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@DimmedBulb MIndfulness meditation seems like a must. Just build a habbit and persist until it sticks (spoiler alert, after your purification begins, it gets crazy, after the crazy stops, meditation starts being a bliss.)

@DimmedBulb Can I offer some more tips? That's my manly way of responding to a cry for help Meditation is not focusing. You don't have to be that hard on yourself. Do it on the train, at your desk, in the bath, whatever you want. Do a little body scan which will relax you. Just put attention on your head, face, shoulders, arms and work down. Takes two mins. Then three deep breaths. Watch the breath for a minute and then let the mind run for a moment. Then just sit in the bliss of the silence that pervades everything. That's you, awareness. Just let go. You can think. You can feel. Do what you want. The point is to just learn to relax for a while . No big deal. "Succeed"at this little programme first. A little meditation habit (no hardcore SDS or anything like that) and the little gratitude thought experiment. That's all you need. Then success will come.

I just wanted to say that the keyword is to accept. Feel that word. Accept. Acceptance. Accept whatever comes up. You can feel miserable for whatever reasons. You might have taken LSD and feel horrible scared/angry/sad because of what you experience. Fully accept that. It's perfectly okay to feel bad/horrible/sad/fear. Allow yourself to accept whatever comes up. Accept everything. In the end of the day, all we can do is to accept the present moment. Yes, sure in the loooooong term, we can change the direction of our lives. But in the short term, you have to accept the current reality you experience. Accept all of it. If you feel sad/fearful/depressed ... sure, you can try to resist it and internally fight it with the "I don't want to feel this way, why am I feeling this, I want this to go away"-mechanism. In the end this doesn't help at all, this is just a denial of pure reality. And denying what _is_ only leads to more suffering. Instead accept the state you are in. Accept the fear. Accept that you feel depressed. It's perfectly okay. You can't change the present moment. The present moment just is. Accept it, no matter if it's pure bliss or extreme hell - accept it fully. Only when you accept it fully -- surrender fully to it -- you can actually begin to live in the present moment without denying it - thus you become closer to true existence without filters, without beliefs of 'how it should be'. Reality shouldn't be in any way. It should be exactly as it is. Exactly as it is experienced. Take LSD and become fucking frightened of what you see. Become extremely anxious of what a fucking douchebag you are. Of what a fucking closed, selfish person you are. And don't resist it. Accept it. That's how it is. Only when you accept the current state of your 'being', only then, you can begin to live freely and change truthfully. If you don't accept, but deny and resist and fight, you will keep denying, resisting and fighting for eternity, and not getting any further. So stop! And surrender to reality. Accept. Accept. Accept - whatever comes up - accept it. Accept the state you are in - and you will begin to flow in a stream of love down a waterfall into pure being. What does accept mean? Well, only you know. I think it means to fully embrace the present moment with love. What is love? It can't be explained. It's a property of God/nothingness/the absolute/infinte infinity/pure unlimited consciousness/your deep-down True Existential Nature -- allow it to come forward. Even if you somehow feel it's not appropriate right now. That you think it's not appropriate right now, is just you playing a game with yourself. You may feel extremely lonely. You may feel extreme fear because you feel like you're losing what you hold must dear: your sense/construction of self. Look. It's perfectly okay to feel lonely. It's perfectly okay to feel extreme fear because you are dying. Accept the feelings of loneliness and fear. Embrace them when they come up. It's perfectly okay to accept all feelings, because all feelings are ultimately arbitrary and have no meaning, no value. The only 'meaningful' thing to actually value is the ability to accept the present moment. If you value that ability -- because trust me, you DO have the ability to fully accept your current state, you just trick yourself into believing that you somehow don't (and that you instead need X or Y in your life to feel fulfilled/happy - look, you truly don't, it sure seems like you need X, but trust me, you need nothing (literally)...all you "need" is acceptance of whatever is) -- then you will be completely free; like a bird flying over the ocean on a clear sky day.

Im not against meditation. iv ever said that. Im against the bullshit, enlightenment, purifying the mind etc. Becouse its pointless and sure there is emotion to it. but so what? i will keep having emotional reactions. it truly dosnt mather in the slightest. The point to all this. once you stop this bullshit of going after all this cool stuff. you will see how you already are enlightend. you will see. truly see. how things are always diffrent. never better or worse and just be fucking content in a true way. I might sound pissed of and be frustrated and all that stuff from time to time. but it no better then any other emotional state. at all. becouse i know im not the emotion thats going on. im not the reaction to it. I am nothing about it at all. When you drop your bullshit you will see that. Enlightenment is not something hard at all. its just hidden behind bullshit. and the bullshit part about enlightenment. is that its an idea in your head. it dosnt actualy exist. Its not just a word to you right? it has meaning. and as long as thats true. its just not gonna happen. thats why im saying that. your bullshit idea is not gonna happen. all these nice labels. bliss etc. not gonna happen. dosnt exist. Im never going to teach anyone how to become enlightend. becouse all that will do is keep you away from it. what it actualy is.

It's part of the game. It's a unique thrilling and often fun experience for one. Second, physicality needs to exist in contrast to non-physical: Can't know unconditional love, freedom, abundance, peace, bliss etc. without: judgment, limitation, lack, unrest, pain etc. But you can grow out of it here and now because in trust, you already exist as non-physical consciousness and physical reality appears within you, and you give it all the meaning.

