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Yes I have. Everything is a belief. Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. You gotta question everything, till all questions disappear. No belief is true. When all your beliefs crumble away, you ll find truth. Nothingness is also a belief, unless you have a direct consciousness experience of these things, you gotta question them. Everything held dear and precious about "you" must be questioned. Question everything till no more question remain. BUT....remember to take it easy too, there is no hurry. Hope this is helpful

@Saumaya Have you gone through this questioning of your assumptions and beliefs? I'm wondering how you go beyond what you already thought you have gone beyond? I know the layers are deep. I might need to take a more directed approach to go further. I'm not sure how to delve deeper without possible attending a retreat or secluding myself from life for a period of time. When I say source energy or God or Universal Energy, I don't mean that I am talking about any thing or religious notion. I'm actually talking about no thing..... Nothingness, Maybe energy isn't the word I mean.......when I say a piece of the universe, i don't mean that it is separate. I might not be able to express it in words what I mean.

How the the many arise from the one? Nothingness to infinity, a full circle, not a paradox, but an endless balanced cycle. A few pictures I made to understand our perception, sense of self (and how enlightenment is merging of the mind and body, vice versa delusion and separation arise when one the two fall apart (lies/self-deception/ignorance). Our body is the universe, we ONLY experience the universe in our body, there is NOTHING outside or beyond the horizon where our physical body exists, all of reality is wrapped/projected on us. Since our body is our way to perceive reality, keep it healthy, or you will change how reality will reveal itself in your life. If anyone has any comments, feel free to post.

