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@ThirdEyeSees Thank you for sharing. It seems you have walked quite a path already, trough the hardship of life. It's very similar to my own life story it seems, i've quit weed a couple of months ago and it has been quite the experience these past months. I feel sometimes like i've deconstructed my "identity", by reading about all sorts of spiritual things making me wonder what/who i am at times. It's definitively an ongoing process For me, in most spiritual practices, i've found it is certainly possible to have experiences of bliss and rapture like sensations when i'm "working on it". But it is when out in the world in daily life, at work, or interacting with people, that i quickly lose most of it. That is why i was interested in your experience with kundalini that stays with you for longer periods, or the entire day even. How do you suggest i could try it out for myself, what is a good place to start to cultivate or even "master" it? I do have strange sensations around my belly and heart at times, that feel sort of like what you describe. I also have something that feels a lot like the orgasmic head feeling you describe. But when life's demands call me to "reality" it all quickly fades for me. Leaving it to have little impact on my daily life, aside from perhaps stress-relief and a good time in between the rest of my "harder life" I'm not skeptical at all, more than perhaps looking for "help" on how to do it myself?

@zazed Kundalini does lead to spiritual enlightenment. Also, from what I read, it isn't Kundalini itself that makes a person feel unpleasant. It is our unconscious thoughts and ideas that we have been carrying in us. Kundalini forces you to work through these issues and I can imagine it is scary for anyone who doesn't know what Kundalini is and it happening to them. Also it seems some people have an initial Kundalini awakening or self realization and then followed by Kundalini syndrome. In my case, I have had no self realization but am working with Kundalini syndrome which I didn't fully admit to myself that was happening for a while because it just seems so surreal. Also, I had the why would it happen to me thought. As we all assume or know, there is no me. Here are some examples from Tara Springett's book Enlightenment through the Path of Kundalini regarding your quality of life question. Benefits of Kundalini include bliss, ecstacy and rapture, easiest way to imagine bliss is to think of ecstatic sensation of an orgasm. Bliss in head feels like heavenly pleasure. Bliss in throat feels more joyful, Bliss in heart like deep love, Bliss in solar plexus fills us with a sensation of deepest peace, Bliss at the naval feels like the overflowing joy you would feel if your dreams were suddenly fulfilled. Creativity forces are strongly stimulated. Kundalini can be used for spiritual healing and enhanced resistance to disease. These are gifts that usually need to be developed. She says it makes you more beautiful and sexually attractive. You will have more energy and a more youthful appearance. Deeper insight and intuition and intelligence. Liberation from ego. Freedom from our personal past. Freedom from the need to protect our ego. Freedom to be whatever and whoever you want to be. Power and supernatural power. Transformation of ordinary reality into paradise. Enlightenment. My personal story: It is impacting everything right now. This past year was and is really hard for my husband and me. That part doesn't feel great at the moment but I get confused if I am judging or blaming or basically if its just all my ego. I do feel love and bliss in my head. It literally does feel like an orgasm in my head. And I feel it is my heart and throat and now I am trying to open my solar plexis chakra. It is just recently changing the way I act in a more positive direction. I feel like I just want to go up to everyone who I shut out and say I am so sorry, do you need help with anything? I am becoming more conscious of how I listen to people, how much my life can affect someone else. I always thought I felt compassion for other people, but this compassion that is still developing for others is a little different. Kundalini forces you to do the self actualization part of enlightenment because it is part of enlightenment. I have quit drinking entirely. I used to smoke weed weekly but I don't do that anymore. I was pretty depressed before starting this path and now even though I have some days where I feel sad and maybe depressed, I have days where I am happy the WHOLE day. I haven't had that since teenage years. I'm 32. I didn't like myself AT ALL and now I am learning how to be my best friend. I don't know how to gauge the personality change yet. I feel like it will probably change but I still feel like myself. So far, no real benefit from the third eye in my daily life. Just interesting. Kundalini is different for different people. I think I am having a pretty good experience with it. We will see though. I am seeing a therapist and reading and trying to keep up with it. Just started yoga. Meditation and knowing when not to do a meditation. You have to eat healthy. If you don't you feel it. I do not know what is to come. Keep on asking and that is totally okay if you are skeptical. I was an atheist before this and I sometimes just cannot believe what is going on.