@NTOgen The mind extroverts itself because of identification with the predominant guna (flavour of shakti) we are conditioned by, and the vasanas that appear in our stream of experience as likes and dislikes. The yoga I'm referring to is called Ashtanga Yoga, and it prepares the mind (indirect knowledge) to directly understand and then take a stand as awareness (direct knowledge). Ideally you want to get a routine going that involves a number of Yogas to get the mind nice and quiet: Karma Yoga - to neutralize the vasanas, and eventually cancel your sense of doership Triguna Vibhava Yoga (understanding the 3 gunas teaching) Upasana Yoga (meditation) Here are some comments from a little email satsang from one of my teachers which is a summary of the gunas teaching: The creation comes into existence with the emergence of the 3 gunas: sattva, tamas and rajas. Sattva is intelligence and knowledge; tamas, a heavy dense energy is matter the substance of the creation; rajas is the dynamic active energy also known that transforms objects. Psychologically it is known as the mode of action and desire. The gunas make up everything in creation, from thoughts to gross objects. In effect, the gunas are another word for God. Sattva, rajas and tamas correspond to the three forces in creation: Rajas, vikshepa shakti, which is the projecting energy; tamas, avarana shakti, the concealing energy and sattva, the revealing energy. When maya operates, sattva (pure knowledge-intelligence) is the first guna to emerge. It is known as pure maya and becomes the nature of the mind. Tamas and rajas appear next. Rajas and tamas are the main cause of ignorance; they extrovert the mind, turning it towards objects. When a person is sattvic the mind is turned inwards toward awareness, its nature. This happens when rajas and tamas have been largely eliminated. Sattva feels very good. With karma yoga and the practice of self knowledge it can become the person’s predominant guna. Purifying the mind is to aim for a sattvic mind. Liberation or self-knowledge means that you have assimilated the knowledge that you are whole and complete and that the ‘person’ that you used to think you were is no more than a notion in you, awareness. When ignorance (avidya) of yourself as awareness has been removed by self-knowledge, maya (macrocosmic ignorance and its effects still obtain and the gunas continue to condition the subtle body (the ‘person’)…but they are rendered non-binding as the doer has been negated by self knowledge. They have nothing to do with you, awareness, because you know that you are not the Subtle Body, the person/doer. You are trigunatita, beyond the gunas The gunas are called macrocosmic vasanas i.e. they belong to Isvara or the total, the creation, not to the person. As an apparent person or jiva, (the self under the spell of ignorance) they are in the driver’s seat, so to speak. The person thinks he/she is a doer so they drive him/her relentlessly until he/she gains the direct knowledge of his/her true nature as awareness. There are basically four stages to the guna teaching, which can be applied to people at different levels of their spiritual development. The Four Stages of the Guna Teaching Stage 1 The guna teaching is very effective for doers (karmi's); these are people in the world, not going for moksha. As a karmi, one uses the knowledge to accomplish things in the world and get what one wants. One can gain knowledge of the gunas without realising the self and use this knowledge very productively to live a better life. It is possible to ‘un-couple’ the guna teaching from Vedanta and apply it “on its own”, so to speak. This would be very useful for people in the human resources field, as well as a more enlightened approach to psychological counseling and related therapies. Stage 2 This is for the application of karma yoga. As a karma yogi, how does one really understand what giving up the results of your actions are, unless you understand what makes up the dharmafield? Also, the karma yogi uses the guna teaching to purify the mind as well as identify their conditioning. This is the most powerful way to negate the doer. Stage 3 Once the mind is purified, one uses self knowledge to discriminate the self from the not self. This means that your conditioning does not belong to you. At this stage, unless one really understands the gunas, many highly qualified inquirers get stuck with the most subtle teaching of all, the relationship between pure awareness and Isvara, jiva and jagat. Remember, it does not work to superimpose satya (pure awareness) on mithya (Isvara, jiva and jagat). If superimposition happens, even though the self is known, it will remain indirect knowledge i.e. the self will still appear as an object. And one will still think one has to “get” it. Or one will still wait to have that final experience that will prove he or she is awareness! Direct knowledge and self actualisation is the difficult part. Therefore, full understanding of the Isvara-jiva-jagat identity (aikyam) and the guna teaching is of paramount importance. Stage 4 In the fourth and final stage self knowledge has fully removed the ignorance of your true nature and you know without a doubt that you are beyond the gunas. This means that knowledge and ignorance are both ‘gone’; they are simply objects known to you. Only, you, the self remains. This is moksha. Typical Symptoms of Rajas, Tamas and Sattva Start observing them. Each of your thoughts and feelings are guna driven. See which ones are sattvic, which are tamasic and which are rajasic. Understand the implications of identifying with each kind of energy and the thoughts they cause. Start observing all objects (the world around you or your environment) from this perspective. It will be obvious that no-one is doing anything; it is all a play of the gunas. You will be amazed how clear it all becomes once the gunas are identified: it is like having 20/20 vision. When rajas is operating, the person will be projecting, arrogant, passionate, angry, frantic, over-stimulated/active/driven, extroverted, jittery, can’t sit still, afraid, dissatisfied, insatiable, possessive, jealous, controlling, can’t sleep, bored, wired and tired… (to name a few) Rajas triggers fear based thoughts and actions; the person will project their stuff onto ‘others’ or the ‘world’ and he/she will go “unconscious” (tamas). One tends to speak too quickly, do things too quickly, drop things, bump into things, break them, have accidents and injure oneself. In the extreme he/she will be totally extroverted, driven by passion and desire to gain whatever object he/she is fixated on, certain that the joy is in the object. The mind is turned completely outwards. When tamas is operating, the person will be in denial, blaming, holding onto the past or using it as a reason to justify action or inaction, or as an avoidance strategy to deny his or her fears, making excuses for why he/she can’t be honest or make decisions, rationalising, dithering, living in potentia, can’t wake up or get out of bed in the morning, exhausted, complaining, dull, lazy, depressed feeling a victim, feeling the wrongs of the world on his shoulders, unloved or that the ‘world’ is unloving or a bad place, cruel, uncaring, self absorbed etc. Here the mind is clouded, dull. When sattva is operating, the person is peaceful, calm, clear thinking, balanced, compassionately honest, loving, secure, taking appropriate action, owning all projections, cleaning up his/her karma, dispassionate (especially about his/her own thoughts and feelings), unconcerned, untouched by the opinion of others or the results of his/her actions, enjoying objects for what they are i.e. fully aware of all their inherent defects, satisfied, whole and complete... etc. How Do the Gunas Function? The gunas are programmed ways of thinking and acting. They are totally predictable. All the gunas build on themselves, so rajas will create more rajas, as will tamas create more tamas and sattva more sattva. The gunas all work together and at any given time, one of them will predominate. Rajas and tamas are inseparable. I call them the ‘terrible twins’. James calls them ‘incestuous bedfellows’. For instance, when rajas is operating, the mind will be projecting outwards and tamas will be right there to deny it. They are just the programmes that run the individual (and everything else). They are a problem if you do not have the knowledge of how the apparent reality functions, or if you identify with them. For instance, if you find yourself saying “I am rajasic or I am tamasic today”, you are identified with them. The person may be rajasic/tamasic today but you, awareness, are not. Remember, you are the knower of the person; therefore you are the knower of the gunas. Again, whenever you find yourself saying “I” press pause and ask yourself, “who is talking here... which perspective am I identified with, the reflected self (the person) or me, awareness?” If you can consistently do this, it will change your life forever. All three gunas have an upside as well as a downside, as does everything in this apparent reality. Without rajas, you would never get out of bed in the morning or accomplish anything. Rajas is the active, creative ‘force’. It is the mode of passion and desire. Not all desire or passion is bad however; you need a passion for self inquiry and a strong desire for moksha. It is one of the qualifications. Tamas is the very substance of matter, a heavy and steady energy. Without it you not be capable of endurance. You would not have the staying power to complete anything and would more or less float off the planet. You would not be ‘earthed’...and you would never be able to sleep. With too much sattva you can get stuck in a golden cage of experiential bliss, thinking happiness is the Holy Grail and that you are quite special. Sattva is not the be all and end all, even though sat, awareness (of which sattva is the most subtle manifestation) is actually the true nature of the mind. Sattva however, is a state of mind that is experienced by the doer, the Subtle Body. It is purely experiential and therefore does not last. It certainly will not free the person from dependence on objects or end the subtle existential suffering that comes with it. It is the last object to be released before moksha. Yet it is a valuable energy for inquiry and should be cultivated as it is the guna springboard for self-knowledge. ‘After’ moksha, sattva or peace of mind no longer needs to be the goal, although one will still make choices in alignment with it. However once all the objects have been negated along with the doer, it will be there naturally and if it should not be, that is fine too because you know that as awareness you are beyond sattva. ~ Is it Self-Inquiry or a Spiritual Lifestyle? Many spiritual seekers are looking for a way to cope with their unresolved psychological issues or as a balm to salve their emotional wounds. Often, they have the vanity to think they are pure and holy because they have had some kind of transcendental spiritual experiences or because they have walked away from a samsaric life when their ‘renunciation’ is actually escapism. They build a ‘spiritual’ identity that makes them feel less small and afraid. This is one of the negative effects of sattva. Being “spiritual” becomes a lifestyle. ~ How to Manage the Gunas Other than gaining the knowledge of what the gunas are and how they operate, which is half the battle , you can do a great deal to manage them through self knowledge. This means that you know that there are appropriate actions to maintain peace of mind for the jiva. If you are feeling brain dead, depressed or lazy, you can do something physical, like take a walk or exercise. If you are bouncing off the walls with extroversion, stress, fear or anxiety, driven by desire or action….slow down. Skip the coffee, cut down on sugar. Find some time alone where you can sit quietly and breathe in light. Once you have calmed down, meditate, sit in silence or light a candle, do a puja, chant or pray. Many enlightened people do not bother managing the gunas and simply accept whatever transpires in the dharmafield, knowing it has nothing to do with them. This practice is fine if the underlying motivation is not a refusal to face binding vasanas; or a way to camouflage the doer. If the mind is agitated or dull because of your life choices or lifestyle, freedom will not be that free unless you acknowledge the cause of the agitation in the light of self-knowledge. This is a common trap for spiritual seekers and one the ego likes. Often it is not lack of self-knowledge that is the problem. It is just that the ‘self-realised’ person is avoiding doing what it takes to change their behaviour…meaning staring down their vasanas, and getting their actions and lifestyle to conform with dharma. ~ Practical Lifestyle Management Take a look at your lifestyle and change what you can. Diet is very important for guna management. Learn which foods cause which guna. Examine what you do for a living, how you recreate, spend money and exercise. Stop hoarding unwanted ‘stuff’ (psychological and otherwise). Examine your relationships with people. Don’t keep company with people who bring you down. Or, if you can’t avoid them, see how the gunas run them. See where they want things to be different and the pain it causes. People can’t help being true to their predominant guna when they are unaware that there is choice. The practice of seeing how the gunas operate in yourself and ‘others’, will put you in a whole new world of perception. Of course there really are no ‘others’ as there is only one self with three guna- manufactured bodies. By that I mean that they work the same way in everyone. The gunas run the show for everyone who is identified with the body/mind and the story of personhood. If the predominant guna is tamas, clean out your cupboards; give away everything you don’t really need, stop staying up or getting up late, stop eating tamasic foods, get some exercise. Educate yourself about proper nutrition. Guna management is just common sense. Avoid depressants such as alcohol, sleeping pills and drugs. Be constantly on the alert for denial of any kind. If the dominant guna is rajas, be on constant alert for mindless activity, aggression, arrogance, projection, desire and extroversion. Rajas and tamas are the real problem makers. Check your diet. Too much sugar, coffee and other stimulants exacerbate rajas and induce it. So do many over-the-counter as well as prescription medications. More than half the planet seems to be on some kind of tranquiliser and it is not hard to see why. James says that rajas is the disease of the 21st century. If you observe too much sattva, stop pretending that you are ‘special’ because you have ‘out of this world’ epiphanies, spiritual knowledge and lots of bliss. Or stop pretending that you are very holy because you meditate, chant for hours or have an enlightened guru, (or worse, that you think you are an enlightened guru). Or you think you have the moral high-ground because you are a vegan/vegetarian and live on sprouts. Get real, keep it humble and keep up the practice of self-knowledge. The point here is that everyone has a predominant guna which will not only create their most entrenched tendencies, (i.e. vasanas) but it will also be what has conditioned them to have a particular kind of nature. There is no right or wrong here, no better or worse. We do not make ourselves the way we are; Isvara…the gunas…do. The ‘work’ involved in self-inquiry is identifying the gunas through self-knowledge and allowing the knowledge to help ‘you’ manage the gunas by dis-identifying from them and standing as awareness. ~ You can Choose the Guna Once you find yourself acting a particular guna out, just observe what is going on. As a person you have relative free will to choose what action to take to achieve a desired result and thus success in the world is possible. One can make ‘the best of one’s life’ as a jiva. However, those choices themselves are determined by your conditioning, i.e. Isvara or the gunas. Don’t judge or beat yourself up, be dispassionate about whatever is going on… it’s a movie after all. Trace back the train of events, thoughts and feelings to their source and identify what triggered them. The practice of knowledge, the ‘work”, is keeping an eye on the person and his/her likes and dislikes. Make a note of the guna and adjust it in light of the kind of mind you are trying to create. Make peace of mind your aim at all costs. Each time you do this, it will get easier to manage the gunas and it will be easier to recognize them quicker when they appear as your likes and dislikes. Consider the likes and dislikes appearing in your mind as red flags, ways to identify the vasanas that keep a particular program running. It is like playing a computer game: although it appears as if you are making the moves, all the moves that are possible are already programmed into the game. If you keep up the practice of knowledge, before long, you will have de-activated the like or dislike that keeps the program running. It will no longer condition the subtle body, although it may still appear. You will no longer be a robot acting out unconscious motives by reacting to your environment. If the vasana is still there but you do not have to act on it, it is considered non-binding. As stated above: understanding the guna teaching means that you understand the nature of your environment, (meaning Isvara) which includes you as a jiva. It is also important to remember that it is impossible and unnecessary to de-activate all vasanas. Not all vasanas are bad; you need a vasana for self inquiry and other to motivate yourself. As long as a vasana is not causing excessive agitation in the mind, it is dharmic. Knowing the nature of the gunas and vasanas renders the doer non-binding. Quote from Edwin on the Gunas As it is with all the teachings of Vedanta, knowledge is power. Sadly, many people try to control the gunas without understanding them. This can lead to a painful exercise in what is called “will power.” When we do things we recognize as harmful, but don’t understand the mechanism at work, we make resolutions, manhandling our psyche, so to speak. Sometimes these resolutions are kept; often they are broken. And we suffer accordingly. As the gunas are Maya, they are illusory. They draw us into the world of objects – including thoughts and feelings – and lead us to identify with these objects. The whole point of identifying the gunas, (which are also objects) and managing them is to understand the gunas, not to be afraid of what is bad or become attached to what is good in the gunas. ~ A Fearless Moral Inventory Conduct a fearless inventory of your likes and dislikes and see which guna values they represent. Be totally honest, without shame, blame or fear as you investigate what you are invested in. Be really alert, like a sharp bird with an acute monocular vision; witness the person you think you are and what goes on in his/her mind and life. Triguna vibhava yoga (managing the gunas) is a great way to purify your mind and prepare it for enlightenment. All the vasanas and samskaras (a conglomeration of vasanas) are nothing but the results of the gunas and their conditioning. They become binding obstacles (pratibandikas) when they are not understood and controlled. ~ Prarabdha Karma, the Effects of Ignorance and Karma Yoga If the effects of ignorance are playing out (prarabdha karma) and you cannot change it, accept it. Don’t resist. Do what you can to ameliorate them with equanimity and through dharmic lifestyle choices. Know that it is not you and it will pass; this is what Isvara is bringing your way as the jiva and you must flow with it. Resistance keeps you tied to the person and is a guarantee of more suffering. The gunas are constantly changing and impersonal, like everything else in the apparent reality; what use is control? Karma yoga is the only solution as there is no way to fast forward this process. It is common that people who have realised the self, still struggle with stubborn samskaras and with fears that seem to have no origin. The effects of ignorance take as long as they take to subside; it is not up to the jiva or to awareness. Fear is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real, and is the very nature of rajas. It is part of the fabric of the macrocosmic mind and the jiva being an extension of it has unnamed and gripping fears that emerge from the depths like monsters from the deep. Rajas and tamas are impersonal and together these two form the main problematic components of ignorance. They are not real. They belong to the causal body, not to you. It only seems like they belong to the jiva because there is always a corresponding story that comes with them. The gunas belong to Isvara and have nothing to do with awareness or with the person. The person has a story and has suffered; there is no escape if you are a jiva. As long as one is identified with the person, rajas stalks you every step of the way and the pitfalls of tamas are waiting to engulf you. ~ Following Dharma The knowledge of how the gunas function alleviates existential pain and guilt and gives you X-ray vision into yourself and everyone else. It shows that no-one is doing anything…or ever has. You can stop blaming yourself or anyone else for anything you did or anything that happened ‘to you’. Those who think that they are doers have no choice but to follow their natures. When you know you are not the doer, you can choose to drop “your” story’. This is not to say you do not take appropriate action when required or that you would do harm to any part of the creation. You would naturally make choices that give peace of mind, (sattva) and causes no injury, not because you feel guilt or duty bound, but because you are doing what is right. This is what following dharma means. Om and prem,

