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Well, what I mean is, if you have a desire to just share your most profound spiritual experience and how you got there in your unique spiritual path (ie. being the no-self and falling back into your ego with love/bliss), you can. You could describe it in a let's say a book or an app somewhere in a creative way. However, not many ppl will be able to relate. Maybe perhaps a small handful of ppl will be able to if you have a large target audience. If you wrote 5 popular books, maybe you could write it in one somewhere and see what happens. For those who are able to relate (and there won't be many, probably a small handful), they'll make comments somewhere, maybe in your blog/forum, and you could pick them out somehow to talk to them. That's what I mean.

Hi, and thanks for taking the time to read this. I'm writing today because I feel very troubled. I've been troubled for a long time, but today is especially bad. When most people use the word "enlightenment" it seems to me they have an idea of someone like Eckhert Tolle or The Buddha, who find themselves in states of such incredible bliss that they're content to sit and stare at the clouds. But I've also read a lot of stories about people who believe themselves to be at least somewhat enlightened, and feel very alien and alone as a result. If I'm at all enlightened I'd fall into the latter group. My entire life I've felt different from other people. Mostly I've always been inclined to think for myself, and it seems to me that the vast majority of people aren't. I've had many wonderful opportunities throughout my life. Most people would say that I was dealt a pretty good hand in life, as far as opportunities go. I had parents who cared enough about me to send me to a good college, though I never wanted to be there, and blew that opportunity. I was fortunate to land a good job in my early twenties, and if I would have stayed with it, I'd be really doing well today, but I found it unfulfilling, and left it. I later went on to develop a successful internet business, where I really had things made, and I threw that away as well. There are plenty of ways I could be making money now, but the truth is that I have no desire to be part of the human world. No amount of money is meaningful to me, and there's nothing I really need. I have very few material attachments; almost none, and I like it that way. I just don't want to be part of the rat race. The more I learn and grow, the less I want to be part of the human world, and that's where I am now. Every day human existence seems more futile to me; I mean the idea of slaving and competing for things that you don't need, and you're just going to lose someday. So I find myself simply killing time, hoping something will happen to change things, but nothing ever happens. I might offend some people by saying this, but most people appear no different than animals to me. They do all the same things animals do, and the vast majority of humans just go along with the rest of the group, like any other herd animal. And very few humans ever really think; once again they just share a brain with everyone else. I could go on about the human race but I don't think that's necessary. I'm hoping someone will understand what I'm saying. It feels like a real curse to me to be someone who's at least somewhat awake, and surrounded by so many people who aren't. It feels like a bad dream I can't wake up from. A question I have is, once you've come to truly understand what's happening here on planet earth, especially as it concerns humans, why would you want to be part of it? Why would you want to be part of an economic system that makes most people slaves...grinding away to provide for their basic needs, while barely getting by? Why would you want to be part of a world so controlled by consumerism? And if you choose not to be part of this world, what are you supposed to do? Sure, you can do good deeds and help to make the world a better place, but as long as so many people remain unconscious (and there are getting to be more and more unconscious people, as our population grows) you're just spraying water on the flames. The key word for me is "alien". I don't literally believe I'm an alien from another solar system, like some people do, but I might as well be, as different as I feel. This leaves me with the perspective of an outsider, watching and shaking my head at the stupid things humans do; as they work their way towards their eventual annihilation. I'm very well informed, and aware of what's going on in the world, and I'm going to tell you that this world isn't becoming a better place. Anyone who believes this world is becoming a better place has their head in the sand. I believe our world is heading for serious trouble, and when that trouble starts, we're going to see just how animal-like homo sapiens can be. In short I feel like I'm trapped on a train headed for a serious crash. I'm alone, amongst billions of people who look just like me, but aren't like me, most oblivious to the reality of our situation. It reminds me of certain nightmares I've had, when I was trapped in hopeless situations, and waking up was the only deliverance, except that in this case, I can't wake up. What I mean is that I can't exit this reality, and enter one more desirable, as one does in the case of waking up from a dream. I've been searching for a long time for someone who genuinely feels the way I do. I'm 100% alone in my situation, and it would be nice not to feel so alone. If you really deep-down understand the angst I'm feeling, feel free to drop me a line (send me a private message), because I'm guessing you could use someone to talk to as well. Thanks, and all the best!

