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@Principium Nexus I have a sense of nihilism after that experience. I don't know how to continue operating as if I am a human on a planet interacting with other humans. It feels so strongly like I have created this entire perceived existence and that even evolution didn't actually manifest within nothingness, that perhaps I made up that story to give myself a perspective in which to operate as a self. Did I imagine all the Gurus of the ages, did I imagine Leo? How "real" is "mine" and "everybody elses'" existence exactly? Is "being alive" a thing? I can't tell if i'm going to deep on the questioning now, but when I was losing my mind I just could not understand how "ANYTHING" could possibly actually exist at all.

My friend and I went camping in the forest for 2 nights. The first night we "candy flipped" 200mg MDMA, then 320mg LSD 2 hours later. I was enjoying the heart opening of the MDMA and realised that I'm quite authentic in general because I don't tend to open up much more than usual on it. There's still some enjoyable body feels and conversations with my friend become additionally loving. When the LSD started kicking in, I was feeling quite unsettled. I had been contemplating Leo's video about the Paranormal. Before starting down the Actualization path I had a fear of Hell, because I was brought up in a Christian High School, and they drilled us with the consequences of not signing up to their dogma. I had been feeling quite comfortable in the knowing of God and Non-Duality but this really threw a spanner into the works and re-implanted thoughts and fears into my web of beliefs. So anyway I started freaking out a bit for the first time in a long while, even after some previously heavy trips . My friend guided me to lie down and I surrendered to the experience. The loving warmth of God started to wash away the fear and I started to calm down and relax into it. I arose 10 minutes later and proceeded to sit near the fire. For the next few hours some very interesting feelings and “knowings” started to arise. I started getting orgasmic body sensations. I was squatting in stillness near the fire trying to embed myself into the loving warmth. It was utterly orgasmic. I was literally making orgasm sounds. I felt myself sinking into nothingness over and over. I looked up at my friend and I was like “REALLY?”, “NO WAY”, he replied “I know, I KNOW”. For the next hour we literally kept repeating the same thing over and over. We were both experiencing the cosmic joke. There was this raw infinite energy just pouring out from within us. I started ripping and dropping heavy chains off myself to the floor. I was getting lighter and lighter. My awareness / consciousness was sky rocketing. I let out a primal growl and shock wave of energy exploded from within. I looked at my friend and he looked at me with a sort of sadness. He said “it’s all done”, “it’s all done”, It’s ALL done”. We were on a higher plane of existence, like how heaven would feel like. Looking him in the face, I saw myself plain as day in his eyes. It was as crystal clear as looking in the mirror. I had seen through the cosmic joke. THIS IS IT, THIS IS IT. It was the only way, the only way. I had to trick myself into believing I exist. I had to trick myself into fetching sticks and chopping wood. It was the only way, the only way. Because I am nothingness. Shit, I have awoken. I seriously couldn’t put this experience into words. I’ve experienced myself as God before on 10 grams of mushrooms. This was so different, so different. I honestly thought that I was done, that I was awake for good. That maybe that night I would just dissolve into nothingness. Of course the Ego is too sneaky for that. I am back, and I am so confused. I feel like I KNOW the truth, but it’s so, so hard to accept. I have imagined this entire reality, and now I’m typing to myself. Help…

I watched Leo's video on authenticity. But, from a practical standpoint, I still don't understand what it means to live authentically. If my highest self is nothingness, what the hell does it mean to act authentically? There is no authentic self. That's an illusion. Honestly, I do not understand this concept. I understand living virtuously, but there is no authentic core to you. That's all ego. Personality is all ego, all illusion. Maybe we should be resisting the notion of authentic self. It solidifies us into thinking that the egoic self is the true self. Please watch these two videos back to back and then comment.

I have a feeling he would "want to say",,, we are already enlightened,,,, and always have been, but we cant or wont accept it yet... So he does not tell us ... Isnt that the job of a yogi or enlightened person, is to actively try to bulshit us until we admit to ourselves.. "this guy is no more than us, we are already enlightened" lets face it have you ever not been in the now.. have you ever not been aware.. have we ever not been conscious... Yeah sure we can move our focus from nothingness to awareness to presence to thought ect... at will.. but that could be a feature, not a bug...

Don't just accept what someone else has told you. Chances are you don't have any idea what you are so 'Nothingness' is just another concept. Unless you're directly conscious of what you are, which may or may not be nothingness, you need to throw out all your ideas and beliefs.

QUOTED BY USER SHANMUGAM "This is the result of trying to philosophizing too much... You are awareness but you are not the concept of awareness.. Anything that you think about awareness is a concept, and that concept is not you. And if you notice anything that seems like anything, it is not you either. Don't try to twist your head to look at your own eyes, you will end up mistaking something that you see for your eyes.. Anything that you see with your eyes cannot be your eyes. Any word to define who you really are is not the right word.. People have chosen the words awareness or nothingness because they are close in pointing out what it is.." I think this helps me understand things.

I'm having a slight brain melt down here. If you can follow and understand me please offer your thoughts. Am I asking you all to communicate the incommunicable experience that is enlightenment itself? If enlightenment is the destruction of the ego and 'realisation' that oneself is not a separate entity and is actually everything/nothingness/infinity then what are we doing living these 'lives' with these crazy egos. It seems the purpose of everything is to know that we are everything? Or in other words... If we all are this void/infinity/nothingness. What am I just now with this ego? Am I still the infinity? This is possibly the hardest thing I have ever tried to communicate to someone else.

@Joseph Maynor This is the result of trying to philosophizing too much... You are awareness but you are not the concept of awareness.. Anything that you think about awareness is a concept, and that concept is not you. And if you notice anything that seems like anything, it is not you either. Don't try to twist your head to look at your own eyes, you will end up mistaking something that you see for your eyes.. Anything that you see with your eyes cannot be your eyes. Any word to define who you really are is not the right word.. People have chosen the words awareness or nothingness because they are close in pointing out what it is..

This is a little tricky. I accept the fact that I am nothingness. I have confirmed that and am working to accept it. But awareness seems like a sense in nothingness. Therefore I may not be awareness. You wouldn't say that you are your sense of sight. But maybe awareness is like a sense in nothingness too.