For all we know Donald Trump could be enlightened and living in a state of pure bliss. How are we supposed to know what his internal state is like?

I'm going to recap 4 meow trips I had in the last 2 weeks. 25mg + some weed (2hrs) 30mg + weed (45 mins) 35mg + lots of weed (3 hours) 40mg + lots of weed (4 hours) For me meow can be divided into a 3 stage trip. Stage 1: Time for the comeup, before ego death Stage 2: Unravelling of the mind, ego death Stage 3: Putting the mind and sense of self back together Stage 1: This is were I masturbate and watch porn. Meow is much better in this regard than regular DMT, which distorts reality more. It's insane with the level of feeling you have. I'm not sure I would advise starting it. Once the connection between psychedelics and sexual plessure has been made it's hard to sever it. It might almost be impossible. I get horny just from feeling a psychedelic in my system. It's like my brain knows that it is going to receive pleasure. It's similar to a kid looking at a naked woman. He'll just see the naked woman until the connection between nakedness and sex is made. It's a bit sad but I don't really know what to do with myself when I sit in my room with a ton of shit in my brain that makes me feel like I'm having sex with the universe or God. Anyhow after about 4 orgasms and me being totally exhausted I usually drop into bed. Stage 2: Meow is pointless if the dose is not high enough. The only point of meow is to get you to die. This only really happened on the first trip. I couldn't really see what was happening, but I got this cool animation of following a thread/string back to its source. The source being a bright light. While the thread was being followed back or unravelled I noticed that things were being removed/forgotten. At one stage my parents and family were gone and then sense of self followed shortly afterwards. There is a point were you have to completely let go, it feels like you will die. Letting go felt similar to going to sleep. Just that in this case you are fully aware and it feels like you won't wake up again. The person that goes to sleep might not be the same person that wakes up again. I'm turning my head from side to side trying to let go and fall asleep. It takes a while and no matter how much I let go I don't breakthrough. Then it just takes me and I'm dead lol. Body gone. Mind gone. Nothing. My body slackens as if it has died and I lie in bed completely motionless. There is noone there to perceive the nothing. Music is playing. Noone to enjoy the music. It just plays. There are noises outside but no thoughts or interpretations. There is not even bliss. To me bliss only happens when there is a person to enjoy the freedom of bliss. This state cannot be described. The void/nothing was completely different than I had imagined. I was still dead in my bed and after sometime it settled. Then some otherwordly presence swept right in, I have never experienced this presence in the form it had taken on this day. It didn't feel like it's part of this world or that it is me. It only lasted a few moments and I don't know what to make of it. On consecutive trips I didn't fully breakthrough even though the dose was higher. To be fair though my sense of being and the will to hold on was tiny. It had been reduced to a dust particle. There wasn't much left other than the maddening will to survive and hold on to life. My fourth trip had an interesting stage 2. I was lying in bed and my sense of self was fading. I was looking down at my body and I looked through it. The sense of my body had collapsed in an instant like it had been made of snow and had evaporated into snow flakes and just fell apart. After that something mind boggling happened. I was going back in time?! My eyes were closed and I was moving my legs and arms like a kid. It must've looked pretty funny from the outside. My limb movements got smaller as I went further back in time until I was back in my mothers womb and could basically not move at all. The sense of my body had been reduced to a small lump of cells. I enjoyed not having to do anything and just floating in space. But then sense of my limbs decreased and I got the feeling that I have to move my arms myself otherwise I'm gonna die. After some moments that felt like and eternity I moved my right arm downwards in a twitchy motion and it stopped. I was alive! Stage 3: Stage 3 is what makes meow so unique. This is the only psychedelic I have had were I can observe how the sense of my body is put together after ego death. On regular DMT I noticed that something is happening and then it was back all of a sudden. I couldn't see what is happening, meow shows you more of it. This part of the trip was very similar every time, no matter the dose. With every breath I inhale I feel more alive, almost as if I'm breathing for the first time in years. I feel my heart beating again boom boom boom and feel so alive. Alive alive alive like reborn. The weirdest feeling I get is when the feeling of a body comes back. It's like the flesh on my bones is pressed onto my self from the outside. It's pretty eeew, my skin turned inside out and doesn't feel like it's part of me first. Like it is external. But after a while I recognize it as part of me and I am back. Aftereffects: On other psychedelics I have never gotten effects on following days, but on meow I do. Sometimes it seems like my posters on my wall are floating in mid space. Other times I get subtle Acid like effects with colors changing slightly or patterns on surfaces and stuff. Starring into nothing when talking to people or being absent happens from time to time. I feel emptier but without bliss. Duration: The duration does increase the more you take. Below 20mg it is closer to 1 hour till its completely over. Around 30mg its more like 2 hours. Lots of weed can increase the duration of the trip. Looking forward: I'm hoping that the novelty of meow wears off and I don't feel the need to masturbate on it every time. Not mixing it with weed should help as weed makes me horny af. Tbh I have gotten bored of meow pretty fast and will probably take a break from it as it does pretty much the same thing every time. It's by far the most boring psychedelic in that regard. Plan for the future is a trip every 2 weeks of about 40-50mg.