ALD-52, 100mcg. ALD-52 is a synthetic LSD analogue (a legally purchased research chemical), "1-acetyl-lysergic acid diethylamide". This is a (disorganized) rewriting of certain insights I had during my trip. It’s a little long but written simply. This trip was super confusing and emotionally laborious. Very profound but quite clear. My work here has actually just begun. I've embraced and redoubled my efforts. I’ve only glimpsed a small facet of the Truth. My inquiry is deeper, and I see greater value in meditation and contemplation. It's become apparent that my pursuit of Truth and of purpose is inextricable. My life and my path is recontextualized in whole. What a mindfuck. --- At the end, I realized this trip began when I woke up, not when I ingested the substance. In a surreal way, a certain thought began in the morning, disappeared for the duration, then reappeared and completed itself once I'd come down and finished writing things out. Tab placed sublingual at 2PM, swallowed with water 20~ minutes later. I contemplate mindfully lying down and feel effects just before 3PM. Inquiry into my existential nature. A vision, with my eyes closed: conscious of my body, my body turns to stone, quite literally. Light overwhelms me and I crumble, disperse into nothing, everything, infinity, God. This is brief, for I realize this is mind, and so the body IS mind. All form is mind. Mind is infinite, formless. The body IS form, all form is one. The body exists in the mind, the mind exists in the body. This is God. Every word is infinite and one part of infinity. I am literally everything AS IT IS. “I want” is ego. Manipulation is inauthentic. To want something other than what exists is devilry. The devil is illusion attached to illusion attached to illusion. The light of awareness is a spiritual fire that burns away this illusion. I can FEEL ego in the body. All tension and pain comes from denial of reality. ALL pain is self-inflicted. Change is inevitable - everything IS change. To WANT or NEED change causes suffering. The ego’s beliefs make it think that things aren’t perfect - but things must be perfect because they exist! Through great suffering comes Truth. Hope and faith in change is not desire or need. Visions manifest on their own, without a self required to manifest them. A human is both a robot for creation, yet has a rich psychological background and life. Culture, language, history, evolution and beliefs all tie in with everything else. Nothing is apart. Juxtaposition and consciousness play key roles in my life purpose. Culture doesn't want to wake the fuck up, so getting my foot in the door is the challenge to focus on. Art and education are vital, as well as relationships and compassion. People are suffering because they want things to be otherwise, and escape begets escape. Purification requires faith. Dogma is always an obstacle. Physiology and health are so important. Em-BODY-ment. I’ve been very unconscious to aspects of my being. I’ve projected emotional repression so much and have only come to understand I’m the repressed one. This took quite a while to come to light, I was arrogant enough to think I had my emotions figured out. Just the opposite. I’ve been afraid to get help. I can be strategic about it. There’s no need to be paralyzed. Fear and confusion are emotionally laborious. I’ve REALLY learned the value of emotional labour. Emotional healing and integration of my shadow will be a bigger part of my work now. There has been much destruction through addiction and neglect. There is much to renew. My values and strengths have changed drastically. My purpose is quite a bit clearer, but still murky. I am both incredibly passionate about my purpose yet feel trepidation towards the amount of emotional labour I will be putting in. I feel much more passionate about being creative and generating value. I understand I haven't taken enough action, but I won't rush myself here. Pay attention to judgment. I am LITERALLY everything. Unconditional love is infinite. Neglect, unhealth and unconsciousness is ego. And yet ego as it is is perfect. Beliefs are SO much more powerful than I thought. Mind and body are interwoven physically, metaphysically, literally. Body is form, all form is mind. Mind is existence, nothingness. ONE. Learning is so important. Evolution and correction is a cycle. Education can NOT be packaged and shipped. It is an individual process. This is huge for my purpose. Learning about the “I” is very important - psychology as a personal endeavour is much more authentic than academic psychology. Much more difficult. Delusion is so so so so easy. Vigilance and INWARD skepticism is necessary. I may be deceiving myself with this trip, but I continue to question my beliefs and stay grounded. Inquiry is the difficult part. Embodiment is even more difficult. There is no other frame of reference. EVERY perspective has only the one frame of reference! Conceptual distinctions: higher “I” is everything, nothing, God, infinite lower “I” is me, ego, self, illusion even though it’s all illusion it’s all a paradox, existence is a paradox but it is EXISTENCE, it is perfect It’s all pure magic. Empiricism is so important. Emotional labour is a process. High quality is the ideal, not quantity. “I am therefore I am” is just an appearance, a form! Everything is appearance. Every ground is just a surface; every surface its own ground. Sexuality and emotionality go hand-in-hand. Self-honesty is key. I need to be able to express clearly to myself to express to others. Nothing is anywhere and comes from nowhere. This is a just a game. It’s a self-assessment without grading or a prize. It’s infinite play. Life is both deadly serious, yet not serious whatsoever. Culture is largely seductive and unconscious. Infusing consciousness into culture is so emotionally laborious due to this. There are so many traps and wrong turns and reasons not to do this work. Existence is recursive and empty. Embodying Truth is difficult, maybe impossible in my lifetime, but it is my mission. Academia is unconscious, which is so backwards. Education ought to be highly conscious. We ought to be learning about ourselves and existence across every field. Specialization does not take a back seat, but actually becomes deeper this way. Culture is an AWFUL teacher. Massive action, spending time finding high quality teachers, and the creation of massive value is where the sweetest fruits lie. I.e. hard choices, easy life. “Consciousness” is infinity experiencing itself, without substance. Everything depends on perspective. To be “human” is to be relatable, in differing degrees. The answer to “why?” is obvious. Psychology is not generalizable. I thought my suffering was a seeking for purpose - really it was an inability to pay the cost of admission. I am the devil that does not accept reality. Mind tries to map things onto itself. Self forget that the map is not the territory. And once the map becomes the territory, more maps are made onto that, so on and so forth. “Others thoughts” and perspectives are incredibly confusing. Money is interesting to contemplate. My beliefs are pretty backward. Another vision: conscious of my body, deciding I want otherwise, my being is restricted, tense, boxed in and fractured. I was very mindful of this, and letting go of my desire to be otherwise revealed a relaxing and dissipation of this boxing-in. I am simultaneously no form, all form, and a subset of forms. I am far far far from enlightened, but by God am I motivated. Yes, I am somewhat deluded, but that’s kind of the default position, that’s the whole point of this work.