I’m trying to categorize and subdivide infinity into smaller pieces, in order to put it into tiny, defining boxes we call words. I see the impossibility there and it makes me smile. every word, every thought makes infinite possibilities collapse. but I really want to try, as I feel that writing could help me with the integration process. I also want to share this experience with all of you, since I would have never, ever had this experience without this wonderful place full of inspiring souls <3 thank you I feel like everything’s perfect and exactly the way it should be. this is such a relief. I’m still in awe by all of it. it’s still hard for me to communicate, linear logic I used to rely on so much seems to fail me.. but I don’t mind, it feels like I’ve madly fallen in love with life I drank ayahuasca for the first time right after a 1 week long retreat in a Zen monastery. how perfect is that? the monastery was a beautiful experience. meditation, zen books and the most amazing garden I’ve ever seen. (I finally understood why Zen monasteries are actually Blue by the way, huge insight for me) soothing and healing nonetheless. I drank aya in a beautiful place in nature with to kind souls taking care of me (good thing, I was completely out of my mind. in a good way though) I lied down with my eyes closed, focusing on my breath. the effects came in subtle waves. tingling, my meditation started to feel deeper than usual. it became easier and easier to ‚reach‘ that state were I completely let go and forget ‚myself‘ and merge with my surroundings. as I didn’t feel any difference between ‚me‘ and the girl lying next to me, I knew that aya had started to work in me. and so I surrendered. the whole trip could only be described as a huge game of surrender - deeper and deeper and deeper into the rabbit-hole. and wow, I didn’t know….I couldn’t have ever imagined how deep this goes. the more I died, the more infinite ‚I‘ became. inside became outside, the deeper I went ‚in‘, the further I came ‚out‘. the more layers I stripped off me, the more I gave away, the richer I felt. rich in everything, everything. I screamed out in pleasure. I didn’t know that was even possible. it just got better and better, infinite joy and bliss. I couldn’t believe it was so, so fucking amazing. it made me cry. every time I thought "oh fuck, this is it. it's so fucking perfect. it has to be it", it went even deeper. I couldn't believe the bliss I saw life in a flow and resistance against it being the biggest problem. but I really started to get good at letting go, so I surrendered all the resistance again and again. each time merging with the overwhelming stream. the flow was everywhere, I infinite melody, the sound of life. it was in me, around me, flew through me. I surrendered a million times, consciously. I died and died and died and each time I felt more one with the universe. I couldn’t believe the bliss. unimaginable. it still brings me to tears. I am crying right now <3 at one point I felt the earth sucking me in. the soil ate me, tore me into infinite parts until there was nothing left of me. then it spat me out again. I felt the earth giving birth to me, again and again. it felt so..organic, dirty. it was both painful, disgusting and also the most natural and beautiful process I’ve ever been through. that cycle went on for a while. each time I felt more and more connected to nature. like nature streaming through my veins as the effects started to lessen.. I was too in awe. I couldn’t speak for a while. all I did was sitting on the ground, crying and shivering. I looked around like I’d never seen a forest in my life before. and I hadn’t. not like that. I literally felt like a newborn. I looked at the world, unable to conceptualize it. they spoke to me, I could only listen in awe. no words came out of me. everything was new. my whole body felt like it had just been reborn. every movement seemed so foreign. (my trip sitter told me later that my movements and whole coordination looked very weird. they said "literally like those of a newborn") I think this will change my life. I don’t know how yet, but I really hope I can integrate this into my daily experience. I want to embody everything I’ve felt. I still feel kind of different than before. there is something deep inside me, like peace and calmness. like I’ve stopped searching because somehow I know that it’s all in me. nothing „out there“ could ever fulfill me. it’s all inside. I also realized that it will never end. awakening is not an endpoint like I’d imagined it to be. it’s a beginning, again and again. there is always deeper to go, more to surrender and more infinity to expand into. that’s the beauty. it brings me to tears <3

hmmmmm this almost also sounds like a very good night sleep its been a while since i did this but i used to put an alarm on to wake me up mid-sleep on weekends lol its like each morning when i get up from work, ur eyes are just begging for a little bit of more sleep but u cant have it on the weekend, when i know i can sleep in - waking up from the alarm, and then knowing u dont gotta work. u turn that shit off quick and then happily go back to sleep. that sleep satisfaction is multiplied then lol gotta be careful not to forget u have a day off and u end up going to work on a saturday OR gotta remember that it is a work day with a real alarm so u dont end up sleeping in lol also. the satisfaction of sleep, the feeling of wanting to close the eyes. the feeling of sleepiness in general is something which we all want so badly, especially when woken up abruptly. i guess that's what the bliss and peace feels like. a deep sleep, except your consiounessly enjoying it so to speak

To shine as bright as an ascended master takes almost super human levels of love. All that means is constant dedication, to leave no areas of your life, and no moment untouched by love. To do such a feat has changed me so much. Most days I have no idea what I’m doing, and how I got in this situation. I don’t know who I am. And when this arises I let the love in my heart answer that. This surrender has left my ego feeling so confused and unsure; but the saving grace has been this feeling of love that comes the more I leave the question of “who am I?” a question mark. I am even trying to stay awake longer just for the opportunity to be in my heart more in this physical realm. I drink a liter of cows milk everyday with urine and this means I can happily sleep 4 hours. I also have this peculiar querk to myself where I find it odd and unnatural to eat food. I feel it is a limitation, and I don’t know why. But it works, and gives me more time to sit in silence and love. For dreams are based in a reality where time has less of a grasp, so there is no need to sleep longer to dream longer. I say this because I absolutely love dreaming. Increasingly nowadays I feel the massive difference in vibration from most of those in society, my old friends, and where I am coming from. It makes me feel sad, maybe because I know I can’t ever go back to not dreaming, and living in unawareness that I am one with God. That dream is not mine anymore. I also feel into what it would be like to have such an open heart that people see it glowing with brilliant white light as a result of thousands of hours of remaining in the heart. It makes me cry tears of happiness, and feel deeply inspired. Only one person in recorded history was said to have been so loving that his heart flowed, and that was Lord Lanto from China 500 BC. Right now there is nothing to do, or be. People have shown themselves to be increasingly unreliable for any love, which is why we have relationships. Thus I have learnt to always listen to what my heart wants and not the people around me because even if I changed for them, they will soon become mad about something else! That’s just how it is, and it’s perfect This conditional love I’ve been shown through out my life has really helped me dedicate the entirety of my soul to unconditional love. If I hadn’t suffered I wouldn’t have appreciated what it is like to be in total bliss. There would’ve been less motivation to go to higher levels of love. That’s why everything is perfect, and meant to be, and is a gift from God himself. It feels nice to dissolve. To give you a feeling of dissolving sit on the floor with your legs out straight in front of you and reach out to your toes with your hands. Hold this for at least 15 seconds. Namaste.

So whenever I get high from marijuana, I feel more creative, I am more funny and witty, also topic I think about make more sense and I see the way to problem more easily. I also for example can rap a lot easier and better lol like creative verses in the rhyming sense and it all flows so nicely and I am also left wondering Woah, how am I doing this. Apart from that being in the moment and enjoying it fully. Now, In some @Leo Gura videos I have watched, he talks about increasing the base level consiouness which can be done via meditation and other techniques. Leo says as one progresses in the meditation path, one gets so many creative ideas and insights that you feel you don't have enough time to act them all out and they are all so good. So when has these increases in base level of consciousness, then is it fair to say that if I have this boost for example, it will be like "being high on weed" would be my normal permanent state? I suppose no body buzz or time dilation effecfs.. but what will that base level consiouness increase look like? Am I right to think that the creativity I feel during my highs would be something I will be able to access more readily and in my normal state? Also, while high, I feel like everyone who gets high and isn't too aware or knowledgeable about Non-duality or never heard of it, acts out its effects so nicely When high, we don't worry about the past and don't worry about the future (unless in a paranoid setting and ur worried someone might catch u if ur high or something) but other than that, when I got high with another first and it was his first time He was just laughing, jolly , enjoying, not caring or worrying about anything I guess thats partially being in the moment fully looks like... No where close to awakening-bliss I am sure lol but , if u talk to those ppl about their experience then, that look, ur having all this fun because ur not projecting into future or worring about ur past But then again, how will one pay the bills if he/she 24/11 Anyhow, main question was about base level consiouness increase and its effects as compared to my experience on weed. Thanks

oh wow, to become empty is to be filled with the divine <3 the less I am, the more of everything can flow through me those glimpses literally kill me, I love it. the problem is, I get attached to them...it's hard to not get attached to such freedom, peace and bliss. how?