I haven't personally experienced infinity (yet) but I find it incredibly satisfying to think of it as absolutely infinite. When I was a kid I always had this thought: Why is there something at all? Why isn't there nothing? But absolute nothingness and absolute infinitely everything are logically the same thing. The one cannot exist without the other. So there just has to be everything. And well if there is absolute infinity then what you experience right now couldn't not be.

hi. there's no ultimate authority other than intuition and direct experience. these words on the screen are made out of nothingness and there's nobody actually reading them. they're just floating in the field of awareness. what is the fundamental truth behind words? be eternally free.

I use to be a Christian. Learning non-duality made Jesus' teachings makes more sense. God to me right now means nothingness. Even saying that makes it into somethingness God is

If we are nothingness there is no time applicable to that, or space. Space and time are part of the illusion of identity. We are the source of what ultimately makes the concept of time meaningful. Time comes out of nothingness and dissolves back into it.

@Outer I recommend you do your own research, experiment and see it for yourself by observation. Also I recommend that you read everything already posted. I have listed most of the methods I was doing in that period I am doing nothing like that anymore and I still maintain and don't get lost again in thought and monkey mind, my mind surrendered, so for me it's legit enough. But the technique that got me trough the most is being aware every second, mantining a serious intent about raising consciousness constantly and being focused only on breath, when your focused on breathing you cannot think at the same time, this grounds you and if you maintain that for a few months you become grounded in reality and that is enlightenment. This is basically the tecnique that you can use, yes it's deceivingly simple but if you trick yourself into believing that you'll be somehow better by using that simple technique it Will work. The key thing here is to TRICK yourself. But in reality you Will disapper in the process, this is total anihilation of the mind.When I have started using this technique I became enlightened fast mostly because I was in this awarness all of the time. I had nothing to hold on to anymore and completely imersed myself in this practice, it was everything. I don't have monkey mind at all, nothing. Absulte silence for more months. I think when I want to think, and when thoughts arise without me conciously wanting them I can stop them quickly by not assigning meaning to them. A lot of the things mentioned are actually scientifically proven, you just need to do your research. I have become enlightened more than 3 years ago. @Nahm I am not trying to convert anybody here so it's not an issue. But thank you for the thoughts, looks interesting. @Shanmugam The point about skepticism is resonating, I fully agree with that, I need to embody more skepticism myself. Leo has also mentioned to apply skepticism to your skepticism. At the start I was not that skeptical becuase I had nothing to lose. I was fully open. And that lead me to this. I have experimented and it somehow worked. I don't know all the workings of how, I just know it did. How can existence not exist?? How can you be conscious of non-existence? Notice it's not possible. Everything is happening inside you. I was not constructing any meaning, in fact I was doing the exact opposite. When thoughts arised, they started forming meaning, this was automatic, but I have stopped them from continuing creating meaning. And that happened trought an extended period of time. After that the abbility to drop all meaning is effortless. I have not practiced remote viewing, what your talking about requires serious practice, remote viewing is also a very deep topic. Remote viewing was used even in war... It's something you can do because you are non-local consciousness. And that means you can be everywhere at the same time. @Joseph Maynor Thank you for that analogy it's great. "Don't get paradigm-locked against thinking, theorizing, or philosophizing." Yes I fully agree with that, it's important to integrate both ... oneness and duality. But I would like to know if you have any specific things or examples in mind as regarding to when it's appropriate to think, conceptualize and philosophise. This remembered me of the video in which Leo talks about balancing theory vs practice. I agree with your point, it's really important to do that. That's why I have written at the start of the first post - "You are reality, you are in reality". To get enlightened you need to be reality, dropping all indentifications, step by step, as they keep arising. After a while of doing that you gain the ability of discerment and that allows you to see more clearly what is illusion and what is consciousness. Once you do, you can still get lost, but you can now also always return to nothingness and that is the final liberation. That's the whole point.

Ok. Let me take a stab at this. If you're nothingness and all creation comes out of nothingness, then everything created came out of you. Simple eh? Look at awareness. Reality is populating awareness. Reality comes out of awareness.

I think it all depends on perspective like already mentioned. The real truth is silent, no words, no concepts, just presence. It's completely empty/void, yet the mind can attribute an infinite amount of identities from nothingness. As long as we are wandering in this realm of words, then yes there is seperation, phases in thoughts, the feeling of communication, a distinct own identity. If you stop doing that you will become more whole, you will stop walking circles to find the truth. You will be the truth. Samsara is the endless loop, the searching of something that is already there and therefor it seems unpossible to find. Nirvana is breaking the loop, becoming fully present and be the living truth. I think this is what enlightenment is really about, the glow around someone who holds this knowledge cannot be unseen. I think enlightenment goes further than a person having some saint personality. If someone is really manifesting the truth, then all space around the person will be affected, as if all there is has become aware.

