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@Harikrishnan I think that both of those religion have some pros & cons : On one way the Buddha gives a great direct path to get to enlightement without even being obligated to take in count all the basic principles. The method is already great by itself. On the other hand Hinduism is more profund to the cultivation of good feelings and chakras to get to that : "aha" and eventually enlightement. I'll say ( well that's for me ) that both religion are interesting because they deliver two way of understanding the reality but also two final "truths" to understand which for me are relevant for the two of them which are : God by loving yourself and the World with Hinduism And Nothingness and Oneness with Buddhism.

@PureExp Is everything actually this consciousness/nothingness? Are consciousness and nothingness one and the same?

Look closer. Do you see a forehead? Or is the "forehead" an mental image? And does the line then terminate at a mental image? Is that what you ACTUALLY experience? Or do you ACTUALLY experience a line terminating at nothingness? And in a kid's mind, it makes sense that Santa Claus organizes the distribution of Christmas presents. Yes, "in your mind" it makes sense because it's a fantasy. In reality it's false. Your mind is the enemy here. What makes sense to the mind doesn't matter. Reality is otherwise. You can take it as an axiom of this work that no sensation perceives another. Now your job is to verify this by finding the actual perceiver. Hint: the actual perciever (you) is non-existent. You're never going to find it as an object. Because you are emptiness itself. There's no logical reason why it would. You have to discover via direct experience what you are. Then you'll see that what you are is infinite and without location (hence omnipresent). Well, be careful not to get lost in terminology. Language is a poor vehicle for this work. You need to have the direct experience of reality. "Silence" and "nothing" might point to the same thing. "Nothing", "source", and "no source" might point to the same thing. And "nothing" might point to something very different than what you imagine. Absolute reality is that which is true all the time, without change, under all circumstances. What is the ONE thing which never changes? Nothingness. Every other experience is relative truth. Hopefully you're starting to notice that all experience is changing all the time. Hence experiences cannot be The Truth. Experiences are not Absolute. To use a scientific metaphor, you might think of the vacuum of empty space as being an absolute. Although in fact, not even it is absolute, since it's merely a concept/experience your mind is having.

Consciousness != mind Emptiness != body The rest is more or less okay. Here's an idea of how to map it: Buddha = Jesus = God = you Consciousness = Awareness = Emptiness = Fullness = Divine Love Nothingness = No Self = God Ego = Mind = Sin = Devil = Hell Awareness = Holy Spirit Meditation = Prayer Reality = God Nirvana = Illumination = Kingdom Of Heaven = Bliss = Ecstasy

