Search the Community

The UK doesn't have freedom of speech but freedom of expression technically, which is just a more broad definition. The UDHR recognizes that freedom of speech has limitations and need to be restricted. This law aims to curbs online harassment and abuse by regulating social media providers to better safeguard users, which is a good thing on paper in the absence of any kind of regulation. I do agree however that the stipulations around what is considered harmful is too vague currently. In practice it could result in social media platforms over censoring stuff to cover their asses but that is already kind of the case, with people self-censor to avoid getting flagged by saying stuff like "unaliving" instead of died/suicide. The UK still scores higher on freedom of expression than the US according to the Global Expression report (33th VS 88th). https://www.globalexpressionreport.org/

How can anybody get bored in this dramatic masterpiece called life. I know how. Bored of the dramatic masterpiece. It becomes the same ole, same ole masterpiece. Brilliant how the mind creates itself over and over again to make everything seem different and appear to be different. Imagine eating an orange everyday to infinity. Only an orange. Or watching the same one movie for eternity over and over. Imagine if we lived forever in this body/form. Imagine if suicide could never be accomplished and we had no choice but to be here in the same form forever. If you think you're depressed now, imagine that. Everyone would go insane. Life is just creating itself over and over and over again but with different content. That's where the mind comes in. Without that there wouldn't be any activity or movement. The mind is all that. The mind didn't create all that, the mind is activity and movement itself. It loves drama and creates it when it's bored. Bored with the same dance.

i know theres people who, they just are what they are, like... there are really trump-like-people out here making decisions based on pure blood lust and venegence tryina draw blood (and trust me i have first hand exp 10 years, for 24-7 hours) Tates just a little boy still playin with his toy cars or watever... anyway my points like, its not like im retarded, i see things, and i give them a chance, but i know that its like hey... there are real live ppl out here tryina bulldoze shit without any rhyme or reason, and it has nothin to do w/ america, and perhaps nothin' to do w/ their own well being either (more of like a suicide mission if you ask me). but if your like 78 years old tryina make moves like its the summer of 79', like... thats where im like, "timeout"... This is a 78—goin on 80 now in a couple years... what kindve like animalistic thing is, like, some 80 year old guy got to prove out in these streets. Like, its not like he's on crack otherwise he would be weighin in at 100 pounds, looking like unusually fit out-of-the-blue...it is very much true that—if no one has ever thought of just close-lining someone, then they might just go on as if they are unstoppable. but if your 80, youve surely been out here and have nothin to prove, or the chances should be so slim that its like ("yes, thank god. now im 80 years old, time to get to work tearin sh-- up!") that then implies orchestrating this unusual gutting of the government, etc, etc.. (etcetera etcetera, fading into infinity, because it continues to make less and less sense to me) and thats where im at. i know that this like, mid-life crisis attitude can go up to the 60's... but now we are talkin bout people 70—80 (its like a mid-life crisis, cause their sense of purpose is wrapped around the illusion that they are dominating in whatever field therein) Usually by 80 youve done lost enough to wake up. And of course, theres always some very slim chance that there is some purpose behind it, but its unlikely. If there was we would know what it was. the people that are his age are the ones who likely know how to untangle him, and the weird pride syndrome hes wrapped up in like, since they have been here long enough, they know what language hes speakin.

