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Experiencing peace Feeling like a child again No fear A sense of having arrived home -- self-realization No need to know or to do A feeling of oneness A feeling of acceptance A feeling that one must die in order to properly live Appreciating reality as a magical experience -- this is what comes off as love and bliss

What remains when all judgement is gone? All is isness, all is this. The fullness of life awareness and bliss. Breathe deep, Peace!

I read somewhere this concept about our relationship with fear and how we should follow it (with common sense, not like jumping from the third floor or something). Often those moments make us grow a lot and isn't uncommon that our passions are born from those things that scared us more and we did it anyway. I am having some kind of intuition about taking acting classes and it scares me a lot. For sometime, I started to appreciate the beauty of work that actors do, I mean, think about it, they have to completely say "fuck my ego/self image" and cry on command or scream or something that would be almost unthinkable for most people and do it in front of an audience(sometimes, millions of people). So, for sometimes, I caught myself thinking about, things just presented to me. I was a extroverted kid but with life, a lot of traumas came also and slowly I became really shy and introvert,i made a huge effort to beat this and I am proud to say that i evolved a lot, I even learned game ( doing cold approach, talking with a lot of people and flirting with lots of beautiful women completely sober) and its a passion for me, the feeling of social freedom I gain from this is simply pure bliss, especially coming from I guy with a history of social isolation and bad references with girls. I did a mushroom trip about 10 days ago and during this trip I also had the feeling, intuition (not something I feel or follow frequently) that acting classes could be my next path. The thing is: I am horrified just to THINK about the possibility of acting, I can't even imagine how I would do anything that an actor does (and I admire them a LOT for doing it). So, my question is, there is some wisdom in following the fear and intuition? I would love some personal examples.

All people are grey, a mixed bag of white(God) and black(Hell)! (metaphorically speaking) What people don't know is that the good feelings in life comes from themselves exclusively. And analogy, the bad stuff in life comes from the outside, from the world. People love relationships, material goods etcetera, but people just project their own love and happiness on to those objects. They don't realise that it's not the objects and other subjects that deliver the happiness, love and beauty to them. It's themselves that deliver those positive feelings. Or rather, they already ARE that happy state in their core. Peel of the worldly garbage that has infiltrated your soul, and you will become that CORE!! But instead, people project those happy feelings on to these objects/subjects and wrongly give credit to them, not themselves, for the joy and happiness in their lives. That's why people continue to chase things they want(think they want) in their lives, when they really only want themselves. The world on the other hand, won't let you to be yourself fully. And the more you chase things in the world(chasing yourself), the more unhappy you become. The more dark grey your soul-colour become. The more dense your soul become. Do yourself a favour, find out for yourself that you already have all the joy, happiness, love, bliss, beauty inside yourself, you ARE that. Then you can use the world to SHARE that, not to CHASE that. BE/KNOW YOURSELF AND BECOME LOVE. BE/KNOW THE WORLD AND BECOME A MISERY. SONG: This world is just illusion always trying to change you!

We hate these words by now, but its true nevertheless... ...we are infinite oneness, infinite bliss and happiness, infinite love and beauty, perfect wholesomeness. Isn't that great? Deep down, the truth of who we really are is always perfect, almost too much of positive emotions, pure love. Now, as a contrast, we have the capacity to forget about our true nature and become derivatives of ourselves. All of a sudden we experience something different then ourself, we experience separateness. And as separate entities (although illusionary), we experience sex, hate, fighting, competition, art, science, literature, humor, sport, music, power, laughter etcetera And when we are fed up with this duality game, we can trace ourself back to our true nature, just as we do here. And start remembering our true nature again. And once again, when we are "fed up" with the frictionless perfectionistic nondual bliss that we are in essence, we can decide to forget ourself yet again, just to play yet a new game of separateness! Wow, this is too good to be true, it's even better then "too good" because we can transcend that "too good" to play these partly suffering games of duality in order to have a certain dynamics to our lives experiences through out eternity. Words of wisdom presented to you by the temporary separate mind of Markus from the illusionary country of Sweden.

