Search the Community

I don't know what nothingness is but I experience it anyway, it is like saying I don't know what anything is so I won't say anything, or else you could be speaking and know nothing, which you can (but really you know something, but not in words), so you can be in the imagination of saying you as an appearance cannot actualize the concept of self-otherness-dissolution as a manifest-internal-experience while ignorant that all you need is a shift-in-belief as it-is-outside that you are in enchantment apparently separate by keeping-inside-alive (body awareness as a surface is actually obstructive to unity). Catch, it is you who is creating the separation, like if you are in the water and splash around you think you are somehow moving water yet it constantly fills you and if someone is in the water it rises, so it needs no self, and then with that dissolution it being less undifferentiated and comfortable with nothing and accepting that you know nothing without consciously having the magic script that claims this and confirms this outright in your experience like a full blown enlightenment. You hold it as a nothing in the background knowing it but not identifying it onto a surface of thought which is the opposite of presence of knowing nothing through the nothing within you, which permeates you and the object all the time, making you very much alike and almost identical if you can learn to be with nothing (mindless meditation) which is like knowledge as a state of being rather than an identification onto a form of a separate identity, which although alive, is now separate and different from undifferentiation of nothing as it is.

There can only be one "I" because consciousness is the substance of everything. Whether you experience an alien, an entity, X dimensions and / or multiverse etc. it shall still be the same. From nothingness to 1, 2 these shall always exist otherwise you'll never be able to communicate between one another. We as people are mere divisions of the whole.

WHAT IS CONSCIOUSNESS -mankind has understood what consciousness is for over 5000 years(small percentage of people at least) -you know you are conscious but you are not conscious of what consciousness is -neuroscience cannot answear problem of consciousness cause neuroscience is occuring within consciousness -neuroscience assumes that consciousness is an epiphenomenon and not fundamental to reality -consciousness is fundamental and irreducible, more fundamental then atoms energy time space the universe brains even life -counterintuitive to materialist paradigm which is main obstacle to grasp it -consciousness is not emergent property of brain -only way to grasp consciousness is to become conscious of what consciousness is by having awakening experience -consciousness is not brain activity -consciousness is not reason or intellect -consciousness is not emergent phenomenon -consciousness is not biological or exclusive to life -not a subjective experience -not a perception -not a private thing what you own or have -not occuring within space and time -all this is assumed by materialistic science -consciousess is not a thing it is actually nothing but not in a way that it doesnt exist -consciousness is the only thing that it exist..existence itself existing as nothing..pure existence without content or attributes -consciousness is substance of everything everything is made of it -consciousness is emptiness it needs to be empty cause it has to be able to take on attributes of every possible thing -consciousness is not localized it is universal and universe can be compared to one giant mind instead of dumb collection of atoms and molecules -hard to assume for materialist cause it feels solid and consistent while minds are more "mystical and magical" even though reality itself always was magical but we got numbed and used to it -you are the universe that is conscious of itself and its thinking(through ego) that it is a human being separate from it -good analogy of consciousness is an infinite clay cause everything can be made of it except unlike clay consciousness doesnt have properties which doesnt limit it and they wont interfere with creation -we can call consciousness a shape shifting substance -consciousness is not software running on hardware(brain) instead consciousness is software which can run without using hardware -unsolved problem of mind-body how can dumb matter can give rise to mind its subjective experience and qualia -body is a feature of mind mind doesnt arise out of matter -nothingness is not dumb empty space its "alive" intelligent conscious of itself -distinction between first order and second order reality -dream paradigm-first order reality is mind space where dream is hapening and second order is content of dreams -tv paradigm-first order reality is pixels on the screen second order reality is things which pixels depict third order reality is story told by the movie made out of this things actors and dialogues in the same way first order reality is consciousness and second order reality are objects in the world made by consciousness and third order reality is "story" occuring in the world between things in it -consciousness cannot be pointed to cause it hold all the pointers -analogy of charachter of tv screen-can mario use his fingers to point at the pixels of the screen which he is made of?Obviously not. in the same way consciousness cannot be grasped by mind concepts or words cause all of it is in it -nobody can show you what consciousness is you can only become to be conscious of it..models will never work cause they are occuring within it