Note: I am not gonna kill myself. Don't worry. That said. I feel that the only thing stopping me is that statement above. Which is fueled by the fear of death. Not just physical but metaphysical death. The reason I am afraid of suffering is because it will lead to my metaphysical death. Eternal suffering will do it even faster. So since it comes down to that one fear of death, if dulled greatly, what would stop me? Why would I NOT do it? Fear of missing out on the rest of my life? In God's POV an experience of suicide is just as valuable as a lifetime of experiences. Why? Because quantity and quality, time, they are all human concepts. I feel it's that I won't have a choice if the fear of death was to be removed on all levels. I'll just disintegrate or some shit. Because even on a physical level all your cells are afraid of dying so they act in a way to stay alive and ultimate work together to sustain your body. Same is with your mind. And most subtly with your awareness, that I think has to do with energetic biases. On such a level, only thing that would stop me from dissolving, would be an attachment. Why? Because attachment and fear are two sides of the same coin. The coin called Bias. Bias is what keeps YOU alive as an isolated consciousness. But bias is what makes you suffer. Bias helps you to survive but ultimately leads to you removing it, and dissolving. Eg. You are afraid of suffering so much that you find a way to remove the fear itself one day. This means that God doesn't pull you towards itself for dissolution, it's just a byproduct of the ingenious design of God. Like how parallel lines on a sphere will meet at the poles. It's not that something is pulling those lines together, it's because of the design of the surface itself. It's inevitable. You can try to sustain your fear of death in efforts to stay alive{because you're afraid of death}. To be afraid of something means to avoid it. But if you avoid it too well, by removing the fear, you'll die. So you have to avoid it artificially where you just leave so that the fear can bite you in the ass another time. So the only way to avoid artificially is through distractions. The lower consciousnesses can do this very well. Another way is to remove your fear of metaphysical death but substitute it with another bias, an attachment. This is what, I think, higher consciousnesses do. They will consciously choose attachments to keep surviving. Ultimately it will make no difference whether you choose to live eternally or dissolve. Making it a paralyzing decision. Nothing is stopping you from killing yourself, but nothing is stopping you from not killing yourself. Why would you do either? This is what I need help with. Can some help me draw a conclusion about the paralyzing nature of decisions.

To children you tell necessary fiction so they mature and grow and only when they are mature enough you tell certain truths depending on the age and depending on the truth that needs to be delivered. God and his children (humanity) are no different. Christianity is necessary fiction for humanity to evolve and only when it reaches a certain maturation in the spiral dynamics it can be exposed to the naked truth. Just imagine your teachings becoming mainstream and pre-teens or teens using 5 MeO on massive scale. The amount of people committing suicide would be staggering if you extrapolate the amount of people who already committed suicide or going apeshit like that youtube fitness guy. Most people go to religion because they have problems. Giving 5 MeO to them is like putting a fire cracker in their ears. You are not doing God's work here. People like Jordan Peterson do God's work by keeping people alive and giving them meaning to fight to good fight. And after they healed themselves they could possible move to a higher truth. I hope you and Jordan Peterson should do a podcast together. It would be a blast to see. But probably you won't. And you should contemplate why.

I get this feeling sometimes..in facing all the complications and the shit we endure in life..isn't it tempting to just jump off a tall building or hang yourself and be done with it all ? Of course the only problem is fear .death is the number one thing we fear .and we also don't know what comes after death .maybe its something worse than our current shitty life . This is all making me sick thinking about those psychological dynamics and the amount of fear and insanity that goes in our lives. My only question..is there Hope ?

Thought about that as well at some point. Its a calculated decision. It depends on the type of war, how much value I would likely create for the world when I would flee, how fit and psychologically stable I am for war compared to others, my personality type and how much I could support my country without fighting. You gotta be realistic, going to war is like suicide. You either die or you get at least a shit ton of trauma that you take with you for the rest of your life.

To be honest, there is a lot of misconception about kids and sexual identity. I have worked with such children in training, and a lot of the misconception is based upon ignorance. Yes there are some children who question their sexual identity where it is a symptom of something else. Many of them grow out of it. Health personell rarely addresses it, but in some instances, where the feeling of incongruence between for example body and sexual identity is so extreme that the child is capable of comitting suicide, then they are acting upon it. Only the worst parents arent capable of accepting it. This stuff is real. Like racism, you need to get exposed to what you are ignorant to.

