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I expanded the above poem and made it as a part of a story. The story is metaphoric and has a conversation between a seeker and an old man.. Read this and let me know your comments: You are the Truth Carrying the weight of past in my head And dragging the scenes which were old and dead, I ran to grab the bliss of the future; The more I ran, the more was the torture.. The torture of the hedonic treadmill Followed me as I continued uphill; I was caught in the prison of craving With tedious thoughts, my mind was raving. I met an ugly old man on the way who had a long thick beard with shades of grey. His face was shining with heavenly bliss; In his eyes I saw an endless abyss! "What makes you so happy in this rat race?", I asked him as he slowly turned his face. He replied,"The answer is within you! The grand kingdom of God is within you!" "That's a joke", I said "Are you kidding me?". "No!" He said, "Turn inward, you'll become free! You've made your own boundaries inside your mind, You've closed your eyes and think you've become blind". I said, "How can I get out of this trap? I want to find the way, give me the map" He said, "You're the way, the truth and the life! Be still and know you're that, and end this strife! You’re not your body and you’re not your mind; Not knowing the timeless truth makes you blind; You’re not your story and you’re not your thoughts; You’re not those age old, buried mental knots. You’re not that chattering voice in your head; You’re not anything that you did or said; You’re not anything that you have or know You’re the truth that is watching all this show! You’re not anything that can be perceived; You’re not an object that can be observed; You’re the screen where the world is being played; You’re the emptiness where the form is made. You’re the one witnessing the mind and breath; You’re one without two, beyond birth and death; Like the air trapped in a small round bubble, You feel separate which brings all the trouble. Inquire inside and wake up from this dream! Let truth alone shine like a bright white beam! By inquiry, your illusions will break; You’ll stop mistaking the rope for a snake" Hearing these words stopped my thoughts for a while. Looking in, I slowly began to smile. I watched my thoughts as they slowly passed by; I observed my mind like a secret spy. For years, I contemplated on his words; I watched my thoughts fly like a bunch of birds. One day, I woke up and realized the truth; Since then my life has been peaceful and smooth!

I'm beginning to learn about spirituality but I have a growing interest with spiritual experiences. Flow states, peak experiences, divine inspiration, lucid dreams, Shamanic visions, trance states, bliss and ecstacy, Tantra, the Tao, having numinous emotions, self-discovery and self-realization is deeply fascinating to me. It feels like I'm tasting and catching brief glimpses of these experiences but I want to deepen these experiences and deeply ground them in my life. For example, sometimes, while meditating, I feel deeply relaxed and undisturbed. When writing, I can go into a flow state and words pour from me. While cuddling, I felt a deep sense of union and this deep bliss. Holding a girl's hand felt so warm and in that moment, the moment was magic. I want to craft a strategy and go on my own journey to practically apply spiritual experiences in my own life but without relying on religion or scriptures. I feel like i'm reclaiming something deeply emotional! Like i'm fulfilling a deep longing! I feel like my journey will focus on a middle path without going too hardcore with mortifcation of the flesh, or torturing myself, a vow of poverty, or starving myself. I want to achieve these experiences because they fascinate me and so I can experience such profound and staggering emotions or experiences. I feel like I deeply desire authenticity!

The Journal is over! Yesterday, I came back from a 10 day Sufi retreat. It's a spiritual retreat based on: Fasting, Prayers, Meditation (mantra meditation), and all other spiritual stuff. I had some strong insight....... Ignorance is a bliss. I need to move somewhere else: it becomes very strong after this retreat. I waste a lot of time online.

