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The infinity idea never really resonated with me much. I just call it nothingness or everything. I also call it the Universe when I want to give it a metaphorical persona. Time is a concept that we use to theorize about change. But all change is an illusion because the Now never changes.

Today while I was in the shopping mall car park waiting for my Mum, I got out my phone and listened to Matt Khan's video, a way out of pain. This broadened my idea of love and why we should love everything in existence: We need to have FAITH that everything is the light of the divine which means that my anger, jealousy, fear and pain are a beautiful expression of God. So when I say I love you to someone else when they lash out like a tiger, I'm really saying "I acknowledge that you are in pain right now, and that you came to me because you couldn't even acknowledge your own pain and so wanted me to be the shining light that recognizes it for you so that all hearts in this world can experience less pain, including my own". This is the most important thing I have learnt about love: that it is about allowing every single emotion in my body to fully express itself (in my head of course); to put it simply, to be HONEST with yourself to the point where you can say "Yeah I'm really mad, now let's breathe into the madness and allow it to destroy me!". I was really confused about this a few months ago when I heard that saying I love you would fix all of my problems, it won't. Saying I love you because you understand that people are coming up to you to be rescued and thoughts come up in your mind to be seen as you see an innocent child, is the solution, the paradigm is so important. Rule of thumb: treat everyone and myself like I would to a crying 5 year old child, be soft, be honest; be on their side because they are spiritually evolving too, just in a funny way! Meditation Insight While meditating I spent 30 minutes of the first hour daydreaming about this girl I will see in a few weeks on holiday. It was so nice, she is very beautiful with luscious brown hair and a gorgeous pair of legs. Then I felt bad because I couldn't stop these thoughts which became increasingly sexual. I didn't own my thoughts which is why the thought seemed never ending. I'm practicing the no manipulation technique and so it's hard to know whether I dropped the thought, or if the thought just naturally disappeared which is frustrating. For the next hour of meditation I said the mantra "I love you". I imagine a blanket of love is over me and is slowly dissolving my body while doing this. It is a very liberating. By the end of the session you lose all sense of who exactly you are loving. Do I love my face? Do I love my heart? Do I love my personality? Life Purpose Update I feel like a stranger to myself. Throughout my journal I hope I can become my intimate lover. I have decided that if through the Life Purpose course I am unsure of where to go or what to do through being seemingly interested in all subjects, that I'm going to face my fears and go to University because staying at home would mean that everything I had learnt in high school would slowly wither away into nothingness, and I would be a master of none. I am interested in spirituality but if I'm not committed to going all in as a Monk does, how can I expect massive growth? I will just be lazy and sit on my coach with ice cream and chips and watch some first world bullshit to act as my new source of 'mature' education. So in part I will use this journal to find my Life Purpose which is so very exciting! Miscellaneous: Been seeing the numbers 11:11 everywhere, must be my spirit aliens agreeing with my radical changes in life style. It feels good being exhausted for once instead of rational inaction. If I had unlimited money, with no obstacles in my way I would... (What brings me the most excitement in life?) Be Honest - Find out if extra-terrestrials truly exist AND write a best seller book on it. This is influenced by Bashar, Adronis and Rob Gathier. - Create an instrument in science that could prove the 'physical' existence of consciousness which is similar to the discovery of dark matter in that sense. This instrument could be used in large scale personal development by other scientists to show the most effective ways to increase consciousness. Action step - Spend time tomorrow thinking back to childhood and asking Mum what I used to absolutely love giving my time to. Use this journal to continue being honest like I've never been before.

This is wonderful! Finally I challenge that suits you perfectly. Welcome it. Welcome suffering and welcome the undeniable truth of life. Only go with your direct experience. If you actually are suffering then never try to not suffer. That's self denial. What you feel is very real and no one, not even manifested or nothingness, can say what you should feel. Only you can and that is the only thing you should ever listen to. Much love