This happened last year, there was a time, when i was trying to seek my spiritual true self as god, I've been reading about enlightment, watching youtube videos from various spiritual teachers, read through several enlightment books. Yet i had no success of knowing or connecting with it. So i sat down as i meditated, I authentically reached out trying an exercise of asking the universe/god/true self/secret self whatever you want to call it from an exercise i found off youtube saying. If you want to manifest or connect with it, talk to it meditate/contemplate and give it time to respond give it a day try it out for 24hours and see what happens. So i was like why not? I gave it a shot, I sat down on a deep long silence as i meditated and i asked it. God? Universe true self? Me? If you really exist can you please show me something within the next 24hours that you exist? I'm getting really sad and desperate, i can't touch you, see you or even connect with you, please show me you are real and i'm not following some hog wash nonsense. I want to drop my limited human perceptive, i know theirs something beyond this ongoing current magic. Please show me you exist, please i beg you. I don't think i can go long without losing my mind any day now. so please, i beg you please show me anything within the next 24hours and please let it be clear and let me know that you are here. Note i have never heard of the phrase elephant in the room even though I'm 26, this was just the first day of me hearing it ever. So the next day.. my friend called me talked to me and told me something about something so obvious as in the elephant in the room? Why couldn't i notice something so obvious, i was like yeah whatever. Had a convo with him about various stuff. Later on that day leo uploaded a video, Forgot the title of the video although he was talking about spirtuality and nothingness/infinity/god/true self and also mentioned the elephant in the room and why it's so obvious yet we can't notice it. Here i was like yeah ok whatever.. it was a little strange how that twice line, I never heard before in my life come down in a row twice, And then my internet friend called me up and mentioned why couldn't I notice the obvious elephant in the room? And here i was like what the fuck!? And now i really know i am nothing and infinity ever since that moment i communicated it to me somehow.. I'm everyone, i'm you right now, I'm just pure presence god ! Yet i don't know how to use it, it's all automatic, nothing and infinity. I'm just playing with myself somehow playing every character at the same time. Not sure how but i know that's the only thing that makes sense to me, i mean what else is left. Truth can never be communicated in words it's too limited to be put into human paradigm language. but technically everything already happened from nothing every scenario you can think off and everything even irrationality on every dimension all exists on all times everything, i mean it's really infinite infinity. I've had this sensation from time to time in my meditation sessions where i grasped it even though it was clear, yet daily mundane life takes me away from it from time to time. Lately i see life as nothing but a live lucid dream with a tricky way of manifesting things around us. As for the primal mind's sensory perception fear seems to be getting in the way of most of what we'd like to manifest. Although the infinite invisible muscle can't really be seen or used properly it defiantly is there. Been trying to practice law of vibration/attraction via abraham hicks ways lately. I did find a spiritual teacher that tried to help me learn how to manifest a b etter life, although he's gone missing at times, I wonder why would I give up all this unlimited power? Eh Anyway i'm getting out of topic. But yeah Just wanted to drop the elephant in the room for myself once again, It's obvious can you guys see the magic around you? "Your voice, It's echoing off gods walls," "Wake up! you've slept for a thousand nights, and what has it got you" ~ Rumi Has anyone here communicated with the "IT" source? What were your experiences like? I've tried several times, communicating with it with more proof of it existing. i've had other strange experiences around 4 times where it responded in strange ways, from creating an entire mall for me, to manifesting a car with my town's neighborhood number, to a strange story being the same between 2 people as a sign. I found it strange on how it responds but i guess, that's how it likes to play hide and seek with me. Not sure why but it does it in that kind of way. I'll probably try communicating with it more in the future.