To start off I must say that I am not enlightened anymore and therefore extremely prone to misconceptions and mind traps when talking about this subject. Background: I was always a very skeptical person throughout my life. Have been an atheist for my entire life and was also extremely deep into physics but also loved philosophy. With that said, for someone who has never experienced any sort of awakening before all this meditation and spiritual growth all seems like new-age hippies bull. I had not studied this concept before and even watching Leo I would avoid any spiritual video because they seemed so far off. How it happened: I have a very special connection with music, I play the piano and the guitar and have meditated (without realizing what I was doing) pretty much my entire life. I have had visual hallucinations before, euphoria and bliss using only music, no drugs or anything. So this particular time I was listening to my favorite song and was doing this extremely profound and deep meditation with it (again without even realizing it's meditation) when I just caught myself not existing anymore, I was so into the music that I had literally forgot about my own existence, I had killed myself without knowing. I open my eyes, looking at a white board and was extremely confused. Then it hit me as an spontaneous insight: "The self, what a preposterous concept" Still confused a bit, repeated it to myself once more and it was at that exact moment that I had awoken. What happens next the lower self cannot explain or understand, but I'll do my best to share as much as humanly possible on this strange subject. I was everything in that room, literally, physically speaking. The floor, the dust, even the sounds. I didn't exist at all. I was nothingness, also literally. It was a moment of infinite bliss, a pleasure that is beyond any sensation a human can experience. Take all the good feelings in humanity's entire existence and it would still not even be close to this feeling. Awareness is everything that exists. Not as in consciousness, as that concept is too deeply enlaced with brains and human minds, but literally awareness. It is all that exists. It's funny because on a day to day life whenever we try to think of "god" and such metaphysical, airy ideas, we always approach it with flawed concepts like time or physical presence/influence or even with science that strives for perfection and evidence cannot find awareness for it is not a physical phenomena. My awakening experience was very profound, but was far from complete. I saw some facets of the truth but not all of them: -I grasped what reality is, I became aware of awareness (which I guess is a must for any awakening experience) -I understood nothingness -I felt infinite "love" in lack of a better word- -I did not understood the infinite self part. I knew I was everything that existed but I couldn't see it infinitely, I did not see it as finite either, couldn't really grasp infinity no matter how much I tried -I knew it. I simply understood life. -I was confused about other people existing, I knew for a fact I was literally them, but shouldn't have I become omniscient of their feelings and lives? Very confusing -I was in paradise, so when I came back I got a bit depressed I wasn't there anymore -I laughed so much thinking back to all my humanly problems or anyone's problems really. Even though I have no idea why (since I don't see the truth anymore) I still remember many insights and not a single problem exists. The devil exists though, and Leo understood this very well, it is you, who reads this that creates all the issues in the world. (I can't grasp this truth, it sounds super bs writing this but I believe my enlightened self's memories and notes) -Also ultimate certainty of what I saw. Some people are afraid of illusions and traps or scared that once they see the truth they won't know it it's just another trap. It's impossible to have this experience and not understand it's legitimacy. If you think you had an awakening and had the slightest of hesitation then your ego is creating a very sophisticated trap. There are so many things to write. This changed my life and it's so strange because I don't even believe in life or death anymore. I'm sharing this, and also asking for help attaining this experience again. I feel cursed with the ego now that I have been in paradise and I'm desperate to see reality again. Thanks for reading, remember to be open-minded and kind, I'll be sure to answer any questions presented here.