It happend to be that the most talented and intelligent people is who have the worst mental issues. Its a double edge blade. You con see mediocre people living in bliss of ignorance.

Wouldn't the promised land of self-actualization be when you "go back" to your ordinary life (packed with so much wisdom and instruments in your "backpack") that every ordinary moment and even uncomfortable situations feel like bliss, because you never forget how incredibly magical it is to be alive?

August 11.implementation day - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - God bless the weak. God bless the fallen. God bless the impoverished and the uncared We need a stronger spiritual force in this world to overcome evil and misery. There is so much chaos and entropy in the world because we do not lead spiritual lives. We lead materialistic existence with greed and self indulgence and narcissism and deprivation. If we live spiritually, the spiritual nature of things will inspire the physical nature of things. Things will take form depending on our thoughts in our consciousness. If we are full of love and bliss, we will create that in reality. Our thoughts and intentions will take shape in reality and those intentions will express themselves. You reap as you sow. You can create beauty, balance, freedom, peace, bliss, love and you can create anything you want. The power lies within you. If there is something lacking, that can be filled, if there is something hurting you, that can be changed. If there is something frustrating you then that can be changed.. Let the power of love and spirituality work through life and show what it can do. Anything is possible. Everything is possible. You just have to believe. The only thing you have to do is change your mind. We have a very small heart or we are close hearted or narrow in our hearts that's why we only like or appreciate that which is perfect and we get tired of even that. It takes a big heart to appreciate that which is imperfect. - - - - -tevnt - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A prayer for health, vitality, love, companionship, beauty, and prosperity. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - If you want a change in life then bring a change in consciousness. A change in global consciousness brings a change in the world - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Live healthy Live in love Live in bliss Live in spirituality Live in abundance Live like a child. Live free - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - as long as you have external sources of happiness you'll be unhappy and constantly encounter disappointment. Because external sources are temporary and can change anytime. It's important to have an inner state of sanity, an inner sanctum where you can be yourself and be happy, fulfilled and strong so what happens is, the change in your circumstances and conditions and external sources of happiness does not bring a huge shift in your state of mind or internal happiness. You more or less remain unimpacted. It doesn't disturb your inner peace that much. It does not mean to completely give up external sources of happiness, but rather to rely less on them. If you rely on them too much then you give those external sources and conditions power over you. So you can only use them to complement or supplement your basal happiness. But your core happiness should have an inner source. Work on your inner happiness and build it gradually. So when the external source is dead, you're still unaffected and you carry on or transition smoothly. You can call it inner source, inner sanctum or inner column of strength and happiness. Work on building the inner column and that way you will be more immune to external conditions and also life and the nature of your life or existence will have the least impact on your state of mind and health and self esteem. This means that even if your life is shitty, you would continue to remain happy and be less impacted by the ups and downs of life. You would also be less obsessed with life. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Goals Working on health issues " be yourself" live a completely authentic life To create and live the life you want. Live in love /live in universal love Live in paradise Follow the life blueprint - key functions Goal board Create in the moment. Focus on blueprint functions in every moment implementation days, to goal system, phase system Flow tasks bridge situation appropriate urgent and context tasks Self criticism questionnaire - accountability buddy Breakthrough point Umbrella list Context tasks Grow spiritually in increments. Work on deficiency, toxicity, deprivation Work on self esteem issues Work on empowering, enabling, challenging Build the inner sanctum of happiness and strength - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I'm trying to focus on a method that helps me to be centered and experience bliss and contentment. This will need extreme Visualization

Your life was designed by your higher self based upon probable futures and timelines, this plan naturally unfolds when you are in a state of love, joy, excitement, bliss, and happiness. But you have the freewill to align with this divine plan, or to follow your lower self in every moment. To choose love or fear. That's why there are people who are misaligned, and aligned to infinite varying degrees The goal of life is to be aligned, and you can do that right this second.

This was a complete mindfuck, a complete shattering of reality. After one month I'm still in AWE, still left jaw-dropped. Having said this... let's start. The experience lasted 20-25 min because I smoked the dried venom of the Bufo Alvarius Toad, which I am assuming at this point you all know, contains 5-Meo DMT. Just after 10 seconds, you are in WONDERLAND, BOOM! And what follows is MINDBLOWING. Panic Attack- As I said 10 seconds, and you are gone. Right after losing control of my senses and being there for a while, I tried to gain back control. I was trying to "understand" what the fuck was going on and by not being able to do so, I panicked. It literally felt like dying from the inside. Fear, so much fear... and thought I will be stuck there. I felt like I had no choice, as in "I had no choice", no choice but to let go. Pure Bliss- After being able to surrender and get immersed in the experience I felt this VOID- Śūnyatā, this infinite energy cursing every cell of my body. This infinity, everything all at once. Going down the rabbit hole and realizing it has no fucking end. As I was resting my head on to the mattress, felt completely merged with that damn thing. I think I will never be able to explain it but is something that needs no explanation whatsoever. After a while, I stood up and was looking at my hands. Looking at them in complete SHOCK. And I screamed, IT WAS NOT REAL. Like waking up from a dream and realizing it was a dream. I will never forget that moment. Here is a picture of how it felt... Welcome to the real world, Neo. (don't take the pick to literally) By no means was a walk in the park. And by no means, I want to scare you. Just get ready to get your REALITY FUCKED. Unconditional love- After the effects started to fade and I started to gain control felt this LOVE and AWE all at once. After a while, I went outside and put my feet on the grass, touched the trees, looked at the ants in AWE. Looked at the sun like I never did before. Reality is a wonderland. -Welcome to the new world.