GOD is not a person. That is one of the greatest misunderstandings, and it has prevailed so long that it has become almost a fact. Even if a lie is repeated continuously for centuries it is bound to appear as if it is a truth. God is a presence, not a person. Hence all worshipping is sheer stupidity. Prayerfulness is needed, not prayer. There is nobody to pray to; there is no possibility of any dialogue between you and God. Dialogue is possible only between two persons, and God is not a person but a presence – like beauty, like joy. God simply means godliness. It is because of this fact that Buddha denied the existence of God. He wanted to emphasize that God is a quality, an experience – like love. You cannot talk to love, you can live it. You need not create temples of love, you need not make statues of love, and bowing down to those statues will be just nonsense. And that’s what has been happening in the churches, in the temples, in the mosques. Man has lived under this impression of God as a person, and then two calamities have happened through it. One is the so-called religious man, who thinks God is somewhere above m the sky and you have to praise him. to persuade him to confer favors on you, to help you to fulfill your desires, to make your ambitions succeed, to give you the wealth of this world AND of the other world. And this is sheer wastage of time and energy. And on the opposite pole the people who saw the stupidity of it all became atheists; they started denying the existence of God. They were right in a sense, but they were also wrong. They started denying not only the personality of God, they started to deny even the experience of God. The theist is wrong, the atheist is wrong, and man needs a new vision so that he can be freed from both the prisons. God is the ultimate experience of silence, of beauty, of bliss, a state of inner celebration. Once you start looking at God as godliness there will be a radical change in your approach. Then prayer is no more valid; meditation becomes valid. Martin Buber says prayer is a dialogue; then between you and God there is an ”I-thou” relationship – the duality persists. Buddha is far closer to the truth: you simply drop all chattering of the mind, you slip out of the mind like a snake slipping out of the old skin. You become profoundly silent. There is no question of any dialogue, no question of any monologue either. Words have disappeared from your consciousness. There is no desire for which favors have to be asked, no ambition to be fulfilled. One is now and here. In that tranquility, in that calmness, you become aware of a luminous quality to existence. Then the trees and the mountains and the rivers and the people are all surrounded with a subtle aura. They are all radiating life, and it is one life in different forms. The flowering of one existence in millions of forms, in millions of flowers. THIS experience is God. And it is everybody’s birthright, because whether you know it or not you are already part of it. The only possibility is you may not recognize it or you may recognize it. The difference between the enlightened person and the unenlightened person is not of quality – they both are absolutely alike. There is only one small difference: that the enlightened person is aware; he recognizes the ultimate pervading the whole, permeating the whole, vibrating, pulsating. He recognizes the heartbeat of the universe. He recognizes that the universe is not dead, it is alive. This aliveness is God! The unenlightened person is asleep, asleep and full of dreams. Those dreams function as a barrier; they don’t allow him to see the truth of his own reality. And, of course, when you are not even aware of your own reality, how can you be aware of the reality of others? The first experience has to happen within you. Once you have seen the light within you will be able to see it everywhere. God has to be freed from all concepts of personality. Personality is a prison. God has to be freed from any particular form; only then he can have all the forms. He has to be freed from any particular name so that all the names become his. Then a person LIVES in prayer – he does not pray, he does not go to the temple, to the church. Wherever he sits he is prayerful, whatsoever he is doing is prayerful, and in that prayerfulness he creates his temple. He is always moving with his temple surrounding him. Wherever he sits the place becomes sacred, whatsoever he touches becomes gold. If he is silent then his silence is golden; if he speaks then his song is golden. If he is alone his aloneness is divine; if he relates then his relating is divine. The basic, the most fundamental thing is to be aware of your own innermost core, because that is the secret of the whole existence. That’s where the Upanishads are tremendously important. They don’t talk about a God, they talk about godliness. They don t bother about prayer. their whole emphasis is on meditation. Meditation has two parts: the beginning and the end. The beginning is called dhyana and the end is called samadhi. Dhyana is the seed, samadhi is the flowering. Dhyana means becoming aware of all workings of your mind, all the layers of your mind – your memories, your desires, your thoughts, dreams – becoming aware of all that goes on inside you. Dhyana is awareness, and samadhi is when the awareness has become so deep, so profound, so total that it is like a fire and it consumes the whole mind and all its functionings. It consumes thoughts, desires, ambitions, hopes, dreams. It consumes the whole stuff the mind is full of. Samadhi is the state when awareness is there, but there is nothing to be aware inside you; the witness is there, but there is nothing to be witnessed. Begin with dhyana, with meditation, and end in samadhi, in ecstasy, and you will know what God is. It is not a hypothesis, it is an experience. You have to LIVE it – that is the only way to know it. Source: from Osho Book “I Am That”

Daily meditation - 6 day streak - 15 mins - do nothing Inner child healing/inner body feeling I've been working on "healing the inner child" today and it really seems to be hitting the right turf. It feels similar to when I was going really well with feeling the "inner body", but I don't know why that became hard after a while. This inner child healing is a facing of the inner pain that you've been turning away from and I think I started to forget to do that after getting close with my inner body and I just wanted the bliss it brung, so dismissed the discomfort and then ultimately started being less present with the truth of my real feelings...maybe. That's just a theory of why it became hard. I feel much more real when I face the pain of the child. My experiences feel much richer and my heart feels stronger when I feel into the old pain. It doesn't hurt so much then. It becomes a fire. I feel like a lion. It's funny to see how the little boy me was so scared, but at the same time I can see how easy it was. I don't want to be scared. I was using this website today to help with the inner child stuff. I've not read through it all yet, but it's already shown helpful ways of explaining and talking through it: https://www.mindful.org/healing-the-child-within/

(not sure about the order?) 1. Unconditional Love/ Compassion 2. Truth 3. Integrity 4. Devine Bliss 5. Source Consciousness 6. Infinite Creativity

I'm asexual yet yesterday, I looked at a book on tantra and the subject peaked my curiosity. What fascinates me about tantra is finding the deep intimacy and the union of souls and the emotional ecstacy of it. My mind is intrigued by this possibility. I had a Tantric experience while cuddling a girl on my bed and it felt so deeply relaxing and almost mystical. It felt like this flow state and I felt like I had this natural charisma being expressed. Regarding tantra, I want to learn more deeply about it and focus on applying it in my life but finding a way to apply it to my asexuality. I'm also discovering how I have a natural charisma and gravitate towards eccentrics and people on the Autism Spectrum. Tantra feels like a crystal clear insight by combining intimacy with ecstacy. I'm focusing on seeking out AMAZING experiences that leave you buzzing and vibrating with ecstacy or where you're overwhelmed with laughter and childlike bliss.

i started the day with a kind of good feeling, a cloudy day. now to make this short. i was in a bus getting back to home after college. and this good feeling increased then i remembered a series of moojie videos about divine laughter and similars i was paying closer attention to what the guru said just before the person burst out laughing and this line get in my head "you are the answer to what your looking how much distance exist to reach yourself" . getting back to the bus i begin to self enquiry and this good and calm feeling (i think is bliss) increased and i was not able to point something and called "I" then a brief moment of pure concentration pure awareness that last like 5 seconds and i just was very very aware of the present and the fact there was not person in here. now the why i ask this question is because i didn´t burst in laught or crying or 1000 orgasm to be honest i was hoping 10 orgasm and not realization like i am god came, just the clear perception there is no one here in my current experience.