Because you've yet again perfectly articulated the harsh reality of the world that the rest of the world hides from you and themselves. I've been coping by saying to myself that it'll all be good in the end and I will find someone, but through your words I now realize I will most likely never. Even if I get through the bottleneck of healing my brain fog, libido-surpressing panic and anxiety, dysarhtria/apraxia of speech, inflammation and extreme stiffness of neck and mouth, which is a far fucking stretch to begin with, I will still be in a situation where dating is hell simply because I'm not chad, although I'm not ugly either. Since even those starting conditions will probably never be met it's time I face reality like you do, cutting all the fantasies and seeing my situation as it is: I'll be forever alone. Hell, even maintaining a job and communication on the job will be of the utmost difficulty. Even though I have a relatively high IQ and am learning CS and other subjects while at home, and becoming quite advanced at it, in my mind preparing for a life in the future, I've come to the realization that none of those skills matter if you can't communicate and socialize with actual people to work on a job, let alone find a girlfriend or wife. The loneliness, sexlessness, and the physical and mental disability are just becoming too much to bear after 25 years. I've always had hope but now I realize it's just a fantasy I've been holding on to to cope. I'm getting tears in my eyes writing this, since women are truly the most beautiful thing in the world, not only physically but also mentally, and the one time I kissed a girl in high school was literally the best moment of my life. After hs it all fell apart. The only hope I have left is that my symptoms are psychosomatic or somehow caused by spirits or something. Over the last two years, when my symptoms have worsened to the degree I couldn't keep my job and studies, I have had like 10 days where somehow all my energy returned and I could talk normally again, and somehow all my symptoms dissipated, felt great in my body and mind, and I called my friends and had a great time. But the next day that would be all over again, to my disappointment and despair. Since doctors have not been able to find anything it's my only hope to go to some Teal Swan method or some cooky spirit healers. I have suffered sexual abuse in my youth, but it wasn't that bad (not rape) , and in the years after it I didn't have the symptoms I have now that have developed over the last years, so I doubt my symptoms are psychosomatic because of the abuse trauma. Although I don't have much faith in it, I'm still going to try my best. But if everything fails I don't see what I should do in my life. A part of me just wants to murder me for having dissapointed the young buck in me, never having had sex except with a prostitute and now not even be able to do so, and not have related to women and falling behind in life, not having had relationships and real conversations with women. I'm horny all the time which makes it absolutely unbearable to an almost spiritual degree, like rattling a cage from the inside. I've turned to religious ideas to try to find a raison d'etre in some ascetic manner but I don't really see it happening if all that buddhism and sufism stuff is fake anyway and i'm just imagining reality and thats it. Thinking about starving kids etc makes it easier to still feel thankful for my life. But it's just the lovelessness and sexlessness, and absolute lack of female company that just strains me so much, to the point I often don't feel human anymore. Maybe what I will do in the end, is just living ascetically, wandering the world for Truth and taking in the beauty of Gods creation. But I'm afraid I will always feel unworthy in the darwinistic sense, unworthy of human love and far removed from it. and that fear and hate makes me want to kill myself. I no longer really fear hell, although that fear kept me from pursuing suicide in the last few years, I realize it's all based on imagined dogma and dharma by prophets and yogis, who built a moral system for society, but I have absolutely no reason to believe them about the afterlife whatsoever. Although I have an intuition suicide will lead to hell, it's probably just human survival bullshit concocted by the mind. All I really know is that consciousness is immortal, for that is something I have witnessed myself. I'm just going to go on and try everything till I absolutely can't bear it anymore, but I won't delude myself with fantasies anymore, even when those fantasies kept me from ending it all. Thanks for everything Leo.

