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It is always so easy to say when you don't actually face the choice. When you are not facing nothingness and do not know what the consequences of the pill really are. might be that you would spit it out after all. Might be that you would regret it anyway...

The work from Gurdjeff suggests becoming aware of the different centres in oneself and then to observe negative thoughts and behaviours and basically to realise that typically we do not remember ourselves. (remembering that unconsciously our mind has all kinds of wrong ideas of who and what we are and that we are unaware of our nothingness. At this point one is supposed to work against the negative and unconscious I's by separating with an observing I. This is followed and joined by many other processes that I wont go into but you are right, I am maybe getting caught up a little too much in the theory side and there was some negativity there from myself today. Yes contemplation and self enquiry is something I try to do regularly although sometimes maybe I need to work on my closed mindedness, as some negative I's struggle to see /accept that many versions of reality and truth are co existing at the same time, within and without. I kind of see I, self and ego as the same thing. An illusion but then ultimately consciousness and being are also an illusion and then illusion is just a concept within a concept so everything is illusion but at the same time it is as real as it gets. One of Leo's quotes springs to mind.. "There is no path but only a fool doesn't walk it". Your advice is helpful. I do need to be more patient, observe my thoughts and actions more and apply the work practically without allowing negative I's to beat myself up about it. Thanks for the reply!

Let's go straight at it, where did it all begin, how did it create and where is it heading? The modern science paradigm speaks of the big bang, a singular point in space and time with infinite density. This point contained everything, all matter and energy that is present in today's universe is from this beginning. In principle the big bang contained every event ever to happen but all happening in the same moment, then the inflection point was reached where all these events began to separate, this gave rise to time and space itself. Read that again, everything that will ever happen already existed, all in the same moment, but these events are distending from each other since the big bang. Is this the red shift that scientists speak of? The fading of all energy and eventually time itself will cease to exist or get infinitely small? In scientific terms they would call this the heat death of the universe, everything will separate so much form each other in all directions that the energy density in the infinite future would near zero or fade to exist. Without change, without increasing entropy time itself will stop to exist. So let's go to our basic view of the big bang. At I, we see the singularity in all it's glory, infinitely small, dense, containing all that is and will ever be! At II, the big bang has began (what caused it for now is a mystery, something outside of our physical time and universe). The expansion is happening in a constant rate towards all spatial dimension. Physically we can observe the three axis (X,Y,Z) they are present in this very moment and create our 3D world with length,width and depth. I assume this happens in all directions in the same rate and from a logical stand point the sphere is the most balanced shape we have. We see this everywhere in space, all forces are equally balanced, there is no preference towards any particular point in any direction. The exact moment after the big bang looked schematically looked like II and it does look exactly the same now, but where does it expand into? Is there even a thing to grow into or are we not growing but turning inside out. Yes, this is a completely new concept but this would be the idea of a cyclical universe, the universe is growing into itself from itself, like a torus turning inside out, being perfectly balanced and having no real edge but itself and the absolute starting point of it all, the singularity. Whoaa, space is folding in upon itself, let that settle for a while and think about the implications. If you were traveling on the edge of this sphere what would you see? It's not nothingness, you will not see any edge, you will only see more space filled with stars. The edge of the universe is the now! Why because this is where the future is still unwritten, but looking back we can see into the past and the origin where we came from. In this exact moment you are experiencing all of reality at the edge, don't think of it as something spatial, think of it as time. You are surfing on this expanding bubble into the future. Why can't we see into the future then? If we are on the edge we should be able to look back into the past (heat map of the universe) but also into the future? In some sense we already can with our minds, but not physically while looking into the skies of the universe. The light arriving to us has already happened and is looking into a frame of the past, but we cannot find such frame of the future. We could argue that looking into the past is actually looking into the future, because all the logical consequences that follow are derived from the past, so we can only know the future by looking at the past. Are the future and the past then the same thing, possibly. As we can see in this model which is much more logically sound and satisfying in my opinion the universe is a balanced place, it looks the same as every smaller fractal of itself in the cosmos. We see this toroidal shape EVERYWHERE, it's the basic shape that arises in any form of electro-magnetism and charges that flow. Now depending on your position in this relativistic shape where we float on, everyone see a different point of view in time, but they are all following the same path and to be completely accurate there is no separation in any of those events. The end and the beginning are the same for every event in space and time that will ever happen, again and again. Seeing the equilibrium point as our origin/singularity or the big bang also explains that time from our observable frame could have existed beyond what we can see from our physical universe. The time before the big bang is still part of the same process that create the new universe or passing through the eye of the singularity. This is what we want and what is the most logical, a continuous universe, if it exists now it will in the infinite future. It has always existed and will always exist. The big question that arises is if there was any first cycle, what was before this? My personal view is nothing, the universe really is a gift, the grandest of all.