"Sit comfortably and quietly, still your mind, and become aware of direct experience. Locate a distant object in your visual field. Any object will do, like a tree, a car, a sofa, a lamp, a book. Now ask yourself, "What is separating ME from this object?" Notice that the space or air in the room is actually unifying you and the object, rather than separating you two. Notice that EVERY object you see is unified into one field of awareness. The space or air connects "you" to everything. Become directly conscious of this until you can feel it." I did self-inquiry and did a exercise similar to this. I discovered that I was unified with said object, and that it wasn't air that was dividing us. I asked myself what is between me and the object and answered "air" and that asked myself other than the air what is between the object and answered nothingness and since nothingness has no shape size weight or attributes that I must be connected to the object and then had a small bit of awareness then I lost it. How do I get it back? Now when I think about it and look at my keyboard I think " Connected? How are we connected that thing is not a part of you" and there are all these ego and mind barriers, what do I do? If all we have is perception and reality is perception this must mean we are reality, but I can't experience any of this in real-time? None of this makes any logical sense. I'm trying to find enlightenment but can't find it. How do you experience nothingness if there is nothing to experience? Maybe I am confused. For fellow actualizers who have become enlightened how long did it take? What steps and processes did you use? Are there more advanced stages of enlightenment?

"Windintheleaf" Using the symbolism of the bible, God HOVERS above the waters (formless void), then He speaks. "Speaking" engages three principles, The Father Creator as He "wills", His Breath (Holy Spirit) as His Breath acts upon the void, and that same Breath forms a Seed within the Creation is known as His Word (breath given form). Now God did not create in the past, that is our perspective, His voice continues to stimulate the void causing it to wave as such, so as long as Creation last, so is His voice continue to intone (sing). Since God Himself, as the Infinite something is undivided, He does not parcel Himself into the Creation, rather He looks upon the infinite nothingness and His Spirit, like breath upon a bowl of water, generates the compression that cause the nothingness to vibrate, produces patterns which appear to us as the universal constants and wave interference becomes matter as we know it. In quantum physics waves are particles and particles are waves depending upon how you seek to measure them but all matter is merely vibration, in this case everything in creation is created from nothing. OK, that's the big picture, now lets consider it from our perspective within the Creation. Within the Creation everything is finite, its vastness might give us the appearance of it being infinite but it is all truly finite, and within the Creation there exists no actual infinite. Potential Infinites yes, as there is "potentially" and infinite number of even numbers, but the true infinity of that can never be reached, as soon as you start counting you would always be counting and never reaching. Creation has a beginning, time and space a womb whereby we might exist for a while, and then a collapse, an ending, and these attributes of finitude are universal. (I should also add that Creation involves two distinct dimensions, namely the Heavenly and the Earth (matter), the Heavenly is superior, but even as it manifest a multitude of forms, so does it reveal its own finitude). The Infinite of God as in the Creator, exists apart (Holy) and unto itself and does not intersect the Creation except as His Breath is the mediator. From God's POV, He is the true reality as we are the potential, existing as if we are a dream. For example, take a car, now add a million years before and after and look all at once at that 2 million years, how real is the car, its identity is as if it were a passing face in a cloud. Things seem real to us only as we are observing such a narrow band of time and space, but from the infinite's perspective we are still nothing, waves created on the surface of the waters that will disappear as soon as God withdraws His Breath. People will ask me if I think God exists, my response if that I am sure God exists, I am just not so sure about us. Without the Infinite's reality, even this finite reality (so called) could not exist, so of the two He is always the reality. Yet as His Breath continues to direct this Creation, so then is His Spirit available, but His Home, the direct presence of the Father is beyond all of Creation even as His very Being is different from ours, as Infinity exists forever beyond our grasp, finitude never able to attain to it, God is not so much in the Creation as the Creation is in God, being merely a drop in the Ocean of His Being, as it were.

