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Just wanted to show some LOVE to my Actualized.org family! Happy Valentines Day! (Even though it's celebrated tomorrow.) I wanted to express my gratitude to Leo and everyone on this forum that has helped me on my life journey. And I appreciate the support I've received here, and non-judgemental caring attitudes and advice! We are all in this together! God is Love/Absolute Infinity/Nothingness. We shouldn't wait for one day out of the year to celebrate love and gratitude for the people that we care about and bring meaning to us. It should be celebrated everyday! <3 Love and Peace be with you. Namaste!

I want to share some insights I have had on the journey throughout the 2 years I've been doing. In no way am I claiming my insights to be true and I am just here to share, not to defend a perspective or convince you. So firstly I want to start with a fundamental truth that I have discovered through direct experience. And that is that I do not exist as a separate entity. I exist as nothingness or "the void". This nothingness is both nothing and everything simultaneously. Mind blowing... Another insight I've gotten is that ego and suffering are one. They are two sides of the same coin. And that true happiness is not found in your material possessions, it is found from knowing who you are existentially. When you believe you are this body sitting here, you can't be happy unconditionally. Furthermore, I have realized that in this life, I basically know nothing. That a lot of my knowledge in inaccurate and that I need to be vigilant for self-deception. One self deception that I fell into recently was believing that if I show I am hurt to others, that will make them understand and I will feel better. In my life, that proves to be false. People are generally just as egotistical as me and probably care way less of me than I think they do. The way to deal with hurt is to forgive the person who hurt you and let your feelings pass. That can seem counter intuitive, it did to me, but it is so liberating. Check out "The Sedona Method to learn how to let go. I've also discovered that the greatest strength is letting go or surrendering. Surrender is critical to inner growth and to be open-minded. Another thing I've encountered is that proper habits are essential for personal growth. You are what you repeatedly do. And when building habits, the most important thing is consistency, not the technique you are using. That does not mean that you use an obviously wrong technique, you should still care, but not that much. There is a balance here. What are positive habits? Meditation, reading, study-habit, healthy eating, contemplation, visualization, affirmations etc. Next up is life purpose. Life purpose is critical to living a passionate life and dying with no regrets. If you are stuck at a mediocre job that does not honor your top values and has no meaningful impact, you better believe that will have great effect on your emotions. Find your life purpose as soon as possible. Another thing I've encountered is that life is highly nuanced and that being contemplative is important. Basically reflecting on your actions and behaviors looking at them from a bigger picture, seeing the subtlety in life and disengaging from black and white type thinking. Studying personal development is also important; not because you are doing it to teach personal development through some media, but mostly for yourself. That requires learning from a variety of sources, not just one source because that could be unreliable. This means reading books, watching videos, going to seminars, implementing techniques, etc. There are many more, but this is just the tip of the iceberg. Anyway, hope you got some value out of it and please share your insights regarding PD below would love to hear them

Who wrote the post? Well if we speak in relative terms then you did it as the human being you are. I.e you, whatever name your parents have given to you, did it. If we speak in absolute terms, then litteraly no one wrote it (and there also isn't any "it", there is no post to be read anywhere:)) . But that "no one" / nothingness / no-thing isn't the same as saying that 'no person wrote it', it's more like saying that absolutely none wrote it, cos there have never been anyone to write it in the first place. There exist no persons. All there exist is nothingness/non-duality/God/infinity -- which is what the real YOU is - but out of this is created an apparant dualistic world (i.e. YOU in fact created it), which YOU currently believe you live in... - and YOU also believe (i.e. trick your self into believing) that it was created without your 'will' (i.e. "I'm not responsible for my birth" and so forth)... and so we have the seperation between 'you' (the ego) and "not-you" (other persons, outside world)... This seperation doesn't really exist though - it's an illusion. Everything that happens to you and everything that you do are two sides of the same coin: It's in fact at the same time all YOUR doing (as you = the real you) and at same time not your doing at all (as you = the illusion of the ego). Have a listen.