I know Leo talked about this but still I can't quite grasp this. Christianity talks about this, Hinduism talks about this, Islam, Buddhism, Taoism, Judaism, ancient mythologies etc all talk about this, and yet society at large has misinterpreted God and enlightenment. You can find this in arts and cultures, even in pop culture, Matrix talks about this and Beatles have songs about this. Yet humanity exported God to heavens and made enlightenment as some exclusive luxury accessible only for most saint people. I see how even many modern books about enlightenment do not really talk about god, they do not really being articulate enough in describing what this state of being really mean in bigger picture - that you are nothingness/god. They forgot that well this is what god all about and it is right here, it is you! Many enlightened gurus do not talk about it directly enough, except Leo many of modern gurus I read and watched do not talk about full meaning of non-duality and that you are GOD, maybe they don't really understand the whole scope?I guess talking bout enlightenment in abstract metaphors in novels and in zen riddles did not help humanity much to realise full scale of things. I guess enlightened gurus need perhaps to talk about this more directly, they are so afraid of word 'God' sometimes. How could humanity fucked up so bad after thousands of years talking about god? If this is the main thing you can realise, yet we think of getting to God as some 'extra' thing in life accessible for some lucky people instead of something 'core', practical and most important thing to life any human being can 'have' and by 'having it' can start to have 'real life' instead of zombie life. I've read that in India today quite high number of people know about enlightenment, yet they decide not to care about that and consider this as unnecessary staff. I guess they simply do not realise the whole scope of it, that it means you are GOD and all that non-duality, they just think of it as just some high and great state of being? I don't know if this is true, but it makes me wonder a lot.

Love it, Onacloudynight! Your experience is similar to my last one. I felt like I wanted to die or be dissolved into nothingness. I realized it was impossible. Even if I died and my body turned to slime or ash, I survive and get to be a part of MANY "things." I get to be bigger. Still, a part of me missed the point from which I originated. I called this "the whole." I don't compulsively enjoy music or podcasts anymore. I was a real addict. It is wonderful to have some peace from the nonstop assault of those things. Could you have been obsessed with the security of your car, women? Were video games and TV an addiction? Be simple. Be quiet. Turn lots of things off. Seek silence. LSD changed me. Mushrooms tried to convey these things to me but weren't able to persuade me to change. They did break my addiction to sugar, though! I thought the same thing about my car! Feels good to have less potential for devastation! The answer I got during the trip is to enjoy the bleakness/bliss and preserve it by spending some time in meditation and then contrast it by embracing all the life I possibly can. Sexuality, social interaction, humor, adventure.

imo it's important to notice the illusory nature of thought, and practicing no-thought is one good way to meditate for sure, to search for mindfulness. but it's a little ironic to think that thought can ever go away it ain't really gone and it isn't really bad. it's just something which grabs your attention and can distract you. lots of things can distract you. it's easy to say "before enlightenment, carry wood chop water. after enlightenment, carry wood chop water" her but I think the more important message is how absorbed some people can get in carrying wood and chopping water that they fail to milk the cows and chat with the spouse during the lazy afternoon break. idk what you really mean by trying to achieve fake growth, I think you take a different message from the video than I did. what I found important in the message was to not get caught up in the thrill of accomplishment, when thrill is something which ain't really reliable or consistent is. the growth we seek is something which is stable and reliable. learning chess can have stable and reliable results too. if you feel thinking, processing strategy, planning, these things help you play chess. why stop it? it isn't fake growth to become a better thinker. it's fake growth to think that being a better thinker makes you a better mindful person. mindfulness is not thinking, and is more fundamental - mindfulness can exist in thought, in fact, awareness is necessary for thought to develop... awareness is really fundamental to all. thinking, just as chopping wood, or sex, or thrill, these things can distract us from finding mindfulness. overall leo tends to push us towards consiousness work and especially enlightenment and experiencing infinty/god/nothingness/noself/etc. whatever you wanna call it. but you can have fake growth as you move towards those goals, just as you can have "true growth" when moving towards chess mastery. the difference is just another illusion, in the end. these concepts - fake growth v. true growth. thought v awareness. they are only useful for finding more duality - more illusion - more belief - more lower self. but even the yogi returns to concept. it's just different. this is the meaning of enlightenment really - change, to take what you saw before and see it in a more full light. before and after, chop wood carry water. but, after - there's something more to it. it's different. after enlightenment, chopping wood carrying water - even thinking - don't need to be thrilling to be fulfilling. but thrill isn't bad. it just distracts us from what is True. we find ways to strip away thrill, strip away thought, to come to understand better what existence is like without those things. neti neti! and yet, we return to the illusions. it'd be unhealthy not to. but it's also unhealthy to get so absorbed in illusion, we lose sight of what's really there.

This is kind of a new insight I’ve had.

We first have to ask what the absolute is? The Self, infinity, or God? Although most people Believe in God they don't Know. Common sense isn't enough, experience of a higher power is needed, which can happen by pure self-inquiring, meditation, or contemplation. I would say the REALIZATION of the existence of higher powers/intelligence is the grandest thing possible to grasp, also the most liberating. But most people don't see, they think ''Where is this God'', because they don't see Him they believe he doesn't exist, although this is a fallacy and everything shows this fact, from DNA to a little ant, to the most complex being, yourself. The eyes have to see, the mind have to understand, then it becomes clear. No matter if it is infinity or nothingness, it is a higher power (God). A human being at his core is nothing, nature created us in the womb, nature continues to create us all the time before we even knew how to make a car or an airplane. DNA is more intelligent than us, although we can barely see it, what it does is something we never could do.

Has anyone been having some really strange dreams lately? For the last week every night i would dream in a semi-lucid state and something would always happen that triggers the lucidity and allows me to manipulate the direction of the experience. However its very strange because i am only half in control, other times i would be in full control of the dream but it seems there's some kind of "autopilot" is hacking its way back in. I notice situations and moments where i know its a dream then i would wake myself back up into another dream and have many "dreams within dreams" phenomena going on but at the same time i would temporarily forget and proceed the natural flow of the dream without awareness. I seem to keep losing awareness, maybe i should meditate more? Now these dreams i wouldn't say are dark but definitely twisted and everytime when something out of the ordinary would happen i would instantly know its a dream and either escape, wake up or remain calm and willingly remove myself from the dream, like this morning i was in a car driving and the steering wheel jammed so we headed straight for a river, seat-belts became jammed too( i believe i created this because i thought for a second what if the seat-belts are jammed too?) then windows were closed and we were sinking in. In that moment when everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong, i instantly had this feeling/sensation and clarity(dmt-release-like feeling) that this is only a dream and death will actually not occur. Now most time since i was a child i would have this method where i shake myself awake to escape situations but this time was different, i simply understood and embraced the understanding which lead me to a complete void/nothingness state just before the car submerged into the water followed by not the usual rapid wake but gentle awakening leaving me very interested in what is going on since its been re-occurring often or maybe my mind is creating it to re-occur? See i had many situations growing up where something happens to you and you tell yourself "this always happens when i do this or when i do that" then it actually starts happening everytime as you have convinced your mind that it does so in some sense the universe has no option but to manifest what you "know" to be true in your universe because you have convinced yourself and the only way to stop it from what i have found is to be aware that it was you who created it to begin with. So that could also be another factor to why this happening but who knows, would like to hear other peoples opinions and dream interpretations. We never had teachers to tell us about dreams, i think they are very important, far more important than 80% of the things they teach us in schools. I may have 26 years of experience on earth but in the dreamlands i have eons and eons yet most still remain a mystery. I've even had moments where the dream would be as powerful as a psychedelic and wake up in a semi-enlightened state with an afterglow that lasts and lasts. If anyone has any experience with dreams or ideas what this could all mean or even share your dreams would be appreciated.

You can prove it with self-inquiry. You can find out that whatever you perceive is actually fully self-conscious in and of itself. There is no you on the other side that could have consciousness apart from the appearances. Maybe my last video on nothingness can help to realize it. The exercise is from headless.org

Hey I get that, i knew it before... i got good pointers in other replays so i maybe evan know what to ,,do" now... i understand this but i cant in experience go beyond this thinker, i cant find that nothingness, i cant recognize that i'm nothing and that i dont exist... i understand it intellectually, i evan belive it, but my inquiry is stuck on the decision maker/thinker, i cant see beyond him. Not jet