“What are Dreams?” – OSHO We have seven bodies: the physical, the etheric, the astral, the mental, the spiritual, the cosmic, and the nirvanic. Each body has its own type of dream. The physical body is known in Western psychology as the conscious, the etheric body as the unconscious, and the astral body as the collective unconscious. The physical body creates its own dreams. If your stomach is upset, a particular type of dream is created. If you are unhealthy, feverish, the physical body creates its own type of dream. One thing is certain: the dream is created out of some dis-ease. Physical discomfort, physical dis-ease, creates its own realm of dreams, so a physical dream can even be stimulated from the outside. You are sleeping. If a wet cloth is put around your legs, you will begin to dream. You may dream you are crossing a river. If a pillow is put on your chest, you will begin to dream. You may dream that someone is sitting on you, or a stone has fallen on you. These are dreams that come through the physical body. The etheric body — the second body — dreams in its own way. These etheric dreams have created much confusion in Western psychology. Freud misunderstood etheric dreams for dreams caused by suppressed desires. There are dreams that are caused by suppressed desires, but these dreams belong to the first body, the physical. If you have suppressed physical desires — if you have fasted for instance — then there is every possibility that you will dream of breakfast. Or, if you have suppressed sex, then there is every possibility that you will have sexual fantasies. But these dreams belong to the first body. The etheric body is left out of psychological investigation, so its dreams are interpreted as belonging to the first body, the physical. Then, much confusion is created. The etheric body can travel in dreams. There is every possibility of it leaving your body. When you remember it, it is remembered as a dream, but it is not a dream in the same sense as the dreams of the physical body. The etheric body can go out of you when you are asleep. Your physical body will be there, but your etheric body can go out and travel in space. There is no space limiting it; there is no question of distance for it. Those who do not understand this, who do not recognize the existence of the etheric body, may interpret this as the realm of the unconscious. They divide man’s mind into conscious and unconscious. Then physiological dreaming is called “conscious” and etheric dreaming is called “unconscious.” It is not unconscious. It is as conscious as physiological dreaming, but conscious on another level. If you become conscious of your etheric body, the dreaming concerned with that realm becomes conscious. Just as physiological dreams can be created from the outside, so too can etheric dreams be created, stimulated. A mantra is one of the methods to create etheric visions, etheric dreams. A particular mantra or a particular nada — a particular word, sounding repeatedly in the etheric center — can create etheric dreams. There are so many methods. Sound is one of them. Sufis have used perfume to create etheric visions. Mohammed himself was very fond of perfume. A particular perfume can create a particular dream. Colors can also be of help. Leadbeater once had an etheric dream of blueness — just blueness, but of a particular shade. He began to search for that particular blue all over the markets of the world. After several years of search, it was finally found in an Italian shop — a velvet of that particular shade. The velvet was then used to create etheric dreams in others as well. So when someone goes deep in meditation and sees colors, and experiences perfumes and sounds and music absolutely unknown, these too are dreams, dreams of the etheric body. So-called spiritual visions belong to the etheric body; they are etheric dreams. Gurus revealing themselves before their disciples is nothing but etheric travel, etheric dreaming. But because we have only searched the mind at one level of existence, the physiological, these dreams have either been interpreted in the language of the physiological or discarded, neglected. Or, put into the unconscious. To say that anything is part of the unconscious is really just to admit that we do not know anything about it. It is a technicality, a trick. Nothing is unconscious, but everything that is conscious on a deeper level is unconscious on the previous level. So for the physical, the etheric is unconscious; for the etheric, the astral is unconscious; for the astral, the mental is unconscious. Conscious means that which is known. Unconscious means that which is still not known, the unknown. There are also astral dreams. In astral dreaming you go into your previous births. That is your third dimension of dreaming. Sometimes in an ordinary dream, part of the etheric or part of the astral may be there. Then the dream becomes a muddle, a mess; you cannot understand it. Because your seven bodies are in existence simultaneously, something from one realm can pass into another, can penetrate it. So sometimes, even in ordinary dreams, there are fragments of the etheric or astral. In the first body, the physical, you can travel in neither time nor space. You are confined to your physical state and to the particular time it is — say, ten o’clock at night. Your physical body can dream in this particular time and space, but not beyond it. In the etheric body you can travel in space but not in time. You can go anywhere, but the time is still ten o’clock at night. In the astral realm, in the third body, you can travel not only in space but also in time. The astral body can trespass the barrier of time — but only toward the past, not toward the future. The astral mind can go into the whole infinite series of the past, from amoeba to man. In Jungian psychology, the astral mind has been called the collective unconscious. It is your individual history of births. Sometimes it penetrates into ordinary dreams, but more often in pathological states than in healthy ones. In a man who is mentally diseased, the first three bodies lose their usual distinction from one another. A person who is mentally ill may dream about his previous births, but no one will believe him. He himself will not believe it. He will say it is just a dream. This is not dreaming on the physical plane. It is astral dreaming. And astral dreaming has much meaning, much significance. But the third body can dream only about the past, not about what is to be. The fourth body is the mental. It can travel into the past and into the future. In an acute emergency, sometimes even an ordinary person can have a glimpse of the future. If someone near and dear to you is dying, the message may be delivered to you in an ordinary dream. Because you do not know any other dimension of dreaming, because you do not know the other possibilities, the message will penetrate your ordinary dreaming. But the dream will not be clear because of barriers that have to be crossed before the message can become a part of your ordinary dreaming state. Each barrier eliminates something, transforms something. Each body has its own symbology so every time a dream passes from one body to another it is translated into the symbology of that body. Then, everything becomes confused. If you dream in the fourth body in a clear-cut way — not through another body but through the fourth body itself — then you can penetrate into the future, but only into your own future. It is still individual; you cannot penetrate into another person’s future. For the fourth body, the past is as much the present as the future is the present. Past, future and present become one. Everything becomes a now: now penetrating backward, now penetrating forward. There is no past and no future, but there is still time. Time, even as “the present,” is still a flowing of time. You will still have to focus your mind. You can see toward the past, but you will have to focus your mind in that direction. Then the future and the present will be held in abeyance. When you focus toward the future, the other two — past and present — will be absent. You will be able to see past, present and future, but not as one. And you will be able to see only your own individual dreams, dreams that belong to you as an individual. The fifth body, the spiritual body, crosses the realm of the individual and the realm of time. Now you are in eternity. The dreaming is not concerned with you as such, but with the consciousness of the whole. Now you know the entire past of the whole existence, but not the future. Through this fifth body, all myths of creation have been developed. They are all the same. The symbols differ, the stories differ a little bit, but whether they are Christian or Hindu or Jewish or Egyptian, the myths of creation — how the world was created, how it came into existence — are all parallel; they all have an undercurrent of similarity. For example, similar stories of the great flood exist all over the world. There is no historical record of them but, still, there is a record. That record belongs to the fifth mind, the spiritual body. The fifth mind can dream about them. The more you penetrate inward, the more the dream comes nearer and nearer to reality. Physiological dreaming is not so real. It has its own reality, but it is not so real. The etheric is much more real, the astral is even more real, the mental approximates the real and finally, in the fifth body, you become authentically realistic in your dreaming. This is the way to know reality. To call it dreaming is not adequate. But in a way it is dreaming, because the real is not objectively present. It has its own objectivity, but it comes as a subjective experience. Two persons who have realized the fifth body can dream simultaneously, which is not possible before this. Ordinarily there is no way of dreaming a common dream, but from the fifth body onward, a dream can be dreamt by many persons simultaneously. That is why the dreams are objective in a way. We can compare notes. That is how so many persons, dreaming in the fifth body, came to know the same myths. These myths were not created by single individuals. They were created by particular schools, particular traditions working together. So the fifth type of dreaming becomes much more real. The four preceding types are unreal in a sense because they are individual. There is no possibility of another