@phoenix666 If you feel pain be attentive to it, don’t do anything. Attention is the great sword – it cuts everything. You simply pay attention to the pain. For example, you are sitting silently in the last part of the meditation, unmoving, and you feel many problems in the body. You feel the leg is going dead, there is some itching in the hand, you feel ants are creeping on the body and you have looked many times – there are no ants. The creeping is inside, not outside. What should you do? You feel the leg is going dead – be watchful, just pay total attention to it. You feel itching – don’t scratch, that will not help. Just pay attention. Don’t even open your eyes. Just pay attention inwardly and just wait and watch, and within seconds the itching will disappear. Whatsoever happens – even if you feel pain, severe pain in the stomach or in the head… It is possible, because in meditation the whole body changes. It changes its chemistry. New things start happening; the body is in a chaos. Sometimes the stomach will be affected because in the stomach you have suppressed many emotions, and they are all stirred. Sometimes you will feel like vomiting, nausea. Sometimes you will feel a severe pain in the head because the meditation is changing the inner structure of your brain. You are really in a chaos passing through meditation. Soon things will settle. But, for the time being, everything will be unsettled. So what are you to do? Simply see the pain in the head; watch it. Be a watcher. Just forget that you are a doer, and by and by everything subsides and subsides so beautifully and so gracefully that you cannot believe it unless you know it. And it is not only that the pain disappears from the head: if the energy which was creating pain is watched, the pain disappears and the same energy becomes pleasure. The energy is the same. Pain and pleasure are two dimensions of the same energy. If you can remain silently sitting and paying attention to distractions, all distractions disappear. And when all distractions disappear, you will suddenly become aware that the whole body has disappeared. In fact, what was happening? Why were these things happening? And when you don’t meditate they don’t happen. You are there the whole day and the hand never itches, the head has no pain and the stomach is perfect and the legs are okay. Everything is okay. What was really happening? Why do these things suddenly start in meditation? The body has remained the master for so long, and in meditation you are throwing the body out of its mastery. You are dethroning it. It clings; it tries in every way to remain the master. It will create many things to distract you so the meditation is lost; you are thrown off balance and the body is again on the throne. Up to now, the body has remained the master and you have been a slave. Through meditation, you are changing the whole thing; it is a great revolution. And, of course, no ruler wants to be thrown out of his power. The body plays politics – that’s what is happening. When she creates imaginary pain, itching, ants creeping, the body is trying to distract you. And it is natural, because the body has remained in rule for so long, for many lives it has been the emperor and you have been the slave. Now you are changing everything upside down. You are reclaiming your throne, and it is natural the body will try whatsoever it can do to disturb you. If you get disturbed, you are lost. Ordinarily, people suppress these things. They will start chanting a mantra; they will not look at the body. I am not teaching you any sort of suppression. I teach only awareness. Just watch, pay attention, and because it is false, immediately it will disappear. When all the pains and itches and ants have disappeared and the body has settled in its right place of being a slave, suddenly so much bliss arises you cannot contain it. Suddenly so much celebration arises in the being you cannot express; you are overflowing with a peace that passeth understanding, a bliss which is not of this world. Osho, Yoga: The Mystery Beyond Mind, Talk #2

@Mrkvn8 Maybe consider: instead of thinking about it as "ways" to have fun...as in specific activities (although @ajasatya has you covered with those, awesome)...you could alternately think of it as "THE way YOU have FUN" as in: allowing yourself to have: the wonder of a child, the bliss of truly savouring, and the freedom of truthful, joyful, expression, etc

Management of self talk Take a deep breath and do it for a couple of times... Good... Look at your phone and remember that it is a medium for self texting.. What do you really want out of life? To feel good... See now this is the problem right there... You assign labels to feeling instead of just feeling it and its physical manifestations objectively... But these physical manifestations are temporary and keep changing so clinging to a feeling will obviously cause dissatisfaction as it will change.. But Dissatisfaction itself is a feeling and the seeds of dissatisfaction cause trees of dissatisfaction... So that means that if I can treat every emotion just as it is I can experience less dissatisfaction? What if the existential void of dissatisfaction is actually just a label can I just cange this label to bliss and love this feeling? Lets start with mindfulness on a serious level. A commitment from the heart.

I don't know the purposes of those who write here. Perhaps to make some money in training schemes to which I have no objection. But my reply may cause you to feel you have lost face because I will disagree with you. That's my intention but only to share. If you delete my account, that's fine, I get it. Besides that I am very old. And nobody cares I get that too. The astral travelling experience is as unmistakable as the death experience. What you all appear to fail to comprehend is such experiences take you into a world that is not human. I mean for example, ghost stories where the ghost is still him/herself from the world but it is not so -- leaving the body is leaving the human. To be sure there are ghosts but they are only the remains of the personality, not the former human who soon goes elsewhere. All this is subjective knowledge to you, even if I've gained the knowledge through experience, its current worth to you is only entertainment. Astral travelling is accompanied by specific and unmistakable events, as I've said, which none of you has mentioned. The after-effects of astral travelling are also unmistakable. The time difference (even if time is illusory) is stark. I won't say more about the astral travelling experience as I don't like fakes or fakers. @Shin Enlightenment. I notice on the forums stipulations about what enlightenment involves; about what the enlightened should be, even how they think or don't think. Imho Buddha, among other things, was a bit slow. Took him 7 years to realize fasting was pointless. But no one's perfect. Enlightenment is a brutal thing, although if you really want it you can have it. The downside is it's like being at the centre of a wheel and if you detract from the state for any reason you will be thrown swiftly into states that could make you worse than you were when you began. At the same time denial and complete destruction of yourself so that being thrown from the centre are important to your growth and continuity. Becoming a lawyer, doctor, president or soldier in battle are difficult but attaining enlightenment and keeping it is difficult even beyond your worst nightmares. Enlightenment is a huge career move. You, your world and all that you believe and hold dear will never be the same. Even if you're surrounded by people, even friends and family you will be forever alone. Doesn't mean you can't have a beloved, you can but there is alone and 'alone.' People know that already, but there's another alone even beyond that. ^^ More seriously, do you get the enormity? Sure, you can have enlightenment but for you it will be like living on a distant planet surrounded by aliens. Aliens who communicate in specific ways. Any deviation from their ways will be uncomfortable and sometimes dangerous. You will have knowledge and solutions beyond the average person but there won't be a single thing you can do, and for many reasons. Become charming, rich even alter your features, no problemo, but from the standpoint of enlightenment mostly you won't, although charm is useful. Helping the world? Someone helped Pol Pot in Cambodia and he began Year Zero and genocidal insanity. You don't know their ultimate aims, you are not a God, you're only enlightened. Certainly enlightenment is all the lovely things you dream about, but it's not cheap. Are you ready to fast march up Mount Everest 9000 times with a heavy pack on your back hoping you don't lose your footing at 8999 while the world guesses you're a little strange? Then enlightenment is for you! Otherwise remember ignorance is bliss.