@eskwire I just want you to know that there is certainly nothing wrong with being celibate but there is also nothing wrong with being in an intimate sexual relationship either. What matters most is your thoughts and feelings behind what you are doing/actions. And besides you said the f word........FEAR! Which lets me know that you might have some type of childhood vow or experience that has led you to believe that relationships are not worth pursuing. I think it's pretty common for many when pursuing enlightenment and consciousness work to think relationships are a waste of time. They can be time wasters and unfulfilling if your mind is not in the right place. The TRUTH is you don't need anyone to complete you. But we also need BALANCE, and relationships can be GREAT personal development growth when applied correctly! Although we need to be comfortable being alone and with ourselves and I'm pretty sure Absolute Infinity/God/Nothingness did not put us here to be completely alone and not interacting with other people. Also keep in mind there absolutely nothing wrong with not getting married or having kids at all. Everyone is different and has their own path to take. All healthy committed relationships start from a place of self love. And any time you have issues in a relationship you look within to find answers. Because when you change yourself and your perspective the world changes around you. And what about Non-duality relationships? I see relationships as a way to expand my spiritual growth. And for some people it may be apart of their life purpose. I have come across some great reading and studying material when it comes to relationship stuff that you may want to look it. Here's a book you may want to look at, that I'm currently reading right now: Spiritual Partnership - The Journey to Authentic Power, by Gary Zukav This books goes along with a lot of the stuff Leo teaches here on this site about consciousness and sage work. It think it will resonate with you. http://shiningworld.com/site/shop/index.php?route=product/product&path=18&product_id=133 I also LOVE this video. I wish I had seen this video when I was a lot younger. This is what a healthy relationship looks like! I also want you to know I really understand where you are coming from. I have not been in a long term committed relationship in almost 10 years now. In my last relationship my ex-boy friend raped me and I had 3 months of vaginal bruising. He stalked me and I had to put a 6 month restraining order and leave the city where I lived to be safe. Then a year later I got involved with adult entertainment for 6 years. I left the industry after a near death experience from being drugged in a bar. I also left the industry feeling that men were evil, horrible creatures, that were out to get me and that I wasn't good enough to be in a relationship. I became very insecure about my body and my looks. I did a lot of therapy, reading, and spiritual work to be where I am now. I've learned that you attract what you are. If you love yourself, you will attract someone that loves you too. I know healthy good relationships exist. My dad recently passed away in Oct. of 2016. My parents were married 40 years, and my dad was abusive to my mother and I. My mom healed and realized her self worth and soon after met a guy at a grocery store in Dec. 2016. They have been dating and inseparable ever since. They are madly in love with each other, and are planning to get married. We are expecting a proposal on valentines day. I know if my mom can find somebody that easily, I know that I can and so can anyone else as long as they love themselves. Good luck on your journey, whatever path you may take!

@Awomanaware There are so many things to be grateful for! lol It's hard to list just one. I use the gratitude list a lot with my hypnosis clients to help them change their perspective, focus, and thinking patterns on the positive things happening in their life. I am grateful for absolute infinity/God/nothingness. Because if absolute infinity didn't exist...would we exist? lol Is that possible?

I'm quite glad you brought this up, because loneliness has been one of my biggest life challenges so far. As an introvert, I like to spend a lot of time on my own; meditating, reading, writing, playing music, etc. But I find that if I spend too much time on my own then I can fall into loneliness and depression, because there are other people I need to fill this 'emptiness' as you put it. This is why I have also struggled with neediness in my relationships. That said, I would insist that you don't feel in any way ashamed of this emptiness. It's actually a very spiritual thing that has been referred to by spiritual traditions as the 'void.' This is why meditation is hell sometimes, because it's just you and yourself, naked and open to reality and nothingness. If you stick with that though you can reach a breakthrough where you transcend the need to 'belong' - this either happens or it doesn't. Like Leo said though, don't use meditation to avoid real-world interaction. It's not a substitute for socialising but it can allow you the solitude you need to purge the neediness that comes from surrounding yourself with company all the time. In solitude you choose to be alone, but in loneliness you resist it. In summary, it's about striking the right solitude-company balance for you. Some people will naturally thrive spending their lives in the company of others, whilst other people, (myself included), will cultivate a creative existence out of our desire to be alone. Whichever way we switch our dials though, it seems that we all need both when push comes to shove.

