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At some point, perhaps, if you want to. But Look at near death experiences and how people experience the bliss of subtle realms. Look at ego death. Look at natural life. Only emotionally suppressed humans experience the greatest deal of suffering. AND STILL life is generally experienced as beautiful here for a large part. And this is just one phase in our evolution as a species. And awakened beings speak about how much better life is, so much grander than the best unawake moments. So trust yourself, trust life, you know you are good at heart. And can you honestly say life hasn't been beautiful for you too? I hope you may find this as useful as I find it, it's epic

Sup bro ill have a stab at this. You enter this world on your own. You will leave this world on your own. and in between that IS ALL CHAOS. There are forces we cannot control. Some of them are people (to a certain extent) Think critically on all those cliche sayings because it will resonate and be relative to each individual who reads it and makes their own meaning of it. For eg some one of those cliche sayings that comes to my mind is "Life is what YOU want to make it" The only thing you will ever have control of is your mind and experience. To live authentically to me means to have the balls and courage to do and say what you truly believe in and sometimes those beliefs are right and sometimes they are wrong . Sometimes they can help people. And sometimes they can really hurt people and also on yourself. But hey.. thats life and as the New zealand people like to say "such is life" and "You live and you learn" There really is no right or wrong except the wrong just gives you a shitty life experience like jail or some illness because you eat shit and dont exercise. Follow your bliss man. you only got 1 life (in this dimension anyway ). All the answers and advice that you seek... you should put that into your music and create a conversation that helps not just yourself but whoever listens. They might not hear the same msg as you intended but thats just how people are. We are all so different and have our own realities and beliefs and our own paths. Live by example. Live bold. I understand the bond with family but at the end of the day it really is upto you how important that bond is and what you want out of that family experience and those relationships you have. I also believe that life is all about relationships. With everyone you meet and the biggest one is with yourself or as some would say.. The EGO. I could be heaps wrong So please do take it with a grain of micro lsd... <3

welcome to my relativity... (or how else am I going to call this spontaneous cloud of self reflexion?) What thoughts do pass this mind on a Saturday morning? There is this song playing in my mind "The Red" by Chevelle... I find it very interesting how the associations with music keep changing over time... Isn´t there a song for everyone? For those with anger issues and their victims... A song for those starving, for those who are alone, that lost a loved one, the abused, the poor, the jealous, the sick, the ones with a heartbreak... It´s a bank. Name it, have it. Find a way to allow and float on the feeling. Good when music becomes needless... When life can resemble like holding a specific single tune that creates the state of mind you want... I have one in which I could kill someone. And not out of direct rage. I´m sure it is related to that like bread is related to the starch it´s made from... But out of coldness, out of nothing, out of... That fantasies of death I´ve had, out of knifes cutting open the perfect, flawless skin that society loves so much seeing, soaking in, soaking it´s youth out, that it wants to protect. And it can be so addictive to watch blood run, to know that you´re alive. ...But what you´d do to you, you´d do to others... Am I creepy? I´ve never claimed to be good or perfect or suited for becoming a sage. But who is? The truth can be disappointing or at least able to... Discourage. At least I can admit my own thoughts to myself and apart from maybe a binge eating relapse due to higher stress I´ve been "clean". But should I poison the world with my oddities or talk about progress? Maybe I don´t always want to talk about progress? Maybe I don´t care about showing off. Maybe I don´t tell people all of my success so that I don´t have to share my failings too? Or what kind of knowing thyself is that, were only one side of the coin is lit? It´s the mistakes we learn a ton from after all, isn´t it? Maybe sometimes I don´t care about being a symbol for hope, maybe it does not drive or inspire me anymore? Maybe I´m empty enough to look at everything in exactly the same light, maybe I can for once be objective and entirely honest? And what is it to want to cover up the leftover struggle? I mentioned that I´d stop making a distinction between the others and me back in 2015. And I have not forgotten. I can stand as a mirror to others just as others can to me. And I am not afraid to look into it. I am not afraid to appear egoic or self centred or in some low state of mind or development. It´s the first step to change or undo it... What is it with us running behind ideals? And isn´t it ridiculous how people want a leader, someone to guide them, show them their blind spots and tell them what to do but at the same time can´t take responsibility for having given away their free will? Isn´t it ridiculous how they have forbidden themselves to "be god" but still develop enough pride to be "the devil"?... Maybe one stems from the other? ... And me, how ridiculous am I? Did I seriously tell someone that I am leaving the house for some hours to meet up with friends in order to celebrate my birthday but went to uni to study for the exam to be acceptable to a security company? What is so bad about having broken off the contact with most of my friends? What is so bad about having reshaped life in order to hunt a dream (and that dream not being working 12 hour night shifts just in case someone wonders...)? At least I am able to have a conversation with a stranger, at least I´ve talked to random people on the street, at least I am flexible and free to experience any perspective I want. I love it how people think that from not just giving nothing but even from unconscious destroying or as a part of destruction or blockage for development that something beautiful, healthy, giving and functioning would come... No, it did not come. I created it... So it DID come only that they´ll never know the time and energy it did cost... But they still like to ask and judge you about your life, put you in labels and boxes, think you´re one thing, think you´re non fluent, bordered, fixated. And you accept them and you forgive them and you have patience and you always have that one question on your mind: How am I going to embody the view away from my own personal drama in the skin of that figure that HAS fallen victim, HAS a story and a name and a status, that won´t be taken serious without reasoning on the actions that filled it´s time but still knows that that isn´t the focus it wants to give because it wouldn´t be the cure. The cure would probably be to stand motionless in observation of those that call you whatever they want to see in order to feel better about themselves... But... Isn´t that what I am doing already? Wisdom does not make you money or look smart or attractive to strangers but it earns you some respect in the eyes of those who know you. It leaves you with the few close friends some people don´t even know how much they could need... I´ll keep writing until my blood sugar doping drops... And what is it with measuring everything? I´ve started putting the world in numbers, I fear to have started resembling those who like spreading the feeling of worthlessness to those untrained in... Effectivity and realism... But isn´t there this satisfying feeling of some inaccurate, non perfect expression, some word standing in for something mystical and unclear at exactly the right spot in a sentence like the correct spice that underlines perfectly the flavour of a certain food? It´s a thrill. To always know just as much so that you are challenged to understand more but not get bored of what has been experienced already, that the future can be painted but not yet lived, that everything is equally certain and uncertain, that there is symmetry in probabilities that everything points to... Let´s use the word god? Aren´t people easy to fool? How come they really think I´m someone they can trust? Or do they just buy into the game? Yes, I would not harm them... I would not want to hurt them in any way. But how on earth do they see me as they do? Sure they feel the states I´m in to some extent... I don´t want to claim that it is easy to see them through and some cases are seemingly unsolvable but I know from what hurt one so terrible person and what pathetic routs that so nice person comes... And those who know how psychology really works have their moments were it´s all very obvious... We stand in front of each other naked. And I don´t mean by evaluating historical facts... But by knowing our backgrounds, paying attention to the wandering of our sight, noticing the shifts of tone in our voices, the micro expressions in our face... And I always wonder in dark moments, did the woman on the street see that my smile wasn´t real this time? Did she appreciate the gesture? Would she see any difference if I smiled out of my bliss or if I smile because I don´t want her to read the uncertainty on my face? Things I´ll never know if I don´t ask. Are Big Think, the school of life and some other YouTube channels/websites getting topic inspiration by dropping by at actualized.org? Or are all topics just trending at around the same time because the internet is networked so well? Or do I see the link between things because everything is within our psychology, everything is relative if thought about in some depth and I have become good at perceiving so? I keep wondering if I am paranoid or not. If Leo picks up a thought of mine (or of somebody else on the forum), extends it and forms a video because he thinks I am representable for a group whose questions he might answer that way, if he shares because he liked it (because it was truth and insightful), if he shares because he is playing the game like me or if he came up with it around the time I did coincidentally... Maybe he wants to help me.... But is he really living in a perspective where that serves him? Maybe he is just the biggest better knower of all times and likes to show what a great thinker he is, maybe it´s just constructive critic for his attentive students... Or maybe just maybe he does not know why himself... And what about JP Sears and his new video where he makes fun of considering everything being your own fault? Could that be a comedians way to respond to Kyle Cease who made a video based on this approach some time ago in order to actually empower people to take care of their own and the worlds fate? But wasn´t it JP who promoted him on his channel? Then again... JP makes fun of anything he can find... Recently it was the raw vegan cooking channels tendency to replace food ingredients with other food ingredients that taste nothing like the original... Well yes, that is a bit like being so hungry that you paint a... Was it duck?... Am I the only one who does not exclude the possibility that Leo once took a Chinese class? He´s not bad at pronouncing Lao Tzu and stuff like that... (Look at this thought stream... Vomits out anything related it can find... So... Female?). ... Sometimes I talk to someone and I can see that thought bubble of "holly cow shit, I did not expect this/ I had not thought of that" flying over their heads. And I am surprised again and again how my approach to solving a problem turns out to have been just fine even though others seemed so confident about their own... Here´s one of my weaknesses... My creativity makes me slow. It´s okay for me because I know what I can do but it makes me look really incapable in certain peoples eyes who like everything on demand... But I feel fine with this, there are just too many people who feel just like me. Then there is my memory which becomes worthless in the moment something blocks my access to it... I know many people who don´t remember entire years of their lives or ace tests only to forget anything the subject was supposed to teach them... I am lucky to be able to savour on what I´ve understood once and even more on what I´ve trained but I am worthless or at least of less worth on paper... I have finally reached the point where I´ve made up my mind enough to be able to focus on a single interest fro some time (to study that means well and not half assed by switching priorities all the time). I´ve been whoring around between passions and interests for years. Great for wisdom, for adventurous stories, an authentic path but terrible for success. Absolutely terrible for a success measured in money at least. For now...