Meditation minus Bliss is not true meditation‏ It is easy to meditate if you don’t want to be blissful — it is very easy to meditate. If you want just to be blissful and you don’t want to be in meditation, that too is easy. The rarest combination is meditation plus bliss. Meditation minus bliss is easy; bliss minus meditation is easy. But meditation minus bliss is not true meditation and bliss minus meditation is not true bliss either. They are true only when they are together. Many people have tried to meditate without bliss because it is simple, less complex. You have to take only one work upon yourself: that you have to still your mind. And you can force your mind to be stilled, but you will become sad, you will have a long face. That’s why your saints — so-called saints — look sad. Sadness has become a necessary quality for being a saint. They can’t laugh, they can’t dance, they can’t sing, they can’t love, they can’t rejoice. They talk about bliss but they only talk about it. You don’t see any bliss in their eyes, you don’t see any bliss in their milieu, you don’t see any bliss radiating from their inner center. They look sad, dull, dead, unintelligent, for the simple reason that they have chosen a shortcut and there is no shortcut. They have avoided the complexity of spiritual transformation. They have chosen meditation, they have forced their mind to be still. It is a negative state; their minds are only empty, not silent — forcibly made still. But it is not a natural growth of silence, it is not the flowering of silence. Their silence is like the cemetery, it is not the silence of a garden. The silence of the garden is full of music: the bees humming and the birds singing and a distant call of the cuckoo. They are all in it, essential parts of it. The garden has a very living silence, full of song and joy. The cemetery is also silent, but it is only the silence of death; because there is nobody, hence there is silence. You can meditate, force yourself to be silent, but you will miss God, you will miss nirvana. And you can also try to be blissful; that means you can pretend, you can practice, you can rehearse bliss. You can always try to be blissful, smiling, at least looking happy. Slowly slowly, it becomes so practiced… like Jimmy Carter. Now his smile is disappearing, but just remember two years before — you could have counted his teeth! You can practice it. I have heard that in the beginning days of his presidency his wife had to close his mouth in the night! I don’t know how far it is true, but it appears to be true — because if you practice the whole day, then in the night too your muscles become fixed. Even in sleep you will go on smiling. You can practice blissfulness too, but a practiced blissfulness is false. Anything practiced is false, remember it — never forget it. Things have to be spontaneous and natural, not practiced, not cultivated. Cultivated blissfulness is only a mask. You are smiling, but the smile is not in the heart. You are showing joy, but you are not joyous. Your heart is a desert; only on the face you have put plastic flowers. They may deceive others, but they can’t deceive you and they can’t deceive a master. Your smile, your joy, is formal — just good manners. This too has happened. There have been many saints, very blissful, always singing and dancing, but deep down just deserts. They both have chosen only the half, and the half-truth is far more untrue than any untruth. Truth has to be total, truth has to be whole. And the whole truth is: bliss PLUS meditation. It is difficult of course, arduous, to manage both. Why? — because they seem to be polar opposites. Meditation means silence and bliss means dance. Meditation means stillness and bliss means a song. Meditation means escaping from the world and bliss means sharing with the world. Meditation you can do in a Himalayan cave, but to be blissful you will have to come back to the world. Bliss needs to be shared; it exists only in sharing. It can’t exist when you are alone, it disappears. It is a communion. Meditation can exist in aloneness and bliss can exist in togetherness. But when both exist then you have to learn a totally new way of life. Source – Osho Book “Dhammapada, Vol 8″