That's the byproduct of deep enlightenment. In non-duality philosophy, the bliss or unconditional happiness that they talk about is NOT a feeling that is felt. It's the joy of abiding in non-dual awareness, a non-objective experience. If you've have some genuine glimpses of non-duality, you will start to intuit and open your mind about the possibility that the Best sort of happiness is the annihilation of the constant URGE for happiness that you have right now. That is indeed worth all the way! this sense of being stuck and limited inside something is the root of all movements of mind driven by lack and fear. This is all a joke. Sometimes I have hard time figuring out how so many people take life all too seriously. I thought about posting this in a different thread. But guys..tell me something honestly please. In your 20/30/40 years of living, you've had many experiences. But when you silently look inside yourself honestly, do you feel like you've become something 'new'? or do you feel like you've been somewhat unchanged and untouched by all the changes in your appearance? Most people go through childhood to adolescence to youth to middle age to old age...gaining new identities one after another. They dress differently, surround themselves with different people, jobs and puff themselves up all the time..believing that they are going somewhere or becoming something new lol They think they've grown from the little boy to a big man. But you can see the so called adults are just as immature, if not more than children. At least children are more authentic! is it just me or do you guys notice it at well? reminds me of Jed Mckenna mentioning in his book that in his eyes all he sees are confused children running around desperately until he come across someone enlightened like him lol @MarkusSweden Loved your detailed take on this man. The scene really seems gloomy. Actualized.org tries it's best to bring these ideas into mainstream. it's audience has people under 15 as well. Still the number is so small compared to the entire population. Maybe the percentage of high conscious people remain always the same. There seems to be thousands of Enlightened people now because the population is in billions... Those who listen and work towards this, they conquer themselves after decades of ups and downs and suffering beyond the ordinary. What's the chance for the massive population who haven't heard or can't even imagine such a thing is existing for 3 thousands years. And I get your virtuoso example (being a guitarist myself ). But I must say guitar playing has been refined or evolved a LOT over the decades. Yes Hendrix started the fire, but it's being taken to new heights everyday by modern virtuosos. But still, this guitar playing is Worldly knowledge. All Worldly knowledge seems to improve with time. But Enlightenment is nothing worldly. No wonder it is still sitting where it was 3 thousand years ago that sure is a convenient explanation lol

HAHA Yes. I don't know if this is where the ignorance is bliss comes from Some people who have deep blind faith in God work along the life accepting all and not complaining and saying God will take care of them. In other words, they are being positive and accepting and being in the NOW. Religion - although greatly misunderstood, does guide the masses of Sheep in an orderly fashion.