Entry 219 | Relax Theory: “Scientific experiments have shown that is absolutely impossible to feel fear, anger, anxiety or negative emotions of any kind while the muscles of the body are kept perfectly relaxed.” Applying it: Whenever you bring your attention to the present moment, bring awareness to the tension in your body and make a conscious effort to relax it. Pulled this quote from Psycho-Cybernetics today. It's actually such an obvious truth that it went straight over my head. How often is it that when we're feeling ridiculously happy or elated that we're also feeling tension in our body? Not at all. That's why people say that laughter is the best medicine. Not because there's anything special about the laughter itself, but because it's a means through which you can let go of all the tension in your body. It's made me realise the underestimated importance of relaxation. Imagine if you could go through the whole day without once feeling tense, nervous, anxious, or fearful. Or instead of reacting to negative thoughts and obsessing over them, we could just relax and let them go. And imagine if that was every day. Existence would just seem like total bliss from beginning to end. And it's not like we need the suffering in order to appreciate the bliss either. There isn't a single person on this website (or on Earth) who doesn't remember what suffering feels like. Why not aim to keep that feeling as a memory? Also, I remember hearing somewhere that stress and tension is caused by unconsciousness. That's pretty much the bottom line. When you're not paying attention to the present moment, your mind reverts to the negative position and your body begins to tense up. In Think And Grow Rich, Hill describes that if you don't plant the seeds for growth, happiness and fulfilment in your mind, then like a garden it will start to produce weeds and ruin it's body, i.e. destructive thoughts and habits will grow instead. So let's just chill together Pick of the day:

@Emerald Willpower is an illusion, a concept, a thought-story. If you let go of the small self, your life would clean up automatically. You do not control anything. The mind has made it all up. Once you fully let go and accept and maintain Awareness, your life will be nothing but constant peace and bliss. Whatever happens is whatever happens, and you're cool with it because you realize there is no you controlling anything. Paradoxically, you get "self-control" by letting go of your small self completely. Trust that you will be fine. You never had control in the first place! The only thing that exists is Awareness. The small self is a mental fiction that is picked up in Awareness, but has nothing to do with Awareness per se. The small self is a sensation in Awareness we might say. Free will is also a sensation in Awareness (as a thought). Willpower is similarly a sensation in Awareness (as a thought). Being = Awareness = You. Everything else is mind games.

@Leo Gura I've been wanting to ask you this for a while now. I've experienced that 'mystical' Samadhi like state of total bliss. While in that state of union I consciously surrendered even that -as beautiful as it was. You could say I than fell through it. What happened next is I became absorbed into the absolute. It was beyond conscious experience. I literally vanished into non existence. As if frames where missing from that part of the movie reel. So when you say 'you can't imagine absolute infinity.' that's true from my 'non experience' of the absolute. But I have a feeling that's not quite what you experienced by your description of the absolute. So I'm a little confused here. My 'experience' of the absolute is there is no experience of the absolute. So I'm just wondering what that is? Am I missing something there? This is the reason I have been listening to Nisargadatta lately. I can directly relate to when he says 'the absolute does not know itself, it is beyond consciousness (turiyatita). So I'm wondering, is there an awareness beyond conscious experience that is able to access the absolute in some way? If you could help me with this one that would be great. Maybe-just maybe, I could experience the absolute that lies beyond Samadhi without the help of 5-meo? Maybe I'm missing something right in front of me. Thanks

@egoless It's Samadhi time! Consciousness void of all thought. Sweet! I posted this earlier but if you didn't see it, here it is again . Maybe you can relate your experience to what is described here? What is Samadhi? Samadhi is a spiritual experience that opens us to the highest state of consciousness and inner bliss. It is stepping into your enlightened nature that is free from all suffering. Samadhi is found through diving into a consistent state of pure consciousness, that is void of attachment to any thought. Samadhi is a deep personal, intimate merging with the divine inside you and all around you. It is being unified with the Universe through your consciousness. When one reaches Samadhi there is a deep knowing that all is one, and that "oneness" is at the core of who you are. Samadhi gives you a moment to moment spiritual experience that is opening, trusting and softening into each new moment of your life. Samadhi is the eternally expanding realization that your ego is not real, and that you (the soul, spirit and divine essence) are what is truly real and will never die.

