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I never really introduced myself properly haven't I? Maybe it's time I tell you what's life been like with meditation even before. Rewind to 2012 or 2013, where I was about 11 or 12. I remember sitting in a car, the sun sitting in the sky, the trees and the cars shifting by. I was listening to a guided meditation. And I noticed they kept moving off to the next thing without me. I was too slow in focusing. I kept daydreaming about being some hero in a virtual reality game. And with fear, I wondered if I could really do all this. I was worried back then. Worried about what? Everything. I worried about my health. I worried about my future. I worried about my grades. I worried about being loved. I worried about being watched. I worried about being irrational. Worrying, worrying and worrying to the point of terror sometimes. Pretty early for a kid to be worrying about life like that, huh? Someday I realized that I had the whole internet full of advice and I found meditation. After all, the greatest lost I had back then was the lost of curiosity. I was the bright eyed kid who was somehow both the class nerd and the class clown. Often sitting upon pillows in the library. Often relaxing as I flip pages and other times running away laughing from pranks. I read things from fun facts about animals to machines. I read about the history of the Greeks to the daring lives of real life spies. I made origamis and I often drew from art books. I read stories upon stories. I was interested in about every part of the children's library. And I hoped in my heart that this sense of wonder would come back. One of the things I've often read were question and answer advice sites online — my first taste of the personal development world. I read but I never really acted on them. I even prided on just knowing them — but this was when I had to actually do them. For years along with other practices I'd meditate everyday. Or at least try to. I'd always do so in the bus to school in the morning and sometimes in the afternoon. I researched what I could on this subject and I'd practice focusing through the day and through the night. Around 14, sometimes I would lose the ability to read. All my worrying had consumed all of my brain power and what was left for me to do the thing I loved most disappeared. I remember sitting on the couch pouring over a book and desperately glaring at it to read ; but I . . . I couldn't focus. And the tears would start to come. This would add in my life an even greater obsession with the practice. There were days when I meditated 2-3 hours a day. By 15, I'd stop repeating the old practices and begin with newer ones. The closest thing to the idea of enlightenment I had was an existential depression I had when I was 15. In one of Leo's infinity videos, he'd mention that Georg Canter was able to conceptualize infinity or non duality but because he did not experience it directly, it drew him to madness. I might have experienced something similar. I asked myself one day : Why do I believe this exists? Take any object. Why do I believe this chair exists? Because I see it. Why do I think what I see exists? Because other people have always told me. Why do I believe that? And I understood — there was nothing to add foundation to that. I've read in history books before that people could experience dangerous things because humanity was ignorant. Doctors didn't use to know that washing their hands before surgery was needed. They used to have wallpaper that was radioactive. They used to think sugar was healthy. I was on too doubting much of reality here — if I had Leo's videos, it would allow me to be more open minded in ways that can help me. But without the grounding of direct experience — this experience of nothingness enligtenment wasn't calming — it was strikingly, absolutely and fucking terrifying. Somewhere I decided that there really nothing else to it. Beliefs have to start with faith somewhere. Every belief does. And after reading some online advice, I spent more time in my life doing to answer questions than just theorizing. And realizing and acting upon slowly that my time spent alone too much was one of the major reasons I was suffering. All the time spent in mindfulness would add up — and soon I can focus on something I find interesting for hours. As well as make goofy and overdramatic jokes with other people like I did as a kid — heh. I had a favorite Buddhist concept after all. That was beginner's mind — it is to act as you know nothing about the subject. And be open to observe what else could happen. To see the subtle change of breath. Its movements. The small changes in the mind, thoughts and emotions that happened every second. It was impermeance. And if things were always changing, then there was always something interesting to learn every second. But also the idea that truth changes because the world is changing. . . And so beliefs had to be change as well. My awareness would grow exponentially. Growing and growing and growing to the forefront of everyday life. I've never been so amazed and awed by the smallest things — when you see everything as if for the first time. I used this in meditation. . . but it also became a way of life..

That's good, being aware of nothingness, nice

I think your problem is with the word 'nothingness'... Not sure in what context you came across the statement 'Nothingness is self aware' and for me just this statement alone doesn't mean anything at all. But I can see what the author would have meant and I can elaborate on it. What is a 'thing'? It can be anything that can be witnessed by your senses or in the consciousness. By this definition, a thought is also a 'thing'. So, you, who witnesses any thing cannot be a thing. It is a no-thing . The word no-thingness is probably more clear than nothingness. You keep trying to conceptualize who you are... Anyway, if you think your inner voice is self-aware, thats ok for now. Just go ahead with what you are practicing, if it is working for you..

@Shanmugam but yet the teaching says that Nothingness is self aware. Than why can't my inner voice be self aware?

@ajasatya then if someone who is Enlightened is so sure that the Ultimate Truth is pure Nothingness and knowing it is so relieving and beautiful why does not he suicide and end the physical body and ego completely?