I am one of those people who love to use their time on the train for meditation. It's the perfect place, especially if the train is somewhat empty - Because even the mind knows - now we are in the train for so and so minutes - we cannot do anything else - now we can finally be fucking still and surrender to it!! Yesterday, I managed to completely relax by following my breath and something amazing happened - more than once. I was sitting there... hands on my lap, closed eyes... taking a deep breath and holding it once in a while, but then normalizing the breath so that it is not forced, but still through the diaphragm. I was with my back against the very comfortable seat and I was also doing two other types of meditation in between breath awareness - noticing emptiness and noticing the body sensations. At some point I got so still that it was like my body started to vibrate at the stillness frequency, I felt complete peace and BLISS and in the blackness in front of my eyes I could see emerging beautiful vibrating darkness - I can't really explain it, but I know one thing - it was B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L . I could feel my feet - such a grounding sensation, very physical, very blissful. My entire body felt like a rock - I didn't feel the need to do anything - it was perfect as it is. My cup is empty, I have nothing in the material world almost and this type of experience shows me the spiritual teachings are not for nothing. I could reach that level of stillness about 5 times during that journey and also before I got on the train while I was waiting on the very comfortable benches. It seems that this level of stillness requires certain type of comfort and security on the side of the environment, at least for me . It feels like such stillness cannot be had in hell (a place where people/entities would not leave you alone when you close your eyes - yeah that's my definition of hell) , but is very possible in heaven (the place where they do leave you alone when you close your eyes). 10/10 experience, would try again. Now I know some of what Eckhart meant by Stillness Speaks! Peace!

I had this fear from age 5-7. Now it came back to paranoic extents, big time paranoia (i'm 23). I don't want to get older I guess. for me Its a mystery why I am afraid of that. Maybe its lack of self-worth,I have a fear that I may not be able to find my female half to spend life with because I will get too old too soon. actually, i think thats the main reason on the surface, and i have no idea what might be underneath that. Its just paranoia i'm happen to cling upon I agree we have to do our things and follow our bliss, and stop all the neediness. I'm slowly overcoming this fear..

@Shanmugam Did you really just compare Trump to Buddha to 'prove' something? That's hilarious! Haha I cannot speak for anyone else that questioned the obvious dualism in what you are 'teaching' but I am well aware of what you are talking about and why you view it that way. Although, it's not terminology that is being questioned, it's the inability to recognize any other experience other than your own as being valid. The real heart of this discussion is about your insistence that there is a binary type of on-off or is-isn't nature to enlightenment without any degrees or levels to the process of awakening. There is no line of separation to cross that Trump turns into Buddha with awakening, enlightenment transcends all absolutely and infinitely but it is our awakening to it that is the change, 'enlightenment' is constant. This change for some may appear like a light bulb turning on starting in a very dark place before and in an instant the change is so extreme the awakening is an intense realization so the experience of that awakening is dramatic. In others the awakening is like lighting a single candle first in one spot, then in another candle in another spot and keep lighting candles all around consciousness that eventually the whole consciousness is illuminated so the experience of awakening is gradual. Are there thresholds of awakening that certain realizations can become manifest in our consciousness? Absolutely. Are there thresholds of awakening that self suffering dissipates so peace/bliss permeates our being? Absolutely. Whether it happens dramatically or gradually there is no line of separation drawn between enlightenment and our consciousness. The only line that would be drawn is in our mind and this is what prevents us from realizing the awakening of enlightenment.

A wise man who spent his whole life in spiritual communities finally reached enlightenment. That man, now in old age went back to the streets of his youth! He walked the very same street he use to walk after school, the birds were singing in the same way, the air was blowing in the same way making the leafs of the trees sound the same way. He noticed his consciousness was the VERY same as when he was a boy, it was the exact same existential awareness. For one milli second he ask himself.. What, nothing changed, my consciousness is not higher, not more pure then it once was in my youth. Shall I be disappointed? Did I waste my whole life with all this spiritual non sense? The very next second, it hits him. Well, there is actually one thing that differs. In my youth, I thought there was MUCH more to this. Now I know there is NOTHING more to it. He continued to walk.. slowly.. tears went down his chin. He burst out to tears. Almost as if his heart couldn't handle all the bliss and beauty although there was sadness to it as well. Which one state did you prefer, one man asked him, although it was the exact same conscious experience. The state when he thought there were much more to it as a kid, or the state of today when you know there is nothing more to it? He answered - I prefer it the way it happened, I never raised any consciousness, never find higher awareness. It was always infinite. My spiritual journey only added another interpretation of it. And if that interpretation went from "This is nothing, to this is everything, what more can I asked for?" Do you understand this metaphor Emre?