Before my first ceremony, I asked one of the guides what the experience would be like. She told me that everyone has unique physiology and life experience and will be shown what they need to know in that moment. Each of my three ceremonies was unique and I talked with several participants and they too had unique experiences. My first ceremony was mentally easily and physically hard. There was a blissful energy that swept me away and there was no struggle to hold on my ego or control. It was like "So, just let go of the ego to experience this bliss? Cya ego!". There weren't really "lessons". It was like a semi-lucid state with semi-awareness. There was a sense of being on a foreign planet and oneness within the temple. There were visuals of people I had encountered in Peru and there was a different sense about them. I was connected and enamored with this energy or vibe they had. I felt such appreciation and love for them. Afterword, I felt love for everyone there. It was just being and experiencing. It wasn't like there was knowledge or wisdom. . . Like have you ever had a moment when time stops momentarily and you are present for a beautiful moment? Maybe something like a person playing with their dog on the ground and the dog spontaneously jumps on the owner licking their face - they smile and laugh and roll together. You witness it yet also momentarily lose yourself for a moment and experience that beautiful energy and connection - and feel it. Kinda like that but 100X as intense for four straight hours of various beauties. It wasn't like knowledge. Heading into the second ceremony I felt good. Too good. I actually gave some first-timers advice about letting go and surrendering. Little did I know. . . My intention was to be aware and be shown my blocks to my deeper self. Early on, I tried to steer the experience back to blissville and lost control. I struggled and experience fear, insecurities and panic at times. This time was the most clear-headed, aware experience I've ever had. It's awkward to call it "lessons" or "knowledge" because it wasn't about thoughts. There was no analysis, good/bad, "I get it". Yet, there was this essence/truth/awareness regarding fears, insecurities and beliefs. There was a sense of some kind of being, yet not a source I can pinpoint. There was no "I" or thinking there - so all this I write now is not the actual experience - I'm just trying to put it into words (which were not part of the experience). . . There was a phase at the insanity threshold that nearly went into a full-on panic. I had brought a benzo in case of an emergency - the idea to take it came up - followed by an absolutely clear sense of DO NOT TAKE IT. The prospect of taking the benzo was much more frightening than just experiencing the experience. It was like my ego wanted to regain control with a secret weapon from "my" world. There was an extremely strong sense of "don't fuck with this" and I caught a glimpse of the energy changing to something really dark if I took the benzo. I think my ego surrendered a bit more at that point. After the ceremony, I asked one of the experienced participants if this experience and "lessons" need to be processed or have they just become part of me. I didn't fully understand his response - but it included both.

If you have kundalini congrats! Its basically a guaranteed path to love and bliss. You just need to survive the dark night.

I'm curious as to why you posted this? Are you looking for someone to give you some magic pill? Are you looking for someone to hold your hand? What're you a girl or something!? Lmao I'm kidding... Sort of. Follow your bliss man. Clearly your body is telling you something if it makes you that upset to work a job you don't like. Listen to your body. Listen to your heart.

@Martin123 that is hilarious! Hahaha it's so true. I felt like there was an electrical orb around my body last night. And now I feel love and bliss in my head and throat. It's nuts. Did you continue to meditate? I had to take a break because it was getting too intense. Did/do you have any teachers to help you? @Nahm I am also interested if you have an active kundalini. I can potentially see that working but it is hard in the middle of it. Thank you for the advice. Tara Springett said to meet kundalinis power with love.

When a person becomes spiritual, they also become more honest. Sometimes others find their honesty offensive. Suffering and pollution exist because humanity has fallen from the state of "Sat-Chit-Ananda" (Absolute-Consciousness-Bliss). The only way to stop it, is if everyone was enlightened. If everyone was enlightened the game would be over. God has set up the game in a way that most people don't know they are God. If they knew it would defeat the purpose of God pretending to be them, wouldn't it?

@phoenix666 Awesome. Yeah that does help. I am so used to chasing external happiness. But if I am honest with myself I should be able to see that that doesn't bring true bliss. It's more feelings of fleeting joy on the roller coaster of emotions. I just have the fear of missing out when I turn down options that sound like they would be 'fun'.