Watching is meditation. What you watch is irrelevant. You can watch the trees, you can watch the river, you can watch the clouds, you can watch children playing around. Watching is meditation. What you watch is not the point; the object is not the point. The quality of observation, the quality of being aware and alert - that's what meditation is. So perfectly good! Children are beautiful - pure energy dancing around, pure energy running around. Delight in it and watch it. I don't see why you are feeling yourself in trouble. The mind goes on creating trouble. Whatsoever you do, the mind goes on creating trouble. Now the mind says: Is this meditation at all? Remember one thing: meditation means awareness. Whatsoever you do with awareness is meditation. Action is not the question, but the quality that you bring to your action. Walking can be a meditation if you walk alertly. Sitting can be a meditation if you sit alertly. Listening to the birds can be a meditation if you listen with awareness. Just listening to the inner noise of your mind can be a meditation if you remain alert and watchful. The whole point is: one should not move in sleep. Then whatsoever you do is meditation - and don't be worried about it! The mind constantly creates some anxiety. Many times people come to me. They say they are feeling very good, very high - but is this real? Now the mind is creating a new trouble: Is this real? The mind has never asked this before. When you have a headache, do you ask: Is this real? You trust in misery too much. A headache is necessarily real, but if you go high and you feel a peak of bliss, the mind starts creating a subtle anxiety: Is this real? You may be in a delusion, hallucination, imagination. You may be seeing a dream. Or if you cannot find anything else, then: Osho must have hypnotized you. You must be in hypnosis. You cannot believe that you can be blissful, that you can be happy. Because of this tendency of the mind, the mind clings to the miserable. Mind is always seeking and searching for hell, because it can exist only in misery; in bliss it disappears. Only in misery does it have throbbing life; only in misery does its business go well. Whenever you are happy it is not needed; when you are blissful, who needs mind? - you have already gone beyond it. The mind feels left behind, neglected, it starts nagging you. It says: Where are you going? Are you hypnotized? What illusions are you seeing? These are all dreams! Because of this tendency, millions of people have come to a meditative point some time or other in their life but they miss the door. The door comes but they cannot believe in it. Meditation is as natural a phenomenon as love. It happens to everybody! It is part of your being, but you cannot believe in it. Even if it happens, you somehow overlook it. Or even if you feel that something is happening, you cannot say to others that something is happening because you are afraid others will think that you have gone mad. Your own mind goes on saying that this is not possible; this is too good to be true. So you forget about it. Remember again: in your childhood, or later on when you were young, there must have been a few moments. It is impossible that those moments were not there; they have been there in everybody's life. Just try to recollect again and you will remember there have been moments when something was opening, but you closed it, afraid. Sometimes, sitting on a silent night, looking at the stars - and something was going to happen and you shrank; apprehensive, frightened, you started doing something else. It was too good to be true. You missed an opportunity. Sometimes, in deep love, just sitting by the side of your beloved, something started happening; you were moving in some unknown direction. You became scared, you pulled yourself back to earth. Sometimes, for no reason at all, just swimming in the river, or running around in the hot sun, or just relaxing on the beach and listening to the wild roar of the ocean, something started happening inside you, some inner alchemical change, as if your body was creating LSD. Something inside... and you were moving in a totally unknown dimension - as if you had wings and you could fly. You became afraid, you started clinging to the earth. Many times in each person's life, such moments come; but those moments are not aggressive, they cannot force anything against you. If you are ready you can move, drift into them, slip into them, float with them, to the farthest end of existence. If you are afraid you cling to your shore, and you miss the boat. The boat cannot wait for you. So don't be disturbed by the mind. Watching children playing around is a beautiful meditation - because watching is meditation. But remember, don't think about it. If children are dancing, running around, playing, shrieking, jumping, jogging, don't start thinking - just watch. Watch without any thought. Be aware, but don't think. Remain alert - just seeing, a pure seeing, a clarity, but don't start thinking about it; otherwise you have already moved away. Watching children, you can remember your own child back home. Then you have missed, then you are not watching these children. Some memories are floating in your mind. A film starts moving; then you are in a daydream. Simply watch! (Osho in The Search #7)

This experience occurred after roughly 2 ½ years of meditating almost every day. I was driving home from work when it happened. All morning I was in a meditative and contemplative state of mind. I was about 3 or 4 miles from home. In my mind I was thinking of the incomprehensible number of universes and the incomprehensible number of different “me’s” in existence. I thought about what would happen if they all met. Many of them would be similar and many of them would be vastly different. Some of them would look identical and others would look vastly different. Then everything stopped. I had felt stillness before but this was infinitely deeper than anything I had felt before. The moment I realized that all of the different possibilities of the form which constitutes “me” could look the same and others would look completely different something profound in my mind snapped. In an instant and outside of space and time I was all life. My entire perception of reality was cleaned. I was all life on earth, in the universe and in all of existence. I did not feel connected to all life. Thomas Roger did not exist anymore. There was just awareness in a body and that’s it. There was only life and it’s happening. I watched in sheer amazement at all of the people who drove by me and each person I saw was also myself. It doesn’t even make any sense that something like this is even possible but it happened. My mind did not judge or comment on the people I saw. I was simply in utter amazement at the sheer beauty of the life that was happening. (All of this happened while I was at a red light.) When the red light turned green I had no idea how I was driving, how I was seeing or anything. I returned home in a state of utter amazement, bliss and gratitude. It felt like all existence felt this way too. I know that doesn’t make any sense but it did. When I entered the driveway and emerged from the car and saw the world from outside the windows I almost cried. The air was so crisp. It was an overcast day but it was so profoundly beautiful. I walked in front of my house and said this. “I had never really seen reality before. This is the first time I have truly seen life.” I began to be overwhelmed with happiness. Every tree, every person, every blade of grass, every insect all life was one. I completely disappeared and was all life. I was all life. I walked up to some flowers in front of my house and looked at a bee walking along one of them. This made me especially happy. I began to laugh. I smiled so hard. I was the bee and the bee was me. All life was one. I walked into my house and went into my brother’s room he was sleeping. When I saw him I became even happier as I was also one with him. I began to laugh even more. I realized that the same consciousness that he was experiencing was the same consciousness that I was experiencing. That I am experiencing. That we all are experiencing. All life is experiencing the same consciousness. The medium through which it is experienced may be vastly different but the consciousness, the awareness is the same. I needed to get something to take to my college so I picked that up and went back out to the car still in sheer amazement and happiness. As I drove the car I also realized that the same consciousness that mom experienced I too experienced at that very moment and my whole life. ( My mother passed away when I was 16 years old.) At this point my mind couldn’t take it anymore. I pulled over less than a mile from home and broke down and cried at the sheer incomprehensible, profound and breathtaking beauty of existence. After about five minutes of crying in sheer awe and gratitude I sat there for about another minute and continued my day. This lasted for about two hours then I slowly came back as a tiny individuated ego. However there was still a great residual after effect from what I just experienced. (to call this an experience is limiting, it is a state of being) This was by far the most magical day of my life as of august 1st 2016.

