideas and I would get really lost in this wandering part, even goals I have in life, I would start creating stuff out of nowhere, pretty interesting, I guess the next one will be easier, also I need to meditate longer daily to prepare my mind to long hours of sitting. I wont describe everyday cause as you must know there was not excitement at all, the most exciting day was the day I hand washed my underwear and put them to dry in the clothesline, I haven’t done that in years, so drying my clothes in the sun just felt weirdly awesome haha I’m gonna cite some of my insights and feelings about it: Judgments all over the place - I fucking judge the shit out of people, those 10 days I judged every single person in the retreat, I created them in my mind like I imagined them to be, it was as I already knew them, the ones who smiled were nice people, the serious ones were evils, its incredible how we judge, without people even open their mouths, in the last day, that we were free to talk my ego was slapped in the face 70 times, that was the number of people there, everybody was so nice and I imagined them evils, so I realized that all the evilness I saw in them is what I have inside myself, my judgments, all my creation, big lesson. “We dont see things as they are, we see them as we are.” dont know who said that but so true The day I loved Trump unconditionally - I reached some deep states of meditation, the 6th day it was the worst day, I was almost doing cartwheels to take out the energy out of my body, but it was also the day I went deeper, again I was not using their technique, but I knew the root of most of my problems comes from lack of self love so I had this idea to imagine myself kissing my whole body, from top to bottom, when I got to my toes something shifted within myself, I started loving every fucking thing in that room, people, objects and specially myself, it was unconditional infinite love, to make sure I was really experiencing that I thought about Trump, and there I was loving trump unconditionally, I loved the cushions, the floor, the people, and a feeling of gratitude for being there, and I loved myself, soooooo much, I couldn’t explain that, I didnt want to move, I could barely feel my body, then I understood Buddah and all the people who meditates for long periods of time, that was pure bliss, I had to get up cause they had a discourse, the feeling stayed with me until I wen to bed/tent, it was fading away fast. I will never forget that, it was like I was on mdma but naturally, I got what I wanted, that little glimpse just showed me I’m on the right path and I’ll keep going. I also had some psychedelic visions and feelings, it was a whole big trip. One day I went really deep doing self inquiry, its so interesting how the body/ mind reacts with the simple question: WHO AM I? one of the sessions I went so deep that it was like I was in a rollercoaster, I will be doing much more self inquiry from now on. Pain - Pain - Pain - I experienced some weird feelings in my body, one day my spine was burning so much that I got up to touch it because for me it was on fire, I wont talk about their technique, but basically we would scan our bodies looking for sensations, the pain in my body would go from my knees, my butt, back and everywhere, the sessions of strong determination sitting were where I saw more results, my pain was in its peak so when I focused on the center of the pain I would have feelings of body expansion, or like my body was swollen, really really big, and I would feel lighter afterwards, I had peak experiences almost everyday, what happened was in the beginning of the day I would think about giving up and going home but my last sitting of the day I would reach a deep state and was invigorated and excited for the next day, that was how I survived, also whenever I closed my eyes in the last days it was like my body was doing the thing by itself, I just needed to stay still and relax, it became easier but at the same time challenging, really special days. Openmindedness/ Vipassana retreats may save marriages- well I cant talk for others but my mind (since I couldnt move and was kind of forced to be still) was all over the place, my brazilian monkey mind was crossing Amazon, I thought about the most wild things, especially sexual desires, I didnt feel like masturbating (although I did twice just from boredom and to take energy out of my body) but I had naughty thoughts about everyone, it was like my ego was punishing me to put him in a jail for a while, the 4th or 5th day I decided I wanted to get 5 more tattoos, buy a motorcycle, have a threesome, have sex with a girl, be more honest (like radical honesty), be wilder, try an open relationship, learn tantric sex, awaken my divine feminine, explore and master sex, take more risks, start a youtube channel, read more books, meet more open minded people, be a stripper for a while, do more psychedelics, and the list goes on and on, I was raw and ready to explore the world, and live my full potential, I havent talked about it with other people but I guess it was a big mind opener for me, I’ve been working a lot in my openmindedness so it could also be that. I thought I would come back a monk but it happened the contrary, I’m actually afraid of myself now, I’m super happy and really motivated to reach my goals in life, to keep going with my career, thrive and give my contribution to the world. I imagine what the retreat did with other people, but I guess it can totally save marriages We trip balls without technology - since we didnt have our phones, people were rolling in the grass, hugging and kissing trees, smelling flowers, playing with rocks, connecting deeply with insects, amazed by silly things. Seriously, imagine kids in nature, adults without cellphones are that, literally, I’ve never seen something like that before, interesting how human beings acts in nature without interacting with other human beings and without technology. Becoming vegeterian - In the rules is written “fast is not permitted’ but man we