@The Monk [All of this is just my opinion and I celebrate the fact that everyOne gets to choose what they want to believe and how they want to live their life. Hooray for that!] Hi Monk, Although there is no universally accepted definition of enlightenment, here are the two key criteria that I use: 1) Being fully awake to the correct understanding of your True Self as this One Divine Source-Awareness, the One Self that arises as all apparent selves and 2) Being completely free from all selfish or self-centered desires or tendencies. These two aspects work together to automatically produce the unhindered flow of all the divine virtues such as loving kindness, compassion, peace, humility, generosity, patience, and the divine bliss that holds all human emotions. In this way, your personal consciousness (your soul) becomes a well-tuned instrument in the hands of God, sharing the fruit of enlightenment with everyOne, including yourself. So we see that being fully awake and being completely free leads to being entirely available for the sharing of the One Love of God, without any fear at all. You can read more here: What Is Enlightenment? https://www.infinitelymystical.com/essays/what-is-enlightenment.html 8-pages But perhaps a better place to start would be here: The Loving Heart of Enlightenment A summary overview of spiritual awakening in simple, clear English https://www.infinitelymystical.com/essays/the-loving-heart-of-enlightenment.html 3-pages Perhaps these will be of interest to you. In truth, I honor your divine nature Thomas Razzeto

The universe is an infinite object, with infinite dimensionality. After death, "you" (identity being paradoxical) should expect something akin to the first moments of awareness of your current person pattern/spacetime worm, but having no memory between "this-you" and "that-you". We are all x degrees of relational separtion from entities that are being tortured, beheaded, burnt alive, etc. And for all intents and purposes (as this is a challenge explaining linguistically), given infinity, those experiences follow you-now after death, given time. So what "you" will experience is dependent upon what you currently are now, and the similarity and closeness you have with other joint relational, subjective states in existence. As every stage of your spacetime worm is numerically and qualitatively distinct, and you feel as though you are undergoing change due to a mereological illusion having self referential memory states presenting an identity narrative between each state - one can only be. As you-now and you-5-seconds-from-now aren't the same conscious individual, and same goes with any other conscious individual. We can't escape existence, nor all the bliss, torture and everything in between that existence offers. Unless somehow you are in a transfinite part of the universe that has subjective, relational memory states that offer no suffering (the closest thing to heaven). Our localized universe, however, seems to offer a variety of the best and the worst kinds of being. It's very painful knowing that I am x degrees of separation from being a person being tortured, and always will be. Regardless of all the good in-between radically different subjective states, I personally wish existence was optional, but that would defy logic. We are all doomed to a sort of naturalistic rebirth. Ever since learning this, this has driven me mad.

@Nahm I'ver read your trip report, wow. sounds like a real breakthrough. do you consider it enlightenment? and have you had such huge awakening experiences also without any psychedelics during meditation or even during day to day activity? Thank you so much, I've noticed your comments before, they're always so inspirational. they always seem to come from a very deep place, a place of love. authenticity shines through. reading your words and similar comments always fuel me to keep on working on this path, so that one day I will reach similar levels of awareness. <3 I've had 4 shroom experiences. 2 very chill ones. 2 with some really fucked up shit going on, where I seriously lost all sense of identity, I just didn't know anything anymore (I think I was not ready at that moment, I was panicking for some time..) and one time I felt like going insane, like having a psychosis. you could probably call them 'bad trips'. but I don't consider them as bad trips, because even though I was scared shitless, at some point I surrendered to my fears and then I experienced one of the best moments in my life where everything went full circle. my fear became the strength of a lioness, psychosis became deep understanding, immense pain became joy and endless bliss. I would like to experiment further with psychedelics, but right now I don't have the possibility. I'm sure that when the time is right, a chance will pop up. for now I will continue with my regular meditation, yoga, journaling, book-reading, nutrition, education practices. wanted thoughts? like being mindful/aware of my thoughts and steering my mind in the direction of pleasant thoughts about my future? I can feel more and more that the world is a reflection of the inside. the more i accept myself, the more I understand and feel empathy towards others. maybe I will recognize reality as love once I truly/completely start loving myself. thank you <3

I like music. Creating my own is like a spiritual practice. You loose yourself in it then come back to reality. You dont exist, nothing exists except for the music and the energy of creation. Not-Knowing. Bliss. But it's not permanent. It doesn't happen everytime I pick up an instrument. In fact the more I try the harder it is. Because if I try, I'm trying, not doing. But that feeling, the intrinsic love for music. Is that worth pursuing? Im young and have only scratched the surface of music. I know its infinite. I guess its a part of life purpose not all of it. It's just so odd of a thing to pursue, a feeling, a state, a level of being. Just do it, be it, forgo everything else? What else is there to do?