Yes, this part is probably missing. He didn't say it. Not all ppl who enter the monestary get to experience the no-self (nothingness). Ppl call this by different names: nothingness, everythingness, absolute infinity, Satori, Riding the Ox Backwards, etc. If you go on YT and look at Shinzen Young's 10 Ox Herding Pics, it ends with a monk (The Cloth Bag Monk) being helpful and giving to others in some way. This ending matches the clip above. That's why, even if the person didn't experience the no-self, if the person continues to be detached from the ego and be helpful to others (all is 'you' anyway), then experience of the no-self may come one day. @Prabhaker I could relate the most to Sai Baba and Shaolin monks put together. I've mentioned them here. The reason why is, both do live minimalist lifestyles, but they are able to give because they have developed themselves enough to give. They have nailed life. How can you give if you have nothing to give? We live in a different time than Siddhartha Gautama. How we give cannot be exactly the same as how he gave. Other's lifestyle have to be taken into consideration. @Ether Cool.

Now is appearance within nothingness. This is what you are, absolute nothingness, experiencing an appearance of you as people and things and universe, etc. It’s an experience of Self, in comparison to something specifically in the body, which is just a thought happening in the now. Any way you slice it, it’s you.

As the extrovert person moves on, he becomes one with the whole universe. As he advances, he reaches to a point beyond which nothing is left outside, he becomes identified with the outer world. The day this happens, nothing remains within or without. But by becoming one with the world outside, he finds himself and he finds the truth. Then he declares: ‘I am Brahman’. He becomes one with the entire universe. When he says: ‘I am the Whole’, he is indeed one with the Whole. Then he feels the moon and the stars are moving inside him. The introvert person while going deep within comes to a point where nothing is left to be seen, he becomes a void. Then he is able to say: ‘I am not’. Such as the flame of a lamp blows out and disappears -- everything disappears. The extrovert is ultimately able to grasp the whole. The introvert is ultimately able to grasp the shunya, the void. And both, the void and the purna, the whole, mean the same thing. But the extrovert reaches by moving along the outer journey; the introvert reaches by moving along the inner journey. At the end, the extrovert completely eliminates the inner world, nothing is left inside, only the outer world remains. The introvert goes on becoming oblivious of the outer world to such a point that nothing remains outside. And the interesting thing is that both the inner and the outer prevail together. Of the two only one cannot remain. Hence, when one disappears the other disappears too. If only the outer were to exist and nothing remains inwardly, the outer too will be no more. Because how would you otherwise identify the outer? In order for the outer to exist, the inner is necessary. It is only because there is the inner does the outer exist. If only the inner were to be left and nothing were to remain in the outer at all, how would you be able to call it the inner? It exists only in comparison to something of the outer, it is inner relative to the outer. For example, the pocket of your jacket -- its one part makes the inner side in which you put your hand, and the other is the visible part seen outside. Can you ever imagine a situation where only the inside of the pocket would remain without its outer part? Or, take your home, for example, Can you ever think that only the inner section of the house should remain and not what is outside of it? If only the interior part were to exist but not the outer part, the inner too will cease to be. If only what is outside were to remain and nothing inside, that which is outside the house would also cease to exist. The inner and the outer are two sides of the same coin. Hence, there are two ways to go about. Either drop the outer or drop the inner. With the falling of one, the other will also fall on its own accord. And then, that which would remain, which was present in the outer as well as in the inner -- in fact, it was always present even beyond the inner and the outer too. If our journey has been outward, then, that which would remain to exist we will call it the Brahman; if we have followed the inward journey, we will call it shunya, void, nirvana. Those who have seen god as Whole, they have traveled through the outer journey. Those who have seen god as a Void, they have followed the inner journey. It is not that while following the spiritual discipline of yoga, or the outer path, some day you will have to start with the Sankhya -- there is no need for it. Yoga itself will help you to reach. Let us look at it yet another way so that it becomes easier to understand. Let us assume a man is standing at the number ten and if he were to proceed from ten to number eleven and then twelve and so on, he would eventually reach to the infinite. A point will come where all numbers would vanish. If he were to come down from number ten to nine, eight, and thus move back, after reaching number one he would arrive at zero where all numbers are bound to disappear too. No matter from which end you begin your journey, the numbers will disappear. When this happens then it does not matter from where you started your search. That which will remain beyond the numbers will be the same. This can be understood in terms of Positive and Negative as well. Some people like positive words; these are the same people who are extrovert. Some people like negative words; these are the people who are introvert -- such as, the Buddha. Buddha is very fond of negative terms. Even if God were to appear before him, He would appear in terms of “nothingness”, in terms of void. Hence the word Buddha chose for his moksha, for his liberation is -- nirvana. And nirvana means: blowing of the lamp. Such as a lamp blows out, similarly, the individual blows out. What remains after that, is nirvana. Someone asks Buddha, “ What will happen to you after nirvana?” And Buddha says: “What happens when the lamp blows out? It becomes one with the Void”. So Buddha’s emphasis is on the negative. It is an introvert’s emphasis. Whenever an introvert will speak he will use negative terms. He will say: “neti, neti”, neither this, nor that. One wants to reach a point where nothing is left. But when nothing is left, everything is found. Then there is language of the positive: this, and this, and this too. When everything comes together, then what exists that too is all that IS. These are the only two ways. You can choose whichever kind of a journey you like. These two kinds appear very contradictory. They are contradictory as far as types are concerned, but as far as achievement is concerned there is no contradiction. One arrives through shunya, the void, as much as one arrives through the Whole. Some arrives by saying: neither this, nor that. Others arrive by seeing god in all -- they think and feel by realizing god in everything. The basic idea is one wants to reach at a point where duality exists no more. Duality can dissolve into nothingness in two ways; it can become non-existent if either one accepts everything, or one denies everything. It can happen if either all bondages are dropped, or all bondages are identified with the atman, the spirit. Either there is no bondage any more; or, the bondage itself becomes everything, the atman -- it becomes the universal, then too it ceases to be bondage. Neither the yogi needs to go into Sankhya, nor does the seeker of Sankhya need to go into Yoga. And yet, the point where both reach is the same. One does not have to make any changes. Both bring you to the same place. Each individual has to look within to see what one’s interests are, what is his or her true identity, whether one’s leaning is toward the positive or the negative; toward the Whole or the Nothingness. It can also be seen this way: if a person is of emotional type, if he is filled with emotions, the language of Wholeness will be acceptable to him. And if the person is of a very intellectual type, the language and expression of denial, of the Negetive will be acceptable to him. Logic negates, it follows the process of elimination. It goes on saying: this is meaningless, that is meaningless, that too is meaningless -- it keeps discarding until nothing is left to throw away. When nothing is left to throw out, the logic too drops on its own accord. BHAGAVADGEETA III - Karmayoga Translated by Swami Satya Vedant Discourses given by Osho at Cross Maidan, Bombay 28th December, 1970 - 7th January 1971