So there is no I at all, hmm, i often imagined awareness as empty something that is experiencing everyhing else,,, like an empty I-still something ... but what if there is no awareness at all, no empty experiencer, it's just experience, yes there is an awareness to that, or a nothingness but not as seperate awareness, but it's litlery nothing, so I am nothing, the experiencer does not exist, there is only experience and nothing else, that nothing else is the real me... OR, is it the other way (my point of view) ... If I denie what is, what is left is nothing, then I delude my self that I'm nothing and not me-body/mind... HMM HMM (the knife that does not belive that is a knife, it can not find it self, so it does not exist) but if the knife would accept it self as a knife, and acnowledge that there is nothing to search just to be what you are, a knife, a human... I'm human that searches for nothing to be nothing, and when i get to the point where I belive or feel that i can not find anything then i belive to that, that I'm that nothingness-what does not exist at all (the experiencer does not exist), but a human does as whatever we are ... Maybe I'm the experience it self, that denies it self so that I apeare as nothing like there is no I at all... I still belive that I'm the unity of all body/mind experience wich core is the counciusness that operates the body and thoghts, wich thinks and has will...... I'm fucked up!!!

Thx. It's more like that: I come to you and say I have a dog... and I show him to you, and you say I don't see a dog, I ask how? I point at him, then you say a see a dogs leg, not a dog, or a dogs hair, not a dog, not evan a hair, i just see a brown point (a smal part of the brown hair) wait, it's not a bronw point, it's a molekule, a atom, a proton, a subatomic particle, and that particle is a hologram or it's actually nothing (whatever) so at the end you say I don't see a dog, there is no dog, there is nothingness... I say yes, i know what you mean but your not correct, the dog is not the hair, the atom, the leg, the head, the dogs mind, you have to look the whole and that's a dog... (call me crazy if there really is not a dog) I belive you Leo, I belive also Quantum mechanics... I belive and love non duality, bud do I understand it-No, i watched all your videos and on your meditation I hade that glimpse experience from your meditation, I can still my mind, ,,go deep" relax, but that's it nothing special... anyway that's the DOG story from my point of view... THX for answering (my englis isn't the best)

I just don't get why am I not aware of the room, or of your body and feelings? So I am limited to the body?? I asked this qouestion before, but nothing that has logic to me, that keeps non duality as truth, wasn't given to me 2. Who am I? I am the will, the one who moves my hand (who decides to move it) who wants something, or the thinker, I'm nothinhness = I don't know about that... That what you describe as nothingness is just a still mind, a down lieing will, a brain that is not focused, a attentinon that isn't anyway particular but is active... Doesn't disprove that that does not come from the bran/body, So I'm still the brain, or the councious thinker, the will that is acting trougt my body (and not trought yours), the personality, character and so on (the cou... yes all of that can change (hit my brain with a bullet, or drugs and so on) but it's still from the brain... I'don't know, I'm nothingness, or we are all one, or I'm not that I that i belive it's me, I can not be found... I think those are all delusions that come from an experience of a still mind that is awake, and and non focused attention that is in it's source or just all over the place but without indentification... Nothing of that proves non duality to me, it's just an experience... I'm stuck, hope to get ,,enligtemenet" (reading and meditating for 1-2 years) When I meditate, and search for the I, I can get still, almost no houghts, there is no particular I to find, I know I'm not the body, and all senzations, no one thought... But the perciver, the thinker, or the will that moves my hand, or that wants to go someware, hm hm, who is aware of that? that's somehow a stupid question that can get you an deluded experience of no/sef (I had a glimpse), but is it the truth? Imagine a knife that searches for it self, it isnt the top, it isnt the handle, it isnt the blade, so it does not exist-stupid? I'm nothing particural, I'm the unity of the whole body mind structure... I'm not ultimate awareness, I'm not you, and when I'm in deep sleep there isnt any awarenes-point, but my body is there and other people see me...