It's so weird being in here, writing stuff he will never read. Because I'm so used to this forum meaning him. Discussions with him and thoughts about him and me checking if he was online regularly if we didn't speak, worrying when his content seemed too much up in the clouds, worrying when he didn't write anything at all. I looked up to him so much, I was so amazed by his mind. But I was also so angry at him for spending so much time being in his own head thinking about God instead of just living and being and breathing with me. There's a memory I had forgotten, but it has kept returning after he has died. I had moved to the other city then, to study, but we talked on the phone, of course, It wasn't during one of the break periods. But I remember I was still surprised that he called me. That it was me he called. He was in shock, he had fallen off his bike, you know he used to drive so fast and recklessly it was insane, with his long-limbed alien-body no one could control - him the least! When I remember it, I can see him as if I am standing next to him looking at his wounds in the bathroom mirror, but it was just a phone call. He was laughing almost, from the shock, he said he probably should go to the hospital. he described his wounded face to me. There's something about that memory, I think it comes up because it felt so normal and earthly and I felt so... Like if by calling me, he said to me - yes, you are the one I call when I'm hurt and don't know what to do. And I felt able to comfort him. And included. I asked if I should come to his city and go with him to the hospital. He of course said no, but I should not have listened. Before he died I don't think I really understood regret. I thought I could go through life without ever regretting anything - because everything happens for a reason right. And the universe has a plan. I do still believe that. I can never not believe that, and he wouldn't have wanted me to. He would laugh at me if I lost faith, I can almost hear him. Rolling his eyes at me - like God in all is the most obvious thing. But fuck, what I wouldn't give to be able to turn back time and take that fucking two-hour train ride to sit with him in that fucking hospital, holding his hand. Pressing my head against his chest. Kissing his shoulder and neck and fingers. And now I'm crying and it's probably better to stop writing now because I really think I should do this in small steps. I think it could be good for me though, to write about it in here. I feel people in here know him in a way that is comforting to me. They know his mind and his words and his empathy and all of his stupid trips and contemplations.

What would happen is Trump will launch the national guard as soon as he can and hammer you into submission and then crown himself national hero. It would embolden Trump to smear democrats even further and contribute to undercuting democratic processes. Political suicide is not going to solve the problem. People have to suffer the consequences of their immature voting practices through mass inflation and hollowing of social services and democracy for them to learn. I know it's frustrating because just how stupid it all is. It should be obvious how bad Trump is politically.

Yeah, that's a good point. You could build a good case for both. There's a lot of compelling evidence that points in the opposite direction if you want to look into it. It's all circumstantial from what I've seen, but when you add it all up, it's not easy to dismiss. Also, "puppet" doesn't necessarily mean 100% controlled. It could just mean 25% or 50% controlled or it could mean "in cahoots" or colluding with. So "puppet" isn't the best term. I was just using Lyubov's term. Collusion for power/material gain would be more likely but it's also possible Putin has some dirt or leverage on Trump, which could explain a narcissist taking orders from someone else. Russia is big into spying. Think of the weak security around Trump's properties, especially from the 70s to 2000s. Maybe they recorded Trump fucking a kid and are blackmailing him with it. That might get a narcissist to do your bidding, especially if you promise him unfathomable riches. Remember, when Trump was asked by reporters if he'd release the JFK information, he said absolutely. Then was asked if he'd release the information of some other big thing, and he said absolutely. Right after those two questions, he was asked if he'd release the Epstein files and he said "that I'm not sure about, I probably would". Also, Epstein passed away from "suicide" when the cameras just so happened to be off. It's not outside the realm of possibility that the Russians have dirt on Trump. Again, I'm not saying they do, I'm just saying they might.

The press conference started fairly well. Trump praised Ukraine and Zelensky, he wanted the deal signed. Before the discussion started, the least diplomatic thing Trump said was that it was difficult because Zelensky hates Putin and vice versa, which is true. Zelensky was willing to sign the deal, too. At some point, when he lists the presidents, he tells him, "Thank God you were elected again." But they are two big egos incapable of diplomacy. We all know that's true for Trump. It's also true for Zelensky, who has had ovations, hero treatment, and zero challenges of his positions from Western leaders and the media for three years. He rejected any possibility of a diplomatic route with Russia, which was what Trump and Vance were proposing, and he did it in front of the press. His side of the story is the only valid one and he won't accept anything out of that narrative. But Russia's side has many valid points too, the way CIA, NATO, and Ukraine's most nationalists have been messing the situation, including Trump's Javelin missiles. Merkel, who Zelensky cites as witness of Russia's deceptions, admitted that the Minsk Accords were a mere tactic to give Ukraine time to arm itself. But Zelensky doesn't want talk, he wants war, his problem is he can't win it. Any future deal proposal from Russia will be worse than today. Russia will pay a price of continuing the war with blood, both sides will, but Russia will charge that price with more land in the end. Trump was right in questioning the idea that Russia will become a menace to the peace of the USA. Russia can't militarily take, and even less maintain, much more than it has in its vicinity. But it can with Eastern Ukraine, who are culturally Russian in a big part already, and they justify what they are doing as a way to defend these people, and it's not totally out of reason. For now, it's good the mineral deal didn't take off, but Zelensky was willing to go with it, so it's still a menace for Ukraine to lose its economic control and resources. The deal was giving the US half of the revenues obtained from the Ukrainian minerals, and control over the expenditure of the other half, getting good contracts for themselves, the US contractors, obviously. It's pure economic colonialism, at this point they should even consider if Putin is willing to offer a better deal for Western Ukraine, because that was economic suicide. By the way, this deal didn't mean the end of the war by any means, it had nothing to do with Russia. The war continues, Russia is grabbing more land each day, and it's only going to get worse. So what Trump said that he was handing Ukraine a good card was absolutely false.