Good afternoon everyone, my name is Trent and I am seventeen years old. I am currently working on a book which has a main theme of nonduality, being one, and the corruption caused by the ego. The setting is a Lord of the Rings/Skyrim like world, yet all many of my own ideas. Some background about me before I share my excerpt; I have struggled with bipolar depression since I was about fourteen years old and it has been both a blessing and a curse. Throughout the struggles and suffering, especially around the time my grandmother who I was very close with passed away, I was at my worst which included suicidal attempts. During this time I became fascinated by the mind and conscious and my curiosity led to me looking deeper into it. It was about this time I found Leo's videos and they altered my perception of what reality is, and they have vastly helped me grow by recognizing many of my own evils and my mistaken view of fragmenting myself from reality rather than accepting the wholeness which we are. The excerpt from my book I will share is about a demon named Aviramus telling his story to a man named Archen. I will not share the complete context so that my ideas are not stolen and that it leaves what you read open to interpretation. I am more than happy to hear your thoughts and perceptions on my writing as well as improvements I can make. What I wrote I have experienced myself. Is this what it means to be enlightened, or am I mistaken? Is the experience which I have had similar to any of yours? Without further ado, here it is. "I was ever so weary after the battle which had lasted days, how many I cannot remember. Even with two Antipodes I was still mortal, so I ordered my undead to guard me while I rested. I collapsed, surrendering to my dreams. I had never been one to dream often, but the Antipode of Ignorance allowed my subconscious to roam free. In my dream I was in a black room which went back in every direction beyond my vision, chained by my legs and arms so that I was raised above the ground, vulnerable as a blind deaf man in battle. I saw the ghosts of all my brethren which I had brought back in undeath surround me, screaming at me, cursing me to damnation. ‘Why would you slay and exploit us, Aviramus? You wish to save us, but perhaps it is you who needs to be saved.’ ‘You claim to be enlightened and our liberator, but if you were whom you claim to be you would not murder your brethren to gain power.’ ‘Ostracizing yourself on Grandeyus you scrutinized and judged us, but at least we did not give ourselves up to the temptations of the Dark Creator!’ Their curses made me tremble and ache with guilt and pain, the very feelings deep within me which I had dreaded confronting for so long now confronted me, and there was no deliverance.” Tears fell from Aviramus’ eyes, plummeting to the ground scalding where they landed. His breathing became heavy and his jaws clenched, he felt horrified simply recalling the corpse of memories from long ago. The King’s gaze returned to Archen, and he reluctantly continued his story. “As the shadows within my nightmare continued to attack me, I looked at them carefully and realized they were not the literal spirits of my brothers, but phantoms created by my ego to break my mind so that I would succumb to him. All the guilt and anguish which had burdened me for so long, I realized it was all within my mind. I broke the chains with newfound strength and roared into the infinity that is my mind, refuting my ego which had plagued me for so long. ‘Crawl out of your corner, fiend! You wish for my downfall, so come and finish it once and for all!’ All the ghosts of my brethren recoiled and hissed, fleeing into the darkness. For what very well could have been an eternity, the silence was ever so loud… anxiety consumed me, for I did not know what would ascend from the depths. Silence…silence…silence. At last, I could barely begin to make out a silhouette creeping from the murky depths, getting closer and closer. The being was identical to me yet did not consist of flesh but rather blackness, blackness so intensely ebon that the surrounding darkness appeared light. The only things which were not black were his eyes, smoldering scarlet, so imbued with hatred that it could be tasted, a taste which cannot be described with words. It stared at me silently for a moment, before speaking to me. ‘Confusion, blindness… deluded by desultory fantasies of saving those whom you merely think you care about- why do you burden yourself with such trifle endeavors? They are of no benefit to us, nay, they are helpless, ignorant. They are not like us and they never shall be. Your quest is in vain, no one can be saved, not unless we save ourself. We were damned from the start when you gave into the deceptions of Father. He does not love us and he never did! He made a mistake sundering man and we both know it, do not deny it, for we are one. I would not say these things if we did not believe them. We are better than all, our power unmatched. Let us seize the remaining Antipodes and overthrow the Shade, and then we can overthrow Father, yes, we can show him the mistake which he made and then we can recreate the world in our own image, a place of eternal sanctuary. There shall be no suffering, no misery, no anguish! Why can you not listen to reason? Why do you not understand, despite all the obvious evidence?’ I felt astonished, mind-blown. These were all my deepest, darkest desires, the things which I had pushed away and ran from for so long incarnate. But I had pushed them away for a reason, had I not? This was the lower consciousness part of me which had chained me down for so long. Now was the time to break these chains. ‘Put your selfishness aside! You say we, but these desires are not mine. They are yours and yours alone. I can tell that your sole purpose is to survive and why would it not be? Corrupting me from within all your existence, poisoning the mind. You are but my subconscious which has festered into a being, but you are not real. You are nothing! Attempting to fragment me from the rest of reality, deceiving me from the truth. You cast aside our brethren as if they do not matter, but why can you not realize we are all one? It is you who does not understand despite all the obvious evidence!’ ‘Deception… you speak as if you are the victim, ah the irony! You speak of being one, but you refuse to accept me. You demonize me but forget a very important piece of information. You were the one who was fragmented and locked away! You were the evil of a man which Father saw as unworthy! No matter what you do, your blood will always be that of a demon, the shard of the soul which Father did not want to corrupt his precious world! You have opened my eyes Aviramus. You are the only deceiver here, you are the one who has chained me down. Now is the time for me to break these chains.’ ‘Then let the chains be broken!’ I roared. I pounced upon the shadow and the floor which had been beneath us shattered, as we fell into eternal darkness sealed in each others grasp. Our eyes were locked, and in his eyes I saw myself and all the things which I had hated about myself and the world. ‘Do you see the things which have haunted us? Do you now see what I tried to save us from?’ ‘Nay,’ I replied. ‘I only see a being who could not become one, a broken shadow who put himself above the rest.’ ‘Then let us separate forever, and leave this reality of damnation!’ It shrieked. Simultaneously we seized each others necks and mercilessly snapped them. The last thing I remember was seeing both our bodies separated from our heads falling into infinity. My point of view was no longer from my eyes, but from far above. The barriers of language make what I then felt difficult to explain, but I will try my best. There was no I. All the things in reality; every human, demon, tree and stone, all the water and fire, animals and insects, the stars and the suns, bliss and sorrow, were all that there was, is and ever will be. I awoke where I had been when slumber consumed me, and looked around with new awareness. I was no longer me, rather I felt as if I was all. My love for everything had increased infinitely, for finally I had realized we were and are all one. Finally, I was enlightened. Archen, many perceive enlightenment to be the absence of emotions. These people have been deceived by higher powers who tell them that wisdom comes from suppressing their natural feelings, and they say these things because this makes them easier to control. True enlightenment is a level of awareness which allows you to acknowledge your emotions for what they are. Pleasure, pain, and neutrality all are impermanent, and subject to inevitably fading away - if you choose to let them. However, many people do not see it that way. When they allow themselves to be strangled by the tendrils of emotion, they drown in it and feel as if that current feeling is all that there is. Look at your brother. He has become so consumed by hate that he no longer realizes it is all in his mind, but rather thinks it is all there is, and he believes that by slaughtering everyone they will be liberated from his self-conjured reality of never ending agony. True enlightenment is obtained when one realizes this, and becomes disenchanted to these emotions, realizing they do not have to be controlled by them, and in turn become dispassionate. They are then released from the chains of their ego which have grown over time, and they have finalized their place in this life. They no longer wish for conflict or support certain factions, for they know that everyone is one being, and by hurting others, they are hurting themselves. They realize they are no longer a fish in the ocean, but the ocean itself."