@Akshay I really underestimated this, but I agree that this is the most powerful way to change. Information is useful, but being self observant takes you away from theories and makes more in the moment. I'm still a rookie, but this helps and it also gives you more bliss at that moment. Eventually you'll realize that nothing can touch you and that is a powerful realization. I still deal with difficulties, because that realization isn't always with me in the moment, but practice makes perfect.

At some point, perhaps, if you want to. But Look at near death experiences and how people experience the bliss of subtle realms. Look at ego death. Look at natural life. Only emotionally suppressed humans experience the greatest deal of suffering. AND STILL life is generally experienced as beautiful here for a large part. And this is just one phase in our evolution as a species. And awakened beings speak about how much better life is, so much grander than the best unawake moments. So trust yourself, trust life, you know you are good at heart. And can you honestly say life hasn't been beautiful for you too? I hope you may find this as useful as I find it, it's epic

I wrote a poem regarding my current perceptions. Does anyone else here write poetry, that they would like to share? Well, here is mine : Sound selective surrender Slipping through smiles and hellos 5 lifetimes of interactions, moments, openings, closings, death by betrayal And then what follows.. Old, Ancient eyes watching.. lingering apathetic acceptance swallowing eagerness of new welcomings, of new reachings , swallowing notions of unique endings, swallowing … So predictable , the patterns of the ego and it’s grasping So inertia sets in… And so soon does death come, that entering into the nothingness that is the only constant, that place behind silent and black Here, where no one matters where no thing exists. The incomprehensibility that no mind comprehends The unlimited potential before birthing before deaths And arising, Maya the veil behind which Truth exists, the veil behind which those who Know Be, Behind the projected perceptions thrown like nets over the clear opening to the void. When terrifying surrender is the only way forward to complete obliteration, Of Separation, Of Self. The only authenticity. But, resistance appears, because warriors barely exist anymore And a battlefield arises Weapons and methods, tactics and strategies War. But, there are spiraling galaxies spinning through emptiness still, There are stars exploding And babies being born There is union And Absolute Infinity. Despite it all. What greater joy is there than potential? Bliss. B.Clear

Sup bro ill have a stab at this. You enter this world on your own. You will leave this world on your own. and in between that IS ALL CHAOS. There are forces we cannot control. Some of them are people (to a certain extent) Think critically on all those cliche sayings because it will resonate and be relative to each individual who reads it and makes their own meaning of it. For eg some one of those cliche sayings that comes to my mind is "Life is what YOU want to make it" The only thing you will ever have control of is your mind and experience. To live authentically to me means to have the balls and courage to do and say what you truly believe in and sometimes those beliefs are right and sometimes they are wrong . Sometimes they can help people. And sometimes they can really hurt people and also on yourself. But hey.. thats life and as the New zealand people like to say "such is life" and "You live and you learn" There really is no right or wrong except the wrong just gives you a shitty life experience like jail or some illness because you eat shit and dont exercise. Follow your bliss man. you only got 1 life (in this dimension anyway ). All the answers and advice that you seek... you should put that into your music and create a conversation that helps not just yourself but whoever listens. They might not hear the same msg as you intended but thats just how people are. We are all so different and have our own realities and beliefs and our own paths. Live by example. Live bold. I understand the bond with family but at the end of the day it really is upto you how important that bond is and what you want out of that family experience and those relationships you have. I also believe that life is all about relationships. With everyone you meet and the biggest one is with yourself or as some would say.. The EGO. I could be heaps wrong So please do take it with a grain of micro lsd... <3