I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to say here so let's see how this goes. I'm seeing enlightenment in a bit of a different light as I woke this morning. I guess the big question that's always in the back of my head is "what exactly is enlightenment?" We as humans have evolved on this planet for millions of years. Our brains have the capacity to do many wonderful things like no other species on this planet. But along with that highly developed brain we also have a strong sense of self. We than ask ourselves "who am I". Where did I come from? What is my purpose? What happens to me when I die? Once these question are asked, the search for an answer begins. Religions try to answer all these age old questions by telling us there is a supreme being that creates, destroys, sees and judges all that is happing as an attempt to satisfy a question that most everyone has. So religion "fills in the blanks" so to speak. Any answer is better than no answer at all because people can than feel secure that the question is answered and they can rest their mind in that belief. So here is the question I woke with this morning. Is enlightenment a mental tool that is used, like a religion. But not to answer the big questions, but to just silence them because there are no answers and the questions are really the only cause for the search in the first place? I'm seeing humans as just another aspect of this universe. The same as any other living organism. But one that has evolved just enough to ask the deadly questions that there are no answers too. Than there is the next part of that process when we want to believe we have the answer that satisfies the question of 'What am I". Our brains come up with answers like -Infinity, the absolute, truth, nothingness, God, bliss ect, ect. We than feel the need to experience whatever "that" is. Like we want absolute proof of it. Aren't we creating another dream within a dream within that sense of self that comes with having a higher brain function? Isn't all this just the mind doing all this within itself? Every single bit of it? Is realizing this simple fact enlightenment? Is enlightenment just fix for a glitch in the operating system? A week or so ago, somebody replied to a post saying "Now that Leo has reached Infinity"___ _ _ _ _ . Something about that innocent little statement really made me re-evaluate everything that is happing. Who reached What? What drives this search in the first place? Is it all just an anomaly of higher brain function? What is really happing? *I would greatly appreciate anyone's input on all this. What do think?

People go on searching for the opposite. People only respect the opposite. This has to be understood - this tendency. People are attracted by the opposite but the opposite cannot change you - because the attraction of the opposite is a very natural law. Man is attracted to woman; woman is attracted to man. The poor is attracted to the rich and - you will be surprised - the rich is attracted to the poor. Rich people always think that the poor are enjoying great things - they have beautiful sleep, they have good appetite. Rich people always think that there is great )oy in living in nature - in living in a hut, in a cottage. Rich people always think that in small villages far away there is joy and bliss. In great cities how can there be joy? They live in the great cities and they hanker for the village. And ask the villager. He hankers for Bombay, New York, London. His hankering is to reach the biggest city possible. His hankering is to live in a big skyscraper. He wants all that the rich people have. Remember, rich people are interested in the poor - so whenever they see an enlightened person living in poverty their heads bow down. They say, 'This is the right thing.' If they see a King JANAK, a rich man, enlightened, they cannot believe it. After Enlightenment, Buddha returns home. His wife asks him: ‘What you attained in the jungle—was it not possible to attain it here? Why leave home, me, your child?’” Buddha was silent. If Buddha can become enlightened under a tree, you can become enlightened under a blanket.

Notes Peak experience and permanent (?) shift in perspective. When I was a little boy I used to love sitting by the car window. My siblings and I would fight each other for the privilege of being able to watch the world zip past as we made the drive into town. When I was lucky enough to win, I would savor my view by moving my focus in and out of the world outside. I would start by watching things way off in the distance drift slowly by, like a mountain on the horizon or a cloud floating silently through the sky. I would then move my focus to something closer like a cow grazing under a tree and I would watch as they drifted past slightly faster than the mountain. I would then move even closer to the barbed wire fences and scrubs that skirted the road, struggling to concentrate on the barbs and posts that flashed in front of me. Eventually I would be watching the grass a few meters away from the car with a sore head trying to spot individual blades in the blur of green. My universe began to rumble with my forehead pressed on the glass. My intense concentration would always break into silence as my eyes looked at the scratches on the glass and I became aware that I was sitting in the car, somewhat relieved that the world was small again. I liked to hug my knees and make myself feel cozy as the trip went on. Somehow I would relish the paradox of being in a small metal box hurtling through a big world. This was part of my preparation process for what was undoubtedly the best part of the road trip. The hump. The hump was situated at the top of a hill just on the edge of town. There was a sharp decline that would produce freefall sensation as the laws of inertia lifted you out of your seat. My dad would hit it especially fast and we would careen over it like the dukes of hazard squealing with laughter as we “flew”. *** I was doing a long strong determination sit one morning. As the hours passed the sunlight began to creep through my curtain and onto the wall in front of me. I watched as the beam crept closer and closer to my head, eventually I could feel the warmth of the light hit my right ear and move across my scalp to the other side and back onto the wall. I burst out laughing when I realized that the beam never moved. What in fact was happening was that my entire house was moving across the path of suns light as the earth was rotating. Of course this is just a belief that I picked up from science but it was still a great shift in perspective. Later that day I was riding the bus back from university. The sun was setting over the farmland to the left of me, throwing up beautiful red and purple colors into the sky. To the right a full moon was rising along with the twinkles of a few bright stars in the twilight. I was sitting alone in the back of the bus and I remembered how I used to hold my knees. I curled up and watched the world passing by, admiring the beauty and moving my focus in and out like I did when I was a kid. The bus hit a dip and flung me into the air giving me the exact same feeling of freefall that I used to get as we drove over the hump. I don’t really know what happened next. I had a full blown overview effect kick in as I was floating above my seat. I realized I was watching the world pass by through the window but I also realized I was watching the universe pass by through the sky. The sky changed from being the sky to being a giant car window that I was looking out of! Some of the things way out in the distance like the faint twinkling stars were passing by slowly, others, like the sun were closer but moved much more quickly. The moon was moving past very rapidly. In an instant I went from feeling like a cozy boy in a small car to feeling like a cozy boy on a small planet. My entire body sprang up goosebumps and I began shaking with laughter, no sound came out of my mouth, I was just shaking. Tears began to flow down my cheeks and I was soon soaked in the most intense bliss I have ever felt. I’ve had plenty of peak emotional experiences before, but this was on a whole ‘nother level. I could feel some of my facial muscles tremoring. If someone had looked back at me they probably would have thought I was having a seizure. I have had a weird sensation in my body for a few weeks after this happened. It feels like I’m falling but I’m not. It’s like my being is falling into itself? I don’t really know how to describe it. I can’t look at the sky the same way I used to do either. Now when I’m walking down the street I’m not really walking down the street with the same mindset I used to have. I’m walking down the street on my little planet, as we drive by the sun. When I see the moon or Mars I wonder about the mountains and valleys on them. It would be cool to go for a drive in another planet. The silence of the sky washes away the noise of the world for me. I feel open, like I’m naked inside. It’s beautiful. ***