Europe has been dwelling in a self-imposed strategic twilight for decades. When you outsource your vigilance to an empire's pitbull for generations, your geopolitical vision atrophies like an unused muscle. The continent that once possessed the sharpest strategic minds has willingly developed diplomatic glaucoma, content to let America scan the horizon while they focused on internal bureaucratic minutiae. This dependency didn't happen by accident. It was cultivated, nurtured, and enforced through a complex system of carrots and sticks – NATO bases, financial entanglements, intelligence sharing that was really intelligence capturing. The arrangement suited the empire perfectly: Europe remained comfortably blind while their resources were redirected, their industries captured, and their sovereignty quietly hollowed out. Europe's strategic myopia is now so advanced that they can't distinguish between their own interests and Washington's commands. They've forgotten how to assess threats independently, how to engage with neighbors directly, how to calculate the true cost of following imperial directives. They've traded their binoculars for a blindfold and called it security. It's time for Europe to reclaim its sight – to dust off those spectacles that have been gathering cobwebs since the end of the Cold War. The continent needs to rediscover its capacity for independent strategic thinking, for seeing beyond the narrow frame the empire has provided. The alternative is continued blindness while being led toward conflicts that serve another's interests. The carrots that once seemed so appealing have revealed themselves as the most expensive meal in history. Meanwhile, the stick is no longer just looming – it's firmly pressed against European backs, driving them toward economic suicide and unnecessary confrontation with their neighbors. True vision requires the courage to open eyes that have grown comfortable in darkness. It requires the willingness to see uncomfortable truths: that treating your largest energy supplier and natural trading partner as an existential enemy might not be the strategic masterstroke it was sold as. That perhaps the greatest threat to European prosperity and security wasn't coming from the East after all. Europe must rebuild its atrophied strategic vision before it's marched blindly into one last, final abyss from which there is no return – all while believing they're walking toward the light.

I know he has a video on nihilism and older videos about depression. But in the light of new levels of awareness he reached recently,I hope that Leo can cover the topic of depression and suicidal thoughts more in depth. Why antidepressants don't work ..and a spiritual advanced solution.