were all fasting haha I lost a couple pounds and the first days I was starving, after lunch 11am we would only have a tea with fruits, anyway my body got used to it easily since I wasn’t exercising. The food is awesome, all vegetarian, and it was interesting, I could feel the energy of the food, Im a carnivorous person but I felt pretty good and after coming back I ate meat only twice, I’m planning to stick with the habit, great experience. Met an escort/ Networking - I met all kinds of people you can imagine, from monks to escorts, all the people were really nice, and reaaally interesting, two of the most interesting ones had a big and huge spiritual ego, I proved my theory that when we start this spiritual path, the things we learn, our ego uses it for evilness if we fall in the ego traps, but focusing in the nice people, there was one girl there that I could totally feel her energy, it was like my soul was being pulled when she talked, like she was brighter than other people, really interesting, I also sucked the mind of the escort girl haha I was really interested about her life, the last night we sat and talked for two hours, she is soooo nice, and cute, and pretty, 9 months ago I would just run away from her with all my judgments, but thanks to Leo my mind is wide open and I could absorb the best things out of that conversation, it was her third vipassna retreat this year, she said she would never be able to handle that life if it wasnt for Vipassana, she is also in an open relationship, it was awesome connecting to her, when she talks I could feel that everything she says comes from her heart, she is super honest and talks freely about everything, I met amazing people, I met one guy who watches Leo too, we were so fucking happy to connect, Leo thank you! I’ve met so many gold people in the forum and out in the world, every person who watches you has that thing, that thirst for improvement and live life fully, we talked about 5MEO, me and 4 other people are planning a mushroom trip close to Alan Watts cabin, the networking was one of the best things in the retreat, it was a big concentration of interesting people. Back to reality - The last days of the retreat I was super motivated but I also had a feeling of wholeness, like I didn’t need anyone or anything, I was complete, so I got back home thinking I would go straight have sex, food, drugs and rocknroll but no, I could fucking hear the SILENCE, I took a bath and the bubbles popping were so overwhelming and annoying, I tried to talk to my sister but my heart started speeding up, I would start sweating, everything was overwhelming and intense, I just wanted calmness, so I sat to meditate, I couldn’t believe I was doing that, my butt was sore from all the sitting in the last days, but I wanted to keep the calmness, I could feel it fading away, it was so hard to get to the state I was at that moment, my soul was asking for the calmness, it felt so comfortable sitting to meditate, still feels good, feels like home. Aftereffects - I’m still able to hear the silence, I can feel my heart beating, I can recognize when I say things from my heart and when is the ego talking, I can feel my connection with people, I realized I’m calmer and my friends are afraid of me cause I’m looking them in the eyes, I can hear the vibration of my emotions, its like a sharp buzzing noise that comes from my heart or whatever, really interesting how I’m aware of my body and highly sensitive, I changed a lot of things in my life, habits, people, I still can/t believe how it changed me, I’m writing this down one week after, things are still overwhelming and real life seems way too busy, how did I live like that my whole life? Fun facts - 1 - I had so much free time that one day a common mosquito sat on my hand, my goodness it was the most amazing mosquito in the world, then I realized that my perception was changed, colors were brighter, everything was more beautiful. 2 - the bells were rang whenever was time to wake up or eat, or go to the meditation hall, so I realized we were like zombies walking around doing nothing and when the bell rang we were all dragging our bodies towards the bell haha 3 - my mind was highly creative, I needed a pen so much to write stuff down, one day I went to talk to the teacher in the meditation hall and I spotted a pen under her chair, for three days I planned how to steal that pen, I ended up behaving myself 4 - There was a woman there with high levels of anxiety, breathing deeply and screaming a bit sometimes, since everybody was so loving and nice, I choose her to be the aim of my hatred, and it got worse one day that they served a cake and she made a hole in the middle of the cake to have her piece, it wasn't a big thing but my ego needed someone to hate and judge haha she was super stressed dropping little actions of unkindness, so I finally had someone to hate, it felt awesome but really bad thing to do, I also realized that if my mom did the retreat she would be exactly like this woman, if not worse, then I felt compassion, and the day I loved Trump unconditionally I included her too. Well that was it, I wrote it more for me but I thought about sharing here for people who want to do Vipassana as well. Its free they work through donation and you can serve in other retreats as well. It was an amazing experience for me, I’m really glad I had the opportunity to do so, next step is gonna be a third 5meo trip, hopefully I’ll breakthrough, life is becoming more and more exciting each day, I’ll come back to write a report if things turn out well.. Thank you for reading!! Much love, Miss Nobody

#9 That's what I thought at first. I thought I was becoming enlightened and no self and shit. Those experiences will come, will go. Sometimes it can even be depressing. Still experiences are experiences. Let them move. My mistake was that I kept chasing them, thinking "This is what Enlightenment is! I got to keep myself in this state" Your experiences, whether bliss or unbliss, does not get you closer or further from awakening.