Don't change the world, change yourself, grow into a meditator. You are only 15. When you are young, it is the easiest thing possible. It looks very difficult because you have not tried it yet. Give it a try. Why are you worried about the rest of the world? Let the world worry about itself. And you are not worried about what will happen to the rest of the world if you remain ignorant.... If you are ignorant, what happens to the rest of the world? You create misery. Not that you knowingly do it, you are misery -- so whatsoever you do, you sow seeds of misery all around. Please leave the world to itself. You can do only one thing, and that is, you can achieve inner silence, inner bliss, inner light. If you achieve this, you have helped the world very much. Just by changing one ignorant spot into an enlightened flame, just by changing one person from darkness into light, you have changed a part of the world. And this changed part will have its own chain reactions. Buddha is not dead. Jesus is not dead. They cannot be dead because there is a chain reaction -- from one lamp, from one flame, another flame takes over. And a successor is created, and they go on living. But if your light is not there, if your lamp is without a flame, you cannot help anyone. The first basic thing is that you must attain your inner flame. Then others can share. Then you can kindle others' light also. Then it becomes a succession. If you become enlightened, whatsoever you do -- or you need not do anything -- just your being, your presence will help others to flower, to be happy, to be blissful. But that should not be your concern. The first thing is how to be enlightened.

I wanted to experience a change in perception without too much of a mindfuck (which I had strongly during my first two shroom trips), so I decided to experiment with a low dose. I drank a hibiscus tea with ginger, since that’s supposed to prevent eventual nausea, with 2g of dried psilocybe cubensis. Although I expected the trip to be less intense than my first two, I was not quite prepared for it to be that different. My first two experiences where like a roller-coaster. It was a an emotional up and down from blank panic to profound bliss (at some points they even merged together). I had lost all my past and identity. I couldn’t remember who I was, but at the same time feeling very present and aware. This trip had nothing with me pacing around talking to myself like a complete psycho, as I knew it from my past experiences. I was lying on my bed meditating as I waited for the onset. I noticed exactly when the effects began. it was from one second to the other: suddenly I couldn’t do the labeling anymore. It was just impossible because ‚hearing‘ and ‚seeing‘ merged. I just wasn’t able to separate them from each other. Then ‚feeling‘ joined them. After some moments of very strong closed eye hallucinations (mostly fast moving geometrical patterns with neon colors), they stilled and I turned back to normal labeling. Then it became impossible again and the cycle began once more. That went on like this for like 10-20 times more, varying in duration. After a while I felt getting more and more lost in the patterns (like tunnels) and I had to give up the labeling. I tried focusing on my breath, but I had to give up that as well. So I decided to surrender and to follow my visual sense, focusing my awareness on the colorful patterns. Now, this is where it gets very difficult to put into words…but I’ll try it. After a while I felt like I was floating through concepts in my mind. like every thought that came up became plastic: the thoughts materialized in front of my eyes (they looked like grey, sharp stalagmites and stalagtites shooting out of every direction from an orange background. I just floated through that orange thing with sort grey rays coming towards me and I left them behind rapidly. Sometimes I would catch a more detailed glimpse on those thoughts and something inside of me would react like ‚wtf, this can’t be. what the heck is this? now, this can’t be real‘ (I can’t recall the exact content now, but I think most of them related to friends and people I know). Then this strange thing happened like 5-10 times: I suddenly identified with one of my friends (often from the past). I literally felt like I was him/her. and then I thought: ‚wait, no! this can’t be me. this is my friend, so I must be someone else‘ then an excited: ‚well, who am I then?‘ and I actually didn’t know. not figuratively, but quite literally: I couldn’t recall my name. I couldn’t recall my face or my personal history. But it didn’t terrify me. Neither did I feel euphoria or bliss. I was just generally curious. I continued asking myself ‚who am I?‘. shortly after that either my name, my personal history or the image of my face would return to my mind. I always felt a little disappointed afterwards. This trance eventually stopped and I felt hungry. I ate some fruits I had previously prepared for the trip. (eating whilst tripping I can only describe as a great delight: it tasted so sweet and fresh, I felt myself getting completely lost in that sweet moment) Then the trip became weaker and I tried to do some more meditation. I tried the ‚do nothing‘ technique and it felt amazing. sounds, but mostly visuals and feelings floated by and I just felt very distant from them, glossing over them with something I could only describe as curiosity and a mild amusement. I am not quite sure what to make out of this trip. It was just so different from what I expected (less emotional, less mindfuck and more of a calm state of flow) I hope I can elaborate this stuff the following days and integrate some of the experiences into my daily life. I still have to wrap my head around what the shrooms were trying to tell/show me. Thanks for bearing with me if you came so far. :-)

One should do physical exercises which make him more aware, alert and alive throughout the day, not only after gym. Every technique that makes your mind silent is not meditation. You can avoid the complexity of spiritual transformation. You can chose a technique to force your mind to be still. It is a negative state; it makes mind only empty, not silent — forcibly made still. But it is not a natural growth of silence. It is easy to meditate if you don’t want to be blissful — it is very easy to meditate. If you want just to be blissful and you don’t want to be in meditation, that too is easy. The rarest combination is meditation plus bliss. Meditation minus bliss is easy; bliss minus meditation is easy. But meditation minus bliss is not true meditation and bliss minus meditation is not true bliss either. They are true only when they are together. Weight trainers tend to pull their chest out and belly in. There is a stupid idea popular in the whole world that belly should be pulled in and chest should look larger, it hinders natural breathing. Breath is literally the bridge connecting all of these aspects of our being and our existence. When you are relaxed ,as the breath goes in, your belly starts rising up, and as the breath goes out, your belly starts settling down again. Try to see children, very small children, taking their breaths. They take them in a different way. Look at a child sleeping. His belly comes up and down, not the chest. That is the right way to breathe; remember not to use your chest too much. Sometimes it can be used – in emergency periods. You are running to save your life; then the chest can be used. There is a Japanese word for the initial source of breath. That word is "tanden". Right breathing is connected with tanden, which is located two inches below the navel. The further a man is away from existence, the further his breath moves away from tanden. The higher your centre of breathing is, the more tense you are; the lower the point of your breath, the more you are relaxed. If your breathing is from tanden, there will be no tensions in your life. This is the very reason why children are free from tension. Observe your breath in a moment of relaxation. You will find it coming from tanden. When you are filled with tension and anxiety, observe your breath. It will become short, and it will come from the chest. Short breath is an indication that you are far removed from your original nature. There is a reason why we breathe from the chest. A very wrong concept has pervaded in the world. According to this, the chest should be well developed and large, and the abdomen should be flat, almost against the back. This mad tendency has created a terrible disturbance within the human body. In order to inflate the chest, the breath has to fill the chest and not be allowed to go down further. Observe yourself sometimes as you sit quietly by yourself on a chair. Let yourself loose, - there should be no tension - and you will feel the breath rising from your navel. But we do not let ourselves relax even when we rest. Is the idea of having an expanded chest so ingrained in us.