@Key Elements This is only recommended if the religious aspect of evolution is incomplete. The ascetic lifestyle is very aware. But it fails to give the truth of truths. The knowledge of Truths. Only the awareness which is good by the way. But you can't advance in terms of technology in terms of cellular evolution if knowledge is missing. If you become successful monk. Then you go beyond evolution. You reach the buddhic living beyond awareness. This is quite difficult. Then you are beyond realization you are fully empty. You reclaim the identity after you go through the phases of open space. I call it nothingness.

There is far more than the thought of the death of a thought. (That’s just a thought) The physical death referred to can’t be imagined or believed or understood. To point though, imagine being in front of yourself and watching your body and brain carrying on like normal. Then imagine being the space the universe is taking place in and watching an illusion much like you watch what’s going on in front of you right now. Then expanding to infinite nothingness which everything and nothing is taking place in, ‘within’ you. . The ‘physical’ “you” was left back in a dream, like an ant you passed by years ago without a second thought. It’s “dead” because it was never alive or dead to begin with.

Nothingness is like space,and in the end you are space going threw space

Think about a scenario where you were speaking but unaware of what you were saying. Someone asks you to repeat yourself you say "nothing". It wasn't nothing but you forgot so it was nothing. Now think of a scenario where you tell your friend you climbed the biggest mountain in Colorado and he tells you thats Nothing compared to his trip to Mt Everest Nothing is something that is always there, Everything is pointing towards it, like after you're done reading this post, my words will ultimately turn into nothing and you'll focus on some other part of nothing, some other facet of nothing to focus on. Nothingness is there between your thoughts, in your deep sleep, and right here in front of your eyes (which is also nothing) Its the meaninglessness of any meaning we assign Its not biological, its not physical What is it? it is nothing its only itself

@egoless There is, in terms of absolute, of Self, more, beyond the fractals of nothingness.