@Kevin Dunlop , part of it is giving up this idea of pleasant and unpleasant. As the Hsin Hsin Ming says (one of my favorite little books): Like and dislike is the disease of the mind. When the deep meaning (of the Way) is not understood the intrinsic peace of mind is disturbed. Reality is bliss...there is no side that is blissful and a side that is not. When this is realized, this is "how do we stay on the blissful side of reality."

Freedom is what you want, that is true bliss, better than the best sensation you can imagine Chasing good sensations or a good self image, that is only misery

@snowleopard not really, I see that absolute reality on the deepest level cannot be explained and I agree. My question is based in the world of concepts, which is obviously not the deepest level, yet still very much relevant (think of medicine / science / "optimization" of situations / solving of "problems" and the like (also the only reason that people use this forum (or any) is because they discuss concepts of some kind)). To rephrase my question: instead of the mind happening within consciousness, why can't consciousness happen within the mind or in other words why can't consciousness be the subset of the superset which is the mind (mind > consciousness)? I know that in theory one could just meditate 24/7 and bliss out on being, but here, I am interested in understanding the concept.

@Shanmugam I had just written a detailed reply but decided to erase it because it's pointless to dissect all the statements you have made when it all revolves around the same thing. You put so many limitations with can'ts and don'ts on enlightenment, absolute and infinite that it's so funny... limitations on the infinite! Really? Then call it "truth"? Haha! The absolute infinite has absolutely infinite potential, it's our own limiting beliefs that create a narrow path to realizing it. Separation dissolves in awakening to this simple "truth" and is pure love, joy, peace....bliss

@Outer @Joseph Maynor @SOUL @Leo Gura @Mighty Mouse Thank you guys! It's great to have a place to ask these questions and you see what I mean without explaining any further. Many people are caught up in the drama, or think that identity politics and aversion between groups are natural. The most serious thing about media is how it affect collective consciousness for the worse. Even if I manage to detached completely. I still get "robbed" of all good meetings with people because the shared consciousness is suspicious and egoic instead of open, happy, compassionate. We as self-actualized people need to use strategies not to be affected by toxic media. Imagine the people in general, they don't even see the low consciousness mechanics media use, they just react and adopt to the narratives media put up. And soon we all start to hate each other, ourselves and thinks we will not survive without government and strong power structures. Thats the goal with "divide and conquer" strategy. It's frustrating, because this world could be a paradise. But right know we are wired to think deep bliss, intense compassion, strong love and complete happiness are naive traits in society. It would be judged as mania. It's not mania, it's normal, perfectly normal. It's completely natural to us to feel deep peace, bliss and joy. To view the whole world as sheer beauty. But we are kidnapped, rewired with negativity. Media and authorities own us. Thats sad! Love you guys, thanks for your respond!

@Kevin Dunlop Instead of bliss, consider love. Develop your love, do the practices, think of the best for yourself, and those you know. Thoughts of love. You don’t have to help a single person with anything. After contemplating on that for a bit, you’ll probably want to. Things like depression and anxiety can be a little contagious. Careful, and allow some recoup time for yourself.

I will do my best to answer this question.. The work that needs to be done for the betterment of the world and people around you is your self realization. For a very long time I struggled with the frustration of wanting to spread my light with those around me.. I would try to reach out to help ease their suffering but in return I saw no change within them. One day I finally came to the realization that I was doing this all wrong so I began the process of meditating on this very attachment that I was clinging to. I detached from it and began turning the work back within myself (if that makes any sense) I filled myself with so much love and compassion that I didn't need to purposefully project that to anyone. It poured out of me with no effort and only then did people begin to approach me seeking the truth.. So in summary, the absolute best way to help those in this world who suffer is to look within and realize your own truth. Deep down everyone wants to live in peace and bliss, if you provide that within yourself they will seek it..