Entry 75 | Master Of Sleep Theory: The more you are able to be accepting of the present moment, the better you will be able to sleep at night. Applying it: Remind yourself that sleep is triggered from within. It does not rely upon anything in the external universe to create it. Ooh, this could actually be a deeper topic than I initially had in mind. Last night, my neighbours threw a party. And in typical student fashion, it continued until around 8am this morning. Loud dubstep-like music was playing from the guy's room opposite mine, so I could hear everything vibrantly. There must be a few angry neighbours around the block who didn't get enough sleep. But it just so happened that I slept like a log throughout the whole night. That is excluding one moment where the music got loud which woke me up for no more than a minute. This is wonderful news to know that I can sleep so soundly! Earlier in my entries, I was discussing my trouble sleeping all the way through the night. Now more than ever, that has become a thing of the past. Before I went to sleep, I did exactly what I have described above. I spoke aloud to myself, explaining that sleep comes from within. Nothing in the external universe can create sleep because it comes from deep within. It comes directly from the unconscious realm: the source of awareness. Not only did I reaffirm these truths to myself, I focused my mind so that the only thoughts that it digested were thoughts of sleep. The principles of success outlined in Think and Grow Rich came in handy here. By strengthening the desire to sleep by repeating the word "sleep" in my mind, I managed to receive it within only a few minutes. What helps too is that I wake up at the same time each morning: 7 am. I go to bed when my body feels tired, meaning that some nights can last longer than others. But by having an alarm for 7 am every morning, my mind recognises the habit and calls me to bed when it is ready. This further facilitates a better night's sleep. Now onto the deeper point of this topic, which has only just entered my mind. To repeat, sleep comes from within. That means NO external senses of sight, sound, and feeling can produce sleep. Now contemplate what happens throughout the conscious day. These external senses are being processed by the brain, which determines how the body reacts to the external world. Could sleep be possible during all of this? Just because you can see, hear, and feel on an external level doesn't suddenly mean that you are awake. Because sleep comes from within regardless of external circumstance, there is no reason why it can't operate in the midst of sight, sound, and sensation. This is where spiritual awakening comes into play. By waking up a little bit, you may experience the internal universe of thought, imagination, and emotion. By waking up even more, you may experience the True Self, God, Nothingness, or any other word that describes this thing that cannot be described in words. I've caught myself before in moments where I was so asleep that my thoughts and emotions were unconscious. I may agree to do a favour for someone instantaneously without paying attention to thoughts. It happens the other way around too. I can be so engaged with my thoughts and emotions that I pay no attention to what is happening externally. Even as I write this entry, my thoughts become so dominant that I forget to pay attention to what my body is doing. Perhaps it is sitting in an uncomfortable position and I haven't realised it yet. Once again, we have a balancing act. If one can pay attention to both the internal and external universes at the same time, then one can be more awake. Pick of the day: (It's random, I know. But it popped onto my YouTube feed.) (Also, I just realised that this film is a depiction of the success principles used correctly. Dorothy is persistent with her desire to return home. She meets other people with different stories but with the same desire for change. When they finally meet the wizard, he teaches them that they have had what they wanted all along. At this point, they WAKE UP and realise the truth and are, therefore, ready to receive it. That's why the good witch said she had to "work it out for herself.") (What's more, Dorothy needed to have faith in the belief "there's no place like home" in order for that belief to work its magic and grant her what she desires. If she tried to use the belief at the beginning of the movie, she wouldn't have had faith in its ability to take her home. That is why the good witch appears to her after she has learned the lesson of life. I will never look at this story in the same way again!)

I want to share some insights I have had on the journey throughout the 2 years I've been doing. In no way am I claiming my insights to be true and I am just here to share, not to defend a perspective or convince you. So firstly I want to start with a fundamental truth that I have discovered through direct experience. And that is that I do not exist as a separate entity. I exist as nothingness or "the void". This nothingness is both nothing and everything simultaneously. Mind blowing... Another insight I've gotten is that ego and suffering are one. They are two sides of the same coin. And that true happiness is not found in your material possessions, it is found from knowing who you are existentially. When you believe you are this body sitting here, you can't be happy unconditionally. Furthermore, I have realized that in this life, I basically know nothing. That a lot of my knowledge in inaccurate and that I need to be vigilant for self-deception. One self deception that I fell into recently was believing that if I show I am hurt to others, that will make them understand and I will feel better. In my life, that proves to be false. People are generally just as egotistical as me and probably care way less of me than I think they do. The way to deal with hurt is to forgive the person who hurt you and let your feelings pass. That can seem counter intuitive, it did to me, but it is so liberating. Check out "The Sedona Method to learn how to let go. I've also discovered that the greatest strength is letting go or surrendering. Surrender is critical to inner growth and to be open-minded. Another thing I've encountered is that proper habits are essential for personal growth. You are what you repeatedly do. And when building habits, the most important thing is consistency, not the technique you are using. That does not mean that you use an obviously wrong technique, you should still care, but not that much. There is a balance here. What are positive habits? Meditation, reading, study-habit, healthy eating, contemplation, visualization, affirmations etc. Next up is life purpose. Life purpose is critical to living a passionate life and dying with no regrets. If you are stuck at a mediocre job that does not honor your top values and has no meaningful impact, you better believe that will have great effect on your emotions. Find your life purpose as soon as possible. Another thing I've encountered is that life is highly nuanced and that being contemplative is important. Basically reflecting on your actions and behaviors looking at them from a bigger picture, seeing the subtlety in life and disengaging from black and white type thinking. Studying personal development is also important; not because you are doing it to teach personal development through some media, but mostly for yourself. That requires learning from a variety of sources, not just one source because that could be unreliable. This means reading books, watching videos, going to seminars, implementing techniques, etc. There are many more, but this is just the tip of the iceberg. Anyway, hope you got some value out of it and please share your insights regarding PD below would love to hear them