@Ether Thank you. I remember when you first showed up on the seen man. You’ve come a long way. It’s nice to be able to see. I like your songs btw. I forgot to mention that when I listened to the second one. The five senses, and all that appears to be sensed, are the formless, appearing as form. We, and this world we sense, are atoms - empty - nothingness, a dream of a dreamer. If you and I stand on a rock, we can state a fact “there is a rock beneath our feet”. This is a relative fact, an appearance of the formless by means of relativity, as we, and as a rock. This is the liberation in a rock. It is you. You are the dreamer, the Ether, the Nahm, the gravity, the matter, the relativity, and the rock. You are these in appearance, cause you are none of these in actuality.

It has two dimensions, in a sense you can say that you move from time to timelessness but there is really no distance to it. When you access the timeless state it uncovers the fact that this was your essence all along and time is only relatively real. So you can live grounded in the timeless and still take action in time. Thats the biggest paradox there is. Time is dreamlike. It has it´s reality but the essence of you and everything there is, is timeless. Well, you only need time until you realise you don´t need time anymore Yes that´s how I like to look at it, inviting time as means to that which is timeless. Time and literally everything that exists is born out of timelessness/nothingness and it permeates everything by being it´s essence. Not becoming free of time means you are stucked, in time, things, personas, there is a way out of that, if one don´t realise this under his lifetime he will get out of time when he dies. Time is a contraction of energy.

? I understand the motive and reasoning behind its function and yes it makes sense that one would have to do ground work as a foundation prior to the additional support of chemical assistance. I see the reasoning for this and I can see how that may seem sound. But unless one sees that there is still a movement of self/thought projecting/and anticipating that that experience will bring about a freedom from time is still a movement of time/measure. Can the self ‘time’ move from time ‘thought/reality to truth/nothingness? So this is movement depending on an experience to become free from experience? Is this correct? It’s depending on time to become free from time? So this would be a good question to go into... Is this a movement of inviting time as means to that which is timeless?....How can that which has no measure ‘nothingness/truth or that which is independent of thought, be integrated by measure ‘things/reality or what we think about and reflect upon??? When it comes down to it, is the chemical the issue and preventing factor of not becoming free of time? Or is the movement of psychological time the very preventing factor?? Have you gone into this before? It’s pretty cool man?? Check into it if your interested in this ?

so after this chemical is taken ‘one time’ one is cured and lives in nothingness? One is free from conflict in chasing the illusion of psychological time? One is not caught in the movement of becoming?

But Leo will disappear. Leo will not experience it. Moreover one part especially caught my attention when you are mentioning - that there is not even consciousness and awareness it's only absolute infinity. I agree this is the ultimate insight. Groundless ground is not consciousness. It is nothingness which equals to infinity. 0 can not exist without other numbers. 0 means the non existence of other numbers. So after you become awakened to that groundless ground there even arises many questions what could happen to your consciousness after physical death. After Leo disappears.

@MarkusSweden I would guess that Leo meant HOW rather then WHY. Indeed there are no answers to the WHY question because as Rupert explains it is the question devised by our limited mind. Our minds seek to find cause in everything. Why entails that there is a reason and the result. When in reality there is just being. What Leo explained is answer on the question HOW rather than why. Nothingness equals to absolute infinity and that is HOW our reality exists.

it's very easy. Absolute infinity is easy thing to understand intuitively. But you can never grasp it with your logic or thinking. Yes it is precisely what you intuitively understand what it is. every possibility - even the most impossible ones from your perspective. Nothingness is the "Space" for every possibility.