I won't even bother comment on this. Great reply here mate. Why do you send me this? He talks about killing isn't wrong, and that non-killing hasn't anything to do with 'spirituality'. Sure, I fully agree. His example about how we might kill rats if they raid our house and bite our children is pointless here. Of course I suppose most people, including me, would do anything to get rid of rats if they invaded your house. Including killing them. Nothing wrong with killing them at all. Phase? Observing genuinally how the society and such functions has nothing to do with phases lol. In fact I don't care much about how society functions, although I am pretty interested in studying it, as it fascinates me. It has nothing to do with phases. And no, I haven't been at any Neill-phase or anything. In fact, I've never been a vegetarian/vegan. I'm just discussing the matter of consciously supporting the livestock industry vs unconsciously supporting it vs unconsciously not supporting it. Yes, it's all egoic matters and it doesn't matter ultimately. But from an egoic point, I argue that it matters, although I still continue to eat it, at least for now. I'm not trying to win any argument here, really... I'm just discussing whether or not it matters to the ego if you eat meat consciously knowing you're indirectly contributing to the harm of conscious animals. Of course you can just live in unconscious bliss. That's what most people do. Of course not, I have never claimed otherwise. Sure, you can become enlightened while still eating meat. Never claimed otherwise. The ego can bargain with itself. In fact it does that often, consciously or unconciously. "and that the only way forward is to stop valuing its take on the dream" This is just pure nonsense :-) What/who is it that has to stop valuing the ego's take on the dream? What is even valuing the dream in the first place? Ego, ego, ego. Of course ego can be bargained with. What the fuck are you actually talking about. What cannot be bargained with is Being/Truth/God - but the very thing that can be bargained with is naturally the ego for christ sake :-) In fact the ego bargains with itself almost all the time. Just to clarify why your sentences here are complete nonsense: "The only choice you have now is to consider that ego can't be bargained with," You're so obviously contradicting yourself here. You say that an ego (me) has to 'consider' that it can't bargain with itself. Well if it is able to consider stuff, then of course it can bargain with itself. C'mon :-)

Hello to Leo and everyone else on here! I am new to this forum and would like to ask a question regarding the true nature of self. A little bit about my background: I am 41 years now, had a severe burn out about 2 years ago after which I had to let go all of which to me defined myself all my life. My passions, my gifts, my addictions. I never thought it was possible that such a thing happened. It felt like there was a car crash inside my head and I was standing by watching it with a mix of horror and entertainment. This was when my second life began. A life without a meaning. The time was right for me and I wanted to start reading wise lines by old men. So I read Herman Hesse's “Steppenwolf” which caught me cold in my deception and self pity. Intrigued by his way of writing I read “Siddharta” and this is how I stumbled across buddhism. One thing led to another and I learned about Taoism, read Eckart Tolle and the likes and elegantly finished it all off with Jiddu Krishnamurti who's down to earth no bullshit way of writing made me realize that I could live without the ornamental and ritualistic sides of buddhism. I had learned to watch my thoughts and recognize the destructive sides of my ego. My life had gained a completely new quality. I could not understand how I had been so blind and wrong my whole life before. Anyway, it's been almost two years and many books & insights later when I stumbled across Leo's videos on youtube. And one evening here something happened. I had just finished watching those detailed enlightenment videos of Leo and was now listening to a lecture by Sam Harris about free will when it hit me: Not suddenly, but slowly I was starting to feel the reality of matter and elements around me and in me, the actual reality of my body being a bunch of just matter temporarily aligned to form a functioning system and my “Self” being nothing more than a part of this as well. Or rather not even that. It dawned on me that me, the living self that seemed so well defined and solid is actually just an illusion, a byproduct of all this matter in me. And that along with Sam Harris's free will discussion made it click. This is what it might feel like for an artificial intelligence to become aware of its artificial nature, to realize that it is only a simulation, nothing more. I felt a feeling of growing panic and dizzyness in me as I realized that the Pilot and the Machine had switched places. So I was just a projection of my internal background processes and my SELF was continuously trying to catch up with what was being presented from the inside, trying to pretend it was the author of everything. The more I wanted to reach inside my mind and find something solid to hold on to, the less there was anything tangible there. There was only nothing. Emptiness. Not even emptiness, just not anything. This realization was almost physical, it came from my gut and made me feel dizzy and nauseous. Without a real self that was in charge of everything it now felt as if I was being dragged along by my body and mind without much control at all. A trapped feeling almost. At that time I assumed that this was my ego panicking and refusing to let go. There was no bliss and no magic. It was more like I was lost in an ocean and my lonely island of support and orientation had just sunk and disappeared. I had to literally drag myself out of that feeling by distracting myself with music and moving around in the apartment, because I felt so overwhelmed. Now, 2-3 days later I have talked about this a lot with my wife which helped me coming to terms with this all. As I write this now I am experiencing a slight unease again but it's much less intense. I have re-watched Leo's enlightenment “the shocking truth” video again and this time all of his statements registered on a whole new level in me, it all made perfect sense to me. So here's my question: How do I proceed? I am not meditating or following any structured approach to enlightenment. But I have a deep deep urge to feel and experience the truth of reality. These things I realized and experienced a couple of days ago are with me now most of the time, but more on an intellectual level as opposed to a physical experience. I am aware my panic was my ego refusing. But this has decreased over the last days. I feel like I peaked through a window and I do not want to loose this again. Everyday life is ripe with temptation and distraction to lure you back into ignorance. Do you have any tips on how I could proceed in order to go deeper on this? Or at least stay on track? If this had happened through some kind of structured approach like meditation or psychedelics, I'd have a better clue how to proceed, but I don't have that practice. It would be very nice to read your thoughts on this. This forum is like a treasure trove to me Greetings from Hamburg Lynn PS: Sorry for the VERY long post!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! Why October 2016 Was The Best Month This Year 2016 has been a turbulent year in pop culture and political history! So many celebrities, starting with David Bowie and Alan Rickman, and other great musicians and actors have died especially Prince which feels like the end of an era. Politically, the 2016 election between Clinton and Trump has dominated the media and TV news, and Brexit has been turbulent for the UK and the EU. For my life, I used 2016 as an opportunity to be even better than last year 2015 which I considered a consistently great year and a huge leap forward from the doldrums and hell of 2013 and the progress of 2014. What made 2016 so great so far and yet so stressful was that I averted a major crisis. I accomplished a 50 hour internship for my Education 302 class and it was the most-time consuming and time crunch project of the year and it could've been a huge failure but with personal autonomy, professional academic help, extrinsic and intrinsic motivation, hard work, and perseverance I accomplished it on top of a big final term paper for the class. It seems like 2016 would be a peak, plateau, and a plummet but it was a cycle of peak, plateau, and peak because of being strategic and flexible and learning from mistakes and failures. The worst point in 2016 was realizing in early March that I only completed 7 hours of my internship, so I buckled down and had to think strategically and be flexible and work hard and by early May, I won. Summer 2016 was honestly a better summer than 2015 and Summer 2015 was one of the best summers in my life! What made 2016 such a great summer were all the opportunities I've seized were aligned with my passions. I saw so many theater productions like two Synetic Theater productions, Phantom of the Opera at the Kennedy Center, Paul Simon in concert, and a free production of The Tempest in the front row and a few other shows and I have zero regrets for supporting theater. I also expanded my involvement in open mic poetry where I found an outlet for my manic energy. During Fall 2016, I channeled that manic energy into acting by auditioning for Dr. Frank N Furter in "Rocky Horror" and I got the lead role ! I also focused on being completely open to expressing myself in conversations and stop faking politeness just to get accepted. A few of my top values are freedom and authenticity, intuition (creativity, and flow), humor, and passion and ESPECIALLY self-actualization which is my Gold Standard. The values I reject are conformity, loyalty, and ESPECIALLY blind obedience and being spineless and weak willed and being easily offended and neurotic and being miserable and clinging to traditions and being dogmatic and being petty and bitter. I realize how empowering and magical unapologetic authenticity works because it truly makes you the life of the party, it easily starts conversations, it makes people laugh easily and opens people up and it doesn't just tap into the inner child and comedian but it fully embraces it, declares the inner comedian their soul mate, and makes love to the inner comedian with zero regrets. However I also focus on being genuine and open about my strengths and October 2016 has been a GREAT month if not the best month of a great year!!! What made the month so great was my whole Fall Break which involved seeing a great play on a bargain Orchestra ticket and "Dante's Inferno" on a student discount ticket in the front row. I also finally got to meet a person i've been talking to online since August and we cuddled and had a great time together. I spent the whole month watching Halloween classics and I realized that I returned to my childhood. Watching "Over the Garden Wall" "Coraline" "ParaNorman" and "Corpse Bride" and "Rocky Horror Live" felt like I returned to the paradise lost of my childhood where I re-discovered that childlike joy I got from all the movies I watched. Returning to childhood feels like all the stress has dissolved away and has never existed. It feels like being overjoyed and ecstatically drunk where you're so immersed in flow that you stop thinking and over-analyzing the experience and want the moment last. When it passes you are completely immersed in the moment that you're laughing ecstatically and you don't give a damn. I realize that I'm achieving Leo's list wants of Being Authentic, Time Flowing By, and Reality Being Magical again! I'm realizing that I'm fulfilling my deepest inner desires and I realize that my deepest desire is to be free and to be ecstatically in love and feel rapturous bliss. The great news is that I'm only 22 and I'm realizing these deepest goals and I'm not mis-identfying goals like wanting love, sex, money, fame, and power which are unfulfilling. I'm realizing how unfulfilled mainstream society is! I'm realizing that I'm blazing the trail for self-actualization but I can go deeper. I realize that self-actualization is a core desire! Returning to childhood is NOT a weekend trip, it's the new path to something grander!! It feels like I'm sipping from the Holy Grail and dabbling my feet into the Fountain of Youth to test the waters! I'm on a great start but the peak experiences are building more and more and will escalate into something