@egoless Don't try to look for pure awareness... You can never find it as an object because that is the subject itself.. Everything is happening in the field of consciousness, which is the subject.. The problem doesn't arise when you keep witnessing the thoughts... It only arises when try to do something, like contemplation of concepts such as nothingness and awareness... When it happens, witness the thought that contemplates.. Just observe those thoughts as they occur with full attention. Once you try to contemplate on such concepts, you are moving away from being a witness. Your consciousness is like the sky and thoughts are like clouds.. Witness the contents of your consciousness just like witnessing the moving clouds.. When a thought such as 'is this nothingness? how can I find nothingness' arises, it is also a thought, it is also like a cloud in the sky of consciousness. Recognize that thought for what it is, witness that thought passing by and be curious about what your next thought is going to be.

Yes it helps me if I identify myself as what Enlightent people call ego. ( for me it's my inner voice saying "I" who is self aware, has inner hearing and inner sight) But as soon as I begin to look for that pure awareness Nothingness which is supposed to be my true self I become confused and I feel even more duality then before.

I have noticed when my mind goes elsewhere and not on what im reading. Like in meditation when im trying to read nothingness ? I only notice that I have been daydreaming instead of paying attention quite late sometimes

@Shanmugam who has the free will then? How can Nothingness have free will if it is the opposite of everythingness the it should be all predetermined right? To fill the everythingness gap within the Nothingness

@Leo Gura Life started as a potential out of nothingness along with an infinite number of other possibilities.

Hello reality! In this topic I want to discuss the "being" after death. What happens after our physical body dies? Do we "reborn" as another ego or we become absolute infinity aka nothingness itself and completely get rid of any ego? Since we may not become aware of it before we actually physically die let's contemplate.

@egoless I won't resort to optical illusions to convince you of the nature of "you", the answer is simple. So, changing it to the first person, your question is: "Am I reborn as another ego or do I become absolute infinity aka nothingness" What you perceive of as "I" is your ego. So your question becomes: "Is my ego reborn as another ego or does it become absolute infinity aka nothingness" Your ego dies with your physical death as your neurons stop firing. That's the answer to your question.

It all depends on the perspective. We can argue on that. What you and me call triangle? What if I call the triangle the "illusion" of triangle? What if there are infinite numbers of triangles from my perspective? And since ego is perspective too it also "exists" and does not exist at the same time right? Again very important question arises here. Why "my" ego "lives" like my perspective to "me" and not like "Leo's"? Does that mean that Nothingness aka god experiences - is aware of itself with infinite numbers of perspectives?

Yes but I mean from the illusional perspective wise. What happens to "your" ego or call it perspective after from "my" ego's perspective Leo physically dies? Why does "my" ego lives like "my" life to "me" and not like "Leo's". P.S. I use captions deliberately to show that I understand on the intellectual level that there is no me or Leo but I refer to many separations, many egos within Nothingness.

It's not personal, but it's not mechanical either, and it's infinitely intimate. It's as intelligent as a motherfucker too. Hence it's called God. It really feels like experiencing God, not some dry mechanical void. It's full of life. It's full of love. It's organic-feeling. Like being inside a giant infinite mind. If you took the minds of every single genius human being who has ever lived in the last 5000 years and multiplied them all together and raised that by a power of a million, you would not even have 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% of its intelligence. It's intelligence is infinite. Divinity is the best word to describe it. Nothingness is literally divine. The very fabric of reality is self-seeing.

That's the beauty of Absolute Truth. The Absolute is none other than the Relative. Form is formlessness. Formless is form. The Absolute is not anything other than what's in your direct experience right this second. But it's also none of it. This very sentence you're reading right now is Absolutely Infinite. And also Relative. There are many illusions of separation (egos) within Nothingness. Like vortexes within one pool of water.

@Leo Gura I understand you: Enlightenment and The Truth is not a theory to be prooven it just is the Ultimate Truth - I am it and I need to become aware of myself. And sincere intent to know this Truth must be initial inertia for me to Start this journey right? But how did you stay Leo after becoming aware of this Truth? How do you continue to do Leo's everyday stuff? And one very important question for my self enquiry process - please answer that even if you think it is My ego asking it. Are there many egos like yours and other's within Nothingness or is it just "my" ego?

However being, or being aware is limitless. From my inquiry it looks like I am not that which appears in nothingness, but the nothingness itself. Now I need to stop talk and be a good student

Day 33 Days in a row: 5 Start time: 9:25 a.m. Finish time: 10:10 a.m. Location: My room at my parent's house Technique: Mindfulness meditation Eyes: closed Highlights: By far the absolutely most powerful meditation that I've ever had. I focused in what my senses were perceiving and at some point it was absolutely clear to me how the only thing that existed was the pitch darkness, not even the darkness but the space in which all those sensations were entering. If nothing but that space existed, that also meant my body didn't exist, what existed were the sensations of my body that were entering into that space, same with all sounds and smells. If my body didn't exist, and the sensations were no different to the sounds I was hearing and the smells I'm smelling, and the mental images that were crossing my mind, then why would I be only the sensation of my body? I started becoming a sphere of nothingness which was filled with different things, sometimes the sound of a bird + the mental image of a bird, the numbing sensation of my leg, the mental words of my mind, the sound of my AC and even the alarm of my cell phone going off. Before opening my eyes, I told myself "nothing is going to change, you are still going to be this nothingness, but this nothingness can also be filled with colors and shapes". I opened my eyes and the sensation lasted for a little bit, but not so powerful. Right now I actually know that I have no legs, as I can't see them right now, I only have the sensation of legs. The feeling isn't as powerful anymore, but if I focus on it, it's so incredibly obvious I actually laugh.