Bonus stuff from long version. Puts final nails on the coffin of death --- All there is, is only Experiencing. Experiencing of birth implies an experiencer, and if that experiencer is already present experiencing its own birth, then it is not experiencing its own birth, its experiencing something else being born while wrongly assuming it itself is being born. Its a temporary forgetting and attachment to the scenery. In other words - ignorance. Experiencing its own birth is an impossibility for an experiencer, because it demands its own presence at its own birth. It is a clear absurdity, you see. It is stupidity to assume that the experiencer can be born. You are that experiencer. You never had that experience, and since experience is all there that exists, birth does not exist, as its experience does not exist and cannot exist. This is certain, this is by necessity. This is a must. Another way to think about it is by using your direct experience of your consciousness, which appears as no-thing, nothing... Its not even an experience strictly speaking, because it is the experiencer. Then it is not even the experiencer, there is just Experiencing. For convenience, we will simply say that you are nothingness at the core - just Emptiness. If you have that direct experience (easy to have it), then you will realize that it is not possible for nothingness to appear, there is nothing to appear ! And it is not possible for it to disappear, it is already nothing ! Well, that was a mind bender, but you will see that the mind stops here, it can't think now, and the concepts of birth and death simply fall apart like a house of cards, they are meaningless. You've been applying meaningless concepts to yourself, you see it now clearly.

Hi, I just did the "Enlightenment Guided Inquiry - The Neti Neti Method" by Leo and I had an experience of that nothingness, or did I? At the moment in the video when Leo said I should just try to consider that I am nothing and I should now try to be that nothingness, something happened for a split second or even shorter: Some kind of feeling of nothingness evoked very strongly. It seemed like nothingness was expanding rapidly, followed by an immense fear and because of that strong fear the nothingness shrunk/contracted and disappeared. All this happened in less of a second I think and the fear was dissolving as well. Now I am questioning myself if that was some kind of imagination or hallucination. Everything else during the meditation felt like imagination but this short experience didnt feel like imagination. It just happened unvoluntarily. I cant really give more information except that now I have a very unclear picture in my head how it "looked" like in that moment. Just expanding and contracting blackness but no structures in it with which I could explain how I identified the expansion or contraction. It was more like a feeling than a picture. Whats weird is that I didnt understand/realized myself as being that nothingness. It just came over me like a frightening chill. Could someone with confirmed enlightenment experiences comment on this? Thank you.

@Natasha I tried it again. First I did the "Enlightenment - Part 3 - Creating An Experience Of No-Self" which I hadnt done before. This technique was quiet nice and has taught me a few more things about how to be in the present. I will try to integrate some of the methods to my daily meditations. After that I did the Neti Neti method again with Leos Guided meditation. I didnt reach the nothingness again. My ego fought quiet hard. I could keep presence and mindfulness until the part when I tried to find the nothingness but then my heart rate went nuts and my whole body started to sweat. I tried to calm myself which worked but it was already too late, it threw me off track. I kept trying until I realised that I already had lost mindfulness and presence. Kind of disappointing. But anyway, my meditations skills have improved a lot lately. I think I will just append self inquiry to each of my normal meditation sessions at the end and not put too much focus on it. Right now my ego seems to be too well prepared to trick it into letting go

I guess you are asking about the difference between experience before and after enlightenment. If "enlightenment" means a realization that you are pure awareness, the screen made of nothingness on which every experience is projected, then there would be no difference. As Leo said, the difference is now in perspective. It is flipped ! Now, I'm not claiming that I have achieved enlightenment, perhaps the above realization is only a start, but thats how I see it at current stage personally. About time, how much time it takes to know that "you" are awareness? 2 seconds. Right? The time it takes to answer the question - Are you aware now? How much time it takes to abide as awareness without falling back to old way? A life time.... That's the paradox, you see.

