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I feel the fear of nothingness, but I'm not sure how all this is supposed to work: surrending, forgiving, letting go. I think my mind is in such a state of conceptualizing everything it tries to turn no-thing into some-thing, to see it, to hold it. Maybe I'm looking for a mechanism that doesn't exist, a clever trick of the ego/self? Paul Hedderman says the way out of the self isn't through the self. But the self is all I know, except for brief experiences that the mind clings too through memories or dreams. I don't know how to die, how to shed this shell that keeps my self at the center of the universe? How!?

There is no nothingness that happens when you sleep. If you are aware of a "nothingness", then it's not nothing -- it's "something" because you are aware, even if it's minute. You are never not-aware. Also, that question comes from the perspective of the mind. You are asking the mind what happens when you sleep (e.g. "what happens between 10pm and 7am?"). Instead, look from the perspective of awareness (the above Rupert Spira video elaborates this quite well). For example, "what does my stream of consciousness experience before, during, and after sleep?" The body goes to sleep, but awareness doesn't. It's always awake to the next conscious moment.

i have been aware of nothingness while alseep after taking 5meo dmt. also a few times being aware of this nothingness continued when i woke up for maybe 10 seconds. its very hard to remember nothingness, its like trying to remember a dream you had months ago. the mind cant make sense of it words that come to mind to explain nothingness. bliss, infinity, energy, freedom. eternal.

Because it's a bottomless bucket you can never fill. But the ego doesn't know or forgets that when its engrossed in these pleasant activites one after another, then another, then another. It's afraid of nothingness, it is it's very own death that's why! Haha ?

A couple days ago, during meditation, I had a few insights. First I realized out of the blue that I still believed that « I » had to move and « I » had to take decisions for them to happen. Then, in the state of clarity and relative freedom that resulted from this, I sat down and automatically wrote a bit. I thought I would share it with you as my first post. Here goes : Enlightnenment is the simplest thing there is. So simple and obvious you overlook it. « Overlook » can lead to misunderstanding though : as it implies that the ego can « find it » somehow by thinking harder. The mind can simply not ceise that simple truth, so it looks everywhere else it can. What happens is all there is. The ego, (which is part of what is happening), tends to look for something else, and thus create an alternative reality. The ego is hence caught in a self-created illusion. Although reality is simple, the complexities of the ego have to be uprooted in its own fields of complexities first, before it calms down, and simple can be embraced. Hence the spiritual teachings. Without the complexities of the ego, there would be no teaching, because otherwise everyone would just live and embody « reality » without questioning it. The manifestations are the dreamed activities of Awareness, but that is all there is. Reality is a dream, dream is reality. When the mind quiets down, reality can be perceived as it is, and the true nature of just being this dreamed reality can be embodied. Why is Oneness realized and embodied by enlightened beings only ? There is Awareness, and there is its activity. While animals only dwell in activitiy, and people of the two vehicles (seekers of the truth that rely heavily on intelect) try to negate « activity » in order to reach « perfect awareness », only enlightened beings understand that there is no difference between awareness and its activity, it is all one. Hence, both awareness and activity are embodied in the body, or equivalent to that, both awareness and activity are « lived » in pure awareness. Both are true at the same time, which is an apparent paradox, when considered through the « activity » lense. The ego resists. That is what it does to preserve its limited and illusory existence. What can be resisted ? From a dual point of view : The body (the « material » world, the activity) and Awareness, God. If you look closely at anyone, there is clearly an unbalance that veils reality : in some cases both are resisted, in others one is mostly accepted while the other is rejected : as in the fight between atheist and rational scientists, and believers that deny « this » reality in favor of another. If it is non-duality we are talking about, what else can there be other than « this » reality ? Although its nature is nothingness, a dream in its essence (hence absolutely relative) that is still all there is. Albeit, there is much more to this Oneness that can be perceived and embodied ; on a paradoxical single point of multitude infinity. N.B : A good part of what I wrote at that time is actually a rearrangement of various teachings that I read about in the last couple years, that I merely put in my own words, using the momentum gained from meditation. Nevertheless, it made me look back on Shakyamuni’s teaching of the Middle Way (of both existence and non-existence), after he ceased starving his body in order to « reach » Nirvana, and on the paradox of the Tao depicted in the Tao Te Ching (the Tao as both manifestations, and timeless and spaceless essence), with a new light to it. What came out of this is a renewed enthusiasm towards living a simple life, « core training » and my life purpose. How do you guys relate to that ? If you do !