@Leo Gura Now that you know why everything exists what does it really change? Existence of nothingness "feels' exactly the same as existence of everything - absolute infinity. I had this theory even back when I was teenager at school. It turned out to be the case most likely. I just could not prove it to myself back then. But ultimately it tells me that this knowledge changes absolutely nothing. It is just end of seeking, logging and desire to get answers. You are not getting anywhere... You will still experience everything as it is destined for you as to a piece of infinite puzzle. Now I start to think that knowing that truth is not by any means better then just living normal life. It does not get you anywhere ultimately. There is no escape from Matrix. All there is - Is Matrix itself. That is the only reality you have... Plus, based on that realization you would also realize that any possibility of gods are now possible for you. So after your "Death" you could end up in christian heaven or hell. Or maybe see another god from greek mythology. Because why not? Absolute involves every possibility! Now you see? Your no perspectives perspective is not any more superior then the perspective of the believer person. Your answers lead you back where you started! This is ultimate going full circle. You now realize that your reality is everything that there is. And you gotta live it like every other normal conscious being on this planet.

But this is the very point I was trying to make. You are creating logical claims, and these logical claims produce the claim that logic is illusory. I know very well that "The map is not the territory" is a completely logical claim, but that claim IS a map, so by definition the statement itself cannot be true whatsoever, because the map is not truth, it is just a map. It cancels itself out, doesn't it? And I do not think that the absolute is an idea, I think it is an experience, or whatever the idea of experience is pointing to. I know you will say it is beyond experience and it is nothingness, but by my definition of experience, anything you are aware of and can make claims about is an experience. You are making claims about the absolute, and you are aware of it, or you claim to have been aware of it, thus it was an experience. The problem I cannot wrap my head around is the claims that follow that experience. The saying "I am the absolute" or "Everything is me". To even have a notion like that requires logic and ideas, but aren't they illusory and ultimately false? Fundamentally, even non-spiritually, I know my entire reality is my mind, there is nothing beyond it from my perspective, and all notions of other perspectives is happening within my perspective. My reality is generated by myself, and all notions of other realities is generated by myself as well. Even the notion of "Me" is generated by "myself", or whatever is creating me. Is it though? It only is if I subscribe to logic, because without logic none of that would be even remotely true. I can only make these claims because I have a notion of casuality. To even have a notion about any of this I need to accept logic, because without logic no claims whatsoever can be made. And the strange thing is that that is a logical claim too! So maybe claims can be make without logic, I mean, only logic is telling me that it is impossible. And who the hell says that logic is absolutely truthful? If it isn't, then dualism and non-dualism can exist both together. I could be generating reality and reality could be generating me. An apple could be a road and a road could be nothingness. So is logic true or is it not? Any statement you will give me will probablybe logical, and that's the paradox. You cannot say anything without using language, so any statement about language is already using language. Thus, language itself is beyond the subject that is using language, and maybe that is something that we just don't consider? Maybe truth cannot be attained, and all is simply delusion? But then, even that statement is delusion and cancels itself again. But only if we subscribe to logic, because without it we can just go ahead and claim anything. And then we claim that there are things beyond logic, beyond mind. Which is another logical claim! How is that not delusional? I do not believe that the experience of the absolute does not exist, I am saying that any claims and notions resulting from that experience are just as invalid as any other claim about reality. Maybe they are more valid, but how could we possibly derive that? With logic? The acceptance of direct experience as truth is logical! To even call the experience anything seems silly to me because it is not an idea, as you would say yourself. But the irony is that you just created an IDEA about the absolute, and that idea is "The absolute is not an idea!". That by itself is an idea, a logical claim only made because you subscribe to logic, either consciously or not. I don't know, I am just utterly confused about this. My line of reasoning is that reason and logic cannot be trusted at all. And if they can be trusted, what the hell does that mean? Even the notion of trust comes from logic! Exactly! So isn't Leo falling into this trap as well? Aren't we all falling into that trap? And isn't the only way to avoid it "not knowing" anything? But then again, all of this is just another logical claim! Reason has its limits is a logical, reasonable claim too. If it is limited then how do we know whether it is actually limited? Limit is a notion itself. Yes, it does seem like Leo is creating a hierarchy of truths. He is saying that there is an absolute truth, and he derives that statement from internal logic. But what if there just are multiple truths? If we consider that, then it would mean that truth could just change. "The absolute" would be nothing but a different truth, one that was changed. What if the present moment is simply truthful? What if right now "I" do actually exist? I can call it an illusion, but it still exists! And then, once I make it disappear, and once the truth has changed, I now claim the new experience as truth? Why is there the assumption that there is depth to truth? That there are deeper truths? What if they are just different truths, and one is attained taking a certain path and another is not? Why is there a truth beyond all truths?