Hello, everyone. I would like to share something that has happened in the past few days. I’ve been reading and watching a lot of Byron Katie and Rupert Spira in the past weeks. Their teachings were my main focus. All was going well and I was pretty happy and content with everything in life. Things seemed to go smoothly. Then, on Oct. 26th around 3 am, something absolutely phenomenal happened. I was watching one of Rupert’s videos, and what he said just really GOT to me. He mentioned how time was just a concept and how all there ever is, is just an eternal present moment. How everything has always been, is and always will be just pure awareness. How all we ever know is just our experience, which is just pure knowing itself. Concepts are superimposed by our thoughts. All of that just hit me like a truck. I’ve heard all of that before, (probably even saw this video before, not sure) but at THAT moment it felt like I got it on a molecular level, it had nothing to do with my mind’s understanding of it. Tears started to pour out of my eyes uncontrollably. It felt like coming home. Not even coming, just realizing that I’ve always been home, just haven’t noticed it. It was like recognizing myself for the first time. I went to sleep, but I didn’t fall asleep right away since this “understanding” kept passing through me. I couldn’t stop crying, I was just blown away by how simple and easy everything was. I realized that everything in life is okay, nothing is ever wrong or out of order. There was no good or bad. There was not even a “me.” I fell asleep in total peace. During the next two days, I experienced constant, absolute and pure bliss. Not even “I experienced”… It felt like I was bliss, peace, and happiness themselves. Here are the details of that experience: - This moment (or any moment ever) cannot be “bettered” in any way. It’s absolute perfection just as it is. I felt no desire to change anything about any moment or experience. At all. - That being said, whenever I felt like performing any action, it was extremely organic. I didn’t “think” about it in the traditional sense. I just did it. Whenever I felt it. It didn’t feel like I was doing something. It was like I was the action itself, the process itself. There was no “Marina is doing this.” There were no two things. There was just unity of everything. When I didn’t feel like doing anything, I’d just sit, calm and relaxed. I “knew” that I’d make an action whenever it was needed. I knew that nothing “had to be done.” So there was this freedom of doing or not doing anything I (or anyone else) wanted. There was just this incredible trust in life and experience, this beautiful freedom. - I wasn’t experiencing time. At all. I saw how the concept of time was a complete fiction and realized that nothing ever (including the fictional character of “me”) is a part of it. There is just eternal now. That’s all there is of “time.” - I did not distinguish between “others” and “myself" or "this object" and "that object." Isolating anything from the totality and unity of experience seemed crazy. Literally. Everything was just awareness. Whole and perfect. - At one moment, I saw that my own body was just as much of a conceptual object as any other object in my experience. I felt like I was not in control of it, like it was doing whatever had to be done on its own. “Marina” was never in control of it. In fact, I didn’t even feel like I was “Marina” or anyone else. All of those “me” concepts felt like a giant pile of horseshit. It seemed so ridiculous how I ever believed any of it, that I would just laugh in midair sometimes. - Aside from laughing in midair, I’d cry in midair too. I would sometimes get just so overwhelmed by beauty and perfection of everything, that I would cry uncontrollably in the middle of doing something or just while sitting still. I’ve never experienced such happiness. At those moments, I felt that it was coming from being one with everything. I saw how there was never any separation, how separation is just impossible (no matter what a person believes) and how the separation is just a concept created by the mind. - I'd stare at an "object" / hear a sound / see something and feel like I was experiencing it for the first time (like, there was no story attached to it) and like it came to my awareness out of nowhere, (although I've seen it before). - I was contempt with what things were and how life was at any given moment. Constantly. - Every single action was extremely mindful. - “Time” seemed slower. I was experiencing a sort of like “slow motion” all the time. Even when I was in a middle of a busy street, with tons of cars and people around me moving very fast, I felt this peace and stillness on the “inside” and the “outside.” It felt just mind blowing and natural at the same time. - Like I said, doing anything and not doing anything felt equally comfortable. Everything felt comfortable. However, my favorite form of "leisure" was to just sit and do nothing. - All “human interaction” was effortless, organic, fearless, loving and beautiful. Lots and lots of love and understanding in every interaction I’ve had at that time. On “both sides” (“me” and any “other person”). - I was okay with dying at any given moment. There was just no fear of death. All of the above lasted for about two days. Honestly, it felt like enlightenment. And when I thought to myself, “Is this what enlightenment feels like?” I’d feel like I didn’t care. Enlightenment or not, I didn’t care. I was just living and enjoying it fully and wholeheartedly. Then, at one moment, (this evening) I felt like it was ending. Which completely shocked and terrified me at first. I was thinking, “How can this end? With no time, how can anything begin or end? How can awareness stop recognizing itself if awareness is all there ever is?” It felt like I was kicked out of heaven. The separation… It was so scary and painful. During the first 15-20 minutes of feeling this, I’d try to “hold” it, return back to true reality. I now see how I was trying to do this with my mind. At that moment it felt like my mind would come back to awareness since it already experienced it. But I see now how the mind has nothing to do with knowing awareness. Awareness knows itself. So I can never "come back" to it with my mind. It took me about 30-40 minutes to come to terms that I was “Marina” again and not absolute bliss That means, to stop scrolling through books and depths of my thoughts like a fanatic in search of an “answer.” It just suddenly hit me, “What’s not okay with this situation? What’s wrong with how things are now? Yes, you’re feeling like ‘Marina’ again and what’s so bad about it? What are you afraid of? Why can't you just let go of your desire to hold on to that 'bliss' and let things be how they are right now?” Once those thoughts crossed my mind, I calmed down. Absolute bliss didn’t come back but I stopped feeling terror and pain, which felt nice Now, as I'm finishing this post, I feel calm and centered. Like, I see the apparent difference in the two states of being, but at the same time, I don't feel like I am the same person that I was "before the bliss." It's hard to explain. It's like something, some part of me changed permanently. I cannot know for sure, of course, just saying what I'm feeling at this moment. And then I decided to post here since I have no one else to ask for an opinion. No one in my “real life” does or is even interested in this kind of work. What do you think? What was that bliss? What was this that came after the bliss? How do you think I should go on from now? I’m going on an Enlightenment Intensive retreat in a couple of weeks (my first ever meditation retreat), which I think should be very beneficial. Just a side note, I don’t have a constant meditation practice and I have never tried any psychedelics (not that I don’t want to though lol). I’m sorry for so much writing, but I just wanted to explain everything as best as I possibly could. Thanks for reading and the potential feedback!