Soo, I am just back from my Vancouver vacation. I met @Be Yourself who lives there and he introduced me to the place. Thanks for that again. It was very nice. He got me some of that good BC weed, we had a lot of very deep discussions about the whole journey and we actually tripped on acid together and shared a nice trip. It was very spiritual in many regards. Cheers to you, man. Plus, I went to a concert of one of my favourite rappers who actually inspired me with a song to create this avatar, called Azrael. I'll come back to that city and probably move there in a few years. This trip report - however - is about an experience that I had like a month ago that is by far the deepest I ever went. It took me so long to put this into words because it was so profound that I have actually a hard time thinking about it. Even right now it's kinda hard. When I trip these days I always trip on 5-MeO, doesn't matter which psychedelic I choose. If I do shrooms as I did in this experience, it's 5 hours of 5-MeO combined with shrooms. This brings tripping to a whole new place for me. Because there is a very distinct difference in having a nice and profound experience compared to having a complete dissolution of your normal perspective and going to a different place. I'll talk about that in a second. I think I went to the same place @Leo Gura went in this trip. I've talked to him about that. Of course I can only listen to his description and my trip was very different, but it's like you go to Mars. It doesn't matter what place you visit on Mars, if you hear somebody talking about it you know whether he went there or not if you went there yourself. It feels like that. So I had a very big smile on my face when I listened to the video. You know that shit gets serious when Leo doesn't start with "Hey Leo" no more. But let's go back in time roughly a month ago. I'm in my apartment, currently learning for my exams for over a month now. I'm a little exhausted from that. Also, I got the first harvest from my shrooms grow kit that is fully dry now. I got a golden teacher grow kit for the first time and it brought me some nice, all natural shrooms. So I'm thinking lets try the shrooms. It's in the evening, I weigh 3,5g of the shrooms and cut them into little pieces. Now I know that when I do 3+ grams of shrooms these days where I'm headed. But I didn't expect where it would take me this time. So, I eat the shrooms, drink some orange juice, put on my favourite tripping music mix and lie down on my bed. In the beginning I just chill, relax and wait for it to come up. So I wait. After like 20 minutes I feel that it starts. I get the typical super meditative shrooms vibe. Everything calms down, looks very sharp and nice. The body load comes on quite heavy, so I just try to relax more and get into it. I close my eyes and just breathe. The first thing that happens is that my body feeling slowly goes away. Before my awakening shrooms would always get rid of my tensions. Now I don't have a lot of my tensions in my body any more, but I can still feel it. So it feels like a wave is going through my body every few seconds and deletes the feeling of having a body quite drastically. I watch this and at some point it is totally gone. My eyes are closed at this point and I'm super relaxed. The body load is completely gone because there is no body any more. Ok went there before here and there. Then, the deconstruction of my personal perspective begins. You can picture it like a head that slowly deconstructs into all the pieces that it is made of. It's ego death to the fullest. It feels like going away. Firstly the concentration in the eyes deconstruct to the point where I cannot perceive sight any more. Then listening deconstructs to the point where I cannot hear any more. Then feeling goes away as well. At last there comes the ability to think, the total deconstruction of mind and through that the total dissolution of your personal perspective that is kept up by all these ways of perceiving. As the mind falls into a thousand pieces a lot of very scary things come up. I relive some of the bad things that happened to me in life. I also relive how I am eaten by a tiger and a crocodile, some crazy stuff happens. In the beginning it's very uncomfortable, but as I go through some of these scenarios I naturally begin to just take the pressure of the intense situation and ride on that. Then at some point they are finished and the last thing I think is "I am about to die". It is that cold and clear. I went a few times to this point in prior trips and it never went beyond on shrooms. Sometimes I freaked in the last moment and stopped the trip. This time - and I don't know why - I just took it because I was ready. It was okay. So at this point I feel "myself" to be a little electronic impulse going through my neurons. That's the last thing that is left of me. All the body is gone, all the senses are gone, all thinking gone - the present still remains. And I am now this tiny, tiny impulse in my head. Then at some point even that goes away. And when that happens, it feels like I am total presence, but still locked in this world, just that everything else went away. It then feels like this presence expands and expands to the margin of its reality and then it pops. It's like there is a man in a balloon and that is his life. The man is always in the centre of the balloon so he can never actually touch it. When he seems to move, the balloon moves. All that happens for him, happens in the balloon. He doesn't know that he lives in a balloon and he doesn't know how the balloon world works because the actual reality of the balloon is axiomatic to his existence. That means, that there is a bigger reality outside of the balloon that shapes and forms the balloon reality. It is an implication of the bigger reality and so can never fathom this bigger reality because it's a part of it. When I did the shrooms, first the little body of the man went away, then the head space of the man went away, then the balloon was left and then it blew up to the point where it exploded. I cannot really perceive how this felt. I think I saw some stuff, but it is not important either way. It felt like being sucked out of reality from behind. Like someone would grab you from behind out of this world. Quite crazy. Now the personal reality is totally gone. Azrael is totally dead. What happened. I still have a few pictures of the place that I went to and I can clearly see how I came back into the personal reality after it. So let me try to describe it. It feels like I am coming out of a book page in front of me into some place. I don't have a body, I cannot really think, but I can somehow perceive. Firstly, it is totally apparent to me who I am - God himself. Secondly, I instantly realize that I am coming out of a dream and that I have done this before. Then I see this book in front of me and the pages of the book turn by themselves very quickly and I see countless dreams. As I look into them it feels like I download countless bits of insights and information but it happens so fast that I cannot make something out of it. Then it goes to one specific page which shows me the nature of relativity - the explosion of Yin & Yang. I see into it and go through endless dreams as God. I go through the scenario of being eaten again by a tiger and a crocodile as God and it does nothing to me. I feel nothing. I can see it clearly but I feel nothing. It's just an intense experience that happens but nothing more. It's not even intense in that situation. It's just one dream world. Then I go into a lot of other worlds and I see how they manifest in nothingness. I see how they come up in this book and I see how they have endless structures and dynamics to them. It's happening really fast so I just get a a glimpse of that. But it doesn't matter what happens in the dreams because I begin to understand how they work. All of this time insights and information hit me. I don't know why and how and can't even explain how it feels, but it's just clear that it happens. Then after this the book turns to the page of my dream "called Azrael" again and then I slowly turn into this. It really feels like going into the page. While this is happening everything turns black and I see a thousand little particles in this blackness arise. It feels like a concept space arises and it slowly gets together and creates a total conceptual reality in this pure empty presence. And as it does it I become that. As this happens I remember that I went through this before. When I was born the first time into this perspective. Now I'm back in this dream, in "my room", in "my body" and it slowly begins to work again. I breathe for the first time again. The body feeling slowly comes back. the mind comes back. I'm still completely aware that I am God and I am completely aware that everything here is conceptual. Conceptual and non-existent to the point that I could cut myself with a knife and I wouldn't feel it. I was in that mode for a few more hours after the trip until it closed down to my normal awakened reality. But to this day I can sense how this dream works. How it comes into existence every moment and that it is completely conceptual. Completely groundless. Now, this is the best I can describe what happened. It doesn't even cover 1% of what really happened because it sounds that I just went bad shit insane. It surely does. And maybe I cannot convince you that I didn't, but that's fine. From this day on it changed completely how I perceive the world because I saw for the first time how it actually manifests. Bad shit insane. I would have never thought that our dream reality is that fucking crazy. If you are brought up with the normal scientific paradigm that you live on a planet and are this body it is bad shit insane to see that this actually is a complete conceptual, groundless dream happening in nothingness. In nothing at all. In a concept space. Soo, that's the trip. What can we make out of it. Firstly, let's get rid of some misguiding perceptions. Is the place with the book the place where you go after you die? The place itself, probably yes. The stuff with the book and shit, probably not. Why? It became apparent to me when I went there that relative reality is actually not one reality but an endless fractal of realities. So we live in our dream right now that has certain properties. It looks a certain way, it works a certain way, it feels a certain way. There is a concept space of stuff that can happen and there is a creative, intelligent force that makes certain stuff appear in this concept space. It's like a river of patterns and structures that is flowing to you right now from nothingness that makes up everything you are in this dream. Now this dream concept space is enforced by another reality, another concept space that is axiomatic to the dream. It creates the dream. So there are different things to see there, to feel there and to perceive there. Stuff works there a different way, but it works also in a certain way. Just as we are able to build a car in this dream, the reality behind that is able to create these dreams. How it does that, I don't know. What else you can do in this space, I don't know. Are you still some kind of individual in that space, it's strange. I felt to be God and absolute - just as on normal 5-MeO very clearly but at the same time it had an individual aspect to it. I will need more trips to explore that. So the stuff that I saw there and experienced there is as relative as it is in this dream. It's just that it's a different concept space, a different reality. That's why you will see different things there, because it's a different world to explore. And lastly, this is not the end stage. As I said, relative reality seems to be an infinite fractal of realities. That means that the dream you are living right now is implicated by the place I went to and the place I went to is implicated by another reality. And it seems to go on like this. Just because it's relative, completely conceptual and groundless. So, to sum things up. When you die, your dream ends for sure. Your current relative reality pops. You'll then probably go to the place where I went. I'd guess. How it'll be for you, I don't know. What will happen there for you, I don't know. I don't even know what'll happen for me there. But something will happen in some way or another. Reality is actually a fractal of realities, one creating the other, totally groundless, totally conceptual. You can realize that this is so right here and now, in this dream. You can go there yourself and experience how it is like to die and be born. You can be God. Well, you are God any way. Now, I know myself that this is a big pill to swallow. And trust me it's even harder when you experience it yourself. That being said, understand that I just describe in the best way I can how it was for me. It is still a description and can never portray to you that this is actually the case. Maybe it convinces you, probably not. That's fine. It's enough that I have seen it for myself. What you have to do now if you wanna experience the explosion of Yin & Yang, the nature of relativity, is to go there yourself and see that this is so. To do that you just need some 5-MeO trips and then every psychedelic that you'll take after will with time bring you there. For sure. I'll let you know whether I go to this place again in future trips and if I do, what I can bring back. Until then, be good to yourself. Cheers, Azrael PS: I'm thinking right now to go to the US next summer and visit some big cities so that I can make a decision whether Vancouver is the right place for me or not. I'd like to see a little bit of the east coast and then some more of the west coast. So, if you live in a big well-known city that is exciting, let me know. Maybe we'll meet.