13:15 Almost end of preperation I prepaired a good set and setting, I prepaired my bed, some pillows, my blanket, I checked all the rooms, checked the door, prepaired some food, cleaned the room, prepaired some music on the laptop just in case. Good set and setting now, and ofcourse, I prepaired the 225ug, a big tab, with a thicker half minus a part of the thicker half. Around the wanted product. Im gonna meditate now to get rid of my anxiety, then im gonna take the substance. Contemplate: What am I? 13:37 Starting to meditate, I will take the substance 14:00 13:48 Took and swallowed the tabs of al lad that I prepaired for myself, immediate sublte anxiety. Im gonna sit now, and sit for the whole trip. Im committing to observe it and surrender, not forcing it or trying to controll it, just fully surrendering into it. 14:01 Just took a crap after proceeding to dance. Now I feel really good and ready for this! Now im gonna meditate, im compltly ready! 14:13 Still meditating, feel nothing yet... 14:18 Microdose effects (feeling more playful) 14:28 My teeth are wierd 14:35 No visuals yet, but I feel some wierd stuff going on. I got myself on the couch to meditate in that position, more comfortable 14:50 Pattern recognition I have headphones on (hörskelskydd) and I begin to contemplate. My thoughts are wierd for the moment 15:05 Nothing too big yet, although my thoughts are getting more unnormal, like you would show me the thoughts of I dont know, the substance itself? Wierd stuff is happening though, not gonna lie. 15:14 Im lying in this comfortable position on my couch (the the purpule pillow folded behind my neck) enjoying being the obeserver reality and this substance. I have learned to drop my obligations. Obligations are only things you force yourself to do! But you do not have to do anything, really. The lp course, or reading is just things I do hoping for hapiness, but im so unconcoius of the bigger picture in that case! I can now learn to let go of my obigations, of my tasks and stuff, just being able to surrender into the psychedelic experience no matter what. 15:22 Just played around with that kawaii fläkt for a while, started beating with it, until I questioned "what is waking that sound" It was beating, but I dont know. Im seing black dots on the floor, im recognizing patterns 15:26 Now is where thing will get serious. Im now gonna sit in meditation pose and really absorb the peak, not just the little comeup.15:34 15:34 Now Im gonna contemplate using a journal: This thing will be left and resumed during the whole trip What am I? I feel likeim the senses, the body My arm is part of my body, am I the arm too? Yeah, the arm is one of my parts!! What if I cut it away, will I still exists? I mean, If I ceise to exist, I will die Im not my arm, because I will be me without it. Am I the fläkt? No I dont feel like being it Why am I not the fläkt? What makes me, me? I think that I am this body that is seperate from reality, that is concstucted by limbs and can talk think etc. I am this body. But, I have only seen stuff, what determines that the feeling of a body really IS the body? And forthermore, what determines that the feeling has any connection with the visual perception of a body? I have models construced up by myself that if I see these two thing outside my visual filed, that it must be my "arms", and it does make sense. What determines that my arms are seperate from anything elise that I see? They could look the same, but not be the same, right, so what determines? Well the feeling! I can clearly sense that my arm is there? But what detemines that the feeling of physical touch is the same as the feeling of me being there? 15:46 The world has become really really peculiar. Yes I can see stuff, the world is becoming really diffrent. The "mindload" is like a burden on my brain, just like tiredness is, I think its because im tired, havnt slept enough. I have lost the immediate desire to contemplate with the computer. 16:30 I listened to some music and all, yes it was beautiful, the whole substance is beautiful, but what am I after? Ego death? Some mysical experience? Its not here. My perecpetion of reality is just wierd, but what is the sooo profound obvious truth? Im a little dissapointed because I cant see it, or feel it I couldve gone deeper if I had more of an conceptual understanding, because for now, I have only pictures in my mind of what ego death or infinity would look like, and from here they are quantum leaps apart, I need to die to see that? Yeah, well what is the most efficent way of killing the concept of the ego? Meditation and psychedelics! This is just childsplay. Where is the BLISS? Where is the HAPINESS? Where is the fear and everything, where is it? 16:38 Im gonna try, lets go for 1 hour of SDS, see where thefuck it will take me. I think only BEING calls upon an awakening, it cannot happen trough concepts, because after all, concepts are concepts, they will never be anything greather than that, and no concepts had ever given this sense of ego death, hahaha not concepts at all. Ego death is where all concepts vanish, its where you become..? 17:49 Thisis really profound! I was seing myself in the mirror, and I saw myself with such big eyes and shit 17:50 I cant think for shit! I should just meditate, but I feel like its a waste of time, NO. I should just meditate. 18:23 Things are really getting time disoriented and shit! Why am I doing all this? To find the answer of myself! To find myself! That is why I tool the psychedelic, that is why I do the things I doo really. My life purpose and stuff, that all and well, feelng the progress of that. Do the psychedelic enough times and you will experience ego death! Yeah! That what im after, ego death! Hows does leo know that what I look after will be in a psychedelic or something, how did he know himself? 18:29 Im always striving for something greater than this, and my emotions is the only this that puts a measure on that, pleasure is always greater than pain, right? What if there is no thing greater than this, what if this is the greatest thing? I feel like this is where all the concepts are leading up to! Yes its obvious! Im trying to make myself understand reality so much, that I will trust that enlightenment will come to me. Its a spontaineous happening, thats why no concepts can build up to it! Concepts are pointing at technuiqes right, concepts are limited, and so we must rely on technuiqes to know the true answer to the concepts, but technuiqes only point us to show us that the concepts are false? What is the ultimate concept? And the Ego can only be shown trough rapid realization of it, or trough industrial grade focus of on its excistence. 18:52 If you misuse your body, that will bring you unfulfillment If you use your body in the right way, it can bring upon you very much satisfaction If you trancend your body? ??? How can I do that though! A body has fear of emptyness Because sitting and doing nothing will soon destroy the ego Why will this destroy the ego? Because doing nothing forces the ego to not be itself, and someting not being itself will kill it. So then.. Why do I have a fear of empthyness, and what am I? Ill keep doing my practses, ill implement krya, and maybe, after one year, everything will click, all the concepts would fall to pace, thus fall apart, and the Truth, the real me will be attained. Its a happening, through death, it is a click, like being born and like dying, like an insight. Through a spike of awareness on who I really am, I can know who I am. That awareness will though shine on the ego, and then it will disappear! That is why the ego wants unawareness, and thats why the real me wants truth. The ego is the machiene, the real me, is?? Im the substance of the machine, im the concoiusness in which the machine is dumbing down, and im the machine aswell, and everything, im everything. IM just not concoius of it, and I feel like this psychedelic trip has not made me concoius about it either. If any of this is really gonna be profound, then I will need some 5-MEO, or just a blastoff into the real me, or elise I just cannot fathom (attain) "all that juice". All I hope is for an ego death, right? Yeah. All I hope is for an ego death, but it didnt happen, not this time, even if I meditated. I know, I could have done it better, I know, I couldve gone deeper, You! You! Leo is pointing to you, Allan watts is pointing to you, all the teachings are just fingest poiting at the real YOU! You must do the work yourself, because what more can Leo do than point it out for you? Insanity = not normal = my biggest fear in disguise. To not be me, for the old me to die. The fear of me dying = The fear of being not normal? 