person sharing the experience; there is no way to judge the validity of it — whether it is a fantasy or not. A fantasy is something you have projected; a dream is something that is not in existence as such, but which you have come to know. As you go inward, the dreaming becomes less fantastic, less imaginary — more objective, more real, more authentic. All theological concepts are created by the fifth body. They differ in their language, their terminology, their conceptualization, but they are basically the same. They are dreams of the fifth body. In the sixth body, the cosmic body, you cross the threshold of conscious/unconscious, matter/mind. You lose all distinctions. The sixth body dreams about the cosmos. You cross the threshold of consciousness and the unconscious world also becomes conscious. Now everything is alive and conscious. Even what we call matter is now part of consciousness. In the sixth body, dreams of cosmic myths have been realized. You have transcended the individual, you have transcended the conscious, you have transcended time and space, but language is still possible. It points toward something; it indicates something. Theories of Brahma, maya, theories of oneness, of the infinite, have all been realized in the sixth type of dreaming. Those who have dreamt in the cosmic dimension have been the creators of the great systems, the great religions. Through the sixth type of mind, dreams are in terms of being, not in terms of nonbeing; in terms of positive existence, not in terms of non-existence. There is still a clinging to existence and a fear of non-existence. Matter and mind have become one, but not existence and non-existence, not being and nonbeing. They are still separate. This is the last barrier. The seventh body, the nirvanic, crosses the boundary of the positive and jumps into nothingness. It has its own dreams: dreams of non-existence, dreams of nothingness, dreams of the void. The yes has been left behind, and even the no is not a no now; the nothingness is not nothing. Rather, the nothing is even more infinite. The positive must have boundaries; it cannot be infinite. Only the negative has no boundaries. So the seventh body has its own dreams. Now there are no symbols, no forms. Only the formless is. Now there is no sound but the soundless; there is absolute silence. These dreams of silence are total, unending. These are the seven bodies. Each of them has its own dreams. But these seven dimensions of dreams can become a hindrance in knowing the seven types of realities. Your physiological body has a way to know the real and a way to dream about it. When you take your food, this is a reality, but when you dream that you are taking food, it is not a reality. The dream is a substitute for the real food. So the physiological body has its own reality and its own way of dreaming. These are two different ways in which the physiological functions, and they are very far apart from one another. The more you go toward the center — the higher the body you are in — the nearer dream and reality are to one another. Just like lines drawn from the periphery toward the center of a circle come nearer as they approach the center, and are further apart as they go toward the circumference, so too dream and reality come nearer and nearer as you go toward your center and they become further and further apart as you go toward the periphery. So as far as the physiological body is concerned, dreaming and reality are far apart. The distance between them is great. Dreams are just fantasy. This separation will not be so great in the etheric body. The real and the dream will come nearer, so to know what is real and what is a dream will be more difficult than in the physiological body. But still, the difference can be known. If your etheric travel has been real travel, it will happen while you are awake. If it has been a dream it will happen when you are asleep. To know the difference, you will have to be awakened in the etheric body. There are methods to be aware in your etheric body. All methods of inner working such as japa — the repetition of a mantra — disconnect you from the outside world. If you fall asleep, the constant repetition can create a hypnotic sleep. Then, you will dream. But if you can remain aware of your japa and it does not create a hypnotic effect in you, then you will know the real as far as the etheric is concerned. In the third body, the astral, it is even more difficult to know the difference because the two have come even closer. If you have known the real astral body and not just astral dreaming, then you will go beyond the fear of death. From here, one knows one’s immortality. But if the astral is a dream and not real, then you will be crippled by the fear of death. This is the point of distinction, the touchstone: the fear of death. A person who believes that the soul is immortal and goes on repeating and repeating it, convincing himself, will not be able to know the distinction between what is real in the astral body and what is an astral dream. One should not believe in immortality, one should know it. But before knowing, one must have doubts about it, uncertainty about it. Only then will you know whether you really know it or whether you have just projected it. If it is your belief that the soul is immortal, the belief may penetrate your astral mind. Then you will begin to dream, but it will just be a dream. But if you have no belief, just a thirst to know, to seek — without knowing what is to be sought, without knowing what will be found, without any preconceptions or prejudices — if you are just seeking in a vacuum, then you will know the difference. So people who believe in the immortality of the soul, in past lives, those who accept them on faith, may just be dreaming on the astral plane and not knowing the real. In the fourth body, the mental, dream and reality become neighbors. Their faces are so alike that there is every possibility that one will be judged to be the other. The mental body can have dreams that are as realistic as the real. And there are methods to create such dreams — yogic, tantric and other methods. A person who is practicing fasting, loneliness, darkness, will create the fourth type of dreams, mental dreams. They will be so real, more real than the reality that is surrounding us. In the fourth body, the mind is totally creative — unhindered by anything objective, unhindered by material boundaries. Now it is totally free to create. Poets, painters, all live in the fourth type of dreaming; all art is produced by the fourth type of dreaming. A person who can dream in the fourth realm can become a great artist. But not one who knows. In the fourth body, one must be aware of any type of mental creation. One should not project anything; otherwise it will be projected. One should not wish anything; otherwise there is every possibility that the wish will be the fulfillment. Not only inwardly, even outwardly the wish can be fulfilled. In the fourth body, the mind is so powerful, so crystal clear, because the fourth body is the last home for the mind. Beyond this, no-mind begins. The fourth body is the original source of the mind, so you can create anything. One must constantly be aware that there is no wish, no imagination, no image; no god, no guru. Otherwise they will all be created out of you. You will be the creator! It is so blissful to see them that one longs to create them. This is the last barrier for the sadhaka, the seeker. If one crosses this, he will not face a greater barrier. If you are aware, if you are just a witness in the fourth body, then you know the real. Otherwise you go on dreaming. And no reality is comparable to these dreams. They will be ecstatic; no ecstasy is comparable. So one must be aware of ecstasy, of happiness, of blissfulness, and one must constantly be aware of any type of image. The moment there is an image, the fourth mind begins to flow into a dream. One image leads to the next, and you go on dreaming. The fourth type of dreaming can only be prevented if you are a witness. Witnessing makes the difference, because if dreaming is there you will be identified with it. Identification is dreaming as far as the fourth body is concerned. In the fourth body, awareness and the witnessing mind are the path toward the real. In the fifth body the dream and the real become one. Every type of duality is cast off. There is no question of any awareness now. Even if you are unaware, you will be aware of your unawareness. Now dreaming becomes just a reflection of the real. There is a difference, but no distinction. If I see myself in the mirror, there is no distinction between me and the reflection, but there is a difference. I am the real and the reflected one is not real. The fifth mind, if it has cultivated different concepts, may have the illusion of knowing itself because it has seen itself reflected in the mirror. It will be knowing itself, but not as it is — only as it is reflected. This is the only difference. But in a way, it is dangerous. The danger is that you may become satisfied with the reflection, and the mirrorlike image will be taken as the real. As far as the fifth body itself is concerned, there is no real danger if this happens, but it is a danger as far as the sixth body is concerned. If you have seen yourself only in the mirror, then you cannot cross the boundary of the fifth and go to the sixth. You cannot pass any boundary through a mirror. So there have been persons who have remained in the fifth. Those who say that there are infinite souls and each soul has its own individuality — these persons have remained in the fifth. They have known themselves, but not immediately, not directly — only through the medium of a mirror. Where does this mirror come from? It comes through the cultivation of concepts: “I am the soul. Eternal, immortal. Beyond death, beyond birth.” To conceive of oneself as the soul without knowing it is to create a mirror. Then you will not know yourself as you are, but as you are mirrored through your concepts. The only difference will be this: if the knowledge is coming through a mirror it is a dream and if it is direct, immediate, without any mirror, then it is real. This is the only difference, but it is a great one — not in relation to the bodies that you have crossed, but in relation to the bodies that are still to be penetrated. How can one be aware whether he is dreaming in