Not seeing nothingness is exactly what seeing nothingness is. Because it's nothing ?

I've had glimpses before. But they were mostly like five seconds at most. This was the real deal. This Saturday evening I decided to go to the beach by train (which is like one stop away from me), smoke a joint, take a walk and do some inquiry, or even just to relax a bit. Whatever, I had nothing big planned at all. I do this almost every other week but this time things were different. What I noticed is that an unusual amount of fear surfaced. It was a warm day so there were still lots of people around which triggered some fears in me. It felt like everyone was looking at me, judging me... You know the usual, which I thought I had resolved already. Not at all. It became so intense and my ego started fighting it more and more. I had not expected this so after awhile I decided to turn around to return to my train and get home. By this time the fears had grown into thoughts of going insane, of fainting, of losing control. So I started to walk faster and faster until I reached my train. I sat down, totally panicked, but I'm pretty good with keeping these things to myself so I don't think anyone could really notice. Maybe because I was sitting comfortably that I was able to face these fears now. But I looked at these feelings and found out what they were. It occurred to me that they were like waterbubbles trying to pull you away from the water. I don't know why this is the analogy I went with, but that's exactly what it felt like. Remember I smoked a joint, so things got very conceptual. Anyways, fears kept rising up but I wasn't really afraid of them anymore. I saw that they were made of this same 'water.' Which made it all very clear to me. And then it happened. The last thought I remember that arose before it happened was 'I AM ALL OF IT!' Boom, awakening... I don't know why it happened at this moment. But it just happened. I saw reality. And it felt like I've seen it a million times before. It was there for all of my life. I saw a train moving and there were some people in it. I was in it. Sounds were literally just sounds. Utterly complex sounds but just sounds nonetheless. It was so serene and empty. Words aren't able to describe it but it's literally just 'life happening'. That's the reason why it's so familiar. Cause that's what it has always done. It's also a lot more 'normal' than I had imagined it to be. Then for a moment, thought would interfere and I got scared shitless. I decided to return to the egoic state... Which is pretty insane to think about. I literally created a new fear so I had something to hold on to. But no, this awakening had to happen today. And so it returned. And this is when the awakening became permanent. At least for the next seven hours. My train had reached it's destination and I got out. Huge smile on my face. No thought. Just walking. Walking towards my home. (I live very close to the trainstation.) Then thought returned, going completely bonkers about the amazing thing 'it's' experiencing, but this time they were no longer mine. I witnessed them. Even the identification I still had with thought, was witnessed. So it was all good. And the first thing I noticed, is whatever thought arose, a feeling came with it. And this feeling INSTANTLY healed as I looked at it. And this was the great miracle. Everything I witnessed, healed. Now I'm not sure if this includes the external world (as it all felt as one), but at least all feelings, all thought, all ego was healed if only I would take the time to simply look at them. Awareness truly is curative! In the most literal sense. It made me really understand why Awareness is referred to as God. Back home, I started to investigate what was happening. The recurring thoughts were; 'It was already so. It was already so. My god, it was already so.' I started to write in my journal. All very short sentences, kind of like riddles. It's in dutch, but I might translate it one day and share it with you because some beautiful words were written, if I say so myself. One of the biggest insights I had was finally understanding the 'hidden in plain sight' part of spirituality. And when I did, I laughed out loud. It basically comes down to the following question: Do you see reality? Yes Well, that's it. Reality is it. Everyone would answer yes to this question right? That 'yes', is enlightenment. Because it has always been yes. Awakening is merely realising that. Really, read that again. It's so simple and dumb yet it points to the ultimate truth. It's just an oversight. The seeing of reality, is the thing you are looking for. But you were already doing that! Of course you are. From the awakened point of view it's all so damn simple. You just witness reality. No further questions. And then you realise, that even though there's nothing there. There is life. OH MY GOD, THERE IS LIFE. Do you see why it's such a miracle? There shouldn't be life, because there's nothing there. Yet there is life all the same. Haha, it's so hard to explain this. But I completely lost it, when I realised that. And then at one point, ego panicked. And this was a profound moment. Because I was no longer identified with it. So it wasn't me that was panicking. If someone would have walked in at that moment they would've thought I was depressed or gone insane. And 'I' was. But behind it all, there was laughter and peace. Ego was thinking 'I want to go back,' 'what would my friends think of me like this,' 'what if this is forever? 'I'll never be able to function properly again.' And so on, and so on. It was just patterns playing itself out. And as said, every thought came with a feeling that was being felt completely and therefor it healed. After a couple of hours, more and more the thought; 'Do I still have it?' came up. It was quite the paradox since from Awareness' point of view, there is nothing to lose. So the funny thing was, I was completely convinced this would never leave me again. I was enlightened. And then sleep came. And I wasn't. It was ego waking up Identified as it's little self again. Which is fine. This entire experience was a complete shift in paradigm all the same. I don't feel different at all. But now I know. Now I know there's nothing to search for. It is already so. Even now that I'm identified with the separate self again, there is this knowing. A trust. Trust that whatever arises, is seen by 'that'. Even now. The next couple of days, there was a lot of energy released in my body. It was everything that was looked at during the awakening. It was that powerful. Kundalini I guess? I don't know a lot about that, so I'm mostly guessing. Doesn't really matter too much anyway. Looking back at this, there were a couple of things that really stood out to me. First of all. No bliss. Not at all. Absolute peace, yes. But no bliss. And the funny thing is, back then, I couldn't care less. When I say peace. It doesn't mean peace in the positive sense of the word. It just means nothingness, emptiness. From ego's point of view, it's quite a 'cold' peace. That's why ego doesn't really like it. It's so empty, it has no qualities. The other thing that stood out was how much of a role ego still plays even when realised. That really took me by surprise, I always had this idea of a full awakening from ego. Which you do, but at the same time, it doesn't mean it disappears even in the slightest. Even addictions were still there. I guess that's the reason it didn't stay permanently. There is just too much of a pull from ego. I didn't care at the moment, but after seven hours or so, it succeeded. (Or so, it thinks ) So, yeah. I guess that's a real lesson for anyone here. Be prepared for that! I wasn't. You don't want this. It's the only reason you don't have it. You don't really want it. That's a hard pill to swallow. But it's true. It's worth it all the same though. My god, the fear! There's so much fear! It really showed me how much work there is still to be done. The good news though, I now know awareness heals. Not by believing it. But by having witnessed it myself. This is the shift. It's like this awakening has showed me the disease and the cure simultaneously. Really profound. Isn't it amazing that my first proper awakening happened in a train that dropped me off at the 'next' stop. And that next stop turned out to be home. I try not to attach too much value onto symbolism like that, but man... It's beautiful, isn't it? Thanks for reading this. English isn't my first language so I hope it's easy to read! I wasn't planning to share this, but here we are. So much words, and I'm not even a talker. An introvert even. Go figure. Feels like I can talk about this forever!