I have been practising meditation about a year and a half. I will attempt to explain what I'm doing as best as possible , which is difficult since it's quite abstract. I started off doing the nothingness meditation which naturally evolved to a form of a self-inquiry mediation. To keep it brief, all I do is observe self then keep going deeper and asking who is observing self? and who is observing the observer? etc.. I made it sound like it a dialogue but it's more of a physical process where I keep going deeper and deeper by concentrating on self. So the more I keep focusing and concentrating on self, I get a more and more intense pain in my head, it feels like a physical pain. It's quite a sharp pain, like a concentrated headache/weak migraine sensation. And my eyes involuntary open. They first just start twitching and then open up. This isn't that much of an issue, because I usually get eye twitches when I meditate, but it's more intense than usual. It gets more intense the deeper I get into the self-inquiry. Anyone else experienced this? What do I do? Should I just plough through the pain and carry on? Appreciate you advice in advance

I have been practising meditation about a year and a half. I will attempt to explain what I'm doing as best as possible , which is difficult since it's quite abstract. I started off doing the nothingness meditation which naturally evolved to a form of a self-inquiry mediation. To keep it brief, all I do is observe self then keep going deeper and asking who is observing self? and who is observing the observer? etc.. I made it sound like it a dialogue but it's more of a physical process where I keep going deeper and deeper by concentrating on self. So the more I keep focusing and concentrating on self, I get a more and more intense pain in my head, it feels like a physical pain. It's quite a sharp pain, like a concentrated headache/weak migraine sensation. And my eyes involuntary open. They first just start twitching and then open up. This isn't that much of an issue, because I usually get eye twitches when I meditate, but it's more intense than usual. It gets more intense the deeper I get into the self-inquiry. Anyone else experienced this? What do I do? Should I just plough through the pain and carry on? Appreciate you advice in advance

@Glassgow22 awwwww! I get to be the first comment on your first post! Adorable! I’ve been meditating for around 22 years or so. My current experience is similar to what you describe - nothingness in terms of mental activity. Years ago, on an ordinary day, five minutes into my typical 30 mins med, I was consumed into everything. I suddenly was everything. I cried for many days. Some time later, on a trip, it was realized, and integrated over a long period. Not sure if that’s a ‘dmt’ like experience, as I haven’t had dmt yet. More recently, I’ve been using meditation with writing - in and out. It’s become a consistent process / resource. I also am able to get to the void in a few minutes, where as it used to take 30, then for a while it took 16 minutes or so. Congrats on the life change. That’s a beautiful thing. ❤️ And welcome to the rabbit hole!

It's so amazing there's so much stuff to Life. Dimensions, vibrational energies, energy and synchronies, psychedelics, spirituality, Absolute Infinity, Nothingness, No-Self, auras, holographic universe, consciousness. It makes me want to penetrate Life's vagina and have a cosmic orgasm! It's so greaaaat, how could we have missed all of this before? This is AMAZING, this is Life! And still many people spend lives scratching their nuts and smelling their own shit (I know I did).

Well, I wouldn't say it's a matter of "believe" in it or not. If a person experiences it, then it's not a belief. I heard from someone on this forum saying that if you kill an enlightened person, it's a billion years in hell (phenomenon). That's the karma of that person. Because the person prevented the enlightened person from doing his job on earth (phenomenon). Then, when the person becomes reborn onto earth (phenomenon), it will feel like heaven (phenomenon) to him. So, he feels blessed and wants to contribute to the world. You have to wonder why books like Dante's Inferno is written. Is it written for no reason? Probably not. Also, different religions point to things in common. Karma, reincarnation, heaven, hell, etc., are both in Christianity and Buddhism. *** For me, the answer is yes. Because why would different religions even mention it if it doesn’t exist? Ppl do experience it and write about it. (I'm talking about different phenomena, including our earth. I'm not talking about God = no-self = no 'you' = nothingness / everythingness)