the fifth or living the real? There is only one way: to drop every type of scripture, to take leave of every type of philosophy. Now there should be no more guru; otherwise the guru will become a mirror. From here on, you are totally alone. No one can be taken as a guide or the guide will become a mirror. From now on, the aloneness is total and complete. Not loneliness but aloneness. Loneliness is always concerned with others; aloneness is concerned with oneself. I feel lonely when there is no link between me and anyone else, but I feel alone when I am. Now one should be alone in every dimension: words, concepts, theories, philosophies, doctrines; gurus, scriptures; Christianity, Hinduism; Buddha, Christ, Krishna, Mahavira…. One should be alone now; otherwise anything that is present will become a mirror. Buddha will become a mirror now. Very dear, but very dangerous. If you are absolutely alone, there will be nothing in which you can be reflected. So meditation is the word for the fifth body. It means to be totally alone, free from every type of mentation. It means to be with no mind. If there is any type of mind it will become a mirror and you will be reflected in it. One should now be a no-mind, with no thinking, no contemplation. In the sixth body there is no mirror. Now only the cosmic is. You have been lost. You are no more; the dreamer is not. But the dream can still exist without the dreamer. And when there is a dream without the dreamer, it looks like authentic reality. There is no mind, no one to think, so whatever is known is known. It becomes your knowledge. Myths of creation come; they float by. You are not; things are just floating by. No one is there to judge; no one is there to dream. But a mind that is not, still is. A mind that is annihilated still exists — not as an individual, but as the cosmic whole. You are not, but the Brahma is. That is why they say that the whole world is a dream of the Brahma. This whole world is a dream, maya. Not a dream of any individual, but a dream of the total, the whole. You are not, but the total is dreaming. Now the only distinction is whether the dream is positive. If it is positive it is illusory, it is a dream, because in an ultimate sense only the negative is. When everything has become part of the formless, when everything has come back to the original source, then everything is and at the same time is not. The positive is the only factor remaining. It must be jumped over. So if, in the sixth body, the positive is lost, you penetrate into the seventh. The real of the sixth is the door of the seventh. If there is nothing positive — no myth, no image — then the dream has ceased. Then there is only what is: suchness. Now nothing exists but existence. Things are not, but the source is. The tree is not, but the seed is. Those who have known have called this type of mind samadhi with seed — samadhi sabeej. Everything has been lost; everything has returned to the original source, the cosmic seed. The tree is not, but the seed is. But from the seed, dreaming is still possible, so even the seed must be destroyed. In the seventh, there is neither dream nor reality. You can only see something real up to the point where dreaming is possible. If there is no possibility of dreams, then neither the real nor the illusory exists. So the seventh is the center. Now, dream and reality have become one. There is no difference. Either you dream of nothingness or you know nothingness, but the nothingness remains the same. If I dream about you it is illusory. If I see you it is real. But if I dream about your absence or I see your absence, there is no difference. If you dream about the absence of anything, the dream will be the same as the absence itself. Only in terms of something positive is there a real difference. So up to the sixth body there is a difference. In the seventh body only nothingness remains. There is an absence even of the seed. This is nirbeej samadhi, seedless samadhi. Now there is no possibility of dreaming. So there are seven types of dreams and seven types of realities. They penetrate one another. Because of this, there is much confusion. But if you make a distinction between the seven, if you become clear about it, it will help much. Psychology is still far away from knowing about dreams. What it knows is only about the physiological, and sometimes the etheric. But the etheric too is interpreted as the physiological. Jung has penetrated a little deeper than Freud, but his analysis of the human mind is treated as mythological, religious. Still, he has the seed. If Western psychology is to develop, it is through Jung not Freud. Freud was the pioneer, but every pioneer becomes a barrier for further progress if attachment to his advances becomes an obsession. Even though Freud is out of date now, Western psychology is still obsessed with its Freudian beginning. Freud must become part of history now. Psychology must proceed further. In America, they are trying to learn about dreaming through laboratory methods. There are many dream laboratories, but the methods used are concerned only with the physiological. Yoga, tantra and other esoteric training must be introduced if the whole world of dreams is to be known. Every type of dream has a parallel type of reality and if the whole maya cannot be known, if the whole world of illusions cannot be known, then it is impossible to know the real. It is only through the illusory that the real can be known. But do not take what I have said as a theory, a system. Just make it a starting point, and begin to dream with a conscious mind. Only when you become conscious in your dreams can the real be known. We are not conscious even of our physical body. We remain unaware of it. Only when some part is diseased do we become aware. One must become aware of the body in health. To be aware of the body in disease is just an emergency measure. It is a natural, built-in process. Your mind must be aware when some part of the body is diseased so that it can be taken care of, but the moment it becomes alright again you become sleepy about it. You must become aware of your own body: its workings, its subtle feelings, its music, its silences. Sometimes the body is silent; sometimes it is noisy; sometimes relaxed. The feeling is so different in each state that it is unfortunate we are not aware of it. When you are going to sleep, there are subtle changes in your body. When you are coming out of sleep in the morning, there are changes again. One must become aware of them. When you are going to open your eyes in the morning, do not open them right away. When you have become aware that sleep is over, become aware of your body. Do not open your eyes yet. What is going on? A great change is taking place inside. The sleep is leaving you and the awakening is coming. You have seen the morning sun rising, but never your body rising. It has its own beauty. There is a morning in your body and an evening. It is called sandhya: the moment of transformation, the moment of change. When you are going to sleep, silently watch what is happening. The sleep will come, it will be coming. Be aware! Only then can you become really aware of your physical body. And the moment you become aware of it, you will know what physiological dreaming is. Then in the morning you will be able to remember what was a physiological dream and what was not. If you know the inner feelings, the inner needs, the inner rhythms of your body, then when they are reflected in your dreams you will be able to understand the language. We have not understood the language of our own bodies. The body has its own wisdom; it has thousands and thousands of years of experience. My body has the experience of my father and mother and their father and mother and so on, centuries and centuries during which the seed of my body has developed into what it is. It has its own language. One must understand it first. When you understand it, you will know what a physiological dream is. And then, in the morning, you can separate the physiological dreams from the non-physiological dreams. Only then does a new possibility open up: to be aware of your etheric body. Only then, not before. You become more subtle. You can experience more subtle levels of sounds, perfumes, lights. Then when you walk, you know that the physiological body is walking; the etheric body is not walking. The difference is crystal clear. You are eating. The physical body is eating, not the etheric body. There are etheric thirsts, etheric hungers, etheric longings, but these things can only be seen when the physical body is known completely. Then by and by, the other bodies will become known. Dreaming is one of the greatest subjects. It is still undiscovered, unknown, hidden. It is part of the secret knowledge. But now the moment has come when everything that is secret must be made open. Everything that was hidden up till now must not be hidden any longer or it may prove dangerous. In the past it was necessary for some things to remain secret, because knowledge in the hands of the ignorant can be dangerous. This is what is happening with scientific knowledge in the West. Now scientists are aware of the crisis and they want to create secret sciences. Nuclear weapons should not have been made known to politicians. Further discoveries must remain unknown. We must wait for the time when man becomes so capable that the knowledge can be made open and it will not be dangerous. Similarly, in the realm of the spiritual, much was known in the East. But if it fell into the hands of ignorant people it would prove dangerous, so the key was hidden. The knowledge was made secret, esoteric. It was passed on from person to person very guardedly. But now, because of scientific progress, the moment has come for it to be made open. Science will prove dangerous if spiritual, esoteric truths still remain unknown. They must be made open so that spiritual knowledge will be able to keep pace with scientific knowledge. Dream is one of the greatest esoteric realms. I have said something about it so that you can begin to be aware, but I have not told you the whole science. It is neither necessary nor helpful. I have left gaps. If you go in, these gaps will be filled automatically. What I have said is simply the outer layer. It is not enough for you to be able to make a theory about it, but enough for you to begin. – OSHO [The Psychology of the Esoteric]