What you expect in the end? Will it make your life happier and more fulfilled? And since you think that 5 Meo is part of that practice - What is 5 Meo in your opinion? Should not it be also nothing? And how could nothing within the nothingness open your "eyes" and make you awake?

Yes, the foundation is nothingness, correct

Yeah the "Me" is part of the web. The "web of beliefs" is probably also part of the web of beliefs Lol. These things will be naturally paradoxical to the mind as they should. The believer of the web of beliefs is the initial belief that of I. Who is having the I thought? Well self enquire, I mean its you. Nothingness is the effortless creator of everything.

@How to be wise You can do it right now- Everything will become the magic happening. Do you have a quiet place in nature somewhere around you? Go there sometime and sit with a quiet mind. Dissolve into everything by letting go. The sounds. The smells. The visual field of perception. See if all that doesn't heighten after the mind quiets down. Try closing your eyes and meditate on absolute nothingness. Than slowly open them again and allow existence to pour into you. If you allow it, some really amazing things can happen. This is no philosophy here. But don't take my word for it. Find out for yourself.

Because it's not about just asking the same question over and over again. It's about interrogating the answers that come. When an answer comes, "I am this, I am that, I am here...", whatever it is, you need to examine that answer. Find the truth in it - or the lack of truth in it. It's no use going 'no I'm not that because someone else said I'm nothingness'; you have to strip away the layers of 'you' that 'you' think 'you' are. And most of these are invisible to you. To be honest, it seems to me that an awful lot of people misunderstand self-inquiry. It's an ongoing, difficult, oftentimes frustrating process, and in the end you're not actually looking for an answer. No answer is going to come. You're looking to remove the assumptions/beliefs (both created by you and inherited from society/parents/school/peers/etc.) which sit in your mind and pose as answers. And most of them you aren't even aware of at the moment. So, yeah, I suppose it is but that's going to take years of ongoing, daily inquiry. Still, it comes away piece by piece; sort of a series of little disillusionments. I'm not 'there' yet, but my perspective and understanding of everything have significantly changed through a simple application of critical thinking to the situation I find myself in. Which is really cool. Just remember to not let your mind cheat you by stating answers from other people (such as "I am nothing"). If it helps, you can reframe the question slightly: "What is I?" "What is true?" etc.

You have to see that every realm of reality like our normal "waking state", "dreaming state", "sleeping state" comes with certain dynamics that shape what can exist in these realms. It's like every of these realms is like a frame through which certain pictures are possible because of the nature of the frame. Now, realize that your normal waking state is just one of these frames. It can see, hear, feel, touch etc. and that's it. There could be an infinite collection infinitely combined of these way's to perceive that would shape infinite worlds out of nothingness that would include literally everything you can ever think of. The vampire sits right in front of you right now. You just don't have the frame to see it. And if you had, it could be as real as a tree. Contemplate that. I'd strongly suggest that you don't have a body that can die. If you realize that and go through that experience a couple of times with psychedelics (you'll be totally shocked if you do) you'll see that merely your current frame ends. Your perceptions will go away and you'll begin to realize who you really are. Because something will still remain because it was never birthed in life nor will it ever die out of life. What happens then? I don't know. Probably a lot of different stuff for a lot of different individual frames that come to an end. Maybe these frames are connected and undergo development. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe they just die of and nothing happens, until another one comes on. Maybe. You'll see. But whatever happens will be fine because you cannot die. Because you are God. G - o motherfuckin' d. You'll live your life how you're supposed to live it. It's different for every one. Don't worry, you'll find your way. But as soon as you try to mark out an general case for every one, you'll fail. That one doesn't exist. Because if it did, all the subjective ones couldn't exist - although they do. Dude, if you don't wanna do it, don't. There's no problem. Nobody's pointing fingers here and laughing. But don't expect to ever know what it feels like to be in space when you don't actually want to fly in space with a rocket. Is it scary? Of course it is. It's outer space. Will you ever be able to get even a glimpse of it when you don't go. No. Simply no. Because to experience absolute infinity you have to go through a membrane that we call death. Now in front of this membrane (personally for you) there are all kinds of fears, daemons, stories, all the good stuff. And all of them will rush your way if you are on the way to cross the membrane. And they'll try to hold you down. And only the one who goes through that will be able to pass the membrane and experience absolute infinity. For one it might be easier, for another one it will never be achievable by "conscious will". The point is, to even get there you need the power of something as strong as 5-MeO-DMT. And even then it's not an easy ride. You can meditate for the next 40 years (which is great and you should do that because it helps on so many levels). But even then I seriously doubt that you get a glimpse of this experience because it's so different. It's so alien. There is no tool in your intellectual tool box to make sense of it. Maybe you do, there certainly are people who did it that way. It's your choice.