@Erlend K You cannot observe nothingness. But you can be aware of it. Imagine the following O is the universe expanding. The only thing you need to do is zoom out faster, remember this is a thought experiment, you dont need to travel faster than light- this is only a way to become aware of the eternal nature of nothingness or emptiness. Obviously it cannot be done in reality apart from in a thought experiment, because if something is outside the universe taking this snapshot will automatically be part of the Universe and the universe will expand to it. Will circle him and then again there is the unobserved nothingness beyond. The entire page is the emptiness around it. So we suppose the universe is finite and ever increasing, then we can represent it with the O no problem. You are somewhere in the limited O we currently call our finite ever increasing universe of stuff(spacetime contiuum included, which is silly cause space and time don't exist apart from thought but whatever, we're supposing here that there is a world outside us in the first place lol). O So in this you can actually see that there is infinite nothingness beyond. It's too simple. If there wasn't infinite nothingness, there would be something and then that would also be part of the O and not the rest of the picture. But there are no bounds for the O. If there is a bound, it would be part of the O and not the nothingness outside. Which is eternal. You can be aware of it's eternal nature. You cannot verify it's existence because it's very quality is that it doesn't exist. It doesn't have qualities. But it is. Nothing can be without the space in which it appears. Reminds me of self enquiry.

There is nothing outside! It's not an absurd question, it's only absurd if the answer is something, because that then will be included in the definition of our universe and will no longer be outside it. Is the room the walls or is it also the empty space within it? And no, you cannot see empty space or observe it. You can only notice it in relation to objects, but that doesnt stop you from being aware of it's eternal being. It's the alpha and the omega. No less than God. So, if you are aware that there is nothing outside, you are aware that there is infinite space and then I include that space in the definition of the Universe. So I know it to be infinite, because I include nothingness as well as the illusory forms as part of the Universe. In fact nothingness is more real than any appearance, but thats another story.. So it's weird not to include the only thing real in the definition of Universe.

Nothingness, emptiness, space. Never born, will never die, dimensionless yet all form appear in it. How is it possible? (Perhaps form is also 100% empty space and this separation is just a projection of mind) Nothingness, emptiness, space is at no distance from you.

Of course space doesn't exist, that's why I'm saying Emptiness/Nothingness/Space is the absence of things. It is eternal. Always there, yet nothing. Yes it doesn't EXIST (stand out) from the point of view of the Mind and the senses. Aristotle and this guy are rationalizing. Just because you can't see it, it doesn't mean it is not there. You know emptiness IS the moment you realize you are that. These guys are Egos obsessed with objects tbh I mean even look at the philosophy they are operating under: "To be IS to be something in particular, so infinity is out" That's where the mistake comes. To be is To be - The something is secondary. In fact only nothing is, everything else is an illusory trip. But hey, they're the scientists, they should know the truth PS: Check out this story I just found:

@Ilya Thanks for your response. I just heard a really good quote that reminded me of my problem of thoughts here. It was: "the mind is a great servant, but a terrible master". That kind of told me that I can use my thoughts as tools but I need to develop the master to use them correctly. I was very into the Triforce Academy for awhile but I have a really hard time agreeing with some of Bentinho's theories. In his "Intro course: lesson 5 - what is consciousness?" he explains that there was infinite infinity of nothingness and then out of wanting to know, taste and experience itself in form there was an explosion (the big bang) of bliss love, a love/presence/energy. I am paraphrasing him of course but I just have such a hard time accepting that concept. He also believes in Free Will which is something I disagree with as well. I am trying to stay open minded about everything but I am having a hard time getting past his theory of nothingness wanting to know itself. I really want to work through this though because as you said it looks like a wonderfully well laid out course. Do you have any thoughts on his explanation of consciousness?

Yeah. I want to preach the truth I see about your signature. "Until we know that death is equal to life, we live in fear." -- Byron Katie From my view here, no-one fears death. What we fear the meaning we put on it. What we fear is pain. What we fear is a possibly horrible next life (if one believes in that) or we fear experiencing the so called Nothingness, which is the biggest load of horseshit fear there can be. For there to be nothingness, there cant be an experiencer of it - if there is, Bam, no longer nothing is experienced, because you're experiencing your being lol. We fear hell. Possibly the most justified fear ever. And I think a wise one. For me fear is definitely not coming from Death, although it might appear this way to many. Fear stems from life and our distaste with painful occurrences. These are my thoughts on the matter. All come from nothing, as anything and everything.

I think it's possible to not have any thoughts at all and just exist as an awareness. You say you can't experience nothingness, I would say it's true, but you become aware of gaps of nothingness through having been born and also during deep sleep. Interesting topic here! During my dreams there is little connection to this person called me, when I have lucid dreams I'm fully aware of "me." When I awake from a normal dream I'm usually dumbfounded at what was going on, because I'm "aware" in the dream but its not from the perspective of me ego, it's more of an omnicisent perspective where I see everything including myself if I happen to be a part of it. I'm a bit skeptical, but I'm thinking this might point to what enlightenment entails in a sense, sort of like a dream and I'm just an observer of it, at least in my own experience. I may never become a Buddha, but a lot of what you guys talk about as far enlightenment goes sort of rings a bell. When people start talking about aliens, star children, and crystals, thats when I start to zone out and it gets less interesting. I think I'm too steeped in layers of conditioning to realize this, as much as I can tell myself this is fact, something is in the way here. Reality is just a thought? Hmmm, could use more pondering! Bake at 350 degrees and see how it tastes...

@Leo Gura That's also just an idea. Who says there is absolute thought? We never have fully experienced complete nothingness, since we are 'alive' to an agreeable degree. The absence of thought you think is complete going on at micro level, it's so hidden that you almost call it non-existent. You see functioning is thinking, moving is thinking, organized action is done because the body wants to complete some goal. You exclude the micro thoughts that make arise the more prominent personal thoughts which entail complexer concepts. You are always thinking wether you like it or not to stay alive. A nice comparison would be throwing a pebble in a silent lake. The ripples represent heightened awareness or so sense of identity that comes with concepual thinking. The ripples spread, broaden their identity, but get weaker in the proces. Eventually the enivornment, the edge of the lake, echo's the identity back in an exact mirror image. The amplitude has reversed in the wave that is bouncing back an it redefines itself searching for the orgin. The point is, the mind works in a similar way. No matter how small the wave is, it is still present. Relatively speaking, the less thoughts you have, the more silent the mind becomes again, but the echos will follow you till your 'death'.