Is this a true question???? Without time, we would not exist, the "I am" of the soul could manifest no consciousness. So would you merge with God, no. The Infinite transcends Creation, it is ONE and it belongs to the consciousness of God as the Creator. To surrender our "I am" is to return to the nothingness from which we were created. It is, as it were, infinite, but infinitely nothing, not infinitely something. The only way to transcend the finite is if God Himself, His own Being, first enters into you. Christianity teaches a substitutional theology where the created soul is assumed to be eternal, and the death of Christ was payment to stay God's hand from punishing us. This is easily contradicted as God alone possess infinite and eternal Being. This theology is due to the influence of the flesh that divides life between pain and pleasure, hence paradise or torment. What Christianity all too often has not understood is the true mission of Christ. God creates the Creation as a womb, within that womb are created beings who can exists as long as they are protected from the all consuming Being of the Father (Creator), then into the Creation God sends a SEED of His own Infinite nature, in the heavenly realm that seed is YHWH, then YHWH incarnates into the flesh as Jesus, by His death, so was this seed, this divine nature, able to be incorporated into the create souls, now these created souls share in the Life Being of the Father (Born of the Spirit) and are made one in Christ as Christ has become there very source of Being. When the Creation collapses, ends, so that seed which came from the creator will return, and with it those souls, having their identity stabilized in Christ, can merge with the Infinite. God maintains the Infinite as ONE and one Being, and yet He brings children into the fold. So it is that Infinite is ever expanding. That the simplest version I think I can do here.

To gain enlightenment you must first search for truth above all else, but to see truth, we must first examine our instrument which is the mind. The mind has a bad habit of filling in gaps, you hear thunder and then the power goes out in your house, the mind uses past experiences to leap such a gap with its desire for cause and effect, but in truth, neither event may have anything to do with the other. The mind also perceives its own concepts, you see a river and think, "OK I know what that is", but then do you really know the river or simply what is in your mind. The mind also has set laws that we have placed within us when we were young, a classic illustration is Scarlett Ohara standing with her fist to the sky swearing "as God is my witness, I will never go hungry again" at which point her live was driven to manipulate her reality, losing even love in the process. The search for truth takes a great deal of mental courage, most of which is the courage to be vulnerable as such a state in abhorrent to us. We generate many "stories" in our heads to explain, excuse, or justify, but stories, like lie, possess no Being and sooner or later evaporate into the nothingness from which they were created. But truth offers something and that is Being, it is reality, unfiltered, it is living and breathing. Abstract truths can be relative but what is truly true abides forever. Now as for Enlightenment, it is not an all or none principle, we might consider their are some milestones though, breakthroughs, but if you search for enlightenment, such a search encourages the self, to uplift the self, the search for truth is to uplift God as the source of all truth for He, as Infinite Being, IS truth just as He IS love. The inner teachings and stories of Buddhism and Zen are designed to help one understand the mind. Meditation can help one watch the mind, because truth is everywhere apparent, the problem is our inability to see it, but it is not hiding. One more thing, prepare to be lonely, truth is a mental exercise few master, but even if one does, it does not necessarily bring peace because people are still people, and most of us desire relationships. So if enlightenment means freedom from pain to you, you might be disappointed, that is an illusion many who claim enlightenment project, a good percent of the population do not feel emotions very deeply, the fact that they are steady does not necessarily mean they are truly enlightened, just some thought for you.

Hi, I meditated for 5 months and experienced dark night of the soul for around 40 days. I dont meditate anymore, but I throw myself into emptiness, nothingness in daily life when my mind wants me to lean on it.

I am, i dont see how im your dog, your wall, and i dont know how i created it, and i dont see that there is no room or outside... i saw that me(dino as a person and mind) dont exist, i felt that nothingness, i saw if i ,,look,, hard enough at the senzations and pressure of my body, my felings, that there are there without a ,,me" and that there are somehow made of nothing, when i look hard enought i dont feel like a body (with the senzations and everythung else) i littelary feel like nothing... so there is no me, no body, and no inside outside because I ,,feel,, like nothing, actually i dont evan feel, its that strange littelary nothing... but its just a experience that cant be fitted with all thise beliefa and assumptions made in the non dual world, like that im a dog, and you, and there is no matter and so on... its all projected from that fancy perceptive experience of the feeling of existance that on the rock bottom feela like nothing so hard that it does not evan feel... but thats not true and its also never ever a whole time experience/state

There is no choice in eternity .. the human experience - the ego - will be dead for sure .. but your essence , the nothingness that all things appears in - the infinite consiousness - the knowing that only knows itself will be here forever.