Enlightenment is a shift in PERSPECTIVE. That means, nothing about the "external" world changes. You just begin to see it in a radically different way. Sort of like reality flips inside out. The context of everything changes while the content remains the same. But you can't appreciate just how significantly a change in context can alter your relationship to the content. You'll have to discover that the context you call "my life" or "our reality" is totally unreal. It it's groundless! That "you were born" is just a story, and that you are inhabiting "this reality" is just a story. Yes, you are already enlightened, but it will take you many years of grueling flailing around to realize that. Your perspective must flip. That flip of course must occur in the present moment, because there's nothing other than the present. Nothingness exists in the exact same place as everything! For example, when you look at your lamp, are you aware that the lamp is nothing? It's nothing right now, as you're seeing it. The nothing is located exactly where the lamp is. It's not necessary for the lamp to disappear or change colors. Those are misleading expectations of the mind. You just have to realize that the lamp's "substance" is nothing. Everything is made out of this substance of "nothingness". It's like objects are hollow, including yourself. Consciousness is not a change in phenomena. It's a change in consciousness. You can't imagine it because your present consciousness prevents you. It's too low. As it rises, everything gets seen in a different way, although it's not like you're seeing aliens, dragons, and unicorns. The mundane world is enough. After enlightenment, the mundane becomes magical. Seeing a table or a lamp is no less magical than seeing a dragon or a unicorn. The mind likes to get lost on shiny objects. That's the whole problem. Nothingness isn't shiny at all, which is why you keep not seeing it.

"Ugh no, dad. It's not that you don't exist. It's just that what you currently think you are doesn't exist, and what you actually are is eternal nothingness, which is infinite God consciousness." - Thanksgiving 2017

Entry 71 | Death and Unconsciousness Theory: By examining death as being "the opposite of life," it can lead to all sorts of insights into what death actually is. Applying it: Realise that death is just unconsciousness and that it is nothing to fear. Remind yourself each day of this to shatter your fear of death and build more confidence. Over the last few days, I've been regularly contemplating the 'conscious realm' and the 'unconscious realm.' In other words, life and death. It is safe to assume that we experience both of these on a regular basis. The conscious realm is our waking life and the unconscious realm is the nothingness of deep sleep. I managed to dispell the common notions of death a few years ago with similar contemplation. The idea of an afterlife, or heaven and hell, seemed to be untrue in my eyes. Here's the reasoning I came to back in the day. If you consider death as simply "the opposite of life," then we have all experienced death already. The universe is said to have existed for billions of years prior to the present moment. During all that time, our bodies and minds were not born yet and, therefore, were not alive yet. You could say that we experienced billions of years of death before we were born into this universe. When our bodies and minds die, we simply return to that state of death. It is important to realise that this was based on certain assumptions. Those assumptions include that the universe DID exist for billions of years prior to our birth. But if all assumptions were thrown aside, nothing can change the fact that we were born out of death. We were born out of unconsciousness. I'm going to use "death" and "unconsciousness" interchangeably here. Think about the unconsciousness of sleep. There is a wonderful moment that happens when we slip into an unconscious state of being from our conscious being. Even more wonderful when you try to remember when that magic moment happened the next morning. Unconsciousness is free from sight, sound, sensation, thought, feelings, imagination, and self. Unconsciousness is nothingness. No forms exist within it. There is no such thing as time or space in the unconscious realm. The amazing thing about the unconscious realm is that it is whole and complete. Although there is no observer of the unconscious realm, it seems as though there is nothing lacking within it. From the unconscious state, there need not be a conscious realm to inhabit it. There's not even the possibility of a conscious realm in the state of unconsciousness. There need not be a body, a life, time and space, etc. The unconscious realm is perfect in its emptiness. What also baffles me is that when the conscious realm is being observed, one cannot begin to conceptualise the idea of unconsciousness. That is because it is beyond thought itself. As human beings, we experience the unconscious realm every time we sleep. And yet as we are 'awake,' the very idea of there being an unconscious realm seems unimaginable. There are some serious benefits that come from contemplating this stuff. The biggest of them all being the eventual removal of the fear of death. If you can equate death with the unconscious realm that we experience on a regular basis, then you realise that there is nothing to fear about death. That's what I'm working on at the minute. If this body and mind dies, that familiar but unimaginable state of unconsciousness is all that awaits. Nothing more. Also by contemplating these possibilities, it puts everything into perspective with regards to the conscious realm. All of these activities and goals that we set for ourselves are not nearly as important as we make them out to be. Sure, they can be useful from the human being's perspective because it can enable personal growth and evolution to occur. But in the grand scheme of life and death, they are not to be put on some pedestal that makes them more important than existence itself. Pick of the day:

You stand infront of a cliff and think "I will die if I take one more step.", or you stand infront of a cliff and think not at all. Taking another step forward, which of these two states of consciousness captures the truth? Or in other words, what will happen once you step forward and fall down the cliff? It may very well be that the thought does not describe what will happen, or that the description itself is not really what will happen. But does the absence of thought hold any more truth? And wouldn't any investigation of truth within the mind always lead to nothingness, because the mind is inherintely uncapable of fabricating truth?

But as I said, all of these findings that you guys describe are completely explainable by rational means. You don't have a body, because whatever the mind thought the body was, was simply an expirience of the mind. As I said, everything is the expirience of the mind, from the perspective of the mind. If I look at a tree, whatever I expirience the tree to be is not really the tree. It's simply another expirience, an illusion. But that doesn't mean that whatever that I am refering to does not exist. We have zero access to the outer world whatsoever, not even a glimpse of it. We have so limited access to the outer world that infact, whatever we think the outer world to be is always part of the inner world. The inner world is everything we expirience, and I understand that. Even the "body" that we expirience as "body" is part of the inner world, so it's an illusion. But that doesn't mean that whatever the inner world is referring to as "body" doesn't exist at all. If it doesn't, go ahead and test it. Let's see if the body is an illusion after you cut off your arm. Let's see if "death" is an illusion once the expirience of your mind completely stops. I can recognize that we have no idea what the mind is. That we are completely clueless, and always will be, what exactly consciousness is, alteast in a conceptual manner. And yes, consciousness is the ONLY thing we have access to. But why do we assume that everything is consciousness? It's obvious that the mind will have the expirience of "everything" being "consciousness", because for the mind, everything in it's existance is consciousness. A good example is 5-MeO-DMT. I mean, 5-MeO-DMT is an illusion. It's simply a concept of the mind that is completely generated by the mind. But yet, once you take 5-MeO-DMT, you will alter the expirience of the mind is such a way that the structures that create the ego suddenly disappear. And once that happens, the mind has access to the entire expirience of itself, and that expirience is literally unlimited in every way imaginable. Previously the mind limited itself in a way to expirience itself in a specific way, but once you alter that, the entire reality of the mind alters. I mean, how can we just ignore that with rational means, the expirience of absolute infinity is easily explainable? There is no great mystery about it, it's simply how we know the mind works. Yes, we don't know what exactly the mind is, because the map is not the territory. But it's like you guys just say the territory doesn't truly exist, because after all all we have is the map. Yes, the map is part of the territory. The "expirience" is part of the territory. But the expirience is evidently not the territory itself. And with expirience I mean everything the mind could possibly expirience, even "infinity". My biggest question here I guess is, why can we trust the "expirience" just because it's everything we have? Why do we trust the expirience of enlightenment, or the direct expirience of god. How is that a good idea? I mean, look at us. Right now, for our mind, the ego is part of it's reality. But, you can alter the mind in a way where it becomes obvious that ego is just a structure. But then the mind thinks it's everything because you still expirience everything the mind is capable of expiriencing. Sure, nothingness is an expirience, but how does it apply to actual reality that we don't even expirience in any shape or form? I can have the expirience of nothingness, but I will still die of starvation if I don't eat. So, is "eating" not real? Is "hunger" not real? Yes, what we expirience as hunger or as starvation is not real, or rather it's just an expirience of the mind. But as I said, it doesn't change the facts whatsoever. I don't doubt for a second that if I take 5-MeO-DMT, whatever I think reality is right now will change in such a drastic way that I will be left with a completely different reality, so different that I can't even imagine that it's part of the mind. But what if, what if the mind is actually capable of generating an expirience of absolute infinity? And, isn't for the mind the expirience of absolute infinity nothing more but the expirience of it's own, entire reality? The problem I seem to have is that, right now I have a very specific feeling of reality, and yes, if the ego disappears I will suddenly realize that the mind is that expirience of reality. But what if that expirience of reality, of infinity, is just a fabrication of the mind? We can never proof that it isn't to ourselves, because the MIND is EVERYTHING we expirience.