@Socrates Nobody controls it, of course! Who controls the sun? How could anything control anything else? There cannot be any controllers in existence. Because who would control the ultimate controller? This is the essence of mysticism. Nothingness is in control. Of course it's weird. It's irreducibly mystical! An infinite chain of groundless surfaces.

@Gneumatics Think about this now... It's very simple: Maybe you are the body, but if you are not the body, then you are mistaken about what you're taking the word "you" to refer to. See? So when you say, "Why do I follow it (the body) everywhere its ever been" what are you actually saying? What is following the body? If you're the body, as you insist, then there's nothing to follow the body. There's just the body being you. Nonduality doesn't say you follow the body. Nonduality says, You do not exist! The body just walks around like a zombie on its own. The problem is, it thinks there's someone inside it. You are like a robot who's been programmed to believe it's a human. When you think, "But I'm a real human." << that's just a program running. That program has no one behind it. In the same way that when you look at your computer, you don't think of it as having a "soul" in there somewhere. It's just a bunch of mechanics. What you REALLY are is the empty field of Nothingness within which the body walks around.

@Shanmugam All thoughts have stopped but it's not like I can't think anymore, I just have to force myself to hear mental sounds(thoughts). I can think whenever I want to think otherwise I abide in this awarness of no-mind all of the time. Sometimes thoughts appear without me consciously wanting them, but when they do I can stop them by not asigning them any meaning, not paying attention to them and then they disapear into nothingness pretty quickly. BTW. I am sure that I'm enlightened. Emotions stills arise when I am in this awarness without thoughts, sometimes they are very painful but overall I don't suffer from them because I don't identify with them and by being in this awarness they lose all the power(the power for suffering). Negative emotions are just a constructed meaning an interpretation, positive and negative are constructed meanings from the mind and I can let go of that meaning now, emotions just are, existentialy they don't have an asigned meaning to them. I can be happy NOW, I don't have to wait to be happy, I don't need a thing to be happy. I don't need people, situations, things, achievements, thoughts, emotional stimulations, interpretations, good and bad, a position, meaning, control, approval, past or future, comparing, gossip, seriousness, a purpose, communication, inspiration or insight to be happy. I can be happy even if my body feels like shit. I am detached from all of that. Emotional hights are not times when I am happiest. I am happiest when I have piece of mind. This is pure bliss to me. Don't ask yourself if the cup is half full or half empty, just realize there is no cup. The mind state is a fantasy. You maintain it with illusions. Illusion of meaning (existentially there is no meaning), identification (existentialy you can't identify yourself as a thing), control (there is no free wil), with comparing yourself with others (that makes sense only to egos), with attachment, judgement, gossip, seriousness, proudness, with a sense of you (the big You - consciousness can not be perceived with senses).