@SuperLuigiAgree 100% with @pluto . 136 Day Juice Fast -- elevated my life on every level: physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. True bliss. Cured many dis-eases as well (back-acne, fatigue, & IBS). Cooked foods do have a dramatically slower bowel-transit time, and can collect in the colon over time. If you don't believe me, do a colonic and see the unbelievable amount of old SHIT that is stuck in your colon, which most likely is a major contributing cause to many of your current ailments. Cheers! Anyway, sounds like your pancreas (responsible for digesting) is weak. You may also want to supplement with herbs (tinctures or teas) to target this weakness, such as Gentian, Milk Thistle, Chickweed, Marshmallow, Bitters, Dandelion Root, Dock Family (Yellow Dock, Burdock, Oregon Grape Root), Ginger, and the Mint Family. Look up Dr. Morse on YouTube for more info Him and John Rose saved my life.

Yes, but there is no ONE experiencing that hell. 'There is also infinite bliss, joy and happiness! It's like saying that infinite blue exist within our universe. Of course "blue" will always be represented in the world, so will yellow and all other colours for eternity.

@MarkusSweden What you are saying does happen but it is not like the way you describe.. I wouldn't say that it is a lowering of the level of consciousness. I will describe what happened to me to explain. I was working in a BPO during 2014. Even two years prior to the year 2014, my life was very simple. I was trekking various hills during that and was mostly spending time in nature and solitude. After April 2014, I started to go deeper in my 'witnessing' practice. For the months April, May and June, I was just going deeper and deeper. In July 2014, I stopped much of my talking and gossips with my friends (not intentionally, it happened automatically) and my friends clearly noticed a difference. Except what I had to talk on the phone, I almost didn't talk to anyone at all. I even didn't give a thought about it because such a thought didn't occur for a long time. I was simply a witness to everything that was happening and I was slowly losing the need to do anything, except doing what I should do in my job and to maintain my body. I almost lost the ability to think logically. My monkey mind stopped and I wasn't bothered by anything at all. It is the peak and I felt like a king of the world. I still remember walking on the road one day, taking each and every step with absolute bliss and a feeling that there is a permanent vacation. But I had to relearn many things. For example, for the next six months, I wasn't worried even a single bit about how much sales I was making with customers. I just enjoyed talking to the customers on the phone, explaining about the product and just had a conversation with them. I didn't have the same desire to convince the customers. If a customer says 'I want to think about', I would say 'sure, take your time'. I even forgot that I was supposed to handle that as an objection and try to convince the customer to buy the product. I didn't even remember to check my performance report for about 5-6 months. One day my team leader asked me to meet him and started scolding me. He spoke for about 30-40 minutes about my poor performance at work. (I used to be a very good performer before that). I couldn't really say anything for all those 40 minutes. I was simply looking at him. There was no feeling of insult or embarrassment. But gradually, I realized that even though things didn't matter to me, they matter to others who are expecting things from me. So, I had to consciously choose a direction that I need to go in life. I chose to perform well at work again. Once my performance drastically improved, my manager looked at me with surprise and asked me with a smile ' why and how this sudden change?'... I smiled and just said 'I am focusing more on getting sales'. There was an integration period for about 2 - 3 years. And during this period, I learned certain things all over again. I am not talking about learning new information but learning certain behaviors. My straight-forwardness, courage, and ability to say anything without any hesitation was actually seen as a threat by many managers and team leaders. It created an impression that I don't respect them any longer. This is just one example. Only after consciously making certain changes, I was able to make sure that everything goes smoothly as my family would expect. Also, there were a lot of old tendencies which took time to die. But whatever changes that happened after 2014 is not something like a self-improvement or reaching another level of enlightenment. The changes just happened without the sense of a person wanting to reach something or somewhere. These changes were necessary to play the role that I am supposed to be playing, but it is not really lowering the level of consciousness. It is pretty much like a rebirth. I was like a kid during July 2014. And I developed many things all over again but it happened consciously and without feeling any duality, lack, incompleteness etc. Spiritual seeking is a longing for becoming complete... There is a sense of lack when a person is seeking. There seems to be something lacking and there is a longing to unite with the whole. The fact that there is a phrase called 'mystical union' in Christian Mysticism and the fact that the word 'yoga' means 'union' is not a coincidence.. Once the union happens, you can't see yourself as a part of the whole anymore.. You realize that you are everything.. Your body may grow old, your mind may get exposed to new things, you may develop certain skills after enlightenment. But these are not the part of a 'self-agenda'.. You don't consider yourself as getting old or learning new things. Those changes just happen in the realm of relative reality. The person is simply 'no more'...