Background: I'm on the non duality path for 1.5 years I meditate, do self inqury, I read a lot and wached a lot of videos (Leo, rupert spira, mojiji, ramana, robert adams, nakad reality, gjurdieff, eckart tolle and others) I try to eat healthy, I do sports, evan wim hof breathing and cold baths Two-three years ago I've had panic attacks- anxiety but now I dont- I evan now hope to get them because I think this is an emotional outburst, a way to deal with the core ishue, the perfect moment to surrender, to let go, to meet your emotions etc. but no more panic attacks 4 me (because I don't feear them any more and I accapet reallity much more, and I learned a looooot from psyhology and non duality - so I'm equiped and relaxed) still here Is the problem: I've never had an emotional relase (like those folks on holotropic breathing (I've tyed that too,,,,, btw. I'am doing the wim hof course too-and no results) but i feel tightness in my chest, i feel there is some anxiety (similar to the period when i had panic attacks and took sometimes benzos (2-3 years ago but weeker -because I don't panic about the anxiety), I'm not totaly relaxed, i get tensed. Sometimes i have to go in a meditative state to relax it or to try to bring it forth, but then it just gets little bitt weaker and nothing... Now the question? Bonus: When I smoke marihuana I never get relaxed, just more tens, more nervous, the chest senzations get stronger, had evan two times panic attacks when smoking it 2) I have tinitus (sometimes it is related to the energy body-chackras-emotions so they say) Do you have some advice what should I do to relase those emotions or what ever it is? (it's some blockadge for my life- I know that) PS. I din't post this in emotional problems, because I'm fucking into this non duality thing, my most important life goal is to get enlightent ( I need to let go of this too-I know ), to know the truth, to experience nothingness and so on... still not there, maybe this is an step between ,,me from the point where I stand now" to the ,,truth"... soo that's it ???

@eskwire It was one of Leo's new insights, they are on the actualized site, first tab....this it was just as much of a mind-fuck for me as this roles thing because I'm one of those way too into symbols type people...lol.... @Nahm that might actually help...and I do like a good ceremonial burning release too!...is that more symbols? @Leo Gura, thank you, I think I have to read that a number of times to absorb it all, but the art reference alone clarifies! @Trond the potato reference is surprisingly helpful - to get this concept, I'm just not evolved enough to "believe" it yet... @aryberry Have you seen those musical instruments where you sing into a tube, and a layer of sand makes amazing geometric patterns? I can't remember what they are called just now, but I think you'd like them. (I am likely perpetuating the symbol significance here again) @Soulbass this is so true, on so many levels...and I know you are right...but I'm also so deep into the symbol and energetic thing...that book, as an object, although most beneficial when read....seems to me like it may still have an energetic/symbolic benefit based on it's history, composition, visuals on the cover, etc...I know, I'm terribly lost in "symbol", "underlying perceived meaning/ energy" crap...wanting to be more in reality, also wondering if I'd loose some wonderland beauty in life, and be left with dull nothingness ....but also trusting Leo is likely on to something, and my wonderland is probably only 1% of the real deal... @Whywolf Thanks so much! Yes, discerning is my like my greatest nemesis and my greatest teacher right now!