ALD-52, 100mcg. ALD-52 is a synthetic LSD analogue (a legally purchased research chemical), "1-acetyl-lysergic acid diethylamide". This is a (disorganized) rewriting of certain insights I had during my trip. It’s a little long but written simply. This trip was super confusing and emotionally laborious. Very profound but quite clear. My work here has actually just begun. I've embraced and redoubled my efforts. I’ve only glimpsed a small facet of the Truth. My inquiry is deeper, and I see greater value in meditation and contemplation. It's become apparent that my pursuit of Truth and of purpose is inextricable. My life and my path is recontextualized in whole. What a mindfuck. --- At the end, I realized this trip began when I woke up, not when I ingested the substance. In a surreal way, a certain thought began in the morning, disappeared for the duration, then reappeared and completed itself once I'd come down and finished writing things out. Tab placed sublingual at 2PM, swallowed with water 20~ minutes later. I contemplate mindfully lying down and feel effects just before 3PM. Inquiry into my existential nature. A vision, with my eyes closed: conscious of my body, my body turns to stone, quite literally. Light overwhelms me and I crumble, disperse into nothing, everything, infinity, God. This is brief, for I realize this is mind, and so the body IS mind. All form is mind. Mind is infinite, formless. The body IS form, all form is one. The body exists in the mind, the mind exists in the body. This is God. Every word is infinite and one part of infinity. I am literally everything AS IT IS. “I want” is ego. Manipulation is inauthentic. To want something other than what exists is devilry. The devil is illusion attached to illusion attached to illusion. The light of awareness is a spiritual fire that burns away this illusion. I can FEEL ego in the body. All tension and pain comes from denial of reality. ALL pain is self-inflicted. Change is inevitable - everything IS change. To WANT or NEED change causes suffering. The ego’s beliefs make it think that things aren’t perfect - but things must be perfect because they exist! Through great suffering comes Truth. Hope and faith in change is not desire or need. Visions manifest on their own, without a self required to manifest them. A human is both a robot for creation, yet has a rich psychological background and life. Culture, language, history, evolution and beliefs all tie in with everything else. Nothing is apart. Juxtaposition and consciousness play key roles in my life purpose. Culture doesn't want to wake the fuck up, so getting my foot in the door is the challenge to focus on. Art and education are vital, as well as relationships and compassion. People are suffering because they want things to be otherwise, and escape begets escape. Purification requires faith. Dogma is always an obstacle. Physiology and health are so important. Em-BODY-ment. I’ve been very unconscious to aspects of my being. I’ve projected emotional repression so much and have only come to understand I’m the repressed one. This took quite a while to come to light, I was arrogant enough to think I had my emotions figured out. Just the opposite. I’ve been afraid to get help. I can be strategic about it. There’s no need to be paralyzed. Fear and confusion are emotionally laborious. I’ve REALLY learned the value of emotional labour. Emotional healing and integration of my shadow will be a bigger part of my work now. There has been much destruction through addiction and neglect. There is much to renew. My values and strengths have changed drastically. My purpose is quite a bit clearer, but still murky. I am both incredibly passionate about my purpose yet feel trepidation towards the amount of emotional labour I will be putting in. I feel much more passionate about being creative and generating value. I understand I haven't taken enough action, but I won't rush myself here. Pay attention to judgment. I am LITERALLY everything. Unconditional love is infinite. Neglect, unhealth and unconsciousness is ego. And yet ego as it is is perfect. Beliefs are SO much more powerful than I thought. Mind and body are interwoven physically, metaphysically, literally. Body is form, all form is mind. Mind is existence, nothingness. ONE. Learning is so important. Evolution and correction is a cycle. Education can NOT be packaged and shipped. It is an individual process. This is huge for my purpose. Learning about the “I” is very important - psychology as a personal endeavour is much more authentic than academic psychology. Much more difficult. Delusion is so so so so easy. Vigilance and INWARD skepticism is necessary. I may be deceiving myself with this trip, but I continue to question my beliefs and stay grounded. Inquiry is the difficult part. Embodiment is even more difficult. There is no other frame of reference. EVERY perspective has only the one frame of reference! Conceptual distinctions: higher “I” is everything, nothing, God, infinite lower “I” is me, ego, self, illusion even though it’s all illusion it’s all a paradox, existence is a paradox but it is EXISTENCE, it is perfect It’s all pure magic. Empiricism is so important. Emotional labour is a process. High quality is the ideal, not quantity. “I am therefore I am” is just an appearance, a form! Everything is appearance. Every ground is just a surface; every surface its own ground. Sexuality and emotionality go hand-in-hand. Self-honesty is key. I need to be able to express clearly to myself to express to others. Nothing is anywhere and comes from nowhere. This is a just a game. It’s a self-assessment without grading or a prize. It’s infinite play. Life is both deadly serious, yet not serious whatsoever. Culture is largely seductive and unconscious. Infusing consciousness into culture is so emotionally laborious due to this. There are so many traps and wrong turns and reasons not to do this work. Existence is recursive and empty. Embodying Truth is difficult, maybe impossible in my lifetime, but it is my mission. Academia is unconscious, which is so backwards. Education ought to be highly conscious. We ought to be learning about ourselves and existence across every field. Specialization does not take a back seat, but actually becomes deeper this way. Culture is an AWFUL teacher. Massive action, spending time finding high quality teachers, and the creation of massive value is where the sweetest fruits lie. I.e. hard choices, easy life. “Consciousness” is infinity experiencing itself, without substance. Everything depends on perspective. To be “human” is to be relatable, in differing degrees. The answer to “why?” is obvious. Psychology is not generalizable. I thought my suffering was a seeking for purpose - really it was an inability to pay the cost of admission. I am the devil that does not accept reality. Mind tries to map things onto itself. Self forget that the map is not the territory. And once the map becomes the territory, more maps are made onto that, so on and so forth. “Others thoughts” and perspectives are incredibly confusing. Money is interesting to contemplate. My beliefs are pretty backward. Another vision: conscious of my body, deciding I want otherwise, my being is restricted, tense, boxed in and fractured. I was very mindful of this, and letting go of my desire to be otherwise revealed a relaxing and dissipation of this boxing-in. I am simultaneously no form, all form, and a subset of forms. I am far far far from enlightened, but by God am I motivated. Yes, I am somewhat deluded, but that’s kind of the default position, that’s the whole point of this work.