I found two great songs by a little-known musician named Stuart Davis. One of them is featured in the Audiobook Kosmic Consciousness with Ken Wilber, which I will put a review of later. Ladder The first song is called "Ladder." It's a lovely song about our personal and species-wide evolution and the natural clash with psychological entropy. That is, as we grow more complex as individuals and as a species, we also have more stuff that can topple us. I've got brains like antique floors I built each one on the one before I use all three but they don't agree One of them wants to love you Another one would love to club you I guess my old natures move like glaciers Chorus: The fish became a lizard The shrew became an ape Will the ape become an angel? The higher that we climb The more the ladder sways I'm the bastard child the one who got the head of Einstein and the soul of Pol Pot there's no compassion but I can split the atom Better give me a microscope for a different eye Better give me a telescope for the inward sky and a ladder leading up from Eden Chorus If Ramana Maharshi came from clay there's more to evolution than a little DNA Cut off the moorings to the inward ark Aiming it into a question mark The fish became a lizard The shrew became an ape will the ape become a Mother Teresa? She came from clay There's more to evolution than a little DNA Personal Commentary: Ladder bases itself off of the integral idea of Holarchy. Holarchies are made out of Holons. A holon refers to the something being both a whole and a part with no actual distinction between itself and other whole/parts other than arbitrary measures. Each holon is a system (or phenomenon) that is an evolving self-organizing dissipative structure, composed of other holons, whose structures exist at a balance point between chaos and order. Higher level holons are always at a more precarious position than lower level holons. This goes for physical objects, ecological systems, psychological stages, social organizations, and even spiritual development. With reference to holarchical human development, Alan Watts serves to help us see the issue: "how is man to be best related to his environment? Especially in circumstances where we are in possession of an extremely powerful technology and have, therefore, the capacity to change our environment far more than anyone else has ever been able to do so. Are we going to end up not by civilizing the world, but by Los-Angelizing it? In other words, are we going to foul our own nest as a result of technology? But all this gets down to—the basic question is, really, what are you going to do if you’re god? If, in other words, you find yourself in charge of the world, through technological powers, and instead of leaving evolution to what we used to call, in the 19th century, the blind processes of nature—that was begging the question, to call them blind—but at any rate, we say, we’re not going to leave evolution to the blind forces of nature but now we’re going to direct it ourselves. Because we are increasingly developing, say, control over genetic systems, control over the nervous system, control over all kinds of systems; uh then, simply, what do you want to do with it?" This song responds to Watts inquiry by pointing out that Perhaps there is a universal Telos. That there is a point to all of this and the despite the hemming and hawing and guffawing that we know as human violence and suffering, it works out in the end such that we become the gods that oversee us. We made a universe that is perfect for ourselves, despite seeming otherwise. Creating Heaven is Heaven. Watts echoes this sentiment at the end of his own lecture. What is your idea of heaven? What would you really like to have happen, if you could make it happen? That’s the first thing that really starts people thinking because you soon realize that a lot of the things you think you would want are not things you want at all. Supposing, just for the sake of illustration, that you had the power to dream every night any dream you wanted to dream. And you could, of course, arrange for one night of dreams to be seventy-five years of objective time, or any number of years of subjective time, what would you do? Well, of course, you’d start out by fulfilling every wish. You would have routs and orgies and uh uh all the most magnificent food and uh sexual partners and everything you could possibly imagine in that direction. When you got tired of that, after several nights, you’d switch a bit, and find yourself involved in adventures, and uh contemplating great works of art, fantastic mathematical conceptions; you would soon be rescuing princesses from dragons, and all sorts of things like that. And then one night you’d say, now look, Tonight what we’re gonna do is, we’re going to forget this dream is a dream. And we’re going to be really uh shocked, and when you woke up from that one you’d say, ‘Oooh, wasn’t that an adventure!’ ----- Nothing In Between The second song is called Nothing in Between. It is a wonderful tome about Nothingness, aka God. There is nothing in between us when we sleep Every night the bliss begins to leak Nothing in between us when we laugh it’s something that our head will never grasp It’s seen in between There’s nothing in between your joy and mine It’s all a lot of nectar on the vine Joy is how my parents were entwined and there’s nothing in between their lives and mine We’ve seen There’s nowhere to hide in the open Reality Love is so wide, there isn’t a boundary There is only one eye without any enemy when you’ve seen in between There’s nothing in between our skin and light Nothing in between the wind and kite Nothing in between our lips and grace Nothing in between the tongue and taste It’s seen (Refrain) There is nothing in between you and I Nothing in between blue and sky Nothing in between us and love Nothing in between wings and doves (Refrain) There is nothing in between Personal Commentary: This song struck me as a great way of pointing to non-distinction. This morning as I meditated using Headspace, I was instructed to feel that the center of creativity deep in my heart. I was then asked to extend my awareness of that center past my chest and to my whole skin. From there I was asked to expand this awareness to the walls around me. From there I extended it to my whole apartment complex... The City of LA... Earth... The Solar System... The Galaxy... The Virgo Cluster... The Laniakea SuperCluster... The whole Observable Universe that seems to form a universal Brain/mind complex... Then I pushed further - I asked what would be beyond that -- where is that universal brain? And I kept pushing outwards to see the next order of fractalization... and what came up was me! That is, I saw that cosmic brain complex residing in my own head or another version of me or maybe an alien or maybe some computer who itself resides in some version of the city of LA which is itself on some version of earth... And so on for all of eternity outwards. And so on for all of eternity inwards as well! Which is to say, I can't describe it as One because it has no end or beginning to its outwardness and inwardness. And to call something one, it must reach an outward and inward end. I could call it zero because it has no ground, but it's clearly here and now. " _____?!?!NOTHING?!?!______ " is all I that can be said about it. There's me = you = everything, which breaks down into ____!?nothing?!?!____ upon further investigation. There's ___!?!nothing?!?____ between physical material and conscious object. There's ___!?!nothing?!?_____ between past and future. It all happens Now - the only place that remains Absolutely unchanged EXCEPT that its also Absolutely Relative as proven by Einstein. There's ___!?!nothing!?___ between me and you. There's just ____!?!nothing??!___ between anything. There is no distinction. There no such thing as a thing-without-some-other-thing which means that there is No thing-other-than-the-whole-thing which means I cannot point to any-one-thing as-itself in-and-of-itself other than ___!?!nothing?!?____ . This is the Holarchical perspective. ---- Putting the ideas of both songs together we can intuit a holarchical ladder with nothing in between. We see an universe of other universes with no part distinct from other parts as it builds itself and destroys itself at the same time - Now - in a fashion that is relative to the timeline of each observer. This universe would: know all from a wide perspective and it would know all from a limited perspective - the one "we" see out of in our everyday understanding. Indeed, in knowing all it would know what it is like to not-know it all. It is from each one of these limited perspectives that the wide perspective gets generated. The manifestation of such wide perspective gives universal purpose. It would be a wild adventure.