@John Iverson Well obviously the main benefit is improving your concentration. Eventually you might reach access concentration (different people have quite different definitions for this), and then you'll have the ability to 'access' the concentration jhanas, which are a series of increasingly deeper levels of concentration. Each level has various mystical experiences associated with it and increasingly deeper levels of bliss. But my understanding is that, in general, these takes many many hundreds, if not thousands of hours to attain. Improving your concentration is great, but don't get distracted by it. Concentration meditation won't enlighten you. Check out Right Concentration by Leigh Brasington if you want to read up on the subject.

Sadly I wish the mind was tricking me, but it is trying to make me forget what I experienced. The flaw in spirituality is that it is influenced by bias. Anyone can claim to see “it”, yet there is no standard for what “it” is. You assume it’s a good thing that lies at the end, but what if nihilism (or our word for it) is the truth and your experience of the claimed “it” is merely an illusion? You...don’t....know. I briefly experienced egolessness, then bliss, and then beyond that the gaping maw that surrounds and is us. I say that having been down many paths (no thanks to my mother). Meditation led me here, and I’m loathe to try again and see “that”. Before everyone knew the earth revolves around the sun they thought otherwise and it took one man to see it. I’m not so bold as to refer to myself as Galileo, but it’s something to keep in mind when citing personal experience or an argument based on popularity. The assumption and bias that spirituality leads to “good” outcomes probably colors what you see. It’s likely that Buddha saw terror and out of compassion gave different methods to keep people from going too far. Who knows ultimately. That is why I said it was pointless to post an issue I had here because people make it about themselves and not try to find a solution.