Meditation is just being conscious, that's why following a specific technique doesn't really matter. You can if you want to train specifically for something, or as a newbie there are certain techniques that works best for them (some resonate better). But when you know what being conscious means, the absolute need for a technique can only be neurotic imo. Of course you will prefer to do one over the other, just like anything else in life. You can access nothingness with free flowing meditation, it's just about how much control you are ready to give more than anything else.

Hello, I wanted to share and talk about psychedelic experiences. I tested a couple of psychedelics now Al-LAD, ETH-LAD, 1P-LSD, and ALD-52. So, last week Thursday I tried 200mcg of 1P-LSD and topped it up with 100mcg later during the trip. So, I what I did before with the other substances before taking them is that I meditate 1h like I do regularly, and then after I do a 20min intentional meditation sit, about what the psychedelics experience should be about, or what the content of the psychedelic experience revolves around. Ideally, also 20min of journaling after the meditation sessions (almost like in Leo's video about ALD-52). What I did with each separate trip, is to compare if whether or not, it makes a difference if I take them normally without any meditation (just the regular one or even without meditation), or if the content of the psychedelic experience changes, when I meditate and send/make intentions. In general what I feel and think about the setup/preparation is that the setup does matter, yet more on physical health, mental and one's emotional state. At the same time( meditation boosts that quite good and substances do not matter as much as I thought), I feel that even a horrible setup which can cause a bad trip feels so cleansing in the end. Even when I can't recap what I processed at the end, or why I feel that something inside of me is now free or sort of has been set free and I can now let go and embrace in a sense. Yet, also that there is a lot of pain and hate, also vanity inside me. I can see that I am lacking self-reflection at the moment, otherwise I would be able to process more of the "shadow components" about myself, that have been revealed through psychedelics and shadow work. Now back to Thursday, where I tried 300mcg of 1P-LSD. I took them this time without meditating or doing anything related to a preparation beforehand. What I did is basically just the regular stuff that I do, when I am being me. So, I just play video games listen to some nice music, turn on a video on youtube that I like and relax. I did not have obviously any mind breaking insights or changes in awareness, yet at the end, I did have some insights. Which was quite surprising more or less. When I had the insights, I was lying in the bedroom of my mom petting my cat...(all jokes aside) and started to think about going to bed and to meditate before. As I was stroking my cat I was startled, that he was purring to the rhythm of my breathing. Now, when I think back I always adjusted my breathing to my cat to build some sort of intimacy or connection or just to show the cat that I am not harmful lol. What happened next is, that I decided to meditate for 15 min and go to bed since it was quite late. I started the timer and sat down near on the brink of my bed and started to meditate. As I was meditating I sort of felt and noticed that my cat was purring sort of distorted and not rhythmically. Then as my thoughts became more quite my cat also was quieter. It felt like he is some sort of consciousness vibrator purring to the rhythm of its environment or to brain waves, or any sort of frequency that is humming through an area. Then suddenly, I just became quite, of course there where thoughts but my whole environment went quite I could feel nothingness or consciousness being there in the whole environment, my outer body ( not inner maybe slightly) went quiet, and my cat also suddenly in that (ffing) moment quite. I was shocked and the experience lasted maybe 5 - 30 seconds or 1 or 2 minutes. I can't really tell I find it difficult to track time when I am meditating, especially noticing short periods of time. After meditating I immediately cuddled into my bed with my cat cuddling up right towards my chest. I was irritated and just could not sleep, not because of the "silence experience", I just could not feel asleep. So, my mind was radiating and talking and thinking and talking. I noticed that the more I became uneasy my cat also became uneasy, and I was just wondering in general what a cat can sense with her body. Yet, it was so depending on what I thought. That I started to think about why did Egyptians worship cats did they