Ffs this is such a closeminded but expected take, to say that if someone is ethnocentrist it must mean they can't identify with more than just their own people is too black & white (no pun intended), i am ethnocentric and a white nationalist (if i was any other race i would be a nationalist for that race too, it's not about identfying with a race for the sake of race, it's for the sake of not having your race wiped off the face of earth) and at the same time i am aware at all times that this is my dream that i'm constructing in this moment as God where everything is a figment of my Godly imagination including people of different races meaning that ultimately everything is one and there is no duality, but despite all of this there is still duality in maya and as long as i'm dreaming this dream it's absolutely healthy to want to have your race of people to stay alive on the planet, it's basic survival 101 and survival is a healthy thing, what you're subtly proposing by calling ethnocentrism "level of cognitive identificiation" is suicide, which you show in a more direct manner at the end of your post by calling me racist for caring about the survival of my race within the dream. Sure, Kanye considers himself superior to many people but that's more from an egoic point of view, Kanye doesn't see any race or group of people superior to another, which is what you implemented by saying he thinks he's superior to jews because he sees something wrong with them. Kanye is not a nazi, all the nazi stuff that he does is just an intentional response to supression of all the nazi things, this happens with every supressed thing in the world, if things like nazis, swastikas, Hitler, talking about the jews weren't supressed topics he wouldn't see a need to put resistence to that supression which is what he's doing, him making a swastika shirt and saying i love hitler is him giving a big fuck you to the overall supression, that's mostly done by the jews in the media (which also proves his point about jews being overpowered in the media and all jew releated things like the Holocaust and Isreal being "greatest ally" being the most pushed topics by that same media in comparison to all the other topics within those categories). The example i gave you of jews seeing themselves as superior to others is directly releated to you saying Kanye sees himself as superior to jews, i gave you the reverse example and it actually made more sense because it has an entire religion backing it instead of an ego of a famous rapper. And in that last sentence of course you have to use the overused racism card in big 2025 because someone thinks one of the races of planet earth actually shouldn't cease to exist, there is nothing wrong with being protective of your own race, if i was black i would be a black nationalist, it's not about race, it's about not being suicial and instead wanting to keep existing, it's literally that simple and blatant. And you're the one talking about "contamination", i don't use that word so stop putting it in my mouth. And also your main point wasn't about me but about people in power, i'm not a person in power so that still doesn't explain the claim that there are white nationalists in positions in power, as i have said there are people in power who have talked the white nationalist talk but didn't walk the white nationalist walk, it's been this way since the 40s.

@VeganAwake I recognize I am extremely lucky. Not many make it this far. I ve seen people die by suicide because of this. Serious mental illness and substance abuse is not something you can just joke around with. I am lucky because I have been able to help others. But people relapse and die because of such comments. Why not better search for Truth? The Devil is a Liar. God is Honesty, Truth. It is that simple.

I think Kindness is one of the fundamentals to living The Good Life. But what is Kindness? What is Service? I think it is understanding and attending the Anger that the Other has against you and solving it, as illustrated by the above verse from The Sermon of The Mount. you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you "CLEAN THE FLOOR, you made an awful mess." Yes Ma'am. "Do 100 Push Ups NOW" Okay, Godfather. "Do the laundry CORRECTLY" Yes. "Do it again, YOU MESSED UP". Okay. "AGAIN!" Okay. I think it is not about solving my own anger, but other people's. I think that is the essence of service and abnegation and a route to enlightenment. After doing that, others will smile and you will sow Peace. In a clinic where people have commited suicide, this attitude can save their lives, and your own. I think this is part of Christ's message.

Is governmental assisted suicide just another form of the death penalty?

It objectifies people, the worst should be life in prison or exile, with the option of assisted suicide, if human life is sacred then human life is sacred.

Sounds like typical Christian rehab law. Suppress and repress instead of express on a healthy way. Did they commit suicide and went crazy because they expressed their anger in destructive ways, or because they suppressed it until it became unbearable?

@Aaron p @Leo Gura A drug rehab center in Mexico can be a place with A LOT of anger. Ive seen two commit suicide because of this, many relapse and many simply go crazy. I've observed my anger and I can see it come and go. But working with other addicts can be very challenging. One day a 50 year old woman asked: Why, after working with dolphins, art, group therapy, psychiatrists, many clinics, why has nothing improved? Because of RESENTMENT, I yelled and her eyes opened a bit, the owner of the clinic noticed this. So, I think there is something profound about Hate, Resentment and, Anger that creates a Duality between Self and Other and that somehow must be resolved. When I saw the Kingdom, I found a word - Conflict, which I have not yet resolved. What is Conflict? I will research and practice Sedona Method, thank you

Firstly, eventually, of course we will have to evolve to showing kindness towards especially mass murderers. Not in some sort of naive way, as you here suggest as a dunk of stage green naivety, but a genuine, structured compassion that maintains society while also allowing us to grow. Many mass murderers were traumatized, mentally ill, abused. If you do not have compassion, you will never get rid of this phenomena, because if you cannot recognize their humanity you will never even attempt to find a way to prevent them from becoming what they became. What even is the point of the killing? Again, the death penality has not shown to have any effect on criminality, nor on mass-murders. Mass murders happen in a context that will be completely removed from any impact the death penalty could have. Most of these people do it with the expectation of suicide or death anyways. And of course it's cruel, the death penalty is a severe form of psychological torture. Just read up on the torment it inflicts on individuals. And again, you completely avoid the necessary cost that will come with such laws, which is innocent people getting killed by the state. If you think that is avoidable, you don't understand the justice system. And again, to what end? What is the point of the death penality. To discourage mass murderers? How naive of a world view can you have if you think a mass murderer would think to themselves "Oh no, I better not kill a bunch of people because they have the death penalty on this". That's just an absurd picture, if you are committing such a crime there won't be any thoughts of the consequences. Yes, it does contradict kindness and love, it obviously does.