welcome to my relativity... (or how else am I going to call this spontaneous cloud of self reflexion?) What thoughts do pass this mind on a Saturday morning? There is this song playing in my mind "The Red" by Chevelle... I find it very interesting how the associations with music keep changing over time... Isn´t there a song for everyone? For those with anger issues and their victims... A song for those starving, for those who are alone, that lost a loved one, the abused, the poor, the jealous, the sick, the ones with a heartbreak... It´s a bank. Name it, have it. Find a way to allow and float on the feeling. Good when music becomes needless... When life can resemble like holding a specific single tune that creates the state of mind you want... I have one in which I could kill someone. And not out of direct rage. I´m sure it is related to that like bread is related to the starch it´s made from... But out of coldness, out of nothing, out of... That fantasies of death I´ve had, out of knifes cutting open the perfect, flawless skin that society loves so much seeing, soaking in, soaking it´s youth out, that it wants to protect. And it can be so addictive to watch blood run, to know that you´re alive. ...But what you´d do to you, you´d do to others... Am I creepy? I´ve never claimed to be good or perfect or suited for becoming a sage. But who is? The truth can be disappointing or at least able to... Discourage. At least I can admit my own thoughts to myself and apart from maybe a binge eating relapse due to higher stress I´ve been "clean". But should I poison the world with my oddities or talk about progress? Maybe I don´t always want to talk about progress? Maybe I don´t care about showing off. Maybe I don´t tell people all of my success so that I don´t have to share my failings too? Or what kind of knowing thyself is that, were only one side of the coin is lit? It´s the mistakes we learn a ton from after all, isn´t it? Maybe sometimes I don´t care about being a symbol for hope, maybe it does not drive or inspire me anymore? Maybe I´m empty enough to look at everything in exactly the same light, maybe I can for once be objective and entirely honest? And what is it to want to cover up the leftover struggle? I mentioned that I´d stop making a distinction between the others and me back in 2015. And I have not forgotten. I can stand as a mirror to others just as others can to me. And I am not afraid to look into it. I am not afraid to appear egoic or self centred or in some low state of mind or development. It´s the first step to change or undo it... What is it with us running behind ideals? And isn´t it ridiculous how people want a leader, someone to guide them, show them their blind spots and tell them what to do but at the same time can´t take responsibility for having given away their free will? Isn´t it ridiculous how they have forbidden themselves to "be god" but still develop enough pride to be "the devil"?... Maybe one stems from the other? ... And me, how ridiculous am I? Did I seriously tell someone that I am leaving the house for some hours to meet up with friends in order to celebrate my birthday but went to uni to study for the exam to be acceptable to a security company? What is so bad about having broken off the contact with most of my friends? What is so bad about having reshaped life in order to hunt a dream (and that dream not being working 12 hour night shifts just in case someone wonders...)? At least I am able to have a conversation with a stranger, at least I´ve talked to random people on the street, at least I am flexible and free to experience any perspective I want. I love it how people think that from not just giving nothing but even from unconscious destroying or as a part of destruction or blockage for development that something beautiful, healthy, giving and functioning would come... No, it did not come. I created it... So it DID come only that they´ll never know the time and energy it did cost... But they still like to ask and judge you about your life, put you in labels and boxes, think you´re one thing, think you´re non fluent, bordered, fixated. And you accept them and you forgive them and you have patience and you always have that one question on your mind: How am I going to embody the view away from my own personal drama in the skin of that figure that HAS fallen victim, HAS a story and a name and a status, that won´t be taken serious without reasoning on the actions that filled it´s time but still knows that that isn´t the focus it wants to give because it wouldn´t be the cure. The cure would probably be to stand motionless in observation of those that call you whatever they want to see in order to feel better about themselves... But... Isn´t that what I am doing already? Wisdom does not make you money or look smart or attractive to strangers but it earns you some respect in the eyes of those who know you. It leaves you with the few close friends some people don´t even know how much they could need... I´ll keep writing until my blood sugar doping drops... And what is it with measuring everything? I´ve started putting the world in numbers, I fear to have started resembling those who like spreading the feeling of worthlessness to those untrained in... Effectivity and realism... But isn´t there this satisfying feeling of some inaccurate, non perfect expression, some word standing in for something mystical and unclear at exactly the right spot in a sentence like the correct spice that underlines perfectly the flavour of a certain food? It´s a thrill. To always know just as much so that you are challenged to understand more but not get bored of what has been experienced already, that the future can be painted but not yet lived, that everything is equally certain and uncertain, that there is symmetry in probabilities that everything points to... Let´s use the word god? Aren´t people easy to fool? How come they really think I´m someone they can trust? Or do they just buy into the game? Yes, I would not harm them... I would not want to hurt them in any way. But how on earth do they see me as they do? Sure they feel the states I´m in to some extent... I don´t want to claim that it is easy to see them through and some cases are seemingly unsolvable but I know from what hurt one so terrible person and what pathetic routs that so nice person comes... And those who know how psychology really works have their moments were it´s all very obvious... We stand in front of each other naked. And I don´t mean by evaluating historical facts... But by knowing our backgrounds, paying attention to the wandering of our sight, noticing the shifts of tone in our voices, the micro expressions in our face... And I always wonder in dark moments, did the woman on the street see that my smile wasn´t real this time? Did she appreciate the gesture? Would she see any difference if I smiled out of my bliss or if I smile because I don´t want her to read the uncertainty on my face? Things I´ll never know if I don´t ask. Are Big Think, the school of life and some other YouTube channels/websites getting topic inspiration by dropping by at actualized.org? Or are all topics just trending at around the same time because the internet is networked so well? Or do I see the link between things because everything is within our psychology, everything is relative if thought about in some depth and I have become good at perceiving so? I keep wondering if I am paranoid or not. If Leo picks up a thought of mine (or of somebody else on the forum), extends it and forms a video because he thinks I am representable for a group whose questions he might answer that way, if he shares because he liked it (because it was truth and insightful), if he shares because he is playing the game like me or if he came up with it around the time I did coincidentally... Maybe he wants to help me.... But is he really living in a perspective where that serves him? Maybe he is just the biggest better knower of all times and likes to show what a great thinker he is, maybe it´s just constructive critic for his attentive students... Or maybe just maybe he does not know why himself... And what about JP Sears and his new video where he makes fun of considering everything being your own fault? Could that be a comedians way to respond to Kyle Cease who made a video based on this approach some time ago in order to actually empower people to take care of their own and the worlds fate? But wasn´t it JP who promoted him on his channel? Then again... JP makes fun of anything he can find... Recently it was the raw vegan cooking channels tendency to replace food ingredients with other food ingredients that taste nothing like the original... Well yes, that is a bit like being so hungry that you paint a... Was it duck?... Am I the only one who does not exclude the possibility that Leo once took a Chinese class? He´s not bad at pronouncing Lao Tzu and stuff like that... (Look at this thought stream... Vomits out anything related it can find... So... Female?). ... Sometimes I talk to someone and I can see that thought bubble of "holly cow shit, I did not expect this/ I had not thought of that" flying over their heads. And I am surprised again and again how my approach to solving a problem turns out to have been just fine even though others seemed so confident about their own... Here´s one of my weaknesses... My creativity makes me slow. It´s okay for me because I know what I can do but it makes me look really incapable in certain peoples eyes who like everything on demand... But I feel fine with this, there are just too many people who feel just like me. Then there is my memory which becomes worthless in the moment something blocks my access to it... I know many people who don´t remember entire years of their lives or ace tests only to forget anything the subject was supposed to teach them... I am lucky to be able to savour on what I´ve understood once and even more on what I´ve trained but I am worthless or at least of less worth on paper... I have finally reached the point where I´ve made up my mind enough to be able to focus on a single interest fro some time (to study that means well and not half assed by switching priorities all the time). I´ve been whoring around between passions and interests for years. Great for wisdom, for adventurous stories, an authentic path but terrible for success. Absolutely terrible for a success measured in money at least. For now...