There are a few things that confuse me, and I do not know how Leo got around them: How do we know that the map is not the territory? How do we know that an idea cannot reflect reality? If it cannot reflect reality, then how can the idea "An idea cannot reflect reality!" reflect reality? If all ideas are illusory then the idea of illusion is an illusion too and thus it is actually not correct. Concerning post modernism and the subjectivity of reality, how do we actually know that validity is non-existent? If validity is non-existent, then the claim that validity is non-existent is simply invalid. It seems to me like this very assumption is what spawns all of spiritual beliefs. And the most fundamental belief is that experience can reveal absolute truth. So, when Leo does have the experience of God, he actually forms the belief that this experience confirms his prior beliefs, which were all attained not from direct experience, but from books. Not everyone who has spiritual experiences actually forms spiritual beliefs. Leo claims that it is the absolute truth though, and yet he claims you need to understand it before you have the experience so you can actually understand absolute truth? How the hell does that work? Isn't all of what Leo is telling us nothing but information he himself has either read, heard or seen somewhere else? He claims that he has direct experience of the truth, but the truth he has attained was already formed before he was even close. He began self-inquiry because he was convinced that it would lead him to the truth, that through direct experience he could attain a notion of the true nature of reality. But before self-inquiry, and he cannot deny that, he already had formed all the notions he is now claiming that were revealed to him. The notion that enlightenment is beyond ideas, that it is nothingness, that reality is non-dual, and that ultimately everything is one. Every single of these notions was attained long before the experience followed. Here is a claim that I cannot wrap my head around: "Reality is beyond ideas, enlightenment is beyond ideas, beyond mind." Now, that claim is made, and that claim is a claim about reality, it is an idea about reality. And from that idea then spawns the notion that direct experience can reveal ultimate truth. Why is Leo so absolutely convinced that the map is not the territory? What if the map actually is the territory? What if outside reality actually does exist, and what if ideas are truthful? How can he ever form an idea that informs him of ideas not being truthful, when that very idea MUST be truthful if he wants to belief it. I don't see a way around this, and I see this very problem in post-modernism. It seems almost like we are using rationality to deconstruct rationality, without actually noticing that the deconstruction is happening with rationality. We use logic to deconstruct logic, and then we claim logic is not truthful, because that's the logical conclusion. But what if reality is partly logical? What if the idea of the brain is actually pointing towards truthfulness? And what if the notion of truthfulness is doing the same? What if the notion of pointing is actually reality? Why wouldn't it be? Because you can attain states in which that notion makes no sense? Because you can attain states that create an absolute notion of oneness? Because there is a state in which reality ceases to exist? Yes, the logical conclusion from these states would be that they are reality, but notice that we need to use logic to even make that claim. It seems to me that the Buddha is actually pointing towards this, the no mind, the not knowing, actually being NOT KNOWING anything at all. And this is not what Leo has attained, or what I would claim most spiritual people have attained. They walk around and make bold claims about reality like anyone else. And even if they don't the notions still exist within them, even if not formed as actual ideas. The experience of oneness creates the notion of oneness, otherwise the subject would not even notice, or there would be no experience of the oneness. The very fact that the "non-experience" of non-duality can be noticed by the mind is pointing towards the creation of notion from logic. The logic is "Experience is reality" and "truth is truth". And we know that Leo does have notions because he can dismiss notions. I think not knowing would actually not change anything at all. If you make the claim that the brain does not exist, and I am not saying that it does, but if you make that claim, you clearly know something. Does anyone understand my problem? I know I should sit and meditate and not think about this, because that's what Leo says, but if I buy into that very notion, which is an idea like any other, I might end up just as deluded as Leo might be. I am not saying he is, but I cannot just assume that he isn't.