This first picture was taken In 2003 it's been known to be called "Gods eye" We are in a vast & beautiful dream! From the vastness of the cosmos, to the tiny beautiful details of this dream, that which is the driving force of everything, is more profoundly intelligent than we can comprehend. The fundamental nature of this dream is without form, we know that, nothingness, but I think really its so much more than mere nothingness, it is beyond our limited understanding as humans, but chances are it is truely unlimited in every way, and the best way I could describe it is "Magic" To the true beauty of this earth, to the unfathomed depths of space, count yourself lucky, that we are awake and conscious of anything, let alone this wonderful life. We are all one. I hope you enjoy it. Like he's said in the movie American Beauty, there is "A incredibly benevolent force that wants me to know there is no reason to be afraid" The Light of God is already within you.

Why? Well, Ralph, from Infinite Waters, explains it. I posted this in another thread. What he said here makes sense to me. Leo also explains... When you experience Infinity, you might have noticed that you're left with a huge residue of bliss or "divine love" that came along with it. Well, what Ralph and Leo are trying to explain matches the meaning of love via infinity. "There is no you." "We are one." "We are everything / nothingness." "We are infinite awareness / peace. Our ego is fictional." Ok. We get it. So? The question is, what are you going to do now with this wisdom?

@eskwire last time I had sex was over 6 years ago and I have no immediate plans to change that. idk if I count as "celibate" because I do indulge in fantasy with masturbation occasionally, so in that way I behave sexually. occasionally I've created an account on OK cupid, had a little fun perusing profiles, but ultimately trying to set up a conversation with people was... weird. unfulfilling I guess. but letsee to ponder your questions. for me I figured out I "should" be celibate mostly because sex itself was kind of uninteresting. long story short... there was enough about sex that gave me reason to just hold off from it. I would occasionally think about relationships without sex, and sometimes it seemed kind of nice and like I said I've been social enough to be thinking about attractive peeps and maybe trying to talk to people in the pursuit of something but... I've basically been denying to myself that I have interest in not bothering, at least for now. of course, I should disclose that when I was in high school I boldly told myself that even if I never found a partner in my life I'd be happy just being on my own. and that because of that, I preferred to put off dating until college or some time around then. I suppose I've been basically temporarily celibate, but with the end date unspecified, this whole time. for two years in college I was in some relationships, but after the last one I reinstated my celibacy. (well with freedom to pine for contact I wasn't really pursuing.) by your third question. I'm unfamiliar with the language you used to ask it, but from what I read it sounds kind of like you've had a lot of relationships that are short lived for quite some time now? IMO that's a dangerous habit to fall into. it's possible that you could approach the situation, assuming that is your situation, either by mindfulness with celibacy, or by mindfulness just doing the same... trying to be fully aware as consistently as you can during that time, letting go of self-judgments and just acting like an impartial observer of the situation. either way, being mindful I trust would facilitate growth in the area of romance for you. I mean I think I understand what you mean by this. but my thoughts regarding it is... if we feel as if we should avoid something, well that's moralization. it may not be the way it has been framed by others in this thread so far, but it is still being named a distraction. In Leo's video I remember he really emphasized how when we say we shouldn't do something, we actually are rejecting the true desire that we want to do it. but I also then said, that it is both - when we moralize we split ourselves - we outright deny that we actually want to do the thing by trying to say we shouldn't, as well as we unknowingly deny the fact that there are reasons we want to not do the thing. and by splitting it in this way, we are forcing various levels of unawareness on ourselves. dogma. the truth is that our choices are all equal. and they are nothing. our individuality does in fact draw us to some things and away from others, and this is all we really need to make our decisions. the moralizations and dogmas of rules and expectations are a distraction from authenticity. generally my advice - and this is the first time I'm expressing this so I apologize in advance - is: when we use our words and thoughts and ideas to state things, we can instead of using these ideas as beliefs of right or wrong or desired or undesired or good or evil. we could realize that our ideas are necessarily *false, not false as in not true but rather as in inherently not infinity, that they are dual in nature. that the authentic self is nondual but in our small-scale duality existence, we can only truly ponder dual thoughts, and so the enlightened path is to realize that the duality is inherent - and with a neutral perspective, allow the dual experiences to only be a guide for our pursuit of authentic existence, as nothing dual can be authentic. we cannot even reach authenticity or enlightenment, these are not destinations we arrive at or trophies we acquire - enlightenment and the pursuit of the authentic self are simply the nature in which we live life out. existence is infinity and as such our nothingness is automatically a part of that no matter what we do. but using morals and beliefs makes us stand rigid against the tide of infinity, in which we break - and awareness is how we become like the sapling who bends with the wind and therefore does not break, and becomes one with the flow.