I started having these thoughts of jumping from a high floor, I was at a hotel last year when it happened, I stared down, And my mind started making up a story of how nice it would be to just jump and end all this suffering that's been going on for a while. It seemed like the perfect solution as to my life, since my life is just a dream why should I care that much if everything's so illusionary with their illusionary consequence. So i attempted, but i freaked out went on bed (not sure if i was consciously stopping it or my subconscious mind freaked out about it ) and there it was mind won't stop racing thoughts about that incident, all night and morning, that it wouldn't stop until like 2 weeks have passed I've been having these episodes of it coming and going, Felt like it was getting stronger at times when i follow those thoughts. They'd like for days or weeks, My mind is calmer now but i easily fall under the trap of i should go for it since life feels so meaningless and i dislike a lot about it and i just can't seem to get it the way i want life to run for me. It feels like someday maybe i could really lose control and go over it, since it felt automatic at the time back then. I can kinda of understand how suicidal people are since i've never been in that state of mind before. I used to be able to say yeah i want to die and suicide since i was 13-14 but that thought would go away within a few seconds to a minute and won't really come up again until months or years passing by and i'd let go not thinking too much about it over the years, But this seems like another weird infiltrated virus that just won't stop leaving me alone pushing me to do it every time, even though i'm trying not to entertain it, it seems very believable as a good idea out of suffering. Even though i keep telling myself over and over it's not as bad as i exaggerate it to be, i still have a lot left, but it's hard to feel the past's well being due to my chronic anxiety. (there's like a pain/uneasiness worry that never goes away keeps cycling between my chest/heart/throat, i just loathe it that part the most with my health issues. (tinnitus/hyperacis/back/leg injury/kidney issues, not sure how to explain it but i have several 5meo side effects, my mind and body just doesn't feel the same feels weird/off and i can't be my past self as i used to be, i have a lot of memory issues which is making it hard for me to cope/learn from my experiences or speak in a proper manner without much brain fog) I really crave early financial freedom since i was so close to get it but i gambled it all away in crypto thinking i could reach UHNWI and i'm manipulating people/ market to make it work eventually. But that was just dumb i keep bringing up the past over and over from a lot of petty stuff with lots of overthinking. As for love i just realized egoic human love is always conditional over unconditional so i thought there could be some unbreakable unshakable bond with someone here for me, but apparently that doesn't exist either salty about wasting all my life for her only to get cheated on multiple times through out the years as i tried to forgive and let go just for it to keep repeating with no remorse. I can't grow feelings to anyone anymore after that experience, I just dislike people in general. Advice? Thank you for caring

You and @puporing and most other leftists are just too stuck in victim mindset to take action on these changes and empower your lives and thus gain enough knowledge through doing it to see that it's going the right way. You're basically like people criticizing CEOs for being overpaid while never having started a business and not understanding the difference between commodity labor and executive skillset. I don't think we can come to an understanding but Purporing just proved my point that he's so clueless about how to impact the world that he would resort to suicide if the situation became worse. Reflect on the fact that you're a human and that humans are the most powerful creatures on earth. And that now you have AI and literally decentralized finance meaning that you could litereally take over Trump yourselves if you wanted to. TELL ME LITERALLY WHAT IS TO STOP YOU??? Your weak mindsets disgusts me honestly. Go back to spiral dynamics and integrate some Stage Red. You're not a hamster nor a victim nor a powerful man you're literally an infinitely powerful God that fooled himself thinking he's a powerless victim. Beta male energy. Get a grip.