It has been 2 years since I was "done" as Jed Mckenna would call it. I would like to share some observations I have noticed. I know it is hard to believe someone is really done and you are at a leisure to believe whatever you want. This post would be worth it if it could help anyone. So here are the observations: These effects have remained permanent 1)The mind mostly stays generally empty or a distance is established between awareness and mind. There is no more identification with the mind. 2)The Body feels very light 3)The memories feels like only a heap of perceptions belonging to no one as there is no self left 4)The sense of self has expanded from being in the body to being everywhere 5)There is a natural flow to life. No more obstruction. 6) Continuously have to consciously pretend when I am talking to people. Consciously pretending generally goes on autopilot 7)The feeling of no self is like completely nothing being everything 8)Everything feels very ordinary and magical at the same time 9)Permanent death awarness 10)As the ego is not the self anymore, it is more adaptable and changeable 11)The questions have completely disappeared. There is no more seeking 12)Nothing is taken seriously. Life becomes a play 13)The only think I Know is I AM. Nothing is known other than this. Every other question can be negated as they are just based on assumptions 14)Total acceptance of the present moment. No more resistance 15) Free will seems to exist but belongs to nobody 16) Feels like Infinite Nothingness is all there is 17) Every moment feels fresh and new 18) SENSE of space and time are gone

Currently tapering off .8 mg of subutex for the last two weeks and every night without fail the withdrawl symptoms start up. I have been reading up on what to expect and depersonalisation has come up as a negative side effect of opiate withdrawl. Which confuses me quite a bit since to me anyway seems smack bang on what bhuddism is all about. Detaching from thought and desire through objective observation. I have had some very eye opening experiences in the last month which would certainly relate to "depersonalising", or "nothingness" . I Depersonalisation is classified as a mental ilness but i cannot distinguish the difference between what bhuddism teaches or what this "illness" is. my first reaction is to reject this as a misunderstanding of what i want to believe to be a fundamental truth about reality, I think "depersonalising" can have many benefits as to help liberate yourself from your pre made self conceptions of yourself and the world. but it's seen as an ilness, This seems absolutely absurd to me. Can anyone help clarify this?

I'm fairly new to the no self concept and a couple of question I can't get my head around are as follows: If I am limitless nothingness then why do i feel localised to this body and not other peoples? Is this something that occurs when enlightenment happens? You can become every other person? Also, what if an ego completely identical to mine was constructed? Would I feel as though I was in two places at once?

You are Carrying your Wound You carry your wound. With the ego, your whole being is a wound. And you carry it around. Nobody is interested in hurting you, nobody is positively waiting to hurt you; everybody is engaged in safeguarding his own wound. Who has got the energy? But still it happens, because you are so ready to be wounded, so ready, just waiting on the brink for anything. You cannot touch a man of Tao. Why? - because there is no one to be touched. There is no wound. He is healthy, healed, whole. This word whole is beautiful. The word heal comes from the whole, and the word holy also comes from the whole. He is whole, healed, holy. Be aware of your wound. Don't help it to grow, let it be healed; and it will be healed only when you move to the roots. The less the head, the more the wound will heal; with no head there is no wound. Live a headless life. Move as a total being, and accept things. Just for twenty-four hours, try it - total acceptance, whatsoever happens. Someone insults you, accept it; don't react, and see what happens. Suddenly you will feel an energy flowing in you that you have not felt before. - Osho; from 'The Empty Boat: Encounters with Nothingness'