Ultimately there is only the ocean. And the ocean "dreams up" these "individual" bubbles. Atleast this was my interpretation so far. I try to do that. But sometimes those experiences or images pop up (I don't really know what to call them, guess this is the limit of language) So they are all meaningless? I had the shift of perception a week ago, where I realized that I have literally no face (or that the face is only a thought/another sensation) and that im thus everything but also no-thing, just empty awareness or the "things" itself, because there was no difference anymore between the perceived and the perceiver. Do you mean this with Nothingness? It seemed to match the description. When I have an insight like this, my mind always tends to assume "this is it! you got it, there is nothing more to discover" of course, I don't believe my mind anymore. It's still very confusing for me, because there is one fraction that says "enlightenment is the simplest thing in the world, and you are already enlightened, it's directly in your face" this matches with the "experience" or shift of perception that I had. But then there is the other fraction that says it takes decades or lifetimes and only a few sages get it. There was also not the direct realization of infinity or that I'm god

Nothing is hidden. When you meditate/self-inquiry, aim to drop all metaphors and models. They are all symbols but your aim here is non-symbolic awareness. You cannot get to the Absolute through symbols. It's hard because the mind is addicted to symbols. Nothingness is not separate from the present experience you're having.

Entry 53 | Illness and Negative Emotion Theory: Just as illnesses remind you to pay attention to your body, negative emotion occurs to remind you to pay attention to your mind. Applying it: When you sense negative emotion, embrace it and heed its warning. Just to put it out there, I'm not ill! There are some minor 'illnesses' that people get which can serve as a wake-up call regarding the body. When I say 'illnesses,' I mean typical health problems that can come and go. As an example, adult acne is there to remind me to clean up my diet, which I have been doing. Also, obesity occurs because of a person's lack of daily exercise. There's nothing inherently bad about these things. With the right perspective, you should be able to pay attention to these changes in the body and make the connection that you need to honour it better. In a lot of cases, these 'illnesses' serve as a reflection of your inner game. Negative emotions work in the same way. If you feel the presence of depression, frustration, boredom, or anxiety throughout your day, that is your mind's way of saying "pay attention to me!" in the same way that the body creates health problems. I've talked about negative emotion before as being non-existent. The 'negative' aspect is, in fact, your resistance to paying attention to the emotion, which is neutral. If you let go of the resistance, you can experience the emotion as it is meant to appear. And when that happens, you wonder why you have been resisting it for so long. In some cases, the emotion comes and goes in a fleeting moment. In most cases, however, the emotion will trigger a thought or insight of great importance to your growth. For that reason, it is imperative that you embrace the emotions. The best way to do this is to stop what you are doing, close your eyes if necessary, and simply experience the emotion in its neutral state. Don't try to hurry it away or get rid of it: that constitutes resistance. Just let it take over your mind by giving it your full attention. Usually, you only have to sit with that emotion for about 5 minutes before it begins to change. Although, it can take much longer. If it disappears into nothingness, don't feel let down that you haven't experienced an insight. Emotions are unpredictable. Some will just enter and leave your perception without any reason. If that happens, appreciate the beauty of the moment and move on with your day. You should no longer feel negative. If you are lucky enough to receive a thought impulse or an insight after sitting with the emotion, good for you! This will give you an opportunity to make positive changes in your life that align with your highest values. For example, I was feeling pretty negative the entire afternoon. I was developing my website and doing some online work that had to be done. While all of these things were important for accomplishing my goals, there was a negative energy possessing me. I couldn't name the emotion, but there was a lot of resistance there. In response to this, I put my laptop to one side and sat on my bed. My focus was purely on the emotion. After only 5 minutes, a thought impulse entered my head: "What are you doing? Professional musicians don't spend this long in the day working on their website. Practice your guitar pieces!" The insight made so much sense to me. Website building is not an activity of my Zone of Genius. Music-making is! I picked up the guitar and practiced for a total of 3 hours. That's 3 hours of heavy-duty practice without procrastination. But every second of it was a joy. What started out as a negative emotion became rocket fuel for my actions. Rather than denying or suppressing the emotion, I let go of resistance and welcomed it into my awareness. As a result, I realigned with my Zone of Genius. Surely that's a much more desirable outcome than today's cultured way of dealing with emotions: by pretending that everything is fine and suffering in silence? If it's not too quick to assume, this may be the key to unlocking emotional mastery. Pick of the day: May You Never - John Martyn