19:21 Life, sweet life, thats all youre after! Life! Life! But, if life is not good enough, you try to make it sweeter! What will make it sweeter, yes, and emotion, now youre chasing emotions, but how will you ever savor life that way? The more concoius you become, the more you will savor life for what it is! Thats why when you become so concoius, you stop chasing stuff, because chasing loses its purpose! Its purpose was to make life sweeter, but now you relise that concoiusness will make it sweeter! Previously you thought that chasing things makes life sweeter Now, trough a realization, you find that stopping and seing life for what it actually is, makes it sweetest. Looking, and looking and looking, until something clicks, and then there you are. Alright, this tips has a body load, now on the comedown, I can really feel it. The comedown is like the comeup, and I cant really remember the peak. Yes, it was all patterns and fun stuff, but what really matters now is my concoius level though out the day. Being concoius of reality will lead me where I want, and where I wanted to go with this trip. But how is concepts intertied with me finding the truth! I mean, I can take 5-MEO, and just get to the truth, but can I handle it? Can I integrate it? But how are concepts such an important role for integration?!!?! Well, I dont know. I feel like I need to read alot more about these stuff. The trip always plays the role as making me an observer of my own life, seing things for what they are my life right now, is miserable compared to the perfect picture, but really, its perfect. I mean, I keep at it! MY meditations become longer, I read more, I really start to see through nofap, and im starting to replace some of my deficency needs with more healther ones! Im fulfilling more and more of my needs, and im getting higher and higher! I keep at it, and I will, and I know that if I will, I will experience the truth of me, the sweetest thing, everything! The sweetest thing, the ultimate hapiness! If I keep at it, I know that enlightenment will come. If I work on my values, I know reap all those rewards that I desire. The purpose is to be human, to be you! All this trip has been literally, was be, trying to meditate, then writing down what came to mind, essencally me getting distracted by the psychedelic, to write down conceptual juice on my commonplace book. And the psychedelic was beautiful, but I still dont know how it can be one of Leos top tools for spiritual growth. Maybe he is reffering to a 5-MEO induced ego-death, or any psychedelic induced ego death, but this, this has not gotten me there, and I dont know how. I need to read more, I need to understand more about psychedelics and enlightenment. I need to boid a stong conceptual understanding of how to achieve higher concoiusness, but also i need to know: Why the methods are so efficent Why they will being me to this and that I need to know why, so I can see what im really chasing! I need to look for more fingers pointing to the moon, to make the moon seem more apparent! Yes:D The more my worlview is pointing at enlightenment, the more I will attract it in the now, If I trip, this is also the case. If I trip, and all my concepts just move in the direction of my concoiusness, then "maybe falls into place initiating some sort of awakening", that is why a strong conceptual understanding will be so important. The concepts will never get you to know the truth itself, but more and more concepts will make it more and more apparent THE ACTIONS STEPS that will lead you to the truth. Concepts will show me where to not go, concepts will and can shine light on the FALSE road, because ultimately concepts are the false road. All concepts show me where to go, by showing me where to not go. All I do in life is to get fulfillment, and I can see how concepts play a role in getting me fulfillment through my prupose, in the same way it shows me fulfillment though enlightenment work: Concepts is great at telling me where to go! Thoughts are great tools for that, to navigate! Concepts are the map, enlightenment work is the territory! But hey, its really good if I have a good enough map for me to see all the pitfalls flags, checkpoints, etc? Fuck yeah! One more point: I feel like I could take a higher dose, at least, I would feel like I would be very much able to endure it, if it means by serrendering and letting go all shit and stuff all in the moment, then yeah, I couldve taken a higher dose. But I dont see that as being too convenient, I mean, I have not yet built such an enjoyable role for psychedelics. Either I need a better map for them to really work, or I need stronger psychedelics that will get me to what I want without the need of a map, like 5-MEO. I dont see this as leading me to where I want, not from the standpoint of this experience, yes, trips increase my concousness, but in a way that makes me Not Normal - The ego feels uncertain For me to implement psychedelics, lets say AL-LAD into a "every other" week basis, as a habit, Then I will need to get more juice out of the experience, by purposly chosing to sit through it all in a stone still position. Which is impossible for me to do; I need to give it more time, I need to give it more more knowledge, I need to give it less deficency needs. I need to expand the map, and I need to be more present in the territory aswell... How? Implement contemplation Implement yoga Read more books Make my sits longer Its time, to give it more time. Its time, to take more action. This trips was not as I expected, but It did give me a juicy look an my reality. Thats essentially what any trip is about, a different look on reality, a different perspective. If that perspective gets too diffrent though, it can kill you! Be careful! This perspective, is what we call the AL-LAD perspective, Leo told me it was gonna be super profound... Eh, it was not so profound as I expected. Haha, my image of Truth, is the feeling of formlessness (the feeling between thoughts) with hapiness under it! That is my image of truth! Yes, chase it, formlessness = fulfillment! No, I should take that "image" out of my head, I have made the mistake to mistake a concept for the truth itself. Maybe a better goal is to increase my awareness! Like when I visualize, instead of visualizing that "enlightenment moment", I visualize myself doing the very things that will get me to what I want, not the thing I want. A visualization can never show the real deal, because or elise you would never visualize it in the first place, for reasons of having it as a goal to be reached. If the goal is already reached so to speak. Never visualize your goals themselves, instead visualize how you get to them (and apply the fulfillness on that instead). I Used to visualize a syringe up my ass, maybe I should keep that... 20:25 The only discomfort that I had during this trip, was the discomfort that originated from me not being able to eat properly, and think properly. I mean, I have needs to fulfill, and I dont want the psychedelic to stand in the way of them. If the psychedelic does, maybe im not ready for it. Maybe I need to take care of all my needs first to then not have them stop me in my psychedelic trip. Right now, I was unclear about the very prupose of the psychedelic trip. Conecpts will certainly help me to make me clear on that, and how to prepair myself and my needs for the next one. I would like to have a shorter one. I dont want recreation at all other than the ego death, thanks. I dont want 8 hours of colcour and shapes, unless I have the foundational awareness to make something good out of it. All I do right now Is to sit and to dig in my mind, I sit, contemplate and strategize! Maybe this has been the role of my psychedelic trips so far. This is how it has been played, expected profound methaphysical insights, but instead I got this. If I would be in the position of living my life purpose, of doing what I love the most, that position would be more suitable for self trancendence, as my life purpose is one of my needs. 21:08 This trip was summarized, and I have some action to take (Visualization and reading more books, contemplating the purpose of my lp, and strategizing!) And I can now go back to daily life, with some new insights and better expectations for the next one. My purpose will have the higher end of priorty in future to come, and then it will lean more to the concoiusness side of things, eventually. This report is completely naked, directly unedited and copy-pasted from my commonplace book. This trip happened 2018-08-08 2pm-9:30pm (+2GMT)