Hello all, If you haven't already, please take the time to read my initial post on my first experience with 5-MeO-DMT (12mg). After getting some advice from more experienced psychonauts on the forum (coming to this a complete novice), I have adjusted my insufflation technique; this trip was far, far stronger than before. I have to stress the importance of coming into this psychedelic with a mindset that is totally ready to let go; this includes being in the right environment - safe, warm, quiet and secure - any potential psychological insecurities / neuroticism you will want to satisfy as best you can before using the substance. This dose I took knowing I would have people over in 2 hours or so; this thought in the back of my mind (I believe) prevented me from making the most of this experience... though, it was still mind blowing... Proper insufflation and higher doses (this time 16mg) make an unfathomable difference. This time, perhaps 10 minutes in, the trip hit me full on... I find it quite hard to recall given that there was literally no thought at the time. I was lying back, head off my bed, allowing the substance to gently do it's work... The next thing I know, the boundaries of my body were exploding; the mind was extinguished completely. I can't explain the consciousness that I felt, but it was far beyond anything I have ever experienced during meditation. I knew myself to be the consciousness of the universe; this was experienced directly. I was no longer aware of bodily processes, such as breathing etc... it was truly bliss. You really have to allow this to happen; there's no use panicking. I found my vipassana practice to be crucial in this process. This was not such a gentle experience as my first trip... after being punched in the face by this universal consciousness, my reality (for lack of a better description) went into orgasm... that's all I can allude it too. My entire reality lit up with sexual energy - imagine the very peak of one of your more intense orgasms, and imagine that pleasure enduring for over a minute... my nervous system lit up like a Christmas tree... no word of a lie, I felt that I had ejaculated, and a light scent of bodily sweat pervaded my experience... though I still had no tangible sense of a body... These feelings were coming for no particular spacial location; they were all I knew at the time. The trip got stronger... at this point, I became aware of the fragility of my human body. I could perceive my sensory experiences, but again they were located in no particular spacial location. I was universal consciousness, and there was no room for the body or the mind. I felt as if my body and mind were being squeezed; I felt like they would explode under the pressure - it felt like they would break apart and disintegrate. I knew to go further I would have to be completely ready to let go; I would have to surrender into death, and then burst into infinity... I did not do this. A nagging thought in my mind kept me from going with it fully - people would be coming around later - what if I'm still in this state when they arrive? I had no idea what my body might be doing in this moment... was I writhing around... was I covered in ejaculate... was I screaming... these all seemed possible at the time. Although I had these worries, I didn't identify with them or let them consume the experience; I merely held this state. It was not the time to burst right then. It was all very intense. I can't describe the love and pleasure inherent to the state I was in... although that boundary between that state and surrendering into the unknown (into death) was seemed pretty formidable. I must stress again the importance of being in the right environment for this! No distractions. You feel truly vulnerable in this state, as if your soul was bare and naked for the universe to see. It felt as if all those whom I were close to where there, watching me in this naked confusion... it was that weird feeling you get when someone walks in on you doing something you shouldn't be... I didn't know where I was... You just have to go with this; are you ready to expose yourself; to be 100% vulnerable? I thought I was going to vomit as this consciousness tried to force my body and mind into submission... then I felt something strange... the sensation of warmth and fur in what I assumed was my hand. I thought I had been alone in my room; somehow my cat had been sitting under the bed without me knowing... I opened my eyes, and there she was staring me straight in the face... she curled up, purring next to me... I'd never realised before how calming her presence was... we can learn a lot from cats; truly enlightened beings. It was almost as if her calm and vacant expression was coercing me into surrender. Her gentle presence was soothing. All I know in this moment was love. That's all there really is... I'm sure of that now... love, universal consciousness, whatever you want to call it. As the experience began to fade... it was if I was awakening for the first time; seeing my room through new eyes... what the fuck had happened? Had it really only been 20 minutes?.. I (the ego) had not died, yet I knew life wouldn't be the same again - it was like rebirth. The vulnerability felt during the trip lasted for at least another 20 minutes; a very confused and 'grasping' state. I felt ok to walk at this point. I got up and was glad to find that I had not ejaculated, and I was not dripping with sweat... my throat was hoarse so I have no idea what had happened there - I assume there was some drip from the substance, as surely the cat would have gone mad if I had been shouting / screaming... I put some music on for a bit, and just laid back with the cat in my lap, stroking her & being with the music... this was great. After an hour or so from insufflation, I went for a walk outside. I live near a beautiful canal - and walking down this I truly saw the beauty nature. The shimmering water, refracting the red/purple sunset hue; crunching autumn leaves under foot; the trees blowing, and the gentle wind upon ones face. As per my first post, I must stress again that there is NOTHING to pursue... (explanation) In these experiences, the strength of all attachments to conceptual things (i.e. the ego, perceived objects of reality, thoughts etc) is reduced; ultimately, I expect these attachments are surrendered (let go of) entirely as we surrender into them - although that requires conceptual death... I don't think anything can prepare a person for that - there's no room for panic - only bravery & acceptance. I hope when I do break through that barrier, I am able to do so with some dignity. The presence of "things" in our reality is a comforting reminder that we are alive; you have to let go of it all to experience God - I see what Leo & others are talking about now... Has anyone got any advice on breaking through? 16mg was insane... what do I need be be mindful of in stepping up my dosage? Would it be wise to hang fire and have another few rounds at this intensity? The world seems pretty perfect right now.

@jennywise You're welcome! I don't know if what I'm about to say is going to sound optimistic or depressing, but... It is what it is. I've felt this "Have I imagined this / made this up?" feeling multiple times since yesterday. Seriously. It's like the mind is trying to erase, devalue what has "happened." Like, "Was it really that amazing? Was it really bliss? Or did you just make it up?" In a way, I kinda like that it's happening. Because it doesn't let me get attached to this "past experience of bliss," so I don't start chasing it. But at the same time, some part of me is saying, "It was real. This was a unique experience, I have never experienced such pure, crystallized joy for such a long period of time. Yes, it was an experience only, not pure truth. But it doesn't mean that it hasn't happened." So in case you thought that you started to feel like you had imagined your experience because it lasted for 5 minutes... Well, that's probably not the case... Mine lasted for 2 days and I still got those feelings lol I just randomly stumbled upon a video, in which a woman described a state similar to that state that I had experienced. She didn't go into as much detail as I did, so I can't know for sure we both experienced exactly the same things. And Rupert "explained" what happened to her in a brilliant way; that's exactly how I see it now. I'll post the video here, maybe it would be helpful for you or whomever else. The woman's description of her experience starts at 8:20, followed by Rupert's comments on it.

@Leo Gura Thank you, Leo. Yes, I can absolutely see how there is (and was) this attachment to bliss and fear of losing it. Which in itself creates a duality. This just showed me that I need to go deeper, that there's much more to work through. And that I literally don't know the nature of reality, the truth. If I did know it... Well, I'd just know. That's all I can say at this point. Yes, absolutely! That's what eventually got me centered and calm. That I can't loose what I actually am. This is what inspires me to stay on this path.

Very very typical experience on this path. The good news is, it's just the tip of the iceberg of what's possible. There's WAY deeper to go! Yeah, it didn't stick. Because you got caught in phenomena and still don't really know what you are. Only thing to do is keep at it. Keep probing: "What am I?!" The trap is that enlightenment is not an experience and it's not bliss. The bliss is phenomena which isn't what you actually are. Don't get seduced by the bliss. I know it's hard cause it's a fucking awesome experience and it feels so good. But that's just a feeling. Make sure you're getting to the EXISTENTIAL root of things, not just psychological or emotional. You have to grasp what reality actually is, EXISTENTIALLY! Even if it did stick, there would still be WAY more to grasp. So don't assume you can just get it and then retire to the Bahamas. It also helps to become conscious right now of the fact that you can never lose what you actually are. It's ever-present. Yes, it's infuriating to hear that. Notice how there's an attachment to the bliss and fear of loss. That needs to be worked through cause it's delusion.

What long term plan, indeed. . . if you don't have one, it's simple. Just be patient and study educational material and most importantly, yourself. Gain mindfulness over your actions, thoughts, and behaviors and how they affect how you feel. You're treating meditation as if it's some shortcut to bliss. Just keep focusing on learning new things on this path that may help you. Embrace your own ignorance/incompetence. Once you get a deep understanding of how little you actually know about life, then it will make perfect sense why you still have big problems in your life even after a year of personal development.