One thing that I am still strongly identified with is my self image. Its this dark, amorphous, subtly changing image of my physical self. My contour, my face, my head. It's always shadowy but there and it's as though it has a hook in my awareness. Even questions like 'who am I?' seem to unfold on top of it.. There is so much resistance. I did Leo's guided neti neti method and found myself grasping for some experience. Some massive bliss and relief.. of course that did not happen and I was left with anger and frustration and that stuck to me like glue....

If you find it too complicated, you can try OSHO KUNDALINI MEDITATION This “sister meditation” to the OSHO Dynamic is best done at sunset or in the late afternoon. Being fully immersed in the shaking and dancing of the first two stages helps to “melt” the rock-like being, wherever the energy flow has been repressed and blocked. Then that energy can flow, dance and be transformed into bliss and joy. The last two stages enable all this energy to flow vertically, to move upwards into silence. It is a highly effective way of unwinding and letting go at the end of the day. Osho on How to Shake: "If you are doing the Kundalini Meditation, allow the shaking – don't do it! Stand silently, feel it coming, and when your body starts a little trembling, help it, but don't do it! Enjoy it, feel blissful about it, allow it, receive it, welcome it, but don't will it. "If you force, it will become an exercise, a bodily physical exercise. Then the shaking will be there, but just on the surface. It will not penetrate you. You will remain solid, stonelike, rocklike within. You will remain the manipulator, the doer, and the body will only be following. The body is not the question, you are the question. "When I say shake, I mean your solidity, your rocklike being should shake to the very foundations, so it becomes liquid, fluid, melts, flows. And when the rocklike being becomes liquid your body will follow. Then there is no shaker, only shaking; then nobody is doing it, it is simply happening. Then the doer is not. "Enjoy it, but don't will it. And remember, whenever you will a thing you cannot enjoy it. They are reverse, opposites; they never meet. If you will a thing you cannot enjoy it, if you enjoy it you cannot will it." Osho Instructions: The meditation is one hour long, with four stages. First Stage: 15 minutes Be loose and let your whole body shake, feeling the energies moving up from your feet. Let go everywhere and become the shaking. Your eyes may be open or closed. Second Stage: 15 minutes Dance ... any way you feel, and let the whole body move as it wishes. Again, your eyes can be open or closed. Third Stage: 15 minutes Close your eyes and be still, sitting or standing, observing, witnessing, whatever is happening inside and out. Fourth Stage: 15 minutes Keeping your eyes closed, lie down and be still. http://www.osho.com/iosho/imeditate?mid=22

If they are real friends, they will let you be alone during this period, and they will rejoice your coming back once you do. It's a win-win situation you got there. Anyway, just follow your bliss ya kna

https://jacquelynmikus.com/2017/05/09/my-sedona-experience-the-journey-to-endless-bliss/

For centuries and centuries teachers have been teaching that you are the creator of your own suffering and no one else is responsible. You have heard these things, you have read these things. But this is not your feeling, this is not your realization. I know that if I put my hand in the fire it is going to be painful. If I know, I cannot put my hand in. But if somebody else has told me, if I have heard through the tradition, if I have read in the scriptures that fire burns, and I have not known fire, and I have not known any similar experience, only then can I put my hand into fire - and that too only once. Can you conceive it? That you have put your hand into fire and you have been burned and you have suffered, and again you go and ask, ′I know that fire burns, but in spite of it I go on putting my hand into the fire. What to do about it?′ Who will believe that you know? And what type of knowledge is this? If your own experience of suffering and burning cannot stop you, nothing is going to stop you. Now there is no possibility, because the last possibility has been missed. But no one can miss it; that is impossible. Once you know.... But remember - the knowledge must be yours. A borrowed knowledge won′t do; borrowed knowledge is useless. Unless it is your own experience, it is not going to change you. Others′ experiences are of no help. You have heard that you are the creator of your own suffering, but this is just in the mind. It has not entered your being, it is not your own knowledge. So when you are discussing, you can discuss about it cerebrally, but when the actual phenomenon happens, you will forget, and you will behave in the way you know, not in the way others know. When you are at ease, cool, collected, silently discussing anger, you can say it is poison, it is a disease, evil. But when someone makes you angry then a complete change occurs. Now it is not an intellectual discussion, now you are involved. And the moment you are involved, you become angry. Later on again, retrospectively, when you again get cool, the memory will come back, your mind will again start functioning, and you will say, ′That was wrong. It was not good of me to do that. I know anger is wrong.′ You have to make a clearcut distinction between what you know and what you have gathered as knowledge. Don′t rely on information. From the greatest source - even if you collect from the greatest source - information is information. Even if a Buddha says it to you, it is not your own, and it is not going to help you in any way. But you can remain thinking that it is your knowledge, and this misunderstanding will waste your energy, time and life. The basic thing is not to ask what to do so that suffering is not created. The basic thing is to know that you are the creator of your suffering. Next time whenever a real situation arises and you are in suffering, remember to find out whether you are the cause of it. And if you can find out that you are the cause of it, the suffering will disappear, and the same suffering will not appear again - impossible. When you are suffering you can say, ′Yes, I know I have created this suffering,′ but deep down you know that someone else has created it. Your wife has created it, your husband has created it, someone else has created it, and this is simply a consolation because you cannot do anything. You console yourself: ′No one has created it, I have created it myself, and by and by I will stop it.′ Only spirituality can lead humanity towards non-suffering. Nothing else can lead, because everyone else believes that the suffering is caused by others; only spirituality says that suffering is caused by you. So spirituality makes you the master of your destiny. You are the cause of your suffering, hence you can be the cause of your bliss.