Hello. Why does is seem to me that I dont really want to 'end' (my) suffering. Like, for some reason, being 'nothingness' doesnt appeal to me that much..? Thats not to say that I dont search, I'm always searching. And on first glance I wouldnt say about myself that I enjoy my suffering.. The problem is that I dont really know what I want, deep down inside. I always search for different things. Could it be that I enjoy my suffering? Because if I really would want to end my suffering I would be searching for enlightenment (right)? thank you

If your focus is on your health and your state of mind, it doesn't matter how deliberate you think your decision of focusing on that is, it isn't your decision. If your intention, isn't to control, guess what? It isn't your intention. Ok, you seem to be contradicting yourself; do you allow thoughts to pass right on through, or do you not think at all? In any case, if you allow thoughts to pass right on through, you couldn't do otherwise, and if you managed to do otherwise, again, it wouldn't be you doing it. Now, if you don't think anything, that means you know complete stillness, nothingness, emptiness, and you are enlightened, in which case you wouldn't be claiming to have free will, because, who would have it anyways? What? Sorry, again I don't understand what you're trying to say with this. Are you saying either I follow the logic of science or I make use of free will? Why would you even distinguish between those two paths? Just contemplate for a while on the fact that if there is no you, then there is no one to control anything, and leave science aside. I'll watch that video tomorrow, I like that channel... but now, it's time for me to go to bed.

How do I let my true self be aware of itself? It's utterly wild. It does not know itself at all. It's my biggest nightmare. If my true self is nothing in existence, then I must reside outside of existence. Maybe we are the outside of existence, the nothingness that is eternally here. Now.