So a few nights ago, I took a gel-tab of LSD, not entirely sure of the mg, but it was by far the most potent I've ever had. These insights were more immense than my DMT trips (not the effect itself, but what I took with me from the trip) - and this was one just a simple gel-tab. Granted this is more than likely the setting and my previous mood and my overall outlook on life, months after I've been following Leo. There was a lot more throughout the trip that I am less able to put into words, but nevertheless the impact was there. By the end of both insights I have a question for each one that is summarized for me to contemplate for myself beyond the trip. They are in italics. Here's what I jotted down while on the come down from LSD: "The insights i got during this experience has been absolutely profound. - it almost feels impossible to articulate at this point... It helped me break the world around me completely down, piece by piece. Layer after layer, until all that was left was seemingly a lie. Silence: Silence, for example... I took off my headphones while listening to music, to bask in silence. But then there was the constant buzzing from the light being on, so after turning that off, the computer still made subtle noises, I turned that off too. I could hear noises from outside the room at this point, insignificant noises, but still enough to hear subtly, obviously unable to turn those noises off. So when I finally basked in it, I realized silence itself is just a frame of reference based on experience - frequency is always there, just undetectable to the human ear. simply being because it is never actually there. is silence a lie in of itself? Existence is power: I sat in the dark in silence, staring at a candle for a decent, unknown period of time. I kept getting closer, my experience was constantly changing dramatically while very close to the dim light, until I finally blew the candle out. - I tried to view perspectives as if I had stripped away all that I am until all I was, was simply an existing consciousness. The power of pure thought intensified within me and shit I don't wanna get cliche' here but I became the universe in a sense. I became nothingness. Between nothingness and simply intention, everything else HAD to follow. The thought arose that simply having functional access to even just one limb allows you to interact with the world in ways one would not without 'tools' . Is consciousness itself simply a tool? Comedown: On the come-down of this experience, it has been completely energetic, uplifting and thought-provoking in so many ways. I rode waves of emotion throughout it; happy, sad, inspired, awe-struck, and left me (in my opinion) a bit more humble from all of this. - I listened to 'how your mind distorts reality' in it's entirety, while on LSD... Man, the meaning behind some of these teachings are simply not all being picked up in their entirety by me, which is a good indicator that more thought-invoking activity is necessary in more frequency."

I dont think that "truth" is a requirement for living a good life. I think that "truth" is a neurotic construct that leads to more and more information which everybody and nobody needs. I am a scientist and I do work on certain issues to improve recent standpoints of science. But this is just my job. I dont try to find the absolute truth or something. My happiness is found within my peaceful way of living and breaking certain barriers in my life. And whats the point of knowing the truth that probably nothing really matters? Whats the point of believing in a god or defying him? Whats the point of thinking that nothingness is everything? None of it is absolute. So is the word "truth". Everybody creates their own definition of "truth".

Do we need truth with a capital "T" to live a fulfilling life? I don't have a deep understanding of how it's important. Surely plenty of people can still love their life without knowing the nature of reality, that God is nothingness etc. I'm not asking this to provoke, genuinely interested.

priorities change when you do nofap. you dont waste time on watching porn and masturbating so you can focus on other things. energy you have is used somewhere else. i dont know too much about enlightenment but for me it kinda was a synonym for the mind to become one with nothingness. so if you erase a certain dirty habit in your daily routine you might get closer to it.

When you realize there is only one being -- nothingness -- you'll realize that it infinitely reincarnates as everything. There's really no difference between you and your Mom and a random mom 5000 years from now and chimp mom from 1 million years ago. It's all exactly the same consciousness. The Buddha is now looking through your eyes, looking through your Mom's eyes, looking through your dog's eyes. You are the Buddha. You just don't realize it yet.