Part of Actualizing yourself is learning about the spiritualities around the world. One interesting spirituality is pythagoreanism, which takes numbers as god. Pythagoreans are basically the ultimate nerds. From wikipedia: Pythagoreanism originated in the 6th century BC, based on the teachings and beliefs held by Pythagoras and his followers, the Pythagoreans, who were considerably influenced by mathematics and mysticism. Later revivals of Pythagorean doctrines led to what is now called Neopythagoreanism or Neoplatonism. Pythagorean ideas exercised a marked influence on Aristotle, and Plato, and through them, all of Western philosophy. These days, it's hard to find pythagoreans out and about. The closest thing possible are the abstract mathematicians in some universities. They're not as crazy as the O.G. Pythagkreans, but if you press them hard enough, they will reveal personal beliefs that are way crazier than the existence of trolls, goblins, or fairies. The perennial philosophy is that: Absolute Truth = Undefined = You = God = Absolute Infinity = Zero And the conclusions of the pythagoreans were no different from those of other mystics. It just happens to be that they reached their enlightenment through math. That is why I consider them full fledged spiritual practitioners in the vein of hardcore buddhists. I mean would you rather sit for 4 hour of zazen or 4 hours of high level calculus? The cool thing about the pythagoreans (or their modern equivalents) is that they bear the truth out out in clear terms. I mean, when it comes to talking about stuff, math is about as clear and logical as it gets. But most people don't grasp what's going on because the implications of math are too insane. That is, normal people would rather feel comfortable than accept the straight up Truth. Thats why pythagoreans were so fucking hard core. Take a pencil and a piece of paper and follow along to see what I mean. ------ Step 1: 0 = 0 Basic level stuff here. Step 2: 0 = 1-1 = (1-1) = 0 Nothing too crazy. Just create and destroy to return to the same place. We can do this as much as we want. Step 3: 0 = 1-1+1-1+1-1... = 0 In case you're confused, let's add brackets to make things easier to look at. 0 = 1-1+1-1+1-1... = (1-1)+(1-1)+(1-1)... = (0) + (0) + (0) + (0).... = 0 We still end up with Create and destroy, create and destroy, create and destroy... Brackets are arbitrary... we can put brackets however we'd like. Step 4: 1-1+1-1+1-1... = (1-1)+(1-1)+(1-1)... = 1+(-1 +1)+(-1+1)... All I did was change the position of one of the brackets -- nothing that breaks the rules of mathematics. Step 5: 1+(-1 +1)+(-1+1)... = 1+(0)+(0)+(0)... Wait a minute. This is starting to get fishy... Step 6: 0 = (1-1)+(1-1)+(1-1)... = 1+(-1 +1)+(-1+1)... = 1+(0)+(0)+(0)... = 1 No... That can't be right... Let me check that again... That would mean... Step 7: 0 = 1 No. It can't be! ----- Oh yes. And things only get crazier from here... Lets say the letter S represents the same infinite, alternating series of plus and minus 1 from earlier. Step 8: S = 1-1+1-1+1-1... Now lets play around. What is (1 - S)? Just insert numbers into the equation to see. Step 9: 1 - S = 1 - (1-1+1-1+1-1...) Multiply every bracketed number by the negative sign. Step 10: 1- S = 1-1+1-1+1-1... Didn't we say that S = 1-1+1-1+1-1... in the first place? Step 11: 1 - S = S So if we move things around to the other side to solve the equation we get Step 12: 2S = 1 divide to finish the problem Step 13: S = 1/2 = 1-1+1-1+1-1.... In review we have: 0 = 1-1+1-1+1-1... 1 = 1-1+1-1+1-1... 1/2 = 1-1+1-1+1-1... putting it all together we get solid logical proof for 0 = 1/2 = 1 In this way, the truth of even one of the most simple mathematical concepts is Absolutely Relative and based on your contextual perspective. Fuckkkk. We can't allow this. There has to be some solid answer. Lets keep going. Let's imagine a lamp that turns on and off 1 = the lamp is on 0 = the lamp is off Then lets imagine ourselves turning the lamp on and off indefinitely. S = 1-1+1-1+1-1... = On, Off, On, Off, On, Off... This is called Thomson's Lamp, after a mathematician named James F. Thomson. The universe wants to know what Thomson's lamp looks like at the end of infinity. Oh you say we can't do that? That would take all of eternity, wouldn't it? Actually it would just take one day. Or one hour. Or one minute. Or However long I'd like. Lets say I decided to figure out what's going on with Thomson's Lamp in under a minute. I would wait half of a chosen total time to turn the lamp on. Then I would wait half of that time to turn the light off. Then I would wait half of that half to turn the light on again. And so on and so on over the course of just one minute. I can match each step in turning the lamp on and off to each half intervals of the total time I chose. After an infinitely smaller set of intervals, I will have an infinite number of steps. This would be called a super task. Step 1: ON - Total Time passed: 30 seconds Step 2: OFF - Total Time passed: 45 seconds Step 3: ON - Total Time passed: 52.5 Seconds Step 4: OFF - Total Time passed: 56.25 Seconds Step 5: ON - Total Time passed: 58.125 Seconds ... infinite number of times ... Step 5: ??? - Total Time elapsed: 1 minute Thomson had this to say about his lamp's state at the end of the minute: It seems impossible to answer this question. It cannot be on, because I did not ever turn it on without at once turning it off. It cannot be off, because I did in the first place turn it on, and thereafter I never turned it off without at once turning it on. But the lamp must be either on or off. This is a contradiction. Thomson jumped the gun when he says his example demonstrates a 'contradiction.' See, I'd like you to bear with me when I say that life isn't so black and white. Indeed, life as we know it happens in the undefined state of 1/2, where the lamp isn't ON or OFF even though it can be none other than ON or OFF. Here is a graph of the on off lamp where 1 = On and 0 = Off What we can do is take the theoretical infinite limit of the series. Limits are basically a way to say "alright, where is this stuff headed?" Usually, limits require convergence, or a clear direction for the graphed out representation. What you'd end up doing is taking that convergence and finding the average of its direction. As you can see in the above graph, however, the lamp is in a state of ON or OFF such that it has no convergence. If anything there is divergence. That's fine. Math allows us to keep looking at bracketed versions of the series and take the average of all of the answers and then take the average of that average. In normal people talk, just look at the little line I placed in the average of the graph: it's 1/2. If you still don't understand, watch this video: When looking at this sum Thomson had this to say: Now mathematicians do say that this sequence has a sum; they say that its sum is 1⁄2. And this answer does not help us, since we attach no sense here to saying that the lamp is half-on. Lets look at this lamp in real life: Most everyday lamps don't turn on and off at an infinitely fast rate. They go through a partly-on and partly-off state. So the real world version of the lamp would never quite be on or off at end of our little time interval. Moreover, if the lamp were able to turn on and off at an infinitely fast rate, it would still appear ON to us despite having an average of 1/2. To understand what I mean, look at pulse-width modulation (PWM) works for dimming lamps. PWM lights turn on and off thousands of times per second, causing eyes and cameras to sample a mix of on and off time and average the two. When you "dim" the lamp, you actually just change the amount of time that goes by between ON flickers and OFF flickers. The key is that since eyes and cameras work by sampling light at a certain rate and pasting images together, you don't realize that there's any flickering going on at all. Again, in fast motion, it just looks like a light that's on. So, 1/2 looks like 1 and not so much like 0, although it is indeed just at 1/2. That's just the surface level. ----- Isn't it just a little sketchy that I claimed to complete an infinite task in a finite time as if it were a piece of cake? I intentionally ignored the significance of what was going on. We all do. See, every moment of our day is itself a super task. Think about it for a moment: when you walk across the street you have to walk across half of the street when you walk across half the street you have to walk across half of the half of the street when you walk across the half of the half of the street you have to walk across half of the half of the half of the street. and so on towards infinity Thus we have an infinite amount of steps taken in a finite time. This is called Zeno's Paradox. Scientists handwave the paradox away by saying that reality "stops" at the Planck length, planck time, and light signals of the observable universe, but metaphysically, that is bullshit. (What happens when we cross half a planck length? and half of that? etc...) Moreover, we don't just quantize reality as a way to talk. We do so unconsciously from the very moment we are born. It's necessary to have a minimum limit to the size of time and space or else we could not function whatsoever. The human brain itself seems to localize and quantize infinite awareness. (read: does not create, but instead localizes!) It takes pure infinite energy and pure infinite time and pure infinite imagination and makes it a finite form of energy, time, and imagination. It's like an anchor for pure nothingness to believe it is pure everythingness. The brain does this over and over again at a certain frame rate such that reality gets created and destroyed and created again without us noticing. You know how movies have a frame rate of about 24 frames per second? We have a frame rate too. Although the eye itself does not have an on and off switch similar to a camera, our entire being itself has a frame rate. Otherwise, we would be stuck going through infinity at every moment. This frame rate is what determines our estimation of time's passage. Again, if you increase the frame rate, you would get a slowed down reality. If you decrease the frame rate, you would get a faster reality. The smaller you cut up time, the slower it gets. If you cut it infinitely small, you get infinite time. If there are no cuts then there is simply infinity. If you don't believe me, try to swat a fly. Small insects cut up, or quantize, reality at a greater rate than we do and for that reason, they have ridiculous reaction times. Their 'frame rate' is around 250 Hz while ours is about 60 Hz. For that reason, flies see us swatting them at about 1/4th the speed we think we do and they easily escape. So to be clear again, time itself is infinitely smooth. But to experience this you would have to take an infinite amount of time, which is simply not feasible for a normal creature. The solution is that our brains cut up time and space into distinct units to bootstrap time and get it going. This 'cutting up' makes reality "pop" in and out of existence every moment. The flickering of creation