do anything related to consciousness "work" or meditation or something that has to do with increasing awareness and noticed that a cat can be a useful tool to increase awareness? Then I thought what did all of our ancestors do that were sort of spiritually inclined with animals? Do animals have consciousness, when they have it can they use it? Are they just it? And are "trapped" inside a body that leaves them with limited choices? Would animals or certain animals notice and adjust to you when you have the goal to increase your consciousness and be a sort of guide or would I just project that on to them and I would perceive it that way? Since they are consciousness they are in some ways always a guide? Then I thought about a quote from Eckhart Tolle "I have lived with several Zen masters" - All of them are cats. And how my cat often deceives me just to get what he wants in the end, some food or attention or whatever he sometimes "thinks" and how a Zen master can trick you into growth ( did not meet one yet in person). Also, before I meditated I had to cry I just felt so bad and connected to my cat as stupid as it may sound it felt like he wants to live a human life what do I know? When consciousness perceives well, than can he see what we are doing and get insights even if he can't comprehend things like a human? I dont know it just hit me. In general with all the substances I tried, I feel that I WANT and also DESIRE to read more books. It feels very good to think about content that you have acquired ( not sure how to phrase it yet thats how it feels like.. yes yes feel feel ) and to just expand with it and connect ideas and concepts with each other or see where they are similar to gain new "insights". Also, since I consumed a couple of audiobooks and talks of Ken Wilber that I can see the stages of "moral" development or overall development in myself and other people. I pretty much got all of the ethnocentrism out of me and materialism is still less decently prevalent and that I am more integral to a degree then I thought I am. Yet, I am still very much green although integral is making its progress faster and faster. Especially, when I work out and I am at the university I feel integral is quite strong, since there is no other way, I can get along with peers who act on different stages and funnily more or less they also gather around their stage ( Yes, this sounds slightly condescending to some, yet this is NOT MY INTENTION!!! even if it feels sometimes like this I just get annoyed with people..). Also, I noticed more how people project their own insecurities upon me since I am quite sensitive and listen to people a lot and they just let loose and tell me all of their personal stuff. I enjoy it, yet it is difficult to not be a target of projection or that you target other people with your own projection since this is so subtle it is insane, anger, drama, hate, blame. Can all fire back on to you even if you did not really participate. Yet, it is just difficult to handle other peoples emotions when they project things on to you, since one can't tell if it is one's own emotion or the emotions of the other person, which is being projected upon you. Besides the projection and stages part, I noticed more shadow material in me. Also, that green people tend to be quite narcissistic in a subtle and vain manner and that orange people care so much about accomplishment, intelligence, money, status even in video games instead of raw skill for instance and that anything that has not been accomplished through some sort of efficiency and individual accomplishment. Is not worth the discussion. So, they feel better than others based on external factors . That is what I observed as a shadow part of these two stages and these parts are not incorporated correctly. IMO. Could also be just lack of awareness? (The shadow self and awareness are completely different, they are not correlated that's what I know from books though). Also, I feel more sensitive to my environment, open and do have more satisfaction with my life overall. So, I am very glad I tried and will continue to do so for some time, ideally with more focus on just experiencing the psychedelic experience, so I will walk around more or not be engaged in any sort of activity that distracts me too much. I am sometimes unsure if I am growing or not because first of all, you can't talk with everybody about this and even then it is difficult to get a feedback on what you perceive in terms of its accuracy. Since most people do not share the same framework to work with. And sometimes I am not sure if I am just deluding myself or that I am not making progress in someway since I don't reap any extrinsic rewards. Feel free to share thanks for reading!