Is selflessness / ego death / transcendence actually a thing? Something achievable by a human being? Or is our mind just tricking us? I want to start with a random example that came to mind, to make this more palpable. Let's imagine a little conversation Person1 says: "I believe that we should live life more like our ancestors did, I believe that this is how life was meant to be lived." Then Person2 says: "But, we came so far and we evolved so much as a society, we shouldn't limit ourselves to a simple lifestyle, we could do so much more, now that technology advanced to such a high level almost anything is possible!" Then Person3 says: "Well, Person2, You'd definitely like to believe that you're somehow special and [yadda yadda], but in reality that's just your ego being materialistic, in reality you don't even have free will / control over your actions. You should live life as purely and egoless as you can, and always seek consciousness, because transcending ego is the highest most fulfilling thing a human being can do. Only this way can you achieve true liberation, detach from any need and judgement and achieve TRUE " * I believe that Person3 here is what most spiritual teachers preach, as the core idea. Then I say, isn't all this talk about ego just more and more ego pleasing itself? It feel kind of good and "developed" to be thinking about how the ego works, right? But isn't that just more ego, tricking itself into thinking that he somehow surpassed itself? But wait a second, isn't this whole post about how ego tricks itself just more ego, feeling all warm and special because it thinks it actually is something greater? Can true liberation (or however you might want to call it) actually be achieved? If someone says that he or she had an enlightenment experience, tasted The Void, Infinity, is that actually true? In my current perception, liberation and clarity, which are the ultimate purpose of this spiritual work that we're doing here, cannot be experienced by a living human. By clarity I mean disidentification with anything, seeing EVERYTHING for what it is and not in relationship with this person here, not for what it can be for or against us. Therefore, as this human body is the machine that processes what happens in our field of awareness, and as its one and only goal is to keep itself alive and happy, it cannot grasp true clarity. Because clarity would mean ego death. But how can a person live without an ego? He simply wouldn't, he wouldn't do anything because there's no desire for anynthing, there's no good or bad, no motivation, nothing pressing it, nothing attracting it, nothing to make him gravitate towards anything. Also, I feel like choosing things like UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and PEACE (all brought to life from the same idea of egolessness as an achievalbe state for a human being) is highly convenient and preached by most spiritual teachers out there. Because this Nothingness has no reason to be attached to any quality or value, be it "good" or "bad". Because WHY WOULD IT? I'm not trying to say that seeking is pointless and that it won't get you anywhere, I'm only trying to point out something that doesn't feel justified but in spite of that it seems to be mistakenly promoted by the spiritual community. I believe that seeking definitely has its benefits and I'm REALLY grateful for somehow being on this path. I'm not ranting against self-actualization and I'm not saying "Oh, this is just wishful thinking, I have no control over life so I might as well just sit here and do nothing with this life, cuz we're just trapped in this big ego illusion". What I'm stressing here is that I believe we're looking at this journey as if it had a finish line, a certain level of development where one just becomes one with everything and detaches from selfishness and desire. Well, I'm calling bs on that, because I don't think that some construct such as ego, which (as I believe Leo would put it) is a SUBSET, can transcend to become Infinity, The SUPERSET. What I think is the problem with this way of seeing this path is that it WILL, at some point, create unrealistic expectations / a sense of inadequacy and therefore tons of suffering. It will make you judge yourself and other people for not fitting into this set of standards. Don't get me wrong, I believe it is good to keep raising our consciousness, learning and growing and developing and all the juicy stuff (I see the benefits of that), but I think we shouldn't have this image of the selfless all-loving monk that dedicates his entire life to enlightenment experience. Not to say there's something wrong with that, but just realize that if that's not the case for you there's no need to beat yourself up. I'm curious to see what you think about this one.