And if your true being is everything that is, becoming that would mean accessing all experience within you, the infinite possibilities of nothingness. But it would require you to be both nothing and something, like one foot in the finite and one in the infinite. Like lucid dreaming, where you become aware that you are dreaming but remain in a dream that is now under your control.

@Nahm Yes of course. The seed and the tree are one and the same, and cannot be separated from the rest of the universe, as everything is contained in every part. And since everything is nothingness manifested in infinite ways, the seed nor the tree nor anything else is there, but is mere imagination. But if reality is illusion, then illusion is reality, and although everything is nothingness it is not nothing. Patterns arise, following lines of intelligent design, designing itself. So if one became enlightened to the degree of becoming the impartial creative force behind it all, in a way becoming the universe, then one would be able to see things happening before they happen, as everything springs out of nothingness or creative force or whatever we might call it. And if one completely surrenders to the source of all things, and every result lies within the source - IS the source - would that person that is no longer a person not be able to see everything without looking? I have not had much sleep and a 12-hour shift, i don't know if this makes any sense or if its just a dream.

Have you ever woku up feeling like a braindead zombie, groggy, like your brain desnt work properly? In summer sometimes I take a nap, and if the temperature is excessive I wake up like this, that what happened me today. The reflexion I had was terrifying: I wope up and sat in a coach, turn on Tv but I was completey lost, my ego wasnt there, even the pure awareness, our deep essence wasnt also there. For some minutes I want conscius of anything, life was happening but I wasnt aware of anything, just like being unconscious, one of the lowest stages of awareness. I thought this is what experienced my grandma when had dementia, and most of old people who have brain attacks, staring to the infinite, you look them through the eyes and there's nobody in the other side. You talk to them but nobody is hearing or recognising you. I was terrified to the posibility that when we die we will experience this NO-consciousness. These minutes that took to recover the whitness condition, the perciever who I am, felt like a hell. I can accept the death of my body, the death of my character that I'm interpreting, but losing the awareness is pure anihilation and feels like being a leaf in the wind, powerless, nothingness. Leo talked in a amazing video about the Infinite Intelligence, when he experinced absolute infinity and absolute intelligence. How can we explain these low consciousness states with zero intelligence? Are these payoffs of being human? What about people with severe brain injuries that spend their lifetime being a vegetable without consciousness? Will them be liberated after death of their nightmare of ignorance?

@B_Naz There still is a difference in the process to get there though. I enforce it, like flexing a muscle. I am also wondering if that is a legitimate way to nothingness.