Hello forum, I'm not usually one to post, however I feel compelled to share my first experience with 5-MeO-DMT. To provide some background, I have now been meditating consistently since July 2015. Generally I do vipassana meditation, and would consider myself relatively adept practitioner now, though no expert by a long shot. I came into enlightenment work completely fresh around the time I began meditating; I had no prior knowledge on the subject itself, nor any significant on encompassing subjects such as psychology (the ego, the conscious/unconscious mind etc.), non-duality, meditation or spirituality in general. I had always struggled with emotions, and coming into this work I became immediately fascinated. In the beginning, meditation was a ball ache. My practice was forced and boring, though something (probably blind faith) kept me going with this rigid routine - mediation everyday for 40 minutes - no exceptions. As I was beginning to lose patience and hope that meditation would bring me enlightenment, I had my first awakening experience around the end on January 2016. As I was sitting in mediation, I was practicing a "free floating awareness" technique as prescribed by Shinzen Young (The Science of Enlightenment)... I suddenly became aware of the nature of my ego - how it's nature is essentially a conceptual repository of past emotions, events, feelings, perceptions and so forth. I struggle to describe the following, as I am still unsure what type of awakening experience this was, but perhaps someone here can help... there was a gentle, progressive rising on energy in the body - it felt as if all this energy was collecting; as if it were going to burst outward... sure enough it did. The conceptual boundaries seemed to dissolve as this energy (my awareness) burst outwards in all directions. Before I knew it, for five minutes I was everything. Sure, bodily sensations were still there, but they were no longer mapped to discreet bodily locations; they were more stars in the night sky that I had become. I didn't appear to be located anywhere spatially - I knew intellectually that I was sitting down, but in experience it didn't feel like there was a floor anymore, or for that matter a body that was sitting. Form had dissolved, and awareness had expanded infinitely. However, it all soon returned as I curiously opened my eyes. Form came back. Everything returned. The next few months, up until my first 5-MeO-DMT experience were charged by this first awakening experience; I now had my motivation to continue. I had one other experience identical to this one (albeit slightly stronger), but nothing else noteworthy. Although, I now know better than to attach meaning to these experiences, else we create another idea in our head for the ego to grasp for. I also know now that rigid meditation routines can be more neurotic than helpful - it's important we are kind to ourselves, and enjoy our practice. Anyway, recently I managed to source 250mg of HCl 5-MeO-DMT - no advice will be given on how (sorry). I had never taken psychedelic drugs before, so I had some worries before proceeding - these were mainly fueled by bad trip reports you will all have read about online. Though, for some reason, I took Leo's advice on blind faith (don't know why, but I trust the guy) and tried it out. It was just after midnight, and everything was quiet; I had made all the relevant precautions to ensure I felt safe, secure and comfortable (get all the potential neuroticism inducing factors out the way before taking the drug). Earlier in the day I had taken a loading dose to be more certain the drug agreed with me (2mg) - this was fine, and gave me some confidence in what I was about to take. I measured out 12mg of the substance and snorted approx. 6mg into each nostril. I then queued up some meditation music and settled back calmly into bed. Tipping my head back I let the substance sit there for 5-10 minutes or so. Let me just say, for someone new to anything except weed, this was disgusting. Snorting gives no pain at all, but once it has settled, the substance tastes revolting - like paint stripper at the back of your throat. You can feel it dripping into your throat, and there is a mild burning sensation. However, I didn't panic; I stayed perfectly calm and still, as per my meditation experience. I let go and surrendered. Leo's advice is very good though on this guys, extremely comprehensive and reliable in my experience. The onset was a strange. At this time I've only had a small dose, so I can't speak for higher doses, but I can see how it might freak people out. It kind of felt like being at home with a cold, feeling fragile on a winter's day. There was some trembling, some small difficulty with breath, which I imagine might develop into shivering or shaking (maybe nausea) with higher doses, but the trick is to be OK with it. Let it be... my thoughts were as it happened - "I've taken it, so whatever happens, fuck it". Just as if you were stuck at home with a nasty cold, just don't think about it, let it be, don't react irrationally. You will be fine. Then after 15 minutes or so from initial snorting, the peak of the experience hit me. The trembling calmed, and my mind stilled. I find it very hard to put this experience into words to be honest. It was kind of similar to the state I entered when I had the awakening described above. Though this time, it endured whilst my eyes were open. There were no hallucinations, or weird sounds, no scary entities - nothing like that. I was still a body at this dosage, though I was in no way attached to it. Everything in normal experience was still there, but my god it was all so beautiful. There was nothing special about it, no psychedelic patterns or colorful lights; it was all just beautiful the way it was - without any emotional judgement or reactivity toward it all. I felt as if I had no boundaries, like I was consciousness of the universe itself. Everything was in perfect clarity - crystal clear. No sadness, no happiness. Just bliss - I now know what the word bliss actually means. It isn't what you all think. It's the state of being where attachment is relinquished, and everything in experience (including the ego) comes into clarity from the observer perspective - the true self (at least in my experience). The biggest thing I learned during this experience was that there is absolutely NOTHING to pursue. The truth is right here in front of us all - we are it with zero cognitive effort... I like Rupert Spira's analogy - we are like a screen with images projected onto it; it is impossible for the screen to seek/find itself within those images, as it is the very fabric of them. Thoughts, concepts and ideas keep our attention, and enlightenment cannot be found within them. When the mind is still, and thoughts, concepts and ideas fade, we recognise our true nature; this is what I believe 5-MeO-DMT can help us with. It is only our attention to and identification with said thoughts, concepts and ideas that perpetuate the separate self; that make us feel as if there is something out there to find. It's already here guys - you are already it. You just haven't realised yet; our true nature is aware understanding. The "best bit" of the experience lasted perhaps 15 minutes, though it felt a lot longer. I kept checking the clock during the trip. Now 5 hours later, I still have a serene sense of calm about me. There is so much less emotional resistance to everything, i.e. talking to people, doing errands, housework etc. It's all just fine the way it is. Although I've seen the truth, I can feel the state of bliss fading... but that's perfectly fine. It will come and go. Maybe one day it will endure in my experience. Who knows. Right now though, I need to focus on the here and now - I need to play the game of life. I still have so many more experiments to come with 5-MeO-DMT, but to be honest, this experience on 12mg would have been enough to give anyone "seeking enlightenment" the hope and motivation they need to move forward in their practice. Overall, and extremely positive and insightful experience. As Leo also mentions in his video, I do not recommend this substance to anyone with only elementary familiarity with psychology, spirituality, and especially non-duality and meditation... I can see for sure how some may mistake this as some ethereal, lonely, cold and desolate experience. If you've studied this stuff, you would recognise it straight away for what it is. If you've had a non-drug induced awakening experience, you'll also know what I am talking about. This substance is not the answer, nor is it a catalyst. It is important you do not get attached to these experiences. So there you go all, hope this helps some of you - please comment below or PM me (no questions about sourcing please) with questions and your experiences - I would love to share. I will keep you all posted with more experiments with 5-MeO-DMT, and higher dosages.

And here, I see just another time God taking the form of a suffering human being that persists in the illusion that the world isn't perfect as it is. That pain and suffering are really bad and need to be diminished. That the killing of innocent animals is any different from a wonderful flower growing in peace. It isn't. It's a fucking game and as long as you take any of it seriously, you'll fight for one side or the other. When you stop engaging in it seriously and just look curiously how it can be that there is such an amount of beauty on the one hand and such an amount of suffering on the other, you'll find out that God aka it / Tao / nothingness / ... needs and wants to express any limitation there could be because it is so infinite, peaceful and complete in its non-dualistic essence. Every dualistic game there is is just the counterpart of the non-dual bliss out of everything arises. See that, and you'll laugh yourself silly. Cheers (...and don't take my rant here to personally, I'm merely having fun with my very limited opinions - you are of course right that we humans are all to bad killing these innocent animals and eating their fucking delicious meat on 3 occasions in the day not giving a shit at all ... fuck I did it again )

Its not all black and white you know. Yes it is true that you can not be truly happy the way you can with spirituality. But you can be happy to a limited degree for a short period of time after a new success which is enough for many people. Also there are many different spiritual paths you do not neccesairly have to seek enlightenment. If you get in touch with your higher self on your spiritual journey and discover what your true desires are i think you still can be happy to a certain degree by materialistic means if you always follow your true desires but many people dont think for themselves and made the desires others have for them to their own which makes them unhappy. It might be a very turbulent life path nontheless, at one point you will desire to be successful in a job and a few years later a new desire might come up which makes you quit that job. You can also choose the way of positive focus/raising your frequency or vibration however you want to call it which also can make you happy to a certain degree and you will still have those drops of frequency from time to time. What people who seek enlightenment are talking about is a happiness thats is beyond measure its bliss if you reach this state you will see how every other kind of happiness is just an illusion but still i would not say that this is the one true way. In fact i try to kind of go on a mixture of all of those paths. I try positive focus and seek out for my desires to a high degree and do stupidly long amounts of meditation sometimes to eventually become enlightened. If you discover the first time that the world you live in is an illusion it sure will make you confused. Keep up your passions if they really are passions which you do for yourself and not for others.

If you go for material things you will notice that you will be looking for success for all your life and once you get to that point you will realize that it did not make you happy because you want more. Animals have their limits if they have a full stomach they are truly happy. Humans on the other hands have no limitations at all if you have an empty stomach you have 1 problem if you finally fill it you suddenly have 100 problems. If you become the king of earth you will look for the stars and if you have our galaxy under control you will look for the entire universe.. Our physical reality has its boundries that is why it is not possible to truly satisfy the limitless human nature. You have to seek for the unlimited source of bliss that is inside of you if you really want to be happy.

Find bliss, not happiness. Happiness is worthless; it depends on unhappiness. Bliss is transcendence: one moves beyond the duality of being happy and unhappy. One watches both; happiness comes, one watches and does not become identified with it. One does not say, ‘I am happy. Peace, it is wonderful.’ One simply watches, one says, ‘Yes, a white cloud passing.’ And then comes unhappiness, and one does not become unhappy either. One says, ‘A black cloud passing. I am the witness, the watcher.’ This is what meditation is all about, just becoming a watcher. Failure comes, success comes, you are praised, you are condemned, you are respected, you are insulted – all kinds of things come, they are all dualities. And you go on watching. Watching the duality, a third force arises in you; a third dimension arises in you. The duality means two dimensions: one dimension is happiness; another is unhappiness. Watching both, a depth arises in you: the third dimension, witnessing. And that third dimension brings bliss. Bliss is without any opposite to it. It is serene, tranquil, cool. It is ecstasy without any excitement.