Hey, since a few months when I had a LSD trip I get glimpses in meditation that we are like tiny bubbles of experience, floating around in a vast infinite ocean of consciousness/nothingness. Anyone esle had this? Has it any truth? Or is it just a meaningless image that pops up from time to time

God is nothingness The success principles by Jack Canfield Mastery by Georg Leonard The big leap Psycho cybernetics

Hi guys, so this is my first post on the forum. So it seems like throughout my life I've made very few real social connections in my life. There are people that I've talked to out of convenience and for a long time I searched for people I could really connect with and form long lasting bonds with, However, even with my closer friends and relationships, they all seems to eventually fizzle out into nothingness. All of my experiences have left me in a state of half not wanting to try because the end result will be the same anyway and half wishing that I could make at least one genuine connection with someone even if only on a normal friendship level. I am very comfortable being on my own but I am very aware of the limits of trying to do everything by yourself. Though I don't want to be around people that hold me back either. Conflicting huh? lol I just wanted to know if anyone else on here have experienced this and overcome this issue somehow.

Hey. So I've done a summary of "Ten Bulls of Zen" (resource: https://beingwithoutself.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/tenoxpics.pdf) and it's still really hard to conceptualize it as it's extremely subtle. @Leo Gura and others who are familiar with this map, could you look at my summary and check if I get the definitions of Man, Ox and The Source correctly as well as the meaning of stages? When does Enlightenment happens exactly? Does it happen in the Stage 6 or Stage 8, or in other? Here's how I understand it: Man - "You" (Later evolves to "Spiritual You", then "Nothingness", then "Buddha") ? Ox - The teachings and practices of Enlightenment ? Source - Life is serving itself ? 1. Seeking Ox: Ego searches for the escape out of suffering (a.k.a. for True Self), but it's lost, all paths seems to lead to an dead-end. 2. Seeing Traces: Ego finds the hints of it's True Self in teachings. The right direction has been found. All is one? Where is the True Self? Starts inquiry. 3. Finding Ox: True Self is encountered. Taste of Enlightenment. 4. Catching Ox: Chasing the experiences of Enlightenment. Strong discord between Illusion and Truth arises taking you to the very heights and to the very depths of your mind. Easy to get into old ways. 5.Taming Ox: Ego and True Self go together with little resistance. Switching back and forth? With the proper tending, True Self follows of it's own accord. It is confirmed that it's not something you do, but something you are. 6. Returning Home, Riding Ox: Ego and True Self goes together with ease. The suffering is over. Peace of mind has been acquired. In the beginning every path lead to a dead-end, now every path leads home. No turning back. 7. Ox Forgotten, Man Remains: The teachings and practices has been transcended. They're no longer serving the Spiritual Ego. You're one with all and always were. Your life becomes meditation. No conflicting truths. 8. Man and Ox Both Forgotten: Enlightenment? "Spiritual You" disappear. State of Nothingness. Nothing to do. 9. Return to Origin, Back at Source: Life is observing itself. Life naturally starts to expressing itself for compassion. 10. Entering Market with Open Hands: Selfless service without a though of following such tracks. Not even an intent of saving others - life serves itself naturally. Free to care no strings attached. Note: Do not hang up on the portrayal of the stages, they are arbitrary. Everyone must go through themselves, no two paths are the same. However, the depictions and description are helpful signposts to warn us along the Way.