I noticed I'm becoming a lot happier these days thanks to meditation. Happy enough that I'd spend much of the day in bliss. But there's still some things that tend to get me down these days. Because of my efforts, I feel a deep acceptance and wider inner peace for these emotions well but they still pain me. I notice in casual conversations — people will step in with pretty average answers in questions about their life. But being in personal development for 5 years — I tend to give more overall optimistic answers while being humble enough to admit some flaws. And I get the sense that by being better — I lost some equal standing with others. That maybe people won't relate to me as a friend well the better I get. That if I continue my hard work now in bettering my life, I'd reach a point where I become a hero — the kind of hero people mistakenly believe know everything about life and are perfect —inhuman. I get more genuinely cheerful as the days go by. I'm more the relaxed and easygoing cheerful than the loud and excitable ones. Will I seem fake? Some kind of liar? Arrogant? Lacking self awareness? It might sound stupid — but one of the major issues I've went through was caring how much people thought of me. I have some insecurities of not being accepted and belonging somewhere. If I get even much better at life than I do now, will I inspire more or will cause more jealousy? I guess I'm concerned for these people. I clearly remember the memories of looking at people who are stars in society at life and work. And often felt that it was impossible to match them and even still feel these a bit these days. I don't want people to feel that way. And I don't want to be hated. Yes, it's not my fault. But I still feel these emotions. It's painfully ironic. I went through life fearing telling others my more flawed side. Now I fear showing any tidbit of achievement and great happiness. This also applies to when I teach or give advice — the act seems like a subtle message saying that "I know more than you," and I don't want to cause the above. Not that it stops me from doing so — but it saddens me. Scares me. What can I do?

All knowledge, culture and basically all language that mankind has created can be summed up as world mind. You are an integral part of world mind. You perpetuate it through every interaction and every thought you have. The you that you think you are is actually world mind working through you. There is no you other than that. Liberation means liberation from world mind. The purpose of the spiritual quest is to flush ever last bit of world mind out of your system. First you use the spiritual beliefs to get rid of common beliefs. In the end even spirituality has to go as it is also part of world mind. Spirituality is part of the dream. There is no such thing as spirituality. Without world mind everything functions perfectly, just as it is supposed to be. Everything is as it is and the is-ness perfectly accepts everything. In order to get rid of world mind, every last bit of you (person) has to go. You think you are a separate entity in this world but that is an illusion and causes the friction you experience in life. Existence is one unitary movement. Right now you function under the premise: perceiver - perceiving - perceived This duality is perpetuated by the world mind in you. As the world mind subsides this duality collapses into non-duality. How to get rid of world mind? World mind has a strong gravitational pull. You experience this gravitational pull as fear. Fear is the anchor of all beliefs. Spirituality offers many techniques to transcend fear and beliefs. You can work on a level of emotions (e.g. Sedona Method) or tackle the problem from the angle of thought (e.g. Byron Katie). The more you let go of fear and beliefs the weaker the gravitational pull will become. In the early stages your focus should lie on gaining momentum. Practice, reading, meditation, diet, yoga and so on are highly recommended. You know that you make progress when you see your personality transform. Things that bothered you start to bother you less. Past problems become non-issues that you don't even think about anymore. You slowly become more energetic and positive. You are able to hold paradoxes in your mind without the need to resolve them. You always see the two sides of the coin. The later stages are even trickier than the first stages. You overcame most of the gravitational pull of the world mind. You probably had an awakening or two. At this stage your practice starts to develop a life of it's own. Some techniques you use become automatic. This topic is on your mind almost 24/7. Now a different force starts pulling on you. We could call it "the void". This stage can be pretty scary and confusing. The world mind in you recognizes that it is about to be defeated. It starts to fight and wonder, "Maybe this whole spirituality thing wasn't such a good idea after all". The more you resist the fall of the world mind in you the more friction you will experience. The number one advice at this point is surrender. Surrender, surrender, surrender. A big trap at this stage is that the ego starts attaching itself to spirituality. Instead of worldly goals it yearns for divine moments, peace, bliss and all that jazz. If you recognize that movement in you realize that it's just another movement of the world mind that you need to treat just like everything else before. The last step you have to take is not a step you can take. Every movement you make is a movement away from it. Even the need to be free of this situation is standing in the way of liberation. There is nothing in your power that can do about it. All that is left to do is to surrender and to wait for the world mind to finally call defeat. What then? Of course we have many reports of people who went through this transformation but in the end you can't know if what they say is true. You have to fully accept and embrace the unknown. Everything could happen. You could die and that's why it's so scary. This text probably won't make you feel comfortable and that is the purpose of it. Spirituality is not an easy path. It takes everything from you, everything. This text is part of the world mind and should be discarded once it served it's purpose.