@Ilya There is this video of Maharaj that everyone shares. I haven't watched it. I am reading his book "I AM THAT". https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbOvjBchKkg&t=3998s What I'm finding through my own experience is that whenever an addiction, neurosis, negative thought, belief emerges, It calls for attention. Really that's how the body responses when something is just 'not right'. When you are in perfect bliss/flow state, there is no recurring self consciousness and call for attention. So when an issue arises and I KNOW that it has arise, any thing I try to do about it or evade it just backfires on me. From that 'troubled' state any action I take is accompanied by self talks like, " You are a miserable fuck! Look how deep you are into shit and now trying to wipe it off.." so on and so forth. It all internally reinforces the very false perception that created the neurosis in the 1st place. So inherently I'm coming from a place of lack and unworthiness when I am fighting against an issue. So what I do is realize that there is the witness of whatever arises. Neither the witness nor the witnessed is 'Real'. One cannot exist without the other and they rise & dissolve simultaneously. What I AM is beyond both. The Supreme reality that allows this play of witness and witnessed to exist. The very stopping and acknowledgement of this truth (Really I am trusting Maharaj here until It becomes my permanent abiding experience) helps me dis identify from whatever is happening and accept it as it is. Then I continue my day doing my block time practice sessions. That's how I'm dealing with all the blockages in my life right now. I can't forcefully will or think myself to break free from neurosis. I've left the job of transforming me on the daily practices I am doing. The investigations/insights are done often so that I don't fall into traps and quit my practices. Hope that made sense PS: This is entirely my experience. Brute force never really worked for me. Either the work spontaneously happens or not. The difficulty of the work also doesn't matter in my case. I've heard many stories how people quit decades of hard addictions like smoking, obesity etc through willpower at one go. But it never worked in my case.