@Ilya There is this video of Maharaj that everyone shares. I haven't watched it. I am reading his book "I AM THAT". https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbOvjBchKkg&t=3998s What I'm finding through my own experience is that whenever an addiction, neurosis, negative thought, belief emerges, It calls for attention. Really that's how the body responses when something is just 'not right'. When you are in perfect bliss/flow state, there is no recurring self consciousness and call for attention. So when an issue arises and I KNOW that it has arise, any thing I try to do about it or evade it just backfires on me. From that 'troubled' state any action I take is accompanied by self talks like, " You are a miserable fuck! Look how deep you are into shit and now trying to wipe it off.." so on and so forth. It all internally reinforces the very false perception that created the neurosis in the 1st place. So inherently I'm coming from a place of lack and unworthiness when I am fighting against an issue. So what I do is realize that there is the witness of whatever arises. Neither the witness nor the witnessed is 'Real'. One cannot exist without the other and they rise & dissolve simultaneously. What I AM is beyond both. The Supreme reality that allows this play of witness and witnessed to exist. The very stopping and acknowledgement of this truth (Really I am trusting Maharaj here until It becomes my permanent abiding experience) helps me dis identify from whatever is happening and accept it as it is. Then I continue my day doing my block time practice sessions. That's how I'm dealing with all the blockages in my life right now. I can't forcefully will or think myself to break free from neurosis. I've left the job of transforming me on the daily practices I am doing. The investigations/insights are done often so that I don't fall into traps and quit my practices. Hope that made sense PS: This is entirely my experience. Brute force never really worked for me. Either the work spontaneously happens or not. The difficulty of the work also doesn't matter in my case. I've heard many stories how people quit decades of hard addictions like smoking, obesity etc through willpower at one go. But it never worked in my case.

@Preetom It's normal and part of the process. Even when you're experiencing higher states, like bliss, it's normal. It comes and it goes. It passes. Keep a journal of your journey. Express it in your life purpose in tactful ways so that the wisdom gets passed on to those who are ready for it.

one does not become enlightened. Enlightenment is not an experience, instead it is experience. You can never be alone, but you can be the experience of "being alone", the awareness of it. It does not change experience itself, the awareness just goes on. The body/mind is maybe alone or afraid, but the experience is just experience, it does not care if you are alone and whether that can be considered good or bad by some. Enlightenment never was about gaining something, or reaching for, nor learning something. It is about letting go, and allowing the simple experience of life to remain. Because essentially, that is all there is, our "essential being" or "enlightened self" just is. Our existence is not the human idea's/morality/feelings/body, but it is that "capacity for life" deep within us, our soul perhaps, that is aware of all these things. This experience or awareness we actually are, just exists, like a witness looking at it: It exists in war-zones existing aware of pure horror it exists in utmost bliss at the happiest experiences in human life, it cannot be escaped from, it cannot be turned of. It cannot be chosen to be believed in, or searched for, you are always "enlightened" It is there when you dream, and when you wake up. It is always there and always has been. It is the alpha and omega It is where time moves through, unchanged as the sun sets, and as it rises, always constant. It is unchanged by time. it never changes, whether you are dying of cancer, lost your legs, or just cut your hair, it is always exactly the same. Always there to experience more. If you have a mental disease you are experience as true self if you get Alzheimer, experience continues unchanged (only the body input has changed) If you become blind, experience continues unchanged (only the body input has changed) if you become deaf, experience continues unchanged (only the body input has changed) If you are an animal, you are experience as true self Perhaps even plants and trees have an "aware" inner self somehow, aware of certain chemical signalings. It will experience everything you throw at it, even an atomic bomb, it does not matter what, but it will just experience it without judgement, without reason. Perhaps even after death it may continue, i don't really know about this now In my humble opinion, if you let go and dwell in it (meditating), feelings of "undirected love" start to emerge. But whatever feeling we experience is not us, it is a gift from the body perhaps when it is released from the burden of self? And there is really nothing there, no time, no worries, just the experience of life at that simple moment, which seems to feel "good" unless you are in physical pain perhaps. (but i don't meditate with physical pain) But most of us think, most of the time, we are a human, with a body, and desires/dreams, with a future and also a past. And so the "thing" that is aware of the human is forgotten, the mind takes control of our life, and as human we live. sometimes dreaming, the human is forgotten, or takes different form, and we still experience it, our true self "experience" is there to witness. Those who forgot about enlightenment are actually more correct. If you meditate without goal, just being calm. You are being, you are enlightened. Perhaps you may not fully understand all the implications of it, and as such it is fleeting and temporary. But many and most can manage such brief periods of turning off the body-identification and being pure experience. It's not sexy, it's not revolutionary, it seems like a simple mind trick, or semantics. So you read all these fancy things about it, cause that sells off-course. But the simplicity is huge in its depth.

I'm totally open minded to some sort of mysterious divine peaceful-ness that is primary to experience and have experience states of extreme 'non-divine' peace and bliss. But, I've never had any experience of that and that's not what I experience now, so I remain skeptical that it's something that's achievable. That is, if this is what you're implying.

@Nahm Yes, I totally get what your talking from the first post on. I Will try to explain it from a different angle. You can't be aware of the soul because the soul is being awareness. Awarness is being downloaded into the essence of the soul, and then awarness is aware of Nahm. God-view is self. Life-view IS. Process is pure consciousness. Emotion is ineffable. You are being awareness. You are not only awareness, You are love, You are peace, You are joy... but You can't experience all of those things at the same time, that's why you separated yourself from source into beings, to experience different essences separetely, to better experience yourself. When love is downloaded into the essence of the soul, you experience an emotion of reverence. Nahm. God-view is loving. Life-view is benign. Process is revelation. You are being love. When piece is downloaded into the essence of the soul, you experience an emotion of bliss. God-view is All-being. Life-view is Perfect. Process is Illumination. You are being piece. When joy is downloaded into the essence of the soul, you experience an emotion of serenity. God-view is One. Life-view is complete. The process is transfiguration. You are being joy. @Real Eyes Apperances are an illusion.

It seems to me that there is no sure fireway to activate your kundalini permanently, to me it happened completely spontaneously (I had 0 clue about spirituality at the time, I just sat down in a meditation and it happened). Also what @Franz is describing seems like a "kundalini happening" not really awakening. Kundalini happening - 1 time thing, or even several times, isn't that bug of a deal, it's rather insinificant. Full blown kundalini activation is very apparent CONSTANT kundalini movement throughout the day, I thought it might be case in @Preetom's case since he said it happens many times a day. Only he can know for certain anywho. If you have a genuine desire for kundalini, research it and find a master who can give shaktipat. Jan essman does it over yt even. Shaktipath is energy transmission thats supposed to awaken kundalini in receiver. As far what kundalini is, the best way I would describe it is that kundalini is the animated consciousness within your body, that will heall the complete structure of your ego, once it awakens fully. It is shakti, the energy from creation, tht is one and the same with shiva. Once kundalini is awake, self-enquiry becomes a joke. Advaita is just funny words. All the former teachings are left in the dust, and what remains is love and bliss. Which is as well the practice that suits it the most. Love. (Love an devotion according to Jan Esman). Have you read the topic I mentioned here earlier?

Everybody that wants enlightenment is seduced by the idea of a life without problems, without suffering, absolute bliss, this sound perfect. But nobody thinks about the toll they have to pay. They want the beautifulness of enlightenment but conserving all atachments and samskaras, and that's impossible.

Yea. It is a path towards full embodiment of God-consciousness. Dont worry no damage, only healing. That being said, some people have a lot of issues with kundalini, as it busts through energetic blocks, that is why it is important to honour your body to the best of your ability. Do not force yourself into situations/habbits. As for the experience itself, sometimes it can get overwhelming, but oh the bliss when kundalini integrates and achieves completion (I only glimpsed that). It is totally worth any kind of trouble you go through. Another thing I can add only from my personal experience (meaning feel free to experiment yourself) is that eventhough psychadelics can give insights and accelerate your process, since it is generally kind of violent procedure for the body, it most likely will not speed-up the integration process. In some cases psychadelics can activate kundalini, but once active, your life is one giant trip lol.

I guess I have this deep rooted beliefs entanglement: people mean something, there is love, higher ideals of friendship, kinship, honesty, ethics, human goodness, righteousness, glory, heroism, devotion, humor, beauty, harmony, etc. And truth is we are meaningless, relatively complex robots with programmed by evolution Loss function on survival and thriving, everything about us is inconsequential. We get together as hives of drones to accomplish survival tasks and special mechanisms call it marriage, caring for children, family, etc. and give it false feeling of higher meaning. Highest hero journey is just a somewhat more elaborate search for a software upgrade on a human robot. The existence itself has no meaning, it has an automaton like nature, even that of an endless automaton. Awareness is just another aspect of the program, just like an ego. Any meaning, like life purpose, is only a mean of programming somewhat different Loss function into this human robot software receptacle input console. Regarding this authentic self as Leo puts it - it is another fairy tail, we are mechanisms, there is no such thing as self, there is no such thing as authenticity, there is no such thing as proverbial shit, only literal one. Under such reality, there is actually no other course of action rather than maximizing pleasure by whatever means available to each specific human robot, like learning to be if it really does give you pleasure. For most people I believe if they learned this, gradually becoming a meditator and residing in bliss is the only logical way of action in this world.

i have been aware of nothingness while alseep after taking 5meo dmt. also a few times being aware of this nothingness continued when i woke up for maybe 10 seconds. its very hard to remember nothingness, its like trying to remember a dream you had months ago. the mind cant make sense of it words that come to mind to explain nothingness. bliss, infinity, energy, freedom. eternal.

What is up fellow humans. My name is Adam and my favourite colour is purple You can scroll down to the SOOO if you just want to see my question, if not read the story. DO IT? and this is in no way spell checked. I just got back from a 10-day Vipassana retreat, which is my 3rd retreat this year, and wow, damn, crazy stuff. Being my 3rd retreat at the centre I knew how it worked, how my mindfullness would increase, all the subtle aspects of life becoming more vivid and delicious. Breathing, walking, EATING, showering, all precious indulgances. But I felt different about my intentions this time around. I wanted something different, something deeper. I didnt want no passing meditation high. I wanted the truth to smack me in the face and make me never forget. And i think i got it. The first 5-days where what I call "preperation". Just basic meditation, slowly increases the duration of the sessions. Finally when i reachd a 2 hour session ( Mindfull prostration, 1 hour walking meditation, 1 hour sitting meditation) shit hit the fan real fast. My teacher told me there are 3 ways to insight. They are also the 3 characteristics of life. Impermanence, no-self, and SUFFERING. An daamn did i suffer like a mofo. For 2 days i was locked in my tiny ass room meditatiing until 6 in the morning. Fun stuff, i basically went crazy. Imagine being tired, hungry, nauseous, worrying, wanting to kill yourself. ALL FORE THE SAKE OF THY INSIGHT . So finally the insight came, obvsiously not in a way that i thought it would, like coming down from the heavens on a golden platter in a spotlight held by Siddartha himself. No, just by taking the day off, meditating as much as i would like to, and crying my heart out at the love and bliss this universe has, how infinite it all is and how it is available for anyone, anytime, you just have to, have to?/*&P#:<QRL. It's that easy. Anyway, about thailand. Im 17, going into my last year of highschool and i really dont think im going to university any time soon. "WHAT, NO SCHOOL, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET A JOB. fuck off bob, let me meditate in peace." My teacher told me about his "school" in Thailand, he trained there to be a teacher for some years and recommended i go to get a taste of spiritualiy at its roots. This shit really interests me. like i couldnt go to sleep after hearing about it. My thoughts were "Fuck university, I'm going to Thailand". I'm not against uni, but theres nothing thats meaningfull there for me. My life is divided into 2 categories right now. Music and spiritaulity. My bro is in his 3rd year of music studying composition at UofT and he told me straight up, dont go if you want to become a musician, just love the music and it will love you back. best advice ever right. I went to a 2 week music camp this summer, it was based in a university and i was with professional musicians and ametuers like myself. I noticed that half of these guys were just robots tho, playing the music so systematically that it made me angry, they didnt appreciate what was in front of them. So fuck that, ill just busker, and jam, and record and release and travel until i die! And then theres spirituality. How can school honestly teach me spiritualy by giving me books and writing essays. Ill still be living my normal like, commuting, blallballa. Thailand seems like the only option for spirituality. I finally found a school in which i would like to dedicated serious time to. i dont want to get married but im foregoing all other paths for about 3 years to strictly surrender myself to Vipassana. SOOOOOO the question is. Should I take the first year off after highschool and go to Thailand to study Vipassana for 2-5 months? Many graces brethren.

@Joseph Maynor did you have any no self experiences? do you experience joy or bliss on a daily basis and do negative emotions affect you at all?

When you're trapped(identified) by thoughts (mental sounds, monkey mind) the breathing is faster and it's harder to remain conscious of it. It's easier to be conscious of a slow breath. When the breathing is slow, the body is relaxed, the parasymphatetic nervous system is activated, and more healing energy is received. This means a relaxed state is more conductive for being conscious. Let's say you came to the stage where you have no thoughts the whole day. If you have absolutely no thoughts the whole day and your breathing is pretty fast(slower than an active monkey mind, but still fast), than you can get lost in the projections of the mind pretty quickly, so it doesn't matter at all if you don't have any mental sounds present for long periods of time. Thoughts (mental sounds) are just surface phenomena... the mind can still operate in the teritory that is not directly perceivable. So being truly conscious is much deeper than just not having any thougths. The best indicator of consciousness that is directly accesible in the now moment is the speed of breathing. Rapid breathing leads to disease. Slow breathing leads to healing. When you embody higher states of consciousness, the slow breathing becomes a part of you. The body gets synchronized with devine bliss(that which you actually is). Now, realize you cannot rid yourself of the mind. So the only thing that makes sense is synchronizing your mind(you) which is inherently dualistic with You that doesn't know any duality. You can do this in many ways but the basic principle is that you disidentify with your mind. The less resistance is present the more you are synchronized. Okey, now let's say the mind projects a dualistic pattern onto the now moment that amplifies duality... after that the body starts to perceive that duality. How do you recognize that this pattern is not synchronized with devine bliss? You recognize that by the fact that You lose the connection with yourself. You fall in consciousness and you start to act non consciously. The breathing loses it's rhythm and you find yourself in a downward spiral if you allow that to continue. The mind is reprogramed by repetition. So let's say you consciouly recognize the out of sync pattern for the first time and use awarness to correct it. You did great. However that is only the realization. The mind Will not surrender to a greater Truth after "doing" this only once. The mind Will project this pattern for many times, depending on how much of that dualistic pattern you embodied in the past. This is only to test You. If you still didn't embody the slow breathing (most of you didn't), than use the slow breathing when you recognize a totally misaligned pattern to be able to switch the channel. When you slow your breathing down you get that ability to switch and use more of your awarness healing power to correct unwanted behavior. The mind is like a vampire. It sucks your life energy and Will keep doing that if you keep allowing it. When you follow the thoughts presented and the deeper projections than it's like inviting that vampire in your home. You prevent that by your CONSCIOUS slow breathing. This is like garlic that keeps away the vampire.

Here’s the thing: most people worry too much on the Divine Feminine, but what about the Divine Masculine? Here are some insights I got from an ayahuasca trip: - There is always something to complain about… >> HUGE TRAP! This is a classic way to run away from the present moment. There will always be something “not quite right.” This is Ego 1.1. For example, in the beginning of my trip I was heavily thinking about food. “DUDE! I NEED EAT NOW!!!! Or else… I won’t strength.” This is all bullshit. Think about the many excuses you come up in your daily life to justify not being present. Ín my case, my mind was in “complaining mode.” If it wasn’t for the food; it would be about something else. When I was able to let go completely, and forget myself in the present moment…. The magic happens. - Use your body I live in Brazil. A popular religion here is called Umbanda, which has African roots. I love there, because you can really be yourself. As Leo mentioned in a psychedelic video, you just don’t see how much more natural you can be in your body. This “european” style makes us too rigid. We got to loosen up…. Hahaha… How can you do this? > Weightlifting > Breathing exercises > Yoga There you go. These three practices are enough to get in touch with body once again. But it all starts with the breath. If you have a poor breathing, you will feel poor. Shallow breathing = Shallow life - Bear Boredom During the trip, I was practicing mantras. However, there were moments that nothing “special” was happening. But I did not shy away from those moments; I actually stayed present even when it was emotionally difficult. This is the true meaning of resilience. - Go Local I got this idea from when I was living in California. I live in a very large city, so sometimes I wanna go places that are so far away… However, there are so many great things that are happening in my neighborhood. I hate travelling long distances to take ayahuasca, so from now on, I am gonna focus on the place I have been going to, which is a close to my house. Even though the “local” business might have problems, it is just so much better than giving your money to those crazy corporations, which is very similar to the ego structure. It just wants, and wants, and wants…. Never good enough… Always more…. Never satifisfied… So, from now on, I will choose things that are near my house. The closer, the better. __________________ Overcoming shyness... I have been heavily working on developing self-confidence. As a consequence, I got lots of insights about this topic! - Forget everybody else and focus on your body This is for the people-pleasers: we generally focus too much externally. But the real thing is internal. Remember!!!!! Nothing is that personal. Just because someone caughed, this doesn’t mean that person doesn’t like you. Don’t help so much Sometimes I want to help others so much that I end up wasting my energy. So, from now on, I will help people, but on a very small doses. I hope I remember this. Be OKAY with mental discomfort Most people shy away from conflict. But conflict is what make things memorable. When you are emotionally involved in something, you are vulnerable. However, in those moments, you will be part of something. In other words, even if you’re shouting at your mom, this “fight” can make you feel alive once again. PARTICIPATE in the CRAZINESS of LIFE I love meditation and psychedelics. I love entering those deep states of peace. But what is the point of having all those “divine” experiences by myself? From now on, I committed to meditating LESS. I just don’t need that much of protection. As Ram Dass said: “WE DO NOT WANT TO BECOME MEDITATORS. WE WANT TO BECOME FREE.” Do not BREAK the flux A lot of shy people just get lost in his or her head. If you think of something, go and actually do it. IF you can’t at the moment, IT IS OKAY!!! Just don't get fixated. Just forget about it. Oftentimes I want to do something “courageous”, but then I resist naturally becuase it is too much out of comfort zone. Then… I start ruminating. Cut that shit out! Become present again. Start slowly I am also working hard on dating and sexuality, and let me tell you: START SLOW! When you start to open yourself up, you will want to have sex crazily. Like you want to make up for the lost time. As Leo said in a video, “Neediness repels people.” I have made the mistakes taking things too quickly. I almost got into fights because of that. One time I asked a friend of my friend about his relationships with drugs. And… man… he started to get aggressive. “YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME, DUDE!” But anyway, you need to lose the caliber sometimes. Maybe you need some rejection, some criticism. IT IS FUCKING HARD, but it is WAAAAAY better living your life with contamined energy in your body. _____ !!!Come back!!!!! Planet Earth is Calling!!! When I get into high stages your consciousness, I want to stay there forever and ever. But life is calling you. EARTH is calling. This is why I wrote Awakening the Divine Masculine. What lacks in our society is not necessarily the feminine energy, but a HEALTHY MASCULINE energy. “Oh… I want to maitain my high vibes, so instead of interacting with people, creating material; I will sit alone in my room for as long as I want.” >>>> HUGE TRAP!!!!!! WHen you release your energy onto the world, you receive tenfold. CREATING ABUNDANCE - MAKE MORE COMMITMENTS Leo said in a video to do less shit. The advice for me is the opposite: do more shit. I have an extremely hard time being unproductive. So I am proactively allowing myself to have ZERO practices. Just be… DO NOT RUN AWAY FROM RESPONSIBILITIES It is actually a joy to become an Adult (the capitalized “a” is intentional). Many cultures do not prepare children to be independent adults, but co-dependend half-child half-adult. It is really twisted. A matured adult loves responsibilities, because he or she can CARRY it. We are strong enough. So, projects out of your comfort zone (e.g., performing on a play for needy children) can help you stay centered in your life because there is a higher vision in your life. You can say to yourself: “It’s okay if I am not feeling good at this particular place because there is a lot going on in my life. ABUNDANCE = DO SMALL AMOUNTS OF MANY THINGS I work, I practiced yoga, meditation, weighlifting etc… But I do all of them in small amounts. I do not place all my bills on just one thing, but on A LOT of things. We can really get lost if we focus on just one thing. My point is, “seriously, why do FIXATED on getting approval?” Other examples include dating, money, and academics. It is okay if you are not doing very well in a particular area of your life. But, PLEASE, DO NOT START 20 different HABITS. "That ain't gonna work." Newbies often do this mistake over and over again... too many commitments... That's how you create new habits You do them, and then you forget about improving anything for the rest of the day. You let go... Trust... Your subconscious is the one responsible for the big changes in your life. You know one habit that could change your life completely in a matter of months? Daily cold shower first thing in the day. And bam! The rest of the day you will not focus on anything. SET PROPER LIMITS This has to do with the divine masculine. Establishing energetic limits. Gandhi once said, “I do not allow people to place their dirty feet on my clean mind.” As you spiritually purify yourself, people will start come up with even more projections. The trick is: CUT THAT SHIT! Learn how to defend yourself. “Oh you are too selfish.” > fuck that! "Oh... you are being ruthless" > screw it "Oh... you are not kind anymore" whatever... You probably care too much about others. This is a dysfunction and has to stop. It is extremely healthy to be criticized. Bear it with fierceness. Your little ego hates that. But it needs that. It needs to get desensitized! MAKE A COMMITMENT TO DROPPING THE ROLE OF "NICE GUY". Expect people to criticize and not like you. When you start against the grain, and doing things that your mind is resisting, then this is the beginning of your Liberation. As Leo said in a video, "even your ways to be authentic are very inauthentic." Authenticity is freedom! The thing is I sometimes feel guilty to be direct to people. But this is fake kindness. It is much better to practice some old-fashioned masculine compassion, and BAM! The problem is not gone. Did you have an enlightenement experience? No, and I don’t even want to. Life is calling me. My LIFE PURPOSE has been presented in an ayahuasca trip two months ago, and NOW I know that enlightenement will happen anyways when I die, so I want to LIVE this life. Work my ass off you know? But obviously with consciousness. ALl this idea of enlightenement seems very obvious. I really don’t need that. I need more basic self-development. That is, lots of affirmations, visualizations, and meditation. I don’t need an extraordinary experience of unity. I am already it. Whether I want it or not, I am heaven’s highest divine, as Matt Kahn says. So why looking so muuuuch? You are already enough. (a.k.a. you do not need other people to be happy) We always something else to make our experience “better.” But the trick is to train yourself to be your own entertainer. You don’t need external circumstaces to dictate how you feel. Yes, I am being serious here. The world can be collapsing before your eyes, but you are as intact as a rock. Vipassana = Best meditation technique ever Hehe, I am generic here. WEll, to me is the best one. Vipassana basically is body scan. You do not cling to any “pleasant” sensation; nor do you get aversed due to uncomfortable feelings. In Vipassana, we train ourselves to be good scientists. We analyze our bodies. And this technique is a lifestyle really. For example, if you got a noisy baby, you can recognize that feeling of anger, or whatever you are feeling; BUT YOU DO NOT PLACE ANY SPECIAL ATTENTION ON ANYTHING. You keep analyzing the rest of the body. That’s it. Analyzing… Seeing… Scientific LENSES. No perosnal belifes, just the merely act of seeing as it is you already summoning awareness to the physical problem or mental problem, and that’s it all you really need. Seeing as things are. I LOVE BEING A NERD For some reason, I repressed “nerd” side. But this is actually so fucking good! You want to gain more knowledge about everything. There were others before you. Being a nerd is having a deep desire to know more things. To learn. To understand. Ignorance is not a bliss, but the source of all suffering. WORK = Pleasure Seriously, the only way to get real pleasure in life is through work. And by work, I mean anything. It can be cleaning your house, meditating, or really anything. However, it is better when it is something that you actually use your body. We need that. We have had enough of theories upon theories, Now let’s start LIVING! Do NOT hold insights so tightly Here is the greatest insight: be present. Haha. I know, the ego hates this idea. Why? Because the ego thrives on the past or on the future. If you are absolutely present, there is no ego. You become like a river. Chances are, you inner river is very polluted. But there is always hope haha. You gotta start cleaning that shit. Move, shake, connect. I am making sure I am writing down all the insights I got, but it is okay if I lose one. MANTRAS = EXTREMELY POWERFUL WAY TO SHUT DOWN THE MIND Mantras can guide you. In the beginning, it is boring (like everything healthy), but after a while you will see how your mind silents. Let things marinate I just got out of the trip, and the thing is: I want to feel like healthy young dude. It is incredible how attractive I am seeing myself. And this is pure. It’s not ego stuff. I am actually doing things in this world. And that makes me feel so good about myself. Love, you know? So… I am learning how to make stategic pauses between my daily self-development practices so that I can be raw, as I mentioned here it again. Apologize Less I have discovered that most of the times I say “I am sorry” to others, I -- as an ego -- am actually craving for the other person’s approval. If you feel like saying sorry, ok, but let go seriously. Things aren’t so seriously as you make them to be. So keep the flow. Mistakes do not define you, and trust me: people are so busy in their daily lives that they forget what you did to them. And let’s get straight here: we have a very short live here on Earth. It looks long, but actually it is just a matter of perspective. Life is like a blow… An inhale and an exhale. So, forget the past, and start living the present fucking moment. I don’t mean 5 minutes ago. I mean NOW. See? The Now is not possible to grasp. You gotta live it. Mental masturbation is endless Life is filled with problems. We came here to EVOLVE, to DEVELOP ourselves. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. Do you have high tolerance from discomfort feelings? Or do you shy away from them and try to fabricate a “positive” experience. Right now, I am giving you permission to drop your positivity bullshit that you listened in the past. The thing is, the real problem with negative self-talk is when it becomes an obsessive thought pattern. You ruminate it. You keep repeating to yourself something so many times that you forget that you are Human being. We are awesome, dude! We conquered the world. We do not even have physical advantages (expect for our beautiful thumb, which gives us great advantages). But somehow… we made it. How? Using our brain. Train your brain. It will be discomfortable, but it is fucking worth it. Let me tell you: if your meditation sessions are very cozy, cut that shit out. It is supposed to be uncomfortable. And when there is no other way but to be strong, You begin your true Brilliance, and unlimited STRENGTH and Energy. Remember your basic needs!!! I am in state of such deep energy that I forget to eat, simply because I know that I don’t really feel hungry. So… I keep not eating. HOWEVER, this is very detrimental to my mental and physical health in the long term. So I have decided to allow myself to eat more than usual, since I am in a moment that I am getting kind of bored of food, but it is necessary. If I fuck up my basic needs, all my “higher consciousness” desires will go to the thrash. I deserve, and you also deserve, to be attractive and have a decent-looking body, and also have good communication skills. Seriously… you deserve that. You deserve to have enough strength to challenge and face the world HEAD ON. Be brief and dynamic If you want to get a lot of audience, keep things short. If you want to get a specific, niche audience, allow yourself to take long. Most of us want the prize right away. However, it takes time to have amazing insights. That’s the thing I about it. For example, I have not seen the two episodes about absolute infinity because “they’re too fucking long.” That was my excuse. I am likely missing a lot of good stuff, but at the same time I refuse to “force myself” to watch something. Trust me: the right moment always comes. THINKING A LOT? Drop that shit you're thinking about it. Not important... You can never lose It You are It. Whether you are dreaming or whether you are Awake, you are an angel. As I was on the bus on my home, I was noticing how my body was contracting. I was being pulled into lower-consciousness physical posture. People have terrible postures. However, you can use this as counter-examples. Remember the video “How to Exploit People” You are only feeling extremely bad because you living in forgetfulness, as Thich Nhat Hahn puts it. You are suffering because you are recreating the suffering of your past. Cut that shit. Haha. You see? This is the masculine. Cutting shit out. No more weeds... Time to WORK! Time to BUILD like a fucking ANT! Be an example of dedication and conscious work. Work hard but in relaxed matter. I think those are the main insights. Mainly, I am focusing now on expanding my comfort zone. And really develop my own inner voice. What do you I really want? Do I agree with what this “authority” said, or am I just following it blindly? Where is my authentic voice? Am I able to voice my needs more frequently?

I've had glimpses before. But they were mostly like five seconds at most. This was the real deal. This Saturday evening I decided to go to the beach by train (which is like one stop away from me), smoke a joint, take a walk and do some inquiry, or even just to relax a bit. Whatever, I had nothing big planned at all. I do this almost every other week but this time things were different. What I noticed is that an unusual amount of fear surfaced. It was a warm day so there were still lots of people around which triggered some fears in me. It felt like everyone was looking at me, judging me... You know the usual, which I thought I had resolved already. Not at all. It became so intense and my ego started fighting it more and more. I had not expected this so after awhile I decided to turn around to return to my train and get home. By this time the fears had grown into thoughts of going insane, of fainting, of losing control. So I started to walk faster and faster until I reached my train. I sat down, totally panicked, but I'm pretty good with keeping these things to myself so I don't think anyone could really notice. Maybe because I was sitting comfortably that I was able to face these fears now. But I looked at these feelings and found out what they were. It occurred to me that they were like waterbubbles trying to pull you away from the water. I don't know why this is the analogy I went with, but that's exactly what it felt like. Remember I smoked a joint, so things got very conceptual. Anyways, fears kept rising up but I wasn't really afraid of them anymore. I saw that they were made of this same 'water.' Which made it all very clear to me. And then it happened. The last thought I remember that arose before it happened was 'I AM ALL OF IT!' Boom, awakening... I don't know why it happened at this moment. But it just happened. I saw reality. And it felt like I've seen it a million times before. It was there for all of my life. I saw a train moving and there were some people in it. I was in it. Sounds were literally just sounds. Utterly complex sounds but just sounds nonetheless. It was so serene and empty. Words aren't able to describe it but it's literally just 'life happening'. That's the reason why it's so familiar. Cause that's what it has always done. It's also a lot more 'normal' than I had imagined it to be. Then for a moment, thought would interfere and I got scared shitless. I decided to return to the egoic state... Which is pretty insane to think about. I literally created a new fear so I had something to hold on to. But no, this awakening had to happen today. And so it returned. And this is when the awakening became permanent. At least for the next seven hours. My train had reached it's destination and I got out. Huge smile on my face. No thought. Just walking. Walking towards my home. (I live very close to the trainstation.) Then thought returned, going completely bonkers about the amazing thing 'it's' experiencing, but this time they were no longer mine. I witnessed them. Even the identification I still had with thought, was witnessed. So it was all good. And the first thing I noticed, is whatever thought arose, a feeling came with it. And this feeling INSTANTLY healed as I looked at it. And this was the great miracle. Everything I witnessed, healed. Now I'm not sure if this includes the external world (as it all felt as one), but at least all feelings, all thought, all ego was healed if only I would take the time to simply look at them. Awareness truly is curative! In the most literal sense. It made me really understand why Awareness is referred to as God. Back home, I started to investigate what was happening. The recurring thoughts were; 'It was already so. It was already so. My god, it was already so.' I started to write in my journal. All very short sentences, kind of like riddles. It's in dutch, but I might translate it one day and share it with you because some beautiful words were written, if I say so myself. One of the biggest insights I had was finally understanding the 'hidden in plain sight' part of spirituality. And when I did, I laughed out loud. It basically comes down to the following question: Do you see reality? Yes Well, that's it. Reality is it. Everyone would answer yes to this question right? That 'yes', is enlightenment. Because it has always been yes. Awakening is merely realising that. Really, read that again. It's so simple and dumb yet it points to the ultimate truth. It's just an oversight. The seeing of reality, is the thing you are looking for. But you were already doing that! Of course you are. From the awakened point of view it's all so damn simple. You just witness reality. No further questions. And then you realise, that even though there's nothing there. There is life. OH MY GOD, THERE IS LIFE. Do you see why it's such a miracle? There shouldn't be life, because there's nothing there. Yet there is life all the same. Haha, it's so hard to explain this. But I completely lost it, when I realised that. And then at one point, ego panicked. And this was a profound moment. Because I was no longer identified with it. So it wasn't me that was panicking. If someone would have walked in at that moment they would've thought I was depressed or gone insane. And 'I' was. But behind it all, there was laughter and peace. Ego was thinking 'I want to go back,' 'what would my friends think of me like this,' 'what if this is forever? 'I'll never be able to function properly again.' And so on, and so on. It was just patterns playing itself out. And as said, every thought came with a feeling that was being felt completely and therefor it healed. After a couple of hours, more and more the thought; 'Do I still have it?' came up. It was quite the paradox since from Awareness' point of view, there is nothing to lose. So the funny thing was, I was completely convinced this would never leave me again. I was enlightened. And then sleep came. And I wasn't. It was ego waking up Identified as it's little self again. Which is fine. This entire experience was a complete shift in paradigm all the same. I don't feel different at all. But now I know. Now I know there's nothing to search for. It is already so. Even now that I'm identified with the separate self again, there is this knowing. A trust. Trust that whatever arises, is seen by 'that'. Even now. The next couple of days, there was a lot of energy released in my body. It was everything that was looked at during the awakening. It was that powerful. Kundalini I guess? I don't know a lot about that, so I'm mostly guessing. Doesn't really matter too much anyway. Looking back at this, there were a couple of things that really stood out to me. First of all. No bliss. Not at all. Absolute peace, yes. But no bliss. And the funny thing is, back then, I couldn't care less. When I say peace. It doesn't mean peace in the positive sense of the word. It just means nothingness, emptiness. From ego's point of view, it's quite a 'cold' peace. That's why ego doesn't really like it. It's so empty, it has no qualities. The other thing that stood out was how much of a role ego still plays even when realised. That really took me by surprise, I always had this idea of a full awakening from ego. Which you do, but at the same time, it doesn't mean it disappears even in the slightest. Even addictions were still there. I guess that's the reason it didn't stay permanently. There is just too much of a pull from ego. I didn't care at the moment, but after seven hours or so, it succeeded. (Or so, it thinks ) So, yeah. I guess that's a real lesson for anyone here. Be prepared for that! I wasn't. You don't want this. It's the only reason you don't have it. You don't really want it. That's a hard pill to swallow. But it's true. It's worth it all the same though. My god, the fear! There's so much fear! It really showed me how much work there is still to be done. The good news though, I now know awareness heals. Not by believing it. But by having witnessed it myself. This is the shift. It's like this awakening has showed me the disease and the cure simultaneously. Really profound. Isn't it amazing that my first proper awakening happened in a train that dropped me off at the 'next' stop. And that next stop turned out to be home. I try not to attach too much value onto symbolism like that, but man... It's beautiful, isn't it? Thanks for reading this. English isn't my first language so I hope it's easy to read! I wasn't planning to share this, but here we are. So much words, and I'm not even a talker. An introvert even. Go figure. Feels like I can talk about this forever!

@Ilya Thanks for your response. I just heard a really good quote that reminded me of my problem of thoughts here. It was: "the mind is a great servant, but a terrible master". That kind of told me that I can use my thoughts as tools but I need to develop the master to use them correctly. I was very into the Triforce Academy for awhile but I have a really hard time agreeing with some of Bentinho's theories. In his "Intro course: lesson 5 - what is consciousness?" he explains that there was infinite infinity of nothingness and then out of wanting to know, taste and experience itself in form there was an explosion (the big bang) of bliss love, a love/presence/energy. I am paraphrasing him of course but I just have such a hard time accepting that concept. He also believes in Free Will which is something I disagree with as well. I am trying to stay open minded about everything but I am having a hard time getting past his theory of nothingness wanting to know itself. I really want to work through this though because as you said it looks like a wonderfully well laid out course. Do you have any thoughts on his explanation of consciousness?

I just meditated for an hour, instant bliss :3

@Ilya Pleasure my friend :-) May you be triggered beyond your structures so it starts an endless expansion into the existence of bliss and harmony :-)

@ajasatya A calm state of mind is a stage of healing, it is a neccesary step to progress on the spiritual path. The mind creates conflict because it is dualistic. When one is identified with ego (and at the start of the spiritual journey everybody is) the body is reacting to those thoughts and that creates emotions, and bad emotions make your body tense. This tension gets stuck in the physical body. When one is tense for a lot of time without releasing this tension, this tension spirals out of control. To prevent this, one has to realize this calm state of mind. If one doesn't realize this state he cannot prevent this and tension starts to build, build and build to the point of disease. The lower the brainwaves the more healing power channels into the body. If you don't experience any lower brainwaves for a few days, you would be dead. So with EEG one can start to better recognize his brain waves and that helps one to get into healing mode when that's needed. Recognizing patterns is important, that's basicly what spiral Dynamics stage torquoise is about. I still think it's better to think of this as stages of progression. One can never free oneself from a state of mind without experiencing it first. Calmness is healing. Parasympathetic nervous system is activated. The breath is slower, and when you get really deep, it's like you need very little air to function, the breath is slow automatically. The overactive sympathetic nervous system causes stress and 90% of doctor visits. Stress is the main cause of disease and the main cause of death. The sympathetic nervous system is active when brainwaves are high and the Parasympathetic is active when there are more lower brainwaves. When tension is present in the body, one cannot shift between brainwaves effectively. So it's neccesarry to first realese all this tension, go trough the side effects of meditation (the purging process) and than once that is done, one can easily shift between states without getting attached and do the thing that you said - to liberate oneself from any state of mind. But then again one can become attached to a state of mind that is not attached to any state of mind and there is too much fluctuation. There is no more calmness. So... it's really all about alignment and synchronization. So you stay synchronized with that which is. The synchronization of the aura with the "state" of bliss, that which you actually is. That's also I think why it's better to think of one as existing and not existing at the same time. There is a fluctuation between matter and anti-matter, you are a particle but also a wave. If you think that you don't exist and get attached to this than synchronization falls away and your selling yourself so short you can't even imagine really. Yes you can be enlightened and not synchronized, But when your enlightened and not synchronized with that which is, your experiencing far far far far far far less bliss than from being enlightened and synchronized. This requeries embracing a greater paradox and also leads to experiencing more of what one is. The perfect alignment is when you can maintain 13Hz in your brain as far as my research goes. @TJ Reeves I looked it up and muse actually has a rating of 4.1/5 based on 538 reviews and I think that's pretty good. I don't think you Will ever get a 5/5 review based on 538 reviews for a tool that can help you. What do you think about the data that muse provided you with? Have you gained anything from using that device after you stopped using it? I have written something about this calmness above, I think that also applyies to what your Zen master said (I have not read his article yet). I don't know if you really need an EEG that costs a few thousands to get accurate data. The more expensive the EEG the more precise the data Will be but that doesn't mean you cannot get beneficial data from the cheaper one.

I wrote a poem regarding my current perceptions. Does anyone else here write poetry, that they would like to share? Well, here is mine : Sound selective surrender Slipping through smiles and hellos 5 lifetimes of interactions, moments, openings, closings, death by betrayal And then what follows.. Old, Ancient eyes watching.. lingering apathetic acceptance swallowing eagerness of new welcomings, of new reachings , swallowing notions of unique endings, swallowing … So predictable , the patterns of the ego and it’s grasping So inertia sets in… And so soon does death come, that entering into the nothingness that is the only constant, that place behind silent and black Here, where no one matters where no thing exists. The incomprehensibility that no mind comprehends The unlimited potential before birthing before deaths And arising, Maya the veil behind which Truth exists, the veil behind which those who Know Be, Behind the projected perceptions thrown like nets over the clear opening to the void. When terrifying surrender is the only way forward to complete obliteration, Of Separation, Of Self. The only authenticity. But, resistance appears, because warriors barely exist anymore And a battlefield arises Weapons and methods, tactics and strategies War. But, there are spiraling galaxies spinning through emptiness still, There are stars exploding And babies being born There is union And Absolute Infinity. Despite it all. What greater joy is there than potential? Bliss. B.Clear

Salvation in depression (poem attempt) There's a great bliss to the action of sitting with the overwhelming voices of a mind hit by depression. When it hits and everything goes fuzzy, there's no words for what is the real problem but "FUCK OFF!"; That's when you sit; that's when you watch: The twirls and the swoops, The zooms and booms, they're there to bring you bliss; It's a firework show in your mind That only hurts when you resist. Understandably the energy is overwhelming, And can be described as anything but calming. But there's a place behind its shout, That it feels it's pulled you out.. A place of calm, That can't be harmed. Eternal bliss; stillness. It's empty of voice, or anything loud...or anything at all Yet everything's there. From here is where you sit - you've got a front row seat, To the fireworks of fear, That admittedly can give a kind of scary heat. Remember this show is just for you, You've got a wild mind on fire! No one else gets this spectacular view, A head filled with dragons, explosions, magic and pirates. I understand from your point of view, You feel like a pussy, oh yes you do, But look from a place a little higher, And you'll realise Hun, That you're a fucking tiger! So sit with it, be with it, It's truly a sight of wonder. Don't run from it, don't fight with it, It's only a little thunder. An opportunity into God's heavenly cribb; In the jacuzzi of joy you can't miss a cheeky dip, Although if I'm truly honest I will admit, That sometimes depression does feel a little shit.

Funny how Mind works. I just had an epiphany. For a while my mind has wondered why it's feeling such disturbance and unease, even though I've been pursuing enlightenment for nearly 2 years now. "Hey sam, don't you think some amount of consistant bliss would be pouring in by now, since you do know that all beliefs are bullshit, and that life is absolute infinity." You sly fox. I hadn't really fully acknowledged it, but learning enlightenment and consciousness work brings its own sneaky beliefs along with it. Just because the work is about stripping away beliefs, concepts and assumptions does not by any means mean it does not contain its fair share of beliefs. I actually realized this for myself after experiencing a great plateu in this work. "Why am I stuck?! "Why am I not getting MY tranquil experiences?!" You little trickster... What a sneaky mess you have made...