Spoiler alert: huuge post ahead of ya! Tuesday, 30. January - Friday 2.of February 4 day half assed solo med/contemplation retreat (half assed because of my inability to meditate for more than 3 hours per day + i went to take an exam on wednesday- had human contact) aka TORTURE 101 The following post contains coarse language and due to its content should not be read by anyone! Context: My roomate unexpectedly had to leave so I got the chance to be all by myself with nothing to do. So I did! Rules No internet No music No friends No books No self help related stuff No texting No forum No youtube No distractions Used my phone for writing down these ramblings, metronome beats for concentration and insight timer for meditation My days consisted of meditation, contemplation, concentration and only basic things for survival Tuesday - breakdown Ramblings I miss my cat. I consider myself to be an intorvert, but holy shit does having someone around make a difference. Even if that someone's an animal. People need their devices to continue living miserably Internet withdrawls Sweating out resistance Mind's endless shitshow- never ending distraction. Even if there's nothing to do, mind still finds something. Full appreciation of things- oranges taste amazing. All food for that matter. Observing a spider i didn't know i had became super amusing Good ol' why the fuck did i do this?! This is torture. Maybe Jack Nicholson was right, maybe I can't handle the truth. Trump probably started a nuclear war, half of the population is gone and i don't know anything. - mind using all kinds of justifications to make me want to go back online. I'm addicted to music/noise. I'm addicted to escape. I'm addicted to daydreaming: through music, writing, listening to people etc. I feel like a mad person. I feel like an animal! Internal screaming (mostly during sds) Fascination with things Not being able to write. I remember feeling really frustrated because I couldn't write whole sentences and also couldn't write with paper and pen. I never realized how much satisfaction I derive from it. Flashbacks of feeling like this as a child, being connected to reality Emotions Boredom Loneliness Joy Rage Laughing Meditation: 3 hours Contemplation: 8 hours Wednesday - breakdown Crazy / nightmare dreams. Incest sex dreams, dead animals, murder, rape - all that good stuff. Woke up like two times during the night, had enourmous headache Resistance bigger than yesterday Feeling like a baby-watching oatmeal drop from my spoon Feeling older than my generation Interactions feel amazing. I'm hyper aware of everything and feel more open. Father-son image. As I was walking to the university, I saw a father holding his son's hand and just walking through the city. And in an instant, I saw it. It was so obvious. I saw one being pretending to be both the son and father and I laughed and laughed. ( probably shouldn't have out loud though, since there were other people around me ups) Questioning my sanity Talking to myself/singing Silence is driving me insane Actual screaming Feeling like someone let me out of my cage Life slowed down My desire for truth doubled Things began to take an eternal quality Bottom line for this day: Curiosity killed the cat! Emotions Terror Bliss Awe Peace Feeling insane Laughing Fear (of death and insanity) Meditation: 2 hours Contemplation: 7 hours Thursday - breakdown Woke up tired because of my fanatic dreams of reliving every trauma. It feels like I'm reliving my life in my dreams. Always been an observer, not a participant Existential pondering then 10 min of looking at my nails and hands. I literally spent 10 whole minutes looking at them, wtf? Phone is another limb of mine Tried beatboxing lol, failed Mind all over the place,daydreaming It's AMAZING to be Heat during sds Making faces in the mirror Happy baby pose half the day Fuck internet To be is the greatest joy there is Emotions Peace Satisfaction Fulfillment Boredom Anger Relaxation Meditation 3 hours Contemplation: 7 hours Friday - breakdown Why am I not always living like this??? Stress is caused by a bunch of noise Tension in my body Desire to stay like this, not wanting to go back to ordinary living Desire for a radical change Scared of how detached I feel from the people i love. Do i even like them or just like their validation? And finally tears- love for truth, calling from the divine hahahah the gurus were right, you really don't need anything to be happy. Like really oh my god what a relief! I don't need the latest clothes, my phone, the internet, books, like any posessions, people, music etc NOTHING I love you the internet, but I love the truth more Truth is so fucking all consuming and radically loving it just left me not wanting anything. The truth is all I need The calling is unavoidable Thank you thank you Being connected to reality is what i need. Nothing else I don't no longer miss anyone or anything Never laughed so hard in my life as to the idea that youu need something to be happy.That idea is absurd. Youuu are it, I can't even begin to tell you. What i'm experiencing is unbelieveable,impossible, but so fucking real! Emotions Excitement Tranquility Restlessness Worry Fear Ecstatic bliss Gratitude Laughing while crying Meditation: 1,30 h Contemplation: 4 hours These last few days were life changing. On friday night I got back home, so my retreat didn't last 4 full days, oh well. I don't think I'll ever forget what I realized here and I look forward to doing more of these in the future, no matter how notoriously laborious it gets. Main takeaways: I gotta face my demons more often I finally figured out what I want!!! On Thursday I finally got it. The list goes as follows : truth, deep spiritual connection and life purpose/ contribution. Due to yesterday's realizations that list now looks like this: nothing. I'm guessing those desires will come back though I'm so addicted to noise, it was so shocking to see that. I was having serious withdrawal symptoms. My love is endless. My life is an utter lie and I just want to serve. That's all folks!

they are wrong Enlightment doesn't mean to enjoy suffering, it means understanding it for what it trully is. No enlightened person can have their pinky toes stubbed in the wall and not scream at least 5 profanities. Pain is an ilussion to make you believe there is an "I" that needs surviving. Also it feels like you were trying to cheat the system, don't surrender expecting "IT" to appear, that is not that works. In surrendering you are not meant to achieve eternal hapiness or to be indestructible, it means you are able to understand it and see it for what it truly is, once you know that there's nothing to worry about it takes care of itself, but it takes a lot of time and practice. And no, you don't need to live with them forever. Thinking got you into this, thinking will not get you out. The more you think about a "solution" you are creating another stories which in 5 seconds will warrant another problem to fix, that's the minds job. Also never understimate the effect of small changes, no matter how minimal, they can make a huge difference later on. You are not the mind you can't be, it does everything by itself without anyone to tell it what to do, heck it doesn't even know what is doing. Fear is an illusion to trick it into thinking it is something that is not, this "I" this is so worried. You don't know your next thought, you don't know how you are going to react to it, you don't know how you can understand what you understand, because that's not you. Not sure if you will learn from this but i feel like it can help, the key is to trully understanding what he means https://gatelessgate.wordpress.com/2006/08/01/the-worst-desire-is-the-desire-for-enlightenment/ Stop telling yourself these stories of what is the truth behind this this and that, it will only distract you even more. Enlightment is nothing, that's what it trully is, nothing at all. You need to fully understand that. It's not a bliss state, it's the truth of your experience, it's not different from what you are experiecing. If you have to ask "Is this it?" It's not it, it's nothing