Yes I have. Everything is a belief. Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. You gotta question everything, till all questions disappear. No belief is true. When all your beliefs crumble away, you ll find truth. Nothingness is also a belief, unless you have a direct consciousness experience of these things, you gotta question them. Everything held dear and precious about "you" must be questioned. Question everything till no more question remain. BUT....remember to take it easy too, there is no hurry. Hope this is helpful

How the the many arise from the one? Nothingness to infinity, a full circle, not a paradox, but an endless balanced cycle. A few pictures I made to understand our perception, sense of self (and how enlightenment is merging of the mind and body, vice versa delusion and separation arise when one the two fall apart (lies/self-deception/ignorance). Our body is the universe, we ONLY experience the universe in our body, there is NOTHING outside or beyond the horizon where our physical body exists, all of reality is wrapped/projected on us. Since our body is our way to perceive reality, keep it healthy, or you will change how reality will reveal itself in your life. If anyone has any comments, feel free to post.

@Saumaya Have you gone through this questioning of your assumptions and beliefs? I'm wondering how you go beyond what you already thought you have gone beyond? I know the layers are deep. I might need to take a more directed approach to go further. I'm not sure how to delve deeper without possible attending a retreat or secluding myself from life for a period of time. When I say source energy or God or Universal Energy, I don't mean that I am talking about any thing or religious notion. I'm actually talking about no thing..... Nothingness, Maybe energy isn't the word I mean.......when I say a piece of the universe, i don't mean that it is separate. I might not be able to express it in words what I mean.

This happened last year, there was a time, when i was trying to seek my spiritual true self as god, I've been reading about enlightment, watching youtube videos from various spiritual teachers, read through several enlightment books. Yet i had no success of knowing or connecting with it. So i sat down as i meditated, I authentically reached out trying an exercise of asking the universe/god/true self/secret self whatever you want to call it from an exercise i found off youtube saying. If you want to manifest or connect with it, talk to it meditate/contemplate and give it time to respond give it a day try it out for 24hours and see what happens. So i was like why not? I gave it a shot, I sat down on a deep long silence as i meditated and i asked it. God? Universe true self? Me? If you really exist can you please show me something within the next 24hours that you exist? I'm getting really sad and desperate, i can't touch you, see you or even connect with you, please show me you are real and i'm not following some hog wash nonsense. I want to drop my limited human perceptive, i know theirs something beyond this ongoing current magic. Please show me you exist, please i beg you. I don't think i can go long without losing my mind any day now. so please, i beg you please show me anything within the next 24hours and please let it be clear and let me know that you are here. Note i have never heard of the phrase elephant in the room even though I'm 26, this was just the first day of me hearing it ever. So the next day.. my friend called me talked to me and told me something about something so obvious as in the elephant in the room? Why couldn't i notice something so obvious, i was like yeah whatever. Had a convo with him about various stuff. Later on that day leo uploaded a video, Forgot the title of the video although he was talking about spirtuality and nothingness/infinity/god/true self and also mentioned the elephant in the room and why it's so obvious yet we can't notice it. Here i was like yeah ok whatever.. it was a little strange how that twice line, I never heard before in my life come down in a row twice, And then my internet friend called me up and mentioned why couldn't I notice the obvious elephant in the room? And here i was like what the fuck!? And now i really know i am nothing and infinity ever since that moment i communicated it to me somehow.. I'm everyone, i'm you right now, I'm just pure presence god ! Yet i don't know how to use it, it's all automatic, nothing and infinity. I'm just playing with myself somehow playing every character at the same time. Not sure how but i know that's the only thing that makes sense to me, i mean what else is left. Truth can never be communicated in words it's too limited to be put into human paradigm language. but technically everything already happened from nothing every scenario you can think off and everything even irrationality on every dimension all exists on all times everything, i mean it's really infinite infinity. I've had this sensation from time to time in my meditation sessions where i grasped it even though it was clear, yet daily mundane life takes me away from it from time to time. Lately i see life as nothing but a live lucid dream with a tricky way of manifesting things around us. As for the primal mind's sensory perception fear seems to be getting in the way of most of what we'd like to manifest. Although the infinite invisible muscle can't really be seen or used properly it defiantly is there. Been trying to practice law of vibration/attraction via abraham hicks ways lately. I did find a spiritual teacher that tried to help me learn how to manifest a b etter life, although he's gone missing at times, I wonder why would I give up all this unlimited power? Eh Anyway i'm getting out of topic. But yeah Just wanted to drop the elephant in the room for myself once again, It's obvious can you guys see the magic around you? "Your voice, It's echoing off gods walls," "Wake up! you've slept for a thousand nights, and what has it got you" ~ Rumi Has anyone here communicated with the "IT" source? What were your experiences like? I've tried several times, communicating with it with more proof of it existing. i've had other strange experiences around 4 times where it responded in strange ways, from creating an entire mall for me, to manifesting a car with my town's neighborhood number, to a strange story being the same between 2 people as a sign. I found it strange on how it responds but i guess, that's how it likes to play hide and seek with me. Not sure why but it does it in that kind of way. I'll probably try communicating with it more in the future.