... After the Shamans sang our songs, I went back to my mattress. I could feel vibrations and the effects of the songs within me. They were working their magic. I started seeing and becoming one with the plant. The plant showed me that my mother is not a human. No ones mother is a human. There is no human. And everything starting going back in time. And everything became one simple plant. He/She said, I am your mother. You are me. Then everything started to go even further into nothingness. And all sensory systems disappeared. I started seeing the original fabric of existence. It was made of two linear lines. Floating and dancing, changing colours, playing with each other. Sometime after that the ceremony ended. I through up right before the last song at the request of the alien within, and it made me feel better. As i walked out of the spaceship, I was blown away by the stars in the night sky. For the fist time in my life, I could see the Milky way. My friend joined me soon after. We picked up bunch of blanket, went on the big porch balcony in pitch black, and slept under the stars for some time. Day 2: In the morning, we all gathered in the same room, cleaning up after our own mess, and cleaning our buckets. We all shared details of our journey to each other and to the Shamans. To my surprise, most people didn't have any visuals. Most people had physical and emotional insights. Some just had a hard night, throwing up violently. That somehow fed my ego. I was proud of myself for seeing so many beautiful things, whilst others didn't. I though to myself ( that's because I am an artist and I have a super creative mind). This ego backlash came to hunt me at night. On this day, I made couple of mistakes in retrospect. I slept in the afternoon, from 1 pm to 5:30 pm. Although the Shamans suggested that, it made me super drowsy. Also I think i ate more than I needed. So by 9 pm, i was still not hungry. I started running around the retreat, trying to burn some energy and feel more alive. Nothing really worked. I went in the ceremony not in a great mood. Like the first night, Ceremony started and everybody had a cup of the medicine. I soon started to feel the effect. However, no visuals. I wanted to see. I needed to see the visuals again i thought to myself. My ego took over, I was in so much control. I was so frustrated at myself. After sometime, the Shamans offered a second drink, no one went for it. So even though i wasn't really feeling high, i didn't go either. An hour later, two guys went for a second cup. It was then that the plant ( or the ego) asked me to for the second cup. I was in doubt, but i heard the voices in me, "i thought you are ready for this. I though you wanted an ego death. I though you wanted to know me. Why are you being a pussy now." So i went in front of the Shaman for the second cup. The Shaman looked me with doubt. But he offered me a little bit. I literally had a sip, half the amount the Shaman offered me. As soon as i got back to my seat, I started seeing visuals again. "Now we are talking!" I though to myself. But the visuals were in pure. They were forced. They were mine, not a gift from the plant. I accepted that and enjoyed my trip anyways. Sometime after that, the ceremony ended, and my trip didn't. I tried throwing up, nothing cam out. I was so dizzy. Everybody left the room. I went to my room to my friend. She had an amazing night. She had cried and felt so much love. And she had seen so many beautiful visuals. I hadn't experienced any of that. Jealousy took over. We went to bed, and my real trip started. I had heard about bad trips before, but i have never really experienced it. I now know what hell is like. I was in so much agony. Physically, emotionally , spiritually. I could see darkness taking over me. My breath became toxic. My blood pressure dropped. I was dying, but not in a nice way. I was fading away and joining the dark forces. Light was gone. And thats when i started getting a lot of insights. I told myself: You have brought this on yourself by being a control freak, you accept the responsibility. Face it all. Face this moment. And i faced all the sadness, hate, suffering. I faced my ugliest form: I am impure. I am weak. I am alone. My parents are dying. War is coming. No one likes me. I have no friends. I have no talent. I am such a mediocre artist. I am a failure. I dont deserve love. I dont know love. I dont deserve a good life. This is all fake. I am so fake. I am such a pity. Nothing matters. No one will save me.... I faced all of myself. I was dying. From inside myself, I called up thousands of Roman soldiers to come to my protection. All these gladiators surrendered me. But a powerful female entity appeared, and melted all the soldiers away. She said there is no escaping this. Face it. So i faced it all. It never got easier. This went on for an eternity. I though i am lost in this madness forever. To be honest, even now, i am still not sure if I totally got out. Sometime past. I was able to get out of the bed. I needed to get the alien out of body. My friend woke up as well. We went to kitchen, and i had gallons of water. Finally something came out. Still feeling dizzy and weak, we went to our room. My friend came to my rescue. She so full of love, lied beside me, gently cresting my hair, telling me it will be alright. I let her go to sleep, and i went back to my own darkness. Around 8 am, I fell sleep. I think i slept for an hour total that night. Around 9 I woke up. Feeling dizzy and weak. But I was reborn. I survived the night of the dark soul. I congratulated myself. Went out of the room. At 10 , we had breakfast and shared our night experience. Most people had a fantastic night. So many insights, so much love. So many beautiful visuals. My night stood out like a swore thumb. I cried and was shaking the whole time describing my experience. Both Shamans looked at me with their wise eyes and smiled. I was so humbled. I am just an old child. Thank you.

Is somebody here while doing self inquiry and becoming conscious of formlessness nothingness true self or however you wanna call it having a sense of peace and serenity while being it? Cause I sometimes become conscious of it but lose it later and offcourse like Leo said in the video mind cannot grasp what I was conscious of and doesn't even remember but this sense of peace is in my case a signal I m doing it right or at least I hope so

Sometimes during meditation I notice that I am able to just block off my flow of thoughts. It feels like a similar mechanism to what happens when your brain muffles your hearing, due to a really loud sound like an emergency siren for example. It also causes different sensations in the brain that I can't really describe. Like pressure and/or pulling. Also its like I feel weight on different parts of the brain depending where I induce that "blockade". I became more interested in using this "skill" lately because it seems like an easy way to find nothingness. Am I fooling myself? Does anyone have experience with what I am describing?

@Neptune2020 You didn't get actual Nothingness, you got an idea of nothingness. The two are unrelated. Enlightenment is life-changing, but you didn't even come close to it yet. Keep trying. But drop your idea of nothingness. That ain't it. Also drop your expectation of fireworks. Your intention should be on "what is true". What are you? Not theortically, but ACTUALLY! Find the pure raw TRUTH. Not some idea.