Could you use affirmations to speed up this process? For example "I am nothingness". Could it be possible to program the false sense of self out of your mind this way? Proubably not since words are symbols.

@Telepresent Thanks for reminding . This is definitely something that has been bothering me a lot in life. I can sometimes see an incredible importance in something and a few hours later its all gone.. Not to mention the uncountable times I have laid in my bed before sleep and found things in my mind to be incredibly important, desparately trying to keep them in mind, even writing them down so I can remember in the morning, but even then, I read them and they dont seem as important afterall. I think I try to use emotions alot to remember or set myself back in the state I was but even that does not work. Now then, I have done a lot of reading today to eliminate some of my fear of ego-death. How I understand it I will not completely and forever be sucked into it if I reach it again during meditation. I think ego always comes back or "re-builds" itself unless we have been experiencing enough to understand it and unless we can keep the mindfull state of mind throughout the day, which requires lots of training i suppose. The existential fear from the first glimpse has somehow let me to think that if I let go again, a bit more, it would just "click" and I would never get my ego back. This thought is keeping me from trying again and bothers me alot as I want to try and stay a while in that nothingness without worrying never to be able to come back to my ego. I think its possible to go in and out of nothingness isnt it? And the ego dissolving is just the symptom of staying in nothingness for longer and seeing more and more how false it is, am I right?

Trying to chat with an enlightened person: Me: Hi, how are you? He: I'm nothingness and eternal. Me: So what are you doing these days? He: Practicing non-doing. Everything happens... Me: How do you do it? He: By not doing. Me: Easy job for you I guess? He: I'm not the doer, so can't say. Me: What's your plan for your coming birthday? He: I was never born. Me: Oh, btw I'm sorry to hear about your mother's death. He: There is no death. Me: Wtf? He: Look within for an answer to that. Me: Well, I'm outta here, see you later. He: Self cannot be seen, its the seer. Me: FU !$#^%#$%

Ok, so let's not forget about this. You know why? Becuase memory is going to make it a different thing that it was. So any thought you have about it or remembered sensation about it or remember idea about it will have swung and shifted. But a little while ago this seemed incredibly important to you. As little ago as a few hours ago. As a burning brand from someone who isn't there... you can't feel relation with that nothingness. Such is paradox

The ego is a false illusion that you have identified with, its only function is to help you navigate through this physical reality. This is difficult to accept at first because this means you've been living a lie your entire life up until this point. Don't try to chase this state as you'll never reach it, your only function in this reality is to just be and enjoy whatever life has to offer you. The paradox is that Nothingness = Everything. Again. your mind is not going to grasp this so just practice mindfulness and be aware of the sensations going through your awareness and try to pinpoint where they are coming from. You are going to be confused for a while but that's part of the journey, this is a just game you created for yourself since you had nothing better to do. It may feel like you are dying at times but this is a process of rebirth This is one of my favorite quotes that I hope will help you "What the caterpillar calls the end, the rest of the world calls a butterfly." -Lao Tzu

