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I've had quite a few interesting experiences over the last few months but the one that stands out the most was when I accidentally ate a brownie with thc in it and found out my true nature as awareness haha. I woke up one morning and I was getting ready for work and I was listening to a song, can't remember the name but part of the lyrics stood out for me "you already know who you are,but you've just forgotten" or something to that extent. I didn't think much of it but when I went upstairs I noticed someone had made some brownies so I ate a reasonable amount (couldn't help myself haha) then I went back downstairs and the song was still playing and it hit me hard that there was a deeper meaning to the lyrics. Then I glanced at the clock and noticed I was running late to work so I hurried out, as I was driving I noticed that I was feeling a little weird and couldn't focus properly but I figured I was just still a little tired. Finally made it to work and as I tried to focus I couldn't function properly, everything just started going blurry and I felt really dizzy. Told the supervisor that I wasn't feeling well and he sent my to the ER. As I was sitting there waiting for the nurse, I was wondering what the hell was going on. Then I remembered the song from before and I started asking "Who am I?". It was as if a part of me stepped back from behind my eyes and it was clear what was really going on. At that moment it became apparent that there was nothing behind the walls I was looking at and I was just experiencing existence through the perspective of a human being. The nurse finally comes in and is asking me questions and I realized that I was just talking to myself, there was no person in that body, only another character playing her part. I tried to explain that to her and she looked at me like I was crazy haha, was kinda hoping she knew what I was talking about but I guess most people still don't know about these ideas. Felt a little depressed because I was all alone sitting in a hospital room with no one that could understand what I was going through, I thought I had finally lost my mind. Then a wave of bliss hit me, it just surrounded me with love that I've never felt before. I broke down and started crying out of pure joy, I had no idea such powerful feelings of love were possible. At the time I became very derealized after the experience though, I felt trapped in an illusion thinking it was all real. It took hundreds of hours of contemplation to finally get a grasp of reality again. Looking back it was a huge part of my growth though, it helped me get through some rough times and taught me not to take life seriously

This one was before I found actualized.org: I was thinking about infinity and mindfucked myself by independently realizing the notion of absolute infinity (never suspected it would have relevance to spiritual work). It happened in tandem with me contemplating the nature between the relationship between the physical and conceptual world, realizing that concepts aren't inherently less real than physical objects coupled with grasping that absolute infinity was entirely beyond my grasp sent me into a pseudo-psychotic episode. Prior to that, I was a hermit who had too much anxiety to leave my dorm. I had been searching for Absolute Truth through mathematics, science, and philosophy. That day, I ran off of campus to a nearby museum and walk around the whole place backwards, gathering strange looks from people as I realized all the majesty and grandeur I saw in the world was a fucking joke compared to the true depth of reality, which was beyond my grasp. I used to be obsessed with the transhumanist movement and the notion of man one day conquering reality through science. That day I realized it was all futile. Reality is too great for mankind to do anything other than to stand in awe of its depth. This is what ultimately drove me to learn about enlightenment. When contemplating free will and identity: This was the day I realized the notion of free will didn't really even make sense because identity was an arbitrary construct. I thought who could possibly do the willing. Oh shit! Before then , I used to dream about total omnipotence and control being the best possible life. It was then that I realized the idea of true control was absurd, and my whole drive to control everything in life was delusion and neurotic. Being is all there is. Some non-dual (?) experiences: I have been experiencing altered states on consciousness in my dreams. I', not sure if I've ever experienced non-duality since I have never experienced bliss from my consciousness work, but I have had some strange experiences where I felt that my body and mind were just objects and phenomena like any other, no more special than anything else in the environment. For instance, I had a dream where I was Slenderman (don't ask me why) and I was staring at an oak tree, and that oak tree was also me while I was Slenderman. This all took place in a classroom which started to crumble. Both Slenderman and the oak tree also vanished, and I was this mind that got physically sucked into a deep, pitch black void. I had a brief moment which seemed like eternity of monkey mind going on a complete void until I surrender and accepting my eternity as empty. I then woke up (physically, not spiritually). I don't know why this stuff never happens when I'm awake. How it has changed me: My intuition tells me this goes way deeper and despite not feeling bliss, I need to keep going. I have massively reduced the suffering in my life. However, I also have the lingering feeling that this is bullshit I need to be out chasing pleasure.

@Leo Gura Dear Leo, The experience I have Leo, after hard work living in seclusion from unwholesome deeds, given up sense gratification has led to the experience of pure bliss, happiness and a state of trance of no other similar kind, unknown to the masses. I see not a single effort in experiencing what I am. The effort Leo lies not in experiencing what you are, but getting rid of the defilements, the obstacles, the attachments that prevent one to be free of mind. Given up unwholesome deeds, namely: wrong view, intentions, speech, act, effort, livelihood, attention and concentration, sustaining a sublime discipline and strong concentration and attention on the all pervasive, surely leads to the end of desire soon, or later. Awareness knows not an equal and is all pervasive, has not been born, knows no illness or origin, there for the question WHAT is Awareness presuming its a composite of some kind, is based on a wrong idea of yours Leo. Its based on the idea that the essence of everything (or yourself) is nothing, and by this, one concludes wrongly that Awareness is being something (everything is a composite, and since its not nothing it must there for be something) now logically leads to the question: WHAT is Awareness? (Presuming its a composite of some kind, which it of course isn't, never was and never will be).

Very very interesting passage you wrote here. I noticed something that I want to share according to what you wrote here. Take a look at these two "religions." Christianity: Heaven, Earth, Hell Buddhism: To Enjoy, To Love, To Suffer Like I said in my post here, when you awake from an enlightenment experience, you are left with a 'feeling' (huge residue of) 'divine love' and 'bliss.' This relates to peace, not suffering. If the person wants to head toward peace (in an infinite way), then do things in one's life that will bring about peace in this world. After all, all is you.

Thought I might add but I realise just saying that everything is a belief is not really going to help anybody, you could tell a homeless person on the street the situation of their life is just a belief, a construct of ego, and that they're not really experiencing this but are God, infinity itself while deluding themselves into suffering because they believe the ego is them, but what is that going to change? Do not think because you are ego that you are suffering and for you to be happy at all you need to destroy ego, truth isn't about the destruction of your life or beliefs or a withering away of your sense of self to find bliss in infinity, it's the simple recognition of what is true, and that includes everything in existence, you are complete because you are here, as you are right now, and only you think you need to improve or change or "realise the truth of reality to dissolve into eternal awareness and live a no-self life full of clarity" but regardless we will continue to strive for something else because that is the nature of identity, and that too is okay @Leo Gura Just want to say you must have one hell of a mind to stay in such delusion while mainting your business, props to you my friend.

@Deep That's interesting because one time I purposely surrendered within a state of Samadhi just to see what would happen and I vanished for a while. Of course I didn't realize I had vanished until I returned to the Samadhi state (sorry, I don't know all the exact lingo but you get the message). 2 days ago I left a reply on another topic that stated "At the heart of Samadhi lies nothingness". That experience, or should I say non-experience, is what I was referring to when I said nothingness. There was no awareness of anything because I didn't exist (no mind/thoughts). There was no experience, no bliss, no infinity, no God, no awareness, no emptiness, no nothing. After that happened I wondered if there was a level of awareness that enlightened people have achieved that could experience that state of absolute nothingness. So I'm asking, what do you see here that I may not. What are your thoughts or better yet, direct experiences on this? You seem to have knowledge in this area. Thanks

@Leo Gura Awesome pic Leo. Now, pls don't interpret what I'm about to say the wrong way. I'm only saying it according to my experience, ok? (It's not a debate.) It's riding the ox backwards into one's body from nothingness, maybe not with M.C. Escher's drawing of lizards. Below..just another pic, just another hint. Then, one is left with a huge residue of 'divine love' / 'bliss' when awaken.

It will seems silly and very stupid but, I'm playing a game right now, it is like a Zelda game, but with lots of enigma (it is called Ittle Dew). There is a secret dungeon, with the most difficult puzzle in the game. Everytime that I don't know how to do the puzzle, I try many different tricks, If I can't find it within 30 minutes, I let it down, and begin again tomorrow. EVERY TIME I start the game again, I almost instantanously know how to solve the puzzle, or new stages of it. I'll not get into the detail, but, it is how your mind work, everytime you find an obstacle that you don't know how to face, if you give it enough time, you'll ALWAYS find the solution, always, guaranteed, just don't give up ! Fiix a timeframe where you brainstorm about your life purpose, let's say 1 hour every night and 2 when it is your day off. Stick to that, try lots of differents stuff: - Try new hobbies. - Do some values assesments. - Go to conferences (about any field). - Search the web at random subjects and jobs . - Go to some jobs helping center (don't know the expression in english ^^). If you see that you have some motivation issues, find some motivation video on youtube. If you have to, watch one everytime before you schedule, don't be afraid to seems silly in front of you wives/kids, you're doing something that will change your life for god sake ! Now, notes everything you like about these things, and after, I don't know, 3 months, read the list and try to concentrate all the points into 5. There you goes, you just have to seach jobs alongside those qualities and values of yours. It is a matter of time and time only, everyone have a purpose, but few have the motivation and will to find it, mostly because of limiting beliefs, negative social circle/relationship, and simply because they don't know it is a real thing ... The life purpose course of Leo is very very good, the price is silly for what you will get from it. What is 250$ against a life of bliss and fulfillement ? I mean, it's just 3 paycheck if you're on a minimum wage ... There isn't a purpose in the sense that everything that you do will get crushed at some point. In 5000 years, no one will remember you, even if you were a world class genius. Even in we find a way to travel into space and colonized an another earth-like planet, the galaxies and the universe itself will crumble. So even if you were the one guy who saved your race from extinction, it wouldn't matter anyway ... Now, what is a life purpose then ? Simply a task that you love to do, for the sake of doing it. I'm talking about a task that you love so much that you would pay for doing it, that you can do and don't even see time passing (like 8 hours in a row), you also think about it all the time. It really feels like your soul is attracted, you feel an energy inside you, that is so enormous, so vibrant, that you'refeeling the divine inside you, That's called life, live your fucking life !

[11th Dec. 2016] All I can say is; today was a great day. I haven't felt like this in years. I've changed the way I interact with people and it's resulted in me experiencing a lot more positive feelings. To go from emotional neglect to being happy again was bliss. I did in fact do a little experiment to see how my mindset changed things. After spending most my morning with other people and feeling energised from treating myself level with others, I decided to switch my mindset temporarily back to feeling inferior and I started a conversation from that perspective. I noticed how this meant the other person ended up mocking me more and would disregard my personal space and ultimately be more disrespectful. I felt all my energy being drained and that enthusiasm I couldnt hold back before kinda just burnt out. It's interesting who the real energy drainers are. I did this experiment with a few people and some didn't change their behaviour and treated me ok while some saw it as a vulnerability they could predate on. Besides the energy drainers, I also found there were some that really clicked with me which didn't happe before. I held the longest and most exciting conversation with this one person where we were both really engaged and found it hard to bring it to a close - as we were having such a laugh. Honestly, I can say I no longer feel like a loser deep down and this has really shifted my confidence. I went to a wedding with the same mindset and received much more positive vibes. Usually I'd be eating shit on a Sunday but I made myself some nice salads with French or Caesar dressing with a whole bunch of other healthy meals and I just can't help but relish how good it feels on a profound level. Like if I ate my lamb doner kebab or something sure it would taste great for those few moments of eating - but that pleasure is fleetIng. You get left feeling bloated, lazy and still feeling unsatisfied. Eat healthy 90% of the time, eat whatever the fuck you want for the 10%. Simple. I've been watching the SAS: who dares wins series on channel 4 and it's making me realise a lot more strongly how you only realise who the real you is through hardships and challenges. I feel like I'm not challenging myself to the point of breaking (not literally) and it means I can't develop as much as I want. I need to take up challenges like swimming x laps of the pool or burn x calories at the gym or spend x hours focused on schoolwork. Mentally and physically I can push harder - I know I can. Also, the apprentice is going great. I really liked the recent episode on creating and marketing a Gin. Or Giin should I say. Habits: Slept late but I woke up at 8:30 which is early on a Sunday. Its 1:14am as I write this so sleep time is definitely in the red. Water was pretty good, I drank regularly but I didn't track it just kinda went with how it felt. I estimate about 2.5l or slightly more is how much I drank. Granted its less less than yesterday but my bottles broken so I had to make due with smaller bottles and glasses of water. Exercise, I am going swimming tomorrow but actually I almost feel like going gym as well after watching SAS. We'll see ? Pre out. ?

my mind doesn`t know yet if that is stable or not but I am pretty sure. Since a few days I don`t care any longer whats Happening on the so called outside because I know that this is also me but just a mere reflection. I feel bliss and happiness no matter what appears as an experience and there is no negative emotion. enlightenment or Realisation is just one of These experiences that pass through me. I don`t care about those as well as Long as I am so blissful and excited. Forget about enlightenment ;-)

@CreativeInertia I get rid of values every day. Try it. Sit still in silence and watch how your mind comes up with an ideal. Watch the pain that comes with it, the duality between your ideal and the situation that triggered it. Then understand that the reason you are in pain is because you have an idea that is in conflict with reality. That is your conditioning because you wore this pattern in over a long period of time it became "normal" and that is what you mistake yourself for. Once you release the ideal you feel the bliss of who you are. The ideal will come back, keep working on it and you will eventually condition yourself to stay "in the heart" (your mind will turn around and rest in its source).. If you can create a conditioning for self inquiry and decondition yourself to uphold stupid values that do nothing but delude you, you will become free of all your conditioning. Thats purification process. As long as youre extroverting your mind and doing "self development" you are conditioning your mind to extrovert. You will never become self realized doing this. At the moment you are theorizing and idealizing about enlightenment. Do the actual work, because the more you theorize the ore you will end up deluded by these ideals and the suffering will not cease. When you have done that you will see for yourself what is real, and you will understand what im saying.

You got to understand that most these ideals are born of ignorance based on egoic differentiations and are nothing to do with reality. Reality is nondualistic, a bank robber is the same as an enlightened mahatma. Have goals by all means, do what you are blessed to do, but leos ideas are not based on functional ability, they are based on developing character traits that only exist in the egoic mind and are not actually real. Thats why they are absurd, because they are the ego romanticizing enlightenment. A real mahatma would laugh at this because its delusion. Suffering is not an illusion, its self inflicted because of the ego. But the suffering does not come from not being perfect, it comes from the ego trying to BE perfect, and making differentiations that are not actually there. Empathy is a delusion, sorry but it is. Adults understand that people live and die, why would a mahatma leave his bliss to get upset about things he has no control over. Ideals of compassion and emotional empathy are delusions based on chopping reality up into bits and trying to control reality. This is not enlightenment, its boo hoo bullshit of the "grown up" inner child who is conditioned to believe in compassion and empathy.

Leo, I am still addicted to the highs I get from conditional samsara happiness. Will spiritual bliss gradually overshadow this as I go deeper? Can I consistently feel better than I do during my craziest non-spiritual highs?

If a pathetic is at peace, that peace is a dead peace, it has no life in it. That silence is the silence of a cemetery, of the graveyard. No bliss in it.

How long ago was your last acid trip that you described? I've had a similar experience on acid years ago. This was when I was first introduced to concepts of chakras and energy systems and I didn't really know what to think about them, so I was sitting in the park high and just for fun decided if I could 'raise energy up my body' as a goof to see if anything would happen. An intense rumbling energy started from my lower body and raised upwards like it was vibrating intensely. It went up through the crown of my head and dispersed. I was left feeling incredibly vital. A minute or two later I would sit to meditate and it was just waves of the highest bliss I'd ever remembered feeling at the time. That experience turned me on to yoga and pranayama practices. Experiences like these are exciting but no good comes from becoming attached to them. They also take months and years to integrate and balance from, even if it doesn't feel like a lot is happening. Judging from the intensity of your experience, I would take care in your lifestyle, practices and psychedelic experiences. Take great heed. Allow the energy to subtly do its thing over time. Sometimes these intense experience come for a few moments or an hour or two or a day and then go away. If you keep pushing the river, however, sometimes you may trigger an experience of that intensity that can last days, weeks, months or longer. It can be harrowing. Lackadaisical attitude towards this kind of stuff can occasionally afford you reprimand from the universe. My advice is trip less, meditate more, and avoid practices that focus heavily on moving energy or focusing on energy centers.

Yes. But a blissful life without suffering makes definitely sense while we are still here. How to get there is the so called spiritual process which (if done properly) sheds wrong identifications from you. The successful conscious identification with Everything that is brings you into that state where you are able to choose your Feelings and where is no Need to suffer. I a way you are anticipating the death of the Body/mind/ego as a seperate unit by doing that. Can you as a human being exist without the support of your body? No. Without the Support of a the earth or a similar planet? No. Without the solar System? no. So why not seeing all of it as your larger Body. Can this whole stuff exist without the Support of the whole universe? no. So why not seeing the universe as your larger Body? And can the universe exist without the no-thingness that contains it? No. So why not seeing the no-thingness or all-that-is as your larger or infinite Body? So recognizing that or being Aware of that while still alive is a wonderful Thing to experience life in the deepest possible way. Why getting up, eating, shitting, working, eating sleeping, reproducing and falling dead one day? Whats the Point of it? You want to be touched or overwhelmed by life, that brings joy and bliss. So lets go there and get the most touching and overwhelming Feelings out of it.

Another fascinating description: http://sivanandaonline.org/public_html/?cmd=displaysection&section_id=1728 "In Samadhi or Superconsciousness the Yogic practitioner gets himself merged in the Lord. The senses, the mind and the intellect cease functioning. Just as the river joins the ocean, the individual soul mixes with the Supreme Soul. All limitations and differences disappear. The Yogi attains the highest knowledge and eternal bliss. This state is beyond description. You will have to realise this yourself. Taste the immortal sweetness of the beautiful life in the Self within. Live in Atman and attain the blessed immortal State. Meditate and reach the deeper depths of eternal life, the higher heights of divine glory and eventually attain the full glory of union with the Supreme Self. Now your long wearisome journey terminates. You have reached your destination, your sweet original home of everlasting peace, the Param Dham." I wonder if that last statement pertains to the idea of enlightenment/liberation and whether the consequences of achieving that state would mean physically ceasing to exist in this dualistic reality or a freedom to choose between manifesting to different states of being. From what Ive researched (not much), this state is achieved or experienced by very few buddhists and even so after decades of meditation. It would be ground-breaking if a technology (5MeO) truely exists that could catalyze this process and allow people true liberation in a matter of a few years... Of course it wont be easy since the work is more concentrated but the opportunity itself is revolutionary. P.S. I have been waiting 6 weeks now for my onion provider to send me the onions but they should arrive any day now so I am really exited. What we have to be willing to do to follow our intuition...unbelievable If everything goes well, I can share my experiences in the near future

Thank you very much @Azrael for these trip reports and the very intriguing insights you have provided us in this forum. My question is mainly addressed to those who have direct experience with either a breakthrough dose of 5-MeO and/or have achieved high spiritual states (in buddhism samadhi states). I only have theoretical knowledge (Leo's videos, trip reports, samadhi states reports etc) but I want the opinion of direct experiencers. Here is a description of Nirvikalpa Samadhi (http://www.godrealized.com/nirvikalpa_samadhi.html). "[Nirvikalpa Samadhi is] The achievement of a goal where one meets the Creator of all Essence, comes face-to-face with his own atman the soul within which is of the same Essence as Brahman (the Creator of the cosmos)". "One gains Realization of God and the Self only after attaining the stage of Nirvikalpa Samadhi." From another source: "When you enter into nirvikalpa samadhi, the first thing you feel is that your heart is larger than the universe itself. Ordinarily you see the world around you, and the universe seems infinitely larger than you are. But this is because the world and the universe are perceived by the limited mind. When you are in nirvikalpa samadhi, you see the universe as a tiny dot inside your vast heart. In nirvikalpa samadhi there is infinite bliss. Bliss is a vague word to most people. They hear that there is something called bliss, and some people say that they have experienced it, but most individuals have no firsthand knowledge of it. When you enter into nirvikalpa samadhi, however, you not only feel bliss, but actually grow into that bliss. The third thing you feel in nirvikalpa samadhi is power. All the power of all the occultists put together is nothing compared with the power you have in nirvikalpa samadhi. But the power that you can take from samadhi to utilise on earth is infinitesimal compared with the entirety." So I come to my question: Are the experiences of breakthrough 5-MeO-DMT and Nirvikalpa Samadhi phenomenologically the same/similar/different and if yes then in what aspects. From my theoretical understanding the experiences have many common traits and descriptions which leads to an interesting hypothesis. Can 5-MeO help facilitate or "achieve" the pinnacle of spiritual development aka what the buddhist call "Sahaja Samadhi" :" When one has this sahaja samadhi, one becomes the Lord and Master of Reality. One can go at his sweet will to the Highest and then come down to the earth-consciousness to manifest." "Even after achieving the highest type of realisation, on very rare occasions is anyone blessed with sahaja samadhi. Very few spiritual Masters have achieved this state. For sahaja samadhi, the Supreme's infinite Grace is required. Sahaja samadhi comes only when one has established inseparable oneness with the Supreme." Source: https://www.srichinmoy.org/spirituality/concentration_meditation_contemplation/samadhi Can I draw the conclusion that Martin Ball, Ph.D has achieved Sahaja Samadhi?

Hi Pauline! I would like to take a swing at this one.:) There is a faulty premise in you statement - "Since it's becoming a bigger part of my life that I can't share with them". Let that go sister. Enlightenment is MORE you. It is less of the personality you and more of the you that is aware it is everything. An enlightened you holds the perspective of love when others sense lack. An enlightened you holds the perspective of abundance when others sense shortage. See that you are your family and they are you. See that everything is one. You don't need to explain a single thing to anyone, ever. Continue to pursue your enlightenment. It is the only worthwhile endeavor. As you progress, your family will like what they see, like what they hear. You will love them more and more as time passes. Just keep on your path. If ever you feel less that great, you have found yourself yet another wonderful opportunity to allow yourself to see as the universe sees, because you are the universe, and the universe IS love. Dissonance - or any bad feeling, is the result of you holding a perspective on something - while your inner self (the universe) is holding a pure positive perspective of bliss. See it the universe's way. This is what is meant by "letting go". You are letting go of your "me" or "seperate" perspective, and simply allowing yourself to see as the universe within you is seeing. Also, this may help when it comes to your perspective on your family - there is no "lower level of consciousness". Does a deer have a lower level of consciousness? Of course not. The deer IS consciousness. The deer does not have a cerebral cortex to add it's opinion to it's perspective. It simply is the universe. It just is. Rock on Pauline!

Hey, I take 2 grams of the powder, mix it with a little bit of water and then just drink it. Then I wait 10-15 minutes and do the MeO. I elaborated in my second post a little bit on what it does. Basically it brings your attention in your body, makes a smile on your face and motivates you. So it brings up good feelings and makes it easier to surrender. For me, it does the trick. When I do MeO with Kola Nut I have a completely nice trip. No existential terror, just surrendering and pure bliss.

To last longer try to keep her orgasm in mind not yours, please her and make her feel wonders once you can get past a certain phase you can go all day while enjoying yourself just as well. Masturbating less helps too, or just practice masturbating without ejaculating. I haven't mastered the multiple orgasm thing myself so i can't help you on that one sorry but i think it has a lot to do with the mental state you are in at the time. If you are in bliss or high psychedelic state, it can feel like you orgasm the whole time.

Hey! This is my first post here on the actualized.org forums. I stumbled across Leo's vids about a year and a half ago just after I had my first awakening experience. In the first video I watched of Leo's about enlightenment, I was amazed at how similar his description of one of his experiences was to mine and I've been watching his videos ever since (his description of the wave of mini insights building upon each other, leading to one huge OMG! - afterwhich, for me, was followed by an outpour of laughter haha). Since the initial discovery, I have had many profound experiences of my true nature and non-dual awareness. I continue to meditate and absorb consciousness/non-duality/spirituality related content every day. The section between the dotted lines is just to give an idea of some of the experiences I've had! Feel free to skip ....... - A peak experience on LSD approximately 6-7 months ago, experienced what I would have described as a complete non dual state, I felt like all my ideas and identity whatsoever had been completely shattered, my sense of being permeated out into complete emptiness all around me, the crown chakra above my head opened up and I had extremely bright blue light emanating from a region 6-12 inches above my head, I also had orange light emanating out from my whole body, literally felt like my body was going to slip away, almost like skin being shed. My normal sense of thought became so foreign towards the end of the trip that the idea struck me that I wouldn’t be able to adjust to normal reality again (which lead to a brief freak out that I was able to overcome haha) - About 3 weeks after this experience I went to a friends house who has an amazing view basically overlooking my entire city, I had 1 very large bong hit of marijuana and straight after this walked out towards the view (whilst he went inside briefly so I was by myself), once I approached the edge and looked out, it was as though reality itself hit me again and I slipped into pure awareness. The crown chakra, which I had experienced on LSD, completely opened up again and I had bright blue light pouring out from the space above my head, it literally felt as though my head completely opened up and touched the sky. It was remarkable. My whole body merged with space, and I could feel literally feel it all, like my body had become a beacon within space. I could feel and percieve energy rippling all around me. Bliss overcame me and the whole experience lasted about 5 minutes, was unreal. - More recently whilst meditating my entire body slipped into full orgasm for about 5-10 minutes (was not even aware that this was possible), it was as though the energy of existence itself was entering me through my head and exiting out of my pelvic regions. Literally flowing through me, like being fucked by the cosmos and in turn it's energy exiting out of me back into it. Another overwhelming and amazing experience. - It's actually interesting how this came about, i was being sucked down a mind pattern that was causing me tremendous fear and i was resisting it hard, and then i surrendered completely to it and didn't run anymore, and boom i felt my heart open right up and the rest followed... - during many of these experiences, i've experienced thought and the 'me' entity from such a distance it's been unreal, purely perceiving the words and ideas of it floating in space itself, it's crazy how unbelievably different thought itself can seem from the rest of reality (especially in relation to nature and the physical world) .......... My question is mainly related to the idea of liberation. For me in day to day experience, I am completely aware of how I 'don't have a head', this region is pure space connected with the outer, and thoughts happen in this space located above my body (open eyes meditation and really observing how there is no 'seer', only the seen and my space amongst it, has been my favored form of meditation). I'm not saying I don't get caught in the egoic state, I absolutely do haha, and I feel 100x more sensitive to it now. There's a huge difference when you're identified with the thoughts and they feed on the bodies emotions. In fact, in the last 6 months I have struggled way more with egoic issues and fears coming up and gripping me than ever before. I often get caught and attached into perceiving it all as a serious problem to be solved rather than a play to be enjoyed. However, every time I find myself in nature now, or dedicating time for meditation/stillness, I find I am always able to rest in my being and experience this space . Yesterday for example, just sitting silently with my eyes closed and feeling my body, the boundaries completely dissipated and I found my breath taken away and my being merged in space again. Now as with most people, I'm still struggling to integrate the seeing of this reality fully as a mind & emotional body. I find most days are just like a roller coaster in and out of identification with the mind, unconscious to conscious, slipping into egoic states where I very easily begin to become frustrated at going through the same garbage patterns (like oh fuck me.. not this shit again.. i thought i was done with this x1000), then all of a sudden switch to noticing literally everything changing within my space and it is 100% clear to me that I am the changeless/timeless under all the change again. Hence, going through this roller coaster all the time, at this part of the journey i can't help but be in the habit of every day going about my life just longing to return to the deeper meditation/stillness again so I can gain that clarity. There's also like this underlying motivation of 'if I just keep resting deeply in being I will keep clearing up the garbage egoic stuff i carry', and that seems to me like the only real goal or progress there can be. However it just feels like this has been going on so long now and isn't even really going anywhere anymore. It's frustrating because it is so, so clear that this awareness is what I am, and there truly is no progress to be made with it. It only feels as though i need to work towards liberation in a sense, simply dropping more and more of the minds attachments. Only it doesn't seem that's even happening a lot of the time, or at many times that the egoic states/reactions get even worse! It just feels like that roller coaster is going round and round and then I wind up in deeper clarity for certain periods of the day, in and out etc. In this sense it feels like part of my awakening is missing, but at the same time i know it's not and can't be. Whenever I hear teachers like adyashanti, mooji, osho, sadhguru ..or even Leo and Martin in the recent video describe what the state of liberation is like.. I feel that this is exactly what I'm after and what I'm missing, and I feel that at the same time I've had a taste of this freedom and living from this state many, many times. Literally there has been countless times over the past year, listening to adyashanti describe liberation where I genuinely feel so close to it or that I even have what he is talking about... Now finally to my point, specifically in regards to Leo - when I hear someone like Leo say that they still aren't liberated, and still have more dissolving to do, even after all his experiences of oneness and understanding he no doubt has, (even doing 5-Meo multiple times for god sake), it literally just makes me want to give up completely at even hoping my egoic attachments and states of mind will dissipate haha. It makes me feel as though.. every time I might feel I am close in a way to this liberation that I will only be deluding myself. I know the reality is that Leo is a completely separate being to me and I have truly no idea what he might be experiencing in comparison to me, and that I am my own individual being and there's nothing say that liberation is not possible for me or that i'm not close (like as in... I shouldn't make a a belief that it can't be done just because of where Leo says he's at) - but at the same time.. even just logically, if someone who has had such extreme experiences and understanding still has much dropping of the ego to do, and he still knows he isn't truly liberated, it just makes my situation feel hopeless again, and that this state of liberation that these guys and teachers like adyashanti talk about might not even be possible, regardless of the fact that the self has been crystal clear to me so, so many times. Like I've had states where, even just the other day for example when I went for a swim in the ocean, it was literally as though "holy shit, wow, i am literally just the pure empty substance of reality, the sky itself, with four limbs dangling down from nothingness, nothingness inhabiting a body experiencing and feeling the beauty of this water, expanding outwards in all directions across the ocean, the mind & emotions, whatever that means, just dancing inside of this" - then a day later i'm in pure anger or have some fear I'm going crazy or something like this hahaha. The shift between extremes, and polar opposite paradigms/perceptions of reality can drive me nuts sometimes I tell ya. The difference between such a paradigm and the egoic one just feels so huge, and these days when I get caught in the egoic states sometimes it can be really horrible, like I can get caught in deeply despising it in a way. I feel like I still hold the illusion that something great has to happen so that I will fully embody the self and be done with the ego... Which both does and does not seem to be the case when I know I can only be the self, and have experienced it many, many times. So again.. I just don't see what more can be done other than simply returning to nature/meditation, listening to teachers and forgetting all the garbage for as much time as possible. Sorry for the overload/rambling, but if anyone, or hopefully even Leo himself could shed more light on liberation that would be great. I'm feeling close to that "i completely give up" point that martin describes and just taking a huge fkn puff of 5-meo and ending this nonsense for good haha (but I probably won't due to fear ) Thanks!

1. Because after those sits, I feel amazing. Not in the sense that i feel happy or bliss, but just peace. After those sits my mind is so calm... it's ridiculous no one told me this before Leo. 2. If you can endure that amount of suffering and be OK with that , you become like untouchable to the "human problems". For example if your self-image gets destroyed or if you fail at something... it doesn't effect your mood so much, because you are used to suffer. 3. Enlightenment/Total Peace.

Death? You mean the Transition ? Sorta, Its basically like waking up from a dream. Like when you have a nightmare and you wake up and you don't feel bad as usual but instead you feel relieved and free that its all over and go on by your day with a smile because you are free from your horrible nightmare. Unless of course you've been somehow been in a state of bliss most of your life. Just my understanding based on the experiences I've had. Indeed ego dies(in a human sense) and become one with everything but at the same time there is a universal identity(if you will) present. Its not really explainable but you remember everything when you wake up again and ultimately doesn't really matter as this whole life will be nothing but a faded memory. Do you remember the dream you had before you woke up this morning?

So to break it down, I have joined a spiritual group that knows all of the so called occult, or the knowledge of the hidden, with this I learned much too much on advancing the soul, this group is a satanic one, and contains of what would to be to onlookers as neo-nazism, which needs to be ignored as what is important is the spiritual concepts taught. The truth is, we all have a soul, this is what is known as consciousness: More on the discovery of the soul: https://www.princeton.edu/~hhalvors/papers/hh-soul-preview.pdf http://gostica.com/soul-science/quantum-physics-proves-that-death-is-an-illusion/ https://www.sott.net/article/271933-Scientists-claim-that-Quantum-Theory-proves-consciousness-moves-to-another-universe-at-death http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2503370/Quantum-physics-proves-IS-afterlife-claims-scientist.html http://www.learning-mind.com/quantum-theory-proves-that-consciousness-moves-to-another-universe-after-death/ The human soul contains 5 elements, fire,earth,air,water and spirit (or aether). The soul is of a light body, as shown in the illustration below: (Source: http://www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/Human_Soul.html) "Oneness" is a concept for the Soul who has connected Ida and Pnigala. This is truth on the afterlife: http://web.archive.org/web/20150329042134/http://www.exposingcommunism.com/The%20Afterlife%20and%20Reincarnation.pdf Disregard the dogma, and read it for what it is, as it goes into full depth of this so called "afterlife". Peace is also a spiritual concept, and peace is attained when one flushes out their negative Karma and mental problems, through meditation, and they achieve enlightenment. Which literally means, the filling of the Soul with light. This manifests into mental serenity, clearness of thought, and an elevated state of existence where one is no longer bothered by the problems of a disobedient and problematic "mind". The Buddah sat beneath the "Bo Tree" and achieved enlightenment. "Bo means serpent, as in Bo-A or Boo-Ta." Ancient religions centered around the reverence for the serpent. The serpent is the symbol of the kundalini. The "Tree of Knowledge" is really the map of the human soul. It is seen in nearly every ancient religion pre-dating Judeo/Christianity. The trunk symbolizes the spine, and the branches symbolize the chakras and the kundalini pathways. There are 144,000 nadis (channels for the kundalini life force) within the human soul. In addition to the 7 chakras, or the major sources of energy, there are several minor ones overlooked [ As much spiritual knowledge is actively suppressed. Also, a page on opening the chakras: http://www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/OpeningChakras.html Enlightenment is through the Crown chakra, (Where the Ida and Pingala merge) as shown in this diagram: On afterlife: "What one must be aware is the fundamental parts of the Soul, as in Male [Pigala] and Female [Ida] energy, as well as the Shushumna part of the Soul [the door and the place of Kundalini energy] which is the actual hermaphrodite energy. There have been posts asking to where people are asking about the pains of reincarnation, or how this happens and so forth. Yes, this is the unfortunate Truth, but not all of it and not the Truth for Satanists. We have to reincarnate again and again, which is the natural flow of things, the "natural" of a lower level of existence that we are not meant to exist in. As we have already stated, the Soul if not worked upon with by Meditation can die and wither away, like any other form in the universe. This is no different than leaving the physical body without food. The Gentile Soul is shaped in such manner that when perfected, it can be a self sustaining immortal mechanism, that has an energy uptake form its own self, in other words, as others perish in the after life, those who reach a stage will not. The energy will recreate itself and thus recreate the being. This is the so called "afterlife" the enemy raves about and never gives anyone." - From the article More on consciousness: Also Satan keeps and retains our Souls for those who have not reached this state. For better saying, he keeps and retains our "true self" which is the Soul we have had and possessed in all our lifetimes. This part of the Soul is the actual consciousness, as in pure consciousness and the real ID of the real self. This is who you really are. So long someone stays inside their womb, they are at that state, they are their pure self. The state by which this Real part of the Self is reached is called Samadhi in the East and this is the meaning of Satyan - Eternal Truth. Inside this state one realizes the not so human nature of the Human mind. Thats the literal meaning of the Delphic "know thyself" and of all other Ancient Mysteries. More on death of the physical: Due to our mortal physical body and our lack of spirituality, this state and any and all links to it get lost. This is what xianity aims, as at that state, the mind is overly expanded and the intelligence is amplified to such degree that hardly ever words can describe, because this state is not ordinarily "Human" in anyway. Its superhuman. Its more than Human, its really Human and not the nowdays "Human". If they entered that state. This state is symbolized by the Egyptians by the Wadjet eye, the Horus eye, (Third eye) which upon opening and being delved upon makes one see the Truth. [Satan opens one's spiritual eyes.] Though not mortally and consciously aware, this state is existing and happening inside Humanity, and is taking place in the form of the "higher ego" or "higher self" state, or simply the Samadhi state of consciousness. This state is totally inaccessible by any other means than meditation and also, mastery of the disciple of meditation and perfection of the Soul. Though, without there being a link from this form of consciousness, which is the Vadjet and the Divine Mother Kundalini in other cultures, the conscious self is trapped in basically two modes of consciousness: The male, conscious everyday consciousness [Ida] and the dream like state, the female part. [Pingala The first takes on when you are woken up, the second takes on when you are asleep. Illustration on the ida and pingala: The Male part of the Soul is directly linked to the Mental body, which is the link between the Male and Female parts of the Astral body. There is no "Mental body" on its own, its rather a part of the Male Astral body, but at the same time, what is called "mental body" communicates with the Female part of the Astral body, that contains the Subconscious and Unconscious parts of the Soul. I know it sounds complex, but if one gives it some time, they will understand this. Neither the Male or the Female part of these is really the Real Soul, as the Soul itself resides on the higher realms and is "touched" upon when the male and female part is fused, through empowerment of the Astral body. Both these parts constitute the Aura of the bodies and each body has its own Auric field, that does different things. These parts of the Soul act at the same time and with one another, directly influencing one another, to bigger or lesser degrees . The Astral body is the link between the Higher Part of the Soul, the Real Soul and the conscious/dream bodies that we have, that is dimensionally higher than the present 'ego' and is touched when one is advancing in meditation. When one works and strengthens the astral body, a fusal starts happening, between the higher body [Real Soul] and the lower body [the present Male Active and Female inactive part of the Soul, in the present incarnation]. As the Astral body becomes able, more and more of the "real self" [what we today call unconscious part of the mind, Kundalini Self] is becoming apparent in the everyday consciousness and in the sub conscience. The unconscious part can really become conscious but this is a long, very long process and its through this one becomes a God. Ideally, the Magnum Opus is when this fusal happens and one is again their real self, that has all their past life memories, all their past life knowledge and so forth. The higher part of the Soul is actually conscious and on the lower behalf of the body and Soul is the Kundalini Serpent. This is the Higher Mind. The Kundalini Serpent is actually what Satyan gave Humanity in order to save us from this vicious circle of the "rotar". The "rotar" is actually of the lower existential consciousness and of the enemy, where there is the vicious circle of "karma" that keeps people blind as to the real reality, which is Spiritual. Its the vicious circle of death and rebirth, good and bad and so forth, from which Humanity is ideally meant to escape, but the enemy makes sure to keep people stuck in, in order to exploit the lower beings. What you are living today and doing is also stored inside your unconscious part of the Soul. Stronger events have a bigger impact and are imprinted there. This is the "bank" of your Soul memories. This includes knowledge of past lifes and so forth. These parts of the self can also be regained through this process which is called the Magnum Opus. The mortal body is meant to become immortal through the Magnum Opus, which is the final goal of spirituality. Though, when the fixing of the Astral body has happened, one will not perish in the after life and they will not wither away like other Souls who are not worked upon, after they physically die. By that way, they can incarnate when they want and they can be self sustained. Also, one will have the nessescary power to tread the astral realms and so forth, which is important, and also Satan and the Gods of duat protect people from nerfarious astral entities. Dedicated Satanists at their moment of death, no different than Ancient Egyptians, are taken by the Gods to a special astral plane until they reincarnate. Those who haven't reached that state, though, must re-incarnate before they dissipate so they will not wither and die. Satan though keeps people who are before that state if they are willing and they are sustained, if there are reasons for that. If not, they will be reincarnated. All the bodies are inter-connected and all influence each other. This means something simple. The highest part of the Soul that Satan retains throughout reincarnation and the Gods keep, is influenced by the lowest half of the Soul which is the Physical and is directly linked to the Male part of the Soul, that we change in every lifetime and requires energy renewal until it is fixed through advancement. In other words, as the Astral body advances and you empower it, you empower all parts of your being and not only the body in itself, but the Higher Soul. The power raised through this action empowers your real "Soul", the real "ID" of yourself. At that point, all your progress adds up, so you do not really start from "ground zero" in the next lifetime. You do, but the memory and the openess is there, so states are re-attained real faster than before. When someone physically dies, they experience an opening of their own "Highest self", (which is the intense bliss from enlightenment) one but this only lasts until the physical body has died. Most do not even have any memory at all and most cannot even "get" to that state to actually get a glimpse of this body/Soul part. This is because this consciousness is too high and they are unable to get a hold of it, let alone understand any of it. So when one dies, they simply leave their dead body and the conscious part of their Soul [the Astral body, the body of Astral Projection] exits. It stays into the Astral realm and slowly dissipates. How fast or if it will dissipate depends on many, many things. Dedicated Satanists at that point, no matter how far they are, are being taken by Gods like Anubis and other Gods, so their astral body is escorted into a safe Haven for our Souls. They are sustained there until they reincarnate. With the Astral Body, which is the closer link and contains the "Higher Soul" or the "God part" they are reincarnated again. The Astral body contains inside it two things and a third thing which is the fusal of both. The male [lower Ego part conscious consciousness, Pingala consciousness] , the Subconsciousness [female part of the mind, Ida Consciousness] and the unconscious part which is more or less latent [depends on advancement, Shushumna/Kundalini consciousness] and its purpose is to transform both and save their progress and powers. The female part subconscious of the Soul, the Kundalini, does what is natural and is always striving to meet and connect with the male, conscious part of the Soul. The union produces the third part, which is the open door to the Unconscious part, the Kundalini part. "Unconscious" is only a term. Infact, its supreme consciousness, but not in anyway like the walking consciousness. This walking consciousness is only a part of the whole deal. All consciousness that is of the Astral body [conscious consciousness] gives place to the unconscious consciousness of the Higher Part of the Soul at this point of the Soul entering the Fetus. When one enters, the "Ego" part of the Astral body that they had in the last lifetime and they went to Duat with, dissipates again and they gain a new one, the one they will be born with. This part is given to the child by the parents and directly influences the Physical body aswell and this ties into the Racial criteria aswell. This is why National Socialism is as it is, and is of the Gods of Hell, but this is a whole another matter. What can be said simply, the better body, the better the expression of the Soul. The enemy give their all to destroy the genetics of Humanity for that reason. For this fusal to be able to happen, there has to exist a couple of Humans that are able to give the Soul the genetic material/physical material it needs to actually 'stick' to the body, so it can express itself and advance in the given body. The "Ego" part of the Self is being changed in every lifetime and with it, all conscious knowledge and sense of self is gone forever from Male conscious approach and is being saved inside the Kundalini/Unconscious part of the Soul, yet the female part of the Astral body or the Unconscious part [the Kundalini, the real Self, the Shushumna part of the Soul] remain intact but latent until activated, inside the Soul. In there the powers of the Soul are contained, the memories, the knowledge and anything else. When one is born, they swing again to the new Male conscious part, which is to a degree, connected to the Female part of the mind. How much one will be fused and aware depends on the level they had in their past lifetime. Thats why some people are born very powerful, some less, some very aware, some less aware and so forth. And the process goes on and on until its finalization. At the moment of entering the fetus, the "Ego" part "dies" at this point and with it, all conscious knowledge of the last lifetime. The unconscious part [the Female part of the Astral body] though operates when one is in the womb fully and then for the first years of one's life, with depending power, as it remains intact as it reincarnates intact. This is why some children have memories from past lives and they lose these later, while others do not. The female/latent part of the Soul longs to be connected to the new Active Male Part. Thats the fable of Eve giving Adam the Apple. Eve was tempted by the Serpent and gave Adam the apple. Then they both ate the Apple and they became as the Gods. Reincarnation is mandatory simply because the Male Part is the bio electricity of the Soul, the conscious spark of life, the part from the greater Serpentine energy that we have in out conscious availability to live and is given to us by the physical birth. The meaning though is to be self sustained as a Soul, as stated earlier. The enemy did their best as in threatening Humanity and in cursing them as to not attain this state of being. The knowledge of past lives does not literally exist in the Unconscious/Kundalini part of the Soul as mere "knowledge" but it manifests inside the life in the lower levels in many ways, until its finally accessible in such way that it can be rewired into the present mortal part of the mind, in the form it used to exist. In other words. Its not lost, but to literally re-absorb it, one can only do this after they have raised the Serpent. This force manifests so long that its allowed and accepted. For instance, if one is a Satanist in a past life, then this unconscious part of the Soul urges them to rejoin Satan in the present lifetime and so forth. Ultimately, it really opens up and operates, after they are Ascended. The raising of the Serpent unites the Male part of the Soul [the "Ego" one has in every lifetime] with the female part of the Soul [that remains only half intact after reincarnation, because as we are young it gets programmed by others - this is the door to the higher part of the mind] and they both unite and fuse with the Higher Self/ Kundalini part of the Soul [in which the real Soul ID that existed in all lifetimes and so forth, the real self exists]. The Rising of the Serpent is the ground upon which the True Self of all lifetimes is experienced and is becoming reality. When this happens, the door is being opened and is accessible to this higher self, for whatever purposes. You might think this is the end, but in reality, its the new beggining. Thats why DEATH and DYING and finally, RESURRECTION have been major themes in our Religion throughout the Ages. The consciousness from there on is totally perfected and reform and this is where the Purpose of Being is realized and new states of being have been achieved. The Truth becomes a part of our awareness. Through this consciousness and the help of our Gods, the physical body itself can be made immortal, which means one does no longer have to do this vicious circle of changing active parts of the Soul in every damn lifetime. The Gods give us this opportunity and also, Satan gave us the Serpent and the Higher Part of the Soul in which who we are through all this still preserves and lives and we carry this with us, so that existing over and over until we are finished and perfect is not totally needless. Even if one does not reach the Kundalini ascension fully in their lifetime, they carry with them in the latent part of the Soul the knowledge of how to get there faster, and also they carry the factors that contribute to doing this faster and faster in the next lifetime, so they can finally complete the work. For some it might manifest in making evolutionary leaps, for others in their natal chart, for others in faster advancement and in a sense of "what to do" and in many other forms. Being with Satan manifests in many ways as a wake up call to get to Satan and Satanism, or interest in the Old Pagan religions, or whatever else. For some it might also manifest itself as in raw power, for others in all the above. You get the meaning behind this, not everyone is the same.