I went too far this time. I really got myself in the deep end. Let me present to you the biggest ego backlash to date! This is what ego's rant on everything looks like. After being blissed out and up on cloud nine thinking I actually got somewhere, reality showed up and decided to wake me up to the biggest degree yet. I have no idea what to do with the realizations that initially created endless joy, later existential terror; like these: I actually thought reality was real and solid. I thought I knew what reality was. Why did I ever wonder about death if I don't even know what life is?? Doesn't make much sense. I thought I knew who I was. Even after having so many moments of clearity and insights about no self, I've always had the story of me back in my mind: " I'm sure I'm somewhere here" I thought mystical states and positive emotions meant I was moving forward towards this thing called 'nirvana' lol. Looking back, my first enlightenment experience was very important to get me started, but from this new perspective, it was an utter delusion. " I became a chair, wow, I'm nearly self realized now" I thought I was pursuing enlightenment and not the other way around. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into. End of suffering sounds nice, right? Here's a bit of unconditional love to get you hooked and a whole new belief system to serve as a complete denial and an escape from truth. I had no idea how serious this was. I signed up for my death. I thought I knew things about life in general. All of it is complete fiction. I've reached the point of ultimate doubt in everything. The doubt is so huge it feels like it will annihilate me. I used spirituality to avoid death, but spirituality = death. It's funny how all my so called problems seem to disappear when I come into contact with the truth. Because then my survival is on the line! And let me tell you, I'm in the process of dying. It's not some abstract death, it's LITERAL. The realization I saw is something that every human being is running away from and it has sent me into full on panic mode. I started to run again with others, full speed. Due to the constant fear of nonexistence and insanity, I've made my way back into comfortable lies. I did my best to distract myself as much as I could. Tried the usual sensory pleasures: junk food, music, movies, reading and all of that. When that didn't work, tried with other people, with working out, with yoga and with meditation. I can't even meditate anymore. It's too painful.I get heart palpitations, feeling like I'm going to pass out and be sucked into nothingness just 10 minutes in. Naturally, I stop and distract myself with something. And I come here, writing being my last straw, and it fails too. As I'm writing this, I know exactly what I'm doing - postponing my death. All I ever do is try to prolong this illusion of existence. Resistance is futile. Distractions are futile. Thank you Morrissey. Thank you Jed. I'm almost ready to die now.

@tsuki the meaning of silence lies in the context of nothingness. wisdom, is refer to the real nature of you (or to the real nature of reality in this context), to the one that does not change, to the one that was never existed, does not exist, nor never will.

yin and yang. Nonduality: There is absolutely nothing I need, ever. The Dream: As a video game character in a simulation-less simulation, I have many needs. A good idea is to fulfill them. Gives me something fun to do while I'm waiting to die. Nonduality: There is absolutely nothing to seek. I am that I am. Tat tvam asi. The Dream: I can spend my entire life seeking and still not find everything. How cool is that? Nonduality: I am Nothingness/God/Brahman/Consciousness/Awareness/Einsof/Abyss/Allah/White Whale/Flying Spaghetti Monster, and I just sit there, being myself. The Dream: I am a unique video game avatar, with quirks, strengths, weaknesses, and apparent free will. I can spend my entire life in the dream discovering myself. That involves lots of suffering, but also lots of peaks. The cool part: I can learn to make suffering just as meaningful as the peaks. As mah neighbah Nietzsche once said, "He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how." Nonduality: In order to discover myself, I have to die. The Dream: In order to discover myself, I have to live.

If everything is "God's" will and not our will so we don't have free will but we are "God" then we are the one who chooses yet is the divine no one of misperceived awareness of nothingness illusion.......hmmmm

Well, except there is no one that reaches the misperceived awareness of nothingness that is only an illusion of truth.

@Torkys This resonates with me so much! What I will add from my perspective is that by trying to understand anything at all we make a symbol out of it and create a different real thing out of it. This is what the world is made of! Nothingness! I would rather state that as: All analyses are true! The funny thing is that it means exactly the same thing as yours for me while explicitly stating the opposite. Insane!