and destruction gets glazed over so that it all looks like one smooth thing. We would not function very well if we saw everything flickering in and out of existence while time passes from one moment of now to the next moment of now. The same general idea applies to why we don't perceive objects as probability clouds, but instead newtonian objects. We would not function if everything we saw 'existed' as a probability cloud. Imagine looking in your lovers eyes only to see right through their head because they are in fact made out of 99.9999% vacuum! So, we unconsciously make it look like: the lamp is On reality is real objects are solid you are "you" When the truth is that: the lamp is in a non dual state, both On and Off reality is in a non dual state, both real and not-real objects are in a non dual state, both waves and particles you are in a non dual state, both you and not-you ---- And it goes further. Lets look at the big bang and cosmic inflation and apply our little numbers for a second by saying 0 = a state of nothingness 1/2 = a state in-between nothingness and oneness 1 = a state of ultimate oneness Now, 1 -- Lets "start" with the big bang for a moment. This would be like a state of '1.' We're talking about an infinitely large universe packed into a space that was smaller than a cosmic string. We're talking about a state where all matter and all possibilities and all of existence were packed together in something smaller than all of matter and all possibility and all of existence. This is uncalculatably low entropy. It's as mystical as it gets to think that this level of entropy could have ever happened. Its up there with the greatest mysteries of the world. Just think about what it would take to gather up so much stuff in one small, highly ordered space. And I thought it took forever to set up a game of Jenga! 1/2 --- Then we have a never-ending inflation outward. Everything explodes outwards at a faster and faster rate forever. This creates stars and planets and ultimately Us. We walk around thinking about it, aware of our impending doom looming around the next step, constantly taking action to do something about this doom. 0 --- No matter what, the inflation continues such that every atom is becomes totally separate from all other atoms. Space is at an unimaginable level of high entropy. This is the heat death. This is zero. There is nothingness. There is so much nothingness that the notion of time itself is a Kosmic joke. If I record a video of the universe over the course 1 planck time, 10 years or 1 google years and play back the video over an interval of 10 seconds, everything will look the same. At this moment, it doesn't matter what happened any more --- all of history erases itself. Something strange happens. A new bubble of oneness - aka a new big bang happens. Even if there's a 1/googol chance of this happening, it would happen because who gives a fuck we have all of eternity to do it. From Caltech Physics, Cosmology, and Philosophy professor Sean Carroll's audio course Mysteries of Modern Physics -- Time: "Although it might be very rare to fluctuate 100 billion galaxies, it may not be that difficult to fluctuate the tiny region of space that is dominated by super–dark energy and is ready to inflate. ○ Imagine we have empty space, nothing but vacuum energy and the very cold thermal radiation we expect because of quantum mechanics. Random thermal fluctuations occur all the time. ○ Because space itself is flexible, perhaps the shape of space can be fluctuated. Perhaps a small bubble can be pinched off that is full of dark energy and ready to inflate. That little bubble can inflate, expand, reheat, and look exactly like our Big Bang. ○ In this way, what we thought was equilibrium—a state of maximum entropy—could be shown not to be equilibrium. We can always increase the entropy of the universe, according to this way of thinking, by creating new universes that split off and go their own way, and this process continues forever." A related scenario is that the purpose of conscious evolution itself is to induce such universal pinching off! Some call this the omega point. Imagine if we (or some 'other' conscious beings somewhere at some time) are put here on this universe to help create the type of hyper dimensional superconsciousness that could induce a universal bubble after our own deaths. Or imagine that we create a supercomputer that creates a supercomputer that simply recreates the universe through simulation. Or imagine creating some form of a cosmic consciousness where calculations are made in a hyper dimensional place. imagine that the cosmic bubble, the simulation, and the cosmic consciousness are the same fucking thing! Now imagine that this will happen at the end of our time. In particular, we take all of eternity to figure out how to pinch off a simulated baby-universe somehow. Then Imagine that this happened at the beginning of our time. In particular, it took someone or something all of eternity to figure out how to pinch off the baby universe that we exist in currently. It's the most unbelievable thing ever. Then imagine that it's happening right now as we gear ourselves up with computers, video games, and space missions for what seems like no good reason other than some weird idea of "progress" that no one can actually define but the smartest people all work toward. Let's Go back to the scenario of a super simulation. Lets say this cosmic computer created a universe that looks basically identical to the one we live in. Imagine the hyper dimensional computer pinching off simulated minds within itself meant to explore the simulation it created. Imagine little robots it can send out with the sole purpose of gathering data -- little probes that can look and feel and touch things from a filtered perspective while figuring out how the hell to create a new universe. To this Kosmic-supercomputer-mind's simulated perspectives within itself, objects look solid. But when these simulated perspectives look at objects with a microscope they reveal the objects to be 99.99999999% nothing because, again, they're just holographic simulated perspectives. (And by the way, there's no difference between 1 and 99.9999 repeated, so 99.9999 repeated nothingness is 100% nothingness). To these simulated perspectives, all sensation would be a hallucination. To be clear: Hallucination - noun - 1. a sensory experience of something that does not exist outside the mind. Since every experience would always just be another part of mind, everything would be a hallucination. Imagine that this hyperdimensional-Kosmic-Supercomputer-consciousness takes in all simulated perspectives to gather enough data to once again do the impossible. It manages to create - better yet be - that godhead known as the Big Bang Singularity after some time. Except that, even the hyper dimensional-kosmic-supercomputer-consciousness a simulation! What I propose is that we are part of a mind at large that creates simulated holograms within itself to better understand itself before it once again dies and rebirths itself through yet another super simulated non dual existence. This mind at large is conscious and it is conscious of its own impending death and rebirth. And We - and this is a Kosmic We that includes all possible conscious creatures in all possible areas of the universe - are here to create the universe - to create god by inducing further consciousness somehow using our individual perspectives. This has happened before and this will happen again and this happens forever. The mind-at-large is just another part of what ends up forming an even larger mind that forms an even larger one. We're talking mind-at-larges all the way up and simulated mind-at-larges all the way down. Turtles all the way up and turtles all the way down. We could go ahead and say that the universe just does this on its own spontaneously and so It doesn't need anyone. But what I'm saying is that we are what it looks like when the universe does this on its own. We are the spontaneous process. We have a universe that's created, destroyed, created, and destroyed over the course of eternity in many different ways. The path doesn't matter. The end state does. That end state gets reached through ever evolving life. And what does that end state look like after the course of eternity? It's somewhere in the middle of creation and destruction of course, just like Thomson's Lamp. 1-1+1-1+1-1+1... = S = 1/2 = Undefined. It would be the place where the lamp exists between On and Off. It would have no end, it would have no beginning. It would be us! We are what the end of eternity looks like! We're that in-between from the big bang to the heat death! THIS IS IT! Welcome to the end of eternity, motherfucker! Which is fucking awesome - not only do we get an answer to what's going on with reality, we also get a fucking purpose! What better purpose is there than to a) increase your consciousness to b) increase the overall consciousness of everyone and everything to c) create God to d) create you and everything and everyone you've ever loved. You want immortality? You want happiness? You want purpose? You got it: you are your own parent, your own infinite creator traveling from life to life bootstrapping your non dual existence by chipping away with a quadrillion different chisels from a quadrillion different perspective to create a statue of yourself in a place of absolute nothingness! You are indistinct, indivisible, indestructible, incomprehensible, invaluable - truly incredible! Your job is to realize and manifest this incredibleness. And they say you can't derive an ought from an is. We are in a state of both nothingness and everythingness glazed over to look like everythingness, just like the pulse-width modulated light. Each part of being has smaller parts forever. If you zoomed into at anything, it would disappear into deeper and deeper infinities. It would never have a place to stop. In this way, there's nothing but infinitely divisible parts that are made out of infinitely divisible nothingness. It is truly groundless. Each whole gets nested within bigger wholes forever. If you zoomed out, you would never find a point where you see the whole thing. It could never be 'whole' because to be whole implies an end. So it wouldn't even have the possibility of reaching wholeness for there's always more to add. Parts create wholeness except parts don't exist and wholeness don't exist. It would transcend zeroness and oneness and simply be non-dual. But we don't see it that way. We see it as naive reality consistent of solid, separate, whole parts with a finite size. *sigh* Actually, who am I kidding. These are all just speculations. Plus, It's not like you'd understand. You'd rather stick to the paradigm that you know the limits of what's true or not true. You'd rather freak out about calling reality a hallucination. You'd rather hide yourself from the possibility that you're essentially stuck in the matrix. In other words, lets go back to arguing about about the nature of trolls. Certainly taking trolls seriously is far more insane than taking rigorous, pure mathematical logic seriously.