Hey pluto, I did some self-inquiry from the neti neti method and I just ended up depressed. I looked for everything I could be, but just ended up finding nothing and then Leo said that nothingness is enlightenment and that I am nothingness. That just got me bummed out because isn't enlightenment life-changing? Maybe I didn't do the technique right but this was the video:

Watch more of Leo's videos and do the self-inquiry work. You and everyone in your family are the same thing, which is consciousness, which is nothingness. You are you family and they are you. For you to hurt your family, is for you to hurt yourself, and vice versa. Coming from this perspective, there is nothing to fear, nothing to worry about. When you are with your family, think of it as like watching a movie. You are the observer, that has no stakes in what your watching. The objects and people on the screen are not real, they are just light projected on the screen. You (your ego) is also one of the characters up there on the screen. You too do not really exist and are the same thing as the other characters, which are all just light projected on the screen. You, the observer, wouldn't get angry, or offended, or hurt, by what the characters on the screen are doing and saying. So come with this perspective. Nothing anyone says or does in your family has any meaning. They're all just light projected on a screen, as are you, and it's all just light (consciousness), which is meaningless. Just sit back and enjoy the show you're watching

Although I don't wish to get too lost in diet, it is such an important part of awakening. My new "regime" is to eat 3 small meals a week while drinking urine, and some herbal teas. This may be taking it to far, but I wasn't born to play life safely e.g. I love until it feels like my heart explodes, and I constantly focus on it 24/7. I am not relenting until I experience the bliss of God every second, to feel so loved by myself, that my child-like heart expands and engulfs anything unrepresentative of God. I've been receiving these moments of euphoria for existing in this world in times where I surrender into the heart whilst in this fasted state. It happens more and more while fasting, it's as though it amplifies the love I have for life more expansively. I get these moments too where I become aware of how "thin" my identity of myself as a human being is, of how easily and how in any moment it could crumble, making me become no thing. This fasting, and prayer of love, and purity has created a new life for me, and it will keep growing the more I surrender to this moment. I can surrender much more than I am. I know my potential is much higher than what I believe. I live in a world of people who are disconnected from love, reconnecting myself to love. When you have no example of a person who is all-loving and kind, it just makes this awakening all the more rewarding and personal. I am on the first wave of ascension, so I'm the one showing people what it means to dare to be love. I am hurt, heartbroken and shattered for no reason I can find; and in response, I trust my heart further, and surrender deeper and deeper and deeper. Because anything that arises is only here to make us surrender into the light, which looks a lot like nothingness. The kingdom of heaven is.

Hey guys, forum noob here just wanted to post about my experience in the last week I kind of need somewhere to vent. I'm an 18 year old male just graduated highschool going to college next year. I'm on summer break and don't really have anything to do although I'm currently looking for an easy summer job for a little pocket cash. That being said, when summer began I thought this would be the perfect time to buckle down on real self actualization work. If I'm honest with myself I would admit that I'm on the verge of being a zen-devil (or inverse zen-devil?). I know so much of the theory, I've watched almost all of Leo's videos and understand them (at least I believe I do, intellectually lmao while being aware that you cannot have an intellectual grasp on reality). Despite this I rarely ever sit down and do nothing, I try to meditate every day but during the school days I would always end up falling asleep around the 10 minute mark and I would hate myself the next morning haha. So. It's summer, time to get it, right? Well it actually started out great... so great, in fact, I have so much free time that doing nothing is almost inevitable. In light of this nothingness, also, arises the inevitable feeling of boredom, the need to distract that the ego needs to survive. My first few weeks of the summer I faced these head on, recognizing these obstacles for what they are. I got my first real meditation sessions in, and also did some shamanic breathing (as described by leo) and it truly works. I wouldn't say I got any enlightenment experience, I'm way beneath that right now but it definitely altered my state of awareness and I considered that a huge success. I'm also really into athletics so I train every day to get physically stronger, I've also had a habit of eating clean for years. About a week ago, however this all changed... suddenly, for no reason, I found myself regressing harder than I've ever regressed in my entire life. I started playing video games (I haven't touched them in years) wacking off to porn (haven't done that in months) and eating cookies and ice cream (haven't done that in months) while neglecting all physical exercise. I also stopped meditation and my awareness consciousness went through the floor. Everything went 180 so fast and I don't know how to explain it to myself. While doing this, I (rather miraculously, honestly, because wtf) somehow actually managed to convince myself that everything was fine "just a little videogames don't hurt," "hey you haven't watched porn in a while look at these tits, yum" and before I knew it, I was actually playing video games for 10 hours a day. Yes. TEN HOURS. This spree lasted for about a week. I can tell I'm coming off of it although I'm not anywhere near as conscious right now as I was before my regression. Thank god it was just a phase, I feel so dirty and weak right now even though I didn't have these feelings while the splurge itself took place. This kind of stuff is stuff I'm not comfortable telling my friends and family but I wanted it to be written down somewhere for feedback or even just support/feeling of relatability. If you guys have similar experiences, please share them here. I am back on the path again, at least for now. Now I know not to underestimate the ego (though I'm actually expecting to learn this lesson the hard way again sometime down the road). I'm off to eat a salad and go for a run. Thanks for reading guys