Entry 270 | Reflection There's no other way I can sum up how the last few weeks have been: inspiring. My mindset has changed pretty dramatically in recent times. It feels so uplifting to commit to something and burn bridges behind me. I've finally realised that physical death really is the end-result of any mission in life. In a sense, there really is no need to look after the life that I have right now. There's no need to look after this body, this mind, it's associated bank account, it's home, etc. There really is no point! NONE! What's more mind-blowing for me is that this feels liberating. Seriously, to hell with the materialist way of life. There's only one thing worth living for in this life and it's musical mastery. I discovered that at around 12 or 13 years old. Maybe over the years, that discovery became lost. But not any more. It truly is the only thing worth living for. I'm compelled to find out just how much juice I can pull out of the creative Muse. Just how much can a human being become a master musician? The vision is really strong for me right now. And for the first time, it's not about me. Instead of envisioning a life where I get to perform gigs across the world and produce lots of CDs and stuff, this vision is far more compelling. It might not even be possible. But I strongly believe that this body and mind was the ultimate magnet for a very particular kind of art form to express itself. My life purpose is to allow this Muse to manifest itself as much as possible into this life. And today, I managed to get a taster of what that would be like. Last night, I surrendered to my self-expression which lead to me doing artsy doodles on my whiteboard and making up little games to play on my own. Then as I surrendered to the very same thing today as I let my fingertips explore the guitar for around 6 hours, leading to a new composition idea. Then I took these things to my partner and we played around with them even more. But every time "I" do something or act in some way, of course it means that surrender is not 100% just yet. It's a hell of a lot more than before, granted. But there's still a notion clinging onto the "here I am, this is me" paradigm. But with this updated vision (which involves the sacrifice of myself for a divine manifestation of the creative Muse that steers the body and mind), perhaps this idea can be set free. There's still some programming to be done on the subconscious mind but things are looking pretty darn good right now. Worries about money and success are becoming less and less. All that is at the forefront of the conscious mind is this vision: to surrender this body and mind (this life) to the creative Muse. It wants to be a master musician and performer, not me. Personally, I just want to watch YouTube videos and eat chocolate avocado puddings all day (seriously though, look it up if you haven't already). Music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Oh and er.... MUSIC! That's the vision. That's the reason worth living for. That's the most noble gift that this life can offer. Except it's not just going to be music. It's going to be the ultimate way to celebrate life. The ultimate form of gratitude possible for this body and this mind. And that's why it doesn't matter how much money I make. It doesn't matter how much music I create, how many concerts I perform, or even how I'm going to survive. Survival can take care of itself because if God (the Divine Source of Life, the Muse, the Nothingness, the Infinite Intelligence) decides that there's something more it needs to create, then it will provide survival for this body and mind in order for it to create what it wants. The goal is music. The vision is music. The result is going to be music. Here's a spoiler about how this life is going to turn out: it's going to create music. Pick of the day:

@Edvard Perhaps there's something to be said in favour of the buddhist idea of emptiness, rather than nothingness , which can have a nihilistic connotation ... Even emptifullness might better express the paradox of it.

How Quantum Physics, String Theory and science overall correspond with GOD-CONSCIOUSNESS-NOTHINGNESS-ILLUSIOARY REALITY-ABSOLUTE INFINITY-ONENESS-POTENTIALandACTUAL-INFINITE DIMENSIONS etc

Hi! I've been having a really great time these last few days ever since I've been following Ben's teachings. From the beginning, when I discovered his "jumping parallel reality" teaching, I became the happiest and relaxed I've ever been. As I followed more and more of his teachings, I've been becoming very very very very empowered. Basically, his teachings are that every THING you see, feel or any other things you're aware of, are smoke and mirrors. They're also a reflection of the assumptions and beliefs in yourself. You made the world. He also empowers by stating that you are the creator and that anything you do in this illusion will be naturally supported. So, go with what gives you Joy, happiness. Even desire. As long as the desire isn't from lack. You are immortal and outside of this "reality." I've been resonating with his teachings. I've started to see how playful, and abundant this whole thing is. I've come to see how amazing it is that we are given this experience at all instead of the nothingness that could have been. I've come to see how much love and magic there is in the world. I've come to see the power of now and the power of one's self. I've come to be able to laugh off all the troubles in "my life," but at the same time, appreciate them for being there and being possible. I've also learned not to be attached to the things I have and just appreciate that their there, existing. I've also become very confident and relaxed from the knowledge that we're infinite and immortal and that when we die, we either die and go back to whatever we are (maybe consciousness or infinity and not even notice that we even experience any of it) or become other things than human. I really just want to share my experience right now. I've literally been smiling for the last couple of days- Even now as I'm typing this. I'd love to know what you think of my mental state right now. I'm in euphoria but maybe I'm also really really really delusional right now XD. I'm working on being able to see someone else and see the potential loving, compassion and infinite child inside of them. That way, I can be compassionate in all this empowerment.