@Ether Thank you. I remember when you first showed up on the seen man. You’ve come a long way. It’s nice to be able to see. I like your songs btw. I forgot to mention that when I listened to the second one. The five senses, and all that appears to be sensed, are the formless, appearing as form. We, and this world we sense, are atoms - empty - nothingness, a dream of a dreamer. If you and I stand on a rock, we can state a fact “there is a rock beneath our feet”. This is a relative fact, an appearance of the formless by means of relativity, as we, and as a rock. This is the liberation in a rock. It is you. You are the dreamer, the Ether, the Nahm, the gravity, the matter, the relativity, and the rock. You are these in appearance, cause you are none of these in actuality.

It has two dimensions, in a sense you can say that you move from time to timelessness but there is really no distance to it. When you access the timeless state it uncovers the fact that this was your essence all along and time is only relatively real. So you can live grounded in the timeless and still take action in time. Thats the biggest paradox there is. Time is dreamlike. It has it´s reality but the essence of you and everything there is, is timeless. Well, you only need time until you realise you don´t need time anymore Yes that´s how I like to look at it, inviting time as means to that which is timeless. Time and literally everything that exists is born out of timelessness/nothingness and it permeates everything by being it´s essence. Not becoming free of time means you are stucked, in time, things, personas, there is a way out of that, if one don´t realise this under his lifetime he will get out of time when he dies. Time is a contraction of energy.

? I understand the motive and reasoning behind its function and yes it makes sense that one would have to do ground work as a foundation prior to the additional support of chemical assistance. I see the reasoning for this and I can see how that may seem sound. But unless one sees that there is still a movement of self/thought projecting/and anticipating that that experience will bring about a freedom from time is still a movement of time/measure. Can the self ‘time’ move from time ‘thought/reality to truth/nothingness? So this is movement depending on an experience to become free from experience? Is this correct? It’s depending on time to become free from time? So this would be a good question to go into... Is this a movement of inviting time as means to that which is timeless?....How can that which has no measure ‘nothingness/truth or that which is independent of thought, be integrated by measure ‘things/reality or what we think about and reflect upon??? When it comes down to it, is the chemical the issue and preventing factor of not becoming free of time? Or is the movement of psychological time the very preventing factor?? Have you gone into this before? It’s pretty cool man?? Check into it if your interested in this ?

so after this chemical is taken ‘one time’ one is cured and lives in nothingness? One is free from conflict in chasing the illusion of psychological time? One is not caught in the movement of becoming?

@Leo Gura Now that you know why everything exists what does it really change? Existence of nothingness "feels' exactly the same as existence of everything - absolute infinity. I had this theory even back when I was teenager at school. It turned out to be the case most likely. I just could not prove it to myself back then. But ultimately it tells me that this knowledge changes absolutely nothing. It is just end of seeking, logging and desire to get answers. You are not getting anywhere... You will still experience everything as it is destined for you as to a piece of infinite puzzle. Now I start to think that knowing that truth is not by any means better then just living normal life. It does not get you anywhere ultimately. There is no escape from Matrix. All there is - Is Matrix itself. That is the only reality you have... Plus, based on that realization you would also realize that any possibility of gods are now possible for you. So after your "Death" you could end up in christian heaven or hell. Or maybe see another god from greek mythology. Because why not? Absolute involves every possibility! Now you see? Your no perspectives perspective is not any more superior then the perspective of the believer person. Your answers lead you back where you started! This is ultimate going full circle. You now realize that your reality is everything that there is. And you gotta live it like every other normal conscious being on this planet.

But Leo will disappear. Leo will not experience it. Moreover one part especially caught my attention when you are mentioning - that there is not even consciousness and awareness it's only absolute infinity. I agree this is the ultimate insight. Groundless ground is not consciousness. It is nothingness which equals to infinity. 0 can not exist without other numbers. 0 means the non existence of other numbers. So after you become awakened to that groundless ground there even arises many questions what could happen to your consciousness after physical death. After Leo disappears.

@MarkusSweden I would guess that Leo meant HOW rather then WHY. Indeed there are no answers to the WHY question because as Rupert explains it is the question devised by our limited mind. Our minds seek to find cause in everything. Why entails that there is a reason and the result. When in reality there is just being. What Leo explained is answer on the question HOW rather than why. Nothingness equals to absolute infinity and that is HOW our reality exists.