@Cuzzo I come from a Pakistani family and was raised Muslim, but I'm not a Muslim myself. My post might go off at a tangent at times but I'm just trying to paint a picture for what the religion is as best I can in a short-is time. My knowledge of Islamic history isn't superb but I've been exposed to a lot of it as a child in religious school. Islam as it is practiced today by the majority of followers is based upon a fundamentalist interpretation of the quran. The Quran is believed by the vast majority of Muslims to be the uncorrupted words of God. And it is because of that belief that Muslims will be fundamentalist in how they interpret the Quran. To disagree with the Quran is therefore to disagree with God. That is the view many Muslims hold. After the Quran, the second most important source for Islamic teachings are "Hadiths". Hadiths consist of traditions and sayings of the prophet Mohammad which have been recorded by his followers. Hadiths are very important, as they can shape to a significant degree the Interpratation you take of the Quran. It is from hadith that some nasty things can come into play. For example: Muslim (1:30) - "The Messenger of Allah said: I have been commanded to fight against people so long as they do not declare that there is no god but Allah." Bukhari (8:387) - Allah's Apostle said, "I have been ordered to fight the people till they say: 'None has the right to be worshipped but Allah'. And if they say so, pray like our prayers, face our Qibla and slaughter as we slaughter, then their blood and property will be sacred to us and we will not interfere with them except legally." Different schools of Islam follow different hadiths. Hadiths are not the words of God in Islamic theology. Muslims recognise they have no guarantee that they haven't been corrupted. It is because of this that Hadiths are often rated and reviewed on how reliable they are by looking at the source of the hadith. I think that there is a realitively consistent strict vetting process for which hadith are considered "authentic" and which ones are not. On top the sayings of Mohammad, Islamic figures who lived around and shortly after the time of Mohammad have their sayings recorded. Sunni Muslims will follow the sayings of whom they deem worthy and Shia Muslims follow the sayings of whom they deem worthy. I can't be bothered to go into it now, but Islam split into being Sunni and Shia after Mohammad's death and there was an internal dispute among Mohammad's followers. I've went on off on a massive tangent. Now time to focus on the main questions you were asking. Why is Islam associated with violence, and why is there such a clash in social values between East and West. Even if all Muslims agree to take interpret the Quran literally, there will still be room for disagreement amongst Muslims for how to interpret the Quran. There will be verses in the Quran which talk about violence against disbelievers. However, most Muslims believe that these verses are not what they seem on face value because of context. For example: Surah 9 Verse 5: "And when the sacred months have passed, then kill the polytheists wherever you find them and capture them and besiege them and sit in wait for them at every place of ambush. But if they should repent, establish prayer, and give zakah, let them [go] on their way. Indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful" Now, most Muslims will say that this verse is only applicable as instructions to the followers of Mohammad in the situation they were in however many hundred years ago. The verses are instructions to Mohammad and his followers when they were in war with a particular tribe they lived around, and you might then go on to talk about why such actions might be justified as you analyse the exact historical situation. But on the other hand, terrorist groups and extremists will interpret/use this verse as an instruction from God for Muslims in all eras to apply in all situations they find themselves in life. Now even if we are put the murder of disbelievers aside to one moment, you still get Sharia Law from Quran and Hadiths which a very significant portion of Muslims in the world support ( but they will not use violence to impose these laws). Shariah Law isn't this monolithic set of rules, there are many variations to it. However, the set of "nasty" laws you get in the set of different versions Shariah Law are believed by most Shariah Law advocates with little variation. Muslims on the more fundamentalist end of the spectrum have a huge obsession with gurading their religion from heresy and moral corruption. They see their religion as the only true path, and have an extremely low tolerance for changes to the religion. These very fundamentalist Muslims are on guard from Bid'ah, which is Arabic for "innovation" in religious matters. They don't want "innovation" for their religious laws. It is important to note that the essence of the word "innovation" will differ from that of "Bid 'ah". Each of the two words will different connotations in the two languages. If you ever read the Quran from a literal point of view, there are a few messages which are repeated over and over again. The Quran emphasis that the believers will go to heaven, and more importantly, the disbelievers will go to hell. I've read 80% of the Quran, and it gets very boring to read. It's just God saying in 101 different ways that disbelievers are vermin. The overall tone of the book is one of intolerance in my opinion. I believe that from a fundamentalist lens of the Quran, the argument that extremists make for their interpretation is very strong unfortunately. Now, as for a non dual take on the Quran I'll copy and paste what I wrote on a previous topic I made The Quran likes to talk about how those who commit themselves to God are ultimately on the right path and will be rewarded, and those who reject God will only find misery in hellfire. If we take "God" to be the "absolute" (or whatever word you want to insert here) , the nothingness from which everything comes from in your perception, then a take away from reading the Quran might be the idea that those who make a commitment to connect to the absolute (whether it be through yoga, meditation, devotion and etc) will reach heaven, a peaceful state of mind. However, those who are not mindful of and are ignorant of God will ultimately end up going through unbearable suffering (hellfire) as a result of them not connecting to the absolute. People will be trapped in suffering as a result of them not connecting to the absolute. I don't have many thoughts as to what the morality preached could mean. Perhaps the Quran is also trying to say that being charitable and doing other "good deeds" is a way to connect to the absolute, whilst doing "bad deeds" like adultery distances you from the absolute. However, the worst sin you can do in Islam (from a non-dual intepratation) is to not acknowledge that the absolute is there, and to not try to connect to it. A fundamentalist would call this sin "shirk". Shirk is the rejection of the fact that God exists, and that there is only one God. You could interpret this as meaning that the chief sin you can commit is to not recognize that all is one and that there are no boundaries between things, an ultimately non-dual teaching. Provided we are going with a "non-dual" intepration of the Quran, then we ultimately find the Quran is just repeating the same message, over and over again, since it keeps on talking about heaven and hellfire.The Quran likes to emphasise heaven and hellfire to tremendous degrees, more so than the Bible on a whole in my opinion (depends on which part of the Bible as well as though). Whether or not my intepration is separate from the authors' intent or not is unknown to me. Whatever the case, it was entertaining to read. My take away from the Quran is this: those who make the effort to connect to the absolute will find peace, and those who don't try to connect to the absolute will find misery. This is why it's important to set practices in place to connect to the absolute (Muslims like to pray for instance). So what do you make of religious scriptures? I feel as though that the Bible and Quran can only be seen in this light if you already have non-dual ideas about reality. The word "God" has different meanings to people, and it's ultimately a verbal semantic game when it comes to what you make of it. Given the fact that from a non-dual intepratation the Quran repeats the same message over and over game, it perhaps stands to reason that the Quran was written to be interpreted in the way that fundamentalists do so. But an argument about that would ultimately require an examination of history

But they will invariably read and contemplate what you write, as you have come really far compared to many others on this forum. With power comes responsibility. The more you embody nothingness - no-seeking - the more people will seek you out, and look towards you for words of wisdom. You cannot avoid people looking for answers, so why not provide the answers that are questions?

Thoughts and desires are tools, and as with any tool its goal is to become obsolete. If the I is a collection of thoughts and desires, it has to create a self-perpetuating loop to stay alive. I require thoughts and desires to exist. If I did not constantly create problems and goals, I would quickly perish into nothingness. But as my true self is nothingness, by perishing I flourish.