:)) If you know, that something happens, then you are aware of it. If you know, that you are walking to the bus stop, then you are aware of it. If you are so deeply submerged in your thoughts that you don't know what's happening around you, then all you know is thoughts, but you are perfectly aware of your thoughts. You see, awareness is always there, you cannot do anything to maintain it. Awareness is simply your reality in the here and now. And you are all of it! Look forward to the moment when you lose all your awareness, because that's the moment when your reality becomes Nothingness itself. That is an enlightenment experience!

Found an amazing read of experiences http://www.dmtsite.com/5-meo-dmt/experience/descriptions.html One in particular got me thinking, maybe when you take 5-meo you basically go back to singularity, and re-live and see the whole universe re-create itself as you visualize it into existence once again when coming down from the peak. It always fascinated me how everything eventually dissolves into nothingness, you have to re-create it to go back to where you took off. If you never came back, how would you know? Does that reality even exist? or is it pure imagination of self? One things for certain, we all should be extremely proud and grateful for where we are today and what we have come to be aware of One Love

That's what i think Enlightenment simply is IMO, Full (Possibly all 3) forms of DMT endogenously released all at once which becomes a direct connection to pure consciousness. Awakenings could be merely small releases from time to time yet we think when it happens we become Enlightened fully. I'd Assume the more evolved the energetic pattern/soul/spirit whatever you want to call it, the greater/deeper one can go thus more one can release at once. Tibetan monks that tried DMT explain it as the state of "Bardo" The Realm between life and death. The furthest one can go without losing the ability to come back. Which some usually state is the 5th dimension, sometimes 6th and some individuals extremely rare case can hit 7th(so they say) What arises to the question for me is yeah i been there and all of that but then how do you explain the state of absolute infinity? When you are there you "Know" so to speak you are beyond all dimensions/densities and beyond everything in ultimate nothingness? The infinite state some 5-Meo users explain, you literally become god itself, creator consciousness, you see, feel, understand through everything and everyone in existence and beyond 100% of the time all at once in infinite infiniteness. - There are no words.. I've awoken in that state with Normal DMT as my intention was just that. To be one with the infinite creator and show me everything i am ready to see. After all the hypnotic visuals, vibrations, sacred geometry, fractals, entities and so on after i reached complete surrender. I guess this is what is called a breakthrough dose on the Nexus. Some say Abyss/Void ect.. Who know's but i feel this year will be an amazing year of light and discovery on a mass scale. Its only the beginning All is well

You can awaken from it permanently. To awaken from a dream is to realize it isn't real. But life will still continue because life isn't separate from nothingness. Nonduality includes duality. Of course that body/mind could kill itself or perhaps "ascend". There are many reports of people ascending. So that may be an option. But don't get ahead of yourself. Catch a glimpse of what you are first.

I would sometimes ponder "What would it be like if the universe didn't exist?". Intuitively, this should be within the realm of possibility. These sometimes triggered a sense of "nothingness" in my mind that scared the shit out of me. It was impossible to imagine nothingness... to imagine anything at all was "something"! As I grew older, I stopped being able to tap into that sense, or perhaps I forgot. But now as I journey into spirituality and self-actualization, I am hoping to rediscover that sense of nothingness.