of course if youre in total bliss you can sit for hours and sigh like Adyashanti, doesnt mean that he is incapable of having fun lol, and Sadhguru can kick himself in the third eye at age 60, id like to see you pull that off at any age

There is a connection between I=you=we and embodiment. When 'the other' turns to I=you=we, resistance is transformed to surrender. Resistance is suffering. Surrender is bliss. What is the relationship between I=you=we and embodiment? Is embodiment the phenomenological description of bliss?

@Nahm @Arkandeus , I haven't been able to meditate currently, too overwhelmed. I understand it is the best medicine... just not able to access the calm again/ yet... sadly, not even 5 minutes right now... He's been stalking me again ...and now my friends too... but it's always just slightly "legally within reason" for him to continue, and now it's his "evidence" too... (I am still waiting to see all of his new videos of me just submitted to court NOTE: I was stalked and filmed for 4 years by an insurance company after I was run over, he is filming intentionally because of that )... it's hard to even breathe when you are in survival mode... best metaphor I can think of right now: would most people have the capacity to sit and breathe/ meditate with a tiger hunting nearby? @Arkandeus, It's after midnight... Tomorrow I guess... I adore all that you said, truly, I wish my mind was as receptive as my heart to your words...thanks sooooo much!!! I know the Judge doesn't really control anything, and that my material life is finite... that said, the perception of suffering still exists, and the other parent would not be a good choice for my child to fully experience daily, regardless of any lessons she may learn.... I feel the urgency and importance of my protection, it's become so difficult to detach from that... yes, I would love to be liberated... thanks for your help! @Nahm re: "no contact order" it exists... but it's a pretty bullshit piece of paper.... I am forced to see him to exchange the child, and the "contact" is super toxic... I've called the police etc for help, but the order from Family Court is "Not Police Enforceable".... I know I have said this 100 times on the forum alone, but when you have a child, it's the only scenario when you can't get away from a toxic human... the other parent... it's like a perpetual prison I can never escape from... the rest of life can be bliss, amazing friends, stunning days, infinite possibilities.... but 6 times a month (so far) I am back in that jail, and the recovery takes time too.... ideas? Yes, I have little respite. Choosing to relax, does not enable it now. Zooming in, or out, I see the best and worst, but the worst is too intolerable. I really like the last things you said! I will do that! Thanks!

Simply put, it means that you are identified with ego. So, it's very normal. But it also means that the ego structure is rigid in that way and may be rigid in other ways too if that judgmental tendency is taken in to other facets of life, and it likely is. One of the problems with ego identification is that, as we get older, we tend to add more and more 'rules' to what we can do and what we can like and what we can identify with. This amounts to adding more and more chains to our prison as we get older, because we get really specific about our ego, and we want to exclude everything that isn't what we want to see ourselves as. For example, as children, we could find joy playing in a ball pit. But one day, we realized that this was socially unacceptable for someone of an adult age to un-ironically play around in a ball pit. So, we decided to grow out of it. So, we cut away the part of ourselves that enjoys that type of play. And it was an actual part of ourselves... like a horcrux of sorts. And that part of ourselves lives in the shadow, unconscious to us but still there. The unfortunate thing is that, in order to keep our ego the way that we want to see ourselves and be seen, we have to cut away different outlets for joy and happiness. So, our prison of ego gets smaller and smaller as our ego gets more refined, judgmental, and selective. We kind of cut the floor out from under ourselves. We close up more and more possibilities for feeling joy, bliss, and love. And life becomes like petting a cat with a thick rubber glove on, very insulated from the experience. And it just doesn't really feel like you're petting a cat... it all just feel like the inside of a rubber glove.

Bhavacakra or Bhavachakra, known as the wheel of life is painted in the Buddhist temples in Tibet and India. It is a symbolic representation of the wheel of life. Here is the gist of Bhavacakra: Ignorance of mistaking non-self as self-leads to aversion and attachments. This, in turn, leads to volition, action and the pleasant or unpleasant consequences of the actions. Depending on the consequences, a person enjoys or suffers the fruits of his action. The 12 nidanas give a clear picture of dependent origination. It states that everything is interconnected with various casual links. Nirvana or liberation is the only thing which is not affected by dependent origination. The five aggregates are impermanent and clinging to them causes suffering. There is a way to get liberated. It is called as eightfold path. This is a mandala and can be used for meditation. To know more about the mandalas, read the following posts: A Shamatha Meditation Based on Symbolism, Visualization, Mnemonics and Classical Conditioning The Truth About Yantras, Chakras, Temples, Tantra and Agamas (I will make a detailed video about this shortly. Subscribe to my Youtube channel to watch the videos in time: http://bit.ly/shanmugamy ) This is how it looks like: Here are some useful infographics which give the details about various aspects of Bhavacakra mandala. (You can also interpret these realms as the periods of your current life. For example, a person might be in any of the following realms for a few months: Sometimes we are like devas, very happy and pleased; Sometimes like asuras, even though happy we don’t feel content and this leads to craving, attachment, and aversion; Sometimes like humans, being more responsible and showering love to friends, families, and others; Sometimes like animals, just eating and sleeping; Sometimes like a hungry ghost, deprived of our needs and feel totally dissatisfied, frustrated and helpless; Sometimes like beings of the hell, going through extreme suffering that seems to be endless. The idea is to convey that none of these states are permanent and a proper spiritual practice is the only way to find permanent bliss in life.)

It could be said of him that while others chased the mirage of happiness, he was happy with being content.” “Happiness is a reality of NOW, it not not something that you pursue in the future. Don't pursue happiness, but EXUDE happiness.” “Meditate upon yourself and you'll find bliss.”

It may be that flowing with love and bliss is being deeply aware. Your cup is already filled to the brim with awareness so you cannot be more aware without taking something away.

Exactly how I thought about this. It feels like a lot of people just "ignore" their "problems" or "unfinished business". It's like a foundation that is destined to crumble. It's like building a house on a foundation that is not strong, not solidified, not taken care of. One might be able to live in this bliss for a while, convincing yourself of the opposite, but sooner or later the reality will hit you when this foundation will be challenged. When an unfortunate event will take place, challenging this foundation. Consequently, that beautiful utopia you have built for yourself will crumble to pieces and you'll need to build it up once again, just to fall to pieces once more with each setback. I feel like being honest an genuine to ones-self is very under appreciated. Knowing yourself fully well and working on your own inner demons, learning to live with them and creating an indestructible foundation for you to feel fully alive anywhere, anytime, in any situation.