@Preetom It's normal and part of the process. Even when you're experiencing higher states, like bliss, it's normal. It comes and it goes. It passes. Keep a journal of your journey. Express it in your life purpose in tactful ways so that the wisdom gets passed on to those who are ready for it.

one does not become enlightened. Enlightenment is not an experience, instead it is experience. You can never be alone, but you can be the experience of "being alone", the awareness of it. It does not change experience itself, the awareness just goes on. The body/mind is maybe alone or afraid, but the experience is just experience, it does not care if you are alone and whether that can be considered good or bad by some. Enlightenment never was about gaining something, or reaching for, nor learning something. It is about letting go, and allowing the simple experience of life to remain. Because essentially, that is all there is, our "essential being" or "enlightened self" just is. Our existence is not the human idea's/morality/feelings/body, but it is that "capacity for life" deep within us, our soul perhaps, that is aware of all these things. This experience or awareness we actually are, just exists, like a witness looking at it: It exists in war-zones existing aware of pure horror it exists in utmost bliss at the happiest experiences in human life, it cannot be escaped from, it cannot be turned of. It cannot be chosen to be believed in, or searched for, you are always "enlightened" It is there when you dream, and when you wake up. It is always there and always has been. It is the alpha and omega It is where time moves through, unchanged as the sun sets, and as it rises, always constant. It is unchanged by time. it never changes, whether you are dying of cancer, lost your legs, or just cut your hair, it is always exactly the same. Always there to experience more. If you have a mental disease you are experience as true self if you get Alzheimer, experience continues unchanged (only the body input has changed) If you become blind, experience continues unchanged (only the body input has changed) if you become deaf, experience continues unchanged (only the body input has changed) If you are an animal, you are experience as true self Perhaps even plants and trees have an "aware" inner self somehow, aware of certain chemical signalings. It will experience everything you throw at it, even an atomic bomb, it does not matter what, but it will just experience it without judgement, without reason. Perhaps even after death it may continue, i don't really know about this now In my humble opinion, if you let go and dwell in it (meditating), feelings of "undirected love" start to emerge. But whatever feeling we experience is not us, it is a gift from the body perhaps when it is released from the burden of self? And there is really nothing there, no time, no worries, just the experience of life at that simple moment, which seems to feel "good" unless you are in physical pain perhaps. (but i don't meditate with physical pain) But most of us think, most of the time, we are a human, with a body, and desires/dreams, with a future and also a past. And so the "thing" that is aware of the human is forgotten, the mind takes control of our life, and as human we live. sometimes dreaming, the human is forgotten, or takes different form, and we still experience it, our true self "experience" is there to witness. Those who forgot about enlightenment are actually more correct. If you meditate without goal, just being calm. You are being, you are enlightened. Perhaps you may not fully understand all the implications of it, and as such it is fleeting and temporary. But many and most can manage such brief periods of turning off the body-identification and being pure experience. It's not sexy, it's not revolutionary, it seems like a simple mind trick, or semantics. So you read all these fancy things about it, cause that sells off-course. But the simplicity is huge in its depth.

I'm totally open minded to some sort of mysterious divine peaceful-ness that is primary to experience and have experience states of extreme 'non-divine' peace and bliss. But, I've never had any experience of that and that's not what I experience now, so I remain skeptical that it's something that's achievable. That is, if this is what you're implying.