@Leo Gura Thank you for replying Leo, Yesterday I thought the first glimpse is the hardest and that I now know how to get there easily. Well, I just meditated again and tried to get there. I knew how to reach out for it but I couldnt become it. Once I came near to becoming it, my heartrate increased, adrenaline, heavier breathing and existential anxiety kept me from becoming it. What you said makes perfect sense. Is there a better way to think of nothingess thats not so frightening? Maybe, oneness or something better that I can tell my ego? In the past I have always thought of enlightenment in a good way of being everything in nature. Now I just fear death. Of course I understand what my ego "did" there but I cant help it, of course. I dont want to "be gone"! I dont want to forget my ego. Its what has always kept me going in this world. Isnt it foolish to throw it all away? Its funny, Now I feel so much love for my ego. I had a hard time during the last couple of years (depression and anxiety) and I always tried to think back to times (mostly childhood) when I felt so much love for myself and the love of my parents. Those were the happiest times of my life so I always try to feed my ego with them to be able to live better. I thought that it was unconditional love but was it really that and does it matter? I see the paradoxes I think. But how do I put my trust in something that I dont know yet what it really is. The "teachers" say it is the true self, it all I am. How do I trust them? I guess it all comes down to: Realizing that ego is an illusion. (I guess I am not fully convinced yet) Digging deeper into the existential anxiety/terror that occurs close to becoming nothing. (Somehow it tells me there is something real about the nothingness that I am to become) Maybe I can try to concentrate on the things that in the past led me to believe ego is stupid. Maybe it helps if I read and understand more about what exactly happens in terms of existential terror when I chose to become it again and kind of foresee it so I am prepared to react and not helpless. I am quiet confused now. If anyone can help I would appreciate it.

I guess then really the question I am asking is. why is enlightenment not just an transcendent mask of ego? losing perception of a thing is only a lack of object permanence. What really is Ego but a sense of self - and what is nonduality but a sense of self? letting go doesn't cease the existence of the object - only the attachment to it. But both the Sage who speaks his mind shows he is attached by his insistence to share it - and the Sage who holds silent shows he is attached by adhering to the principal he imagines up to explain things away. Thought is not limited to words and images and sensation. Awareness is thought too. literal being is thought, as we can experience it. Experience itself is the ego - It has been recommended to be in the moment, to be aware of the direct experience without judgement without allowing the rational mind to rationalize the experience. I do not deny the inherent meaning in such an activity - but it is like in quantum mechanics - the measurement itself changes the existence. True existence is necessarily unknowable - because knowing AKA direct experience is limiting existence to a measurable state. awareness is our most authentic tool of measuring the world around us - but measurement itself is why duality "exists" = measurement itself results from the "influence" of ego. in a certain way, "true" or however you name it - enlightenment is in ceasing to be aware altogether. we cannot escape our existence - only transcend it - and to transcend it does not leave the existence behind in any way. that existence is still there. to return to the discussion at hand - we name certain thoughts and experiences. in this way we create duality. Both in asking if he glimpsed nothingness, and in answering - we all have forced the topic to be about somethingness. Nothingness cannot be remembered - and we cannot be aware of it. There would be no experience in nothingness - and no sensory input - no awareness - no consciousness - no body and no mind. Nothing that we can imagine* can be nothingness - we can't even look at it sideways with our periphery. I am not yet familiar with the neti-neti method. but any method is not nothingness. this is not to say that we are futile to attempt to pretend to glimpse at it - but instead the intention is to reveal the practicality in releasing the need to ask if we've got it. the answer will always be no. It is only something we learn from in pursuit of, but never something we reach - and if we believe we've reached it, we are fooling ourself by means of ego. *or be

Buddha does not use the words atma, atta - "self". He uses just the opposite words: “no-self” - anatma, anatta. He says that when mind ceases, there is no self left. You have become universal, you have overflowed the boundaries of the ego. You are pure space, uncontaminated by anything. You are just a mirror reflecting nothing. When thoughts cease, who are you? An utter emptiness, nothingness, no-thingness. It is because of this that Buddha has used a strange word. Nobody has ever done such a concept before, or since. The mystics have always used the word “self” for the interior-most core of your being. Buddha uses the word “no-self.”