It has already been about two weeks since I have been on a darkness retreat. I initially planned to stay in the darkness for about 13 days. But I quit the retreat after 4 days. As I got a few requests about sharing my experience I still wanted to let you know what this retreat revealed to me. Why did I quit? The thing that made me quit was a build-up of frustration. I could have dealt with the boredom and the long hours of meditation, it was actually quite blissful at times. I became frustrated though because the place was not sound proof at all and it was not quiet. Right next to my room were a couple of dogs in a confined space and they would bark each time someone went by on the street. You could hear every car and truck going by, people speaking outside and so forth. As all other senses get incredibly heightened in the darkness, this was not acceptable for me. I would recommend everyone who wants to do a darkness retreat to research carefully beforehand if the place is also quiet. One recommendation I got for europe is this one: http://pobyt-ve-tme.cz/ it is supposed to be very quiet. I have found that when in meditation in darkness it is really easy to get into "interesting" territory pretty quickly, but sound would pull me out just as easily. And dog barking is terrible in my opinion. It really got on my nerves and then at one occasion they did not stop for about an hour and that when I called it quits. Couldn't stand the thought of having to deal with this for another 8-9 days. But then I learned from the experience and you can too. Make sure to go to a quiet place and your experience will me much more pleasant. Maybe some nature sounds are ok. Birds just sounds friendlier Meditation: Powerful stuff in the darkness. I experienced levels of bliss, which I never did in my sessions before. But I have not had that long sessions before in light. No distraction, what else is there to do but to meditate. Creativity was great at first but mental thoughts became less as time went on. I did mainly do nothing meditation, strong determination sitting and regular meditation with focus on the breath. All felt really good, but do nothing did not work as well for such long hours of meditation. Interesting: The senses of tasting and smelling became so incredibly nuanced that I was almost overwhelmed. There were nuances and literally dimensions to it, I never experienced before. At one time the smell of smoke came in the room and I was thinking the house must be burning so strong was it. But apparently it was just smoke from some chimneys in the town. In those first four days I had almost no visual of psychedelic effects. Some flashing colors and thinking that I can see the room, but nothing really solid. After-effects: Even though I did not sleep much, in fact I slept probably less than usual, I felt incredible energized and motivated when I came out of the darkness. Happiness for everyday experiences is still on a whole other level. Experiencing the visual dimension is one of our greatest sources of joy. We just forget that we are able to see at all. My biggest insight was that we do not long for happiness or beautiful experiences, but instead for anything at all. The distinctions we make, come only after are already saturated with experiences. If you experience almost nothing for an extended time, it becomes clear how grateful we can be to have such a rich life experience. I learned that whenever I want more and strive to "achieve" some other state, that I have to go back and retreat, so that everyday experiences become magical again. Conclusion: I will be doing it again for sure. But this time with more careful planning. It is difficult for sure and therefore the place must be really good to make the experience as positive as possible. In buddhism it is recommended as an advanced practice and I am sure it gets tricky once you reach the state where psychedelic compounds are released in the brain. But a week should be manageable for everyone who has a daily meditation habit. And it will increase your desire to further develop your meditation practice and give you increased appreciation, motivation and energy for your daily life. I posted a short video about my experience the day after I came out of the retreat: