Search the Community

I do have rajas. I do have karma. I do need to be a karma yogi before I become a sanyasi. How do I know? Because I suffer in work, I suffer in learning, I suffer in leisure, I have active bad habits. I do not have a powerful contemplative mind. When I try to be contemplative, I got thoughts and actions which carry me away. Act of knowing is awareness. When you are aware yor know. Knower is awareness. Awareness is knowledge. Removing ignorance is gaining awareness. Possibility field of forms takes form of knowledge in Maya. Transcending into pure awareness transcends past knowledge - into everything. Actions and objects are a form of knowledge. Experience is knowledge too. It's impermanent. How can an action be knowledge? Wherever somethin like this happens I should go into meditation. Or music suprisingly or eating )=?. Read on dharma. I think programming is just that for now for me. I do not want to care anymore, I want to know. I don't want to be an ignorant rajasic-tamasic person because what is the point? If I can be in bliss why should I be desiring? Fuck desires, fuck fears, fuck self judging, fuck doubting each miniscule pleasure. Thanks to math, bits of physics, psychology, SC, philosophy, neo teachers and now Advaita Vedanta, I already know the Truth. Everything is this factual math field of possibility a.k.a. physics multiverse a.k.a. information field a.k.a. phylosophy knowledge field a.k.a psychology/Advaita Vedanta awareness field. This is the only thing and our universe is a fold within it with us being complex little subfolds. All the folds but no separate entities. Everything is just one giant arational folded entity. This is a belief or a model but there are no facts which tell this model is not correct thus it must be true (no it must not, you're just creating a pet theory - stop it you dumbass). Everything is connected, anywhere we look there is no separation. Any law of physics ends up in no separation between anything (uncertainty principle means we do not know where and how a force carrying particle starts to communicate with a particle of matter. I just came up with idea that at that point Maya engine reshapes itself and for us inside it just looks like uncertainty in natural world. Ofcourse it's strange if world consists of separate granular quants of everything. But is perfectly logical if this particles interaction is an intricate refolding of single entity during which there are intermediate states of folding which do not carry any precise "natural world" meaning or "show" or "interpretation". Hanging and loading periods of computer does not carry any real meaning for us - we just do not understand what is going on inside, when there is a very intricate process of reshaping the memory going on). All separations are human abstractions. Quant can just be the smallest size of a fold of awareness in Maya. Speed of light can just be the highest speed of falling of this smallest folds dominos of Maya, basically a viscosity of Maya. It is not scientific because it's infallible. Awareness is every possibility so anything we can predict to be impossible can actually be possible in Maya. To make predictions with this we need to restate all principles of physics in terms of this folds - a math model. And evtl. I'm not that good at math. Ofcourse Advaita Vedanta would not tell us all this - because it's complex and unneeded when there is a much easier instrument - burning devotional desire to be liberated from suffering. But abscence of such things makes me believe I'm a program in my brain and all this enlightenment is BS. Well, the brain is a program in Maya. And program in it is a program in Maya too. So I'm a program in Maya. What is told is that I have a weak acceess to infinite Awareness outside of Maya and I can get there buy contemplating knowledge and self inquiry on top of cultivating calm - sattva. Moreover, there are tons of people who claim they "self inquiry. Why? Because it seems so stupid as fuck. So so fucking stupid. But I want to get enlightened. It's stupid but very complicated which makes it even more stupid. Why is it stupid and complicated? Because it has like 25 formal steps, 50 pitfalls, you need juiciest parts of your day to waste on it and you need to do it for hundreds of hours with no returns whatsoever. And it sounds legit to lots of people. And it appeals to burning desire and weakness in ourselves. How sick and stupid is that? I'd say crazy sick and stupid! Well you don't believe me? You haven't searched for, bought and used illegal drugs? You haven't wasted half a year of income to visit some crazy ashram full of bhati? You can't sit crosslegged motionless for 90 minutes? Well, fuck you, this is not for you, you're piece of shit in my way to greatness. And this is for special open minded evolved people. And you mind your own business, carry on. Die suffering, I have nothing to offer you, I don't know how to help you and I do not care, I have thousand of people who are evolved and open minded and I'll go with them. I'm projecting somewhat no doubt, but really, really, REALLY, isn't that a Leos message? Nope, I've reread the topic and the answers and I'm really projecting ))))))) Leo is impartial there, he just pedals the theme we should be working harder than each of us most probably do, nothing like I depict it. There is some hype there as well, but nothing more. Actually some other colleagues pedal some egoistic themes like I've depicted but not Leo. So why do I project? Well, out of desperation obviously. I should talk to them more and project less. Should I? Should I say I should anything? I really should not should I? Hehe. Why do I despair? Well for obvious reasons. My meditation practice crumbles, I am just like 15-20 hours into Vedanta satsang after 1.5 months, I'm still into all that victim stuff, I haven't seriously self inquired yet and time is ticking. Tick tock tick tock tick tock. Be patient, cowboy. Why so serious, you know you care less and less and know more and more and that is the real growth isn't it? Enjoy life my boy.

@Sharpadox You want to be a concept artist, cool. "Video games wasting hour's of people life" this is a limited belief. Video games aren't good or bad, it's just part of media culture, it's not black or white. You want to be a psychologist too, why not combine both. I feel the same about "helping the society with a better consciousness" but it seems a kinda neurotic goal... I think becoming a sage is independent from a career, but the career may have more impact on society than a sage alone in a cave. "Service to other" in general seems a kinda cool value, whatever it's in video games entertainment or psychology therapies. Follow your bliss, and trust your intuition (+life purpose course). In general, I would say "serve yourself first, and impact the society by your being". Whatever path you choose doesn't really have importance in the end. (My experience in CGI industry, working as an animator, is that in big companies you don't have decisions to make, even if it seems creative, you are just a piece in the puzzle, and basically do a technical job. Guys who choose art directions and scripts/dialogues that impact the society are at the top of the pyramid, and often it's where the money leads the game. So you could choose to be independent and work in a small team, like most indie games today). This is @Leo Gura's life before actualized.org^^ : For more inspiring material, I suggest "Indie Game: The Movie" if you haven't seen it yet. See you

"Pure" consciousness is always, the ordinary and extraordinary, which you might define as buttering your bread, tying your shoelaces, reading this post, having an experience of sustained bliss or meditation high, reading a book or jumping into a pool, anything that happens to you or anyone else is perfect for the fact it's appeared First what is enlightenment? The realisation of your nature, which some claim as everything, or Consciousness, God, Infinity, whatever symbol you wish to label it, although the moment we attempt to label it we reduce it, for words are bound in the apperance of themselves, so I honestly don't know what my nature or anybody else's is, for I see "nature" as another symbol, Yet how can our claim we present to reality as eternal, whole, perfect & infinite, also be claimed as having levels or a hierarchy to it? High awareness vs low awareness, duality vs non-duality, Higher self vs Lower self, aware vs unaware, blind vs seen, we reference these terms in relation to ourselves, but if the very nature of our identity is an illusion, or a misconception, anything we term in realition to ourselves also falls under the category of illusion or misconception, for again, language and thoughts are bound in the appearance of themselves, while at the same time "bound" is yet another word, Yet the apperance of all, including all thoughts, all experiences, ect.. is nothing but the appearance of itself. I don't really know, confused myself writing this honestly, so it's just a thought

@Nature Transcript I am reminded of the fateful day of twenty-first March, 1953. For many lives I had been working—working upon myself, struggling, doing whatsoever can be done—and nothing was happening. Now I understand why nothing was happening. The very effort was the barrier, the very ladder was preventing, the very urge to seek was the obstacle. Not that one can reach without seeking. Seeking is needed, but then comes a point when seeking has to be dropped. The boat is needed to cross the river but then comes a moment when you have to get out of the boat and forget all about it and leave it behind. Effort is needed, without effort nothing is possible. And also only with effort, nothing is possible. Just before twenty-first March, 1953, seven days before, I stopped working on myself. A moment comes when you see the whole futility of effort. You have done all that you can do and nothing is happening. You have done all that is humanly possible. Then what else can you do? In sheer helplessness one drops all search. And the day the search stopped, the day I was not seeking for something, the day I was not expecting something to happen, it started happening. A new energy arose—out of nowhere. It was not coming from any source. It was coming from nowhere and everywhere. It was in the trees and in the rocks and the sky and the sun and the air—it was everywhere. And I was seeking so hard, and I was thinking it is very far away. And it was so near and so close. Just because I was seeking I had become incapable of seeing the near. Seeking is always for the far, seeking is always for the distant—and it was not distant. I had become far-sighted, I had lost the near-sightedness. The eyes had become focussed on the far away, the horizon, and they had lost the quality to see that which is just close, surrounding you. The day effort ceased, I also ceased. Because you cannot exist without effort, and you cannot exist without desire, and you cannot exist without striving. The phenomenon of the ego, of the self, is not a thing, it is a process. It is not a substance sitting there inside you; you have to create it each moment. It is like pedalling bicycle. If you pedal it goes on and on, if you don't pedal it stops. It may go a little because of the past momentum, but the moment you stop pedalling, in fact the bicycle starts stopping. It has no more energy, no more power to go anywhere. It is going to fall and collapse. The ego exists because we go on pedalling desire, because we go on striving to get something, because we go on jumping ahead of ourselves. That is the very phenomenon of the ego—the jump ahead of yourself, the jump in the future, the jump in the tomorrow. The jump in the non-existential creates the ego. Because it comes out of the non-existential it is like a mirage. It consists only of desire and nothing else. It consists only of thirst and nothing else. The ego is not in the present, it is in the future. If you are in the future, then ego seems to be very substantial. If you are in the present the ego is a mirage, it starts disappearing. The day I stopped seeking…and it is not right to say that I stopped seeking, better will be to say the day seeking stopped. Let me repeat it: the better way to say it is the day the seeking stopped. Because if I stop it then I am there again. Now stopping becomes my effort, now stopping becomes my desire, and desire goes on existing in a very subtle way. You cannot stop desire; you can only understand it. In the very understanding is the stopping of it. Remember, nobody can stop desiring, and the reality happens only when desire stops. So this is the dilemma. What to do? Desire is there and Buddhas go on saying desire has to be stopped, and they go on saying in the next breath that you cannot stop desire. So what to do? You put people in a dilemma. They are in desire, certainly. You say it has to be stopped—okay. And then you say it cannot be stopped. Then what is to be done? The desire has to be understood. You can understand it, you can just see the futility of it. A direct perception is needed, an immediate penetration is needed. Look into desire, just see what it is, and you will see the falsity of it, and you will see it is non-existential. And desire drops and something drops simultaneously within you. Desire and the ego exist in cooperation, they coordinate. The ego cannot exist without desire, the desire cannot exist without the ego. Desire is projected ego, ego is introjected desire. They are together, two aspects of one phenomenon. The day desiring stopped, I felt very hopeless and helpless. No hope because no future. Nothing to hope because all hoping has proved futile, it leads nowhere. You go in rounds. It goes on dangling in front of you, it goes on creating new mirages, it goes on calling you, 'Come on, run fast, you will reach.' But howsoever fast you run you never reach. That's why Buddha calls it a mirage. It is like the horizon that you see around the earth. It appears but it is not there. If you go it goes on running from you. The faster you run, the faster it moves away. The slower you go, the slower it moves away. But one thing is certain—the distance between you and the horizon remains absolutely the same. Not even a single inch can you reduce the distance between you and the horizon. You cannot reduce the distance between you and your hope. Hope is horizon. You try to bridge yourself with the horizon, with the hope, with a projected desire. The desire is a bridge, a dream bridge—because the horizon exists not, so you cannot make a bridge towards it, you can only dream about the bridge. You cannot be joined with the non-existential. The day the desire stopped, the day I looked and realized into it, it simply was futile. I was helpless and hopeless. But that very moment something started happening. The same started happening for which for many lives I was working and it was not happening. In your hopelessness is the only hope, and in your desirelessness is your only fulfillment, and in your tremendous helplessness suddenly the whole existence starts helping you. It is waiting. When it sees that you are working on your own, it does not interfere. It waits. It can wait infinitely because there is no hurry for it. It is eternity. The moment you are not on your own, the moment you drop, the moment you disappear, the whole existence rushes towards you, enters you. And for the first time things start happening. Seven days I lived in a very hopeless and helpless state, but at the same time something was arising. When I say hopeless I don't mean what you mean by the word hopeless. I simply mean there was no hope in me. Hope was absent. I am not saying that I was hopeless and sad. I was happy in fact, I was very tranquil, calm and collected and centered. Hopeless, but in a totally new meaning. There was no hope, so how could there be hopelessness. Both had disappeared. The hopelessness was absolute and total. Hope had disappeared and with it its counterpart, hopelessness, had also disappeared. It was a totally new experience—of being without hope. It was not a negative state. I have to use words—but it was not a negative state. It was absolutely positive. It was not just absence, a presence was felt. Something was overflowing in me, overflooding me. And when I say I was helpless, I don't mean the word in the dictionary-sense. I simply say I was selfless. That's what I mean when I say helpless. I have recognized the fact that I am not, so I cannot depend on myself, so I cannot stand on my own ground—there was no ground underneath. I was in an abyss…bottomless abyss. But there was no fear because there was nothing to protect. There was no fear because there was nobody to be afraid. Those seven days were of tremendous transformation, total transformation. And the last day the presence of a totally new energy, a new light and new delight, became so intense that it was almost unbearable—as if I was exploding, as if I was going mad with blissfulness. The new generation in the West has the right word for it—I was blissed out, stoned. It was impossible to make any sense out of it, what was happening. It was a very non-sense world—difficult to figure it out, difficult to manage in categories, difficult to use words, languages, explanations. All scriptures appeared dead and all the words that have been used for this experience looked very pale, anaemic. This was so alive. It was like a tidal wave of bliss. The whole day was strange, stunning, and it was a shattering experience. The past was disappearing, as if it had never belonged to me, as if I had read about it somewhere, as if I had dreamed about it, as if it was somebody else's story I have heard and somebody told it to me. I was becoming loose from my past, I was being uprooted from my history, I was losing my autobiography. I was becoming a non-being, what Buddha calls anatta. Boundaries were disappearing, distinctions were disappearing. Mind was disappearing; it was millions of miles away. It was difficult to catch hold of it, it was rushing farther and farther away, and there was no urge to keep it close. I was simply indifferent about it all. It was okay. There was no urge to remain continuous with the past. By the evening it became so difficult to bear it—it was hurting, it was painful. It was like when a woman goes into labour when a child is to be born, and the woman suffers tremendous pain—the birth pangs. I used to go to sleep in those days near about twelve or one in the night, but that day it was impossible to remain awake. My eyes were closing, it was difficult to keep them open. Something was very imminent, something was going to happen. It was difficult to say what it was—maybe it is going to be my death—but there was no fear. I was ready for it. Those seven days had been so beautiful that I was ready to die, nothing more was needed. They had been so tremendously blissful, I was so contented, that if death was coming, it was welcome. But something was going to happen—something like death, something very drastic, something which will be either a death or a new birth, a crucifixion or a resurrection—but something of tremendous import was around just by the corner. And it was impossible to keep my eyes open. I was drugged. I went to sleep near about eight. It was not like sleep. Now I can understand what Patanjali means when he says that sleep and samadhi are similar. Only with one difference—that in samadhi you are fully awake and asleep also. Asleep and awake together, the whole body relaxed, every cell of the body totally relaxed, all functioning relaxed, and yet a light of awareness burns within you…clear, smokeless. You remain alert and yet relaxed, loose but fully awake. The body is in the deepest sleep possible and your consciousness is at its peak. The peak of consciousness and the valley of the body meet. I went to sleep. It was a very strange sleep. The body was asleep, I was awake. It was so strange—as if one was torn apart into two directions, two dimensions; as if the polarity has become completely focused, as if I was both the polarities together…the positive and negative were meeting, sleep and awareness were meeting, death and life were meeting. That is the moment when you can say 'the creator and the creation meet.' It was weird. For the first time it shocks you to the very roots, it shakes your foundations. You can never be the same after that experience; it brings a new vision to your life, a new quality. Near about twelve my eyes suddenly opened—I had not opened them. The sleep was broken by something else. I felt a great presence around me in the room. It was a very small room. I felt a throbbing life all around me, a great vibration—almost like a hurricane, a great storm of light, joy, ecstasy. I was drowning in it. It was so tremendously real that everything became unreal. The walls of the room became unreal, the house became unreal, my own body became unreal. Everything was unreal because now there was for the first time reality. That's why when Buddha and Shankara say the world is maya, a mirage, it is difficult for us to understand. Because we know only this world, we don't have any comparison. This is the only reality we know. What are these people talking about—this is maya, illusion? This is the only reality. Unless you come to know the really real, their words cannot be understood, their words remain theoretical. They look like hypotheses. Maybe this man is propounding a philosophy—'The world is unreal'. When Berkley in the West said that the world is unreal, he was walking with one of his friends, a very logical man; the friend was almost a skeptic. He took a stone from the road and hit Berkley's feet hard. Berkley screamed, blood rushed out, and the skeptic said, 'Now, the world is unreal? You say the world is unreal?—then why did you scream? This stone is unreal?—then why did you scream? Then why are you holding your leg and why are you showing so much pain and anguish on your face. Stop this? It is all unreal. Now this type of man cannot understand what Buddha means when he says the world is a mirage. He does not mean that you can pass through the wall. He is not saying this—that you can eat stones and it will make no difference whether you eat bread or stones. He is not saying that. He is saying that there is a reality. Once you come to know it, this so-called reality simply pales out, simply becomes unreal. With a higher reality in vision the comparison arises, not otherwise. In the dream; the dream is real. You dream every night. Dream is one of the greatest activities that you go on doing. If you live sixty years, twenty years you will sleep and almost ten years you will dream. Ten years in a life—nothing else do you do so much. Ten years of continuous dreaming—just think about it. And every night…. And every morning you say it was unreal, and again in the night when you dream, dream becomes real. In a dream it is so difficult to remember that this is a dream. But in the morning it is so easy. What happens? You are the same person. In the dream there is only one reality. How to compare? How to say it is unreal? Compared to what? It is the only reality. Everything is as unreal as everything else so there is no comparison. In the morning when you open your eyes another reality is there. Now you can say it was all unreal. Compared to this reality, dream becomes unreal. There is an awakening—compared to that reality of that awakening, this whole reality becomes unreal. That night for the first time I understood the meaning of the word maya. Not that I had not known the word before, not that I was not aware of the meaning of the word. As you are aware, I was also aware of the meaning—but I had never understood it before. How can you understand without experience? That night another reality opened its door, another dimension became available. Suddenly it was there, the other reality, the separate reality, the really real, or whatsoever you want to call it—call it god, call it truth, call it dhamma, call it tao, or whatsoever you will. It was nameless. But it was there—so opaque, so transparent, and yet so solid one could have touched it. It was almost suffocating me in that room. It was too much and I was not yet capable of absorbing it. A deep urge arose in me to rush out of the room, to go under the sky—it was suffocating me. It was too much! It will kill me! If I had remained a few moments more, it would have suffocated me—it looked like that. I rushed out of the room, came out in the street. A great urge was there just to be under the sky with the stars, with the trees, with the earth…to be with nature. And immediately as I came out, the feeling of being suffocated disappeared. It was too small a place for such a big phenomenon. Even the sky is a small place for that big phenomenon. It is bigger than the sky. Even the sky is not the limit for it. But then I felt more at ease. I walked towards the nearest garden. It was a totally new walk, as if gravitation had disappeared. I was walking, or I was running, or I was simply flying; it was difficult to decide. There was no gravitation, I was feeling weightless—as if some energy was taking me. I was in the hands of some other energy. For the first time I was not alone, for the first time I was no more an individual, for the first time the drop has come and fallen into the ocean. Now the whole ocean was mine, I was the ocean. There was no limitation. A tremendous power arose as if I could do anything whatsoever. I was not there, only the power was there. I reached to the garden where I used to go every day. The garden was closed, closed for the night. It was too late, it was almost one o'clock in the night. The gardeners were fast asleep. I had to enter the garden like a thief, I had to climb the gate. But something was pulling me towards the garden. It was not within my capacity to prevent myself. I was just floating. That's what I mean when I say again and again 'float with the river, don't push the river'. I was relaxed, I was in a let-go. I was not there. it was there, call it god—god was there. I would like to call it it, because god is too human a word, and has become too dirty by too much use, has become too polluted by so many people. Christians, Hindus, Mohammedans, priests and politicians—they all have corrupted the beauty of the word. So let me call it it. It was there and I was just carried away…carried by a tidal wave. The moment I entered the garden everything became luminous, it was all over the place—the benediction, the blessedness. I could see the trees for the first time—their green, their life, their very sap running. The whole garden was asleep, the trees were asleep. But I could see the whole garden alive, even the small grass leaves were so beautiful. I looked around. One tree was tremendously luminous—the maulshree tree. It attracted me, it pulled me towards itself. I had not chosen it, god himself has chosen it. I went to the tree, I sat under the tree. As I sat there things started settling. The whole universe became a benediction. It is difficult to say how long I was in that state. When I went back home it was four o'clock in the morning, so I must have been there by clock time at least three hours—but it was infinity. It had nothing to do with clock time. It was timeless. Those three hours became the whole eternity, endless eternity. There was no time, there was no passage of time; it was the virgin reality—uncorrupted, untouchable, unmeasurable. And that day something happened that has continued—not as a continuity—but it has still continued as an undercurrent. Not as a permanency—each moment it has been happening again and again. It has been a miracle each moment. That night…and since that night I have never been in the body. I am hovering around it. I became tremendously powerful and at the same time very fragile. I became very strong, but that strength is not the strength of a Mohammed Ali. That strength is not the strength of a rock, that strength is the strength of a rose flower—so fragile in his strength…so fragile, so sensitive, so delicate. The rock will be there, the flower can go any moment, but still the flower is stronger than the rock because it is more alive. Or, the strength of a dewdrop on a leaf of grass just shining; in the morning sun—so beautiful, so precious, and yet can slip any moment. So incomparable in its grace, but a small breeze can come and the dewdrop can slip and be lost forever. Buddhas have a strength which is not of this world. Their strength is totally of love…Like a rose flower or a dewdrop. Their strength is very fragile, vulnerable. Their strength is the strength of life not of death. Their power is not of that which kills; their power is of that which creates. Their power is not of violence, aggression; their power is that of compassion. But I have never been in the body again, I am just hovering around the body. And that's why I say it has been a tremendous miracle. Each moment I am surprised I am still here, I should not be. I should have left any moment, still I am here. Every morning I open my eyes and I say, 'So, again I am still here?' Because it seems almost impossible. The miracle has been a continuity. Just the other day somebody asked a question—'Osho, you are getting so fragile and delicate and so sensitive to the smells of hair oils and shampoos that it seems we will not be able to see you unless we all go bald.' By the way, nothing is wrong with being bald—bald is beautiful. Just as 'black is beautiful', so 'bald is beautiful'. But that is true and you have to be careful about it. I am fragile, delicate and sensitive. That is my strength. If you throw a rock at a flower nothing will happen to the rock, the flower will be gone. But still you cannot say that the rock is more powerful than the flower. The flower will be gone because the flower was alive. And the rock—nothing will happen to it because it is dead. The flower will be gone because the flower has no strength to destroy. The flower will simply disappear and give way to the rock. The rock has a power to destroy because the rock is dead. Remember, since that day I have never been in the body really; just a delicate thread joins me with the body. And I am continuously surprised that somehow the whole must be willing me to be here, because I am no more here with my own strength, I am no more here on my own. It must be the will of the whole to keep me here, to allow me to linger a little more on this shore. Maybe the whole wants to share something with you through me. Since that day the world is unreal. Another world has been revealed. When I say the world is unreal I don't mean that these trees are unreal. These trees are absolutely real—but the way you see these trees is unreal. These trees are not unreal in themselves—they exist in god, they exist in absolute reality—but the way you see them you never see them; you are seeing something else, a mirage. You create your own dream around you and unless you become awake you will continue to dream. The world is unreal because the world that you know is the world of your dreams. When dreams drop and you simply encounter the world that is there, then the real world. There are not two things, god and the world. God is the world if you have eyes, clear eyes, without any dreams, without any dust of the dreams, without any haze of sleep; if you have clear eyes, clarity, perceptiveness, there is only god. Then somewhere god is a green tree, and somewhere else god is a shining star, and somewhere else god is a cuckoo, and somewhere else god is a flower, and somewhere else a child and somewhere else a river—then only god is. The moment you start seeing, only god is. But right now whatsoever you see is not the truth, it is a projected lie. That is the meaning of a mirage. And once you see, even for a single split moment, if you can see, if you can allow yourself to see, you will find immense benediction present all over, everywhere—in the clouds, in the sun, on the earth. This is a beautiful world. But I am not talking about your world, I am talking about my world. Your world is very ugly, your world is your world created by a self, your world is a projected world. You are using the real world as a screen and projecting your own ideas on it. When I say the world is real, the world is tremendously beautiful, the world is luminous with infinity, the world is light and delight, it is a celebration, I mean my world—or your world if you drop your dreams. When you drop your dreams you see the same world as any Buddha has ever seen. When you dream you dream privately. Have you watched it?—that dreams are private. You cannot share them even with your beloved. You cannot invite your wife to your dream—or your husband, or your friend. You cannot say, 'Now, please come tonight in my dream. I would like to see the dream together.' It is not possible. Dream is a private thing, hence it is illusory, it has no objective reality. God is a universal thing. Once you come out of your private dreams, it is there. It has been always there. Once your eyes are clear, a sudden illumination—suddenly you are overflooded with beauty, grandeur and grace. That is the goal, that is the destiny. Let me repeat. Without effort you will never reach it, with effort nobody has ever reached it. You will need great effort, and only then there comes a moment when effort becomes futile. But it becomes futile only when you have come to the very peak of it, never before it. When you have come to the very pinnacle of your effort—all that you can do you have done—then suddenly there is no need to do anything any more. You drop the effort. But nobody can drop it in the middle, it can be dropped only at the extreme end. So go to the extreme end if you want to drop it. Hence I go on insisting: make as much effort as you can, put your whole energy and total heart in it, so that one day you can see—now effort is not going to lead me anywhere. And that day it will not be you who will drop the effort, it drops on its own accord. And when it drops on its own accord, meditation happens. Meditation is not a result of your efforts, meditation is a happening. When your efforts drop, suddenly meditation is there…the benediction of it, the blessedness of it, the glory of it. It is there like a presence…luminous, surrounding you and surrounding everything. It fills the whole earth and the whole sky. That meditation cannot be created by human effort. Human effort is too limited. That blessedness is so infinite. You cannot manipulate it. It can happen only when you are in a tremendous surrender. When you are not there only then it can happen. When you are a no-self—no desire, not going anywhere—when you are just herenow, not doing anything in particular, just being, it happens. And it comes in waves and the waves become tidal. It comes like a storm, and takes you away into a totally new reality. But first you have to do all that you can do, and then you have to learn non-doing. The doing of the non-doing is the greatest doing, and the effort of effortlessness is the greatest effort. Your meditation that you create by chanting a mantra or by sitting quiet and still and forcing yourself, is a very mediocre meditation. It is created by you, it cannot be bigger than you. It is homemade, and the maker is always bigger than the made. You have made it by sitting, forcing in a yoga posture, chanting 'rama, rama, rama' or anything—'blah, blah, blah'—anything. You have forced the mind to become still. It is a forced stillness. It is not that quiet that comes when you are not there. It is not that silence which comes when you are almost non-existential. It is not that beautitude which descends on you like a dove. It is said when Jesus was baptized by John the Baptist in the Jordan River, god descended in him, or the holy ghost descended in him like a dove. Yes, that is exactly so. When you are not there peace descends in you…fluttering like a dove…reaches in your heart and abides there and abides there forever. You are your undoing, you are the barrier. Meditation is when the meditator is not. When the mind ceases with all its activities—seeing that they are futile—then the unknown penetrates you, overwhelms you. The mind must cease for god to be. Knowledge must cease for knowing to be. You must disappear, you must give way. You must become empty, then only you can be full. That night I became empty and became full. I became non-existential and became existence. That night I died and was reborn. But the one that was reborn has nothing to do with that which died, it is a discontinuous thing. On the surface it looks continuous but it is discontinuous. The one who died, died totally; nothing of him has remained. Believe me, nothing of him has remained, not even a shadow. It died totally, utterly. It is not that I am just a modified rup, transformed, modified form, transformed form of the old. No, there has been no continuity. That day of March twenty-first, the person who had lived for many many lives, for millennia, simply died. Another being, absolutely new, not connected at all with the old, started to exist. Religion just gives you a total death. Maybe that's why the whole day previous to that happening I was feeling some urgency like death, as if I am going to die—and I really died. I have known many other deaths but they were nothing compared to it, they were partial deaths. Sometimes the body died, sometimes a part of the mind died, sometimes a part of the ego died, but as far as the person was concerned, it remained. Renovated many times, decorated many times, changed a little bit here and there, but it remained, the continuity remained. That night the death was total. It was a date with death and god simultaneously.

God has given you absolute freedom, you can choose to suffer, you can choose bliss. Without freedom to suffer you can't grow, without suffering you will remain unconscious, it is the experience of suffering which makes you realize bliss. Without any darkness can you realize existence of light ? No, God is everything. If God is all good, where bad , evil comes from ?

According to near death experiences, who have very real experiences of God, infinity, total bliss etc. You are met by loved ones and God/The light; bliss; being home. Then you have life review. Then you stay there for a while. Because we learn about it via NDE experiences people are sent back, or chose to go back for what ever reason. I belief 'being sent back' is not really a choice that is made separate from you, because ultimately you are God, but if you haven't raised you awareness enough it made seem like you are being sent back by it, but for your own best, because at a higher level you like to evolve further in the game. - So I think you can do everything, another incarnation, staying in heaven, creating what ever you imagine, being with other souls, incarnating in other planets, dimensions etc. But if you have a low consciousness and thus lived a selfish life, you might decide from the higher consciousness to go back and raise it further; become closer to spirit through your own evolution first, and perhaps experience some balancing because of some choices you made because you like the idea of karma and it serves your growth. You might like this site by the way: www.evidenceforthesoul.weebly.com

This has gone over my head, thank the Lord! Ignorance is bliss

How happy do you have to be if you realise you are not fearing your biggest fear right now? Instant state of bliss - less than one hit of marijuanna - because it allows me to see my real fears and realise if I am not experiencing them (in the present) I should be in a state of permanent elation. What more could one ask for. I can feel myself flowing. I love meditation. LOVE. To feel good in the body is LOVE.

Sooo, boys and girls. I had a quite interesting year and I thought I sum it up in this post, so you can benefit from my lessons and have some fun reading. Plus I'll probably share a little forecast in which direction I currently take my spiritual journey. I'll take the major topics and hindrances I faced this year and illustrate them a little bit and cut all of the uninteresting shit. So it goes like this ... +++ Existential Crisis +++ If I had to sum up my whole spiritual journey this year with one phrase, it would probably be that: an existential crisis. A complete brain-fuck and wrapping every one of my world-views inside out. It's kind of interesting, I started my meditative journey in early April 2015 and for most of that year and the first two months of 2016 it just gave me lots ad lots of typical benefits. I would be way more calmer, I stopped biting my finger nails, I stopped smoking, I had my first clarity experiences, I was very pumped up to do my meditation etc. etc. Then in early 2016 I watched @Leo Gura's Free-Will-video and meditated after it one the question: "What is going to happen next?". And in this meditation a strange shift happened. It was a very physical kind of opening (like literally a popping in my head) and from then I could consciously conceive that there are thoughts that I consciously formulate and there are thoughts that just come up and fill up the space. From this day on, my whole life should begin to change. In the next 4 months I had the deepest experiences of fear, anxiety, helplessness, depression, falling apart etc. etc. that I ever had in my life. Besides that, I had the deepest realizations I had so far on my journey, 3-4 deep awakening experiences that always were surrounded with 1-2 weeks of total bliss and then an even deeper amount of existential crisis than I experienced it before. It all ended in early August I guess, right after I had my first Kundalini awakening in late July. This was one of the strangest things I ever experienced and at the time I didn't even knew what it was. I found out 1-2 months later here on the forum and then through research, that what I experienced was a Kundalini awakening. Now, this whole phase was extremely strenuous. I had weeks and months in which I would wake up and be bombarded from second one with tremendous and ridiculous thoughts. In my daily meditation it would even get worse and make me completely crazy. I had a few sits I had to end after about 40 minutes because it was too hard. I had phases in which when I went outside I felt any kind of distress another person carries around amplified times a thousand in my own body with awful thoughts screaming at me. Why did all of this happen? Well, I was bullied when I was about 12-14 years old for doing shitty rap music and I have some regular deficiencies and problems most of us have. If you wanna get out of the trap, you'll have to cut every single one of these bindings to the world. And you have to let go of your shadow. And that's not a pretty process. I had 2 times I seriously thought about suicide, because it was that hard. Funnily, right after these times I had even deeper awakenings. But well, if you go through such a phase yourself (and you will more than one time probably on your journey) go back to this post and see you are not alone. It's natural and its very good. It gives you so much strength, realization and vision. It's incredible. You come out of that as a new human being. Also, how did I went through all that w/o going completely nuts. Well, I went nuts for some time to be honest. I had times in which I wasn't sure anymore whether this is just purging or whether I'm mentally insane. I followed my intuition that said "Wait it out" and so I did. Everything was okay. I went through it. In that time I tried literally every kind of meditation technique, listened to every Alan Watts lecture multiple times, listened to tons of Rupert Spira stuff, Mooji stuff, did all sorts of things to help me out and they all did to a certain degree, but in the end I just had to take it and experience it. It's hard, and it's okay to give in in that phase and learn from it. I started smoking again for example, because I knew it would help me out here and I could stop it when I'm through and have the mental power for it. For you it might be eating some ice cream, binging on other shit. Sometimes, this is necessary. +++ Change in perspective +++ Another key change this year was my change in perspective. When I started out on my enlightenment journey the one thing I was mostly fascinated about was: "How is the day to day perspective of an enlightenment being?" Because they always say: "Well, you have it. You are it." But there still is a change that is happening, right? Why are we doing this work otherwise? Well, yeah there is a shift that happens. And it'll start to happen with your first enlightenment experiences and then slowly sink in to your day to day life over time. That's at least my experience. I can consciously recognize who i really am at every time. I can see it. And this happened with I guess my second deep enlightenment experience. From then on it stuck. And now its for me more about adjusting my whole life to it that I integrate these experiences and deepen them for the rest of my life. Because, although the simple recognition of who you are is a thing you can either see or not, all of the implications that you can draw from that to your normal life, are endless and can be deepened endlessly. And that's where the journey really begins. To name some symptoms that stuck with me since I saw: I see colors brighter than I did before. I see new patterns in what I perceive. I see a lot of the games that nature plays with itself. I see how things mutually arise and aren't caused by each other. The list goes on and on. But remember: These are just personal symptoms that came with the recognition. It's not the recognition itself. I have phases in which these symptoms will get amplified and I might tap into huge amounts of intuition. This is where the crazy shit starts. I had 3-4 times visions of events I could have never predicted that turned out the exact same way as when I saw them in a dream. I sometimes have an extremely accurate sense of time (like sitting in a meditation and being able to tell when it ends in the last 2 minutes). I have this 11:11, 10:10, 13:13 phenomena going on a daily basis sometimes 5-10 times since I guess like 6 months now. I had a few mystical encounters in meditations and dreams. And a lot of other crazy shit. I'll probably do a whole post on that in the future. I mean, you can think of that what you want, but if you have it yourself going on very frequently you start to at least see how intelligent and crazy nature is. And that your normal one-coffee-bored-consciousness is not where it ends. But yeah, my perspective changed completely this year. I recognized who I am and am now able to integrate this for the rest of my life and see where it takes me. +++ Psychedelic experiences +++ This year, I also started to experiment with psychedelics in a more spiritual and integrative way. I started using psychedelics (mostly LSD) in the summer of 2015, but in this year I did I'd say probably like 10 deep LSD trips, 10-15 DMT-trips, a few shroom trips and then of course the MeO-experiences. I also had 2 bad trips (one on LSD and one on shrooms [actually just 1 week ago]) and I found that these bad trips are the ones that do the deepest inner work and that really change your being permanently. So after some time you'll know how to handle them and use them for this. It's great. Ever since my first and last MeO-breakthrough I am still integrating the experience. I had one sober really, really deep enlightenment experience that lasted for 3-4 hours a few days after the breakthrough and a lot of what I'd call clarity experiences. Also, another round of shit came up over the weeks that I had to deal with and go through. But right now I'm pretty good and I think I can do the next experience in a few weeks (after all this x-mas and new year stuff is over). In the future I think I will mainly focus on 5-MeO-DMT, shrooms and normal DMT since I found these three substances to do the most permanent and deep healing for me. I use 5-MeO to crack the shell, shrooms to heal the wounds and integrate what is puring out and I will start with normal DMT as well again because I think the realizations you get from it will be hugely intensified through the 5-MeO. Every time I take a substance right now, whether its weed, alcohol, some party drugs or what not, I get a medium to strong MeO experience along the way, which is crazy and pretty cool. I don't know why, but it happens to be that way. Psychedelics have shown to be a huge amplifier on my own journey. It's great. +++ HoloSync And Meditation +++ Another biggy is HoloSync. I started using the Awakening Prologue in late August this year and will buy in a few days the Awakening Level 1. HoloSync boosts my daily meditation like motherfucking nuts. It's incredible. I go so much deeper. I sometimes am high from my meditation for 3-4 hours after it (sometimes the whole day). It also induces little existential crisis to integrate your shadow and it's worth its price, if you ask me. I love it. Meditation is just so much more fun with it. Try it out if you wanna boost your journey. It has also shown to help me focus, be more intuitive, more creative and just give me a better feeling throughout the whole day. I totally love it. Also, another thing I've experimented this year with are various forms of meditation. I did my standard "Do Nothing" + "Strong Determination Sitting". I use these two as my standard and then will lay other layers on top of them like doing some Tao meditations, breath meditations, counting meditations, mantra meditations. Right now I do a mix: I do my HoloSync and in the first 30 minutes I do a counting meditation and in the last 30 minutes I do a mantra meditation with the word "no-thing". I hesitated a lot to do mantra meditations because it is always connected with TM and a lot of people seem to not like it for that reason, but I found out for myself that it gives me great results. So the lesson here is: Try out a bunch of things and do the ones that work. Fuck what other people are saying. If it works for you great, do it. Engineer your own techniques. +++ Going The Whole Way +++ Well, and lastly I wanna take all this and put it in a box. I hope that if you've read that far, one thing you picked up is that I had a lot of highs and downs, a lot of trial and error, a lot of crazy shit, but that's just the journey. Was my existential crisis bad? Yeah, it was fucking nuts. But anytime right I have negative shit coming up for a few weeks I kind of laugh about it in my mind because it has no real power anymore. I know anxiety, pain, anger, loneliness, being tied to these things so deeply and intimately that they don't scare me anymore. Every thing I go through is there to let me know that the person I was always seeking and was always wanting to be, is just myself. Is just giving up the search. Giving up the "wanting to be different". And that everything I should do, comes from an inspiration that arises by itself when I rest in this calm and fulfilled state. But it takes some time to get there. It takes heavy seeking to arrive at the point where you can't seek anymore and have to give it up. It takes massive action. And even then you'll have cycle after cycle that shows you new stuff, that presents new challenges etc. etc. But along the way you'll become a master of it. You'll master yourself and you'll lose all fears and all hectic to get it done. So if you take one thing away from this post, then it is this: To become abundant, happy and fulfilled and enlightened, you have to take your neurotic being and try go get there by pushing so hard for it that you'll see at some point that you just can't keep up with the work you have to do to keep this happiness. And then you'll fall a deep, deep way to the bottom and realize that you are happy and abundant by default, that inspiration and realization happens by itself, and that action will always come and pick you up when you wait for it to arise. It'll show you the way. It always does. And you'll have the time of your life. So, go the whole way and see for yourself. There is no rush, there is no one to get there first. It's just a ride you can take if you want. Anyways, merry motherfuckin' x-mas from your silly-ass angel of death... Azrael

@Consept Stop Masturbating, Even Possible? It is very possible, as I am not entangled in it. It ends when the attachment to desire (the craving) ends. If you want to reach out to truly attempt attaining awareness and live up to it like I do, you must drop it, and happens naturally when following the right discipline, to skillfully get rid of lust, surely the tension, the burning stops, and bliss remains. But I want to make a clear distinction here. The masturbation is not what truly does the harm, it is the wrong conclusions, the wrong thinking, the not skillfully remove lust that truly is wrong, unwholesome. If you want to get rid of masturbation, one must be skillfully doing it, or leave it alone, and live your life with doing it. The real problem is, due to that people remain lustful, they remain bewildered, also about willing to remove it, live in doubt with it. There for I conclude that it is not the masturbation that is the problem, but being attached to desires, the craving, being lustful, is the true problem. To wrap it up: Masturbation can only be happening, if one beLIEf to be someone. If there is just body, and Awareness, there is no sense of self, and thus no craving. However, its not the masturbation that must be cut off, its the craving that must end, the attachment to desires, the lust. If you are however interested in truly skillfully put it to an end, then end the attachment to desire (which is difficult to do). If one stops eating to much, goes back to once a day, in the morning, drinks often distilled water (or tea), and ends his sleep problems, lust is dropping like a rock thrown in a lake and attains much energy. Then the refraining from unwholesome deeds, such as wrong view, intentions, speech, act, effort, livelihood, attention and concentration, and focuses on Awareness and does not mind worldly activities, surely the attachment to desire will naturally come to its end, due to all things in nature are temporary. Stoping with masturbation, just refraining from it, without skillfully spiritual practice, is just unintelligent, foolish, hurtful. Its better to be doing it everyday, then just stopping it forcefully. It leads often just to aggression.

Sri Anandamayi Ma was once approached by someone in doubt whether to join the Ashram or not, I don't think I can give up all the pleasures of my wordly life and she said: 'Ahh, you are a true renunciate. You are renouncing the infinite bliss of God for those few crumbs? ' Bliss or Hubris: You Choose ~ Shunyamurti https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwaUr9qfInY

Most impressed with this man out of the hundreds of teachers I have seen, or skimmed over, that is still alive. He talks about God, infinity, the ultimate bliss and fulfillment with such consistent calmness and presence that I belief it comes from truth and unconditional love, and the things he shares are clearly deeply insightful, clever and sometimes hilarious. I hope he may benefit many:

I don't see it as a thing anyone needs to succeed in. Enlightenment is meaningless, pointless. Nothing matters. My nature is very inclined to seek for Truth. I've been interested in math, physics and chemistry since I was a boy. Naturally I want to go the whole way. I have many friends who don't give a damn fuck about Truth and Enlightenment. It's fine, I take on another personality when I with them and enjoy their company and life. No problem. I don't try to force them to anything. They should do whatever they want to do. Some suffering is fine. Ultimately there's nothing wrong with suffering. MOst of the time there will be happiness in-between to contrast it anyway. "why do you want it to be love and enjoyable?" You see, I just told you, that you have to kill "yourself" to become enlightened. Has that anything to do with what you label as "enjoyable"? . "think about this guys. what would happen if enlightenment doesnt give you this endless bliss? what if?" I couldn't care less, mate. I couldn't care less about enlightenment to be honest. All I want is Truth, WHATEVER THAT MIGHT BE! I don't know what it is. I only have ideas... And I try to be conscious enough to not attach to any of my ideas, which is hard, but doable. The mind constantly produces thoughts, ideas and emotions. That is its fucking nature. Have a good day.

so i am inclined to say that you have a very flawed perception of this. you truly see this is another thing which one need to succeed in. think about this guys. what would happen if enlightenment doesnt give you this endless bliss? what if? why do you want it to be love and enjoyable?

it is what reality is you say. ok so reality is love. it seems as a long shot that some feeling we prefer is reality. and you could say one deny the world which is right now. everything is enlightened. enlightenment is not this endless bliss,and this is where everybody starts to fool themself and misses enlightenment, enlightenment is this, enlightenment is not a rush of signals in the brain. every state is . the next state is the next state, be in this state

@Leo Gura One of my favourite questions or mantras is something along the lines of, am I an object or the observer, and I realised after reading your post and contemplating that I've been inadvertently asking am I one object or another object because I assumed the observer was a "greater" me, another object. After that I found bliss quite quickly which wasn't the no-self I was looking for, but finding that so quickly was progress anyway.

As real as everything else. Let him do drugs if he wants to. but i do agree with you at the normal level of communication. enlightenment is not even about bliss and agony or some other world. it is what you have right now.

I've had quite a few interesting experiences over the last few months but the one that stands out the most was when I accidentally ate a brownie with thc in it and found out my true nature as awareness haha. I woke up one morning and I was getting ready for work and I was listening to a song, can't remember the name but part of the lyrics stood out for me "you already know who you are,but you've just forgotten" or something to that extent. I didn't think much of it but when I went upstairs I noticed someone had made some brownies so I ate a reasonable amount (couldn't help myself haha) then I went back downstairs and the song was still playing and it hit me hard that there was a deeper meaning to the lyrics. Then I glanced at the clock and noticed I was running late to work so I hurried out, as I was driving I noticed that I was feeling a little weird and couldn't focus properly but I figured I was just still a little tired. Finally made it to work and as I tried to focus I couldn't function properly, everything just started going blurry and I felt really dizzy. Told the supervisor that I wasn't feeling well and he sent my to the ER. As I was sitting there waiting for the nurse, I was wondering what the hell was going on. Then I remembered the song from before and I started asking "Who am I?". It was as if a part of me stepped back from behind my eyes and it was clear what was really going on. At that moment it became apparent that there was nothing behind the walls I was looking at and I was just experiencing existence through the perspective of a human being. The nurse finally comes in and is asking me questions and I realized that I was just talking to myself, there was no person in that body, only another character playing her part. I tried to explain that to her and she looked at me like I was crazy haha, was kinda hoping she knew what I was talking about but I guess most people still don't know about these ideas. Felt a little depressed because I was all alone sitting in a hospital room with no one that could understand what I was going through, I thought I had finally lost my mind. Then a wave of bliss hit me, it just surrounded me with love that I've never felt before. I broke down and started crying out of pure joy, I had no idea such powerful feelings of love were possible. At the time I became very derealized after the experience though, I felt trapped in an illusion thinking it was all real. It took hundreds of hours of contemplation to finally get a grasp of reality again. Looking back it was a huge part of my growth though, it helped me get through some rough times and taught me not to take life seriously

This one was before I found actualized.org: I was thinking about infinity and mindfucked myself by independently realizing the notion of absolute infinity (never suspected it would have relevance to spiritual work). It happened in tandem with me contemplating the nature between the relationship between the physical and conceptual world, realizing that concepts aren't inherently less real than physical objects coupled with grasping that absolute infinity was entirely beyond my grasp sent me into a pseudo-psychotic episode. Prior to that, I was a hermit who had too much anxiety to leave my dorm. I had been searching for Absolute Truth through mathematics, science, and philosophy. That day, I ran off of campus to a nearby museum and walk around the whole place backwards, gathering strange looks from people as I realized all the majesty and grandeur I saw in the world was a fucking joke compared to the true depth of reality, which was beyond my grasp. I used to be obsessed with the transhumanist movement and the notion of man one day conquering reality through science. That day I realized it was all futile. Reality is too great for mankind to do anything other than to stand in awe of its depth. This is what ultimately drove me to learn about enlightenment. When contemplating free will and identity: This was the day I realized the notion of free will didn't really even make sense because identity was an arbitrary construct. I thought who could possibly do the willing. Oh shit! Before then , I used to dream about total omnipotence and control being the best possible life. It was then that I realized the idea of true control was absurd, and my whole drive to control everything in life was delusion and neurotic. Being is all there is. Some non-dual (?) experiences: I have been experiencing altered states on consciousness in my dreams. I', not sure if I've ever experienced non-duality since I have never experienced bliss from my consciousness work, but I have had some strange experiences where I felt that my body and mind were just objects and phenomena like any other, no more special than anything else in the environment. For instance, I had a dream where I was Slenderman (don't ask me why) and I was staring at an oak tree, and that oak tree was also me while I was Slenderman. This all took place in a classroom which started to crumble. Both Slenderman and the oak tree also vanished, and I was this mind that got physically sucked into a deep, pitch black void. I had a brief moment which seemed like eternity of monkey mind going on a complete void until I surrender and accepting my eternity as empty. I then woke up (physically, not spiritually). I don't know why this stuff never happens when I'm awake. How it has changed me: My intuition tells me this goes way deeper and despite not feeling bliss, I need to keep going. I have massively reduced the suffering in my life. However, I also have the lingering feeling that this is bullshit I need to be out chasing pleasure.

@Leo Gura Dear Leo, The experience I have Leo, after hard work living in seclusion from unwholesome deeds, given up sense gratification has led to the experience of pure bliss, happiness and a state of trance of no other similar kind, unknown to the masses. I see not a single effort in experiencing what I am. The effort Leo lies not in experiencing what you are, but getting rid of the defilements, the obstacles, the attachments that prevent one to be free of mind. Given up unwholesome deeds, namely: wrong view, intentions, speech, act, effort, livelihood, attention and concentration, sustaining a sublime discipline and strong concentration and attention on the all pervasive, surely leads to the end of desire soon, or later. Awareness knows not an equal and is all pervasive, has not been born, knows no illness or origin, there for the question WHAT is Awareness presuming its a composite of some kind, is based on a wrong idea of yours Leo. Its based on the idea that the essence of everything (or yourself) is nothing, and by this, one concludes wrongly that Awareness is being something (everything is a composite, and since its not nothing it must there for be something) now logically leads to the question: WHAT is Awareness? (Presuming its a composite of some kind, which it of course isn't, never was and never will be).

Very very interesting passage you wrote here. I noticed something that I want to share according to what you wrote here. Take a look at these two "religions." Christianity: Heaven, Earth, Hell Buddhism: To Enjoy, To Love, To Suffer Like I said in my post here, when you awake from an enlightenment experience, you are left with a 'feeling' (huge residue of) 'divine love' and 'bliss.' This relates to peace, not suffering. If the person wants to head toward peace (in an infinite way), then do things in one's life that will bring about peace in this world. After all, all is you.

Thought I might add but I realise just saying that everything is a belief is not really going to help anybody, you could tell a homeless person on the street the situation of their life is just a belief, a construct of ego, and that they're not really experiencing this but are God, infinity itself while deluding themselves into suffering because they believe the ego is them, but what is that going to change? Do not think because you are ego that you are suffering and for you to be happy at all you need to destroy ego, truth isn't about the destruction of your life or beliefs or a withering away of your sense of self to find bliss in infinity, it's the simple recognition of what is true, and that includes everything in existence, you are complete because you are here, as you are right now, and only you think you need to improve or change or "realise the truth of reality to dissolve into eternal awareness and live a no-self life full of clarity" but regardless we will continue to strive for something else because that is the nature of identity, and that too is okay @Leo Gura Just want to say you must have one hell of a mind to stay in such delusion while mainting your business, props to you my friend.

@Deep That's interesting because one time I purposely surrendered within a state of Samadhi just to see what would happen and I vanished for a while. Of course I didn't realize I had vanished until I returned to the Samadhi state (sorry, I don't know all the exact lingo but you get the message). 2 days ago I left a reply on another topic that stated "At the heart of Samadhi lies nothingness". That experience, or should I say non-experience, is what I was referring to when I said nothingness. There was no awareness of anything because I didn't exist (no mind/thoughts). There was no experience, no bliss, no infinity, no God, no awareness, no emptiness, no nothing. After that happened I wondered if there was a level of awareness that enlightened people have achieved that could experience that state of absolute nothingness. So I'm asking, what do you see here that I may not. What are your thoughts or better yet, direct experiences on this? You seem to have knowledge in this area. Thanks

@Leo Gura Awesome pic Leo. Now, pls don't interpret what I'm about to say the wrong way. I'm only saying it according to my experience, ok? (It's not a debate.) It's riding the ox backwards into one's body from nothingness, maybe not with M.C. Escher's drawing of lizards. Below..just another pic, just another hint. Then, one is left with a huge residue of 'divine love' / 'bliss' when awaken.

It will seems silly and very stupid but, I'm playing a game right now, it is like a Zelda game, but with lots of enigma (it is called Ittle Dew). There is a secret dungeon, with the most difficult puzzle in the game. Everytime that I don't know how to do the puzzle, I try many different tricks, If I can't find it within 30 minutes, I let it down, and begin again tomorrow. EVERY TIME I start the game again, I almost instantanously know how to solve the puzzle, or new stages of it. I'll not get into the detail, but, it is how your mind work, everytime you find an obstacle that you don't know how to face, if you give it enough time, you'll ALWAYS find the solution, always, guaranteed, just don't give up ! Fiix a timeframe where you brainstorm about your life purpose, let's say 1 hour every night and 2 when it is your day off. Stick to that, try lots of differents stuff: - Try new hobbies. - Do some values assesments. - Go to conferences (about any field). - Search the web at random subjects and jobs . - Go to some jobs helping center (don't know the expression in english ^^). If you see that you have some motivation issues, find some motivation video on youtube. If you have to, watch one everytime before you schedule, don't be afraid to seems silly in front of you wives/kids, you're doing something that will change your life for god sake ! Now, notes everything you like about these things, and after, I don't know, 3 months, read the list and try to concentrate all the points into 5. There you goes, you just have to seach jobs alongside those qualities and values of yours. It is a matter of time and time only, everyone have a purpose, but few have the motivation and will to find it, mostly because of limiting beliefs, negative social circle/relationship, and simply because they don't know it is a real thing ... The life purpose course of Leo is very very good, the price is silly for what you will get from it. What is 250$ against a life of bliss and fulfillement ? I mean, it's just 3 paycheck if you're on a minimum wage ... There isn't a purpose in the sense that everything that you do will get crushed at some point. In 5000 years, no one will remember you, even if you were a world class genius. Even in we find a way to travel into space and colonized an another earth-like planet, the galaxies and the universe itself will crumble. So even if you were the one guy who saved your race from extinction, it wouldn't matter anyway ... Now, what is a life purpose then ? Simply a task that you love to do, for the sake of doing it. I'm talking about a task that you love so much that you would pay for doing it, that you can do and don't even see time passing (like 8 hours in a row), you also think about it all the time. It really feels like your soul is attracted, you feel an energy inside you, that is so enormous, so vibrant, that you'refeeling the divine inside you, That's called life, live your fucking life !