I want to add that it's good to keep in mind that it's always the one experiencing, the thing looking from you right now is That. You are That. Surrendering only to that Truth is the basking in the Self. But we want to find the substance of existence? The answer is the same. Find yourself and then you will find the substance being you. Now you are at peace. Nothingness is magic and that's why it's everywhere. Right now this is an experience of nothing by nothing. All words come from nothing. All words return to nothing. We come from nothing, we are nothing, hallucinating it's real, something. Then I return to not hallucinating and being nothing, the one I always am. Everything - which is absolutely nothing (real, 100% me, awareness ) + hallucinations (not real, 0% me, therefore nothing, therefore real, therefore also 100% me, awareness).

@dead man walking It is simply impossible to imagine Nothingness. You are trying to imagine God. All ideas you have of it, including your ideas of "everything" and "nothing" are not it, not even close. If you want to understand, the best thing to do is: A) Self-inquire, B) psychedelics. The problem with the human mind is that it just cannot resist trying to imagine God. But the more it tries, the more wrong it is. You're not going to get much better than the descriptions I gave in my Absolute Infinity episodes.

I have made that mistake. But I agree it is not a negative state, it is as you say nothingness. I do not know how to respond to the other posts. I often come across these creative explanations but they do not give me much if there is no logic behind it.

For one thing i don't believe in nothingness. And theories are not distractions. Theories= thoughts and everyone has thoughts. Without theories it wouldn't be possible to inquire about anything including meditation and enlightenment. Also, in less than 60 seconds I'm going to prove to you that everything is a miricle, then explain time etc. The true nature of time is very confusing, but we have 2 different perspectives that we use for all of knowledge and of thought. The perspective most of us use is a whole lot easier! It consists of the present, the past and the future. But if we take quantum physics and include the big bang in it we see that time somehow is not made up of now, then and ahead of us. So everything we know is either wrong or miraculously correct. Since we are able to have a concept of reality and we learn things as we go it is apparent that a very powerful force allows the learning to happen but only at the will of that force at the same time we are also each a piece of that force and the force is one, AND everything we can imagine happened in zero seconds. Without time. The continuous big banging going on creating new universes is how time is made in the 3rd demention. Time exists in the 2D world in a fashion unknown to us until we leave the 3d world and return to the outside of each universe. Our spirits are 2D located in the pineal gland in your brain. When the mind is partially unconscious, asleep, under a drug, encounters any chemical it affects the body or (vessel) the brain, and the spirit in unique ways all at the same time. The spirit travels or (out of body) at all times. When the body dies the spirit is cut off and naturally goes to it's origin. The outside of this universe and im not sure but i imagine u go to a sort of "checkpoint" and then you are taken to a new body. The easier way to think of time isn't necessarily exactly the same as we think but it's ok! Our perceptions are always at least grasping it's reality only in a small amount or a larger amount depending on the permission of itself, oneness and the greater force. Assension happens continuously as the object or (body) changes into a greater force until it and all others become one. The oneness that exists is perfectly solid until it explodes into the next universe. We won't know all things of each universe until it becomes one in a newly formed place. Alive not alive things are always learning or collecting data and each have their own perceptions/reactions. As far as enlightenment goes, meditation seems to be the way most people do so, but the individual is king of the path.

@dead man walking Only nothingness can be infinite; somethingness is bound to be finite. Only out of nothingness is an infinite expanse of life, existence, possible - not out of somethingness. God is not somebody: He is nobody or, more correctly, nobodiness. God is not something: he is nothing or, even more correctly, no-thingness. He is a creative void. Never for a single moment think that nothingness is a negative state, an absence, no. Nothingness is simply no-thingness. Things disappear, only the ultimate substance remains. Forms disappear, only the formless remains. Definitions disappear, the undefined remains. The awakening of a buddha is total. In that total awakening there is a luminous awareness surrounded by a positive nothingness. It is not empty, it is overfull. Things have disappeared... and what has remained is inexpressible. We try to express it as blissfulness, as ecstasy, as eternal joy, but these are just faraway echoes of the real thing. Osho, The Great Zen Master Ta Hui, Talk #16

Hello! I have been doing 30-60 min of self-inquiry every day for a month now. I would appreciate if some could tell me, if i'm on the right path or not 1. I start with my eyes open and look at my body. Am I the foot? Am I the leg? What if I cut of the leg? Will that leg still be a part of me? 2. Then I start to open og close my eye for at few times. With closed eyes the body doesn't exist, but I am still there? So why do I think that I am the body? 3. Then I sit with closed eyes. And I ask: Who am I? Am I some of the remaining phenomenons? The changing colour in my sight? The sounds? The feelings? And how can I know that I am these or not? Or maybe I am the sphere within the phenomenon is occuring? I have been stucked on this level for at good time. 4. Then yesterday I sat with closed eye and was asking again frustrated What is left? Sight? Sounds? feelings? maybe awareness? For fuck sake there is "nothing" more. Then it hit me that I have always thought that nothing was the opposite to phenomenon... Like something that is between phenomenon. But maybe nothing is a phenomenon/object that is just non-existing? So I tried to sense the phenomenon of nothing between my thoughts, behind the feeling of my back and under my butt. And then I asked: if this emptiness/nothingness is not the body or mind, where does it end? I would be glad for any input

Well, in a sense, yes. There is the Absolute Truth which is the nothingness / everythingness. And then, there is earth phenomenon which is life as we know it. Then, there are different layers/levels of heaven and hell phenomena. It's funny how sometimes the different phenomena intermingle. Maybe that's why they're talking about trolls. Troll phenomenon: Let me add, life is a school. Leo's blog talks about it. Looks like we better graduate from this life first. Don't forget to factor in karma.