This is my recount of my first experience with psilocybin mushrooms. I took psilocybin mushrooms for the first time in late June 2017. I woke up a bit after 4:30 am in the morning. I made sure to go to the bathroom and get a bottle of water before the trip as I did not want anything to interrupt it. I retrieved my psilocybin mushrooms and weighed exactly 5 grams of dried Psilocybe Cubensis mushrooms. Before I ingested the fungus I took about five minutes to sit in silent meditation. My room was also in complete silent darkness as psilocybin preforms best in this environment. During these five minutes I listened to some calm music and mentally prepared myself to completely let go of everything. I got into a mindset in which I was ready to die; right there and right then. I was ready to be completely obliterated. After this meditation of complete surrender I turned off all technology around me. I paused out of respect for the fungus, I then looked at the mushrooms and said “I will go wherever you take me, with grace”, and then I ate the mushrooms. They actually tasted quite good. After eating the mushrooms I then got into lotus position and meditated at the edge of my bed. This was one of the stillest meditations I had ever had. It was almost as if my body knew the profundity of what was to come. After about 20 minutes of silent meditation in darkness I felt the first effects of the psilocybin. My body began to feel heavy and I felt a tingling all over my body especially in my spine and in my head. I then leaned my back against the wall as I meditated. I began to feel nauseous as well; I was prepared for this as I had a vomit bucket next to me. As the effects intensified I then had to lie down flat on my back. The effects became more intense. As I laid down I immediately got in a bilateral symmetrical position. Somehow I knew that this was going to be very important. I remembered listening to interviews with Martin Ball and the importance of bilateral symmetry during psychedelic experiences. Then the weirdest and most profound experience of my life began. As I laid in the silent darkness of my room on my back with my eyes closed it was as if my ego structure was sucked right out of my mind in an instant. Through no volition of my own my body began to contort into various bilateral symmetrical poses very similar to the ones that martin ball discussed. It was an extremely strange yet beautiful experience. I had no control over these movements and it felt like the psilocybin had possessed my body. My nerves were tingling the entire time this happened. I could feel my nervous system trying to balance itself as the psilocybin entered. As my body continued to contort into these various poses they became more wild and intense, it felt as if the psilocybin was testing the waters. It was entering my body and trying to see how it could take control of my nervous system and guide me. It felt to me that it was trying to get accustomed used to being in a human body. My perception of time dissolved as well. When I opened my eyes I saw intense visuals in a grid like pattern overlaid on my vision. At this point I could see the light from the sunrise through the blinds in my room. As I peered out it was so bright. Brighter than anything I had ever seen yet so beautiful. The bodily contortions slowed and I heard an intuitive voice say something along the lines of “ok, that was your introduction, now are you ready for what I have to show you?” There was no ego present however I knew that this was about to get very intense. At this point I don’t really know how to describe what happened as there was no ego and no sense of time. But I will do my best to recount. My consciousness / awareness was then catapulted outside of space and time in a void of complete nothingness. I then heard the intuitive voice say something along the lines of, “I need you to understand the profundity of the things that I am showing you.” “People rarely get to experience things like this.” In the nothingness a light formed and I was that light and the witness of the light at the same time. The ego then tried to ask questions to try and understand, label and interpret what was occurring. The psilocybin did not like this at all. Immediately as the questions of the ego arose the experience began to turn negative. In the void I saw red and black vivid colors emerge. I saw hundreds of psychedelic demons come into existence and general chaos ensue. Keep in mind that I was the colors and demons and chaos. The ego of Thomas roger became concerned at this and tried again to ask questions and understand. But it was as if the psilocybin said “NO!” “You will wait until I am finished showing you what you need to see before you begin to intellectualize any of this!” “Simply sit back, experience and observe this.” After the psilocybin said this, the ego of Thomas-Roger was obliterated in a sea of destruction and chaos. I felt the pain and agony of being completely ripped apart in every way possible. The ego was screaming at the top of its lungs. The ego screamed out into the void and was abruptly silenced. The ego was dissolved and transmuted into the chaos that had annihilated it and the immense pain was turned into infinite bliss that I had never felt before. Now that the ego was not going to be a factor anymore in this experience I was now the light in the void. However even after this there was still a witness of awareness. At this moment I felt as if I was everything in existence. Then the psilocybin said “ok, great, now we can continue.” As the experience went on my awareness/ consciousness began to traverse the multiverse with the psilocybin as my guide. I was shown the intricacies of our illusory concepts of space and time. I was shown that all is absolutely ONE. Next even more strange occurrences ensued. I was shown a massive psychedelic “city” made of pure light that existed outside of the multiverse, space and time. This “city” of light was large enough to make Earth look tiny in comparison. The psilocybin guided my awareness through this place. I saw technologies made of what I can only describe as light. I saw technologies so inconceivably advanced that they would make the greatest human technological marvels look like less than stone age tools. All throughout this “city” were beings of pure light. Some of them were humanoid in shape some of them were so alien in appearance that I can’t even begin to describe them. These beings could bring things into existence simply by thinking of it. They could travel anywhere in the multiverse by teleporting. They created worlds for fun. The psilocybin told me that I (awareness/consciousness) could do this as well. I saw many other things here that I can’t even begin to describe with language. All I can say is that this was a beautiful place of love and light. The most memorable thing that I saw in this place was a vast library of all of the knowledge in the multiverse. It was like a cathedral and a library made of pure light. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I lack the vocabulary to describe just how beautiful it was. After seeing this beautiful place of love and light at one point I was shown a nexus of information in which streams of information were pouring out at an extremely fast speed in all directions. This information consisted of every way that we humans use symbols to communicate information. This included but was not limited to all forms of language and all forms of mathematics. I felt at this time that I knew all languages, all modes of communication and all relays of information. Information was everywhere. From the sub atomic to the molecular all the way up to the multiverse. I saw information in DNA helixes, plants, animals, myself and everything else. I (consciousness/awareness) literally knew everything. At this point I experienced the most intense and breathtaking part of the experience. I felt like I experienced everything that had ever happened in all of existence simultaneously in less than a second. It was so powerful that the witnessing awareness/ consciousness was obliterated. The witness was the last vestige of anything resembling duality at all. Now there was only the happenings of existence and I (pure nothingness) was all of those happenings. It was as if I had created existence and decided to experience existence in every way possible. From bacteria to entire civilizations spanning light years, every life, every breath, every experience was one. And I was that one. It’s very hard to describe with the limits of human language, but I will continue. I felt like this experience lasted hundreds of millions of years. It was so vast and visceral. I lived as thousands of people, plants, fungi, bacteria and animals. I saw entire alien civilizations rise from the stone age to type three civilizations and fall. I lived as various men, women and children. In all of these experiences there were vast, various things constantly changed about them but one thing remained the same. The consciousness that was experiencing life remained. I don’t really know how to describe that. I experienced childbirth from both the perspective of the mother organism giving birth and from the perspective of the child organism being born. I experienced sex from both the male and female perspective simultaneously. I felt both masculine and feminine energies as ONE. I felt how integral sexuality was to existence and just how profoundly divine sexuality is. Sexuality is not simply a bond between a male and a female. Sexuality is a vector in which novelty can be introduced into the universe and existence as a whole. All of the millions of experiences and perspectives were happening so fast and it was impossible to keep up with the experience. It was moving so fast that it was overwhelming it was a sea of chaos and yet I was this sea of chaos. After all of this profound stimulation everything returned to the void. This void felt like infinity. I was in this experience for eons. It was unborn and undying. I was this void of absolute nothingness from which everything stemmed and I was that void. After experiencing eternity in the void of absolute nothingness standard reality began to form. Thus commenced the comedown phase of the experience. The witnessing consciousness reformed. I came back into my body. My body felt extremely heavy and difficult to control. My mind went from states of being conscious to unconscious. Slowly my perception of reality shifted from that of cosmic consciousness to that of human consciousness; however my perception was still nondual. I felt all of the information that I had witnessed being embedded into my nervous system. My whole body was vibrating as I began to come back. My head was ringing/buzzing for the entire rest of the day. This headache did not go away until the next day. As I slowly came back to physical reality all of my bodily senses were very sensitive. I felt everything so vividly. It was very intense to even feel my body lying on the bed. Feeling the air being pulled into and pushed out of my body was also very intense in a way that I can’t really describe. I was so immersed in tactile sensations that I began to feel the bed very gently. It felt like this was my first time touching something. As I tried to get up I fell several times over a dozen before I was even able to get to my knees. As I looked around my room I felt completely in shock. The best way I can describe how I felt at this time is I felt l how the character David did at the end of the movie, 2001: A Space Odyssey, after he had come out of the stargate. My room looked like an alien environment to me. I felt like I was seeing it for the very first time. I had not felt like this since I was a baby. As I looked around I thought it was VERY strange that anything was happening at all. I thought that it was very strange that we humans could not simply do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted. I then looked at my hands and I was blown away. I saw the complexity and strangeness of the biological machine that I was looking at. It was very amazing. I struggled to get to my feet. After falling about 6 more times I finally managed to barely stand up. I was amazed at how my body was working. I was amazed that I even had a body. I looked at my bookshelf and I was almost in reverence for it. I nearly cried when I looked at it. Reason being, after seeing that library of light during my experience, I have a newfound respect for information. I had to use the bathroom afterwards so I slowly walked to the bathroom. Walking wasn’t easy after the trip. When I entered the bathroom and saw my reflection in the mirror the first thing I thought was WHAT THE FUCK?! It was so strange to see a body looking at me. It was so strange to see a body at all. Again it was like I had never seen a human body before. On my body I saw visuals like patterns and glyphs moving all over. However the visuals were the least of my concern. They were cool and interesting to observe but I was more mesmerized by the fact that I had a body at all. My body looked like an alien organism to me. After using the bathroom I asked my trip sitter what happened to my body. He said that for the most part after the contorting poses I was passed out. He said that at one point that I began flailing, grabbing things and swinging them around and making incoherent noises. It surprised me that I was not screaming at the top of my lungs at one point during the experience. This is because when the ego was being obliterated I could have sworn that I was screaming at the top of my lungs in complete agony. After learning from my trip sitter that most of my trip consisted of my body simply lying there I was ok with that. I walked around my home feeling like this was my first time seeing it. I decided to walk outside in the backyard and when I did it was a bit overwhelming. I marveled at all of the lifeforms outside. I simply sat in the grass in awe of the planet I had just returned to. All in all the psilocybin experience lasted for nearly six hours. It was the strangest, deepest, most profound and most beautiful experience of my life thus far. This experience forever changed the way I look at reality and it has supercharged my existing meditation practice. Psychedelics are really an amazing tool for learning, consciousness exploration and enlightenment work. They can lead to many beautiful things if the student is ready for the lesson. Here is a video explaining the positions that my body was contorting into. Skip to about 5:25 in. The grid visuals I experienced during the come up portion were very similar to this. https://nexusoflife.deviantart.com/art/Thermodynamic-Horizon-76214599 This is what the "city" of light was similar to. https://nexusoflife.deviantart.com/art/ET-Contact-676996115 This is what the visuals overlaid on my body looked similar to. https://nexusoflife.deviantart.com/art/Vitis-Animae-264377166

@Visionary The nothingness is not scary, that is the self's interpretation. There may be an initial stage were fear comes up, this is to be expected. Why? Its very simple the Self or ego is designed to survive. The fear arises as a manipulation to move the self away from perceived danger. But actually the self is not a concrete entity as it seems, but rather a activity, like a current or wave. The ego isn't real. If you don't want to face the truth then dont, listen to the fear that YOU create. But just remember your body/self will die one day whether you are ready or not. Better to surrender too it now.